Hung (2009) - Season 3 Edit

A bigger cake.

A calculated business decision for the two of us.

A commonality.

A couple of days ago and I, uh...

A friend of a friend. Why the 20 questions all of a sudden?

A half a mile from here.

A little stressed out lately maybe?

A lot of those women are happy.

A lot of us didn't.

A lot of women would love to come like I come.

A male or

A mixer.

A pimp always comes through for a pimp?

A psychological nuclear kamikaze knockout.

A restaurant, you know.

A truck for what?

A wellness center for women.

A whatever hooker dude?

A woman's wrist is just so sexy.

A year ago I'm sure he never would have imagined

About combining forces a little?

About the shit that you pull

Act normal.

Adam Philips? Hey, it's me.

Adults support themselves.

After this we move into the feedback

Again.

Against using swear words.

Ah, I don't like it when people touch my eyeballs.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Okay.

Aha, you think so?

Ahem, he had a

Ahem, what's this?

Ahem. I'll bring him right back.

All I do is call him and he's here in under a minute.

All right then.

All right, all right.

All right, everybody huddle up.

All right, I will. I'm doing it.

All right, I wouldn't take it that far, Tanya.

All right, I'll come around.

All right, it's story time.

All right, let's go. Come on.

All right, listen, I've been thinking, okay?

All right, Ray, I don't know.

All right, so she's there waiting for you

All right, Tanya, as you know,

All right, that wasn't my point, but actually yes.

All right, today's subject

All right, we're partners.

All right, we're taking your cows, okay?

All right, well, you'll forgive me

All right, what is it?

All right, what is what's this place about, Ray?

All right, you... You did good.

All right?

All right? A lazy river and and and the river's whoosh!

All right? It's helping women.

All right? Tanya took a chance on you.

All right? This Jason guy is

All right? We're operating close to the line here.

All right?! I have a fucking bail bondsman

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Thank you.

All right... fuckin'...

All wellness type needs.

All you have is a big dick and a missing shoebox.

Alternate Wednesdays, Christina.

An hour or so. Or longer if you want, because...

An uncomplicated client that I've known for a while:

And and, uh uh

And a bonus. Have a good fucking day.

And all this is...

And along the way I've lost myself and my sexuality.

And and and... And you let her.

And and they have a great health plan.

And banking. I mean, anything that you're passionate about,

And be off our backs forever or

And birthday girl wants to book you again too.

And coming whining to her like some kinda baby bitch?

And every game I get two hot dogs mustard/relish.

And every other Wednesday is our alone time.

And freedom around here equals Orgasmic Living.

And get another penis instead?

And get lost. Go on.

And he's got a foot fetish, which is really fucked up

And he's making you a lot of money.

And here you are, this second chance,

And here's a Washington to sweeten the deal.

And his ears were lined with pink sateen.

And I ain't no motherfucker in front of my kids.

And I am I'm uniquely qualified to talk to women about sexuality.

And I can barely hear you.

And I couldn't help but notice that you have a red shoebox

And I don't need your help right now.

And I got the corporate box.

And I guarantee you no regrets.

And I know that you can take him there, so...

And I met those two ladies at Arby's.

And I see you smile...

And I want 20% of everything the kid makes.

And I want you to listen, okay?

And I wasn't Ray Drecker to them anymore.

And I would really love to work with you at some point.

And I would really love to work with you at some point.

And I'll get your ho's shoebox money too.

And I'm goin...

And I'm going to be your own personal tapeworm living up your ass,

And I'm really glad you wanted to do this.

And I'm the pimp.

And I've had several people close to me betray me.

And if you didn't have any lemons

And if you don't give us these cows,

And in the beginning he was really splendid.

And is this for pickup or delivery?

And it was delicious

And it's fine. He'll be back in a few days.

And it's normal. And they walk up to the counter

And it's not because they don't like sex

And Jessica's my H bomb. You stole my ideas for this wellness center.

And just let the truth permeate?

And last I checked, you were the one getting jerked off

And leave me in the lurch!

And look, I have lots of other ideas I wanted to share with you.

And maybe you thought you wanted to give her an orgasm or...

And my class registration form all ready to go.

And now it's time for both of you to suffer.

And now you fucked us!

And pees into a bag.

And right now I don't care about either.

And she runs a wellness center.

And she was investigating the possibility of us teaming up

And some little punk came along and stole her?

And steal my shoebox full of money?

And Tanya, she don't have time for this shit,

And that I should go for it. And that's what I'm gonna do.

And that is a cause for termination.

And that is why I am offering you,

And that is why we need the certified national small business loan!

And that's Candace from the bakery.

And that's what she's gonna get.

And the Certified National Bank.

And the first game, they brought me filet mignon.

And the smart move would be to think ahead,

And then I want you to get the fuck outta here.

And then if you rip out the weed, you rip out the flower and it's dead.

And then she writes back, uh, "love ya."

And then take a percentage.

And then the practicum.

And then they vote against their own self interests, Ray.

And then we die.

And then we post it on the Internet.

And then you find out she's been faking it.

And then you fired me. I want a severance package

And then you have a dead flower that knows you're a male prostitute.

And then, you know, one day I just said fuck it.

And then...

And there I was, stuck with Rambo.

And there she was.

And there's a flight, there's a hotel

And there's a three day park Hopper pass

And there's more if you find him.

And they want me to go over there.

And they were put together.

And they're still together today.

And they've got real vaginas.

And this Prince Eric, you say?

And this lady is my plus one.

And this ship has been very successful because of the way I run it.

And those fucking handcuffs, like a pair of nunchucks.

And to listening to what's being said

And uh, I...

And we are not sorry at all.

And we both know that her judgment

And we'd like to try something new,

And what would you like your cake to say?

And whatever it just makes it easier.

And you attacked the guy I was with.

And you blow me off?

And you can't fire me twice,

And you don't fix it right away then you get a lot more broken windows.

And you fucked him?

And you know what? The world didn't end.

And you know, I I used to be I was embarrassed.

And you know, some odd jobs here and there.

And you liked it.

And you said you didn't want to see her anymore, so I sent Jason.

And you won't be able to shake me until you self destruct and die.

And you,

And, boy, my arms are tired.

And, uh, I bet a year ago

And, uh, she's with me.

And, um you know, like black or white

Any day now she's gonna wake up and hate me

Anyway, I got your email this morning.

Anyway, security jumps him, shoots him in the

Anyways, to the district four state championships.

Apology not accepted.

Apparently someone stole his shoebox and he thought it was me.

Are friends. What do you talk about?

Are not one.

Are very happy together.

Are wrapped around the roots of the flower.

Are you you are. You're Missy, right?

Are you all right?

Are you aware he's violated bail?

Are you coming on to me?

Are you doing security or not, patsy?

Are you fricking kidding me?

Are you good at your job?

Are you here with someone?

Are you just gonna leave her there?

Are you outta your mind?

Are you saying I should leave my ho in custody?

Are you saying she faked it with me?

Are you Tanya Skeegel?

Are you two having a lovers' quarrel?

Are you wussing out? What about the private consultation?

Around your neck like it's a necklace.

As long as Joanie was there too.

As particularly happy people in general?

As we approach Chicago. Please take your seats.

As your 401k.

At the office

At this time you are free to move about the cabin.

Aw, damn it.

Away from these long lonely nights

Awesome!

Awful about...

Aww.

Babies are cute.

Baby, are you asking for my advice

Back there earlier.

Backstreet Boy Michael Jackson?

Balloons filled with helium.

Balloons filled with helium.

Be good to your mother. Love ya.

Because choice leads to freedom.

Because I don't care. I mean I hate weddings anyway.

Because it's starting to stink in here.

Because life hadn't turned out the way I'd expected.

Because my idea of fun and your idea of fun are not the same thing.

Because of some sexual relationship

Because of you. You did it.

Because she eats the bones.

Because this ain't about you.

Because you burned me too many times.

Because you have a 4:00 A.M. with Lydia.

Because you shouldn't have done it.

Because, you know, that's that's not a done deal.

Before you go back there, just while you're hello?

Believing for so long

Beop bitch.

Ber Berbigs? Berbiglia?

Ber uh I can't I can't read this, Cammy.

Berbig Berbig

Beyonce.

Bigger cake.

Birthday girl was just a demo. I want my clients,

Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. What do you want?

Both in and out of the bedroom.

Both: Okay.

Boyfriend?

Buffy

Bullshit.

Business or pleasure? Your trip.

Business partner.

Business was booming till you broke his nose!

But at least Judy agreed to a date...

But banks and women, well, they work in mysterious ways.

But he didn't want to.

But he's got a girlfriend. I think she stole Ray's money.

But honestly, man,

But I believe in it. I still believe in it.

But I can totally do tomorrow.

But I can't say, like, never ever.

But I couldn't get the thought out of my head...

But I didn't even know if it'd be a problem for him.

But I had a job to do and I knew how to do it.

But I have been out of the job market for almost 20 years.

But I mean she is a fucking cunt.

But I was

But I would rather clean toilets

But I'm not your backup.

But I'm the one. I wouldn't take no for an answer.

But I've just been so busy I meant to,

But if you don't return his calls,

But if you feel uncomfortable

But if you fuck with me, I will fuck with you!

But if you wanna look at really good pussy,

But in general, Sandee, Arby's is not okay.

But it doesn't really matter where or how.

But it is so odd that you and Ray

But it turns out there's estrogen in the sample.

But it was kinda cold and I had already come once

But Jason is a very good idea for us.

But look, I gotta lay low for a while, get outta town.

But maybe not. You know, maybe

But Mindy ugh. She's not that happy about it.

But not anymore.

But on Monday morning, our loan got approved...

But ray...

But really then later on you just take it off and tsk. And it goes.

But she did, ray. She left.

But sometime.

But that's the good thing about getting older.

But the correct thing to do is be upfront about this.

But the problem is Tanya.

But there's this, um,

But things are things are looking up.

But this time I am really really listening, Charlie.

But this woman went kind of apeshit on me,

But we are women, Lydia. We are women.

But we can skip that for now.

But we have a lot of confidence in our program.

But we have to adapt. We have to try.

But we shared a few good moments, right?

But we should not blow up, no no.

But we're good.

But what do I know?

But what else can we do?

But what happened?

But what's going on between me and Tanya,

But when I'm with you,

But women are not this one thing.

But you did mix up the samples

But you have to.

But you tend to get a little emotional

But, uh, you didn't, right?

Buying a candy bar, now that

By Mikhel for Subtitulos.es ==SPREAD THE WORD==

By Mikhel for Subtitulos.es ==SPREAD THE WORD==

Bye, Jess.

Bye, Jess.

C'mon, Damester, simian.

C'mon, get up. Let's go. Get your shoes on right now.

C'mon, you're gonna try one.

C'mon.

C'mon. I knocked out Sean o'brien.

Call

Call call Tanya Scagle.

Call Tanya Scagle.

Cammy, where where are the filters?

Can I help you?

Can I help you?

Can I just get my check and I'll go?

Can I warm you up?

Can you get me the oil over there?

Can you give me an example, please,

Can you tell me that?

Chapstick?

Charlie, Charlie, sorry sorry sorry.

Charlie, I'm home.

Charlie, that's a live turtle. It's a pet.

Charlie, the last time I saw you

Charlie, where are you? Where is Missy?

Charlie, you know, I have your children.

Charlie?

Charlie?

Charlie? No no no.

Charlie? What are you doing?

Charlie.

Charlie.

Charlie.

Charlie's gone, ray. He's not coming back.

Check.

Check.

Christina won't be here today.

Clients that I worked very hard to cultivate.

Clitoral orgasm.

Come here, baby doll.

Come here.

Come in.

Come on

Come on in. I made coffee

Come on, broken windows.

Come on, Daisy. Come on.

Come on, girl.

Come on, guys.

Come on, headwrush, headwrush.

Come on, hey.

Come on, Jess. Let me give you some cash.

Come on, let's dance.

Come on, let's dance.

Come on, let's go!

Come on, man, sit down.

Come on, Tanya! Come here!

Come on, we need a truck.

Come on, you don't listen to me. We've already established that.

Come on!

Come on. Give it a shot.

Come on. We're on the same team here.

Come on. You and I both know the class is a bunch of hooey

Come on. You wanna listen up

Coming to a storefront near you.

Congratulations!

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

Correct.

Could I speak to you privately for a minute?

Could you bring in the Samson file, please?

Could you please turn the music down?

Cut him loose, t.

Cut in?

Cut that out. Hey hey, let's get outta here.

Cut the crap, Tanya.

Damester, I'm kind of in the middle of something.

Damn, look at you.

Damon, cut it out. You love your mom.

Darby is traumatized, mom. He is your boss.

Darby, I am not going to do that.

Dead sitting ducks.

Delivery. What's your address?

Did Charlie ever say anything about a farm?

Did she calm down a little?

Did that hurt?

Did you break in to my house

Did you call someone?

Did you fucking call someone?

Did you have sex with Kyla? I'm guessing you didn't,

Did you just have sex with that guy?

Did you know he had five new clients?

Did you say, "Call Timothy Kilroy"?

Did you try apologizing?

Did you try apologizing?

Didn't always do the trick.

Didn't know that, did you?

Do lower lumbar while looking out at the lake.

Do not chase after a damn cop who just arrested your ho.

Do not stigmatize the vulva. That's the whole problem.

Do you have a bathroom that I could use?

Do you know that words like that have kept women down for centuries?

Do you need me to move it?

Do you think I need you?

Do you understand what I'm saying to you?

Do you wanna touch, do you wanna touch me there?

Do you want to join him?

Doctor's office.

Does he look like like Mr. Nice Guy?

Does it pay 400$?

Does that name mean anything to you?

Doesn't really know

Don't don't you think

Don't be a jerk, all right?

Don't be stupid.

Don't be such a jerk.

Don't bullshit me. You knew.

Don't do that here. Just massage.

Don't have orgasms. They don't come.

Don't invite too many randoms to fuck the hos.

Don't joke, Tanya. This is not your destiny.

Don't know, okay? Lenore is gonna be so mad at me.

Don't laugh.

Don't make me rat you out, Charlie!

Don't stop.

Don't take the one with the yellow tag on its ear.

Don't talk to her like that, okay? We're gonna take 10 of your cows.

Don't worry about anything.

Don't! Don't give me that crap, okay?

Don't. Just don't even go there, Tanya.

Double dig 'em with a swing step.

Down a lazy old river and I'm just floating on this lazy river.

Down on the right, down on the right.

Dr. Kopylov,

Dracula. I was Dracula.

Drive each other nuts.

During these situations, you know?

Eat some potatoes. Hi.

Eight banks, eight rejections, Ray?

Either she was gonna love him

Electronic voice: Please say a command.

Enough with the frickin' metaphors, okay?

Enough.

Even even saying the word vulva feels transgressive.

Even right now, I feel a little transgressive.

Even when it's not spoken.

Ever, okay? So get some new friends

Everybody this Tanya and Ray.

Everybody, these are my friends.

Everything's fine.

Ex husband almost. Separated. Estranged.

Excellent. I watched a demo on YouTube

Except for men, who aren't women at all.

Excuse me, is this the Orgasmic Living class?

Excuse me, sir? Is that your leather carry on in the overhead compartment?

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Here, have an oyster.

Expecting pleasure sexual pleasure?

Face the facts and accept them.

Face the facts.

Feminine type suggestions.

Filled with helium.

Find out who else touched that sample besides me?

Fine. You fucking take Jessica

Fire!

First we'll start with...

Floating floating.

For a guy like Ronnie? I don't know.

For example. You know, weights and cardio.

For five minutes.

For happiness consultants,

For me too.

For me what works is I'm floating down a river.

For one second. The thing is

For richer or poorer, until we are parted by death.

For some caramel macchiato.

For sure

For the husband of a podiatrist.

For times when my life seems so low

For years.

Frances isn't a fan, Ray.

Frances isn't a fan, ray. Not a fan.

Frances mentioned to me this lady was not invited.

Fred and Ginger.

Freeze.

From Tanya?

Fuck around the block. Let's see what this baby can do.

Fuck it.

Fuck me.

Fuck off.

Fuck the ump!

Fuck these guys.

Fuck yeah, fuck yeah.

Fuck yeah.

Fuck you! You're the worst neighbors in the whole world!

Fuck your fucking check.

Fuck, oh!

Fuck, Ray, he's gonna fucking beat us up.

Fuck! Fuck yes!

Fuck! Ray, what?!

Fuck! Shit!

Fuck.

Fuck. Ow.

Fucking a stranger in a bathroom?

Get get what's his name to do it.

Get in the car. Get down

Get it going. Come on, lady.

Get it straight: we're not working together anymore.

Get married...

Get out of the car, please.

Get someone to fill in for you.

Get the hell out of here!

Getting your stomach pumped is awful, Lisa.

Give me...

Giving a handjob when your husband is 10 feet away

Glad we did this.

Go away!

Go back to your exam, but remember you sexually harassed me

Go feed the turtle.

Go! Go do what you always do. Go fuck him upstairs.

God yeah! Fuck me!

God yes, fuck me!

God yes, fuck me!

God, go home and get some rest.

God, I... I think I've got mud in my eye.

God, I'm pathetic.

God, it seems like forever, huh?

God, it's not even English.

God, Ray,

God, Ray, come on, fuck her and get it over with.

God, Ray, come on, fuck her and get it over with.

God, Ray, I gotta tell you something.

God, ray, what is wrong with you?

God, Ray, you motherfucker.

God, she's going in there.

God! Go away, Ray!

God. All right, so now what do we do?

Good boy.

Good luck, you guys.

Good luck.

Good morning, everybody.

Good to see you.

Gosh, I just flew in from the oyster bar

Great, put 323 North Deerfield Road, Apartment 5.

Great.

Great. ( Chuckling )

Great. And is it for a special occasion?

Great. I'm freezing.

Great. So I'll set something up for Wednesday?

Guess what, Joanie. I see penises all the time. I see them all the time.

Guess which one is the 'ho.

Guys, everything's gonna blow over.

Guys, guys, guys,

Guys, I was here earlier

Hand creams.

Happier than when they showed up anyway.

Happiness consultants for women, llc..."

Happy to help. And if you need anything

Has been difficult for you. You know what?

Have a seat.

Have you considered you might have a problem with female authority?

Have you considered your vulva?

Have you tried fucking her?

Having a great time in bed and yelling her head off,

He he brought her a cupcake.

He called you ray.

He destroys our marriage and I just I just

He didn't steal her. He knew her.

He had to go to the emergency room. What's wrong with you?

He hasn't been my husband for a very long time.

He is breaking up with me!

He knew who she was. Who the hell are they?

He looks like an okay guy.

He never wants to do anything anymore.

He really does not have time for this shit.

He said, "hey, ray," and you punched him out.

He says this is a great opportunity

He shouldn't have been messing around with my wife.

He sings while he screws, ladies...

He told you that I sent him?

He was fat and bunchy, as a rabbit should be;

He'll have sex with guys. I mean he's full service,

He's an angry, self centered prick

He's at least 20 something.

He's coming back. His stuff is still at my house.

He's going downtown.

He's not my husband anymore.

He's so good.

He's the first one. The first vampire?

He's very male. And very private.

He's worse than Ronnie. He's gonna ruin everything.

He's, uh, gettin' married.

Healer.

Hear hear.

Heart related, scrabble related or otherwise

Hell, most of us didn't have a choice.

Hello, Jess.

Hello. Buenos noches.

Hello. This is the wild oaks suicide prevention center.

Her heart is so big. You wasted her time and our money.

Her tits did help.

Here

Here I am

Here I am...

Here I am...

Here I am...

Here, take the cake.

Here, this is for you. It's...

Here's my number and here's...

Hey hey hey hey!

Hey hey hey, buddy, all due respect,

Hey hey hey, let's go to Windsor.

Hey, are you gonna manage with the

Hey, baby. This lovely lady came looking for you.

Hey, can I ask you something about the reading?

Hey, Charlie?

Hey, come here!

Hey, dad, things are really bad here.

Hey, do you really think that she would...?

Hey, give me the cow. You know she's nutty enough to do it.

Hey, guys,

Hey, guys! Guys. Put... no.

Hey, guys.

Hey, I'm a pimp. You're a pimp.

Hey, it was a joke. Come on.

Hey, mom, have you seen dad's new vacuum cleaner?

Hey, Mrs. Koontz. Yael?

Hey, Ray.

Hey, so I'm one of the private consultants here

Hey, you see that girl? I swear to God, man,

Hey, you wanna taste this for me?

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Just... come on, you big bovine.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Hey, fella.

Hey. What are you doing here?

Hi Martha. Hey. Hi, Pam.

Hi, can I help you?

Hi, I'm Tanya. I think we met before.

Hi, Lydia.

Hi, Mr. Ferris, Carol.

Hi, uh,

Hi!

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

His coat was spotted brown and white,

Hmm.

Hold on.

Holy shit.

How how did it go?

How about a loan? Pay me back.

How dare you? You know I paid back every penny.

How dare you? You know I paid back every penny.

How did I only get two?

How did it go?

How did you get into the building, Sandee?

How do I make you to see me again?

How do they not fall over?

How does what work?

How fair is that?

How how how'd that go?

How is it so important? You look like a smurf.

How nice that you're married. Really, good for you.

How old are they?

How rational is this?

How'd you guys get in?

However, I am just not currently in the market for additional gigolos.

Huh?

Huh?

Huh.

Hung S03E09 "A Monkey Named Simian; Frances Is Not a Fan"

Hung S03E10 "The Whole Beefalo"

Hysterical?

I

I Call Tanya, okay?

I I don't know where you got Skeegel.

I I get better.

I I grow.

I I have

I I just found out.

I I just thought maybe you

I I know maybe I think

I I panicked, Lydia

I I'm not a good dancer.

I almost forgot. I've been so distracted lately.

I already have the domain name and everything.

I always thought you were handsome when Tanya brought you guys out.

I am being a bad bad bridesmaid.

I am changing my passwords, Lenore.

I am dealing here with people with real problems, okay?

I am grieving.

I am just taking back what is mine.

I am not a criminal because I went on a date.

I am not gonna let you drive when you are irrational and upset.

I am now working with a very talented young gigolo.

I am selling my record collection on Ebay.

I am suddenly broke and you want to talk to me about this now?

I am sure this lady is a woman.

I am taking care of it.

I am the reason they're together.

I appreciate the enthusiasm,

I asked her.

I asked him what he wanted for breakfast.

I can handle it.

I can handle it. I can handle Kyla just fine.