2 Broke Girls - Season 5 Edit

A classic good news/bad news situation.

A couple of years ago.

A cult.

A few of the girls and I took up a collection

A goal I've had since I was 11.

A guy is driving a car up a hill and he sees a pig in the road.

A guy left me a half a tuna sandwich as a tip.

A jazzy beat, of course.

A lady who knows what she wants. I like that.

A little bit of the chicken satay, but all good.

A lot of fun stuff to catch up on.

A major rollback on civil rights?

A mildly attractive prostitute at Comic Con

A new low.

A rich couple fighting courtside!

A sort of coming out party.

A tasty tortellini.

A warning dingle.

A warning dingle.

A year, tops.

A, super very a lot.

A...B... C.

About the building in question, including, for some reason,

About the first time I ran away from home.

About this check.

About to accuse a black man of stealing...

According to Netflix, last night I watched

Actually, a little cartoon monkey tells us.

Actually, I really like him,

Actually, I was referencing booming Williamsburg businesses.

Actually, it looks like a precancerous basal cell.

Actually, yes, I am.

Admit it... everyone hates jazz, right?

After being a servant for a few hours,

After I ate that whole brick of cheese.

After last night's date, I need a rebound.

After she lost her tongue, you know...

After they'd had the chicken Parmesan here.

Against my will, but still.

Against the deviants, the divorces,

Against today's politically correct mafia.

Ah, here's $25.

Ah, ladies, ladies.

Ah, white light means it's a go.

Ahh! Well, well, well.

All he talked about is how proud he was of that band.

All I know is if that white girl had started singin',

All I know is, it doesn't mean this.

All of that unprotected sex, and still no baby.

All of them!

All part of the adventure,

All right, but I've been known to miss the cup.

All right, but if we lez out, nobody catch feelings.

All right, can I just come?

All right, come on, let's get out of here

All right, come on, Oleg. I'm ready for my first shot.

All right, Earl.

All right, Eugene, stay where you are.

All right, everybody start throwing some money.

All right, everyone.

All right, everyone.

All right, everyone.

All right, FYI,

All right, he can come.

All right, listen to our latest Yelp reviews.

All right, we gotta get the hell out.

All right, yeah.

All right.

All right. Sorry, ladies.

All the businesses on that block are gonna close.

All the jazz greats sang here.

All the rest of her friends RSVP'd "dead."

All this'll give you is great breasts.

Along the growing waterfront.

Also remind me to get a phone with Siri.

Also, the moving thing just came to and looks mad.

Also, ya ended the game.

Always making friends with the help.

Am I gonna be just some waitress you used to know?

And "God Bless the Child."

And "her" is leaving.

And a better opportunity awaits.

And a lot less annoying?

And a one, and a two, and a three...

And a pine nut had a baby.

And a struggling business

And a thigh gap?

And all my shoes.

And also a douche.

And also completely gone.

And also where it ends for ol' Max and Caroline.

And also, I should tell you,

And as I'm saying this,

And beyond what I thought you were intellectually capable of!

And bring me flowers.

And brush his teeth while he's sleeping?

And by drinks, I mean one PBR each.

And by the way, the fuchsia in your blouse

And came back with your hoops and hair.

And clothes shopping at CVS, then she's real bouncy.

And commissioner, you don't know me,

And Daryl B. was real slow with that water.

And decide to go after mine?

And do not fear.

And don't get in the back of anybody's Isuzu.

And don't say Max stole it,

And don't talk to the neighbors.

And Eugene makes a hell of a pancake breakfast.

And everybody there were so warm and positive.

And everyone lost.

And everywhere in between.

And find out how old John Stamos is.

And fine,

And for you two, pie on the house,

And from the looks of it,

And get the fact that I was totally dissing them.

And go straight to dessert.

And good news!

And he has something to say,

And he slathers butter on my biscuit.

And he wasn't invited to play your anniversary show.

And he's taking that tall right to the bank.

And here comes Mr. Belding.

And here we are on the much traveled

And here's the last of it.

And hide every time we hear someone in the hall?

And his name is Steven Tyler.

And hope for the best.

And how 'bout that hot dog?

And how about our new business labels

And I am very thankful that we could all pull together

And I could meet the doctor who fixes your broken nose!

And I didn't get to draw a mustache on them.

And I don't need it.

And I hate him because that tour never eats

And I just...

And I left my purse there.

And I let him get to know me.

And I lost my cheaters and Oleg's not upstairs.

And I mean every one of you,

And I pulled a glute

And I said, whether I like it or not,

And I should have told you four years ago,

And I thought I was gonna be dead at 14,

And I thought this uniform

And I want the truth.

And I want to order 500 cupcakes.

And I want you to tell me the truth

And I wanted to apologize for the whole mix up.

And I was at a Rolling Stones concert last night.

And I was buying a lotta cocaine.

And I'm about to get it.

And I'm gonna take you now

And I'm guessing a very tense cab ride home.

And I'm guessing cotton oof ya, ees good!

And I'm including the new breakfast restaurant

And I'm not about to try it now.

And I'm not drunk enough for that!

And I'm still not sure how this happened:

And I'm the only one who knows how to get out of here.

And I'm worried.

And I've seen those shoes that have toes.

And if it were so, it would be."

And in case you forget that,

And is Max Black even your real name?

And is this your same sex partner?

And it's not replaceable, unlike you.

And it's spectacular!

And Jennifer Aniston's second nose

And like I've already said twice, Your Honor,

And listen to homeless Barb pitch her screenplay

And maybe change into this paper gown

And my ability to be excited about literally anything?

And my pacemaker on cruise control

And nobody... and I mean nobody...

And not just because I can cheat on him with him.

And now he is.

And now I live in a better part of New Jersey.

And now I'm about to run.

And now she reaches out?

And obviously, we'll pretend that we don't know Caroline.

And of course this would happen here,

And one day, I will try lettuce,

And open the door to them with your eyes.

And other booming businesses opened

And our dentist was in it!

And our dreams.

And phone in this job, too,

And receive the healing vibrations

And recording all your conversations...

And remember,

And she didn't talk about it this much.

And she gets one of those and that was it.

And she has no idea.

And she might have blown it.

And she's not pointing fingers at anyone,

And so it begins!

And still waiting on that agua, Maria.

And take me away with her,

And talk some sense into Ruby,

And thank you, Brother Terry, for that warm introduction

And that one day she'd pick me up

And that Ruby woman

And that someone can do

And that was it; she was out.

And that was the first bus I've been on

And that's how I wound up here,

And that's why I'm blessed.

And that's why I'm blessed.

And that's why I'm blessed.

And that's why we're late to the game,

And that's worth a lot more than money,

And the bad news is...

And The Early Birds are invited to perform

And the metal draining table

And the mystery, and the...

And the only part of me that's transitioning

And the only way..

And the other one already happened...

And the party really goes downhill!

And the rest of the satay just came up

And their free online pornography.

And then I might have to marry someone shorter than me

And then I'm gonna go find an outfit that I can take back.

And then right here is where she'd give me her yearly hug.

And then the pig is in the car...

And then we'd get matching see through body stockings

And then you can watch

And there were no cock fights.

And they are not "the help,"

And they brought Blue Ivy!

And they can see some bushwick right now.

And they look like they get stoned a lot.

And they're freezing me out.

And think all our cupcakes are stuffed with wieners.

And this is Max,

And this is the cash register, where there'll be money someday.

And this is the sprinkle station.

And thus, our seats

And Time Out New York to say it, but...

And today, our family has found two new daughters.

And tomorrow, we need you,

And trust me; it won't be that one.

And wait till we get in the cab?

And we are going to tell them

And we got to get working on the baby body.

And we had a girls' day tomorrow?

And we had such interesting conversations.

And we have a big surprise.

And we won't forget you when we make it big.

And we'd still be closer to the court.

And we'll just continue to have the best luncheon ever.

And we're all working on our team building skills.

And we're having a party tomorrow.

And what about you, ma'am?

And what did he say?

And what the hell is a jazzy beat?

And what's worse is you have to tell her she's lost all hers.

And when he does, Max, don't turn around.

And why are you clenching your knees?

And why does he even have this?

And would you say there's someone holding you back?

And yes, we had kind of a business dream, too,

And you are?

And you are?

And you have no idea how brave I am.

And you have to do it.

And you have to work as a team to get out?

And you have to work as a team to get out.

And you know how much I love money

And you know what that smells like.

And you look perfect here.

And you look..

And you must be..

And you probably also sleep ordered

And you thought it was a cult

And you, don't they have wheelchairs in China?

And you're not part of the team.

And you're one tall drink of yak's milk.

And you're sweatin' to the oldies?

And your closing. Thanks, Caroline.

And your personality at the same time.

And, in honor of those German and Austrian

And, Oleg, I tried the food, and it wasn't gross.

And...

And... and my butt!

And... I'll be right back.

Angel.

Angry mob aside, the good news is

Another big tip. I think it's my smile.

Another insensitive remark,

Another Max is getting plowed on our block?

Any age, there's no coming back from that.

Any samosas in there?

Anymore.

Anyway, break a leg. Or... a heart.

Anyways, my new friends Rachel and Kathy

Apparently you've never met Martha,

Are my heels from day to evening.

Are they stuck?

Are we good?

Are we hiding? Are we fleeing?

Are you okay?

Are you running Wall Street yet?

Around a trash fire, singing doo wop.

As a historic landmark building.

As conductor of the crazy train.

As long as none of it gets on us.

As long as you don't turn around.

As of yesterday, I'm allowed

As we stream live around the world.

Ask anyone at Yale PREP.

Astrid, darling,

Astrid! Oh!

At least Owen's is right out there

At some point, you have to wake up and pee, right?

At table four.

At the end of the day,

At the Ye Olde Williamsburg Watering Hole Restaurant.

At your service.

Attention, everyone.

Attention, everyone.

Aw, Earl, that's too bad.

Aw, that's so disturbing.

Aw, were you holding on to hope?

Aw. [pepper spray fizzes]

Awesome

Ay, yi yi.

B...

Baaaah!

Baaah!

Baaah!

Baaah!

Baaah!

Back into the room

Bad news: they're aggressively protesting your cupcake shop.

Basketball is my favorite sport,

Because Earl would do the same for us if we had any talent

Because I can tell by the size of your pores,

Because I can't afford penicillin

Because I really don't like cream based sauces.

Because like the Sad Hatter said,

Because no reasonable black man

Because of some female impersonator.

Because she lost all her money

Because sometimes when you force things,

Because that's getting older than Randy's accent.

Because there's something wrong with me?

Because they're gross or mean

Becky can dance her some hora.

Becky's an actress.

Bedford Methadone and Drug Clinic?

Bedford Street right in the very heart

Been to every game.

Before he has sex with you.

Before he jumps into bed with you.

Before I tell her she's lost everything.

Before long, we'll be parents.

Before my life came crashing down.

Before she starts to sing again?

Before the night is over, each of you will have a chance

Before the sunrise, our moons will unite.

Before they Velcroed that dead cat to his head.

Before we have sex

Before we start, I need to collect your phones

Before we start.

Begin with a soft...

Behind the screen. Put the suit on over that.

Being rich and yelling at the help.

Bernard, hi. What are you doing here?

Bernard, I really do wish I could give

Bernard, next time, don't hire a child butler.

Bernard, this is Max. She's my roommate.

Bi? Now, those people I don't trust.

Bitch, that door is locked.

Blockbuster Video did?

Blow this out 'cause I worry about fire;

Boner appétit.

Boober.

Boober.

Boom! I just schooled you.

Booth one is all yours.

Booyah!

Both: Hold my hoops!

Boys, y'all know the drill. Vamp! Vamp, boys, vamp.

Breakfast all day at McDonald's.

Bring Max over by the gong.

Bring something to relax you.

Broadway, fashion week,

Broadway.

Brooklyn's my team.

Brother Dan.

Buh bye.

Bunch of rich bitches.

Businesses just like Max's Homemade Cupcakes.

But ain't nothing wrong with a righteous doob.

But baby making is brutal.

But before you go, why don't we discuss this as a group

But I always think that

But I am five cupcakes away

But I assure you you'll wake up feeling refreshed.

But I can't afford...

But I didn't love what I caught.

But I do know something that might make you feel better.

But I don't have to explain my performance piece to you.

But I don't know if that's exactly a woman

But I feel like it's me that just woke up

But I get it.

But I get it.

But I gotta tell you, you really took the cool out of Cool Whip.

But I had a good time. Good night.

But I promised myself

But I thought we wouldn't last a month.

But I was just outside talking to my new friends,

But I wasn't cool with it!

But I'm a little jealous of Earl

But I'm pretty sure he got back on Ruby.

But I've aged since this started

But I've got a hot date with that fine young thing

But if you don't wanna play, we can just go.

But it's come to my attention

But it's not good crystal that makes a life.

But it's still morning.

But it's the right thing to say right now.

But just know your granddaughter

But just make sure he shows up and he is sober.

But Max, I've wanted my own business

But maybe it was a really important one.

But maybe you should manage your expectations.

But mine's got two somethings

But my boobs are really, really sore.

But not tonight.

But one of us...

But seriously, something like a honey mustard

But she usually tells people

But she's awake now and wants to see you.

But thanks for sending the paramedics.

But thanks, girls. It would have been really nice.

But that ain't gonna happen,

But that was just a single dingle.

But that's gonna be a hard "no" from me.

But the house is made of silk and hope.

But then that lady died.

But then we did, and then another month,

But there were actually two Michelles...

But there's one problem: I no longer own a saxophone.

But these people are my family now

But they did come here to help me.

But they paid us.

But this is about so much more than business.

But this used to be America,

But turns out all I needed was Max.

But two wedding albums.

But we are a family!

But we are one hell of a lot more than that!

But what about wanting it to have a delicate chin?

But when it comes to finance,

But when it's down to just resin,

But who wants to be surprised by a little weenie?

But you and I have so much more than that.

But you are not done with this situation.

But you bad mouthing our business

But you can't always get what you want.

But you can't be the first person

But you look really cute right now.

But you screwed me on the rent.

But you would be, too, if you were her.

But you would need a miracle to find that proof in time.

But you wouldn't lend me 25¢ for a latte yesterday?

But you're embarrassed?

But your friend's in a lot of trouble.

But, Max, what about our plans?

But, Sophie, he hasn't even examined you yet.

By another group run by my ex husband, Nancy.

By the way, the piglet's popping the snout out

By the way, you heard I referenced

C'mon, Oleg, I mean nobody can say for sure

Can I borrow those binoculars,

Can I ever get a good roommate?

Can I get a "what what?"

Can I get a high five?

Can I see your tickets?

Can we have a little more class

Can you believe he's telling his entire tour

Can you excuse us for a minute?

Can you just admit it's not a cult?

Can you just let this go?

Can you just smell the money down here?

Can you take this?

Can you?

Can't leave him out there, can we?

Careful.

Careful. Don't get her overexcited.

Carmella, we just lost our lunch table.

Caroline and I were on the cover last week.

Caroline C. from here says,

Caroline is so happy right now.

Caroline reads everything.

Caroline,

Caroline, are you where you want to be in life?

Caroline, cover my tables.

Caroline, do you have any idea who this N.N. could be?

Caroline, how have you been?

Caroline, I found a city website

Caroline, I used to live in Jersey City,

Caroline, I'd like to meet the chef.

Caroline, I'm coming to you next.

Caroline, is there someone in this room

Caroline, literally slow your roll.

Caroline, please tell me you're okay.

Caroline, this sauce is delicious!

Caroline, throw one in there.

Caroline, wanna try again?

Caroline, where are you?

Caroline, why don't you read it?

Caroline, why don't you sit here, and Rachel,

Caroline, you are free to go at any time.

Caroline, you're not really gonna sing the blues.

Caroline, you're sharing a room with me.

Caroline!

Caroline! Let the help do that.

Caroline?

Caroline.

Caroline.

Caroline...

Caroline's kind of the Screech of the group.

Cheeseburger Pringles?

Cheesecake is a fun alternative

Cher hates us too.

Cher, you got me a present?

Chew it too long and it'll go south." Gum.

Chew it too long, and it will go south.

Cleansing you from head to toe

Closer?

Cobb salad.

Coconut mozzarella sticks, but... swing and a miss.

Coffee on his face.

Coleslaw tub. Come alone.

Come alone.

Come close so I can present you

Come closer to me.

Come on up for a hug.

Come on, Caroline. Where's your sense of whimsy?

Come on, let's go to the ladies' room

Come on, Sophie. It's not that bad.

Come on! Let's go steal their seats.

Come on.

Come on. It's not that bad.

Come out of your sad mouth for a change.

Come right into the locker room after the game.

Confuse you with a historic Williamsburg

Correctamundo. [chuckles]

Correction, if I could turn the clock back,

Correction: make that over hard.

Could you direct me to your...

Couple of rats, though.

Crack a window. Smells like Ass trid in here.

Crap! They're coming in here.

Dammit!

Dammit!

Dammit! I should have gone with "Han Golden Pond."

Damn it, yo!

Damn it! I forgot I invited people.

Damn it.

Damn it.

Dannon told me the market was also a front

Dannon, tell them about the windows.

Dannon.

Daryl B. says,

Dear, may I ask you a question?

Did anybody else think that?

Did anything come up for you during the sound bath?

Did I say adventure?

Did you ask that little Korean girl for a raise?

Did you guys see Murray with our curry in a hurry?

Did you just come here to brag?

Did you order curry in a hurry?

Did you order me those shoes?

Did you overcharge him too?

Did you two get bored killing your own business

Didn't you rib a dragon on "Game of Thrones"?

Do either of those NS stand for nachos?

Do I detect a Philadelphia accent?

Do I ever mind?

Do I have to escape from this too?

Do I look like a person with an end game?

Do that again, and I'm gonna squiddly da bop you in the head.

Do you accept nature's credit card?

Do you have a card?

Do you have documented proof of this?

Do you have more teeth than me?

Do you know what E. coli means?

Do you mind closing up? Thanks.

Do you mind?

Do you think anyone would notice

Do you think his thing will unfold?

Do you think our business dream

Do you think you can handle getting to know him?

Do you want a finger?

Do you want to go to the game?

Do you, A... ".

Do you? You're losing this crowd

Does he know we don't have penises?

Does it look like cancer?

Dollars? I could live in India.

Don't be hard on yourself, Han.

Don't be shy. You two girls went up

Don't be too dead to get my new Pop Tarts.

Don't drag me into the middle of Pretty Little Liars.

Don't get her mad.

Don't let this one talk your ear off.

Don't let this one talk your ear off.

Don't look at my screensaver

Don't mind if I don't mind.

Don't mumble, Connie.

Don't waste your Euros.

Don't worry. I'll settle up with Elaine.

Don't you look smashing, Astrid.

Dongs aren't the answer to everything.

Dongs. The answer is dongs.

Doors on the stalls.

Double dingle. Mayday.

Down a flight of stairs every time I have a hunch.

Down at Ruby's,

Down at the Brooklyn Courthouse

Down to the city archives.

During the 1830s, German and Austrian capitalists

Earl better not be dead, or I'll kill him.

Earl is more than just a cashier.

Earl only lives a block away.

Earl will be out in a hot second.

Earl with a couple of 18 year old white girls.

Earl, I know you remember a time

Earl, I thought this would make you happy,

Earl, three months ago,

Earl, wake up.

Earl, you played with Ella Fitzgerald?

Earl!

Earl! I'm so glad you're alive.

Earl...

Earl... we're waiting for you. [chuckles]

Earl's in charge when I'm gone.

Earl's in charge?

Earl's still in the bathroom.

Eh, I'm just talking about a little chick ity chat

Either that, or I've been shot.

Elaine, I thought I needed to make new friends,

Elaine, this is Caroline,

Established their businesses

Even if this guy has a hook for a hand.

Even the sight of one of them can be disturbing

Ever.

Every night this week, I have wept in the arms

Every single time, they just gave me back to my mother.

Everybody calm down, take a beat.

Everybody takes a little off the top.

Everybody, sit down.

Everybody, thank you all for coming out tonight.

Everyone else is listening

Everyone gather 'round.

Everyone, close your eyes and quiet the mind,

Everyone, maybe I can clear this up.

Everyone?

Everything is working out!

Exactamente.

Exactly how old do you think I am?

Exactly.

Except for cashews.

Except IMAXs are supposed to be big.

Except that medical marijuana store.

Except we didn't have an app... or a car.

Excuse me

Excuse me, ladies.

Excuse me, miss, in the drop crotch sweatpants!

Faster than I'm going to lose my diner.

Feel me up, Low bo cop.

Femme looking cupcakes, only to discover

Fibromyalgia and seasonal depression?

Final offer.

Finally, you admit you blew something

Finally.

Fine, I don't care if we never get out.

Fine, I'll go out and buy you another box

Fine, I'm the only one here who knows this story,

Fine; just tell me your safe word, and let's go.

Fine.

Fine.

Fine.

Fine.

Fine. This is garbage anyway

Fire hydrant?

First I'll put these in some diner water.

First of all, this is $12,

First say it.

Fish market, opened at that location

Flowers?

Flowers?

Follow along, boys.

Follow me.

For $10,000!

For a real fancy luncheon.

For a whore house.

For as long as I've known Earl,

For closing the diner tonight for this meeting.

For eating outside next to garbage cans.

For example, we're covering for Earl

For future reference, I'm more of a

For lack of a better word.

For me too.

For murdering Earl's girlfriend, but...

For my next job.

For our business.

For shutting your business down the last couple days,

For strong, brutal violence.

For that Porky Pig bong.

For the leader of our family,

For the luncheon you're going to throw me.

For the next three hours.

For the past five years,

For the record, I was filming my business

For this big order for... L?

For wanting more for us than bad seats

Forget it.

Forget this Ye Olde Williamsburg place.

Forgive me.

Founding fathers, here we have our

Fran Drescher's here?

Free speech.

From a sort of "Eyes Wide Shut" situation.

From mentioning your father's scandal

From my old jazz band The Early Birds.

From The Early Birds.

From the opposing side.

From what professional doctors call T.Rex arm.

From you and Janine.

Fun.

Gah!

Gah!

Gah! [clears throat]

Garboni Funeral Home?

Get in the ice bathtub.

Get out

Get out of this?

Get out.

Get up off of that floor!

Gettin' on the good foot doin' the bad thing.

Getting ripped off by my roommate.

Girl talk?

Girl talk.

Girl, you better check yourself!

Girls, I just realized...

Girls, Oleg and I have been having a lot of sex.

Girls, why don't you come up on stage?

Give me something to work with.

Glad you like that outfit,

Go, go, go! Ten seconds!

Go.

God

Goes number one!

Going down and up at the same time.

Going right for it, huh?

Good afternoon, Brother Dan.

Good afternoon, family.

Good afternoon, family.

Good afternoon, Terry.

Good evening. My name is Ruby.

Good for you, Earl.

Good idea, Max.

Good luck with all this.

Good luck with that

Good news: I figured out where all the customers are.

Good put down, Caroline.

Goodnight, everyone.

Gordon Ramsay once put me in a headlock.

Gortak just signed to play pro basketball.

Gortak, this is..

Gortak!

Got a marriage proposal in the diner.

Got it. Pretend I'm you.

Grammy Astrid, it's Caroline!

Grammy, a lot has changed since I lost all my...

Grammy, I'd be happy to throw you a luncheon

Grammy, you may have been in a coma,

Grammy's whole world is gone

Great boobs: one big, one small.

Guess what I'm doing?

Guys, Max really likes Owen,

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha. He's still got it!

Half the "Taken"s and all the "Insidious"es es

Han ah Montana?

Han, complaining online doesn't work.

Han, don't blow this, it might be our only connection

Han, go, go, go, go.

Han, I can't take shots and jazz

Han, oh, my God!

Han, this is my cousin Gortak.

Hang on; I got an idea.

Has been stealing from the diner

Hashtag, just asking for a friend

Have I been living on the subway again?

Have you been shopping at Men's Wearhouse?

He also told me his CD was a bargain at $5.99.

He broke up with me.

He broke up with you?

He can just step aside so we can, you know,

He could get out anytime...

He deserves to play at that jazz club.

He did not know when to fold 'em

He got a chance to do what he's best at again.

He got back on the horse without getting back on the horse.

He had all three types of diabetes.

He has face cancer.

He has two.

He hid it in the pie!

He is right here. Bag it!

He just keeps pushing his stupid

He lost my address when I moved in here.

He said he gotta be at work early.

He said I betrayed his trust,

He said my package was too much for him

He says that? I totally missed that?

He should've listened. I told him to eat more kale.

He told me they're holding an anniversary show

He turned 53 in August!

He uses ricotta.

He wears it in the bedroom when we role play.

He'll be here.

He's a bum!

He's a genius!

He's acting like the stage

He's been waiting to get that off his chest

He's both! Hold my hoops!

He's dead.

He's getting Lasik.

He's late.

He's like a roofy with a little flag.

He's more like a father figure to her.

He's not a cashier. He's a musical genius.

He's probably just late. Don't overreact.

He's right, move it along.

He's standing right under me, isn't me?

Hearing about Amy Schumer every day

Hello, Caroline

Hello, Caroline.

Hello, I'm Murray.

Hello, ladies

Hello, ladies.

Hello.

Hello. That's my order.

Her favorite athlete, Bruce Jenner.

Here in historic Williamsburg Brooklyn.

Here they are!

Here they come

Here we go.

Here you go.

Here, hold my hoops while I unstrap the pistol on my shoe.

Here, hold my hoops!

Here, let me use my pepper spray flashlight.

Here, Max.

Here! Over here.

Here. Let's practice.

Here's a check made out to Max's Homemade Cupcakes

Here's her guest list.

Here's how I want things to unfold.

Here's that tuna salad... and hurry.

Here's you salad. Dressing on the side.

Here's your pie.

Hey, all right, come on now

Hey, be fair and fix my hair.

Hey, can we talk over there in that booth?

Hey, Caroline, I'm so glad you could come.

Hey, Earl, what's shaking?

Hey, everybody!

Hey, everybody!

Hey, everybody!

Hey, everybody.

Hey, everyone has something wrong with them.

Hey, forget about this cupcake.

Hey, girls, come on.

Hey, girls!

Hey, girls.

Hey, girls. Buckle up.

Hey, hold up! Aah!

Hey, I have questions prepared.

Hey, I'm Max

Hey, in my defense,

Hey, look, I just got a $10 tip from this guy and I spilled

Hey, look. I want a cupcake,

Hey, sometimes my negativity pays off

Hey, there, you crazy cats.

Hey, uh, I guess, welcome back.

Hey, what do you want to do after work tonight?

Hey, you! Yeah, you!

Hey.

Hey.

Hi, can I get a red velvet... oh, my God, Max Black?

Hi, Elaine.

Hi, everybody!

Hi, everybody!

Hi, girls

Hi, girls.

Hi, I'm Caroline.

Hi, I'm June, and this is Dianne.

Hi, I'm Oleg's wife, Sophie.

Hi, sorry I'm late for the party, girls,

Hi, we need to talk to you.

Hi!

Hi. Excuse me.

Hi. I'm here for, uh...

High five!

Him and the other people that work there.

His criminal trial

Hits too close to home

Hold me, Terry.

Hold my hoops again!

Hold my syringe while I get my credit card.

Hold up! Nobody leave.

Hold your hoops! I'm sorry.

Holy crap. How long has it been?

Home of the free and land of the insult.

Honestly, after talking to them,

Hope you like white wine.

Hoping there's a Maria behind me.

Hot stuff, coming through.

How about drinks on me?

How are we gonna

How can you not own a saxophone?

How cute do I look?

How dare he tell those people our business won't be here.

How dare you!

How did they get into the VIP section?

How did you find me here?

How did you get cult from that?

How do people get to know each other?

How do you like that, Max?

How do you two know each other?

How do you... What do you...

How do you... What do you...

How is Gordon?

How is it not like that?

How late is late?

How many viewers did you just have?

How much money do you think we're getting?

How old?

How to work together to solve a problem.

How we instinctively label one another.

How will you get home if it rains?

How would a girl like you know about that?

How would that... Let's just move past it.

How y'all doin'?

How's it feel?

How's this? A little too Princess Leia?

Huge mistake.

Huge.

Hurry! [pepper spray fizzes]

I already delivered a baby in here today.

I also thought peanuts never touched the eggs at the diner,

I also wear a drumstick paper frill around my penis.

I am back where I belong.

I am gender fluid.

I am obviously in.

I am simply I, and I cannot be labeled.

I appreciate all the trouble, girls.

I appreciate your enthusiasm, but of all of us here,

I ate $700 worth of shrimp?

I believe it's "whom" and no, I don't.

I believe this is yours.

I bet we could get a lot of business there.

I bid you adieu.

I can be a little overly sensitive.

I can say, on behalf of all women,

I can see it through those shorts.

I can see it through those shorts.

I can still get pregnant.

I can. It's your PPT.

I can't believe all this time she was in a coma.

I can't believe I have two tickets!

I can't believe I'm seeing our royal family!

I can't believe I'm touching the court with my feet!

I can't believe that Earl would end up

I can't believe that tour guide

I can't believe that you girls went to see Ruby

I can't believe the limo driver

I can't believe the only way I can make a friend

I can't believe they're replacing us

I can't believe you ate the last of my S'mores Pop Tarts.

I can't believe you got past the protestors.

I can't believe you knew someone in a coma

I can't believe you won't tell me

I can't keep up with all these drinks.

I can't read this little window thing

I can't really explain it.

I can't undo the rent thing.

I can't. The judge knows me

I could ask the same of you and follow up

I could be in a cult for the weekend.

I could get my nose broken by a ball!

I could never live with myself.

I crashed on Becky's couch,

I crawled to Detroit.

I definitely think we should skip dinner...

I did a lot of drugs

I did a lot of ribbon dancing.

I did manage to get that flier to Blue Ivy's people.

I did not say the thing you thought I said.

I did what you said,

I did. Thank you.

I didn't catch all of that,

I didn't even think it.

I didn't get an alert on my phone.

I didn't recognize you without...

I didn't say which friend.

I didn't think she was gonna be that good.

I do?

I don't care for it much.

I don't even like beer.

I don't feel good about this.

I don't have to tell you that.

I don't know that that's exactly a problem.

I don't know the codes.

I don't know.

I don't know. Have a good one.

I don't know. Is it paid for?

I don't like it up here.

I don't like people or science, either,

I don't mean to burst your bubble,

I don't mind it.

I don't need junk to get up there.

I don't need someone to tell me that I'm pretty

I don't really believe you,

I don't settle...

I don't think anybody has ever peed in there.

I don't think I ever remember you playing sober

I don't think of you that way at all.

I don't think she can take much more disappointment.

I don't think so.

I don't understand.

I don't want to be associated with these people.

I don't want to go alone

I don't want to hear anymore about that guy's hole!

I don't want to taste Bushwick alone.

I don't work on Wall Street.

I even quit Honey Smacks

I feel like I'm getting a little chubby!

I feel like we're finally getting close

I feel stupid.

I felt like anything is possible.

I forgot how good Chanel feels against my skin.

I get how much you all have to put up with.

I get sad a lot in here

I got a lot on my mind.

I got a tennis lesson.

I got bored.

I got my mojo working

I got the lock legs.

I got them with the money you were saving

I got this.

I got to get out of here.

I gotta admit, I'm excited to play.

I gotta be at work early.

I gotta see it!

I guess I could do drinks.

I guess I have something to say.

I guess I just thought we were...

I guess so.

I guess this also means I won't be a contestant

I guess you'll be leaving

I had just kicked heroin,

I had to watch "Carson Daly" alone and say,

I hate that tour guy too!

I hate them.

I hate to say this,

I have a feeling this dessert is gonna be extra sweet.

I have been really missing all of this,

I have sex with this year.

I have to block out so much now just to get through the day.

I have to freshen up in the men's room.

I have two tickets.

I have wept about the plight of these two girls,

I haven't been called cool since I had a black card

I haven't been this cold

I haven't been this speechless since the first time

I haven't been this winded since I climbed

I haven't done smack in 30 years.

I haven't paid this much for sex since Orgy Cruise '08.

I haven't said anything yet.

I haven't seen this few people since...

I haven't seen this many angry gay people

I hear it was Billie Holiday's poison.

I hear you, sister.

I heard what he said.

I hope it's not fettuccini

I hope these flowers like little floating meat bits.

I hope you have some energy left

I hope you're happy, girls.

I jumped into a floor hole for feelings?

I just found two fives in the couch!

I just Googled it.

I just got a $20 tip on a $10 check.

I just got my period.

I just got paid.

I just hate that tour guy.

I just have to ask...

I just have to break into this song.

I just heard the funniest joke.

I just love this tasty tortellini.

I just needed Caroline to start singing.

I just saw her in "Law and Order."

I just think it's cool how brave you were

I just think it's cool how brave you were

I just think this is a missed opportunity.

I just thought we were in this together,

I just want to have a healthy, happy baby.

I just want to know what we're ugly walking toward.

I just wish I'd brought my giant wallet.

I know he got back on her, 'cause I had to hold her hoops.

I know I said I was cool with waiting,

I know I was almost there for quite some time.

I know it's technically good to have a big order,

I know that was bad. I'm sorry.

I know this probably all seems like a lot of hooey,

I know you two were close.

I know you were disappointed

I know you're busy masturbating.

I know, darling. I'm old, not blind.

I know; I didn't win that Polish daytime Emmy for nothing!

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know. Fancy.

I know. It's terrible.

I know. Tell me about it.

I left half my hair in Midtown.

I like going downtown.

I like talking now

I like to think of us more as an Ike and Tina

I like where I am.

I liked the Internet when the only thing you could do

I look like Donald Trump

I looked up from the harness, and you were gone

I lost $5 billion.

I love baby number two, but I don't know.

I love Cher.

I love you too.

I may be the greatest waitress ever and strangely that doesn't

I mean, aren't all dreams kind of crazy?

I mean, didn't that window close around the same time

I mean, he is the only one at this diner

I mean, he's driving a double Decker.

I mean, he's just a cashier at a diner now.

I mean, however people run their business

I mean, I love her and she's a fox,

I mean, is this part of the game?

I mean, it's one thing for you, me,

I mean, like Max said, everybody's got something

I mean, lots of celebrities go to those games.

I mean, Maria will, if she can find a babysitter.

I mean, my period's real late.

I mean, ricotta? We gotta.

I mean, so much cooler.

I mean, that music's about suffering,

I mean, that would be so..

I mean, uh...

I mean, what do you want to know?

I mean, what if it's not Oleg's swimmers?

I mean, what kind of person would just be named I?

I mean, you try sharing a waiting room

I mean, you're playing penis roulette down there.

I meant emotionally.

I miss her.

I miss selecting jeans.

I mostly delivered bad news, like,

I must be in New Orleans.

I must say, you look...

I need all the energy I can get.

I need proof that those windows are legit.

I need the exercise.

I needed help finding my Apple TV remote.

I never played straight.

I never thought I'd be happy to see Oleg

I once saw her open up a can of paint

I only have two questions for you...

I owe you $10.

I personally don't give a crap what you think,

I predict that the net worth

I read about your situation on the internet,

I really appreciate you guys helping me with the luncheon.

I really liked him.

I really wonder what I am doing here.

I relate to anybody who's not doing that great.

I ripped the middle right out of my Spanx.

I said the same thing to the people

I said, "Your son might be in some trouble,"

I sang "God Bless the Child."

I saw your toe nails.

I say we gotta find him and knock some sense into him.

I should get them one of our fliers.

I should totally Periscope this

I smell cheesecake!

I sold it 'cause I needed the money

I still maintain that Periscoping will be great

I stole one from the diner 'cause I thought

I stole your identity three years ago.

I suppose I should conserve my energy

I tell you everything.

I think I love you.

I think I'm gonna let this one breathe in the kitchen.

I think I'm gonna tell him

I think it's the same guy as before.

I think Kathy Bates is really mad at us.

I think my iPhone case is made out of gortak.

I think somebody tried to sell me a hubcap

I think that'll be fun to watch.

I think that's Gortak's ball sweat.

I think this is gonna work.

I think we've heard everything this gentlemen has to say

I think when we went to Ruby's, I caught the jazz bug.

I think you mean "privates."

I thought it was one of Astrid's bones

I thought it was pertinent, Your Honor.

I thought you started doing sudoku

I thought you were gonna be Elaine...

I told that Chinese lady up top

I told you to take that

I took a class in motivational speaking.

I took you to a basketball game like an idiot!

I tried to start that policy years ago.

I understand that you're both feeling a little overwhelmed,

I used to act in Poland. I can do a whole bunch.

I used to imagine she was my real mom

I used to shoot around in juvi.

I used to think that.

I usually begin with a soft hummer.

I usually sit in the parking lot

I want it decorated.

I was a delivery boy in Vietnam.

I was afraid you'd try to get us a better table.

I was going to say

I was gonna say less on heroin.

I was good at a lot of things with you, Ruby.

I was in a cult once.

I was in my high school's jazz choir.

I was just going to wish you a wonderful evening.

I was really excited to see the show.

I was stuck on the phone with Barry

I was sure this would clear up on its own,

I was thirsty!

I was trying to stop you

I was unaware I'd be injecting your badonkadonk.

I was wondering if he'd let me take a selfie with them

I was wondering the same thing about Tim Allen.

I wasn't criticizing your piece.

I wasn't sure what to expect from one of your lunches,

I wasn't thinking "Scruples"

I went back to the doctor, and he said

I will be if that gets me in the will.

I will never do a German accent again.

I wish I could afford "Scruples."

I wish someone had done that for me

I work in Brooklyn, in a diner.

I would be ignored by the waitstaff.

I would have thought those boys

I would help you, and be your heaven sent,

I would love to stay and celebrate,

I would stay away from the Village,

I would, but I don't know what the people

I wouldn't go back four years. I'd go back 30 seconds.

I wouldn't have spent the last four years

I wouldn't have to sell these dumb crystals anymore.

I, on the other hand, love settling.

I?

I...don't know.

I'd be back, but I don't think so.

I'd definitely get that thing checked out.

I'd like us to recite our mantra.

I'd never get out of bed.

I'd never grow up to be my gynecologist.

I'd track down my father.

I'd wait for Max to introduce me,

I'll be fine

I'll be gone for... 20.

I'll be great at this.

I'll be in the kitchen, studying the Chipotle menu.

I'll bring the P. She'll bring the T&A.

I'll buy you a drink first.

I'll call them, they're on my speed dial.

I'll call you tomorrow. We'll do something.

I'll get her our flier.

I'll get it from Oleg.

I'll go get the last of the rent money.

I'll go.

I'll go. To wherever Maria lives.

I'll have a Lillet.

I'll hold the stick under you while you urinate.

I'll just go take a peek.

I'll meet you out front.

I'll pay you back as soon as we get the money

I'll read one.

I'll replace it. I mean, I can't,

I'll roll up my sleeve... and then pull down my Spanx,

I'll spare you the stress and confusion, dear,

I'll take a tall glass of agua, por favor.

I'll take a water if we're getting stuff.

I'll take my chances with her.

I'll try and let this go, but I'm just saying,

I'll use the emergency code to get us out of here.

I'm 27.

I'm a bit of a chick magnet.

I'm a bit of a chick magnet.

I'm afraid only one guest RSVP'd "yes

I'm assuming. I can't see anymore

I'm beginning to think I may never get that chance.

I'm busy tomorrow night because I'm going to your party!

I'm calling an emergency staff meeting.

I'm calling on behalf of your grandmother.

I'm Caroline from Max's Homemade Cupcakes.

I'm Caroline,

I'm Chef Oleg.

I'm Cher, bitch.

I'm doing the best I can!

I'm e mailing all the neighborhood business owners

I'm fine

I'm from Korea!

I'm getting really upset

I'm going in.

I'm gonna go ahead and call it a comeback.

I'm gonna go talk to them, set them straight.

I'm gonna have to shoot up myself to get through this

I'm gonna let a doctor poke around my front bottom.

I'm gonna lose it.

I'm gonna make a friend right now.

I'm gonna miss her so much!

I'm gonna miss him.

I'm gonna open this window and tell them to screw off.

I'm Gortak.

I'm hoping for fettuccini.

I'm in no rush to get home to Sophie.

I'm in the mood for a little...

I'm in town for a game against Brooklyn.

I'm in.

I'm just finishing boxing them up for you

I'm just gonna pick up the broken crystal

I'm just gonna say it.

I'm kind of all about the Han and me connection

I'm listening

I'm looking for Max.

I'm Max.

I'm Max. This is Caroline

I'm messed up on the inside.

I'm more of a "Hungry Hungry Hippos" guy.

I'm never doing that again.

I'm not a violent person, and full disclosure,

I'm not allowed to blow stuff up anymore.

I'm not even monogamous with the people I'm monogamous with.

I'm not filming.

I'm not going anywhere

I'm not Googling.

I'm not next.

I'm not okay.

I'm not over it "nyet."

I'm out of sugar, and can one of you read

I'm Periscoping.

I'm pregnant.

I'm pretty sure I got the worst of it.

I'm pretty sure that's a banana.

I'm Rachel. This is Kathy.

I'm ready for you to set me up with your friend.

I'm Ruby.

I'm running out of tiny umbrellas.

I'm saying,

I'm scared!

I'm serious,

I'm serious.

I'm so glad you all could make it

I'm so jealous.

I'm so tired of having my legs up in the air.

I'm sorry again about your grandma, darlin'.

I'm sorry it took me so long to climax.

I'm sorry. I'm out.

I'm sort of a "DOS" gal myself.

I'm starting to think this is about me.

I'm streaming a little in my pants

I'm Taylor Swift's slow cousin Randi

I'm the fussy customer,

I'm too old to date him.

I'm Topher. From the bus.

I'm trying to design our future baby.

I'm upset because I know Earl helped build this club,

I'm used to it.

I'm using your cupcakes in some performance art.

I'm very hands on.

I've been dying to do that for years.

I've been on my feet since 2003.

I've been telling you for a year you need to get plucked.

I've contacted pretty much everyone

I've got a producer credit on that.

I've got a waste can of baby faces I'm not gonna use

I've got two ferrets at home with the stomach flu,

I've heard a lot about you.

I've heard so many wonderful things.

I've missed you so much.

I've never played not high,

I've never tried to make friends as a not rich person.

I've seen enough. I'm out.

I've seen lots of phones.

I've seen people with podcasts less desperate for approval.

I've tried it, but I'm just not good at hand stuff.

I've waited for this my whole life.

I've worked at that diner since 1989,

If anything happens to you,

If Elvis had two penises and didn't die on his toilet.

If half a Tylenol can cure full body hypothermia.

If he eats from here,

If he's not down there looking up at my boobs.

If I have to see Oleg so much as honk one of her boobs,

If I own one.

If I wanted to deal with a guy

If I'm not back when it's our turn to speak,

If it was the '60s,

If it wasn't that bad, would I have left the salon

If Periscope is such great PR,

If Sophie and I want to get pregnant,

If the group of us could work together to solve a problem,

If there are no other witnesses...

If you closed your shop

If you count working at a diner, sleeping in a wall,

If you like it, then you gotta put a ring in it.

If you need someone to warm up the crowd,

If you open your mouth and say an age,

If you want me to carry you,

Impressive. It's like Tony Robbins

In a combine accident

In a completely safe environment.

In a courtroom.

In a dead end job as a cashier in a diner.

In a diaper, it's not gonna travel well.

In a healing way?

In a kind of Jason Bourne situation.

In a playful fish motif for the original Williamsburg

In body bags.

In Brother Dan's plan.

In case this all turns out to be a dream.

In common.

In fact, I wasn't listening to half that crap you said.

In fact, the only redeeming feature

In fact, they're so nice,

In fact, why don't you get that spotlight off us

In here.

In high school, I was touched by an angel.

In his bathroom in about an hour.

In June, 1901.

In Moscow, I saw this amazing penis freak show,

In my day, when you caught the jazz bug, you had syphilis.

In my mind, I was running so fast.

In slow motion.

In this current political climate.

In this upside down world

In this waste of architecture are the historic Tiffany windows

Information is on the card.

Instead of my cousin from the airport?

Intercourse with you.

Into his mic in front of that bunch of Euro trash.

Introductions are in order.

Is as far fetched as Sophie's baby dream?

Is blocking you in ways you don't even realize?

Is born with two penises.

Is by joining a cult?

Is denying him the chance to play again?

Is each other.

Is gonna fail.

Is gonna rain on my parade.

Is it even possible for Sophie to have a baby?

Is it short for something?

Is it weird that I want to talk now?

Is it, "Can you smell that onion bagel on my breath,"

Is make a few smart, strategic moves,

Is my order ready, or do I have to wade through

Is really about each and every one of us

Is telling people that our cupcake business

Is that a thing that can happen?

Is that really how you want to get

Is that too far?

Is the way to go.

Is there a class I can take?

Is there a Mrs. L.L.Bean?

Is there a ship we can scrub?

Is this a bad time to tell you

Is this the whole,

Is to join a cult.

Is upsetting my girl here.

Is your last name Obama?

Isn't periscoping when you do mouth stuff on a guy

Isn't she great?

Isn't that exciting, Earl?

Isn't that more your turf?

Isn't that weird?

Isn't that why they're called dreams,

It almost destroyed my helmet!

It could be anything.

It could be gnarly or wonky or..

It depends

It finally happened.

It goes in your mouth.

It is entirely your fault.

It is entirely your fault.

It is. It's my PPT.

It just seemed like more than a mole, you know?

It looks like you're trying to sneak out

It says, "That's all, folks."

It sure should!

It takes a lot to shock... Aah!

It took us five years, but we finally have something

It was a big night for him.

It was always my favorite story.

It was so refreshing to be around people

It was the waitress asking me for water."

It would've been awesome,

It'd be fun to go with a friend.

It'll be like staying at a B and B

It'll be nice not to throw myself

It'll feel like a stranger.

It's a boob, sad man

It's a Cher impersonator.

It's a damn shame, Max.

It's a family name.

It's a fun way for us all to learn

It's a medical condition in which a male

It's a real name.

It's almost spring.

It's an engagement ring!

It's an interactive experiment that challenges

It's basically just steam coming out now.

It's been four years.

It's been in a box in my car.

It's big enough for two.

It's big enough for two.

It's called Avon.

It's cheap sax.

It's either in my bra pile, or I don't have it.

It's from the Bordeaux region.

It's from when they play "Going Downtown Abbey."

It's getting plowed for an IMAX theatre.

It's good people. People like them.

It's Indian food.

It's just gonna take a while, you know,

It's just not my morning.

It's just, I've never sat in the last row before.

It's last names. The Pope doesn't use his.

It's like coming home,

It's like I'm asking them for sex again or something.

It's like Madonna on tour.

It's like watching a bird fly into a window

It's like we're a married couple.

It's like we're in Gaytanamo Bay.

It's negative.

It's not as much fun walking in here

It's not ideal, no

It's not like that.

It's not official. I haven't peed on a stick yet,

It's not that strong a preference.

It's okay for cupcakes to still be put in a box, right?

It's over now, but I was caught up

It's Owen.

It's possible.

It's pretty clear

It's purely emotional.

It's raining

It's raining, and there is a pig.

It's Randi!

It's showtime, baby.

It's simple

It's so awkward seeing a guy

It's so bloaty.

It's so weird for me to hear the word "family"

It's that beautiful moment

It's the '60s all over again.

It's time to listen to the Mad Hatter.

It's true.

It's weird I'd wind up working in a former fish market.

It's what Earl's doing right now.

It's written in neon all over the place.

It's yellow and he's holding it. It's a boner.

It's your business. You decide.

Italian, sushi, whatever you're in the mood for."

Jackass boss.

Jeez, one guy doesn't want to sleep with you,

Jonathan?

Just a heads up, the samosas are a little dry

Just ask anyone that works at Lancôme.

Just come with me.

Just don't forget us when you make it big.

Just for her?

Just give it a shot!

Just give me the tray.

Just go on an on talking about nothing.

Just go on an on talking about nothing.

Just go.

Just having spent a few short hours with Max

Just keep it bright and breezy,

Just like Alice, I'm sick of being stuck

Just like my friend here.

Just need to settle up your bill.

Just not people.

Just push me into the room!

Just put the cupcakes in the bag.

Just real close to the use by date.

Just tell her you got a headache.

Just to play devil's advocate, maybe he has

Just walk past the stairs and keep going.

Kale is good for the eyes.

Keep each other's secrets.

Kentucky Fried Chicken now comes

Key of G, you said.

Knocked the baby right up into me.

Ladies, I'm almost 80.

Last month, I was working at the Cold Stone Creamery

Last stop on the cupcake train.

Late on a summer's night...

Leaving your underpants on my sister's breakfast table.

Less of an invitation;

Let alone your life.

Let me help.

Let me just find them in here.

Let the sound of the bowls wash over you,

Let's call it hush money,

Let's do the interview in the locker rooms.

Let's fly, Birds.

Let's get these cupcakes to the window before that guy gets here,

Let's go in my room.

Let's have some mutual eye contact.

Let's just call it what it is:

Let's just say we're gonna be in not one,

Let's make a break for it after we get the check.

Let's make a break for it.

Let's see. When was I on "Intervention"?

Let's talk about me

Let's try that!

LGBTQ?

Like Beetlejuice?

Like normal mothers and daughters.

Like that astronaut who drove across the country

Like the yogurt?

Like you always tell me... use your other hand.

Like you can handle anything that comes along.

Like your food is yummy in her tummy.

Like, for instance,

Lisa Newcar and Ginger Vitis.

Listen up, everybody.

Listen, I get it.

Listen, Yoplait

Little bit.

Living, breathing, boring proof.

Long for something?

Look around.

Look at all the VIPs down there.

Look at my baby board!

Look at you now.

Look away, Peggy!

Look out, PTA meetings...

Look to the person next to you,

Look what God did to Han.

Look, all we have to do

Look, Cher, we did nothing wrong.

Look, Elaine,

Look, girls, I'm not just talking about your business.

Look, I don't know how to do this.

Look, I don't want to work tonight.

Look, I want us to get to know each other

Look, someone is paying for them,

Look, we gotta do something about Earl.

Look, yes, Becky and I worked together,

Look!

Look! [gasps] Earl and The Early Birds!

Look.

Look.

Look... Ella Fitzgerald, Sarah Vaughan, Nina Simone.

Lookin' good, Han.

Looking for some dipping sauces.

Looking like this?

Looks like mustard and ketchup had a fight

Looks like you guys have a business together too.

Love one another

Love the babushka, baby.

Luckily, I always keep an emergency flier.

Lucky me.

Lunch is over. Gertrude is leaving.

Madonna doesn't have one at all.

Madonna doesn't have one at all. That's it!

Make me want to die.

Make sure you get the whole $825.

Make your move now, Doc!

Makes me feel a little "less than."

Makeup needs to complement the personality.

Making it a historic, landmark building.

Man beautiful.

Man, it's crazy out there, right?

Maria, do something.

Maria, forks, now.

Maria, I need help with my hair.

Maria, just do it. Go.

Maria, that's my good crystal

Maria, was it?

Maria!

Maria! Look alive.

Martinis over on this table!

Mature like a fine wine

Max and I waited tables together.

Max has been stealing $25 a month from me?

Max isn't Earl's girlfriend.

Max might seem negative, because she is,

Max, are you and I gonna be like you and Becky someday?

Max, can I ask your opinion about something?

Max, Caroline,

Max, Caroline, what are you doing out here?

Max, do not say anything.

Max, do you have a picture of your boobs?

Max, Elaine is amazing.

Max, how are you?

Max, how's this for my friend making smile?

Max, hurry up, girl.

Max, I did not think you would still be alive.

Max, I don't know if I could do that.

Max, I feel like you're still mad at me

Max, I had the most amazing night.

Max, I have to give her the one thing that she wants.

Max, I haven't been called a rich pig in five years!

Max, I like you a lot.

Max, I really wanted to sing tonight.

Max, I think it's great you were able

Max, I want to be down there.

Max, I want to talk to you.

Max, I'm gonna ask you a serious question

Max, I'm not interested in your box.

Max, I'm pushing 80.

Max, I've never been this close to your butt before,

Max, if you put this much effort into our life,

Max, it's almost your shift.

Max, look.

Max, look.

Max, maybe you finally met a guy

Max, my grandmother wants me to come and see her tomorrow!

Max, now straight people are mad at us too.

Max, oh, my God. Are you okay?

Max, Oleg can't go to the game.

Max, our seats are in a shanty town.

Max, she wants to see me. I'm going to go call him.

Max, someone named L ordered these cupcakes?

Max, something's wrong in the kitchen

Max, that's Earl's order.

Max, that's real sweet of you

Max, that's the first time you've ever called me

Max, the guy is coming right now.

Max, this is great PR.

Max, this is streaming.

Max, we did nothing wrong.

Max, what did you do?

Max, where were you last night?

Max, why do you tell me the rent's 850 if it's 825?

Max, why don't you invite him over?

Max, you can't be serious

Max, you don't know where that finger has been.

Max, you hacked into my accounts?

Max, you have to say something.

Max, you wanna go smoke some weed?

Max, you're awful.

Max, you're first.

Max, you're sharing a room with Topher and Lady Marmalade.

Max, your package is here.

Max!

Max! Oh, my God!

Max's boyfriend has two penises!

Max's boyfriend.

Max's Homemade Cupcakes is pro gay.

Maybe a little protein.

Maybe he butler dialed you.

Maybe I should come

Maybe I should go too.

Maybe I should just drag my butt across it like a dog.

Maybe Owen's the one.

Maybe this isn't a good idea.

Maybe we could go to that trendy new ice cream place

Maybe we should, I don't know, grab a couple salads sometime.

Mayday! Double dingle!

Me stealing one of these jerseys.

Me too. Becky just left.

Meet me at the first coleslaw tub.

Meet the two new faces of family.

Melissa Rivers,

Michael J. Fox's is small;

Might be nice to here some good news

Might be old enough to qualify us

Might just be us tomorrow

Mine is "pot sticker."

Miss Kuchenski, I'm Dr. Surden.

Miss Kuchenski, why aren't you wearing a gown,

Miss, if you don't have anything pertinent...

Mm hmm!

Mm hmm!

Mm hmm. We were hot.

Mmm!

Mmm! This food is so good.

Mmm.

Money is money. It doesn't matter.

More like a great grandfather figure!

More like the Costco region

More of a shout from a convertible.

More of this poor man's Amy and Tina?

Motivating me to look at resumes on monster.com?

Mr. Eye Queen's about to show me how to pluck my eyebrows

Mr. nor Mrs

My bad. This one's empty.

My best is my best,

My best is my best,

My best is my best,

My best is my best, and that's why I'm blessed.

My biggest dream has come true.

My compliments to the man who hired the chef.

My ears already popped.

My ex husband knew what he wanted:

My father got me front row seats

My father made sure I was always in the front.

My father was...

My faulty Legos by now.

My favorite kind.

My first words were, "Eh, it's fine

My Grammy what she wants, but I don't have the money

My grandmother's butler.

My mom was an alcoholic.

My morning pee stick?

My other goal was making it to 12.

My parole officer's rules, not mine.

My phone's so old it can't get pregnant.

My sense of direction led me to being a waitress in Brooklyn.

My...

N.N. stands for Negative Nelly.

Nah, I'm too tired.

Needles and Kenny Rogers after the eyelift.

Negative Nancy was already trademarked

Never gonna happen.

Never would've drawn that.

Next to bum wrestling!

Nice hat, right?

Nice meeting you, Brandi.

Nice model you got there,

Nice shop.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to see you, Owen.

Nicely done.

No cake equals hate

No cake equals hate.

No cake equals hate.

No cake equals hate.

No cake equals hate.

No cake equals hate.

No cake equals hate.

No cake equals hate.

No cake equals hate.

No cake equals hate.

No cake equals hate.

No fliers.

No fliers.

No fliers.

No funny business down there, gangsta.

No money is worth being part of whatever this is.

No more girl talk.

No more talk about Owen's penis

No one has to know we're getting money from them

No one is going.

No one says anything bad about my Earl.

No thanks, I'm having my head frozen.

No way!

No, always been 825.

No, Blue Ivy's nanny.

No, but I did cut my hair, which was scary but rewarding.

No, but we need drug money for a 27 year old woman.

No, fertility drugs.

No, he's chewing gum.

No, I already blew this once.

No, I have a rule.

No, I think I might be losing my memory.

No, I'm pretty sure that happened

No, it doesn't have a face.

No, it was a more I fooled around with her sister.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no.

No, nothing good ever happened to me

No, of course not

No, seriously, don't!

No, the luncheon.

No, the pig is in the road,

No, you don't have to go.

No!

No.

No.

No. And bigger.

No. Caroline needs you to play.

No. Earl's been clean for 30 years.

No. These are Sophie's fertility drugs

Nobody wants to be reduced to some label.

Nobody's signing these waivers. We're not idiots.

None of us are ever going after your business.

Nope, not wearing underwear.

Nope, sorry.

Nope, this is a busy Thursday for us.

Normally, I don't drink in the afternoon,

Not "Puerto Rican."

Not 20,000, not 30,000...

Not able to be located by Maury Povich.

Not all sex has to involve the threat of an arrest, Max.

Not followed by the word "court"

Not for this one, thank you.

Not here. Nothing's wrong here

Not much of a hack when the password is "Hanstoppable."

Not on my watch.

Not that bad?

Not to brag, but she's playing a dead hooker

Not unless one of us gets really, really,

Now even Han thinks he's better than me.

Now everyone stop what you're not doing.

Now hurry!

Now I have a serious question for you

Now I just reach into the $3 bin

Now I want a hot dog.

Now I'm jealous.

Now I'm on the phone with Sophie.

Now let me get this straight.

Now make yourselves at home.

Now that we're gonna be parents.

Now who's gonna dry clean my mouth?

Now you have one?

Now you have them in real life!

Now you're blonde.

Now, I know some of you have not yet laid with me tonight...

Now, I know you are not

Now, I know you're all here for The Early Birds tonight,

Now, something to wear for tomorrow's luncheon.

Now, there's a heart warming tableau

Now? [scoffs]

Obviously, she bones him.

Obviously, we have to get Earl a saxophone

Of "Empire."

Of a jazz club where you did heroin to find heroin.

Of all your chatter!

Of course I'm mad!

Of course they'd pour the ice on us!

Of course we'd be in here.

Of course, I've been dreaming about them my whole life.

Of course. I live with her

Of his brief affair with comedian Nipsy Russell's wife.

Of historic Williamsburg.

Of independent business owners like you.

Of my exes to come down and vouch for me,

Of my loving wife, Peggy.

Of this now dilapidated group of businesses

Of which... you're not gonna believe this...

Oh

Oh ho.

Oh look, it's Chef Boy Are You Gross.

Oh no, this isn't one of those escape rooms

Oh, a am I still here?

Oh, actually, Max, it's, uh... it's kinda late.

Oh, all right, well.

Oh, and thank you

Oh, and thank you all for coming.

Oh, and where is our sommelier?

Oh, can I go?

Oh, come on, are you still on the money?

Oh, did the rest of our staff arrive yet?

Oh, dude, I can hold up one finger, too,

Oh, Earl, how you doing?

Oh, except Jerry.

Oh, for sure!

Oh, girls!

Oh, God, no.

Oh, God! No!

Oh, good news.

Oh, good.

Oh, Grammy. This is my friend, Max.

Oh, have to... oh.

Oh, he's storming off!

Oh, here comes Han.

Oh, hi, are you here for the meeting?

Oh, hi. Sorry, girls.

Oh, hi. Yeah.

Oh, I don't think I could sing on the subway.

Oh, I forgot!

Oh, I know what you need

Oh, I know.

Oh, I leave for two minutes

Oh, I love the taste of Bushwick

Oh, I see what this is.

Oh, I thought that was the bad news

Oh, I thought that's just how British people fart.

Oh, I thought you were gonna be Elaine.

Oh, I'm not a little person.

Oh, I'm not gay.

Oh, I'm so glad you like it.

Oh, it's A.

Oh, it's Alice in Wonderland themed!

Oh, it's crystal that broke

Oh, it's Gertrude Goolsby.

Oh, just take it.

Oh, Lord, am I peeing?

Oh, Lord.

Oh, lord.

Oh, man I really thought I was pregnant.

Oh, Max, don't be silly.

Oh, my God, Becky White?

Oh, my God, my sister lost both her thumbs

Oh, my God, those Tiffany windows

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Are you okay?

Oh, my God. I am so sorry.

Oh, my God. Max, this is terrible.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, no

Oh, no everyone just thinks that

Oh, no, did we also say something

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Oh, no, please.

Oh, no! Am I dead too?

Oh, no.

Oh, no. Am I in charge forever?

Oh, of course. Chef!

Oh, oh, my God, I'll be right back.

Oh, one second.

Oh, our teamwork's fine.

Oh, perfect timing.

Oh, really?

Oh, right. Here.

Oh, she's coming. Quick.

Oh, she's found the bell.

Oh, sir, no, a free dessert comes with your end of tour meal

Oh, so it's a cult.

Oh, so she came here for research.

Oh, sorry about the popcorn

Oh, Terry, what kind of cupcakes?

Oh, that Earl!

Oh, that's not an L; that's an I.

Oh, that's why his leg's up in the air.

Oh, there's my girl. You look wonderful.

Oh, there's room. I've done it numerous times

Oh, they know me at Lancôme.

Oh, this brings back so many childhood memories.

Oh, this is good.

Oh, this is streaming right now?

Oh, this is weird.

Oh, to have sex with you? I get that.

Oh, wait up, Sophie!

Oh, we're just friends.

Oh, we're not closed.

Oh, well, good thing you didn't see it

Oh, well, I'm gonna read mine anyway.

Oh, well, Max texted me her location.

Oh, who am I kidding? I can't do this!

Oh, wow.

Oh, yeah, I'ma go ahead and...

Oh, yeah, right.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah... I'm getting ready to shoot up.

Oh, you don't want her to get on stage.

Oh, you found the food. Good.

Oh, you guys did molly?

Oh, you know what?

Oh, you know what?

Oh, you know.

Oh, you two sick?

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! An amour fou?

Oh! What happened between you and Ruby?

Oh.

Oh. And you know..

Oh...

Oh... I'm sorry, Max.

Oh... my God.

Oh... Wow.

Okay, a one, two, three...

Okay, Bernard, what's with the "gahs"?

Okay, Han.

Okay, Han's dead to me. It's back to me and you

Okay, I don't know whose hoops are whose.

Okay, I'll help you.

Okay, I'm gonna be real honest with you right now.

Okay, it's a cult.

Okay, it's exactly like that.

Okay, just act like we belong in the VIP section.

Okay, Max, this time can you do

Okay, my second biggest dream.

Okay, next, Cathy's Crystal Shop.

Okay, now everybody hold hands and get ready to cry

Okay, okay. Tell me.

Okay, Oleg, drop your pants.

Okay, Oleg, now it's time.

Okay, tell me again.

Okay, that's Mookie for the rent money.

Okay, there's one excuse for that.

Okay, this is bad.

Okay, this is the whitest thing I've ever seen,

Okay, tonight's call to arms

Okay, yeah

Okay, you should have $800

Okay! Okay! That's it

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. I am sorry

Okay. I have a business degree.

Okay. It's a small build.

Okay. They all know.

Oleg still wants to be surprised.

Oleg, do you and your Sophie

Oleg, I picked up your dry cleaning,

Oleg, it's time. See?

Oleg, stop Googling!

Oleg, this was supposed to be private.

Oleg, what happened?

Oleg, you go.

Oleg, you're gonna make a great father

Oleg, you're not getting a raise just because Sophie can act

Oleg's gonna ask Han for a raise again.

Oleg's got strong sperm.

On "Blue Bloods."

On "The Voice."

On 8th Street.

On a dark road at night.

On a elevator, on a escalator.

On Friday night.

On historic Williamsburg.

On the "I Don't Care" network.

On the count of three.

On the disabled list.

On the way up the stairs.

On top! I like it up on top.

On, Earl, I can stay and sing...

Once I threw away the Anne Hathaway forehead.

One day, you will appreciate my ambition.

One of my dreams is to hear you play live.

One of the craziest days of my life?

One of your grandmother's Chanel suits.

One, two...

One: Take it out of the package.

One.

Only 12.95, 100% cotton.

Oof yah, beer batter! It's good!

Ooh, I'm gonna call Earl.

Ooh, I'm next!

Ooh, okay, here he comes. Get ready!

Ooh! $15 a drink.

Ooh! Here comes the nanny.

Ooh! How much?

Ooh! Where are the fliers?

Open up!

Or "Lady Sings the Blues"?

Or a gay celebrity we can marry?

Or else I talked to that picture.

Or even real milk, for that matter.

Or his other penis.

Or maybe you prefer a chocolate brown?

Or not a boy.

Or really anything in the Dijon world.

Or single women when a romantic comedy

Or the one with the unfortunate side bang?

Or the weather is also a subject.

Or was it weird because you've grown apart?

Or you can follow me into the bathroom while I change,

Or you owe them money.

Or you.

Or... Anderson Cooper.

Our baby appointment got changed to tomorrow,

Our budding friendship/ you never know,

Our couch is slick for days.

Our new friend.

Our tickets? Of course.

Out of your banana hammock!

Outside. Now.

Overly curious George?

Ow! Ow, ow, ow!

Owen has two penises!

Owen just wants to get to know you

Owen, bedroom. Caroline, later.

Owen, Caroline. Caroline, Owen.

Owen, nice to meet you.

Owen, wait! Wait. I'm sorry.

Owen's stopping by just to chat

Pennsylvania, with no car.

People always say, "Why was there no black friend?"

People are gonna see our adorable labels

People are seeing what morals look like.

People named Topher shouldn't be allowed

People watching everywhere,

Periscope is a social media app

Personal Pop Tarts.

Pick up. Fried egg over easy.

Pickup Patty melt. Correction, panty melt.

Pinkberry,

Pity there aren't more guests to enjoy it.

Please don't make fun of her

Please enjoy the first course of my first course:

Please tell me Elaine didn't get to you.

Please?

Plus, you don't just go into the bathroom

Possible romance.

Present and accounted for, thank the goddess.

Pretend I'm Owen, and ask me something.

Pretty easy work

Private stash

Probably.

Psst, Max, you got a tampon?

Pushing your lovely racist grandmother around.

Put your answer onto this card.

Put your answer onto this card.

Quick Q on the N.N.

Quick reminder: I'm a human being

Quit adding white things to you.

Rabbits? No.

Rachel has your room assignments.

Rachel.

Ready?

Really brings out the red in your beard.

Really loving your Periscope presence, Caroline!

Really started to freak out.

Really?

Relax. You probably just sleep watched them.

Remember on "Full House,"

Reminds me of my Aunt Schmirna.

Right here is where we had our 14 foot Christmas tree.

Right in front of your coworkers.

Right next to those two bitches.

Right now, all around the world,

Right now, millions of people are watching

Right now.

Right this way.

Right, if you look to your left,

Right?

Rihanna's "Bitch Better Have My Money."

Roll up your sleeve.

Ruby doesn't want me there.

Ruby hates Earl.

Ruby, come on, can't you just let him play?

Ruby, just putting it out there...

Run by a lame Ron Hubbard.

Ryan Seacrest came out?

Sad.

Said if I didn't hear back from her,

Saved our business and the diner.

Saw your kiss on Instagram,

Say Coney Island, say Coney Island.

Say it in the eyes of the court, or no deal.

Scandal? What scandal?

Schwarzenegger's is big, Fox's is small.

Scotch on the house, please.

Screw it, I'm taking the ab straining money tab.

Searing pain, searing pain.

See now, that's some white people stuff right there

See what you can do.

See you later, haters.

See, girls, I read this article

See, Han? Teamwork.

See, I got a whole bunch of these things

See, I is a performance artist this month.

See, made in Williamsburg.

See, miracles can happen!

See?

See? I'm a waitress.

See? It's the worst!

See? That's the kind of sympathy I was looking for

Selling you our cupcakes.

Seriously, dude, get an x ray.

Seriously, Han?

Seriously, have you never gotten to know anybody ever?

Seriously, Max, other than the rent,

Seriously... is this a joke?

Shall we sit and get to know each other?

Shame on you! That's tomorrow's salmon

She and I used to have a lot of great talks.

She couldn't predict her mouth opening,

She deserves one last hurrah

She didn't shun me, she was just practically dead!

She does as much at the diner as the girls do.

She doesn't know I lost all my money?

She even got an ovulation app on her phone.

She had a stroke and slipped into a coma.

She has fibromyalgia.

She has seasonal depression.

She has to get up early tomorrow.

She hasn't been awake to guard her creams.

She is the first owner.

She is.

She just moved to Williamsburg,

She needs to be on drugs.

She owned "deli worker who barely knew the victim."

She read the entire iTunes user agreement before she bought

She said she doesn't work here

She said, "bag it," with a B, as in boy...

She sees me every time she looks to the left,

She should come to our party.

She still believes in all that love crap.

She wants a baby so bad,

She wants me to go down with her

She was from Brooklyn!

She's been neglected, rejected, knocked down, and spat on.

She's broke?

She's coming in real hot, Max.

She's pretty much dated them exclusively.

She's rich, right?

She's still not back. Keep going.

She's storming off!

She's the type of girl that just loves to talk.

She's the type of girl that just loves to talk.

Sheep flashbacks?

Should be their own business.

Should bring back a lotta memories, huh?

Should I go with "God Bless the Child"

Sign these waivers saying that

Since 1989.

Since I was little.

Since Magic Johnson's talk show.

Since my mom peed on the floor at Wal Mart.

Since that NBC "Peter Pan."

Since that winter I was on "Deadliest Catch."

Since the mid '90s.

Since you lost all of your...

Sir, we're here to see Ruby.

Siri, remind me to patent a gong bong.

Six months?

Small businesses are and have always been

Sneaks up on you.

So did you guys have fun last night,

So does it look something like...

So dramatic. I'm loving it.

So everybody listen up. Not you, sir.

So excited, I feel like I'm in "Legally Blonde."

So few people since a sale at your cupcake window.

So hang onto your hats and hide your sisters.

So he can play in the show.

So here.

So how are we gonna get you out of here?

So hush.

So I can convince Earl to get up there.

So I can eat while we do it?

So I can look at something that's not this?

So I figured, you know, while I'm here,

So I took a little off the top.

So I'd say five years.

So I'm going to ask Han for a raise.

So in the meantime, just be your awesome self.

So let's listen to our gay comrade.

So new policy: before any employee leaves,

So no more that!

So no one cares that

So now you know me.

So Oleg's not gonna be the father?

So people think we're big shots.

So see? It's nice here.

So snap out of it!

So that's dead now.

So that's not a cute rabbit hole?

So the doctor can have better access.

So tomorrow night, I'm closing the diner,

So we can go right now?

So what happens around here

So you can poke me real good.

So you can't Google answers.

So you know what? We're just gonna go.

So you lost both your cheaters.

So you mean she doesn't want to talk about the fact

So you picked up my dry cleaning

So you were so certain I couldn't make a normal friend

So you will give up all these potential connections

So you're really gonna go out with Owen again?

So, Earl, obviously, I'll be your date,

So, Earl, you're back in your old stomping grounds.

So, I'm giving you all a raise!

So, Owen, when you gonna take "Dem" pants off?

So, peace out.

So, to be a team player,

So, to be clear,

So, what kind of name is "Mookie"?

So..

Some guy threw a cat at me.

Some of that was consensual

Some wine?

Somebody shoot me!

Someone doesn't want to have sex with me!

Someone else will have to give you your shots.

Someone in my family is alive and not in federal prison.

Someone, and I'm not naming Max,

Someone's coming.

Something for everyone.

Something strange is afoot.

Sometimes five times a night

Sometimes it gets me in mall jail.

Sometimes she gets so nervous

Sometimes sorry just doesn't cut it.

Sometimes when people have trouble getting pregnant,

Sometimes when the crickets start chirpin' down South

Soon, docks, shipyards, refineries, mills,

Sophie and I are doin' it 'round the clock.

Sophie and I only watch the hard core porno version.

Sophie and Oleg are up there.

Sophie can still have a baby!

Sophie would be pissed if I took a lady.

Sophie, don't get your hopes up.

Sophie, give me the pepper spray flashlight.

Sophie, how could you forget?

Sophie, I understand you're disappointed,

Sophie, just relax,

Sophie, relax. It'll be fine.

Sophie, the phrase is "race horse."

Sophie, what are you doing?

Sophie, what are you guys doing here?

Sophie, what made you go back to the doctor?

Sophie, what's with those needles?

Sophie, where did you go?

Sophie, you can't be here right now.

Sophie, you knew her for three courses.

Sophie, you know I'm only afraid of two things...

Sophie?

Sophie's ageless, like a unicorn

Sophie's phone has a fertility app?

Sophie's starting her fertility shots today.

Sorry, but we're just not comfortable

Sorry, Caroline, I hope this doesn't affect

Sorry, I learned printing mostly from ransom notes.

Sorry, I wasn't listening.

Sorry, Max, you're out

Sorry, Randy, I knew you were a safe person to slam.

Sorry. Caroline, never mind all that.

Sound bathe us, Eugene.

Speaking of 4:20,

Speaking of hair, pick up.

Spoiler alert: none of them are America's next top model.

Spray some of that stuff in my eyes.

Stall them. Fill time.

Start running.

Starving.

Stay away from me. I can't get sick.

Still no. If I had great breasts,

Stop filming me.

Stop, you can't tear our building down!

Stop. You have time. Earl's 80.

Stuffed in your cupcake?

Sup, ladies? Sorry I'm late.

Sure, but at least be late.

Sure.

Sweet. Well, I gotta go.

Table for two. I mean one!

Take me, Oleg!

Take my hand...

Take your time. We cool.

Talk to my like I'm a 10 year old...

Tell Caroline she owes me.

Tell everyone in Brooklyn who loves food festivals

Tells us when she's most fertile.

Terry Williams.

Than Paula Deen on Dancing with the Stars.

Thank God Sophie had that maid outfit.

Thank God. Those couple of hours were hell.

Thank you for tonight's nightmare.

Thank you so much for inviting us.

Thank you so much, Han!

Thank you, Comrade Kangaroo.

Thank you, Earl.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Come again.

Thanks for coming.

Thanks for warming them up, darling.

Thanks to you, the handicap stall is a condom graveyard!

Thanks, Earl.

Thanks.

That and a key to my old house,

That beer cost more than I spent on underwear last year.

That could be my handy work, baby.

That had to listen to that.

That I have inserted a cocktail weenie inside

That I'm not...

That is exciting

That is his job, not what he is.

That is one cool cashier.

That is sick! I'm ten.

That is the scariest thing I've ever seen

That kind of joke is no longer funny

That Madonna doesn't have one.

That man only has two settings...

That moment's over.

That no good, two timin' musical genius

That no one will ever get.

That none of you will ever guess.

That Norman Rockwell somehow missed.

That only sells juice.

That our cupcake business is gonna fail?

That psychic had food all down her blouse.

That really does sting.

That reminds me.

That says you can spin sperm to get rid of the bad stuff.

That seems about right.

That she is undermining your path to success

That she's lost all her mon...

That sounds made up.

That streams live videos to your followers.

That subway psychic told me my business would skyrocket.

That tickles!

That tickles!

That tour guide keeps going on and on

That was always the company line when I worked for that cartel.

That was just my opening.

That was positive.

That wasn't too hard.

That we have an N.N. in our midst

That we took thus bus here.

That we'll be at the Taste of Bushwick tomorrow.

That woman over there doesn't hate gay people.

That won't be here much longer

That you're dating a guy with a job?

That's "public relations,"

That's a breach of trust, girls.

That's a really mature decision.

That's because I sleep in the living room.

That's cool

That's correct.

That's debatable.

That's exactly what Janine at 911 said ten minutes ago

That's for being cute and for sharing that.

That's illegal!

That's it.

That's kind of the point.

That's like me not owning muh jugs.

That's me.

That's my dream too.

That's nice. That's just being a person.

That's not part of the room. That's just for show.

That's not the Cher, Max.

That's not true. Aren't you both an A cup?

That's pretty classy.

That's real good. All right, come on

That's right. Mm hmm

That's right... 'cause he's a bum!

That's so fun that you had fun.

That's something about me..

That's the difference between us, Max.

That's the first time anyone's ever been polite enough to announce that to me.

That's the first time Han has ever said that to a woman.

That's the one that refused to sell me cupcakes

That's the saddest thing I ever seen,

That's what Chili's said about their new

That's what I told Roy Orbison

That's what Yelp is for.

That's your whole night in Secaucus!

The audience will bite into one of your pretty, pink,

The backbone of Williamsburg.

The bad news is you created the biggest disaster in sports

The blow it up hand thing with him?

The Brawny paper towel guy just saved our asses

The building's windows were created by Tiffany Studios

The cashier in the diner said this was the best way

The day after he doesn't see you naked.

The delivery boy is on his way.

The diner's still empty.

The doctor wanted 60 grand.

The doobie smokers.

The Early Birds, featuring Earl!

The easier question is, "What isn't shaking?"

The East River, the Hudson River,

The entire neighborhood has just been notified

The family

The fat twins?

The gays are steaming mad.

The gays will hate us forever, and when I get an interior,

The guy wants me to put this ring her pie.

The horror of you not having any more...

The man in charge just sparked up a doobie.

The man who always puts family foremost,

The Mets are down in the bottom of the sixth.

The monkey wants his banana.

The monkey's got a boner.

The most basic understanding of supply and demand.

The number for Poison Control?

The one that won't have sex with me!

The one with the bee stung lips,

The one you're going to throw

The only case in which two dongs make a right.

The other half of Max's Homemade Cupcakes.

The pain of losing everything.

The parking brake on our house didn't work.

The players come right into the locker room after the game!

The point is, we made it.

The Pop Tarts as "my own box," right?

The Pope has one but doesn't use it;

The portly cashier at my neighborhood Rite Aid.

The scientists, the hop hop lovers,

The social ladder at theater camp.

The speed of light is represented by the letter "C."

The water's supposed to be that color.

The woman is right there.

The worst German accent I ever heard.

The Yelp review specifically said

Their aim isn't good in here, either.

Then don't have more than three drinks...

Then I totally get it.

Then why aren't you laying on top of me somewhere?

Then why did I get her that water?

Then why do I have chills?

Then why is that guy shaving?

Then, yes, we did.

There

There are only two rules in this house:

There is no excuse for that.

There is no IMAX buyout.

There is. Happily married 15 years.

There isn't enough money in the world

There they are

There will be a pat down.

There, the rabbit hole, Alice went down and so will I.

There's a girl in my section with clean ish looking hair.

There's a message from Bernard,

There's a new technology

There's a proposal at table 40,

There's hair in your salad.

There's my girl!

There's my little cousin.

There's only one old woman who scares me,

These are for you.

These are my tickets to most places.

These are the girls who are standing up

These are VIP tickets from an actual player.

These bowls got their work cut out for them.

These can't be VIP seats.

These cute little fishies from the fish market

These deviants and these degenerates any longer!

These pants are five sizes too big!

These people don't need drugs to be happy.

These seats are great!

They call me No More Free Samples.

They can keep their stinking buyout money.

They cost us the game.

They do hate us!

They don't need drug money for a baby.

They invited you to come for the weekend

They see a doctor.

They sent you out like that?

They should have come to us.

They stink.

They usually find me in a trunk.

They were able to get the raspberry stains

They're all dead, Max

They're meant to be enjoyed by children

They've been helping me spring into summer for years.

This could be better than Bushwick.

This finger's been in her box out in the car.

This Groupon has already paid for itself.

This guy is so boring.

This is "Scrumples."

This is a bigger bust than Max's future.

This is a Nerf bat.

This is a work team building thing

This is about all of you.

This is all a lot, and no offense,

This is important for Lady Marmalade.

This is just a misunderstanding.

This is just another homophobic bakery

This is Lady Marmalade

This is like meeting Elvis

This is Max.

This is my new social circle.

This is one of those small Williamsburg businesses

This is pretty cool!

This is so exciting.

This is so sad.

This is so us.

This is the kind of luncheon that makes you feel

This is the owner of the diner next door,

This is the part where the sheep

This is the saddest circle I've seen

This is the same team that was able

This is where the 17th best team in the league

This is where the 17th best team in the league gets naked!

This is why we started doing sudoku.

This isn't doing it for me.

This isn't the whole costume.

This kind.

This little business is our dream.

This looks like the room I was kept in

This morning I had to tell her all about

This place is a deathtrap

This place is amazing.

This reminds me when I saw my mother's side boob.

This time about the little people community,

This weekend is only free for friends.

This, however, is bologna.

This?

This?

Those are the trains I take to get here.

Those girls were crazy, man.

Those people should be having desserts at my diner!

Those Tiffany windows are over 100 years old,

Throwing that luncheon.

Till I get a girl baby with green eyes

Time goes forward; it doesn't go back.

Time moves forward. It doesn't go back.

To attend an emergency meeting tonight at the diner.

To be a woman.

To be able to trust each other,

To be clear, I am neither he nor she,

To be within 50 feet of cheerleaders.

To be your roommate.

To buy my own box of S'mores Pop Tarts,

To ease their pain.

To figure out the Wi Fi password

To get to you.

To go from sniffles to being eaten by your cat.

To join my diner family at that public hearing

To look past Owen's situation.

To make love with me.

To name other living things.

To offend the L.L.Bean community?

To proceed and be done with me,

To put yourself out there like that.

To re introduce her to society,

To score some dope for me, but I'm gonna pass.

To second base for the first time?

To show you your first lady butt.

To Smart & Vinyl.

To something I can work with.

To something tiny and made in Asia.

To take whatever of that buyout money

To tell you how upset I am.

To the "Inability to Love" awards.

To the left.

To the women's shelter next to the diner.

Today, we are here to celebrate that most perfect union:

Together, of course.

Tonight is supposed to be fun.

Too?

Took that wrong turn,

Tour guide's speech twice a day anymore.

Treat me like a lady,

True, if it did, they would have replaced

Truly haunting.

Trust me, if there's anything I know how to find,

Trying to deny service to people like me.

Turns out, bitch do have my money.

Turns out, we're not gonna design our baby anymore.

Two what?

Two: Arnold Schwarzenegger's is big;

Ugh, I think I landed on what was moving.

Ugh, I think I twisted my ankle when I jumped down here.

Uh huh.

Uh huh.

Uh, careful.

Uh, Caroline?

Uh, I expected him to walk differently

Uh, m m maybe I'll have the nurse

Uh, not in Poland.

Uh, she also believes table 14 is table 40.

Uh, so something like...

Uh, table for one?

Uh, well, can I see you tomorrow?

Uh, what's happening here?

Uh... that's my bad.

Uh... this is a little awkward, but Sophie,

Um, around.

Um, I think there might be one more F

Um, no, I'm not really good at that.

Um, no.

Um, things have changed.

Um..

Um... "not regular"?

Um... again. I'm cool with waiting.

Unless you have a strong stomach.

Until I see what's in those bowls.

Until I'm, like, 42,

Until ten years from now when you're still single.

Up against a fence.

Up top!

Virgin.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute... where's Earl?

Wait, in Einstein's famous formula E=mc2,

Wait, she abandons me after four years with no explanation

Wait, why is the floor sagging?

Wait, you said you weren't okay.

Wait! Miss, wait!

Wait. Oh yes, I forgot.

Wait... it's not a black holiday, is it?

Wanna finger?

Want to come to the game tomorrow night?

Wants him to commit to a monogamous relationship.

Was it a crazy love affair?

Was look at cat pictures

Was my stripper name at the Salty Dog.

Was that an A, kiss good bye?

Was there ever a moment when you wanted to be quiet?

Watching "America's Next Top Model"

Way before it was called "Periscoping."

Wazzup?

We all wear the same shoe size!

We are a family,

We are all just trying to get by.

We are getting in that car

We are going down to that club

We are not doing business!

We are so close,

We are,

We became best friends.

We both do.

We can't afford a musical instrument.

We can't be the face of this, Max.

We can't pay that.

We could have gone to the Taste of Bushwick,

We didn't have any money growing up.

We didn't pay for that.

We don't need Caroline to solve these puzzles.

We don't want money, so don't throw things.

We don't want someone to deface our cupcakes.

We drink "milk drink."

We good. Caroline Channing, folks.

We got a real "whose hoops" over here.

We got to get out of here.

We had such a good month, I had enough cash

We have a joint suicide pact

We have been trapped in here for two days

We invented an Uber just for women.

We live, we love, we lust...

We moved a lot because

We must be wrong.

We need to show the world that we will not tolerate

We need to talk about diner teamwork.

We played arsonists versus attempted murderers

We rejoice in the family.

We should get a better look in the light in the bathroom.

We smoke a joint and then we kill ourselves.

We were almost the 16th best team in the league.

We were just anxiously awaiting

We won!

We would have forced Han to give us and quit?

We'd be off the cover of "Never Made It" magazine.

We'd like the first course, pronto.

We'll be fine...

We'll be the most hated business in Brooklyn.

We'll bet there with 500 cupcakes.

We'll just wait for one more business to arrive

We'll pay for it in three hours.

We'll take a break and then hear arguments

We'll take one if you got an extra.

We're friends of Earl.

We're going to a gynecologist!

We're gonna do it on top of teacups.

We're gonna read through all the fine print

We're in town for a convention on Sunday.

We're settled here

We're sort of the "mayors" of section Y.

We're staying.

We've got lady fingers so old, they have arthritis.

We've had so much sex,

Welcome to the Escape Room,

Welcome to the Williamsburg Diner.

Welcome, everyone.

Well done!

Well motivate your ass back down.

Well, as much as I can, given the circumstances.

Well, at least you won't have to listen to that annoying

Well, Caroline thinks one of us...

Well, Caroline, have you bounced back from the scandal?

Well, Earl,

Well, Elaine will be out in a minute,

Well, girls, it's official.

Well, good luck

Well, I bet you and Grammy have

Well, I do feel like

Well, I don't have to stand here

Well, I don't know how old she is,

Well, I don't know what to do,

Well, I don't know.

Well, I don't need a gown.

Well, I find business fun, but okay.

Well, I gotta stay close to Oleg.

Well, I guess I could do it.

Well, I hate to burst your McMuffin, Max,

Well, I have a new password

Well, I hope I'm not late for the luncheon!

Well, I love it

Well, I mean, it doesn't have to be a dead end.

Well, I never promised you anything.

Well, I say, "Dress for the job you want."

Well, I'm gonna spin that jazz

Well, I'm guessing her moon's not waxed.

Well, I'm not regular down there.

Well, I've been having this recurring dream...

Well, I've come up with a new password

Well, I've had sex there.

Well, if Sophie has a baby, I think we found our nanny.

Well, if there are no further witnesses...

Well, if you're gonna hit bottom,

Well, it happened.

Well, it's gonna be very interesting, Earl.

Well, Max, I guess he's not the one...

Well, maybe letting things happen naturally

Well, mostly stood around and got drunk,

Well, my feelings are really hurt, Max.

Well, not for another ten years when we're still single.

Well, not to brag,

Well, obviously I'm honored,

Well, obviously, he's got a very important job interview

Well, one good thing about being down here:

Well, preschooled us.

Well, she did die doing what she loved:

Well, someone's "VI peeing" right over there.

Well, something's smiling.

Well, technically, his name was...

Well, thanks, but if I was that smart,

Well, that explains the sweater vest.

Well, that qualifies as a landmark.

Well, that sucks.

Well, that was clever.

Well, that's a fun wrinkle.

Well, that's the end of this cookie.

Well, the diner has been stealing from me.

Well, then Max hates Ruby.

Well, then you're free to go.

Well, they've obviously been dating a while,

Well, this is a first.

Well, we don't know how old she is

Well, we know that's not opportunity knocking.

Well, we're a group

Well, we're about to find out in a minute

Well, what if Oleg and I can't have a baby

Well, when that's not happening,

Well, whichever of those you don't use, I'll take.

Well, why not?

Well, you know, I thought we were exclusive,

Well, you know, I was doing a lot of soul searching,

Well, you made friends with me, and I'm not in a cult...

Well, you said you wanted more followers.

Well, your hair's grown back on the right side,

Well...

Well...

Well...

Well... if it isn't

Were you touched at all?

What are we gonna do? We're in the middle of nowhere.

What did you just call me?

What do you little girls want?

What do you mean?

What do you think?

What else have you not been telling the truth about?

What happened?

What happened?

What I think we both think it means.

What I'm saying is:

What if it's my pool?

What is happening?

What is he doing here?

What is it gonna take to make you get over this?

What is our end game here, Max?

What is the big deal?

What kind of sick stuff are you into?

What luncheon now?

What part of that don't you get?

What rhymes with "kick in the crotch"?

What the heck does "not regular down there" mean?

What the hell is this place?

What up, B nard? You look even paler here.

What what!

What, like monogamous?

What?

What?

What?

What? It's not like the players

What? Us beating the crap out of you?

What'd you just call him?

What's going on back here?

What's going on now?

What's going on?

What's his name?

What's not regular about Owen's "down there".

What's the ball count?

What's this?

What's wrong? Somebody rub your belly for luck again?

What's your secret?

Whatever the hell they want with them.

When he wrote "Pretty Woman for me.

When I attempted to tell her the bad news,

When I came home three hours late last night,

When I can't enjoy it.

When I overreacted with her!

When I said "get to know each other".

When I took you to that PR seminar

When it comes to most things really,

When nothing happens around here?

When that trucker borrowed me for three days.

When you feel called to join the bowls,

When you lost all your money

When you thought there was one Michelle,

When you're 78, it takes about 2 days

When your best friend lies about the rent.

Whenever I think of Ella, I just want to

Whenever you feel ready.

Where am I?

Where am I?

Where are all the customers?

Where are you going?

Where did you find them anyway?

Where do you live?

Where I didn't see an under the blanket handy.

Where people still made eye contact

Where they gonna honeymoon... a Porta Potty?

Where they lock you in a room

Where we can complain about that tour guide.

Where we going tomorrow, Sophie?

Where we lock you in a room,

Where you and I are gonna make a baby

Where you can see it.

Where you can select the baby's genes

Where's Earl? He isn't here yet,

Where's Han?

Where's your john?

Which also happened to be my catchphrase

Which brings us to 5, 10, carry the one...

Which is still more than Europeans leave.

Which is the only time you will ever hear me say that.

Which way should we go?

Which, again, seems like a lot of work.

Which... I do not.

While he chases the ice cream man.

While he keeps a lookout for the cops?

While I watch "The Good Wife."

While we're coming clean,

White, red,

Who are you, my mom?

Who bought my kids.

Who cares what he thinks?

Who didn't want to serve a member of the LGBTQ community.

Who has a chance to make it.

Who has two penises?

Who knows what STD I'm catching from Oleg's butler costume?

Who magically appeared in the second quarter.

Who said this?

Who test out all the new potato chip flavors wear.

Who the hell does that dickweed think he is?

Who the hell parked a Rascal in a bike lane?

Who wants to get to know you

Who wants to see Ruby?

Who were super driven and focused.

Who won't even acknowledge my existence,

Who you brought with brown hair

Who's also known as Miss Very, Very Pretty.

Who's gonna blow it up for me?

Whoa, Grammy. Keep it PG.

Whoa!

Whoa.

Whoever this guy is says,

Wholesomely, of course, for the family.

Whoo hoo! Yeah, jazz is funny!

Whoo, she's a tough nut.

Whose Negative Nelly ness

Why are these forks not laid out correctly?

Why are you bringing up

Why are your legs up?

Why can't we get pregnant the natural way?

Why did I say two?

Why don't you give us all a nice surprise

Why haven't you changed into a butterfly?

Why haven't you changed into your uniform?

Why is he taking five trains?

Why is it so hard to understand?

Why is she so upset?

Why not take a look, you know?

Why would he be calling me?

Why, what'd he do to you?

Why?

Why? So we can be eye level?

Will at least quadruple.

Will never set foot in my club while I'm alive.

Will you be needing napkins? Utensils?

Williamsburg beer batter cupcake.

Wiser? Distinguished?

Wish I'd read the fine print when I agreed

Wish me luck, girls.

With a bunch of nervous sheep.

With a cupcake shop in Brooklyn

With a series of questions about that hideous uniform.

With an IMAX.

With free hair extensions?

With her knees.

With her wisecracks and wordplay.

With overdeveloped boobs.

With the addition of the IMAX,

With the backpack full of loose carrots

With the Hathaway forehead.

With the money I was saving for a Wet n Wild lip liner.

With the valet stroller parking.

With their tan, shirtless torsos

With two completely deluded shop owners.

With your brain power,

Wonderful.

Worked really hard to make this lunch all nice.

Would anyone buy that I had plans?

Would be the worst thing touching my body today.

Would hang out with those people.

Would have the back door covered.

Would it have been smarter for us

Would it hurt you to ask me to go to the game?

Would it kill you to have a wiener

Would you change your mind if I did it in a different accent?

Would you like to order now or after that galaxy is destroyed?

Wow, Earl's been napping pretty much this whole time.

Wow, that surprised me too.

Wow, this place is the real deal!

Wow, three of them.

Wow, we have more visitors than

Wow, you're pushing harder than I was

Wow.

Wrong dream, Blondie.

Y'all are volunteering to be locked up in a tiny room?

Y'all know I'm 80, right?

Yah, dis is vuunderbar!

Yay.

Ye Olde Williamsburg Watering Hole.

Yeah for another 10 seconds.

Yeah, and good luck shopping for dog clothes

Yeah, because you're too busy sprechen the cupcakes.

Yeah, Caroline.

Yeah, hilarious, sex is messy.

Yeah, how dare she!

Yeah, I have what the doctors call

Yeah, I think. Are you?

Yeah, I was wondering if he wears briefs and boxers.

Yeah, I've done three "Law and Orders."

Yeah, I've got something to say.

Yeah, if they wanted Ye Olde Desserts,

Yeah, it was called Alice in Underpants.

Yeah, my stylist, Carl, told me about two girls

Yeah, no. You know what?

Yeah, Oleg and I are gonna get really Amsterdam y up in here.

Yeah, see Max?

Yeah, see, Oleg said that he'd get himself checked out,

Yeah, that affected our decision too.

Yeah, that is weird

Yeah, that's more like it.

Yeah, the gays, they're real mad at you.

Yeah, the last invitation we got was to audition for porn.

Yeah, we're a family.

Yeah, we're Smiley Time Daycare.

Yeah, we're still not even sure if you have one.

Yeah, well,

Yeah, well, you'll have it again.

Yeah, well... I didn't.

Yeah, you almost ruined our friendship over it.

Yeah, you do, Max. You always do

Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. We're trying to make a baby.

Yeah...

Yep, and they do not look happy.

Yep, I'm straight. Love the ladies

Yep, the FFF.

Yep. She messed up. This isn't yours.

Yes, he does.

Yes, I do know what delivery means.

Yes, I do, your honor.

Yes, I said yes, folks.

Yes, if you can call them that.

Yes, it was me. I stress ate them.

Yes, it's I.

Yes, some of us can still feel pride.

Yes, that's what we called them back in the day.

Yes, they're just about ready, mis... ter...

Yes, um..

Yes, we are all businesses,

Yes, well, who hasn't?

Yes!

Yes!

Yes! Yes, I'll marry you.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. It's called diphallia.

Yes. It's called diphallia.

Yo, I got to ice this knee.

Yo, man, take a look at this thing on my back.

You also thought you couldn't eat food that's been stepped on.

You always go straight to dead, Max.

You always said the junk gave you the funk.

You and I are about to die in the woods.

You and I would be in the coat closet

You are not one of them.

You are the only person I'll wear this for.

You ate my PPTs?

You better have something to wipe it with.

You brought someone else with you to see that.

You called 911?

You can have my bologna.

You can make him a romantic dinner,

You can tell that guy at the door

You can't just back down

You could also always have gum.

You do have a bigger bedroom.

You do think we're gonna get out of here one day.

You don't see me Yelping about it.

You don't think "freshen up" means...

You filled this room with illumination,

You forgot to mention

You gave them a cute name?

You get one of those, and that was it.

You girls, I raced over here so fast,

You go.

You got any Midol?

You got that, Activia?

You gotta go up and buy us some time

You guys know everything.

You guys talking about that show, "Friends"?

You guys want a finger?

You had already put all my stuff out on the street.

You had an escape plan?

You had friends before we were friends.

You haven't aged at all.

You haven't changed a bit, Caroline

You haven't even apologized.

You hear that, Han? Wasn't. Gross.

You hide that between your legs too?

You interrupted what I was saying so often,

You know a food festival is just code

You know I exclusively shop at T.J. Maxx.

You know I'm not gonna say yes.

You know it, baby.

You know my name is Chad, right?

You know Sophie's right there, right?

You know what else is so us?

You know what I just realized?

You know what I'm talkin' about, right, ladies?

You know what wasn't clever?

You know what we have to do, right?

You know what would save the day right now?

You know what, Max, it turns out

You know what?

You know what? Let's go forward.

You know what? No, we not good.

You know what's not in the bathroom?

You know what's sad?

You know when someone else says something stupid,

You know where that got me?

You know why.

You know, because he already had the white coat

You know, but not everything.

You know, Caroline, you did the right thing

You know, friends sharing with friends

You know, girls, I realized

You know, I could just check out

You know, I'm breathin' harder

You know, I'm pretty sure that fall

You know, if I were you girls,

You know, in Poland, our doctor was also the butcher,

You know, it really started to flow

You know, it's like my Aunt Ruffa said

You know, Joint Custody.

You know, just a couple of things.

You know, may need to get the sperm tested.

You know, not exactly bad,

You know, since the scandal,

You know, Sophie,

You know, standing up, sitting down,

You know, the guy who put this club on the map.

You know, the monkey's unpredictable.

You know, there was a moment when I wanted to be...

You know, there was a moment when I was...

You know, tonight I have to genetically modify a person

You know, which roughly translates to,

You know, without the $300 up front

You look beautiful as ever, Ruby.

You look beautiful.

You look familiar.

You made friends with me.

You make that boring crock guy look like a sweeps episode

You may feel stupid,

You may gently bring your energy

You may have read about us in "Never Made It" magazine.

You mean don't pay our rent

You mind if I use your stomach as a tray

You must answer these riddles three.

You need some rest.

You never know when he's gonna demand intercourse.

You people really like a good F.

You probably didn't even see Emma Stone at Costco.

You put $130 million worth of basketball players

You really won the dog lottery.

You rich people are pigs.

You should do play by play

You should hate people for other reasons:

You should have sold him the damn cupcakes.

You should see where I shower.

You spent 12.95 on Earl's record,

You still working on that?

You stood up to the family destroyers,

You think the 80 year old has the brightest future?

You think the only way I can make friends

You thought T Mobile was a rapper.

You thought we were in a monogamous friendship?

You too. I mean, one!

You two have a great time getting to know each other.

You two too?

You want delivery from this diner?

You want me to change into a Chanel suit behind this screen?

You want some naan?

You went on Tinder?

You went to all this trouble.

You went to Chili's and didn't tell me?

You went to Supercuts, didn't you?

You were gonna have to hold my hoops!

You were throwing sunflower seeds in my hair.

You won't hear a peep out of me anymore.

You wouldn't be home and I'd be sad.

You'd be back in Korea.

You'd been abducted by the cult and to come rescue you.

You'll all find out where we are soon enough.

You'll be out of here in under an hour.

You'll have to take off your boobs.

You'll see a failing cupcake shop

You're a Channing. How could you be a waitress?

You're a lady judge.

You're a sweater.

You're acting odd er than usual

You're already the whitest person here.

You're barely the size of a refrigerator magnet.

You're finally getting the hang of a job you've had for years.

You're good at that.

You're negative!

You're not my advisor at The New School.

You're not poking her anywhere in here.

You're not supposed to jump in it

You're one to talk.

You're only, what, like 50 now?

You're part of the package.

You're playing at the club!

You're poor.

You're pretty dressed up.

You're right.

You're right.

You're still short?

You're taller than a foot.

You're the one who has to sit at Starbucks

You've been overcharging me rent?

You've got 15 minutes. It's 45 that you lack.

Your best friend without a bribe,

Your cousin's in town? That's weird.

Your Ear... Well, I prefer not to go to jail

Your feelings got hurt. Too bad, so sad.

Your first and only guest has arrived.

Your giant check.

Your grandmother has no memory of what happened.

Your grandmother's place is fancy.

Your Honor, I've been working at that diner

Your Honor, this gentlemen is an expert

Your horse masterminded the whole thing?

Your lifespan just decreased by one meal.

Your little movie is about to be rated R

Your package is too much?

Your personal Pop Tart.

Your season of "The Bachelor"?

Your sweet 16 party?

Youth, energy, will to live

4 of an island

5...9... 4... 7.

12.95.

20 warnings, then it's a dead issue.

28 boxes of tampons on Amazon.

50/50.

825? The rent is 850.

♪ But God bless the child ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪♪

♪ So the bible said ♪ Yeah!

♪ That's got his own ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪

♪ That's got his own ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪

Aah! Oh, God!

All right! High five!

Aww. I mean as a waitress.

Caroline you have... What Max? Pride in a job well done.

Caroline, what is she saying? Nothing, she's saying nothing.

Caroline. Hmm?

Get out. But I'm cooking.

Han, I don't... Wait, they want to buy us out?

I did? Mm hmm.

I love gay people. She does

Max, how about that? I know.

Max, she took the... Go, go, go!

Max. I know.

Morning. Yeah.

No cake equals hate. I've called every one

No thanks. Gorgeous views.

No, you can't! Oh, yes, I can

Not for me. Free food and booze.

Now go! Fine.

Of Earl? You know, Earl.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh! Ooh!

Open up! They have sticks!

Right, Han? She can stay.

She hates all people. Yeah.

She knows? What?

Then let's just go. Damn it, Earl!

to buyout our leases. Yeah.

Uh uh. Fresh country air.

Well, I mean, at your age... Oh, careful now.

What? Who?

What? You heard Ruby.

Where'd you get that? I went down the street

You ready? Yep. Ready to leave.

You should come. Oh, you know what?

'cause he's the two.

'cause I feel really, really, really pregnant.

'Cause I like the way you look.

'cause I thought it might tempt me.

'cause I'm about to go pee like a race whore.

'cause I'm not invited to play.

'cause it's the 17th worst thing that's ever happened to me!

'Cause much like the time, you can't go back.

'cause my eggs are a bit like the eggs here at the diner.

'cause she was hot and willing.

'cause she's eating carbs in front of him.

'Cause that made no sense

'Cause that would kill me.

'cause they're not real?

'Cause unless that bag's full of marital aids,

'cause when we do have sex, you're gonna find out

'Cause whoever ordered it ain't gettin' naan.

'cause yes.

'Cause you and I might be related,

'cause you gotta put it where the sun don't shine, baby.

'Cause you know what they say...

'cause you're gonna be buried in it.

'cause, uh, my aim isn't very good.

'Scuse me... this girl's going to sing for you right now.

"a forked stream."

"American Horror Story: Penis Edition."

"Big enough for two."

"Choose correctly or lost five minutes."

"Don't ice your junk in the food sink" thing again?

"Dou det what dou det, and dou don't det updet."

"Family Foremost Foundation"?

"Find My Husband" app off your phone.

"God Bless the Child" in a G.

"high off his ass" or "not in the room."

"How about dinner tonight?

"If it was so, it might be;

"invites her away on a business trip

"Little People, Big World."

"Max has been overcharging me $25 a month for four years."

"Mickey's Malt Liquor" kind of girl.

"Miss doesn't invite people to stuff."

"Missed Opportunity"

"Ripleyvitch Believe It or Nyet."

"Sat in booth an hour before anyone talked to me.

"Straight Outta Compt han"?

"Take it out of the package. It goes in your mouth.

"That hooker was a dude."

"This show's still on?" to no one.

"When someone did,

"where they'd be sharing one room.

"You get what you get, and you don't get upset."

"You girls want to do porn?"

"Your wife's work friend Gary

(all) Aw, come on!

(all) Done.

(Astrid) Caroline, is that you?

(Barry) Is this a joke?

(Bernard) Caroline, hello.

(Bernard) She's been in a coma.

(Caroline) Bernard!

(Caroline) Help, there's something moving down here!

(Caroline) Hmm, that's one more dollar than Max has been stealing from me.

(Caroline) I can't, because I'm not.

(Caroline) I'm feeling angry, scared, and both of Max's boobs.

(Caroline) Okay, 26 letters. Which one could represent light?

(Caroline) Too easy. It's Einstein so the answer must be scientific.

(Earl) Can we please turn the lights back off?

(Earl) Oh, hell no.

(Gertrude) Oh.

(Han) 10, 20, 26 switches! What other things are 26?

(Han) Aah!

(Han) How about something a little more universal

(Han) I really shouldn't be seeing this.

(Han) Light starts with "L"!

(Max) Hey, I'm starting to like this now.

(Max) Is this our version of make up sex?

(Max) Wow, you're no whoever that guy is, Oleg.

(Mookie) It's Mookie for the rent.

(Oleg) There are 26 letters in the alphabet.

(Peter Bjorn and John) ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

(Peter Bjorn and John) ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

(Sophie and Oleg) [moaning and grunting]

(Sophie) Hey! Look at all those kooky light switches!

(Sophie) I can't see a thing!

(Sophie) Oh, God, help me!

(Sophie) Oh, wow, he's good!

[alarm buzzes]

[applause]

[applause]

[band begins set]

[bell dinging]

[bell rings]

[bell rings]

[both screaming]

[cash register bell dings]

[cash register bell dings] .

[cell phone chimes]

[chortling]

[chuckles] Well, God bless the children

[chuckling] And help me welcome back to the stage

[crying]

[elevator dings]

[elevator dings]

[gasping]

[gasping]

[gasps] Earl!

[gasps] Late?

[glass shatters]

[grunts and moans]

[heart monitor beats faster]

[heart monitor beats increase]

[heart monitor flatlines]

[imitates explosion noise]

[imitates explosion]

[in British accent] That's enough

[knock on door]

[knock on door]

[knocking on door]

[laughter, murmuring]

[laughter]

[laughter]

[lecherous giggle]

[monkey screeching]

[monkey screeching]

[monkey screeching]

[monkey screeching]

[normal voice] Uh, excuse me. I have to tinkle.

[playing "Comin' Home Baby"]

[playing jazzy tune]

[posh accent] Darling!

[posh accent] Pardon me, yes

[posh accent] This crème brûlée is just divine!

[rock music]

[rock music]

[Ruby chuckles]

[scoffs] Come on, guys.

[shrieks] Ow!

[snapping] A five, six, seven, eight.

[Southern accent] Mmm! My word.

♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ And it still is news ♪

♪ Got me a Chaco Taco ♪

♪ I dreamed that love would never die ♪

♪ Mama may have ♪

♪ Pa boppa boppa tarts... ♪

♪ Pa boppa boppa tarts... ♪

♪ Papa may have ♪

♪ Scooby Doo bop bop, squiddly dop dop bah ♪

♪ Squiddly dop dop bah ♪

♪ Them's that got shall have ♪

♪ When hope was high and life worth living ♪

♪♪ ♪ ♪

♪♪ ♪ ♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪ ♪ ♪♪♪

♪♪♪ ♪♪

♪ ♪

♪ I dreamed a dream ♪

♪ In time gone by ♪

♪ Scooby Doo bop bop ♪

♪ Them's that's not shall lose ♪

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪