A Bagpiper, a Kangeroo, an Irish poet, and Mother Theresa walk into a bar . . . . . . . the barman, who was drying a glass, lifted his head and asked, "Is this some kind of joke?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A bear and a rabbit are pooping in the woods The bear asks the rabbit "do you have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?" "Nope" So the bear wipes his butt with the rabbit. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase. I don't think hes alright now. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A broom only likes one brand of comedy. Dustpan. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A cow fell off a truck in Russia Apparently he hadn't been Put in properly. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A dog with only 3 legs walks into a saloon in the Old West He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A farmer in (x town) who rolled over a cart of horse manure... Is reported in "stable condition." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A frog decided to trace his genealogy one day... He discovered he was a tad Polish. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A funny bird is the pelican His beak can hold more than his belly can He can hold in his beak Enough for a week And I don't know how the heck he can! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A guy walks into a bar Ouch from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A horse walks into a bar, orders a beer. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" And the horse answers, "They've started a round of layoffs at the plant." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A long joke jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooke from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A man enters a store and asks for a color printer, the cashier asks "What color?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A man once thought he'd discovered a new primary color but it proved to be merely a pigment of his imagination. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A man started to throw words beginning with 'th' at me I dodge this, then and there but I didn't see that coming Tim Vine from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A man walked into a doctor's office . . . He said to the doctor: "I've hurt my arm in several places." The doctor said: "Well don't go there any more." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A man walks into a bar... He says "Ow" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A man walks into a fancy dress party carrying a woman on his back... The host asks the man why this is so. "Oh, I'm a tortoise and this is Michelle" says the man. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A man walks into an apple store and...... farts every one is really angry and there all shouting so he says it's not my fault you don't have windows from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A man wanted to name his son a very long name... ...so he named him Miles from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today... ...while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A mathematician was constipated, how did he solve his problem? He worked it out with a pencil and paper. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A pair of mittens says to a hat, "I'll stay here, you go on a head" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A penguin walks into a bar... He goes up to the barman and says, "Have you seen my father in here today?" The barman says, "I don't know, what does he look like?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A photon checks into a hotel... The bellhop asks him if he has any luggage and the photon replies "No. I'm travelling light." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A photon walks into a hotel. The bellhop asks if he needs help with his bags. The photon says, "no, I'm travelling light. " from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A platypus went into a hotel owned by a duck.. ..A platypus went into a hotel owned by a duck. Platypus ate food. Duck billed platypus from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A poem for Valentine's day Roses are red Poppies are red The grass is red Oh no my yard is on fire from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A Polar Bear walks into a cafe He says, "I'll have a burger and.... a coke." The waitress says, "Okay. But, why the long pause?" The bear says, "I don't know. I was born with them." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A police officer bought a robot this robot was fueled by sodium and alkaline, but could only hold enough for 24 hours at a time. so every morning he had to charge it with a salt and battery. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar... ...and the bartender says, "What is this, a joke?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A red ship and a blue ship crashed on an island together the survivors were marooned. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A sad can goes to get recycled. He was soda pressed. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A sentence and a phrase is arguing, what did the sentence say? I know where you're coming from this phrase, but I can't see your point. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A Siri joke!: Two iPhones walk into a bar... ...Carrying a set of iPod shuffles. The bartender says: > Let those iPods sing, man! He was an iSurfer on iPad mini. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A skeleton walks into a bar orders a beer and a mop. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A skeleton walks into a bar The bartender says, what will you have? Skeleton says, a beer... and a mop from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A skeleton walks into a bar... Asks for a beer and a mop. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A skelleton goes to the bar and says "Can I have a pint and a mop..." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A stamp collector walks into a bar... He walks up to the hostess and says, "You're more beautiful than any stamp in my collection" She replied, "Philately will get you nowhere." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence... "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A termite walks into a bar... And asks the nearest person "Hey, is the bar tender here?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A termite walks into a pub And asks "where's the bar tender?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A Thanksgiving Joke What did the turkey say about the television program from the 1950s? There's a little bit too much grayvy. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A vampire stopped coming to my nightly poker games. All I said was that he made too many mistakes... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A woman files for divorce from her husband... citing that he makes too many Star Wars puns. When asked if this is true the husband says, "Divorce is strong with this one." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A WWII Joke! What did the German Shepherd say at his Nuremberg trial? "I was just following odors." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ Noel. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Accidental Seafood I tried dolphin once...but not on porpoise. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Actually, there are but two types of people Those who can extrapolate from limited data ... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
After watching a strongman competition... it amazed me to see how much the human body can lift without pooing itself. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh... But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Almonds on the tree; Amonds off the tree cause to get them off the tree you hafta shake the "L" out of them! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Alrighty Kids always remember: you are what you eat So eat loads of sweets and pass on those vegetables from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Always put sunglasses on your tree. Then, you'll get the proper shade. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
An idea for a board game... BONOPOLY Similar to Monopoly, but where the streets have no name. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
An invisible man marries an invisible woman... The kids were nothing to look at either. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
An ion walked up to Lost and Found and reported that he had lost an electron. The clerk asked:are you sure? The ion replied :Yes, I am positive.VCN from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
An oldie but goldie! *How do you stop a charging bull?* ***Take away its credit card!*** wa waa waaaa! ~Skip from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
An Olympic gymnast walked into a bar... She didnt get a medal... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Apparently vegetables can hear when they're being eaten. So I always drown mine in salad dressing first. Because it's the Romaine thing to do. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Apple just released a brand new programming language, *Swift*. Job recruiters everywhere immediately started posting ads for Swift programmers with 5 years of experience. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
April showers bring May flowers, but what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Armadillo The world needs more armed dillos. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought, Dogs sure are easily amused!... ...then I realized I was watching the dog chasing his tail. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Ask your doctor if left is right for you. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
At least I now know why the lions leave the plains before the end of summer. Because the Pride goeth before the Fall. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
At the end of the Age of Dinosaurs what happened to the good ones? They got veloci raptured. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Bad scary film I was watching a really poorly done scary movie last night, it was horrorble. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Balloon's What's a balloon's favorite genre of music? Pop. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Barely amusing Japanese joke Why are snakes so difficult to pick up in Japan? Because in Japan, snakes are hebi. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Batman doesn't have nightmares Nightmares have batman from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Bee jokes, courtesy of my niece (age 8). What did the bee use to dry off after swimming? A *bee*ch towel. What did the bee use to get out the tangles? A honeycomb. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Better be named after what? If you had to choose, would you prefer having a disease named after you, or be named after your mother in law? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Book, you look so much thinner! I know! I had my appendix removed! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Branson My wife and I went to Branson, Missouri. I think our hotel caters to senior citizens because it had a free incontinental breakfast. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Broken pencils... ...are pointless. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Broom advocates for cleaner work environment. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Bulls from all over India sent a petition to SC asking it to classify them as 'Jallikatu Bulls'. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
By shear coincidence... ...all these sheep look the same... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Can February March? No, but April May. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Can you tell me what you call a person from Corsica? Course a can. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Captain Ahab's crew were highly efficient sailors In fact, they were running like a whale oiled machine. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Cars Why do lazy people only drive automatics? Because they're shiftless. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Charles Dickens walks into a bar... and orders a martini. The bartender asks "olive 'er twist?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Chemistry Student I'm a science teacher and once I asked one of my lazy students if he knew the chemical symbol for sodium. He replied, 'Na, I don't'. Lucky sod, he's only ever right periodically. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Choose a major you love and you won't have to work for a day in your life Because that major probably has no jobs (not an original) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Clean joke about sorority girls Why do sorority girls only travel in odd numbered groups? Because they *can't even*! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Coco The Clown took his car back to the garage this week. The door wouldn't fall off. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Cogito Ergo Spud. I think, therefore I yam. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
College My son took Rock Climbing in college but he had to drop the class. He couldn't find any "Cliff Notes." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Congratulation on the new baby, from your family... except from me because I don't really care. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Darth Vader told me he knows what i'm getting for Christmas He said he felt my presents... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Define "Will" Isn't it obvious? It's a dead giveaway! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Definitions Bigamist An Italian fog. Myfunsalow "I am broke" in Italian. Innuendo Italian for suppository. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did I tell you I'm joining a gym in Gainesborough? Because I'm all about those gains bro from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did someone say "purple"? Sorry, it must have been a pigment of my imagination! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did y'all hear the one about the professional jump roper? Never mind. *Skip it*. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did ya hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about NASA finding bones on the moon? Yeah,the cow didn't make it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about Scrooge's drinking problem? He had a dickens of a time with spirits. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about that spicy knight? Sir Acha. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the Antennas that got married? The wedding was lame, but the reception was great! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the casting for the new Batman movie? People have really Ben Affleckted by it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the corduroy pillow? You didn't hear? It made headlines! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the farmer that fell into the field machine and lost half his body? He's all right now! : ) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the fight in the candy store? Two suckers got licked from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the fortune teller that... Had bad breath, calluses all over his body and couldn't win a fight? He was a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed with halitosis. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the French chef who committed suicide? He lost the huile d'olive from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the guy who fell into an upholstery machine? Now he's fully recovered. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the guy who invented a knife that can cut four loaves of bread at once? He's calling it the "Four Loaf Cleaver." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the homemade poison ivy remedy? You can make it from scratch. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the kidnapping in Delaware? Don't worry, he eventually woke up. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the kidnapping recently? The goatherd woke him up. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the lawyer for U2? He was Pro Bono from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? It was a grave mistake. Woohoo! I'm making these up!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the mathematician who hated negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the Native American who went to a party and drank 37 cups of tea? They found him dead the next morning in his tea pee. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested? He was held without charge. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the ointment... Did you hear about the ointment that couldn't stop talking about politics? When confronted, he said he was just trying to be topical. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the production delays at that company that makes scales using lengthy pipes? They had really long weights. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the schizophrenic accounts manager? He couldn't help but hear invoices inside his head. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the skeleton who didn't go to prom? He had no body to go with. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the stallion and the mare? They had a stable relationship. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the two monocles at the party? They made spectacles out of themselves. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the two silk worms that got in a fight? It ended in a tie. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the wedding between the two antenna? The service was terrible, but the reception was great. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about what happened with the elk? It was really amoosing. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear that H.P. Lovecraft wrote a cookbook? It's called the Necronomnomnomicon. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear the joke about the fast car? I would tell you but I think you're too slow to get it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear the Offspring song about how to store mummies? "You gotta keep 'em desiccated" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problem out with a pencil. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear they're republishing that Simple Mathematics study guide? It's the revised edition. (Revise Addition) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you know that 1 in every doll, in every doll, in every doll, in every doll are Russian? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you know that in high school, Robert E. Lee was voted "most likely to secede?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you know that it's traditional to serve Eggs Benedict on a hubcap? There's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you know that protons have mass? >Yes Well I didn't even know they were Catholic! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you know yesterday was National Middle Child Day? Don't worry, no one else remembered either. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you see the guy at Walmart hiding from ugly people? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you take a shower today? Why, is one missing? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Difference between a dead squirrel and a dead drummer in the road? http://imgur.com/PKibj The squirrel might have been on his way to a gig. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Do you guys/gals like horse jokes? Yeah or neeiiigghh? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Do you have a hole in your sock? "No ..." *(looks at sock)* . . How'd you get your foot in it? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Do you know why one side of the the V formation of geese in flight is longer than the other side? Because It has more geese in it! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Do you know why the bike couldnt stand by itself? It was TWO TIRED!!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Do you know why there's no casinos in Africa? Because there's too many CHEETAHS! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Do you think George Clooney has an iTunes playlist called Clooney Tunes? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Dolphins don't do anything by accident.. Always on porpoise. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Don't you hate jokes about German sausage? They're the wurst! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Ever heard about that movie called Constipation? It never came out. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Every journey has a beginning. ahem Just a small town girl Living in a lonely world... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Every morning I run around the block 5 times... ...Then I slide the block back under the bed and go back to sleep from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike... It's a vicious cycle. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Everybody gets their 15 minutes of fame so here's my first original joke! why is it impossible to surprise a snowman? .. he has ice in the back of his head from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Fart tutor wanted, must have references from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Finally decided on my thesis paper. It's a LOTR themed essay in defense of Sauron Titled "Getting away with Mordor" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
First original joke! Why did the rapper visit the urologist? Because his flows were so sick. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
First post and an original How much does a Chinese elephant weigh? .................. Wonton from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Four years ago, I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times. (not an original) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Garbage men have Hefty contracts. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Gravity makes a terrible friend. It's always holding you down. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend. [X Post from r/Fantasy] They're both cauldron. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Have a very Joseph Christmas! We shouldn't discriminate by sex, you know. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Have you been injured in a car accident? call 555 bottom feeders. We will do anything for money. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Have you ever heard the one about the dust bunny and the mud pie? Well then sorry, I only tell clean jokes. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Have you guys ever heard of the crazy Mexican Train Killer? He had...... Loco Motives from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Have you heard about that hot Thai lounge singer? Yeah. They call him *Frank Sriracha.* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Have you heard about the 2 Spanish firemen? Jose and hose B from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Have you heard about the Black Magic book for orphans? It's called the necro**mom**icon from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Have you heard the one about the agnostic with dyslexia and insomnia? He tossed and turned all night wondering if there was a dog from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Have you heard what I think of windmills? Big Fan. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Have you seen the movie Constipated? No? Why? Cause it hasn't come out yet! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Heard the one about the corduroy pillowcase? It's making headlines. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Heart attack When is the worst possible time to have a heart attack? When you are playing Charades. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
HELP! We need your best joke you have! We will choose the best joke and make a video of it, just for you! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Here's a funny joke I heard about pizza oh nevermind. It's too cheesy. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Hope you guys like clean humor videos https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNt aTq0hxM from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How can you tell if a hamburger was grilled in space? It's a little meteor. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How can you tell that a straight pin is confused? Just look at it. It's headed in one direction and pointed in the other. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the aquarium win the battle? Giant Fish Tanks. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the burglar get into the house? Intruder window from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the desk lamp store manager feel when thieves stole all his lightbulbs? He was delighted. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the firefly feel when he flew into the fan? He was de lighted from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the geologist develop a career as an expert in sinkholes? He fell into it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the metal get the wrong idea? He was misled. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the musician catch his fish? He castanet from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the Pillsbury Dough Boy Die? A Yeast Infection from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the pilot like his hotdog? Plane. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the prostitute get promoted? She slept her way to the top! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the townspeople react when the mayor presented them with a cost efficient, vegan protein source? They chia'd. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do cows get their gossip? They herd it through the bovine. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do porcupines play leapfrog? Very carefully from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do sailors finish a corny joke on a boat? Ba dum ship. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do trees get online? They just log in... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you call for a bath? With a Teletubbie. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you catch a bra? You set a booby trap. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you catch a one of a kind rabbit? Unique up on it. How do you catch a very calm rabbit? The tame way. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you catch a unique rabbit? *unique* up on it! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you confuse a fish? You put it in a bowl and tell it go to a corner! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you count cows? With a cowculator. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you find Will Smith in the winter? You search for Fresh Prints. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you get down from an elephant? You don't, you get down from a duck from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you get Pikachu on the bus? Poke 'em on! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you kill a circus? You stab it in the juggler. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you kill a vampire from the South? With a chicken fried stake from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you kill bread? Bake it for a little while, and it will be toast. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you know ancient Egyptians loved books so much? Because they built their stuff with reads! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you know you put the right joke in the right thread? Don't worry, someone will tell you. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you make 7 even? remove the "s" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you make a computer your best friend? You buy it a nice bunch of software and get it loaded! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you make a kleenex dance? You put a little Boogie in it! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you make a squid laugh? Ten tickles. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogie in it! (Not sure of the spelling, heard it from someone). from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it. :) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you make gold soup? You use 14 carrots. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you pay for things in the Czech Republic? Cash or Czech Edit: a word from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you prepare for a party in space? You Planet Thanks u/BostonCentrist from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you think the unthinkable? With an itheburg. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you turn soup into gold? You add 24 carats! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you unlock a monastery door? With a monk key. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does a cactus do his math homework? He uses a cacti lator! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does a duck pay for lipstick? She puts it on her bill from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does a mathematician get Tan? Sin/Cos from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does a plant walk? It uses a plant stand. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does Han Solo like to get around Endor? Ewoks from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does Harry Houdini tell people to steal stuff? Straight jack it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does the farmer count up his cows? ...with a cowculator. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does the man in the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does the Mummy plan to destroy Superman? He's gonna lure him in to the crypt tonight. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How is a rabbit similar to a plum? they are both purple, except for the rabbit. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How long did it take for the police to catch the man running in his underwear? It was a brief chase... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many catholics does it take to change a lightbulb? CHANGE?! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many dancers does it take to change a lightbulb? 5,6,7,8 from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many ears does Captain Picard have? A right ear. A left ear. And a final front ear. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many goals did Germany score? gerMANY from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb? FOUR! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? it's a pretty obscure number.... i'm sure you haven't heard of it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many magazines did the racquetball footwear company make before going out of business? Tennis shoes (Also: can anyone think of a more succinct buildup? It seems kinda unwieldy to me) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many minimalists does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1 from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many nihilists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? # from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many roads must a man walk? 42. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many Romans does it take to screw in a light bulb? V. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many Saiyans does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but it takes 5 episodes. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? A Brazilian.... I'll get my coat... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many Super Saiyans does it take to change a lightbulb? Just 1 but it will take 3 episodes. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? ten tickles from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many US Congressmen does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh, please. Like they've ever changed anything that needed it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How much did the skeleton charge for his excellent legal services? An arm and a leg. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How much do drum shaped sofas cost? 5 dollars per cushion. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How much do pirates pay for earrings? about a buck an ear. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How much does a pirate earing cost? A buccaneer from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How much does a truck full of bones weigh? A skeleTon from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced? A buccaneer! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears? A buccaneer! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ear pierced? A buccaneer. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How much does wonton soup weigh? One ton, but I don't know anyone that'd wantonly order it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How to create a clean joke Step 1. Find a dirty joke Step 2. Clean it from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How was Rome split in half? With a pair of *Caesars* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How was the Roman Empire cut in two? With a pair of Caesars. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I am not pro gay. I am not even amateur gay. But, I support their rights. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I asked my soap who it voted for, it said... I'd lather not say! note: This one came to me in the shower just now, gotta go back in now. Oh, the irony! I think. ~Skip from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely... ...if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I bought a duckdoo yesterday! 'What's a duckdoo?' "quack, quack" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago... ...and so far, all it's been doing is gathering dust. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer, I don't know what he laced them with but I have been tripping all day. My amazing girlfriend told me this one from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I came into this subreddit expecting jokes about soap. I am mildly disappointed. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I came up with a joke about my old cell phone Nevermind, it tends to get terrible reception from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I can make a movie with my hand. All it takes is a FLICK of the wrist! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I can't stand Russian Dolls... They're always so full of themselves! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I dig, she dig, we dig, he dig, they dig, you dig ... Maybe not a funny joke but at least it is deep. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I do my best when my manager puts a gun to my head. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I don't have a Facebook or Twitter account... ...so I just go around announcing out loud what I'm doing at random times. I've got 3 followers so far, but I think 2 are cops. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I don't have the faintest idea why I passed out Just a short pun from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I don't like going to funerals early in the day. I'm not much of a mourning person. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I farted on an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels. From /r/PeterL from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I fear for the calendar... ...its days are numbered. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I feed my cat lemons. He's a real sour puss. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I fell in the mud. And took a shower right after! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I fell off a forty foot ladder today.... lucky I was on the bottom rung. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I finally finished baby proofing the house. Let's see those babies get in here now. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I find hanging around in coffee shops A great way to espresso yourself from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I got hit hard in the head with a can of 7up today... I'm alright though, it was a soft drink. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I had a conversation with a Mobius strip... It was one sided. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I had a joke about time travel but you guys didn't like it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I hate girls with double standards unless they're pretty from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I hate when you're trying to be cheesy but everyone is laughtose intolerant. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I have a lot of jokes about the unemployed... ...but none of them work. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I have found that there are three kinds of people; Those who can count and those who can't. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I have the opposite of a photographic memory i have a potatographic memory. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I have to find a new personal trainer. He didn't do squat(s). from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I hear that in Star Wars VIII they're going to introduce Han's perpetually depressed younger brother. His name is Y Solo. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I heard a great joke about a boomerang earlier. I'm sure it will come back to me eventually. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I heard it's a good night to see the Perseid meteor shower . . . . . . but I haven't heard how it got dirty. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I heard the best time travel joke tomorrow. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I invented a time machine... ...next week. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I just bought a Bonnie Tyler sat nav. It keeps telling me to turn around, and every now and then it falls apart. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I just found out I'm colorblind It came out of the yellow. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I just got a job helping a one arm typist do capital letters... Its shift work. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I just heard because of the government shutdown government archeologists are working with a skeleton crew. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I just invented a new word! It's called "plagiarism". from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I just met someone who was a steam roller operator. He was such a flatterer. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I just read this article about short term memory I don't remember what it was about from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I knew I was old when I opened internet explorer. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I knew this guy who was so dumb... he saw a road sign that said, "Disney Land Left", so he turned around and went home. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I knew this guy who would ask men at church, "is your tie made out of bird cloth?" <blank stare> "It's cheep, cheep, cheep." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I know a guy who collects candy canes... ...they are all in mint condition. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I know a woman who owns a taser... Let me tell you, she's stunning! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I like camping but... it's so in tents from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I like my jokes they way I like my robots. Killer. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I like my slaves like I like my coffee Free. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I like my slaves like I like my coffee: Free. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I love graphs! I used to be obsessed with them... I've calmed down now though, you've gotta draw the line somewhere from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I love self deprecating humour. Shame I'm no good at it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I love when I have dramatic realizations over my morning cereal... ... I call 'em "breakfast epiphanies" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I made a model aircraft. I wanted it to be an unpainted smooth finish wooden aircraft. So I made a plain planed plane plane. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I made half a cup of tea the other day... It was so nice I had two. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I may be middle class, but I'm hard. *Al dente*, you might say. **Jimmy Carr** from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I met Phil Spector's brother Crispin the other day. He's head of quality control at Lays. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I named my cat "Curiosity". He killed himself ... Nine times. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I need this plant to grow. Well, water you waiting for? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I never buy Velcro It's such a rip off. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming, I didn't go back for seconds. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I personally don't believe in bros before hoes or hoes before hoes.. There needs to be a balance. A homie hoe stasis from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I rang up a local builder and said, "I want a skip outside my house." He said, "I'm not stopping you." **Tim Vine** from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I read a story about a kid that ate 4 cans of alphabet soup in one sitting... It said that he later had a massive vowel movement. Maybe a dirty joke. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I said bring your coffee maker whenever you want Them: great headphones on planes is heavier than flying over TEAs from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I saw a documentary on how they make jeans... It was riveting. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I saw an all frog production of Frozen yesterday... It was toad aly cool! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode... I asked, Are you two an item? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I support farming and math... I'm pro tractor. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I the shell off a snail yesterday... you'd think it would move faster, but it was really kinda sluggish. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I think I want a job cleaning mirrors... ...it's just something I can see myself doing. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I thought about starting a business selling halos... ...but the cost of overheads was too high. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I thought I had a brain tumor but then I realized it was all in my head. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I thought the dryer shrank my clothes.. turns out it was the refrigerator from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I tired playing soccer But I couldn't get a kick out of it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows on too high she looked surprised. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I tried to change my password to 14days... The computer said it was two week. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I try not to spend too much time online... ...but Wi Fight it? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I used to be addicted... to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around (x post from /r/jokes) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I used to work at an orange juice factory... I ended up getting fired because I couldn't concentrate. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I wanna make a joke about sodium. But Na. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I wanted to put a pizza joke here ...but it was too saucy. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I was at Redbox, but I didn't know what to watch. I consulted my groceries, and my pizza said, "Keep Frozen." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I was driving today... And saw a sign that said, "Steamed Crabs". I began to wonder: "What made them so mad?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I was going to go to a clairvoyants meeting the other day but.... it was cancelled due to unforeseen events. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I was gonna make a joke on Reddit.. .. but I guess you've already Reddit somewhere. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I was walking in the desert and saw a redwood tree. I knew this must be a mirage, so I ran into it. To my dismay, the tree and I collided. I guess it must have been an obstacle illusion. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I was watching a TV program on various Religious orders and how the use stringed instruments. I was appalled by the amount of sects and violins! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger. And then it hit me. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I went for a job interview today... The interviewer said to me, What would you say your greatest weakness is? I said, I think Id have to say my listening skills are my greatest strength. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I went in to a pet shop and said, Can I buy a goldfish? The guy said, Do you want an aquarium? I said, I dont care what star sign it is. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I went out with anorexic twins last night... 2 birds, 1 stone from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I went to a seafood disco last week... ...and pulled a mussel. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I went to a shredded cheese convention the other day... it was grate from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I went to an ATM... I was at an ATM this morning and this older lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I went to the dermatologist about something on my neck and they said I just needed to scrub it!!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I went to the store and asked for a one handed sailor... he said sorry, "I'm a wholesaler." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I would make a sparrow joke... But they don't fly very well. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I would never exaggerate... ...in a million years. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I would think you'd have to be open minded... ...to be a brain surgeon. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'll always remember what my uncle said before he passed on up... "Flying houses? Talking dogs? That movie looks dumb." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm a social person. I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm calculating how much it would cost to install lights for a little league baseball field A ballpark estimate would be perfect from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm getting mighty fed up with these sheep human hybrids! What is with ewe people!? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm going to stand outside... So if anyone asks, I am outstanding. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet... I don't know why. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm in the terminator musical. I'll be Bach. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm making a band! I started a band called 999 Megabytes...we havent gotten a gig yet. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm naming my TV remote Waldo... ...for obvious reasons. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm not really sure I'm understanding this financial crisis in Greece... It's all Greek to me. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm reading a book about anti gravity. I can't put it down. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm reading a book about anti gravity... ... It's impossible to put down from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm so sad because my friend is moving to Shanghai. More like Shang bye. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm tired of people calling America the dumbest country in the world Quite frankly, I think Europe is! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm very keen I could tell he was bald at the drop of a hat. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I've just made a meeting site for retired chemists It's called Carbon Dating from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I've won the war! My pants fit! **Congratulations, have you lost weight?** Even better... I've bought new pants!!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If all of Ireland sank, what part of it wouldn't? County Cork from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If I bought a balloon for $0.99 ... How much should I sell it for when I adjust for inflation? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If I don't eat all of my food, it goes to waste. If I do eat all of my food, it goes to *waist*. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If I ever fire someone who is a Taylor Swift fan I'll say "I knew you were trouble when you clocked in." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If life gives you melons, you might have dyslexia. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If Mr. Bean lost one of his legs he'd be cannellini! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If the house is in the kitchen, and Diana's in the kitchen, what's in Diana? A state (Indiana) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If you bury someone in the wrong place then you have made a grave mistake. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. *They're normally around 90 degrees.* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If you give a mouse a cookie.. If you give a mouse a cookie.. Why are you giving a mouse any food? That's unsanitary. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If you have bladder problems. Urine trouble. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If you walk into the bathroom an American and walk out an American, what are you in the bathroom? European. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If you're not buying kraft mac and cheese you might be buying an impasta. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Im trying to get into classical music... ...but I cant find any original recordings. All the music is performed by cover bands. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
In what town lives the mathematician who can only multiply by two? Dublin. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Is it just me... ...or are circles pointless? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Is your refrigerator running? Well, you better get glasses, and stop doing drugs from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
James Bond went to get a haircut. The barber asked him if he wanted to dye his hair as well. Bond replied "Dye another day." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Jesus wrote a play about a tornado. It was an Act of God. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
JKLMNOPQRST That's all that stands between U and I :) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Joke request Tell me your best joke that includes "July" "fourth" and "fire" Let's see what you've got, Reddit! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Just found this sub the other day and I've come to this realization... Currently, this subreddit seems to be in quite the pickle. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Just heard this on a PBS kids show... What did one wolf say to the other wolf? Howls it going? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Just went to an emotional wedding Even the cake was in tiers. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Just wrote a book on reverse psychology... Don't read it! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Kids, I don't know if our ceiling is the best ceiling... ...but it's definitely up there. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Kind of a kid joke What kind of cereal do zombies like? Kellog's All Brain from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock knock Who's there? Impatient cow. Impatient co He already left. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock knock Who's there? Ash Ash who? Bless you.. P.S. kids love it from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock Knock Who's there Boo!! Boo who? Don't cry, it's only a joke from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock knock! **Who's there?** *Tank* **Tank who?** *You're welcome* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
KNOCK KNOCK! WHO'S THERE! ***sombrero **** ^sombrero who,,,? *****SOMBRERO VER THE RAINBOW**** from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock knock. Who's there? A cow. A cow who? Not a cow "who"! A cow moos. An owl says "who". from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrup........ MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! [Works best IRL](/spoiler) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock Knock... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock knock... "Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Control Freak now you say 'Control Freak who?'" :) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock Knock... 1.Knock knock. Whos there? Yoda lady. Yoda lady who? Good job yodeling! 2.Knock knock. Whos there? Well, not your parents, because your parents never knock! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock knock... Who's there? I did up. I did up who? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock, Knock... Who's there? Peas. Peas who? *Peas pass the butter* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock, Knock... Who's there? The K.G.B. The K.G.B. wh... **SLAP**! WE are K.G.B., WE will ask questions!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock! Whos there? Control Freak. Con Okay, now you say, Control Freak who? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Last night, I had a dream that I was walking on a white sandy beach... At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Like most people my age... I'm 27. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Linuxmint 13 or 15 question why does 13 have lts and not newer versions? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Makeup beauty Omg = oh my girl so cute next morning without makeup Omg = ohh My God omg/omg = life without wife from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Mary had a little lamb. She's not a vegan anymore. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Math problem: I had 10 chocolate bars and ate 9. What do I have now? "Oh, I do not know, DIABETES MAYBE!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Max wondered why the ball was slowly growing larger... and then it hit him. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Me have great grammar... Me learnt everything I know from Sesame Street! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Mints I was eating mint chocolates and I felt sick after eight. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Mom asked if I wanted to race toy cars with my neighbor Chucky. I responded, "Nah, that's child's play." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
More retailers should adopt the "Leave A Penny / Take A Penny" system. It is literally, common cents. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My "go to" zoo joke I tell this to my wife and kids every time we go to a zoo... Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? A. Elephino from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My biggest problem with passive smoking is having to follow the smoker around. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My brother said he's incontinent. Yeah, he said he's wet his pants in nearly every nation in the world. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My brother... Likes driving black and white F1 race cars. They call him the F1 racist. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My Bucket List * ~~Five gallon bucket~~ * ~~Mop bucket~~ * Bucket hat from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My buddy said he'd give his right arm to be ambidextrous I can only admire such dedication. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My buddy says he is the world's worst at self deprecating humor. he worried once he was too modest. Then realized he was wrong. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My buddy the hacker took the quiz "What Beatles song best describes your life." The answer he got: "My Way". from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My buddy went to a foreign country to get his sex change operation. Now he's a dude who's abroad. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My dad's not an alcoholic... ...He just collects empty bottles, sounds so much better, doesn't it? ~ Stewart Francis from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My daughter hit me with this one while preparing for dinner Why did the table love playing volleyball? Because it was always getting set! I think she gets it from her mother. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My dental hygienist retired after working 55 years... All she got was a lousy plaque... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My dog chewed up my laptop... I guess he wanted a byte to eat! ^imagine ^this ^in ^zoidberg's ^voice from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My English teacher got really angry about the format of my essay. It wasn't justified. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My finger became really swollen after I jammed it Friday. And thats how I found out Im allergic to jam. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My first job... My first job out of college was a "diesel fitter" at a pantyhose factory... As they came off the line, I would hold them up and say, "Yep, deez'll fit her!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My first joke here and an original! Did you hear about the two lawyers who set up shop under the old oak tree? I heard it was a pretty shady business. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My friend gave me a balloon and told me not to pop it.. but I blew it! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My friend says she's doing good but she means well from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My friend told an out of place joke about police searches. But I don't think it was warranted. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My girl asks why I love chocolate so much. Well, I have several Reisens... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My Girlfriend told me she didn't want anything for Birthday I didn't give her anything :O #ThugLife from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer... I said, No, wait! I can change! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all of her musical instruments. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60... Now hes 97 years old and we have no idea where he is... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My laptop is so dumb. Every time it says "Your password is incorrect", I type in: "incorrect" and the silly thing still tells me the same thing. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My old roommate's bathroom was so dirty I had to clean the soap before using it. (Seriously.) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My plumber finally quit on me... He couldn't take any more of my crap. Sorry that this isn't a CLEAN joke. Heh from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My relationship is like Monopoly. She gives me too many Chances. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My son decided to help me clean the car today. After ten minutes of watching him, I told him to use some elbow grease. Two hours later, the idiot came back and told me that he couldn't find it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My teacher's nickname in school is Flush. He always has the same suit. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My uncle wanted to give all his sheep a sex change... But it entailed too many ramifications! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Need help While scratching my ear with key few hours ago, audio on my brand new TV went off. Does anyone know good TV Service. Sh... I think my Laptop sound died too. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Never play poker with a pieces of paper. They're bound to fold. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Never trust an atom They make up everything from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Never try to kill a termite with a napkin. It'll only get bigger. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
New Internet acronym: RALSHMICOMN Rolling Around Laughing So Hard Milk Is Coming Out My Nose from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Nickelback walks into a bar.... So Nickelback walks into a bar, and there is no punchline, because ruining music isn't funny. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
No matter how much you push the envelope... ...it's still stationery. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
No matter what anyone said, I was never going to take the stand. It's 1000 pages, for Pete's sake! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Noah wasn't much for civilized society . . . You could say he was an arc ist. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Note for Santa Dear Santa, Please give me a big fat bank account and a slim body. Please don't mix those two up like you did last year. Thanks. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Old Chinese proverb: Man who not shower in 7 days makes one reek. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Old game show bloopers...I miss this kind of humor today Found this video randomly http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xv3gK2bmkAk&feature=related from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
One Eskimo said to the other, "Where is your mother from?" The second Eskimo says "Alaska." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
One fifth of people... ...are just too tense! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
One potato asks another: "Are you sure we are related?" "Yes I yam!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
One time we ran out of soap so we had to use hand sanitizer!!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
One time, a cow saved my life It was bovine intervention. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Original physics joke. I'm very proud. I was organizing my desk the other day and the Entropy Police gave me a ticket for disturbing the chaos. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Other uses for chloroform 1) A great conversational piece when talking to the cops about using it 2) Make the day go by faster 3) And finally, as a reagent. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Overheard: Augustus Caesar on New Year's Day: "I keep writing 'B.C.' on all my checks." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Overheated some milk in a lab experiment today... ...and asked the teacher if it would affect the result. Her response? "To a degree." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Pac Man What should you do before you criticize Pac Man? WAKA WAKA WAKA mile in his shoes. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
People dont like having to bend over to get their drinks... We really need to raise the bar. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Pick up line for a Shakespeare lover. How now brown chicken brown cow? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Programmers tend to byte their food from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes? A: No eye deer (No idea) Q: What do you call a quadriplegic deer with no eyes? A: Still, no eye deer. (Still no idea) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Q) What do you call a group of 8 rabbits? A) Rabbyte! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Q)What will you call a person who sleeps next to a close relative? A) NapKin from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Reinventing Yourself http://dryinginside.blogspot.com/2012/10/reinventing yourself doesnt always work.html from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Request: Jokes for the sick? I have a good friend who was just hospitalized, hopefully nothing too serious. I'd love to send him a few short, clean jokes to cheer him up. Thanks! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Saitama tried to change his Facebook password to Goku but Facebook said it was too weak... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Santa keeps his suits in the clauset. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Says she: "Say something soft and sweet" Says he: "Marshmallow." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Scary Halloween Joke **Person 1:** Knock knock! **Person 2:** Who's there? **Person 1:** A GHOST!!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Schooner or later, sailors... ...engage in rudder nonsense. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Science joke The bartender says "we don't serve your kind here" He orders a drink A Tachyon walks into a bar Who wants to hear a Tachyon joke? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Science Jokes Thread on AskReddit! For your amusement: http://en.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1auxsf/what are some funny scientific jokes that you know/ from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Seven days without a joke makes one weak. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Shall I tell you the joke about the body snatchers? Best not, you might get carried away. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Shout out to... ...baseball players who have three strikes. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
So a polar bear walks into a bar... and says, "I'll have a gin.....and tonic" The bartender says, "What's with the big pause?" And the polar bear says, "Oh, I've always had them." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
So I was feeling down the other day... My friend wanted to cheer me up, so he told me 10 jokes to make me feel better. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
So I work in a Steak House and all the people there are really lazy So I must say after working there: That it's rare to see a job well done from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
So today is Earth day on what grounds are we celebrating? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
So today is Star Wars day May the fourth be with you! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
So, a guy gave his friend 10 puns, hoping that one of them would make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
So, I have this new knock knock joke You start... (when you get it) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Soap addiction I used to be addicted to soap. But I'm clean now!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Some people have trouble sleeping... ...but I can do it with my eyes closed... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Someone dropped their Scrabble in the middle of the road... ...that's the word on the street anyway. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Someone sly sheared sleeping sheep. Talk about shear terror. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Someone talked to me today about having two X chromosomes. Typical woman. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Sports: So how's the shoestring game goin'? Right now, it's ***ALL TIED UP!*** Oh my oh my! I couldn't find a cornylamejokes subreddit, so... ~Skip from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Starcraft: Why did the marine vote for the dragoon? He was Protoss from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Superman and Eyore had a baby. The baby's name? Supereyore from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The cheesiest joke ever. "I don't feel grate." Block of Cheese before it got shredded. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza store... and says, "Can you make me one with everything?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The fast food restaurant for babies. "Welcome to Gerber King, may I take your order?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The Fine Bros. 'React' announcement was like a television with no antenna. Poor reception. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The Great Yarn Race **Joe:** Did you hear about the great yarn race? **Jane:** No. Who won? **Joe:** Well, they had to weave their selves through the obstacles and in the end, it was a tie. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The hole in the boat So two guys steal a boat and get drunk. Kane of them goes "Hey, there is a hole in this boat". The other says "don't worry it's not ours". from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The joke of 2016 Trump from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The only one of its kind on this sub Want to hear a dirty joke? horse fell in the mud! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The other day, I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow... I called her up and asked, ''Did you get my drift?'' from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The other day, I was looking through my socks, when I found one had a hole in it... "darn it..." I muttered. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The pollen count that's a difficult job! [Credit to Milton Jones] from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The preacher today used Star Wars as a sermon illustration. I felt it was a little forced. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The reason angels can fly... ...is that they take themselves lightly. **G. K. Chesterton** from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The scientists a scientist went to a remote island with a dog in order to teach his speaking. Three years later, the scientist returns, and is asked about his experiment; he replied "woof, woof, woof" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The signature dish of a restaurant called the Twisted Rooster: Mobius Chicken Strips. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The three unwritten rules of /r/cleanjokes are: 1. 2. 3. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The victim's body was found in the kitchen surrounded by eight empty boxes of cornflakes. Police suspect it was the work of a serial killer. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary code and those who do not. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There are three types of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can't. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There are two types of people in this world 1. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There is a special species of bird that is really good at holding stuff together... They're called velcrows. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There once was a girl from Nantucket... Who carried her ice in a bucket. She walked down a hill. She had a great spill. And when she got up, she said, "I'm going to watch my step next time!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There was a depressed sausage... he thought his life was THE WURST. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There were two flies sitting on a toilet seat... one got pissed off. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There were two snowmen standing in a field, one says to the other... Can you smell Carrots? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There's 10 kind of people in the world. Those who know binary and those who don't. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There's a guy at the office today wearing full camo. At least I think so... I haven't seen him in a while. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There's a TV channel where you can buy all the Pope's speeches It's called "Papal View". from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There's a wreath hanging on my door with hundred dollar bills attached. I call it an Aretha Franklin. c: from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There's only one problem with reading articles about space based technology It all goes waaaay over my head. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, no ones laughing now. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
They told me I had type "A" blood... turns out it was a typo. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
This boy said he was going to hit me with the neck of a guitar.... I said, Is that a fret? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
This dermatologist waits a month to diagnose a skin disorder... She's reluctant to make a rash decision. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
This is 2 girls with 1 cup. [A.K.A. Friends At (a) Cafe Bar](http://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/friends at cafe bar high res stock photography/156534295) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
This is an X and Z conversation... Y are you in the middle? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
This mallard waddled into a bar... Should've ducked. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
This Post just says it all! It all. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
This summer I'm going to go to the beach and bury metal objects that say, 'Get a life' on them. Demetri Martin from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Three drums and a cymbal rolled down a hill ba dum dum ching from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Three tomatoes are walking down the street... A papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato. The baby tomato starts falling behind so the papa tomato squishes him and says, Ketchup! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like... bananas! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Today I brought a computer back from the dead. I've decided that this makes me a techromancer. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Today I'm 45. But with the wind chill I feel like 32. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Today, the doctor told me that the bottom of my heart has stopped functioning. My girlfriend will be disappointed; that's the part I loved her from. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Today's my cake day! And I'm going to eat it too! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Totally original joke/first post: What do you get when you play a Frank Sinatra record at twice the speed? "Shrank Sinatra" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
TV playback craziness [Through the eyes of Adrienne Hedger](https://www.facebook.com/HedgerHumor/photos/pb.630201143662377. 2207520000.1443863939./1179935295355623/?type=3&theater). :) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two antennas met on a roof . . . Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married, the ceremony was awful but the reception was brilliant. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two artists had an art contest... It ended in a draw from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two atoms walk into a bar... One says, "Oh no, I've lost an electron." The other asks, "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two balloons are floating across the desert One balloon says to the other, Look out for the cactussssssssssssssssssss! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two birds are sitting on a perch. One bird says to the other, "Do you smell fish?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two bookworms were having a dispute... ...across an open book until one bookworm moves closer to the other and says, "well then, I'm glad we're on the same page." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two chimps are in the bath One says "ooh oooh eek eek" The other one says "well put some cold water in then!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two competing podiatrists opened offices next door to each other... They were arch enemies. Edit: Spelling from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two dogs are going on a walk down the street They walk past a few parking meters and one dog says to the other, "Hey, check it out! Pay toilets!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Buh dum tss! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two fish are in a tank... Two fish are in a tank... First one says: I'll drive! Second one says: "I'll man the guns!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two fish in a tank Fish 1:Uh, Greg? Fish 2:What Fish 1:How do we drive this thing from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two fish in a tank. [x post from r/Jokes] One asks: How do you drive this thing? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two guys walk into a bar... the third one ducks. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse" Says the first. "Moo!" says the second from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two peanuts were walking down the street.... And one of them was assaulted from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two pretzels.. Two pretzels went walking down the street, one was "assaulted" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two wrongs don't make a right... but three lefts make a right. And two Wrights make a plane 6 lefts make a plane. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Velcro What a rip off. Joke by Tim Vine. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Wanna hear a construction joke? I'm working on it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Wanna hear a dirty joke? A white horse fell in a mud puddle. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Wanna hear a dirty joke? A white horse fell in the mud. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Wanna hear a dirty joke? Two white stallions fell in the mud. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Wanna hear a joke about Nitric Oxide ? NO from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Wanna hear a joke about unemployed people? Nevermind, they don't work. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Want to hear a clean Joke? Johnny took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty one? Bubbles is a man from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Want to hear a dirty joke? This boy trips and falls into some mud. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Want to hear a joke about a crappy restaurant? Nevermind, I'm afraid it may be in poor taste. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind it is too cheesy. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it's probably too cheesy. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Was going to make a joke about science but I know for I wont get a reaction... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Wash the alligator clips with rubbing alcohol during flu season Protect yourself from catching a terminal illness. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
We always bought our cars used, this one was as black as the night that is, until we washed it!!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
We don't allow faster than light neutrinos in here, says the bartender. A neutrino walks into a bar. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
We now have TWO Wawa's by the interstate. The one on the east side of I4 is not so bad. But the other one, whoa. It's the Wawa West over there. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What age were pigs discovered in? The Saus Age. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What animal is best at hitting a baseball? A bat! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What are caterpillars afraid of? DOGerpillars! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What are twins favorite fruits? Pears from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What are two doctors with colds An ironic Paradox. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What begins with E, ends with E, and has one letter? envelope from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What bird can write underwater? A ball point Penguin! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What cars do cows drive? Cattleacs from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What cars do wolves drive? Auuuuuuuuuuuuudis! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What celebrity never payed with a cheque or credit? Johnny Cash. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree? Camembert! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What city loves to eat sandwiches? Koldcutta from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What colour T shirt would win a race? Red, because it runs the most. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What di you call a snowman in may? A puddle! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did aged mother cheddar say to her son the day of school photos? Looking sharp. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say upon being asked to star in a Broadway production about the world's greatest composers? I'll be Bach. Sorry. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did batman say to robin before robin got in the car? get in the car from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did Captain Ahab say when he harpooned a whale's tail fin on the first try? "Well that was a fluke." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did Cholera say to Malaria? Are you gonna Jaundice on Saturday? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did Cinderella say while waiting for her photos? Someday my prints will come from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did daddy fish do when mommy fish got herself lost? ...He flounder from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What Did Delaware? A brand New Jersey! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did Descartes say while shopping online? I think therefore I Amazon from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did earth say to the other planets? You guys have no life! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did Ernie say to Bert when he asked for ice cream? Sure, Bert! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did fish say when she hit the wall ? Dam(n) !!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did music tell the pancakes? B flat. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one casket say to the other? "Is that you coffin?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one computer CPU say to the other after getting hit? Ow! That megahertz! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one dry erase marker say to the other? I'm bored! (As in board) Another one from my 9 year old. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one duck say to the other? Quack! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one earthquake say to the other? Hey, it's not my fault. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one frog say to the other frog? Time's fun when you're having flies. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one frog say to the other? Time's fun when you're having flies. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one math book say to the other math book? We've got a lot of problems. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one math book say to the other? Don't bother me; I've got my own *problems!* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one nose say when the other nose said "I love you"? "Back achoo!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, they just waved. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one octopus say to the other octopus? Will you hold my hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one snowman say to the other snowman? 'Do you smell carrots?' from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one snowman say to the other? Do you smell carrots? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did papa butter say to troublesome son butter? You had *butter* behave now, alright son? I sure know you don't want to get *whipped*! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head? I blame my shelf from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did socrates learn from the T rex? i dino from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did Tennessee? What Arkansas. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the 0 say to the 8? ... Hey, nice belt.. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the 0 say to the 8? Let's make a snowman! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the 8 say to the 0? Hey, fatty from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the amazed Kazakhstani say? That's Astana shing from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the American call Karl Marx when a shrine was dedicated to him in Japan? A Kami. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the apple say to the pear? [Man, go] away! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the bartender say to the jumper cables? You better not try to start anything. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the blonde do when she discovered that most accidents happen within a mile from home? She moved. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the blue denims say to the black denims? I guess we have different genes! *knee slap* ... I'll see myself to the door from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the Buffalo say when his child left for college? Bison from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the bunny say to the frog? [My name is Rabbit, not ribbit!!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYkDxsaHlkg) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the butcher say when he handed his customer an empty pack of hotdogs on halloween? Happy halloweenie from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the closed can say to the half opened can? YOU'RE BEING UNCANNY! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the corn say when it was complemented? Aww, shucks! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the creepy scientist say to his new creepy wife? Let's grow MOLD together! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the dad buffalo say when his offspring left for college? Bison from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? "Look grandpa, no hands!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the elephant say to the horn less rhino? "Rhino horn?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the Estonian student say in language class? I'll never Finnish. *dodges tomato* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the eye say to the other eye? Something smells between us. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the famous musician say the moment he was born? *I'LL BE BACH* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the figurine say when the boot flew past her protective dome? "That was a cloche call!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the fish say before he hit the wall? Oh, Dam. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the fish say when it hit the concrete wall? Dam from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall? Dam from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the fish say when it swam into the wall? Dam. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the flat iron say to the follicle? Now let me get this straight . . . from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the floor say to the desk? I can see your drawers! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the french butter say when it got stocked in the cooler? Beurre... I came up with this today while grocery shopping. I'm ridiculously pleased with myself. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the German air force eat for breakfast during WW2? Luftwaffles from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the German physicist use to drink his beer? Ein stein. From Big Nate, as told by my kid. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the German policeman say to his nipples? You are under a vest! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the g**** say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just gave a little wine from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the green g**** say to the purple g****? "Breathe, stupid!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the green g**** say to the purple g****? "Breathe you idiot! Breathe!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the green light say to the red light? I love you, but I'm sick of yellow light always breaking us up. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the hammer say to the drill? You're too boring. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the horse order at the bar? Chardaneiiiiiiggghhhhh from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the horse say when he fell over? "Help! I've fallen and I can't giddy up." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the hot dogs name their child? Frank from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the judge ask when he went to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the knob say to the door? I LOCK you a lot! yep, its corny, indeed, but... I'm tryin'! ~Skip from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the koala bear say to the barber? You ca lip this? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the lazy surgeon say to his patient? Suture self! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the llama say when asked to a picnic? Alpaca lunch! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the mailman say when his Mail truck caught fire? That he needed to address the situation from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? (x post from /r/3amjokes) [It's pasture bedtime!](http://www.reddit.com/r/3amjokes/comments/1y8d67/what did the mama cow say to the baby cow/) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the mama pig give her baby pig for its rash? ***OINKMENT!*** > (This exchange that I found on /r/tumblr makes this joke even funnier to me: > http://i.imgur.com/EzT0Bkd.jpg) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the mexican firecheif name his kids... Hose A and Hose B from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the mom say to her son when he said he didn't want any of her flippin' pancakes? Fine. They will just be burnt on one side. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the neutrino say to the planet? Just passing through from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the number zero say to the number eight? "Nice belt." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the number zero say to the number eight? Nice Belt from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the O say to the 8? Nice belt. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the owner of a brownie factory say when his factory caught fire? "I'm getting the fudge outta here!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the pebble say to the rock? I wish I was a little boulder! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the Pelican say to the fish when he was running late for work? I'll catch you later! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the picture say to the Judge? I WAS FRAMED! I just now made that up. I feel good about this one! ~Skip from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the pilot say when his plane wasn't flying? "Aw man, that's a drag." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the pony say when he had a sore throat? Pardon me, I'm just a little hoarse. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the priest say when watering his garden? Let us spray. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the rubber band factory worker say when he was fired? Oh snap! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the slab of meat say when it was covered in salt and left out to dry? "I'm cured!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the space between two tiles say? I AM GROUT from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the tailpipe say to the muffler? I'm exhausted. What did the muffler say back? ^mmmmbfmbm from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the three holes in the ground say? Well, well, well My grandpa's favorite joke. Took me five years to get it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? Curses! Foil again! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the topic sentence say to the evidence? Why aren't you supporting me? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look at me I'm changing. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the Triangle say to the Circle? "Your life is pointless." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter? "Quack, quack, quack." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the wall ask the picture? (All together now!) ***"How's it hangin'?"*** ~Skip from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the zero say to the eight? nice belt from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did they call the Pillsbury Doughboy after he hurt his leg? Limp Biscuit from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did Virginia get when she walked into the pet shop? (state joke) A New Hampshire from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do beef hearts smell like? Honey. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do call a horse that lives near you? A naybor from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do call a horse that lives near you? A neighbor (naybor for pessimist horses) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do Catholics and guitar players have in common? Neither of them practice. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do caves have? Echosystems. From my 9 year old. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do cows do for fun? They go to the mooooo vies. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do cows like on their hotdogs? MOOstard. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do cows like to put on their hot dogs? moostard from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do ducks do at Christmas time? They duckerate cookies. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do dwarves use to cut their pizza? Little Caesars from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do Egyptians do when their mass transit breaks down? Get Anubis. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do fish smoke? Seaweed! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do fish think about air? It's UN B REATHABLE! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do gamers plant in their garden? Skill trees! **Dances wildly with top hat and cane** from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do get when you cross 50 female pigs with 50 male deer? One hundred sows and bucks? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do kids eat for breakfast? Yogoat! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do lawyers wear to court? Law suits! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do mathematicians get if they stare at the roots of negative numbers for too long? Square eyes from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do the French call artificial feet for cats? Faux Paws from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do they call a monastery key that opens all doors? Monk key from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do vegan zombies eat? GRAAAAINS from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do vegan zombies eat? GRAAAIIINSSS! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do vegetarian zombies eat? Graaaaaaiiiins...... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you cal a bear with extreme mood swings? A bi polar bear. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call 99 bunnies walking forward and they take one step backwards? A receding hare line. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a alligator in a vest? Investigator. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a bald porcupine? Pointless! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a barbarian you can't see? an Invisigoth. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a bear with no teeth? *A gummy bear.* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a bee from the wrong side of town? A bumblegee from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowtain. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a black and white bird that can't win, nor fly. A peng lose. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a blind deer? No eye deer. What do you call a blind deer with no legs? *Still* no eye deer. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a blind, legless buck? No eye deer. EDIT: I totally messed this joke up. Please give me another chance with another joke? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A Stick from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? pt 2 A boomer WRONG! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a bug that can't talk? A hoarse fly. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a bulimic tree? Sycamore. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a burial chamber full of Moose? Moosoleum. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a camel in Alaska? Lost. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a camel with 3 humps? Humphrey. (I was told this joke by an actual dad, it was his response to one of my jokes) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a car that eats other cars? A carnivore. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a cashew in space? An astronut. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a cavator that isnt a cavator anymore? an EXcavator from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a chicken crossed with a cow? Cock a doodle moo! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a con artist who minored in psychology? Sigmund Fraud from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence? Utter destruction! !!!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk? A Milk Dud. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a cow that just gave birth? Decaffeinated from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a cow with one leg? Steak. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean Beef! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a cow with three legs? Tri tip. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey? A cross. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a dead fly? a flew from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a deep sea diving dog? Scuba Doo! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a dinosaur FBI agent? A pteredacted. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a discounted Zuckerberg? Marked down! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a dog in a diving bell? A sub woofer from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a dog with no legs? Don't bother, he's not coming. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter what you call it, it won't come. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a father who was kidnapped in Iraq? A Baghdad. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a fear of horned bovines? Aurochnophobia. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a fish that operates on brains? A brain sturgeon. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a fish who works for the government? An Official. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a fish with no eye? fsh from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a fish with no eyes? ....a fssshhh... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a flower in Florida? Orlando Bloom. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a Frenchman in sandals? Philippe Philoppe. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a group of Combi's? A Combi nation! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a group of Geometry classes? A geomeforest. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a group of people standing in the arctic circle? A Finnish line. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a group of security guards in front of a Samsung store? Guardians of the Galaxy. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a happy penguin? A pengrin! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a Jihadist that loves turkey? A Tryptophanatic. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a lion in the circus. A Carny vore from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a loaf baked in a zoo? Bread in captivity. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a Macho Man Randy Savage that does not belong to you? >Nacho Man Randy Savage!!!!! this is my original content!!!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a man with his big toe above his shin? Tony from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe? Rubber Toe! (Roberto) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a Mexican with crazy intentions? A locomotive! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a midget psychic that broke out of prison? A small medium at large! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison? A small medium at large from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a monk that operates a door unlocking service? A monkey. (p.s. I have a wonderful, terrible love for bad jokes) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a Moroccan candy distributor? Fez dispenser. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a native american cook a sioux chef from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a noisy Chinese dog? How Ling (my dad wanted me to post this) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a nose without a body? Nobody knows... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a nosey pepper? Jalapeno Business from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a number that cant keep still? A roamin numeral. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a one eyed dinosaur? Doyouthinkhesarus (Credit goes to whoever submitted that to the Coffee News) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a pachyderm that doesn't matter? Irrelephant. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a pachyderm that sings jazz? Elephants Gerald from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare line. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a penguin with a smoking problem? It's a puffin! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a person who farts in private? A private tutor from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a pig that does karate? *A pork chop.* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a pile of dogs? A ruff terrain. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowtin from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a plastic sheep? Lambinated! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a productive Asian? China get something done. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a race ran by female horses? A mare a thon. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a race run by baristas? A **decaf**alon from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a Romanian grocery clerk? Scanthesku from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? A candy baa from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino snore. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a slice of bread from another country? An immigraint. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a smart pig? Swinestein. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a social media platform designed for religious people who also have speech impediments? Faithbook from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a spider with no legs? A raisin from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want to it can't here you! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a t shirt with stalks of wheat on it? A crop top! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a truthful piece of paper? Fax. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a ubiquitous spud? A common tater! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a vampire that sucks mucus instead of blood? nose feratu! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a vegetarian? A hopeless romaine tic from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a very religious person who sleep walks? A Roman Catholic. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a white supremacist who doesn't eat meat? A vegitaryan from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a woman on a cruise ship in Mexico using the diving board at the pool? A broad abroad on a board aboard. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call an alien in a swamp? A MARSHian from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call an alligator with a vest? An Investigator! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call an animal that goes through your trash and tells great stories? A raccoonteur. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call an antelope that wants a big wedding? Cantelope from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call an arcade in eastern europe? czech e cheese from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call an atheist bone? A blasfemur. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call an Autobot who works in an overpriced makeup store at the mall ? Ulta Magnus! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call an economics lecturer? Prof. it from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call an economist at an amusement park who is just sitting around? A lazy fair goer! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call an effeminate dwarf? A metro gnome.... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call an Egyptian bone setter? Cairo practor. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call an Egyptian doctor who works on peoples backs? A Cairopractor! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call an elephant with a poor memory? A bold and innovative departure from the hackneyed stereotypes that all too often dominate the joke telling industry. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call an imaginary color? A pigment of your imagination. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call an Italian guy with a rubber toe? Roberto from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call an Italian romance novel model who's let himself go? Flabio from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call an obese psychic that works at a bank? A four chin teller from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call an old soldier who has been sprinkled in salt and pepper? A seasoned veteran. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call Batman skipping church? Christian Bail. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call beef that's been burned? A mis steak. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call cheese that is by itself? Provolone from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call coffee made from coal? Tarbucks. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call fake German currency? Question marks from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call it when Google Glass connects to the internet? Eye fi. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call it when someone resuscitates a person who chokes on alcohol? La chaim lich maneuver. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call it when you dip poultry and beef in chocolate? Brown chichen Brown cow from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call it when your wife brings you rice porridge in prison? Congee gal visit from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call people who pretend to be Irish on St. Patrick's Day? Counterfitz from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call Protestants who want to save a dime? Econoclasts. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? Shear madness. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call somebody with no body and no nose? Nobody knows. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call someone who makes a lot of money through deforestation of the Amazon? A Brazillionaire! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call someone who really loves breakfast? A cereal killer. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call someone who serves smelly drinks? a Fartender from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call someone who wears leather, likes bondage and likes getting inked? Moleskine from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call someone who's studied Old Norse literature and become an expert. Well edda cated. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call soup that you've found a hair in? Rabbit Soup :D from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultrygeist! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call the Hamburglar's accomplice? hamburglar helpler from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call the James Brown songs no one listens to? Defunct funk. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call the object Attila the Hun uses to brush his leg hair? A Hun knee comb. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call the ultimate fish doctor? The Sturgeon General from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call thrusting a hairy rod in and out of your mouth really fast then afterwards spitting out a white liquid? Brushing your teeth from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call two crows? Attempted murder. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call two guys above a window? Curt 'n Rod from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call Washington State after a long rain storm? Washed a Ton State. I woke up with that joke in my head this morning. My brain is weird. Had to share it with someone. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you call... What do you call an Italian romance novel model who's let himself go? Flabio. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you do if a cow is in the middle of the road you're driving on? steer clear from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you do if you see a spaceman? You park in it, man. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you find in a cloud's shorts? Thunderpants! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you get for the women who has everything? A divorce, then she'll only have half of everything. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a fish? Swimming trunks from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you get when you cross a crocodile with a cartridge? A snapshot. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you get when you cross a firecracker and a duck? A firequacker. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you get when you cross a pig and a spider? Bacon and scrambled leggs. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? 'ell if I know wot to call it! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow? A stern rebuke from the Ethics Committee, and an immediate cessation of funding. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you get when you cross Kansas with a vulture? Carrion my wayward son from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? Halfway. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft? A flat miner. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you get when you drop a piano in a coal mine? A flat minor. Night... Don't forget to tip your waitress from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you get when you mix Michael Jordan with Donald Trump? A Dunkin' Donut. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you get when you mix two chains and a cow? Truuuuuuuuuuu moooooooooooooooooo!!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you get when you sit on a potato? A potato wedge! (I made this up when I was 9) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you say to someone who is making a cardboard belt? "That's a waist of paper!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you say to the Montana barista when they overfill your chamomile? Beautiful from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you say to your sister when she's crying? Are you having a crisis? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you say when you find two banana peels together? Answer: A pair of slipper from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do you say when you see three whales? Whale whale whale, what do we have here? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What does a bag of rice and an onion do when they get into a fast car? They pilaf. I'll show my way out from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What does a baker wear on his feet? Loafers. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What does a can of tuna say? Premium flaked tuna Best before dd/mm/yy from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What does a duck call a tractor? A quacktor from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What does a ghost cow say? *wave arms around* MoooooOOOOOOoooooooo from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What does a hawk call a high ledge A *falcony!* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What does a Jedi say after a tragic loss of life? "May my thoughts be with them". from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What does a mexican magician make for breakfast? Toast tah dahs! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What does a rock do all day? Nothing. (this joke was made by daughter when she was 5) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What does a storm cloud have on beneath its clothes? Thunderwear! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast? A synonym roll. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What does a train full of grain's whistle sound like? "COUS, COUS!!!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What does a Vulcan lawnmower need to function? A spock plug. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What does batman take in his whiskey? Just ice. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What does Captain Kirk wear to the fitness center? Jim shorts. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What does December have that other months dont have? The letter D. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What does Drew Carey have in his driveway? Cleveland Rocks! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What does Mario use to get his hot dogs off the grill? He uses his Donkey Tongs. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What does r/The Donald call its rule list? The MAGA Carta from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What does the horse call the pigs on his farm? Neigh boars. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What electronic device leaves behind a lot of broken glass? A PC, seeing how they typically run on Windows! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What form of radiation bakes you cookies? A gramma ray from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What fruit do Romeo and Juliet eat? Cantelope from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What game do you play with a wombat? Wom. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What gets longer the more you cut it at both ends? A ditch. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What goes "Hahahahaha...*thud*"? Someone laughing their head off from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What goes oh oh oh? Santa walking backwards. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What goes up and down but does not move? Stairs from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What gun do you use to hunt a moose? A moosecut! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What haircut did the Texan barber recommend when asked? He couldn't think of anything, and said "I'll mullet over" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What happened to the butched after he backed into the meat grinder? he got a little "behind" in his work from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What happened to the Denver Broncos in the Super Bowl? They had a MetLife crisis. (that's the name of the stadium) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What happened to the ghost who couldn't scare? He had to join a support group since he couldn't handle his boos. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What happened to the runny nose... it tripped and fell. Now it's all boogered up. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What happened to the tyrannical fruit? He was impeached! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What happened to the tyrannical peach? He got impeached! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What happened when porky pig fell asleep at his construction job? The foreman fired him, saying, 'We can't have bored boars boring boards.' from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What happened when the carrot died? There was a huge turnip at the funeral. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What happened when the man couldn't afford the mortgage on his haunted house? ...it was repossessed! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What happens at night in Bangladesh? It gets Dhaka from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What happens if socialism comes to the Sahara? Old Soviet era joke told in Russia: What happens if socialism comes to the Sahara? Nothing at first, but then the sand shortages will start. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What happens if you drink 3.14 liters of water? you will Pi ss from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What happens if you pass gas in church? You have to sit in your own pew. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What happens when a spoon and fork get into a fight? civilwar from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What happens when breed a shark and snowman? You get a frostbite! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What happens when you don't serve drinks at a party? There's no punch line. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What happens when you get some vinegar in your ear? You suffer from pickled hearing! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What happens when you steamroll Batman and Robin? They become flatman and ribbon. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What happens when your cousin eats all the Pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving? Plump kin! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What has a bottom at the top? Your legs. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What has more letters than the alphabet? The post office. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What has six eyes but cannot see? Three men in a house with dirty dishes in the sink, laundry that needs to be folded and kids that need a bath from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What has two arms and 14 legs? Guy who collects legs. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What have you got if your pet kangaroo gets into molasses and Indian curry? An Indian goo roo from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What instrument does God play? He plays the cello. As it says in scripture: "Our God is a cellist God." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is a bacteria's OTHER favorite dish? The PETRI dish! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is a martian's favourite chocolate? A mars bar from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is a pair of sheep's favorite instrument? Two Baaas. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is a rocket's favorite meal? Launch! Another one from my 9 year old. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is a spectre's favorite theme park attraction? The Roller Ghoster from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is a traveler's favorite font? Times New Roamin'! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is a tuna's favorite city? Albacoreque. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is a vampire's favorite fruit? a Neck tarine From a great co worker from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is agitated buy joyful? A washing machine from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is an astronaut's favorite meal? Launch from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is black, bitter and dont work worth a damn? Decaf coffee from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is black, white, and red all over? A Communist Propaganda film from the 1930s. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
WHAT is Bruce Lee's favorite drink? WAH TAHH!!!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is Captain Ahab's favorite reggae band? Bob Marley and The Whalers! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is Forrest Gump's favorite pasta? Penne from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table. [Thanks, Wagon Train camper!] from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is green, has four legs and if it fell out of a tree and landed on you it would kill you? A pool table! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is green, sings and can be found in the fridge? Elvis Parsley from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is H.P. Lovecraft's cook book called? The Necronomnomnomicon. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is heavy forward but not backward? **ton** from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is irony? Irony is when something has the chemical symbol Fe. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is ISIL's favourite dessert? Terrormisu from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is Jackie Chan's favorite drink? Wata from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is Mozart doing right now? *Decomposing* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is Mozart doing right now? Decomposing from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is Paula Deen's favorite insect? The Butterfly from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is robot jazz called? Beep Boop Bop! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is the ardent task of searching for a new wallpaper called? Running a Backgroud Check. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is the cheapest part of a boat? The part with the sail in it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is the difference between a man and a cat? One eats a lot, is lazy and doesnt care who brings the food. The other is a pet. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is the difference between a Siberian husky and an Alaskan husky? About 1500 miles. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is the difference... What is the difference between unlawful and illegal? One is against the law and the other is a sick bird. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is the horror movie Quija rated? Quija 13 from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is the last thing to go through a fly's mind when it hits a windshield? Its butt. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is the longest word in the English language? SMILES because there is a mile between the first and last letters! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is the medical term for owning too many dogs? [A Roverdose](http://i.imgur.com/BtyF5ys.jpg) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is the most religious unit in electrical engineering? Ohm. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is the scientific name for a crippled tyrannosaurus rex ? Tywalkasoreus Rex from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is the Sun's favorite candy? Starburst! Another one from my 9 year old. I don't know where he gets it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is the swamp dwellers favorite form of extraterrestrial life? the Martians from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is the world famous Chef Gordan's favorite football team? The Ramsays from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What is tuba plus tuba? Fourba! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What Johnny Mercer song does December 21st remind you of? Autumn Leaves. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What keeps the lions from leaving the savannah the ele fence from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What killed the guy ordering at an Italian restaurant? He'd had trouble deciding to go with the appetizers or entrees, but eventually he went antipasto way. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What kind of bee can never be understood? A mumble bee. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What kind of bee will not take credit for his contributions? A Humblebee. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What kind of beer does a cow brew? Heifer weizen. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What kind of bees make milk? Boobies. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What kind of bird can write? A penguin. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What kind of birds stick together? Vel crows from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What kind of boats do smart people ride on? Scholar ships! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What kind of car did the German cowboy purchase? Audi *tips hat* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What kind of dish does LeBron like? anything with curry in it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What kind of dog can do magic tricks? A labracadabrador. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What kind of fish would be good to tune a piano? Oh, you guessed it right ... the tuna fish! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What kind of house does a stoned loaf of bread live in? A high rise from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What kind of jackets do Audiophiles wear? FLAC jackets from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What kind of jeans do ghosts wear? Boo Jeans from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What kind of music does a printer make? A paper jam. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What kind of pants does Super Mario wear? [Denim, denim, denim.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0SuIMUoShI) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What kind of pants does Super Mario wear? Denim Denim Denim from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What kind of turns do letters take? U turns! *From my 9 year old son yesterday. Fixed typo. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What language do they speak in Holland? Hollandaise. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What mysterious hair product does Lucifer use to keep himself looking good? Arcane gel! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What name is given to the most chickens ? pEGGy from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What other body parts did Voldemort not have apart from his nose? His legs and arms.. because he was disarmed and defeated. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What should you do before criticizing Pac Man? WAKA WAKA WAKA mile in his shoes from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What side dish do frogs like to enjoy with their hamburgers? French Flies! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What side of a leopard has the most spots? The outside from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What side of a turkey has the most feathers? The outside. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What song can never be played on #throwback Thursday? Friday by Rebecca Black from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What state do most people live in? Denial. Myself included. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What the plate say to the other plate? Dinners on me from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What the the electrician say to his buddy? Watts up?! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What time do you go to the dentist? 2:30 from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What Time Do You Go To The Dentist? Tooth Hurty! XD from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon? Tennish from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What type of cheese lives under your bed? Muenster. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What type of doctor prescribes Coke and 7 up for a living? A Poptometrist! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What type of grain uses profanity? Vulgar Wheat from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What type of melon would Romeo and Juliet have been? Cantaloupe. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What type of school did Sherlock Holmes go to? Elementary :) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What type pf culture is most peaceful and never gets angry? Nomads! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What was Beethoven's favorite fruit? BA NA NA NA! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What was Carl Sagan's favorite drink? Cosmos. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What was Dr Frankenstein's second job? He was a body builder from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What was Marie Curie's fitness program on the airwaves called? Radio Activity from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What was the allergic 2"X4"'s terrifying hallucination? He sawdust. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What was the car doing in the dressing room? Changing attire. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What was wrong with the wooden car? It wooden go. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What' the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef, but not everyone can pea soup. (As told by my 8yo, who made me laugh with a joke for the first time. Proud dad moment.) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's a baker's biggest fear? Something going a rye while they're raisin' bread. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's a balloon's favorite genre of music? Pop. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's a blind person's favorite fast food joint? Taco Braille from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's a comedian's favorite candy? Laffy Taffy. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's a difference between a teacher and a train? The teacher tells you to spit you gum out. The train says, "Chew, chew, chew!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's a dog's favorite mode of transportation? A waggin' from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's a martini's favorite garnish? Olive 'em! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's a pigs favorite muscle? The hamstring. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's a pirate's favorite letter? The C. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's a pirates favorite letter? You think it's the "R" but it's really the "C". Happy talk like a pirate day! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's a reporter's favorite food? Ice cream because they always want a scoop! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's an atheist's favorite Christmas movie? Coincidence on 34th Street from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's an idealist vegetarian's favorite meal? Peas and hominy from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's an oven's favorite comedy routine? Deadpan. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's Anakin Skywalker's favorite animal? Well, it was cats, originally, but then he was turned to the dog side. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's Beethoven's favorite fruit? A ba na na naaaaa from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's brown and sticky? A stick from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's brown and sticky? A stick. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's cold and scary?! I scream! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's faster hot or cold? Hot! Because anyone can catch a cold! buh duh tsst from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's George Washington's least favorite flower? Li[e] lacs! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's gray and all around? Everything. I'm a dog. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's green and fuzzy and can kill you if it falls from a tree? A pool table. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it'll kill you? A pool table. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's invisible and smells like carrots? Bunny farts. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit farts from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's it called when a planet orbits its sun 8 times? An orbyte from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones? Trombones! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's Medusa's favorite kind of cheese? Gorgonzola. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's my New Year resolution? Well, I just got a Hi Def TV, so it's 1920 X 1080i. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's orange and sounds like a Parrot? A Carrot from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's orange and sounds like a parrot? a carrot. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff. Whats blue and fluffy? Pink fluff holding its breath from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's red and is bad for your teeth? A brick from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's Sam Smith's favorite type of nut? [It's an alllllllllmond](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fB63ztKnGvo&feature=youtu.be&t=37s) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's so great about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's that coffee drink with icecream? I used to know it, but... Affogato. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the best part about twenty two year old wheels of cheese? There are twenty of them. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the best part of a baker's body? Their buns. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the best thing to put into a pie Your teeth. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the best way to capitalize on an opportunity? ON AN OPPORTUNITY from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the best way to get a hold of Vin Diesel? IM Groot. : D Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lvlj1u9S258 from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the difference between a bag of chips and a duck with the flu? One's a quick snack and the other's a sick quack! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the difference between a bird and a fly? A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the difference between a firstborn prince and a baseball? A baseball is thrown to the air. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the difference between a fish and a guitar? You can't tuna fish! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The pizza can have ham and cheese together. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the difference between a piano, a tuna and a jar of glue? You: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna! Person getting told joke: What about the glue? You: I knew you'd get stuck there! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dessed man on a bicycle? Attire...!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the difference between a Thai man and a Thai woman? Pls help. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu? For one you get tweetment and the other you get oinkment... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the difference between Botox and Borax? Two letters. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the difference between me and a calendar? A calendar has dates. #foreveralone from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Anyone can roast beef... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the difference between unlawful and illegal? Unlawful is against the law and illegal is a sick bird. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the first rule of bug ownership? Watch your step! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles" because there is a mile between each S! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the loudest economic system? CAPITALISM from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the most beautiful thing in Advanced Physics? A passing grade. :) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the most beautiful thing in mathematics? A cute angle from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the smartest dinosaur? Thesaurus Rex! omg, I crack myself up! ~Skip from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's the strongest letter in the alphabet? ***P*** Even Superman can't hold it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What's worse than a centipede with sore feet? A giraffe with a sore throat from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Whatever you do, always give 100%... Unless of course, you're donating blood. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Whats brown and rhymes with "snoop"? Dr. Dre from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Whats brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr Dre from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Whats brown and sticky? a stick from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Whats brown and sticky? a stick! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Whats Marios favorite type of jeans? denim denim denim! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Whats Red and Smells Like Blue Paint? Red Paint from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Whats the best thing to put into a pie? Your teeth! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Whats the problem with tainted money? It taint yours and it taint mine :D (Puns for the win? :D) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
When Captain Picard's sewing machine broke he brought it to the repairman and said... "make it sew." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
When do elephants have eight feet? When there are two of them. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? When there's a sail on it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
When does one play a corny game? You play it by ear. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
When German children play a game involving touching each other with bread... it's called gluten tag. I'll show myself out. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
When I grow old, I am sure I will look back at my life and say "aaaah! my neck hurts" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
When is a door not a door? When it's a jar from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
When is booger not a booger? When it('s not). from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
When is the month when the most trees fall? Sep timber from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
When you ask a girl, Wanna go to the gym with me? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQegAi6d MM from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
When you cook duck you should always add a little bit of goose It makes a game out of every bite. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where did Napoleon Bonaparte keep his armies? In his sleevies. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where did the cat go when it lost it's tail? To the retail store! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where did the fish go when it needed an operation? To the sturgeon from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where did the mistletoe go to become rich and famous? Hollywood. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where did the seaweed... Where did the seaweed find a job? In the "Kelp Wanted" section of the want ads. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where did the team get there uniforms? New Jersey from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where did the universe attend college? At the university. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where do Cows go for parties? The Moovies from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where do dinosaurs get their pickles from? Vlasic Park from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where do dogs go when they lose their tails? To a retail store. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where do literal dogs live? On the roof. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where do sick boats go? The dock! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where do snowmen dance? At the snowball! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where do toilets live? Porcel Lane. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where do weirdos ride their bicycles? Psycho paths. (as told by one of my coworkers) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where do you buy Pikmin from? The Oli Mart from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where do you drown a hipster? The Mainstream. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow weigh a pie. (sounds like way up high) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where do you learn to make ice cream? Sundae School from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where does a river keep it's money? At the bank. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where does dubious pasta come from? The spaghetto. I can't take all the credit, however: I heard the word from [this](http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/xdp4k/the gaydar/c5lnkep) guy from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where does the General keep his armies? In his sleevies. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where does the little king keep his little armies? Up his little sleevies. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where does the thumb meet its type? At the SPACE BAR! reddit is fun! I'm staring at the keyboard tryin' to think up a joke and voila'! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Where is Engagement, Ohio? Between Dayton and Marion. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Which celebrity is great at creating probate documents? Will Smith from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Which cheese is the loneliest? Prov alone! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Which day do chickens fear most? Fryday. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Which fairground ride is made of iron? The ferrous wheel from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot is faster. Anyone can catch a cold. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Which is the most silky planet? Satin! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Which kitchen appliance tells the best jokes? The beater he cracks everybody up! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Which letter of the alphabet is the laziest? letter G (lethargy) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Which Pokemon got a cold? Pik a choo. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Which side of a horse has the most hair? The OUTSIDE! oh my goodness, that's hilarious! ~Skip from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Which way will it fall? If a rooster lays an egg on a pointed roof, which way will it land? Roosters don't lay eggs from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Which whiskey should you buy if you want to dance all night? Wild Twerky! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Which word is the longest in the English language? Smiles because there is a mile between the first and last letters from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Who invented fractions? Henry the 1/8 from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Who is the only superhuman Frozone can't deal with? Thor. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Who is the roundest knight at King Arthur's table? Sir Cumference. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Who makes the sweetest video games? Masahiro Saccharide from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Who was the chicken's favorite musician? BAAAACH BACH BACH BACH from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Who was the knight that invented the round table? Sir Cumference. (via friend who got this from a street performance group in the England area of Epcot) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Who was the most important Knight of the Round Table? Sir Cumference. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Who was the only novelist with both direction and magnitude? Vector Hugo. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Who's bad at baseball but fun at parties? A pitcher filled with margaritas! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Who's the world's greatest underwater spy? Pond. James Pond. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why are bears so hairy ? They don't have salons in the jungle ! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one *tale* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why are colds such bad robbers? Because they're so easy to catch! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why are contortionists always angry? Their work usually has them pretty bent out of shape. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why are giraffes slow to apologize? It takes them a long time to swallow their pride from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why are giraffes' necks so long? Because their heads are so far away from their bodies. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why are horses never overweight? They're on a stable diet. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why are jokes about rotten eggs banned? Because they're infeggtious from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why are locomotive drivers so good at driving locomotives? Because they were trained. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why are manhole covers round? Because manholes are round. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why are pirates so mean? I dont know, they just arrrrrrrrr! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why are proteins so cranky? Because they're made of a mean ol' acids. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why are some chillies nosy? They're jalapeno business from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why are the nordic countries the best countries to live in? Their flags are big plusses. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why are there fences around graveyards? people are just dying to get in there these days. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why are there no midget accountants? They always come up short. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why are there only two hundred and thirty nine beans in a bowl of bean soup? Because just one more and it would be two farty from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why aren't sumos chummy with racecar drivers? They move in different circles. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why arent koalas actual bears? They dont meet the koalafications. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why can't a Pirate make it through their ABC's? They always get lost at C. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the P is silent from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom ... because the "p" is silent from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl urinate? Because of the silent P. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl use the restroom? Because the *p* is silent from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why can't you hear it when a pteranodon goes to the bathroom? Because they're all dead. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why cant college students take exams at the zoo? Too many cheetahs from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why couldn't Bach pay for his dinner? Because he was Baroque. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why couldn't Elsa hold on to a balloon? She would always let it go. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why couldn't Joe be friends with a double amputee? Because he's lack toes intolerant. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why couldn't the alligator satisfy his lover? He had a reptile dysfunction. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why couldn't the hunter cook breakfast? The game warden found out he poached his eggs! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie from drowning? He was *too far out, maaan*. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet? Because he was always lost at C. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why couldn't the pony sing? He was a little horse. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why couldn't the skeleton cross the street? Because he didn't have the guts! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why couldn't the woman date a German man? Because she was Klaustrophobic! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? All they said was, Bach, Bach, Bach ... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? All they said was, Bach, Bach, Bach" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did Beethoven kill off his chickens? They kept saying, "Bach, Bach, Bach." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did everyone trust the marsupial? Everything he said was troo from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall? To make up for a lousy summer. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did Little Miss Muffet have GPS on her Tuffet? To keep her from losing her whey. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did Mrs. G**** leave Mr. G****? She was tired of raisin kids. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did no one ever consider Tony Stark (the Iron Man) a protagonist? Because he was always cited as the Anthony hero. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did peanut butter flop at the talent show? He didn't have the right jam. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the air freshener company go out of business? Because they lacked common scents... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the bacteria cross the microscope? To get to the other slide from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the bald man draw rabbits all over his head? From a distance they look like hares! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the banker leave his job? he lost interest from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the bee go to the doctor? Because he had hives. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the bigamist cross the road? To get to the other bride. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the boy take a ladder to school? He wanted to go to high school. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the boy take a pencil and paper to bed? He was told to draw the curtains before going to sleep. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the boy throw a clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the Buddhist monk refuse Novocain? Because he wanted to transcend dental medication. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the buddhist refuse novocaine when he went to get a tooth pulled? He wanted to transcend dental medication. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the bullet stay home? Because it got fired! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the chef invest in chicken and cow bones? He wanted to buy stock options. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the chess master order a Russian bride? He needed a Chech mate! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the Chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road half way? She wanted to lay it on the line. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from Gordon ramsey from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the moron's house. *knock knock* ^^Whose ^^there? *the chicken...* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the opossum it could be done. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the chicken kill itself? To get to the other side. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the chicken lay an egg? (Quoted from daughter at age 3) To get food for her babies! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the chicken soup cross the road? Because it was down hill! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the chicken? Q: Why did the chicken cross the road naked? A: Because chickens don't wear clothes. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it was mugged. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the cop wake up his son? To stop a kid napping. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the Country Bear Jamboree bear blush? Because he was a bear a singing. ..... I am at Disney with the kids this week... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the cow go to the psychologist? She had a fodder complex. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the cowgirl name her pony ink? Because it kept running out of the pen!! My favorite joke when young :). from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken didn't exist. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the dog go into the water? Because he didn't want to be a hot dog. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the elephant turn around in the airport and go home? He forgot to pack his trunk. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the Fall break off from all the other seasons? Because it wanted autumnomy from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the fly fly? Because the spider spied her. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the fox cross the road? It was chassing after the chicken! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory? She was fed up with the hole business. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the girltree fall in love with the boy tree? He was sappy from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the golfer need to buy a new pair of socks? Because he got a hole in one! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants In case he gets a hole in one from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the hippie drown? He was too *far out*! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the jellyroll? He saw the apple turnover. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the knife quit? It couldn't CUT IT! woohoo! I made this one up while sitting at a buffet table. Enjoy! ~Skip from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the Kurd bury his music collection? His tribesman said "ISIL is approaching, and they're coming for Yazidis." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the lettuce get arrested? ...for disturbing the peas! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the library book go to the doctor? It needed to be checked out; it had a bloated appendix. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the man throw his watch out the window? He wanted to see time fly! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the mechanic go to art school? Because he wanted to learn how to make a van go! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the melon get married in a church? Because he was in love with a cantaloupe. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the mobster buy a planner? So he could organize his crime from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because the octopus was well armed. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the orange move to veggieland? So he could live in peas and hominy. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the packaged green onion get into trouble? Because it was a wrapped scallion. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the paper follow the pencil? Because it LED THE WAY! I'm on a roll here! this is fun! ~Skip from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon? There was no atmosphere from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the pie go to the dentist? It needed a filling. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the puppy get away with committing murder? ...He had paws able deniability. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the rabbit go to rehab? He was hopped up on easter eggs. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the raisin take the prune to the new year's ball? Because he couldn't find a date! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the rap battle champion get the most spacious and accessible seat on the bus? Because of his dis ability. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the redditor go to /r/zelda? To boost his link karma! (X post from /r/Jokes) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the rope get put in timeout? Because he was very knotty. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the Russians use peanuts for torture in the Cold War? Because in Soviet Russia, Nut Cracks You! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the sand dune blush? Because the sea weed from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the scale decide that the scam artists were heavier than the novels? Because the cons outweighed the prose. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the skeleton not attend prom? He had no body to go with. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the snail draw an "S" on the side of his car? So that when he drove by people could say, "Look at that escargot!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the snail drink beer? To come out of its shell! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the Spy cross the road? 'Cause he wasn't really on your side. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the SSD burn a flag? Because it was a Patriot Blaze from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the strawberry cry? Because his mother was in a jam. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the strawberry go out with the pineapple? Because he couldn't get a date! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the superhero make a lot of shredded cheese? It was for the grater good. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the tissue get up and dance? It had a little boogy in it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the tomato turned red? Because it saw the salad dressing from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the nearest Shell Station! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the twinkie go to the dentist? He lost his filling! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the vampire use mouthwash? Because he had bat breath from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the vegetable band break up? They couldn't keep a beet. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the vegetables hop into the boiling pot of water? They were part of a stewicide pact. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the wave fail the driving test? It kept crashing on the beach. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the Wise Man get 25 to life? Myrrhder from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did the woman buy new wine glasses? Because the ones she was using made everything blurry. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did tomato blush? because it saw the salad dressing from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why did Woodrow Wilson take a long time to turn around? Because he could only make 14 point turns. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why didn't Silento knock before coming inside? Because you already know who it's isss! My little sister told me this joke. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why didn't the american leek want to talk to the japanese leek? because it was negi from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why didn't the baby oyster share her little pearl? She was a little shellfish. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why didn't the bicycle cross the road? ...he was two tired... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why didn't the bicycle cross the road? because it was two tired. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why didn't the cargo ship want to leave the bay? Because it was a freight! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why didn't the Duke of Windsor let his French servant help him tie his tie? He never does it with a four in (foreign) hand. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why didn't the fisherman go to Florida to fish for long jawed fish with rows of razor like teeth? He didn't have a Gar from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? He had no *body* to go with from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do abcdefghijklmopqrstuvwxy & z hate hanging out with the letter n? Because n always has to be the center of attention. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do bears hate shoes so much? They like to run around in their bear feet. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do birds fly south for the winter? because its too far to walk! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do cicadas stay up all night chirping irregularly, unable to sleep? Their cicadan rhythm is off from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do ducks have flat feet? To stomp out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out flaming ducks. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stomp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out the burning ducks. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do elephants paint their toenails red? So they can hide in cherry trees. You ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? *Then it's working*. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do fish always sing off key? Because you can't tune a fish. Say it outloud if you don't get it. I made this one up in first grade IIRC. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do fish live in salt water? Because *pepper* makes them sneeze! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do Gastroenterologists have such a passion for their job? Because they find the components of one's stomach very intestine. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do ghosts carry tissues? Because they have BOOOOgers. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do ghosts like to ride elevators? It lifts their spirits. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do good farmers only excel when they are actually farming? (X post from /r/jokes) Because they are out standing in their field. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do gorillas have such big nostrils? Cos they got big fingers. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do Hutus hate Dustin Hoffman? He impersonated a Tootsie. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do Jamaican chickens make fun of all the other chickens? Because they're jerks. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they don't C# from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do librarians like the wind? It says, "Shhh!" all day! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do sailors give their wives a bouqet of ropes instead of flowers?? It's a bouqet of forget me knots. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do sharks swim in salt water? Because pepper would make them sneeze! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do space rocks taste better than earth rocks? Because they are a little meteor from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do the French like eating snails? Because they can't stand fast food! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do they call them light bulbs? they don't weigh very much from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do they make Raisin Bran commercials? For raisin bran awareness. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why do zombies always kill at comedy clubs? Because their jokes are told post humorously! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why does a Bicycle have a kickstand? Because it's two tired. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four it would be a chicken sedan! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why does a chicken coup have 2 doors? Because if it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken Sedan. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why does a chicken coupe only have two doors? If it had four it'd be a chicken sedan! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why does a milking stool have only three legs? Because the cow has the udder! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why does a rapper need an umbrella? Fo' drizzle. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why does Mario hate Punchbug? Because he bruises like a Peach! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why does Mr. Pencil hate Mr. Pen so much? Because he is an erascist. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why does not a forth grader ever take the bus home? Because he knew his parents will make him return it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why does Snoop Dog carry and umbrella? Fo Drizzle from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why Does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? For drizzle, my nizzle. :D from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? For Drizzle from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why does the dog go to the gym? He wants to get ruff from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why does the Pope only eat munchkins? Cause they're the holy part of the donut! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why does Thor have insomnia? He's up all night to get Loki. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why doesn't the Sun go to college? Because he has a million of degrees. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why doesn't the sun need to go to University? He's too bright. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why don't bears wear boots? Cos they like to walk around in their bear feet. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why don't blind people like skydiving? It scares the crap out of the dog. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why don't blind people like to go skydiving? It scares their seeing eye dog. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why don't blind people like to skydive? Because it scares the dog. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why don't blind people skydive? Because it scares their dogs too much! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why don't Bond villains feel cold in the winter? Because they dress in lairs. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why don't cannibals like clowns? they taste funny! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why don't cats play poker in the jungle... ...theres too many cheet ahs from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why don't crabs give to charities? They are shellfish. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why don't melons ever run away and get married? Because they cantaloupe! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why don't robots have any brothers anymore? Because they have trans sisters. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why don't tennis players get married? Because to them love means nothing. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why don't you see penguins in Britain? Because they're afraid of Wales from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why don't you want a turkey at your thanksgiving dinner? Because it'll gobble up everything. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why don't you want to hang out with a dude from Chicago? Because 'Illinois you! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why don't you want your nose to be 12 inches long? because then it would be a foot! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why is a shooting star better than a hamburger? It's meteor. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why is Dr. Frankenstein never lonely? He's good at making friends. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why is Ireland the richest country in the world? Because it's capital is always Dublin. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why is it a bad idea to get in a relationship with a statue? Because it's not going anywhere. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why is Kim Jong Un like todays music? They both ain't got the same Seoul. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why is ok to leave the lid off a basket of socialist crabs? Because whenever one of them climbs to the top, the others drag it back down. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why is there very little honey in Belgium? Because there is only one B in Belgium from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why is Yoda afraid of seven? Because six seven eight. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why should you always bring 2 pair of trousers when golfing? In case you get a hole in one. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why should you always knock before opening the refrigerator? Because there might be an Italian dressing. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why should you avoid people dressed as celery? They could be stalking you! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why should you never invest in bakeries? Because they have a high turnover rate. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why should you never invite a boxer to a party? He always throws the punch. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why shouldn't you have coffee while on the clock? Because that would be "grounds" for termination! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why there should be a February 30th So dentists can have a day to celebrate from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was 9 afraid of 20? 28 29's from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball <p> My favorite joke since I was little from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? *She ran away from the ball.* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was Farmer Bob so good at his job? Because he was outstanding in his field from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft? classical conditioning. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft? He conditioned it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the actor detained by airport security? He said he was in town to shoot a pilot. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the apricot late to the party? He got stuck in a jam. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the belt locked up? Because it held a pair of pants. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the burrito embarrassed? It saw the salad dressing. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the chicken kicked out of class? For using *fowl* language. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the dolphin happy and the shark depressed? The sharks life lacked porpoise. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the egg kicked out of the comedy club? Because he was telling bad yolks! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the Egyptian kid confused? Because his daddy was a mummy from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the Headless Horseman depressed? He could never seem to get ahead in life. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the healthy potato not allowed on the plane? He was on the "No Fry" list. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the hula hoop a great boxer? It could go round for round. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the lobster upset? Because he found out his friends thought he was a little crabby! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the math book sad? It had a lot of problems from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the owl afraid of Raidoactivity Because it was made of Hootonium from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the panda crying? He had a bambooboo. Aonther one from my 9 year old. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the rabbit promoted to brewmaster? All his beers had a lot of hops from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the rooster happy after his trip to Vegas? He got clucky. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the scarecrow promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the school grey? Because it was a Greyed School. I woke up with this joke in my head this morning. I think my brain is trying to kill me with horrible puns. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the tank top more gangster than the tube top? The tube top was strapless. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the tomato blushing? Because it saw the salad dressing! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why was the tomato blushing? Because it saw the salad dressing. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why were the breakfast potatoes running around hitting each other? HashTag! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why were the Libyans eating money? They were having dinar. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why were the treefrog's stories always so attention grabbing? Because he was absolutely ribbeting! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why were Wrigley, Doublemint, and Orbit watching CNN? To find out the latest on gum control legislation. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why would no one listen to the percussion section? Because they couldn't drum up enough support. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why'd the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Why'd the hipster burn his mouth on his coffee? Because he drank it before it was cool. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Will Smith joke How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for fresh prince... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Will Smith's website isn't responding. What do you do? Refresh Prince of Bel Air. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Will you tell you the story of the huge sad wall? I shouldn't, you'll never get over it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Wise man once say... He who runs in front of car will get tired, He who runs behind car will get exhausted. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
With a name like Freddy Mercury... shouldn't he have done heavy metal? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Words can't possibly describe how beautiful you are... But numbers can 4/10 from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
X post from r/jokes: "Hey! The dog you sold me yesterday just fell over and died today!" "Huh, strange. He's never done that before." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
X post from r/jokes: Mommy! I found a $10 bill today, but I threw it away, cus it was fake. "Oh, how did you know it was fake?" "It had two zeroes instead of one." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose... But you can't pick your friend's nose from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
You can tune a guitar... but you can't tuna fish! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
You know what I hate about fashion designers? They are so clothes minded. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
You know what's the problem with Mexican and black jokes? If you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamaal. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
You know why ancient Greek children were always getting lost from their parents? 'Cause they kept Roman around! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
You know youre getting old when Santa starts looking younger. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
You'd think that people who kept their head warm would tend to be healthier... but as it turns out, people who wear turbans are actually more likely to be Sikh from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
You've got to really be careful when ingesting shoes... cause they're usually laced from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
2 fish in a tank, one says to the other Do you know how to drive this thing? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
6:30 is the best time on a clock... ...hands down. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
16 sodium atoms walk into a bar followed by Batman. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
...walks into a bar... A golfer, a priest and a lawyer walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and asks, "What is this? Some kind of joke?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
"So Sherlock..." asked Watson, "I forget, what was your highest degree of education?" "Elementary, my dear Watson." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
"Stay strong!" I said to my wi fi signal. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
"We don't serve time travelers here" A time traveler walks into a bar. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
"What kind of house does cheese like to live in?" "A cottage" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
(True story) So my friend saw me browsing this subreddit and he said... "Is this a subreddit for really bad jokes?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
[ This one from the great /u/KingOfRibbles ] "My sink was a bit dirty " " but all it needed was a little ...wiping!!!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
[My Joke] Where do noodles get their nails done? At the spa getti. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
[My Joke] Why do galaxies put on boring shows while separated? Because their performance is lack cluster. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
[OC c/o my 9 y.o.] What holds up a bowl's pants? Suspoonders! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
[OC] How does Gandhi measure passive resistance? In oooooohms. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
[OC] Why couldn't the dragon breathe fire? He had a cold from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
[PICKLE] Our first chance to help our new ally! http://www.reddit.com/r/pickle/comments/1a2xg8/next attack for our entire army march 12th at 520/ from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
*THUD* "What was that?" "My pants fell down." "...Why so loud?" "I'm wearing them." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
/r/askreddit thread "What's the best clean joke you know" with thousands of replies http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/zrotp/whats the best clean joke you know/ from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
/r/cleanjokes hits 10K subscribers **/r/cleanjokes metrics:** Total Subscribers: 10,000 Subreddit Rank: 2,246 Milestones & Subreddit Growth: http://redditmetrics.com/r/cleanjokes from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
/r/pickle welcomes it's newest ally. It's always good to have clean jokes. I due urge the mods to add us to your sidebar, due to the fact that you are on ours. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
~tips fedora at mosquito~ Mlaria from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
