The Invention of Lying (2009) Soundboard Edit

A loser.

About what happens to you after you die.

All day and all night, whatever flavours you can think of

All of Lecture Films' productions are written, filmed and edited on this very lot.

And helps me preserve my sense of personal integrity.

And I love her

And if you still enjoy it, well, I'd like to remind you

And the nude Amazonian alien women, all in one sweeping motion.

And then when I woke up, I saw like a thing sticking out of the sand.

And things just escalated.

And you're my best friend.

Anna: Mark, I woke up this morning, sober, and realised that,

Anna: Mmm...

Anna's mom, you're on with Brad Kessler.

Are you ready?

Based on your looks, your financial situation and your position in life,

Because of the zeroes on the board,

BOB: Maybe they're all fat losers like him

Brad: I know.

But also the thought of sleeping with you sickens me.

But I've been blessed with some luck as well in my life.

But, you know, it's more than that.

Bye!

Can I come in?

Chips, please.

Come on!

Come on.

Definitely not.

Did you invent a new kind of bike?

Do we have time to get to a motel, or do we need to do it right here?

Do you wanna hang out or something?

Doesn't make him good enough to be your friend

Doesn't matter. Either way, you're a dumpy little queer.

Don't do it

Don't do it.

Don't put that on the ice cream, then! What is the matter with you people?

F RAN K: Cool, okay.

Fantastic!

Fat, ginger...

Fine.

Have you been drinking and operating this motor vehicle?

Haven't changed the ingredients much lately,

He also decides who lives and who dies.

He could be the world's greatest poet.

He's probably off to a really important meeting.

He's saying, Why are you speaking to that idiot?

Hello? S peaking.

Hey, maybe... Maybe if I just sleep on it.

Hi.

Hi.

How do you know all these things?

How's it going with you?

Huh?

Huh? Oh.

I bet it was. It's my house.

I could get on the first plane to Namibia. No one knows me there.

I do.

I don't know where to start.

I don't think I should. Anything can happen.

I don't want little fat kids with snub noses.

I have an expensive cocaine habit.

I know.

I know. That's why I'm here for the rent.

I loathed almost every minute that I worked for you.

I look forward to never seeing you.

I said, Fat faggot.

I think you'll hardly recognise me.

I want little fat kids with snub noses.

I would touch girls' boobs.

I'll have a mango margarita,

I'll love our children

I'll pick you up tomorrow, about 8:00?

I'm Bob: I work for Coke. And I'm asking you to not stop buying Coke.

I'm gonna call the police, you're gonna be arrested.

I'm gonna get a snack. Do you want a snack?

I'm in my 40s, and I'm alone with no prospects.

I'm just too far out of your league: Anna.

I'm not happy because

I'm so... I'm so frightened.

I'm your man.

Is it bad to wear pants?

Is this what you really want?

It was the second storey, jumped out.

It was to be the first h u man nude Amazonian alien woman wedding,

It's okay. Forget about them.

It's one thing that you invented the bicycle, but...

Just love.

King Wanglor performed a mind wipe on all the humans,

Little fat kids with snub noses.

Look at that u n usual thing, I've never...

Loser

MALE REPORTER: In London, England, they wait.

Mark is one of Lecture Films' least successful screenwriters.

Mark: $800.

Mark: Shut up!

Mark: The ninja army unleashed a giant fireball

Me.

Mum, listen to me.

Mum?

Napoleon's men persevered.

No, I'm not sick. I just hate it there.

No, it's not.

No, not very attractive. No, doesn't make much money.

No, wait.

No.

No. I joined a gym, but just... Things have changed for me.

No. I won't move into your mansion with you when we die. You're really smothering me.

Not for me.

Now I can't redeem sex with this.

Now I'm obviously rich and successful and...

Number ten, even if the man in the sky does bad stuff to you,

NURSE: Mrs Johnson, you have got to take your medicine.

Nurse!

Oh, come on, no, Mark!

Oh, I came to tell you that I can't watch a movie with you tonight.

Oh, I'm sorry. That must be my mom calling to check on our date

Oh, it will.

Oh, look, everyone.

Oh!

Okay, fine.

Okay, you're not getting it.

Okay. Next time...

One day, Mark,

Ooh, it's good you're here. She's not doing well.

Ooh, we're the business people.

Or a better genetic line?

Probably what attracted the bear in the first place.

Ricky Gervais: Testing. Testing.

Shelley: No, thank you!

Since the man in the sky?

So I say to you...

So there's nothing new I can tell you about that.

So until then I think I'm just gonna stick with the alcohol

So, he's the one who cured my mom's cancer?

Sorry.

Sorry. It's my mom.

Sort of. So, anything else?

Tell him I love him.

Tell me something about you, though.

Thanks for going on this date with me.

Thanks.

That makes me horny. I hope this date ends in sex.

That should make me not love you, but it only makes me love you more.

That was awesome.

That's a lot.

That's why I'll always be a loser.

That's why you're here.

The Black Plague.

The Earth was saved.

The house always wins in the long run.

The more you push me away, the more attracted I am to you.

The wedding is tomorrow.

The world has come to a standstill,

The world's gonna end unless we have sex right now!

There's an even better chance that, in the long run, we'll win it back.

There's no such thing as deceit or flattery or fiction.

They are?

They look fine to me.

Things are gonna be okay.

This is a typical town in that world.

Today, people are saying he has new information

Uh u h!

Um... Just wait there.

Waiting for Mark Bellison to come forth and tell the people what he knows.

Watch this. Jim!

We both know that one day you're going to lose your looks

We have to have sex right now!

We'll have two beers, and we'll take them over there at the roulette table

We've been through so much together.

We've been through this.

We've got a major winner here. Would you open up the vault?

Well, because I was thinking that if I get eternal happiness when I die,

Well, call me tomorrow if you still like me when you're sober.

Well, he probably is a loser. Bad example.

Well, how am I gonna do that?

Well, I found out I can pretty much have my life the way I want it.

Well, I told everyone you're getting fired this week

Well, I...

Well, I'm relieved you're not a couple of black guys

Well, it was nice chatting with you.

Well, of course this isn't right, the world is going to end!

Well, that's fine. They'll leave their mansion. They'll come and live with you, won't they?

Well, you look really depressed today. That's gonna make this so much harder.

Well...

What about you guys? Are you happier, at least?

What are you doing here?

What do you get the man who has everything?

What does he look like?

What is it?

What would you do?

What?

What's the next thing you'd do?

Whatever you said obviously affected a lot of people.

Where the human race has never evolved the ability to tell a lie.

Who says that a strong jawline or a fast metabolism or a muscular physique...

Who says those traits will make your kids better than mine, or happier?

Why didn't you just say yes?

Why throw a weight problem on top of it with delicious, fatty chicken?

Will everyone who has ever died be there?

Would stumble across them in the desert after being fired by his crap boss, Anthony,

Yeah, my favourite part was when she said it was based on your looks.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. And everyone you've ever loved and who's ever loved you will be there.

Yeah. Great.

Yeah. Oh, boy

Yeah. You gonna apologise?

You know I'm good looking because, well, here I am.

You know that

You look like my dead son!

You probably just prefer socks, right?

You should say your final good byes today.

You used to dance.

You want to marry a strong genetic match

You're confusing me

You're the sweetest man I've ever met.

$10 for a beer. That is... Don't you understand?

All of it. Whatever's left. The system is down, sir.

Boob. No, we've done boobs.

Can we see him? Mark: No.

Compliments from the chef. Thank you.

Daughter? No.

Did you know I was getting married? Yeah, I heard.

Do you mind if I talk to you for a second? No.

Good luck. MAN: Thank you.

He'd rather have a pair of socks, right? Brad: Can I have it?

I always wanted a black friend. Me, too

I heard the news they were firing you, huh? Yeah.

I knew it. But...

I know. And even if you happen to win,

Mark suits you even better. Marko.

No, no, I can make it work. Mark.

Officer. Listen, no, no, no! Sir, please get back in the car!

Right. You haven't heard of that?

So he lives in space. Not that high.

Sorry. Forget about it now. Sorry, I didn't know

What if they're trying to hurt you? Well, then it's fine.

What kind of mansion? The best mansion you could think of.

Where are we going? On a trip.

Yes. No, no, no, no, no, no

You can't go in there. I've got an appointment.

Your name is Doug? Hi, Doug.

Your sister? No.

(ALL Exclaiming)

(BOTH Laughing)

(BOYS Laughing)

(Chuckles)

(Chuckles) Can't have sex with you.

(Computer Chimes)

(Crowd Clamouring)

(Crowd Clamouring)

(Crowd Exclaiming APPROVINGLY)

(Exclaims)

(G ROAN IN G)

(Guests Murmuring)

(Guests Murmuring)

(Inaudible)

(Inaudible)

(Inaudible)

(Inaudible)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

(JIM GREETS IN GERMAN)

(Mark GROANS)

(Monitor Beeping)

(Organ Playing)

(Sighs)

(SIREN WAILING)

(SOBS)