30 Minutes or Less Edit

A beaner, huh?

A dude's been fucking shot.

A hundred fucking grand, man, which we stole from a bank.

A pawn? Did you just fucking call me a pawn, homey?

A red dot. You look like one of her people.

A tanning salon.

Actually, I want to go tell my boss to fuck off.

Actually, you know what? Here, peel a few bills off, on me.

Adios, you dumb motherfucker.

After looking online for five minutes.

Again. Because the first time was so awesome.

All good.

All of a sudden, the FBI, the CIA, NASA, they'll all converge there.

All right, come on. Okay.

All right, fuck the knee highs.

All right, let's go. Let's get some money.

All right, let's see, here.

All right, Sandra, you just get us a bag with $100,000.

All right, then. Would you do it?

All right, three, two, one.

All right.

All right. You're still Darius, I'm Luis.

All those years of asking me for stuff, favors.

Almost as messed up as how I sold your Willie Mays signed ball...

Also, I told Chet we had sex.

And accept me into their management training program.

And affect my relationships with other people.

And all kinds of shit that I'm not gonna even go into.

And as long as we have the money, she is safe.

And clean this asshole's pool for 10 bucks an hour?

And don't bother with the vault.

And ever since then, he's been burning through it like an NBA draft pick...

And get this fucking bomb off.

And his partner, Cruz.

And how would you do that?

And I could only see one more person...

And I don't have time to squeeze movies into my schedule.

And I don't know, I just feel cool inside.

And I got hit in the face with a crowbar or something by the little kazoo guy.

And I know how terrible you are with multitasking.

And I want you to start out at the front counter.

And if I don't rob that bank, this thing's gonna blow.

And if I let you go and you explode...

And if you mess with us, I swear to God I will...

And it sounds like a fucked up place.

And it's the perfect front for a prostitution ring.

And my personal favorite, the ménage é tan.

And no one wants to hang out with the mom who fucked a lifeguard.

And not a bank bag this time, a garbage bag. Cruz, watch her.

And now I have less than nine hours to rob a bank.

And possibly breakfast.

And slaps you right in the face.

And split with the cash. Does that ring a bell?

And steal the one from your parents' friends, the Fishers.

And then we use the tape to blackmail her husband into robbing the bank.

And they say chivalry is dead. Have a beer.

And this whole region here, about 830,000 square miles...

And you never speak to my sister again.

And you're right. About being a better man than me.

And you're wearing that bomb.

And your first thought was to come to a school filled with young children?

Another one. The missing link.

Anybody rats this guy, I'm coming after you, I remember faces.

Are you all right? Are you okay, man?

Are you for serious, dog?

Are you ready for your crown?

Are you working together?

Are you worried about the other guy, the mini genie?

Aren't we headed straight to the bank?

As for all that shit I said and that shit I did, I just hope you can forgive me.

As is, I'm pretty much just waiting for him to drop dead.

As long as he's not a cop.

As soon as he kicks it, all that cash is mine.

As soon as you get the money, call this number here.

Bang a 180, blow by them in the opposite direction.

Be careful. You're wasting time.

Be cool, man. Do not be crazy.

Be standing with your dick in one hand and my money in the other.

Because apparently, you think you can fuck with my world and survive.

Because he's turned state's evidence and he can fucking lock me away.

Because I'm a better man than you.

Because if we go in With our plastic guns.

Because if we're going to commit to a kidnapping...

Because this is usually what men buy before they **** someone.

Because time is up.

Because you are supposed to be on lookout.

Because you're you.

Before he spends another penny.

Bin Laden. This time it's personal.

Bus, bus.

But at Major Tan it's not just about looking good.

But don't just take this scientist's word for it.

But I just want you to know that if today was the final day...

But I just want you to know that it's gonna be mutual.

But I'm not gonna shoot the major or anything.

But if a guy comes in and is like, "Yo, I want a deluxe tan."

But if you don't do good, allow me to make a little demonstration for you.

But in Case you were gonna panic and try to be a hero, like:

But it's time to get back on the street.

But killing the major seems kind of messed up.

But the man knows how to make a pizza.

But you will get smoked.

Buying Winnebagos and flat screen TVs.

By the way, do you think Lisa would go out with me'?"

Bye, major.

Call me.

Calm down. I'm carrying a piece.

Can I trust you?

Can you please take this seriously, okay?

Can't you hear the ticking in the background?

Cash or credit for your **** kit?

Chango, watch out.

Chill out right there, homey. Chill out right there.

Come here, you.

Come on down to Major Tan where we're proud to be a family business.

Come on, man, get fucking moving.

Come on, Travis, what the fuck, dude? This is the signal.

Come on, Travis. This movie sucks, anyway.

Come on.

Come on. This is everything I've been working toward.

Come on. We've got some surveillance to do.

Common? The only thing common in this house is you.

Confusion? The only motherfucker who's confused is you.

Cool. Well, here's what I want.

Cool. You really went for it.

Could you walk a few feet in front of me?

Cruz, how are we doing on that money?

Cruz, you're breaking your own rules.

Cruz.

Damn it. I want to tell you to get fucked.

Developing new technologies to harness the power of the sun.

Did my penis shrink to 12 inches? You're early for your shift.

Did you drop the money?

Did you see Tom Small's Facebook update?

Didn't think I was gonna do it, right? People always do that shit.

Do I fucking look sympathetic, homey?

Do it now.

Do we use political pressure, death threats?

Do what?

Do you have any snacks, like granola bars or yogurts?

Do you know how to hot wire a vehicle?

Do you think millionaires murder people? No. No, they don't.

Do you want me to run and get sandwiches? I'm hungry as shit.

Does this guy not know who the fuck I am?

Don't be stupid, bro. Come on, tell me.

Don't do anything stupid like trip over your shoelaces.

Don't do that, okay? We booby trapped it to shit.

Don't do that. I won't say a thing. Just leave Dylan alone.

Don't even bother calling the cops. We own the cops.

Don't ever question me.

Don't make a sound.

Don't make any sudden moves, okay?

Don't text in my class any more, okay?

Don't think about it. Nobody press the button.

Dude, fuck hiring him.

Dude, settle down. You ready for this?

Dude, we can't have a loaded gun around that bomb.

Dude, you totally fucked up this mixtape.

Dumb motherfucker, you're as loose as ends get.

Dwayne, don't.

Dwayne, I'm melting. I'm melting!

Dwayne, where are we gonna get $100,000 to pay this deadly assassin?

Dwayne, you came back for me. You said you never would.

Dwayne?

Dwayne.

Enough, Travis. I'm sick of this fucking Family Dollar bullshit.

Entered the bank, taking a substantial amount of cash.

Even bigger news than that Tom Small?

Even if I knew where he was, I wouldn't tell you nothing.

Everyone, take out your workbooks.

Everyone's afraid of a bomb, Dwayne.

Exactly. That's why we order from your shitty pizza parlor.

Except her once she gets involved with some Atlanta douche bag...

Except the major.

Filling kids' heads with bullshit just so you can have your summers off.

Fine, 69, 69, 69.

Fine. He wants to talk.

Fine. Hurry up, it smells like dead animals and pizza out here.

Fine. Then do it yourself.

First, Grand Rapids Elementary? Fuck you, kids.

First, I want my money. Then I want to kill that old motherfucker.

For 200 bucks.

For money, dude.

For the second time with the money.

For what?

Fourth of July's coming early this year.

Fuck it. Go to the vault, let's go.

Fuck that dick.

Fuck you, I'll die rich. I can't say the same for you.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Fuck you. Who slides a gun like that?

Fuck you. You crossed the line.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck, man.

Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. One guy spun out, the other guy ...

Fuck. Stop it.

Fuck. What the hell?

Fucking asshole.

Fucking stay there. You'll get that right across your goddamn face.

Fucking victory tacos, dude.

Funny guy, huh?

Get down on the grou...

Get down on the ground and give me the money.

Get me help, somebody.

Get me out of the car.

Get me the money then get down on the ground.

Get off my friend.

Get your finger out of my ...

Give me a call when you get a chance.

Give me money and hope I give you mercy.

Give me one of those 5 hour Energy fuckers.

Give me the bag, quickly.

Give me the bag. Not that bag, the other bag.

Give me the code for the bomb, okay?

Glad to see you finally came to your senses, asshole.

Go down to the local branch, shoot some dipshit security guard and be like:

Go get our fucking money.

Go to sleep.

Go to sleep. Go to sleep.

Go, go, fill it up. I'm watching you.

Go, go, go.

Go, go, go. Hurry, hurry, hurry.

Go. Fucking move.

Goddamn it. Fucking shit.

Goddamn it. Oh, shit.

Goddamn.

Goddamn. How good does this shit feel, huh?

Good, then give me the code. I will disarm this thing.

Good. It's the last one I'll ever need.

Good. Okay, now, listen, we're obviously stealing the car.

Good. Okay.

Goodbye. Have fun.

Guess what, you just brought a gun to a bomb fight, officer.

Guns.

Hang tough, here I come. I got you.

Have you lost yours?

He can bring the whole fucking faculty. As long as he gets my money.

He could help you. Probably do it for 100 G's.

He even posted a picture of him and his Latin boyfriend.

He hasn't even made the drop, anyway, so ...

He hired me to kill you, motherfucker.

He says he's gonna kill me.

He started buying lotto tickets. The next thing you know, in '98...

He thinks he knows me. He doesn't.

He treats me like a bitch. That's no way to treat a son.

He wants to be an asshole, a big man. He's gonna die now.

He was tempting a desperate motherfucker.

He works at the travel agency.

He wound up telling everyone.

He'll call back and I won't answer. He'll call again and I will.

He's a CPA. I think you'll be okay.

He's gonna fucking shoot me now. I'm gonna die, game over.

He's probably down to, like, 1 or 2 million now.

He's right behind us.

Hell, you gay for this guy or something?

Hello and welcome to Moviefone.

Hello, Bear, how's it going? Yeah?

Hello?

Hello.

Help. Help me.

Helping dudes to come and get tans?

Here are your keys to your great car.

Here at Major Tan, our specially trained engineers are hard at work...

Here, let me check my fuck you map. Yeah, it's in...

Hey, back away. All you guys, back away.

Hey, come on, man, don't say that.

Hey, Cruz.

Hey, dipshit. If my pool ain't ready in an hour, you don't get paid.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, I rented some movies for us. I got Lethal Weapon.

Hey, I wasn't expecting to see you here.

Hey, listen, I know I'm probably like 10, 15 minutes late, but...

Hey, man. Take it easy.

Hey, over here, buddy. The city's got us working till the ass end of the night.

Hey, please stop.

Hey, Sandra, we need you here. We all do.

Hey, watch out.

Hey, what the fuck, man?

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Hello?

Hey. What the hell?

Hey. You know what happened to the guys they were after?

His name is Cruz and he's a loco motherfucker.

Hola, Marcela. Aren't you looking muy Caliente today?

Hold on. Yes, okay, shut the door.

Holy shit, homeboy's got the Federales in hot pursuit.

Homeboy's trying to get one last blowjob in case he don't make it.

Honestly, I have no idea. Who is this?

How about this? You wanna know who I saw naked?

How am I supposed to get the money if I'm on the ground?

How are you doing?

How do we get the 100 G's?

How dumb do I look?

How many times did you sleep with my sister?

How? I don't know how to hot wire a vehicle.

How's it going in here?

Hurry up. Go, go, go.

I am a regular guy. And you fucked me.

I am so sorry.

I am, and then tie up you two loose ends.

I bet you got the fridge full of beer, right?

I blow up, it blows up, who has the leverage now?

I can't believe that worked. That was awesome.

I can't believe they're opening in town. We don't even have a Radisson.

I can't believe this.

I can't do this alone.

I can't do this alone. If I do it alone, I'm dead. Please.

I committed a crime, I could go to jail. My whole life could be over.

I could just be sitting in my mansion...

I couldn't process information like that.

I didn't mean it that way. I'm just juggling a lot of shit right now.

I don't give a fuck. I want my money now.

I don't have that much at the counter. I have to go in the vault.

I don't have the money right now.

I don't know if I can take much more news.

I don't know no code. What code?

I don't know what you're talking about. Take your money.

I don't know who else would be best friends with me.

I don't know, man. These sites say different shit.

I don't know.

I don't know. All I do know is that this is real, okay?

I don't know. Maybe the Donner Wells National Bank on Charles Road.

I don't mean to interrupt your curing of cancer...

I don't need to be. I taught myself how to do this.

I don't think anybody else would be friends with me.

I don't think we should use panty hose. You'd see our faces.

I don't wanna hear it any more. He touched you, get over it.

I don't want this gun.

I don't want to apologize to you.

I don't want you to report it until later tonight. Say 5:00, 6 to be safe.

I drank three 5 hour Energy drinks, and it's just too much energy.

I felt awful about it, even though he swore secrecy...

I finally fucking done it, man. I finally pulled it off.

I gave him chances and he blew it.

I get free rooms. Go there and crash whenever you're out on the streets.

I got a fucking dope ass garage workshop in America.

I got promoted to full time last month. You bought me a laser pointer.

I got shot with a pen today. With a fucking pen, bro.

I got the cash, so give me the code and Kate.

I got you, buddy. I got you, buddy.

I gotta go.

I gotta take a shit, dude.

I guess you gotta just rob the bank.

I hate that guy. He can suck a dick.

I hate this pool.

I have a glossary of terms in my files back at home.

I have been thinking about you a lot.

I have more ideas than he could dream of.

I have plans bigger than his house.

I have this suspicion that once we turn around...

I helped you rob a bank, man. I put a gun up to people's faces.

I just don't want to mess up my inheritance.

I just killed somebody.

I just think it might be a little hard...

I just want this goddamn day to be over.

I just want this guy to fucking hurry up.

I know a guy in Detroit.

I know a little about it from rap music...

I know that's not really polishing. You're talking about sucking my dick.

I know. That's why I have a gun pointed at you.

I like his style.

I like that. We stabbed a guard, escaped, now we're on the run.

I liked that bear. I don't even fucking know you.

I make you my partner and you pull this shit with me?

I mean, I did that too, but I saw Kate.

I paid for the damn cold cuts too.

I pay $12.99 a month and keep the same movies and never watch them.

I pull these wires, we all go, you got 10 seconds to drop your weapon.

I should just become a bank robber. I was pretty good at it.

I switched it out when you were taking a shit at Taco Boy.

I talk her into doing degrading shit. Get the neighborhood kids over.

I taught myself how to eat pussy and cut my own hair.

I taught myself how to eat pussy hair. Let's do it.

I think I can keep you entertained. Come on, baby.

I think it's his girlfriend. They've been up there for a while.

I think she hit the femoral artery.

I thought I was being careful. I went to see her in case I exploded.

I thought it was cool your mom fucked a lifeguard. Fuck, I'm sorry.

I told John Tanner about how your mom fucked that lifeguard.

I told people I was gonna shoot them. I was like:

I typed in the code, reactivated it, put it in that guy's van.

I want the money back.

I want you to know my associate here is rocking a flamethrower.

I was actually thinking we gotta stop and steal a car first.

I was always kind of partial to Roy Rogers, actually.

I was going to say hypnotism but I like a bomb.

I was out on this run and ...

I will leave the money and you get it. Trust me when I say I don't want it.

I will run out and get you some beer.

I will sell my car, man. I'll get you 1000 bucks.

I will. Yes, okay.

I wish I could forget about that asshole.

I woke up at 11:15, major. That's a fact.

I would do it, but I'm wearing the gorilla mask...

I wouldn't ask you to blow him up right now, that'd be stupid.

I'd let you eat them.

I'd say it's probably a good thing.

I'll be right back.

I'll be right back.

I'll be right back. Just do stuff.

I'll give you a hint.

I'll hold him while you shoot him, that's it.

I'll kill the major myself. I don't need a hit man.

I'll ride you all the way to hell. And I know just how to get there.

I'll shoot one of these people.

I'll shoot you so you don't explode and mess up my shit.

I'll try, if it doesn't work, no more tactics, call the guy.

I'm a pimp.

I'm coming. She knocked over my soda.

I'm cramping up from all the energy, my arms are jittery.

I'm doing what I have to.

I'm done, okay? I can do all the stuff I've wanted to do.

I'm driving.

I'm excited to get this money and me and you to kind of start our thing.

I'm fucking this bitch. You're holding the camera.

I'm getting out, that's what's happening.

I'm gonna be working in their Special Events Department.

I'm gonna call that motherfucker.

I'm gonna go put a bullet in that asshole's face, go get our money back.

I'm gonna probably piss blood now.

I'm gonna walk you through it.

I'm holding the bag.

I'm holding the bomb. Climb through the window.

I'm holding the money.

I'm inside a smaller car with you and a bomb.

I'm just having trouble accepting you as the man...

I'm just here for Dwayne, okay? That's it.

I'm just tired of you pushing me around, Dwayne.

I'm not a chess piece, I'm like a battleship.

I'm not ashamed to admit it, Travis.

I'm not feeling great.

I'm not free yet. Where is she?

I'm not gonna dart out of there like she's an untouchable.

I'm not gonna go into that now...

I'm not trying to fuck up your world, I'm trying to fuck up his world.

I'm not trying to look like Arsenio Hall when I go and identify the body.

I'm off in 10 minutes. Where the hell is this?

I'm so sorry, it was an accident.

I'm sorry for the confusion he might have caused us today.

I'm sorry I have a career...

I'm sorry, everybody. I know we probably fucked up your day.

I'm sorry, they make us do it.

I'm super busy right now. This is not the best time.

I'm the motherfucking Satanic Hispanic, doggie.

I'm thinking of you in particular, sir.

I'm tired of this. I'm already dead.

I'm willing to cut you in on it. Yep. Make you a partner in business...

I've been doing a lot of thinking...

I've been thinking a lot about the polishing the scepter deal.

I've had some dark times these last few years.

If a dude comes and wants a black chick that would be a Tanny Glover.

If a woman is kind to provide me with fellatio services...

If I tell you rob a bank, you rob a bank. If I tell you to give me money...

If they see the cops show up, they blow the vest and out their losses.

If those guys don't pick up, you're gonna explode.

If wanting a lot of money is gay, yeah, I'm Elton John.

If you do good, we'll give you a six digit combination...

If you give me a little time, I can come up with it.

If you hesitate, if you fuck around, I will leave you behind.

If you want to be a millionaire, you gotta start thinking like one.

If you weren't a skinny bitch, you could be in the military.

If, and only if, you'll be my partner in crime.

In 30 minutes or less or your pizza is free.

In fact, I will make you a crunk CD or something.

In Hotlanta?

In the corps, pussies like you wore dresses to keep us entertained.

In this whole fucking town.

Is a Slider Station in a **** kit?

Is there some secret FBI headquarters around here?

Isn't that what people do?

It doesn't matter to me. It's not rocket science.

It doesn't mean a lot to me. It means a headache to me.

It has to be in a sexual reference.

It should be, like, some industrial shit, some fucking German techno.

It sounds like a demotion. It's not. It's a very important job.

It sounds like they got away.

It was too hard?

It went straight to voicemail.

It would be you. Nick.

It's 9 a.m. You got 10 hours.

It's a cash business and it's crawling with sexy bitches.

It's a local bank. It's the Donner Wells.

It's a nice laser, Rodney.

It's actually for "composite," but yeah, don't bump into shit:

It's all gravy from here.

It's also about feeling good.

It's been 20 years, Dwayne.

It's been sitting on my coffee table. It's so dumb.

It's disappointing the way you guys do business. It's fucked up.

It's gonna be okay.

It's gonna take lot more than pathetic groveling.

It's good as shit, dude.

It's in my head, man.

It's just a flesh wound. You're okay.

It's like you bought a Mustang and the Mustang got AIDS.

It's more complicated than your fucking online dating.

It's my favorite sexual position.

It's not my problem, it's yours. Get creative.

It's okay, it's okay.

It's okay. I'm fine.

It's on account of me having so many goddamn dreams. Big ones.

It's our most advanced tanning bed yet.

It's really just kind of shaving a few years off an old man's shitty existence.

It's so hard. Fuck you, Jason. Fuck you so...

It's so pretty, bro. Look at it.

It's time to get our heads in the game.

It's very minimum wage.

Juicy, yeah, wrangle your boy. Money's on its way.

Just all this senseless spending.

Just call in sick, like the real teacher did.

Just give me the code, okay?

Just once, I swear to God. Graduation night.

Just put it on the table, on speakerphone.

Just settle down, all right?

Just trying to get drunk any chance I get.

Kate, I'm outside your building.

Key lime, look down.

Kill your mean old dad.

King Dwayne.

Know what? The deal's off.

Krav Maga. Israeli self defense technique.

Last thing I looked up online was how to make a quiche, and I fucked it up.

Let me do my thing.

Let me give you a little hint.

Let me go after him and take a look. Jesus.

Let me talk to her.

Let's do this.

Let's force some dumb motherfucker to rob a bank for us.

Let's go, come on. And none of your antics this time.

Let's just stop arguing and go get her.

Let's move. Time is literally ticking right now.

Let's not say shit we can't take back, okay?

Let's say, it's not consensual.

Let's steal one of your parents' friends' cars.

Like Da Vinci Code, like code red, like the "Contra" code?

Like my future wife and kids, and shit.

Like, "Up, down, up, down, select, select, A, B, A, B, left, right, left, right"?

Like, you know, "These leaves are hard."

Lisa over there? No way. She's laughing in your face.

Listen to him and get on the ground.

Listen, I shouldn't do this but if you give me the money...

Listen, something happened last night.

Little bitches.

Look at this. Look what happened to the Datsun.

Look, I don't want to get in the middle of a family matter or anything...

Look. It would be the perfect place for the tanning salon.

Luis and Cruz are never going back.

Lure him into a situation we have total control over.

Man, understand, you're like a pawn I'm playing in a much larger game here.

Masks.

Maybe I could help you get that money now.

Maybe if you had a job or a fucking prospect...

Maybe just be quiet for a while, forget about your old dad...

Maybe the old fashioned way: Get a gun, band of outlaws.

Maybe use the scary bomb strapped to your chest.

Maybe you ought to have woke your lazy ass up before noon.

Me neither.

Motherfucker.

Motherfucker.

Motherfuckers are on fire. We need to leave now.

Mr. Burger? Get me one?

Mr. Fisher is not gonna be pleased.

Mustache, stop looking at my face.

My dad moved away when your mouth ruined his marriage...

My grandpa left me that ball in his will. You helped me look for it for a month.

My twin sister? Which is basically like fucking me?

Never mind, keep going, keep going, keep going.

Next time, why don't we steal a Smart Car?

Nice to have one last burger before I'm incarcerated.

Nice to see you too, Dad. Love you so much.

Nice try. Yeah, a sniper.

Nick, come on. There we go, come on.

Nick, what's going on? Who were you talking to?

Nick? Nick.

Nick.

No, "that's what she said" jokes don't work with that.

No, but I'm happy to give tips, advice, motivational speeches.

No, Chris, I quit. Fuck you.

No, don't bang. No need for a bang.

No, get down on the ground.

No, he heard it.

No, I don't have no code, bro.

No, I just told you I did. Same story, different girl.

No, I still got the money and we cracked your friend's face open.

No, I'll get you 1000 bucks, I swear to God.

No, I'm 45 minutes late, which is like 10 minutes early for me.

No, I'm not shooting anybody.

No, it was Mark. He pushed the button when you came in.

No, it's not gonna be okay. I'm gonna fucking blow up.

No, it's not messed up, dude. It's barely even murder.

No, man, he picked him up from a school.

No, no, I'm here right now.

No, no. No, don't do that.

No, that's the thing. You can't hear anyone in space.

No, that's when I knew for sure that I was in love with you.

No, we're not going to profile, racially, our clients.

No, you don't. You deliver pizzas.

No, you know I don't check that shit. I'm off the grid.

No, you will... Hello?

No.

No. It's just that your sister makes some questionable decisions.

No. What?

No. Why?

No. You fucked Tina Scotto.

Not a lot of consensus in the bomb disarming community.

Not into ****, just into sliders.

Not much of a life to ruin, but yeah, I guess I did.

Not really thinking like a millionaire.

Not so that you and your boyfriend can jack off all over it.

Not while we're eating tacos.

Not with the money, they won't.

Now get over there and get on the ground. Now, go, go, go.

Now he's not gonna answer. He's gonna pretend I don't exist.

Now it goes boom.

Now open the fucking garage door.

Now step the fuck aside. Now.

Now you know why we never found it. Are we done here?

Now, slowly, get down and take your gun out and toss it.

Now, slowly, get your ass on the ground.

Of my brief and shitty existence...

Oh, Chet, please. Jesus Christ, I need you on this, okay?

Oh, fuck you.

Oh, go, go, go.

Oh, hardly. Your sister is attractive and she excites me.

Oh, man, I'm totally implicated. What if he saw my brown hands?

Oh, my God, it's so pretty.

Oh, my God. What did you do? Rob a bank?

Oh, right. What if a black guy comes in?

Oh, shit. Are you serious?

Oh, sorry, Luis.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah? What kind of business are you in?

Oh, yeah. You're Cruz.

Oh, you got to be kidding me. He bought another new truck?

Okay, and so this is your big moment?

Okay, can I tell you the single worst mistake of my life?

Okay, Chet.

Okay, good, but if you call the cops...

Okay, goodbye.

Okay, here we are. Should we get the handguns or the Uzis?

Okay, I know I fucked up, okay? But ...

Okay, I will try him.

Okay, I'm sure that's what he'll do.

Okay, just tell me this.

Okay, okay, I'm getting away.

Okay, remember our deal, 6:15 and not a minute earlier.

Okay, there's also a little remote detonator on the back...

Okay, what do we do now? What should we do now?

Okay, yes. We can do this.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. All right, let's just find them.

Okay. I accept your apology.

Okay. I can't breathe.

Okay. I will see you soon.

Okay. I'll help you on one condition.

Okay. Now, what...

Okay. You guys are pretty smart.

On the count of three.

Once we have the 100 G's, we have the million.

Once we have the million, we own everything and everyone...

One dude? You mean, you're not gonna do it with me?

One hundred thousand dollars, done and done.

One, boom.

Or a bomb.

Or a clue how to get any of the above...

Or do you want to be a fucking pussy...

Or maybe we can chill out, wait for the money shot.

Our more than willing staff is ready to provide for your every need...

Painting the guns For the bank robbery.

Painting the guns Painting the guns.

Pay attention to the cuddly bear there on the barrel.

Pepperoni's up.

Please be careful. You're getting paint all over the car.

Please, it's important.

Point Break. That movie's a how to guide for bank robberies.

Police Department officials say unidentified suspects...

Prepare yourself.

Pull over and let me get out of the car right now.

Put your hands on your head.

Putting in your two weeks' notice at a pizza place?

Quickly, Sandra.

Quiet down and give them to me.

****. ****.

Ready? Hang on.

Really classy move there at the end. The kiss.

Really? A fucking pen gun?

Really? Congratulations, that's amazing.

Really? What kind of inheritance?

Remember, you're a pimp. That's what your ma said.

Report back, or I will blow this motherfucker up.

Right in my neck.

Right now is kind of all I have.

Right now, you are wearing a highly explosive bomb vest.

Right on. And you could be like my queen.

Right on. Did you miss me?

Right? Or no?

Right.

Ring, ring. Look, the bear's calling. What a coincidence.

Sandra, don't tell me you did that too.

Sandra, what was that? What happened to our trust?

Sandra, you bitch. They're gonna kill both of us.

Sandra!

Say "code" again, please. Say it one more time, say it.

Say "code" one more time. I wanna hear it.

Say what you want about your boss...

See my impatient face right here?

Settle.

She's biting my ear. She's biting my ear.

She's getting up, she's getting up, she's getting up.

She's just really gonna die if you fuck this up, got it?

She's sitting in the back of my van right now...

Shit, it's too tight.

Shit. Where the fuck is this guy going to?

Shit. You motherfucker.

Show him your kicks. Yeah, check that shit.

Shut up. Please, just keep looking online, okay?

Slip the vest over your head, then go to the hospital?

Slow down, slow down.

Small, standard security. Totally manageable for one dude.

So about the whole 30 minutes thing, are we cool...?

So do what you gotta do, but know that if you go near a police station...

So I film myself banging this dude's wife, okay?

So I've got news.

So if I took yours, we'd be even.

So thank you for fucking a regular guy.

So would you please fill another bag?

So you went back to your bear cave and hid like a little crying bitch?

So, what do you say?

So, what do you think, pizza boy? Can we take the tape off?

Some doctor who drives a white BMW and listens to Phish. It's fucking lame.

Some entre...

Someone help him. Where the fuck do you think you are?

Sometimes fate pulls out its big old cock...

Sorry, Dwayne. That song means a lot to me.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Sorry. Your sister told me. I thought you should know.

Split up his parents' marriage, sat on the sidelines...

Starting today, all that shit's the past.

Step one.

Stop hitting my knee.

Stop it.

Stop messing with me. Just give me the code, okay?

Stop.

Swapping stories about getting fingered?

Take this.

Talking to me about fucking cold cuts. That son of a bitch.

Teachers don't make shit. Bank robbers make bank.

Tell me about it. He OTPF'd me at Junior High Formal.

Thank you, Sandra.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Let's go to Mr. Burger.

Thanks again.

Thanks, Sandra.

Thanks. Have a great afternoon.

Thanks. I can't wait to quit and take this shit off.

That deluxe tan was fantastic.

That guy got fucked up.

That is messed up, Chet.

That kid used to beat me and Chet in grammar school.

That means he wants a tan and a blowjob...

That our female associates are trained to apply.

That put a bomb on your chest made sure it was safe?

That shit cuts deep, I'm not gonna lie. That was good.

That shit will come back and eat at my conscience.

That vest is packed with C 4. The C is for "chaos."

That was a negotiation tactic, okay?

That we can trigger at any time by dialing a number.

That will stop the timer and open the lock.

That your mom gave you, which you didn't give me...

That's a great fucking name.

That's a great idea, Dwayne. Really good.

That's a great mask. That's very funny.

That's a pussy move. Suck it.

That's a very rational way to look at the situation.

That's disgusting.

That's it? You're not gonna apologize for sleeping with my sister?

That's just as risky as a murder. That's a good point.

That's my money.

That's nice.

That's nice. I wish I could get stoned too.

That's not a business. You can't even pronounce it.

That's not funny. We're business partners.

That's not my boy. That dude is a dick.

That's really fucking disturbing.

That's right, Donner Wells, you got robbed.

That's right, my brown hands all over her nice, white titties.

That's right. Shit just got real for you, slumdog.

That's some high end decal work, Dwayne.

That's terrible. I hope that they catch them.

That's totally wrong for her.

That's very funny. Now give me the fucking code.

That's what it takes, boy.

That's what she said.

That's what she said.

That's what she said.

That's why we gotta stop...

The 'stang. I didn't think I'd see you again.

The alcohol should help wash the taste of yourself out of your mouth.

The code, or you'll never see this money.

The dude hits it for $10 million.

The fridge is full, man. We're all good.

The fucking assassin is now going to kill me.

The grande tan, the ultra dark tan, the barely legal tan, the facial tan.

The guy's not Matlock. He's Fisher.

The guys in there get Juicy, but you get Jacqueline.

The keys aren't here. They used to leave the keys.

The little lady that you paid a visit to today?

The one by the Olive Garden? That's my bank.

The only way he gets the money is if he gives the code.

The only way you're gonna get it is if you kill to me.

The perfect shirt and hat combo for you.

The proof is in the tan.

The scrapyard?

The sooner you figure that out, the sooner you get her and your life back.

The stoplight, please stop. Stop, stop, stop.

The trick is gonna be, where do we get our dude?

Then get the fuck out of here.

Then hurry up. Go do some reconnaissance.

Then it's good we know each other. Come here.

Then maybe we hire somebody to rob a bank.

Then the cops will shoot us in our face If we go in with...

Then your parents got divorced. But now, I don't give a shit.

There are no lines. There's just me, you and $100,000.

There is 100 grand in here.

There is no one I would have rather taken down a bank with, I mean that.

There was depression, anorexia, addiction...

There you go, sir.

There's a lady on top of me Get this lady off me.

There's a whole generation of gooks that think I'm the grim reaper.

There's about 45 minutes left and 3D titties coming up.

There's an old rail road bridge on Commerce, past the highway.

There's gonna be an undertaker styling his stupid bangs.

There's no margin for error in their design?

There's only four Indian families that live in Grand Rapids.

These are my work pants. I don't want to ruin them.

These are very bad for you.

These guys don't want me to blow up before I get them their money.

These guys said they'd be following me.

They all whack off on her face.

They hire highly trained assassins to do it for them.

They say great minds think alike. I guess, in this case, so do we.

They used to pay us to clean their garage.

They would hear you more in space, actually.

They'll reattach your arms.

They'll trace the plates. We'll be arrested.

Thirty four minutes, four minutes late. Pizza's free.

Thirty Minutes or Less Land or else the pizza comes out of your paycheck.

This corporation called Four Seasons decided to get their shit together...

This guy just got shot. He's gonna die and we're going to prison.

This is a guess: He's gonna burn our bodies.

This is not a personal errand. This is important to me.

This is real. This is happening, but I have nowhere else to go.

This is scaring the shit out of me.

This is true. What I like about this, is this how a millionaire would do it.

This is what I'm doing right here. See my impatient face?

This pool is so dirty, dude.

This thing's got some pickup.

This who I think it is?

Those are the actions of a shitty human being.

Through our wide variety of custom tans.

Ticktock.

To find a wife that slutty and gross by Tuesday.

To use our new speech enabled system ...

Tokyo Drift away from them or something.

Tom Small is gay?

Travel the world, spend a little time in Italy, maybe summer in France.

Travis, Travis, Travis.

Travis, why the fuck was that Moviefone?

Try anything crazy, and both y'all will be delivering pizzas to St. Peter.

Try anything, my sniper will shoot you.

Two guys jumped me and strapped a bomb to my chest...

Unfortunately, I have to.

Us two small fries? No way.

Vito 's Pizza, where the customer gets what they want.

Wait, did you hear that?

Wait, just stay over there, okay? Please.

Wait, no, it's not, because he's a fucking psychotic.

Wait, wait, wait, can we just maybe talk about this?

Wait, you can't just say all this and walk away.

Wait. Did you tell the guy you're bringing a friend?

Wanna fuck with me, little man?

Was part of the original Louisiana Purchase.

Watch what the fuck you're saying. I own you, all right?

Watched him go through a downward spiral.

We '// deliver anywhere...

We also gotta make sure this dude is not connected to us in any way.

We don't have time to sit around and watch paint dry.

We don't have to lose any sleep. Nobody gets hurt.

We don't say anything if it's a black guy who comes in.

We even offer our own brand of patented tanning pleasure oils...

We got your shit on speed dial. We're watching you.

We gotta keep moving, come on.

We have my car. I can't use this as a getaway vehicle.

We have nothing left to say to each other.

We have the money, okay?

We have to bring the dude to us...

We just have to get the leverage back.

We killed a guard, we're not afraid to kill again.

We love King Dwayne.

We need to out off your arms, but you have to have your arms.

We paid you. Put the gun down.

We stabbed him in the eye with a spoon.

We were looking for you. We got your money here.

We'd be having a picnic or something one day and I would just be like:

We'll be watching you.

We'll give you explicit directions on where to make the drop off.

We'll grab it. No one will get hurt.

We'll have codes for that. Codes for missionary, for anal, black chicks.

We're getting down to the heart of the matter.

We're gonna be using a lot of code words and shit.

We're gonna get the money like we planned.

We're gonna need 100 grand.

We're just trying to watch this movie.

We're not a bunch of frat guys trying to finger bang girls to Matchbox 20.

We're not amateurs, all right? He's a loose end, man.

We're not friends no more.

We're not loose ends.

We're not rapists.

We're trying to mastermind a heist here.

Well, can it, this shit ain't over yet. Save the fucking routine.

Well, I guess I didn't really think about it.

Well, I started thinking:

Well, say a gentleman walks in and says:

Well, thank you, sir.

Well, that's a shame, my stuffed buddy.

Well, that's how it's gonna go. We're just waiting for the call.

Well, then maybe you should learn how to share the common space better.

Well, then you ruined my whole fucking life.

Well, well, well. Look who wants to apologize.

Well, when the old man left the service...

Well...

What are we gonna do, man?

What are you doing? It's gross back here. Park out front.

What are you talking about? I don't want that in my head.

What did he say? Are we good?

What do I call you in there if I need to tell you something?

What do you mean, you couldn't rob the bank?

What friends? What friends? My parents don't have any.

What I didn't know was how the fuck to deal with it, so I screwed it all up.

What if he gets freaked out and decides to shoot me?

What if we saw off your arms...

What if we're both Hispanic? Like, we met in a gang in prison.

What is that supposed to mean?

What is the one thing that this town is missing?

What the fuck is this shit?

What the fuck, bro? A flamethrower?

What the fuck, Dwayne? You told me that was a replica gun.

What the fuck?

What, why? We have a car.

What?

What? Are you joking?

What? No, dude. No.

What? That's some John McClane shit, yes.

What? Yeah.

What? You deflowered my sister and I know all the fucking details?

What's going on?

What's the number for the bomb?

What's wrong? She's gonna manage a hotel.

Whatever. Why are we talking about who my sister goes out with?

When are you finally going to get up the courage to ask him out?

When I was nailing her the week after she dumped you, intercourse style.

When we went into town earlier, it wasn't just to tell off my boss.

Where are you going? Don't leave the party just yet, hold up.

Where do all these leaves come from?

Where the fuck am I supposed to get that much money?

Where the fuck is he?

Where the hell do you think, dude? From fucking trees.

Where the hell were you? Vito's is, like, two blocks away.

Which is a euphemism for, you know, eating your pussy.

Which means you have to go to the back...

Which one of you assholes tripped the alarm?

While you had a bomb strapped to you? Are you kidding me?

Who are you two fags fucking?

Who brings a fucking bomb to a drop, homey?

Who is that?

Who the fuck are you?

Who the fuck do you think you're talking to, bro?

Whoa, man. It's so real.

Why are you trying to protect him?

Why does anybody do something fucked up to someone else?

Why isn't anybody getting me help?

Why? That was so stupid.

Would he get a Tanny Glover?

Would you get the phone out? I don't have the strength.

Yeah, all right, I'll do it.

Yeah, exactly, which is why I'm moving to Atlanta.

Yeah, how's that feel? Free man.

Yeah, I got a sniper and he's locked on you right now.

Yeah, I got held up trying to pick out...

Yeah, I mean, we did, dude. Together, you and me.

Yeah, I'll give you a call when I need some fucking mozzarella sticks.

Yeah, I'm sure, you're so ready to get back to your fantastic life, huh?

Yeah, it was. Then I paid a Mexican 50 bucks to put a firing pin in it.

Yeah, just knock that shit down.

Yeah, man. We're fucking taking care of business.

Yeah, me neither. I Netflixed it six months ago.

Yeah, of course we can talk.

Yeah, right. Bullshit.

Yeah, seduction does take time. What do we do?

Yeah, shit's looking good. Just don't make it too boxy, man.

Yeah, sure. Whatever you say.

Yeah, that is what she said.

Yeah, that's what it said on the Internet.

Yeah, unless you think you can outrun a 25 foot flame, or a bullet.

Yeah, we got the banister under control.

Yeah, when we were teenagers.

Yeah, you figure the two psychopaths...

Yeah, you're right. I guess it is pretty simple.

Yeah? I bought that TV so I can watch football.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. All right, maybe we rob a bank.

Yeah. Camel jockeys do it in caves.

Yeah. I can do that.

Yeah. I hear that.

Yeah. That's pretty much it.

Yes, Dylan Fisher. I know where he works.

Yes, in a sexual way. Can we please just be adults about this?

Yes, two loco motherfuckers and that's how we roll in.

Yo, I'm here, I made it.

Yo, Juicy, what's happening? This is King Dwayne.

Yo, this is the king. Leave a fucking message.

You call it.

You can call me Sugar Milk, bro. Sugar Milk.

You can show off to your new hustler friends in Atlanta.

You can't expect me to be a bomb disarming expert...

You could be like a king.

You could have anything.

You did good. You didn't hesitate.

You don't understand. I own this town.

You figured out a way to beat the system.

You find a girl who's gonna suck him off.

You fucking asshole.

You get the crossbow. I'll take the detonator.

You go ahead and go home now, it's over.

You go for the money. I'll cover the crowd.

You guys kind of remind me of me when I was your age.

You had to take a piss. Welcome to our employee restroom.

You have a great personality.

You just became the hit. Congratulations, motherfucker.

You just bust in, masks, guns, move fast, stick to the tellers...

You just ran a stop sign. Just take it easy, all right?

You know what happens if you let a loose end go away?

You know what? Enough about your uncle touching you.

You know what? Fuck that, fuck it.

You know what? Maybe I'll just call this bomb.

You know what's not nice? Texting in my class.

You know why I sleep late, Travis? It's not because I'm lazy.

You know, I actually feel sorry for you, you fucking dick.

You know, I saved a beaner's life in the shit.

You know, like... Like moving to Atlanta.

You know, that beat down is the last favor you'll ever get.

You know, with a million dollars...

You know? Think of all the green, all the brown flesh.

You live two towns away. It's impossible to get here in 30.

You look good, major.

You look good.

You might as well be in outer space. Nobody can fucking hear you scream.

You never mention my sister again...

You never said, "I'll kill you where you stand."

You never should have told me. I was 13 years old.

You never told me you weren't gonna give him the code.

You pulled a Judas on Jenny fucking Rifkin.

You rule.

You should pace yourself there. It's noon on a Saturday.

You sure y'all don't wanna grab some condoms?

You think I'm scared of death, huh?

You thought we were gonna **** you. What an idiot.

You wanna fucking play?

You wanna fucking take King Dwayne's money?

You wanna get shot in the other knee? Didn't think so, keep it down.

You wanna go?

You want to be fucking rich and famous...

You want to pop off? Look at this.

You want to run a personal errand on our way to a robbery?

You were a liability, they were gonna let you blow up.

You won't just have to polish my scepter, I will also lick your crown...

You, an adult? You had a Lunchables for dinner last night.

You'd just stick it to him like we do the watermelons?

You'll never understand this.

You're a cold son of a bitch, Dad.

You're a fucking badass, bro. You're a pimp.

You're a fucking traitor. You're a traitor to me.

You're a man child.

You're a pimp.

You're a pizza boy.

You're a shit friend.

You're coming in at the worst time.

You're gonna put a bullet in our backs and ...

You're hysterical. Great joke. I'm gonna go back.

You're just hanging out, getting fucked up? That's cool.

You're making me depressed. Let's go.

You're not good enough for my sister, okay?

You're not negotiating from a point of leverage.

You're out of control.

You're right. I do want to have sex with your sister.

You're so tough, huh? You had to use a sniper to outdo us.

You're talking to a guy who slept with his best friend's ex girlfriend...

You're twins. Did you feel it when I was fucking her?

You're worried about this car?

Your awesome job and that sweet, hot little bitch of yours.

Your bomb boy just jumped me, tossed my bitch like a rag doll...

Your boss put this on me.

Your ma told you you were a pimp.

Your sister did. You know, she let him finger blast her, bigtime.

"Move, I'll kill you where you stand." I threatened to blow up a cop.

6:15. Yeah, right, 6:15.

Abortion clinic? Yuck, no.

All right, take care. Bye.

All right, throw it down. Yeah, it's yours, there you go.

All right, what is this? Don't touch it.

And blow him? No.

And guess what. What?

And you too. I can't, it's attached to my backpack.

And you're worried about paint in it? Yeah.

Anyway, we are alive and we are rich. This money's gonna change my life.

Are you okay? Yeah.

Are you ready to talk now? Yeah, I'm ready, I want my money.

Back away, back away, back away. Okay. I think the vest is safe for now.

Bank robbery, fools. Put your hands in the air.

Be there in 20. I'll be there in 10.

Because he'll be dead. Right, he'll be dead.

Benedict Arnold, you little bitch. Stop it.

Blow that shit up, dude. This one's mine.

Bullshit. That never happened. Graduation night.

But shit did get crazy. Yeah.

But you owe me a hug. Sure.

By the Olive Garden. How am I supposed to rob a bank?

Call me Tivon, you be Darius. I can tell you're not a black guy.

Can I just point it down? Yeah, that's fine.

Can't outrun these guys in a Datsun. I can, I do this for a living.

Check that. What are you looking at, Subway?

Chinese food restaurant? No.

Come by and we'll talk. There isn't time.

Come on, man, let her go. I will, in time.

Come on, quicker. All right.

Could you get us some beer? Me?

Crawl through the window. You climb through the window.

Did you tell your brother? Yeah. Chet was really happy for me.

Do you want the money? Yes.

Don't mess this up. Okay.

Don't tell him to push the button. Shut up.

Don't. I'm gonna smoke him.

Dwayne, what do we do? Torch him.

Dwayne. What?

Entrepreneurials. Entre...

Fine. Don't turn that over, still wet.

For that Mustang? You mean, $100.

For what? I need your help, okay?

Fruit motherfucking salad. Yeah. Fuck, yeah.

Fuck the major. Yeah, fuck him, dude.

Fuck you, you're the manager. No, fuck both of you.

Fuck. Yo, get the fuck off of me.

Fucking love that shit. Totally.

Get fucked. No, you don't understand.

Get him, dude. In his fucking mask hole.

Get it out, please. Stay still.

Get yourself together. Fuck, Chet.

Give me the girl. Meet in the middle.

Go ahead and press the button. What are you doing?

Go fucking get him, dude. I will.

Go on, now. Get after her. Okay.

Good fucking work. Yeah, man.

Got a piece of the car stuck in you. What?

Guess who, pizza boy. Yo, dude, pull over.

Hang on. What are you doing?

Have you lost your mind? Have you lost yours?

He came out. What?

He did not? I gave him the code. You didn't give him shit.

He wants to talk to me? What do I say? No, to her, he wants to talk to her.

Held my gun sideways at one point. Yeah, you did.

Help me, Dwayne. I got you, buddy.

Help me. Help.

Hey, come here, bitch. Keep that fucking mask on, Jason.

Hey, hey, it's them. Shit.

Hey. Hey, what's up, bro?

Hey. Sit down.

Hold on. We're trying to get away.

Holy shit, Dwayne, on your forehead. What?

Holy shit. Oh, my God.

How did you remember the code? It doesn't matter.

How do we do that? We hit that pizza fuck where it hurts.

How much time you got left? Four minutes and nine seconds.

Hurry, please. Come on, time is money here.

I am my boss. Good, then give me the code.

I built the bomb, so it's pretty stable. For a fucking bomb.

I did, but you took so long, I ate it. Oh, come on.

I don't think this is gonna work. I know, please try it once.

I drank those too. Motherfucker.

I fucked up, Chet. What did you do?

I got Lethal Weapon 2. I think I'm gonna have to pass.

I got the money. Okay, let's go.

I gotta be up early to teach a class. Come on, you're a sub.

I know. But I can't.

I need to take a piss there, though. All right.

I thought you'd be happy for me too. I am. I'm totally happy for you.

I want this one. Here... Give me the crossbow.

I went online and looked all this up. I hear you.

I will shoot your son. Dylan Fisher.

I'll explain. Just meet me. I was about to go. What's going on?

I'm at work. Don't mess with me... Please talk to me for one minute.

I'm Cruz. Where's Nick? He ran off.

I'm fingering his asshole. I'm gonna wrap his balls.

I'm fucking Jason. Oh, my God.

I'm gonna fucking raw dog him. I got your butt pussy.

I'm in perfect control. You're not.

I'm just getting them out of my pocket. Toss them to me.

I'm just really scared. Enough, she's wasting my minutes.

I'm out of control? Yeah.

I'm out of the car. Chet, get back in the car.

I'm proud of you. Check you later. Wait. Hey, man, where's the code?

I'm saying you should have told me. This isn't the Marines.

I'm trusting you now. Help.

If it's anal, is it a hard anal tan? No, the "anal" will tip it off too much.

In an hour, you'll be dead. All right, I'll call him again.

It was sleeping with you. Thanks.

It works there. It finally works.

It's from Aliens. Why are you doing this to me?

It's just a question, Travis. You said nobody gets hurt, Dwayne.

It's locked. Fuck.

It's not working. Yeah, your arms are there.

Just back away. Okay.

Just Jason Voorhees. Afternoon, major.

Kate. Nick, is that you?

Kate. What are you doing here?

Let him do it. Let's get shit faced. But I want a tip.

Let me out of the car. Chet.

Let me see where you're hit. He's dangerous.

Let's go, let's go. Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go rob the bank.

Man, we don't have anything. Really?

Mr. Fisher's coming. What?

My leg really hurts. This guy's leg really hurts.

Nice laser. Yeah.

Nick? Fuck, Kate, I am so sorry.

No. I'll shoot you in the face.

No. What the fuck?

Nobody can fucking kill to me, bro. Go ahead and Shoo...

Not now, not now. I'm hungry.

Not quite yet. Okay.

Not the vault, stick to the tellers. Right.

Nothing's getting in our way. Wait.

Of course I missed you. Don't lie to me.

Oh, fuck. Drop your weapons.

Oh, shit. Oh, fuck.

Oh, you son of a bitch. Thank you, Cruz.

Okay, I got it. Good.

Okay, okay. All right.

Okay, okay. All right.

Okay. Okay, we have ...

Okay. "Call of Duty"? Fine.

Okay. Well, I will... Okay.

One of the best shows I ever saw. Be quiet.

One, two, three. Okay.

One, two. Oh, fuck this.

Please take this gun away. Just toss it, lady.

Please. No, your car is garbage.

Polish my royal scepter. You know, practice makes perfect.

Pretty crazy about Tom Small, huh? Yeah. Well, I never liked him.

Put it down, it's on your chest now. A fucking sniper.

Put it on. What are you doing?

Right, Cruz? He remembers faces.

Run, bitch. Oh, check this shit out.

See you. Bye.

Seriously, don't. Three, two...

Seriously? Seriously.

Shit, let's go, let's go, let's go. Get in the car. Chet.

Shit, shit, shit. Good.

Show and tell's over. All right. And you're free.

Sit down. Show him your kicks.

Ski masks. Perfect. Perfect.

So when you came to see me today ... Yeah. Yeah, I meant everything I said.

Someone help him. He's serious.

Sorry. I'm gonna get tetanus now.

Sorry. Very funny, but you're late.

Sounds like my son. Where is he?

Stand there, don't do shit. On the ground.

Sugar Milk? Yeah, yeah.

Take the money. Take the money. Okay, thanks.

Tell him about the bomb vest. You seem like a smart guy.

Thanks. Now, we're gonna walk away.

That just means that he wants a tan. Okay.

That was sick, Dwayne. That was fucking awesome.

That was, like, eight years ago. I know.

That's 40. Oh, thanks, man.

That's cutting it a little close. All right.

That's nothing like this. Hang on.

The cops are coming, come on. Oh, shit.

The douche bag with the bangs. That's right.

The guys followed me, I had no idea. Of course you didn't.

There you go. Thank you.

There's a what? Shit.

There's police cars chasing us. Well, we just robbed a bank.

There's something I want to do first. Get something to eat.

They could be anywhere. No, we can't. Call the cops.

They're getting away, dude. Shit.

They've got a Datsun. That's fast. I'm not stealing the Fishers' Datsun.

This is fast drying. Fast isn't instant. Let it sit.

This is not good. Go faster.

This money that you just gave to me? Yes, give me the money back.

This one's gonna blow even bigger. Oh, yeah.

Travis. Travis! Oh, God!

Wait, how many am I getting? Whatever that will get us.

Wait, you boys like O'Doul's, right? Yeah.

Wait. What?

Was it rusty? Come on.

Way to get caught up in the moment. Oh, shit.

We got plenty of time. I know.

We make a pretty good team. Do we?

We'll keep your arms on ice. Fuck that.

We're facing the same direction. I overshot it.

We're getting one of those too. We'll pay cash.

Well played. All right, now, drop the gun.

Well, get to it, man. Okay.

What are you doing, dude? I'm not afraid of Jason. Look at me.

What did he say, man? Meet me in the scrapyard, alone.

What did they do in The Hurt Locker? I don't know, I didn't see it.

What do I do, Chet? What do I do? I don't know, man.

What do you think? I like it.

What do you think? These look pretty real.

What do you want? We got to talk.

What kind of partner does that? Fuck you.

What the fuck was that? They tried to screw us, man.

What the fuck? Is that thing real? I am not fucking around here.

What the hell is that? "Over the pants fingered."

What was the one thing I asked you? I know.

What, in his dick? No, in his pussy.

What, no tip? Sorry, I only got the big bills.

What? I don't have a Hispanic name.

What's going on? You lovebirds.

What's up, baby? Chango, I missed you.

What's up? I'm just fixing the banister. Cool.

Where are the keys? In my pocket.

Where are the other guys? It's just me, dog.

Where? It's in your back, I'll get it.

Which gorilla handles the cash...? Get him.

Which I have done. What?

Which you ain't gonna do. You don't know what I've been through.

Which you can't, FYI. No, it's impossible.

Who cares? We got the money. Yeah. Fuck them.

Who is it? Shut up.

Who the fuck are you? Get her.

Who? Miss Jenny Rifkin.

Why are you acting strange? Shit is going on.

Why did that van explode? That bomb I was telling you about?

Why the fuck would you do that? You lied, you said I'd get the code.

Why would he wanna talk to you? Right, sorry.

Would you push the button? Why would you want me to do that?

Yeah, dude. Yeah?

Yeah, just strap it on, man. You can do that?

Yeah, please just go. Move over.

Yeah, sure. Move, woman.

Yeah. All right, that's cool, man.

Yeah. What's going on? You okay?

Yeah. You did?

Yeah. Your car is a total piece of shit.

Yeah. That's thinking outside the box. Right?

Yes, sir. Fuck.

Yes. Let's do it, come on.

Yes. You got my blessing.

Yo, dude. Just take the pizza, man. Stop. Escape is impossible.

You all right? Okay. Yeah, I'm great.

You do that on purpose? An accident.

You gonna be able to get home okay? Yeah, I can.

You got it? Yeah, just don't mess this up.

You got the money? Yeah, yes.

You gotta be fucking kidding me. Man, don't judge me.

You had a bomb strapped to you? Yeah, but we got away.

You know how to rob a bank. What are you talking about?

You motherfuckers. Dwayne!

You still have a bomb strapped. Yeah, you're right.

You told me not to mention it. Great.

You want this money? Yes.

You want to fuck my sister, don't you? Chet, I don't want to talk about this.

You wanted to go get lunch. I'm hungry.

You were in there almost 20 minutes. Yeah, I had a lot of shit to air.

You, what's your name? Sandra.

You're a bad person. Get in the car.

You're a huge loser. Fuck you.

You're gonna be okay. A tearjerker, isn't it?

You're so right. Yeah.

You've been watching the whole time? Yeah, the whole show.

.. one, possibly both, of Hispanic descent...

"Hello, good afternoon. I'd like a tan."

"Hey, Steve, what time you watching the UFC fight, bro?

"I'm gonna take this vest off. Fuck these guys."

"Jesus."

"Mr. Nick Davis of 110 North" Whatever the Fuck Street.

"Oh, damn it, I shouldn't have let Nick explode that time."

"That's what she said."

"What if this is the last pizza I ever deliver?"