Diff'rent Strokes (1978) - Season 5 Edit

A little video game later on.

A piece of parsley.

About that bicycle of yours.

Abuse, please contact your local law enforcement

After I have gone out and gotten an arm load of cartoons

After that, he had Dudley take off his shirt

After the cartoon's over,

Ah yeah, right, as a matter of fact,

All right fellas, and away we go.

All right, gentlemen.

All right, here we go.

All right, let's see those poses some more,

All right, that's good.

All right, why don't you hop on my back there.

All right.

All right.

And an oil change for my car and I got a bill for $112.

And better than the one your best friend has.

And found my way to the pet shop and I was gonna

And found my way to the pet shop and I was gonna

And give my best to the family.

And gonna freeze your tush off.

And gooey chocolate on top?

And had a few hot pretzels.

And having a good time.

And he gave them a little wine to drink.

And he promised he'd never do it again,

And he said Mr. Ramsey gave it to him.

And he said that you gave it to him.

And he's not wearing any under shorts!

And help Arnold Jackson get a free radio.

And I can let you ride it.

And I can make ya a terrific deal

And I can't imagine what would make him say that I did.

And I don't blame you.

And I just know you're not gonna be satisfied

And I thought I'd stop in and square up with you

And I'll have a chauffeur pedal me.

And I'll pretend like I'm really trying to throw you there.

And I'm back for another load.

And I'm not gonna punish you.

And now, we continue with part two.

And the guy gets off scot free.

And then discuss the problem presented,

And then to discuss the problem presented

And they might get mad at me.

And video games.

And we are all adults, aren't we?

And we found some very incriminating pictures.

And we're gonna have another sip of wine

And we're gonna take some more pictures.

And what are you doing chewing a big wad of gum like that?

And whipped cream

And you guys can have all you like.

And you sure know how to pig out.

And your before dinner stomach starter.

Are you all right?

Are you okay?

Arnold and his pal Dudley were trying to earn radios

Arnold told us that he was here.

Arnold, you got booze on your breath.

Arnold?

Around the reservoir and over the winos.

As a matter of fact, I'm not over mine yet.

At my age, do you want me to grow up with a twisted

At the bicycle shop today.

Back here and I gave you all this ice cream before dinner.

Because he's here to help us.

Because if I'd gone done and confronted Horton by myself,

Because it was a special occasion.

Because the nose knows and where the nose, oh, oh.

Because you know, your folks may smell it on your breath,

Before anything really terrible happened to him.

Before he had a chance to give to you.

Before the police could even get there.

Before you leave for Washington.

Besides, what's the big deal?

Bitten by the terrible tsetse fly, now do we?

Boy look at that.

Boy, I sure feel goofy

But I didn't think it was that little.

But I gave him my hard sell.

But I hate to see ya blow it on rentals.

But I have nothing against this pie.

But I think you're right, Willis.

But I thought it was something we should discuss in person.

But I'm kinda scared.

But some hugs and kisses are still okay.

But that's nothing compared to what those mice were doing.

But this would be a great time to buy a bicycle

But you do have to be careful.

Bye, Mr. Ramsey.

Bye!

Can I get you a cup of coffee?

Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry?

Come home but there was a lonesome parrot there

Come on Arnold.

Come on, Arnold, don't act like a premature kid.

Come on, man, let's go to my room.

Compliments of the house?

Concluding half of a special two part show

Cuties of the Circus.

Dad, I'd really be careful on it.

Dad, look at this.

Dignified people in the world today anyway.

Disappearing bicycle brothers.

Do I still get a bicycle for my birthday?

Do my hears deceive me, not stay?

Do you like this one, Arnold?

Do you realize that in France,

Do you understand?

Don't be shut out the sale won't last long.

Don't get shut out!

Don't just stand there, help me grovel.

Don't worry about Arnold.

Don't worry about too much wine.

Down the hatch.

Down the lanes, across the little ridges,

Drooping, dragging, and disgusting.

Dudley and I are gonna have a little heart to heart talk.

Dudley take your shirt off.

Dudley, where are you?

Dudley!

Dudley?

Dudley's dad let us have a couple of sips

Dudley's hamster had little hamlets.

Dudley's hamster had little hamlets.

Either I'm gaining weight or the laundry

Either of you guys go skinny dipping?

Especially if you've got nothing to be ashamed of.

Everybody drinks wine in France.

Everybody drinks wine including kids much younger than you.

Everybody was naked.

Exactly what happened before we came in.

Except a cattle prod.

Follow me, all righty roo.

For giving you guys all these little treats after school.

For letting Arnold earn that radio for his bicycle.

For looking at the human body and admiring it.

For Mr. Horton's bike store.

For their bicycles by passing out handbills

For what happened.

For you and me.

For you guys to watch this afternoon on television?

Get something for nothing?

Getting home this afternoon?

Give this out to all your friends.

Go ahead, fill it out.

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen,

Great day for ducks, Arnold.

Guys, we're just gonna have a great

Have a spoon. All right.

Have all the fun, do ya?

Have any more wine when he's over here.

Haven't your folks ever taken you to a museum?

He cautioned them not to say anything to their parents.

He doesn't even suspect that you were here.

He gave us some pizza and wine.

He said he had some even better ideas for later on.

He seemed like such a nice man.

He tells me he taught you everything he knows.

He tried to

He tried to touch me.

He would have been able to get rid of all the photographs

He'll come out of this just fine.

He's acting very strange lately.

He's got a great physique.

He's got parents who are loving and understanding.

He's got this back room with toys and trains

He's holding her off with a whip and chair.

He's just an all around great guy.

Heartbreak of heartburn.

Here they are right here.

Here we are down at the old water hole.

Here ye, here ye, buy a bicycle

Here's your chance to help your class president

Hey everybody, listen up, come here, come here.

Hey that's great, guys.

Hey this guy must be afraid of that girl.

Hey, how about helping a deserving boy

Hey, listen, what game we gonna play now?

Hey, Mr. Bicycle Man.

Hey, Mr. Bicycle Man.

Hey, that mouse just lost his pants!

Hey, what an act we got.

Hi Mr. Ramsey.

Hi, Arnold. Hi, Dad.

His back room to have some pizza and to play games.

How much can I pay for the bicycle rental?

How's he doing?

How's it going, my man?

Hundreds of kids stampeding into my shop.

I bet you stopped by that stand on the way home

I bet you're a whipped cream man too.

I could be riding my new bike.

I didn't like the things Mr. Horton was trying to do

I don't see why you shouldn't.

I got knots where I don't even have muscles.

I got plenty of gum and breath mints back here,

I got some new comic books here,

I got those back, they're right there on the table.

I guess I was luckier than most kids.

I had bananas coming out of my ears.

I hate to see my friends drink alone.

I have this friend named Dudley in my class

I haven't hugged my kid today.

I know a neat game with a camera.

I know you guys got some heavy talking to do.

I love these Sunday afternoon bike rides.

I love you.

I mean do you know that it's almost time for dinner?

I mean it's like you just died and went

I mean they're everywhere.

I mean you're lean and thin

I mean, I'm not gonna let you have too much wine

I mean, now you see them,

I mean, why give him something to worry about?

I owe you a lot.

I really like you.

I really like you.

I think I got all the details right here,

I think I got some pictures around here

I think it's very important for kids to learn

I think you would make a terrific Tarzan, Dudley.

I think you're very generous, Mr. Horton.

I thought you could pass these flyers out for me

I want the whole story from beginning to end.

I was gonna ride my new bicycle today.

I was just closing up.

I was the proudest kid in college.

I won't get that bicycle for my birthday.

I won't live that long.

I wouldn't wanna get you in trouble.

I'd give you this handle bar radio for your bicycle.

I'd like a free radio for my bike too.

I'd really appreciate it if you didn't let him

I'd wear a red hat, red sweater, red socks.

I'll call you Moe, and you'll be Larry.

I'll fill it out later, I don't want to hold you up.

I'll get it.

I'll get rid of him right now.

I'll have just one sip.

I'll never get that free radio for my bike.

I'll tell ya guys, that pizza's in the oven.

I'm cutting both of you out of it.

I'm gonna be 12 next month.

I'm gonna do you a big favor.

I'm just about to close up here.

I'm just revising my will,

I'm mighty proud of you, son.

I'm not a kid anymore.

I'm not doing anything important.

I've got a pizza in the oven.

I've got mixed emotions about this.

I've had a little problem.

I've never seen a cartoon like this before.

If I blink my eyes, people'll think I'm a stop light.

If I wanna get robbed, I'll take a ride on the subway.

If more kids knew the facts,

If the Mouseketeers hear about this,

If you can't trust a nice man like Mr. Horton,

If you didn't even mention you know that you came

If you know of a problem with child sexual

In fact it's 1/3 off.

In front of that man eating plant thing huh?

In good shape, Mr. Horton

In just 13 years, I can run for Congress.

In little boys or little girls, not adults.

In the bicycle shop,

In the garage.

In the jungle, I mean, we don't wanna be

In their own strange way, they actually love children.

Including there was a cherry

Innocence of children.

Is shrinking my shorts.

It lacks a certain dignity.

It might be better if I looked in there first.

It won't have a chance to melt.

It's a show time and pie time.

It's a work of art, it's a magnificent thing.

It's about my son.

It's adult.

It's dirty.

It's my dad and me smelling like a blue nun!

It's not like he's gonna find me sleeping in the gutter

It's time for Curly's Cartoon Cavalcade.

It's time we all let our hair down a little bit.

Just call me Bowana.

Just kidding

Keep it real quiet, huh?

Kids can have heart attacks too, ya know.

Last week on Diff'rent Strokes,

Later that day, Mr. Horton invited the boys into

Less of these things would happen.

Let's go!

Let's go.

Let's make this more authentic.

Let's play Tarzan.

Let's see if I can find them.

Let's see what you did.

Let's track it down.

Like today, huh?

Like with three layers

Listen, you know those pictures we took yesterday?

Load up on Kibble?

Look at me, I'm bulging out like I'm in 3 D.

Look everybody's laughing and horsing around,

Look, I promise I'm through with wine forever.

Man he sure has a lot of comic books.

Man if it wasn't raining outside,

Man, you look like a chipmunk storing nuts for the winter.

Man, you missed your after school snack

Matter of fact, why don't you just make it

Maybe he's in here.

Maybe we ought to hold it down,

Maybe we should call the police first.

Maybe we should go get Dudley, he's still down there.

Maybe we should have a little more wine.

Maybe we shouldn't say.

Maybe we'd better not let your dad know about the bike.

Maybe you and I can figure out a way

Maybe you can slip by after school

Mind and a warped personality?

My dad lets me have a little sip on special occasions.

My little face beamed, I jumped up and down with joy.

My tongue's faster than a hummingbird's wings.

Next week at school.

No matter how good the reason they give you seems to be.

Not to mention that I could get in trouble too,

Now here fellas here's a little pepperoni pizza.

Now I know why they call it the big top.

Now if he's as good a guy as you are,

Now if you don't mind, why don't you sign that for me.

Now Mr. Horton is having a terrific sale

Now pretend like it's got you in its clutches.

Now they're buying my clothes,

Now we urge families, children and parents alike

Now you can have a bicycle that's fancier

Now you don't.

Now, don't try to deny that you've been drinking.

Of a bunch of us skinny dipping.

Of running around and everybody staring at my bare butt.

Of the safari, here you go.

Of you riding in the park all alone.

Of your ears.

Oh I almost forgot.

Oh I got it, trampoline.

Oh that's nice, oh boy,

Oh, and by the way, Arnold,

Oh, Arnold's really gonna enjoy this bike, huh?

Oh, I learned that from a ******* kid in school.

Oh, it's a great game, you're gonna love it.

Okay fellas, here we go, huh?

Okay fellas, I got rid of the guy.

Okay here we go.

Okay now stay right there.

Okay, Arnold, you can have it for your birthday.

Okay.

Okay.

On a very sensitive and important subject.

On that bicycle I'm getting for Arnold.

On the banana split he gave you.

On this little red one right here.

On this special sale I'm having.

Only he does it with low fat milk.

Ooh, and away we go.

Or if they want you to lie to your parents,

Or social service agency.

Or until I get to France.

Our little secret that you was even here.

Out there and I just don't like the idea

Over at the bicycle shop.

Put a little music in his life.

Put it down right over here.

Quite informative?

Real strong, and try to win you over with gifts.

Right there.

Say fellas, why don't you just make yourselves at home.

See if he found out that you had it

She's wearing a bikini.

Shh!

Should I be hearing all of this?

So long, kids.

So look 'em over, maybe we can play

So they could play Tarzan, take some pictures.

So we let it go.

Some people heard me sing.

Somebody wants you to do something that's wrong,

Somebody's at the door,

Sorry I don't have a tail for you to hang onto.

Stop calling me Mr. Horton, huh?

Straight to the ripple.

Strike a pose for me there.

Swimming naked with some young boys.

Take it all or I'll punch your lights out.

Tarzan never had a shirt on.

Thank you.

Thanks to your father calling us,

Thanks, Mr. Horton.

That a boy.

That I gave Dudley wine?

That is a person that should not be trusted.

That is hot stuff too.

That it was a good thing that we called him,

That just means that there's more Boston Cream Pie

That talked me out of it.

That's a lot of fun, isn't it Dudley?

That's enough for me.

That's good, fine, now we're gonna take some pictures

That's the way to go.

That's wonderful, that was a lot of fun

The bathtub or the shower.

The bikes are so cheap you could really make

The chauffer drove me around the route in the limousine.

The gooiest, the stickiest,

The ladies are naked.

The majority of them would never intentionally harm a child.

The most disgusting banana split I think I've ever made.

The one in the magazine didn't even have

The sad part is, they can emotionally scar a child for life.

The stupendous, the incredible, the mysterious

The value of working for something that you want.

Then he showed them some photos of himself

Then I had a little bad luck.

Then Mr. Horton,

Then that's what he should do.

There is nothing wrong with looking at ladies.

There we go.

These are terrific.

They can't stop buying.

They don't call me old pizza nose for nothin'.

They used to bill me as the human cannonball

They're buying everything in sight.

They're buying my pants.

They're buying my socks, they're buying my shirt,

They're buying the bicycles, they're buying the posters,

They're not gay, they're only interested

They're still babies.

This is your chance to stick his nose in.

Time together this afternoon.

To get rid of that wine on your breath?

To our new partnership.

To ride in the park and as far as strange people go,

To store bikes.

To that big Disneyland in the sky.

To touch you where you don't want to be touched.

To watch both of these informative episodes

To watch this informative episode

Tonight on Diff'rent Strokes, we're showing the

Tonight on Diff'rent Strokes, we're starting a special

Two hours, that's $28.

Two part show on a very sensitive and important subject.

Uh, listen guys.

Um, I'm getting too old for that mush.

Unfortunately, child molesters prey on the

Unless of course you live at the North Pole

Until I cut myself out of the act.

Until the ball got too big for the cannon.

Until you got a cherry right on top there.

Until your birthday to enjoy it.

Version of the Three Stooges, huh?

Was there some kind of joke, Mr. Drummond?

We appreciate your help.

We can have a lot more fun without him.

We don't need our own bikes.

We had a great, great old time that day.

We had one of these at home, only more expensive.

We urge families, children and parents alike,

We were able to surprise him,

We'll be in touch.

We'll have cigars and brandy in the study.

We'll play Neptune, King of the Sea.

We'll pretend like we're the new improved

We'll talk it over.

We're in the bicycle business together, let's celebrate.

We're just simply trying to keep me out of trouble

We've got one living in our apartment.

We've known Mr. Horton for a year,

Well you're not gonna get anymore of my business.

Well, I think I'll be leaving now.

Well, uh.

Well, you know, gay.

What a nice surprise.

What are you doing drinking any kind of alcohol?

What brings you out on a day like this?

What did he want?

What did you do at the pet shop?

What do they say, score?

What do you say, Dad?

What happened to you guys yesterday?

What kind of gum is that, spearmint muscatel?

What's going on with Arnold?

What's the old saying?

What's your favorite ice cream?

When I got there.

When the fire hydrant blew my pants off.

Where are you going, wait a minute.

Where did you get the wine?

Where in the world did you get the idea

Which is of deep concern to all of us.

Which is of deep concern to all of us.

Who can you trust?

Who can you trust?

Who'd like to earn a free radio too.

Who'd you have working on my car, Lee Iacocca?

Whose feet barely touch the pedals.

Whose feet barely touch the pedals.

Why don't I be the lion Dudley,

Why don't we just make it our little secret?

Why don't you bring him on in here.

Why don't you buy bikes for the family?

Why don't you call my by my nickname, Curly.

Why don't you try Listerine on the rocks?

Will you get that?

Will you take a credit card?

Will you take this other card?

With a glass of wine.

With a red nose and a three day growth of beard.

With alcohol, I don't like that.

With your clothes off.

Would be for Tarzan to have a lion to wrestle, huh?

Would you settle for a handshake?

Would you sign it there please?

Yeah, we gotta get out of here.

You and I are gonna have a lot of good times together.

You can do that, can't you, Arnold?

You can have it before your birthday.

You can scratch me all over.

You don't think I'm gonna let them kids

You gonna be a chicken, Arnold?

You got to appeal to a kids' natural born greed.

You guys are gonna love them.

You guys care for a sip?

You guys like to take pictures?

You guys were looking at this, huh?

You have missed one of the great joys in this life.

You know guys, you can just have an awful lot of fun

You know I gotta get the word out

You know I started out to be a great singing star

You know most of the famous statues are naked.

You know there's just one thing though.

You know we ought to be playing some games.

You know what I like about Mr. Horton?

You know, for letting you have it.

You know, pounding on the chest.

You know, some parents actually blame the children

You know, that's a common fallacy about child molesters.

You like the bananas, don't you?

You may have decided but nobody checked with the kid

You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours?

You seem to be a little distracted.

You should do but in this case, it just might spoil his fun.

You sure understand kids.

You take the pictures Arnold, okay?

You think we should look at this one?

You too Charlie.

You wanna help pass out my flyers.

You'd better eat it before it melts.

You'll have to turn in your ears.

You're gonna wish you were in Siberia.

You're right up there with the politicians.

You're sneaky.

You're sure some terrific passer outer.

You're the greatest.

Your evidence is gonna help us a lot, too.

Your evidence is gonna help us a lot, too.

Your parents feel guilty.

103 of it was just for labor.

A hummingbird's wing.

A pill, he said it would make me feel good.

Absolutely, Arnold.

Absolutely.

Ah it's that way.

Ain't no way I'm gonna play Jane.

All right we'll make you the fearless leader

All right, we'll pile that whipped cream up there,

All right.

Am I keeping you from something?

And don't ever forget it.

And get rid of that wad of gum.

And he showed us some kinky cartoons.

And I'm gonna leave a message with Dudley's father.

And if Dad finds out that you've been drinking,

And it's 1/3 off.

And then when I was 11, I had a paper route.

And they can't even see where the thin is, on top.

And they can't even see where the thin is, on top.

And you have to watch out for people who come on

And you pretend Dudley here is saving you from it.

And you said I didn't have muscles, Arnold.

Another great entrance, Mr. Horton

Any more questions?

Arnold and I may have a little hand to butt talk.

Arnold this is the tallest, the sweetest,

Arnold, are you jiving us?

Arnold, it's not dirty.

Arnold, it's not sneaking around.

Arnold, the man's name is Mr. Horton.

Arnold?

Arnold. Mr. Horton.

As a matter of fact I was.

At the bicycle shop?

Aw man, you're a real pal, Arnold.

Aw, Dad, please, give me a bike, please, please.

Because Mr. Horton and I loaded up on banana splits.

Better not tell your folks I gave you all that candy.

Boston Cream Pie?

Bottoms up!

Boy, I really spilled my guts.

Boy, I'd sure like to see some cartoons.

Boy, they ought to give you a diagram with these things.

Boy, this place is something else.

Boy, you sure got a lot of great games and stuff.

But is there something wrong, Dad?

But remember we can get in trouble too.

Chocolate sauce. Yeah.

Come on Arnold, stick around.

Could you just sign right here please?

Dad it's normal for a kid to get his own bike

Dad, I'd really be safe on it

Dad, I'm going with you.

Dad, what was Dudley's father doing here?

Dad, you don't think?

Dad, you're in great shape.

Did I mention the chopped nuts?

Did Mr. Horton give you anything, Dudley?

Do I have to?

Don't give us that, Arnold.

Don't worry, the way I eat it,

Down the hatch.

Drop it, Arnold, we can rent bikes.

Dudley, I want you to tell me

Dudley, this is an X rated cartoon.

Dudley?

Dudley?

Dudley.

Dudley's, but he called to say he was coming over here.

Even when there's that much lady to look at?

Except for the leather boots.

Follow me.

Follow our nose, we'll go where the nose goes

Forget it, Arnold, we don't even have a place

Forget it, Arnold, we don't even have a place

Fun, listen guys, if you have not gone skinny dipping,

Gee Mr. Horton, you sure got some great ideas.

Give, as in hand over, no strings,

Glad you noticed that, Arnold.

Go ahead, it's all right.

God, I'm trying.

Good afternoon, Phil, how are ya?

Good enough, bye kids.

Good, keep hangin'.

Guys, don't worry about it, will ya?

Guys, there's nothing to feel guilty about, it's okay.

Hardly anything at all.

He just wanted to pay for the bike he got you.

He showed us some pictures.

He sounds like a dying water buffalo.

He sounds like he has a big a greedy gut as you, Arnold.

He's cute, check him out.

Hello Arnold.

Hello, I'm Conrad Bain.

Hello, I'm Conrad Bain.

Here you go Arnold.

Hey Curly,

Hey Curly, I think you got a customer.

Hey listen, we'll make this a three dipper job here.

Hey look at that circus girl.

Hey Mr. Bicycle Man.

Hey were you in the circus?

Hey where you've been, Arnold?

Hey you don't have any clothes on either.

Hey you got a great smeller, feller.

Hey, Arnold.

Hey, this is like a house.

Hi Daddy! Hi Dad.

Hi Dudley. Hi Mr. Horton.

Hi kids!

Hi Ted, come on in.

Hi there Mr. Horton.

Hi, Arnold, did you ask...

Hi, Arnold.

Hi, Mr. Drummonds. Hi, Dudley, come on in.

Hi, Mr. Horton.

Hi.

Holy cow!

Holy smoke!

How do you play that?

How you doin' Arnold?

How you doing, son?

How, my dad won't get it for me until then.

I assure you, Phil, I never gave wine to Arnold.

I definitely think you should have a bicycle

I didn't notice anything.

I didn't want Dad to know I was down

I don't know, I don't think I'd like the idea

I don't know.

I don't like this cartoon.

I don't think this Tarzan could wrestle a grasshopper

I don't wanna be in the middle of this drama

I got a great idea.

I got a terrific idea.

I guarantee it, I taught him everything he knows.

I guess I could always eat and run.

I guess I'm the first semi bald king of the jungle.

I hadn't counted on doing it so soon.

I have a way with words when I put my mouth to it.

I just can't get over this.

I know how you can pay me back right now.

I know, I hate to be a snitch

I like you too Arnold.

I remember when I got my first bike.

I said, don't ever sneak up behind me like that.

I smell it, I bet it's pizza.

I swear.

I think he's built more like a pipe cleaner than Tarzan.

I think I see what's going on.

I think I'd better have a talk with our Mr. Horton.

I think I'm gonna cry.

I think you've got a big problem, Mr. Horton.

I used every approach I can think of

I'll bet Dudley there takes a sip every now and then.

I'll bet you guys haven't seen Murphy the Mouse.

I'll get that. See ya later.

I'm just trying to cut down.

I'm not and I'm almost twice your age.

I'm okay.

I'm warning you Dudley.

If you ask me, there are too many uptight

If you'll just sign here for me.

In fact, maybe it would be best

In that case, you let everything down.

Is skinny dipping fun?

Is this Horton?

It certainly warms your tummy on a cold rainy day

It just seems a shame that you have to wait

It sure is a beauty.

It was supposed to be a little joke,

It's not your fault, son.

It's only wine.

Just ask Mr. Horton if I can pass out flyers.

Just one.

Kimberly, I think we better tell Dad what we know.

L'chaim!

Let me help you with that.

Let me show you what I mean.

Let's see.

Listen aren't you a little late

Listen Dudley

Listen my friend Arnold here tells me