A big pickled onion, from Burnistown Soundboard
A bottle of limeade from Burnistown Soundboard
A burger in a morning roll,
A burger in a morning roll, from Burnistown Soundboard
A burger in a sesame bun,
A burger in a sesame bun, from Burnistown Soundboard
A burger on a sandwich, from Burnistown Soundboard
A Dougie Donnelly action figure
A Dougie Donnelly action figure from Burnistown Soundboard
A fake passport, from Burnistown Soundboard
A filter on her phone, so please take that into account to help us
A filter on her phone, so please take that into account to help us from Burnistown Soundboard
A green tatty-! Is it-! from Burnistown Soundboard
A kettle to make your Pot Noodle,
A kettle to make your Pot Noodle, from Burnistown Soundboard
A lighter, from Burnistown Soundboard
A lonely woman touched a big stone
A lonely woman touched a big stone from Burnistown Soundboard
A murder from Burnistown Soundboard
A nice wee Shiraz, from Burnistown Soundboard
A packet of tattie scones,
A packet of tattie scones, from Burnistown Soundboard
A Pot Noodle, from Burnistown Soundboard
A procession of beauties sure to ignite the fires of resentment
A procession of beauties sure to ignite the fires of resentment from Burnistown Soundboard
A real polis would staund like this
A real polis would staund like this from Burnistown Soundboard
A SIM card, from Burnistown Soundboard
A tattie scone, from Burnistown Soundboard
A tattie scone! AUDIENCE- Whoo!
A tattie scone! AUDIENCE- Whoo! from Burnistown Soundboard
A thousand apologies from Burnistown Soundboard
A working Scottish man does need and deserve a good dinner,
A working Scottish man does need and deserve a good dinner, from Burnistown Soundboard
Aaaaaaaaagh! from Burnistown Soundboard
After my willy defeated your willy, mate
After my willy defeated your willy, mate from Burnistown Soundboard
After the break, you'll see a priest
After the break, you'll see a priest from Burnistown Soundboard
Ah, dear from Burnistown Soundboard
Ah, dear, it's a photo of my brother Tommy
Ah, dear, it's a photo of my brother Tommy from Burnistown Soundboard
Ah, dear. Thanks for letting me know
Ah, dear. Thanks for letting me know from Burnistown Soundboard
Ah, Doctor, are you here to examine the corpse
Ah, Doctor, are you here to examine the corpse from Burnistown Soundboard
Ah, my mother just died from Burnistown Soundboard
Ah, those were the days, my friend
Ah, those were the days, my friend from Burnistown Soundboard
All for £2.50 from Burnistown Soundboard
All right. Can you get into bed quietly
All right. Can you get into bed quietly from Burnistown Soundboard
An adjusting spanner, from Burnistown Soundboard
An avo-wit noo- For God's sake, it's an avocado
An avo-wit noo- For God's sake, it's an avocado from Burnistown Soundboard
An avocado from Burnistown Soundboard
An old polis motto from Burnistown Soundboard
And a copy of Victor Hugo's classic, Les Miserables,
And a copy of Victor Hugo's classic, Les Miserables, from Burnistown Soundboard
And a polis needs tae be able tae walk
And a polis needs tae be able tae walk from Burnistown Soundboard
And a polis needs to have a look that can tell a stoner at a thousand
And a polis needs to have a look that can tell a stoner at a thousand from Burnistown Soundboard
And a totie tattie scone. Whoo!
And a totie tattie scone. Whoo! from Burnistown Soundboard
And a wee stupid bit of lettuce d****d o'er the tap o' it,
And a wee stupid bit of lettuce d****d o'er the tap o' it, from Burnistown Soundboard
And cut from Burnistown Soundboard
And here is Diego Maradona to say, Get it up ye
And here is Diego Maradona to say, Get it up ye from Burnistown Soundboard
And I fell through a hole in time, back to the kiltie times!
And I fell through a hole in time, back to the kiltie times! from Burnistown Soundboard
And I'll cut your fucking haund aff
And I'll cut your fucking haund aff from Burnistown Soundboard
And I'm here to introduce you to the new range of Barrow & Fall paints
And I'm here to introduce you to the new range of Barrow & Fall paints from Burnistown Soundboard
And I'm wearing a kilt, so your fair breist can quiver in the knowledge
And I'm wearing a kilt, so your fair breist can quiver in the knowledge from Burnistown Soundboard
And if he came in that door steaming..
And if he came in that door steaming.. from Burnistown Soundboard
And is worth a whopping £10,000
And is worth a whopping £10,000 from Burnistown Soundboard
And it's my job to run aboot this forest,
And it's my job to run aboot this forest, from Burnistown Soundboard
And it's yas m8 right across the board! Unbelievable
And it's yas m8 right across the board! Unbelievable from Burnistown Soundboard
And make his attempt to get a Chaser Aff The Polis
And make his attempt to get a Chaser Aff The Polis from Burnistown Soundboard
And my family has been pumping mammies up and down this glen
And my family has been pumping mammies up and down this glen from Burnistown Soundboard
And now, on The Scotia Soundscape, who needs a band
And now, on The Scotia Soundscape, who needs a band from Burnistown Soundboard
And she would wedge the brick to the ceiling, right
And she would wedge the brick to the ceiling, right from Burnistown Soundboard
And she'd sit and wait for him
And she'd sit and wait for him from Burnistown Soundboard
And so now Mullen will move forward
And so now Mullen will move forward from Burnistown Soundboard
And the brick to the back of the heid, that was one
And the brick to the back of the heid, that was one from Burnistown Soundboard
And the burger is a pie, from Burnistown Soundboard
And the polis motor has been spotted in the street,
And the polis motor has been spotted in the street, from Burnistown Soundboard
And what in God's name is that in your fly, by the way
And what in God's name is that in your fly, by the way from Burnistown Soundboard
And which doctor's that from Burnistown Soundboard
And you'd have to stand up and stick the heid on it
And you'd have to stand up and stick the heid on it from Burnistown Soundboard
And, crack, I've broke his leg
And, crack, I've broke his leg from Burnistown Soundboard
And, unfortunately, unfortunately, Jim, it's terminal
And, unfortunately, unfortunately, Jim, it's terminal from Burnistown Soundboard
Anderson will cut inside here and he's still got time to pick
Anderson will cut inside here and he's still got time to pick from Burnistown Soundboard
Anderson won't run there, will he
Anderson won't run there, will he from Burnistown Soundboard
Any marriage, so do please check those clocks very firmly
Any marriage, so do please check those clocks very firmly from Burnistown Soundboard
Anzubidis. See, this proves my point from earlier, my Queen,
Anzubidis. See, this proves my point from earlier, my Queen, from Burnistown Soundboard
APPLAUSE from Burnistown Soundboard
Are you drunk from Burnistown Soundboard
As a sunbed operator might say, a burnt pie never enhanced
As a sunbed operator might say, a burnt pie never enhanced from Burnistown Soundboard
At 7pm, we've got the Miss Burnistoun Pageant 1984 live,
At 7pm, we've got the Miss Burnistoun Pageant 1984 live, from Burnistown Soundboard
At the end of the Uptown Girl video, like that
At the end of the Uptown Girl video, like that from Burnistown Soundboard
AUDIENCE- Aw! from Burnistown Soundboard
AUDIENCE- Ooh! from Burnistown Soundboard
Aw, so unlucky, so unlucky
Aw, so unlucky, so unlucky from Burnistown Soundboard
Awa'! from Burnistown Soundboard
Away up the road! from Burnistown Soundboard
Aye, if The Rock stuck his willy through a See You Jimmy wig, maybe
Aye, if The Rock stuck his willy through a See You Jimmy wig, maybe from Burnistown Soundboard
Aye, it was brilliant because all your pals wanted to come round
Aye, it was brilliant because all your pals wanted to come round from Burnistown Soundboard
Aye, so's this from Burnistown Soundboard
Aye, speaking as a real polis here, can I give you a wee pointer
Aye, speaking as a real polis here, can I give you a wee pointer from Burnistown Soundboard
Aye, toys were much, much simpler back in our day, weren't they, eh
Aye, toys were much, much simpler back in our day, weren't they, eh from Burnistown Soundboard
Aye, Weir blocks the pass, the baw breaks here, and look
Aye, Weir blocks the pass, the baw breaks here, and look from Burnistown Soundboard
Aye, well, avoc-ad enough of this shite!
Aye, well, avoc-ad enough of this shite! from Burnistown Soundboard
Aye, well, mate, I'd rather go out with Beaker than go out with
Aye, well, mate, I'd rather go out with Beaker than go out with from Burnistown Soundboard
Aye, well, your willy looks like it belongs on one
Aye, well, your willy looks like it belongs on one from Burnistown Soundboard
Bare arse right in the dish!
Bare arse right in the dish! from Burnistown Soundboard
Baws first from Burnistown Soundboard
Beaker, to be specific from Burnistown Soundboard
Because I think, right, it would drive a big wedge between us, mate
Because I think, right, it would drive a big wedge between us, mate from Burnistown Soundboard
Bed without waking up his partner
Bed without waking up his partner from Burnistown Soundboard
BELL RINGS from Burnistown Soundboard
Bellend purple from Burnistown Soundboard
BLEEP all yous. You BLEEP filming me, aye
BLEEP all yous. You BLEEP filming me, aye from Burnistown Soundboard
Blushing maiden pink from Burnistown Soundboard
Boof, goal, yes! from Burnistown Soundboard
BOTH- # Scobie and Dobie's disco an' scran
BOTH- # Scobie and Dobie's disco an' scran from Burnistown Soundboard
But not to worry, you still get our commiseration prize of..
But not to worry, you still get our commiseration prize of.. from Burnistown Soundboard
But they still haven't left!
But they still haven't left! from Burnistown Soundboard
But watch this. You ready
But watch this. You ready from Burnistown Soundboard
Bye! from Burnistown Soundboard
Bye! from Burnistown Soundboard
Called oot you go, right, right
Called oot you go, right, right from Burnistown Soundboard
Cheeseboard, cola bottles,
Cheeseboard, cola bottles, from Burnistown Soundboard
Cheesy pasta, from Burnistown Soundboard
Chicken pakora, square sausage pakora,
Chicken pakora, square sausage pakora, from Burnistown Soundboard
Chief Inspector Tornface is on his way
Chief Inspector Tornface is on his way from Burnistown Soundboard
CHILDREN SHOUT EXCITEDLY from Burnistown Soundboard
CLOCK TICKS from Burnistown Soundboard
Come on from Burnistown Soundboard
Come on now, Peter. Come on now what
Come on now, Peter. Come on now what from Burnistown Soundboard
Coming in fae the pub at night, right
Coming in fae the pub at night, right from Burnistown Soundboard
Coming to mind, brick to the ear was one of them
Coming to mind, brick to the ear was one of them from Burnistown Soundboard
Dangerously close! from Burnistown Soundboard
Davie Spears of Burnistoun High Flats, who's trying to sneak into
Davie Spears of Burnistoun High Flats, who's trying to sneak into from Burnistown Soundboard
Do the characters to help him decide, man
Do the characters to help him decide, man from Burnistown Soundboard
Do you ever, eh, do you ever wonder, if we two went on that,
Do you ever, eh, do you ever wonder, if we two went on that, from Burnistown Soundboard
Do you rate them or do you hate them, mate
Do you rate them or do you hate them, mate from Burnistown Soundboard
Don't get me wrong, pal, your partner can do your box in,
Don't get me wrong, pal, your partner can do your box in, from Burnistown Soundboard
Don't jump to conclusions, son
Don't jump to conclusions, son from Burnistown Soundboard
Don't want any men turning up too early for their work
Don't want any men turning up too early for their work from Burnistown Soundboard
Don't you both mean Baroldian Shagrabtheon
Don't you both mean Baroldian Shagrabtheon from Burnistown Soundboard
Don't...ever! from Burnistown Soundboard
Door closed, that's £100
Door closed, that's £100 from Burnistown Soundboard
Dr Pepper from Burnistown Soundboard
Dug's lipstick red from Burnistown Soundboard
Eh, brick to the face from Burnistown Soundboard
Er, what do you mean, after your willy had defeated my willy
Er, what do you mean, after your willy had defeated my willy from Burnistown Soundboard
Erm, right. No, I have to go for it. I'm just going to go for it
Erm, right. No, I have to go for it. I'm just going to go for it from Burnistown Soundboard
Even my granny loved stookying bricks
Even my granny loved stookying bricks from Burnistown Soundboard
Fair enough from Burnistown Soundboard
Fans all go onto the pitch
Fans all go onto the pitch from Burnistown Soundboard
Fantastic, John from Burnistown Soundboard
Fesh orange. Has he blown it
Fesh orange. Has he blown it from Burnistown Soundboard
Final round What's Under The Box
Final round What's Under The Box from Burnistown Soundboard
For £1,000, it's the trousers
For £1,000, it's the trousers from Burnistown Soundboard
For Anderson to make the cross to Wright
For Anderson to make the cross to Wright from Burnistown Soundboard
Fried onions, vegetable pakora,
Fried onions, vegetable pakora, from Burnistown Soundboard
Get away from her. MacShagger, one more facht
Get away from her. MacShagger, one more facht from Burnistown Soundboard
Get BLEEP! Where's mah dog- Where's mah BLEEP dog- Where's mah dog
Get BLEEP! Where's mah dog- Where's mah BLEEP dog- Where's mah dog from Burnistown Soundboard
Get down to your nearest Barrow & Fall store with immediate effect
Get down to your nearest Barrow & Fall store with immediate effect from Burnistown Soundboard
Get that garbage away fae me
Get that garbage away fae me from Burnistown Soundboard
Girlfriend's knickers white
Girlfriend's knickers white from Burnistown Soundboard
Going for the shoes now for £500
Going for the shoes now for £500 from Burnistown Soundboard
Gonnae be there for me, tae back me up, nae matter what
Gonnae be there for me, tae back me up, nae matter what from Burnistown Soundboard
Good evening and welcome to Hardnut Chess
Good evening and welcome to Hardnut Chess from Burnistown Soundboard
Good wee scene there, son
Good wee scene there, son from Burnistown Soundboard
Goodnight from Burnistown Soundboard
Granda's scants white from Burnistown Soundboard
Granny's knickers white from Burnistown Soundboard
Had our bellends critiqued in a televised prize tadger contest
Had our bellends critiqued in a televised prize tadger contest from Burnistown Soundboard
Hash, from Burnistown Soundboard
Haud on, son from Burnistown Soundboard
Have I ever wondered what would happen if you and me
Have I ever wondered what would happen if you and me from Burnistown Soundboard
Have we seen you before from Burnistown Soundboard
Have you ever thought about it, Scott
Have you ever thought about it, Scott from Burnistown Soundboard
Having sex with my wife from Burnistown Soundboard
He could belong to Jack Black, mate, or The Rock
He could belong to Jack Black, mate, or The Rock from Burnistown Soundboard
He has a fair way to go before he's at the level
He has a fair way to go before he's at the level from Burnistown Soundboard
HE IMITATES CROWD CHEERING
HE IMITATES CROWD CHEERING from Burnistown Soundboard
He must have scored. He must have scored
He must have scored. He must have scored from Burnistown Soundboard
HE PANTS from Burnistown Soundboard
HE RETCHES from Burnistown Soundboard
HE SCREAMS from Burnistown Soundboard
He seems to be fiddling with the waistband of his joggies
He seems to be fiddling with the waistband of his joggies from Burnistown Soundboard
HE STRUMS A RIFF from Burnistown Soundboard
He's done it! That's £10,000, Davey!
He's done it! That's £10,000, Davey! from Burnistown Soundboard
He's gonnae have to speak
He's gonnae have to speak from Burnistown Soundboard
He's left plenty of room here
He's left plenty of room here from Burnistown Soundboard
Hello and welcome to Acting Sober, the game show where you..
Hello and welcome to Acting Sober, the game show where you.. from Burnistown Soundboard
Hello. Tornface from Burnistown Soundboard
Here from Burnistown Soundboard
Here, Peter, you know that mad dating show, Naked Attraction
Here, Peter, you know that mad dating show, Naked Attraction from Burnistown Soundboard
Here, Peter, you've got a bit of pant fluff on..
Here, Peter, you've got a bit of pant fluff on.. from Burnistown Soundboard
Here, where's ma fucking denims red
Here, where's ma fucking denims red from Burnistown Soundboard
Here's Freddie Mercury to sing We Are The Champions
Here's Freddie Mercury to sing We Are The Champions from Burnistown Soundboard
Here's what you could have won
Here's what you could have won from Burnistown Soundboard
Hey! from Burnistown Soundboard
Hi. You've been watching BBC Burnistoun, and do remember
Hi. You've been watching BBC Burnistoun, and do remember from Burnistown Soundboard
Hopefully, my luck's turned and this will be a wee clue
Hopefully, my luck's turned and this will be a wee clue from Burnistown Soundboard
How can you no' know what rank you are
How can you no' know what rank you are from Burnistown Soundboard
How do you switch it off from Burnistown Soundboard
How long have I got, Doctor
How long have I got, Doctor from Burnistown Soundboard
Huh from Burnistown Soundboard
I am Erik Skabrakian, from Burnistown Soundboard
I am feeling really confident
I am feeling really confident from Burnistown Soundboard
I am Steve Fall of Barrow & Fall
I am Steve Fall of Barrow & Fall from Burnistown Soundboard
I can see a big invader coming through the undergrowth
I can see a big invader coming through the undergrowth from Burnistown Soundboard
I cannot guarantee your survival
I cannot guarantee your survival from Burnistown Soundboard
I don't even remember you
I don't even remember you from Burnistown Soundboard
I don't have a home, son from Burnistown Soundboard
I don't think it really matters. I'm pretty sure you're dead
I don't think it really matters. I'm pretty sure you're dead from Burnistown Soundboard
I know what rank you are, you moany bastard
I know what rank you are, you moany bastard from Burnistown Soundboard
I mean the things you've seen on the job, you stupid bastard
I mean the things you've seen on the job, you stupid bastard from Burnistown Soundboard
I studied the Method with Dr Armstrong BA,
I studied the Method with Dr Armstrong BA, from Burnistown Soundboard
I think about it all the time, mate
I think about it all the time, mate from Burnistown Soundboard
I think I'll just lie doon here beside my departed brother
I think I'll just lie doon here beside my departed brother from Burnistown Soundboard
I think it's one of them, Joseph!
I think it's one of them, Joseph! from Burnistown Soundboard
I think you'll find I'm here already
I think you'll find I'm here already from Burnistown Soundboard
I want you to remember this BLEEP face
I want you to remember this BLEEP face from Burnistown Soundboard
I want you to see me in your nightmares, you BLEEP wee boot!
I want you to see me in your nightmares, you BLEEP wee boot! from Burnistown Soundboard
I was a bit horny, so I touched a big stone
I was a bit horny, so I touched a big stone from Burnistown Soundboard
I, the true heir to the throne
I, the true heir to the throne from Burnistown Soundboard
I'd really love to just have a wee tea in peace,
I'd really love to just have a wee tea in peace, from Burnistown Soundboard
I'll give you a suspiffic example, right
I'll give you a suspiffic example, right from Burnistown Soundboard
I'm a bastard. Shut up! Righto
I'm a bastard. Shut up! Righto from Burnistown Soundboard
I'm Jamie MacShagger, from Burnistown Soundboard
I'm so sorry. We can deal with this, if you need to go home
I'm so sorry. We can deal with this, if you need to go home from Burnistown Soundboard
I'm sorry, which one are you again
I'm sorry, which one are you again from Burnistown Soundboard
I'm talking about penile personality, mate
I'm talking about penile personality, mate from Burnistown Soundboard
I've got nae idea where he is in this building right now, right
I've got nae idea where he is in this building right now, right from Burnistown Soundboard
I've heard of it, mate. Aye, I've heard of it
I've heard of it, mate. Aye, I've heard of it from Burnistown Soundboard
Ice poles, from Burnistown Soundboard
Identify this loathsome individual
Identify this loathsome individual from Burnistown Soundboard
If you want to be the genuine article
If you want to be the genuine article from Burnistown Soundboard
Imagine us trying to sit here like a pair of pals
Imagine us trying to sit here like a pair of pals from Burnistown Soundboard
In amnesty. But if you force my army to attack,
In amnesty. But if you force my army to attack, from Burnistown Soundboard
In any man who perhaps married too early or, as my own mother said,
In any man who perhaps married too early or, as my own mother said, from Burnistown Soundboard
In the face in the history of Chaser Aff The Polis
In the face in the history of Chaser Aff The Polis from Burnistown Soundboard
In the morning, or indeed any women mistiming getting their man's dinner
In the morning, or indeed any women mistiming getting their man's dinner from Burnistown Soundboard
Including that fish supper he had an hour ago
Including that fish supper he had an hour ago from Burnistown Soundboard
Inside Granda's scants from Burnistown Soundboard
Instead of watching the game and letting all these manky United
Instead of watching the game and letting all these manky United from Burnistown Soundboard
Is he going to steal that roll and sausage here, John
Is he going to steal that roll and sausage here, John from Burnistown Soundboard
Is this one of them from Burnistown Soundboard
Is this one of they arty-farty dinner party arty-warty starties
Is this one of they arty-farty dinner party arty-warty starties from Burnistown Soundboard
It was I, Legolas from Burnistown Soundboard
It'll be a murder when I say it's a murder
It'll be a murder when I say it's a murder from Burnistown Soundboard
It's a murder from Burnistown Soundboard
It's a tuna piece. I ran out of pockets, all right
It's a tuna piece. I ran out of pockets, all right from Burnistown Soundboard
It's an avocado from Burnistown Soundboard
It's got chips, fritters,
It's got chips, fritters, from Burnistown Soundboard
It's smashed avocado and sourdough with poached eggs and red pesto
It's smashed avocado and sourdough with poached eggs and red pesto from Burnistown Soundboard
It's the goalie, from Burnistown Soundboard
It's the things he's seen
It's the things he's seen from Burnistown Soundboard
Johnnies, from Burnistown Soundboard
Just call it a draw, mate
Just call it a draw, mate from Burnistown Soundboard
Just the way you were staunding, kind of..
Just the way you were staunding, kind of.. from Burnistown Soundboard
League's over. Here's the league trophy,
League's over. Here's the league trophy, from Burnistown Soundboard
Let's find out, then. Let's find out who would win right noo
Let's find out, then. Let's find out who would win right noo from Burnistown Soundboard
Let's have a look and see who this poor wee soul is
Let's have a look and see who this poor wee soul is from Burnistown Soundboard
Let's play from Burnistown Soundboard
Let's say, behind a microphone like this. That is still a working
Let's say, behind a microphone like this. That is still a working from Burnistown Soundboard
Let's take a look at the first goal
Let's take a look at the first goal from Burnistown Soundboard
Like all Billy Joel's pals walk
Like all Billy Joel's pals walk from Burnistown Soundboard
Look, all these fans are running onto the pitch
Look, all these fans are running onto the pitch from Burnistown Soundboard
Look, because a streaker's ran onto the pitch here
Look, because a streaker's ran onto the pitch here from Burnistown Soundboard
Look, I don't need any advice
Look, I don't need any advice from Burnistown Soundboard
Look, I'm no' talking about size here, right
Look, I'm no' talking about size here, right from Burnistown Soundboard
Look, look, look, who's this coming down fae the commentary box
Look, look, look, who's this coming down fae the commentary box from Burnistown Soundboard
Look! from Burnistown Soundboard
Magnetic eyelashes, from Burnistown Soundboard
Man and still deserves that level of effort that was implied
Man and still deserves that level of effort that was implied from Burnistown Soundboard
Matthews should have been oot here. He's oot there, he blocks the cross
Matthews should have been oot here. He's oot there, he blocks the cross from Burnistown Soundboard
Matthews should have been pushing out into this space here
Matthews should have been pushing out into this space here from Burnistown Soundboard
Maybe eight seconds from Burnistown Soundboard
Maybe these robbers are about to be robbed..
Maybe these robbers are about to be robbed.. from Burnistown Soundboard
Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!
Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! from Burnistown Soundboard
Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! Aaaaaaaaagh!
Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! Aaaaaaaaagh! from Burnistown Soundboard
Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! from Burnistown Soundboard
Mind the favourite toy back then was an old, eh..
Mind the favourite toy back then was an old, eh.. from Burnistown Soundboard
My mother used to play a game with my faither, right,
My mother used to play a game with my faither, right, from Burnistown Soundboard
My name is Black Jake MacPumpthemammies,
My name is Black Jake MacPumpthemammies, from Burnistown Soundboard
My name's Davey Barrow of Barrow & Fall
My name's Davey Barrow of Barrow & Fall from Burnistown Soundboard
My name's Officer McGregor. We've been posted here
My name's Officer McGregor. We've been posted here from Burnistown Soundboard
My Queen, if you surrender the throne to me, I will offer
My Queen, if you surrender the throne to me, I will offer from Burnistown Soundboard
My wife flung me oot three months ago
My wife flung me oot three months ago from Burnistown Soundboard
No-one can forget me! Gam..
No-one can forget me! Gam.. from Burnistown Soundboard
No, I'm here to tell Detective Tornface
No, I'm here to tell Detective Tornface from Burnistown Soundboard
No, I'm not. Yes, you are, you died at the Battle of the Bollocks
No, I'm not. Yes, you are, you died at the Battle of the Bollocks from Burnistown Soundboard
No, Scott, I havnae. Oh, right
No, Scott, I havnae. Oh, right from Burnistown Soundboard
No, why from Burnistown Soundboard
No, you're in Lord Of The Rings!
No, you're in Lord Of The Rings! from Burnistown Soundboard
No. I jus' had a fesh orange
No. I jus' had a fesh orange from Burnistown Soundboard
No. No, cos if he does that, Weir makes this move, blocks the pass
No. No, cos if he does that, Weir makes this move, blocks the pass from Burnistown Soundboard
Not a tattie scone from Burnistown Soundboard
Not a tattie scone. Whoo!
Not a tattie scone. Whoo! from Burnistown Soundboard
Not a totie totie.. from Burnistown Soundboard
Now, Matthews should never have been retreating into the box
Now, Matthews should never have been retreating into the box from Burnistown Soundboard
Now, that is the most difficult challenge on Acting Sober
Now, that is the most difficult challenge on Acting Sober from Burnistown Soundboard
Of a world-class wee dick
Of a world-class wee dick from Burnistown Soundboard
Of London and New York, so..
Of London and New York, so.. from Burnistown Soundboard
Of the clan MacPumpthemammies,
Of the clan MacPumpthemammies, from Burnistown Soundboard
Of the clan Macshagger, from Burnistown Soundboard
Of the Muppets, mate from Burnistown Soundboard
Oh, a bit shaky there! from Burnistown Soundboard
Oh, dear, Davey, you've lost the lot. He's lost the lot,
Oh, dear, Davey, you've lost the lot. He's lost the lot, from Burnistown Soundboard
Oh, dear, it's my brother Tommy
Oh, dear, it's my brother Tommy from Burnistown Soundboard
Oh, he's wakened his partner
Oh, he's wakened his partner from Burnistown Soundboard
Oh, I'm sorry, Agnes, it's not a tattie scone
Oh, I'm sorry, Agnes, it's not a tattie scone from Burnistown Soundboard
Oh, if, if, if. If Matthews moves out there,
Oh, if, if, if. If Matthews moves out there, from Burnistown Soundboard
Oh, it's me! And I'm charging up here towards your winger
Oh, it's me! And I'm charging up here towards your winger from Burnistown Soundboard
Oh, no, he's whitied! from Burnistown Soundboard
Oh, the games you could play then!
Oh, the games you could play then! from Burnistown Soundboard
Oh, there's about 20 bastards
Oh, there's about 20 bastards from Burnistown Soundboard
Oh! He said, from Burnistown Soundboard
OK- That right- That's right
OK- That right- That's right from Burnistown Soundboard
OK, three, two, one.. from Burnistown Soundboard
Omeprazole, from Burnistown Soundboard
Ooh, here we go! from Burnistown Soundboard
Or a totie tattie scone from Burnistown Soundboard
Our next case on Crimecatcher features an aggressive male,
Our next case on Crimecatcher features an aggressive male, from Burnistown Soundboard
Out Wright with the cross. Goal
Out Wright with the cross. Goal from Burnistown Soundboard
Pakora pakora, from Burnistown Soundboard
Pakora, from Burnistown Soundboard
Pakora, from Burnistown Soundboard
Pakora, from Burnistown Soundboard
Pakora, from Burnistown Soundboard
Pakora, from Burnistown Soundboard
Pakora, from Burnistown Soundboard
Peter, your willy looks like that painting with the guy
Peter, your willy looks like that painting with the guy from Burnistown Soundboard
PHONE RINGS from Burnistown Soundboard
Piss off! from Burnistown Soundboard
Please note that the woman who shot the footage accidentally left
Please note that the woman who shot the footage accidentally left from Burnistown Soundboard
Presented by Burnistoun's favourite son, Biscuity Boyle,
Presented by Burnistoun's favourite son, Biscuity Boyle, from Burnistown Soundboard
Quack! from Burnistown Soundboard
Quick, get yer da's denims in the bin
Quick, get yer da's denims in the bin from Burnistown Soundboard
Rank rotten. I don't have much time, fellas
Rank rotten. I don't have much time, fellas from Burnistown Soundboard
Ready and on the table for them coming home
Ready and on the table for them coming home from Burnistown Soundboard
Ready on the floor, and cue!
Ready on the floor, and cue! from Burnistown Soundboard
RECORDED- How do you switch it off- Shiiite!
RECORDED- How do you switch it off- Shiiite! from Burnistown Soundboard
RECORDED- That was supposed to be a loop. How do you switch it off
RECORDED- That was supposed to be a loop. How do you switch it off from Burnistown Soundboard
RECORDED- That was supposed to be a loop. That was supposed to be a loop
RECORDED- That was supposed to be a loop. That was supposed to be a loop from Burnistown Soundboard
Remember our stupid bloody names
Remember our stupid bloody names from Burnistown Soundboard
RIFF STOPS from Burnistown Soundboard
Right behind my big, toned, bare arse
Right behind my big, toned, bare arse from Burnistown Soundboard
Right- But I know there are certain situations where big McGregor's
Right- But I know there are certain situations where big McGregor's from Burnistown Soundboard
Right, right, and a polis doesnae need
Right, right, and a polis doesnae need from Burnistown Soundboard
Right, tattie scone from Burnistown Soundboard
Robert, look, the referee's chopped it aff,
Robert, look, the referee's chopped it aff, from Burnistown Soundboard
Roll and sausage, John, coffee spilled everywhere!
Roll and sausage, John, coffee spilled everywhere! from Burnistown Soundboard
See- Just when it matters. If you know, you know. You know that way
See- Just when it matters. If you know, you know. You know that way from Burnistown Soundboard
Seen that Mamma Mia 2. Going to do a bit of Abba!
Seen that Mamma Mia 2. Going to do a bit of Abba! from Burnistown Soundboard
Settled for a potato in a world full of plums
Settled for a potato in a world full of plums from Burnistown Soundboard
Shaking my willy all over the place for Scotland
Shaking my willy all over the place for Scotland from Burnistown Soundboard
Shall we call in forensics
Shall we call in forensics from Burnistown Soundboard
SHE SIGHS Maybe you're right
SHE SIGHS Maybe you're right from Burnistown Soundboard
Shiiiite! from Burnistown Soundboard
Shit, what's my name again
Shit, what's my name again from Burnistown Soundboard
SILENCE from Burnistown Soundboard
Since the first moistening of a mammy's midden
Since the first moistening of a mammy's midden from Burnistown Soundboard
So confident of victory from Burnistown Soundboard
So sorry, Chief Inspector
So sorry, Chief Inspector from Burnistown Soundboard
So that I can re-centre from Burnistown Soundboard
So, here is the starter from Burnistown Soundboard
So, I'll just lie down here, yeah
So, I'll just lie down here, yeah from Burnistown Soundboard
Some arsehole's wig, from Burnistown Soundboard
Sometimes it's all I think about, Peter. Why
Sometimes it's all I think about, Peter. Why from Burnistown Soundboard
Son of Anulf Skabrakian from Burnistown Soundboard
Son! Is this or is this no'
Son! Is this or is this no' from Burnistown Soundboard
Spare pants, from Burnistown Soundboard
Sticking the ball right in the top corner fae 40 yards
Sticking the ball right in the top corner fae 40 yards from Burnistown Soundboard
Still got they bastardin' denims blue
Still got they bastardin' denims blue from Burnistown Soundboard
Still lots to come on BBC Burnistoun tonight
Still lots to come on BBC Burnistoun tonight from Burnistown Soundboard
Stop right there from Burnistown Soundboard
Take a wee look at the second goal now
Take a wee look at the second goal now from Burnistown Soundboard
Tell him what you've seen, Toshan
Tell him what you've seen, Toshan from Burnistown Soundboard
Thanks from Burnistown Soundboard
That his test results have come in
That his test results have come in from Burnistown Soundboard
That I've got a big, bare shiter
That I've got a big, bare shiter from Burnistown Soundboard
That looked like a big stauner
That looked like a big stauner from Burnistown Soundboard
That right- Well, there's one other doctor you need to study
That right- Well, there's one other doctor you need to study from Burnistown Soundboard
That was a good one, that was a good one
That was a good one, that was a good one from Burnistown Soundboard
That was supposed to be a loop
That was supposed to be a loop from Burnistown Soundboard
That was supposed to be a loop
That was supposed to be a loop from Burnistown Soundboard
That was supposed to be a loop. How do you switch it off
That was supposed to be a loop. How do you switch it off from Burnistown Soundboard
That was supposed to be a loop. How do you switch it off- Shiiite!
That was supposed to be a loop. How do you switch it off- Shiiite! from Burnistown Soundboard
That was supposed to be a loop. How do you switch it off- Shiiite!
That was supposed to be a loop. How do you switch it off- Shiiite! from Burnistown Soundboard
That was supposed to be a loop. That was supposed to be a loop
That was supposed to be a loop. That was supposed to be a loop from Burnistown Soundboard
That we should all wear name tags so that the viewers
That we should all wear name tags so that the viewers from Burnistown Soundboard
That your clocks go back this evening
That your clocks go back this evening from Burnistown Soundboard
That's Detective Chief Inspector Tornface to you
That's Detective Chief Inspector Tornface to you from Burnistown Soundboard
The all new ultimo munchie box fae Bobby Spice
The all new ultimo munchie box fae Bobby Spice from Burnistown Soundboard
The goalie is never scoring fae there
The goalie is never scoring fae there from Burnistown Soundboard
The one where they're all in the scud- Aye
The one where they're all in the scud- Aye from Burnistown Soundboard
The poached eggs have came out perfectly, so fingers crossed
The poached eggs have came out perfectly, so fingers crossed from Burnistown Soundboard
The Scream, mate, you've got The Scream's dobber, mate
The Scream, mate, you've got The Scream's dobber, mate from Burnistown Soundboard
The Scream, right- Your willy's a downer, mate
The Scream, right- Your willy's a downer, mate from Burnistown Soundboard
Then I'm awa' on the convention circuit
Then I'm awa' on the convention circuit from Burnistown Soundboard
There are far too many characters to keep up with
There are far too many characters to keep up with from Burnistown Soundboard
There we go! from Burnistown Soundboard
There's Anulfin Shagrubithian
There's Anulfin Shagrubithian from Burnistown Soundboard
There's so much technology in toys these days
There's so much technology in toys these days from Burnistown Soundboard
There's the bastard from Burnistown Soundboard
There's the bastard in the north, the bastard in the south,
There's the bastard in the north, the bastard in the south, from Burnistown Soundboard
There's the big, beardy bastard, there's the baldy bastard bastard
There's the big, beardy bastard, there's the baldy bastard bastard from Burnistown Soundboard
There's the boy who can see through the eyes of a pigeon
There's the boy who can see through the eyes of a pigeon from Burnistown Soundboard
These are the kiltie times
These are the kiltie times from Burnistown Soundboard
They just kept saying up the road over and over again,
They just kept saying up the road over and over again, from Burnistown Soundboard
THEY SHOUT from Burnistown Soundboard
They're all celebrating from Burnistown Soundboard
This could be interesting
This could be interesting from Burnistown Soundboard
This is nae place for a lassie
This is nae place for a lassie from Burnistown Soundboard
This is our brand-new colour chart for the new season
This is our brand-new colour chart for the new season from Burnistown Soundboard
This looks delicious from Burnistown Soundboard
This programme contains adult humour
This programme contains adult humour from Burnistown Soundboard
This programme contains some strong language
This programme contains some strong language from Burnistown Soundboard
This wee mad polis doon here, he's should have been covering this space
This wee mad polis doon here, he's should have been covering this space from Burnistown Soundboard
Thousands of pounds' worth of damage and injuries to four people
Thousands of pounds' worth of damage and injuries to four people from Burnistown Soundboard
THUNK! Oh! from Burnistown Soundboard
To be able tae dance like Billy Joel. Aye, he does
To be able tae dance like Billy Joel. Aye, he does from Burnistown Soundboard
To keep crime on its knees, hold your baws to the breeze
To keep crime on its knees, hold your baws to the breeze from Burnistown Soundboard
To keep you safe. Aye. And I'm..
To keep you safe. Aye. And I'm.. from Burnistown Soundboard
To pump all the fee-paying mammies
To pump all the fee-paying mammies from Burnistown Soundboard
To your hoose to get a shot stookying the brick
To your hoose to get a shot stookying the brick from Burnistown Soundboard
Tornface from Burnistown Soundboard
TORNFACE GROANS from Burnistown Soundboard
Touch that pawn from Burnistown Soundboard
Trying to do a shite in an old woman's house
Trying to do a shite in an old woman's house from Burnistown Soundboard
TWIG CRACKS Quick, get doon here,
TWIG CRACKS Quick, get doon here, from Burnistown Soundboard
Unbelievable, John, the first ever televised arse
Unbelievable, John, the first ever televised arse from Burnistown Soundboard
Up the road noo! Up the road! Up the road noo! Up the road!
Up the road noo! Up the road! Up the road noo! Up the road! from Burnistown Soundboard
Up the road, then. Up the road! Up the road, then
Up the road, then. Up the road! Up the road, then from Burnistown Soundboard
Up the road! from Burnistown Soundboard
Up the road! from Burnistown Soundboard
Up the road! from Burnistown Soundboard
Up the road! Up the road, noo!
Up the road! Up the road, noo! from Burnistown Soundboard
Up the road! Up the road!
Up the road! Up the road! from Burnistown Soundboard
Us from Burnistown Soundboard
We'll see you in five from Burnistown Soundboard
We're meant to be quality polis here
We're meant to be quality polis here from Burnistown Soundboard
Wee Scott Junior down here, he's got a bit of character,
Wee Scott Junior down here, he's got a bit of character, from Burnistown Soundboard
Welcome to a world of paint-venture
Welcome to a world of paint-venture from Burnistown Soundboard
Well done. Thank you, everyone. Reset, please
Well done. Thank you, everyone. Reset, please from Burnistown Soundboard
Well, he's managed to get right underneath the driver's window
Well, he's managed to get right underneath the driver's window from Burnistown Soundboard
Well, I couldn't believe my eyes
Well, I couldn't believe my eyes from Burnistown Soundboard
Well, it's the starter, yes
Well, it's the starter, yes from Burnistown Soundboard
Well, Mullen has a good grasp of the fundamentals, but for me
Well, Mullen has a good grasp of the fundamentals, but for me from Burnistown Soundboard
Well, what do the judges think
Well, what do the judges think from Burnistown Soundboard
Well, who's all still after this throne, then
Well, who's all still after this throne, then from Burnistown Soundboard
Well, you should remember me, Lord..
Well, you should remember me, Lord.. from Burnistown Soundboard
Well, you're into the final, Agnes. Chance for the big prize
Well, you're into the final, Agnes. Chance for the big prize from Burnistown Soundboard
What one do you like the best
What one do you like the best from Burnistown Soundboard
What rank am I again, McGregor
What rank am I again, McGregor from Burnistown Soundboard
What's going on here from Burnistown Soundboard
When you've got Owen Fleek
When you've got Owen Fleek from Burnistown Soundboard
Where the sandwich is two other burgers
Where the sandwich is two other burgers from Burnistown Soundboard
Whether he's up on those roofs or in a booth,
Whether he's up on those roofs or in a booth, from Burnistown Soundboard
Which one of us would get picked
Which one of us would get picked from Burnistown Soundboard
While he's at the fitbaw blue
While he's at the fitbaw blue from Burnistown Soundboard
Who are you from Burnistown Soundboard
Who's that menacing hunk from Burnistown Soundboard
Who's this coming from Burnistown Soundboard
Whose drunk and violent rampage on a Burnistoun Street cost
Whose drunk and violent rampage on a Burnistoun Street cost from Burnistown Soundboard
Will he go for the trousers
Will he go for the trousers from Burnistown Soundboard
Will you look at that- So I was
Will you look at that- So I was from Burnistown Soundboard
With the face like that, Aaaaaaaaagh!
With the face like that, Aaaaaaaaagh! from Burnistown Soundboard
Within those wedding vows
Within those wedding vows from Burnistown Soundboard
Without getting spotted by the polis
Without getting spotted by the polis from Burnistown Soundboard
Yards, like this from Burnistown Soundboard
Yeah, it's a very fine role
Yeah, it's a very fine role from Burnistown Soundboard
YEAHHHHH! from Burnistown Soundboard
Yer da hitting a brasser because he got caught watching a porno pink
Yer da hitting a brasser because he got caught watching a porno pink from Burnistown Soundboard
Yer ma hitting a brasser because she was in the porno pink
Yer ma hitting a brasser because she was in the porno pink from Burnistown Soundboard
You are one of the ones whose names I never remember
You are one of the ones whose names I never remember from Burnistown Soundboard
You dare discuss the Queen's surrender in my absence,
You dare discuss the Queen's surrender in my absence, from Burnistown Soundboard
You have three choices from Burnistown Soundboard
You know what I mean- He's got a bit of something aboot him
You know what I mean- He's got a bit of something aboot him from Burnistown Soundboard
You know why my partner there's aff his nut
You know why my partner there's aff his nut from Burnistown Soundboard
You mean Howden Bathshageron
You mean Howden Bathshageron from Burnistown Soundboard
You probably just didnae notice me staunding in front of they bins
You probably just didnae notice me staunding in front of they bins from Burnistown Soundboard
You really expect me to...
You really expect me to... from Burnistown Soundboard
You safe passage to the Bronzed Isles, where you will live
You safe passage to the Bronzed Isles, where you will live from Burnistown Soundboard
You sometimes forget who's died in this, don't you
You sometimes forget who's died in this, don't you from Burnistown Soundboard
You were run through with a sword!
You were run through with a sword! from Burnistown Soundboard
You're a pishy wee team with one star player and I've done him
You're a pishy wee team with one star player and I've done him from Burnistown Soundboard
Your da's ancient denims blue
Your da's ancient denims blue from Burnistown Soundboard
Your da's auld denims blue
Your da's auld denims blue from Burnistown Soundboard
Your da's even aulder denims blue
Your da's even aulder denims blue from Burnistown Soundboard
Your da's hunner-year-auld denims blue
Your da's hunner-year-auld denims blue from Burnistown Soundboard
Your ma canny believe yer da's
Your ma canny believe yer da's from Burnistown Soundboard
Your old man would, eh, he'd nail it to that ceiling up there
Your old man would, eh, he'd nail it to that ceiling up there from Burnistown Soundboard
Your thoughts on Mullen, Steve
Your thoughts on Mullen, Steve from Burnistown Soundboard
Yous are all BLEEP getting it!
Yous are all BLEEP getting it! from Burnistown Soundboard
..a tattie scone! from Burnistown Soundboard
..Anboobititz from Burnistown Soundboard
..are nae drunk. And we'll go straight to our first contestant,
..are nae drunk. And we'll go straight to our first contestant, from Burnistown Soundboard
..erm.. from Burnistown Soundboard
..like a wee shitebag, do you know what I mean
..like a wee shitebag, do you know what I mean from Burnistown Soundboard
..like that.. from Burnistown Soundboard
..of their liberty from Burnistown Soundboard
..old brick with a wool tied around it, eh
..old brick with a wool tied around it, eh from Burnistown Soundboard
..whoomf, oot you go! from Burnistown Soundboard
# All the guys are ugly and the lasses are so plain
# All the guys are ugly and the lasses are so plain from Burnistown Soundboard
# Everybody's on a total downer
# Everybody's on a total downer from Burnistown Soundboard
# Hey hey hey-ey-ey-ey! from Burnistown Soundboard
# I'll gie you the hits I'll gie you the shits. #
# I'll gie you the hits I'll gie you the shits. # from Burnistown Soundboard
# It's a fucking shame from Burnistown Soundboard
# It's a fucking shame It's a fucking shame!
# It's a fucking shame It's a fucking shame! from Burnistown Soundboard
# It's a shitehole city! #
# It's a shitehole city! # from Burnistown Soundboard
# It's a shitehole city. #
# It's a shitehole city. # from Burnistown Soundboard
# Laid an egg on the windae sill
# Laid an egg on the windae sill from Burnistown Soundboard
# Or a teeny-weeny totie-smotie
# Or a teeny-weeny totie-smotie from Burnistown Soundboard
# Or not a tattie scone from Burnistown Soundboard
# Smoke weed every day! #
# Smoke weed every day! # from Burnistown Soundboard
# Square Sausage Ninja! #
# Square Sausage Ninja! # from Burnistown Soundboard
# Tattie scone from Burnistown Soundboard
# The windae sill began tae crack
# The windae sill began tae crack from Burnistown Soundboard
# Tiny tattie scone! # from Burnistown Soundboard
# Wee chookie birdie, quack-quack-quack. #
# Wee chookie birdie, quack-quack-quack. # from Burnistown Soundboard
# Wee chookie birdie, toll loll loll
# Wee chookie birdie, toll loll loll from Burnistown Soundboard