Trainwreck (2015) Soundboard Edit

A basketball player

A little change? A penny? A nickel? A ruble?

Aaron's parents are great. Aaron's parents are great.

Again!

Ah!

All around her apartment.

All off the record. Yeah, off the record. Totally

All right, I get it.

All these photographs,

Amare I'm great.

Amare looked great tonight.

Amare Stoudemire is back in action for the Knicks.

Amy? Amy? Amy.

Amy.

And I love you. Thank you.

And I was walking over here,

And I would love it if you were my date, baby.

And the power just shuts off.

And then, when you get married,

And what does that mean? Welcome to our party.

And you know what she said? She said,

And you walked out. You were wearing those jeans.

And, um...

Answer the question. Are you hooking up with other guys?

Any other athletes that you, uh, work with?

Are you coming?

At yourself and say...

Bad idea!

Because I can't stop thinking about it.

Because you're LeBron James.

Booze, pot, drugs, and a place to live!

But he's got about a month left

But I really...

But keep her away from those pro athletes.

But not really. Not really.

But there's an "I" in "win."

But we tried everything.

But you caught him on an off day.

Can I get the check, please? He understood

Can I leave?

Can you just be real for a second?

Can you show me pictures of your black friends on your phone?

Chris, don't hit on Aaron.

Did what already happen?

Don't lean into me.

Donny, what's going on back here?

Dr. Aaron Conners

Everything important is up at the top.

For Doctors With Borders?

For me, it's Pirates of the Caribbean.

For what?

From behind... Yeah, yeah.

Fuck this. I'm not talking about this.

God!

Good luck.

Haven't heard of them. The Fire Island Penguins

He got to dress himself and that's what he chose

He thought it was payback. He thought it was karma.

He's been following me around all week.

Here?

Hey, guys!

Hey, how you doing?

Hey, I'm digging that back camel toe.

Hey, look at this.

Hey, you know what? Let's, um...

Hey!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Hi.

Hey. Hi.

Hi! Whoo!

Hi.

Hi. Hey

Hi. How are you?

Hi. Sorry

His best work since WarGames.

His safe word is "pineapple."

Honey. You okay?

How you can, um, fix your posture and your gait.

How you doing?

I better hold on to these.

I can do opposition, I can do sexy.

I can hear it. I'll see you at the office, all right?

I chose breakfast.

I didn't apologize!

I don't know why I'm saying any of it. They're great.

I don't really see it that way.

I follow her on Instagram.

I got a picture of somebody's dick

I got brand new Air Jordans. He wanted them.

I just don't have the time right now.

I just put the pressure on myself

I just want you to know

I know just what you mean.

I know the way your pattern works, Amy.

I know what I am,

I know. I know.

I like Allister.

I like him so much.

I like the Cincinnati Thunder Wizards

I like when you're taking control of your dogs.

I love how tall he is.

I love you.

I love you.

I miss Dad, too.

I need you to provide me with the ammo

I never do this. This is so weird for me.

I own it.

I really missed you. I missed you.

I really want to thank the actual heroes from Doctors Without Borders.

I saw him with Elton John in Shea Stadium. It was great.

I think we really like each other

I wanna try, too.

I was dared to do that.

I was just getting done in the gym.

I was sitting... Oh, here they are

I went on your Instagram. That guy is like, so hot.

I will enter you!

I'll see you later. I'll be here.

I'll tell you another thing that's great about this job,

I'm exiting this hug.

I'm not okay.

I'm not talking about condoms

I'm pretty sure Billy Joel hates that song.

I'm sick of your ginger nonsense.

I'm sorry. My dad's place is calling.

I'm Tony Romo.

I've got good news for you.

If you just met that dude at a CVS,

If you want it to be off the record,

If you want this one, man.

Introducing, for the Knicks

Is that wine in a box?

Is this coke?

It really sucks. She's doomed.

It tastes the same

It was mine.

It's better for our friendship. Equals forever.

It's fun, right?

It's great, but it's not the best I've ever had. You know?

It's like the Playboy Mansion, for Christ's sake

It's making me uncomfortable.

It's right in the car.

It's selfish.

It's the Knicks and the Nets, coming up next.

It's wine.

It's your yapping girlfriend

Just drag that one to the trash

LeBron, don't be a cock blocker.

LeBron, Durant, Blake Griffin.

Let me find another one. Oh. My phone died

Let me see. Yeah.

Like who wants to go through that?

Look at him.

Look at these teeth

Look at this. Very nice.

Ls that your wife?

Mark Wahlberg's, like, 150 pounds. I'm 250, lean.

Mother, can we go to La Poubelle now?

My boss said you were too boring.

My dad, um, is a rheumatologist

My gait?

My love, I can't have one of my employees

No athlete wants to go under the knife,

No, I spent the night on purpose.

No, I wanna be doing this with you

No, I'm working.

No, no, no. Amy, you're fired.

No, no, no. He was fine.

No, no, no. No! You know what?

No, we're not going into the park

No! Amy!

No! I know. It's not my joke.

No? No.

No.

No.

No. No, no, no. I'm sorry.

Noam, watch out. Good morning.

Not really. It's fine.

Number one...

Oh, my God, totally. Right?

Oh, my God!

Oh, Nylon Curtain Tour? That's awesome.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit. These guys.

Oh, yeah, it's pretty much all I read. Good answer.

Oh, yeah. I'm all over that

Oh! Here we go. Oh, great. Let's see it

Oh. Yeah. Yeah, sure.

Oh. You wanna get out of here?

Oh... Um..

Okay

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Keeping it cazh.

On court? Yeah.

Ooh! I think this is where Woody Allen met Soon Yi.

Our bloodlines! That's... Yeah.

Piece of shit.

Pierce, off the drive

Pineapple! Pineapple!

Plagiarizing, getting drunk, fucking someone.

Please don't be a dorm room. Please don't be a dorm room.

Please. It's a madhouse

Really? It really is.

Right

Right, pitch me. Pitch me hard. Schultz?

Ron Gardner, 7th grade

She was supposed to get the shorty Tyco with your money.

She's gonna want to start a jumpsuit line,

So he can't live by himself anymore

So he fled.

So l hear that you work with athletes.

So Mom doesn't have to take you to a French restaurant.

So now you go for the nerdy brainiac.

So the red signal comes on

So we should be a couple.

So we're gonna do this now?

So what's up with you and Amy? How's that going?

So, this is our Sports Medicine and Performance Center.

Sometimes on these short trains, you know,

Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt

Sorry. Should we come back, or did it already happen?

Stop.

Sunglass Hut another $30 for these?

Thank you.

Thanks for trusting.

Thanks.

That felt good

That was cool.

That's amazing.

That's because I walk a big dog.

That's cool, yeah

That's gonna happen to this kid.

That's great, man

That's just the kind of stuff they want at this magazine.

That's me.

Then, obviously, it's just not meant to be.

There you go. See, that's real nice.

There's every snack you've ever loved.

These are his memories.

They're just gyrating.

This article is gonna be killer.

This is just a little more sedative to relax you.

This is the time when you have to look

This isn't working for you anymore.

This year?

To get them to know that you can handle their workload

To keep something out of the article,

To own a television set.

Uh, they're people.

Um..

Um...

Um...

Um... If you want to maybe come by tomorrow...

Umm...

Under intense pressure.

Urban Outfitter, help me out.

Very nice of you guys.

We ought to go.

We're talking right now. What's going on?

Well, you two are really cute together.

What about a doll who happens to be

What are you talking about?

What did I just say?

What does that mean?

What I'm saying is, you got to go for it.

What?

What? What?

What's that, Amy? Your thoughts?

What's up, buddy? Help me out, dude. Come on.

What's your technique?

When I was 11,

Whoo!

Why do you have my cell phone?

With you by my side.

Yeah, I can see that for you. Pictures and...

Yeah, it's his choice

Yeah, let's go.

Yeah, this is gonna go really well.

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Beta carotene and vegetable mix

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Sure, honey.

Yeah. Who would be yours?

Yes, you love the doll.

You can go a little faster, actually.

You can mouth the word "check" really loud

You can't find me? I'll be the closest one on Grinder.

You don't wanna be with that guy.

You don't wanna have a baby mama.

You know what I mean?

You know what? What I'll do is, I'll check up on him next week.

You okay?

You should be with one of those cheerleaders.

You treat them?

You visit me in Miami all the time.

You wanna try?

You went straight down. Hard.

You were so great.

You win.

You're both living a lie!

You're funny. Congratulations.

You're getting her a big house, a big mansion.

You're great.

You're sleeping!

You're Tom? Pleasure to meet you.

Your daughter and I just officially started dating.

Your life has not begun.

Your mother must be proud.

18 years later, the kid comes

Hey. Hey.

We have to do it. Okay, okay.

"battered $20 million knee together.

"Life hurts.

"We're done"? What are you talking about?

"What do you wanna focus on?" "I wanna focus on cancer."