A better system for announcing the acts would be great.
A bigshot financial investor in Buzz's dreams.
A black scroll resembling the work of a Zen master
A block and a half down. North side of the street.
A bowl filled with water to one of the guests
A Broadway musical, a game show and a mugging
A Bronze Star?
A bunch of bullshit, and then they leave
A bunch of **** through the desert. What a headache.
A cape is not an easy thing to pull off, my friend.
A chic version of a fisherman's rain hat
A comic? God, no. You fuck that frog before you date a comic.
A couple of tiny things. No need to stay.
A dozen fires break out.
A drink for you, sir?
A dud club means less eyes on the parlor.
A family friendly night. Bring the kiddies.
A family member, and it seems a shame
A fascinating conversation.
A few times? The other day, it was two months. How long was it?
A fire truck, cowboy guns
A friend sent me this thing you wrote
A gagster, a wag, a wit...
A gentleman passed away in her apartment.
A gift from Gleason.
A goddamn obit for this man.
A great girl. The name's Mei.
A heart over every "I."
A higher tab would be convenient
A huge star 'cause you sound funny.
A jaunty Oleg Cassini flax helmet
A Jew's favorite whine is,
A joke.
A jokester, a card,
A lawyer looked it over and everything.
A less than sold out show would shatter my fragile ego
A lifetime subscription to The Watchtower"
A little ball of something that teaches you
A little louder if you want them to hear.
A little more?
A little something? What little something?
A little.
A long time ago. How do you do it?
A lot of tests but no word yet.
A lot of them. So,
A lot of you are from out of town.
A lot. Too much.
A man dies, you show up at his funeral, right?
A man has stepped in and fucked up my life.
A man who borrowed ten bucks from me the day before he died,
A man who didn't suffer fools gladly
A man who knew how to drive me crazier than any person
A man who sits with a wooden version of a tiny man
A man who was... my friend.
A man whose love of ocarinas summed up his total
A man's life. In a shitty box.
A medal is a big deal!
A moving target will confuse her.
A nice, patriotic young girl.
A pineapple would look cute on Esther.
A pipe exploded, drowning an entire family.
A place where a lady could drink with another lady?
A puzzle of an orange grove. She'll lose her mind.
A quarter out of my nose, I'm gonna jam a rabbit up his ass.
A real gamer. You are a true legend
A really good man's life.
A room I'm going to be in for a total of four days, tops blue.
A rubber girdle is uncomfortable.
A Singapore sling and a White Russian.
A stable boy walked a mare past his stall this morning.
A state of confusion is more like it.
A stroke sometime this afternoon.
A stroke?
A successful club means eyes.
A sweet fruit for Esther.
A taxicab.
A triple. Hey, what's your top shelf gin?
A tummy ache from eating too many cookies.
A two quart is not going to move product,
A very funny man coming up next.
A wedding, a dance, a song,
A week's sleep or something.
A woman was eaten alive by maggots.
A... a coat, shoes, a wallet.
Aah! I'll do it!
Abe and I used to be friends, because a friend doesn't
Abe and I will visit soon, Shirley. I promise.
Abe Friedman is on the phone for you!
Abe is completely out of line.
Abe Weissman,
Abe Weissman, stop right there.
Abe Weissman, you're being irrational.
Abe Weissman! There you are.
Abe,
Abe, are you noticing anything odd in here today?
Abe, are you purposefully trying to torture me?
Abe, either go over to the booth and discuss it
Abe, for God's sake, you were 30 and unmarried!
Abe, he's free.
Abe, I have to make a call at 3:00,
Abe, I need specifics.
Abe, I reserved the living room yesterday.
Abe, I told you I went out with Asher.
Abe, I'm lying in a hospital bed.
Abe, I've been a matchmaker all these months.
Abe, may I remind you that you broke up with me.
Abe, my goodness.
Abe, please. It was an accident.
Abe, what a score.
Abe, what is this review? What did you write?
Abe, what the fuck?!
Abe?
Abe?
Abe.
Abe.
Abe. Just in time to eat.
Abe...
Abe...
Abe...
About a man who recently died.
About anything, I feel like there's a lot at stake here.
About art and anarchy
About getting locked out of their house,
About his mother at a strip club.
About landing on your backside in the mud, is there?
About Mickey Rooney and a frozen banana.
About not pissing anybody off.
About Rachel Rebecca Ruth,
About some comic at the Copa and said the guy's act
About that fling you had with Tarzan.
About that night, and I haven't.
About the centerpieces.
About the fact that I'm pregnant.
About the fire.
About the light in the fridge?
About the old fart even though I don't know
About this girl I'm seeing.
About this incident in The Village Voice.
About what happened. Maybe we could go somewhere...
About what?
About what? What? What's she going to say?
About whether or not God exists.
Absolutely.
Accentuates the vertical romanticism of this dress.
Accessorizes this mischievous
Actually, he said, "The deeply unfunny meanderings
Actually, I have an exciting new client now.
Actually, I think they're pretty good, but yes.
Actually, it's perfectly in tune
Actually, it's, uh... Carol Jacobson.
Actually, the Voice has averaged
Actually, what I'm in for
Add a couple of hundred wows for me.
After a night with her in laws.
After it got into the triple digits,
After kugel she was Ruth. You kept them biblical.
After Miss Julie, I just spiraled downward.
After my Grandmother Helda.
After posting bail for Miriam and that hooker.
After racquetball. Wrinkliest nutsack I've ever seen.
After she fired on my Fort Sumter.
Afterwards, I ask my teacher, "What was that all about?"
Again, not a plan.
Ah, for a moment, I thought Skint was dead.
Ah, fuck, we are enjoying it.
Ah, geez, the both of you.
Ah, I didn't make enough squash.
Ah, Shy Baldwin. He sings like an angel
Ah, that is a very big smile on that boy's face.
Ah, that's nice.
Ah, this all seems very open and shut.
Ah, you're Mr. Frick's clients.
Ah! Ha! There she is.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah. She's got other boyfriends.
Ah. So it's a family thing.
Ah. Well,
Akiva Bergman. It doesn't ring a bell,
Akiva mumbles. We're working on that.
Akiva, you did a wonderful job.
Alfie, do not do what you're doing.
Alfie.
Alfie.
All but November 13 of '57.
All I know is that since she got here, the coffee's much better.
All in one day.
All is well.
All men, swaggering in and out of the rooms really fast.
All morning, this has been going on.
All my other calls for the next six hours?
All of them.
All of this ♪
All of this has to get better!
All of whom were good, except my daughter,
All raising my tab like that,
All ready for that cold, steely,
All right, Amelia. Tell your mother
All right, bye.
All right, everybody give it up
All right, guys, get to work!
All right, in 18 seconds,
All right, let's get back on...
All right, let's resume. Check your sources at the union.
All right, Lou. Suit guy.
All right, now stop looking,
All right, Oscar, I didn't forget you.
All right, that's... real... There it is.
All right, then, you're good to go.
All right, then.
All right!
All right! ♪
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right. Geez.
All right. Well, we'll put that into column two.
All righty, folks!
All that would've been left of you is that hat.
All the girls give the same answer,
All the lady magazines say you should defrost once a month.
All the way from Crown Heights.
All these fucking horrible assholes in the world
All these things sound wonderful.
All this because I cracked a couple Judy Garland jokes
All those shows, one of a kind.
All while holding the knife of Cain behind your back.
All you have to do is call and say, "I picked another loser,
All your dishes. And a piano.
Although I do have a very serious thing
Although one of us pursuing banking
Always be good ♪
Always.
Am I next?
Am I?
Amazing. Where's the gig?
Amen ♪♪
America loves goddamn Cubby O'Brien, Miriam! Wake up!
An associate of Susie's.
An athletic, stickball playing type?
An egg?
An emcee, a comic,
An entertainer.
An hour later, I stood,
An ice cream once, huh? You know, and it was so special.
An illusionist. A hypnotist.
An incredibly productive conversation with him.
An undiagnosed schizophrenic?
An unprecedented interview with the great Sophie Lennon.
And 63 cents is your change. Thank you. Come again.
And a boring ass director.
And a boring ass novelist.
And a cheap piano?
And a cheeseburger?
And a Chinese girl is like a double gentile.
And a Christmas special with Bob Hope.
And a couple weeks ago, I meet this man.
And a feminine product dispenser.
And a half drunk bottle of Canadian Club,
And a little lonely.
And a Peter Pan collar. Thanks, Joel!
And a spoon.
And a time when it was fun to play with a hoop and a stick?
And a tricky balancing act for me.
And a Turkish ceremonial rifle set
And about ten minutes later, I'll hear my mother saying,
And all four of Solomon Melamid's sisters are widows.
And all that. You go in."
And all you need's a name?
And another and another.
And anyone associated with this ad
And apologize to Julie for me.
And arrange their kitchens for them and the Lollipop Guild,
And as soon as you get to Chicago.
And Asher Friedman. Right.
And at some point, we'll be throwing
And before I spat it out, I was really enjoying the taste.
And buy Nabisco products, for Gordy's sake.
And buy some office equipment.
And by then, I had gotten back together
And call me from the station.
And clean up after you're finished."
And clean up afterwards if you want me to.
And clutching her suitcase."
And cool as a cucumber,
And corruption and cronyis...
And crispy.
And dancing alone, well ♪
And delicious. The steak...
And didn't pocket it. That means he's a keeper.
And do you want kids right away?
And don't breathe out.
And dream a little dream ♪♪
And Dribbles ate my pasty.
And empty the vases once a week.
And entertain whatever junkie wandered in from Times Square.
And Ethan'll probably want to be a banana or a carrot.
And Ethan's gonna get made fun of every day of his life
And even if you had given me the money,
And every chick I know who's divorced
And every time, a different one shows up,
And failing that, he can plant anything on anyone.
And feel like this is my bedroom.
And fill you in on some exciting news.
And finally, pomegranate
And find the man who will love Lorraine
And focus on something else.
And for me, it depends on the circumstances.
And for Rose and for me.
And for sizable suppers,
And for the life of me, I do not understand
And fucks it the fuck up?
And funny pictures of us sticking our heads
And get those plots.
And give me my $300 back!
And give the floor back to Rabbi Huebsche.
And go force feed my son some dry toast.
And go up there and try to make men listen to me?
And good and bitter, too, you know.
And good Shabbas, by the way.
And Gordon's show is the perfect place
And got his feathers ruffled and kicked it down the chain,
And grab your toothbrush, Abe, because you and I are gonna be
And hang around, well ♪
And has a nice, warm tone,
And have 'em fix the hold button.
And have a nice meal with that girl.
And have a room full of white people
And he asked me if I was up for some.
And he cleared it with the management,
And he dropped you, right?
And he flashed this amazing smile.
And he kept it in a shoebox like an asshole,
And he literally told me he was having a heart attack.
And he owes me several favors, $300 and a fiancée.
And he said, "No problem." I just need to do stuff to him
And he said, "Now."
And he turns into a ten year old girl
And he wags his tail and walks and his eyes move?
And he wakes up in an idyllic town
And he wound up sprinkling sawdust
And he wrote about it.
And he's seen some beauts.
And he's walking towards me in his brand new...
And her dog.
And her Louise Brooks harlot hair were catting about,
And her oversized bosom!
And her publicist isn't gonna stop her
And her pushy little midgety manager, Susie.
And her tiny family's always running around.
And here I am doing the most dangerous thing you can do
And here I am slinging dick jokes
And here I am, slinging dick jokes
And how are you this morning?
And how could this possibly help you fix things with Susie?
And how did you come to that figure?
And how everybody in Hollywood is best friends.
And how long have you been a matchmaker, Rose Weissman?
And how many of you are toting New York City guidebooks?
And how we're the real animals
And how? Laundry.
And hurt something very dear to the lawyers of America,
And I am gonna keep making a lot of mistakes,
And I am holding it for you. I just...
And I am never going to touch those parts again.
And I am not going to try.
And I am really curious to drink a lot of free booze.
And I answered, "Mazel tov."
And I assume there is no friend.
And I bought back for you.
And I bought some hairspray. Remember the hairspray?
And I can just eat it? It doesn't have to go on anything?
And I come out with a violin and I just cook, man.
And I could kill in an unfunny room.
And I did everything I could to encourage it.
And I did kill, which was my job,
And I did.
And I don't know if you've ever had a tragedy like that.
And I don't know why I'm taking it so badly, but I am.
And I don't know why you're
And I don't say a word, zugnish, and I split, you know.
And I don't want to tell you
And I drank his martini, and I liked it.
And I have big plans for the place.
And I have no idea where your watch is.
And I have no proof she's not sending the rabbi.
And I have promised him that I am nothing if not discreet.
And I have to talk to Ethan's teacher at 8:00 about the odds
And I haven't found my good hiding spots yet.
And I I really burned a bridge with Gus.
And I just thought I'd try...
And I keep that studio cold.
And I know she schedules these things
And I know, that's life.
And I liked him.
And I love the fresh air.
And I need to be able to bring my daughters' husbands
And I never knew any of this.
And I pinched my daughter. I should be up on charges.
And I realized that I liked this feeling,
And I realized that once again
And I said, "Yeah, as long as I don't have to work that hard."
And I salute you, brother ♪
And I saw you passed out on the ground.
And I say, "Imogene, we need to talk."
And I say, "Well, my father would read Aristotle to me
And I stopped counting the rats
And I suppose we get the vomit bathroom.
And I take my friendships very seriously.
And I teach clogging on the weekends.
And I think the very least you could do for me now
And I told Asher he could bunk here.
And I told you that when it was complete, I might come back!
And I want to milk it.
And I wanted to keep feeling this feeling.
And I was about to suggest we call the police
And I was all ready to ask Jacob Fineman to the big dance.
And I was in my lucky dress. Perfect combo.
And I was wearing some nice underwear,
And I wasn't done dressing.
And I will change the light bulbs
And I will introduce her to a poet,
And I will never get this... Stop that.
And I will sit at their wedding and I will laugh.
And I will teach her about foundation
And I won't feel bad at all ♪
And I won't feel bad at all ♪
And I won't feel bad at all ♪
And I would have thrown myself in front of you
And I would've calmed the fuck down.
And I would've told you to just calm the fuck down.
And I...
And I'll have a little something for you, too.
And I'll move a mountain ♪
And I'll muzzle that L. Roy Dunham for you, too.
And I'll spend the night watching all the men in my life
And I'll talk to Pop about the costumes.
And I'm a classical flautist.
And I'm giving it to you the whole thing
And I'm glad to hear it's still going around.
And I'm gonna make sure that they never, ever end up
And I'm gonna sing it now, if nobody minds.
And I'm starting to get mad.
And I'm still honing and experimenting, so go away.
And I'm talking real revenge, not the "Hey, I got you
And I'm talking to myself.
And I'm thinking, "Who is this nut?"
And I'm trying to get the number.
And if at any point your hair really is on fire,
And if I could take it back, I would.
And if I fall ♪
And if we get vomited on from the sky,
And if you had just gotten her past opening night,
And if you had studied French instead of Russian,
And if you have a problem with that, suck it!
And in a year, maybe less, you'll be debt free.
And in comes a burglar with a gun.
And in order not to look suspicious...
And in the back there, a plane?
And intimidating accents.
And introduce them all to the world in living color.
And is rumored to have a dead piece of a Siamese twin
And is that so bad? That the place doesn't smell like piss?
And it hit our files.
And it implicated the two of you, but I am here today
And it looks like we're gonna get married.
And it needs to be cozy because I'm creative when I'm cozy.
And it was missing a couple of folks, right?
And it was until... well,
And it wasn't humiliating to move in with Moishe and Shirley?
And it went very well, and then I made way
And it's a special one because the lyrics were written
And it's about a thousand words short.
And it's implied it was with a knife.
And it's just around the corner.
And it's like that every ten seconds
And it's my Jockey shorts.
And it's not just the face or the clothes or the poise
And it's small, and I'm a woman, so...
And it's still sitting there.
And it's the funniest thing.
And it's three days from now.
And it's what the endgame is.
And Italian and Yiddish.
And just like the first time,
And just stands there yelling at people.
And just talking to each other.
And keep 'em coming.
And keep doing your act.
And Kev... What are you again?
And land on a squirrel
And lean back ♪
And look at that view, I'll walk up behind them and say...
And look at this view. It's beautiful, isn't it?
And look at you.
And make some deals.
And make with the jokes... because it doesn't matter?
And make you a star, I can shove you out on an iceberg
And making apple dolls while the pies bake in the oven,
And Mario is what he looks like.
And married his mother.
And Marvin Nicholson called...
And mascara and lipstick and deodorant,
And may or may not be my landlords,
And maybe they throw in a semi embarrassing story
And Melamid's a Jew.
And Moishe sprung for a little bench
And Moms Mabley went on before me.
And Mona Lisa was a man... ♪
And Mr. Weissman recently wrote
And Mrs. Maisel. It's nice to see you.
And my being Gordon Ford, I am making the decision
And my clothes are nowhere near me.
And my father's in the bathroom, topless, using my lipstick.
And my heart is with you tonight.
And my investment broker, and we all decided
And my mother's turning my kitchen upside down,
And my son insulted me?
And no one will come within a mile of you.
And nobody cares.
And not "clutching" my suitcase.
And not just sending an associate.
And not merely related ♪♪
And not that you care,
And not to keep my job. I'll get another job.
And not, like, start with underwear
And now for this afternoon's entertainment,
And now I need to get something
And now I need you to do me another favor.
And now if I can just hold off paying the milk bill,
And now it sits where someone shat."
And now my mother in law is trimming his beard, so if...
And now owns three restaurants, one of them dine in.
And now they'll have a sibling, and I just think we need
And now we have Psycho, which I understand is very scary.
And now we have to double back around the Parachute Jump,
And now you are not here,
And now...
And occasionally doing stuff to the insurance agent
And of your own volition.
And on the other side, it says, "Sorry we're closed."
And on the other side, it says, "Sorry we're clothed."
And once it breaks, 'cause all this shit in here
And one says to the other, "Who does your taxes?"
And opening for Shy Baldwin. Blah, blah, blah. She's a whore.
And out on his tab.
And over there, different nightmare but just as bad.
And pick it up at the office.
And play an important role in their upbringing.
And play klezmer music next door to you 24 hours a day.
And play some music and get us drunk,
And please throw out that weird chalk of yours.
And pops 'em with her nails.
And prospective parents tend to get married.
And proud son of Harlem Shy Baldwin
And reorganizing my kitchen.
And right now I'm feeling like nothing is gonna work out.
And roommate, Kevin, I owe you everything.
And save us a stamp.
And say hi to these beautiful people.
And says, "A poem.
And second of all, this wasn't a shakedown.
And see how it feels.
And see that face first thing in the morning?
And see the goose that laid the golden egg.
And she also hasn't passed the mustard.
And she can come down here anytime. She knows that.
And she can't go back.
And she didn't know she was gonna get fired.
And she didn't want to call her parents.
And she is going to be a doctor.
And she is wiping the floor with me.
And she knows I won't be more than 15 minutes late
And she makes me feel confident, and I need her in my corner.
And she says, "Mr. Schneider."
And she told me 12:45.
And she will fix her hair.
And she will have her money
And she would've tried to stab me with a cheese knife.
And she's got a rump roast
And she's very happy here.
And shining your shoes, and I took your wallet and hid it
And so am I. Beat it.
And so at this time, ladies and gentlemen,
And so he suggests a little coffee at his apartment.
And so the hang up is,
And some Brie.
And sometimes, writing a bad review is part of my job.
And son must chew ♪
And son walks through ♪
And start to make some real money.
And started talking. I didn't have anything planned.
And starting food service.
And starts yelling and screaming,
And stay another day or two if that's okay.
And stuck you in my son's room.
And suddenly, she's palling around with Lenny Bruce
And surely you've seen the two large dalmatians
And Susie is blasting that damn TV again.
And taken the blow.
And talk to Miss Myerson about that.
And talk with me today, and I want to thank you.
And tell them you love Jesus Christ.
And tell you the future?
And that I could make really neat exits.
And that is the masthead in the flesh.
And that kills me.
And that maybe you saw some things.
And that nudie show.
And that sexy Robert Goulet.
And that something disappoints her,
And that song with the full orchestra, yowza!
And that song. You can't get it out of your head.
And that the fabulous apartment
And that was Philomena's foulmouthed friend,
And that's if it was a one.
And that's the way it'll be.
And the baker and the grocer and the dry cleaner
And the best part? You won't have to see me.
And the booker reports to Gordon Ford.
And the booze they bring.
And the building is on lockdown.
And the bulk of the conversation was about instant yeast
And the clouds. They're all shaped like fruit.
And the damn hat is stuck to my ass.
And the fact that you didn't use the word "cancer."
And the feminine dispenser.
And the grandchildren by name.
And the grandfather. Saw him in the shower once
And the kids.
And the money... you will be paid a lot of money.
And the monsignor made some calls.
And the ocean and very funny pony rides.
And the other guy's balls
And the pharmacy bill for just a few months,
And the printer fucked up. There's no "Q" in "Myerson."
And the rest of their bodies if they're still attached.
And the trick is to get good and get paid.
And the Tupperware she was holding stops the bullet.
And the TV has to go across from the couch.
And the umbrellas and the tampon sticks.
And then again and again to remind yourself
And then all these women came to see you.
And then he quit.
And then hide it with a rug.
And then I talk about how you took us in
And then I'd be stalking you in the park.
And then over and over so you remember
And then she smiles and says, "Have a great night at the club.
And then she'll come be my manager.
And then suddenly, out of nowhere,
And then suddenly...
And then there's my husband.
And then they got divorced. She married her obstetrician.
And then we...
And then we'll have cake from Gino's Pastry Shop.
And then you came out and did that thing you do.
And then you got a little nostalgic at the end
And then you should change your mind.
And then you would've bombed in Prague.
And then your father walks into a hospital,
And then, of course, there is my father in law.
And there he is,
And there is a certain way to cut a g****fruit.
And there is a hell and this is the moment our fate is decided?
And there is no local headlining gig for you.
And there were some expenses I had to deduct from your money.
And there's a brand new vacuum cleaner?
And there's a picture.
And there's a two drink minimum.
And there's less weird guys hanging around backstage.
And there's more days you'd like to enjoy?
And there's mountains of cleaning heading your way.
And there's no need to schlep to the Museum of Natural History.
And there's no one like him anywhere.
And these are her nubile pupils, and...
And they are very angry.
And they are very, very...
And they booted him out onto Melrose.
And they can definitely smell this place.
And they can't answer the question you have
And they don't know it, or they think
And they loved me because I just went out there
And they need to call out for help?
And they ran it up the flagpole to the board.
And they still made us come all the way down to the tarmac
And they talk fast and leave fast,
And they took him to Bellevue, and by 9:00, that was it.
And they want you to stop.
And they wanted me to open for him,
And they'd host a dinner party
And they're a little upset with me.
And they're a really great group.
And they're all plugging something.
And this crazed woman comes in with a little dog
And this guy fought in a war. He traveled.
And this is from the man that was dead a few days ago.
And this is what you're getting paid
And this whole goddamn world!
And those Broadway guys? I'm gonna make some calls.
And those kinds of mothers are real nuts.
And though I love that view ♪
And thought everyone was a fool.
And thought I'd stop by.
And throw all this away, like I'm Henry VIII?
And throw up. That's the sound you'll hear.
And to my dramaturg
And to our director, Mr. George Abbott,
And to the people who inspired me so much,
And today, she did very, very good.
And told everyone who shushed her they'll be dead someday.
And told your mother I couldn't see her
And turned it into a bland,
And turning the heat on so you don't freeze
And two in the mezzanine. Here you go.
And unattractive.
And want to get to the entrée, huh?
And watch the elevator take you up to the ninth floor,
And watch this happen to another poor slob,
And we all know how that ended up.
And we are gonna send a man to the moon
And we assume you and your family do as well.
And we brought her here.
And we can even delay charging you rent or anything like that
And we didn't want to lease another place
And we do some very blue things in this very blue room...
And we got funny man Lenny Bruce.
And we were in litigation with the seedy landlord
And we were unable to remove the urinal
And we will be very discreet.
And we will get her a girdle, and she will sit up straight,
And we would be on a plane to Prague right now.
And we'd walk past a hot dog cart, and he'd fall to pieces,
And we'll come out on top ♪
And we'll destroy her loom, and she will have a husband.
And we're taking him to Coney Island
And what a game show.
And what about you?
And what am I supposed to talk about in between strippers, huh?
And what are your grandchildren's names?
And what do we need a code for?
And what exactly happened at that show at the Apollo?
And when she gets excited about something
And when Sophie comes out, I'm gonna need you
And when that is done, I will announce the winner
And when we woke up, the meeting informally commenced.
And when you get to your hotel. And when...
And where do you get the ideas for your jokes?
And where the fuck is Darla?