Robot Chicken (2005) - Season 1 Edit

A bullet!

A geek with a beauty queen, a basketball player with a dwarf...

A lot.

A new record!

A reunion? Now?

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah! It not Hulk! Hulk swear!

Actually, the remaining five spots on the flight...

After a five year run...

After a long history of behavior problems...

After being taken by federal agents from his temporary home in Miami...

After one of the children from the Grant A Wish Foundation...

Ah, this looks like a good spot.

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ahh.

All competed for a spot on our show.

All for one and one for all.

All right, Alex. Now, we ain't had a lot to work with here...

All right, guys, I'll see you back in the yard

All right, this is it, people.

All right, yeah, do it.

All systems ready.

All the great deals at Radio Shed, Ving.

All the time, huh?

Almighty uterus!

Also, we gonna need a photocopy of your driver's license.

Always nice to hear from those pet o philes...

America's number one Judaic super spy is back in action!

An hour's all you get for touching a child.

And a $50 gift certificate from Best Buy.

And a puppy.

And all your stuff!

And as a child...

And can't get cancer.

And destroy it in the fires of Mount Doom.

And destroy it, saving our planet.

And even offering children piano lessons.

And get home in one piece

And gives Halloween presents to all the girls and boys

And got a spanking sometimes when I was bad.

And have their lives taped...

And how can people vote?

And I think legislation to cut infrastructure funds 4%...

And I think Senator Davidson rocks!

And I'm pretty nervous.

And in other news tonight, Voltron got totally served.

And in the future, virtual reality sex...

And it's advanced.

And it's gonna scare the living... out of you.

And Jackass star Steve o with someone who isn't a loser.

And last and certainly not least..

And not as Kirk!

And now the fate of the world is in his capable hands.

And now, the thrilling conclusion.

And now... now look at where we are!

And one little brasser says, "We're after your charms!"

And paid them to go to the bathroom on your chest.

And pretty, pretty space people...

And Princess Leia is your sister.

And so, each Halloween...

And so, to honor our First Amendment...

And some broken glass if you want to roll your hands in glue.

And some broken glass if you want to roll your hands in glue.

And start getting real.

And that'll cost $10.

And that's how season eight would've started

And the Beach Boys tore up our stage.

And the Empire will be defeated by Ewoks.

And the Force?

And the man Americans have selected...

And the pay was reliable

And the winner is...

And there's nothing to worry about.

And this is heroin.

And this is what your body goes through.

And this one gonna require a credit card.

And use our positioning software...

And watch it again on the Fourth of July.

And we always greatly assist Speed...

And welcome to the fourth annual...

And well, the mob shut us down.

And will you train me, Mr. Miyagi?

And worry about me blue balls, ya whore!"

And would you believe that as high speed internet access improves...

And yet every day, you carpool with us.

And you damn well better respect the Falcon.

And you end up getting a stupid tattoo of a unicorn...

And you end up getting a stupid tattoo of a unicorn...

And you're all invited, Shyamabama family!

And your boyfriend gives you herpes simplex A!

And Zoot? I haven't seen Zoot in years.

And, action.

And, like all of us, she's looking to be bitten...

And, you know, be themselves...

Andale! Andale! Arriba! Arriba!

Angela's the killer, and she was really a boy!

Answer me, you little bitches!

Any questions?!

Any questions?!

Are better than last week's ghastly affair.

Are reluctant to support another tax increase.

Are we still going to do it?

Are we too... we are!

Are you ever gonna work it, work it?

Are you gonna show me those boobs?

Are you OK?

Are you OK?

Are you really a tooth fairy?

Are you with me?

Are... are... are you sure?

Arise! Arise, O great pumpkin!

As far back as 1948...

As in eat us?

As the reanimated corpses of rock 'n' roll...

As the representative...

As the winner...

As the years went by, Disney's power would grow.

As we reach toward space, we also look inward.

As you've seen tonight, the precious trappings...

As your leader, I would be honored if America selected me...

At first, I was pretty nervous...

At the end of the show...

Autobots, transform and rol...

Aw, game over, man. Game over.

Aw, Steven Tyler's been clean for years.

Aw.

Aw...

Awesome. Wonderful.

Aww.

Ay ay yi! That's good!

Ay! Ay! Madre de Dios!

Ba gawk!

Back again, it's the robobeast digger

Back to the fires that forged you, evil trinket!

Back to yo ass, put a dent in a robot

Back when that meant something.

Bad news, boss. The Rice boys are talkin' to the cops.

Bam!

Bargh!

Bastards are always talking!

Beautiful day we're having.

Because animation costs money, uh huh.

Because if I were to move, that would add to the cost...

Because it's sick.

Because phone companies make far more money that way.

Because we're baking a cake for a fancy party.

Become the sitcom fodder of the future.

Behold the gaseous stench of Skeletor's breakfast burrito!

Being Burt, being Burt, being Burt.

Besides, I got a dump brewing that could choke a monkey.

Best Buy! Woof!

Better use the turbo boost.

Big finish

Blah, blah, blee, blah.

Blockheads, blockheads, blockheads!

Blow their [Bleep] heads off, baby.

Blow up Fancher Elementary School!

Bock.

Boo!

Bouncy, bouncy!

Brains

Brains.

Bring in the first Cuban child.

Bring out your dead!

Brings out the shine on your chitinous shell.

Britney Spears? But why would you kill N'Sync?

Busy! Eating!

But are women just part of the hunt for him?

But Bo and Luke had problems of their own!

But come back next week for more outrageous bloopers!

But each call costs you $30,000.

But every time I try, you just take the ball away.

But first, here's the results of our internet poll...

But he's one of the fiercest killers in the animal kingdom.

But he's one of the fiercest killers in the animal kingdom.

But how?

But I can't help myself.

But I didn't do anything!

But I'm hungry, so it's OK.

But I'm not.

But it's not over yet.

But it's only been an hour.

But just today, I saw blood in my urine.

But Kermit just couldn't keep up the rent on the theater...

But no one could foresee the consequences...

But seriously, that's $12.99 for that pizza.

But some days are tougher than others.

But the actor playing him had his share of super problems.

But the good times were not to last.

But these hos are all about class.

But they got the Falcon...

But this letter from my daddy says I don't got to go.

But this time, we've outdone ourselves.

But this year will be different.

But you do... and you can.

But you drew vacuuming out of the job jar and everyone else...

But you were too strung out to notice at the time!

But, um, the living room hasn't been vacuumed in weeks and...

But, yo, check out your new sister!

By the brave Cuban soldiers...

Call a guard.

Called midichlorians.

Can Joey survive the tournament?

Can we do this?

Can you imagine, excited viewers, what marvels the 21st century holds?

Can't stop bling, can't stop trigger finger

Check it, my man. Animal's dead.

Check out these never before seen screen tests

Chim chim.

Chocolate chicken eggs for everyone!

Clean, sober, back on television... things are lookin' up for the Feldmeister!

Come and get it, little guys.

Come here, you.

Come on

Come on, baby!

Come on, come on.

Come on, man, just work it out

Come on, man, just work it out

Come on, Tommy Lee's rich, good looking.

Come on. It's not that big a boat. Just flip it o... aww!

Come pimp that bitch out!

Coming soon...

Competition has been hot and heavy.

Congratulations!

Conrad, Gary, you're on. Places, everyone.

Corey, no!

Corey, you saved me, bro.

Corky screen test, take 27.

Couldn't get any worse.

Couldn't have been that bad.

Couldn't stay off the sugar, right?

Crap

Cristal bangin', and my paper keep the honeys grinnin'

D i f r...

Damn right it isn't.

Damn!

Damn!

Damn!

Damn...

Danbury High Fighting Tigers forever! Whoo hoo!

Dang it.

Daniel san, I thought I smelled failure.

Daniel san! Clean up on aisle five.

Darkest sketch! Darkest sketch! Darkest sketch!

Darling, will you marry me?

Debit card? We do the debit card now. Geez.

Delightful! Let me just change into my good suit.

Despite my best efforts...

Did he really say this should be done with a chainsaw?

Did it work?

Die, American beast!

Different.

Dishes done.

Disneyland!

Do it, you magnificent stereotypical bastard.

Do you expect me to talk, Goyfinger?

Do you have any condoms?

Do you have any idea how rich I'm gonna be...

Doctors can perform complicated surgeries without leaving the beach?

Does this look infected to you?

Don't forget to tell them about...

Don't forget to text message your votes...

Don't forget to vote, everybody.

Don't let this car in. What... what are you...

Don't move. Put your hands behind your back, sir.

Don't play me for no jibba jabba, fool!

Don't shoot! I give up!

Don't we have highly trained astronauts?

Don't worry, Mr. Schumacher, we'll get you out of here.

Don't you dare call her that!

Don't you tear up my heart!

Double entendres are really great!

Douglas is a Predator from Newark, New Jersey...

Dreadful.

Dude, it's time to pimp your sister.

Dude!

Eee!

Eee!

Electric Mayhem got the pink slip...

Electric Mayhem.

Elian!

Elian!

Elian?

Elian? Elian!

Engaged in a game of LARP... live action role playing?

Enjoy.

Enough!

Enuck chuk!

Er, twenty five or so.

Especially when you're Ling Ling...

Especially when...

Even if I wanted to. And I don't.

Even Superman can't outrun, uh...

Even though I wasn't good every single day...

Everyone else is dead besides you and me.

Ew! Well, I'd better have a look.

Ew! Yuck!

Excuse me, but are you gentlemen...

Excuse me, I'm Ray Griffiths.

Excuse me, Mr. Chicken, but can you tell me...

Excuse me, that's impolite

Excuse me. I just farted in a very musical tone.

Experiencing a twist ending at the end of a movie can be fun.

Face it. Who's gonna save Earth...

Falling on the moon.

Feh! You little bastard

Fell and cracked his head open.

Finally!

Finally!

Find out next time on Enter the Fat One.

Fire! Fire!

First lesson!

First of all, I'm Pat effing Morita, you nut sack.

First, you eat.

Fitting in here continues to be quite a chore.

Five fingered palm of death.

Five, six, seven, eight!

Folks, this is the copilot, and it's not his wheel.

Food is power.

For a second there...

For America!

For some reason, he's never actually appeared to me personally

For the band's most beloved member.

For the love of Christ, kids, go read a book or something!

For these aged rockers, there are no regrets.

For us to listen to Ray Griffiths...

Ford has starred in more top grossing motion pictures...

Four, three, two, one, zero.

Fracturing the meteor into small enough pieces...

Freeze!

Freeze? When I drop a fairy?

From a giant meteor while Superman's vacuuming?

From the Cybertronian Medical Association.

From this wretched lettuce patch.

From your grandma's bake sale!

Garter belts ain't just for weddings, honey child.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, we could discuss this logically.

Get another one. Get me another one.

Get back here, you little dust tosser!

Get down.

Get in here

Get off me! Ha ha ho!

Get off me. Get off me.

Get on the floor and work it, work it

Get your hands off me! You get out!

Gimme your soul. Your soul!

Girl, you got serious librarian hair.

Give it up for Frankenberry.

Give me the boobies!

Given that he's a republican, and you have a cheeseburger for a head?

Go and make some money.

Go get him, Han Solo!

Go see a movie, kids.

God help me! Ohh!

God should have spent a little more time on you!

Going to the bathroom so often was a problem...

Good job, Bluto!

Good job, everyone!

Good luck, fat one.

Good morning, everyone!

Good night from Zombie Idol.

Good night, folks.

Gosh, golly, gee willikers, ziminy jippity do, Batman!

Gosh, it's good.

Got a lot of tail with that kind of exposure.

Got him!

Got to go! Got to go! Aah!

Gotta lay low for a while.

Great.

Greetings. You know, freedom of speech...

Guess not.

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha! Eee!

Ha ha ha ha! Goh!

Ha ha ha ha! I have millions of these! Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha! You guys are gonna drown, but we're a mermaid and a merman.

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! I'm gonna get ya!

Ha ha!

Ha ha.

Ha ha.

Ha ha. What?

Hamburger!

Has been up to recently.

Have a little common courtesy for the rest of us.

He demanded a Disney park be built in Florida...

He needs a mouse to help.

He won the Canadian nationals earlier this year.

He's giving up! Shoot him!

He's holding a weapon!

He's really annoying.

He's the same as the rest of these guys around here.

Head's up, team.

Headless Ponch!

Headless Ponch.

Heh, heh. I must've lost it.

Hello, Amy. Do you take credit cards?

Hello, Kitty!

Hello?

Help! Help me, Superman! Help!

Help! The dog...

Help! Where's Johnny?

Here I am.

Here we go!

Here, look this guy up when you're out.

Here's a dollar, now work it, work it

Here's Bob Marley.

Hey, champ. Uh, OK.

Hey, get away from the truck! It's gonna blow!

Hey, get off me

Hey, Joey! You can do it!

Hey, ladies!

Hey, mamma mia!

Hey, pasta fagioli! A spicy meatball!

Hey, Prowl, have you noticed...

Hey, that's life, man.

Hey, they were out of Beluga caviar, but they had some nice Sevruga...

Hey, uh, occupied. Occupied!

Hey, Waterman, I was busy...

Hey, what the...

Hey, who's laughing now, bi otch? Huh? Huh?

Hey, y'all! Hey, yo, man!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Kool aid!

Hey! Sir, put down the weapon.

Hey. What's up?

Hi, Mr. Hungry. Can I call you so?

Hi!

Hi. I'm Optimus Prime.

Hi. I'm TV's Topher Grace.

His lawyers called it "heat exhaustion

Hmm!

Ho ho ho ho ho

Ho ho ho ho ho

Ho ho ho ho ho

Ho ho ho ho ho

Ho ho ho ho ho

Ho ho ho ho ho

Ho ho ho!

Hold me, sir.

Hong Kong Phooey.

Hoo hoo hoo! This'll fool them Duke boys.

Hoo hoo, they really hate it...

Hot tubs are nice, aren't they?

How about a smile?

How convenient.

How do your views differ from Governor Schwarzenegger...

How many miles per gallon?

How often Prime needs to drain the lizard nowadays?

How unlikely? But perfect.

However, it will cost 80,000 trillion dollars.

Huh?

Huh? What? But I...

Huh? Who's there? Come and get some!

Huh.

Huh. I wonder where he's always going in such a hurry.

Hundreds died.

Hurray!

Hyah!

Hyah!

Hyah!

I also love the way the moonlight on the water...

I am Jesus, you know.

I built C 3PO.

I can do lots of stuff, you know? Lots!

I can do stuff like, um...

I can handle it. Where's the stuff?

I can't live without him!

I can't wait to serve you!

I come from a village where we think it's 1886.

I could.

I couldn't keep him off the slope...

I did it! Did you guys get that?

I did?

I don't believe in cheating, Batman. I believe in doing what's right.

I don't know, Ryan. Isn't it gauche...

I don't scare easy.

I don't see why you're so upset.

I don't think we have that.

I don't... what can I tell you? I mean, this is... it's bad!

I even got to sleep with Josie of the Pussycats...

I fear just having a positive attitude...

I fight evil. It's what I do.

I fold them in a very particular way, Falcon...

I got him!

I got it! I got it! Ohh!

I gotta have it all the time.

I gotta have some!

I happen to be an old hand at it.

I hate black.

I have a teleporter, you know.

I have to go to the bathroom. Will you buy me a soda?

I have to write an angry letter.

I have to.

I haven't met the man yet...

I hear you're the guys to see about entering a race.

I heard one William Shatner...

I hope our contestants just have fun...

I hope you can also asexually reproduce

I invented it myself.

I just don't feel safe next to this animal.

I just made a doody...

I just sent it to you.

I just took your picture with my phone.

I just...

I knew he was never right in his head.

I knew I should've taken my teleporter to work today.

I know you can hear me. I'm Aquaman.

I like being an American.

I like everything about being Burt.

I love doing that.

I mean, come on. I blew up the friggin' Death Star...

I mean, what is this place, some kind of nun factory?

I meant to say sugar.

I need those. Hey, wait! Oh! Wait!

I never have any idea what you're saying.

I now pronounce you husband, ro... wife, and robot.

I only have five years to live.

I really don't think I'm learning anything.

I recommend you videotape this moment...

I recommend...

I reserved room A 2 to watch the Star Trek blooper reel...

I said "strong Christian overtones."

I shot the hell out of that guy!

I sure am glad I got you for Christmas...

I swear I will avenge you...

I swear! You... You can't!

I tell you the bleedin' boys were followin' me around...

I think that joke goes, "You're a peein'."

I thought being stuck as a pre pubescent bald kid for fifty years...

I thought it would be appropriate...

I wanna watch you work it, work it

I want a new skateboard. This race is stupid.

I want in.

I want to be the robot!

I want to go to Dallas, but I don't have any money.

I want to show you something that I'm very proud of...

I will fight you. Pow! Pow! Pow!

I will now fart the national anthem.

I will sacrifice myself to you.

I will save you, Princess Britney.

I will show you forty one.

I won't be hanging out in any lettuce patches.

I won't leave him! I won't!

I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.

I would gladly pay you Tuesday...

I... hate those guys.

I... hunger!

I... I... I just... Fine! Fine!

I'd like to meet the team of engineers...

I'd like to report a domestic disturbance.

I'll do it. I'll do it, man. I'll totally do it.

I'll give you $20 for all of us to go crazy.

I'll never join you!

I'll pledge allegiance

I'll pledge allegiance

I'll pledge allegiance

I'm a gentleman.

I'm a punk yo face

I'm Ashlee.

I'm at the end of my rope, Lucy.

I'm Bill Clinton. I'm gonna push over that cow.

I'm doing my thing!

I'm Douglas.

I'm finished.

I'm going to do it.

I'm going to kick the football. This is it!

I'm gonna get a bottle of water. Do you dudes want any?

I'm gonna put my foot right up Steve Jobs' ass.

I'm gonna shut you up once and for all!

I'm gonna shut you up once and for all.

I'm gonna shut you up once and for all.

I'm here to avenge the death of my band mates.

I'm in awe of headless Ponch. He's very attractive

I'm in the band!

I'm Joey Fatone.

I'm just three ducks in a man costume.

I'm not about to die for a cause I don't believe in.

I'm ready to ro o o ock!

I'm so hungry.

I'm sorry, Prime, but you're going to die.

I'm stepping down the ladder and...

I'm stuck! I'm stuck!

I'm the robot!

I'm wealthy and successful. Fantastic!

I'm... I'm really capable.

I've broken our taboo about entering the forest...

If it will stop the devastation on my beloved Cuban people...

If my dad knew how important sex was to me, I would die.

If someone disrespects my girl, I'll skin him.

If they dies, we go get pizza.

If we go with a leopard print tank top...

If you don't get regular prostate exams

If you don't want a bat bitch slap...

If you leave your towels on the bathroom floor...

If you'll remember.

If you're a communist, maybe!

In fact, phone lines were jammed so badly...

In his security blanket.

In Korea, you could get a good blogging for five American dollars

In little squares.

In my pants.

In Stand By Me and in The Lost Boys...

In the evolutionary chain?

In the evolutionary chain?

In the Iditarod dogsled race...

In the upcoming fiscal year rules! Whoo!

In which to detonate our charges...

In your face, villains

Inspiring.

Is anyone there?

Is everyone ready for more of those hilarious bloopers?

Is going to do a guest spot on Enterprise...

Is he gonna do it again?

Is holding a public hearing...

Is Mom coming?

Is not being able to see those red warning flags.

Is that highway or city mileage?

Is the most valuable right of the American people.

Is there any other way I could pay for this?

Is there anything else we can do for you?

Isn't all fires and double homicides.

Isn't it gauche to wear brown after Labor Day?

It all started with the auditions...

It magically finds the lead car in the race, and it takes it out.

It really captures my metrosexuality.

It took me this long to realize that fame isn't what's important.

It was me.

It was probably you.

It, uh... it burns when I pee

It... confounds me.

It's a birth defect!

It's alive!

It's alive!

It's alive!

It's alive!

It's alive!

It's alive!

It's alive!

It's alive!

It's alive!

It's alive!

It's always that "Wa wa wa" crap.

It's burning my eyes!

It's common courtesy.

It's completely harmless, Jerry.

It's finally over.

It's good friends and good health.

It's gross!

It's important that I do not move..

It's like some kind of feeding frenzy.

It's Mr. Muggs!

It's never in doubt!

It's over.

It's so hard when they leave. It's so hard.

It's the airline's wheel, and I can touch it if I want to.

It's the new me...

It's the safest way to travel.

It's The World's Most One sided Fistfights Caught on Film!

It's The World's Most One sided Fistfights Caught on Film!

It's time for our first performance of the evening.

It's time to check in now...

It's time to meet our judges.

It's time to use the blue tortoise shell, no?

It's what I do.

It's what I feared... prostate cancer.

It's... it's just... all right, all right.

It's... it's...

Jessica Simpson, Jessica Simpson's sister.

Jesus, no wonder you quit.

Joel Schumacher is history's greatest monster.

Jonathan is really tasty.

Just act casual.

Just don't respect personal property.

Just kick the ball, you blockhead.

Just watch!

Just work it out

Justice never sleeps.

Keanu Reeves screen test, take one.

Keep it coming.

Keith, the enemy ships are falling back.

Khan!

Khan!

Kids, get your parents' permission.

Kids' parties, bar mitzvahs...

Kill that mother...

Killed the Fruit Brute, Yummy Mummy, and even the Cinnamonkey.

Kind of like doing one big stadium tour instead of a bunch of stupid mall tours.

Kitty, my iPod's busted.

L... I am the night!

L.A. Woman...

Ladies and gentlemen, I gathered you here today...

Last week, America voted in record shattering numbers.

Left specific instructions to be carried out upon his death.

Let go of my hands!

Let me see you work it, work

Let me see you work it, work it

Let me see you work it, work it

Let me see.

Let me tell you something about Batman, OK?

Let me try that again.

Let's dance!

Let's get 'em!

Let's go back to your place

Let's hear from some of those pet owners.

Let's hear it for Boo Berry.

Let's see what's in store for our Surreal Life folks today.

Let's stow away in the Mach 5, for it goes so very fast...

Let's take a look at what The Surreal Life gang...

Let's warm up with some stretches first.

Liftoff. Liftoff.

Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!

Like, he gave me hepatitis C.

Like... like, I can...

Linus! Linus! I can't!

Listen, I know someone's been in my underwear drawer.

Listen, I'm 62 years old. I'm just an actor.

Listen, uh, I don't mean to be nitpicky or anything...

Little Elian has been reunited with his family in Cuba.

Look at him! He was so friggin' fat.

Look, if you're not gonna take this seriously, I'm out.

Looks like I got some unfinished business with REO Speedwagon.

Lunch.

M. Night! In the pantry!

Man, my costume sucks.

Maneuvering in their bulky costumes

Mario, we're losing

Marker!

Marker!

Marmalade.

Matthew, time for dinner!