I Heart Huckabees (2004) Edit

A bike. Sometimes I take the bus.

A Dexicorp mall in my grandfather's forest is not exactly a win.

A kind of spiritual petit four.

A rather troubling piece of evidence.

About power lines over the playground where my daughter goes to school.

About what, geckos?

Act naturally. Here comes your boy.

Actually it is. No, it is. Everything will end up nice.

Actually we do. We do because we've got to meet, and we're a little late.

Ah, here he comes!

Albert and Mr. Nimieri share a great deal. It's just that...

Albert has a place here, a place you have denied.

Albert, how can you be calm? Did you hear what Brad did?

Albert, the universe is an infinite sphere whose center is everywhere...

Albert, we owe you an apology. We should've stayed with you.

Albert, what brought you to the philosophical club?

Albert, what happened in there is reality.

Albert. Picture a tree in a field.

Albert's gotta do what he's gotta do. Anybody think they know better?

All in favor of Brad becoming the new leader of the coalition, say aye.

All right? She said, "Fuck a bees."

All right. I don't have to tell stories.

All right. I'm gonna go to the benefit.

All right. That's enough. Steven, I don't know what this is about. Why they're here...

All right. That's what I wanted to hear.

All right. What you got on me? Nothin'.

All this, and brains too.

All you did was make Huckabees look good. That's all you did.

America wants to drive cars, right? I have a B.M.W. S.U.V.

An absurd theatrical we must play out, back and forth...

An image is always better. You've gotta reach people quick.

And about the whole thing. About the universe, you know? The big one.

And as for Brad, you must do to him for real...

And Brad's running it and it's going to go great.

And good and bad luck in the middle.

And he likes the bonnet.

And houses on this beautiful marsh.

And how important we think that is.

And I keep 'em.

And I like driving it. I'm sorry.

And I think it's entirely possible for your engineering firm to have jobs for people...

And I'm gonna go to an even darker place of nothingness.

And I'm, what, 60 odd years old and I'm wearing a gray suit.

And it wasn't enough that you came to my coalition...

And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.

And now he's here today to unnerve me so that when Orrin comes to town, I will blow it.

And now I'm smashing myself!

And now the town is looking at subclauses.

And she used me to teach us about the inevitability of human drama.

And smashing your face in with a baseball bat.

And space begins, because they're unified.

And that building squashing nature is my imagery. You don't write poetry.

And that means you are the source instead of part of the infinite.

And theirs is a lie. For the last time, forget the tree fantasy.

And then people flitting about...

And then they multiply. And we're going to address that right now.

And then we'll review our strategy, okay?

And they're making me feel better.

And they've already started surveying to... to start construction.

And third, I refuse to use petroleum...

And this is a disease. And this is an orgasm.

And this is a hamburger.

And this is a war. And this is, uh, a museum.

And this is it. I'm talking about it right now.

And took the coalition in a different direction.

And we're miserable and isolated.

And what is Caterine Vauban doing in the United States?

And why do they have to go through our yard and go through the garbage?

And you into another extreme.

And you left that part out, okay?

And you're so strong, because you pull one on her.

Angela, you speak. Marty speaks for Huckabees. I speak. Then Shania sings.

Answer the question, please.

Are you kidding me? He weighs 250. He t... He talks about geckos all the time.

Are you sympathetic to him?

As we forgive those who trespass against us.

Ask Steven. He could have used a little suburban sprawl in Sudan.

At Huckabees, the everything store.

Baby! Baby, come on.

Barney said he cried when his dog died. And the kids stopped laughing."

Be strong. Be strong 'cause you're going to be back.

Because anything else would be too painful?

Because everything you could ever want or be, you already have and are.

Because I wanted my poems to go out with the fund raiser mailing. Brad didn't.

Because that's more real to me, that's what I feel.

Because we... are connected.

Because you lied to us. You told us that the African guy...

Before she realizes... it's chicken salad.

Believe me, I can.

Bernard, give them both a connection.

Bernard... The dismantling thing with the whole... You know, all the poetry stuff...

Between these particles and the cracks we fall through, the holes of nothingness.

Blah, blah, blah. And let's say over here, this is you.

Brad, do you realize when they destroy the woods...

Brad, I thought about chopping your head off with a machete many times.

Brad, shh. Keep him out.

Bring me the African guy. Where's that African guy?

Bullshit! I have this programmed on my favorite stations on a timer.

But do I care about saving the open spaces? Yes, I do.

But doesn't see any alternative because...

But in fact, no manure, no magic.

But is that good enough? Is my work doing any good?

But isn't the drama and suffering less if we do the ball thing every day?

But it's also nothing special.

But it's not the whole truth because we're all connected.

But maybe he should listen to me more and learn a little.

But now, this is the truth.

But our everyday mind forgets this. We think everything is separate.

But tell me this, Mrs. Silver, this lady you gave the coffee to...

But then he vacuumed her. I had to chop him up with a machete.

But there's no way I can stop its use in my lifetime, is there?

But this can be a very painful process full of surprises.

But what? You tell me where she contradicts that.

But you agree that Purree meant a great deal to Albert?

But you did. It was more important to have a cup of coffee...

But, no, it's not a choice. I do have to be pretty.

Call Orrin Spence and tell him that Brad is trying to hijack my coalition.

Can I please have some time with my son?

Can I trust my habitual mind or do I need to learn to look beneath those things?

Careful, my young students...

Clothes, videos, toys, cheeseburgers, cars, a functioning economy.

Cocksucker! Motherfucking bitch ass motherfucking cocksucker!

Come on! That's spirit you wanna keep for the battles inside.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. She's allergic to what?

Come on. There's dust and gas there.

Come on. You and Shania are downtown in the loop in Chicago.

Come on. You can't retreat. Back into the fray, Albert. Let's go.

Come on. You guys work together, don't you?

Could it possibly be related to dictatorships...

Could just be ourselves, Jet Skiing, whatever.

Creation, destruction.

Creation, destruction. Creation, destruction.

Creation, destruction. Creation, destruction.

Cruelty, manipulation...

Daddy's not crazy, baby. The world is crazy.

Deal with this issues, okay. We have a deadly petroleum situation, not to mention...

Desire, suffering... everything that exists in this imperfect world.

Did you get it?

Didn't know what a can opener was. He opened cans with a big knife like at the camp.

Didn't know you were interested in existential issues, Brad.

Do I benefit from getting some great P.R. For Huckabees when we need it? Absolutely.

Do you drive a car?

Do you even care about the marsh and the woods?

Do you understand? There's glass between us!

Doesn't the pure being, ball thing make the day to day suffering easier?

Don't do this, please.

Don't fucking leave me.

Don't listen, honey. Daddy is crazy.

Don't look at me like that!

Don't look at me. What's wrong with you?

Don't worry about those people. They don't appreciate you.

Don't... Don't tell anybody.

Eight minutes of heaven! It's not quality, it's quantity!

Eventually, but you have to practice at home. Okay?

Everybody just wants to be me. I'm pretty.

Everybody look at me now. I am so pretty. I am so pretty. Look at me.

Everything that you identify with.

Exactly. I think you should just look in your file if you want to.

Excuse me, Brad. I would like to finish reading my poem, please. Thank you.

Excuse me, Dad?

Excuse me, ma'am. Ma'am. Poems are amazing, okay?

Excuse me? Can I help you?

Excuse me. What did you call me?

Excuse me. You got to give me a chance, all right?

Existential? Is that like a therapy?

Existential. I'd like to ask a few questions if you don't mind.

Father Flavin doesn't have the money to help them.

Felt a little hostile. I feel the same thing from him.

First up, cocktails. Then, Mary Jane...

First, I would like to apologize for my part of the fight...

Flags and bags! Huckabees says, "Happy birthday, Mr. President."

For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory. Forever and ever, Amen.

Forget Brad. Come back to me. Where are you? Where are you?

Freakin' awesome, man.

Friends, enemies, brother, sister, mother, child.

From an even farther, more extreme nothingness on my own!

From pure being to human suffering.

Fucker. Fuck! Shit!

Gee, is it that hard? Go ahead and do it.

Give him the Salmon Stripper, call it the Bass Basher. They don't read English anyway.

Give me...

Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses...

Glossies of famous people and get them signed.

Go! I'll block for you.

God gave us oil! He gave it to us! How can God's gift be bad?

God, she never leaves Paris. This is insane.

Good.

Good. Now put someone you respect in the tree.

Good. That's good. I like that. I can see why they put us together.

Great, I look forward to coming back and working with you.

Great. Much smoother.

Guys, give him a break. His therapist is down here to help him out.

Guys, guys! My ball! My ball!

H How'd you know about my cat?

H'yah!

Has weird existential issues.

Have a seat. We'll be right with you.

Have you even seen my commercials?

He called with his own existential conundrum. That's all.

He called with his own existential conundrum. That's all.

He chopped her head off!

He climbed out his window, a criminal in his own house.

He gave you a brain too and you messed that up pretty good...

He made her change her mind. And that's what they want upstairs in corporate, okay?

He wanted to know where all the meat comes from since he didn't see any cows.

He was all obsessed with Shania and Pete Sampras.

He was orphaned by civil war. You were orphaned by indifference.

He will never make it to the other side, okay?

He's a great firefighter and exactly who we want on our side.

He's an autograph hound. Kind of guy likes to get...

He's coming to review our charter.

He's just making a joke on me.

He's working as a doorman at my friend's building.

Hell no.

Hello. Albert Markovski. I have a 1:00 appointment.

Help the Open Spaces. Help Huckabees.

Hence your behavior becomes repetitive like the story.

Henry David Thoreau, Robinson Jeffers, the National Geographic Society, all socialists?

Hey, Albert, that's not the way a director behaves.

Hey, don't be a jerk, buddy. Come on. Don't be a...

Hey, don't do this.

Hey, man. How's it going? You're an asshole.

Hey, Tom, Tom.

Hey, welcome. You like my new office?

Hey, you play mancala?

Hey.

Hey. Tommy Corn. How are you?

Hi. Welcome to the Omni Hotel. Uh, we don't... We don't check bikes, sir.

His cat died. He was sad. What's your point?

Hmm.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. You're doing well.

How am I not myself?

How am I not myself?

How am I not myself? How am I not myself?

How am I not myself? How am I not myself?

How am I supposed to practice at home? I don't have one of these.

How are things at the coalition, Brad?

How come people are self destructive?

How could you do this? [Sniffing]

How did it affect things at the coalition? I don't know.

How did that affect things with Brad at the coalition?

How is that my fault? I didn't tell him to be embarrassed.

How to see the blanket truth all the time.

How's that for super weird? That's a good thing to bring to the table today.

Huckabees pledges to... [Continues, Indistinct]

Human drama is inevitable.

I asked Brad to write a poem.

I brought you here. I wanted to share la force with you, and you ruined it.

I can answer these questions for you.

I can't believe you guys actually exist. How long have you been doing this?

I could have a Cadillac Escalade, and it would be electric.

I did. I felt it.

I didn't have the proper attire. So they let me borrow a suitjacket.

I didn't think so.

I don't even know who I am.

I don't know if nothingness matters or somethingness matters.

I don't know much about the cat. I traveled a lot for work.

I don't know what I'm doing. I'm doing the best that I can.

I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to fucking do anymore.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I don't know who these men are. They're not members of our coalition.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. I tried to do some good. You know, I saved half of 'em.

I don't think so.

I don't think that's going to happen, my friend.

I don't think this is funny.

I don't want to tell that story.

I give and I give and I give...

I got the photo of the wetlands right here!

I gotta check on... on, uh, Mr. Corn right now, okay?

I had a fire and almost died, and he came.

I hate to break it to you, but he is. He most definitely is.

I have a book by a French thinker named Caterine Vauban.

I have a new poem I'd like to read.

I have no idea what you guys are talking about.

I hope this isn't about Dawn. He has a crush on my girlfriend.

I I I... You figure it out. Let go! Let go of me!

I know that's all I can ask of myself.

I know, dear boy. We wanted you to meet Albert.

I mean, come on. Serious. Put the egos aside for a second, guys, please.

I mean, should I keep doing what I'm doing? Is it hopeless?

I met Brad when I was investigating you.

I might've looked at a little bit of Lange on the way out. What's the big deal?

I need facts, Bernard, to piece together a theory.

I need to ask you guys to leave, please.

I only put those things in the garbage as a joke.

I only wrote "frowning" to rhyme with "drowning."

I order a ton of tuna fish sandwiches. That's all she was eating back then, tuna fish.

I order a ton of tuna fish sandwiches. That's all she's eating back then, tuna fish.

I paid my money and I want a fucking answer. So just give me a second.

I played in that tree when I was little. I thought we had a chance...

I reached into my pocket, and there was your card.

I said stop looking at me.

I saved half the trees. Did I sell out the woods?

I saved this rock. I'm going to save this place.

I say don't give me the brush off. Please.

I say, "Shania, I'm allergic to mayo."

I take it you don't make very much money, Mr. Markovski.

I think I've got a really hot lead, Bernard.

I think that I am gonna stay with her, the cracks, the pain, the nothingness...

I think this case is closed.

I think...

I thought about hacking you up with an ax, Albert...

I thought I understood the blanket. Now I'm not sure.

I thought we were a platonic trio, not some sick sex dance.

I thought we were going to talk about petroleum.

I thought you said that was going to relax me.

I wanna listen to a radio!

I wanna listen to a radio!

I want to discuss this strategy of poems, which are getting us nowhere.

I want to know. This is big.

I want to show him an article I have here on marketing internship. You see this?

I want you sons of bitches out of my house now.

I want you to get me the national office on the phone right now.

I want you to meet my colleague.

I warned you...human drama.

I was almost in the elevators. We're going now.

I was never the pretty girl.

I was putting my head shots under Markovski, and then "L" is right before it.

I went to a place called Schottinger's photo archives.

I went to the detectives to shake Albert out of the coalition.

I work for an electrical engineering firm, son.

I worry about that guy. He alienates people. What kind of investigation?

I... I don't have all the answers.

I... I... I don't know. Do it one more time.

I... Look.

I'll describe it later to you if we could just...

I'll distract them. You slip in for it.

I'll get kicked out, and then he can do whatever he wants with the coalition.

I'll see you in a little bit. We'll do more, um, pure being? Pain...

I'm a pretty good older brother.

I'm a vegetarian, Brad. I eat tofu tuna.

I'm definitely gonna have an intimacy problem with you if you keep dressing like that.

I'm fucked. Maybe I should quit. Don't quit.

I'm glad we saved a piece of this marsh.

I'm glad we saved a piece of this marsh.

I'm going to the other side, Albert. I seriously suggest...

I'm gonna have a fucking ball at mancala hour, aren't I?

I'm gonna have to ask you to please steer clear of my office...

I'm gonna work on that prick, and it's all gonna come back to pain and no connection!

I'm in your corner.

I'm just gonna accept my loneliness.

I'm not a hero. We'd all be heroes if we quit using petroleum though.

I'm not hurting Steven. That's an outrageous accusation.

I'm proactive. These people are action oriented.

I'm sick of this. I'm sick of you all looking at me.

I'm sorry you had to go through all this. It's for the greater good.

I'm sorry, man. I need, like, a minute to figure this out.

I'm sorry, Stevo. My bad. You didn't know.

I'm talking about a big coincidence. It involves one man.

I'm talking here. Come on. Shit.

I'm trying to figure that out and I want you to help me.

I'm with Albert. It will help you...

I'm with Shania. We're opening a megastore down by the loop.

If development stops, so does my paycheck.

If Hitler were alive, he'd tell you not to think about oil.

If my poems had gone out with the Shania mailing, it'd be a different story.

If nothing matters, how can I matter?

If we might see you... you floss or masturbate...

If you leave him before he gets done dismantling...

In addition, my associate will approach your case from a different angle.

In comes this tall African guy. He's like 18 years old or something.

In perpetuity for the public.

Indicates it's been infrequent and short... eight to nine minutes...

Industry, houses, jobs, restaurants, medicine...

Inside I'm drowning, sighing and frowning."

Is anybody paying attention? Is it hopeless to try and change things?

Is composed of the same elements that compose human life."

Is it ever really closed?

Is it possible for anybody in this world to work together to make it better?

Is that gonna be a problem? Are you expensive, what you do?

Is that gonna help the Huckabees image?

Is that why you're doing this, to teach me?

Is this part of my investigation?

It doesn't matter. What you can do... It...

It is a pastime with this family which they have taught me.

It is inevitable that you are drawn back into human drama.

It is our immigration agreement. We must work.

It leaves me out!

It looks beautiful!

It seemed like they were helping Albert. They can help me.

It spread to the house. I'm sorry.

It was created by people, and this is the facts.

It was more like a regular thing with you. And you weren't finding a still of Bob Dylan.

It's 4:00 and she's starving. So I order a ton of tuna fish sandwiches, no mayo.

It's 4:00, and she's starving. She's a busy lady.

It's a three parter. Okay. Ready?

It's all hating faces that I have to chop up with a machete.

It's all right. Look, he's sad. He's sad.

It's cruelty and it's chaos. The detectives are wrong. What were you trying to do?

It's for... Come on. Let's pick it up. Heel to toe.

It's hard to describe.

It's just the way things are. You and me and the air are actually tiny particles...

It's like I'm here, but I'm not...

It's like that story of the cave.

It's like the company retreats at Hilton Head. Remember?

It's over, Brad.

It's painful enough to feel sad, but on top of it...

Jesus is never mad at us if we live with him in our hearts.

Jimmy Carter would have a great electric car by now.

Josh, I put this together.

Just accept it for what it is. Nothing.

Killing us dead. Our mission has nothing to do...

L Let's hear the Shania story. I mean, that's what they wanna hear.

Last time, last year, not so good.

Last year. We went to Saint Bart's.

Learn from this, Tommy. Painful truth.

Let freedom ring. At Huckabees...

Let him read the poem, man. He was in the middle of it.

Let me explain. Okay, but we saved half the woods.

Let the beauty speak for itself.

Let's just say that this is me, all right?

Let's move it along. There we go. I'll show you where you need to go.

Like the drought or the olives or any of that.

Like this.

Limited. I'm over here. You're over there. Which is true.

Listen, you go visit Mr. Corn. His wife is leaving him.

Listen, you're mixing it all up.

Listen. Listen. This is your mother.

Little girls like you, they have to work in dark factories...

Look at me. Please, please, please, everybody.

Look at this. Do you know where these come from?

Look, I'm not really sure I know exactly what you guys do here, all right?

Looking at old Jessica Lange bathing suit stills, why?

Ma'am.

Mankind has played for more than a century.

Marty's gonna hate them, Dawn.

Maybe Albert should meet his other.

Maybe I should just fucking quit. Don't fucking quit.

Maybe I should just quit. I mean, what's the point of life anyway?

Maybe too close. Then it went sour and propelled you into one extreme...

Maybe you should go home. Let sleeping dogs lie.

Maybe, but Tommy's in a bad direction. It could spread to Albert.

Me and Daryl made some spots Marty's gonna love.

Miss Huckabees. Dawn.

Mm hmm.

Mm, 1:00, 1:30.

Mmm. Mmm! Mm.

Molly, if you... Listen. If you...

Mommy doesn't ask 'cause Mommy doesn't care.

Motherfucking cocksucker. Motherfucking shit fucker!

Mr. Markovski, we see a lot of people in here...

Mrs. Echevarria visits us once a year from Spain.

Mrs. Schirmir. She was my high school English teacher. She helped me.

My car's the destroyer? You wanna know how many miles per gallon I get?

My coincidence is meaningless, isn't it?

My great grandfather owned the woods and the marsh.

No mayo. I eat two of the sandwiches in front of her.

No mayo. She hates it. And she cannot eat chicken salad. That's no joke.

No olives.

No rabbit in the oven.

No soul of life.

No time for infinity? Gotta piece together a theory?

No, I just never heard you talk about it. That's all.

No, it liberated you from the Brad.

No, it matters. It matters. It matters. Look, Tommy.

No, ma'am, I'm not a member, but I am a local firefighter.

No, tell everybody. I don't care. Tell everybody!

No, Tommy. It penetrates a unified infinity of everything.

No.

No. Helen wasn't home, so I offered her sister a cup of coffee.

No. It's all different now.

Nobody sees that picture!

Not covering every square inch with houses and strip malls...

Nothing has been left out, all right? All the particles, everything.

Nothing personal. I appreciate what you've done for me, but I'm over it.

Now I'm smashing myself!

Now she's going to send you rays of security and complete acceptance.

Now you have to come here and do... Okay, okay.

Now, don't give up now. Didn't she vacuum a lot?

Now!

Now. Now.

Now. Now. Now.

Obsessed with your strange coincidence.

Obviously you had a different agenda, didn't you?

Of course, every now and then we get somebody...

Oh, couldn't even hold down a poetry job.

Oh, excuse me. You... You spoke to my fat, sad brother?

Oh, God bless you. A hero.

Oh, God, here we go again. What's happening?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, no, no. I'm not going in that thing. Every time I go in there...

Oh, now the timer's all fucked up. Brenda!

Oh, say, can you see how good this looks?

Oh, shit. Fuck.

Oh, there she is! You're one sneaky lady.

Oh, this is good. I was hoping for a break like this.

Oh, yes, I remember. Now, tell me, did the coalition inspire the poetry?

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. There it is.

Ohh. Oh ho. That's not... Come on. That's a lie.

Okay, Albert, I want you to melt your usual identity like you did before.

Okay, Albert. I can let you in on a couple of secrets.

Okay, how does this connect? Mr. Nimieri's an orphan from Sudan...

Okay, let's get started.

Okay, let's go, sneaky lady. Let's step it outside.

Okay, Mrs. Schirmir has a vacuum cleaner, Albert, that sucks up fear.

Okay, uh, hold on now. Tell me what happened. Okay?

Okay, well, then you are in the wrong area entirely. Come on.

Okay? 'Cause you don't look so good today.

Okay. Okay.

Once you realize the universe sucks, you got nothing to lose.

One time at Schottinger's photo archive...

One world. One store. Huckabees, the everything store.

One, your mind is always occupied on something...

Ooh.

Opening so many stores in such a short time.

Or at least I thought it was very tight in this building.

Or did it bond me to Brad in the insanity of pain...

Or someone who is a...

Or, maybe you wanted to work the politics at your corporation...

Orrin Spence. Brad cannot do this to us, all right?

Oui. C'est vrai. The universe is cruel.

Our staff did a little field work in, uh, Cleveland.

Paragraph 201. "Neither client nor detective...

Part of this is we took a beating in the press for all our growth.

Perspiration levels indicate stress, and that's kind of high.

Phil Jacksonís Sacred Hoops.

Pulled you out of a mall. Eh, you've been given everything by Huckabees.

Rat fucking bastard Brad Stand.

Really. I read the galleys when it arrived at Huckabees, and you know what?

Regarding your perception of reality. He'll tell you about that.

Remember, I told you not to come by my work?

Right in the everyday stuff. And that's what this is for.

Right? You are just what the doctor ordered, my friend.

Right. That's good.

Right. Well, when we did the Garth benefit in Dallas...

Sadness is what you are. Do not deny it.

Second time as the doorman.

Security breach. He broke into his file.

Security breach. He broke into his file.

See, this is the universe. And that's our galaxy over here.

Send it to my ex for my kids.

Senorita, the petroleum situation was not created by nature...

Senorita, why do people only ask themselves deep questions...

September 3, in traffic, your cell phone.

Seriously, that book's got some good questions. You should read it.

Shall we get back to the case?

Shania hates mayo, all right? And she can't eat chicken salad.

Shania still doesn't believe me so I eat two of the sandwiches in front of her to prove it.

Shania Twain entertains us.

Shania, I'm Albert. I used to run the Open Spaces Coalition.

Shania!

Shania.

Shania's right here. No silly poetry.

Shania's there promoting her apparel, right?

Shania's there promoting her apparel, right? Back then that's all she's eating, tuna fish.

Shania's there promoting her apparel, right? It's 4:00. She's starving.

Shaquille O'Neal, Jim Carrey.

She eats one and a half sandwiches before she realizes it's chicken salad.

She hates mayonnaise, right? Allergic to it.

She now eats one and a half. Now she believes me.

She says nothing's connected, doesn't matter what you do...

She says the same thing they say here about dismantling your reality to see the big picture.

She threw up in the back of the limo.

She was our prize graduate student till she went astray.

She won't stay and share this with me.

She's sort of a little treat for our clients.

She's starving. She's a busy lady.

Shopping, nature, together.

Shut up.

So am I, darling. So am I.

So he could be an ornament to you, not a person.

So I bring out a bunch of tuna fish sandwiches. She still doesn't believe me.

So I order a ton of tuna fish sandwiches. Back then that's all she's eating.

So if we work with you and your Open Spaces Coalition...

So it will never be examined or felt...

So she eats one and a half sandwiches. One and a half sandwiches...

So that maybe, quote, you don't get depressed.

So then there's just nothing?

So we can figure out your situation and resolve your crisis.

So we can get the freedom of being like a... like a dish of mold.

So what's the Open Spaces take on that?

So will the marsh. It is a losing game...

So you come by Huckabees corporate and say you're my fucking existential detectives?

So, I'm not here. It It's just...

So, look, we're overlooking our core issues.

So, voil‡! Two overlapping, fractured philosophies...

So? Is that where you get off the ride?

Some of our wealthy clients pay several thousand a week.

Somethingness, nothingness. You know what?

Sometimes people have additional questions to be answered.

Son of a bitch, Daryl!

Sorry I grabbed you.

Sorry, I'm late. This place is like a maze.

Sounds good. Should I bring my own chains?

Sounds kind of interesting though. Have you got a card?

Sounds like we got a philosopher.

Speaking of Shania and tuna, Brad has the most incredible story.

Specifically, you're so impressive because you know Shania.

State of the art. We got speakers all through the house.

Stay positive. Bermuda. Jet Skis. PiÒa coladas. All right?

Steven, how'd you end up working as a doorman?

Steven, I need to ask a question. It's why I came here.

Suffering cannot be diminished. You cannot escape, Tommy.

Sure. It wasn't my first time. Big deal.

Sweetheart, you're mixing yourself up.

Take it easy. What do you say?

Thank you very much for taking on my case.

Thanks. We'll meet you later by the rock.

That are already run down instead of tearing up new land.

That could be the key to your entire reality.

That did not go out with the Shania mailing.

That doesn't sound very happy to me. Does it sound very happy to you?

That fire was a bitch ass thing to do.

That has not been forged in the furnace of the sun.

That he felt exhausted from having to constantly charm everyone...

That I had with Brad Stand a little while ago over the poems...

That is so not true. Wait, what does that even mean?

That man is not in our coalition. He has no right to be here and no right to speak.

That method works. Don't forget to use it, all right?

That required your immediate attention?

That we support for some stupid reason?

That's a tranquilizer so people don't get pissed...

That's exactly how I felt.

That's how you're gonna save 'em.

That's joking as a disguised request for approval.

That's nihilism, Tommy!

That's no joke, all right? We gave it to her once, she threw up in the limo.

That's only because Lange comes before Markovski.

That's saying, "Joke," but really love me.

That's the one. She loves poems. She loves forests, meadows, getting outside.

That's what you mean to do! That's exactly what you mean to do!

That's who we are at Open Spaces. We can't throw that away.

That's why most people prefer to remain on the surface of things.

That's why you betrayed yourself by going to Brad.

That's why. Why else would I do it?

The big September thing. He's going to be your other.

The building supervisor hired Steven as a member of our congregation.

The connection will come back to us, Bernard.

The Dundalee Cups are blowin' out in the Sunbelt franchises.

The everything store.

The face of Huckabees.

The gentleman behind the bush, you have to leave, please.

The lady hates chicken salad. Gave it to her once, she threw up.

The me that dies or the me that's infinite?

The meeting's going down at Huckabees right now. Let's go.

The method worked. I saw it. It seemed to calm you down, right?

The microwave, the coffee grinder.

The national office recognizes the charter.

The parking lot crusader of truth...

The people at the office are freaking out.

The purpose of this suit, Mr. Markovski, is to help shut down...

The reptiles have been eating each other for years.

The universe is a lonely place, a painful place.

The weird thing is I always have a jacket.

The woods are hopeless. Don't waste your time. They will be destroyed.

Then nothing in this world makes any sense to me.

Then over here, this is the Eiffel tower, right? It's Paris.

Then they forget all about it after. Right?

Then we do crazy stuff. We have to go back to the ball...

Then why did you hire them?

There are tiny particles connecting the larger cubes.

There aren't lions roaming here but there were in Sudan, and the orphan boys got chased.

There is no remainder in the mathematics of infinity.

There you go. Give it a shot.

There's no gazelles in North America. Just so you know.

There's no glowing guys, no infinite mothers. None of that bullshit.

There's no reason for you to be up here. This is an executive private floor.

There's not an atom in our bodies...

There's only the blanket.

These are still the old pictures.

These are the best tops around.

They ask why. You say, "For personal reasons."

They betrayed you, as he did.

They find it threatening. But it is very convincing.

They talk to them. The board learns that rising star, Brad Stand...

They want to peer under the surface at the big everything...

They will help you and your mind transform.

They're not gonna save this place.

They're working on the benefit. They're bringing a lot of support for our cause.

They're working on the benefit. They're bringing a lot of support for our cause.

Think, Albert. Have you betrayed yourself?

Third, I see this man, he's in a van at the mall.

This has nothing to do with my coincidence. My coincidence has to do with an African man.

This history, this planet.

This is a collector's item for sure. Thank you so much.

This is but one part of your puzzle. Do you see?

This is called "An Open Meadow."

This is exactly the unfocused, idealistic approach...

This is my home. I can tell him what I want.

This is my investigation now!

This is not why I hired you.

This is the answer. We just have to be this all day, every day.

This is what's happening now. She's spying...

This just happened. I've never done anything like this before.

This photo says good times and peace.

This room, this street...

This stuff doesn't matter. Let's go.

This town, this country, this economy...

This week only. At Huckabees, the everything store.

Three, there's no such thing as nothing.

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

To be noticed. Maybe urgently.

To celebrate, I have a poem I'd like to read.

To dismantle your identity or your fear.

To everyone else's energy, even Brad's.

To feel embarrassed for feeling, that is the killer.

To have a friend going through the same.

To meditate on desire and suffering.

To solve your coincidence, we have to put it into context. Brad Stand seems very important.

To something you compulsively avoid...

To transform your mind into thinking differently.

Tommy has been working with us since that...

Tommy, Tommy, everything is connected and everything matters.

Tops and mops. 50% off all women's shirts and hair products.

Toxic fish. You have children in your own community going to prison.

Trees and bees...

Try this lady.

Two weeks later, I see the same African guy.

Two, there is no such thing as you and me.

Uh, Kelly. Kelly Coulter. So, okay, that's two.

Uh, time not space. No, I don't know what you're talking about.

Um, hi. What should I be doing?

Um, where... where would we start?

Under the CD department?"

Unless you're an executive or an executive's assistant...

Until I saw that I'm Brad and he's me?

Until you can't remember what happens when you stand in a meadow at dusk.

Vauban says nothing's connected. It's all random and cruel. It doesn't matter what you do.

Very, very good. Your turn.

Viv! Viv! Mr. Corn is having a crisis. You better talk to him. Mr. Corn, crisis.

Wait a minute. Whoa. What's going on?

Wait, you guys... You go with Miss Huckabees?

Was Helen's sister. I don't remember her name. I met her the once.

Was that Garth Garth, or Chris Garth?

Was the... the doorman at your friend's building, not at your parents' building.

Was there some painful thing about this stranger...

We could just, you know, think about it, or not.

We deeded them over to the municipality in 1972.

We didn't do this. We would never do something like this.

We do a lot of commercial and residential contracts.

We don't have to ask those kinds of questions, do we, Mom?

We have a sliding scale. Some of our clients pay $30 a week.

We mashed locusts and made bread.

We need to go past logic though. Come on. Let's go.

We need to talk 'cause this book is making a lot of sense to me and I want...

We trusted you. We took care of you. We made you into a national icon.

We were just wondering if we spent time, maybe try to understand it.

We will fucking destroy you, deary.

We'll just throw the Jet Skis on the trailer and head to the mountains.

We'll see.

We'll see.

We're going to save a lot more of this place.

We're gonna stop those bulldozers.

We're here today to give the director a chance to even the keel.

We're not asking you to throw that away. I'm not gonna bullshit you, right?

We're not in infinity. We're in the suburbs.

We're not talking about this anymore. It's embarrassing me.

We're the same, Brad. It's all the blanket.

We've talked about your intimacy problem. What's the core of it?

Well, how can the center be everywhere if...

Well, I think the Dixie Chicks would like you to know that I just got promoted.

Well, I think you guys can definitely rebuild in areas...

Well, I'm pretty sure the Dixie Chicks would want you to spread your love...

Well, it doesn't have to be a performance.

Well, it's my home too, and I didn't sign anything.

Well, let's go, dude. I'm gonna introduce you to the board of directors, my friend.

Well, we, uh... We'll investigate and solve your case.

Well, what's so great about depression?

Well, you know, you have a choice.

Were born out of that one pain.

What am I doing? What am I doing?

What am I talking... Okay, when Orrin comes, I'll blow it.

What are you doing to us?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What do you mean a different angle? What does that mean?

What do you think would happen if you didn't tell the stories?

What in God's name is happening to you?

What in God's name is happening to you?

What is that life, baby? What are we part of? Who are we?

What method? Come on with that method.

What the hell are you talking about?

What truth?

What? This script only has my lines, and I don't see another character here.

What? Tommy? No, that's a bad idea right now.

Whatever you normally do.

When something really bad happens?

When you were taking my cash. I want it back.

Where are you guys? I'm at the fire, man.

Where are you guys? I'm at the fire, man.

Where everybody is poor... that is cruelty and it's inhumane.

Where is this relationship going, huh?

Where people do destructive things like it doesn't matter.

Where she picks up where you leave off, and then we come back to you?

Where they go blind for $1.60 a month just to make Mommy her pretty shoes.

Where's Marty? Where is he?

Which is worse. And your girlfriend, the voice of Huckabees...

Who claim they want to know the ultimate truth about reality.

Who gets off on the wrong floor.

Who is that? You or me?

Who turned his back on his other like a cold blooded gangsta.

Who was chased by soldiers and crocodiles.

Who's Mr... Who's that?

Why are autographs so important to you?

Why are you guys wasting all your time fighting each other?

Why can't you get along with her?

Why didn't you figure this out? Why didn't you bring me here?

Why do I need to learn how to see the blanket thing all the time in the everyday stuff?

Why do you think I joined the Open Spaces Coalition, man?

Why don't you just tell me what your situation is.

Why is having children the ultimate performance for successful people? Why?

Why is he sniffing my blouse?

Why is marriage and kids so important? There's an overpopulation problem.

Why? 'Cause I'm a dumb sales executive instead of a sensitive artist like you?

Will you tell me where we're having dinner tonight?

With a perfect stranger than to talk to Albert...

With the mayo, and you liked it!

With this nut's petroleum fixation.

Working their way back to the, uh, lesser donators.

Would you mind reading this out loud?

Wow. What happened to him?

Yeah, and if I wasn't pro bono, I'd want my money back too.

Yeah, because it grows from the manure of human trouble.

Yeah, he's back. You crazy bastard.

Yeah, I had a cat once. You caught me. You're amazing.

Yeah, I'm ready to cross over to your side.

Yeah, it's me Albert. How are you? This is my friend Tommy.

Yeah, okay, I'm caught up in that shit.

Yeah, so, when we did the Garth benefit in Dallas, that's what we...

Yeah, we did it.

Yeah, you stop thinking.

Yeah.

Yeah. Deconstruct your mind to the blackness, okay?

Yeah. If you come snooping around my office...

Yeah. It's quantity, not quality.

Yeah. Yeah, but they just want to talk about Brad Stand.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't want to cramp you here.

Yes, a dicey move. Maybe even dangerous, but potentially inspired.

Yes, I care about the marsh and the woods. Albert was not gonna save 'em his way.

Yes, I'm here for the Open Spaces meeting with Brad Stand.

Yes, that's changed at Huckabees, but, you know...

Yes. 260. And I've reached the omega level.

Yes. And then back to the drama, the suffering.

Yes. Does it help me? Yes.

Yes. It's fantastic.

Yes. Say this blanket represents all the matter and energy in the universe, okay?

You can preserve a lot of open spaces and have jobs for people with...

You can still have a functioning economy and preserve open spaces with a little planning.

You can? Because I don't think the other guys are doing such a hot job.

You can't deal with my infinite nature, can you?

You can't keep coming to work if you dress like that.

You cannot stay in this state all day.

You consider coming with me... as my other.

You could get free, Brad, but you think you have to be Superman in control.

You did. But how did Sudan happen, ma'am?

You did. But how did Sudan happen, ma'am?

You didn't see me cry.

You ditched me. First my family, and now you guys.

You don't come to work.

You encrypted the truth. That's how good you are at betraying yourself.

You go through the front door with a tie, and you own the marsh and the woods.

You going up? We're going down.

You got a lot of layers in there, don't you? Huh? All right?

You guys got a method here?

You hesitated over the mention of a cat. What does that mean?

You introduce the marsh video, background story, animals, plants and stuff.

You know how hurt you feel? This is the perfect opportunity to dismantle now.

You know what? I'm done with the dismantling.

You know what? You're not leading this coalition anymore.

You know, Brad, suddenly your star isn't rising anymore. It's sinking.

You know, it was a drag. It really was a drag.

You know, my ex girl won't let me see my daughter.

You know, someone who can understand things. Someone who can help you.

You live all the time with things you can't see. You can't see electricity, can you?

You order tuna fish, okay, but you realize that she's allergic to...

You planted photos of yourself and your poems at Schottinger's. Brad didn't respect you.

You said that was bullshit.

You said Tommy was gonna be fine. What are you leaving out?

You see what he's doing? Tell them what you're doing.

You see, the detectives, they just wanted to gloss right over that.

You show us how to just sit here, and that's what we need."

You think you know what you're doing? You haven't even begun...

You told me you were done with this stupid method.

You wanna have a go at each other. [Continues, Indistinct]

You wanna have a go at each other. [Continues, Indistinct]

You want them to solve a coincidence? That's why you came here?

You want to be back on all fours? Right? Primitive?

You want to go backwards?

You were embarrassed for feeling sad about the death of your cat.

You were planting photos of yourself in the archive.

You were trained to betray yourself right here.

You were trying to do a good thing, right? Well, look what happened.

You wouldn't want to miss out on the big picture, would you?

You, me, everything.

You... You tell them that you went to the existential detectives.

You'll find out.

You'll see. Existence is a cruel joke...

You're a bitch. How many kids do you have, bitch?

You're all a bunch of big babies!

You're fighting suburban sprawl and this fellow, Brad Stand, and you have had a falling out.

You're going to have to work that out with Brad.

You're misleading these children. 'Cause you're the destroyer, man.

You're opening up the store. Shania, she all of a sudden, she gets...

You're supposed to be on another floor. Security is very tight in this building.

You're the Hitler! We took a Sudanese refugee into our home!

You're too dark, and you're not dark enough. You three were close, right?

You've been predator and prey with him.

You've had your question and the answer, Tommy, please. Senora is tired.

Youíre just creatin' more work for me.

Your body, your senses, your job.

Your everyday perceptions and give up your usual identity...

50% off all knapsacks and pocketbooks.

"How am I not myself?" Myself.

"Less than 5% of the cosmos... Give me the teddy!

[All Gasp] What did you do, Albert?

[Bernard] Look at me. Come on. What?

[Bernard] Oh, Brad, look at yourself. My life.

[Bernard] Whoa. [Gasps]

[Brad Crying] [Bernard] You think it's bad, right...

[Brad] Davy, come on. Mr. Stand, you're not on the list.

[Brad] Don't go in my den. Whoa. Whoa.

[Brenda] What evidence? Do you recognize the handwriting, Mr. Markovski...

[Car Starting] Yes, I did.

[Caterine] Precisely the point. [Brenda] What?

[Clamoring] Hey, everybody. Calm down.

[Clicks] What is he doing? Stop that.

[Crying] Wait a second. Huh.

[Dawn Sighs] Brad signed a rather comprehensive contract...

[Dawn] Would you like some tea? [Bernard] With a little lemon.

[Doorbell Rings] God, what are you, a bitch?

[Gasping] How are you? Okay? You doing okay?

[Gasps] Are these from this year?

[Girl] Boring. A crane flies."

[Group] Aye! Hey, come on.

[Grunting, Groaning] Ow! [Screaming]

[Laughter] [Man] No, no, wait. This is really good.

[Machine Clicks] ##[Rock]

[Man Chuckles] It's 4:00. She's starving.

[Man] Brenda, what the hell did you do? I didn't touch it.

[Man] Is he gonna put a bonnet on? Be right back.

[Man] There was a drought. ##[Woman Continues]

[Man] What are you doing? I, um...

[Mouths Words] Cystic Fibrosis. Civil war in Africa.

[Murmuring] All of the sudden wants yet another mall...

[Retching] [Board Members Gasping]

[Sighs] [Marty] Hey, Brad, you want to hear something funny?

[Sighs] Brad, I torched your Jet Skis.

[Sighs] We'll see.

[Sighs] You guys going down?

[Siren Wails] I'm free as a bird!

[Vivian] Have you ever been in love? What kind of question is that?

[Vivian] Never. Oh, maybe sometimes. We didn't do this. Never.

[Vivian] Reptilian. Man, come on.

[Vivian] Tell me about Brad. [Man] Albert let him in, which was a mistake.

[Vivian] Yes. No.

[Voices On Headphones] Ooh, she found his poem.

[Woman Laughing] Stop looking at me.

[Woman] Here we are. [Man] Pull it down.

[Woman] Let's talk to Marty. What are you calling me Mr. Stand for?

[Woman] Stop it! [Laughter]

## [Ends] It'll be easier to talk now.

About the restaurant and the jacket? No, no. That That's...

About your life. Yeah, about my life.

Albert Markovski. [Group Groaning]

Albert, baby, come on. What, is it a crime? Is it a crime to look at Lange?

Albert... You're wrong!

All right, good. He pushed her out of the tree.

And even tinier connections. And even tinier cracks.

and interconnection. Brad? Are you kidding me?

And my house? No, just your Jet Skis.

And one time, a big alligator bit his friend's head off. [Boy] It was a crocodile.

And she actually likes it. She did not vomit.

And that makes it too hard for us, baby. Stop talking to me like that.

And that shows there's no nothing, even when you die. It's okay.

and that's causing all the problems. No, no, Tommy.

Any press come? Yeah, local paper's here. What's wrong?

Approach, patience, finesse. Will you stop?

Are you being yourself? How am I not myself?

Are you kidding me? I gave him a car. [Bernard] Mm hmm.

Are you making fun of your mother? No.

August 17, conference call. Shania's there promoting her apparel, right?

Bernard? Uh huh.

Blanket's everything. Exactly. This is everything.

Brad moved the meeting. He what?

Brad Stand. [Mary Jane] She's a perspective from...

Brad Stand. Hey, how are you?

Brad Stand. Hey.

Brad, we didn't do this. She did it, Brad.

But listen to this. ## [Country]

but they chopped it to pieces. [Phone Ringing]

But you had to do it anyway, didn't ya? She's a very powerful person.

But... it will help you. [Zipper Unzipping]

by Mr. Markovski that's killing us dead. [Applause]

by rattling Albert Markovski. I never told you that.

Calm down. Two... killing Arabs in oil producing dictatorships...

Can we schedule a time when you can come by? This thread of your...

Can you imagine that, Caitlin? I don't want the children to work in factories!

Come on. We need to start with his specifics, Bernard.

Come. Come. Gracias, senora. [Spanish]

Crazy. I can't believe them.

Dawn, please. Wake up, pretty girl.

Dawn, this is Heather. Hey, I'm Heather.

Did I say it was? You did. You agree it wasn't?

Did they follow you? No. I lost them on Route 4.

Did they let you in to the benefit? I didn't even try to get in.

Did you hear some of that? Some of it sounds pretty good.

Do you have a job, Tom? I'm a firefighter.

Do you see anything? No.

Do you want to come? What time?

Do you want to lead a fake life? You don't have to get so threatened.

Does Dawn want to quit? Dawn's into this crap for real...

Don't start with that magic blanket bullshit, okay? It's not magic.

Don't stop asking questions, baby. Damn you!

Don't use that tone of voice in my house. I think you started that tone.

Don't worry, Albert. We're gonna knock that meeting on its ass. Copy these and get these out.

Dude, what're you talking about? Why does he get to write poetry?

End quote. Duh. Brad likes to be charming. It comes naturally.

Exactly. Because that's what I just experienced upstairs. Look closer.

excuse me, Mr. Silver? [Albert] This is silly. Let's go.

Excuse me? Say you're Christians living by Jesus' principles. Are you?

Extra small for your grandson, right? You shouldn't have.

For mayonnaise? For you.

Fuck a bees! Ooh.

Fuck trust! You better stay away from Caterine, Albert...

Fuck! [Angela] He has been enormously helpful...

Girl, you could...[Laughing] Yeah, yeah.

Give me a kiss. Come on. Okay.

Give me my glasses. No.

Give me my glasses. You give me my car keys.

Go ahead, Brad. There's a Bass Basher in Japan? What's that about?

Go ahead. Oh, I will. I'm not kidding.

Good job, Albert. Can it be taped?

Got Shaquille O'Neal. I like Shaq. [Girl Squeals]

Has everybody lost their minds? What is this shit? Come on.

Have you ever transcended space and time? Yes. No.

Have you? I'm doing this for you. Oh, my God.

He hasn't signed a contract. Let's do this and then we'll get to the contract.

He was so skinny. Skeleton man from Africa. Skeleton man...

He's going to have to be pro bono. Okay. Sounds good.

He's gonna hate them. There's glass between us.

Here's the question... No, no. I think...

Hey, Albert, how's it goin'? What are you doing here, Brad?

Hey, dickweed. [Albert] Still Brad Stand.

Hey, he assaulted me, man. He tried to attack me. Hey!

Hey, hey, hey. What did she give you? No, stay away from me.

Hey, hey. Hey... There you are, Marty.

Hey, sign your bike out. Sign your bike out! Tommy, come on!

Hi, guys. Oh, Christ.

Hi, have we met? No. Vivian Jaffe.

Hold up. No. No.

Honey... What is it?

How am I gonna look at my file? You wanna see your file?

How am I not myself? "How am I not myself?"

How am I not myself? [Bernard] "How am I not myself?"

How am I not myself? [Woman] Bradley?

How am I supposed to know which parts to listen to? I'll tell you.

How am I the destroyer? I saw that S.U.V. Out there.

How are you connected? Through an investigation.

How can she get you out of the charter, man? She can't!

How can you believe that bullshit? T Tom... Tom, I'm sorry.

How come? Too busy. A lot of work.

How does the love glow fit into that, man? It's connected.

How? When you get the blanket thing you can relax...

How's the sex? How is the sex?

I admit that. This doesn't make sense.

I am the coalition. I wrote the charter. Uh huh. Not for long.

I can mix your thing with their thing. No, you can't!

I can't do this. I can't do it. Don't give me that face.

I can't get 'em. Can you just keep trying? Just keep trying.

I don't want to go to this building. Stop! [Tommy] Trust her, Albert.

I doubt your coincidence is meaningful. Why?

I got corporate? Yeah, you got corporate. Now go and contain her.

I got someone. Who is it?

I got someone. Who is it?

I know. I was only joking. Were you joking...

I move to vote. Second!

I put this together. I put this together! I know it's tough.

I send him shirts. Mm hmm.

I sent this to you. Why don't you ever listen to me... Have you seen this system?

I suck, Daryl. I really sucked. You're doing great, Dawn.

I think so. With the bonnet?

I think you do. I don't.

I think you should go. No, I will not go.

I thought you cared about the issues. I do.

I told you, you are the trademark voice of Huckabees. So...

I tried to... You're dancing with my girl. Yeah.

I wanna go. Could you please read the date for me?

I want to know about my coincidences. What's happening now?

I wouldn't have to ride on my bicycle. That is three questions.

I wrote it. Marty, call security. I think you should call...

I... I'm not boring like him. Like the mayonnaise story. The mayo story.

I'll be back in five. [Man] Five minutes?

I'll get you whatever you want. What do you need? I don't know.

I'll show you where to go. You're very, very helpful. Thanks a lot.

I'm a really big fan of yours. Well, thanks.

I'm dealing with it. Sit with me and Shania. You'll see this is a win for us.

I'm going home. Oh, no! Albert, please. Stay with us for mancala hour.

I'm lucky if I last another day! We can solve your case sooner if you're straight with us.

I'm making a statement for the open spaces. [Horn Honking]

I'm really glad I found out about these people. That's bullshit.

I'm the face. Go, Heather.

In the bathroom? Yes.

is dressing like an Amish bag lady. Okay, I get it.

It all comes around. Like you say, take the long view. Long view.

It is unnamable. Yeah? Well, I reject unnamable!

It is! I didn't think it was. I can't believe it. It's so fantastic!

It means nothing. Just like my coincidence. Cat seemed to hit a nerve.

It's his girlfriend's. What's her name?

It's important to ask questions. [Caitlin] Don't let them go blind!

It's just like that. No, it's not like that! This is...

It's kind of a crappy deal. C'est exactement Áa.

It's only four months old. Wait. Wait. Listen. Listen. Listen to the master, all right?

It's so weird to meet my voice. Welcome to the family.

It's the new Miss Huckabees. Sorry. I thought you were Shania.

It's too much too soon. It's always too much too soon. That's the nature of the beast.

John, what did Legal say? Jerry?

Just call it "Tuna Tornado." There you go. Legal can cover that.

Kafka. Look at that. So fishy.

Kind of a coincidence. Yes, exactly. My case is a coincidence.

Korean barbecue. Really?

La force. It's French for strength. La force.

Later, Steve. God bless you.

Let me in. Marty, I'm me. I made it. Marty, will you let Brad in?

Let's celebrate. Mm hmm.

Let's do it. Let's make a commercial.

Let's go! Shania doesn't give a shit!

Let's start with the method. Let's start with the method.

Like the story. Like the story.

Like the story. Like the story. Like the story.

Like we said. To be noticed. This is absurd. Show me my folder.

Like what? Well, um, for instance...

Look right here. You see? Okay. But look at the cracks...

Looks like you saw some truth. Looks like you saw some truth.

Mama. All right, baby. All right.

Mama. All right, baby. All right.

Marty, no. She's allergic... Yes.

Maybe, yeah. Uh huh.

Meaningful how? That's what I want you to find out.

Myself. "How am I not myself?"

No mayo... Hey, Bradley, how do you like the corporate men's room?

No, go back inside. Can I have my car keys?

No, he didn't. And yet you brought him into the open spaces coalition.

No, hey. Get out of there. Hey! Hey! No. Now, unfettered access.

No, honey. What happened to the cat, Albert?

No, just listened. [Brad] So, your surveillance is wrong.

No, that's confusing. [Engine Starting]

No, Vauban talks about space. Where'd you get that book?

No, you can't. No, you can't.

No. Yes.

No. It... That's got me very confused.

Nobody sees that picture! Why did you do that? No, no, no, no.

Not in that bonnet. It's in my eyes, Marty.

Not so hard. Sorry.

Nothing strikes you as odd? See? It's nothing. Let's go.

Nothing! Everything!

Now, isn't that cool? Huh? Yes.

Oh, boy. The man poet who banged France's dark lady of philosophy.

Oh, Brad's here! [Brad] Look what I got you, Mary Jane.

Oh, is that for my grandson? It most certainly is.

Oh, it's binding. I'll find a lawyer.

Oh, maybe not. [Bernard] Wait a second.

Oh, my God, Brad. You're killing me. What are you talking about?

Oh, my goodness. [Brad] I don't have a job.

Oh, please. I don't think of myself as being that pretty. [Indistinct]

Oh, right here. Where? Where?

Oh, you are pissing people off. Oh, no, I'm not.

Oh, you're welcome. You're welcome. Hold on.

Oh? Or maybe even go to the FBI. How about that?

Oh... Uh. Mary Jane!

Okay, first director now. Silence. Excuse me.

Okay? I'll leave it to you.

Okay? Mm hmm.

Okay. I said I get it, Bernie. Relax. Passive aggressive.

On me? Yes.

One question only. Uno. Okay.

Or did the poetry inspire the coalition? This is looking weird.

Or he fakes them. Which is odd.

our seven minutes of heaven. It's longer than that.

outta the parking lot. It's a free country. The poems work.

Pedicure? Yeah, but do I have to be pretty all the time?

Perhaps you can be my guests for dinner. That would be great, huh?

Really hungry. Right. And so, you order... Tuna sandwiches.

Really? No.

Relax. Not doing your poem. Don't give me the relax thing, Brad.

Remember last year, the trust thing? The paragliding? A quick look at your label.

Right? Right on.

Right. I told you that he wasn't ready for infinity.

Right. So what's the problem? She's the voice.

See See...See, this isn't our thing. That is her thing.

See, I wasn't making a joke. What's her name?

See? So what? You can't see any of this anyway!

Seventeen years, 352 cases. [Laughs] That's crazy.

Shania doesn't give a shit! Oh, Shania cares.

Shania's on the stage. We've got the executives here... That's great.

She gets... Hungry.

She had to get you to see. See what?

She just dove into the back of Angela's car. You gotta keep using the method.

She was doing some print work for us... [Bernard] Albert? Albert?

She's a model! [Brad Laughs]

She's my teacher too, Albert. And she's still your teacher, Tom.

She's vomiting all over the limo. The lady hates chicken salad.

Shit. So we get drawn back into human drama...

Shut up. Aggressive aggressive.

So am I. That's how I bought into you. [Recording] Eighteenth floor.

So do you. But this guy. Wha... Ah, he doesn't look too good.

So just give him a break. Thank you, Orrin.

So we're fighting it. We are fighting it.

So you sold out the woods? This new mall is going to be very eco friendly.

So, get in here? Yeah.

So, how's your poetry job? I got fired from it.

Sorry, Mom. Sorry, Dad. I did not know. Stevo, I'm so disappointed.

Sorry, that's not gonna work. What's the matter with that?

Sounds like a support group. Why can't he use a church?

Stay away from me! Stop! Look! Listen! Throughout infinity...

Sure I can. No, you can't.

Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Okay?

T Tell me what that is. It's important to me. I see it so clearly.

Talking about the blanket. I don't want to do the blanket right now.

Tell him it's important. I'm not going to any meeting at Huckabees.

Tell me about your case. Well, you seem to be following me pretty closely.

Tell me what's happening. She wants to talk about my work situation.

Tell me why. We just wanted to share this beautiful place.

That came out of left field. All right.

That is wonderful, Albert. Oh, honey, he's got it.

That sound pretty good? That sounds very good.

that you think separates you from everything. [Heart Beating]

That's a cool thing, isn't it? But...

That's amazing. I know.

That's bullshit. Congratulations.

That's chaos. That's my "B." This doesn't sound like you.

That's chaos. That's my "B." This doesn't sound like you.

That's classic Garth. The best. Classic Garth costs.

That's crazy! Why do you stare at her?

That's funny! He pushed him! It is not funny!

That's great, Mom. It's right up my alley. But it is. It's a new hot...

That's gross. A preliminary surveillance...

That's right. Betrayal embodies the universal truth you seek.

That's straight. At Schottinger's photo archive where you met Mr. Nimieri...

That's the answer. Yes.

That's what gives you la force. The force?

That's what you mean to do. Albert, please!

The African guy. That's the African guy from my coincidence.

The cat was killed by curiosity. Right. That cat.

The sex? Come on, guys. Come on. That's private.

The store. Baby, this is the truth, okay?

Then why did you need "drowning"? To rhyme with "frowning."

Theodore Roosevelt was a socialist? And Yeats? Theodore Roosevelt...

There is no secret deal. Well, there should be, 'cause that's the way it works.

There was no crop. ##[Woman Continues]

There... Where?

There... There's nothing in it. What does that mean? Look!

They want me back in a bikini? [Screams]

They're not always meaningful. Yeah, it's meaningful.

They're your detectives, and they gave me this truth. Wow. Nutty.

This is a pretty good book. You should read this. What?

This is for you. Oh, thank you.

This is Mr. Markovski. Hi.

This is my meeting. I'm the director. We gave you a chance.

This is myself. Then you won't speak at the benefit as yourself.

This is the fourth coincidence? No, I came here on purpose.

This is the money right now. Yes? No!

This is what I wanna talk about. It wasn't your first time at Schottinger's, was it?

This is worse than I thought. Oh, it's much worse.

This should've gone to the other chapter a week ago. I want those flyers...

Tommy Corn. Albert Markovski.

Tommy, what is it? I got a serious situation here.

Tops and mops? That's her.

Truck! Truck! Bike.

Tuna fish. No mayo, darling. [People Laughing]

typically. Surveillance? You watched us?

Uh uh. That's partly why you're here, right?

Wait here. Where you goin'?

Want to take a shot? [Albert] It's my coincidence.

We could still be... You can still be my other, right? Shut up, Albert.

We fight suburban sprawl. What's suburban sprawl?

We have a legal problem. Well, I disagree.

We have to save the marsh. Sorry I'm late, guys.

we put the $10,000 donors up here. Wow, Garth.

We saved the marsh. [Albert] By giving them the woods.

We saved the marsh... Fuck him!

We wouldn't do it like that. [Brad Crying]

We'd like to discuss... We'd like to discuss...

We'll show you. It'll make it easier. I'll prove it to you.

We're not gonna discuss this. We're private about...

Well, give us a little credit. The police go to Huckabees.

Well, I have a meeting. [Doorbell Ringing]

Well, it's only been a week. One day is too much.

Well, this is a rare occasion. Where is she?

Well, we've got a trademark issue in Japan. You got a legal problem?

What about this year? We didn't take a trip this year.

What African guy? Exactly. What African guy?

What are you doing at the mall? I'm working.

What are you doing tomorrow? I was thinking about chaining myself to a bulldozer.

What are you doing? [Chuckling] I'm jokin' around, guys.

What are you getting at? Why would you do something like that?

What are you talking about? He did mention that in his application...

What books do you read? What books do I read?

What did we say about that? I don't want to hear it again. It'll be no Internet tonight.

What did you just call me? Cystic toxic what?

What do you do? I'm the director of the Open Spaces Coalition.

What do you mean? They won't let me see my coincidence file.

What does that matter? You should be asking these questions, Skip.

What happens in the meadow at dusk? Everything.

what he did to you, and... [Knocking]

What is it exactly? Like a buddy system I think.

What universe? What universe? This. Tommy, come on.

What? He's come here to conquer you like he conquered my coalition.

What? I don't want to tell that story, Marty.

What? She meant quality, not quantity.

What? V.P. For public affairs.

What? What? What?

What? Talk to my family? [Vivian] Mommy and daddy look awesome.

What'd you see? Well, the interconnection thing is definitely for real.

What's going to happen to me in there? Oh, hey, you're gonna see.

What's he doing? Why's he closing his eyes?

What's outside this blanket? More blankets. That's the point.

What's the difference? Here, they say everything's connected in the blanket.

What's the point? I thought he was a sweet, sensitive young man.

What's this, Dawn? Do you love me?

What's wrong with you? Pussy. You're an asshole.

when you said quantity and not quality? In regards to sex?

Where? In some fancy restaurant that I'd never been to before.

Where's Brad? Brad. Brad. Brad. It's all Brad, Brad.

Which I can now carry on. [Woman] It's just for fun.

which states..." That's not binding.

Which, by the way, is a lie. He loves mayo! He loves it.

Who is this lady? I found here in your apartment...

Who needs you guys? [Caterine] Ahh, sublime.

Who sent you here? Nobody. I found your card.

Who the hell are you? Who the hell are you?

Who? Caterine.

Who's Caterine? The woman who's spying on me. Where is she?

Who's Orrin? Orrin is the Open Spaces national director.

Who's your friend? Jay Wendorff. But it's not his apartment.

Who's your guide? Well, I use Magritte, a Belgian surrealist.

Who's your guide? Well, I use Magritte, a Belgian surrealist.

Why can't I do it? Because it is a fantasy.

Why don't you like my spots? Honey, this look is hurting you, and it's hurting Huckabees.

Why don't you tell me about it? You are miserable.

Why is that? I needed the sponsor to take my cause to another level.

Why not? Because they are completely different.

Why not? Yeah, why not?

Why? I don't know.

Why? There's nothing too small.

Why? Why what?

Will you be spying on me in the bathroom? Yes.

Wow, wow, wow. Bradley, there's board members here.

Wow. What's going on in there?

Yahhh! It's a romantic fantasy.

Yeah, a real treat. You have received your answer.

Yeah, come on, tell the Shania story. Come on, Brad.

Yeah, is that why you're doing this, to teach him? Of course it is.

Yeah, my closet. Indonesia.

Yeah, see? That's funny. [Bernard] Back door way to charm.

Yeah, that'd be great. Wait here. I must ask my mom.

Yeah, that's why I came here. Who's the girl?

Yeah, treat it like it's a car. It... It's not a car. It's my job.

Yeah, tuna fish. [Woman] I thought she was a vegetarian.

Yeah, you really are. You're pissing people... No, I'm not.

Yeah? There's us over here...

Yeah? Which would explain the way things actually are...

Yeah? You use petroleum, you're a murderer. That's a fact.

Yeah. All right, now, we need to learn...

Yeah. Identity is an illusion...

Yeah. No, it doesn't.

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. She said fuck...

Yeah. Socialism. Complete disaster.

Yeah. Then everything is meaningless and it doesn't matter if you...

Yeah. When you leave the office, will you go through the back door?

Yes, Brad, on the phone. Indeed, I did, at length.

Yes, yes, yes. Murderer. A murderer?

Yes, you do. Oh, stop it!

Yes, your home is a lie. What does that mean? I gave my life to this selfish bas...

Yes, your home is a lie. What does that mean? I gave my life to this selfish bas...

Yes. I don't mean to give you a hard time.

You asked me to come up here? What does the doorman have to do with this?

You bastards. [Bernard] He doesn't look too good, does he, Brad?

You didn't send this? Caterine Vauban's full of shit. What is she doing here?

You don't believe in therapy. No, see, I don't see this as therapy.

You don't need anyone. That's not true. I need you guys.

You don't want to ask these questions? No! I want to live my life!

You fell in love. [Caterine] Do not defile it with clichÈ.

You guys need this, okay? This is great. Where's Brad?

You hired the detectives. You don't have to listen to every word they say.

You hurt my feelings. I'm sorry.

You know... There you go. That means we're all alone...

You oughta see her after a couple margaritas. Oh, my God! I'm crying.

You sent it to me. No, no. We would never give you this book.

You should be ashamed of yourself. Why should I be ashamed?

You shut up! You get out. You shut up. Come on. Let's get out of here.

You wanna dance? No, I don't wanna dance.

You want some new clothes? Yeah.

You want to go at him, right? Yeah.

You'll spy? Yes.

You're a funny guy, a good guy. Keeping everyone laughing...

You're a hypocrite. I'm a what?

You're gonna get on the truck like everybody else. Get on the bike.

You're only smashing yourself, Brad! Yeah.

You're out of the charter. He can't be out of the charter. He is the charter.

You're sitting in a big pile of shit. Brad, it's okay. Believe me.

You're talking about socialism. No, I'm not. I'm talking about...

You've talked to me about this. So if this world is temporary...

'cause she's gonna lead you down the path of darkness.

'cause your house is burning and you might have lost your job?

'cause your house is burning and you might have lost your job?

"An open meadow, an open marsh in a cloudless sky.

"And then she took me back to the lady in the kitchen...

"and told me to spell words to show how I'm a good speller.

"Betrayed" by Albert Markovski.

"But what happened to the gazelles? Were they squashed...

"But what happened to the gazelles? Were they squashed...

"Huckabees cornucopia of stuff we all want.

"I came home from school. Mom was in the kitchen with a strange lady.

"I climbed out the window. I went down the block.

"I said I had to go to the bathroom.

"I saw Barney playing punch ball. He said I look sad.

"I told him what happened to my cat. He said, 'That's sad.'

"Less than 5% of the cosmos is composed of the same elements that compose human life."

"may terminate case prior to resolution as defined by paragraph 314, subclause 'D'...

"Mom told me to go back to my room. I thought I was in trouble.

"Nobody sits like this rock sits.

"November 17, 1989." Albert was nine. This is his journal.

"Putting on a show. Can't say no.

"She closed my door and said, 'Purree got hit by a car and killed.'

"Then I cried, but I tried not to show. Some of the kids laughed.

"Then I cried, but I tried not to show. Some of the kids laughed.

"You need to get people to like you to be successful to get things done in this world."

"You rock, rock. The rock just sits and is.

[Albert] I told you to stay away from my work situation!

[Albert] Wait a second. What are we doing here?

[Albert] You guys get anything good in there? You didn't, did you?

[Albert] You mean the existential detectives?

[All] Amen.

[Angela] Mary Jane, this is your story. Why don't you do it?

[Angela] Point of order, please. A point of order.

[Angela] Who the hell are you?

[Bell Ringing]

[Bernard] All right, that's good.

[Bernard] All right, you guys wanna have a go at each other, right?

[Bernard] Every relationship is possible, guys. Brothers, husbands, child.

[Bernard] Everyone's intake procedure is different.

[Bernard] Nothing's okay, so it's okay.

[Boy Laughs] Whoa.

[Boy Laughs] Whoa.

[Brad And Dawn] Whoa!

[Brad's Voice] Here's the marsh and woods we're going to save.

[Brad's Voice] No joke. We gave her a chicken salad sandwich once...

[Brad's Voice] Shania's there promoting her apparel, right?

[Brad's Voice] Shania's there, you know, promoting her apparel, right?

[Brad] No, I don't want to go. He grabbed my girl.

[Brad] Nothing's okay.

[Brad] Oh, ho ho ho, no. Oh, no!

[Brad] You look ugly! No, no, no.

[Brad] You think that's funny? I got a story for you.

[Chattering]

[Chuckles] You can't make a federal case out of the cat.

[Chuckling] These things happen.

[Clamoring]

[Clattering]

[Crying]

[Crying] Everything. My life.

[Door Opening, Closing]

[Elevator Dings]

[Gasps]

[Girl's Voice] Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

[Grunting]

[Indistinct]

[Laughing Continues]

[Laughing]

[Machine Beeps]

[Man On P.A. Continues, Indistinct]

[Man On P.A.] Engine Company 54, stand by.

[Man's Voice] It was Albert's vision. This whole thing was Albert's vision.

[Man] Guys, that's enough!

[Man] He dropped Albert's poems from the benefit. And the mailing.

[Man] Jimbo, everything on this lawn goes.

[Man] Uh, Dawn, can we do it one more time?

[Mary Jane] This is where the little jack in the pulpits live.

[Moaning]

[Moaning]

[Mouths Words]

[No Audible Dialogue Or Sound Effects]

[No Audible Dialogue]

[No Audible Dialogue]

[Recording] Eighteenth floor.

[Recording] Tenth floor.

[Screaming]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs] Let me try that one more time.

[Sighs] Now.

[Sirens Approaching]

[Sniffs] Screw all you bastards.

[Tape Player Stops]

[Tape Rewinding]

[Thinking] Moved my meeting to the Huckabees corporation.

[Thuds]

[Together] How am I not myself?

[Together] Shania.

[Tommy] Destroyer. Destroyer. Destroyer.

[Tommy] Nobody? Yeah, nobody.

[Tommy] That's Caterine.

[Vivian's Voice] July 9, Flight 27 to Chicago.

[Vivian's Voice] June 5, driving range.

[Vivian's Voice] June 30, the lake.

[Vivian's Voice] May 18, sales meeting.

[Vivian] He wishes you would listen to him more.

[Vivian] Settle down. Someone tell me about the woods and the marsh.

[Vivian] You have several stories that you like to tell over and over and over.

[Whispering] Cricket, I don't know.

[Woman Moaning]

[Woman] Hit the alarm.

[Woman] I wanted to thank you for what you did with the oak tree.

[Woman] Welcome to the Huckabees Open Spaces gala event.

[Yelling]

## [Vocalizing]

##[Continues]

##[Vocalizing Continues Over Radio]

##[Vocalizing]

##[Woman Singing In Spanish]