Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby Soundboard Edit

A car it handled real good

A lot of big stories and some big questions here at talladega

A single plop one single plop

Abracadabra homes

Absolutely ma'am i'd love to sign your baby you're not gonna wanna wash that forehead you hear me

Absolutely we're gonna do that

Adorable

After the race

Ah ricky bobby

All right

All right (2)

All right (3)

All right all right hold on

All right baby come on now

All right fellas let's go

All right fellas you heard the man get the car off let's go you guys heard it

All right girard I found you now let's see where this goes

All right go get them

All right i'll hold your hair

All right i'll see you out there

All right i'll talk to you tomorrow

All right lucius time to let the cougar loose

All right man talk to you tomorrow

All right now you boys listen up and you listen good

All right professor dickweed what's the plan

All right way to go go way to go

All right well I tell you what we gotta do since we got no corporate money we have to build this damn engine ourselves

All right you did it back off

All right you got me that's an awesome nickname

All right you let go of me you formula one jazz nutjob!

All those races I won that was for you you know that I did just like you told me if you ain't first you're last

All three people all great champions all loved

Also due to a binding endorsement contract that stipulates I mention powerade at each grace

Also I got my balls back behind the wheel of a car

Also wanna thank you for my best friend and team mate cal naughton jr who's got my back no matter what

Always remember if you ain't first you're last

Am I on fire i'm on fire

Am I right

Amazing six different kinds swiss havarti what was the other one gouda cheddar gouda

Amen

Anarchy #anarchy #talladega nights #ricky bobby

Anarchy! anarchy! anarchy! anarchy!

Anarchy! I don't even know what that means but I love it!

And across from monsieur def is breeze

And at the end of the day you know you gotta be happy

And at the opposite end of the grid darrell ricky bobby

And at the urging of ricky bobby who's been like a son to me only better

And check out his crew chief over there won the nobel prize for physics back in '93

And death was coming for him and he stood there and with a tear coming out his eyes he said tell ricky win for me

And down and down and

And here you sit thinking

And I know you won the race but you're not gonna live forever

And I would be delighted reese if you would accompany me to ballroom dancing on tuesday nights

And I would be honored if you'd sign my balls

And i'm also gonna need to know where your commode's at

And i'm cal naughton jr

And i'm cal naughton jr (2)

And i'm in the front row and i'm hammered drunk

And if I remember correctly your daddy used to love it

And it ain't nothing more goddamn frightening than driving with a live cougar in the car

And it's shake and bake time

And knew that no matter what happened my boys my mama and my lady would love me

And most importantly we thank you for bringing back our nasty delinquent pot dealing daddy to us for he was lost but now he is found amen

And mr dennit told me that it's my time now

And next to him is hip hop artist poet and my brother in law mos def

And nobody can hang with my stuff

And now the matador shall dance with the blind shoemaker

And of course my red hot smoking wife carley who is a stone cold fox

And order the same stuff

And ricky bobby wins with cal naughton jr finishing second

And so then I got a marketing job with nascar

And soixante neuf you know the 69 with the head near the that bit we came up with it

And that night in the ladies' room of the rustler steak house he chose me

And that's what you need to do you don't need to think you need to drive

And the 26 car just ran naughton into the wall

And the first thing you gotta learn if you're gonna be a racecar driver is you don't listen to losers like your know it all teacher overe here

And then the next thing I gotta do is I just gotta have a sit down with carley and just let her know that it's okay for her to seek the comfort of other men

And then when that fear rises up in your belly you use it and you know that fear is powerful because it has been there for billions of years! and it is good and you use it and you ride it

And there goes ricky bobby on the outside!

And we just came up with a new nickname

And we look forward to powerade's release of mystic mountain blueberry

And y'all that's pretty much in a shell what it's like to manage a waffle house

And you always have to prove yourself why

And you don't win for anybody else you win for you you know why because a man takes what he wants he takes it all and you're a man aren't you aren't you

And you know what else you never let me win one time

And you need to grab hold of the line between speed and chaos and you need to wrestle it to the ground like a demon cobra

And you're hanging out at your mom's that's awesome

And your sponsors weren't doing very much so well we repainted the car

Answer me this when you're in spa mode how come the water level drops in the spa

Apparently we've got a situation for the laughing clown number 26 car

Applebee's has rats! I found a whole rat in my cobb salad!

Are they the really thin pancakes

Are you faking it fake it!

Are you feeling anything now i'm feeling a little bit

Are you in the hot tub

Are you kidding me

Are you serious

Are you there god it's me margaret

As a sign of humility if you kiss me on the lips now I will return to paris and you will never see me again in nascar

As it stands now jean girard is sitting on the pole which is of course a statement of fact and in no way a comment on the driver's sexual orientation

As the laps wind down jamie mcmurray is the leader

As william blake wrote the cut worm forgives the plow

As you know bill he's been doing that all year

As you wish

Attaboy all right son drive

Baby

Baby he's not gonna come to the wedding

Baby photo op photo op come on come on number one

Baby shoot i'm so sorry I really I didn't want it to be this way

Baby stop

Baby that is real good talk like we practiced last night

Baby this is ted beamen from halliburton over here is dick tangfield from dynacorp and back there is

Baby! that's my baby!

Be back to check on you in a minute thank you

Be thoughtful glenn

Bean buffet in front of it it was awesome

Because i'm your daddy that's why

Because i've really moved on

Because the drivers that finished first and second got out of their cars they have officially been disqualified

Because you know she's gotta run wild you can't keep something like that back

Beer money huh there you go yes

Before each race jean girard spends time with his world class horses who are also gay

Besides dennit jr must be freaking out all the money he's losing without me on the track

Bingo

Bobby and girard are dueling each other for the lead

Bobby moves to the outside not a lot of room he's in the wall! bobby is sliding slamming into the wall

Bobby working really hard to pass the wonder bread car

Bobby's boxed in there's nowhere to go there

Bodies that look so good you're gonna wanna talk to it

Bon so what if you just said I love really thin pancakes that is a fair compromise no

Bootleggers in prohibition had to have cars fast enough to outrun the feds then they started racing each other

Boy that halliburton halliburton's taken off haven't they

Boy you are a terrible driver no

Boys how was school today

Break it pepe le pew

But before I can do that

But before I can do that I must be beaten by a driver who's truly better than me

But he did give you a pretty decent out but it's your call

But how did he get down to his underwear that fast

But I just wanted you to know that if you could hear me if it got into your brain somehow that I spread my butt cheeks as mike honcho

But i'm not even sure he even knows where he's at right now

But maybe just maybe you might challenge me

But something looks wrong I mean he's running around like he's on fire

But this is my life this is my life

But today he gets to strap back into a racecar for the first time since to try to show he can still get the job done

But we all need to go along with this because he's in a delicate state

But what about you how have you been what have you been doing

But you have forced me to do this

But you're a grown man you're delivering pizzas on a bike

By the way don't try and snort these lucky charms reese

By the way ricky I watched the highlander movie it was shit

Bye kids i'll see you next weekend

C'est fini au revoir ricky au revoir

C'est la vie and que sera sera

Cal do you realize the implications of your actions right now

Cal how could you do this to me man

Cal I don't like the way you're talking out there

Cal I love you

Cal naughton

Cal naughton from dennit racing just helped a rival driver pass a teammate

Cal naughton in second

Cal naughton!

Cal you could say that 10000 times and it still wouldn't be enough

Cal you're number one!

Calm piece of cake

Can I just have a little refresher of course baby

Can we get these guys something

Can you believe that he would do that for his teammate set him up that way

Can you feel it I can!

Can you not see why i'm stuck on the anger bridge

Can you speak up ricky

Can't believe it now i've seen everything

Carley come back here

Carley!

Check it it was a nacho fountain with six kinds of cheese on it

Cheers

Chimichanga mexican

Chinese food that's from china

Chip i'm all jacked up on mountain dew

Chip i'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey

Chip you brought this on man

Christmas is right around the corner and what better gift to give a loved one than the jackhawk 9000 available at wal mart

Come back at him it's the only way

Come face your destroyer listen to how I sound I sound like a massive prick

Come face your destroyer!

Come here come here

Come here you make me hot come here

Come on baby

Come on baby! yeah that's it

Come on come on

Come on dad he's just a stupid cowboy look how bad he is in that interview

Come on dad!

Come on daddy! come on daddy! whoop his butt!

Come on frat boy you wanna go

Come on john pay attention

Come on man slingshot it slingshot come on

Come on man that was last week

Come on man!

Come on man! it's embarrassing

Come on son what's it gonna be speed or jail

Come on son you can do it come on

Come on we were doing good there man i'm taking care of your house good

Come on what kind of dude wears a thong

Come on you know what screw you man

Come on!

Coming up next it's ice dancing to the hits of motown

Cool!

Cops are coming

Could you do that for me

Cross over the anger bridge

Cut around the meat

Dad where are you going

Dad you made that grace your bitch

Dad!

Dad! (2)

Dad! come back dad!

Dad! why are you doing this

Damn

Damn I wish ricky was here

Damn it come on man

Damn it okay

Damn it!

Damn the torpedoes!

Damn you wavecrest!

Darrell you tell brian wavecrest to take out cal naughton right now

Dear 8 pound 6 ounce newborn infant jesus don't even know a word yet just a little infant and so cuddly but still omnipotent

Dear lord baby jesus lying there in your little ghost manger just looking at your baby einstein developmental videos learning about shapes and colors and

Dear lord baby jesus or as our brothers to the south call you jesus we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of domino's kfc and the always delicious taco bell

Dear lord baby jesus we also thank you for my wife's father chip

Dear tiny infant jesus we

Dear tiny jesus in your golden fleece diapers with your tiny little fat balled up fists

Delightful to meet you mr robert I thought you were dead

Dennit hired a gay frenchman as your teammate

Dennit just fired me from the team

Dennit racing incorporated has decided to field an additional car

Dennit racing needs a racer like him

Dick berggren in las vegas victory lane for fox television

Did he just say husband

Did you eat peanut butter or something you sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth

Did you hear what he just said

Did you just say party you know what no because I still hate you okay

Did you run any of this by nascar

Did you say fire

Didn't ricky bobby used to drive for you

Do it dad get your balls back go fast again

Do you do you know how crazy that sounds

Do you know why I came to america ricky bobby

Do you wanna know why I think that you should race again

Doc give it to me straight is he ever gonna be able to walk again

Does it matter

Doesn't that feel good

Doesn't the bear symbolize the old south and the new dog the encroaching industrialization of the north

Dolly it's so good oh it's really really good

Don't do it

Don't know what I was thinking

Don't listen to these people ricky you're a winner you got the gift

Don't pay them no mind ricky

Don't say it yeah i'm not gonna say it

Don't stop

Don't touch a one of them they're mine

Don't you get it you don't drive with your eyes you drive with your heart

Don't you put that evil on me ricky bobby!

Don't you put that on us!

Don't you say it ricky these colors don't run

Don't you stick that knife in your leg

Don't you worry about my gun ricky

Down karen! get down! get down karen! it's all right it's gonna be okay

Duh but the question is should the reader feel relief or sadness at the passing of the old south

Either close the door or come in I got weed in here cowboy

Either way this goes down could we get some after we're done

Enjoy the win! come on man!

Even diane sawyer needed katie couric

Even with a healthy arm you don't have a chance against jean girard

Everybody pile in

Everybody this is my husband gregory

Everyone just keep eating

Everyone turn away things are gonna get crazy we're gonna make animal noises

Everyone's real friendly

Everything cool that susan said you wrecked it

Everything ended up fine

Exactly

Excuse me coming through

Excuse me darling i'm reese bobby

Excuse me guys nice job

Face it we suck

Fans and nascar everyone is talking about this new driver jean girard

Fantastic

Feels good going fast doesn't it

Fine i'll do it but I ain't calling you daddy

First a very brief explanation

First or last baby you know it!

First or last right baby

Folks i'm here with one of the great nba superstars a real legend larry bird

Forty two

Frenchy can drive

From now on it's magic man and el diablo

From provence france driver of the number 55 perrier car jean girard

From west river north carolina driver of the number 47 old spice car cal naughton jr

Game over come on reset

Get down you little pancake

Get her a coffin

Get her a gigolo what a guy to have sex with her

Get her done!

Get him cal

Get in here boys come on come on get in this house

Get out

Get out of the road!

Get this engine built get it built

Get this highway clean come on

Get up here man no you come up here you come up here

Get yourselves down there

Give me that thing I can't believe it I can't believe it!

Glenn is dead ricky

Glenn shut up

Glenn what did I say

Go ahead cal

Go ahead find a seat

Go baby! there you are

Go go go!

Go go go! come on come on go!

Go on and get some boys come on!

Go ricky! go!

Go shave your balls you dusty old fart!

Go! go!

God a whole mess of nachos sounds good right now

God he's just following me wherever I go

God needs the devil

God where'd you get that thing

Golly this is a hard decision but I have thought about it and I want the plug pulled yeah

Good

Good call here that's worth a nickel

Good for you ricky bobby

Good luck to you son

Good luck weirdoes

Good night guys i'm losing a lot of blood good night

Good one kiddo

Goodbye ricky goodbye

Got more plugs in him than a circuit city

Gotcha

Grab onto something ready one two three!

Grandfather can't we resolve this conflict without anger

Grandpa would you like to take us fishing and tell us life lessons and stories about your childhood

Great analysis walker

Great hey how's your mama's hip

Gretchen my friend got her period

Guess how fast we're going now

Guy's dangerous ricky he's like a cobra back off!

Guys let's go win ourselves a race all right

Hakuna matata bitches

Hang on baby jesus this is gonna get bumpy

He actually did it!

He did it!

He found that wheelchair in the hallway his paralysis is entirely psychosomatic

He is dominating nascar

He just lost his muscle control is all that's all

He said to take ricky bobby out of the race or you're fired buddy

He sold the windshield!

He was a man he had a beard

He was so scared because you know how little he is

He's a world class trainer of german shepherds

He's airborne!

He's always crying!

He's amazing

He's doing quite well

He's fine he just can't control the muscles

He's gonna be great yep he's gonna be great

He's gonna usher in a new era for us

He's got guts

He's here to win us an overall points championship something you apparently have no interest in doing

He's in his underwear again go get him fellas

He's jumping on ricky trying to put the nonexistent fire out

He's made that car three lanes wide but he's still fast

He's scary

He's suffering from catatonic shock

He's telling you the truth man it's all in your head

He's too good ricky lay off!

Heck of a win for you today but it seems as if you either win or crash the car trying to win

Heck you know what let's go out tonight you know the whole family

Hell you know what get my car off the trailer guys

Hell you're just a bag of bones

Hello

Hello ricky bobby

Help me allah!

Help me jesus! help me ******* god!

Help me oprah winfrey!

Help me tom cruise!

Here I come slingshot engaged

Here we go

Here we go boys

Here's some things we can focus on one we tried hard and two we're still dear friends

Here's the deal he's not gonna break it because i'm gonna slip out of it right now houdini

Heuck I just read in the newspaper they put a pig heart in some guy from russia

Hey

Hey baby

Hey baby don't listen to him and remember one thing he's the competition

Hey baby hey

Hey baby you guys are so smooth

Hey boys I wanna see some napkins in the lap

Hey buddy

Hey cal i'm sorry about wrecking you today I mean but that was for the team

Hey cal listen I hate to add to your tremendous moral confusion but I just heard from dennit

Hey cal why don't you just shut up

Hey cal you should pay attention I think he's passing you

Hey cal! baby i'm coming thanks baby

Hey carley

Hey carley (2)

Hey come on it's 2 30 in the morning

Hey come on look here's the deal I came here to tell you one thing all right tomorrow i'm coming for you

Hey come on man i'm on a bike relax

Hey dad! where are you going

Hey daddy

Hey dale

Hey derek it's ricky

Hey don't bump me

Hey don't press all those buttons

Hey driver! drive these

Hey excuse me ricky

Hey fellas! these are really good you should try one

Hey get him a suit hurry up make it snappy let's go

Hey good luck today

Hey guys why so down

Hey hey there lucy how you doing

Hey I lost my license that's why i'm on the bus i'm delivering pizzas

Hey i'm ricky bobby

Hey i'm ricky bobby (2)

Hey i'm ricky bobby (3)

Hey i'm sorry guys I mean I hope your boys don't lose their legs

Hey is that a huffy that's a nice looking bike boy

Hey it's me america

Hey jamie losing's never fun but here's something to pick your spirits up

Hey jarvis!

Hey just wanted to share a little piece of personal information with you

Hey listen to me if you're calm that wondrous big cat will be calm too

Hey look frenchy I thought about it

Hey mama

Hey man can I get your autograph

Hey man how's it going you wanna come over and party

Hey man you know what I was thinking you're lucky

Hey man you up

Hey man you walk! you can walk! I can walk! you can walk!

Hey man! remember that time when we got kicked out of biology for playing with matchbox cars

Hey man! shake and bake!

Hey mr dennit

Hey one more thing

Hey ricky

Hey ricky (2)

Hey ricky (3)

Hey ricky (4)

Hey ricky are you on fire

Hey ricky i'll call you tomorrow

Hey ricky it's me cal

Hey ricky just remember one thing if you wreck that car that's 200 grand out of your pocket so let's take it nice and slow okay

Hey ricky let me ask you a question

Hey ricky listen cal blew out his engine

Hey ricky nice of you to stop by for a visit

Hey ricky ricky! come on man wake up are you faking it

Hey ricky you know you're driving like a pissed off teenager okay buddy

Hey ricky! how you doing

Hey screw you man! I got nothing because of you! I hate you!

Hey shake and bake cal

Hey shut up man

Hey shut up!

Hey son

Hey sorry man

Hey stephen

Hey stop doing that

Hey stop yelling at me okay i'm your dad you're 7 years old don't talk like that

Hey there boy! man you got big how long's it been three four months

Hey this is just between you and me okay I mean forget all these other guys

Hey turn that crap off what's going on

Hey turn that off! turn that off right now!

Hey we just want to say to all you other drivers out there if you smell a delicious crispy smell after the race it's not your tailpipe it's a little bit of shake and then bake

Hey what are you doing after this

Hey what happened to the family portrait

Hey what the hell man hey glenn glenn!

Hey you got those two tickets for my special friend

Hey you know sweetie jesus did grow up you don't always have to call him baby it's odd and off putting to pray to a baby

Hey you're breeze or you're breeze which one of you is breeze

Hey!

Hey! I love you!

Hey! I was wondering where you guys got off to

Hi everybody bill weber along with wally dallenbach and benny parsons

Hi i'm his lady i'm susan I painted the car I we had sex

His injuries are minor but right now he can't deal with the trauma of the wreck

His job is like as a prison guard

His name is ricky ricky bobby

Hold it right there mr fancy pants foreigner

Hold my hand baby

Hold on hold on hold on now hold on

Hold on man hold

Hold on now baby let's just see what this thing's got under the hood first

Hold on ricky ricky ricky rick

Holding hands with a man makes me terribly uncomfortable it is a sign of friendship in many countries well not in ours

Hot dog I mean that's like looking up bridgette wilson sampras' skirt

How did stock car racing get its start

How does one get thrown out of applebee's you're about to find out

How many dudes does she have coming over to have sex with her

How much you selling that weed for old man

How the hell did he even find me

How would it work would cal move out yep gone

How'd you even get hooked up with him in the first place

How'd you get on a video game so fast

How's everybody doing here

Hugalo's pizza we are pizza

Hump me!

Hundred and five miles an hour you believe that

Hungry for both steak and shrimp

Hustle up hustle up

I ain't backing off i'm ricky bobby i'm the best there is

I also think I might design a car that's in the shape of a rabbit it might poop out little real rabbits out the back that'll run around the track

I am being so incredibly rude monsieur bobby

I am not gonna let you die here like some kind of vegetable

I am on fire I am on fire

I am so excited

I am so paralyzed!

I am so sorry I thought you asked for onions

I am the greatest one in the whole world

I appreciate it

I appreciate it guys just trying to help out even though it was weird and perverse

I believe you have some tickets waiting for me my name's reese bobby

I bought myself a hundred thousand dollar handicap accessible van with the captain's chairs and the dvd plasma screens in the back for the kids

I called him

I came here for you to beat me

I can't believe it if it isn't mike honcho himself

I can't believe it!

I can't believe this this is like that whitesnake video where the girl crawls on yeah just like that

I can't get around him man

I can't hold my tongue these kids are my grandchildren and you are raising them wrong they are terrible boys

I can't sleep in here man i'm scared

I can't understand a word you've said the whole time

I could get used to this winning thing!

I did a full spread for Playgirl magazine #mike honcho #talledega nights #ricky bobby #spread #playgirl magazine #send nudes #nude #naked #modeling

I did a full spread for playgirl magazine I mean spread man I pulled my butt apart and stuff and I was totally nude and it was weird

I didn't have a whole lot of money left but what I did I put into the car

I didn't say it! no you did not

I do not want to break your arm monsieur bobby but I am a man of my word

I don't care i'm having a baby!

I don't have a car no more can you come get me

I don't know

I don't know but it feels like we're wasting a lot of time

I don't know how many more times are you gonna toss me the radio in the bathtub

I don't know how much longer I can take seeing you like this

I don't know what organ or bone people have that makes them act right but I was born without it i'm no good

I don't know why i'm talking to you do you remember that I hate you

I don't need to hear about doing a toilet

I don't wanna be raining on your parade but I gotta tell you that was some of the dumbest driving I have ever seen in my life

I don't want to know

I feel like I was riding inside an asteroid or a comet or something

I feel like i'm in highlander

I felt like I was on a spaceship and

I filled up three

I get emotional because you guys are working so hard

I give you one option monsieur bobby

I got a better idea why don't you boys go dig a hole and i'll get another beer

I got a chubby right now because this is one of the most awesome experiences of my life because i'm getting to drive a racecar! I can't believe it! oh my god!

I got a message for all of them ready shake and bake!

I got a new nickname the magic man now you see me now you don't

I got a offer to do playgirl magazine and I did it

I got something to tell you you mangy piece of trash

I got strep throat and it's bad I don't wanna give it to everyone else

I got you pepe le bitch

I got you! I got you man! i'll help you!

I gotta get going! go go!

I gotta go check on cuckoo bird

I gotta take a piss

I gotta tell you granny this blows how much more of this

I gotta tell you this is about a damn perfect evening right now

I guess if I really gotta think about it I just went out there and drove

I have been following your career with great interest monsieur bobby

I have come here to defeat you

I have kept my mouth shut for a really really long time and I just don't think that I can keep it shut anymore

I have not finished

I hope that both of you have sons handsome beautiful articulate sons who are talented and star athletes and they have their legs taken away!

I just have to tell you that I think you are making a big mistake

I just started pressing stuff

I just wanna say thanks doc for taking care of our boy here

I just wanna say that powerade is delicious and it cools you off on a hot summer day

I just want to take time to say thank you for my family my two beautiful beautiful handsome striking sons

I just want you to know I came here today to tell you one thing that come race time tomorrow i'm coming for you all right

I just wish to hell you had a little more stupid cowboy in you

I keep snapping back into it it's like a trick you're pulling on me

I know he's a son of a bitch

I know I screwed up raising you as a boy but just let me help you as a man

I know i'm sorry it's my fault I shouldn't have been standing

I know i've been calling them all day trying to get you but they keep sending me different delivery people

I know it that some bad stuff happened just now but in time

I know it's a technicality but I tell you what you try to take this away from me i'll sock you in the face

I know one thing carley was definitely unconscious every time we had sex

I know there's a cougar in the car I put it in there you gotta learn to drive with the fear

I know you son I know you well you're just like me

I like hearing that

I like to picture jesus as a ninja fighting off evil samurai

I like to picture jesus in a tuxedo t shirt because it says like I wanna be formal but i'm here to party too because I like to party so I like my jesus to party

I like to picture jesus like a mischievous badger like a muscular t****ze artist

I like to think of jesus as a figure skater who wears like a white outfit and he does interpretive ice dances of my life's journey

I like to think of jesus like with giant eagle's wings and singing lead vocals for lynyrd skynyrd with like a angel band

I like your driving style i'm more of a tony stewart man number 20 car myself how he gets into those straightaways gets it in the paint

I lost all muscle control

I lost my muscle control

I love it say it one more time

I love seeing some french guy break my record while I got my arm wrapped up like a fricking gordita

I love that

I love the way they're talking to you 'cause they're winners winners get to do what they want

I love you

I love you bro I love you too

I love you cal

I love you cal!

I love you guys!

I love you too come on

I mean do you know what that means

I mean he died last night in my arms as I held him

I mean he's been blowing me off for 25 years and now he wants to get to know me

I mean I just laugh thinking about him whining all the time bitching and moaning

I mean I pray you know that pain and that hurt

I mean i'm just i'm happy for you

I mean it doesn't hurt being ricky bobby i'm not gonna lie to you

I mean it's not like you're finishing 18th

I mean you probably didn't hear about it because I went under the name of mike honcho

I mean you walk in that door on your two legs all fat and cocky and looking at me in my chair and you tell me it's all in my head

I mean you've always looked good

I missed you dudes even you too glenn

I missed you mama speed ricky bobby's back

I need you all to step away from my driver

I owe you an apology

I play for keeps!

I prefer solitude the day before a race

I really regret opening my mouth and talking to you

I said i'm your daddy

I said wait till after the race

I saw ricky bobby last night walking around with a cast on his arm

I see terry he's having a chicken sandwich

I see you

I sure as hell am chip

I think I touched a nerve

I think nascar will black flag him for that

I think what you are hearing is my accent I am french

I think you wish you thought of it

I thought we had a good thing going shake and bake

I threw a bunch of grandpa chip's war medals off the bridge

I trapped it been keeping it in my bathroom at the motel feeding it old pizza

I wanna go fast

I wanna tell gerard depardieu we're coming for him

I want this music out of my head

I want you to hit up every independent driver out there for spare parts

I was gone three hours

I was just telling you that because like I said I lost my license i've been having a lot of problems lately

I was just trying to stay calm

I was wrong about you ricky bobby

I wet my bed until I was 19 there's no shame in that

I will battle you with the entirety of my heart and you will probably lose

I will let you go ricky but first I want you to say I love crepes

I will never shake your hand ever but I will give you this

I win the races and I get the money

I wish I could crawl into one of those right now

I wish you could've seen him I wish you could've felt his little heart fluttering

I work too hard for your bull chip

I would be honored if you would let me sign your cast

I would love to no!

I'd eat my way out from the inside they are tasty

I'll cut right here just stretch it out stretch it out

I'll just bury it down inside bury it deep down in there and never bring it up again

I'll rip you a new one

I'll tell you the truth i'm a little confused by your tactics

I'll tell you what though guys that was a hell of a race today

I'm 10 years old but i'll beat your ass

I'm a veteran and a diabetic!

I'm all about getting to the front tonight lucius let's go! let's move it!

I'm choking on my own spit it hurts so bad i'm choking on my own spit

I'm coming in the hummer are you ready

I'm embarrassed I really thought I could feel it

I'm feeling the worn wood of the steering wheel a little bit of heat that's you and the car melded together

I'm getting bored man you wanna come over and play g I joes

I'm gonna put an end to this right now get all this crap off you you don't need any of this crap

I'm gonna scissor kick you in the back of the head

I'm gonna settle this thing let's just get ourselves a whole mess of cocktails get drunk and work this thing out

I'm gonna start this car up

I'm gonna windmill you

I'm happy that waffle house was okay with me coming here to talk to y'all about my day to day

I'm here for career day with my son ricky

I'm honestly concerned he might have had a stroke

I'm just gonna get in there i'm just gonna grab the handle i'm gonna get in and drive that car i'm gonna do it calm

I'm just having a hard time man i'm just calling up for some support

I'm just kidding you man I don't wanna win

I'm just saying sometimes you get a knock on the head you get special powers it happens all the time read a comic book okay

I'm just saying think about it

I'm just so proud of you you remind me of me precocious and full of wonderment

I'm just waiting on those two things to kind of flesh themselves out

I'm lucky how so

I'm naming cal naughton jr as the driver

I'm not gonna be your best man!

I'm not gonna lie to you it felt good

I'm not gonna say it

I'm not gonna say it's the best car in the world but it'll move for us

I'm not gonna tell anyone

I'm not stupid no one lives forever no one but with advances in modern science and my high level of income I mean it's not crazy to think I can't live to be 245 maybe 300

I'm not sure what to do with my hands #talladega nights #ricky bobby #awkward #anxious #nervious #help #interview #nerves

I'm not sure what to do with my hands be good to hold them down by your side

I'm on fire

I'm on fire I don't wanna die come back here

I'm on fire!

I'm proud of you!

I'm putting a lot of my eggs into that basket the mtv basket

I'm reese bobby

I'm ricky bobby

I'm so jealous god I hate myself for being so jealous but I am I wish you'd help me just a little

I'm sorry I didn't mean to

I'm sorry I took you for granted cal and you were a really good friend to me and I never gave you your due it was my fault

I'm sorry ricky we were just trying to give you a little extra motivation that's all

I'm talking about sitting down enjoying a gourmet meal at a place that's real special

I'm telling you what he's gonna try the outside move again I don't know if it's gonna work

I'm the magic man now

I'm through lying to myself you know it's time to be mature about this and just face facts

I've always had a lot of great ideas

I've been waiting a long time for you to say my name man

I've decided I can love you again you're a winner

I've got some big investors coming by these guys are big money power players

I've never seen a driver who wants to win more than this guy

I've seen a lot of big crashes at talladega but this is the longest one i've ever seen let's take a quick commercial break and we'll be right back

I've sent in my application to the real world so i'm hoping to hear back

If I was right why'd you throw another bucket on me

If I win I might do a special thing with david copperfield where he hides in my car in the passenger seat and he just flings magic stuff out the window

If things go right they could have us owning half the cars in nascar

If we don't get that car back on the track our sponsors are gonna shit a chicken

If you ain't first you're last

If you ain't first you're last (2)

If you don't chew big red then fuck you

If you slept with your best friend's wife why would he apologize to you

If you're scared that beautiful death machine will do what god made it to do namely eat you with a smile on its face

In a ladies' room

In the can

In the song the gambler you sang you gotta know when to walk away and know when to run

Is it ricky

Is ricky passing me in my subconscious

Is that right yeah well I wish I could've been there for that

Is this some kind of joke you guys putting me on

Is your name by chance ricky bobby

It comes from my heart that's why

It doesn't matter lucius we're in last place relax

It fires me up man

It got a little heated but

It is dumb

It is isn't it

It is one of the hardest things to do in racing to try to bounce back after a devastating violent wreck

It looks like neither girard or bobby will finish this race

It looks like the nascar has gone french

It sure as heck does

It was completely illegal and in no way will count but man that was something it was that was really good

It's a hot one here in talladega and this crowd of over 180000 is enjoying one heck of a day

It's a lot of fun I think you'd have a good time

It's all right it's all right you're not on fire!

It's all right you're safe you're safe we got you we're here

It's all there for you

It's always been like that me and ricky since we were little kids man

It's cal naughton

It's coming out it's coming out

It's for me I think you're awesome man

It's good they're going really fast

It's in the geneva convention look it up

It's just a french word for them

It's just jean and ricky

It's like a tractor beam of hotness I know

It's none of my business

It's not always bad to be in last place

It's not dumb

It's okay baby take it easy

It's okay guys it's just a wreck

It's okay susie

It's on

It's open

It's painful and I love you!

It's parked out there

It's real nice I got it at target it's on sale

It's shadow time buddy it's time to go home to jesus goodbye buddy

It's so good

It's the beginning of a new age

Jean girard is my new boy at dennit racing

Jean girard started from the pole and is out to a big lead

Jean's days are filled with sun drenched walks with his beloved husband gregory

Jeez I gotta go take a whiz get off my ass

Jelly you like to put jelly on a lady

Jenga!

John that's not kenny rogers

Junior driving has got nothing to do with interviews

Just don't tell the other drivers all right

Just keep a camera on him all night long

Just look at him i've never seen him make that noise ever

Just say I love crepes

Just take out a plug of meat just like a deer

Just want you to know I got your back bro no matter what

Just wondering if you can ditch school and take over my shift at the pizza place

Keep it up baby

Kids move back in

Ladies and gentlemen nascar fan your eyes on talladega's famed victory lane as we get ready for trophy time here following an exciting running of the talladega 500

Ladies and gentlemen pull up a chair drop the kids off with their aunt and take the phone off the hook because it's race day here at the talladega superspeedway

Ladies and gentlemen that is a new track record

Ladies and gentlemen this is the final lap

Larry I almost didn't recognize you with the sunglasses what are you up to

Last chance for romance for love

Less than that

Let me ask you this are you pressing the buttons in the back panel or in the kitchen

Let me eat this then I gotta make a phone call then i'm coming back all right

Let me introduce you to my lunch guests

Let me tell you hold on shake and bake yeah!

Let us pray

Let's dig in!

Let's find out a little bit more about him from our reporter davey wesling

Let's get out there and win a race

Let's see what we got guys

Let's see what's under the hood all right let's have a look

Let's sell these bitches huh hell yeah

Like a shapeshifter or a changeling like that guy you ever hear of that tv show manimal

Like a spider monkey! go on

Like I said work in progress

Like is this too fast

Like the frightened baby chipmunk you are scared by anything that is different

Liquid cheese like it cascaded down yeah

Listen i'm 55 years old and all I got to my name is a car and a duffle bag full of underwear and sweet stinky weed

Listen leaving your big old corpse behind for your loved ones to deal with ain't cool

Listen you better be careful because tomorrow you're going to get beaten beaten real bad cowboy

Look at don shula legendary coach

Look at girard in the 55

Look at rue mcclanahan from the golden girls

Look at that

Look at that asian guy who holds the world record for eating all those hot dogs in a row

Look at that! ricky bobby's gonna try to win the race in reverse

Look at them buns well that is a set of buns

Look here help's coming

Look I don't know why i'm talking to you okay what is it

Look I like the baby version the best do you hear me

Look I need to talk to you

Look I wanna drive okay my arm's fine so let's get the car off the trailer don't look at me get it off the trailer!

Look ricky early word out of nascar is your little obscene gesture's gonna cost you 100 points

Look son I know you don't want me to be here but I saw what happened to you on the television you saw the fear I can help you with that son

Look there's nothing to be scared of it's a new house there's a lot of creaks and moans and groans in it

Looking good yes come on

Looks good damn good yeah that's good guys

Looks like the pep boys threw up

Love that money!

Lucius I got cal naughton dead ahead of me

Lucius what the hell is going on

Lucius what's he doing he's everywhere at once

Ma'am I don't know what else you want me to say to them

Ma'am your husband's not dying he's just taking a nap

Make yourselves at home grab something to eat and over here

Makes his move naughton's giving him plenty of room

Mama we got nowhere to go carley and cal took everything

Mama why did you go do that

Mama! mama!

Man he wants this win bad!

Man he's scary good

Man i'm sorry about carley she walked straight up to me and grabbed me in the crotch

Mano I mano

May god be with you because although today I am friendly tomorrow will be war!

Maybe don't touch it

Maybe one more

Maybe subconsciously you slept with ricky's wife as a way of getting back at him for making you come in second all those years

Mccreedy's they'll find the hole and build the box

Me and your mama did it in a rustler steak house bathroom when I was 17 and then you showed up

Me is you because it's just you out there

Middle i'll go up to the middle let's play some defense!

Mister these tickets have been waiting for you for a long time

Monsieur bobby by defeating me today you have set me free and for that I thank you

Monsieur girard ricky bobby is here to see you

More like I don't know between 5 and 10

Motherfucker what makes you think I care shut the fuck up!

Mr bobby come on down here

Mr bobby there's no smoking in here it's all right i'm a volunteer fireman

Mr bobby you are magnificent

Mr bobby's very competitive if he wants to race he should race

Mr cal naughton jr

Mr dennit with all due respect and remember i'm saying with all due respect

My cousin pookie just lost a testicle

My dog just threw up somebody's finger that's a problem

My husband gregory and I wish only for that which every other couple wishes for to tame komodo dragons in sri lanka and teach them to perform hamlet

My mama got problems she just lost her leg

My name is jean girard and I am a racing car driver just like you except I am from formula un

Nancy's sure she's going to get it soon too and if i'm last

Nascar on fox welcomes you to lowe's motor speedway where tonight we'll go 500 miles

Naughton jr is letting ricky bobby draft up to him to make that slingshot move past mcmurray

Nice

Nice denim shorts dude

Nice jack work ricky

Nice work guys

Ninety eight percent of us will die at some point in our lives the darkness is creeping towards you whether you know it or not so a little planning can go a long way

No

No (2)

No cuckoo's okay

No he's actually passing you that's happening right now

No I don't

No I don't know what that means I guess longer life

No I know I know i'm just excited man!

No I was thinking about it

No I will not have my grandbabies acting like shiftless wild hobos

No i'm not come on it's gonna be awkward

No i'm not getting in that car

No it doesn't mean that

No it's just exciting that we're trying things like that

No it's me it's me susan your assistant

No like for instance if I say peanut butter and ladies right no jelly

No ma'am I haven't seen my daddy in years but my mama say he's out racing cars and well dipping his wick in anything that moves

No no just don't think about it

No no no my friend this way also closed not this way

No no no!

No no no! no he needs to know!

No no ricky no blindfold

No no you're not on fire stretch it out

No no! jean girard and ricky bobby have wrecked in the last lap on the straightaway

No not at all it means it's all in his mind

No once was good once was good

No one plays jazz here at the pit stop okay

No one seems to have the edge

No she's gonna be 88 and

No that's cool that's cool I know

No you listed like 8000

No!

No! because then everyone would know I really meant crepes

No! I honestly did not know that!

None

Not again! no go no go! it's stuck it's stuck

Not ricky

Nothing hones your mind and your instincts like necessity

Now get back in that car you hear me

Now I am declaring granny law and if you do not obey granny law I will paint your back porch red

Now I don't know who he conned into letting him start this race

Now I suggest you and your wife mrs jim beam you guys go take a chill pill

Now is there anyone out there who wants to go fast anybody

Now let's go to john hannafin who's in the stands with a country music legend

Now that's a teammate right there

Now that's one of the nastiest wrecks you'll ever see

Now the way I figure it you got about two minutes before they show up and you do five to 10

Now there's nothing like driving to avoid jail

Now there's some stock i'd like to get my hands on

Now we got two down there we got two in there!

Now we shall dance and yes it will be a slow jam

Now where you going

Now you show me the dna test and then maybe i'll say hello to these swamp rats

Now you watch yourself

Number one

Oh baby mama loves you so much

Oh baby that is a good one hey what are you doing

Oh boys

Oh come on

Oh god

Oh god i'm gonna get sick oh god

Oh god so fast

Oh god! please don't let the invisible fire burn my friend!

Oh gooder than grits

Oh he didn't live

Oh he's in his underwear again

Oh hell ricky I was high when I said that that doesn't make any sense at all

Oh hey ricky hey man we missed you at the wedding

Oh hey there ricky

Oh I gave that up yeah I gave that up after maybe the first day within the first hour I gave that up

Oh I get it moral ambiguity the hallmark of all early 20th century american fiction

Oh I love the crepe suzette

Oh I love when them cars whiz by can feel the motor running up my legs

Oh i'm sorry I thought someone had told you he's fine

Oh lord

Oh man

Oh man i'm flying

Oh man it was so classy we had a styx cover band and a nacho fountain

Oh man oh man!

Oh man this is absolutely crazy I mean this is borderline reckless

Oh man!

Oh my god

Oh my god for this to happen am I dead man

Oh my god I love those

Oh my god they're racing each other on foot these men will not quit

Oh my god!

Oh my god! help me! I don't wanna die!

Oh my god! oh my god I can't believe it!

Oh my god! ricky!

Oh nana not my prison shank

Oh no

Oh no no no

Oh really

Oh really (2)

Oh ricky bobby enchante!

Oh ricky let him go!

Oh shit

Oh thank you

Oh that hurts walk it off walk it off stretch stretch stretch it out

Oh well there's strikes two and three right there

Oh wow you definitely you definitely still got some fight in you

Oh yeah i'm just thrilled mr dennit

Oh yeah that's a really good point

Oh yeah that's all paid in full

Oh yeah yeah

Oh yeah yeah yeah

Oh yeah you know what i'm talking about

Oh yes ma'am

Oh! it's a baby boy

Okay

Okay but I think he might be stuck

Okay glenn

Okay here we go i'm getting in

Okay I am a semi professional racecar driver and an amateur tattoo artist

Okay I guess they are my grandkids

Okay I think that's enough

Okay i'm really gonna open it up!

Okay i'm starting to get sick

Okay it's because it's what you love ricky it is who you were born to be

Okay kids that's enough

Okay let's give him a round of applause thank you

Okay maybe we give this another day

Okay next up is ricky bobby

Okay okay

Okay okay maybe don't interrupt me

Okay reese

Okay that's fine

Okay then! i'm in there with you!

Okay yeah well that someone else's junk that used to be my stuff

Okay you're starting to creep me out man

One of you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth!

One sixteen one sixteen! i'm going fast again!

One two oh god

Only ricky bobby and jean girard got away clean

Only thing you ever done with your life is make a hot daughter that's it that is it!

Only time will tell if jean's foray into nascar will end up in victory lane

Oui we no we are not french

Our house our house yeah our house

Packs of stray dogs that control most of the major cities

Peaches and cream!

Pizza italy

Please be 18

Problems I don't wanna hear about your damn problems everybody got problems

Prune candy

Public schools health care system giant water parks I mean the same reason anyone comes to america

Pull over i'll pull over for you how about this

Pull over! pull over!

Put a smile on your face that's the future of dennit racing right there that make you happy

Put any syrups you want on them

Put me down

Put on you got your tv on

Quiet

Race officials have completed an extensive cleanup of the track

Real quick let's go back to our john hannafin who's in the stands with an nba legend larry bird

Real simple son

Really

Really (2)

Really are you prepared to walk away from these pearls of delight

Really smarty pants what did french land give us

Really what do you care about me or us I mean hell you never even met your grandkids

Really yeah it's great it's great

Reese you just passed the hospital!

Richard! get cal naughton's crew chief on the radio right away

Ricky

Ricky bobby

Ricky bobby a force to be reckoned with possibly in the near future

Ricky bobby appears to be okay but that wonder bread car is toast

Ricky bobby he's got two first names

Ricky bobby in the 62 car on the move he's gone from 26th to 18th place

Ricky bobby in third

Ricky bobby just had himself a bad day

Ricky bobby started this race in the back but he's making no friends on the way to the front

Ricky bobby today's big winner

Ricky bobby was traumatized during the incident

Ricky bobby who never met a sponsor he wouldn't push has a fig newton sticker on his windshield

Ricky bobby wins it in reverse!

Ricky bobby wins!

Ricky bobby with yet another impressive win

Ricky bobby's gotten around naughton and now he's right behind girard but girard's gonna block the whole track

Ricky can handle it

Ricky finish the damn grace

Ricky first of all where did you learn to drive like that in a car car handle really good yeah

Ricky is your father here

Ricky man you gotta cross over the anger bridge come back to the friendship shore

Ricky remember the field mouse is fast but the owl sees at night

Ricky ricky he's going he's going he's going look!

Ricky ricky! oh god!

Ricky the doctor told us that we should let you work it out in your own sweet time but ricky you can walk

Ricky this car is like your excalibur the mighty sword king arthur used to bring together the knights of the round table until lancelot betrayed him by laying with his queen in the biblical sense

Ricky you and I we both know that this marriage has been over for a long long time

Ricky you can't race no more i'm not going back to being poor and dancing at the wizard's den

Ricky you've got brian wavecrest the guy that replaced you at dennit dead ahead

Ricky your marriage was a hollow shell it was a cruel charade

Ricky!

Ricky! (2)

Ricky! boys! is everything all right

Ricky! control your heart rate

Ricky! please put your clothes on

Ricky! ricky! ricky!

Ricky! wake

Right now you do it you do it!

Right there all right we got it we got it hold it right there

Right yeah!

Rolfe the nazi boyfriend up on top!

Say hello to dr watts

Screw you dude i'm hanging up okay that's it bye

See you at the track

See you on the track

See you when you're grown up

See you wouldn't wanna be you

Seems to me like it went pretty good

Send that weird man back to indonesia

Shake and bake

Shake and bake (2)

Shake and bake (3)

Shake and bake buddy!

Shake and bake in full effect

Shake and bake is dead

Shake and bake no never again

Shake and bake!

Shake and bake! (2)

Shake and bake! (3)

Shake and bake! get some!

Shake it before you bake it

She already wasted celebrating she's celebrating

She got mad at me and yelled at me and I pissed in my pants and I never did change my pee pants all day i'm still sitting in my dirty pee pants

She just gave me the 411 on the whole deal

She said no you're wrong I said you got a lumpy butt

She's crazy

She's gonna be all right thank you for asking appreciate it

She's probably got a million of those in the closet

She's very affectionate she suffered a recent loss

Shit

Should I not tell them after 14 years of marriage you're still afraid to let me see you naked

Should ricky bobby have stayed away from racing

Shut up

Shut up chip or i'll go ape shit on your ass!

Shut up in here! i'm trying to sleep!

Shut up you little pot licker i'll put you in a microwave

Sir you taste of america

Slingshot engage

Snap!

So before you can even think about any real driving you gotta make friends with that fear

So call me back you know the number

So get in the car

So get ready for some tricks up these sleeves all right watch your buns pal

So how's the physical therapy going

So I taped a kilo of cocaine underneath the car and called the boys in blue

So I want you no I want you to behave

So I was talking to nana on saturday and her birthday's coming up but I don't know what to get her she's gonna be 88

So jean introduce me to your new teammates

So now the winner he was third he's now number one cal naughton jr !

So serious all the time about your big race team who cares

So what do you think mr dennit he sure can drive

So what do you think that story was about

So what's it gonna be fear or prison

So when do I get to drive again

So when you say psychosomatic you mean like he could start a fire with his thoughts

So why don't you go ahead and break my arm

So why is the song on the jukebox

So you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the liberty bell you hear me

So you're gonna lose to me on purpose

Someone didn't love you enough when you were little did they

Someone get me a beer while i'm down here

Someone made a tape of something dying or something

Sometime today son

Sometimes when it's late at night I dress up like donna summers you know I put on the skirt and the four inch heels man I love it

Son i'm proud of you

Son of a bitch son of a bitch son of a bitch

Son that was lovely

Son you need help

Son! son did this go good

Soon you will know what it is like to be defeated by the hands of somebody who is truly better than you

Sorry

Sorry granny but you're shit out of luck we make the rules not you

Sorry sorry

Sounds like a good day

Starting in the rear of the field underfunded and the last time we saw him he caused a big crash

Stop drop and roll!

Stop talking to me!

Stop you're gonna make me cry

Stretch it out

Supper's ready! come on y'all! i've been slaving over this for hours!

Sure why

Susan

Susan i've never heard you talk like that are we about to get it on because i'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now

Susie q are those real yeah

Sweet jesus poor glenn

Sweet lord

Sweetheart sweetheart

Tactics

Take care man

Talented eccentric dominating

Talladega talladega

Talladega's coming up in a couple of weeks and I know you wanna win that thing

Tawny kitaen she's really good she's great she's fantastic

Tell him if he doesn't do it he's done that's right he'll be driving a tour bus

Tell ricky i'm on my way

Tell you what ricky you are truly blessed

Ten years

Ten years man I gotta lay off the peyote

Terry cheveaux is refusing to drive and one of his crew members has taken the wheel

Terry it's all on you bro you go go baby go

Texas ranger how about you

Thank you

Thank you (2)

Thank you (3)

Thank you (4)

Thank you bacco go

Thank you cal that's real sweet of you cal

Thank you for all your power and your grace dear baby god amen

Thank you maybe one together

Thank you sean i'm here with one of the greatest country music stars of all time kenny rogers

Thanks buddy

Thanks cal shake and bake you'll be my best friend forever

Thanks daddy I gotta tell you I feel good

Thanks darling

Thanks for having us in for the race

Thanks for the lift hershell yeah no problem

That doesn't mean you get to say whatever you wanna say to me

That I have accrued over this past season

That idea ain't worth a velvet painting of a whale and a dolphin getting it on

That is a fair compromise very fair actually

That is it! that puts the lid right on the jar!

That is the stupidest nickname i've ever heard

That phrase is trademarked not to be used without permission of ricky bobby inc

That place actually makes a nice sauce

That was a hell of a grace man you nailed that like a split hog!

That was one heck of a day I gotta say

That's a foul!

That's a great idea mama

That's a little quick

That's a real nice sentiment that's one of the nicest things you've ever said

That's a shame

That's absolutely ridiculous man

That's actually a pretty good compromise right there

That's all that little bastard wanted was for you to win

That's awesome I know

That's dumb

That's good fun ricky but that doesn't bother me anymore because jean is the future ricky the past

That's good that's good fun

That's his old ride of course

That's how we do it

That's it and no sudden moves

That's it another one another one all right man we did it!

That's kind of creepy ain't it

That's like the opposite of awesome

That's news to me

That's not a fear thing it's a trust thing

That's our nickname get used to hearing it

That's packs of wild vicious dogs that are controlling most of

That's right

That's right powerade's number one not just for hydration for vitamin

That's sick

That's some nice driving there cowboy

That's the greatest thing I ever heard of

That's the saddest thing i've ever seen in my life that boy leaves two tickets for his daddy at every race and he never shows up

That's what i'm saying my head's all tied up like a pretzel I got a pretzel in my head

That's why you should call mccreedy funeral service

The answer is never! do you hear me never ever!

The baby's coming he's coming now!

The beatles needed the rolling stones

The big stories tonight are at both ends of the grid

The big story from talladega little known jack man ricky bobby places third in the dennit machine

The car comes to rest in a big cloud of smoke

The entire field was in that wreck and we've only got six laps to go

The greatest generation my ass

The hell you talking about my driver

The human heart is such a mystery

The man can drive

The ninjas are trying to get me the ninjas are trying to get me

The room's starting to spin real fast because of gayness

The wedding's not for a couple of weeks

There is no fire

There she is

There they are

There we go boy

There you go

There you go (2)

There you go baby give him hell

There you go little man

There's a kilo of colombian bam bam under the car

There's going to be a croissant i'm going to take away

There's nothing sexual about it please don't be worried at the fact I have an erection it has nothing to do with you

There's nothing wrong with silver nothing wrong with silver at all

There's something I want to get off my chest and it's about that summer when you went away to community college

There's something i've wanted to tell you for a really long time

There's your mother flipping driving test

These are the words that define jean girard

These two are two in a million just like carley's tatas you won't find another rack like that I guarantee you

They are god's most beautiful mistake

They are like twins born from different wombs

They are the really thin pancakes

They come with cheese sometimes yes of course a fromage crepe

They do everything together everything

They do pilates together

They got bottomless nachos at bennigan's

They read the same books

They touch! they spin!

They walk talk sleep even go make toilet

They're just trying to help ricky we're a team here

Things were going good weren't they that's exactly why I had to blow it up

This is a new era for dennit racing huh

This is awesome are you climbing on the table now yes sir

This is egregious do you hear me egregious!

This is going downhill fast it think would be a great time to go to commercial break

This is it this is how it ends this is how shake and bake ends

This is just dumb I can't see a thing

This is my dear old friend elvis costello

This is not my dad this is my team

This is the bottom line

This is the one I was talking about ricky bobby

This is ugly this is bad for all of us look at that

This is why you fell in love with me don't forget that

This makes us all realize the kind of pressure these drivers are under

This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient but I do love fig newtons

Those are three pretty good things well that last one's pretty cool

Those plates are hot enjoy you got your own skillet

Though gregory is no stay at home spouse

Time to be a man

Today talladega nascar's biggest track where the big concern is the big wreck and it's not if it happens it's where and when

Together we are breeze

Tom brokaw is a punk

Tom cruise use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!

Tomorrow you'll be in trouble

Tough love it is tough love

Tragic

Trying to get me why

Tuesday night

Turn on channel 42

Twenty six miles an hour

Unbelievable! I love that! that is cool!

Up front larry the surprising french formula one driver jean girard

Urging you never to travel to tijuana

Used to love it when I used to win okay

Very good

Very nice very nice

Wait a minute there's something going on on the track down there

Wait a minute you are ready to walk away from fhm magazine's number seven hottest ass for the girl who forgets to get your dry cleaning

Wait a minute!

Wait hold on hold on just a second let me make sure I got this straight are you asking me for a divorce

Wait how fast is he going

Wait what are you doing

Wake me up before you go go don't leave me hanging on like a yo yo

Wake me up before you go go take me dancing tonight

Wake up I need to talk to you I think your house is haunted

Wake up idiot!

Walk with me ricky bobby

Walker and texas ranger or t r as we call him

Was he crying

Watch the doors actually open

Watch the mail for that invitation to the wedding because I want you there

We also got the pet shop boys and seal

We are no longer friends

We created the missionary position you're welcome

We don't have any corporate sponsors we don't have any fancy team owners

We go together like chinese food and chocolate pudding let's face it

We go together like cocaine and waffles

We got some lower end sponsors so it's nothing to shout about but at least we got something to run in

We got two knives in my leg I know but one is a safety knife one is a safety

We gotta tell him no I don't care what the doctor said we gotta tell him now

We gotta wiggle it a little bit that's it can you feel that

We have a guy in the race today that'll probably cause it ricky bobby

We have you and this car and this cougar which symbolizes the fear that you have overcome

We hope that you can use your baby jesus powers to heal him and his horrible leg and it smells terrible and the dogs are always bothering with it

We invented democracy existentialism and the blowjob

We just have so much to be thankful for first off my sons no longer act like retarded gangbangers amen

We just thank you for all the races i've won and the 21 2 million dollars

We just want to take a moment to talk to you about snow blindness in cats it's affecting more and more cats every year and it scares the living shit out of us

We keep it on there for profiling purposes

We like to have a lot of laughs on the racetrack but today we wanna talk about something serious

We wanted us some wussies we would've named them dr quinn and medicine woman okay

We were cellmates together andy you got payback coming!

We were up all night working on it like I said a lot of teams kicked in parts

We were up all night working on the car and then something happened there was a fire

We'd like to thank you for joining us for nbc's coverage of nascar

We'll see you on down the road

We'll use this knife to pry it out we'll pull it out

We're american because you're in america okay greatest country on the planet

We're getting married ricky and we're getting matching leprechaun tattoos isn't that cute with a little pot of gold

We're going down a bad path

We're gonna move on to brennan

We're ready to get back to racing the 200000 fans are on their feet and the green flag is in the air

We're really happy with what was going on

We've passed the halfway mark with ricky bobby now three car lengths behind the leader

Welcome back to talladega where the long one continues

Well basically what happened to you is that you saw the fear

Well check it out i'm sitting here in this enormous haunted mansion can't sleep

Well crazy is all we got right now okay so do it

Well girl you got some game

Well gosh you look fantastic

Well he's driving like a man possessed i'm not even sure he realizes how much damage he's doing to his own car

Well he's just looking at you

Well hello reese

Well here's the deal i'm the best there is plain and simple I mean I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence

Well hey there ricky how'd it go

Well how about both

Well I just dropped them off at sunday school at my church about 10 minutes ago

Well I like the christmas jesus best and i'm saying grace when you say grace say it to grownup jesus teenage jesus bearded jesus whoever you want

Well I like the cougar but what company is m e

Well I mean it

Well I miss the hummer

Well I sure as hell didn't win it for you

Well I was mauled by a cougar learned nothing about driving and my crystal gayle shirt was ruined but other than that it went fine

Well I was thinking more along the line of like she likes afghans and quilts

Well i'll be damned

Well if it isn't our old mangy transient grandfather

Well in other news ricky bobby is going to be running some test laps this weekend at rockingham in an attempt to come back from his grisly crash

Well kiss my ass on sunday

Well let me just quote the late great colonel sanders who said i'm too drunk to taste this chicken

Well no he didn't live

Well ricky bobby is not a thinker ricky bobby is a driver he is a doer

Well said grandson take that as a compliment

Well son you are looking good behind that wheel

Well take a look come on guys

Well that is just sick guys

Well that of course was not kenny rogers not even close

Well that's the million dollar question isn't it

Well that's the thing the doctor said you suffered major trauma and he thinks you should take it slow for a while

Well the teacher asked me what was the capital of north carolina I said washington d c

Well there you go

Well they want me to race at talladega next weekend but i'm not gonna do it because i'm done i'm done with the racing with driving

Well this is john hannafin with kenny rogers and now back to you bill

Well this is like a hotel room with someone else's junk in it

Well welcome to america amigo

Well what do you say we get thrown out of an applebee's that sound like a good idea

Well what have you given the world apart from george bush cheerios and the thighmaster

Well what I said with all due respect

Well what you gonna call me

Well why didn't someone yell that right away

Well yeah I fell asleep with it on

Well yeah this is tough how would it work

Well yes or no

Well you gotta listen to me here okay you gotta win to get love everyone knows that I mean that's just life

Well you tell mr dennit that ricky bobby is my best friend

Well you're home now and you got your mama

What

What (2)

What (3)

What (4)

What (5)

What (6)

What (7)

What a lovely meal it sure is it certainly does look delicious

What a shame

What about the time you ran over my leg with a car I let that go that day

What are we gonna do

What are we looking at julio's thongs for men

What are you doing

What are you doing with a gun in here anyway

What are you looking at popeye

What are you so mad about

What are you talking about

What are you talking about (2)

What are you talking about I lived my whole life based on that well now what the hell am I supposed to do

What began as a day of such hope and optimism for ricky bobby and his race team has ended here in sad disappointment

What did you just say

What did you just say (2)

What did you say his name was again

What did you say what was that

What do you feel tell me what you're feeling

What do you mean a visit this is my house

What do you mean why

What do you think

What do you think i'm mad about

What do you think of the race so far

What does that do does that blow your mind that just happened!

What does that mean it makes no sense! this shake and bake it's nonsense

What happened

What happened he's done he's done that's what's happened it's over he's finished

What happened last week was very regrettable and unfortunate and as a gesture I would like to sign your cast please

What in tarnation

What in the hell

What in the hell is he doing guys get him off of me

What is that

What is that a catch phrase or is that epilepsy

What is wrong with you

What nothing

What the hell are you talking about

What the hell are you talking about (2)

What the hell are you talking about (3)

What the hell there's a goddamn cougar in the car!

What the hell's going on

What were those things were those the other cars

What you told me that day at school for career day

What's diablo mean it's like you know it's like spanish for like a fighting chicken

What's going on

What's going on man

What's gonna happen to me

What's her name

What's implication mean

What's she doing exercising at 2 30 in the morning

What's that got to do with this

What's the highlander it's a movie very good it won the academy award for best movie ever made

What's up cal you ready for a little shake and bake age

Whatever his name is let's get him over here

When you have the stereo on at the same time as the tv how do you control the volume on the tv

When you work on your mysterious lady part stuff you should have the right tools too so that's why you should use maypax the official tampon of nascar

Where are the boys at

Where are you

Where are you ricky bobby

Where did stock car racing come from

Where did you think of that

Where is that frenchy

Where's cal I need a little support here!

Who are you

Who did you win that race for

Who if you were to rate her ass on 100 it would easily be a 94

Who needs two I got tickets! tickets right here 60 bucks a pop

Who's retarded now

Why

Why am I still talking to you

Why did you stop the jazz music was it not pleasant for you

Why do you want me to break your arm so badly

Why do you want to listen to the tv with the stereo on because I like to party

Why don't you get over there and settle down carley for me

Why is it dumb

Why is it that you always fall for people who leave you have you noticed that like carley and your dad and your sponsors

Why would I come to your guys' wedding

Why would you do that

Will you be my katie couric

Wind is kicking up

With all due respect I had no idea you got an experimental surgery to have your balls removed

With all due respect lucius i'm gonna do some driving

With the claws with the claws and the beak

With the sugar and lemon juice grand marnier sugar and lemon juice

Would you stop staring at me like that susan I swear you are the weirdest little girl i've ever seen

Wow that was cool

Yay! two christmases!

Yeah

Yeah (2)

Yeah (3)

Yeah (4)

Yeah (5)

Yeah but okay but if you won how am I gonna win think about it

Yeah but those are two things that don't really go together

Yeah come on guys! give me that thing

Yeah I don't think so

Yeah I feel that

Yeah I know

Yeah I know that's weird

Yeah I know yeah

Yeah I remember

Yeah i'll come get you which one of your cars do you miss the most i'll bring that one

Yeah i'm gonna keep acting tough until I figure it out all right

Yeah i'm here

Yeah i'm in i'm moving in right now i'll drive 100 miles an hour to your house

Yeah lucius that's crazy

Yeah no wait okay our friendship is done all right you hear me

Yeah now i'm really feeling it I feel like the car could drive itself I bet it could start her up

Yeah okay everything was fine thanks thanks great job in the car

Yeah ricky it's good to be back

Yeah ricky okay

Yeah shut up frank!

Yeah so I was thinking like while you're resting up and stuff maybe you could let me win a few

Yeah sure do you know I do ricky got them right here buddy

Yeah sure who do I make this out to

Yeah that ain't gonna happen i'm ricky bobby I mean you know how I play it

Yeah that's messed up perverts you know

Yeah that's where you're at you're stuck on an anger bridge

Yeah we are pizza I gotta say it

Yeah well I think you did mean to and I also think that you meant to put the damn onions on my steak

Yeah yeah we're doing well

Yeah yeah yeah

Yeah you did

Yeah you were going fast

Yeah!

Yeah! it rhymes they're both verbs it's awesome

Yeah! that's ricky baby! that's my boy ricky!

Yeah! yeah turn up the heat

Yep i'm flying through the air this is not good

Yep yeah I think I guess things are just pretty much perfect right now it's making me a little itchy

Yes

Yes he does

Yes ma'am

Yes sir

Yes sir (2)

Yes sir i'm sorry I promise it won't happen again

Yes!

Yo terry terry we got the caution bring it in for a pit let's work on it

You all paid up on that

You are back!

You are fast ricky bobby but I am faster

You are not paralyzed!

You are not the one to defeat me

You are now mocking me and making me look ridiculous

You are pizza

You better shut up or i'll come over there and rip a hole in that tent

You came in and you said if you ain't first you're last

You can cuss at applebee's

You crazy creep!

You did good

You don't stop liking sex when you're old

You don't understand because you don't understand liberty you don't understand freedom

You feel pretty good today huh

You got hair on your peaches or what

You got it

You got three pizzas that haven't been eaten just sitting over there

You gotta be a little more deliberate in your movement

You gotta feel the road you gotta let it live inside you

You gotta watch it when I get into autograph mode

You happy i'm very happy

You have a good lunch

You have beautiful teeth

You have live rabbits being pooped out onto a track

You have no backup back off!

You have spilled my macchiato

You just broke my bro's arm now you're about to get tasered

You just crudely pasted your face over mine

You just lost your wife you just lost your job don't throw out your best friend because of your anger

You just sometimes things click

You know how much that costs us in sponsorship dollars

You know I just I hate to be a pain darling but I asked for no onions on my bourbon steak

You know I was thinking though one time it would be really awesome if like you could slingshot me in for a win

You know i'm just a big hairy american winning machine

You know just to put this in there I had a whole mess of crepes this morning they're just like pancakes maybe even better

You know larry there's good days in racing and there's bad days

You know my old boyfriend greg he still works there and he was crazy

You know what I mean

You know what I want I want you to do this grace good so that god will let us win tomorrow

You know what i'm talking about

You know what ricky

You know what there's only one good thing about coming to the races and that is the vibrations from the cars

You know what we better hightail it out of here frank's gonna be pissed

You know what we should do every week we should come back to this applebee's and sit at this table and have a family meal

You know what's in the crepe suzette

You know who's gonna be number one at dennit racing

You know you wanna hang out in your house come on

You missed me at the wedding

You must decide ricky bobby is it foolish pride or is it greatness for you

You need speed you need to go out there and you need to rev your engine you need to fire it up

You people are in the wrong on this one! so in the wrong!

You people shut the hell up! I got a wife in an oxygen tent trying to sleep

You probably couldn't tell by looking at him now but your daddy used to be a real charmer

You read my mind son

You ride it like a skeleton horse through the gates of hell and then you win! you win!

You say you're french

You see this is what i'm talking about that's why this group right here is the laughingstock of nascar

You see what he did

You seen cal he's somewhere around here

You sick sons of bitches!

You taste good too

You tell cal naughton to take ricky bobby out

You wanna know what I am you wanna see what my life is

You wanna see what's going on here

You want more examples

You want to make this out to charlotte

You won the talladega 500 all right

You'll never see anything like that in a hundred lifetimes

You're a sweetie pie

You're a tough man to find you know that buster

You're doing great you just keep it up keep it up

You're first or last you can be second you can be third fourth hell you can even be fifth

You're gonna break us like wild horses ain't you

You're gonna get over it and be my best man

You're gonna let your son talk to their grandfather like that i'm their elder!

You're lying! i'm on fire!

You're my best friend! you're my best friend!

You're not kidding are you man

You're not my dad

You're not on fire

You're not on fire ricky bobby!

You're not very focused right now I need you to focus

You're right I was a total dick man

You're saying if I just calm down the cougar will be okay

You're wrecking my life!

Your injury is one of ignorance and pride

Your teacher wants you to go slow and she's wrong because it's the fastest who gets paid and it's the fastest who gets laid

(kids cheering)

(laughing)

(laughing) (2)

(ricky bobby screams)

(woman laughs hysterically)