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Joe Dirt Joe Dirt is a hilarious comedy film released in 2001, directed by Dennie Gordon. The main character, Joe Dirt, is

Joe Dirt

Joe Dirt is a hilarious comedy film released in 2001, directed by Dennie Gordon. The main character, Joe Dirt, is portrayed by the talented David Spade. This movie follows the misadventures of Joe Dirt, a kind-hearted but dim-witted janitor searching for his long-lost parents. As he embarks on a journey full of crazy encounters, he captivates audiences with his quirks and resilience.

The cast includes renowned actors such as Christopher Walken, Brittany Daniel, Dennis Miller, and Jaime Pressly, who bring life to Joe Dirt's peculiar world. This film evokes non-stop laughter, combining ridiculousness and heartwarming moments that make it a true cult classic.

For fans of Joe Dirt, there is the opportunity to relive the unforgettable moments through the soundtrack. Composed of various songs played throughout the movie, this collection captures the essence of Joe Dirt's adventures and adds an extra layer of enjoyment to the experience. You can play and download these sounds here, ensuring endless laughter and memories. So get ready for a wild ride with Joe Dirt and his eccentric friends, as they embark on a journey that will leave you in stitches.

A girl like that's way out of your league. She wants my body.
A girl like that's way out of your league. She wants my body.
A Hemi?
A Hemi?
A little white trash treasure that you might know by the name of Joe Dirt.
A little white trash treasure that you might know by the name of Joe Dirt.
A lot of kids would have been scared, but I was all tough about it.
A lot of kids would have been scared, but I was all tough about it.
A town is a place where everyone hates you. Kids all try to beat you up.
A town is a place where everyone hates you. Kids all try to beat you up.
A wig?
A wig?
About 360 bucks.
About 360 bucks.
Actually, we got separated when I was eight.
Actually, we got separated when I was eight.
Afraid so.
Afraid so.
After one of those bastards snapped off my thumb and middle finger.
After one of those bastards snapped off my thumb and middle finger.
After that I spent some time with these people who worked on a farm.
After that I spent some time with these people who worked on a farm.
All aberration radio, all the time.
All aberration radio, all the time.
All along, were dead.
All along, were dead.
All along, were dead.
All along, were dead.
All right, go ahead.
All right, go ahead.
All right, man.
All right, man.
All right, we'll... We'll take a break.
All right, we'll... We'll take a break.
All right, well, then, thank God for Joe Dirt.
All right, well, then, thank God for Joe Dirt.
All right, you might want to take a few extra steps back on this one.
All right, you might want to take a few extra steps back on this one.
All right!
All right!
All right! We didn't lose him.
All right! We didn't lose him.
All right. Good morning, troops.
All right. Good morning, troops.
All right. I want you to settle down. Don't make me call your probie officer here.
All right. I want you to settle down. Don't make me call your probie officer here.
All right. So, finish your story. Now, why do you live with foster parents?
All right. So, finish your story. Now, why do you live with foster parents?
All right. Thanks, you guys.
All right. Thanks, you guys.
All's I got to do is keep being a good person.
All's I got to do is keep being a good person.
And "Life's a garden. Dig it."
And "Life's a garden. Dig it."
And a car cover for any Dodge from '79 to '84.
And a car cover for any Dodge from '79 to '84.
And all the while maintained his positive outlook on life,
And all the while maintained his positive outlook on life,
And cut open that gator and pulled my folks out of its belly.
And cut open that gator and pulled my folks out of its belly.
And dressed in your Sunday best.
And dressed in your Sunday best.
And everyone's gonna want you, but you want to be with me!
And everyone's gonna want you, but you want to be with me!
And fascinates me at the same time
And fascinates me at the same time
And for God's sakes, I got to treat her like a sister.
And for God's sakes, I got to treat her like a sister.
And for that brief second, we were together again, kind of, you know?
And for that brief second, we were together again, kind of, you know?
And for the first time in my life, I think about not gettin' back up.
And for the first time in my life, I think about not gettin' back up.
And get you a whaa burger and some French cries!
And get you a whaa burger and some French cries!
And he would draw them out like photographs.
And he would draw them out like photographs.
And I decided it was time to go home.
And I decided it was time to go home.
And I don't think he wants to talk to you, Brandy.
And I don't think he wants to talk to you, Brandy.
And I don't wanna see you for another 25 years!
And I don't wanna see you for another 25 years!
And I feel like I know where you live. I've got you in my crosshairs now.
And I feel like I know where you live. I've got you in my crosshairs now.
And I guess a little bit of my brains was showing.
And I guess a little bit of my brains was showing.
And I guess I'm just callin' to say goodbye.
And I guess I'm just callin' to say goodbye.
And I remember my sister yelling it in my face when I was growing up.
And I remember my sister yelling it in my face when I was growing up.
And I wanna ask her why she was playin' these games with you.
And I wanna ask her why she was playin' these games with you.
And I wanna get her on the phone right now. I wanna track her down.
And I wanna get her on the phone right now. I wanna track her down.
And I was getting ready to split that scene, and pronto.
And I was getting ready to split that scene, and pronto.
And I'm gonna go... I don't wanna look. I'm sorry.
And I'm gonna go... I don't wanna look. I'm sorry.
And I'm sorry I can't buy your beautiful Hemi.
And I'm sorry I can't buy your beautiful Hemi.
And I've got to figure out a way to sell more fireworks.
And I've got to figure out a way to sell more fireworks.
And it looks like there's some meat in there.
And it looks like there's some meat in there.
And it'll blow up the whole city, maybe even half the country.
And it'll blow up the whole city, maybe even half the country.
And it's always gonna be like this, Joey.
And it's always gonna be like this, Joey.
And it's amazing to me that you turned out like you did
And it's amazing to me that you turned out like you did
And it's got Louisiana plates.
And it's got Louisiana plates.
And just then, all the tumblers fell into place.
And just then, all the tumblers fell into place.
And looking way too much like Richard Ramirez.
And looking way too much like Richard Ramirez.
And months went by, and he never came home.
And months went by, and he never came home.
And my mom came out too butch,
And my mom came out too butch,
And no closer to findin' my parents.
And no closer to findin' my parents.
And one day, you're gonna be Kicking Wing, animal doctor.
And one day, you're gonna be Kicking Wing, animal doctor.
And remember that town you're always talking about.
And remember that town you're always talking about.
And riddle me this.
And riddle me this.
And she goes, "Is this where you want to be when Jesus comes back?"
And she goes, "Is this where you want to be when Jesus comes back?"
And she's just plain sick of you.
And she's just plain sick of you.
And she's off doin' her own thing right now,
And she's off doin' her own thing right now,
And she's one of the hottest girls on the planet.
And she's one of the hottest girls on the planet.
And tell me my story helped them somehow.
And tell me my story helped them somehow.
And tell me you don't have no Whistling Bungholes,
And tell me you don't have no Whistling Bungholes,
And that means washed under your fingernails and back of your ears
And that means washed under your fingernails and back of your ears
And that was the closest thing I ever had to a home.
And that was the closest thing I ever had to a home.
And that's when things got a little weird.
And that's when things got a little weird.
And the answer for me was that I had a home all along,
And the answer for me was that I had a home all along,
And the next thing I knew, they were gone.
And the next thing I knew, they were gone.
And the snail can talk?
And the snail can talk?
And the stuff freezes and falls to earth.
And the stuff freezes and falls to earth.
And then I just can't help it.
And then I just can't help it.
And then it goes bang. All right?
And then it goes bang. All right?
And then you should change your name to Kicking Ass. I would.
And then you should change your name to Kicking Ass. I would.
And there I was, scared to death, as I dropped like a stone from the sky.
And there I was, scared to death, as I dropped like a stone from the sky.
And they came and killed him.
And they came and killed him.
And this door opened in my head, and all at once I understood everything.
And this door opened in my head, and all at once I understood everything.
And this goes on for years, until one night something amazing happened.
And this goes on for years, until one night something amazing happened.
And this is our car.
And this is our car.
And walking his dog, and all the time I'm thinking about
And walking his dog, and all the time I'm thinking about
And was hopin' maybe I was lookin' at it, too?
And was hopin' maybe I was lookin' at it, too?
And was there ever a time
And was there ever a time
And we were together.
And we were together.
And we will continue the... The fascinating saga
And we will continue the... The fascinating saga
And what they paid was like a sign from above
And what they paid was like a sign from above
And you are a complete loser.
And you are a complete loser.
And you can tell he's never even thought of that.
And you can tell he's never even thought of that.
And you can't tell me, in all those pictures they took,
And you can't tell me, in all those pictures they took,
And you know why? 'Cause over the last few days,
And you know why? 'Cause over the last few days,
And you remember to keep on keepin' on, man, and you'll be a veterinarian,
And you remember to keep on keepin' on, man, and you'll be a veterinarian,
And your story is really cool.
And your story is really cool.
And your story is really cool.
And your story is really cool.
And, Joe, if you had stayed with them,
And, Joe, if you had stayed with them,
And, Joe, if you had stayed with them,
And, Joe, if you had stayed with them,
And, Joe, we have a big surprise for you.
And, Joe, we have a big surprise for you.
And, yes, they are deadly. Don't kid yourself.
And, yes, they are deadly. Don't kid yourself.
And, you know, the thing that drives me crazy
And, you know, the thing that drives me crazy
Anyway, I just put an "e" on it, pronounce it "Deer tay."
Anyway, I just put an "e" on it, pronounce it "Deer tay."
Anyway, that list had names from all over the state.
Anyway, that list had names from all over the state.
Anyway, the cops knew it wasn't a bomb right away.
Anyway, the cops knew it wasn't a bomb right away.
Anyway, the cops knew it wasn't a bomb right away.
Anyway, the cops knew it wasn't a bomb right away.
Are careening headlong into yet another hellish day
Are careening headlong into yet another hellish day
Are these queer? What's up? What's up?
Are these queer? What's up? What's up?
Are you nuts, dude? You need stuff that explodes, go boom!
Are you nuts, dude? You need stuff that explodes, go boom!
Are you okay, boy?
Are you okay, boy?
As my head cleared,
As my head cleared,
At least I know my car will blow his off the road!
At least I know my car will blow his off the road!
August. I don't got this one.
August. I don't got this one.
Beautiful? I'm looking for "righteously kick ass."
Beautiful? I'm looking for "righteously kick ass."
Beautiful? I'm looking for "righteously kick ass."
Beautiful? I'm looking for "righteously kick ass."
Because Gert's asked me to marry him.
Because Gert's asked me to marry him.
Because I wanted to tell Joe in person.
Because I wanted to tell Joe in person.
Besides, they won't just hand the records over to us.
Besides, they won't just hand the records over to us.
Bob Seger? Be honest. Back then you were listening to Leif Garrett.
Bob Seger? Be honest. Back then you were listening to Leif Garrett.
Boss, the phones are goin' nuts. That was a bombshell.
Boss, the phones are goin' nuts. That was a bombshell.
Brandy was starin' at that same moon.
Brandy was starin' at that same moon.
Brandy, get your ass in the kitchen and fire up that stove.
Brandy, get your ass in the kitchen and fire up that stove.
Brandy, I got a hole in my heart. I don't know how to fix it.
Brandy, I got a hole in my heart. I don't know how to fix it.
Brandy, I...
Brandy, I...
Brandy, man. Well, she's too beautiful.
Brandy, man. Well, she's too beautiful.
Brandy, what's that got to do with me? We're always gonna be buddies, right?
Brandy, what's that got to do with me? We're always gonna be buddies, right?
Brandy, wish I hadn't gotten the machine. It's me, Joe.
Brandy, wish I hadn't gotten the machine. It's me, Joe.
Brandy, you see that moon?
Brandy, you see that moon?
Brandy? My Brandy?
Brandy? My Brandy?
Brandy. Brandy is jive.
Brandy. Brandy is jive.
Brandy. I missed her like crazy,
Brandy. I missed her like crazy,
Brandy's well manicured backyard in those cutoff shorts. Ouch!
Brandy's well manicured backyard in those cutoff shorts. Ouch!
Breakfast of champions.
Breakfast of champions.
Buffalo Bob, right?
Buffalo Bob, right?
But anyway, did you get the names you wanted?
But anyway, did you get the names you wanted?
But are you depressed? I mean, your parents, who you were looking for,
But are you depressed? I mean, your parents, who you were looking for,
But I guess it wasn't no circus.
But I guess it wasn't no circus.
But I was flat broke. I didn't have no money for gas.
But I was flat broke. I didn't have no money for gas.
But I'm gonna pick it up this afternoon.
But I'm gonna pick it up this afternoon.
But I've always said she's a little too hot for old Joe Dirt.
But I've always said she's a little too hot for old Joe Dirt.
But if a girl answers, her name's Brandy. Give her your info.
But if a girl answers, her name's Brandy. Give her your info.
But it ain't gonna be no Hemi.
But it ain't gonna be no Hemi.
But just for laughs, let's see how much you're worth.
But just for laughs, let's see how much you're worth.
But maybe you'll find your wife in heaven.
But maybe you'll find your wife in heaven.
But people say Joe Dirt's a weird name, and how cool am I?
But people say Joe Dirt's a weird name, and how cool am I?
But see, I don't know their last name.
But see, I don't know their last name.
But she didn't wanna tell you,
But she didn't wanna tell you,
But something happened to my head.
But something happened to my head.
But the more it rolled on down the road,
But the more it rolled on down the road,
But the most important part is I'm comin' back to Silvertown.
But the most important part is I'm comin' back to Silvertown.
But then, suddenly, while starin' up at the moon,
But then, suddenly, while starin' up at the moon,
But this is the modern age.
But this is the modern age.
But what if when you're gone some guy asks me to marry him, and you're not here?
But what if when you're gone some guy asks me to marry him, and you're not here?
But you really shouldn't make fun of my mom.
But you really shouldn't make fun of my mom.
But, you know, until then, we're the people to see.
But, you know, until then, we're the people to see.
But, you know, you probably don't wanna hear all my problems.
But, you know, you probably don't wanna hear all my problems.
But... But how exactly do you not go right back to the place
But... But how exactly do you not go right back to the place
Butt lickin', flea lickin'
Butt lickin', flea lickin'
Buzz Bottles, Snicker Bombs, Church Burners, Finger Blasters,
Buzz Bottles, Snicker Bombs, Church Burners, Finger Blasters,
By the way, I'm only doin' all of this
By the way, I'm only doin' all of this
Can everybody get a shot of these?
Can everybody get a shot of these?
Can I come, too?
Can I come, too?
Can I go again? Please?
Can I go again? Please?
Can I push him off my leg?
Can I push him off my leg?
Can I say that?
Can I say that?
Can we have my new friend Joe over for supper?
Can we have my new friend Joe over for supper?
Can you be cool and let me just talk to him for a second here, man?
Can you be cool and let me just talk to him for a second here, man?
Can't a guy even take a dump in peace?
Can't a guy even take a dump in peace?
Carson, just where you wanna be when Jesus comes back?
Carson, just where you wanna be when Jesus comes back?
Charlie had a little sexual encounter with this one's ma.
Charlie had a little sexual encounter with this one's ma.
Charlie, you mangy mutt.
Charlie, you mangy mutt.
Charlie. Charlie, come here. Come here, Charlie.
Charlie. Charlie, come here. Come here, Charlie.
Check for footprints?
Check for footprints?
Check this out, Robby.
Check this out, Robby.
Check this out. A '71 'Cuda,
Check this out. A '71 'Cuda,
Cherry Bombs, Nipsy Dazers, with or without the scooter stick,
Cherry Bombs, Nipsy Dazers, with or without the scooter stick,
Clem, a kid puked in the cafeteria again.
Clem, a kid puked in the cafeteria again.
Clem, Charlene, Kicking Wing.
Clem, Charlene, Kicking Wing.
Clem, I didn't know you didn't wanna be on TV.
Clem, I didn't know you didn't wanna be on TV.
Clem, you asshole. Are you alive?
Clem, you asshole. Are you alive?
CNN's gonna turn around and go home now.
CNN's gonna turn around and go home now.
Come home, Joe, so I can take care of you.
Come home, Joe, so I can take care of you.
Come on, boy!
Come on, boy!
Come on, boy! Come on!
Come on, boy! Come on!
Come on, Joe.
Come on, Joe.
Come on, let's move it! Kick it in! Kick it in!
Come on, let's move it! Kick it in! Kick it in!
Come on.
Come on.
Come on. I'll treat you to a Dairy Queen.
Come on. I'll treat you to a Dairy Queen.
Come on. Rocky!
Come on. Rocky!
Come on. You're supposed to be good at tracking stuff, man.
Come on. You're supposed to be good at tracking stuff, man.
Come over here! You don't have to follow him!
Come over here! You don't have to follow him!
Competition orange, '67.
Competition orange, '67.
Corn off the cob.
Corn off the cob.
Could be Fat Man, could be Little Boy. We'll nail that down later.
Could be Fat Man, could be Little Boy. We'll nail that down later.
Dad?
Dad?
Daddy, you been drinkin'.
Daddy, you been drinkin'.
Damn.
Damn.
Damn. We tried so hard to find him. We looked high and low.
Damn. We tried so hard to find him. We looked high and low.
Dang!
Dang!
Dang!
Dang!
Dang! That's cool.
Dang! That's cool.
Dang! That's cool.
Dang! That's cool.
Dang! Yeah!
Dang! Yeah!
Dang.
Dang.
Dang.
Dang.
Dang.
Dang.
Dang. It's out.
Dang. It's out.
Dang. These are yours?
Dang. These are yours?
Did he hurt you, baby?
Did he hurt you, baby?
Did she ever track 'em down, and if she did, well, why couldn't she have called you?
Did she ever track 'em down, and if she did, well, why couldn't she have called you?
Did she find your parents?
Did she find your parents?
Did they die?
Did they die?
Did they get it? Where'd he go?
Did they get it? Where'd he go?
Did you get it? Yeah. Baby.
Did you get it? Yeah. Baby.
Did you kick their asses?
Did you kick their asses?
Do it again, I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron.
Do it again, I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron.
Do you have any idea what it's like to be a kid and have nobody around to talk to?
Do you have any idea what it's like to be a kid and have nobody around to talk to?
Do you see these clown figurines?
Do you see these clown figurines?
Don't ever forget it, Dirt.
Don't ever forget it, Dirt.
Don't focus on the wrong part of the story, brother.
Don't focus on the wrong part of the story, brother.
Don't forget to wipe your dirt.
Don't forget to wipe your dirt.
Don't get smart with me, you motherless dirtbag!
Don't get smart with me, you motherless dirtbag!
Don't pull up.
Don't pull up.
Don't pull up.
Don't pull up.
Don't try and church it up, son. Don't you mean Joe Dirt?
Don't try and church it up, son. Don't you mean Joe Dirt?
Don't you get it, man? Stinky stuff is your milieu. Okay? This is your deal.
Don't you get it, man? Stinky stuff is your milieu. Okay? This is your deal.
Dude, I'm just sayin' it's dull, all right?
Dude, I'm just sayin' it's dull, all right?
Dude, you were eating off it.
Dude, you were eating off it.
Easy.
Easy.
Enough, you broken record! Okay! I've been down here for two weeks, man.
Enough, you broken record! Okay! I've been down here for two weeks, man.
Especially a cool guy like you, Kicking Wing.
Especially a cool guy like you, Kicking Wing.
Especially after that brutal run in with Buffalo Bob.
Especially after that brutal run in with Buffalo Bob.
Even me? What's that supposed to mean, man?
Even me? What's that supposed to mean, man?
Even though you took me to the carnival that I was already at.
Even though you took me to the carnival that I was already at.
Every day you just think you're worthless, and there's a void in your life.
Every day you just think you're worthless, and there's a void in your life.
Everybody know that. Goddamn, boy.
Everybody know that. Goddamn, boy.
Everybody, I'm lookin' for my parents.
Everybody, I'm lookin' for my parents.
Everything's cool with me.
Everything's cool with me.
Feast your eyes on a feast of smoke.
Feast your eyes on a feast of smoke.
For Christ's sake! Here!
For Christ's sake! Here!
For my search at a local grade school.
For my search at a local grade school.
For real?
For real?
For some reason, and I have no idea why,
For some reason, and I have no idea why,
For the next couple of years,
For the next couple of years,
For the record, I wasn't crying'. There was dirt in my eyes.
For the record, I wasn't crying'. There was dirt in my eyes.
For the show in perpetuity.
For the show in perpetuity.
Freddy, go get Free Bird boy here an all access laminate
Freddy, go get Free Bird boy here an all access laminate
From the inside by punchin' out his heart, is my guess.
From the inside by punchin' out his heart, is my guess.
Frozen in a freezer 'cause it's all wet?
Frozen in a freezer 'cause it's all wet?
Gasoline. Yeah.
Gasoline. Yeah.
Get her to sew that!
Get her to sew that!
Get in the damn car, you flea bitten,
Get in the damn car, you flea bitten,
Get this thing full of lighter fluid.
Get this thing full of lighter fluid.
Get up on the roof and put some bricks in the tooth!
Get up on the roof and put some bricks in the tooth!
Gimme that mutt. I'm takin' him huntin' with me.
Gimme that mutt. I'm takin' him huntin' with me.
Give me what you got in your pocket, and she's yours.
Give me what you got in your pocket, and she's yours.
Go ahead. I'm a roast. Baste me.
Go ahead. I'm a roast. Baste me.
Go back! Go back!
Go back! Go back!
Go get him. Run, Charlie! Run like the wind!
Go get him. Run, Charlie! Run like the wind!
God, I hate these nasty things!
God, I hate these nasty things!
God, that Brandy has a nice ass, doesn't she?
God, that Brandy has a nice ass, doesn't she?
God.
God.
Good job, sir. Yeah, keep 'em straight like that. Good strategy.
Good job, sir. Yeah, keep 'em straight like that. Good strategy.
Good job!
Good job!
Good stuff?
Good stuff?
Gotcha.
Gotcha.
Gut Busters, Zip a Dee do dahs or Crap Flappers?
Gut Busters, Zip a Dee do dahs or Crap Flappers?
Guy likes to see homos naked. That don't help me.
Guy likes to see homos naked. That don't help me.
Had a little boy.
Had a little boy.
Had exact kind of haircut you got now.
Had exact kind of haircut you got now.
Have I nailed the pertinent facts?
Have I nailed the pertinent facts?
He comes back to you to fix it.
He comes back to you to fix it.
He could do anything, you know?
He could do anything, you know?
He has no idea that Brandy even likes him.
He has no idea that Brandy even likes him.
He killed all them, too.
He killed all them, too.
He saved us from the mustard gas.
He saved us from the mustard gas.
He used to beat me, so one night I just pushed him into the wood chipper.
He used to beat me, so one night I just pushed him into the wood chipper.
He was damn good, too.
He was damn good, too.
He was in town here on the Federal witness relocation program.
He was in town here on the Federal witness relocation program.
He was the former boss of the Cammalleri crime family.
He was the former boss of the Cammalleri crime family.
He would've liked that.
He would've liked that.
He'll stop humping as soon as he's done.
He'll stop humping as soon as he's done.
He's dead? Man, what happened?
He's dead? Man, what happened?
He's Joe Dirt! Yeah!
He's Joe Dirt! Yeah!
He's your real hero, people, not me.
He's your real hero, people, not me.
Hell, I have half a mind to move there myself.
Hell, I have half a mind to move there myself.
Hell, yeah, I'm going to Louisiana, brother!
Hell, yeah, I'm going to Louisiana, brother!
Hello, California.
Hello, California.
Hello, Joe Dirt.
Hello, Joe Dirt.
Hello?
Hello?
Help me!
Help me!
Her eyes were somethin'. Azure, you know.
Her eyes were somethin'. Azure, you know.
Here's a picture of Joe when he was a baby.
Here's a picture of Joe when he was a baby.
Here's a picture of them. It's taken
Here's a picture of them. It's taken
Here's my favorite bands. AC/DC, Van Halen, not Van Hagar, Skynyrd, Def Lepp...
Here's my favorite bands. AC/DC, Van Halen, not Van Hagar, Skynyrd, Def Lepp...
Here's your week's pay.
Here's your week's pay.
Hey, baby, I'm on! Yeah.
Hey, baby, I'm on! Yeah.
Hey, boss, I'm goin' on a break.
Hey, boss, I'm goin' on a break.
Hey, Brandy, I'm sittin' here with a friend of yours,
Hey, Brandy, I'm sittin' here with a friend of yours,
Hey, Brandy, it's Joe. I'm out in LA.
Hey, Brandy, it's Joe. I'm out in LA.
Hey, Carson, how big's your Johnny?
Hey, Carson, how big's your Johnny?
Hey, Dad, look. It's the good stuff.
Hey, Dad, look. It's the good stuff.
Hey, Dirt! I thought I told you, buddy,
Hey, Dirt! I thought I told you, buddy,
Hey, everybody, Brandy's here!
Hey, everybody, Brandy's here!
Hey, freak boy.
Hey, freak boy.
Hey, God forbid you don't win after throwing only two quarters, man.
Hey, God forbid you don't win after throwing only two quarters, man.
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, TV people!
Hey, hey, TV people!
Hey, how exactly is a rainbow made?
Hey, how exactly is a rainbow made?
Hey, I got four hours a day to fill, man.
Hey, I got four hours a day to fill, man.
Hey, I'll get that cleaned up lickety split.
Hey, I'll get that cleaned up lickety split.
Hey, I'm Joe. Where's the throw up?
Hey, I'm Joe. Where's the throw up?
Hey, if you're taking the dog, I'll go with him.
Hey, if you're taking the dog, I'll go with him.
Hey, is this where you want to be when Jesus comes back, man?
Hey, is this where you want to be when Jesus comes back, man?
Hey, it puts the Joe Dirt in the hole.
Hey, it puts the Joe Dirt in the hole.
Hey, Joe, did you use the stuff with the tiny scrubbing bubbles?
Hey, Joe, did you use the stuff with the tiny scrubbing bubbles?
Hey, Junior Dirt Bag. You talkin' to your rock?
Hey, Junior Dirt Bag. You talkin' to your rock?
Hey, look at this. Charlie, see that?
Hey, look at this. Charlie, see that?
Hey, man, I... I can't say don't make fun of me,
Hey, man, I... I can't say don't make fun of me,
Hey, man, you done with that apple core?
Hey, man, you done with that apple core?
Hey, Mister, you know the people who live here, Nunamaker?
Hey, Mister, you know the people who live here, Nunamaker?
Hey, my foot's stuck!
Hey, my foot's stuck!
Hey, my man. I got a big date tonight. I'm here to pick up my ride.
Hey, my man. I got a big date tonight. I'm here to pick up my ride.
Hey, retard, you aren't worth it.
Hey, retard, you aren't worth it.
Hey, Robby, what's crappenin'?
Hey, Robby, what's crappenin'?
Hey, to tell you the truth, brother, between you and me,
Hey, to tell you the truth, brother, between you and me,
Hey, wait a minute, yeah.
Hey, wait a minute, yeah.
Hey, wait... Am I... Am I on? I'm on?
Hey, wait... Am I... Am I on? I'm on?
Hey, what's goin' on, man?
Hey, what's goin' on, man?
Hey, who's this chick over here? Is that your girlfriend?
Hey, who's this chick over here? Is that your girlfriend?
Hey, you guys, you gotta come hear this guy on the Zander show.
Hey, you guys, you gotta come hear this guy on the Zander show.
Hey, Zander, Zander, You got to see this guy.
Hey, Zander, Zander, You got to see this guy.
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey! Airplane! Help me!
Hey! Airplane! Help me!
Hey! You're talkin' to my guy all wrong.
Hey! You're talkin' to my guy all wrong.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey. I'm lookin' for a guy named Buffalo Bob.
Hey. I'm lookin' for a guy named Buffalo Bob.
Hey. You wanna fight, you little queer?
Hey. You wanna fight, you little queer?
Hi, Joe. Come here.
Hi, Joe. Come here.
Hi, this is Brandy. I'm not here right now.
Hi, this is Brandy. I'm not here right now.
His name's Clem Doore, and he's from Josette, Louisiana.
His name's Clem Doore, and he's from Josette, Louisiana.
His old cronies must've somehow found he was down here
His old cronies must've somehow found he was down here
Hold up. Ho!
Hold up. Ho!
Home is where you make it!
Home is where you make it!
Home is where you make it.
Home is where you make it.
Home where you make it.
Home where you make it.
Honey blonde hair. Her body...
Honey blonde hair. Her body...
How about a Whineken?
How about a Whineken?
How could you do that to me? I was only eight years old.
How could you do that to me? I was only eight years old.
How does she put up with you, Dirt?
How does she put up with you, Dirt?
How exactly does the Posi Trac rear end on a Plymouth work?
How exactly does the Posi Trac rear end on a Plymouth work?
How exactly does the sun set?
How exactly does the sun set?
How long did you look for me before you gave up?
How long did you look for me before you gave up?
How long were you ridin' in that car before you realized I wasn't in it?
How long were you ridin' in that car before you realized I wasn't in it?
Huge pert rack.
Huge pert rack.
Hurry up, Phillip.
Hurry up, Phillip.
I agree. So does America.
I agree. So does America.
I ain't the guy that saved them kids.
I ain't the guy that saved them kids.
I appreciate any help I can get.
I appreciate any help I can get.
I bet people in a town like that will be nice to us.
I bet people in a town like that will be nice to us.
I came up here to check up on you, and, well, I met Gert B. Frobe.
I came up here to check up on you, and, well, I met Gert B. Frobe.
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I can't wait to see you and tell you everything.
I can't wait to see you and tell you everything.
I checked my list of Rambler wagons. And there it was, Nunamaker.
I checked my list of Rambler wagons. And there it was, Nunamaker.
I could sell you a car for 450 bucks,
I could sell you a car for 450 bucks,
I could tell you were an outlaw.
I could tell you were an outlaw.
I couldn't remember my real last name.
I couldn't remember my real last name.
I did it! I did it! I roped him with a bungee cord.
I did it! I did it! I roped him with a bungee cord.
I did.
I did.
I didn't get to the sad part yet.
I didn't get to the sad part yet.
I do worry about you, man. You know why? Because you're livin' In a boiler room, Joe.
I do worry about you, man. You know why? Because you're livin' In a boiler room, Joe.
I don't care how long it takes. I gotta do it.
I don't care how long it takes. I gotta do it.
I don't know what the problem is.
I don't know what the problem is.
I don't know what you're saying, but that's what's going on, yeah.
I don't know what you're saying, but that's what's going on, yeah.
I don't know why you ask about that guy. Nothin' happened.
I don't know why you ask about that guy. Nothin' happened.
I don't know, Joe.
I don't know, Joe.
I don't know. What's goin' on?
I don't know. What's goin' on?
I don't mean to interrupt your clown pitch there,
I don't mean to interrupt your clown pitch there,
I don't wanna be unkind, but this woman was a little off balance.
I don't wanna be unkind, but this woman was a little off balance.
I expect your schoolwork to be done every night and laid out for my inspection.
I expect your schoolwork to be done every night and laid out for my inspection.
I got a backup mic right here.
I got a backup mic right here.
I got a good mind to take my outlaw ass and... Yeah, you better walk away, hard ass.
I got a good mind to take my outlaw ass and... Yeah, you better walk away, hard ass.
I got a picture of 'em.
I got a picture of 'em.
I got an idea.
I got an idea.
I got it. Now what?
I got it. Now what?
I got lost.
I got lost.
I got myself a real important job in advertising.
I got myself a real important job in advertising.
I got some crazy stuff to tell you,
I got some crazy stuff to tell you,
I got some pictures here. Look at this.
I got some pictures here. Look at this.
I got the poo on me.
I got the poo on me.
I got these two sticks.
I got these two sticks.
I got to find out what happened that day at the Grand Canyon.
I got to find out what happened that day at the Grand Canyon.
I got to go back to work.
I got to go back to work.
I got to tell her what happened, why I got weird.
I got to tell her what happened, why I got weird.
I gotta make a wish.
I gotta make a wish.
I guess I'm lucky it wasn't hot chili day today.
I guess I'm lucky it wasn't hot chili day today.
I guess this is the place. Buffalo Bob's kind of a weird name.
I guess this is the place. Buffalo Bob's kind of a weird name.
I guess you won the battle.
I guess you won the battle.
I had the doctor surgically put on a wig that's a little more contemporary.
I had the doctor surgically put on a wig that's a little more contemporary.
I had this strange feeling that exact moment,
I had this strange feeling that exact moment,
I hear people.
I hear people.
I heard some things. It's not good. He's a bad guy.
I heard some things. It's not good. He's a bad guy.
I hit pay dirt when I got a job with a traveling carnival,
I hit pay dirt when I got a job with a traveling carnival,
I hopped a train out of Silvertown and headed east for the big city.
I hopped a train out of Silvertown and headed east for the big city.
I just can't stop grinnin'.
I just can't stop grinnin'.
I just didn't know you were in this witness protection thing, brother.
I just didn't know you were in this witness protection thing, brother.
I just hope whoever he is, he deserves a girl like you.
I just hope whoever he is, he deserves a girl like you.
I just made that last part up for laughs, you guys, I'm tellin' you.
I just made that last part up for laughs, you guys, I'm tellin' you.
I just pour a little water on here. Now, you hold him.
I just pour a little water on here. Now, you hold him.
I just wanna say thanks to all the people that stop me in the street
I just wanna say thanks to all the people that stop me in the street
I just wanna say thanks to all the people that stop me in the street
I just wanna say thanks to all the people that stop me in the street
I know, but that's a deal, what he wants.
I know, but that's a deal, what he wants.
I know.
I know.
I landed next to an oil rig, and they was hiring people.
I landed next to an oil rig, and they was hiring people.
I left it here. Friend's house.
I left it here. Friend's house.
I like gettin' hit with hot dogs. It don't bother me none.
I like gettin' hit with hot dogs. It don't bother me none.
I love you, Joe Dirt.
I love you, Joe Dirt.
I mean, all these people were on them tour buses that day?
I mean, all these people were on them tour buses that day?
I mean, he's here and now he's gone.
I mean, he's here and now he's gone.
I mean, hell, I'd just shut this old gator farm down and...
I mean, hell, I'd just shut this old gator farm down and...
I mean, I don't mean to get all scientific or whatever.
I mean, I don't mean to get all scientific or whatever.
I mean, I get this loser talking about the moon
I mean, I get this loser talking about the moon
I mean, I got a place up in Malibu, I got lots of friends.
I mean, I got a place up in Malibu, I got lots of friends.
I mean, maybe one day UNICEF will get into the impound business.
I mean, maybe one day UNICEF will get into the impound business.
I mean, never putting the moves on Brandy...
I mean, never putting the moves on Brandy...
I mean, your ass and my face. What's up? Here we go.
I mean, your ass and my face. What's up? Here we go.
I might need a pretty little lady
I might need a pretty little lady
I might say the joint looks great. The toilets are freshly scrubbed.
I might say the joint looks great. The toilets are freshly scrubbed.
I need a towel now.
I need a towel now.
I need more, man. I'll be honest with you. I want to see you in here tomorrow.
I need more, man. I'll be honest with you. I want to see you in here tomorrow.
I need to find a home, Meteor.
I need to find a home, Meteor.
I need you to give me the records
I need you to give me the records
I need you to go find Sheriff Williams.
I need you to go find Sheriff Williams.
I need your help.
I need your help.
I never would have said your name on TV, man.
I never would have said your name on TV, man.
I realized I needed a different approach.
I realized I needed a different approach.
I saw your bumper sticker, "Cowboys' butts drive me nuts."
I saw your bumper sticker, "Cowboys' butts drive me nuts."
I sold the gator farm,
I sold the gator farm,
I still don't see why we're going to the tour bus company.
I still don't see why we're going to the tour bus company.
I tell you what, buddy. I'm gonna give you a free spin.
I tell you what, buddy. I'm gonna give you a free spin.
I think he got...
I think he got...
I think his... Well, you know how when you get your tongue
I think his... Well, you know how when you get your tongue
I think I'm gonna go to the restroom and take a big Joe.
I think I'm gonna go to the restroom and take a big Joe.
I think that all I got's, like, 450 bucks.
I think that all I got's, like, 450 bucks.
I think that's little me in the garbage can!
I think that's little me in the garbage can!
I think these are pictures from the Grand Canyon.
I think these are pictures from the Grand Canyon.
I think we need some resolution here. We need a little closure.
I think we need some resolution here. We need a little closure.
I thought hunting would be, you know, more fun than it was.
I thought hunting would be, you know, more fun than it was.
I thought this was it this time.
I thought this was it this time.
I thought you had a Hemi.
I thought you had a Hemi.
I told everybody you would.
I told everybody you would.
I told them, Meteor. You had my back.
I told them, Meteor. You had my back.
I wanna get married, Joe, and have little Joe Dirts. Come home, Joe.
I wanna get married, Joe, and have little Joe Dirts. Come home, Joe.
I wanna get this woman on the phone, and I wanna ask her
I wanna get this woman on the phone, and I wanna ask her
I want to hear more of the saga of Joe Dirt.
I want to hear more of the saga of Joe Dirt.
I was 11 years old now, and I'd gotten into a little trouble here and there,
I was 11 years old now, and I'd gotten into a little trouble here and there,
I was at the canyon, yeah. You know what?
I was at the canyon, yeah. You know what?
I was finally home.
I was finally home.
I was gonna be a janitor.
I was gonna be a janitor.
I was just a little kid.
I was just a little kid.
I was just tryin' to get the word out about my parents, man. I'm so sorry.
I was just tryin' to get the word out about my parents, man. I'm so sorry.
I was livin' in the woods outside of that postcard town I said.
I was livin' in the woods outside of that postcard town I said.
I was made for dancin
I was made for dancin
I was thinkin' about that car.
I was thinkin' about that car.
I was totally bombed on insecticide, I think.
I was totally bombed on insecticide, I think.
I wasn't getting by on my tracking wages.
I wasn't getting by on my tracking wages.
I wish he'd never found us! Look what he did to my children!
I wish he'd never found us! Look what he did to my children!
I wish I knew what happened that one day at that Grand Canyon place.
I wish I knew what happened that one day at that Grand Canyon place.
I would never do that,
I would never do that,
I...
I...
I'd floated all the way to North Dakota.
I'd floated all the way to North Dakota.
I'd give him 7,500. I used to have one of these. This guy's crazy.
I'd give him 7,500. I used to have one of these. This guy's crazy.
I'll be chirping gears and pulling brodies, going...
I'll be chirping gears and pulling brodies, going...
I'll hold your half for ya.
I'll hold your half for ya.
I'll just go back to mopping.
I'll just go back to mopping.
I'll pay for this. I'm new!
I'll pay for this. I'm new!
I'll try the old reverse psychology.
I'll try the old reverse psychology.
I'm a bit of a crocophile, so don't try this at home.
I'm a bit of a crocophile, so don't try this at home.
I'm done with that fart. You want that?
I'm done with that fart. You want that?
I'm going broke with this venture also.
I'm going broke with this venture also.
I'm gonna talk to your lady friend over there. How 'bout that?
I'm gonna talk to your lady friend over there. How 'bout that?
I'm guessin' you had reasons for doin' what you did.
I'm guessin' you had reasons for doin' what you did.
I'm here with Joe Dirt.
I'm here with Joe Dirt.
I'm here, Joe.
I'm here, Joe.
I'm Joe Dirt!
I'm Joe Dirt!
I'm just kinda campin' out or whatever,
I'm just kinda campin' out or whatever,
I'm just saying, I'm beginning to doubt your hetero street credentials here.
I'm just saying, I'm beginning to doubt your hetero street credentials here.
I'm kiddin'. But seriously, let's hook up.
I'm kiddin'. But seriously, let's hook up.
I'm lookin' at his father right now, and I'm his mama.
I'm lookin' at his father right now, and I'm his mama.
I'm looking for my parents.
I'm looking for my parents.
I'm new in town, kinda lonely, lookin' for my parents.
I'm new in town, kinda lonely, lookin' for my parents.
I'm new! I don't know what to do!
I'm new! I don't know what to do!
I'm not messin' around. I'll hit it.
I'm not messin' around. I'll hit it.
I'm not sure you are a good person, Brandy.
I'm not sure you are a good person, Brandy.
I'm not talkin' about Posi Trac.
I'm not talkin' about Posi Trac.
I'm on it!
I'm on it!
I'm rubbin' it in.
I'm rubbin' it in.
I'm so sorry, but your search is over.
I'm so sorry, but your search is over.
I'm sorry about the noise, sir.
I'm sorry about the noise, sir.
I'm sorry, buddy. Just give her a second. Dang.
I'm sorry, buddy. Just give her a second. Dang.
I'm sorry, man. Here's the real hero.
I'm sorry, man. Here's the real hero.
I'm taking him with me.
I'm taking him with me.
I'm talkin' about me.
I'm talkin' about me.
I'm wringing this chamois as long as I can.
I'm wringing this chamois as long as I can.
I'm your sister! I'm your sister!
I'm your sister! I'm your sister!
I'm... I'm not... We're just totally friends. She's out of my league.
I'm... I'm not... We're just totally friends. She's out of my league.
I've been lookin' forever for those people, and everyone lies to me, man.
I've been lookin' forever for those people, and everyone lies to me, man.
I've got to find my parents.
I've got to find my parents.
I've had some good times, I met some cool people, cruised around, cranked some tunes.
I've had some good times, I met some cool people, cruised around, cranked some tunes.
If anybody has any information on the whereabouts of 'em,
If anybody has any information on the whereabouts of 'em,
If I met the right man,
If I met the right man,
If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
If it isn't dirty Joe Dirt.
If it isn't dirty Joe Dirt.
If my calculations are correct, this will create ice.
If my calculations are correct, this will create ice.
If she caught me doing stuff.
If she caught me doing stuff.
If you find them, are you gonna tell 'em what happened to you?
If you find them, are you gonna tell 'em what happened to you?
If you're covered in oil, don't stand next to a fire.
If you're covered in oil, don't stand next to a fire.
In case you called and I answered the phone.
In case you called and I answered the phone.
In fact, in our latest "Is Brandy too hot For Joe Dirt?" poll,
In fact, in our latest "Is Brandy too hot For Joe Dirt?" poll,
In the tiny existence you laughingly refer to as your life.
In the tiny existence you laughingly refer to as your life.
Interesting.
Interesting.
Interesting.
Interesting.
Is it done? How much is in there?
Is it done? How much is in there?
Is Joe Dirt's parents ain't dead.
Is Joe Dirt's parents ain't dead.
Is that all? No!
Is that all? No!
Is that right?
Is that right?
Is that right? You think that's queer?
Is that right? You think that's queer?
Is that you are so unrelentingly upbeat about your plight.
Is that you are so unrelentingly upbeat about your plight.
Is this queer? They're large and in charge and lookin' for chickies.
Is this queer? They're large and in charge and lookin' for chickies.
It ain't no rock, it's a meteor, dum dum.
It ain't no rock, it's a meteor, dum dum.
It does what it's told!
It does what it's told!
It puts the lotion on its skin, now!
It puts the lotion on its skin, now!
It puts the lotion on!
It puts the lotion on!
It was grossing everybody out,
It was grossing everybody out,
It was right by the garbage can where you left me.
It was right by the garbage can where you left me.
It's a big mess.
It's a big mess.
It's a business. It ain't UNICEF, okay?
It's a business. It ain't UNICEF, okay?
It's a little bumpy.
It's a little bumpy.
It's a meteorite. Check it out! That's cool!
It's a meteorite. Check it out! That's cool!
It's a pretty big pile of puke.
It's a pretty big pile of puke.
It's a wig. I was born without the top of my skull.
It's a wig. I was born without the top of my skull.
It's Dirt. Isn't that the name on the family crest? Dirt.
It's Dirt. Isn't that the name on the family crest? Dirt.
It's gonna stretch 'em more. That's bad.
It's gonna stretch 'em more. That's bad.
It's gonna take forever, man. But I gotta do it.
It's gonna take forever, man. But I gotta do it.
It's Joe Dirt. But if you're just gonna make fun of me, man,
It's Joe Dirt. But if you're just gonna make fun of me, man,
It's just an old crapper tank, people.
It's just an old crapper tank, people.
It's like a Behind the Music without the music.
It's like a Behind the Music without the music.
It's like in the movies.
It's like in the movies.
It's like the cartoons. I'm seein' all tweet tweet.
It's like the cartoons. I'm seein' all tweet tweet.
It's no big deal. It actually sounds pretty cool.
It's no big deal. It actually sounds pretty cool.
It's not Clem anymore.
It's not Clem anymore.
It's not what you like. It's the consumer.
It's not what you like. It's the consumer.
It's not worth it, Joe.
It's not worth it, Joe.
It's okay, don't move.
It's okay, don't move.
It's okay. I felt it was time to move on anyway, you know.
It's okay. I felt it was time to move on anyway, you know.
It's probably more like this.
It's probably more like this.
It's the wrong tone.
It's the wrong tone.
Jeez, drive this piece of crap off a cliff. Do us all a favor.
Jeez, drive this piece of crap off a cliff. Do us all a favor.
Joe Dirt, I wish you luck.
Joe Dirt, I wish you luck.
Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt!
Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt!
Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt!
Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt!
Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt! You rule, Joe!
Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt! You rule, Joe!
Joe Dirt.
Joe Dirt.
Joe, are you all right?
Joe, are you all right?
Joe, before we wrap this up, is there anything else you wanna say?
Joe, before we wrap this up, is there anything else you wanna say?
Joe, brace yourself for this.
Joe, brace yourself for this.
Joe, can I have an exclusive?
Joe, can I have an exclusive?
Joe, he's okay now. He's in dog heaven.
Joe, he's okay now. He's in dog heaven.
Joe, I think happy hour started a little early in California.
Joe, I think happy hour started a little early in California.
Joe, just turn around now.
Joe, just turn around now.
Joe, no!
Joe, no!
Joe, wait!
Joe, wait!
Joe, what can I do for you?
Joe, what can I do for you?
Joe, what's the matter? Don't I turn you on?
Joe, what's the matter? Don't I turn you on?
Joe, wherever you are, this is for you, buddy.
Joe, wherever you are, this is for you, buddy.
Joe!
Joe!
Joe! Joe! How are you feeling?
Joe! Joe! How are you feeling?
Joe! We have a show to do here.
Joe! We have a show to do here.
Joe? Joe, come back over here.
Joe? Joe, come back over here.
Joe...
Joe...
Joey, it's not cuttin' it, man. It's jive.
Joey, it's not cuttin' it, man. It's jive.
Joey, the tale could not be told in one day, and we've asked you back today.
Joey, the tale could not be told in one day, and we've asked you back today.
June 13, 1979.
June 13, 1979.
Just as long as I never have "no" in my heart.
Just as long as I never have "no" in my heart.
Keep that Skoal, baby. That's what I'm talking about.
Keep that Skoal, baby. That's what I'm talking about.
Kid, give me a break now.
Kid, give me a break now.
Later that night, I took my mama's hedge clippers
Later that night, I took my mama's hedge clippers
Later, if you come up with their last name, you can go on from there.
Later, if you come up with their last name, you can go on from there.
Let me ask you somethin'.
Let me ask you somethin'.
Let's break it off for today.
Let's break it off for today.
Let's go down there.
Let's go down there.
Let's go. Come on, come on. Move it, move it.
Let's go. Come on, come on. Move it, move it.
Life gets hard, you know?
Life gets hard, you know?
Life's a garden, dig it? You make it work for you.
Life's a garden, dig it? You make it work for you.
Life's a garden. Dig it.
Life's a garden. Dig it.
Like a Joe Dirt trench coat.
Like a Joe Dirt trench coat.
Like age progression and...
Like age progression and...
Like I'm some sort of white trash perv.
Like I'm some sort of white trash perv.
Like one time, I was jerkin' my gherkin.
Like one time, I was jerkin' my gherkin.
Like this one guy I fostered out to for about a month,
Like this one guy I fostered out to for about a month,
Listen to you. What's the story here?
Listen to you. What's the story here?
Listen. You're on your own.
Listen. You're on your own.
Long legs goin' up to that tight butt.
Long legs goin' up to that tight butt.
Look at him, fellas.
Look at him, fellas.
Look at that shit!
Look at that shit!
Look at that town, Meteor. That's pretty.
Look at that town, Meteor. That's pretty.
Look at you. Jesus.
Look at you. Jesus.
Look for broken twigs?
Look for broken twigs?
Lookie there.
Lookie there.
Lookin' for people who took those photos at the Grand Canyon.
Lookin' for people who took those photos at the Grand Canyon.
Lookin' for skin that he liked.
Lookin' for skin that he liked.
Looking for tourists who might have photos of my folks.
Looking for tourists who might have photos of my folks.
Looks like Charlie!
Looks like Charlie!
Lord, I got to gamble Gamblin' man
Lord, I got to gamble Gamblin' man
Los Alamos.
Los Alamos.
Luckily, my neck broke my fall.
Luckily, my neck broke my fall.
Ma'am, are you selling this car?
Ma'am, are you selling this car?
Making fun of poor little Joe Dirt?
Making fun of poor little Joe Dirt?
Man, a shooting star.
Man, a shooting star.
Man, firecrackers.
Man, firecrackers.
Man, look at you.
Man, look at you.
Man, that's a great idea. They could find anything.
Man, that's a great idea. They could find anything.
Man, we're gonna get so busted! Let's get out of here!
Man, we're gonna get so busted! Let's get out of here!
Man, you don't even have a car.
Man, you don't even have a car.
Man.
Man.
Man.
Man.
Man. I just had the weirdest dream.
Man. I just had the weirdest dream.
Man. Swerve them potholes.
Man. Swerve them potholes.
Man. What did I trip over?
Man. What did I trip over?
Maybe I'll just lie there for the rest of my life, you know.
Maybe I'll just lie there for the rest of my life, you know.
Maybe if it came out of Charlene Tilton's ass, I'd take a bite.
Maybe if it came out of Charlene Tilton's ass, I'd take a bite.
Maybe we should take it over to that place, the laboratory over in the next town,
Maybe we should take it over to that place, the laboratory over in the next town,
Maybe we'll go back down to McDonald's
Maybe we'll go back down to McDonald's
Message deleted.
Message deleted.
Meteor, we call this here "Bein' in burger heaven."
Meteor, we call this here "Bein' in burger heaven."
Molar World. One for the kid? Sure.
Molar World. One for the kid? Sure.
Molar World. Walk ins welcome. There you go.
Molar World. Walk ins welcome. There you go.
Molar...
Molar...
Mom, Dad, is that you?
Mom, Dad, is that you?
Mom!
Mom!
Mom!
Mom!
Mom! Dad!
Mom! Dad!
Mostly mopping.
Mostly mopping.
Move your asses. Come on.
Move your asses. Come on.
Moved!
Moved!
Mr. Dirt is seen here meeting one of his longtime idols, Eddie Money.
Mr. Dirt is seen here meeting one of his longtime idols, Eddie Money.
My dad made my last name Dirt for some reason.
My dad made my last name Dirt for some reason.
My face and your ass. How about that, friend?
My face and your ass. How about that, friend?
My family's last name is Buckwalter. My brother's name is Cletis.
My family's last name is Buckwalter. My brother's name is Cletis.
My foot's stuck, see? See, my foot's stuck?
My foot's stuck, see? See, my foot's stuck?
My Hemi! You got it outta hock for me?
My Hemi! You got it outta hock for me?
My last name's Dirt, her last name's Nunamaker!
My last name's Dirt, her last name's Nunamaker!
My outlaw.
My outlaw.
My parents pulled over on the side of the road to look at that big dinosaur
My parents pulled over on the side of the road to look at that big dinosaur
My parents were... This was my home.
My parents were... This was my home.
My tooth! My tooth!
My tooth! My tooth!
Nah. Home is where you make it.
Nah. Home is where you make it.
Nah. I killed him.
Nah. I killed him.
Naming you that, your daddy must've really hated you.
Naming you that, your daddy must've really hated you.
No matter what, good things'll come my way.
No matter what, good things'll come my way.
No one that cares if you're alive or dead?
No one that cares if you're alive or dead?
No Spleen Splitters, Whisker Biscuits,
No Spleen Splitters, Whisker Biscuits,
No way I'd ever sell you, Meteor. Not in a million years.
No way I'd ever sell you, Meteor. Not in a million years.
No way. And that's my... My dad and my mom.
No way. And that's my... My dad and my mom.
No wonder this thing's going under. You got nothing. It's wussy stuff.
No wonder this thing's going under. You got nothing. It's wussy stuff.
No, he's dead.
No, he's dead.
No, I didn't.
No, I didn't.
No, I don't.
No, I don't.
No, I know, man. That's all... That's for you.
No, I know, man. That's all... That's for you.
No, man, but you gotta keep going. What am I gonna do, quit?
No, man, but you gotta keep going. What am I gonna do, quit?
No, man. No, you don't need to bother her none.
No, man. No, you don't need to bother her none.
No, see, my last name's Dirt.
No, see, my last name's Dirt.
No, she wouldn't do that. I know Brandy.
No, she wouldn't do that. I know Brandy.
No, sir, man. I don't like that crap.
No, sir, man. I don't like that crap.
No, you're the one that carried us out.
No, you're the one that carried us out.
No, you've been on the ride long enough. It's time to go home.
No, you've been on the ride long enough. It's time to go home.
No!
No!
No!
No!
No! Killer mustard gas!
No! Killer mustard gas!
No.
No.
No. Are your nuts frozen to the porch?
No. Are your nuts frozen to the porch?
No. No. You know what, guys, I'm fine.
No. No. You know what, guys, I'm fine.
No. That's... That's wrong.
No. That's... That's wrong.
Nobody wants you around, period!
Nobody wants you around, period!
Nobody wants you around!
Nobody wants you around!
None of that pussy Skoal, right, Dad?
None of that pussy Skoal, right, Dad?
Not makin'?
Not makin'?
Not me! That's the guy!
Not me! That's the guy!
Nothin' happened with him. Nothin' weird. Nothin'.
Nothin' happened with him. Nothin' weird. Nothin'.
Now I have 30 fireworks stands, which completely fund my animal shelters.
Now I have 30 fireworks stands, which completely fund my animal shelters.
Now I have 30 fireworks stands, which completely fund my animal shelters.
Now I have 30 fireworks stands, which completely fund my animal shelters.
Now let's see. In Louisiana, 1968, we sold...
Now let's see. In Louisiana, 1968, we sold...
Now that's day one stuff.
Now that's day one stuff.
Now you tell me your daddy's name, and I'll tell you the dealership where he bought it.
Now you tell me your daddy's name, and I'll tell you the dealership where he bought it.
Now, before I begin...
Now, before I begin...
Now, even you liked the way that chick looked, didn't you?
Now, even you liked the way that chick looked, didn't you?
Now, go on, go get him. Go bring help. Go get help now.
Now, go on, go get him. Go bring help. Go get help now.
Now, here's what I need.
Now, here's what I need.
Now, I'll tell you what I could do.
Now, I'll tell you what I could do.
Now, let's see if Rocky's got some cavities.
Now, let's see if Rocky's got some cavities.
Now, see, boy? He goes off and fetches the duck.
Now, see, boy? He goes off and fetches the duck.
Now, this ain't no flapjack. Gotta go real easy.
Now, this ain't no flapjack. Gotta go real easy.
Now, this mofo knows not to mess with Sir Joseph Dirt.
Now, this mofo knows not to mess with Sir Joseph Dirt.
Now, while I'm up here waiting...
Now, while I'm up here waiting...
Now, you know, except for the ratty 'stache and the pork chops,
Now, you know, except for the ratty 'stache and the pork chops,
Now, you're telling me that you're so ingrained with white trash DNA
Now, you're telling me that you're so ingrained with white trash DNA
Nunamaker! Nunamaker!
Nunamaker! Nunamaker!
Of course, that's not true.
Of course, that's not true.
Of everybody who toured the Grand Canyon on them buses
Of everybody who toured the Grand Canyon on them buses
Of my parents being turned into alligator shit.
Of my parents being turned into alligator shit.
Of people who might actually have a photograph of you and your parents, right?
Of people who might actually have a photograph of you and your parents, right?
Oh, God. She is so fine.
Oh, God. She is so fine.
Oh, my God, man. This is my fault.
Oh, my God, man. This is my fault.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Brandy, I'm home?
Oh, my God. Brandy, I'm home?
Oh, my God. How'd he find out?
Oh, my God. How'd he find out?
Okay, class, let's hear what these results are.
Okay, class, let's hear what these results are.
Okay, okay, that's too much, too much.
Okay, okay, that's too much, too much.
Okay, this is a business. This is not a charity.
Okay, this is a business. This is not a charity.
Okay, this is where that rat bastard lives.
Okay, this is where that rat bastard lives.
Okay, this is where that rat bastard lives.
Okay, this is where that rat bastard lives.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. Why didn't you say so? Come on!
Okay. Why didn't you say so? Come on!
On account of how you talked about it. It's wonderful here.
On account of how you talked about it. It's wonderful here.
On my own again, looking for my parents, but I don't know their last names.
On my own again, looking for my parents, but I don't know their last names.
Once in a while you got a problem with the boiler.
Once in a while you got a problem with the boiler.
One day I'll have a car that badass,
One day I'll have a car that badass,
One night, they got swallowed up by the biggest damn gator we ever had.
One night, they got swallowed up by the biggest damn gator we ever had.
One swing, and this here ball peen hammer will trigger this A bomb,
One swing, and this here ball peen hammer will trigger this A bomb,
One, two, three, go.
One, two, three, go.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
Or one single Whistling Kitty Chaser?
Or one single Whistling Kitty Chaser?
Other than the fact that you dig looking like Jane Fonda in Klute,
Other than the fact that you dig looking like Jane Fonda in Klute,
Our baby's home.
Our baby's home.
Out there in California,
Out there in California,
Over in Kansas.
Over in Kansas.
Over there in the middle of the lunch room.
Over there in the middle of the lunch room.
People forget we're live. You like the window, don't you?
People forget we're live. You like the window, don't you?
People like that security guard,
People like that security guard,
People would remember selling a car like that.
People would remember selling a car like that.
People'll come from miles around to see this thing.
People'll come from miles around to see this thing.
Please call this number, okay.
Please call this number, okay.
Please leave a message.
Please leave a message.
Plum crazy purple.
Plum crazy purple.
Probably feels pretty good,
Probably feels pretty good,
Probably, because I'm sure Yahweh would be chiming in, too.
Probably, because I'm sure Yahweh would be chiming in, too.
Psycho.
Psycho.
Ramblin' man
Ramblin' man
Real name's Tim. How can I help you?
Real name's Tim. How can I help you?
Really?
Really?
Right here, guys. There he is.
Right here, guys. There he is.
Right on! You're Joe Meteorite, and I'm Joe Dirt!
Right on! You're Joe Meteorite, and I'm Joe Dirt!
Right on.
Right on.
Robby said you didn't want me around,
Robby said you didn't want me around,
Rocky! Rocky! No!
Rocky! Rocky! No!
Rule number one, I'm number one.
Rule number one, I'm number one.
Rule two, the croc's number two.
Rule two, the croc's number two.
Run, Charlie.
Run, Charlie.
Run!
Run!
Rusty.
Rusty.
Say hello to Charlie Two.
Say hello to Charlie Two.
Scat! Get out of here!
Scat! Get out of here!
See, I just couldn't stand the thought
See, I just couldn't stand the thought
See, I spent the night in what I thought was an abandoned circus tent.
See, I spent the night in what I thought was an abandoned circus tent.
See, it wasn't really my dog. It was this girl's dog.
See, it wasn't really my dog. It was this girl's dog.
See, she signed it right there.
See, she signed it right there.
See, them airplanes, they dump their toilets 36,000 feet,
See, them airplanes, they dump their toilets 36,000 feet,
Septic tank for an RV.
Septic tank for an RV.
She sounds like a real winner,
She sounds like a real winner,
She was shot six times.
She was shot six times.
She was somethin'.
She was somethin'.
She'll be just how you remembered her.
She'll be just how you remembered her.
She's gonna freak out when she sees my wheels.
She's gonna freak out when she sees my wheels.
She's out riding her horse. She'll be back in a minute.
She's out riding her horse. She'll be back in a minute.
She's sick of all your crap. She's sick of helpin' you.
She's sick of all your crap. She's sick of helpin' you.
She's your sister, dude. She's gotta be! And you made out with her, man!
She's your sister, dude. She's gotta be! And you made out with her, man!
Should loosen it up a little bit.
Should loosen it up a little bit.
Show me them boobies.
Show me them boobies.
Shut up, you hard on.
Shut up, you hard on.
Sir.
Sir.
Sit down, let me take another tact here.
Sit down, let me take another tact here.
Smooth tan skin.
Smooth tan skin.
So I was living in a juvie home for boys,
So I was living in a juvie home for boys,
So my mom put this wig on me to cover it up.
So my mom put this wig on me to cover it up.
So were you.
So were you.
So you won't be here.
So you won't be here.
So, all my money goes towards that. I don't have pictures of them or nothing.
So, all my money goes towards that. I don't have pictures of them or nothing.
So, back to the story here. You're on your own...
So, back to the story here. You're on your own...
So, Carson helped me trace the call,
So, Carson helped me trace the call,
So, clean the puke. Okay.
So, clean the puke. Okay.
So, I cruised down south to New Orleans and found a base of operations
So, I cruised down south to New Orleans and found a base of operations
So, I did a real bad thing there,
So, I did a real bad thing there,
So, I found a job, and that led to the biggest break In my case yet.
So, I found a job, and that led to the biggest break In my case yet.
So, I had fun tonight.
So, I had fun tonight.
So, I had my 360 bucks.
So, I had my 360 bucks.
So, I headed for a reservation.
So, I headed for a reservation.
So, I knew it was gonna be hard to find 'em.
So, I knew it was gonna be hard to find 'em.
So, I tried not to move. And I'm lyin' there starin' at the moon.
So, I tried not to move. And I'm lyin' there starin' at the moon.
So, it's not my fault.
So, it's not my fault.
So, later on today, I'm pickin' up my Hemi Road Runner. That's right, I said Hemi.
So, later on today, I'm pickin' up my Hemi Road Runner. That's right, I said Hemi.
So, needless to say, I was in no shape
So, needless to say, I was in no shape
So, now I got to span the country to find all these people,
So, now I got to span the country to find all these people,
So, now you have a bunch of names
So, now you have a bunch of names
So, the letter Robby showed Joe is true? You wrote that?
So, the letter Robby showed Joe is true? You wrote that?
So, there I was.
So, there I was.
So, you did see 'em first. So, it's just like Robby said.
So, you did see 'em first. So, it's just like Robby said.
So, you see, we're not related. We can have sex again.
So, you see, we're not related. We can have sex again.
So, you wanna go back in the house?
So, you wanna go back in the house?
So, you're gonna tell me that you don't have no black cats,
So, you're gonna tell me that you don't have no black cats,
Somebody do something.
Somebody do something.
Somebody help me!
Somebody help me!
Somewhere in Indiana I hit a little snag.
Somewhere in Indiana I hit a little snag.
Son of a bitch.
Son of a bitch.
Sorry, Billy Jack.
Sorry, Billy Jack.
Stop it!
Stop it!
Storm's coming in!
Storm's coming in!
Sure would.
Sure would.
Sure. Why don't you come on inside?
Sure. Why don't you come on inside?
Take care, Joe Dirt.
Take care, Joe Dirt.
Taking him with you? But...
Taking him with you? But...
Teaching us along the way,
Teaching us along the way,
Testing. Testing, testing.
Testing. Testing, testing.
Than a frozen hunk of crap?
Than a frozen hunk of crap?
Thank God, dude! That was gonna be a little much.
Thank God, dude! That was gonna be a little much.
Thank God!
Thank God!
Thank you.
Thank you.
That bein' said, here's the real scoop.
That bein' said, here's the real scoop.
That Buffalo Bob thing? There's not much to tell.
That Buffalo Bob thing? There's not much to tell.
That hug was completely asexual. You know, he kind of snuck it up on me.
That hug was completely asexual. You know, he kind of snuck it up on me.
That I was meant to find my parents.
That I was meant to find my parents.
That I'm now referring to as
That I'm now referring to as
That stuff doesn't work anymore,
That stuff doesn't work anymore,
That stupid dog better be bringing somebody.
That stupid dog better be bringing somebody.
That sucks.
That sucks.
That symbol looks very stern.
That symbol looks very stern.
That thing with the dog is comin' off a little fruity.
That thing with the dog is comin' off a little fruity.
That thing's an atom bomb, man.
That thing's an atom bomb, man.
That was a good one. All right, Charlie, get in the car.
That was a good one. All right, Charlie, get in the car.
That your facial hair actually grows in on its own all white trashy like that?
That your facial hair actually grows in on its own all white trashy like that?
That's a big 10 4.
That's a big 10 4.
That's a good question, man. She's great, though, ain't she?
That's a good question, man. She's great, though, ain't she?
That's a nice place.
That's a nice place.
That's beautiful.
That's beautiful.
That's beautiful.
That's beautiful.
That's funny, 'cause my mom used to say that to me
That's funny, 'cause my mom used to say that to me
That's good. That's good.
That's good. That's good.
That's happening, man. We should get bleachers over here.
That's happening, man. We should get bleachers over here.
That's her!
That's her!
That's it. That's what I'll do for my parents. How much does that cost?
That's it. That's what I'll do for my parents. How much does that cost?
That's it. You and me. Let's go.
That's it. You and me. Let's go.
That's just it. I don't know his name. That's what I'm tryin' to find out.
That's just it. I don't know his name. That's what I'm tryin' to find out.
That's just me talkin'. I don't...
That's just me talkin'. I don't...
That's my parents' last name!
That's my parents' last name!
That's not an option. You got to keep on keepin' on.
That's not an option. You got to keep on keepin' on.
That's not professional.
That's not professional.
That's not what I heard.
That's not what I heard.
That's our old car!
That's our old car!
That's right, Dirt. Nobody wants you in this town.
That's right, Dirt. Nobody wants you in this town.
That's right. Let's go.
That's right. Let's go.
That's sick, man.
That's sick, man.
That's the guy! That's the hero!
That's the guy! That's the hero!
That's true. Amen to that.
That's true. Amen to that.
That's way wrong. Do you got, like, warm water and...
That's way wrong. Do you got, like, warm water and...
That's what I'm talkin' about. LA!
That's what I'm talkin' about. LA!
That's what my sister said on the way to the Grand Canyon.
That's what my sister said on the way to the Grand Canyon.
That's why Dad named you Joe Dirt instead of Nunamaker!
That's why Dad named you Joe Dirt instead of Nunamaker!
That's why Dad named you Joe Dirt instead of...
That's why Dad named you Joe Dirt instead of...
That's why Dad named you Joe Dirt!
That's why Dad named you Joe Dirt!
That's why Dad named you Joe Dirt!
That's why Dad named you Joe Dirt!
That's why I was immediately attracted to you.
That's why I was immediately attracted to you.
That's why we were so crazy when we lost him.
That's why we were so crazy when we lost him.
That's you.
That's you.
The best I can do is give you a printout of all 73 people who bought the car.
The best I can do is give you a printout of all 73 people who bought the car.
The car, I mean.
The car, I mean.
The company'll have records of who used the tour that day.
The company'll have records of who used the tour that day.
The family's ditched you. What happens next?
The family's ditched you. What happens next?
The floor is spick and span.
The floor is spick and span.
The guy doing the police sketch thought I was messin' with him,
The guy doing the police sketch thought I was messin' with him,
The little man, the ordinary person who endured enormous adversity,
The little man, the ordinary person who endured enormous adversity,
The phenomenon of Joe Dirt has captured the city's imagination.
The phenomenon of Joe Dirt has captured the city's imagination.
The Rambler wagon. That's a rare car.
The Rambler wagon. That's a rare car.
The Roman candle. Step back a little bit.
The Roman candle. Step back a little bit.
The three of us was hanging out at the farm in Silvertown.
The three of us was hanging out at the farm in Silvertown.
The victims would give him the worst descriptions,
The victims would give him the worst descriptions,
The way you describe that town out in the northwest, Silvertown.
The way you describe that town out in the northwest, Silvertown.
Them big doe eyes.
Them big doe eyes.
Then I got a brainstorm. Hire an Indian tracker to help me.
Then I got a brainstorm. Hire an Indian tracker to help me.
Then I got lucky.
Then I got lucky.
Then that's what I need to make. Thank you.
Then that's what I need to make. Thank you.
Then there was this one old lady, she had me for a couple of weeks.
Then there was this one old lady, she had me for a couple of weeks.
There won't be some that accidentally have me and my parents in 'em, man.
There won't be some that accidentally have me and my parents in 'em, man.
There you are.
There you are.
There you go, Don. Take 'er easy.
There you go, Don. Take 'er easy.
There. Hey, buddy, you're free.
There. Hey, buddy, you're free.
There. Look. I'm puttin' the lotion on the skin.
There. Look. I'm puttin' the lotion on the skin.
There's some deals in here.
There's some deals in here.
There's something metal sticking out of the ground.
There's something metal sticking out of the ground.
There's three things to remember when dealin' with a deadly alligator.
There's three things to remember when dealin' with a deadly alligator.
These are Roman candles, brother. That's good stuff.
These are Roman candles, brother. That's good stuff.
They clean the bowl so you don't have to.
They clean the bowl so you don't have to.
They decided not even to arrest me.
They decided not even to arrest me.
They didn't leave you. You left them. You've gotta see that.
They didn't leave you. You left them. You've gotta see that.
They died that day at the Grand Canyon.
They died that day at the Grand Canyon.
They don't like no feedback. What's up?
They don't like no feedback. What's up?
They don't really mean what they say.
They don't really mean what they say.
They got me on a radio station tellin' my story to everybody.
They got me on a radio station tellin' my story to everybody.
They had cameras.
They had cameras.
They just got their own issues and whatnot.
They just got their own issues and whatnot.
They lost me at the Grand Canyon more than 10 years ago.
They lost me at the Grand Canyon more than 10 years ago.
They made his little voice box...
They made his little voice box...
They moved. 'Bout 15 year ago.
They moved. 'Bout 15 year ago.
They said being covered in that stinky stuff was punishment enough.
They said being covered in that stinky stuff was punishment enough.
They saw you on the news when you saved those kids. They thought you got a reward.
They saw you on the news when you saved those kids. They thought you got a reward.
They seem to like me.
They seem to like me.
They're available for purchase.
They're available for purchase.
They're bad people. You're not like them, Joe.
They're bad people. You're not like them, Joe.
They're horrible. Why did you lie to me?
They're horrible. Why did you lie to me?
They're pretending I'm dead so's they can move me.
They're pretending I'm dead so's they can move me.
They're usually 80 bucks at Checker, and this guy wants 40, man.
They're usually 80 bucks at Checker, and this guy wants 40, man.
Things are gonna happen for me.
Things are gonna happen for me.
This ain't fun. Look at that little piece of char.
This ain't fun. Look at that little piece of char.
This ain't no haircut. This is a wig.
This ain't no haircut. This is a wig.
This guy's got a dash mat for a '69 Nova he wants to sell,
This guy's got a dash mat for a '69 Nova he wants to sell,
This guy's selling a Hurst speed shifter with a pool ball grip.
This guy's selling a Hurst speed shifter with a pool ball grip.
This here's Rocky, and he ain't no puppy.
This here's Rocky, and he ain't no puppy.
This is a big old frozen chunk of poopie.
This is a big old frozen chunk of poopie.
This is a good month. Dang.
This is a good month. Dang.
This is bullshit!
This is bullshit!
This is gonna be awesome.
This is gonna be awesome.
This is the good stuff, snakes and sparklers.
This is the good stuff, snakes and sparklers.
This is Zander Kelly, and you, of course,
This is Zander Kelly, and you, of course,
This is Zander Kelly. You're listening to 98.6, KXLA.
This is Zander Kelly. You're listening to 98.6, KXLA.
This kid should get his money back.
This kid should get his money back.
This look like a piece of crap to you?
This look like a piece of crap to you?
This next song goes out to our good friend, Joe Dirt, the dirt man.
This next song goes out to our good friend, Joe Dirt, the dirt man.
This thing's a Hemi.
This thing's a Hemi.
This'll be a good base for me here in Louisiana while I look for my parents.
This'll be a good base for me here in Louisiana while I look for my parents.
Three thousand, man, that's more than I paid for the whole car!
Three thousand, man, that's more than I paid for the whole car!
Till one day...
Till one day...
To do anybody any good with my recollections.
To do anybody any good with my recollections.
To see if anybody's got a photograph from that one day.
To see if anybody's got a photograph from that one day.
To sit on the front seat with me while I break her in.
To sit on the front seat with me while I break her in.
Told the cops he fell.
Told the cops he fell.
Total impound fees come to $3,496.
Total impound fees come to $3,496.
Tucked under, kind of like a woman.
Tucked under, kind of like a woman.
Turns out, some skateboarder slapped a Biohazard band sticker on the side of this
Turns out, some skateboarder slapped a Biohazard band sticker on the side of this
Two!
Two!
Up in Silvertown, that place you talk about.
Up in Silvertown, that place you talk about.
Wait a minute. Did you have a brother?
Wait a minute. Did you have a brother?
Wait, wait, Joe. Wait.
Wait, wait, Joe. Wait.
Wait, wait, man. I found out later that she wasn't my sister.
Wait, wait, man. I found out later that she wasn't my sister.
Was the last decade a complete waste?
Was the last decade a complete waste?
Was the last decade a complete waste?
Was the last decade a complete waste?
Watch my hair.
Watch my hair.
Watch the gun, baby. That's how I get the gals.
Watch the gun, baby. That's how I get the gals.
We ain't runnin' no soup kitchen here, boy.
We ain't runnin' no soup kitchen here, boy.
We are here at Wallace Bridge,
We are here at Wallace Bridge,
We call 'em Boeing bombs.
We call 'em Boeing bombs.
We can have sex.
We can have sex.
We just left him. So what? The dude's doin' fine!
We just left him. So what? The dude's doin' fine!
We might move, and you might not know where to find me.
We might move, and you might not know where to find me.
We need a cleanup right away.
We need a cleanup right away.
We need some stability in our lives, man.
We need some stability in our lives, man.
We need to settle down.
We need to settle down.
We're gonna go back to your story, pick it up.
We're gonna go back to your story, pick it up.
We're sittin' with the king of all dirt balls, Mr. Joe Dirt.
We're sittin' with the king of all dirt balls, Mr. Joe Dirt.
We're startin' this Clown.com kind of a thing.
We're startin' this Clown.com kind of a thing.
We've got questions comin' in from...
We've got questions comin' in from...
We've got the place surrounded. Come out with your hands in the air.
We've got the place surrounded. Come out with your hands in the air.
Wee, doggy! Seventy three of those little buggers.
Wee, doggy! Seventy three of those little buggers.
Welcome back to TRL.
Welcome back to TRL.
Welcome home, Joe.
Welcome home, Joe.
Well, actually it got towed two years ago.
Well, actually it got towed two years ago.
Well, afraid not.
Well, afraid not.
Well, because when I was, like, nine or 10 years old
Well, because when I was, like, nine or 10 years old
Well, I didn't know she was my sister when I kissed her.
Well, I didn't know she was my sister when I kissed her.
Well, I don't need to shave, 'cause it don't grow in right here and right here.
Well, I don't need to shave, 'cause it don't grow in right here and right here.
Well, I wanted to talk to you about the time you went to the Grand Canyon.
Well, I wanted to talk to you about the time you went to the Grand Canyon.
Well, I was born without the top of my skull,
Well, I was born without the top of my skull,
Well, I'd better go. It's show time.
Well, I'd better go. It's show time.
Well, I'll sprinkle his ashes. They'll drift out to sea.
Well, I'll sprinkle his ashes. They'll drift out to sea.
Well, if I get married,
Well, if I get married,
Well, it ain't a meteor.
Well, it ain't a meteor.
Well, let me emphasize to the listeners those are your words, not mine.
Well, let me emphasize to the listeners those are your words, not mine.
Well, no one's really put it like that, but I don't think so.
Well, no one's really put it like that, but I don't think so.
Well, say it, don't spray it, brother! Dang.
Well, say it, don't spray it, brother! Dang.
Well, that might be your problem.
Well, that might be your problem.
Well, that's what I'm tryin' to call up here.
Well, that's what I'm tryin' to call up here.
Well, the year was 1982.
Well, the year was 1982.
Well, then let's do it, little boy.
Well, then let's do it, little boy.
Well, there you go.
Well, there you go.
Well, well, lookie here.
Well, well, lookie here.
Well, well, well,
Well, well, well,
Well, well, well, the famous Brandy, Tokyo Rose of the trailer park.
Well, well, well, the famous Brandy, Tokyo Rose of the trailer park.
Well, would it help if you went back to thinkin' I'm your sister?
Well, would it help if you went back to thinkin' I'm your sister?
Well, yeah. I guess I could do that.
Well, yeah. I guess I could do that.
Well, you know, my ex husband, before he died...
Well, you know, my ex husband, before he died...
Well, you know, she's a good friend of mine,
Well, you know, she's a good friend of mine,
Well...
Well...
Wha... Is that where you were? Well, I'll be dipped.
Wha... Is that where you were? Well, I'll be dipped.
What a freak! You're goin' to hell, man!
What a freak! You're goin' to hell, man!
What about Brandy? Is there any chance you guys are gonna hook back up?
What about Brandy? Is there any chance you guys are gonna hook back up?
What are you doing, stunt work for Billy Ray Cyrus?
What are you doing, stunt work for Billy Ray Cyrus?
What are you gonna do now, Joe?
What are you gonna do now, Joe?
What are you wearing a wig for?
What are you wearing a wig for?
What did it do, land on your barber's head while he was cuttin' your hair?
What did it do, land on your barber's head while he was cuttin' your hair?
What do you say?
What do you say?
What do you want?
What do you want?
What happened, man?
What happened, man?
What if we're his family?
What if we're his family?
What is this thing, man?
What is this thing, man?
What the hell was goin' on back then.
What the hell was goin' on back then.
What, are you nuts, girl?
What, are you nuts, girl?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What... What exactly did you hear?
What... What exactly did you hear?
What'd you say?
What'd you say?
What's going on out here? You got to keep it down.
What's going on out here? You got to keep it down.
What's going on, man? I saw a snail over there and he said,
What's going on, man? I saw a snail over there and he said,
What's going on? Here I come.
What's going on? Here I come.
What's that?
What's that?
What's the deal with your haircut, Joe?
What's the deal with your haircut, Joe?
What's the deal with your haircut?
What's the deal with your haircut?
What's up here? Look down there.
What's up here? Look down there.
What's up?
What's up?
What's up?
What's up?
What's wrong with you, you pervert!
What's wrong with you, you pervert!
What's your name, pal?
What's your name, pal?
When bad pets go bad, dang!
When bad pets go bad, dang!
When I was with Charlie, I didn't miss that moon so much.
When I was with Charlie, I didn't miss that moon so much.
When the Syndicate executed his wife.
When the Syndicate executed his wife.
When you were in the hospital for your head injury,
When you were in the hospital for your head injury,
When you would look at the moon,
When you would look at the moon,
When you're down, stare at a clown.
When you're down, stare at a clown.
Whenever I used to get sad, I'd just look at a clown,
Whenever I used to get sad, I'd just look at a clown,
Where are you going?
Where are you going?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where are you?
Where have you been?
Where have you been?
Where local celebrity Joe Dirt is threatening to kill himself.
Where local celebrity Joe Dirt is threatening to kill himself.
Where you saw me?
Where you saw me?
Where's Brandy?
Where's Brandy?
Where's that dead guy?
Where's that dead guy?
Which is why I had to open this fireworks stand.
Which is why I had to open this fireworks stand.
Why are you being all nice?
Why are you being all nice?
Why didn't you tell him you'd found his parents?
Why didn't you tell him you'd found his parents?
Why didn't your mom change the wig later?
Why didn't your mom change the wig later?
Why don't you come with me? Come on.
Why don't you come with me? Come on.
Why don't you cut the wig now?
Why don't you cut the wig now?
Why don't you go practice falling down. I'll be there in a minute.
Why don't you go practice falling down. I'll be there in a minute.
Why is that good?
Why is that good?
Why not, man, I got nothin'.
Why not, man, I got nothin'.
With a friend that really cared about me.
With a friend that really cared about me.
With that sort of mentoring.
With that sort of mentoring.
Witness Protection relocated me.
Witness Protection relocated me.
Wondering if at that exact moment, my mom or my dad was looking at the same moon.
Wondering if at that exact moment, my mom or my dad was looking at the same moon.
Wouldn't even use you as a retriever.
Wouldn't even use you as a retriever.
Wouldn't you know that I've been doin' this clown sort of thing?
Wouldn't you know that I've been doin' this clown sort of thing?
Yeah, a spaceship dropped him off.
Yeah, a spaceship dropped him off.
Yeah, baby. Come on, now. Get loose.
Yeah, baby. Come on, now. Get loose.
Yeah, dream on, Dirtboy.
Yeah, dream on, Dirtboy.
Yeah, he was gonna flay you alive, then use your skin to cover himself
Yeah, he was gonna flay you alive, then use your skin to cover himself
Yeah, he's been takin' hundreds of photos over the years,
Yeah, he's been takin' hundreds of photos over the years,
Yeah, he's Joe Dirt!
Yeah, he's Joe Dirt!
Yeah, I am kind of an outlaw through and through, baby.
Yeah, I am kind of an outlaw through and through, baby.
Yeah, I did, but by the way, it wasn't no atom bomb.
Yeah, I did, but by the way, it wasn't no atom bomb.
Yeah, I had fun, too. Hey, listen. Can I ask you a question?
Yeah, I had fun, too. Hey, listen. Can I ask you a question?
Yeah, it is. It came out of the sky.
Yeah, it is. It came out of the sky.
Yeah, jam that in the gas bucket.
Yeah, jam that in the gas bucket.
Yeah, listen to 'im.
Yeah, listen to 'im.
Yeah, man. That little boy, that's me.
Yeah, man. That little boy, that's me.
Yeah, man. That's definitely what we should do. That's the right thing.
Yeah, man. That's definitely what we should do. That's the right thing.
Yeah, she found 'em down in California.
Yeah, she found 'em down in California.
Yeah, she's cool. Anyway, so there I was,
Yeah, she's cool. Anyway, so there I was,
Yeah, Silvertown, man.
Yeah, Silvertown, man.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Yeah, that's... That's a space peanut.
Yeah, that's... That's a space peanut.
Yeah, they're both working, and guess what?
Yeah, they're both working, and guess what?
Yeah, you probably like J.R., you queer.
Yeah, you probably like J.R., you queer.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah! Light her up!
Yeah! Light her up!
Yeah? That's gross, man.
Yeah? That's gross, man.
Yeah? Well, check out this note she left me.
Yeah? Well, check out this note she left me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. And besides, she don't wanna see you anyway.
Yeah. And besides, she don't wanna see you anyway.
Yeah. Come on, man. I thought we had a deal.
Yeah. Come on, man. I thought we had a deal.
Yeah. Come on, now.
Yeah. Come on, now.
Yeah. It literally just went on to the market.
Yeah. It literally just went on to the market.
Yeah. Well, the puke pile's right over there.
Yeah. Well, the puke pile's right over there.
Yeah. Who hasn't seen that scenario played out?
Yeah. Who hasn't seen that scenario played out?
Yeah. You like to see homos naked.
Yeah. You like to see homos naked.
Yep, those came with a six cylinder 258 automatic with three on the tree.
Yep, those came with a six cylinder 258 automatic with three on the tree.
Yep. Apparently, back in the day,
Yep. Apparently, back in the day,
Yes, but once I met them, I knew I had to protect you from them.
Yes, but once I met them, I knew I had to protect you from them.
Yes, I wrote that letter,
Yes, I wrote that letter,
Yes!
Yes!
Yes. Silvertown. You make it sound like the most wonderful place.
Yes. Silvertown. You make it sound like the most wonderful place.
Yo, Dirt. You're fired.
Yo, Dirt. You're fired.
You actually think you can match that little Slant Six of yours against his 426 Hemi?
You actually think you can match that little Slant Six of yours against his 426 Hemi?
You are an underachievement nexus in the universe,
You are an underachievement nexus in the universe,
You are exquisitely pathetic.
You are exquisitely pathetic.
You are gonna make some guy so happy.
You are gonna make some guy so happy.
You are so pathetic.
You are so pathetic.
You call your day to day life.
You call your day to day life.
You can come out now.
You can come out now.
You can't have "no" in your heart. "No" is not an option, brother.
You can't have "no" in your heart. "No" is not an option, brother.
You cryin', boy? You cryin', boy?
You cryin', boy? You cryin', boy?
You didn't listen to me!
You didn't listen to me!
You do it again, I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron.
You do it again, I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron.
You don't even have a picture of them?
You don't even have a picture of them?
You don't got no Ladyfingers,
You don't got no Ladyfingers,
You don't know how many nights I spent alone staring at that moon
You don't know how many nights I spent alone staring at that moon
You gave him a great last couple years.
You gave him a great last couple years.
You got some cookin' to do.
You got some cookin' to do.
You gotta get down from there, brother. You don't wanna do this.
You gotta get down from there, brother. You don't wanna do this.
You had a home all along. You just couldn't see it.
You had a home all along. You just couldn't see it.
You haul your mangy ass in here tomorrow morning,
You haul your mangy ass in here tomorrow morning,
You have no idea what kind of hell I can bring you!
You have no idea what kind of hell I can bring you!
You have to find the real answer inside yourself.
You have to find the real answer inside yourself.
You have to hit it with a hammer, but it's a good job.
You have to hit it with a hammer, but it's a good job.
You haven't heard? Me and her are gettin' married.
You haven't heard? Me and her are gettin' married.
You hear that in there?
You hear that in there?
You hear that, Charlie? We got us a Hemi, brother.
You hear that, Charlie? We got us a Hemi, brother.
You hear that? I like to kid around.
You hear that? I like to kid around.
You know what we need?
You know what we need?
You know what, I can't believe I'm sayin'...
You know what, I can't believe I'm sayin'...
You know what, Joey? I think you...
You know what, Joey? I think you...
You know what?
You know what?
You know what? I got somebody I want you to meet.
You know what? I got somebody I want you to meet.
You know what? When he first started this story, I thought of you as a good person.
You know what? When he first started this story, I thought of you as a good person.
You know, because of the atom bomb.
You know, because of the atom bomb.
You know, I would. I'd love to beat your ass up and down this place.
You know, I would. I'd love to beat your ass up and down this place.
You know, I'm like a bird. Actually, more like a hard ass pterodactyl.
You know, I'm like a bird. Actually, more like a hard ass pterodactyl.
You know, last night when I went home, rented The Andromeda Strain,
You know, last night when I went home, rented The Andromeda Strain,
You know, so it doesn't happen again.
You know, so it doesn't happen again.
You know, society's got no hold on this outlaw.
You know, society's got no hold on this outlaw.
You know, sometimes it's like she likes me or something.
You know, sometimes it's like she likes me or something.
You know, the life of a carnival worker keeps me free and untethered.
You know, the life of a carnival worker keeps me free and untethered.
You know, the Night Stalker? Remember that guy?
You know, the Night Stalker? Remember that guy?
You like them spinning tires, do you?
You like them spinning tires, do you?
You like to see homos naked?
You like to see homos naked?
You little sissy boy! Def Leppard sucks!
You little sissy boy! Def Leppard sucks!
You might as well ask, "Why is a tree good?
You might as well ask, "Why is a tree good?
You might get a machine.
You might get a machine.
You might want to spray this whole porch down with PAM,
You might want to spray this whole porch down with PAM,
You need explosions. You need stuff going on, man.
You need explosions. You need stuff going on, man.
You never give up, man. That's my philosophy.
You never give up, man. That's my philosophy.
You okay?
You okay?
You rule! Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt!
You rule! Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt!
You saved our lives, Clem.
You saved our lives, Clem.
You see how that works?
You see how that works?
You see the peanut?
You see the peanut?
You should see my girlfriend. You'd shit yourself.
You should see my girlfriend. You'd shit yourself.
You shove 'em up bullfrogs' asses.
You shove 'em up bullfrogs' asses.
You told me my parents were dead, and I saw 'em.
You told me my parents were dead, and I saw 'em.
You tripped over that object in the ground. You were knocked out.
You tripped over that object in the ground. You were knocked out.
You trying to tell me you've been on your own since eight years old?
You trying to tell me you've been on your own since eight years old?
You two shoot him low, you shoot him high.
You two shoot him low, you shoot him high.
You wanna back that up?
You wanna back that up?
You wanna fight?
You wanna fight?
You want me to put my ear to the ground, listen for hoofbeats,
You want me to put my ear to the ground, listen for hoofbeats,
You were a cute baby, Joe Dirt.
You were a cute baby, Joe Dirt.
You were in it.
You were in it.
You were telling us that you were covered in crap,
You were telling us that you were covered in crap,
You win twice, brother. It's good biz.
You win twice, brother. It's good biz.
You wouldn't have turned out as wonderful as you are.
You wouldn't have turned out as wonderful as you are.
You... You really loved her, huh?
You... You really loved her, huh?
You'd think those stupid punks could come up with somethin' funnier than
You'd think those stupid punks could come up with somethin' funnier than
You'll stick your head out the window and check out chick dogs, going,
You'll stick your head out the window and check out chick dogs, going,
You're gonna stand there owning a fireworks stand
You're gonna stand there owning a fireworks stand
You're listening to the Zander Kelly show on KXLA.
You're listening to the Zander Kelly show on KXLA.
You're listening to the Zander Kelly show on KXLA.
You're listening to the Zander Kelly show on KXLA.
You're my first real friend I've found, outside of Charlie and Brandy.
You're my first real friend I've found, outside of Charlie and Brandy.
You're my lucky meteor. Right on.
You're my lucky meteor. Right on.
You're my sister!
You're my sister!
You're not just an Indian. You're Kicking Wing. All right?
You're not just an Indian. You're Kicking Wing. All right?
You're pretty clean shaven for a kid who lives in a trash can, no?
You're pretty clean shaven for a kid who lives in a trash can, no?
You're probably made out of some precious metal
You're probably made out of some precious metal
You're standing there with an atom bomb.
You're standing there with an atom bomb.
You're talkin' to me all wrong. It's...
You're talkin' to me all wrong. It's...
You're telling me you'd rather have a dog
You're telling me you'd rather have a dog
You're that guy that had that run in with that psycho over in Indiana.
You're that guy that had that run in with that psycho over in Indiana.
You're to be scrubbed clean before supper,
You're to be scrubbed clean before supper,
Your buddy Clem's real name was Anthony Benedetti.
Your buddy Clem's real name was Anthony Benedetti.
Your dad always hunt this long?
Your dad always hunt this long?
Your mom and dad still alive?
Your mom and dad still alive?
Your parents are alive after all?
Your parents are alive after all?
Your parents are dead, Joe.
Your parents are dead, Joe.
Zander just asked this Joe Dirt guy why he doesn't cut his wig right now,
Zander just asked this Joe Dirt guy why he doesn't cut his wig right now,
Zander Kelly's on the air.
Zander Kelly's on the air.
'Cause I've been hunting before. You, hunt?
'Cause I've been hunting before. You, hunt?
A fork! Yeah. No. What?
A fork! Yeah. No. What?
All right, Joe! Yeah, baby.
All right, Joe! Yeah, baby.
And I'm puttin' him down. No, you can't!
And I'm puttin' him down. No, you can't!
And mine's Brandy. Hi, Brandy. I'm Joe Dirt.
And mine's Brandy. Hi, Brandy. I'm Joe Dirt.
Charlie. Charlie.
Charlie. Charlie.
Come on, honey. Lose that frown! Lighten up, buddy.
Come on, honey. Lose that frown! Lighten up, buddy.
Come on. Let's go. Yeah? You are.
Come on. Let's go. Yeah? You are.
Coming down! Hey, bro, come on down!
Coming down! Hey, bro, come on down!
Daddy? Yeah.
Daddy? Yeah.
Damn it! All right, all right. Real close.
Damn it! All right, all right. Real close.
Damn. Good toss there, sir. Good one.
Damn. Good toss there, sir. Good one.
Dang. Dang.
Dang. Dang.
Dang. Good boy!
Dang. Good boy!
Dang. I'm just kidding.
Dang. I'm just kidding.
Down here. Stay on your back!
Down here. Stay on your back!
Excuse me, sir. Hey, there, young fella.
Excuse me, sir. Hey, there, young fella.
Fun, huh? Yeah!
Fun, huh? Yeah!
Get him! Man in the hole.
Get him! Man in the hole.
Good boy. You got a big family now, Joe Dirt.
Good boy. You got a big family now, Joe Dirt.
Good for you. But he used to be a police sketch artist.
Good for you. But he used to be a police sketch artist.
He's a friend of mine. No.
He's a friend of mine. No.
Hey, a little help? There he is, boys! Get him!
Hey, a little help? There he is, boys! Get him!
Hey, it's Brandy! Come on, come on.
Hey, it's Brandy! Come on, come on.
Hey, sorry, lady. You can't cut through here. Joe, it's me, Brandy!
Hey, sorry, lady. You can't cut through here. Joe, it's me, Brandy!
Hey, there's Charlie. Charlie!
Hey, there's Charlie. Charlie!
Hey, what's rule three? What's that?
Hey, what's rule three? What's that?
Hi! There's my buddy.
Hi! There's my buddy.
His voice is so sexy. I wonder what he looks like.
His voice is so sexy. I wonder what he looks like.
Hoorah. What...
Hoorah. What...
I am always nice to you, Joe Dirt. Hey, Brandy.
I am always nice to you, Joe Dirt. Hey, Brandy.
I don't believe that. Well, it's true.
I don't believe that. Well, it's true.
I gotta go. Sure.
I gotta go. Sure.
Is that clear? Yes, ma'am.
Is that clear? Yes, ma'am.
Is this your wife? Ex wife.
Is this your wife? Ex wife.
It just does. It just does.
It just does. It just does.
It's all because of you, Joe. Good job, brother.
It's all because of you, Joe. Good job, brother.
It's Brandy? Like, the Brandy? Yes!
It's Brandy? Like, the Brandy? Yes!
Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt!
Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt! Joe Dirt!
Joe! Brandy?
Joe! Brandy?
Joe? Joe?
Joe? Joe?
Let's do it! Come on, Charlie!
Let's do it! Come on, Charlie!
License and registration? Yes, sir.
License and registration? Yes, sir.
License and registration? Yes, sir.
License and registration? Yes, sir.
Listen, I gotta go. No, Joe!
Listen, I gotta go. No, Joe!
Look! The janitor's gonna eat the puke! They're hilarious, huh?
Look! The janitor's gonna eat the puke! They're hilarious, huh?
Makin' fun... Sorry, Joe.
Makin' fun... Sorry, Joe.
Mama, it's all right. Where'd he go?
Mama, it's all right. Where'd he go?
My story? No, man. Everything I said is true. No, not your story.
My story? No, man. Everything I said is true. No, not your story.
Nah, I'm cool. No, you're not.
Nah, I'm cool. No, you're not.
New York or somethin'. No. I'm from here.
New York or somethin'. No. I'm from here.
Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too.
Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too.
No, man, It wasn't me. That's Joe Dirt!
No, man, It wasn't me. That's Joe Dirt!
No! I'm kiddin', I'm kiddin'.
No! I'm kiddin', I'm kiddin'.
No. Before they died, they killed that gator
No. Before they died, they killed that gator
No. Come on, man.
No. Come on, man.
No. Wha...
No. Wha...
Nuts frozen to the porch? Yes, exactly.
Nuts frozen to the porch? Yes, exactly.
Oh, my God! There's that worthless mutt!
Oh, my God! There's that worthless mutt!
Okay. What's his name?
Okay. What's his name?
Over here, Mr. Dirt. Well, it's like this.
Over here, Mr. Dirt. Well, it's like this.
Plus 35 bucks for the tow. What?
Plus 35 bucks for the tow. What?
Radio station ID. Coming to work.
Radio station ID. Coming to work.
Right on. Joe?
Right on. Joe?
Right, so what'd you do? Right, so then I needed some money.
Right, so what'd you do? Right, so then I needed some money.
Ring a bell? Joe?
Ring a bell? Joe?
She found your stupid parents. What?
She found your stupid parents. What?
Shit'll buff out. Don't bother.
Shit'll buff out. Don't bother.
so do you have something inside? Yeah.
so do you have something inside? Yeah.
So, you don't know rule three? Yeah, you want a match?
So, you don't know rule three? Yeah, you want a match?
Some people, right? I know.
Some people, right? I know.
Somebody else wants to get in here. Who's that?
Somebody else wants to get in here. Who's that?
Stop it! Get it out of here!
Stop it! Get it out of here!
That lady gave me a great idea. Hey, Dirt! Dirt!
That lady gave me a great idea. Hey, Dirt! Dirt!
That's a snail watching that. There's a snail in the desert?
That's a snail watching that. There's a snail in the desert?
That's cool, man. Whatever. No, no, no, no, no!
That's cool, man. Whatever. No, no, no, no, no!
That's not what I heard. Is Clem all right?
That's not what I heard. Is Clem all right?
That's right. Hey, sit down!
That's right. Hey, sit down!
That's so flat. Awesome.
That's so flat. Awesome.
The gator show's about to start. Yeah.
The gator show's about to start. Yeah.
The one place we didn't look. I knew you looked for me.
The one place we didn't look. I knew you looked for me.
They moved. What's that?
They moved. What's that?
Wait, wait. Where's that call comin' from? California.
Wait, wait. Where's that call comin' from? California.
Wanna go to my place? Sure do.
Wanna go to my place? Sure do.
What a wuss. I mean, you aren't... Worth it.
What a wuss. I mean, you aren't... Worth it.
What do you got? Practically nothing.
What do you got? Practically nothing.
What happened here? Don't I know you from somewhere?
What happened here? Don't I know you from somewhere?
What happened? This is all that goddamn dog's fault!
What happened? This is all that goddamn dog's fault!
What? He turned informer
What? He turned informer
What? Yeah.
What? Yeah.
What'd you say your name was? Joe Dirt.
What'd you say your name was? Joe Dirt.
Who are you? It's okay. I was just walking by.
Who are you? It's okay. I was just walking by.
Yeah! But I won the war.
Yeah! But I won the war.
Yeah. I...
Yeah. I...
Yeah. It was really no big deal. No big deal?
Yeah. It was really no big deal. No big deal?
You been here long enough. I'm here to see Brandy.
You been here long enough. I'm here to see Brandy.
You better be good to us. I will.
You better be good to us. I will.
You guys want to play bumper pool? No.
You guys want to play bumper pool? No.
You might say that. Yeah.
You might say that. Yeah.
You suck! You do!
You suck! You do!
You want it or not? Yeah, but,
You want it or not? Yeah, but,
You. Me?
You. Me?
You're blockin' the cameras! Move over.
You're blockin' the cameras! Move over.
You're his dad? What if I am?
You're his dad? What if I am?
You're his dad? What if I am?
You're his dad? What if I am?
You're not makin' any sense. Not makin'?
You're not makin' any sense. Not makin'?
You're wrong, brother. I got a good name for this car,
You're wrong, brother. I got a good name for this car,
Zander, get this. This is a wig. It's a wig?
Zander, get this. This is a wig. It's a wig?
...
...
...
...
'cause I believe people get what they really, really want,
'cause I believe people get what they really, really want,
'cause I heard that that Buffalo Bob guy shoved a road flare up your bunghole.
'cause I heard that that Buffalo Bob guy shoved a road flare up your bunghole.
'cause I swear I'm gonna...
'cause I swear I'm gonna...
'cause I think you're my sister.
'cause I think you're my sister.
'cause I'm gonna be a veterinarian.
'cause I'm gonna be a veterinarian.
'cause my dad came out looking like Father Time.
'cause my dad came out looking like Father Time.
'cause she wants you gone, out on the road lookin' for nothin',
'cause she wants you gone, out on the road lookin' for nothin',
'Cause snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like.
'Cause snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like.
"Anderson, Anders, Asnov, Ast..."
"Anderson, Anders, Asnov, Ast..."
"Belitnikoff..."
"Belitnikoff..."
"Brandy. XOXO."
"Brandy. XOXO."
"Canyon Rubberneckers tour bus.
"Canyon Rubberneckers tour bus.
"Dear Robby,
"Dear Robby,
"don't tell him
"don't tell him
"I found his parents.
"I found his parents.
"I'll be back in a few days."
"I'll be back in a few days."
"I'm a white trash idiot." The end.
"I'm a white trash idiot." The end.
"if Joe calls,
"if Joe calls,
"That thing's slow. It ain't movin' fast. It's boring and dull. I'm yawning."
"That thing's slow. It ain't movin' fast. It's boring and dull. I'm yawning."
"The Legend of Dirty Joe."
"The Legend of Dirty Joe."
"What's up, baby?"
"What's up, baby?"
"Why is a sunset good? Why are boobs good?"
"Why is a sunset good? Why are boobs good?"
"You can't have 'no' in your heart,"
"You can't have 'no' in your heart,"
$5. That's mine now.
$5. That's mine now.

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