A Bagpiper, a Kangeroo, an Irish poet, and Mother Theresa walk into a bar . . . . . . . the barman, who was drying a glass, lifted his head and asked, "Is this some kind of joke?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A bear and a rabbit are pooping in the woods The bear asks the rabbit "do you have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?" "Nope" So the bear wipes his butt with the rabbit. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase. I don't think hes alright now. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A broom only likes one brand of comedy. Dustpan. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A cow fell off a truck in Russia Apparently he hadn't been Put in properly. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A dog with only 3 legs walks into a saloon in the Old West He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A farmer in (x town) who rolled over a cart of horse manure... Is reported in "stable condition." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A frog decided to trace his genealogy one day... He discovered he was a tad Polish. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A funny bird is the pelican His beak can hold more than his belly can He can hold in his beak Enough for a week And I don't know how the heck he can! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A guy walks into a bar Ouch from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A horse walks into a bar, orders a beer. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" And the horse answers, "They've started a round of layoffs at the plant." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A long joke jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooke from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A man enters a store and asks for a color printer, the cashier asks "What color?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A man once thought he'd discovered a new primary color but it proved to be merely a pigment of his imagination. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A man started to throw words beginning with 'th' at me I dodge this, then and there but I didn't see that coming Tim Vine from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A man walked into a doctor's office . . . He said to the doctor: "I've hurt my arm in several places." The doctor said: "Well don't go there any more." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A man walks into a bar... He says "Ow" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A man walks into a fancy dress party carrying a woman on his back... The host asks the man why this is so. "Oh, I'm a tortoise and this is Michelle" says the man. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A man walks into an apple store and...... farts every one is really angry and there all shouting so he says it's not my fault you don't have windows from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A man wanted to name his son a very long name... ...so he named him Miles from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today... ...while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A mathematician was constipated, how did he solve his problem? He worked it out with a pencil and paper. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A pair of mittens says to a hat, "I'll stay here, you go on a head" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A penguin walks into a bar... He goes up to the barman and says, "Have you seen my father in here today?" The barman says, "I don't know, what does he look like?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A photon checks into a hotel... The bellhop asks him if he has any luggage and the photon replies "No. I'm travelling light." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A photon walks into a hotel. The bellhop asks if he needs help with his bags. The photon says, "no, I'm travelling light. " from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A platypus went into a hotel owned by a duck.. ..A platypus went into a hotel owned by a duck. Platypus ate food. Duck billed platypus from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A poem for Valentine's day Roses are red Poppies are red The grass is red Oh no my yard is on fire from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A Polar Bear walks into a cafe He says, "I'll have a burger and.... a coke." The waitress says, "Okay. But, why the long pause?" The bear says, "I don't know. I was born with them." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A police officer bought a robot this robot was fueled by sodium and alkaline, but could only hold enough for 24 hours at a time. so every morning he had to charge it with a salt and battery. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar... ...and the bartender says, "What is this, a joke?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A red ship and a blue ship crashed on an island together the survivors were marooned. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A sad can goes to get recycled. He was soda pressed. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A sentence and a phrase is arguing, what did the sentence say? I know where you're coming from this phrase, but I can't see your point. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A Siri joke!: Two iPhones walk into a bar... ...Carrying a set of iPod shuffles. The bartender says: > Let those iPods sing, man! He was an iSurfer on iPad mini. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A skeleton walks into a bar orders a beer and a mop. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A skeleton walks into a bar The bartender says, what will you have? Skeleton says, a beer... and a mop from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A skeleton walks into a bar... Asks for a beer and a mop. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A skelleton goes to the bar and says "Can I have a pint and a mop..." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A stamp collector walks into a bar... He walks up to the hostess and says, "You're more beautiful than any stamp in my collection" She replied, "Philately will get you nowhere." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence... "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A termite walks into a bar... And asks the nearest person "Hey, is the bar tender here?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A termite walks into a pub And asks "where's the bar tender?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A Thanksgiving Joke What did the turkey say about the television program from the 1950s? There's a little bit too much grayvy. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A vampire stopped coming to my nightly poker games. All I said was that he made too many mistakes... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A woman files for divorce from her husband... citing that he makes too many Star Wars puns. When asked if this is true the husband says, "Divorce is strong with this one." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
A WWII Joke! What did the German Shepherd say at his Nuremberg trial? "I was just following odors." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ Noel. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Accidental Seafood I tried dolphin once...but not on porpoise. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Actually, there are but two types of people Those who can extrapolate from limited data ... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
After watching a strongman competition... it amazed me to see how much the human body can lift without pooing itself. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh... But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Almonds on the tree; Amonds off the tree cause to get them off the tree you hafta shake the "L" out of them! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Alrighty Kids always remember: you are what you eat So eat loads of sweets and pass on those vegetables from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Always put sunglasses on your tree. Then, you'll get the proper shade. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
An idea for a board game... BONOPOLY Similar to Monopoly, but where the streets have no name. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
An invisible man marries an invisible woman... The kids were nothing to look at either. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
An ion walked up to Lost and Found and reported that he had lost an electron. The clerk asked:are you sure? The ion replied :Yes, I am positive.VCN from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
An oldie but goldie! *How do you stop a charging bull?* ***Take away its credit card!*** wa waa waaaa! ~Skip from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
An Olympic gymnast walked into a bar... She didnt get a medal... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Apparently vegetables can hear when they're being eaten. So I always drown mine in salad dressing first. Because it's the Romaine thing to do. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Apple just released a brand new programming language, *Swift*. Job recruiters everywhere immediately started posting ads for Swift programmers with 5 years of experience. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
April showers bring May flowers, but what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Armadillo The world needs more armed dillos. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought, Dogs sure are easily amused!... ...then I realized I was watching the dog chasing his tail. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Ask your doctor if left is right for you. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
At least I now know why the lions leave the plains before the end of summer. Because the Pride goeth before the Fall. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
At the end of the Age of Dinosaurs what happened to the good ones? They got veloci raptured. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Bad scary film I was watching a really poorly done scary movie last night, it was horrorble. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Balloon's What's a balloon's favorite genre of music? Pop. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Barely amusing Japanese joke Why are snakes so difficult to pick up in Japan? Because in Japan, snakes are hebi. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Batman doesn't have nightmares Nightmares have batman from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Bee jokes, courtesy of my niece (age 8). What did the bee use to dry off after swimming? A *bee*ch towel. What did the bee use to get out the tangles? A honeycomb. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Better be named after what? If you had to choose, would you prefer having a disease named after you, or be named after your mother in law? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Book, you look so much thinner! I know! I had my appendix removed! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Branson My wife and I went to Branson, Missouri. I think our hotel caters to senior citizens because it had a free incontinental breakfast. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Broken pencils... ...are pointless. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Broom advocates for cleaner work environment. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Bulls from all over India sent a petition to SC asking it to classify them as 'Jallikatu Bulls'. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
By shear coincidence... ...all these sheep look the same... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Can February March? No, but April May. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Can you tell me what you call a person from Corsica? Course a can. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Captain Ahab's crew were highly efficient sailors In fact, they were running like a whale oiled machine. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Cars Why do lazy people only drive automatics? Because they're shiftless. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Charles Dickens walks into a bar... and orders a martini. The bartender asks "olive 'er twist?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Chemistry Student I'm a science teacher and once I asked one of my lazy students if he knew the chemical symbol for sodium. He replied, 'Na, I don't'. Lucky sod, he's only ever right periodically. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Choose a major you love and you won't have to work for a day in your life Because that major probably has no jobs (not an original) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Clean joke about sorority girls Why do sorority girls only travel in odd numbered groups? Because they *can't even*! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Coco The Clown took his car back to the garage this week. The door wouldn't fall off. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Cogito Ergo Spud. I think, therefore I yam. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
College My son took Rock Climbing in college but he had to drop the class. He couldn't find any "Cliff Notes." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Congratulation on the new baby, from your family... except from me because I don't really care. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Darth Vader told me he knows what i'm getting for Christmas He said he felt my presents... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Define "Will" Isn't it obvious? It's a dead giveaway! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Definitions Bigamist An Italian fog. Myfunsalow "I am broke" in Italian. Innuendo Italian for suppository. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did I tell you I'm joining a gym in Gainesborough? Because I'm all about those gains bro from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did someone say "purple"? Sorry, it must have been a pigment of my imagination! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did y'all hear the one about the professional jump roper? Never mind. *Skip it*. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did ya hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about NASA finding bones on the moon? Yeah,the cow didn't make it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about Scrooge's drinking problem? He had a dickens of a time with spirits. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about that spicy knight? Sir Acha. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the Antennas that got married? The wedding was lame, but the reception was great! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the casting for the new Batman movie? People have really Ben Affleckted by it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the corduroy pillow? You didn't hear? It made headlines! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the farmer that fell into the field machine and lost half his body? He's all right now! : ) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the fight in the candy store? Two suckers got licked from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the fortune teller that... Had bad breath, calluses all over his body and couldn't win a fight? He was a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed with halitosis. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the French chef who committed suicide? He lost the huile d'olive from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the guy who fell into an upholstery machine? Now he's fully recovered. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the guy who invented a knife that can cut four loaves of bread at once? He's calling it the "Four Loaf Cleaver." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the homemade poison ivy remedy? You can make it from scratch. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the kidnapping in Delaware? Don't worry, he eventually woke up. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the kidnapping recently? The goatherd woke him up. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the lawyer for U2? He was Pro Bono from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? It was a grave mistake. Woohoo! I'm making these up!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the mathematician who hated negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the Native American who went to a party and drank 37 cups of tea? They found him dead the next morning in his tea pee. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested? He was held without charge. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the ointment... Did you hear about the ointment that couldn't stop talking about politics? When confronted, he said he was just trying to be topical. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the production delays at that company that makes scales using lengthy pipes? They had really long weights. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the schizophrenic accounts manager? He couldn't help but hear invoices inside his head. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the skeleton who didn't go to prom? He had no body to go with. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the stallion and the mare? They had a stable relationship. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the two monocles at the party? They made spectacles out of themselves. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the two silk worms that got in a fight? It ended in a tie. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about the wedding between the two antenna? The service was terrible, but the reception was great. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear about what happened with the elk? It was really amoosing. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear that H.P. Lovecraft wrote a cookbook? It's called the Necronomnomnomicon. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear the joke about the fast car? I would tell you but I think you're too slow to get it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear the Offspring song about how to store mummies? "You gotta keep 'em desiccated" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problem out with a pencil. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you hear they're republishing that Simple Mathematics study guide? It's the revised edition. (Revise Addition) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you know that 1 in every doll, in every doll, in every doll, in every doll are Russian? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you know that in high school, Robert E. Lee was voted "most likely to secede?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you know that it's traditional to serve Eggs Benedict on a hubcap? There's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you know that protons have mass? >Yes Well I didn't even know they were Catholic! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you know yesterday was National Middle Child Day? Don't worry, no one else remembered either. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you see the guy at Walmart hiding from ugly people? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Did you take a shower today? Why, is one missing? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Difference between a dead squirrel and a dead drummer in the road? http://imgur.com/PKibj The squirrel might have been on his way to a gig. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Do you guys/gals like horse jokes? Yeah or neeiiigghh? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Do you have a hole in your sock? "No ..." *(looks at sock)* . . How'd you get your foot in it? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Do you know why one side of the the V formation of geese in flight is longer than the other side? Because It has more geese in it! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Do you know why the bike couldnt stand by itself? It was TWO TIRED!!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Do you know why there's no casinos in Africa? Because there's too many CHEETAHS! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Do you think George Clooney has an iTunes playlist called Clooney Tunes? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Dolphins don't do anything by accident.. Always on porpoise. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Don't you hate jokes about German sausage? They're the wurst! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Ever heard about that movie called Constipation? It never came out. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Every journey has a beginning. ahem Just a small town girl Living in a lonely world... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Every morning I run around the block 5 times... ...Then I slide the block back under the bed and go back to sleep from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike... It's a vicious cycle. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Everybody gets their 15 minutes of fame so here's my first original joke! why is it impossible to surprise a snowman? .. he has ice in the back of his head from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Fart tutor wanted, must have references from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Finally decided on my thesis paper. It's a LOTR themed essay in defense of Sauron Titled "Getting away with Mordor" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
First original joke! Why did the rapper visit the urologist? Because his flows were so sick. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
First post and an original How much does a Chinese elephant weigh? .................. Wonton from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Four years ago, I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times. (not an original) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Garbage men have Hefty contracts. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Gravity makes a terrible friend. It's always holding you down. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend. [X Post from r/Fantasy] They're both cauldron. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Have a very Joseph Christmas! We shouldn't discriminate by sex, you know. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Have you been injured in a car accident? call 555 bottom feeders. We will do anything for money. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Have you ever heard the one about the dust bunny and the mud pie? Well then sorry, I only tell clean jokes. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Have you guys ever heard of the crazy Mexican Train Killer? He had...... Loco Motives from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Have you heard about that hot Thai lounge singer? Yeah. They call him *Frank Sriracha.* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Have you heard about the 2 Spanish firemen? Jose and hose B from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Have you heard about the Black Magic book for orphans? It's called the necro**mom**icon from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Have you heard the one about the agnostic with dyslexia and insomnia? He tossed and turned all night wondering if there was a dog from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Have you heard what I think of windmills? Big Fan. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Have you seen the movie Constipated? No? Why? Cause it hasn't come out yet! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Heard the one about the corduroy pillowcase? It's making headlines. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Heart attack When is the worst possible time to have a heart attack? When you are playing Charades. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
HELP! We need your best joke you have! We will choose the best joke and make a video of it, just for you! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Here's a funny joke I heard about pizza oh nevermind. It's too cheesy. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Hope you guys like clean humor videos https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNt aTq0hxM from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How can you tell if a hamburger was grilled in space? It's a little meteor. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How can you tell that a straight pin is confused? Just look at it. It's headed in one direction and pointed in the other. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the aquarium win the battle? Giant Fish Tanks. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the burglar get into the house? Intruder window from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the desk lamp store manager feel when thieves stole all his lightbulbs? He was delighted. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the firefly feel when he flew into the fan? He was de lighted from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the geologist develop a career as an expert in sinkholes? He fell into it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the metal get the wrong idea? He was misled. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the musician catch his fish? He castanet from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the Pillsbury Dough Boy Die? A Yeast Infection from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the pilot like his hotdog? Plane. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the prostitute get promoted? She slept her way to the top! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How did the townspeople react when the mayor presented them with a cost efficient, vegan protein source? They chia'd. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do cows get their gossip? They herd it through the bovine. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do porcupines play leapfrog? Very carefully from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do sailors finish a corny joke on a boat? Ba dum ship. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do trees get online? They just log in... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you call for a bath? With a Teletubbie. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you catch a bra? You set a booby trap. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you catch a one of a kind rabbit? Unique up on it. How do you catch a very calm rabbit? The tame way. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you catch a unique rabbit? *unique* up on it! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you confuse a fish? You put it in a bowl and tell it go to a corner! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you count cows? With a cowculator. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you find Will Smith in the winter? You search for Fresh Prints. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you get down from an elephant? You don't, you get down from a duck from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you get Pikachu on the bus? Poke 'em on! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you kill a circus? You stab it in the juggler. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you kill a vampire from the South? With a chicken fried stake from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you kill bread? Bake it for a little while, and it will be toast. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you know ancient Egyptians loved books so much? Because they built their stuff with reads! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you know you put the right joke in the right thread? Don't worry, someone will tell you. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you make 7 even? remove the "s" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you make a computer your best friend? You buy it a nice bunch of software and get it loaded! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you make a kleenex dance? You put a little Boogie in it! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you make a squid laugh? Ten tickles. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogie in it! (Not sure of the spelling, heard it from someone). from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it. :) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you make gold soup? You use 14 carrots. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you pay for things in the Czech Republic? Cash or Czech Edit: a word from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you prepare for a party in space? You Planet Thanks u/BostonCentrist from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you think the unthinkable? With an itheburg. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you turn soup into gold? You add 24 carats! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How do you unlock a monastery door? With a monk key. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does a cactus do his math homework? He uses a cacti lator! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does a duck pay for lipstick? She puts it on her bill from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does a mathematician get Tan? Sin/Cos from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does a plant walk? It uses a plant stand. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does Han Solo like to get around Endor? Ewoks from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does Harry Houdini tell people to steal stuff? Straight jack it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does the farmer count up his cows? ...with a cowculator. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does the man in the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How does the Mummy plan to destroy Superman? He's gonna lure him in to the crypt tonight. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How is a rabbit similar to a plum? they are both purple, except for the rabbit. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How long did it take for the police to catch the man running in his underwear? It was a brief chase... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many catholics does it take to change a lightbulb? CHANGE?! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many dancers does it take to change a lightbulb? 5,6,7,8 from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many ears does Captain Picard have? A right ear. A left ear. And a final front ear. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many goals did Germany score? gerMANY from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb? FOUR! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? it's a pretty obscure number.... i'm sure you haven't heard of it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many magazines did the racquetball footwear company make before going out of business? Tennis shoes (Also: can anyone think of a more succinct buildup? It seems kinda unwieldy to me) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many minimalists does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1 from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many nihilists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? # from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many roads must a man walk? 42. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many Romans does it take to screw in a light bulb? V. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many Saiyans does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but it takes 5 episodes. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? A Brazilian.... I'll get my coat... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many Super Saiyans does it take to change a lightbulb? Just 1 but it will take 3 episodes. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? ten tickles from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How many US Congressmen does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh, please. Like they've ever changed anything that needed it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How much did the skeleton charge for his excellent legal services? An arm and a leg. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How much do drum shaped sofas cost? 5 dollars per cushion. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How much do pirates pay for earrings? about a buck an ear. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How much does a pirate earing cost? A buccaneer from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How much does a truck full of bones weigh? A skeleTon from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced? A buccaneer! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears? A buccaneer! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ear pierced? A buccaneer. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How much does wonton soup weigh? One ton, but I don't know anyone that'd wantonly order it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How to create a clean joke Step 1. Find a dirty joke Step 2. Clean it from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How was Rome split in half? With a pair of *Caesars* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
How was the Roman Empire cut in two? With a pair of Caesars. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I am not pro gay. I am not even amateur gay. But, I support their rights. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I asked my soap who it voted for, it said... I'd lather not say! note: This one came to me in the shower just now, gotta go back in now. Oh, the irony! I think. ~Skip from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely... ...if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I bought a duckdoo yesterday! 'What's a duckdoo?' "quack, quack" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago... ...and so far, all it's been doing is gathering dust. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer, I don't know what he laced them with but I have been tripping all day. My amazing girlfriend told me this one from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I came into this subreddit expecting jokes about soap. I am mildly disappointed. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I came up with a joke about my old cell phone Nevermind, it tends to get terrible reception from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I can make a movie with my hand. All it takes is a FLICK of the wrist! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I can't stand Russian Dolls... They're always so full of themselves! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I dig, she dig, we dig, he dig, they dig, you dig ... Maybe not a funny joke but at least it is deep. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I do my best when my manager puts a gun to my head. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I don't have a Facebook or Twitter account... ...so I just go around announcing out loud what I'm doing at random times. I've got 3 followers so far, but I think 2 are cops. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I don't have the faintest idea why I passed out Just a short pun from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I don't like going to funerals early in the day. I'm not much of a mourning person. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I farted on an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels. From /r/PeterL from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I fear for the calendar... ...its days are numbered. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I feed my cat lemons. He's a real sour puss. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I fell in the mud. And took a shower right after! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I fell off a forty foot ladder today.... lucky I was on the bottom rung. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I finally finished baby proofing the house. Let's see those babies get in here now. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I find hanging around in coffee shops A great way to espresso yourself from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I got hit hard in the head with a can of 7up today... I'm alright though, it was a soft drink. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I had a conversation with a Mobius strip... It was one sided. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I had a joke about time travel but you guys didn't like it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I hate girls with double standards unless they're pretty from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I hate when you're trying to be cheesy but everyone is laughtose intolerant. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I have a lot of jokes about the unemployed... ...but none of them work. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I have found that there are three kinds of people; Those who can count and those who can't. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I have the opposite of a photographic memory i have a potatographic memory. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I have to find a new personal trainer. He didn't do squat(s). from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I hear that in Star Wars VIII they're going to introduce Han's perpetually depressed younger brother. His name is Y Solo. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I heard a great joke about a boomerang earlier. I'm sure it will come back to me eventually. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I heard it's a good night to see the Perseid meteor shower . . . . . . but I haven't heard how it got dirty. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I heard the best time travel joke tomorrow. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I invented a time machine... ...next week. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I just bought a Bonnie Tyler sat nav. It keeps telling me to turn around, and every now and then it falls apart. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I just found out I'm colorblind It came out of the yellow. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I just got a job helping a one arm typist do capital letters... Its shift work. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I just heard because of the government shutdown government archeologists are working with a skeleton crew. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I just invented a new word! It's called "plagiarism". from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I just met someone who was a steam roller operator. He was such a flatterer. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I just read this article about short term memory I don't remember what it was about from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I knew I was old when I opened internet explorer. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I knew this guy who was so dumb... he saw a road sign that said, "Disney Land Left", so he turned around and went home. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I knew this guy who would ask men at church, "is your tie made out of bird cloth?" <blank stare> "It's cheep, cheep, cheep." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I know a guy who collects candy canes... ...they are all in mint condition. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I know a woman who owns a taser... Let me tell you, she's stunning! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I like camping but... it's so in tents from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I like my jokes they way I like my robots. Killer. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I like my slaves like I like my coffee Free. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I like my slaves like I like my coffee: Free. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I love graphs! I used to be obsessed with them... I've calmed down now though, you've gotta draw the line somewhere from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I love self deprecating humour. Shame I'm no good at it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I love when I have dramatic realizations over my morning cereal... ... I call 'em "breakfast epiphanies" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I made a model aircraft. I wanted it to be an unpainted smooth finish wooden aircraft. So I made a plain planed plane plane. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I made half a cup of tea the other day... It was so nice I had two. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I may be middle class, but I'm hard. *Al dente*, you might say. **Jimmy Carr** from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I met Phil Spector's brother Crispin the other day. He's head of quality control at Lays. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I named my cat "Curiosity". He killed himself ... Nine times. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I need this plant to grow. Well, water you waiting for? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I never buy Velcro It's such a rip off. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming, I didn't go back for seconds. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I personally don't believe in bros before hoes or hoes before hoes.. There needs to be a balance. A homie hoe stasis from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I rang up a local builder and said, "I want a skip outside my house." He said, "I'm not stopping you." **Tim Vine** from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I read a story about a kid that ate 4 cans of alphabet soup in one sitting... It said that he later had a massive vowel movement. Maybe a dirty joke. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I said bring your coffee maker whenever you want Them: great headphones on planes is heavier than flying over TEAs from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I saw a documentary on how they make jeans... It was riveting. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I saw an all frog production of Frozen yesterday... It was toad aly cool! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode... I asked, Are you two an item? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I support farming and math... I'm pro tractor. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I the shell off a snail yesterday... you'd think it would move faster, but it was really kinda sluggish. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I think I want a job cleaning mirrors... ...it's just something I can see myself doing. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I thought about starting a business selling halos... ...but the cost of overheads was too high. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I thought I had a brain tumor but then I realized it was all in my head. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I thought the dryer shrank my clothes.. turns out it was the refrigerator from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I tired playing soccer But I couldn't get a kick out of it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows on too high she looked surprised. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I tried to change my password to 14days... The computer said it was two week. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I try not to spend too much time online... ...but Wi Fight it? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I used to be addicted... to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around (x post from /r/jokes) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I used to work at an orange juice factory... I ended up getting fired because I couldn't concentrate. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I wanna make a joke about sodium. But Na. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I wanted to put a pizza joke here ...but it was too saucy. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I was at Redbox, but I didn't know what to watch. I consulted my groceries, and my pizza said, "Keep Frozen." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I was driving today... And saw a sign that said, "Steamed Crabs". I began to wonder: "What made them so mad?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I was going to go to a clairvoyants meeting the other day but.... it was cancelled due to unforeseen events. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I was gonna make a joke on Reddit.. .. but I guess you've already Reddit somewhere. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I was walking in the desert and saw a redwood tree. I knew this must be a mirage, so I ran into it. To my dismay, the tree and I collided. I guess it must have been an obstacle illusion. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I was watching a TV program on various Religious orders and how the use stringed instruments. I was appalled by the amount of sects and violins! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger. And then it hit me. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I went for a job interview today... The interviewer said to me, What would you say your greatest weakness is? I said, I think Id have to say my listening skills are my greatest strength. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I went in to a pet shop and said, Can I buy a goldfish? The guy said, Do you want an aquarium? I said, I dont care what star sign it is. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I went out with anorexic twins last night... 2 birds, 1 stone from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I went to a seafood disco last week... ...and pulled a mussel. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I went to a shredded cheese convention the other day... it was grate from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I went to an ATM... I was at an ATM this morning and this older lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I went to the dermatologist about something on my neck and they said I just needed to scrub it!!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I went to the store and asked for a one handed sailor... he said sorry, "I'm a wholesaler." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I would make a sparrow joke... But they don't fly very well. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I would never exaggerate... ...in a million years. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I would think you'd have to be open minded... ...to be a brain surgeon. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'll always remember what my uncle said before he passed on up... "Flying houses? Talking dogs? That movie looks dumb." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm a social person. I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm calculating how much it would cost to install lights for a little league baseball field A ballpark estimate would be perfect from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm getting mighty fed up with these sheep human hybrids! What is with ewe people!? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm going to stand outside... So if anyone asks, I am outstanding. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet... I don't know why. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm in the terminator musical. I'll be Bach. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm making a band! I started a band called 999 Megabytes...we havent gotten a gig yet. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm naming my TV remote Waldo... ...for obvious reasons. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm not really sure I'm understanding this financial crisis in Greece... It's all Greek to me. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm reading a book about anti gravity. I can't put it down. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm reading a book about anti gravity... ... It's impossible to put down from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm so sad because my friend is moving to Shanghai. More like Shang bye. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm tired of people calling America the dumbest country in the world Quite frankly, I think Europe is! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I'm very keen I could tell he was bald at the drop of a hat. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I've just made a meeting site for retired chemists It's called Carbon Dating from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
I've won the war! My pants fit! **Congratulations, have you lost weight?** Even better... I've bought new pants!!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If all of Ireland sank, what part of it wouldn't? County Cork from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If I bought a balloon for $0.99 ... How much should I sell it for when I adjust for inflation? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If I don't eat all of my food, it goes to waste. If I do eat all of my food, it goes to *waist*. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If I ever fire someone who is a Taylor Swift fan I'll say "I knew you were trouble when you clocked in." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If life gives you melons, you might have dyslexia. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If Mr. Bean lost one of his legs he'd be cannellini! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If the house is in the kitchen, and Diana's in the kitchen, what's in Diana? A state (Indiana) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If you bury someone in the wrong place then you have made a grave mistake. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. *They're normally around 90 degrees.* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If you give a mouse a cookie.. If you give a mouse a cookie.. Why are you giving a mouse any food? That's unsanitary. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If you have bladder problems. Urine trouble. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If you walk into the bathroom an American and walk out an American, what are you in the bathroom? European. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
If you're not buying kraft mac and cheese you might be buying an impasta. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Im trying to get into classical music... ...but I cant find any original recordings. All the music is performed by cover bands. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
In what town lives the mathematician who can only multiply by two? Dublin. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Is it just me... ...or are circles pointless? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Is your refrigerator running? Well, you better get glasses, and stop doing drugs from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
James Bond went to get a haircut. The barber asked him if he wanted to dye his hair as well. Bond replied "Dye another day." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Jesus wrote a play about a tornado. It was an Act of God. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
JKLMNOPQRST That's all that stands between U and I :) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Joke request Tell me your best joke that includes "July" "fourth" and "fire" Let's see what you've got, Reddit! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Just found this sub the other day and I've come to this realization... Currently, this subreddit seems to be in quite the pickle. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Just heard this on a PBS kids show... What did one wolf say to the other wolf? Howls it going? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Just went to an emotional wedding Even the cake was in tiers. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Just wrote a book on reverse psychology... Don't read it! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Kids, I don't know if our ceiling is the best ceiling... ...but it's definitely up there. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Kind of a kid joke What kind of cereal do zombies like? Kellog's All Brain from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock knock Who's there? Impatient cow. Impatient co He already left. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock knock Who's there? Ash Ash who? Bless you.. P.S. kids love it from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock Knock Who's there Boo!! Boo who? Don't cry, it's only a joke from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock knock! **Who's there?** *Tank* **Tank who?** *You're welcome* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
KNOCK KNOCK! WHO'S THERE! ***sombrero **** ^sombrero who,,,? *****SOMBRERO VER THE RAINBOW**** from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock knock. Who's there? A cow. A cow who? Not a cow "who"! A cow moos. An owl says "who". from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrup........ MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! [Works best IRL](/spoiler) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock Knock... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock knock... "Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Control Freak now you say 'Control Freak who?'" :) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock Knock... 1.Knock knock. Whos there? Yoda lady. Yoda lady who? Good job yodeling! 2.Knock knock. Whos there? Well, not your parents, because your parents never knock! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock knock... Who's there? I did up. I did up who? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock, Knock... Who's there? Peas. Peas who? *Peas pass the butter* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock, Knock... Who's there? The K.G.B. The K.G.B. wh... **SLAP**! WE are K.G.B., WE will ask questions!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock! Whos there? Control Freak. Con Okay, now you say, Control Freak who? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Last night, I had a dream that I was walking on a white sandy beach... At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Like most people my age... I'm 27. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Linuxmint 13 or 15 question why does 13 have lts and not newer versions? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Makeup beauty Omg = oh my girl so cute next morning without makeup Omg = ohh My God omg/omg = life without wife from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Mary had a little lamb. She's not a vegan anymore. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Math problem: I had 10 chocolate bars and ate 9. What do I have now? "Oh, I do not know, DIABETES MAYBE!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Max wondered why the ball was slowly growing larger... and then it hit him. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Me have great grammar... Me learnt everything I know from Sesame Street! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Mints I was eating mint chocolates and I felt sick after eight. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Mom asked if I wanted to race toy cars with my neighbor Chucky. I responded, "Nah, that's child's play." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
More retailers should adopt the "Leave A Penny / Take A Penny" system. It is literally, common cents. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My "go to" zoo joke I tell this to my wife and kids every time we go to a zoo... Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? A. Elephino from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My biggest problem with passive smoking is having to follow the smoker around. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My brother said he's incontinent. Yeah, he said he's wet his pants in nearly every nation in the world. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My brother... Likes driving black and white F1 race cars. They call him the F1 racist. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My Bucket List * ~~Five gallon bucket~~ * ~~Mop bucket~~ * Bucket hat from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My buddy said he'd give his right arm to be ambidextrous I can only admire such dedication. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My buddy says he is the world's worst at self deprecating humor. he worried once he was too modest. Then realized he was wrong. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My buddy the hacker took the quiz "What Beatles song best describes your life." The answer he got: "My Way". from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My buddy went to a foreign country to get his sex change operation. Now he's a dude who's abroad. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My dad's not an alcoholic... ...He just collects empty bottles, sounds so much better, doesn't it? ~ Stewart Francis from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My daughter hit me with this one while preparing for dinner Why did the table love playing volleyball? Because it was always getting set! I think she gets it from her mother. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My dental hygienist retired after working 55 years... All she got was a lousy plaque... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My dog chewed up my laptop... I guess he wanted a byte to eat! ^imagine ^this ^in ^zoidberg's ^voice from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My English teacher got really angry about the format of my essay. It wasn't justified. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My finger became really swollen after I jammed it Friday. And thats how I found out Im allergic to jam. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My first job... My first job out of college was a "diesel fitter" at a pantyhose factory... As they came off the line, I would hold them up and say, "Yep, deez'll fit her!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My first joke here and an original! Did you hear about the two lawyers who set up shop under the old oak tree? I heard it was a pretty shady business. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My friend gave me a balloon and told me not to pop it.. but I blew it! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My friend says she's doing good but she means well from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My friend told an out of place joke about police searches. But I don't think it was warranted. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My girl asks why I love chocolate so much. Well, I have several Reisens... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My Girlfriend told me she didn't want anything for Birthday I didn't give her anything :O #ThugLife from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer... I said, No, wait! I can change! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all of her musical instruments. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60... Now hes 97 years old and we have no idea where he is... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My laptop is so dumb. Every time it says "Your password is incorrect", I type in: "incorrect" and the silly thing still tells me the same thing. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My old roommate's bathroom was so dirty I had to clean the soap before using it. (Seriously.) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My plumber finally quit on me... He couldn't take any more of my crap. Sorry that this isn't a CLEAN joke. Heh from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My relationship is like Monopoly. She gives me too many Chances. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My son decided to help me clean the car today. After ten minutes of watching him, I told him to use some elbow grease. Two hours later, the idiot came back and told me that he couldn't find it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My teacher's nickname in school is Flush. He always has the same suit. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
My uncle wanted to give all his sheep a sex change... But it entailed too many ramifications! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Need help While scratching my ear with key few hours ago, audio on my brand new TV went off. Does anyone know good TV Service. Sh... I think my Laptop sound died too. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Never play poker with a pieces of paper. They're bound to fold. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Never trust an atom They make up everything from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Never try to kill a termite with a napkin. It'll only get bigger. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
New Internet acronym: RALSHMICOMN Rolling Around Laughing So Hard Milk Is Coming Out My Nose from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Nickelback walks into a bar.... So Nickelback walks into a bar, and there is no punchline, because ruining music isn't funny. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
No matter how much you push the envelope... ...it's still stationery. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
No matter what anyone said, I was never going to take the stand. It's 1000 pages, for Pete's sake! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Noah wasn't much for civilized society . . . You could say he was an arc ist. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Note for Santa Dear Santa, Please give me a big fat bank account and a slim body. Please don't mix those two up like you did last year. Thanks. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Old Chinese proverb: Man who not shower in 7 days makes one reek. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Old game show bloopers...I miss this kind of humor today Found this video randomly http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xv3gK2bmkAk&feature=related from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
One Eskimo said to the other, "Where is your mother from?" The second Eskimo says "Alaska." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
One fifth of people... ...are just too tense! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
One potato asks another: "Are you sure we are related?" "Yes I yam!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
One time we ran out of soap so we had to use hand sanitizer!!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
One time, a cow saved my life It was bovine intervention. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Original physics joke. I'm very proud. I was organizing my desk the other day and the Entropy Police gave me a ticket for disturbing the chaos. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Other uses for chloroform 1) A great conversational piece when talking to the cops about using it 2) Make the day go by faster 3) And finally, as a reagent. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Overheard: Augustus Caesar on New Year's Day: "I keep writing 'B.C.' on all my checks." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Overheated some milk in a lab experiment today... ...and asked the teacher if it would affect the result. Her response? "To a degree." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Pac Man What should you do before you criticize Pac Man? WAKA WAKA WAKA mile in his shoes. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
People dont like having to bend over to get their drinks... We really need to raise the bar. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Pick up line for a Shakespeare lover. How now brown chicken brown cow? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Programmers tend to byte their food from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes? A: No eye deer (No idea) Q: What do you call a quadriplegic deer with no eyes? A: Still, no eye deer. (Still no idea) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Q) What do you call a group of 8 rabbits? A) Rabbyte! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Q)What will you call a person who sleeps next to a close relative? A) NapKin from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Reinventing Yourself http://dryinginside.blogspot.com/2012/10/reinventing yourself doesnt always work.html from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Request: Jokes for the sick? I have a good friend who was just hospitalized, hopefully nothing too serious. I'd love to send him a few short, clean jokes to cheer him up. Thanks! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Saitama tried to change his Facebook password to Goku but Facebook said it was too weak... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Santa keeps his suits in the clauset. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Says she: "Say something soft and sweet" Says he: "Marshmallow." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Scary Halloween Joke **Person 1:** Knock knock! **Person 2:** Who's there? **Person 1:** A GHOST!!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Schooner or later, sailors... ...engage in rudder nonsense. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Science joke The bartender says "we don't serve your kind here" He orders a drink A Tachyon walks into a bar Who wants to hear a Tachyon joke? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Science Jokes Thread on AskReddit! For your amusement: http://en.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1auxsf/what are some funny scientific jokes that you know/ from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Seven days without a joke makes one weak. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Shall I tell you the joke about the body snatchers? Best not, you might get carried away. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Shout out to... ...baseball players who have three strikes. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
So a polar bear walks into a bar... and says, "I'll have a gin.....and tonic" The bartender says, "What's with the big pause?" And the polar bear says, "Oh, I've always had them." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
So I was feeling down the other day... My friend wanted to cheer me up, so he told me 10 jokes to make me feel better. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
So I work in a Steak House and all the people there are really lazy So I must say after working there: That it's rare to see a job well done from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
So today is Earth day on what grounds are we celebrating? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
So today is Star Wars day May the fourth be with you! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
So, a guy gave his friend 10 puns, hoping that one of them would make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
So, I have this new knock knock joke You start... (when you get it) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Soap addiction I used to be addicted to soap. But I'm clean now!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Some people have trouble sleeping... ...but I can do it with my eyes closed... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Someone dropped their Scrabble in the middle of the road... ...that's the word on the street anyway. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Someone sly sheared sleeping sheep. Talk about shear terror. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Someone talked to me today about having two X chromosomes. Typical woman. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Sports: So how's the shoestring game goin'? Right now, it's ***ALL TIED UP!*** Oh my oh my! I couldn't find a cornylamejokes subreddit, so... ~Skip from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Starcraft: Why did the marine vote for the dragoon? He was Protoss from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Superman and Eyore had a baby. The baby's name? Supereyore from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The cheesiest joke ever. "I don't feel grate." Block of Cheese before it got shredded. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza store... and says, "Can you make me one with everything?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The fast food restaurant for babies. "Welcome to Gerber King, may I take your order?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The Fine Bros. 'React' announcement was like a television with no antenna. Poor reception. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The Great Yarn Race **Joe:** Did you hear about the great yarn race? **Jane:** No. Who won? **Joe:** Well, they had to weave their selves through the obstacles and in the end, it was a tie. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The hole in the boat So two guys steal a boat and get drunk. Kane of them goes "Hey, there is a hole in this boat". The other says "don't worry it's not ours". from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The joke of 2016 Trump from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The only one of its kind on this sub Want to hear a dirty joke? horse fell in the mud! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The other day, I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow... I called her up and asked, ''Did you get my drift?'' from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The other day, I was looking through my socks, when I found one had a hole in it... "darn it..." I muttered. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The pollen count that's a difficult job! [Credit to Milton Jones] from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The preacher today used Star Wars as a sermon illustration. I felt it was a little forced. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The reason angels can fly... ...is that they take themselves lightly. **G. K. Chesterton** from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The scientists a scientist went to a remote island with a dog in order to teach his speaking. Three years later, the scientist returns, and is asked about his experiment; he replied "woof, woof, woof" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The signature dish of a restaurant called the Twisted Rooster: Mobius Chicken Strips. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The three unwritten rules of /r/cleanjokes are: 1. 2. 3. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
The victim's body was found in the kitchen surrounded by eight empty boxes of cornflakes. Police suspect it was the work of a serial killer. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary code and those who do not. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There are three types of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can't. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There are two types of people in this world 1. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There is a special species of bird that is really good at holding stuff together... They're called velcrows. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There once was a girl from Nantucket... Who carried her ice in a bucket. She walked down a hill. She had a great spill. And when she got up, she said, "I'm going to watch my step next time!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There was a depressed sausage... he thought his life was THE WURST. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There were two flies sitting on a toilet seat... one got pissed off. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There were two snowmen standing in a field, one says to the other... Can you smell Carrots? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There's 10 kind of people in the world. Those who know binary and those who don't. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There's a guy at the office today wearing full camo. At least I think so... I haven't seen him in a while. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There's a TV channel where you can buy all the Pope's speeches It's called "Papal View". from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There's a wreath hanging on my door with hundred dollar bills attached. I call it an Aretha Franklin. c: from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
There's only one problem with reading articles about space based technology It all goes waaaay over my head. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, no ones laughing now. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
They told me I had type "A" blood... turns out it was a typo. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
This boy said he was going to hit me with the neck of a guitar.... I said, Is that a fret? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
This dermatologist waits a month to diagnose a skin disorder... She's reluctant to make a rash decision. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
This is 2 girls with 1 cup. [A.K.A. Friends At (a) Cafe Bar](http://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/friends at cafe bar high res stock photography/156534295) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
This is an X and Z conversation... Y are you in the middle? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
This mallard waddled into a bar... Should've ducked. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
This Post just says it all! It all. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
This summer I'm going to go to the beach and bury metal objects that say, 'Get a life' on them. Demetri Martin from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Three drums and a cymbal rolled down a hill ba dum dum ching from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Three tomatoes are walking down the street... A papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato. The baby tomato starts falling behind so the papa tomato squishes him and says, Ketchup! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like... bananas! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Today I brought a computer back from the dead. I've decided that this makes me a techromancer. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Today I'm 45. But with the wind chill I feel like 32. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Today, the doctor told me that the bottom of my heart has stopped functioning. My girlfriend will be disappointed; that's the part I loved her from. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Today's my cake day! And I'm going to eat it too! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Totally original joke/first post: What do you get when you play a Frank Sinatra record at twice the speed? "Shrank Sinatra" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
TV playback craziness [Through the eyes of Adrienne Hedger](https://www.facebook.com/HedgerHumor/photos/pb.630201143662377. 2207520000.1443863939./1179935295355623/?type=3&theater). :) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two antennas met on a roof . . . Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married, the ceremony was awful but the reception was brilliant. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two artists had an art contest... It ended in a draw from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two atoms walk into a bar... One says, "Oh no, I've lost an electron." The other asks, "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two balloons are floating across the desert One balloon says to the other, Look out for the cactussssssssssssssssssss! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two birds are sitting on a perch. One bird says to the other, "Do you smell fish?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two bookworms were having a dispute... ...across an open book until one bookworm moves closer to the other and says, "well then, I'm glad we're on the same page." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two chimps are in the bath One says "ooh oooh eek eek" The other one says "well put some cold water in then!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two competing podiatrists opened offices next door to each other... They were arch enemies. Edit: Spelling from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two dogs are going on a walk down the street They walk past a few parking meters and one dog says to the other, "Hey, check it out! Pay toilets!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Buh dum tss! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two fish are in a tank... Two fish are in a tank... First one says: I'll drive! Second one says: "I'll man the guns!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two fish in a tank Fish 1:Uh, Greg? Fish 2:What Fish 1:How do we drive this thing from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two fish in a tank. [x post from r/Jokes] One asks: How do you drive this thing? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two guys walk into a bar... the third one ducks. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse" Says the first. "Moo!" says the second from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two peanuts were walking down the street.... And one of them was assaulted from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two pretzels.. Two pretzels went walking down the street, one was "assaulted" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Two wrongs don't make a right... but three lefts make a right. And two Wrights make a plane 6 lefts make a plane. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Velcro What a rip off. Joke by Tim Vine. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Wanna hear a construction joke? I'm working on it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Wanna hear a dirty joke? A white horse fell in a mud puddle. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Wanna hear a dirty joke? A white horse fell in the mud. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Wanna hear a dirty joke? Two white stallions fell in the mud. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Wanna hear a joke about Nitric Oxide ? NO from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Wanna hear a joke about unemployed people? Nevermind, they don't work. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Want to hear a clean Joke? Johnny took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty one? Bubbles is a man from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Want to hear a dirty joke? This boy trips and falls into some mud. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Want to hear a joke about a crappy restaurant? Nevermind, I'm afraid it may be in poor taste. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind it is too cheesy. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it's probably too cheesy. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Was going to make a joke about science but I know for I wont get a reaction... from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
Wash the alligator clips with rubbing alcohol during flu season Protect yourself from catching a terminal illness. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
We always bought our cars used, this one was as black as the night that is, until we washed it!!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
We don't allow faster than light neutrinos in here, says the bartender. A neutrino walks into a bar. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
We now have TWO Wawa's by the interstate. The one on the east side of I4 is not so bad. But the other one, whoa. It's the Wawa West over there. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What age were pigs discovered in? The Saus Age. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What animal is best at hitting a baseball? A bat! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What are caterpillars afraid of? DOGerpillars! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What are twins favorite fruits? Pears from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What are two doctors with colds An ironic Paradox. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What begins with E, ends with E, and has one letter? envelope from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What bird can write underwater? A ball point Penguin! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What cars do cows drive? Cattleacs from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What cars do wolves drive? Auuuuuuuuuuuuudis! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What celebrity never payed with a cheque or credit? Johnny Cash. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree? Camembert! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What city loves to eat sandwiches? Koldcutta from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What colour T shirt would win a race? Red, because it runs the most. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What di you call a snowman in may? A puddle! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did aged mother cheddar say to her son the day of school photos? Looking sharp. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say upon being asked to star in a Broadway production about the world's greatest composers? I'll be Bach. Sorry. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did batman say to robin before robin got in the car? get in the car from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did Captain Ahab say when he harpooned a whale's tail fin on the first try? "Well that was a fluke." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did Cholera say to Malaria? Are you gonna Jaundice on Saturday? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did Cinderella say while waiting for her photos? Someday my prints will come from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did daddy fish do when mommy fish got herself lost? ...He flounder from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What Did Delaware? A brand New Jersey! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did Descartes say while shopping online? I think therefore I Amazon from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did earth say to the other planets? You guys have no life! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did Ernie say to Bert when he asked for ice cream? Sure, Bert! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did fish say when she hit the wall ? Dam(n) !!! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did music tell the pancakes? B flat. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one casket say to the other? "Is that you coffin?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one computer CPU say to the other after getting hit? Ow! That megahertz! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one dry erase marker say to the other? I'm bored! (As in board) Another one from my 9 year old. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one duck say to the other? Quack! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one earthquake say to the other? Hey, it's not my fault. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one frog say to the other frog? Time's fun when you're having flies. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one frog say to the other? Time's fun when you're having flies. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one math book say to the other math book? We've got a lot of problems. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one math book say to the other? Don't bother me; I've got my own *problems!* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one nose say when the other nose said "I love you"? "Back achoo!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, they just waved. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one octopus say to the other octopus? Will you hold my hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one snowman say to the other snowman? 'Do you smell carrots?' from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did one snowman say to the other? Do you smell carrots? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did papa butter say to troublesome son butter? You had *butter* behave now, alright son? I sure know you don't want to get *whipped*! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head? I blame my shelf from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did socrates learn from the T rex? i dino from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did Tennessee? What Arkansas. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the 0 say to the 8? ... Hey, nice belt.. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the 0 say to the 8? Let's make a snowman! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the 8 say to the 0? Hey, fatty from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the amazed Kazakhstani say? That's Astana shing from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the American call Karl Marx when a shrine was dedicated to him in Japan? A Kami. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the apple say to the pear? [Man, go] away! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the bartender say to the jumper cables? You better not try to start anything. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the blonde do when she discovered that most accidents happen within a mile from home? She moved. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the blue denims say to the black denims? I guess we have different genes! *knee slap* ... I'll see myself to the door from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the Buffalo say when his child left for college? Bison from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the bunny say to the frog? [My name is Rabbit, not ribbit!!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYkDxsaHlkg) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the butcher say when he handed his customer an empty pack of hotdogs on halloween? Happy halloweenie from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the closed can say to the half opened can? YOU'RE BEING UNCANNY! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the corn say when it was complemented? Aww, shucks! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the creepy scientist say to his new creepy wife? Let's grow MOLD together! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the dad buffalo say when his offspring left for college? Bison from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? "Look grandpa, no hands!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the elephant say to the horn less rhino? "Rhino horn?" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the Estonian student say in language class? I'll never Finnish. *dodges tomato* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the eye say to the other eye? Something smells between us. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the famous musician say the moment he was born? *I'LL BE BACH* from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the figurine say when the boot flew past her protective dome? "That was a cloche call!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the fish say before he hit the wall? Oh, Dam. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the fish say when it hit the concrete wall? Dam from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall? Dam from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the fish say when it swam into the wall? Dam. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the flat iron say to the follicle? Now let me get this straight . . . from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the floor say to the desk? I can see your drawers! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the french butter say when it got stocked in the cooler? Beurre... I came up with this today while grocery shopping. I'm ridiculously pleased with myself. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the German air force eat for breakfast during WW2? Luftwaffles from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the German physicist use to drink his beer? Ein stein. From Big Nate, as told by my kid. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the German policeman say to his nipples? You are under a vest! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the g**** say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just gave a little wine from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the green g**** say to the purple g****? "Breathe, stupid!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the green g**** say to the purple g****? "Breathe you idiot! Breathe!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the green light say to the red light? I love you, but I'm sick of yellow light always breaking us up. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the hammer say to the drill? You're too boring. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the horse order at the bar? Chardaneiiiiiiggghhhhh from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the horse say when he fell over? "Help! I've fallen and I can't giddy up." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the hot dogs name their child? Frank from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the judge ask when he went to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the knob say to the door? I LOCK you a lot! yep, its corny, indeed, but... I'm tryin'! ~Skip from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the koala bear say to the barber? You ca lip this? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the lazy surgeon say to his patient? Suture self! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the llama say when asked to a picnic? Alpaca lunch! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the mailman say when his Mail truck caught fire? That he needed to address the situation from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? (x post from /r/3amjokes) [It's pasture bedtime!](http://www.reddit.com/r/3amjokes/comments/1y8d67/what did the mama cow say to the baby cow/) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the mama pig give her baby pig for its rash? ***OINKMENT!*** > (This exchange that I found on /r/tumblr makes this joke even funnier to me: > http://i.imgur.com/EzT0Bkd.jpg) from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the mexican firecheif name his kids... Hose A and Hose B from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the mom say to her son when he said he didn't want any of her flippin' pancakes? Fine. They will just be burnt on one side. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the neutrino say to the planet? Just passing through from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the number zero say to the number eight? "Nice belt." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the number zero say to the number eight? Nice Belt from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the O say to the 8? Nice belt. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the owner of a brownie factory say when his factory caught fire? "I'm getting the fudge outta here!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the pebble say to the rock? I wish I was a little boulder! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the Pelican say to the fish when he was running late for work? I'll catch you later! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the picture say to the Judge? I WAS FRAMED! I just now made that up. I feel good about this one! ~Skip from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the pilot say when his plane wasn't flying? "Aw man, that's a drag." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the pony say when he had a sore throat? Pardon me, I'm just a little hoarse. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the priest say when watering his garden? Let us spray. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the rubber band factory worker say when he was fired? Oh snap! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the slab of meat say when it was covered in salt and left out to dry? "I'm cured!" from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the space between two tiles say? I AM GROUT from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the tailpipe say to the muffler? I'm exhausted. What did the muffler say back? ^mmmmbfmbm from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the three holes in the ground say? Well, well, well My grandpa's favorite joke. Took me five years to get it. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? Curses! Foil again! from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the topic sentence say to the evidence? Why aren't you supporting me? from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look at me I'm changing. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the Triangle say to the Circle? "Your life is pointless." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter? "Quack, quack, quack." from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the wall ask the picture? (All together now!) ***"How's it hangin'?"*** ~Skip from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did the zero say to the eight? nice belt from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did they call the Pillsbury Doughboy after he hurt his leg? Limp Biscuit from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What did Virginia get when she walked into the pet shop? (state joke) A New Hampshire from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
What do beef hearts smell like? Honey. from Microsoft Sam Says Clean Jokes
