Alan Partridge Super Soundboard Edit

A bit of a maverick

A ha

A trapped boy

Aboot?

Access to Dixons

Actually, being your age and everything, there's probably no need for them

Afraid so

Ah come on

Ah ha

Ah ha 2

Ah ha 3

Ah ha 4

Ah ha 5

Ahhh (end of episode sigh)

Alan Attack. Like the Cook Report, but with a more slapstick approach.

Alan Partridge AI covers Carpenters - Close to You (Why Do Birds)

Alan, I want you back on the telly

Alan's Deep Bath - Brought to you by Dettol

Alan's Funny Stories

Alans deep bath brought to you by dettol (2)

Alright Chris

And a broken home is not an excuse for evil

And from 1993, manufacturers have been legally obliged to label them 'Crab Flavoured Sticks'

And I'll be Alan Partridge!

And I'm an innocent bystander

And now it's time for Alan's Fact of the Day

And then I'll put you across my knee and smack your bare bottom

And then make a program about it

Annie Lennox

Another one of those, same time tomorrow

Another series you shit

Any messages?

Aqua

Aqua

Are you the crank caller?

Arm wrestling

Around the world bullnose

Arsonist

As I see it, God created Adam and Eve

Aye

Aye

Aye, you know, vandals

Back of the net

Back of the net

Baileys

Bang and Olufsen

Bang out of order

Bangkok

Bank holiday

Bank holiday2

Bash your arse

Battery for an Ericsson?

Beauty sleep forty winks

Because he was depressed

Because of a threat of a court injunction

Best friends

Best full English breakfast I've had since Gary Wilmot's wedding

Best valentines in eight years

Better idea, why don't you shove it up your arse?

Big eared boys

Big girls bras

Biggestfan

Billwithers

Bingbangstickitin

Bird noise

Bit of a job for you

Blew his head off with a gun?

Bloody Sunday is actually about a massacre

Bollocks

Bollocks, you don't know Bono

Boys are back in the barracks

Bugger

But my wife's vegetarian

Call her a fat cow then hang up

Camp hello Alan

Can I have a sniff?

Can we talk about me

Can you make pornography come on my telly please.

Cashback

Catch the train to London, stopping at rejection, disappointment, backstabbing central, and shattered dreams parkway

Certainly enough room to swing a cat in here

Chinese Way, Level 42

Clean license

Cock a doodle who

Cock a doodle who

Conman

Cooking in prison

Crab sticks do not actually contain any crab

Dan

Dan

Dan

Dan

Dan

Danny Francetti's Jazz Box

Deepphunkyclav

Did he leave a message?

Do you deny that

Do you do that with your boyfriend?

Do you er

Do you like me doing that

Do you like me doing that?

Do you like mini kievs?

Do you like my cones?

Do you like owls?

Do you mind if I bring my guitar?

Do you mind if I talk?

Do you really?

Do you see upset zombies

Doesn't matter, she can have fish

Dosser and dwad

Dunno what you're talking about

Eeeeeey Lynn

Email of the evening

Er, there's a market...

Establishedthat

Fascinating creatures though

Fat spotty behind in a dead man's chair

Fayresonfire

Few too many blacks

Film extravaganza

Fingerprint a sausage

First class

Flying AIDS

Footballpie

Footlikeatractionengine

Forget it

Four British Isles breakfasts

Frank Sinatra

Funny stories

Gadzooks

Get rid of it

Gill sleeping with me

Gland

Go to London, I guarantee you'll either be mugged, or not appreciated

Goal

Gonnahumpya

Good onion idea

Ha ha ha, unbelieveable

Haha oh no haha

Has this kitchen been distressed?

Have I got a pierced navel?

Have you ever been to the Far East, Michael?

He didn't create Adam and Steve

He got scared and ran away

He is not Bono #bono

He was in the army and I think he saw people being blown up

Hello Alan, didn't know you'd moved in

Hello chris are you dead

Hello partridge

Hello, Dante Fires, just through there. Oooo you're going to have a good time

Hello, have you got a brain or is your head just full of s...

Hello, I've just swallowed a load of anthrax, and I'd like to let off like mad in the club bar. Can I come in?

Hello, is that Currys?

Hello?

Hello??

Helloooo

Hidethesteak

Hitcustomers

Hittheroad

Hot topic

Hot topic short

How do you, can I...

How old are you?

Hrgggh, sex

Huuueee

I ate a scotch egg

I believe we've established that #already established that

I can't breathe, I can't breathe

I can't talk, I've got a fat back

I didn't quite kill him, that was the tragedy, I had to go back and kill him with a jack

I didn't want to be sick in the road

I don't find them attractive, it's just confusing

I dont find attractive

I got really drunk last night, I was sick everywhere

I have popped out again

I know you're a DJ, but I've heard your show

I like your thong

I love 'em

I love you, in a way

I saw the Golden Temple man, beautiful it was

I think it's the best idea in the world

I think that's a great idea

I thought it would have broken down by now, but I think I'm slightly constipated

I was drunk

I was in the army when I was 1

I wasn't trying to steal a traffic cone

I'd love to

I'd love to have it off with her

I'll be honest, I'm dead against it

I'll be honest, I'm pretty curious

I'll get him later

I'll have a pint of bitter!

I'll level with you, I'm really scared

I'm 43 you cheeky git!

I'm afraid I have no sheaths

I'm going to go home and just probably go straight to bed, and keep out of trouble

I'm having a barbeque, fancy coming over?

I'm joined by Alice, who's not going to shrink me into a little bottle, she's going to tell me about Hamleton's Holiday Breaks

I'm leaving you, you cow!

I've got a broad taste, from the Brit pop bands like UB40, Def Leppard, right back to classic rock like Wings

I've got a girlfriend

I've seen some terrible things mind

Idiot

If they had themselves proper jobs..

Ignorant and offensive

Im confused

In fact, I think I'll go

In my underpants

Inner city sumo

Intercourse

It's a buildup of fatty deposits just above the belt line

It's brilliant

It's er, it's mine

It's hotter than the sun

It's hotter than the sun

It's surprising really, considering the circumstances

Jackanack

Japan

Jurassic Park

Jurassic Park!

Jurassic Park! [Laughter]

Just the one, from Bill Oddie

King Road

Kiss my face2

Kissing me or cock

Knowing M.E., Knowing You

Kommen sie bitte, und listen to Kraftwek

Kurt Cobain

Lady shapes

Lager gt baileys

Laughter

Leaving you mashup

Let me put that in context for you

Let's forget about all this

Let's get back to cock a doodle who

Letsstartwithsomepetting

Listen to this, it'll blow your socks off

Look at that, not even listening

Looks like a lady, but really it's a man

Looks like lady really man

Love asylum

Lovely stuff from youtube

Lynn I've pierced my foot on a spike!

Lynn, I'm not driving a Mini Metro

Lynn, some of these people have come from Stoke

Lynn, you couldn't present a cat

Maddest

Massacre, ew, not playing that again

Mentalist

Millenium barndance

Monkey tennis

Monkey tennis?

Moo

Morning Mr Partridge

Mousse from a bowl

Movingrabbitclassic

My girlfriend's 33, I'm 47, she's 14 years younger than me

Nirvana

No

No

No way you big...

No you cant

No, he never does

No, she sounds weird

No, she won't eat that either

No, stay, don't go

Norfolk nights

Not my face, I'm doing a photo shoot for Vision Express

Oh about, sorry

Oh forget it

Oh God yeah yeah

Oh ha ha ha ha ha

Oh I like this, yes

Oh that's lovely

Oh you ignorant...

Oh, there you go, it's all happening

OK

OK, there will be no telephone Cluedo today

Only Manila, Hong Kong and Bangkok like

Ooh I would like to kiss her

Ooh mince

Ooh scary irishmen

Partridge

Partridge amongst the pigeons

Peephole pringle

People in wheelchairs fixed

Peoplefromstoke

Phrophylaptics, you know, rubber jonnies

Piercedmyfoot

Ping

Pint

Poshsod

Pretty much, yeah

Properly policed, it must not turn into an all night rave

Pubsopen

R E O Speed Wagon

Read a book, relax, look at the scenery

Right, well I'm afraid Susan, I've got some very bad news

Right, you book alone?

Rogerwithsonja fixed

Rolled on the thighs of a virgin

Ruddy hell its soft cell

Satonthebastard

Scum, sub human scum

Setfiretoyourhands

Sexfestival

Sexual intercourse or heavy kissing

Shall I er, move on to the other one?

She was certainly first in the queue when God was handing out chests

She was first in queue

Shit

Shoestring, Taggart, Spender, Bergerac, Morse

Smell my cheese

So er, so thanks!

So er, who's your favourite singer then?

Sod off

Someone should have told him

Something all over my whatever

Sorry, bit of a joke there, it backfired

Sorry, thank you love

Spiceworld

Strange questions

Striker

Suck my suchandsuch

Suddenly appear

Suecook

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Superb

Supertalk ginsters

Susansmeltdown

Swallow

Sweatinglunatic

Talking out of his arse

Tell me about ladyboys

Tell me about the Ladyboys

Ten

Terribly rude

Thank you

That and killing

That is superb

That was just a noise

That's bollocks but go on

That's first class

Thatwentquitewell

The Black Death was very much the HIV of its day

The devil can take many forms

The police sting

The pot smoking, whore ridden waterways of Amsterdam.

The Queen is dead

The Queen is not dead

There's more to Ireland dan dis

There's nee porn on it

These are sex people

They're disgusting, I kept away from them

Think about out out

Third time

This is a romantic tribute

This is great banter

This plague was airborne

This will put norwich on the map

Time to run yourself a big bath. It's Chris Rea

Time wasting until the news

To an innocent bystander, it could, may look like traffic cone theft

To me it looks like traffic cone theft

Tongue, who eats tongue for goodness sake? Imagine a tongue sticking out a sesame seed cob

Tony Hayers is dead

Touch my this

Tough one

Traffic rage

Twat liquidfootball

Two handfuls of sausage meat please

Uh

Uh, Nottingham?

Um

Um

Um, so what did you see in Bangkok?

Understand Geordie people

Unfortunately, some vandals have sworn all over my car again

Up With The Partridge Theme Tune

Valentines day

Vandals Mr Partridge, makes me wonder what it's all aboot

Very reliable got tache

Well no I won't be on in the morning because I'm doing lates, I won't come on until about 2 o'clock

Well there you go, they taught you a trade

Were you going to say I was nearly 50 Lynn?

What do you do on a boat alone?

What do you want to do?

What does that say to you about regional detective series?

What is it all about?

What is the big idea

What like three men burning in a tank?

What?

When the boat comes in

Which is French for water

Which is the worst monger, fish, iron, rumour or war?

Who do you think you are?

Who invented skip

Who invented the skip?

Who is the best Lord?

Who smiles at a black and decker workmate

Who's he?

Why do birds?

Why do, why do

Why, were they not very good?

Why?

Willyougooutwithme

Would you go out with me if I was younger and more attractive?

Would you like a cuban cigar?

Yachting mishaps

Yeah, just moved in

Yeah, so do I

Yes I think I probably would

Yes please

Yes, it's an extender

Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes. Ah!

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! That was a goal.

You are so dirty

You blonde bastard

You blonde bastard, from the future

You can stop giggling or I'll take down your particulars

You cant again

You couldn't present a cat

You do know who I am?

You don't want to see me in my underpants

You ignorant s...

You lay them you chicken

You people

You regularly book, don't you?

You Wanker! #partridge you wanker #wanker #alan partridge #alan infuriates the farmers

You, look at you, do you go round drawing peep hole bras on the wall?

You're not in the army anymore

Youth hostelling

Youth hostelling with Chris Eubank

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