Main Content
Sound Added to Your Favorites Soundboard

Log in or create an account to save your favorites, or they'll expire in 4 hours

Error Adding Sound
Error adding sound to your favorites.
Sound Reported
Sound reported and our moderators will review it shortly.
Error Reporting Sound
Error reporting sound. Please use the Contact page.
4,137 27,278
Theo Von sports a casual look with a charming smile, showcasing his signature hairstyle and engaging personality.

Theo Von Soundboard

Theodor Capitani von Kurnatowski is an American stand-up comedian, podcaster, television personality, YouTuber, and actor. He is the host of the This Past Weekend podcast and former co-host of The King and the Sting podcast. He was born March 19, 1980.
See also: Konstantin Kisin, Theo, Bobby Lee, Erik Griffin, Theo von Brockhusen, and Road Rules: Maximum Velocity Tour.

Also, I'm drinking like Monster Energy drinks sometimes, which are like piss magnets. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're delicious, but they make you wanna pee. Make you wanna beat your wife too, dude, I've...
Also, I'm drinking like Monster Energy drinks sometimes, which are like piss magnets. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're delicious, but they make you wanna pee. Make you wanna beat your wife too, dude, I've...
And I stayed up the other night watching Nancy Grace. I wish somebody would kidnap this bitch.
And I stayed up the other night watching Nancy Grace. I wish somebody would kidnap this bitch.
And I was making like a nice smoothie, and I'm fucking coked up. I'm partying, you know, I'm living high on the hog. There's two vests on maybe, right? And I thought, I thought I heard something ou...
And I was making like a nice smoothie, and I'm fucking coked up. I'm partying, you know, I'm living high on the hog. There's two vests on maybe, right? And I thought, I thought I heard something ou...
He don't give a fuck about me.
He don't give a fuck about me.
I dare you eat a black woman, dude. She'll be pissed.
I dare you eat a black woman, dude. She'll be pissed.
I don't drive taxi, bro.
I don't drive taxi, bro.
I don't even want to feel good.
I don't even want to feel good.
I don't know if the monsters the cause of it. I think there's probably other other factors. Well, I'll say this, it's the beverage of choice of some of those, gentlemen. I'll say that.
I don't know if the monsters the cause of it. I think there's probably other other factors. Well, I'll say this, it's the beverage of choice of some of those, gentlemen. I'll say that.
I grew up in my neighborhood. We didn't have a lot of diversity in my neighborhood.
I grew up in my neighborhood. We didn't have a lot of diversity in my neighborhood.
I swear to God, dude. And he had you not run out of places to make new holes. Did you think you ever dug up old shit to put in new shit? Oh yeah, I wouldn't be surprised, man. We basically had like...
I swear to God, dude. And he had you not run out of places to make new holes. Did you think you ever dug up old shit to put in new shit? Oh yeah, I wouldn't be surprised, man. We basically had like...
It was awesome, bro.
It was awesome, bro.
It was hectic sometimes.
It was hectic sometimes.
Least you're out here making money for your family, OK? I don't have a family, dude.
Least you're out here making money for your family, OK? I don't have a family, dude.
Like I don't want to die in the wrong shoes, you know?
Like I don't want to die in the wrong shoes, you know?
My friends are Alcoholics. And I'm competitive.
My friends are Alcoholics. And I'm competitive.
My whole life has just been this constant struggle with every moment, like I'm just wrestling with every second just to feel OK.
My whole life has just been this constant struggle with every moment, like I'm just wrestling with every second just to feel OK.
She just looks like a liar to me.
She just looks like a liar to me.
So he comes back to my apartment, right? He's fucking pissed. He unlocks the door. There's nobody in there. Oh my God. Like, man, But that's it. It was fun.
So he comes back to my apartment, right? He's fucking pissed. He unlocks the door. There's nobody in there. Oh my God. Like, man, But that's it. It was fun.
Well, when I was a kid, they had a boy in our neighborhood named Mario, right? And he and he was his dude. He ended up dying, actually. He did some pills and drove into an embankment. But he when I...
Well, when I was a kid, they had a boy in our neighborhood named Mario, right? And he and he was his dude. He ended up dying, actually. He did some pills and drove into an embankment. But he when I...
What do they put in it? Cigarettes.
What do they put in it? Cigarettes.
What the fuck dude?
What the fuck dude?
When I really think back on my life, like I've always just felt uncomfortable.
When I really think back on my life, like I've always just felt uncomfortable.
Where the fuck is a driver, bro?
Where the fuck is a driver, bro?
You're high on cocaine. But at least you're working.
You're high on cocaine. But at least you're working.