Main Content
Sound Added to Your Favorites Soundboard

Log in or create an account to save your favorites, or they'll expire in 4 hours

Error Adding Sound
Error adding sound to your favorites.
Sound Reported
Sound reported and our moderators will review it shortly.
Error Reporting Sound
Error reporting sound. Please use the Contact page.
A man and a woman cannot connect intellectually without eventually connecting with their connectors.
A man and a woman cannot connect intellectually without eventually connecting with their connectors.
Agua La Vista, baby.
Agua La Vista, baby.
And the thing I had my hand in that man's humidor.
And the thing I had my hand in that man's humidor.
And they can take your legs, but they'll never kick your freedom.
And they can take your legs, but they'll never kick your freedom.
Apparently being human involves more than just two arms, 2 legs, and the occasional major orifice.
Apparently being human involves more than just two arms, 2 legs, and the occasional major orifice.
Are you coming on to me?
Are you coming on to me?
As many intelligent people know, aliens are all around us. This is the story of four such explorers.
As many intelligent people know, aliens are all around us. This is the story of four such explorers.
Baby got back.
Baby got back.
Bagel. Bingo. We don't need no stinking.
Bagel. Bingo. We don't need no stinking.
Be sure to listen to the car salesman. He's your friend and he's there to help.
Be sure to listen to the car salesman. He's your friend and he's there to help.
Behold the glory that is.
Behold the glory that is.
Belch the alphabet and men with pH D's would be asking me to tutor their kids.
Belch the alphabet and men with pH D's would be asking me to tutor their kids.
Bite me.
Bite me.
But the big giant head gotta have a merit badge for that.
But the big giant head gotta have a merit badge for that.
Call me an idiot.
Call me an idiot.
Come on, boys. Who wants me? I do. I do.
Come on, boys. Who wants me? I do. I do.
Come out. Come on.
Come out. Come on.
Crap.
Crap.
Death sent me an e-mail.
Death sent me an e-mail.
Do you really want to be the subject of some alien autopsy show on the Fox network?
Do you really want to be the subject of some alien autopsy show on the Fox network?
Does it rhyme with Snoop clear?
Does it rhyme with Snoop clear?
Don't try to kiss up your ass's grass.
Don't try to kiss up your ass's grass.
Everywhere I turn, it's football. Football.
Everywhere I turn, it's football. Football.
Excuse me, do you carry Spanish fly?
Excuse me, do you carry Spanish fly?
Feels like like my eyes have been blown wide open.
Feels like like my eyes have been blown wide open.
Finally, his eyes came to rest upon the lush, mossy valley from whence all pleasures sprang.
Finally, his eyes came to rest upon the lush, mossy valley from whence all pleasures sprang.
Follow La La La La La La no.
Follow La La La La La La no.
For a larger woman, you hardly sweat at all.
For a larger woman, you hardly sweat at all.
Frightened Power Mat target.
Frightened Power Mat target.
Give me.
Give me.
God Bless America.
God Bless America.
Guns don't kill people. Physics kills people.
Guns don't kill people. Physics kills people.
Harry Coleman, Hollywood stuntman.
Harry Coleman, Hollywood stuntman.
Harry Fallon. United States Ambassador to Portugal.
Harry Fallon. United States Ambassador to Portugal.
Hello, my name is Dick and I'm a fat loser.
Hello, my name is Dick and I'm a fat loser.
Hello, what do you want?
Hello, what do you want?
Hey baby, what's shaking?
Hey baby, what's shaking?
Hi, I'm Dick Solomon. I'm tight with the money, but never with the lovin.
Hi, I'm Dick Solomon. I'm tight with the money, but never with the lovin.
Holy cow. We weren't just dating Leggy Babes. We weren't dating Leggy Babes from beyond.
Holy cow. We weren't just dating Leggy Babes. We weren't dating Leggy Babes from beyond.
How about scratching outside the pants manly? Inside the pants too manly.
How about scratching outside the pants manly? Inside the pants too manly.
How nice. The gift that keeps on sucking.
How nice. The gift that keeps on sucking.
I am red freaking hot.
I am red freaking hot.
I am so screwed.
I am so screwed.
I can't allow women to fight over me, not even if they're wearing bikinis and a big tub of mud.
I can't allow women to fight over me, not even if they're wearing bikinis and a big tub of mud.
I don't wanna play anymore.
I don't wanna play anymore.
I don't want to play any of their reindeer games.
I don't want to play any of their reindeer games.
I find you pompous, judgmental and completely self absorbed. Would you be my friend?
I find you pompous, judgmental and completely self absorbed. Would you be my friend?
I got something down with that.
I got something down with that.
I guess I just can't have nice things.
I guess I just can't have nice things.
I had sex again.
I had sex again.
I have a magic foot.
I have a magic foot.
I know he's my little Bunny rabbit.
I know he's my little Bunny rabbit.
I look absolutely precious.
I look absolutely precious.
I mean, I don't mind reading, reading books that I hate.
I mean, I don't mind reading, reading books that I hate.
I see the Mashed potato fumes have gone to your brain.
I see the Mashed potato fumes have gone to your brain.
I see you're getting ready for the arrival of Professor Macbeth.
I see you're getting ready for the arrival of Professor Macbeth.
I won't have you poisoning her mind with your utero centric propaganda.
I won't have you poisoning her mind with your utero centric propaganda.
I'll call you when I'm not myself anymore.
I'll call you when I'm not myself anymore.
I'm a big angry virgin and I'm happy about it.
I'm a big angry virgin and I'm happy about it.
I'm all messed up inside Marvel.
I'm all messed up inside Marvel.
I'm betting it has something to do with El Nino.
I'm betting it has something to do with El Nino.
I'm George Decade, David.
I'm George Decade, David.
I'm going to have to plant a patent leather pump right in your ass.
I'm going to have to plant a patent leather pump right in your ass.
I'm not wearing any panties.
I'm not wearing any panties.
I'm sorry, was I sleep when you turned into a big wussy?
I'm sorry, was I sleep when you turned into a big wussy?
I'm the Devil's candy.
I'm the Devil's candy.
If this relationship were a snail, it would be mocked by the other, faster snails.
If this relationship were a snail, it would be mocked by the other, faster snails.
If you believe in miracles, love at first sight, and breakfast in bed, contact me for Adventures in Truth.
If you believe in miracles, love at first sight, and breakfast in bed, contact me for Adventures in Truth.
Is that how you get your jolly, you sick bastard?
Is that how you get your jolly, you sick bastard?
It sounds like it's gonna be hard.
It sounds like it's gonna be hard.
It tastes like a bad egg. You know, the kind that gives you the burps.
It tastes like a bad egg. You know, the kind that gives you the burps.
It's like those sneaker ads say just do her.
It's like those sneaker ads say just do her.
It's time to hook for Wawa.
It's time to hook for Wawa.
Just act normal. I'd ask you to do the same, but I'm afraid that ship has sailed.
Just act normal. I'd ask you to do the same, but I'm afraid that ship has sailed.
Just because I'm a nobody doesn't mean I'm not somebody.
Just because I'm a nobody doesn't mean I'm not somebody.
Keep running your vulgar slut.
Keep running your vulgar slut.
Look at me, damn it. I'm your little Princess.
Look at me, damn it. I'm your little Princess.
Lust is a deadly sin. It is if you do it right.
Lust is a deadly sin. It is if you do it right.
Must have Viper.
Must have Viper.
My body is just the vehicle that carries my brain around, and my brain deserves a smooth, luxurious ride.
My body is just the vehicle that carries my brain around, and my brain deserves a smooth, luxurious ride.
My breast feel like 2 hot steaming bowls of chili.
My breast feel like 2 hot steaming bowls of chili.
My name is no longer Sally. I now go by the name Paul Mitchell.
My name is no longer Sally. I now go by the name Paul Mitchell.
No speak at the English.
No speak at the English.
No, I will never come to my senses.
No, I will never come to my senses.
Not in the car. Not in the bar. Not in the house. Not up your blouse. I cannot touch you here or there. I cannot.
Not in the car. Not in the bar. Not in the house. Not up your blouse. I cannot touch you here or there. I cannot.
Now you're talking like a man.
Now you're talking like a man.
Now, 5% is not gratitude, Mr. It's an invitation to an ass kicking.
Now, 5% is not gratitude, Mr. It's an invitation to an ass kicking.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Ohh garlicky.
Ohh garlicky.
Ohh I doobie, Let's Bogart that fat boy.
Ohh I doobie, Let's Bogart that fat boy.
Ohh me.
Ohh me.
Ohh my.
Ohh my.
Ohh yeah, some people are bastards.
Ohh yeah, some people are bastards.
Ohh, don't involve me in that freak show.
Ohh, don't involve me in that freak show.
Ohh, I knew that would come back and bite me in the ass.
Ohh, I knew that would come back and bite me in the ass.
Ohh, look at me. I'm so important. My father's Darth Vader.
Ohh, look at me. I'm so important. My father's Darth Vader.
Ohh, look at them. I bet they break the genetic code and realize Kelly's been implanted by the smoking guy.
Ohh, look at them. I bet they break the genetic code and realize Kelly's been implanted by the smoking guy.
Ohh, she's got the Kung Fu.
Ohh, she's got the Kung Fu.
Ohh, that's gonna hurt.
Ohh, that's gonna hurt.
Ohh, that's messed up.
Ohh, that's messed up.
Ohh, you've been bobbing for some funky apples man.
Ohh, you've been bobbing for some funky apples man.
OK, but don't touch the faith because I'm a pretty man.
OK, but don't touch the faith because I'm a pretty man.
OK, so she's crazy, but she's got legs up to her face.
OK, so she's crazy, but she's got legs up to her face.
OK, that's it. You are officially out of control.
OK, that's it. You are officially out of control.
Once again, I find myself at the mercy of someone I wouldn't let pick my nose.
Once again, I find myself at the mercy of someone I wouldn't let pick my nose.
Once again, I'm a little disappointed.
Once again, I'm a little disappointed.
Once again, something wonderful in my life has been turned into a giant crap fest.
Once again, something wonderful in my life has been turned into a giant crap fest.
Peace on Earth Goodwill Tournament. What a crock.
Peace on Earth Goodwill Tournament. What a crock.
Permission to speak, high Commander?
Permission to speak, high Commander?
Prepare to be dazzled.
Prepare to be dazzled.
Pucker up, vapor Lock onto your boss's button. Hold on.
Pucker up, vapor Lock onto your boss's button. Hold on.
Putting whipped. I'm not putting whipped.
Putting whipped. I'm not putting whipped.
Ribbed for her pleasure, but. I turned them inside out.
Ribbed for her pleasure, but. I turned them inside out.
She thinks she is all that, but she is not all that.
She thinks she is all that, but she is not all that.
She's got me all tangled up in one big doughy love pretzel.
She's got me all tangled up in one big doughy love pretzel.
Shut up, butt rash.
Shut up, butt rash.
Shut your foul mouth.
Shut your foul mouth.
So I'd like to drill holes in your head and suck all your thoughts out with a straw.
So I'd like to drill holes in your head and suck all your thoughts out with a straw.
Spend your life around garbage. You start to stink.
Spend your life around garbage. You start to stink.
Square Sometimes this job just sucks the life out of me.
Square Sometimes this job just sucks the life out of me.
Squeeze my head, it's soft.
Squeeze my head, it's soft.
Talk to the hand.
Talk to the hand.
Thank you for calling the big giant head. We didn't make the head. We make it big and giant.
Thank you for calling the big giant head. We didn't make the head. We make it big and giant.
Thank you, Sir. May I have another?
Thank you, Sir. May I have another?
That I'm not done with.
That I'm not done with.
That is such a lie.
That is such a lie.
That would be the bomb.
That would be the bomb.
That'll be cool.
That'll be cool.
That's right there, freefall.
That's right there, freefall.
That's yours, baby.
That's yours, baby.
The only time a woman is allowed to get fat is when she's pregnant, but she can't even enjoy it because she's barfing all the time and her boobs have turned into a restaurant.
The only time a woman is allowed to get fat is when she's pregnant, but she can't even enjoy it because she's barfing all the time and her boobs have turned into a restaurant.
There's nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself, especially if you look like me.
There's nothing wrong with feeling good about yourself, especially if you look like me.
There's the black fly in your Chardonnay.
There's the black fly in your Chardonnay.
They're here. They're here. Albino brain chiggers, cover your head.
They're here. They're here. Albino brain chiggers, cover your head.
They're not Eddie.
They're not Eddie.
This is odd.
This is odd.
This is the best thing I have ever put in my mouth.
This is the best thing I have ever put in my mouth.
Tired of feeling like a Catholic schoolboy always getting his knuckles wrapped by the nun he's dating? So what Sister Mary Albright going to say about that?
Tired of feeling like a Catholic schoolboy always getting his knuckles wrapped by the nun he's dating? So what Sister Mary Albright going to say about that?
To say that you behave childishly is an insult to children everywhere.
To say that you behave childishly is an insult to children everywhere.
Tonight is my chance to get into bravin.
Tonight is my chance to get into bravin.
Two thumbs up. Way up.
Two thumbs up. Way up.
We're an interstellar squad of superior beings, for God sakes. Now quit your bitching and get out of that kitchen.
We're an interstellar squad of superior beings, for God sakes. Now quit your bitching and get out of that kitchen.
We're going camping.
We're going camping.
Well, I am the high commander.
Well, I am the high commander.
Well, it's no cakewalk being the dashing patriarch, but I deal with it.
Well, it's no cakewalk being the dashing patriarch, but I deal with it.
Well, looks pretty crappy.
Well, looks pretty crappy.
Well, top ten tall.
Well, top ten tall.
What a bunch of crap.
What a bunch of crap.
What did you just do?
What did you just do?
What do you want?
What do you want?
What you talking about, Willis?
What you talking about, Willis?
Where do I bury my family after the burglars have pumped bullets into their skulls while your guys are strolling over?
Where do I bury my family after the burglars have pumped bullets into their skulls while your guys are strolling over?
Who needs fun anyway?
Who needs fun anyway?
Who you gonna call that? Ghostbusters?
Who you gonna call that? Ghostbusters?
Who's your daddy? Daddy love you.
Who's your daddy? Daddy love you.
Why can't we all just not get along?
Why can't we all just not get along?
Why is this sucking?
Why is this sucking?
Will someone please shoot me in the eye?
Will someone please shoot me in the eye?
Will you call?
Will you call?
Would you like to buy a bowl?
Would you like to buy a bowl?
Wow, that's something I don't hear very often.
Wow, that's something I don't hear very often.
Yeah, Dick whipped. Like pudding.
Yeah, Dick whipped. Like pudding.
You are a meathead.
You are a meathead.
You are so whipped.
You are so whipped.
You are some messed up white people.
You are some messed up white people.
You are the biggest fool I have ever known.
You are the biggest fool I have ever known.
You better be nice to me if you want your stocking stuffed.
You better be nice to me if you want your stocking stuffed.
You can kiss my black behind.
You can kiss my black behind.
You got your trout in my peanut butter. Your peanut butter got on my trout.
You got your trout in my peanut butter. Your peanut butter got on my trout.
You have reached the transmitting signal for the big giant head. All big giant circuits are busy right now. Please stay on the line. Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo bop. To.
You have reached the transmitting signal for the big giant head. All big giant circuits are busy right now. Please stay on the line. Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo bop. To.
You have the head of a cookie I want to eat.
You have the head of a cookie I want to eat.
You made a nice comment about the size of my package.
You made a nice comment about the size of my package.
You suck ass. Yeah, you Jackass.
You suck ass. Yeah, you Jackass.
You want the truth, but I can't handle the truth.
You want the truth, but I can't handle the truth.
You're a big, fat, bumbling, oblivious Peppe wearing mega idiot.
You're a big, fat, bumbling, oblivious Peppe wearing mega idiot.
You're an evil genius.
You're an evil genius.
You're gorgeous.
You're gorgeous.
You've got to have more sex.
You've got to have more sex.
Your boss is a moron. Put your foot in it, bot.
Your boss is a moron. Put your foot in it, bot.
3rdtheme
3rdtheme
うん。
うん。
無効。
無効。