Man with a Plan (2016) - Season 3 Edit

A All right, everybody, calm down.

A And as a peace offering,

A And I haven't lost my taste for danger.

A And we're both wearing ties.

A billion.

A brother's work is never done.

A day will come when all your husband wants to do

A door is like a teenager's favorite thing, and I took it!

A father and son meet in the playoffs.

A father's work is never done.

A giant painting of a tricycle?

A good con man sells you what you already want to buy.

A home health care nurse for after your knee surgery.

A list of banks. We'll split up

A little high maintenance about the hero thing.

A little less Peruvian, a little more Home Depot vian.

A little while longer.

A little, I said.

A little?

A million baby pictures of you,

A neighbor came by...

A position of power to manipulate people.

A soft bed would be nice after a long day of riding.

A tie is not a napkin.

A TV, Lowell!

A walk is the least you can do

A woman probably did it anyway.

A55 4U. Huh.

About him being the favorite was to trick him.

About him being your hero?

About how I have to put sunscreen on Don's back

About how you can't go on that trip.

About Mr. T in the haunted house.

About staying in some dirty old cabin.

About Teddy putting that kid on the ground.

About to stick a ruler in the snow.

About you hiring Funchy.

About your knee surgery.Oh.

About your mother.

Absolutely not, okay?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Absolutely. I'm vibrating right now.

Actually, I have some good news.

Actually, I think we can do something with this.

Actually, I'm a vegan now.

Actually, we're gonna use the money to buy a house

Adam and I are good.

Adam Burns for the win.

Adam ditched us.

Adam doesn't tell me what to do.

Adam just said wait in the pantry.

Adam ruined everything, forever and ever.

Adam said he needed it.

Adam,

Adam, do we have a...

Adam, I am the protector of this family, okay?

Adam, I believe Kelly's changed.

Adam, I don't like this.

Adam, I have a wonderful husband and three loving children.

Adam, I want you to go on this motorcycle trip.

Adam, I'm so sorry.Well, what about me?

Adam, I'm worried.

Adam, she... she's not a monster.

Adam, stop it. She's being sweet.

Adam, this is my date Melanie.

Adam, we love you

Adam, what's wrong, honey? Are...? Oh.

Adam, you didn't tell me she had a glass jaw.

Adam, you're back to last man out if there's a bear attack.

ADAM: All right.

ADAM: Andi!

ADAM: Come on!

ADAM: Dad,

ADAM: Did you get Dad

ADAM: Hey. [stammers]

ADAM: I'm telling you, Teddy,

ADAM: She's laughing.

ADAM: Shh.

ADAM: Smell good all you want, I'm taking you to Don's.

ADAM: So we tell our wives

ADAM: So,

Adam? Okay, fine.

Adam.

Adam.

Adam.

Adam.

Adam. Andi! Dad!

Adam. Hmm?

Adam. How'd you find me?

Adam...

Adam's just mad because I told Kate

Adjusting to being single

After a rat problem ooh.

After I finished a three pound lobster.

After we made love.

Afternoon, men.

Again? You already know this stuff.

Agree to disagree.Oh...

Ah, here comes Mom, she's gonna kill me.

Ah, Joe, there you are.

Ah, Miss Popovich. She made algebra sexy.

Ah, o okay.

Ah, oh!

Ah, she's funny.

Ah, so I guess we just white knuckle it

Ah, that was some good chicken.

Ah, yes, the march of the penguins.

Ah! Our monkey's safe!

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Crosscourt smash.

Ah. Hey, Lowell, see if anyone owns the name WallHoleUSA.com.

Ah. I pull all the strings in this family.

Ah...

Ah...![laughs]

Ah.And if you

Ain't that right, Sheriff?

All alone, like I knew you would be.

All boys pick their dads as their heroes.

All complaints should be filed with the trip captain.

All he wants to do is sit around.

All he'll hear is that I'm going out with another guy.

All I ask is that you don't do anything practical

All I can say is, I've had pepper spray in my purse

All I'm saying is consider the possibility

All of a sudden, being divorced is working in my favor.

All of a sudden, he slowed down.

All right,

All right,

All right, all right, all right.

All right, all right, hold your horses, little lady.

All right, all right, take it easy, champ.

All right, come on, we're burning daylight.

All right, come on. I'll fix it.

All right, come on. We better get going.

All right, Don and I have a big surprise.

All right, get your stuff.

All right, good game.

All right, got it.

All right, hey, Mom and Dad.

All right, I don't need any more lectures.MARCY: No, no.

All right, I like that you're trying.

All right, I'll let you two have some brother time.

All right, I'll try it.

All right, let me ask you this: what do you want more?

All right, let's do this.

All right, let's party.

All right, listen up.

All right, look. Okay, we both have some good points,

All right, see you later, Kel Bell.

All right, that's the spirit, Andi.

All right, then we get to be the next 45 presidents.

All right, well, I have some paperwork to do,

All right, well, I have to go fill out these purchase orders,

All right, well, that that that's okay.

All right, well, you think about it.

All right, what is it?

All right, you are not going on that trip.

All right!

All right?

All right? Like, check this out.

All right? You use your words, or you get an adult.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Teddy, your snack is ready!

All right. That's it.

All right. Yes.

All she does is judge you.

All that pregnancy stuff, so I can laugh without peeing.

All the light bulbs are working.

All the time, so I thought I'd come

All these years, his feelings have been hurt.

All they wanted was a guys' trip,

All we have left is the backsplash?

All we need to work on is hitting.

All you ever said was it was boring.

All you had to do was fake it.

All you have to do is save the planet from aliens. Easy.

All you really need is the hub.

Also known as lying.

Also, Don, I have terrible news.

Also, he needs more coddling than you.

Although you set a high bar sexually,

Although, it does make me wonder,

Although, it does sound familiar.

Although, we should probably put one on the books for her.

Am I crazy, or did he just say something helpful?

Am I really the only voice of reason around here?

Am I right?Hey, hey.

Am I still in trouble?

An Andy Wall Hole.

And Wait. Where's Don and Marcy?

And "chi."

And a pair of professors who thought they were barren

And Adam was in a bad mood the whole night.

And after all that modern parenting,

And all I can say is,

And all you had to do was fake some interest.

And all you're doing is making us both look like amateurs.

And also, to keep in my pocket

And Andi pointed out that people can change.

And Angelina Jolie.

And angry Romanians, you made a good point.

And as such, I'm saying no to that Peruvian tile.

And believe me, those two guys have got a lot of worms.

And close the lid.

And consideration, but that's just not my bag.

And dads teach them how to defend themselves

And decided to parent on your own.

And dedicated.

And Don got mayonnaise on his.

And don't forget to dream.

And don't put it in your desk; you'll spend all day

And dream I never said it.

And finishing my crossword puzzles,

And for next time,

And freaked out and the next thing I knew,

And from now on, I will watch my tone

And Funchy's pushing me too hard.

And get Emme flowers

And get to as many as possible.All right.

And got all the shots Don told me I needed.

And got rid of it everywhere else.

And hair and... deliciousness.

And he asked if he could

And he didn't even ask you how you felt about it, did he?

And he got all weepy when they asked

And he hasn't been on a dirt bike in years.

And he just snapped right back, like a curly hair.

And he said I was very special,

And he's been in our bed ever since.

And high school... and when my wife left.

And how we handle this is gonna decide

And I am back on the wagon.

And I am not gonna be that wife that sticks up for you.

And I apologized to that wedding.

And I can admit this to you

And I can't get him to listen to reason.

And I definitely got the good sister. Aw.

And I didn't pick you, and I am really, really sorry.

And I don't see any reason we shouldn't get it.

And I explicitly said that Teddy shouldn't watch that movie.

And I fell in the hole they dug.

And I figured that out

And I get the hat?

And I got to fix it.

And I got to get 'em out of me.

And I have meetings the rest of the day.

And I just happened to find it.

And I know it was a mom owl because she handled it

And I know what hummus is.

And I know you like a nice, hot meal.

And I know you'd do anything for your wife.

And I laughed for ten minutes.[laughter]

And I love having my sister back.

And I love you enough to tell you

And I might be eligible for a service dog.

And I need my arms. That's where I keep my hands.

And I only invited two girls over.

And I screwed it all up.

And I sleep like a baby.

And I started thinking, as I accidentally jumped a ditch.

And I think that's amazing.

And I think we helped him.

And I think you'll be impressed.

And I think: What are they smiling about?

And I told her I wanted $20,000.

And I told Teddy, "No, you can't jump over Emme

And I try to handle it nicely every year so nobody gets upset.

And I want you to apologize to those kids from the playground.

And I wanted to give you my old boxing gloves.

And I was gonna go grab a granola bar for sustenance.

And I won't ask why he likes it.

And I'll tell you, the sky looks a little bluer.

And I'm all out of Milanos.

And I'm announcing it in front of the whole family.

And I'm feeling crazy strong.

And I'm gonna start doing those exercises.

And I'm keeping the bracelet.

And I'm not gonna put mayonnaise on him?

And I'm the...

And I'm thinking you might be more likely to help us

And I'm too afraid to watch them alone.

And I'm worried about Lowell.

And if Don's the only one there to help me, I'll die.

And if we can't sell it, we could lose the whole business.

And if you are, help us.

And if you guys could've seen the faces on those animals,

And in our relationship, he's the mom.

And in the morning, we can steal our own shampoo.

And it'll rub off on him.

And it's driving me crazy.

And it's Emme's turn now.

And it's gonna look a little something like this.

And it's just nice to think that

And it's no big deal. What do you say?

And it's not true. Uh, the other day,

And it's supposed to be,

And just to make everything fair,

And just walk out right in front of you?

And let him do his thing.

And let him know we're okay.

And let Katie learn about consequences.

And let the bears have their way with me?

And Lowell wants me to come back again tomorrow, but...

And Lowell's all emotional.

And maybe maybe

And meaner.

And my words don't work, and there's no adults around?

And no one screws with my team.

And now it's too late.

And now you're not leaving because of me.

And now you're screwed.

And now, I am telling you, "No," okay?

And now, thanks to you, I got a giant sad kid on my couch,

And number two: no wives.

And on Friday morning,

And on to smooth sailing.

And one of the things I'm best at is being humble.

And only 96 other men can say that.

And per your request, here it is,

And pick one of my boys to be the new trip captain.

And put your feet up on the dashboard,

And said my body heat would warm it up.

And said we'd look better if you were the only bad one.

And say that to everyone that walks by?

And see if I can take a punch?

And see who can keep this secret the longest.

And sees that all your stuff is gone,

And she asked for some baby pictures.

And she changed the locks on our house.

And she has zero vibes.

And she is notgonna sleep forever.

And she nursed it back to health.

And she wasn't that good a wife.

And she went rogue.He went rogue first.

And she's in a wheelchair, hobbled with loneliness,

And she's looking for revenge.

And she's told it to everybody

And shoes that need de poopifying, and...

And since Dad just called them "little beer grabbers,"

And since we're coming clean,

And some aspirin.

And someone gave me a breath mint

And someone said let's go to the moon, nobody asked why.

And sometimes that comes in handy. Mm hmm.

And sometimes, that's better than a family.

And songs around the piano.

And surprise Adam when it's all done.

And talk about people's feelings.

And tell you I'm sorry.

And that clocked in at just under 12 minutes.JOE: Yeah.

And that is how you get around that.

And that works?

And that's why today you are a little funny.

And that's you, Andi.

And the "maybe" meant, "only if I thought it was a good idea,"

And the doctor said he should hire a home health care nurse

And the guys riding Marshmallow Flats, they...

And the kids never turn off a light.

And the lawyer says I can't have any.

And the more they look, the more they see.

And the the pantry is really the heart of the home.

And then bringing it up later. [chuckles]

And then he moved away, so you can't ask him.

And then I made up a story

And then I put Julian on the ground,

And then I realized I forgot my phone here.

And then I'll say,

And then if you're sitting, I can hover right over you.Uh huh.

And then it just goes away.

And then not tender when it's "not tender time."

And then repeat the process until we own this city.

And then she started listing all the other things I do

And then to seal the deal,

And then we can get started.Mm hmm.

And then we can lift them up like little skirts.

And then we can start the interview.

And then we phoned in the third.

And then we still went upstairs.

And then we'll all get a good night's sleep.

And then we'll do a big send off after Fried Chicken Friday.

And then you blew it.

And then you crashed?

And then you crashed?No, there was no crash!

And then you'll say, "Yo no sabia eso."

And then you're screwed.

And then, I got so distracted thinking about how right I was,

And there it is.

And there's differences between moms and dads.

And there's one person at this table he'll listen to.

And there's someone else I haven't been good enough for,

And they don't support high end finishes.

And they make the lids on pickle jars too tight.

And they still landed on the moon.

And they were too scared to tell us.

And they're really fast now; it was like riding a rocket.

And this is macaroni and cashew cheese.

And those cave kids were so well rested,

And those parents... are sitting on our couch.

And throwing and catching.

And tough guy over there wouldn't take the Tums.

And try and get Don to fall into it.

And Veal Patrick Harris.

And voluntarily spoke to me. She... she said,

And we did stand for a little bit.

And we don't get any work done.

And we feel like we're losing you.

And we feel like we're losing you.

And we let you down.

And we put out that blaze with honey mustard.

And we would put them in the fridge for you.

And we'll take one from far away so you look small.

And we're good looking.

And we're saving animals' lives.

And what about her husband, Eggy Van Halen?

And what could be more fun than adding me?

And what if one of 'em bites me there?

And when I picked her up, she loved me so much.

And when it does, I'm gonna say "I told you so,"

And when you're older, if you get in your girlfriend's car

And while I feel like I have the upper hand,

And why I said you couldn't have anybody over.

And why'd they name the chickens after famous people?

And windows steaming up.

And yet you're still a bonehead.

And you all alone.

And you are not gonna back down now, so get up.

And you didn't do anything?

And you do the same with Teddy.

And you don't think that's suspicious?

And you end up a milky eyed drifter, that's on you.

And you had a hard time admitting when you were wrong.

And you had a real black shoe, white sock problem.

And you keep marrying us proves my point.

And you know the real reason to get a nurse

And you know what I realized at 2:00 this morning?

And you know what rhymes with "hero"?

And you know what worms catch?

And you know who I saw, drinking an Icee,

And you know who's been there every time doing the same thing?

And you know, I've checked

And you look smoking hot in a hard hat.

And you understand that no is the end of it.

And you'd just dress them up funny all the time.

And you're doing your best.

And you're gonna need some help.

And you're on my team now,

And you're rich.

And you're trying to get out by digging deeper.

And your back gets better, I am fine with it.

And your mocking names only make me want to go more.

And your mother's boring stories.

And your pillow completely forgot how I wanted to sleep.

And, um, it turns out that there is a nice hotel

And, you know, I wouldn't normally do this

And, you know, maybe I should've

And... and do you know what veal is?

And... and... you don't want me to have a desk at work.

And... then he said he was moving away

Andi and Bev have rotten husbands,

Andi and Don would like me to tell you

AndI can keep an eye on you, because you can only go as far

Andi doesn't know how business creeps operate.

Andi found the lease to this place and thinks maybe

Andi got you a shirt.Lowell!

Andi has no idea.

Andi loves hotels.

Andi sees me have breakfast at home,

Andi starts work with us tomorrow,

Andi won't be mad; it's a second breakfast, not a second wife.

Andi, everybody likes Godzilla.

Andi, get me a frying pan and an egg.

Andi, get my tools.

Andi, I know you were upset with Adam, but this week,

Andi, I was so excited you're coming on the trip,

Andi, prepare yourself for some good old fashioned...

Andi, we need to talk.

ANDI: Here's your muscle rub

ANDI: I can't believe

ANDI: Leave the chips.

ANDI: Maybe you're having trouble

ANDI: Oh. Okay. Let go. Let go!

ANDI: Okay, I made

ANDI: Ooh.

ANDI: So,

ANDI: So, Emme,

ANDI: That loan guy

Andi! When you met me, I was in a bar,

Andi.

Andi's going? What happened to your system?

Andi's making her a four star breakfast.

Andi's not gonna let me come back tomorrow.

Andi's still mad about that tile,

Angelina's just a lady with a bunch of kids now,

Anne Hatch away and her finger licking friends

ANNOUNCER: Next up, Emme Burns.

Another option might be to give him a little Batsuit

Another piece of space history for you.

Any sign of Katie?

Any sport I played, her sport was better.

Any toy I had, her toy was better.

Anyhoo, the money's already in my account.

Anyway, it's not happening. The answer's no.

Are are you sad 'cause your dad didn't know if you had a door?

Are going where they belong,

Are in the hands of masters here.

Are running around villages named Adam?

Are starting this new chapter together.

Are we straightening out the boozer or the gambler?

Are you a vegan or an American?

Are you cleaning?

Are you happy now?

Are you in or are you out?

Are you okay?

Are you saying my wife is less valuable than money?

Are you seeing what I'm seeing?

Are you seriously pretending to be okay right now?

Are you sure he loves it?

Are you sure? You're you're welcome to stay.

Aren't you listening?

Around the house with my pants around my ankles.

Artisan.

As a mom, I don't condone that.

As a single man, I understand how hard celibacy can be.

As good parents and then we just gave up.

As he is at picking heroes?

As long as you're here, Mommy can't do

As my hero instead of you.

As the cord will reach.

Ass For You concert at... Obermeyer College?

Ass For You is my workout jam.

At first it was awful,

At home it's great,

At least hear my side of the story.

At least know about Frank.

At NASA, they had an open bar in mission control

At our 50th anniversary party,

At the top it says Funchy. What's that?

At this point, I just hope a hawk flies off with me.

Automatic ball return.

Average joe?

Aw, forget it.

Aw, I've missed you, Kelly Belly.

Aw, that's sweet.

Aw, um, here's to 50 years young.

Aw, who am I kidding? I can't control myself.

Aw, you're sweet, but I know you want me there

Aw.

Aw.

Aw. I don't want to brag,

Aww, that's great.

Aww?

Aww. Hey, um, where do you want the delivery guy

Aww. Mm.

Babe.

Back off and let life teach her some lessons.

Bad. Thanks for asking.

Badminton.

Bathroom wise, it's much more efficient.

Be careful what you wish for.

Be confident, but not cocky.

Be on a date with another guy.

Bear spray?

Bears.

Because "yeah, maybe" means yeah.

Because Andi came out pretty strong against it.

Because Andi knows I'm a delight.

Because he only fishes topless.

Because I can draw a direct line

Because I enjoy having the moral high ground.

Because I have a feeling they'd hate it.

Because I know if you hear "guys' trip,"

Because I think you're a good person?

Because I thought it'd make you stronger,

Because I want you to eat them.

Because I'm not Teddy's,

Because I'm single now; and if your wives ask,

Because in real life, there's consequences.

Because it matched my teeth.

Because it's a school night, and I knew Dad wouldn't let me.

Because it's just temporary.

Because it's on you.

Because Lowell's such a basket case.

Because of this flip house.

Because she wants relationships with them.

Because she's bad for him.

Because she's so foxy.

Because somebody let him watch Nightmare on Elm Street.

Because that was our plan all along.

Because the new me's heart is much more sensitive.

Because the recital was so good.

Because then wecan go on a girls' trip.

Because they didn't get put on the ground as kids.

Because they're jackasses.

Because this is where the party happens.

Because we are haircut twins.

Because we both smell like meat.

Because we're having an intervention.

Because we're having an intervention.

Because with age comes wisdom, and with wisdom...

Because you always say I'm welcome to come.

Because you are a slimy, scheming...

Because you care about the kids way more than I do.

Because you don't make him feel comfortable talking about it.

Because you yell it at him every time you get the paper.

Because you're a sweet and sensitive man.

Because you're no better than me,

Because you're the mom.Yeah.

Because your old babysitter stole them.

Because, well, honestly, I couldn't tell the difference

Because, well, you're the bravest man I know.

Become a criminal, this is the first neighborhood I'm hitting.

Been thinking about ever since you mentioned it last week.

Before her, I never knew I loved scotch.

Before she blabs to our wives.

Before they show the kids.

Before we got married,

Before we start, I just want you to know

Before you do that, I should tell you.

Before you run out of spray. [growls, chuckles]

Behind us and start fresh.

Believe me.

Best of luck. [chuckles]

Between two oranges at the breakfast table

Between you picking Katie up

Between yours and Jen's.

Bev, he seems upset.

BEV: Oh, we can't wait.

Billy Joel hit on me one night.

Bless her little heart.

Blow some kisses. No time to waste.

Blowing out some birthday candles.

Blowing out your birthday candles?

Bon appétit, everyone.

Bonehead?

Boring. Remember how boring I tell you it is?

BOTH: By knowing what other people want.

BOTH: By knowing what other people want.

BOTH: Hi.

BOTH: I... I don't know.

BOTH: Pantry.

BOTH: Yeah...

Boy, it sounds like people are having a lot of fun out there.

Boys,

Brace yourself. I've got big news.

Bring her by tonight, okay?

Brush your teeth!

Buddy, you've been sleeping in here for two weeks.

Burns men don't do swan boats, Lowell.

Busted.

But a low pressure system is moving in.

But about the painting, thank you,

But Andi can never know.

But as a mom, I can't tell him to push another kid.

But at work, tie goes to the boss, so the answer's no.

But before you answer,

But better, because I didn't have to go through

But Dad and Don said, "No wives on the trip."

But Dad just said...Don't worry about Dad.

But don't try to track those pictures down.

But even then she hugged the phone tighter.

But fathers and sons?

But for the first time, Dad picked me,

But he just won't stop.Yeah.

But he'll be better at it.

But hearing Kelly say the words, "I'm jealous,"

But I am still not convinced

But I can save him from one of those.

But I can still go, right?

But I can't find any of them

But I can't tell the difference.

But I convinced you I was right.

But I couldn't do it.

But I did find a way

But I didn't drink anything.

But I didn't say anything.

But I don't want to compete with you anymore.

But I got told to slow down at least five times.

But I guess this is like the tortoise and the hare.

But I have kissed, and I must tell you, I liked it.

But I have to take Kate to the doctor,

But I hope you're not gonna say anything hurtful,

But I hurt my back.

But I invented the game.

But I just knocked your ass out.

But I keep growing, and I never get any closer.

But I knew you couldn't resist

But I love being Kelly's boyfriend.

But I should get home.

But I stuck with it too long.

But I think that's to make sure we never come back.

But I used your trick and she gave up on it,

But I won't be nice to him.

But I'd be back in if you wanted to go

But I'll be fine in a couple of days.

But I'll gladly take him outside and tune him up, if you want.

But I'll just come out and say it. Adam, say it.

But I'm a bit of a vibe guy.

But I'm gonna get in that barbecue grill

But I'm not complaining, I have new interests.

But I'm thinking I might get to know them better

But I've made it sound so boring, she doesn't want to go.

But if I ever kill something with a big head,

But if you want, we can talk about how much I love you, son.

But if you wanted it to be a guys' trip,

But if your knee is healed, you don't need him anymore.

But in business you need a boss who has final say

But in the end, you need to know you can depend on your family,

But in this office, we like to keep things nice and shallow.

But it changed the world.

But it doesn't matter what's onthe binder,

But it has a questionable foundation.

But it says, "Always stay magical."

But it's also why you bought a case of candy bars

But it's for the animals. Right, Katie?

But it's imported.

But it's none of our business.

But it's poignant.

But it's three feet long.

But life is complicated for us because we're vegan.

But like I say every year, you're always welcome to come.

But Marcy only talked to you because of me.

But maybe I'll just google the band to see

But no one else was allowed to go.

But no taking my temperature the baby way.

But not from you.

But now I feel bad.

But now it's time for me to step aside

But now that I'm a pro athlete,

But now that it burned off all my taste buds, I love it.

But on the way out, the nurse told me

But sauerkraut has hurt way more people than motorcycles.

But she never once replaced an empty toilet paper roll.

But she's not your wife, so you can say no to her

But shouldn't you do this one? I mean, last night

But since you can see right through me,

But sometimes... if your words don't work,

But still held his daughter on his bright red shoulders

But that was a good one.

But that'll take forever.

But that's not the kind of thing that Mommy'd understand.