💬 The Meaning of Life (1983) Musical

A new bucket for monsieur.

A once proud family firm recently fallen on hard times,

A potentially positive learning experience that can...

A search party. Much better idea.

A sun that is the source of all our power

A thousand pardons, monsieur.

A tiger in Africa!

A tiger in Africa? Hmm?

A totally irrational feeling of depression, PN D, as we doctors call it.

A very wonderful and warm

Actually, I think there is one there somewhere.

Actually... Yes?

After you've done your scripture prep,

Against other perhaps more aggressive ideologies,

Ah, hello, dear. Do stand up when my wife enters the room, Carter.

Ah, well, it's probably escaped from a zoo.

Ah. Well, as we all know all about foreplay,

All mixed up together in a bucket?

All of us? All of you.

All right, just one. Just the one, monsieur.

All right, lads, battle stations!

All right, settle down, settle down.

All right, we will eat the cake. They're right.

All right! Off you go!

All right.

All this killing, bloodshed. Bloody good fun, sir, isn't it?

ALL: (SINGING) O Lord, please don't burn us

ALL: A tiger?

ALL: And barefaced flattery.

ALL: Fantastic.

ALL: Ooh! You are so big.

ALL: So absolutely huge.

Allow me.

Amen, Reverend. Amen.

Amputate a leg and run away with it?

And a double Jeroboam of champagne. '45.

And ask you to guess where the fish is.

And by wearing a rubber sheath over my old fellow,

And emotional moment for all of us.

And fat, bloated merchant banks.

And finally, here are some completely gratuitous pictures of penises,

And get the machine that goes "ping."

And get the most expensive machines in case the administrator comes.

And harden.

And have been since before I was born

And have stamped its triumph in the furthest flung corners of the Empire.

And hold my head up high and say, in a loud, steady voice,

And I don't want to start bleeding all over the seats.

And I'd like to sing a song,

And it has to be medical experiments for the lot of you.

And it went wherever I did go.

And Jaws I, II and III

And just what

And make sure he moves your clothes down onto the lower peg for you.

And mine

And of the genus Felis Horribilis.

And one so hates to use words like soul or spirit...

And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions

And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft

And perhaps a hose.

And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space

And Protestantism doesn't stop at the simple condom. Oh, no!

And sail the wide accountancy

And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy

And so the Midianites went forth to Ram Gilead,

And Spadger and I had already got the other one.

And that way, it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account.

And the domination of alien Episcopal supremacy.

And the latest video games

And the Library of Congress you'd have thought would hold some key,

And the little lamp, sir? Yes.

And the one thing they say about Catholics

And the sanctity of the sacrament, the indivisible oneness of the Trinity,

And then announce quite casually that we're all dead.

And there, slew they the goats,

And these are the Portland Smythes, Jeremy and Fiona.

And things seem hard or tough

And though I may be down right now,

And we call these guys philosophers.

And we escaped by making this skin out of old used cereal packets.

And we have a train to catch.

And we've had sexual intercourse twice.

And what are you doing this morning? It's a birth.

And what sort of thing is that?

And what we've come up with can be reduced to two fundamental concepts.

And you can find out all about the birth when you get home.

And you feel that you've had

And you won't come back

And you, put the kettle on. Aye, sir.

And, of course, to cause the man's penis to erect

And, of course, tonguing will give you the best idea

And, well, just so super.

Angela, I'd like to say this, please.

ANGELA: Honestly, darling, I'm so embarrassed.

Answer the question. Oh, we were just...

Any headache? Bowels all right?

Any idea how it happened?

Any other problems I can reassure you about?

Anyone got anything they'd rather be doing,

Are moving at a million miles a day

Are we just yolks

Are you sure you wouldn't like some sherry or...

Aren't you lucky?

Arthur Charles Herbert Runcie MacAdam Jarrett,

As England languished in the doldrums of a ruinous monetarist policy,

As fast as it can go at the speed of light, you know

As fast as it can go The speed of light, you know

As for me...

As orthodox Christianity teaches.

As right as rain in a couple of days.

As the sun set slowly in the west,

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

At a dinner party is social death.

At least I don't work for ****.

At least it'll give me a reason to wind up the staff meeting.

Baby sitters being stabbed with knitting needles by gay presidential candidates,

Battled on until,

Be quiet!

Be quiet! Englishmen! You're all so fucking pompous!

Became apparent.

Because

Because every time they have sexual intercourse, they have to have a baby.

Because we don't believe in all that Papist claptrap,

Before he donates his liver.

Before we stampede towards the clitoris, Watson.

Before you write your letter home,

Behold Paradise.

Best bit so far. Fantastic! Really great!

Better than staying home, isn't it?

Better. Better?

Bitten, sir. During the night.

Blackie! Blackie!

Blackitt! Blackitt!

Blame the Catholic Church

Bloody army. I don't know what it's coming to.

Bon appetit.

Bon, and the usual brown ales?

BOY LEAF: Mummy! GIRL LEAF: Mum, where are you?

Boy, move over there. I'm warning you.

BOY: Speak up!

Bugger off. Oh, sir, just, just one.

But 400 years later, thanks to him, my dear,

But also to enhance the stimulation of sexual congress.

But believe me, me mind's made up.

But Blackitt would be out there,

But don't take it out in public or they will stick you in the dock

But I can go down the road anytime I want and walk into Harry's

But I can't be really sad,

But I think we'd better get to cover...

But I'm not having my hair cut today, so do I move my clothes...

But I've never been one of them

But if you think you know, don't keep it to yourselves.

But it didn't do me any good at all.

But it didn't teach me nothin', I recall,

But it didn't teach me nothing about life's mystery.

But it didn't, and neither did the Bodleian Library.

But it's nice and warm and everyone

But it's the same with us, Harry. What do you mean?

But no matter where or when there was fighting to be done,

But of course. Avec des oeufs frites.

But out by us, it's just 3,000 light years wide

But there's a lot of seriously wounded in the compound...

But when one considers the meaning of life,

But you're so strong,

By a process of guided self observation.

By Shor Ethra Regalion,

By the supporting feature.

C division wiped out. Signals gone.

C'est a dire, little quails' eggs on a bed of puréed mushrooms.

C'est le sens de la vie

Can I ask you a question? What?

Can I just finish, please? DEBBIE: Mr. Death.

Can I just say this at this time, please?

Can we have your liver, then?

Can we take our glasses? Good idea.

CAPTAIN: Full speed ahead, Mr. Cohen!

Caption, I expect.

Carter?

Certainly. Hat sales have increased,

CH ILDREN: (SINGING) Every sperm is sacred

Chaplain.

Children continue to multiply everywhere.

Collect his note before lunch,

Come along!

Come along. Come along.

Come along. Jump on it.

Come in, my little loves. I've got no option but to sell you all

Come on, Private. Making up a search party.

Come on, sir. Don't muck us about. Hey, hey, hey!

Come on, Tooley. This way!

Come on! Come on!

Come on! Grab it!

Come on! Move it! Move it! Move it!

Come on.

Come on. Come along. Spread round there.

Come on. Come on.

Come on. Don't be shy.

Come on. Out you go.

Come with me. WAITER: I was saying that...

Come.

Corporal Sturridge got this for you as well, sir.

Could we have a window open, please, sir?

Couldn't Mummy have worn some sort of pessary?

Couldn't you have your balls cut off?

Cudgelled!

Cup of tea, dear? Hey, Captain!

Darling, you didn't use canned salmon, did you?

Dear, if you could just wait, please...

Did you hear that? He's been sacked.

Do all philosophers have an "S" in them?

Do come in. Come along.

Do come in. Please.

Do get Mr. Death a drink, darling. MAN: Yes.

Do vaginal juices?

Do you think it's all for the good of the country?

Do, please, share your little joke with the rest of us.

Does Nietzsche begin with an "S"?

Doesn't sound very likely to me.

Don't braise or bake or boil us

Don't come following me.

Don't fricassee or roast us

Don't know. Sorry, sir.

Don't mind me, Spadge.

Don't put us on the barbecue

Don't shoot. Don't shoot. We're not a tiger.

Don't skimp on the pâté.

Don't stand there gawping,

Don't worry, dear. I'll get it.

Down, down.

Drips up. Injections.

Eric!

Et maintenant, would monsieur care for an aperitif,

Every single day

Every single day is...

Every sperm is fine

Every sperm is good

Every sperm is great

Every sperm is needed

Every sperm is sacred

Every sperm is useful

Every sperm is wanted

Everybody else happy with my little plan,

Everybody else quite content to join in

Excuse me, sir. Yes, Chadwick?

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Could you just sign here, please, sir?

Eyes down for a full house!

Family entertainment? Bollocks. What they want is filth.

Fire!

Fish, fish, fishy, oh!

FISH: Could've guessed it.

Follow me. Now.

Follow. Follow me.

For all of you.

For Arthur Jarrett is a convicted criminal,

For Christ's sake, forget it, man.

For each sperm that's spilt in vain

For millions

For more, you mean?

For not letting me wear one of those little rubber things.

For scientific experiments.

For the ladies. Afterlife mints.

Forgive us, O Lord, for this, our dreadful toadying.

Frank was just asking what's new. Was he?

French Ticklers, Black Mambos, Crocodile Ribs...

Frogs' legs amandine or oeufs de caille Richard Shepherd.

From all of us, sorry about the blood, sir.

From the tiniest little tadger to the world's biggest prick

Fuck off.

Gaston? A bucket for monsieur.

Get the plates and knives, Walters.

GIRL LEAF: Mummy?

Give her a kiss, boy.

Go read your book then.

God gets

God gets quite irate

God has blessed us so much I can't afford to feed you anymore.

God shall make them pay

God shall strike them down

God told us to do it.

Good afternoon, sir, and how are we today?

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Good evening. This is Mr. Death.

Good evening. Would you care for something to talk about?

Good Lord.

Good man. And there's a card, sir.

Good. Take her into the fetus frightening room.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You.

Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell you.

Greet the visitors and report to Mr. Viney

H ELEN: Humphrey, I hope you don't mind.

Had not proved to be disastrously wrong.

Hang on, 68.

Hard to starboard!

Hardly surprising in this weather.

Hardly worth it, is it? Yes. Better safe than sorry.

Hark, hark, those church bells ring

Has anyone noticed that building there before?

Have always been trademarks of the British Army.

Have they got my leg?

Have you got one? Have I got one? Well, no,

He didn't know about the others.

He gives blood, does cold research, all that sort of thing.

He goes down to the public library, sees a few signs up,

He has to be, well, dead, by the terms of the card,

He may not have realized the full significance of what he was doing

He was fast asleep, and someone or something came in and removed it.

He writes the lyrics. Burt just writes the tunes.

He'd see through such a cheap trick.

He's come about the reaping? I don't think we need any at the moment.

He's coming!

He's cute. Yeah, real understanding.

He's donating his liver, madam.

He's normally so reliable.

He's right. You see, we believe...

Helen? Now, penetration and coitus,

Hello and welcome to The Middle of the Film,

Hello, good evening and welcome to The Middle of the Film.

Hello, there.

Hello!

Hello! This way.

Hello? Come on.

Hello. Don't leave him hanging around outside, darling. Ask him in.

Hello. Now don't you worry. We'll soon have you cured.

Hello. Welcome to heaven.

Here endeth the lesson.

Here it comes.

Here she is. DOCTOR: Bring it over here.

Here, now. Come on, boy.

Here, they give you a gun and show you what to do, sir.

Here, they'll give me a fucking medal, sir.

Here. We got a search party. Leave that alone.

Here. What's going on?

Here's a little number I tossed off recently in the Caribbean.

Here's the theme music. Good night.

Hey, I didn't even eat the mousse.

Hey, look.

Hi. And his wife, Debbie.

Hindu, Taoist, Mormon

Hip, hip, hip, hip hip hooray

Hip, hip. ALL: Hooray!

Hmm?

Hmm? Hmm.

Hooray for your one eyed trouser snake

Hordern, Spadger and I will go for the gun post.

How amazingly unlikely is your birth

How can we all have died at the same time?

How's it feel?

Howard's being eaten. Is he?

However, this is rarely achieved, owing to man's unique ability

I am Death.

I am not of this world.

I am the Grim Reaper.

I can live my own life in my own way if I want to.

I can wear French Ticklers if I want. You what?

I can wear whatever I want on my John Thomas.

I can't keep you all here any longer.

I could ensure that when I came off, you would not be impregnated.

I could, if I wanted, have sexual intercourse with you.

I don't mean to be ungrateful.

I don't see it that way, Geoff.

I don't seem to be able to find it, sir, be in number four trench.

I don't think it's quite the moment.

I had no idea we had a racist working here.

I haven't got the final figures,

I hope monsieur was not overdoing it last night.

I just kept getting older, and it got more difficult to see.

I know it's Friday. Watching the football, are you?

I know you don't like them, but I couldn't make another excuse.

I love it here, darling. Me, too, Marvin.

I may decide to set an exam this term.

I mean, at home if you kill someone, they arrest you.

I mean, I killed 15 of those buggers, sir. At home, they'd hang me.

I mean, I was wonderin'...

I mean, obviously, something frightfully funny's going on.

I mean, what's it all about? Beats me.

I mean, will you stay on your own?

I mean, you try getting butter to melt at 15 degrees below zero.

I mean...

I once worked in the library in the Prado in Madrid,

I said we'd be there by 8:00.

I see you have the machine that goes "ping." This is my favorite.

I should think about 150 men altogether, sir.

I suppose so. Biting the neck.

I think I'd better come clean with you about this.

I think it's a little early to start imposing roles on it, don't you?

I think we'd better get to cover now.

I think you'd better be selected to play for the boys' team,

I thought she'd never ask.

I told the Garfields we would dine with them tonight.

I used to work in the Academie Française,

I want to end it all!

I wonder where that fish has gone.

I worked there from 9:00 till 6:00, read every volume through,

I wouldn't know about that, madam.

I'd just like to say it's been a real privilege fighting alongside you, sir.

I'd like to make that clear,

I'll be all right, sir. There's just one other thing, sir.

I'll bring two, sir, in case one gets crumpled.

I'll have the lot.

I'll see you about 7:00? Righto, son.

I'll tell you something, Mr. Death... You don't...

I'll tell you what.

I'll thank you properly later on.

I'm a Roman Catholic

I'm afraid Perkins got rather badly bitten during the night.

I'm most dreadfully embarrassed.

I'm not talking to you.

I'm so sorry.

I'm too old for that sort of thing. I'm past my prime.

I've given this long and careful thought,

I've got a book I'd quite like to read.

I've had a team working on this over the past few weeks,

I've no intention of going through this all again.

If a sperm is wasted

If we'll ever discover the meaning of it all,

If you want to know what I think, I'll show you something.

If you're not getting your hair cut,

If you're not getting your hair cut, unless you've got a younger brother,

If you've got this man's leg.

In a few moments now, he will be killed,

In a moving picture.

In a Rotissomat

In all of the directions it can whizz

In an outer spiral arm at 40,000 miles an hour

In fact, I will personally make sure you have a double helping.

In the British Museum, I hoped to find some clue.

In the life of the school, but I would remind you

In the rugby match against the masters this afternoon.

In the standard way.

In the universe, there are many energy fields which we cannot normally perceive.

In this amazing and expanding universe

In your neighborhood

Into the school cormorant.

Is God really real

Is it a boy or a girl?

Is it about the hedge?

Is it in the cupboard? AUDIENCE: Yes! No!

Is it the chicken and the egg time

Is life just a game

Is mankind evolving or is it too late

Is some multi cellular life form

Is there an afterlife?

Is there something wrong with the food?

Is they'll take you as soon as you're warm

Is this because he took out one of those silly cards?

Is this true?

Isn't it a lovely day today?

Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong

Isn't this nice? How are ya?

It bulges in the middle 16,000 light years thick

It can be manly in insurance

It doesn't matter why they're dressed as a tiger.

It has always been the calm leadership of the officer class

It has to be brought into existence,

It is a most elusive fish.

It is a struggle between alternative viewpoints of life itself.

It really is embarrassing. I mean, to serve salmon with botulism

It was all sort of misty before.

It's a bit bare in here today, isn't it?

It's a hundred thousand light years side to side

It's a large glandular organ in your abdomen.

It's a lovely thought. Thank you. Thank you all.

It's all tax deductible We're fairly incorruptible

It's all very well to laugh at the military,

It's an ocarina, sir. Bring it up here.

It's available on BetaMax, VHS and Super 8.

It's Christmas every day in heaven.

It's Christmas in heaven

It's fun to charter an accountant

It's hardly the time for that, Sergeant.

It's just that I felt...

It's just that we have to go. I'm having rather a heavy period.

It's not a virus, I'm afraid.

It's not as simple as that, Nigel. God knows all.

It's one of the little men from the village.

It's only wafer thin.

It's orbiting at 19 miles a second so it's reckoned

It's orbiting at 19 miles a second, so it's reckoned

It's sort of a specialty of the house, you know?

It's swell to have a stiffy It's divine to own a dick

It's Swiss. Well, now, that is thoughtful, Sturridge.

It's too good a cake not to eat.

It's truly a real honorable experience to be here this evening,

It's very delicate, very succulent.

Item six on the agenda, the Meaning of Life.

J EREMY: Hear, hear. Yes, we're so delighted

Jolly good.

Jolly good. Marvelous.

Jolly good. Well, must be off.

Just because it is mixed up with all the other things,

Just lie there, sir. It won't take a minute.

Just one moment. I'd like to express on behalf of everybody here,

Just remember that you're standing

Just testing. Sorry.

Keep warm, plenty of rest and if you're playing football or anything,

Kneading the buttocks and so on and so forth.

Knowing you were coming after it.

Laura, Alfred, Nigel, Annie, Simon, Amanda...

Lay in ruins,

Leave it all to us. You'll never know what hit you.

Leave it to us. What's that for?

Left, right, left.

Legs up.

Let me tell you what I think we're dealing with here,

Let the heathens spill theirs

Let the pagans spill theirs

Let us praise God.

Let's not give him the cake. I don't want any cake.

Lights! Amplify the ping machine.

Like Nietzsche.

Like you've never seen the hand of God before!

Listen, I can't give it to you now. It says, "In the event of death."

Live organ transplants? What's that?

Live organ transplants.

Look after yourself.

Look at him! He worked on that cake like no one else I've ever known.

Look at them. Bloody Catholics. Filling the bloody world up

Look, I couldn't eat another thing. I'm absolutely stuffed.

Look!

Look! To starboard!

Looks smart and wears a tie

Lovely, lovely. Jolly good. That's better.

Madam? Perhaps we should be going?

Makes you feel so, sort of insignificant, doesn't it?

Makes you think, doesn't it? Hmm.

MAN 1: Morning, Mr. Pycroft. MAN 2: Mr. Pycroft.

MAN 2: Have you thought of the drawers in the bureau?

MAN 2: I demand to see my lawyer!

MAN: Come on, Buster!

MAN: It's behind the sofa! Where can that fish be?

MAN: Terrible. Really terrible.

Marching up and down the square not good enough for you, eh?

Martha, Andrew, Thomas, Walter, Pat, Linda,

Masks up! Suction!

May God strike me down were it to be otherwise.

Me and the lads realize that, sir, but, well, we may never meet again, so...

Me and the lads, we've had a little whip around, sir.

Measure it, blood type it and isolate it.

MEN: (SINGING) Up, up, up your premium Up, up, up your premium

MEN: In your neighborhood

Merci, Gaston. I haven't finished.

Method, names of famous philosophers.

Mind the machines! Sorry, Doctor.

Mind the stairs, all right?

Mine And mine

Mmm mmm mmm. SOLDIER: Sir! Sir!

Morning, Ainsworth. Morning, Pakenham.

Morning, gentlemen.

Morning, sir. What's all the trouble, then?

Morning! Good morning! Morning!

Morning! Morning!

Morning.

Morning. I came as fast as I could. Is something up?

Morning. Morning.

Moules marinières, pâté de foie gras, beluga caviar,

Move your own clothes onto the lower peg,

Moving the penis up and down inside the vagina.

Mr. Death is a reaper.

Mrs. Moore's contractions are more frequent, Doctor.

Mum, Dad, I'm off out now.

Must be that hole in the bloody mosquito net.

My God! It's huge!

My younger brother's going out with Dibble this weekend, sir.

NARRATOR 2: Democracy and humanitarianism

NARRATOR: A financial district swollen with multinationals, conglomerates,

NARRATOR: And so, heartened by their initial success,

NARRATOR: And so, The Crimson Permanent Assurance

NARRATOR: In the bleak days of 1983,

NARRATOR: Middle Age.

NARRATOR: Part one. The miracle of birth.

NARRATOR: The Meaning of Life, part 6B. The meaning of life.

NARRATOR: The Meaning of Life, part five. Live organ transplants.

NARRATOR: The Meaning of Life, part seven. Death.

NARRATOR: The Meaning of Life, part six. The autumn years.

NARRATOR: The Meaning of Life, part three. Fighting each other.

NARRATOR: The miracle of birth., part two. The third world.

NARRATOR: There it lay, the prize they sought.

NARRATOR: This man is about to die.

Nasty wound you've got there, fella.

Nearly there now.

Need we say more? No.

No doubt you can tell me what the purpose of foreplay is.

No one has ever had their liver taken out by us and survived.

No, fuck off. I'm full. Oh, sir.

No, honestly, sir.

No, I'm fine.

No, it's more of an attempt

No, just a moment, sir.

No, no, I'll get the tablecloth.

No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no. We're doing it for an advertisement.

No, no, no. I mean, why we're here, on this planet.

No, no, no. What is this one here?

No, no, that's the way it is, my loves.

No, no! Let me! Let me! Okay, Kane.

No, no. I mean because we are members of the Protestant Reformed Church,

No, of course not, Humphrey.

No, sir. No, sir. No, sir.

No, the food was excellent.

No.

No. Burt Bacharach writes it.

No. Children, I know you're trying to help,

No. Obviously not.

No. Oh, maybe Schopenhauer writes her material.

None whatsoever. Complete mystery to me.

Nope.

Not at all. That's what I'm here for.

Not at all. Very attractive woman.

Not if we're going to remain members

Now did I or did I not

Now don't argue!

Now look here.

Now look, have you or have you not got his leg?

Now look, we're just asking you

Now some of you may feel that the cormorant does not play an important part

Now the time has come.

Now two boys have been found rubbing linseed oil

Now whose teatime is it? ALL: Mine!

Now,

Now, all these forms of stimulation

Now, before I begin the lesson, will those of you

Now, Carter.

Now, did I do vaginal juices last week?

Now, Harry, you've had some thoughts on this.

Now, look... All right, all right.

Now, sex.

Now, this afternoon, we have monsieur's favorite, the jugged hare.

Now, today we're going to do marching up and down the square.

Now, Vincent, Tessa, Valerie, Janine,

Now, what about the rest of you?

Now!

Now... Sir?

O Lord. ALL: O Lord.

O'er mountain, hill and plain

Of course, madam.

Of how the juices are coming along.

Of just how much there is still left to own.

Of marching up and down the square a bit?

Of self replicating DNA

Of the crime of first degree making of gratuitous sexist jokes,

Of the fastest growing religion in the world, my boy.

Of the galaxy we call the Milky Way

Of the Papacy in the mid sixteenth century,

Off their fucking arses and back in the sodding cinema.

Oh, and while you're at it, you'd better get a doily.

Oh, better make it five. Tablecloth, sir?

Oh, blimey, no.

Oh, bloody hell.

Oh, come in. Come on in, all of you. That's it. Jolly good.

Oh, come on. I mean, do we look like

Oh, come on. They've gotta say something.

Oh, dear. I have trodden in monsieur's bucket.

Oh, do pay attention, Wadsworth!

Oh, get it, would you, Deidre? All right, Mum.

Oh, good. There's a lot of it about. Probably a virus.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir. We do have one today that's not on the menu.

Oh, leg! You're looking for a leg!

Oh, Max. Really!

Oh, monsieur, I assure you,

Oh, my Christ! You bastard.

Oh, no, sir!

Oh, no, sir! I'm afraid so.

Oh, no, that's not it.

Oh, no, this is really going too far.

Oh, nothing, sir.

Oh, pardon! Gaston?

Oh, people aren't wearing enough.

Oh, please don't lightly poach us

Oh, putting them on a lower peg, sir.

Oh, quick. Go and get the others in, Gordon.

Oh, righto.

Oh, shit! It's Mr. Creosote!

Oh, sir, it's only a tiny, little thin one.

Oh, sir! Sir!

Oh, thank you very much.

Oh, that sounds fine.

Oh, that sounds real interesting.

Oh, that sounds wonderful.

Oh, that would be wonderful.

Oh, the vulva's dilating, Doctor. Oh, yes, there's the head.

Oh, they've done some wonderful things in their time.

Oh, was it taking your clothes off, sir?

Oh, we did it for a laugh. Part of a spree. High spirits.

Oh, we're just fine.

Oh, well, that'd be very nice. Thank you.

Oh, well, yes, there is.

Oh, what a frightfully witty song.

Oh, why, why, why?

Oh, yeah. Been in the wars, have we?

Oh, yeah. He's the one that begins with an "S."

Oh, yes, Harry.

Oh, you folks want me to start you off?

Oh! And that's what we're talking about.

Oh! Fishy, fishy, fishy, fish!

Oh! Fishy, fishy, fishy, fish.

Oh! How 'bout that? Lovely.

Oh! I never knew Schopenhauer was a philosopher.

Oh! Well, it... I don't know what to say.

Oh! Yes, of course. We have a train to catch

Oh?

Oh.

Oh. Does that mean Salena Jones is a philosopher?

Oh. Thanks for the reassurance, Doc.

Okay, Blackitt, Sturridge and Walters, you take the buggers on the left flank.

Okay, show's over.

Okay! Well, look.

Okay. Thank you.

On the dusty ground

On the horizon?

Once proud financial giants

One by one, the financial capitals of the world

One of the officers has lost a leg.

One thousand and eight!

One. People are not wearing enough hats.

Only if I can do the episiotomy.

Only now, he's married to Carole Bayer Sager.

Onto the lower peg immediately after lunch,

Ooh! That's what being a Protestant's all about.

Or are we just simply spiraling coils

Or baste us with hot fat

Or boil us in a vat

Or in Hal David.

Or is there some doubt

Or is there, well, someone else, sort of,

Or perhaps we're just one of God's little jokes

Or simmer us in stock

Or so it would have been,

Or stir fry us in a wok

Or would he prefer to order straightaway?

Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars

Our special tonight is minorities.

Over here.

Patient. Patient, yes.

People doing things to each other

Perhaps you're not happy with the service?

PERKINS: It doesn't matter! What?

Personally, I doubt

Philosophy for two? Right.

Probably a tiger. In Africa?

Put it in your letter after you have had your haircut,

Put it there, boy. Put it there on the table.

Quiet! Silence!

Quite a lot of casualties, sir.

Quite irate

Rather be at the pictures, I suppose.

Really risky, yeah.

Really, Maria? Yes.

Really? Oh, yes. And what's more,

Right, sir. I'll organize a party.

Right! Oh, that's neat.

Right. Hello, Doc!

Right. Search the thicket.

Right. Sedate her. Number the child.

Right. Sergeant Major marching up and down the square.

Righto, Skipper. Oh, sir, sir?

Righty ho! Well,

Room? 259.

Ross! Get the readouts!

Rubbing the clitoris, sir?

Sacked?

Sacked? Come on, boys. Let's get at 'em.

Sail away... NARRATOR: And so, they sailed off

Sailing on the wide accountancy

Sarge?

Sarge? Yes?

Scribble away And balance the books

Scribble away But balance the books

Search the thicket.

See, throughout history, there've been certain men and women,

SERGEANT MAJOR: Rubbish! Shh!

Served in an authentic medieval English dungeon atmosphere.

Sex, sex, sex. Where were we?

She put me on her knee and she said to me,

She sings about the meaning of life.

Shit!

Show it to the mother. That's enough.

Shut up!

Shut up! D'accord.

Shut up! Shut up, you American.

Silence! I have come for you.

Simple as that. Nothing more to it.

Sitting round with really nothing to say

Sleep well? Not bad. Bitten to shreds, though.

Slicing the lemons, mixing the sugar and almonds.

So absolutely huge.

So from now on, the cormorant is strictly out of bounds!

So here we are with Find the Fish.

So I became a waiter.

So it'll just grow back again, then, will it?

So just listen.

So just why Why are we here

So nice to see you,

So now, I'm cleaning up in here.

So remember when you're feeling very small and insecure

So small it could not possibly have made off with a whole leg.

So that the penis can penetrate more easily.

So three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas

So we have all these possibilities,

So why don't I give you these conversation cards.

So you see my problem, little ones.

So you still reap around here, do you, Mr. Death?

So, it's lots of happy pills for you,

So, the man starts by entering or mounting his good lady wife,

SOLDIER: Morning, sir.

Some energies have a spiritual source, which act upon a person's soul.

Some nights it was so cold we could hardly move

Somebody must have abandoned it here,

Something to drink, monsieur?

Sorry about the mess, sir.

Sorry it's another clock, sir, only there was a bit of a mix up.

Sorry, sir. Thank you, Sergeant Major.

Sorry!

Spadger, give him the check. Oh, yeah.

Squad! Three cheers for Captain Biggs.

Stay by me.

Steal into someone's tent, anaesthetize them, tissue type them,

Still something missing, though.

Stings a bit. Well, it would, wouldn't it?

Straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate.

Strained under the yoke of their oppressive new corporate management.

STU DENTS: Yes, sir.

Suppose I'd better go along. Coming, Pakenham?

Sure is. It's real Hawaiian food,

Sure? Sure.

Switch everything on.

Take a little Kodak. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.

Take this.

Take you away.

Terribly clever.

TH REE KINGS: (SINGING) There's Sony Walkman headphone sets

Than marching up and down the square?

Thank you all.

Thank you very much, madam. Thank you.

Thank you very much, sir.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, Brigitte.

Thank you, dear.

Thank you, Gaston. There's still more.

Thank you, monsieur, and now, here's your check.

Thank you, thank you. We try to do our best.

Thank you.

Thank you. And the rough towels!

Thank you. Happy Christmas.

That has made the British Army what it is.

That is my purpose.

That is to say intercourse up to and including orgasm.

That is why we'll always need an army.

That is, unless any of you got anything better to do.

That it was presented to us by the corporation of the town of Sudbury,

That was terrific! Great! Yeah!

That went wherever I did go.

That you dropped in, Mr. Death.

That you've had your chit signed.

That's about all he says.

That's evolving and revolving at 900 miles an hour

That's fine. Hey! How are you?

That's it, Evans. You're fired.

That's it. Bring it in. Bring it right here. Behind me.

That's much better. Thank you, honey.

That's much, much better. Yes, that's more like it.

That's not the point. We could have it any time we wanted.

That's philosophy. Is that a sport?

That's quite a bite you've got there.

That's right, madam. Typical of him.

That's the machine that goes "ping."

That's what he used to say.

That's where I was born.

That's why it's the church for anyone

That's why it's the church for me.

The administrator is here, Doctor.

The attack's over, sir. The Zulus are retreating.

The Crimson Permanent Assurance!

The desperate and reasonably violent men of The Permanent Assurance

The EEG, the BP monitor and the AVV. Certainly, Doctor.

The fishmonger promised me he'd have some fresh salmon.

The good, loyal men of the Permanent Assurance Company,

The Grim Reaper.

The hare is very high and the sauce is very rich,

The man now starts making thrusting movements with his pelvic area,

The mill's closed. There's no more work.

The moment where we take a break and invite you, the audience,

The names of all those from the Sudbury area,

The next, they'll kick you in the teeth. Yeah.

The outstanding returns on their bold business venture

The owner wanted it taken to Dar Es Salaam.

The penis entering the vagina?

The penis is now, as you will observe, more or less fully erect.

The purpose of foreplay is to cause the vagina to lubricate,

The salmon mousse.

The sort of chaps who'd creep into a camp at night,

The Sound of Music twice an hour

The Stilton's awfully good.

The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding

The whole leg gone, eh? Yes.

Their policies in tatters.

Then reasonableness and moderation could quite simply disappear.

There are Buddhists

There are Hindus and Mormons and then

There are those that follow Mohammed

There we are, monsieur.

There we are, that's better.

There, there, Charles.

There's a pro czarist Asante chief...

There's a table for you through there, in the restaurant.

There's an "S" in Nietzsche.

There's gifts for all the family

There's great films on TV

There's love in that cake, this man's love and this man's care and...

There's no "S" in Burt Bacharach.

There's toiletries and trains

There's your drink, Mr. Death. Do sit down.

They all go to saving lives, madam.

They haven't said much about the meaning of life so far, have they?

They'll be miles away by now.

They'll tell you a little about philosophical

They're bound to.

They're going to say anything about the meaning of life at all.

They've preserved the might and majesty, even mystery of the Church of Rome,

Thirty men killed in F section. Yes, I see.

This is Howard Katzenberg from Philadelphia.

This life is a sad vale of tears

This way.

Till eventually, me eyes went and me arthritis got bad.

To annoy the censors and to hopefully spark some sort of controversy,

To be distracted from spiritual matters by everyday trivia.

To commemorate Empire Day, when we try to remember

To construct a viable hypothesis to explain the meaning of life.

To find, explore the funds offshore

To join us, the filmmakers, in Find the Fish.

To promote the idea of sex for pleasure,

To tell the truth, we are completely mad.

To the house of Gash Bil Bethuel Bazda,

Today, we have for appetizers, excuse me,

Toffs is all the same. One minute, it's all please and thank you.

Tooley! Come on.

Try and favor the other leg.

Twelve million miles a minute and that's the fastest speed there is

Two. Matter is energy.

Uh...

Up and down the square?

Very well, monsieur. Thank you so much.

Vigilante groups strangling chickens,

Voila.

Wait. I've got something to tell the whole family.

Waiter? This conversation isn't very good.

Walters thought he was buying a present

Was launched upon the high seas of international finance.

We are dressed as a tiger because he had an auntie who did it in 1839.

We can take precautions.

We can wear little rubber devices to prevent issue.

We found the tiger skin in a bicycle shop in Cairo.

We go round every 200 million years

We showed 'em, didn't we, sir? Yes.

We stumbled across it, actually, and wondered what it was.

We wanted to get the feel of it from the animal's point of view.

We were just talking about death only five minutes ago.

We were just talking about some of the awful problems facing the Third...

We were just...

We were thinking of training as taxidermists.

We would not dream of giving you less than the full amount.

We wouldn't be in the mess we are now.

We'd appreciate that.

We'll have to take all the blame.

We'll take the foreplay as read, if you don't mind, dear.

We'll try and get it cleared up by the time you get back.

We'll up your premium semiannually

We're 30,000 light years from galactic central point

We're doing an advert for Tiger Brand Coffee.

We're going to show you a scene from another film

We're just simply spiraling coils

We've got some people from America for dinner tonight...

We've got something else for you as well, sir.

We've sent for the doctor.

Weigh the anchor!

Weigh the anchor.

Well played, well played.

Well, actually, we're dressed like this because...

Well, actually, we're on a mission for British Intelligence.

Well, as it's so funny,

Well, ça, c'est le meaning of life

Well, ce soir for a change

Well, do carry on.

Well, fuck you.

Well, go and fetch him then. Right you are, sir.

Well, had I done foreplay?

Well, had I got as far as

Well, how 'bout the dungeon room?

Well, I mean we've got two children,

Well, I told him that, but he never listens to me, silly man.

Well, I would remind you that you're a guest in this house...

Well, I'm awfully sorry, but... I am the Grim Reaper.

Well, I'm certainly not thinking of getting hitched up again.

Well, I'm learning the piano.

Well, I've worked in worse places, philosophically speaking.

Well, isn't that extraordinary?

Well, it's beautiful, they're both beautiful.

Well, it's been building up to it. Has it?

Well, it's not much of a philosophy, I know.

Well, it's nothing very special.

Well, let me put it like this.

Well, so did we.

Well, that's cast rather a gloom over the evening, hasn't it?

Well, that's the end of the film.

Well, that's when we take a new baby out of a lady's tummy.

Well, to be quite honest, Sarge, I'd rather be home with the wife and kids.

Well, tonight here's The Meaning of Life

Well, tonight we're going to sort it all out

Well, we went to Miami last year and California the year before...

Well, why do they have so many children?

Well, why don't you? But they, they cannot,

Well, you know, what you was thinkin' of doin' after that.

Well, you look like you're getting the idea,

Well, you're dead now, so shut up!

Well?

Well... Right! Off you go!

What a really unique experience this is.

What are we, dear? Protestant, and fiercely proud of it.

What do I do? Nothing, dear. You're not qualified.

What do you do with them all, anyway?

What do you mean?

What do you think the next bit will be?

What kind of food you like to eat this evening?

What other words can one use? Exactly.

What was that about hats again?

What was that? What's he saying?

What we do to ourselves, we do to Him.

What we doctors, in fact, call a tiger.

What we're looking for, and this is no more than an educated guess,

What would you rather be doing, Atkinson?

What, about the next stage of life, you mean?

What, what, what do we fear

What, you mean lock the door?

What? Good Lord!

What? Your liver.

What'll I do? I can't live without him! I...

What's funny, Biggs?

What's life all about

What's new? Not much.

What's the point of all this hoax

What's this conversation here? That's football.

What's this, then? A liver donor's card.

What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Hmm?

When Martin Luther nailed his protest up to the church door in 1517,

When you say "enough," enough for what purpose?

When you say souls don't develop because people become distracted...

When you've written your letter home before rest,

Where are you going? No, I can explain...

Where we make up the rules

Where's the fun in pictures? Oh, well, there we are.

Where's the patient? Patient! Anyone seen the patient?

Which is the only way these days to get the jaded video sated public

Which successfully challenged the autocratic power

While scientists say

While the wife maximizes her clitoral stimulation by the shaft of the penis,

While we're searching for something to say

Who are you? I'm the husband.

Who respects the individual and the individual's right

Who so gallantly gave their lives

Who? The Grim Reaper.

Who's going out this weekend as the guest of another boy, in which case,

Who's Hal David?

Who've tried to find the solution to the mysteries of existence.

Why are you dressed as a tiger?

Why did you say yes? I didn't.

Why not start her off with a nice kiss?

With bloody people they can't afford to bloody feed.

With chainsaws during Tupperware parties,

With my little scheme of marching

With stripes, huge, razor sharp teeth, about 11 foot long

With truffles, anchovies, Grand Marnier, bacon and cream.

Without the ability to defend one's own viewpoint,

Without waking him up?

Woke up just now, one sock too many.

WOMAN: Who is it, darling? It's a Mr. Death or something.

Would you like to talk about the meaning of life, darling?

Would you now?

Would you prefer white? I'm afraid we don't have any beer.

Wouldn't you like to know? It was a lovely little fish.

Wymer, this is for your benefit.

Yea, and placed they the bits in little pots.

Yeah, all right. You talked me into it.

Yeah, anything with pineapple in is great for us.

Yeah, he saved his rations for six weeks, sir.

Yeah, I expect they'll get onto it now.

Yeah, I'll have six bottles of Chateau Latour '45,

Yeah, we love pineapple.

Yeah! Right! She could be.

Yeah. I think most of them do.

Yeah. No, wait a minute. I think I could only manage six crates today.

Yeah. That's right, but I don't think she writes her own material.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yell out so that all the cinema can hear you.

Yes, all right, Blackitt. Thanks a lot.

Yes, but I do think Doctor ought to see him.

Yes, four centimeters, five, six centimeters.

Yes, get the tablecloth.

Yes, good. Nibbling the earlobe,

Yes, I see. I am Death.

Yes, I suppose so.

Yes, it cost over three quarters of a million pounds.

Yes, Sarge. Right. Off you go.

Yes, savage little blighters, aren't they?

Yes, sir. How many plates?

Yes, very good.

Yes, well, the thing is,

Yes, well, this is hardly the time or place for a goodbye speech, eh?

Yes, Wymer?

Yes, yes, well, I suppose we must.

Yes, yes. Yes, yes. Yes, well, this is nothing to worry about.

Yes! Atkinson.

Yes?

Yes? Hello. Can we have your liver?

Yes.

Yes. A real beauty, isn't it?

Yes. During the night, old Perkins got his leg bitten sort of off.

Yes. Good Lord, look at this. By Jove! That's enormous.

Yes. Harris, will you?

Yes. I don't believe you.

Yes. No. No, no, no, no. No. No, no, no.

Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

Yes. Yes. More apparatus, please, Nurse.

You always talk, you Americans.

You barge in here quite uninvited, break glasses,

You bastard!

You better get the gate leg table, Hordern.

You can talk about the Steelers Bears game Saturday,

You can wrap it up in ribbons You can slip it in your sock

You could have had them pulled off in an accident.

You did love it so.

You do not understand.

You do realize

You don't have to go leaping

You don't have to have a great brain

You don't have to have any clothes on

You don't have to move your brother's clothes down to the lower peg.

You don't think it'll come back, do you?

You fancy a cup of tea?

You have been convicted by 12 good persons, and true,

You heard me. Out.

You know, it's reddish brown, it's sort of...

You know, Maria, I sometimes wonder

You know, one day, my mother,

You looked after it like a son.

You mean to...

You must have a hell of a hole in your net.

You see that?

You see, a virus is what we doctors call very, very small,

You see, we lease this back from the company we sold it to,

You see? That means your baby is still alive.

You shouldn't have said that, sir.

You simply collect his note before lunch,

You talk and you talk and you say,

You want to go practice, eh?

You, you and you, break open the weapons.

You, you and you, into the rigging.

You'll never make it, let us come with you. Do as you're told, man.

You're a Catholic the moment Dad came

You're not doctors, then?

You're right. We'd better get this stitched.

You're welcome.

You've hurt his feelings, now.

Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend, your percy or your cock

259. Yeah.

'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth

"and try and live together in peace and harmony

"Even tigers prefer a cup of it to real meat."

"everywhere you go."

"Gaston, my son,

"Harry, I want you to sell me a condom.

"In fact, today I think I'll have a French Tickler, for I am a Protestant."

"It's all for the good of the country," he used to say.

"Let me tell you something" and "I just wanna say this."

"Read a good book every now and then. Get some walking in,

"the world is a beautiful place.

"Tiger Brand Coffee is a real treat.

"Try and be nice to people. Avoid eating fat.

"Try to make everyone happy and bring peace and contentment,

"with people of all creeds and nations."

"You must go into it and love everyone."

(ALL CLAMORING)

(ALL GRUNTING)

(ALL MUTTERING)

(ARTH UR SCREAMING)

(BABY CRYING) And frighten it.

(BELL RINGING)

(BELL TOLLING)

(BIRD CAWING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(BOYS GROANING)

(BUCKET CLANGING)

(BUGLE SOUNDING)

(CAMERA CLICKING)

(CH ILDREN CHATTERING)

(CH ILDREN CLAMORING)

(CH ILDREN MURMU RING) We're destitute.

(CHATTERING)

(CLEARING THROAT)

(COUGHING)

(CROWS CAWING)

(CRYING)

(DOG BARKING)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

(DRUM BEAT)

(ENGINE STARTING)

(EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST)

(EXCLAIMING)

(EXCLAIMS)

(EXPLODING)

(EXPLOSIONS)

(GIRL LEAF GASPING) Daddy? Mummy?

(GLASS SHATTERING)

(GROANING)

(GRUNTING)

(GU N FIRING)

(GU N FIRING) Hip, hip...

(GU N FIRING) I'll be all right...

(GU NS FIRING)

(GUNFIRE)

(HAVA NAGILA PLAYING)

(HORNS BLARING)

(IN DISTINCT CHATTERING)

(IN HALING)

(INSECTS CHITTERING)

(LEAF SOBBING)

(LIGHTNING CRACKING)

(MACH IN E PINGING) Wonderful what we can do nowadays.

(MACHINE PINGING)

(MAN GASPING)

(MAN GROANING)

(MAN RETCHING)

(MAN SCREAMING)

(MEN CHEERING)

(MEN CLAMORING)

(MEN LAUGHING)

(MON KEYS SCREECHING)

(MUMBLING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(PANTING)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(PEOPLE COUGHING)

(PEOPLE GAGGING)

(PEOPLE SHUSHING)

(PEOPLE ULULATING)

(PEOPLE WHOOPING)

(RETCHING)

(SCATTING)

(SCREAMING)

(SEAGULLS CAWING)

(SH USHING)

(SIGHS)

(SINGING SADLY) Every sperm is sacred

(SINGING) Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis

(SINGING) It's Christmas in heaven All the children sing

(SINGING) Just remember that you're standing on a planet

(SINGING) There are **** in the world

(SINGING) Whenever life gets you down, Mrs. Brown

(SINGING) Why are we here

(SOBBING) Oh, no! I...

(SOLDIERS GROANING)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(SQUEAKING)

(STAMMERING) How do we...

(STAMMERING) I apologize most sincerely.

(STAMMERING) I just can't go on. I'm no good anymore.

(STAMMERING) If we don't meet again, sir.

(STAMMERING) No, no complaints.

(TELEPHONE RINGING) Oh, is it Christmas today?

(TIGER GROWLING)

(U LU LATING CONTIN U ES)

(WH ISTLE BLOWS)

(WIN D HOWLING)

(WIND BLOWING) Goodbye! Goodbye!

(WOMEN PANTING)

The Meaning of Life (1983) Musical
"The Meaning of Life" is a British comedy film released in 1983 by the comedy group Monty Python. Directed by Terry Jones, the movie features the iconic comedic talents of John Cleese, Graham Chapman, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, and Michael Palin. Known for its satirical take on various stages of life, this irreverent masterpiece explores the absurdity and meaninglessness of existence. If you're looking to revisit the witty soundtrack of this movie, you can play and download these delightful sounds by following this link [insert link here].
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