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The Woman in Red (1984) "The Woman in Red" is a romantic comedy film released in 1984. Directed by and starring Gene

The Woman in Red (1984)

"The Woman in Red" is a romantic comedy film released in 1984. Directed by and starring Gene Wilder, it tells the story of a married man who becomes infatuated with a mysterious woman in a red dress (played by Kelly LeBrock). The cast also includes Charles Grodin, Gilda Radner, and Judith Ivey. Filled with hilarious adventures and misadventures, the film features a memorable soundtrack, including the iconic song "I Just Called to Say I Love You" by Stevie Wonder. Relive the magic of this classic movie and download these sounds by clicking here.

A little snack in between?
A piece of ass.
Ain't no surprise tomorrow.
Air conditioning must be on the blink again.
All of us waiting here, in the small courtyard below...
All right, I'll let him know. Thank you.
All right, time to go back to bed.
All right, you want to play it that way, it's all right with me. I don't mind.
All right!
All right!
All right! Girls, go on. I'll be there in a minute.
All right.
All right.
All right. Could you spell that for me, please?
All right. Good bye, everybody.
All the TV stations, Channel 5, Channel 3...
All the way, I suppose.
And for what?
And I never looked twice when a pretty girl walked by.
And she wants you for breakfast.
And the doctor says:
And the man says, What problem?
And then, when you get to X, it's very difficult...
And they're great kids.
And, then onto the second week, you're allowed anything that begins with a B.
And...
Anyway, no, I do want you to say hello.
Are you afraid?
Are you crazy?
Are you crazy? He's going to tear your balls apart!
Are you going to finish the game or not?
Are you really disappointed?
Are you sure it's a gallbladder?
Are you sure that you can't handle this by yourself, Richard?
Are you sure?
At 2:00 in the morning, he could fool me.
At the tone, the time will be 8:09 and 50 seconds.
Away!
Baby. Can I fix you a drink?
Baby. Here.
Be good this time.
Be good.
Because since tonight...
Better call the fire department! There's a man about to jump off of that building!
Better to get it out now than when you're...
Big press coverage. Stop.
Bitches, fucking whore!
Bowie.
But don't tell Didi...
But he looks disturbed by all the attention...
But I can't just...
But I'd feel terrible, because I know it would mean so much to her.
But just in some ways.
But my birthday's tomorrow.
But take the phone off the hook.
But, Buddy, are you sure this style suits me?
But, if it's peritonitis or a gall bladder...
By the way, about the other night.
Bye bye.
Bye, Mama. Thank you for everything.
Bye! Come back soon.
Calm down!
Came in with a cardigan. They wanted him to put on one of their jackets.
Can I get you anything before I start my study group?
Can you tell me why?
Can't mention her name, but it makes you laugh.
Can't you save that filthy stuff until you get home?
Charlotte!
Charlotte?
Cigarette?
Clean this up. Now I'm a cleaning man.
Clear?
Come and get it, cowboy.
Come here and sit close to me.
Come here.
Come in, honey.
Come on now. He's our friend.
Come on, let's go to bed.
Come on, people, a little cooperation here!
Come on, people.
Come on, she was our friend, too.
Come on.
Come on.
Coming, darling.
Crazy as it seems...
Daddy, you smell good.
Did I introduce you?
Did Mom tell you about tonight?
Did you want this tie out?
Didi and Mama Dell don't even talk to each other.
Didi is Teddy's other grandmother!
Didi is...
Didi, what was I gonna ask you?
Didi?
Didi.
Didi. Hello, darling!
Didi...
Dive!
Do me a favor and take it for me, will you?
Do you believe this man asking whether my Theresa would fool around?
Do you have to talk like that at work?
Do you know Le Club...
Do you know what he did to Theresa, right in front of me?
Do you mind taking them off?
Do you ride very often?
Doesn't she notice anything when you go with someone for a while?
Don't act like a child!
Don't be nervous.
Don't embarrass me.
Don't ever leave me again, Jake.
Don't frighten him.
Don't give me a hard time. I'll be a couple minutes.
Don't move!
Don't stare at your shoes, look at me.
Don't want to start a fire. They landed on the lamp.
Don't worry, we don't have to stay long. She'll understand.
Dr. Schumacher, I've got a chill coming on. I thought I'd better get under the covers.
During our 35 minute stroll, I realized I was still in a deep fog.
E r v i...
Easy does it.
Easy, big fella. Easy!
Easy. No. You see that? That's not so difficult, is it?
Eric?
Even longer on the pants.
Everybody, please say hello to...
Everything okay?
Everything's okay?
Excuse me!
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Family heart!
Fancy meeting you here.
Finished with your drink, sir?
Five four three two one. You're on.
For lunch?
For me?
Found a picture of me with another woman.
Four weeks ago...
Funny woman.
Get away.
Get in the car.
Get out of here! She wants you. Move it!
Get them for me right away! We've wasted enough time on this.
Give him that solid one. Give him the ace. Teddy, come on!
Go ahead up. I'll be right up.
Go ahead, Teddy. What are you nervous about? Serve the ball.
Go ahead.
Go!
Good bye, Mama Dell. Happy birthday!
Good bye.
Good bye.
Good morning. This is Marvin Kausberg, Channel 5 news.
Guess what he saw galloping through the fog?
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear Teddy
Happy birthday, sweetie pie!
Happy birthday, Teddy. I'll give you your present tomorrow.
Happy birthday!
He and I are trying to set up a photo processing lab at my place.
He appears relaxed.
He goes riding once a week in Golden Gate Park.
He had his secretary call at 10:00 at night...
He said he'd be back in a minute, Andy.
He works here at the office with me.
He's a rat.
He's a weird guy, isn't he?
He's flipped out. I think he's gonna kill himself.
He's just a baby, you know.
He's probably got a taxi waiting. He never stays long.
He's scared.
Heart.
Hello again.
Hello, Charlotte? It's Teddy. Where are you?
Hello, Charlotte.
Hello, honey, good news. It's a quadruple bypass!
Hello, how are you?
Hello, Ted.
Hello, there!
Hello, there.
Hello, yourself.
Hello!
Hello!
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Help!
Here you are.
Here you go.
Here, you keep 'em for me, honey.
Hey, come on, now, stop it. None of that stuff.
Hey, fellas, come on now.
Hey, you lost some weight there, you're lookin' great!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey. What it is?
Hi ho, pal.
Hi ho, Thunder!
Hi, honey.
His Daddy's little pee pee started all this.
Hold it! I'll be right there.
Hold it! Wait!
Honey, why are you shaving?
Honey, you're overtired.
Honey.
Horseback riding?
How about having dinner with me?
How am I feeling? What do you mean? Why shouldn't I be feeling fine?
How are you?
How are you?
How are you? I didn't know it was a party!
How do I look?
How do you like that?
How far? I don't know how far.
How long have you had this problem?
How old is that suit?
How the hell did I get up here?
How would you like to smoke the peace pipe?
I am not going.
I beg your pardon!
I can't make it at...
I can't put up with those crazies tonight.
I can't retain a word.
I can't talk to you now. I'll call you back later.
I can't think of...
I could have thrown my whole life away.
I decided to pick it up after you left so quickly.
I don't believe it!
I don't care! 8:15, 10:00, what difference does it make?
I don't even remember words.
I don't know yet.
I don't know yet.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know. She asked me to keep him for one night.
I don't mind really.
I feel silly.
I find it hard to imagine your wife sleeping with you.
I gave half to Richard, but...
I get too nervous.
I got a date with the little one at 7:00 and the older one at 9:15. Plenty of time.
I gotta kill her!
I gotta kill her!
I had a family.
I had a wife.
I had dinner alone at La Primavera.
I had no adventure in my life.
I had to spend the night with her in the hospital.
I hate to be too hard on him.
I hate to run interrupt your celebration.
I have to study, anyway. Shelly, please get out of my bedroom.
I hit this ball first, then the net, on the follow through.
I just got the figures from Community Affairs. The cable car campaign's a smash!
I just want to know if she had a right to take all the furniture.
I just wanted to come by and give the birthday girl a kiss!
I just wanted to say, Good morning, and have a lovely day.
I know I asked you, but you make it sound as if we're not a happily...
I know I said that. I said, What if I had a date?
I know it's a gun, but when did you ever get a gun?
I know it's Joe's little boy, but what's he doing here?
I know of this funny little place.
I know who you are.
I know you have to keep wiggling it to get all the hairs off it.
I know you really wanted to go to the movie...
I know you think you know everything about me, but you don't.
I know you think, emotionally, I'm like this, but...
I love this girl!
I love you.
I love you. Bye bye.
I made a mistake, I learned my lesson...
I mean, not without a reason.
I mean, the modeling agency told me that you were from Germany.
I met them on separate nights. How could I know they're sisters?
I promised them you would. Anyway, you deserve a night out.
I r v i...
I searched all day long...
I see.
I see.
I should do what?
I should do what?
I spent two months on that.
I still can't believe it.
I think he likes you.
I think that you should take a little nap before you eat.
I thought I wouldn't see her again...
I thought today was Thursday.
I thought you'd painted this place.
I told him if I couldn't get him his new car by tonight, I'd be his chauffeur.
I took Shelly and the girls to a movie.
I tried to phone you at work, but you were in a meeting...
I understand that.
I used to teach horseback riding to earn extra money.
I used to teach riding in order to earn a little extra money.
I want my mommy.
I wanted to ask you something.
I wanted to explain.
I was going to, before I moved in with my friend.
I was just so overwhelmed.
I was leaving my office and the boss comes in with this pile of stuff and two assistants...
I was running from outside. I heard the phone ringing.
I would have left him long before she did.
I would never do that.
I'd better be going.
I'd like to go anyway, if it's all right with you.
I'd like to make a reservation for tonight, please. A double room.
I'd like you to meet a...
I'd like you to meet...
I'll be right back. I gotta lock my car.
I'll do it. You keep your eyes on the road.
I'll get it.
I'm done!
I'm fabulous!
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm finished!
I'm finished.
I'm gonna be late for my dance class.
I'm in Los Angeles.
I'm in Los Angeles.
I'm in the mood to play a little game if you have some time.
I'm just so tired, that's all. I just don't know if I can stay awake.
I'm losing my briefcase.
I'm not a wind up toy.
I'm not giving you a hard time. You either move the car, or I call the police.
I'm not going to get caught half dressed!
I'm not going! I don't care if they fire me! I'm not leaving my wife and kids!
I'm not going.
I'm really a very jealous woman.
I'm really sorry.
I'm right here.
I'm so sorry I wasn't there the other night.
I'm so tired.
I'm somewhat of an expert.
I'm sorry, Daddy. I feel so bad.
I'm sorry, he can't, he's...
I'm sorry, I'm working.
I'm sorry. It's your birthday.
I'm telling you. You were away on vacation. He's banging Dr. Schumacher's wife.
I'm too tired to go out, so I wanted to have a party, just you, the kids and me.
I've never felt better in my life!
If anything like that ever happened to us...
If he finds you here, he's going to kill you. Get dressed.
If he'd just shave his legs, like I keep telling him. Shave 'em!
If it's cotton, and if it's blue, you can't go wrong.
If it's not a big job, it's not worth it to me. If it's appendicitis, I don't go.
If you have a date, I'll be your chauffeur!
In a night club.
In fact, he's seated on a small window sill, smoking a cigarette.
In Los Angeles? What are you doing there?
In one month...
In one month...
Irving.
Is it a woman?
Is it a woman?
Is it a woman?
Is it from Theresa?
Is Mr. Pierce there, please? Very timid.
Is she on a date?
Is there a Theodore Pierce here? Mr. Pierce?
Is there an Eric?
Is this a joke?
Is this a joke?
It could kill his spirit, but...
It does!
It fell out of your pocket yesterday when you got off your horse.
It has to be at 8:15 sharp.
It just takes time.
It looks it.
It makes them jump every time! Take it down!
It'll be all right!
It's a family party, everybody.
It's a fun little Chinese place, where you sit down on the floor...
It's a gun.
It's a telegram!
It's a water bed.
It's a wonderful tribute to the whole concept.
It's all arranged. You're taking the girls to the movies.
It's all new to me.
It's better than our wildest imagination.
It's due to you, sir.
It's just that I've never tried it in that position before.
It's just your self respect.
It's like an oven over there.
It's not me.
It's okay.
It's open.
It's our point. It's 6 2. You're in the shit house.
It's the air conditioner. It'll come on in a second.
It's unbelievable. You wouldn't believe it.
It's you.
Jake!
Jake!
Joe needs a good laugh.
Joe, calm down.
Joe, I know you're in a lot of pain, but I want to tell you something.
Joe, there's a phone call for you.
Julius...
Jump!
Just because.
Just four weeks ago, I was a completely different person.
Just stand out on the ledge.
La Primavera, in North Beach.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are beginning our descent into Los Angeles.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Let me get that peckerhead!
Let me have a look.
Let me see.
Let's have some cooperation. This is a dangerous area. We've got a man up there.
Let's hear what you have to say on the subject.
Let's just shake hands, we'll go home.
Let's see.
Like you used to go with that girl before. Doesn't she think anything's up?
Listen to me! This is what I know!
Listen, we'll spend the evening together...
Longer on the pants?
Look at how that nose sparkles. What more could you want in a guy?
Look at that!
Look at those legs!
Look, really, in all seriousness, don't get your dick caught in your zipper.
Look.
Make that two.
Mama Dell?
Me, too.
Me, too.
Mind if I ride along with you for a while?
Miss Charlotte who?
Miss!
Miss!
More sleeve.
Move!
Move!
Mr. Dengilihan! Great news!
My mother and father are *******.
My mother had a heart attack.
My riding crop.
Naked?
Never.
Next day, Joe's wife came back with the kids...
Night night.
No, give me a break!
No, honestly, you did. You're silly!
No, I mean, I wanted to go, sure, but...
No, I'm not free for lunch or dinner.
No, I'm not worried.
No, I've never tried it that way before.
No, it's just...
No, it's not a joke.
No, it's okay.
No, she a stickler for being on time. She's trying to reform. No, we can't.
No, Teddy! I want to tell you something.
No, Teddy! I want to tell you something.
No, this nice man just wanted to know how you were.
No, wait a minute!
No, wait!
No, you silly!
No!
No! Not the ladder! It scares them.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No. Don't be silly.
No. Gilbert!
No. I don't mind.
No. It's...
Not anymore.
Not yet. I owe Marty $10.
Nothing, my husband's downstairs.
Nothing! Don't you tell that son of a bitch anything!
Nothing. It's not even worth talking about.
Nothing. She was coming over to return a warming tray...
Now come on, calm down. Let the man serve, Buddy.
Now don't go neurotic on me. I loved that present.
Now wait.
Now we're talking nicely and calmly.
Now what's going on?
Now you're cooking with Crisco!
Now, listen here, Teddy bear.
Now, of course, I'm sure you've heard about the alphabet diet.
Now, that takes 26 weeks.
Now?
Of course I miss you.
Of course you're in San Diego. Where else would you be?
Oh, God.
Oh, my. That is serious Nautilus.
Okay, here we go now. You ready? Get that racquet ready, I'm coming at you.
Okay, I'll just come up to say hello and give her a kiss. But I can't stay.
Okay, stand by. Fine, we have reached the network.
Okay! Come on, big fella.
Okay! Here we go!
Okay?
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. I'll be right over, sweetheart.
Okay. You bet.
One, two, three. Hit it.
Please fasten your seat belts, extinguish all smoking materials...
Please, forgive me.
Please, hurry up!
Please! I won't be very long.
Polly?
Put that phone down.
Put your arms down.
Return San Francisco tomorrow. Stop. Russell Loughry.
Ridden much?
Right, Thunder! To the right, Thunder.
Robert Redford.
Roger, we got it!
S M I L E.
Say good bye.
Say, 9:10?
Say, good bye, Charlotte.
Say, I am sorry.
Say, I'm sorry, Thunder.
See you tonight.
She didn't tell me. It's just for one night.
She is cute, though.
She left him! She walked out. I don't know what happened.
She loves you.
She wasn't wearing a bra. Did you see that? Did you see the way they bounce?
She's 38 years old, she's a very happily married woman.
She's crazy about music! What can I tell you?
She's the girl they chose for the cable car campaign.
She's trotting around. I mean, she's walking around nicely now, but...
Shelly!
Six, seven, eight years, maybe.
So these things happen.
So what's new?
So, listen, why don't you fly down?
So, what do you say?
So, where do you want to break the ice? Here or in bed?
So, you say like this:
Somebody help!
Something with a king size bed, if you have it.
Son of a bitch!
Son of a gun! Are you making it with Schumacher's wife?
Sorry, nobody here by that name.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Stand by. Counting down.
Steady, boy! Take it easy. Everything's under control.
Steady, Thunder!
Steetsy, what're you doin' up so late?
Sure, you make the announcement.
Surprise of surprises.
Switch!
Take it easy, you stupid bastards!
Take it out of here, take it down!
Take the phone off the hook.
Teddy, hello?
Teddy, what could we do to cheer up Joe?
Teddy, why are you giving me all these details?
Teddy, you're my friend, and I love you.
Teddy!
Teddy!
Teddy! Stop.
Teddy.
Teddy...
Telegram for Theodore Pierce.
Thank you, baby. Thank you very much.
Thank you, but no.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thanks a lot.
Thanks for the lift.
Thanks.
Thanks.
That Didi.
That looks a little like Daddy.
That was my brother.
That way I can take stuff home. For example...
That's a gorgeous animal you have there.
That's a superb specimen.
That's all right. I'll get it.
That's for me. Thank you.
That's the best joke I've heard all year.
That's your best joke?
The bed is good, bed might be comfortable, but...
The best surprise of all was a phone call from Charlotte.
The captain has just informed me that L.A. Airport is closed due to heavy fog.
The earrings are too much, aren't they?
The first week, you're allowed anything that begins with an A.
The identity of the man is not yet known.
The last flight gets here at 10:00 p.m. I can meet you at the airport.
The next couple of days were full of surprises.
The only unpleasant surprise was that in two days...
The police are trying to control the crowd...
The police have arrived and the fire department suicide team, plus a substantial crowd.
The question being asked here today...
The ride to the left is the prettiest!
The time it takes me to drive there...
Then I'll get on the phone and say, Hello?
Then I'm going to wait a few seconds, like I'm listening to you, and then I'll say:
There was a big van waiting for them.
There you are.
There's nothing that I say that I can remember.
There's only one problem.
Theresa, the kids, and all the furniture.
Theresa's got the kids to worry about. She's too busy to notice anything.
They said I should do...
They said...
They want me to come out at 10:00 at night...
They were killing me, anyway.
This baby is mine!
This is my sweetheart, Mama Dell. This is my sweetheart.
This is nice here.
This is really happening.
This is...
This isn't a dream anymore.
This isn't fucking happening! It's not happening!
This isn't happening.
This man walks into a doctor's office, he says, Doctor...
This should be fun.
This? I don't know.
Those are fine looking racquets you got there, girls.
Thunder is a sweet horse...
Tickets at airport. 8:30 flight. Stop.
To Los Angeles?
To the right!
To think that my Theresa...
Tomorrow, 6:00, Tulio's.
Tonight.
Tonight's study group.
Two minutes. We'll have champagne...
Two women waiting for me in the middle of the night.
Two, three.
Wait a minute! Hold the plane!
Wait a minute. Come here a sec.
Wait a minute. Do you come into bed with your shoes and socks?
Wait for me!
Wait!
Wait!
Wait!
Wait! Hello! Don't hang up, please.
Wait! What's your name?
Wait! You dropped something.
Wait. Whoa, Thunder!
We couldn't have hoped for a better campaign than what we've got right now.
We have that available. Can I have your name, please?
We made this date and I remembered it was Mama Dell's birthday...
We will be landing in San Diego. You'll receive further instruction once we're on the ground.
We'll calm down. We'll take it easy. Teddy wants to serve.
We'll catch you!
We'll drop by for five minutes, just to have a glass of champagne.
We'll take him to the place where they threw him out.
We're running out of laughs. Let's go to the opera, drop our pants.
Well, don't worry about me.
Well, great.
Well, how can you say no?
Well, I know you have to wet it before you put it in.
Well, I'd better check.
Well, it's a nice earring, but it's not mine.
Well, it's too complicated.
Well, let me introduce you.
Well, Mama gave it to me after they moved.
Well, nobody's answering.
Well, not really. I just came to give you back your earring.
Well, what about the other kids?
Well, what am I supposed to say to Joe?
Well, you've got a nice chair.
Well!
Well...
Well...
What a bitch.
What a cute little pee pee.
What a kidder!
What a pleasant surprise.
What about Theresa?
What about Theresa?
What am I laughing at?
What am I supposed to say to her?
What are they, Heads?
What are you doing in my husband's robe?
What are you doing with me?
What are you doing?
What are you talking about? Look at that face and those eyes.
What do I want another tie for?
What do you mean, Does she do what?
What do you mean, Hurry up? What husband?
What do you mean?
What do you mean? This is Joe's little boy.
What do you think?
What else did the neighbor say?
What goes on in your head?
What have you got there?
What honey? What's the matter?
What is it?
What is it? Am I talking too much?
What is that supposed to mean?
What is this?
What is this?
What kind of a fellow are you, pushes a blind man?
What kind of a place is this?
What other night?
What the hell am I doing?
What the hell am I doing?
What the hell am I? Charlie the Tuna? Get out of here. Let's get action.
What the hell did you hit him for, for Christ's sake?
What the hell is the matter with me?
What the hell is this thing?
What was this bet?
What would I be doing with an earring?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What'll you have?
What's going on here? You trying to save on the electricity bills?
What's that girl doing? What is she doing, taking more pictures?
What's that?
What's the matter with me?
What's the matter, he getting to you?
What's the problem? You go over, you get into bed, you say:
What's this?
What's today? Today's Wednesday?
When you wake up, your mommy will be here to pick you up.
Where am I going?
Where are we going? Will somebody tell me?
Where are you?
Where is his...
Where's that girl? Hello, darling.
While Didi was waiting for me in San Francisco...
Who from?
Who is that?
Who is this?
Who's Didi?
Who's Didi?
Who's staying for dinner?
Who's that?
Why am I shaving?
Why are you speaking to me in German?
Why doesn't anybody ever tell me these things?
Why play games? I'll talk to him man to man, that's all.
Why she suddenly forgave him, nobody knew.
Why, hello!
Why?
Why?
Will you do me a favor, and come up for three minutes?
Will you have dinner with me tonight?
Wonder if it was her furniture?
Would you like to go to the movies tonight?
Would you like to make love?
Yeah, Daddy, hurry up.
Yeah, I was just wondering whether I should call my wife...
Yeah, you want to ask him why? He's six foot two and he's an airline pilot.
Yes, I just want to take a look over here for a second!
Yes, I just want to take a look over here for a second!
Yes, just a minute. It's Richard.
Yes, Richard. How are you?
Yes, since I was a boy.
Yes, since I was a little boy.
Yes, sir?
Yes, sir.
Yes, there's plenty of food. Don't worry about me.
Yes!
Yes!
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes. I have a pebble...
You better hurry. They moved the meeting up 15 minutes.
You can do it. Put it right in there.
You can't go past this line.
You don't feel concerned at all that...
You don't know me?
You don't want your mommy to be angry with me, do you?
You go through my pockets now?
You got any Hershey bars?
You got nothing to worry about. It's only set point. It's not like your life.
You gotta draw a line and say, No more.
You guys want to play some checkers?
You have to watch yourself carefully because by the time you get to P...
You have to, or it could break off.
You have to, or it could break off.
You just...
You know where...
You know why? Because it's supposed to be your birthday!
You know, you really caught me off guard, you silly people.
You know, you're cute when you serve.
You know...
You leave his little pee pee alone.
You mean, that old trick still works?
You mean, you can't go to the movie?
You must attend the transport symposium in San Diego. Stop.
You must be joking! That's 100 feet down there.
You poor bitch.
You realize you might have shot me?
You say to her, Hello, angel face, you want to see my goods?
You see. She smiles all the time.
You take care of my girl.
You take care...
You tell my superiors at the office, who can give me raises and promotions...
You think everyone likes me.
You want me to come out right now?
You want me to do what?
You want more sleeve than this?
You want to see something? Look at this thing.
You what?
You! Devil woman!
You'd kill for that, Teddy. You'd kill for that.
You'll be all right.
You'll be all right.
You're a ******* boy, aren't you?
You're a silly horse!
You're a sweet, sensitive guy...
You're babies, you're little babies, the biggest assholes I've ever seen my life!
You're going on your first date to your grandmother's?
You're in no danger whatsoever.
You're just silly people.
You're not like Joe.
You're very gallant.
You've been dreaming about this for a long time, haven't you?
5:00.
9:00?
'Bye, cuz. See you tomorrow. Happy birthday, Teddy.
A telegram? Who for? For you.
All right, I'll see you in two minutes. Driver, you can't park here.
Anybody ever tell you you're cute? You're cute, too.
Are you staying for lunch, Doctor? No. Joe!
Are you tied up with Mrs. Schumacher? I'm not tied up with her.
Baby! That's so good.
Calm down! Just calm down. Let me kill her.
Can I help you? Yes, I'm looking... What's that?
Come on, Charlotte! I won't be long.
Did you notice that she didn't have a bra? What do I know, 'cause I see it every day?
Did you say hello, Charlotte? Hello.
Didi. Happy birthday, sweetheart.
Do what, too? Does she have affairs, too?
Do you have a key? Yes! Get the kids out of here!
Does she do it? Does she do what?
For what? Just for fun.
Four, please. Me, too.
Good afternoon. Good afternoon.
Good night, Ted. Good night, Sharon.
Got a light? Yeah.
Happy birthday to you No.
Happy birthday to you No.
Happy birthday to you No.
Happy birthday to you No.
Happy birthday, Daddy. Another little baby.
Happy birthday, Daddy. My little baby!
Happy birthday, dear Teddy You fucks! You fucking jerks!
Happy birthday, honey. Thank you.
Happy birthday, Teddy! Happy birthday, pal!
Have a nice night, Mr. Pierce. Thank you. Same to you, Richard.
He did that? Yes.
He said he'd be back in just... Jake!
He wasn't due back until Friday. But it's only Wednesday.
Hello, gentlemen. How are we tonight? Fine, how you feeling, Andy?
Hi, Daddy. Hello, sweetie pie.
His boss's wife. I don't believe it.
Honey. What's all this, cutie? A celebration.
How am I supposed to know? Ask Buddy. Screw Buddy. I can go for him myself.
How did you know any name? Well, your friend called you...
How is she? Better.
How you doing? Good.
How you doing? Okay.
I am going to scream. So will I.
I am going to tell your mother. She already knows.
I didn't notice she wasn't wearing a bra. You're weird.
I don't know who you're talking about. Joe!
I looked at her, though! You're weird.
I said, What if I have a date? You won't have one!
I want to kill her! Get in the driver seat.
I want you to meet... Where's Mama Dell?
I want you to roll down the map and show me. All right.
I'm right here, Andy. Jake!
I'm terrible at this kind of stuff, Didi! Michael!
I'm very good, really. Yeah, right.
Is Mr. Pierce there, please? That's it, just like that.
Is that you, Teddy? Mama Dell.
It was her idea. Ask Buddy. She likes you. Go figure.
It's from the office. All right. Stop the kidding, now.
It's Steven, now. All right, no more Steetsy.
Joe, I'm right here. Will you talk to me? She left me. I gotta kill her.
No? No.
No. Missy, I'm sorry... I'm sorry, Daddy, but...
Now, I told you, you cannot stay up late. But let me watch this one show.
Now, just wait for me there. Jesus.
Oh, yeah? Yes.
Okay, Michael? Come on. No, I get too nervous.
On Columbus? Yeah.
Only at night? Ask him.
Only at night. If it's an emergency.
Please, quickly. Don't worry. It's safe. God.
Really? Yes.
See you in a little while. All right.
See you later. See you later.
Shall we have a drink? That would be nice.
She didn't tell you? No, she didn't.
She took my kids again. Get in the car.
She's a beauty. Yes, he is nice. Thank you.
Shut up, down there! Up yours, you half a hard on!
Sit down, Charlotte. No, we can't stay.
So, what's that matter? Nothing.
So, where are we going? We're going to Mama Dell's.
Somebody wants to see you. She's modeling from midnight till dawn.
Sorry. Excuse me.
Teddy, should I go home? Yeah!
Teddy! I'm not going.
Teddy's like the voice of reason. You did right. It's terrible.
Thanks very much, Polly. Sure.
Thanks. Catch you later. Sure.
That's a lovely name. Thank you.
The joke is over. A bet's a bet.
They do. Oh, well.
This is a window! I know it's a window. It's this or the door.
Want Campari and soda? Yeah, that would be nice.
Want to do the blind man with me tonight? I can't do that.
We better just drop the subject. No. Now, wait a minute.
We didn't know you were coming! I'm not coming. I mean, I can't stay.
We never said we weren't assholes. I said I was an asshole.
We've got tickets to a... It takes two minutes!
What are you doing here? You're in Arizona! Happy birthday.
What are you doing? Where are we going? Quickly, get outside!
What color you gonna paint? Shocking pink!
What do you mean, Does she do what? Does she does she do it, too?
What do you mean, Does she do what? Does she does she do it, too?
What do you mean? Of course. Sure. You're wonderful.
What earring? I don't know whose it is.
What if I had a date? You won't have a date.
What tickets are you talking about? David Bowie.
What was that? Nothing.
What? Well, no, I'm just saying, you know.
What? Yes! Go home!
What'll you have? Southern Comfort with ice.
What're you doin' to me? You should've seen the look on your face.
What's up, babe? Where we goin'? Suicide.
What's your name? Polly.
What's your name? Theodore Pierce. Teddy. Ted.
Where is he? Across the street.
Where's the figures on the cable car campaign? It's on the third floor...
Who is she? Ask the boss. He found her.
Who's Richard? Richard's my assistant.
Why are you telling me all this? You asked me.
Why did she take my kids again? It'll be all right tomorrow.
Why do you have to talk about that? What should we do, cry?
Will it take long? Take long? No, not if I work all night.
You can't! On the follow through!
You do the blind man with me? No, I get nervous.
You don't mind, do you? Of course not.
You got him? I got him.
You have no taste! Taste? Who wants taste?
You hit the net. Follow through.
You know where I can buy some checkers? That's embarrassing.
You leave me alone so I can kill her! Joe!
You look beautiful tonight. Thank you.
You remember Shelly, don't you? Of course.
You smell very good. What is it? Sandalwood.
You still can't hit the net. I hit it on the follow through.
You want me to call you at 8:15? 8:15.
You want to look good at funerals? No, I just want to look nice.
You want to look good at funerals? No, I just want to look nice.
You're crazy. I want to marry you.
You're in a lot of trouble, Joe. No way.
You're taking my little girl to see David Boowie? Bowie.
Your brother? Yeah.
Your husband! Yeah. Hurry up, come on, get dressed!
... a man was seen on the ledge of a ninth floor...
... and the furniture.
... and we'll be back in San Francisco by 10:00 tomorrow morning.
... and you couldn't be interrupted.
... are very unclear as to what the man's motives are.
... as he hides his face and waves the crowd away.
... but I couldn't find that woman who was haunting me.
... but she called to find out I got back all right from San Diego.
... Charlotte was waiting in Los Angeles.
... I had adventure in my life.
... is whether this man does or does not want to commit suicide.
... Joe was back in form.
... who are now calling for the man to jump.
...9:00.
...a romantic, I guess.
...all they're talking about is the reopening of the cable cars.
...and leave my wife and children?
...and say he had work to do at the office.
...and she ran into the bunch coming down the steps.
...and you can eat with your hands or chopsticks or anything you want.
...and you can't ride a horse to save your life.
...at the corner of Jones Street and Clay?
...because it's a wonderful surprise.
...because you start making up your own spelling, like X Benedict...
...boy, is he...
...but it's a once in a lifetime chance, and his uncle had some pull.
...but you're very naive.
...but, boy, is he dumb!
...crazy.
...he panics, he gets so nervous. I don't know if he can handle it.
...I don't know what I would do.
...I have a terrible problem. I can't remember anything.
...I mean, the man says:
...I met a cute, available...
...I met a cute, available...
...I really think they're taking advantage of me.
...I want you more...
...in my finger, in the glove.
...Irving.
...is the exact same time it takes him to scrub and put on his gloves.
...it was a terribly close call.
...M O M M Y?
...n g.
...of my girl.
...old fashioned guy...
...old fashioned guy...
...says, Clean this up for tomorrow morning.
...Shelly didn't get the tickets until 4:00.
...so I called her and I found out she's gonna be all alone on her 85th birthday.
...tearing along like that, you know.
...that if they don't like my answer, they can go take it and shove it up their ass.
...the doctor says...
...the newspapers, the magazines...
...then I ever wanted any other man.
...we're planning...
...we're planning...
...who liked horse riding.
...who liked horse riding.
...would fool around? I just asked a question.
...X tra helpings.
...you got married...
...you know, I really...
...you might put on all the weight you lost on K.