Weeds - Season 4 Edit

A Bubbie.

A bunch. Often. Never.

A chance for what, more emotional scarring?

A chance to make amends...

A cloud of sadness hangs over him.

A CPA with legal problems, who's going through a divorce...

A good hard spanking.

A house which was later used for the growing...

A hundred pounds would be gone in a week.

A hybrid, eh?

A kinder, gentler coyote is a rare thing, El Andy.

A lady goes to TJ dressed like a guera peacock...

A little.

A loser who was hitting on me in law school.

A Mexican man with a machine gun.

A Mexican mermaid.

A once in a lifetime, never to be repeated...

A place to take home the ladies.

A plan in the planning stages, if you will.

A real apology, Celia. a hell of a lot more than I could.

A sexual relationship that resulted in his giving you a house.

A strange thing for me to do.

A thief who has abandoned his wife and family...

A widow living in Ren Mar.

About 4 ounces.

About anything.

About how it smells. Very strong.

Accidentally, or so she said.

Actually, he's Puerto Rican.

Actually, it probably was my fault.

Actually, she said, "Kill me." In Yiddish.

Actually, we decided you should...

After he got caught trying to fuck a mop, but still.

After I kill everyone he loves.

After the mediation, Henry and I went out for dinner.

Again with the fucking birds.

Age difference should work in my favor.

Agent Shlatter, I think it is your partner.

Agent Shlatter.

Agent Shlatter.

Agrestic Shit. Majestic police.

Ahorita, mi amor, I apologize but duty calls.

All clear. No spic, just span. Over.

All evacuees are welcome here to the Summer Canyon Recreation Center.

All eyeballs...

All he want is for us to help him get...

All of us are sorry.

All of you.

All right, all right. So we both go for it. And then best man wins.

All right, get ready, Mom. Rolling you left.

All right, he's in.

All right, here we go. Tchotchkes missing.

All right, I hear you.

All right, kid.

All right, then you bring in lots and lots of mota.

All right, wanna fool around?

All right, you weren't there. But your people were there...

All right, you're the mom and pop shop that got swallowed by the megacorp.

All right? Will that make everyone happy?

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Let's do this.

All right. Oh, yeah.

All right. That will be...

All right. This time you're gonna take my ride.

All the pain you've been numbing for years...

All the time. Okay, well, then....

All the way from Agrestic.

Alone and palely loitering. Nice coat.

Also known as Rad's mom.

Also, mature plants tend to smell a lot more than moldy blocks of cow...

Also, tell her I expect 10 grand, to be made by direct deposit...

Although your mother is a wild card.

Although, I don't think I'm gonna need it.

Always leaving shit slicks everywhere.

Always looking for Mommy's approval, asking Mommy's permission.

Always thought the border would be flat.

Am I going back in the trunk?

Am I right?

Am I too old for a girlfriend?

Am I under arrest?

Am I under arrest? All right, how long is this gonna take?

An anti drug crusader caught with grow house?

An hour, great.

An incredibly sexy woman who tastes like white chocolate...

And $5000.

And a juice box.

And according to Freud, a lot of people wanna have sex with their mother...

And add the butter cookies.

And air conditioning.

And another five after you come back.

And creature comforts.

And don't get me FLOVENT, it gives me a rash.

And don't let him leave advanced nutrients empties around or in the trash.

And dos Dos Gatos for my friend Doug.

And excuse me, who the hell are you, bursting in here like this...

And finally, maybe...

And good morning to you.

And Guillermo?

And he charged them a fortune. I think we got a real opportunity here, Doug.

And he looks at me with those big eyes, and he says:

And he wanted me to let you know he's sorry there's no money for bail.

And his tits won't get you an extra 50K at closing.

And hoping you were right about the blahs you made.

And I bet the women are beating down your door.

And I can't take these places sober, you know?

And I could use the company.

And I fucking love whales.

And I intend to stay here. There's just no reason why I can't do both.

And I kept thinking, "I should be feeling something right now."

And I know you aren't hanging on for things you haven't done.

And I know...

And I leave them to do it.

And I realize there's a lot of hormonal compulsion...

And I think Bubbie would've been too. Thank you.

And I wanna thank you for bringing me to a more enlightened state of being.

And I want my SUV back.

And I'll give you more time.

And I'll take care of you every step of the way.

And I'm gonna do it alone.

And I'm gonna kill him.

And I'm just so glad that you came here to see me...

And I'm sorry for judging your lifestyle choice.

And I'm sorry for the massive body issues I have given you.

And I'm the sprayer.

And I'm thinking that that man you just helped is gay, gay, gay.

And if he can't, he'll find it.

And if he does, he denies it.

And if I find out...

And if she dies on your watch, it's your fault.

And it should be Nancy's nightmare, not mine.

And it was a moment of clarity.

And it was good.

And it's a bad time.

And it's really, really, really boring.

And Jimmy Jam.

And keeps odd hours and deals in cash.

And Korean.

And let me give you some grandfatherly advice.

And limp in peace.

And look for the beer can horse head thing hanging outside.

And Maria's right. We can't choose who we love.

And Marzipan. You're both coming with me.

And muffins.

And no one talks.

And no...

And now he's moved on to His Dark Materials...

And now I own three.

And now with the wife gone...

And now, if you so choose...

And on a mushroom, actually.

And please don't be mad at me.

And really...

And retire, right?

And Rhythm Field fell off a truck, so there may not be enough.

And roll her in the afternoon. That's so she doesn't get bedsores.

And seriously, isn't it only a matter of time?

And she wants out.

And she was with Guillermo.

And shoved me on a cot. And then they pulled me from the rec center...

And sometimes you find it. But mostly it's blah.

And tell him he's a thief...

And that belongs to me.

And the gay Indian kid and the Christian girl.

And then ask me out.

And then she didn't leave the house the whole week.

And then we'll come back and get it later.

And then we'll knock down this wall first.

And then we'll remember more.

And then you'll drop all charges.

And there ain't those leggy chicas with suitcases...

And there were growers. Heylia and Conrad.

And there's big money in it if you do it real good.

And they put a fucking fire hose through my car.

And they're just gonna leave her in the hallway.

And this house is now for sale.

And this is not my opinion.

And those are all the cool ****.

And try not to call her a thundercunt.

And us, we got what's in front of you: 324 to 666.

And use your eyes.

And waiting for blah.

And watch. And listen. See?

And we can swear, and I do swear...

And we just ran out of bread.

And we want to know about your immigration experience.

And we'll pretend to fuck up on a technicality.

And we're alone. I'm sorry.

And we're providing the backbone of the American economy.

And what are the easiest ways to get through?

And when I see myself up on the wall...

And when you got nothing, you've got nothing to lose.

And when your Uncle Andrew...

And why would I do that?

And you ain't your own business no more.

And you and I are not dark hearted.

And you broke a date last Tuesday.

And you can drop it at the front desk on your way out.

And you collected many excellent treasures...

And you gotta change and shower and you need to give me $10 for lunch.

And you have to fill out the enrollment forms.

And you know what? I don't care.

And you need to seek medical attention.

And you were loved.

And you will thank God it has come...

And you, I don't even know why you're here.

And you, you and your sister sucked me dry.

And you're okay with that?

And your request is denied.

And, freshmen, find somewhere else to scratch your fleas.

And, no, there is no trust fund.

And, of course, the fabulous Francie.

And, you know, you're gonna come back...

And?

Andy, I smuggled her here.

Andy, I think in the past I've dismissed you...

Andy, this is me.

Andy?

Andy.

Andy.

Andy's friends, I'd like to welcome you to our country. I hope you get to stay.

Another run?

Another school, another first day. Another sweaty glass of social stigma.

Another thief.

Another unexpected surprise, I know.

Any idea where he is?

Anybody? Nice to have you here.

Anything you wanna keep?

Anything? Did you blow the whole 300?

Anything? Shocking.

Anyway, that's all I got for now. Thanks for listening.

Anyway, wish me luck.

Anyway, your hearing date's in three weeks. You were on city council.

Anyway.

Anyway....

Apology accepted.

Apparently that's of no concern to your loving grandfather.

Apparently, I needed a prescription.

Are these Pop Tarts sugar free?

Are those pepitas? I love pepitas.

Are we gonna die tonight?

Are you afraid of heights?

Are you gonna be here long?

Are you gonna give me half?

Are you guys heading towards Ren Mar?

Are you in love with me?

Are you kidding me?

Are you looking? I'm about to do the spinny spin.

Are you lost, miss? We keep turning right.

Are you making fun of me?

Are you okay, Ms. Botwin?

Are you okay?

Are you retarded?

Are you sure there is no border patrol here?

Are you trying to flirt with me?

Are you trying to flirt with me? Is that what this is?

Arm in arm, mother and child, doomed.

Around Guillermo, I am.

As I have listened to your tales of burning wreckage...

As long as you don't walk out of the surf with 10 wet Mexicans...

As soon we figure out our next venture, I wanna get a bigger place.

Ask for more.

Ask him if he'd like to take anything from the store for his troubles.

Associate?

At least in the beginning.

At least we'd know where she is.

At some point recently, everything became right or wrong.

At the end of the day, I take my name tag off.

Attention, beloved mixed marriage family.

Attention, evacuees. More blankets....

August 1 4th, 1 983.

Ayahuasca. Like 30 years of psychotherapy in one night.

Back here you got two dressing rooms so ladies have some privacy.

Back of a cheese shop.

Back off, man. Back away.

Bad investment.

Balls.

Banging on the steering wheel...

Bargain.

Barry needs me.

Barry, Barry.

Barry, I am your partner.

Bathrooms are expensive, and I need a long tub.

Be able to vote...

Be gracious when somebody gives you a gift.

Be nice if it came around once.

Beach went and got itself in a big damn hurry.

Beautiful movie star? Kathleen Turner. Body Heat. Is it you?

Beautiful, tiny hands that bring sight to the blind.

Because Bubbie was my fucking cooler.

Because I am willing to whip out my Jeremy Piven right now...

Because I have no health insurance, no money, and an arrest record.

Because I need you. You know, everybody needs you.

Because if meat even touches the weed, I can't smoke it.

Because in this life...

Because it's my fucking mother.

Because sex

Because she was my lover.

Because she's so totally into you, it freaked her out.

Because that would make you a total hypocrite.

Because the slap happy drug dealer told me to?

Because these photographs don't necessarily look like me...

Because you ain't said nothing.

Because you did what you needed to do.

Because you have a kind heart.

Because you know what you're doing?

Because you refused to come to our wedding.

Because you went through right after shift change, when guards are fresh.

Because you wore that ridiculous...

Because you'd only call me Not Francie.

Because you're a mom and you worry about AMBER Alerts...

Been there.

Been there. Done that.

Bees bad.

Bees. Wait.

Before he wanted to kill me in front of my children.

Before I say anything, I just wanna say, this is completely unexpected.

Best bathroom graffiti ever. At least in the top 10.

Best of luck with your recovery.

Better than Judah?

Big boats.

Big divorce settlement, huh? Trust fund?

Big fish. Lobster Boy. Jeb Bush.

Big smokers in Baggage. Could be some nice business.

Big spotlight shining on that maternity store.

Big, big money?

Bigger harvest means bigger bucks.

Bigger than I thought.

Bingo.

Bingo.

Biology?

Blood, bodies, paperwork.

Blueberry.

Bob Warden. Beachfront Realty.

Bob, I'm touched by your outpouring of emotion.

Bob.

Boffo work, Agent Hodes.

Bonnie and Clyde, I don't know what you two are running from.

Boss is taking you to lunch.

Boss says time to start.

Boss?

Both. Mostly Xanax and coke.

Boys are disgusting.

Breach the divide.

Breathe in.

Bring her to me, man. Bring her home to Daddy.

Broke, homeless, not a man in sight. Although it's not your issue.

Bubbie did say bringing Not Francie into the family would kill her.

Bubbie was always a big walker.

Bubbie was convinced the Nazis were gonna rise again.

Bubbie, to be honest...

Bubbie, who knew?

Bubbie. This Bubbie. The Bubbie that doesn't blink.

Bubbie's watching the World Poker Tour?

Bubblicious or Rhythm Field?

Bulk discounts and we cater.

But after hearing your stories...

But anything happens to me...

But at least back then, you gave a shit.

But because I'm packing so many into such a small space...

But can we just agree to keep all of our fuck ups to ourselves?

But don't tell anyone. I'm researching a film.

But enough about you. Let's talk about me.

But he's almost always high...

But her time's coming. Because that's fate.

But how did they get up there in that tree?

But I didn't do it alone.

But I didn't instruct you to do that, did I?

But I didn't know her, you know? I didn't

But I get it now.

But I had to use condoms.

But I only have a headache.

But I'm cheap and I don't ask questions.

But I'm gonna go with the hot chick who walked in here on Tuesday.

But I'm not gonna be your fucking dealer.

But if he wants it, he can have it.

But if it's just for a straight border crossing, usually about 3000.

But if you'd like to add them, I certainly can do that.

But in the drive through at Popeyes...

But it ain't.

But it was great, you know? We loved it.

But let me tell you something, shmendrick.

But let's face it.

But no juice box.

But she stopped showing up and we gotta kill her.

But still, respect must be paid.

But the man, Mr. Caplan, he don't wipe so good.

But there is still one person you can have back.

But there's not enough crime by the beach. I need a job.

But this guy, he's a whale.

But we have a daughter out there who hasn't seen you in over two years...

But we have this food.

But we're just gonna try and put all that out of our minds for now.

But whatever, man, it's useless.

But would you like a parting gift?

But you also might wanna make a hat out of my kidney.

But you can blame your mother for that.

But you don't have a problem with it?

But you don't listen.

But you nailed it.

But you need to find a place of your own to live.

But you need to tell your brain to tell your mouth to tell me...

But you said it didn't travel well.

But you should avoid the areas...

But you told us.

But you'll never have to take action...

But your eyes are brown.

But your gap tooth girlfriend out there...

But, hey, I'm simpatico.

But, Maria, as much as I've enjoyed having you...

But, you know, before you know it, everything's in flames.

But....

By killing her.

Bye, now. Get out.

Bye.

Calcium. That's nice.

Call Cesar if you run into problems.

Calling me a loser, a liar.

Calves feeling the burn.

Can I drink my beer first?

Can I just see one boob?

Can it wait till after my bath?

Can you ask that Guillermo when I can get Pam's car back because ?

Can you deliver to Ren Mar tonight?

Can you give me the address of this place and I'll put it in my GPS.

Can you help me?

Can you make sure Shane and his two lab assistants...

Can you use the downstairs toilet from now on, Mr. Wilson?

Can't believe you're really here. You're so beautiful.

Can't I do drug things with you guys?

Can't pick a winner to save his life.

Can't take stuff. There'll be nothing to sell.

Can't we discuss this after school?

Canada is up there.

Candy Loving on the cover, Dorothy Stratten centerfold.

Captain Till, I didn't come here to make you angry.

Captain Till.

Cash.

Casino Night, Chocolate Universe, Gay Paris?

Celia Hodes is sitting next to me in the car.

Celia, can we borrow you for just a minute?

Celia, hurry back, okay?

Celia, we're waiting for your promise partner, Barry.

Celia?

Celia?

Celia.

Celia. Celia Hodes. H O D E S.

Celia...

Cesar is Alfred.

Cesar, tell him that you know me.

Cesar? Good morning.

Chance or fate?

Chance?

Change of venue.

Charity calls.

Charming.

Check it out.

Check it out.

Check it out. It's snowing in SoCal.

Check it out. Some asshole's van is getting towed.

Check out bitch badge. Or is it tramp stamp?

Check out sexy.

Check out your story.

Cheeks a flexin'

Cheers.

Cheese Gotta Have It. Yeah, that's me.

Chewie took a shit in a bread bag one time.

Chewie took that camera over to Rite Aid.

Chewie?

Christmas in Whistler with the kids?

City of Majestic, broke. CPA license, revoked, I assume. Didn't check.

Clean air.

Clean and sober.

Clear out. The fire's up the block, and it's moving fast.

Clearly he hearted her vagina at some point.

Clearly, that's not your issue.

Clinique Clinique.

Clocking out, boss.

Close enough.

Close the door and sit down.

Closets don't get towed.

Coca?

Cocaine? Coca?

Cocaine? Coca?

Cocaine.

Cocaine. Guns.

Coked to the gills.

Come get me if you want. I don't give a shit, because I'm broke.

Come here.

Come here.

Come here. Let's clean that pretty face of yours.

Come in.

Come on, amigo. Would an organ thief make you lunch?

Come on, Andy.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Come on. Just one?

Come sit.

Come with me.

Come. That way.

Competitive pricing without the ****, trees and extortion.

Conformed to her face.

Confusing, brisk, messy.

Confusing. Brisk.

Considering you and your family just got here...

Cool.

Could break the glass with a fire extinguisher.

Could happen to anyone.

Could I talk to him, please?

Could we all settle down and honor the dead a little here?

Could you close the door behind you?

Could you let go of my arm?

Could you not blow smoke in my hair?

Could you stop playing that fucking piano?

Could you stop talking for a second? Could you please be quiet and listen?

Could you turn on the water for me?

Course, man. Take all the time you need.

Court appearance?

Coyote ing has been a passion project of mine for a few weeks now.

Coyote said it was only going to be 10,000.

Crap. This is my favorite part.

Crates from America going into Mexico.

Crazy shit.

Crazy stalker bitches.

Cut the shit.

Dad had custody in the summer...

Dad once told me Bubbie killed the neighbor's dog.

Dad's going to defend criminals in Detroit.

Damn, if I had to sit home for seven days...

Damn, you already keep too many secrets from me, tortillera lesbiana.

Davenport, Iowa.

Davenport, Iowa.

Davenport.

Davenport. Iowa.

Dead inside.

Dead Iraqi children.

Dear Dana:

Dear Silas:

Dear Silas: Happy birthday. Happy 18th birthday.

Dear Silas: If you never see me again, I've probably been murdered.

Department of Immigration and Naturalization.

Depends on how far they come.

Depends on the party.

Depends on which one you pick.

Did a bird just crap on my head?

Did he just call my baby Satan?

Did I make everything better?

Did she even say where she was going?

Did she leave a will?

Did she rob a bank?

Did we decide you were gonna move your plants?

Did you forget your pruning shears?

Did you have sex?

Did you just say that you missed your mother?

Did you know Mrs. Hodes is in jail?

Did you really get in trouble? With the man?

Did you sell that Wacky Pack poster? Rad's been bugging me about it all day.

Did you?

Didn't I tell you to move out?

Diet Coke?

Diet Jarritos?

Diet Shasta, in a can, room temperature, no straw.

Dinner's off. We're off.

Discharge paperwork is in the folder. I'll need your signature on all pages.

Disease?

Do I get paid for that too?

Do I have sex with both at the same time?

Do I wanna look like the Joker? No.

Do me up.

Do not wake this little fucker up. I just got him down.

Do we know where we're going, or are we just driving around randomly?

Do we really wanna kill one off?

Do women go bald?

Do you dance?

Do you forgive me?

Do you have a change for a 50?

Do you have a red one?

Do you have anything for a son...

Do you have it in blue?

Do you have some sort of a plan?

Do you have this in blue?

Do you have video for cats?

Do you know if it's by an ezStorage?

Do you know what a barcarole is?

Do you know who that person is? That person is "

Do you like lobster? I have a boat.

Do you like that? That's the cool breeze of freedom right there.

Do you love me?

Do you need sex? Help you relax.

Do you party?

Do you party?

Do you see her?

Do you see her?

Do you think I'm an idiot, Wilson?

Do you trust me?

Do you trust me?

Do you wanna keep living with your father?

Do you want coffee or anything? I'm getting coffee today.

Do you want me to go?

Do you want the box? In a bag? The box in a bag?

Does he have a code name?

Does that interest you, Ms. Hodes?

Does that make me gay?

Does that mean that I can go?

Does this something have anything to do with your mysterious sleepaways?

Doesn't happen anymore.

Doesn't he have a wife or a girlfriend?

Don't break it. I'm asking a buck apiece for those.

Don't bring shame on the family.

Don't drink the water.

Don't ever play poker.

Don't forget.

Don't fuck with good luck. Just say thank you.

Don't fuck with me.

Don't fuck with me.

Don't know yet.

Don't move.

Don't pull that Mexican shit with me.

Don't tease me, you crusty whore.

Don't touch me. Don't touch me.

Don't worry. It is fixed.

Don't write "um."

Don't you have a work program?

Don't you think it's conspicuous...

Don't you touch my child.

Don't you wish you had some?

Done, big guy.

Done.

Doors stay locked. Lenny's gone.

Dorado, marlin, shark.

Dos cc's.

Dos Gatos for everyone.

Double crossing, anti American piece of shit.

Doug around?

Doug says everyone fingered Celia.

Doug Wilson, I'm Agent Shlatter with the DEA.

Doug, I'm sorry. You and Dana are having problems.

Doug?

Doug? Come on.

Doug.

Doug. Doug Wilson.

Dressed like that?

Drink.

Drink.

Drive myself to work...

Drug smuggling bad ass.

During shiva, people usually come by.

Each plant will yield less.

Eager beaver.

Easy, right?

Eat the bear.

Eat with your children.

Eighteen hour layovers in Bangkok are nothing...

Either way, she's hot.

Either way, words of wisdom.

El Andy, he's a good man.

El Andy, we will help the sad, tall, angry, baby man find her.

El Andy...

End of street, red sign.

End of street, red sign.

Endangered my family. I was a bad drug dealer. I know it now.

Enjoy the dried apricots and butter cookies.

Enjoy your table.

Esteban Carlos Reyes.

Esteban. I need to hablo with Esteban.

Everybody knows that sometimes you feel something is right....

Everyone's out of work. No middle class.

Everything revolves around food.

Everything's fine, Sanjay. Go back to your book.

Everything's okay.

Exactly. This is supposed to be a pot tunnel.

Exactly. You're 13 years old.

Except here you gotta choose. So it's more like Deal or Deal.

Except maybe this cool cigar box.

Except they're warm snowflakes.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Sorry. Hi.

Explain.

Explain.

Face on all the trash cans, making things better for you.

Face very swollen.

Fade cream, actually.

Fairly sure Iowa's landlocked.

Family member called and said he was taking over her care.

Fascinating. Reproduction?

Father of the year.

Favorite color is green. Favorite animal is the Komodo dragon...

Feeding the homeless.

Felicia Harken?

Felicia?

Felony is at an all time high.

FEMA's gonna set them up at the Marriott.

Few minutes on each side.

Few times I did, I got greedy.

Fifteen hundred lempira.

Figure it out, young botanist. Just get them gone.

Finding God?

Fine, enjoy the show.

Fine, I guess.

Fine.

Fine.

Fine. But not the metal one.

Fine. I'll be at the pool.

Fine. It'll add to the value of the house.

Fine. Pack a bag.

Fine. Pussies.

Fisherman.

Five bucks each.

Five bucks says he pusses out.

Five feet of fried fish goodness.

Flappy upper arms, strange moles.

Fly on over. There's no wall in the sky.

Flying flu bag.

Footlong all the way, bro.

For now.

For the first time in your life, please...

For what? For what? Why did he go to jail?

For you, I'm gonna knock off a hundred grand.

For your room, that you have with your husband.

Force feeding me liver and apple sauce.

Forty five minutes.

Forty two, ninety nine, please.

Forty years?

Found a way to lose it.

Found myself a crappy studio apartment off the boardwalk.

Francie's wonderful. She's an eye doctor.

Freaky steroid chick?

Fresh Start in Albuquerque. That place is like a whorehouse.

From one fucking mistake to another.

From the days when men serenaded women in boats.

Fuck my...

Fuck off.

Fuck off. Hey, I was gonna share this with you.

Fuck you, 25 bucks a gram. That's more than street value.

Fuck you, Judah.

Fuck you. That's more than street value.

Fuck your Miata with a strap on, little bitch. We getting an Escalade.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. My plants.

Fuck, yeah. Stick it to the old people.

Fuck!

Fuck! Say it! You want me to kill my mother.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fucked it up. Twice.