Varsity Blues (1999) Edit

A man on the cross, I ask you to pray for the health of Lance Harbor.

About Bud Kilmer's 23rd district championship?

Absolutely.

Ain't that right, Son?

All right, 4 95. Curl, on one.

All right, 4 95. Curl, on one. Eyes up.

All right, 4 95. Let's go. Get out there.

All right, Bacon, off in the flatbed.

All right, bring it up over your head.

All right, I guess.

All right, I right, 494, Z post, on one.

All right, let's go! Come on. Break it down!

All right, let's razzle dazzle them dummy D's with a little package six.

All right, now close your eyes. Think real hard.

All right, now pick up that there flowerpot.

All right, put down that glass.

All right, you ready to be on America's Hilarious Home Videos, or what?

All right! All right! Go!

All right! Listen up! Listen up! I need five wide receivers.

All right? You're smart.

All right.

All right.

All right. Hook and ladder left, on one.

All right. Stay loose, Mox.

All them games we won mean nothing if you don't win tonight.

All we're left with is an excuse. We're always gonna wonder.

And Bud Kilmer can't be happy, the way his team's playing tonight.

And don't worry, son, I'm behind you.

And Florida State and the future.

And follow me out there.

And for some of us, it ended without us knowing.

And he's nowhere to be found.

And I don't know if I love Jules but I might.

And I got to watch it, and you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go home.

And I have had sex with older women before.

And I think it's necessary that we move beyond the common nomenclature

And if it wasn't for you, I would still have my starting quarterback.

And it's fucking up my universe. You understand?

And it's just accepted that as a member of American society,

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

And listen to this crowd.

And Pedro.

And showing everyone that you've been underrated?

And the Coyotes tonight will play the Bingville Bulls

And the one after that?

And the panties drop. Very nice.

And then they exposed themselves to the ladies' auxiliary.

And then try the state undefeated.

And they hurry up for the line of scrimmage. Look at all the receivers!

And they were Four A all last year.

And this year, God willing with your support for this great team,

And we can grind them and the tempo of the game way down.

And we got handcuffs and cool shit to play with.

And we spend most of that time scared that we're gonna screw up

And we'll leave it all out on the field.

And what do you mean is he a boy or a girl?

And yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...

And you boys are on the house all night.

And you got secret formations?

And you see his future going down the drain.

And you're gonna kick our ass, because you don't really give a fuck about us!

And, if I get into Brown, no more West Canaan.

Any slang terms for different sex organs. Please.

Any time after 7:00.

Are you hearing me?

Are you ready to go?

Are you sure you're all right to play?

As a boy growing up in West Canaan, Texas,

As the Coyotes take on the Bingville Bulls.

Baby, I don't know if I can concentrate here.

Baby, I just got so excited thinking about next year

Because today, we are going to begin our study of

Because, well, I got my head whacked last week.

Before I lose my temper! Get out!

Before this game started, Kilmer said,

Believe me when I tell you, Mox will stick to the game plan.

Billy Bob cried, 'cause he's a bit of a crier.

Billy Bob has come into the ball game for the Coyotes.

Billy Bob, I need you for one more series, Hoss.

Billy Bob, I'm telling you, man,

Billy Bob, the man's holding up some fingers, true or false?

Billy Bob, this play is for you, all right?

Billy Bob, you all right?

Billy Bob! Billy Bob! Coyotes win! Coyotes win! Coyotes win!

Billy Bob! Trainer!

Billy Bob?

Billy Bob? This is it! The man who got us here.

Blaming him for Lance's knee and shit.

Blue 19! Blue 19! Go!

Boner is good. Boner is very...

Boner?

Brown.

Bud Kilmer pulls off another one! Unbelievable!

Burn them one on one on the other.

But I don't want your life.

But I need to talk to you about Gilroy.

But I will never forget that day.

But I would.

But if we go out there and we give it absolutely everything,

But then I cheered up when I realized it was only a dream, because

But there is only one God. All praise be to Allah.

But there's nothing more you can do tonight. Get on.

But wait a minute, but I'm no eligible receiver though.

But we can't be afraid to lose. There's no room for fear in this game.

But we have the opportunity to play like gods for the next half of football.

But, Dad, come on, you're gonna fall on the barbecue.

Button hook right on three. Hut! Hut! Hut!

By the disrespect of the few.

Byron "Booger" Bosell gets the pitch. He's at mid field.

Call the nurse!

Championship trophy. Steelers.

Charlie Tweeter blocks the punt! He blocks the punt! Charlie Tweeter!

Check it out.

Close the door.

Coach, there's a minute and a half left! Let me throw something.

Come here.

Come in.

Come on down fifth! Take it in now, yeah!

Come on, Bacon. That's it, baby. Be a good dog, here you go.

Come on, Jules, are we together or what?

Come on, Jules, I've always been a football player.

Come on, Lance!

Come on, let's go quick! On the ball!

Come on, let's go!

Come on, let's go. Let's go.

Come on, man! Let's get in the truck! Let's go!

Come on, man.

Come on, Mox, earn it! Come on! You got it!

Come on, Mox. He's been riding the fuck out of Billy Bob, man,

Come on, Tweeter! Let's go, dog!

Come on, you all, say it.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Come on, keep your shirt on, Billy Bob.

Come on. You're almost there! Here we go!

Commonly associated with sexual reproduction.

Costs a lot of money to look that cheap.

Count them!

Coyotes leading 7 to 0. Gilroy with the football just at mid field.

Coyotes still have a chance.

Coyotes will receive the ball. You gentlemen shake hands.

Cry me a river, you fat fucking baby. You disgust me.

Damn, Mox, I thought you knew.

Defense in third quarter, excellent effort. Where's the game ball?

Does it really bother you?

Does somebody have a problem with Wendell putting one in the end zone?

Dog tired. It's my knee.

Don't do it, Wendell. It's not worth it, man.

Don't you worry. You're gonna play every minute of that game.

Earl? Earl?

Eighth grade isn't so bad, is it, Son?

Elliot?

Every time we get inside the 10, he gives the ball to Lance on a sweep

Everyone in West Canaan will go on believing

Everything you've all done to this point means nothing.

Field goal for Gilroy. It is good. Gilroy leads 17 to 7

Fire that fucking pigskin!

Five more games. No more football, no more Kilmer,

Football is a way of life.

For not being naked with some sophomore chick

For the male erection we want to identify and discard?

For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory,

Force them to cover Tweeter one on one!

Former defensive great for the Coyotes.

Fourth down, 1:49 to play, Greenville.

Fuck it, I'm out.

Fuck Kilmer, all right? I'll get you in the end zone.

Fuck me. It's 7:00.

Fuck no. My mom's been doing my recruiting.

Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, you son of a bitch!

Fucking Kilmer! Shit's fucked up.

Fucking Kilmer? You're gonna let Kilmer win?

Full academic scholarship.

Full academic scholarship.

Gee, I mean, Lance Harbor left some pretty big shoes to fill.

Gentlemen, I'm gonna go nuts.

Gentlemen. Now that none of us are inebriated,

Get in there! Get in there! Right deep.

Get me off the field! Get me off the field!

Get out of here.

Get out of here.

Get out there and win this ball game.

Get some mustard.

Get the hell out.

Get your ass back on that bench!

Get yourself another shelf. Pretty good running the ball, Wendell.

Gilroy with the football, Punkie Tyler, quarterback,

Give me a beer!

Give me a huddle!

Give me the horny hex!

Go on now.

Go!

Go!

Go!

Go!

God damn.

God. Look, I'm gonna go see my dad.

Goddamn worst game I ever seen.

Gonzales, complete! One more time

Good boy.

Good game. Good game, man.

Good gosh all mighty Joe Friday! Billy Bob!

Good mooning, boys, good mooning!

Good morning, West Canaan. Creighton Miles here,

Good news. Damn, it's good to hear that.

Good pass, Bo. Johnny and Robert.

Great game tonight.

Guy, huddle them back up again. Huddle up. Clayton, huddle them up.

Had that ankle injury, but he's ready to go now.

Haines, he's taking the car!

Hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come,

Hand down, Billy Bob.

Harbors appreciate you being here,

Having a gut check minute about who he really is.

He found his calling as a football coach.

He shouldn't even have been playing.

He told me to protect Lance and I didn't. I fucked everything up, man.

He tore something.

He used to hammer my ass the exact same way 27 years ago!

He wants to throw. Throws long, and it is caught!

He's all right, Coach.

He's gonna need several surgeries

He's hurt bad, Mox. It's all my fault, man. It's all my fault.

He's in pain. And the bad thing about it,

He's out of the first surgery.

He's stopped right in his tracks!

He's very spiritual.

Heck, I don't know. I don't know.

Hell, I didn't fair so bad.

Hell, they've been hurting people.

Here I come.

Here I come.

Here we go with Moxon as quarterback.

Here we go. Slot left, 35 dive.

Here you go, have a beer. Come on.

Hey, have you seen Billy Bob? I can't find him.

Hey, he's class of 1980.

Hey, hey! Come on, man. Hey, Billy Bob!

Hey, hey. What's the deal with these kids?

Hey, if you're hungry, I left a few hot dogs in here.

Hey, Mox, you skinny ass bitch, let's roll!

Hey, Tweeter. Hey, man, you got any? My knee's killing me.

Hey, Tweeter. Take my shot, man. You know I don't drink.

Hey, you need anything, big guy, you let me know. Come on.

Hey, you weren't asleep, were you?

Hey! That's my boy!

Hey. How are you?

Hey. I'm gonna toss your pig ass out on the street! Move over!

Hi, everybody. This is Creighton Miles,

His career is probably over.

Holy shit!

Hoofed down there by Mad Dog

Hook and ladder left, on one.

Hope last night was fun. Hope it was fun.

Hornets, come to the line of scrimmage.

How about you, Jonnie? Do you think you're better than my boy?

How long?

How many fingers?

How you feeling, Jonnie?

How's Lance?

How's your brother supposed to concentrate on tonight's game

Huddle up!

Hut!

I ain't interested in another turnover. Get out there!

I appreciate everything you've done for me.

I can't go with you. But, here, I'll give you my jacket. Here you go.

I can't... Go again. I can't.

I didn't see no trucks.

I do.

I don't date football players.

I don't know that I'll ever get the job done like he did.

I don't know what you call this offense, but look at all those receivers.

I don't know, I've been... I just been walking around for a while.

I don't know. I mean...

I don't know. What?

I don't think I can just keep letting these boys get away with this stuff...

I don't wanna see your fat face. Get out. Get the fuck out of here.

I don't want to drink and drive.

I feel like I'm doing something illegal.

I figured I'd give them a holler.

I gave it a 9.5. I still got wood. Still.

I gave it a 10.

I got the squirts, Mox. I think that liquor's still in my system.

I got your grades under review, and don't you think for a minute

I had the most beautiful dream last night.

I have brought two state titles and 22 district championships!

I just wanna thank God and my teammates for the win today.

I just want you to know that I am 18,

I just wanted to go with you.

I just wanted to remind you of our little conversation.

I know we'll beat Bingville by way more than that.

I like trains better.

I love football when it's pure, but this...

I love you, brother.

I mean, after a couple of drinks, maybe. I don't know.

I mean, I love spending time with her, you know.

I mean, it's kind of weird to have you in my house, isn't it?

I mean, Jonathan Moxon's only one man, you know.

I mean, what about you and Jules?

I need to hit some ass!

I need you.

I never miss these.

I raised you to be a winner. So damn it, boy, win!

I really appreciate y'all not saying anything.

I really need to talk to you.

I removed a hell of a lot of scar tissue from that boy's knee.

I right, shift 52. We are a running team.

I say, fuck that. Let's go out there,

I swear Kilmer gets off on this. He's made your brother a god.

I swear to God on my mother's grave

I tell you what, Billy Bob, man child, got his own zip code, opens a hole up,

I tell you, that was about as ferocious a hit as I've seen all year.

I tell you, these players nowadays, they just running around lawless.

I think he would.

I think I have a very nice ass.

I think I need to be your wide receiver.

I think it's best we settle this matter once and for all.

I think this is the best I've ever seen you look.

I think you're right. I'm going home, all right?

I thought you said Elwood wasn't that good.

I took your advice, they scanned my cat. I can play!

I usually fall for the whipped cream bikini every time.

I want four receivers stacked left. Tweeter, you on the right.

I want it off, now!

I want you to fix it.

I was 11.

I was about to make an ice cream sundae.

I will bring number 23!

I will fear no faggots from Bingville.

I will rip your arms off and beat you to death with them!

I'd like to propose a toast. To Miss Davis.

I'll call the plays from the line. Defense'll never know what hit them!

I'm 18 years old. It's not like I'm married to her.

I'm about to fuck your pig! How about that?

I'm afraid something's wrong.

I'm gonna give you these drinks. Take this, please.

I'm gonna go home, and you can kiss my ass.

I'm gonna go to jail.

I'm just one man.

I'm preparing to die for all of man's sins.

I'm really sorry.

I'm sorry, man. Lance!

I'm sorry, Wendell. Just kick him off.

I'm talking to other people, too!

I'm telling you, there's people here that

I'm the great and honorable El Ali Akbar Shabazz Da.

I'm walking out that door. I want you all to trust me

I'm with them.

I'm wondering what happened to you.

I've known her since kindergarten. Nothing's ever happened.

If I play for Kilmer tomorrow and we win, he wins.

If it keeps that needle out of his leg, absolutely.

If that needle goes anywhere near Wendell's leg,

If their granny lives in Bingville, you better tell her to move,

If your daddy hadn't played his heart out for me, I'd cut your ass.

In America we have laws,

In fact, as a man of the cross, or in your case,

In Jesus name, Moxon, what are you doing?

In my 30 years of coaching at West Canaan,

In the end zone, and look at him dance with the football.

In the fourth quarter. You're looking off in the goddamn stands!

In West Canaan, Texas, there is another society which has its own laws.

Is that a fact? And you think he's first string?

Is there a future?

Isn't that right, boy? Hey! Look at the size of that sausage!

It was topical. It was erotic.

It's 7:00.

It's about me getting a better life.

It's been a really weird night. I don't know. I'll see you tomorrow.

It's got to be true or false.

It's just for grins, don't get your panties in a bunch.

It's like nothing was never good enough.

It's why you boys dragged ass out there.

Ivy Leagues?

Jesus.

Jog it in! Let's go. Jog it in.

Joining me in the booth is Stubby "Stud Daddy" Tanner,

Jon Moxon with a 40 yard pass! Where'd this kid come from?

Jon, Jonnie. I'm real proud about Brown,

Jon. Great, Jon...

Jonathan Moxon, you are under arrest

Jonnie, that's great! I'm so proud of you.

Jonnie, that's great! I'm so proud of you.

Keep smiling, shithead.

Kick off time 7:30.

Kilmer fucked up and every single player on that team knows it.

Kilmer gonna eat his ass. Watch this. See?

Kilmer's a fucking ass racist redneck.

Kilmer's threatening to fuck up my scholarship

Kyle, what is it with the cross?

Kyle!

Lance and I were gonna leave.

Lance is gonna be all right.

Lance is happy.

Lance is the best quarterback in the state.

Lance, please be okay. Lance.

Lance? Toss me one, Son.

Lance's ride?

Laws against killing, laws against stealing.

Lean on him. Lean on him.

Let's go after that time now.

Let's go now! Let's go, God damn it!

Let's go to war!

Let's go, big Mox!

Let's go, boys, let's go! Ours to win now. Door's open, let's go!

Let's go, defense!

Let's go! Let's go!

Let's go! Let's go!

Let's go! Let's go. Let's go.

Let's have a good, hard hitting, clean football game.

Let's hear it!

Let's show them how it's done.

Let's show them your old pop's still got it!

Like, "I just fell out of the I wanna suck your dick tree"

Listen up, people.

Listen, you give them a Percocet, two Vicodin and a couple of beers,

Little Billy Bob crybaby.

Long pass this time, Moxon. Touchdown!

Look at Billy Bob. He got enough heart for all y'all. Look at this old boy.

Look at me. I'm a mess. No one ever sees me like this.

Look, Darcy, the last thing I need right now is for anything to come between us.

Look, I'm amazed he hasn't had problems before this.

Look, I'm hung over, too, all right?

Look, Lance tore every ligament he's got.

Look, there's nothing going on with Darcy Sears. All right?

Look, you're gonna get out of West Canaan on your own.

Look. We got one more game left, and we need you.

Looking forward to seeing you tonight at Bud Kilmer Stadium

Lord, don't do this to me.

Man, Coach loved me like a son. Treated me like one, too.

Man! Kilmer loves to bag on your boy, Sammy.

Man.

Man. I'm going to see him tomorrow.

May have been the opportunity of your lifetime,

Maybe I shouldn't do it.

Maybe these were the last days. I never played football again,

Move it! Thinks I'm here for his entertainment.

Move your ass in, let's go!

Move!

Mox, how does it feel to be out of Lance Harbor's shadow

Mox! Excuse me. Mox!

Moxon hands off to Brown, throwback pass, complete!

Moxon sure ain't got what Lance has.

Moxon the quarterback.

Moxon the quarterback.

Moxon,

Moxon, get on home. Get some shuteye.

Mr. Harbor? Lance is out of surgery.

Mr. Harbor? Lance is out of surgery.

Mr. Mushroom head, purple headed yogurt slinger,

Must be nerves.

My boys too much trouble for you?

My folks never get home before 12:00.

My gift to you. To Kilmer.

My star quarterback is dragging his leg around, because of you.

Nevada State averaged over 40 points a game with this offense.

Never said anything to me.

Never show weakness. Never show weakness.

Nice house.

No district title, no shot at state.

No doubt about it.

No more games on Friday nights?

No, don't sit. It won't take a minute.

No, I'm out, Coach.

No, it wasn't. I remember getting yelled at.

No, no.

No, you were something different. At least I thought you were.

No. Come in.

No. I was lying in bed naming my unborn children.

No. I'm just gonna go home.

No. No good.

No. Not tonight. It doesn't seem right with Lance all fucked up.

Nothing but net!

Now how come you never dress like that?

Now I know he's probably gonna stay in West Canaan

Now I present to you our captain, quarterback Lance Harbor.

Now take off your clothes and get in the car.

Now take off your goddamn clothes and get in the car.

Now that's it! No more religions!

Now you rest here. Take advantage, see you at 4:00 practice.

Now, does anybody have any others before we move on?

Now, I think it's also very important that we discuss and discard

Now, I want everybody together to go ahead and say,

Now, we all need to concentrate on tonight's game!

Now, we go out there and we half ass it because we're scared,

Nurse doesn't think I should play.

Of course he's a boy. Look at the size of that sausage!

Of this football team and the town that supports it.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. It's my knee, man.

Oh, jeez! Come on!

Oh, my God! Billy Bob!

Oh, my God! She's got this look!

Oh, my God. It's star quarterback, Jonnie Moxon.

Oh, no what? Just catch the ball. Look, a ball. I'm gonna catch it.

Oh, no. Oh no, come on.

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah.

Okay, break it down!

Okay? Look, we're friends. We're just a little closer now.

Okay. So what are a few of the slang expressions

Oop dee oop! Give me a break! Oop dee fucking oop! Give me a break.

Or some fucking roll out to a white receiver. It's bullshit.

Our Father, who art in heaven,

Our Kyle's dying to get into a Coyote jersey.

Out! Out! Out! Come on freakos, get lost! Come on!

Over the next few months just to repair them all.

Overload the defense on the strong side,

Pass completed that time to Tweeter for 16, and they're going again.

Pass was good to Tweeter but he didn't get out of bounds!

Penis, penis, penis, vagina, vagina, vagina.

People are saying you organized an all night drinking party.

Pitching a tent. Sporting wood. Icicle's formed. The march is on.

Playing football at West Canaan

Playing football at West Canaan is not the opportunity of a lifetime.

Pressed them up against the glass at the Alano Club

Really not bad, boy. How you feeling?

Really? You wanna watch trains tonight?

Relax, let the dryer do the work.

Remember what I said. Now, go fetch me a championship!

Safe! Go!

Sam, we're a little worried about the Gilroy game.

Scanned your cat?

Set! 2 80!

Set! Blue 32!

Set! Go!

Set! Hut 18!

Set. Go!

Set. Hut! Hut! Hut! Come on, boy, hit it!

Shame nobody had the mind to hold us back

She broke my heart, so I broke herjaw

She doesn't, does she?

She invited me over. I'm just being polite. Right, Kyle?

She's got Grambling coming to see me.

Shit for brains, this isn't no fucking sand lot!

Shit is fucked up.

Shit, them boys is having the time of their lives!

Shit, you poisoned my team, son.

Shit.

Shit.

Since they dropped down to Three A, they've been killing people.

Sit on the bench! Show us what you do best!

Slant right on three. Don't talk back to your father.

Slot left, 35 dive.

Slow enough he could have mailed it.

So how we doing tonight?

Somebody hold me up.

Son of a bitch!

Son, did you pray for playing time?

Split left 90. Hook and ladder, on one.

Sporting some 'tude now!

Stick.

Stiff, stiff y, Mr. Mortis, rigor mortis has set in, flesh rocket.

Strange to be a god now?

Stub, I'll tell you, I've hardly ever heard this stadium this quiet.

Stubby, as he gets crushed on that play.

Stubby, leading 21 17.

Sure.

Sweetness. 500 milligrams?

Tell me not to feel weird around you.

Tell me this insanity is over in a few weeks.

Tell me who wins.

Thank you very much for dragging my ass out here.

Thank you, Jonathan.

Thanks. How much?

That I can't fuck with your transcripts and get this whole deal blown for you.

That Moxon isn't worth the Charmin extra soft he wipes his butt with.

That statue still stands, but only because it was too heavy to move.

That we were beating Bingville 14 3.

That would be a disaster.

That's a bunch of names.

That's funny. Ain't it, buddy?

That's good! That's good! Finally!

That's heroic.

That's it.

That's ours to win now! Ours to win!

That's so sweet, honey.

That's where you're wrong, Mox. You're wrong.

The clock's still running!

The clock's still running! The clock's still running!

The Coyotes have got to stop Greenville right here.

The crucified 11 year old living in my room.

The difference between a sneeze and a wet fart!

The doctor said you have a human brain and that it works?

The hard work of so many is sacrificed

The male erection?

The Mox, the star quarterback of the Coyotes.

The only pain that matters is the pain you inflict.

The only way we're going back out on that field is without you.

The voice of West Canaan High School football.

Then say, "I'm stupid and I'm about to get hit in the nuts."

There ain't no room for that hully gully stuff down there like that.

There you go.

There'll be a victory celebration immediately following the game.

There's Lance and then there's Jules,

They ain't. They're playing like shit.

They all get theirselves a sweet hand now and again.

They're about as sharp as a box of marbles, but we're all naked in there,

They're all hopped up on beer and painkillers is what it is.

Things change, Mox.

Things change, Mox. I don't wanna think about it right now.

Things have changed a little bit, and that's okay.

Think you'll play tonight?

Thirty eight seconds left to go in the ball game. Gilroy with the lead 17 to 14.

This being a family thing and all.

This game is 48 minutes, for the next 48 years of your life!

This has to do with all of us. We kill ourselves for you.

This is about you and me.

This is not the formation! That's not the formation!

This is Olin Buchanan of KPJT.

This isn't pure.

This swine fucks up my new suit, man, he's road ham!

This team needs is a lot more effort...

Three, four, five?

Three. That's only because I broke for over 20 yards each time.

Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in heaven.

To America's Funniest Shots in the Nuts!

Tonight, we beat Bingville!

Tonight, we play Bingville.

Took a pretty good shot there.

Touchdown! Gilroy!

Touchdown! Touchdown! Touchdown! Touchdown!

True?

Tweeter on the left! Gonzales on the right!

Tweeter, do you think you'll enjoy prison?

Tweeter, make sure you get the hell out of bounds.

Twenty three district championships!

Twins right, Z out, on one.

Twins right. Now get in there.

Unbelievable.

Wait, Jules. Wait a minute. Jules.

Wait. Wait. Wait, wait. Wait. I can't.

Want me to get dressed and come out there?

Way to go, Jonnie.

We already made a pact not to say a word.

We are adults,

We can't. This is not... I'm really sorry. All right?

We cool, Mox. Hey.

We did win, you know.

We do things around here my way! You understand that?

We got a game to win. Let's go.

We had a thing and it was great, okay.

We just wanna make sure no one drinks and drives.

We were just little kids, Mox. Just little kids.

We were nine. Remember this shit?

We'll change that to 25 dot.

We'll continue this any time you want.

We're a running team. You only call what I tell you to call.

We're gonna overload their left side.

We're running an oop dee oop. No tight ends, no running backs.

We've got the rest of our lives to be mediocre,

Welcome to the booth. Do you have a few words for the folks?

Well, after the touchdown, I was looking down on the sidelines,

Well, all right.

Well, for getting to wear such cute "mount me" hats.

Well, good! Great!

Well, hell. It ain't multiple choice.

Well, Jon Moxon finding out how the other half lives here,

Well, just one thing for those Bingville fans.

Well, maybe if you guys are running up the score, or what if Lance gets hurt?

Well, no, she's pretty sharp. She pulls A's.

Well, not yet.

Well, she don't have no division title to win, does she?

Well, that was a good thing tonight! Good thing tonight!

Well, there you go, Sammy boy.

Well, they stole a state trooper car,

Well, well, well, if it ain't Charlie Tweeter.

Well, you know what? Get the fuck out of here.

Wendell got his ride to Grambling.

West Canaan versus Gilroy for the whole megillah.

What a great drive. Basically going to Brown the whole way.

What a hit on Brown.

What about the next team he coaches?

What do you say, boys? What do you say, boys?

What else am I supposed to do?

What I do know is I don't love you. But Lance, he might love you. I can't...

What if my little brother ends up playing for him?

What is this shit? I'm not interested in your fucking muscles.

What kind of lu lu formation you pulling?

What the fuck is that?

What the hell kind of offense is that?

What the hell's Bacon doing here?

What time are you coming over tonight?

What, Billy Bob?

What?

What?

What?

What? What's wrong?

What? You're sorry?

What'd you just say?

What's that supposed to mean?

What's up?

When did the damn circus come to town?

When we was kids, eh, Sammy boy?

Where I run downfield and act like I'm lost is gonna work, do you?

Where in the world is Bud Kilmer? Did you hurt his feelings?

Where's my upside to being good?

While the Coyotes celebrate, the question I've got to you,

While the girls was rehearsing the Christmas pageant.

Who gives a flying fuck

Who the fuck's gonna protect my ass?

Who wants to bathe you with her tongue.

Who's praying that we'll lose, so he can be the missing link?

Who's ready? Give it up!

Why be good? I'm always good.

Why don't you just step up and play the hero?

Why don't you let the pom pom girls play for you?

Why not? It's a trip.

Why would we want anyone but him to play?

Win at all costs.

With 8:10 left in the ball game, and still no Bud Kilmer.

With you running around with this whole deal strapped to your back?

Would you go to prom with me?

Would you listen to me, all right? Bitches are all just panty droppers.

Yeah, and you've taken more snaps than he's taken.

Yeah, but heroes win.

Yeah, but would Allah nail Darcy if he had the chance?

Yeah, have one. I'll make it.

Yeah, keep it up, asshole.

Yeah, Mox.

Yeah, they say this guy scratches hisself better than he throws the ball.

Yeah, you know, I mean, she's great.

Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Year round, we play hurt, we play sick,

Yes, it is.

Yes, sir.

Yes, you will. That's a nice car on a teacher's salary.

Yes! Our ball. He got the bastards!

You about ready to lose that scholarship, boy?

You all remember William Tell? Get up, Lance.

You all wouldn't know anything about dedication, team play.

You are the damn dumbest smart kid I know.

You big dummy. That's all.

You can do it!

You cost me my perfect season. How does it feel?

You don't always have to do the right thing, Mox.

You don't like games on Friday nights?

You find yourself another fucking quarterback.

You go on. I'll stay with them, okay?

You gonna be second string all your life, boy!

You got a bad attitude, and you don't listen!

You got shit to tend to. See you at practice, man.

You got the opportunity of a lifetime, you're treating it like...

You got to give it to Brown and let him take it in.

You hear me in there?

You know how many touchdowns I have?

You know how many yards I average a game?

You know, Sam's boy looked pretty good last Friday.

You know, we never stole no cars.

You listen hard. Stick to the basics. Stick to the basics. Stick to the basics.

You mean you've never seen her in her whipped cream bikini?

You never know when Kilmer might play you.

You referred to yourself as one man. You're really enjoying this.

You sacrificed the honor

You see that? That's the way to ride them.

You should be able to visit him in just a little while.

You show me the kind of smarts, makes me wonder if you know

You stay the hell out of this, Billy Bob. This has nothing to do with you.

You think you don't have to listen to me?

You think you're in some fancy school? Bullshit!

You thinking about calling some dinosaurs?

You understand that by running the ball, we control the clock.

You understand?

You understand? That's it.

You up, Sammy boy.

You wanna see the new Tweeter end zone dance?

You want one?

You want some cheese with that whine?

You will live by these laws.

You're a football guy.

You're a gamer, Wendell. Let's do this. You'll be good to go.

You're doing fine.

You're dragging ass out there, son,

You're fat, you're slow, all of a sudden you're lazy.

You're gonna tell me you don't know about heroes?

You're healthy, you're gonna play football.

You're looking now coming in Lasala, and you got Moxon looking to come in.

You're right. I don't understand.

You're sweet, Mox, but you know you are.

You're sweet.

You're the only one that came and visited me in the hospital.

You're the starting quarterback now.

Your attitude's earning you laps right now, boy.

Your attitude's wrong. Your tone of voice is wrong.

Your attitude's wrong. Your tone of voice is wrong.

Your daddy was a no talent pussy, but at least he listened.

Your dummieos can't even run a simple draw

Your money's no good here.

Yup, gonna hold our Troy back a year

Yup. Yeah. They pulled out their wangers,

Yup. You know, this is their first year to play in our district.

2 80! Go!

"Mount me"? Well, not right away,

A hero? Come on, Mox.

About 100? 133.

Ain't it? That is team spirit. Yes, sir.

All right. Oh, yeah.

And no huddles. What?

and now I'm going home, all right? Where's Billy Bob?

are not focused on this fucking game! I'm getting fucked up tonight.

Be a winner. Throw the damn ball! Come on, Jonnie, you can do it!

Billy Bob! Billy Bob! Billy Bob! Billy Bob!

Billy Bob's gonna puke. Here he goes!

Break! Break!

Break! Break!

Break! Break!

Break! Break!

Bring it on. These are from Brett.

Bye, Tweeter. You know what? You hurt my feelings,

Can I go to the bathroom? Please.

Can you fix him? If he'll let us.

Come on, boy! He's all right.

Come on, you're drinking tonight. We got Elwood tomorrow, man.

Come on! Let's go! Defense! Defense!

Coyotes on the lip of the cup. We're punching it in for six.

Dad, he's just experimenting. Enough! I'm serious.

Did we score? Yeah, Billy Bob, we got the six.

Don't do it, Wendell. Get out of here.

Drag it. Drag it out. Stop play! Stop play! Stop play!

Everybody on the ball! Get on the ball! He's got to stop the clock!

Fine. Hook and ladder left, on one.

Forty yard scramble touchdown. What a great run.

Four more games. Yup. Hang in there, man.

Fuck Kilmer. Fuck Kilmer.

Gave up on you. Am I too late?

Get the hell out of here! Don't do it.

Gilroy? Yeah.

Give me a huddle! Give me a huddle! Dummieos! Dummieos!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Go, Mox, Go! Go, Mox, Go!

Go, pack! Go, pack! Go, pack! Yeah!

He didn't get out. The clock is still running!

He's chicken! Yeah, he is a chicken.

He's gonna go. 40, 35, he's at the 30, 20,15,10.

He's got a chance! Moxon has the football!

He's got a chance! What's the move? Heading for...

he's the best coach that ever lived. Yeah.

Hey, nice game, Jonathan. Well, thank you.

Hey, Tweeter. How you doing? Good. How are you?

Hey. Hey, you.

Hey. Hey. Hey. All right.

Hi. What do you want?

How long's he out? Any chance for this season?

How we doing? Well, we are doing fine. Congratulations.

How you feeling, boy? Feeling all right, Coach.

How you feeling, son? Can't seem to hold down any chow, sir.

How'd you find me? What the hell are you doing?

I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you. All right.

I hear you, man. You don't hear me, man.

I heard you played a great game. It was strange.

I love that dog. I think it's a pig.

I'm bringing Lance. Nice.

I'm gonna pull the shit out of you! Get him off! Get him off!

I'm just Kilmer's black work horse. Kilmer.

I'm sorry. It's okay.

if he can't come back in and play... What about the Coyotes?

If we don't block this, it's over. Coach Lance, put me in there.

If you're not all right, say something. Moxon.

Is boner one of them? Yes.

Is Kyle strapped to that cross again? Yup.

It's a secret. It's a secret?

It's almost over. No.

It's called a oop dee oop. It's an oop dee oop. Oop dee oop!

It's fine. I'm cool. All right.

It's just a football game. No, it's not.

It's late. I got into Brown today.

It's Miss Davis. Miss Davis. Yeah. No way.

Jules. Mox.

Kilmer. Kilmer?

Last chance for the Coyotes. Set!

Last chance for the Coyotes. Set!

Let the old trainer take a look at it. Yes, sir.

Let's go! Go!

Let's go. Let's go. Well, there goes the season.

Let's take it in. Go!

Maybe that's what happened... Kilmer.

Maybe you should go. You can't make me leave.

Meet at the Mini Mart at 10:00 tonight. 10:00? For what, man?

Mind if I take a seat beside you? Don't move.

Miss Davis. Ten.

Mox. Hey! Down! Down! Down!

Moxon, kneeling on the football. That's gutless football.

My people. Kyle, did you start a cult?

My... Coach, my head... I don't want no excuses.

No, sir. I didn't think so.

No. Funny.

Oh, my God. Oh, man.

Oh, my God. It's Miss Davis. Holy shit. It is Miss Davis.

Okay? Yeah, I guess we are.

On three. One, two, three, Coyotes! Coyotes!

One, two, three. Coyotes!

One, two, three. Coyotes!

Oop dee oop left, on one. Ready? Break!

Playing Pee Wee? Yeah. It was fun.

Ready? Break! Break!

Ready? Break! Break!

Really? Miss Davis?

Relax, man, you got to focus. I can't focus. I need to get some ass!

Save it, Dad. Save it? Save what?

See what I mean, Mox? Just catch the damn ball, all right?

See you in class. All right.

Show them what you're made of. Come on, Lance. Nail the can! Nail it!

So when did you graduate? I'm class of 1980.

So, what time? What time what?

Sorry, Mox. I got to bail. All right.

Stop it, Dad. This isn't funny! Knock off this here can.

Sure. Okay.

Thanks again for the ride, Mox. No problem.

Thanks, Mox. No problem.

Thanks. All right, thank you.

That's not all she pulls. I'm just saying she's not stupid.

That's probably Billy Bob. Mo!

That's right. I smell a challenge.

That's what we came to hear. Thank you, Sam.

The old hook and ladder. Man, that play don't work.

Then play. You don't understand.

Then quit. Can't.

These are my people. Your people?

They're punting it. Yup. And we're out of time outs, too.

Think about it now. Moxon, pick it up!

This is your opportunity... For you.

Three? Wait a minute. Hold on.

Tonight? It's half price night at the gun club.

Touchdown! Good grief! Touchdown! Touchdown!

Touchdown! Touchdown! Touchdown! Touchdown!

Tweeter, let's go! Yeah!

Tweeter, you take the snaps. No, I won't.

Tweeter's gonna pitch you the ball. Oh, no.

We can't be staying up all late. Relax.

Well, that's team spirit! Yeah, it is.

Well, you're here. You're not coming in?

Wendell, don't do this. Hey, Coach, I heard a pop.

Wendell? Hey, what's up, Mox?

What are you doing? He's getting back in the game!

What are you so damn happy about? My cat's okay. I can play.

What? The new Tweeter end zone dance.

What? This is bullshit.

What? You're a whiner.

What'd you say? I said, I'm out.

What's up, Darcy? Hey.

Where are we going tonight? That's a surprise.

Who we playing tonight? Shit.

Why don't you fucking tell me? Quit! Fuck it!

Will you come keep me warm? Shit.

Yeah, I just spoke to Jesus upstairs. What?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Can you believe it? That's great!

Yes, sir. That's my soldier, William Robert.

You don't think all this is hard? Hard? On who?

You getting this? You know I got it.

You go home. I'm going home.

You got a CAT scan? Yeah!

You got a smart mouth. I know, I got a smart mouth,

You got it! Fuck it.

You know what it's called? Hell yeah, Tweeter!

You know, I think he's hurt pretty bad. You get out of here!

You know, you're a scary superstar. Come on, Jules.

You ready? You don't think that lame ass play

Yup, I'm getting fucked up. I ain't just talking about you.

Yup. That's so sweet.

'cause the Coyotes are coming to burn her house down.

"48 minutes for the next 48 years of our lives."

"and hit every branch on the way down."

"as I am to send it to you."

"Dear Jon, I hope you're as pleased to receive this letter"

"Enclosed in this packet are details about your university grant package"

"Gee"? "Heck"? You even thanked God.

"Penis, penis, penis, vagina, vagina, vagina."

"to enter the college of Brown University."

"which covers your full financial needs."

"You're too fat, Billy Bob! Too slow and dumb!"