John Oliver Soundboard Edit

Behold this monstrous folly. I told you things were gonna get weird tonight, didn't I?

But that's neither the word yes nor the word no.

Daylight Savings (how is this still a thing) #daylight #winter #sleep #clocks #john oliver #saving time

Excellent. I simply love the idea of a killer asking before I murder and sodomize you. I've got just one question. Do you have any allergies I should be aware?

Holy shit.

I have to proceed with caution. I'm not going to say, for instance, that Bob Murray looks like a geriatric Doctor Evil, even though even though he clearly does.

I think we all know how I feel about that. Collapse on my chest, you impenetrable barrier. Crush my rib cage, you load bearing behemoth.

I would rather sit down with my niece and watch Caillou, a children's show about a bald Canadian child who lives a life devoid of any incident.

If I wanted exorbitant fees that keep getting raised all the time despite shitty service, I've become a customer of AT&T. Yeah.

Jesus Aint Say That

Johnnys Acting Up

Listen To Your Dog #dog #john oliver #respect yourself #breakup

Natural Responses #john oliver #natural #puppy #pet #automatic #sean pen

New Year's Eve is like the death of a pet. You know it's going to happen, but somehow you're never really prepared for how truly awful it is.

Nobody should be learning how to do their job from a TV show. Unless, of course, your job happens to be telling jokes to mask your deep seated feelings of emptiness and existential dread. In which ...

One study found viewers of crime dramas are more likely to believe the police are successful at lowering crime use force only when necessary, and that misconduct does not typically lead to false co...

Our main story tonight concerns sports, the thing OJ Simpson used to be famous for.

That is ridiculous. Silver does not kill coronavirus. Silver kills werewolves.

The bodies of truth teller. If you can't handle the ice, stay out of the freezer.

The Daily Show JO

They found an actor who specialises in Hanson and I guess what I'm driving at is it. It hurts not to have even been asked.

This is real.

We got him #we got him #caught #busted #arrest #snitch #subpoena #magistrate #judge

We pay more for our Internet service than almost anybody else on Earth, and yet the download speeds we get lag behind is stonia, Estonia, a country where, from the looks of it, they still worry abo...