Bruno (2009) Edit

A List Celebrity Max Out mit Bruno.

A little sensitive subject here. How much does she weigh?

A place for anal bleaching

About what?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Africa is a continent, not a country, baby. Get it right.

Agree to give the pyramids back to the Israelis?

All right, and then what would you be doing?

All right, but wait a second. You are the baby's father now.

All right, God damn it.

All right, picture's next. Last looks, please.

All right, this is...

All right, well, you know, there is a finale to this talk show.

All right. Do we have another photo, or is that the last one?

All right. I think, guys, we're finished.

All right. So how did you find your son?

All right. What do you think there? Is that a white trash foetus?

All the most famous stars in the world,

Also, Bruno just needed to find the hottest world tragedy to fix.

Also, great. Maybe they can let us out.

Also, ich headed to my first meeting mit a Hollywood uber agent.

Also, ich hired a top photographer

Also, so tell me about your humanitarian work.

Although he did cost us a MacBook Pro.

Although, I did once suffocate a hamster in Mykonos.

Am I going to be able to meet her before we actually start?

Amateur science?

Amazing.

And at this time, we're taking the child into protective custody.

And give them a chance to seduce you.

And he dresses like the policemen, how would you know that's him?

And I am on the verge of buying Mr. Magorium's Wunderbar Emporium.

And I flew back here to America,

And I have known him personally for most of that time.

And I have personally known him for most of that time.

And I just feel like that's been my life.

And I want the best guys in the business to kidnap me. Al Qaeda is so 2001.

And I'm just trying to run in und kiss you...

And I'm pretty, in that sense, pretty ordinary.

And it's very important what scores you give it,

And just make love forever

And lifting weights and building your muscles

And make all nations calmer

And play the clarinet with everything inside of you.

And put me in touch with one of his chums.

And quit telling me to look at you in the eye. Okay?

And so I was just trying to break it up with some simple horizontal lines.

And take your little briefs off before I fucking rip them?

And the ears, like, have not been developed yet.

And the most exciting and amazing thing in the town,

And then come in and break his arm. Take it here, take him out.

And then they would broadcast it to the whole world.

And then when you're facing me, that's called cowgirl.

And then when you're turned the opposite way, it's reverse cowgirl.

And then, like, which one now?

And they never get back to the first point maybe ever.

And they said they're, like, really, really exhausted after they do her.

And they'll say, "If Bruno can do it, then I can do it.

And they'll say, "It's Jesus. He changed me."

And they're asking... They've been staying at the hotel for a while

And wanted to know if I can get the key for them because they can't get out of bed.

And we had O.J. back,

And women often don't stick to the point.

And you chose to dress that baby up in a T shirt that says what?

Anybody want a sandwich or something?

Apart from Germany.

Are there any activities you suggest

Are there any new hobbies that I should take up?

Are there any outdoor activities

Are you 100% hetero like me?

Are you hitting on me?

Are you ready for some man slamming action?

Are you ready to make that change?

Around some other men who are not gay.

As for Lutz, we decided to get married in California.

As you know, the defendant

As you know, the defendant has served our municipality as city controller

Aus. Chlamydia.

Austria. And what are your impressions of the American people?

Beat his fucking ass!

Because das ist A List Celebrity Max Out.

Because if the show scores over an 85%,,

Because she's got the Elle Style Awards.

Because some of them don't even dress no different than myself or you.

Because that would harm my body. That would hurt...

Boom. As I roll across.

Bradolf Pittler?

Bringing up a child without another parent. Am I right?

Bruno had backstage access for the hottest show of the week, de la Prada.

Bruno has known true love twice in his life.

Bruno wants peace.

Bruno was aus.

Bruno!

Bruno.

But because of the law, we had to be a bit inventive.

But Bruno had a new plan.

But can I assure you, the toilet is absolutely spotless.

But do you have something, maybe a double...

But even though marriage was a nicht nicht,

But for the last 9 years, ich have been head uber heels in love

But he did get me a starring role in a top TV show as an extra.

But is gonna really make a difference, you know, really put me into the A list.

But it's the hardest job in the world, isn't it?

But the message is not ordinary.

But the team that do it were booked up for the next 4 days

But this is the girl's position.

But which one?

But you're being really nasty.

But you're being really nasty.

By the way, where's your uniform? Go get your uniform on.

Bye, baby, I love you.

Can anybody give me one sentence?

Can I ask him if he has any advice for me?

Can I give you guys a word of advice?

Can I still play the clarinet?

Can I tell you about the person that changed my life?

Can Olivia lose 10 pounds in the next week?

Can you be quiet?

Can you look into this camera and just say,

Can you look? The key, I think, is over there, just...

Can you switch off the television? Because I made a fart,

Candidate, what are you doing?

Charity was a great way to become famous.

Clean water, food and teaching

Come and sit on our great furniture.

Come back, please. Can you please come back?

Come on, it will be fun.

Come on, Jack, look me in the eyes.

Come on! Back!

Come on. What's the big deal? It's just a couple of guys.

Compelled him to accept hundreds of thousands of dollars in bribes.

Could you hold the sheet over there?

Could you take your finger out of my Arschenholer?

Creating love is my mission

Cut. Sorry, I'm not feeling this one. Could we go again?

Definitely the hands look way too big,

Depending on his range. Boom. Then to his face. Boom.

Despite having an eyeful of Schpunken.

Didn't see anything.

Diesel, I love you. Diesel.

Difficult issue on the phone.

Do any of you guys want to make some more money?

Do as I say. Take that fucking shit off now!

Do it!

Do we all share one tent or what's more sensible?

Do you have an attitude, candidate? Do we detect an attitude?

Do you think this kid is retarded?

Do you want some strawberries

Does she always have to be in a car seat, or can she just, like, freestyle it?

Dolce und Gabbana. Hello?

Don't call me gay!

Don't fuck around!

Don't fuck around!

Don't kill each other

Du bist Bruno, dove of peace

Dude.

Either we gonna have peace, or we gonna have motherfucking war.

Even though my baby's black. So it's pretty cool, no?

Everything.

Excellent. Does he like it?

Excuse me, can you unlock us? Please. Hello? Can you unlock us?

Fine. Yeah, I don't mind her being up on a crucifix.

For more than 12 years,

For the host of the brand new TV show, Straight Dave's Man Slammin' Maxout.

For the second time in a century,

From the fashion streets of Milan, only for the German girls, my great hairs.

From the pop dance group Milli und Vanilli.

Fuck him up!

Fuck that shit! Fuck that shit!

Fuck that shit! Fuck that shit!

Fuck, yeah.

Fucking fag!

Fucking fag!

Full of them.

Funkyzeit is uber influential.

Gayby.

George is comfortable with everything. He's fine.

Get him, motherfucker!

Get off me. That is my baby.

Get on your fucking knees and suck my spike here, bitch.

Get out of my TAC Alley.

Get out. Get out now.

Get that out of my face.

Give him back! Give me my baby back!

Give it away, let a friend hold it until you know in your mind

Give it up for Straight Dave!

Give me my baby back!

Give me my baby! Give him back!

Give me my baby! O.J.!

Go get them!

Great! Das is all maximum Santzgaut!

Great.

Great. Fantastisch news.

Great. You must be hungry. Let's bring in some food.

Has anyone ever told you you look like Enrique Iglesias?

Has served our municipality for more than 12 years as city controller.

Has served this municipality as city controller for more than 12 years,

He can't do nothing from there.

He had created the food and then got lots of followers.

He is the white Obama

He never leaves us. He never forsakes us. He's here.

He pauses for an inordinate period of time.

He put a hit on me. He took his clothes off.

He says he's in a place with green trees and flowers.

He says there's some sort of thing that you will set up, like a foundation or something,

He's also mein stylist.

He's also mein stylist.

He's also my nutritionist.

He's come to heal the world

Head and eyes straight forward. Stand still, candidate.

Hello, hello. Hey, can you come in?

Hello, I apologise for the state of the room.

Hello?

Hello? Engineering.

Helping other people is so vital to my life.

Her mixing the pots of acid and that type...

Here, you know.

Hey, hey, he gay, he gay

Hey, listen, you. What's your name? Hi. What's your name?

Hi. Hi. Great.

Hi. How are you?

His personal debts compelled him to accept bribes.

Hold on. Hold on. What's that?

How did you get into it?

How do you defend yourself against the man with 2 dildos?

How do you protect yourself from a dildo?

How do you spot the homosexual?

How important is it for you to help other people?

How would I become weltfamous?

Hummus has nothing to do with Hamas. It's a food. Okay? We eat it. They eat it.

I actually got an interview mit Harrison Ford.

I ain't any one of them. I'm Donny.

I am going to say something that is gonna get you so angry

I am repulsed by the idea of making the sex with a woman.

I am so straight that when I bought my house,

I am so straight that when I bought my house,

I am the Austrian Jesus

I am the host of Funkyzeit,

I can't wait to do this to a woman.

I couldn't even schtupp RuPaul.

I did not press it.

I did. I got you clean.

I didn't come here for no fucking queer shit. Okay?

I don't care where you put them. Give them back.

I don't even know why I'm asking that question.

I don't know. What do you think?

I don't like this little shit.

I don't like.

I don't need a beard.

I don't need this motherfucker touching me on the back,

I don't want to be in your alley.

I don't want you to do something that you'll regret.

I feel a bit vulnerable.

I feel this is the biggest step you'll ever make in your lifetime.

I go, and I sit down with your father, we talk about this.

I gotta be honest. He's a real dick magnet.

I gotta say, I love American people, and I love African American people.

I guess to demonstrate how much you love the child.

I have a dream for the Third World

I have a second assistant, but ich can't remember its name.

I hope not.

I just got off the phone with the network. They've agreed to do a screening.

I live in Austria's coolest city, Vienna. No big deal. Whatever.

I love a woman with a vagina.

I love music.

I mean, isn't pita bread the real enemy?

I said, get down! Do push ups.

I see what the fuck you're doing, dude.

I should be chained to a 6'4" Norwegian with a PhD in sucking dick.

I swapped him.

I think he was about, I don't know, 6 or...

I think maybe because he's a black baby that might be your cue,

I think you're using him as an accessory.

I wanna be a star.

I wanna speak to Milli

I want a charity that doesn't involve too much effort,

I want a charity that doesn't involve too much effort,

I want him to have fun with me.

I want to hear the audio back. I want you to hear...

I want you to hear what this fool is saying.

I wanted to poke my eyes out with hot needles.

I was about to give up on my dream of celebrity,

I was going to go to the salon that maintains Salma Hayek's inner thighs,

I was in the Middle East, like, solving the crisis there.

I would not become famous.

I... I don't marry 2 men or 2 women.

I'd be humping you like that.

I'm 19 years old. And, of course, you'll know me as the host of Funkyzeit.

I'm afraid it gives me no pleasure at all to speak to you this afternoon.

I'm from Austria.

I'm gonna be the straightest man who's ever lived.

I'm gonna become straight. I'm gonna become uber straight.

I'm gonna light some candles if it's okay.

I'm here with Congressman Ron Paul,

I'm hoping that I don't grow old alone. Am I right?

I'm hoping that I find Mr. Right. Am I right?

I'm like Bono, except much younger

I'm not holding anything.

I'm pretty freaking flipping right now.

I'm so sorry. Gosh. What is he, about 2?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. This is really not good.

I'm totally irresistible to gay guys. They see me und they want to schtupp me.

I've got an idea. Let's play a little bit of dress up here.

I've never been out of the city before.

I've written a song

I've written a song

I've written a song that I think is gonna help us make peace.

Ich arrived in LA

Ich bin Bruno, dove of peace

Ich bin Bruno, dove of peace

Ich bin Bruno, dove of peace

Ich bin Bruno, dove of peace

Ich decided to seek advice from the wisest guy I'd ever known.

Ich just needed to find a cock aholics anonymous.

Ich was at a low point. Bruno had hit rock Arsch.

Ich was encouraged to leave the Middle East.

Ich was going to be the biggest Austrian superstar since Hitler.

Ich was going to become famous by solving a world problem.

Ich was out of options.

Ich was ready to give up when I suddenly remembered something

Ich would become famous by getting kidnapped.

If a terrorist has infiltrated a police department

If I did not get these queens to sign a peace deal soon,

If I'm having fun, I want little O.J. to come with me.

If it does remind you of that, then I say put it down,

If it doesn't remind you about some of the behaviour

If it doesn't remind you of that, then I say go for it

If it looks better without the car seat...

If she's a man, then how did it give birth to our son?

If there's a problem losing the weight,

If they get close to you, hit them and leave the situation.

If you don't want pussy, if you don't want fucking...

If you sit on that one.

If you was a woman, I would be humping you.

In 2 days. I got them to pay for a focus group for the show.

In every village and every town

In fact, Austrian fashionistas live their lives according to my "In or Out" list.

In fact, I know it will.

In order for everyone... It's just a beneficial thing to be involved with now.

In September 2008, I left for Milan Fashion Week

In the last few years, people were kidnapped,

In the next week, 7 days.

Into an oven?

Is he comfortable with dead or dying animals?

Is he in heaven? And if so, is he in the VIP section there?

Is it harder to defend against a black dildo?

Is only moments away. But first, some more dancing mit Bruno.

Is she okay with extremely rapid acceleration?

Is that in, like, Iraqi or something like that?

Is that your boy? He's pretty.

Is there any music that I shouldn't listen to? Any bands?

Is there any way we can get something together enough to put it on?

Is there anywhere in the world that no celebrity has tried to fix?

Is there something that you, like, that you believe in?

Is this the dancing of a talentless idiot?

Is what the guy just said on the phone.

Is your baby comfortable with bees, wasps and hornets?

Is your baby fine with antiquated heavy machinery?

It gives me no pleasure at all to speak to you this afternoon.

It involved stopping off in Africa

It is, like, really difficult, you know,

It is. I was looking at it, and can I have one?

It will be erotisch.

It's called Future Kinder. People who are pregnant,

It's full of Africans. It's full of people of African descent.

It's great not to have any fags here.

It's great to have an evening with straight people.

It's ironic that you should have amazing blow job lips.

It's kind of like terrorists.

It's like the air that I breathe and the water that I drink.

It's my favourite.

It's my one on one, exclusive interview mit Harrison Ford.

It's time for this war to end

It's vegetarian. It's healthy. It's beans.

Jamie Lynn Spears. I mean, is she a celebrity?

**** and Hindus, you be friends

Just because he was brave enough to try something new.

Kick his ass!

Know each other? What?

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

Let him in.

Let me have a look at those.

Let me hear you say straight pride.

Let me hear you say that.

Let me introduce you to somebody. Captain Miles.

Let me stop for 2 minutes. Let me stop you right there.

Let's maybe we get to know each other a little.

Let's say the homosexual has got you on the ground.

Let's see the next picture.

Let's try and get a solution, right?

Like how some people walk in the park with dogs to pick up girls,

Like that. You know?

Like, after us, in order to help for our future.

Like, I'm sitting here, and...

Listen, I don't see how you can even walk out of here with that baby in your hands

Lloyd, hi. How are you?

Lloyd, we need to distract him

Look at the 4 of us. We are so like the Sex and the City girls.

Look like a straight guy, how's that?

Look me in the eye. You can do this.

Looks like a kind of dirty wizard or a homeless Santa.

Lose the beards, because your King Osama

Luckily, there was still one shithole left to fix,

Lutz had gone, und ich had only 9 Freunds left on MeinSpace.

Lutz!

Lutz! Lutz!

Lutz! Lutz! Start the car!

Lutz.

Make some noise, everybody. Put your hands together. Make some noise

Make the bed!

Make this bed. Hurry up. Make the bed.

Makes you think of all the hot guys in the world.

Man, there's nothing like just working out

Maximum Santzgaut!

Maybe show a bit of skin or something like that.

Me und Lloyd, we haven't actually spoke since the other day

Me, either, definitely.

Mein little afrikanischer Freund was going to get me

Mein Plan was to get both sides to sign a peace deal in front of the world's press,

Minimum Santzgaut.

Mit a pygmy flight attendant called Diesel.

Mit everyone in the Euro fashion world.

Modelling, a lot of people think it's easy.

Most likely.

Move that out of my... No, Lutz.

My favourite.

My song hadn't worked, und I didn't have enough ecstasy for everyone.

My stinker is slightly burning. Is that normal?

Newsflash, you're in a C lister's womb. Am I right?

No big deal. Whatever.

No logical person would consider a show like this

No photos, please. Do you want another Diana on your hands?

No, actually, his name is Jesus. Jesus is in this room right now.

No, but I refuse to pay for Mr. Magorium's Wunderbar Emporium.

No, fool.

No, I can't do this.

No, I'm afraid we are not gonna be doing that.

No, I'm not.

No, it's just a beard.

No, let's do this the right way.

No, lotion.

No, no, no.

No, they were made for something else, but you're just not using it for them.

No, they're called African Americans, girlfriend.

No, we aren't, either.

No.

No. African Americans are here.

No. No.

No. That's a racist thing to call them. African Americans is the right word.

No. This is not what was supposed to be going on in here.

Not just any iPod.

Not yet.

Now, can you just look under that shelf...

Now, I think that would be... That's something to get involved now,

Now, our next guest is a single parent. Please welcome Bruno.

Nowhere in the script does it say

O.J.

O.J., you're going to be on television.

O.J.!

O.J.! Give me my baby back!

O.J.! Give me my baby! Give me my...

Obvious is a person that's being extremely nice to them to start with.

Of all nights for us to swing, the first time was for our honeymoon.

Of course not. You're much cuter.

Of course, the Village People.

Of course. Of course.

Of course. Of course.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my gosh.

Okay, but... Okay. Okay.

Okay, good, 'cause I just... That was, like, really hot, that whole speech.

Okay, great.

Okay, let's see what she's got in her stomach.

Okay, so this is the part of the show,

Okay, that's a great idea, 'cause if I do that, then I'll definitely become world famous.

Okay, well, listen, one other thing.

Okay? Kick around, boom.

Okay.

Okay. Help!

Okay. Thank you very much. Fantastisch.

Okay. Well, I understand that you took a look at a side

On the cover of every magazine.

On the way home for a little bit of shopping.

Once again, "Can you take my finger, your finger out of my ass,"

Once you put the...

Once, for 7 minutes with Milli from Milli und Vanilli. No big deal. Whatever.

One is just as easy as the other to defend against.

One of the balls?

One that was, like, limited edition, red. A U2 iPod. Heard of it?

Play it back. Talking about what? His asshole.

Please welcome Shatonya Miggins from the State Child Services Department.

Please, can you unlock us?

Please, this is my career. I put all my money into this.

Please, where you going?

Please. My assistant's about to shit on my balls.

Pretty cool, right?

Puffy Vater?

Pushing a wheelbarrow with another baby as a Jew in it into an oven.

Put down your guns and bombs

Put your shoulders back. This is a fashion show, not a slave auction.

Put your shoulders back. This is a fashion show, not a slave auction.

Really loosens you up.

Really wonderful things.

Reese Witterspinzel?

Reverend BJ found me too much of a handful

Right leg again, and then, like, the left one. And then sometimes you even have to turn.

Robert.

Save Dafar?

Saving some kind of extinct animal. What's going extinct right now?

Set.

Sharing stories and saying how much we enjoy them.

She must have a lot of hair.

She's about 30 pounds.

She's got her arms up like she's a A lister.

She's just washing my Arschwitz.

Shoot a Christian

Should have 2 parents.

Show me. I'll pretend to be the woman.

Since I was, you know, 4 years old.

Sinead O'Connor. The Indigo Girls.

Sir Officer Candidate, did you just call me "she"?

Sir Officer Candidate, you deserve a medal for exceptional skin.

Sit the fuck down. Don't fuck around!

Sit the fuck down. Take it off!

So I decided to think outside the Geschwindigkeitsbegrenzung.

So I was pained to learn that his debts

So I was very pained to learn that

So I wore the jewel of mein wardrobe, a suit made entirely out of Velcro.

So if someone approaches you in the street und is being very, very nice to you,

So if you could describe this show in one sentence...

So let's say I'm trying...

So my name's Bruno. I was born in Klagenfurt.

So tell me, who are you wearing?

So was the founder of Hamas a chef?

So we're making progress.

So what, the whole world gets to see

So what? You're travelling fast. You're not gonna kill it.

So what's doggy style like?

So what's the baby's name?

So you don't put any woodwind instruments up your Arschwitz.

So you have to make sure your walk is good. And, yeah.

So you were never gay?

So, again, if I am a homosexual,

So, we can just help ease the...

So, you probably already know, today we're going to be looking at a new TV show,

So. We're looking for 2 thieves to be on the crucifixes next to my baby.

Somewhat, that you find tolerable or interesting

Sorry.

Stand at the position of attention, candidate.

Stand up, please.

Stevie Wunderbar?

Sting's got the Amazon, and Bono's got AIDS.

Stop fighting, North and South Korea

Stop! Stop!

Sure.

Sure.

Sure. Thank you.

Swapped the baby for what?

Take it off! Now!

Take the baby.

Telephone.

Tell him we don't have no faggots here in Arkansas. Take that shit somewhere else.

Telling me to look him in the fucking eye. Right?

Thank you.

That guy is queerer than the blazes. He took his clothes off. Let's get going.

That I hope is gonna bring the world together

That I hope is gonna bring you two together

That I should do if I want to become straight?

That I wanted you to think about from the Jerry Maguire show.

That I was able to record mein very own charity video.

That I'm torn in my Arschenholer.

That if you've got a gun on you, you're gonna pull it out

That is not part of the uniform, candidate. You need to take that off.

That is such a Samantha thing to say.

That is why I was very pained to learn...

That is, like, it's my own thing.

That might be your cue to get maybe a down low brother.

That the Jude had said.

That they complain so much.

That was great.

That was my boy. He got taken away today.

That would be missionary or reverse cowgirl.

That you engaged in when you put your lips around it.

That, at first glance, are annoying and irritating.

That... I wouldn't do that either because it would remind you of the former lifestyle.

That's actually mine.

That's cool. It's kind of like that Madonna video.

That's exactly right. He's amazing.

That's just totally different than what I've ever tried to, you know, work with.

That's not a salute.

That's not gonna really work though, because you need the...

That's not my concern.

That's not the baby's name, is it?

That's right. It's the time you've all been waiting for.

That's so bad. Never mind. I was gonna say make bracelets out of a...

That's some mess.

That's the first shot.

That's unfortunate.

The biggest gay movie star since Schwarzenegger.

The defendant, as you know,

The end bit was Lloyd's idea.

The first thing I did was brick up the back door.

The footage went everywhere, und Bruno became uber famous.

The important thing is to be around women,

The last bit was? Lloyd's?

The Middle earth.

The network's obviously gonna be very interested. So take a look.

The OC guide states that I will not use profanity while I'm at OCS.

The women, eh? Do you prefer the vagina or the mammary glands?

The world had turned on Austria's greatest man

Then, yeah, we'd have to do that.

There is a relation between Hamas and hummus?

There we go.

There you go. Now there's wax in there.

There's missionary, doggy style.

There's no ice bucket, but I know a good place to put it.

There's so many stars in the sky.

There's something that he could do that could make me incredibly happy.

These are our Mexican chair people.

They probably would attack from behind.

They say that after a waxing, there's enough to stuff a mattress.

They were all straight.

They're exhausted after they wax Salma Hayek?

They're good even though

They're often talking about one thing and then another and then another,

Things have got to change. I want to become straight.

This child is here illegally.

This is a fucking swingers party. Right, guys?

This is a prototype. It's a Velcro suit made by Frederic Worms.

This is about gaining something for your own people

This is cowgirl.

This is in Egypt. Not in Palestine.

This is TAC Alley. TAC Officer's...

This is the Middle East

This line right here is a line that you don't cross.

This one here is cowgirl or reverse cowgirl?

This outfit is too matchy matchy as it is,

This way.

Through Funkyzeit, ich have done interviews

To become famous, I would have to quit guys.

To get your baby from? Is your baby from Australia?

To put your right leg forward and then put your left leg forward

To shoot a new season of Funkyzeit.

Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Kevin Spacey, they all had one thing in common.

Trap it, work the knees. Work the elbows.

True that. True that.

Und cunningly avoided being snapped by the waiting paparazzi.

Und disarm the dildo?

Und held a casting for the hottest baby photo shoot ever.

Und now, my exclusive interview mit Harrison Ford

Und the homosexual, you know, has got you down here.

Und then I'll be famous. You'll see. You'll see.

Und what about if I put a flute up my stinker?

Und what is your favourite position?

Und what other positions are there?

Unless they had some sort of a mental or moral defect.

Vaginas. The woman's vagina.

Very good. You've got great hair actually.

Very hard to do.

Wait. Get me out of this. Get me out of this.

War's just based on hate and fear

Was it Karl Lagerfeld?

We both agree that hummus is very healthy.

We have chosen your baby to be dressed as a Nazi officer

We need many of the things

We need to rid the world of hunger

We were happy. We had each other.

We were just talking about vaginas.

We weren't gonna let it get us down.

We won't go there, please.

We, actually, our first time was on our...

We'll get out, but don't push me.

We're going to put them up on this screen.

We're gonna do like this religious theme

We're just like an ordinary couple, you know, boring, stay at home types.

We're leaving.

We've managed to get the ultrasound photos.

Welcome back to Today with Richard Bey.

Well, do you both agree on that?

Well, honey, you need to get it together. Sugar, you're lost and confused.

Well, I don't even know because it's pretty conventional.

Well, I'm really into issues.

Well, it is full of African Americans.

Well, no, it's 2 guys handcuffed together on a bed.

Well, off and on throughout the years. This last year, a tremendous amount.

Well, that would... That would be bad.

Well, there's always 2. There's always 2.

Well, these lips were made to praise Jesus.

Well...

What are obvious things that we can look for?

What are you talking... What are you trying to say, candidate?

What do you mean by that?

What do you mean by that?

What does it look like, Paul Blart?

What is that?

What is this? You gonna dress me like a man?

What sick human being came up with something like this?

What type belt is that, candidate?

What would be the opinion, the legal opinion of the state,

What?

What? I'm not coming.

What's going on here?

What's reverse cowgirl?

What's that?

What's this shit? Let's take this off.

What's up with the scarf?

What's up, Arkansas? How's everybody doing?

What's up? I'm Bruno.

When did you have the baby?

When I become straight, you know, a Kuntmeister,

When I was getting my anus bleached.

Where are you from?

Where I'll be surrounded just by straight guys?

Where my baby is gonna be on a crucifix playing Jesus

Where there will be other people involved that will benefit.

Which is empowered to look after children and their welfare?

Which one are you, Donny?

Who called me a faggot?

Who called Straight Dave a faggot? Come up here.

Who want to come out of the homosexual lifestyle and make a change in their lives.

Who wants me to beat this...

Who wants to see me beat this fag's ass?

Who was the 2008 presidential candidate.

Who's got the audio?

Who's ready for an old fashioned heterofest?

Who's ready to max out with loads of celebrities? I am.

Whoever called me a faggot come up here, and I'll beat your Arsch.

Why are you so anti hummus?

Why is autism so cool at the moment?

Why not? Come on. Whatever.

Why would he look you in the eyes when he's looking at a pussy?

Wilhelm Schmidt?

Without someone stopping you and taking that baby out of your possession.

Women are good for us.

Worse. I think, like, D.

Would she be fine to operate them?

Would you be ready for your baby to be strung up on a crucifix next to mine?

Would you be ready to have Olivia undergo liposuction?

Would you quit being a little bitch here

Yeah, a bit more than that.

Yeah, and so, if I'm the woman... Don't worry. Yeah, so what?

Yeah, Brian, I need you up here on 20 immediately.

Yeah, if you sit here.

Yeah, it's really edgy. You know, we're turning it on its head.

Yeah, it's really hard, 'cause you've gotta remember, like,

Yeah, she's fine. She's been around that.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, that is good.

Yeah, that's cool. Can you do it, like, even more like a kind of black guy?

Yeah, that's in the... It's in... Yeah.

Yeah, there is... Let's get to know each other a little bit first.

Yeah, wait a second.

Yeah, well, get out of it. Your finger's in my alley.

Yeah, you were great in there. Have you done a lot of television before?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Great.

Yeah. I haven't had any carbs for 15 years,

Yeah. I'd have to do whatever I could.

Yeah. Like that?

Yeah. Okay, no listen. We haven't finished the thing.

Yeah. Totally.

Yeah. You can freestyle it, put her in a car seat. Whatever.

Yes, ma'am? Stand up, please. Go ahead.

Yes, mein F¸hrer. Yes, Officer Candidate.

Yes, yes, I understand. But I was thinking...

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Thank you.

Yo, man.

Yo, man. Fuck, man. Welcome to the jungle.

You are Bruno, dove of peace

You are Bruno, dove of peace

You are watching Funkyzeit programme with Bruno, and it's really a great show.

You are watching Funkyzeit programme with Bruno.

You brought some photographs that you took with the child because...

You brought your son here today?

You can't take from the extinct animal.

You do it, fashion model You got the cute hos

You don't want to be like this if you're a guy.

You gave birth to a little black child?

You give love to other people and you get love back in spades.

You gotta fold that neatly. You don't treat suede like that. It stains.

You guys ready to see a little ass kicking tonight?

You have to lose some weight.

You haven't? How's it feel?

You know that they are a homosexual?

You know why? Because my asshole's just for shitting.

You know, I love black guys. I'm a chocoholic.

You know, I'm 19 years old, I've got a perfect body.

You know, let's take this a little slower.

You know, some untrained people conducting scientific experiments.

You know, some untrained people conducting scientific experiments.

You look decent in that.

You must produce a lot of milk.

You probably ain't the only one.

You pussy ass faggot motherfucker!

You see a lot of them out here.

You wake up tomorrow, you've lost your virginity, and you feel ashamed.

You want some pie today?

You want to be famous. You'll be one that's so famous, Bruno,

You were actually my second choice.

You were not meant to see this. You find the key, I can get out of this.

You will prepare the way for other young men all over the world

You'd be bent over, like a dog does it.

You'd be sitting like that,

You'd have to borrow the needles from me.

You're a faggot!

You're confusing Hamas with hummus, I believe.

You're doing a great job.

You're gonna burn in hell for that one.

You're here because you are looking to do feature films.

You're in it again. This is my alley.

You're like a Latino Paul Giamatti.

You're ready to pick it up again and it wouldn't remind you of that.

You're telling me, honey.

You're the best. You guys are the best.

Your hair is sun damaged.

69.

"Dorothy seated." Just start with the word "hello."

"Hello"? "Hello"?

"Jerry enters." No.

Absolutely not. You know why? Why?

Absolutely. Congratulations.

All right, let me stop... Wait. No, wait, wait. I...

All right, now... Listen, you're just jealous

All right, this has ended. What's going on?

All right! Get out of here! What?

All right. Civil rights...

Also, here I am mit Harrison Ford. Fuck off!

Also... Yeah. Can you go out, please?

Am I supposed to wear a beard? It's just a...

Amazing. You know?

and shoot me in the head. Are you ready? Yeah.

and that's called reverse cowgirl. Right. Right.

Awesome. Once I'm straight,

Background. Action.

Because it's funny. Great.

Boom! You done moved in the wrong range. Right.

But in any case... All right, okay. Take it easy, girlfriend.

Can I kiss him now? Of course.

Can you make that happen? No.

Come in. Can you tell me what's going on?

Cut! Here, I'll take that.

Cut! Just do a little bit less.

D&G. What is D&G?

Did you use profanity again? Did you use profanity?

Do it! Do it! Head and eyes straight forward, candidate.

Do you enjoy hiking? Lifting weights? Sure.

Do you think the glasses are too much? Yeah, I'd lose them.

Don't... You fold them. Fuck.

For an iPod. What?

from listening to this. You can't. You can't.

Front in the rest position. Get down, you!

Fuck! Take it off. Okay. I'm...

Fuck! Take it off. Okay. I'm...

Get down, candidate! Now! Do it!

Get down. Get down. Was?

Go ahead. The worst piece of crap I have ever seen.

Great, if she got the job. That's great. Yeah.

Have some. Yeah, this is really bad for me.

He does not look in a guy's... I don't need you for concentration, okay?

Hello? Hey, how you doing, man?

Hey, don't talk to me. I'm not talking to you. Hey, girlfriend.

Hi. Did he not try to pull

Hi. Hello.

Hi. How are you? Hi.

Homo! Queer fags! Motherfuckers!

Homosexual attacking your bum. Leg here.

How are you? Great. Thank you for having me.

How much do you want? Just half a glass. Otherwise I get too giggly.

Howdy, I'm Lloyd Robinson. Lloyd, Denny Bond.

Hummus has nothing to do with Hamas. Do you think

Hurry up! Hurry up! Move over there!

Hurry up. Get in here. Was?

I don't know, like elephants or something. And then make bracelets?

I prefer the vagina. Me, too.

I think you broke that, actually. I don't give a fuck.

I want to lock this, lock this leg here. Touching.

I was just going to the kitchen. I know, yeah. Come on.

I would say that it is. Yeah, yeah.

I'm Bruno. Great to have you here. It's nice to meet you.

I'm Donny. Bruno.

I'm on the front row. I don't think so.

I'm so sorry I humiliate you. Okay. Gotta go.

In? In a huge Hollywood movie.

It's totally great. Okay.

Kiss me. No.

Less. Okay. Yeah.

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

Let's keep it at that then. Cool.

Like that. Let's say I go down and I...

Like this? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look her in the eye. This is a fucking swingers party. Okay?

Loves it. Good.

Me, neither. Okay.

More or less? Less.

No, don't even talk to me. You're cute.

No, I don't think so. Or what about just like one Kugelsack?

No, I want... Then quit fucking touching me

No, show me. I'm not gonna show you.

No! No!

No. Great.

No. Okay.

Oh, my God. I feel it. You're getting so big. Ja.

Oh, yeah. Good boy.

Okay, I'm going to do this. Right now!

Okay, sure. All right. I'm gonna call them right now.

Okay. And so it's a yes.

Okay. Is that still cool or...

Okay. It's very useful.

Okay. Thank you.

Okay. Yes.

Okay. There we go. There's not much.

Only if you lose the reed. Okay.

or maybe some oysters? No, I'm okay.

Please, have some water. It is extremely, extremely important for me.

Power driver. Right.

Push ups! Sit ups! Push ups! Sit ups!

Right. But we need that.

Right. I go to pull this down.

Right. Right.

Salute! Salute with your right hand.

Save what? Save Dafar.

Should be fine. You know,

Should we just go again? Okay.

Since you was 4? Yeah.

Sir, she's got an attitude. What?

So, I'm attacking. Boom.

So... Great.

Straight pride. Straight pride.

Straight pride. Straight pride.

Sure. I do a lot of them.

Thank you. Can someone help this guy?

Thank you. Yeah.

Thanks. Okay. Great.

that queer shit on you out there? Hi. How you doing?

That's not a salute. That's not a salute.

The kettle is calling the pot black. Yeah?

Thirty pounds. Yes. Approximately.

To the whole world? Yeah.

Very good. Very good. Yes.

Was he? Was he about that age? I don't know.

We need to distract him. You can't.

We should reschedule. Sit the fuck down.

We won't go there. Yeah. That was a very

Well, it's a prototype. It's a one off. Okay.

What happened? He's queer. He's crazy.

What is that? Someone's scared.

What? I definitely cannot.

What? Where did they allow you

What's her name? Jamie Lynn.

Why not? Because you out. You humiliate me.

Why would he look you in the eyes? No, no. Just for concentration.

Yeah, no, it is. What's the new one? What's Dar five?

Yeah, this is mine. You better help your buddy.

Yeah. Fine.

Yeah. Hit with the elbow.

Yeah. Most people think that a child

Yeah. Yeah.

Yes. Great.

You are not doing that. You're not taking... The child is going...

You ever been hunting? I've never killed an animal.

You go out now. Yeah.

You swapped him? What?

You're a man. Don't be a faggot.

...ich was fired from Funkyzeit.

'cause you know I can get any guy here.

"Hello. Hello.

"How did he change? How did you change, Bruno?"

"I couldn't hear your voice or laugh about it with you."

"I'm looking for my wife!

"The host is a talentless idiot."

"You're watching Funkyzeit mit Bruno"?