Hot Pursuit (2015) Edit

A female suspect and hostage are in the area. You seen anything suspicious?

Aah!

Aah! I know this is impractical but we might have to catch our own food.

Aah! Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no.

About $4 million.

Actually, I'm kind of, like, annoyed...

All due respect, Captain Emmett, I know exactly who Deputy Marshal Jackson is.

All evidence has to be submitted in a proper size Nolan envelope.

All of Texas law enforcement is looking for these two.

All right, all right. And technically he is not a fugitive. I helped him get off.

All right, baby girl, you ready for your first day at work with Daddy?

All right, cut it out.

All right, keep it down.

All right, ladies and gentlemen, we're about to begin our audio tour.

All right, so just put your head down...

All right. Well, that's my job.

Along with the sunshine

Amen.

An orange one.

And do not think that I forgot you tried to escape.

And even if you're right...

And I am gonna complete my mission.

And I am so tired of those racist accusations.

And I came back to save you...

And I can't let you kill him.

And I drew a picture of it in my I.R.L.

And I need you to get it for me.

And I turned his name into a joke.

And I wouldn't care so much, but my father was a very respected man.

And leave that!

And leave that!

And looking for a cow to milk, while putting on makeup.

And my other sister, she dated a similar piece of shit.

And no, I'm not an idiot, and no, I don't have a flat ass.

And not everybody wants to die...

And that's my car not a personal vehicle.

And then you throw it in the river, and...

And why is that?

And you are welcome, Mrs. Riva.

And you stole my truck.

And you took mine away from me.

And you...

And you're gonna have to report a 10 12 and two 10 60s.

And, honestly, I expected more out of a guy I met on Christian Mingle.

And, unfortunately, I have to do this.

And...

Are we alone?

Are you doing it?

Are you kidding me? It's not a horse.

As a matter of fact, I do. The other day they brought in a duffle bag.

As in, He just pulled a Cooper? As in, Don't Cooper that shit?

At a max of 90 miles per hour...

At the rate we're going, we'll get there more than an hour early.

At this hour, police are still looking for the two suspects.

Average pair of women's shoes weighs about a half a pound.

Ay, perdona. My wife is a come mierda.

Because your stupid little skinny arms cannot even stop a bullet!

Because, as you know, you are a flight risk.

Bingo! I got them! All right, Mrs. Riva, we're gonna...

Breaking news in the Vicente Cortez story:

But Cortez has killed every potential witness we've had.

But I destroyed your car.

But I have recorded all the details, and tried to follow protocol.

But I have to be tough to be a cop.

But I remember that was not your strong suit.

But I'm not like those other cops. You can trust me.

But it doesn't look good, so you're turning a tiny little radio on... What?

But no man's gonna do this.

But that's not what is important right now.

But we use body language.

But you just had to show up early.

But you're forcing me to take extreme measures.

But you're gonna take me with my suitcase.

But you're taking me with my...

Calm down, ma'am. Everything's gonna be fine.

Captain Emmett.

Checkpoint. You better figure something out.

Clap it.

Clean your nose!

Come back here!

Come here, boy! Hey! Come here. Come here.

Come here.

Come on, man. We're running out of time.

Come on!

Come on. At least we got Dixon and Hauser.

Come on. Didn't your mother teach you manners?

Come on. Keep it moving.

Come on. Over here.

Come on. Relax, cariño.

Congratulation, Officer Lesbian, you wear the shoes of a coward that I hate.

Cooper.

Copy that. Noise disturbance.

Cortez is suspected of more than 100 murders while dominating the U.S. drug trade.

Cortez killed your brother, and now you're gonna try and kill him.

Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.

Damn it!

Damn it.

Damn, Coop.

Dang it!

Dang it! Bring the bag!

Daniella Riva, a Hispanic female, approximately 40 years old.

Daniella, what happened?

Deer noises, like, you know, like the dogs says:

Deputy Jackson, Captain Emmett said that this transport was at 11 a.m.

Detective Hauser, come back. You know protocol.

Detective Hauser. I'm so glad y'all are here.

Dial 1139.

Did she promise you favors?

Did you even have a brother?

Did you see that? This is what we gotta do.

Did you...?

Did your husband kill your brother?

Dixon!

Dixon. Dixon!

Do not pull over. That's an order.

Do not touch my I.R.L.

Do you have a telephone on you?

Do you hear that?

Do you know who Felipe Riva is?

Do you think she has any snacks?

Does this look like a joke?

Don't Cooper this, Cooper.

Don't ever talk about my father like that again.

Don't forget everything I taught you.

Don't look. Don't look. Don't look.

Don't make me come up there!

Don't make me stop you.

Don't make me use this.

Don't really know why.

Don't try and kill Cortez. I have a better idea.

Don't worry about her. Nobody knows we're here.

Don't worry, Miss Riva.

Don't worry. They didn't see us.

Don't you walk away until I get a second date.

Done. Let's go.

Drop your weapon!

Each seemed surprised to see each other. One set Latino, possible cartel.

Eh... Eh...

Either come to Dallas, testify against Cortez before the grand jury...

Enjoying the Party.

Everybody in the state is looking for you.

Everything but your husband's gonna be fine.

Except I need you to drop us off at the nearest establishment...

Except this is the opposite, time is waiting for every man.

Family is everything.

Felipe must have put baking powder in the car.

Feminine what?

Fine, I'm gonna come and get it.

Fine.

Fine.

Fist bump. For all that good police work, good buddy.

Follow me.

Following the slaying of lead witness, Felipe Riva...

For example, that's probably something you could leave at home.

Forty!

Freeze! Police!

From here to Dallas, we ride in silence.

Get a move on. Come on.

Get away from it, lady.

Get back in your car, sir! Get back in your vehicle.

Get down!

Get down.

Get out of here!

Get out of here. Go. Just go. Go.

Get out of the way!

Get to the car, radio for backup.

Get up! Help me!

Get your ass back in that cell!

Give it!

Give me one of those.

Go ahead.

Go home.

Go on.

Go, go, go!

Go, go, go! I'm gonna help you.

Go, go, go! You help us.

Go, go, go.

God, I'm gonna miss her.

Goddamn it.

Got you.

Ha ha ha. Did you give him a pirate key?

Hauser, you don't wanna do this. You've already killed one fellow officer today.

Hauser, you don't wanna do this. You've already killed one fellow officer today.

Hauser!

He begged for his life.

He got in trouble with the wrong people.

He had it on his left wrist.

He has an ankle monitor.

He has people on his payroll everywhere.

He is known as The Bank of Bogotá, The Tender Tender...

He just wanted to sit in the front seat!

He killed my brother.

He killed the only family I had.

He went to the police for help...

He, hey. Coop, we got this.

He's a criminal.

He's probably an investment banker in Miami.

Heh, heh. Mrs. Riva's constant use of her physical assets...

Heh. I don't have dinner with dirty cops, so I guess that makes us even.

Hello, Miss Riva.

Hello? Randy?

Help her! Get her up!

Her comadre is here.

Here we go. I have a tendency to be hyper focused...

Here, read a book.

Here.

Here's a blanket.

Hey, are y'all okay?

Hey, come on!

Hey, I think I hear something over here.

Hey, I was just coming...

Hey, mamacita, where you going?

Hey, out of the way.

Hey, you know what? I gotta see something.

Hey! Get out of the way.

Hey! Hey!

Hey. I was named after that song.

Hey. You forgot to pay your bill.

Hi, I want to get in this bus.

Hold on, Reese. We're checking something.

Honey bunny!

How about...

How are we supposed to pay without him seeing our faces?

How could they?

How did it go?

How did you get in here?

How did you...?

How does it feel?

How much baking powder?

How much is that bag worth?

How the hell you understand her?

How you say in English?

How'd you get my gun?

How's that a better idea?

Hurry up! Give me, give me the wheel!

Hurry up.

Hurry up.

Hurry, let's go!

Hurry!

I already know the ending.

I am 5' 2.

I am a police officer. She's a federal witness in my protective custody.

I am a sitting goose out here!

I am a widow!

I am announcing my entrance into your private domicile.

I am going to be in Mexico...

I am not going anywhere without this.

I am not going to dignify that statement with a response.

I am not saying thank you!

I am talking on the phone.

I am warning you!

I am, however, responsible for you...

I begged Felipe not to betray you, but he wouldn't listen to me.

I called dispatch 20 minutes ago. If they were leaving from the precinct...

I can assure you...

I can't believe I bought that stupid shoe story about your brother.

I can't believe I'm saying this. I'm actually having fun with you.

I can't believe that you broke your little book of rules for me.

I can't believe this happened again!

I can't do this normally.

I can't let him live.

I can't reach the pedals.

I can't remember my next line.

I can't see!

I can't sleep knowing she might kill somebody or...

I could get you a room. I know people there.

I could get you a room. I know people there.

I could knit a sweater or a sleeping bag or a whole house. Need curtains?

I did not just Cooper this.

I did not underestimate you. I overestimated you.

I didn't even see that.

I didn't give it to you...

I didn't kill Felipe.

I didn't know.

I dig it.

I do not believe they'll let you leave in that outfit.

I do? How?

I don't even know what that is. That's horrifying.

I don't have a fake mustache.

I don't have meals with convicted felons.

I don't know why I'd want advice from you, anyway.

I don't know. Maybe like 42 kilos.

I don't think I can make it.

I don't think...

I don't wanna hear it out of you. I don't wanna hear anything out of you.

I failed.

I feel like the cheese fell off my cracker.

I found the source of the noise complaint.

I get to kill him?

I got it!

I got stuck!

I gotta calm down.

I gotta find us a phone.

I gotta get my name back.

I guess it is a little bit funny.

I had a bird, I had the Time Warner...

I had a stroke.

I have a better idea.

I have a job to do, except now it's different.

I have a tendency to attract men who run away from me.

I have been set up, shot at, and hunted down.

I have been waiting for six years for this moment...

I have got to contact my precinct.

I have lost my radio, so you're gonna have to call 911.

I have seen your underwear.

I heard you took a bullet.

I hope you don't have a third sister.

I imagine a burning sensation in the little guy's genital region.

I just don't understand. I just feel like it doesn't make any sense.

I just have to hear what Dixon and Hauser hear so we can get ahead of them.

I just saved your life!

I just took a bullet for you!

I know everything I need to know.

I know everything you said about me.

I know it seems hard to believe, but there's more to her than you think.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's what my parents named me.

I know she looks like she can't protect nothing...

I know what I did wrong with my cousin, Eugenio.

I know who you are.

I know you're mad, but can we just talk about this reasonably?

I know you've been wanting to get off the bench.

I let you get to second base with me...

I like a lot of coverage.

I mean, exactly how many pairs of times?

I mean, I could kiss you right now.

I need a taxi. Sorry, this is important.

I never promised you a rose garden

I opened it, there was a live raccoon in there. It could've had rabies.

I packed it...

I realize this might be difficult for someone like you.

I really thought this one was gonna work out.

I said that before, didn't I? This accident's got me all jacked up.

I said you're free to go!

I saw you on TV.

I told you to stay away from me.

I told you you should've stayed behind a desk, Coop.

I took it during that pathetic excuse of a hug that you gave me.

I took that turn way too fast.

I usually don't even know what she's talking about.

I want to thank you for your loyalty.

I was 7, I saw squirrels kissing. I watched it for a long time.

I was following protocol, sir.

I was gonna say that. That's what I was gonna say. Um...

I was gonna say, How does it feel being a glorified secretary?

I was just going to get away from Felipe and start alone on my own.

I was just saying, all I ever wanted was to be just like him.

I was Miss Plantain, 2004.

I was saying you are not a criminal.

I will be out in a few hours.

I will never miss my daughter's birthday.

I will say a prayer for him.

I woke up this morning and my partner was killed.

I would hate to see you dead.

I would think that you would love the minibar.

I'd like that.

I'll be a woman, and you'll be a cowboy.

I'll create a distraction and you'll get Cortez to confess to killing your brother.

I'll get you... Seriously, motherf...

I'll have her back by 8:00.

I'll have you know, too, I've also broken some other rules.

I'll run your plates!

I'll turn on the TV for you.

I'm asking you for the last time.

I'm breaking a 10 66 right now.

I'm filled with adrenaline. Look how high I can jump.

I'm getting sick now.

I'm going to cut his foot off.

I'm going to miss you.

I'm gonna check the back.

I'm gonna give you the Heimlich, all right?

I'm gonna go and assume that means, Thanks for saving my life.

I'm gonna go get cleaned up.

I'm gonna need a taxi to Dallas.

I'm gonna pull my body up, and push it out the window.

I'm here for you, cariño.

I'm in a very difficult work situation...

I'm just saying that I wouldn't let the fact that you have a little cuca...

I'm not going to Dallas.

I'm not so sure about this Witness Protection anymore.

I'm Officer Cooper. I'm here to escort you to Dallas. Aah!

I'm putting all of that in evidence.

I'm Randy.

I'm so sor...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm so thirsty. It's like my body's a desert.

I'm sor... Actually, I thought you were an urban myth.

I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I know you don't like me. But I'm sure you don't want me to get killed!

I'm the biggest fan they have, I wanna get up close and personal with them.

I'm trying. It's more far for me.

I'm underneath a deer and with my head up your ass.

I'm wearing black shoes.

I've been looking all over for you.

If I could get to that cell phone, I could call Captain Emmett.

If I go to Ohio, can my wife go to...

If we get to Dallas and you don't wanna testify, you can go straight to jail.

If you pull that trigger, you'll go to jail for the rest of your life.

In accordance with Texas State Penal Code, section 38, I'm commandeering your vehicle.

In the line of duty.

Instead of being my witness, you're my prisoner.

Intense? Intense how?

Is everybody okay back there?

Is it hot in here? It feels like the surface of the sun.

Is she breathing?

Is that our bus driver?

Is that part of the tour?

Is that the remote?

Is this a joke?

It depends on how the commodities are trading at the moment.

It does not smell. It is not a real deer. It's a decoy.

It is from the horse family.

It is my mission to get you to Dallas by 8:00 a.m.

It is my mission to protect you.

It looks like we just need some water and we'll be good to go.

It never does.

It seems to be a Buddha, sitting on a wave.

It seems to be a longhorn.

It shreds, huh?

It smells in here.

It turns out you're exactly who I thought you were when I met you.

It was a mess in there.

It was not my fault.

It was worth the wait.

It works best if you put it in the upper thigh.

It's a cow.

It's a longhorn.

It's day, right? It's like Vegas.

It's gonna be okay. Just sit down.

It's Hauser.

It's here in my tighty whities.

It's in my hair!

It's kind of hard to tell with some of y'all!

It's like being in love with some tiny little brick wall.

It's none of your business, but I happen to have had a date the other night.

It's normal to seek comfort in your time, and to look to God or to Jesus...

It's not letting me in. I think it needs a password.

It's not that bad, you're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine, Cooper.

It's stuck.

It's tight in here.

It's time for you to go home and get some sleep.

It's time to make your father proud.

It's white gold and diamonds.

Jail is not good enough for that animal.

Jue madre, this is your first day?

Just fall on me like a sack of potatoes!

Just gonna need a lot of bags, a huge label maker...

Just in time to get my head blown off.

Just make the noise.

Just pull them apart and then shove it back in. Let me see it.

Just someone who likes a lot of stuff.

Just that all I ever...

Just try not to get all in your head about it, okay?

Keep doing the sounds.

Keep her calm, take her to the little girls' room if she has any lady business.

Keep it moving.

Keep your teeth in your mouth, butts in your seats.

Keys. I got keys.

Ladies and gentleman, Miss Teresa Cortez!

Ladies and gentlemen, I have commandeered the vehicle.

Law enforcement officials have called him untouchable until now.

Let me do it again.

Let me explain.

Let me see your ID.

Let's do it like that.

Let's go. Let's go.

Let's spread out! Search the house!

Like cracking the eggs...

Like I said, Throw it in the river!

Like, there has to be some sort of explanation.

Listen to me!

Look at this photo.

Look at you. You're teeny tiny. You're like a little dog I can put in my purse.

Look, I can help you. Just let me.

Look, the thing is, today is your lucky day.

Look, you're now clear of all charges.

Looking for two female fugitives.

Looks like night in here, but I know it's day.

Maybe call it my hot button issue, if you like.

Maybe now you'll be on the straight and narrow.

Me? What kind of pendejo cop are you?

Meanwhile, law enforcement officials are forced to stand and watch...

Meet me in the next room...

Miss Riva.

Mm.

Mm.

More like a jumpsuit. Heh.

Mostly yes.

Move along.

Move forward to the double cones.

Move it. Move.

Move your ponytail! I can't see!

Move!

Move! Move!

Mrs. Riva, you don't have to do this.

Mrs. Riva!

Mrs. Riva!

Mrs. Riva?

Mrs. Riva?

Mrs. Riva.

Mrs. Riva.

Mrs. Riva.

Mrs. Riva. Listen to me, Miss Riva.

Mrs. Riva...

Must have gotten lost in evidence.

My boobs? No.

My chestal what?

My cousin Rosa lost two fingers trying to snatch this from my head.

My father trusted you.

My finger! Oh, God!

My friend and I are veterinarians and we were in the neighborhood...

My God. We have to get out of here.

My hands are really sweaty, which is weird.

My hands are really sweaty, which is weird.

My husband has the same kind.

My husband just got murdered...

My name is Nancy...

My name is Rose.

My sister was getting knocked around by her boyfriend, so I beat him up.

Never.

News out of Texas: A huge break...

Nice to meet you too.

Nice. Nice police work, Mr. Cherlocks Holmes.

No, I am recording all pertinent details...

No, I think he's just drunk.

No, it does not work that way, detective. It does not.

No, ma'am, I do not have any feminine toiletries on me.

No, Mrs. Riva, I did not mean that.

No, no, no.

No, no! Your hand's in my face.

No, no. I was doing a thing like:

No, that doesn't make any sense.

No, you didn't. You kept her alive.

No, you see, once a month, my uterus sheds it's lining.

No, you stupid idiot. I'm hiding.

No, you're not gonna need your weapon right now.

No! I am the mother effing police! Don't you see?

No! I'm not going anywhere without my suitcase!

No! I'm on duty, and that is a very difficult work situation in there...

No! My bag!

No! Scratch that!

No! Shove it all the way in! Do it like I showed you.

No.

No. I lit the mayor's kid on fire.

No. Those are men's shoes.

No. What?

Not for long.

Not look exactly like that picture of you on TV. Oh, my God.

Not that I'm not grateful for the opportunity, sir...

Notebook. That's a notebook.

Now give me the key, I'm leaving.

Now go get me food before I pass out.

Now tell me why that bag's so heavy!

Now we're talking.

Now you will do the same.

Now you're mouthing the words.

Now, I'm just gonna bang everybody's brains out in there...

Now, tomorrow morning, Deputy Jackson is gonna escort Riva to Dallas...

Now, you just settle down and tell me:

Of the tampon variety.

Officer Cooper here for a Bravo 6971.

Officer Cooper is 4' 9.

Officer Cooper is described as 5' tall with blond hair.

Officer Cooper knows the right thing to do...

Officer Cooper, report to Captain Emmett's office.

Officer? Two officers.

Oh, a 10 41 Apple. Copy that.

Oh, cut it out.

Oh, God, this is happening.

Oh, God! Would you just shut up for one cotton picking minute!

Oh, God.

Oh, God. It's a person.

Oh, harboring a fugitive?

Oh, he's cute.

Oh, I am protected by a meter maid.

Oh, I saw you.

Oh, it's working wonderful.

Oh, look at you. You're such a badass now, breaking all the rules.

Oh, man.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I can't.

Oh, my God. I didn't even feel it.

Oh, my God. I just don't understand.

Oh, my God. Mrs. Riva. Are you wounded?

Oh, my gosh! He totally photobombed you.

Oh, never mind. Come on!

Oh, no, I didn't say that.

Oh, no!

Oh, no? What are you gonna do? Are you gonna call a 10 545?

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, so I only care about stuff.

Oh, so your name is Bad Song?

Oh, thank God. Here come the cavalry.

Oh, that's my underwear.

Oh, wait, that was a joke.

Oh, what, it's police procedure to touch all his man parts?

Oh, yes, of course. Section 290.

Oh, yes, that is me.

Oh, you are gonna make it.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Well, then that shouldn't be a f...

Oh. Yeah, I've heard that before.

Okay, but we're going over 30 miles over the speed limit...

Okay, he did bleed to death two days later...

Okay, how about you try something completely different...

Okay, I gotta go.

Okay, I might've Coopered him a little.

Okay, last call.

Okay, okay, Officer Scarface, just keep it together.

Okay, this probably wasn't my best idea.

Okay, we'll dispatch officers to bring you in immediately.

Okay, welcome aboard.

Okay! Okay.

Okay! You have two choices: You can stay here and mess with us...

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Copy that.

Okay. I think I got him.

Okay. Okay, okay.

Old lady? Su madre.

One 10 12 and two 10 60s.

One for the road, honey.

One, two.

Open the bag!

Open up!

Or a bottle of barbecue sauce guarded by two snakes.

Or a snowman, melting in the rain.

Or it could've had worse.

Or make a lightning rod! A hat!

Or the chestal area.

Or, a 75 49?

Or, I could drive you.

Our smartest move now is to change clothes, lose this car...

Out of my way, man.

Out of the way!

Out of the way!

Penis! Oh, my God.

Please don't.

Please make sure your headphones are plugged in...

Please, I'm always going to have some curves.

Please, please. Stop.

Please.

Plus, you know, I'm the good kind of felon.

Plus, you know...

Police officer coming through! Get out of the way! Move your vehicle!

Police officer coming through.

Possibly a peanut in a puddle.

Pretty good for a secretary.

Protocol states that you only need to pack the essentials, ma'am.

Put the gun down.

Put the gun down.

Raccoon herpes.

Real sure.

Remain in your personal vehicle.

Right.

Riva and his wife are gonna testify against Cortez.

Riva's a flight risk. Showing up early might keep him from running.

Rose.

San Diego.

Scoot over, I'm gonna drive!

Scratch that.

Second, Elsa Muñez, I hope you're watching on YouTube...

See that?

See, that's your problem.

See?

She did not take a bullet.

She has to be here for your wife. She ready to go?

She is not wrong. If we get there too early, we will be sitting ducks.

She just slowed it down.

She killed a U.S. Marshal. Prepare to shoot on sight.

She was last seen fleeing the scene in a red 1968 Cadillac convertible.

She's a criminal mastermind now?

She's clear.

She's gonna kill Cortez at his daughter's quinceañera.

She's such a good driver.

Shit mouth?

Shoes. You're gonna get us killed over some shoes?

Shut up and untie this cheap bracelet.

Shut up! Go up!

Shut up! Go!

Shut up. We gotta go find Randy.

Shut your trap. I'm holding the gun.

Since 1989, he's responsible for all their finances, a.k.a., money laundering.

Since when is it illegal to dance naked...

Slow down!

So if you want to take me to Dallas to die, fine.

So if you want to take me to Dallas to die, take me.

So nice to meet you.

So please take me to a bathroom right now...

So that's why you always act like a little man.

So we need a couple hours to lay low. Now, can you help us with that?

So why don't you let me drive and you can get in the back.

So you had your husband killed?

So you only got two choices:

So you're driving a car?

So you're just gonna squish it way down there.

Some guy shot off his finger, and I tried to Heimlich his dog.

Some sex type action. Giving and receiving of sex.

Something bad happened to the phone.

Son of a...

Sorry, boys. I'd like to keep talking with y'all, but the captain needs me.

Sorry! Sorry! Okay.

Sources say a cartel insider...

Sources say Cortez's daughter, Teresa, is likely to be celebrating her quinceañera...

Speed up! Speed up!

Standard issue black shoes.

Stay here.

Stop flipping your ponytail in my face! I can't see!

Suit yourself.

Sweetie pie.

Take me home!

Taller.

Tell me why that bag's so heavy.

Teresa!

Thank God.

Thank you for protecting me.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, deputy.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That bellhop looked at me funny.

That civilian came out of nowhere and said, Shotgun, and I did not know...

That I tried to escape doesn't mean that the story's not true.

That is not what a deer says. If it says anything, it sounds like this:

That is so dirty and disgusting!

That is the number one way we track runners.

That means a dream. One second.

That means they can track us. We're gonna have to cut it off.

That was really sexy.

That's a negative, sir. I've never heard that term used that way.

That's bullshit. I'm calling the cops.

That's disgusting.

That's how my husband smuggled money into this country...

That's just rude.

That's no underwear, that's a diaper!

That's real contagious.

That's supposed to be a key. I think this goes into the patootie.

The dog doesn't have the finger.

The dog...

The Indian casino.

The law requires a female escort for Mrs. Riva.

The officer is considered armed and extremely dangerous.

The other set Caucasian...

The reason I came was as follows:

The Richards Rule.

The tattoo was a longhorn.

The things inside must feel so normal in your little hands.

The two female fugitives are still on the lam. Police are...

The U.S. Government has you trafficking on tape.

Then 911.

Then I'm not going anywhere.

Then two 10 2...

Then you have to stop treating me like I am a criminal.

There are cops that understand the gray area...

There it is.

There were two sets of gunmen.

There you are!

There, I got it. Okay! Okay!

There's a lining in there?

There's a website. It tracks police scanners.

There's a window. I'll go first.

There's gotta be a little rain sometimes

There's no major damage here. You're free to go.

These are clumsy and impractical.

These are gifts from my brother in Colombia. These are the only things I have left from him.

These hangers are slippery. Like they have some special coating.

They got three quarters a tank of gas.

They think I am traveling with a fugitive.

They think I committed a crime? I gotta get to Dallas and clear this up.

They think I'm traveling with a fugitive.

They tried to seduce me with some lesbian stuff...

They were supposed to go in to kidnap me, take me out of there.

They're getting away! Come on, let's go!

They're looking for two ladies, right? Well, this is three people.

They're not just shoes.

They're the gunmen. The guys in the masks.

Think about what you're doing.

This could be perfect. We have to change.

This is a suicide mission.

This is dangerous and could hurt someone.

This is Deputy U.S. Marshal Jackson. I'm here for you and your husband.

This is my banjo hand!

This is not funny. That's my gun and it's police property.

This is Rachel profiling.

This is too dangerous.

This is what happens...

This is where I go down!

This isn't our jurisdiction. It's the DEA's problem now.

Three felony assaults, plus a history of established behavior...

Try not to fall in love with me.

Try to stay calm.

Trying to show him I love you. I'm distracting him so he won't call the cops!

Turn around.

Twelve.

Ugh.

Uh huh.

Uh huh. And I can't be a lesbian because she's so unattractive...

Uh, I'll have her back by 10:00.

Uh, Mrs. Riva is having some problems with some lady business.

Unacceptable. Now hand it over!

Under tribal law, police ain't got jurisdiction.

Used correctly, bottle openers can jack tires and pick door locks.

Vicente Cortez, you're under arrest...

Wait, he's coming back! Here he comes!

Wait, what are you doing?

Wanna dance?

Watch out! Take the shot!

Watch your head, detective.

Wayne's a snake in the grass. You think he heard me? I think he did.

We can put him away for good.

We did it.

We gotta get a taxi or a shuttle or something.

We had a little fight but I'm sure you know whose fault it was.

We have got to get going.

We have to do something about it, captain.

We have to get out now. They're gonna kill us both.

We have to get out of here.

We have to keep a low profile. You can rest for a bit...

We made a good team.

We need to make some deer noises.

We'll have you in Dallas in three hours.

We're bakers. Toast, muffin, cakes.

We're gonna have to move quick.

We're gonna need this and this.

We're gonna wait till he pulls over...

We're just going outside to find someplace to talk.

We're keeping our relationship a bit under the radar.

We're nowhere near Dallas...

We've gotta go!

Well, actually, heh, maybe I'll introduce you.

Well, I am the lady who knows the lady who took down Vicente Cortez.

Well, I don't know.

Well, I got you the sparkly stilettos to go out...

Well, it depends on who the pirate is.

Well, it went the way that things go when a man goes out with a woman...

Well, let me tell you something: She's my tiny little weird robot.

Well, maybe you will now. Outside, quickly and quietly.

Well, seems like you did very well for yourself.

Well, then, I got something to look forward to.

Well, there was two of them. One was a real tall gal with a nice figure...

Well, there's one thing you're gonna need either way:

Well, why do you look like Bruno Mars?

Well...

What about my husband?

What are you doing?

What are you doing? They charge an arm and a leg for that stuff.

What do you think that you're...?

What I meant was, section 428 of the Texas State Penal Code...

What I was trying to s...

What I'm about to say cannot leave this room.

What is a deer noise?

What is a pirate key?

What is my word?

What is that white thing?

What is that?

What is the furthest place from Ohio?

What shoes are you wearing, huh?

What the heck is this white stuff?

What the heck is this white stuff?

What the hell does that mean?

What the hell? You speak Spanish.

What, a hot girl can't read the whole...

What, me?

What, the white girl can't take a Spanish class in high school?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? I told you it wasn't mine! I told you not to steal something!

What? The brown lady cannot read a book?

What? This?

What? What?

What's going on?

What's in there, anyway?

What's taking so long?

What's the problem?

What's this made of? Platinum?

When I said I had to leave early, you pulled your gun out on the table.

When I was 5, my favorite color was blue. When I was 6, my favorite color was plaid.

Where are you going?

Where are you in my time of need?

Where are your men?

Where is it? It's gotta be here somewhere.

Where the hell am I and who the hell are you?

Where'd that scumbag come from?

Which is why only the three of us can know this.

Who are you talking to?

Who are you? What are you doing?

Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my truck?

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Hold up.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoo! It's hot!

Why are you smiling at me?

Why did you come back?

Why do you look like José Bieber?

Why do you look like Marc Anthony?

Why do you look like that? You're supposed to be incognito.

Why do you look like you're in Menudo?

Why don't write this in your little diary:

Why don't y'all hop in the back? We'll all ride together.

Why don't you go and commandeer some food from your cowboy boyfriend?

Why don't you go back to your tiny little desk and your tiny little life?

Why is that?

Why is your body like that?

Why would you ask that?

Why?

With a baseball bat, so...

With a drink in his hand and as a free man.

Y'all all right?

Yeah, I can, but you gotta stop pointing that thing at me.

Yeah, I do.

Yeah, I love it when you pull my hair like that.

Yeah, I love it when you pull my hair like that.

Yeah, I need to report two suspicious women on my property.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. You all are wanted.

Yep, her uterus.

Yes, because I've been tracking her cycle and cross referencing it to the lunar calendar.

Yes, but I'm not exactly sure where we're gonna put it.

Yes, but let me explain.

Yes, I will have dinner with you.

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, ma'am. We'll sit tight.

Yes, sir.

Yes!

Yes! That's it.

Yes. Captain, do we have any idea if Miss Riva is menopausal?

Yes. He is the top lieutenant in the Cortez cartel.

You and your perverted little mustache. Get out!

You are chatty.

You are cute. You are cute.

You are in a state of shock and you're not thinking clearly.

You are not gonna need all these shoes.

You are not taking these!

You can't do that. He'll recognize us.

You can't wait for them to give it to you. You have to take it.

You Cooper... You Cooper what?

You could be anywhere in the world right now.

You do know the point of Witness Protection is that you'll have a different identity.

You do?

You don't deserve to know anything about him.

You don't even understand.

You don't even understand.

You don't follow orders, do you?

You don't have to do this, you know. We can put Cortez in jail.

You don't... No! No!

You done got thrown in the fire today.

You encounter a lot of danger here, Coop?

You get a chance to get out of the doghouse, and you with me, sweetie. Mm?

You go out first, and then I want you to go around and then wait.

You got it.

You gotta be kidding me.

You have a bottle opener?

You have an officer down and four unidentified suspects.

You have had a cell phone this entire time!

You have to be who you are. Own it.

You have to remain in your vehicle and stay calm.

You have to stay here until backup arrives!

You have to stay here until backup arrives!

You have to stop treating me like I'm a stupid rookie cop...

You have to take me home!

You kidnapped me. You broke my parole. What you gonna do, just leave me out here?

You killed my brother...

You know this. I could drive you.

You know this. I could drive you.

You know what is your problem?

You know what to do.

You know what you should be thinking about? Your next beat.

You know, you seem different now.

You look like a sexy traffic cone.

You must of not seen me.

You need to calm down, ma'am.

You never accept that it's your fault.

You never talk about your feelings.

You pervert.

You saved my life...

You saved this old lady's life.

You see, once a month my uterus shreds...

You should've thought about that.

You took a bullet for me? It went right through you and hit me!

You took down Vicente Cortez!

You want me to go to Dallas?

You want me to wear a wire?

You were not supposed to read that.

You were supposed to go to Riva's...

You won't regret this. I promise.

You...

You'd need over 80 pairs in there for it to weigh that much.

You'd never heard someone calling shotgun to sit in the front?

You're Cooper? The Cooper?

You're cut from the same cloth as the best cop there ever was.

You're gonna be dead before sundown.

You're gonna get your job back? And I am going to get dead!

You're gonna have to put your body back in the vehicle!

You're gonna need this!

You're just lucky to be alive. The good news is...

You're kidding me, you lit a kid on fire?

You're kind of mean, and I only understand about 30 percent of what you're saying...

You're more fun like this...

You're not going to try to stop me.

You're out of the evidence room. Congratulations.

You're pretending to be someone that you're not.

You're requesting a detective.

You're small but freaking intense!

You're so pretty.

You're the Cooper?

You're working for a drug lord. You're killing people.

You're writing me a ticket?

Your brother was a coward...

Your father would be very proud.

Your hair.

8:30? 8:00.

10 30: officer in trouble.

10 30. Damn it!

10 31: shooting in progress.

10 32...

10 45: I'm right and you're wrong.

10 80 the witness. Copy that.

4921 North Jefferson Road.

...a woman? Perfect! And you can be a cowboy.

...and I need the corky wedges, and I need... I have been in evidence for over three years.

...are gonna go with him. Me?

...but calm down. I was in a fight or flight situation.

...but I'll make it happen. Hola, housekeeping!

...but it's true. Shh.

...on my own street? Shut up!

...Reagan. Mm hm.

...the sunscreen. The sunscreen. I remember!

...to get you to the courthouse. I know, by 8:00 a.m.

...when there's a task at hand. Exactly. That there is your problem.

...which is illegal. And also... Whoa, whoa, whoa. Cooper, Cooper, Cooper.

...with a cocktail and a fake passport. I don't know what to do.

10 24: bomb threat. 10 24: bomb threat.

10 520: I am boring! Please do not make fun of me.

Aah! Aah! Step on the brake!

Aah! Get out of the way!

Aah! Shouldn't have been this hard.

Again. Again. We did it.

All I ever wanted was... Mm.

And I love her. What are you doing?

Ay, no. No. Oh, no. No, no, no.

Baking powder. Baking powder.

Be right back. Come here.

Buckle up. This is gonna get fast. What?

But I'm totally crushing it as a dude. That little fake mustache you put on is perfect.

Bye! Bye.

Can't just tap the brake, can you, sweetheart? Sorry, honey.

Captain Emmett, I will not let you down. I know you won't, Cooper.

Captain Emmett? Yes, Cooper.

Ciao, Jimmy! Ciao, ciao.

Come here, Cooper. Ugh. Ow.

Come on! I'm trying! I have the body of a woman!

Come on. Cooper's driving. Whoa, whoa.

Cooper, what are you doing here? I'm glad you're here.

Copy that. Okay.

Definitely San Diego. San Diego.

Dixon, let's go. What?

Do it! Get up and help me. Okay.

Does that mean what I think? Did you play with his chicken and eggs?

Don't do that! Right. Right.

Done. She has the worst arms ever.

Eighteen. 18. Show me.

Evening. Sir.

Get out of here, gringa! I'm gonna commandeer your personal vehicle.

Got it. No. Hold that.

Gun! I gotta get the gun! No, you don't!

Ha ha ha. Okay.

Happy Halloween! Happy Halloween to you, too, Officer Cooper.

He's clear. What?

Help me get him out. It's a hot man person.

Hey, Coop. Oh, no. Hold on.

Hey. Come on. Get in.

Hold on, you're going too fast. You would be able to keep up...

Hold on! No, no!

Hold up, hold up! Get back, Goldilocks!

Hurry up! Okay!

I am her lover. What?

I am on the phone with dispatch. It's a car. Say, Car.

I bet you do. She's always this judgmental.

I can't believe I trusted you. It's not my fault you let your guard down!

I can't reach the pedals! Get up! Get up!

I can't wait to hear this! Yeah, to get bored to death.

I don't believe this. Just relax.

I don't care. I do care.

I don't have time for this. Wait a second. Slow down.

I don't know, I have limited mental capacit... How much is it worth?

I don't know. It's really hard. I don't.

I got shot. Yeah, you little cucaracha.

I got your back. Go! Okay.

I gotta get a toehold. Where's the toehold? I can't find the toehold.

I gotta get up there! Close the door!

I gotta think. What do I do? Good luck cleaning your name.

I have to use the rock! Hold on!

I knew you would believe me. I told you to go home.

I know it's not cool to leave in the middle of a... Date. It was a first date.

I'll call you. How you gonna find me?

I'll call you. How you gonna find me?

I'll drive! No, let me drive.

I'm a lady looking for action. Okay...

I'm gonna get a towel. What? I'm sorry. Please.

I'm gonna walk back to my car now. All right.

I'm moving. Move.

I'm not gonna let you get away with this. This is the way it's gonna go.

I'm sorry but this is... Well, you let her on!

If I could just go there... That's impossible. Security'll be too tight.

If you don't mind riding in an old truck. Let's go!

It didn't work out on the date. Mm.

It relaxes me to do my numbers. Obviously doesn't work...

It was supposed to be funny. It really wasn't.

It's an honor to meet you, sir. Thank you.

It's not funny. Are you kidding me? It's super funny.

It's not working! Act sexy!

Kiss me. Kiss me. Men love this. Okay.

Let me ask about Witness Protection. Okay.

Let me touch it. Let me touch it. Come.

Let's go. Move forward to the double cones.

Look out for the truck! Watch it!

Look out for the truck! Watch it!

Mamacita? We have our periods!

Morning. How are you, ma'am?

Mrs. Riva, I am a police officer. Ay, please.

Muffin. Toast.

My feet got stuck! I can't pull it out! Pull it out!

My name is, um... Uh huh.

No, niña! Another kilo of baking powder?

No, there are fluids... God.

No, wait, I mean go on one then two... Now?

Nothing there. Nothing.

Nothing. We're doing nothing. We're just gonna cut your foot off.

Of your DVD? I forgot.

Officer Cooper, who stands at 4' 11. Oh, come on.

Oh, hey. Um... Aah!

Oh, my God. The puss put...

Oh, yeah! Pull my hair. I like that! Yeah! Ha ha ha.

Oh, yeah. It's there. He left. I think he left. Ha ha ha.

Oh. Okay, I can't do it. Push there with the legs!

Okay, Coop, I'll let you out. All right. Let's go.

Okay! Sexy. Come, come.

Okay? Yes, sir.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Yee.

One, two, three! One, two, three. Go!

Penis! Uh...

Pick up your feet. These shoes are a safety hazard.

Pipe down. It drives me crazy, the way you talk.

Please. Focus. We need to get clothes! Yes!

Push! Okay, hold on.

Really? Yes, I did.

Really? Can I get the chart? No!

Seriously? Yeah. My comadre is here.

She looks like that dirty cop in the news. No! I'm a big fan of, um...

She never stops talking. But to do that, you have to have a head!

She's traveling with a 50 year old suspect. Fifty!

Shoot him again. Move.

Shoot! Shoot! I'm shooting at him!

Sir, I ain't seen anything. You sure? We think they're nearby.

Sit in my lap! I'll drive! Get on top of me! Okay.

So skinny. Dang it!

So that the eggs... And the eggs.

So you have been lying to me this whole time? No.

Something very bizarre just happened in there. You're going to be mad.

Sort it out? Yes.

Stop! Get out of the way!

Take the shot! How if you don't keep it steady?

Thank you. Okay.

Thank you. Okay.

That gives me an idea. What?

That make you feel better? No, but this does!

That stuff they're saying on TV isn't true. Okay.

The other suspect, a 45 year old Latina... Forty five?

The right pair of shoes. Aah!

The U.S. government will protect you. She wants me to go and testify!

There is no such thing. Sure is.

This doesn't make any sense. Drive! Stop talking and drive!

This is a deer skin! Calm down. He's probably a hunter.

This is gonna be loud. What?

Toast, cake, muffins. I should call the police.

Turndown service. That's Dixon and Hauser.

Wait a second. What?

Wait! Come on!

We have to get through. We gotta hide. Let's hide underneath this blanket.

We just have to get to Dallas and sort it out. Good.

We need to find something of clothes. Yes.

We should go back. No way. Oh, man.

We'll be right back. Yeah.

We're not ready to go public yet. Hola, cowboy.

What are you doing now? It's a relaxation technique.

What are you going to do, testify me to death? Would you like me to neutralize this situation?

What do you think you're doing? Aah! I can explain.

What was that? Cortez's men.

What was that? Dixon, let's go!

What was that? I don't know!

What was your skill for Miss Plantain? Lying? Get off, hillbilly.

What? Dixon's out there.

What? Heh, heh.

What? How many pairs of shoes are in there?

What? I can't be a doctor because I am Colombian?

What? I know.

What? Relax.

What? You're in danger, ma'am.

What? On one? One! Two! Go!

Where are you going? I'm getting the hell out of here...

Who the hell are you? Who the hell are you?

Who? Just trust me. Follow my lead.

Who's got the keys? Hey, I got shotgun!

Who's this? Mr. Riva, I'm Officer Cooper...

Why didn't you shoot him? I'm not gonna shoot an officer!

Why? Ma'am!

Why? Okay.

Why? Right now. Come on.

With the legs! With the legs! I can't!

Yes, it is! No!

Yes, sir. And ever since the shotgun incident...

Yes! No.

Yes. Okay?

You are? No, of course not.

You do not know anything about me. I have kissed you.

You don't need to paint a picture. You're used to that, no? Heh.

You need to sit down. Okay.

You're not gonna get dead. They're waiting for us!

You're the one who told me I look like a boy. That's not what I meant.

Your left! They're getting away!

...a poor, happy Boy Scout like your father.

...and commandeer a new vehicle to get to Dallas.

...and cops who have to be eliminated.

...and doing the pirate hunt in the general area of the heinie.

...and he ended up dead.

...and I need the sparkly stilettos when I stay in...

...and keep your Taser in your pants. Okay, chief?

...and lots of dirty, dirty sex stuff.

...and she had a little blond boy with her.

...and she has a mustache and talks like some tiny little robot?

...and the disappearance of his wife, Daniella Riva...

...and the police are gonna arrest us any minute. Now move your ass.

...and then we're gonna commandeer the vehicle.

...and they have attraction towards each other.

...and this is gonna have to wait because time waits for no man.

...and we are confident that she'll come in.

...and you come at the last second and ruin it?

...and, of course, the corky wedges.

...are you concealing a communication device in your chestal area?

...as presents for his vain, dumb trophy wife.

...at the opulent Royal Colfax Hotel.

...authorities have had no choice but to release Cortez.

...because everything that you see you commandeer.

...because she looks like My Little Pony...

...because you weren't invited. And you won't be until you apologize to Patricia.

...before Cortez finds me and sews my face into a soccer ball.

...big bag.

...but I needed the sparkly stilettos to go out...

...but I'm a Christian, so I wasn't interested in that.

...but somewhere, around there, there is a heart.

...but this seems like a very important detail for my first day back in the field.

...but we have to leave by sunrise...

...but you're gonna need to take your hands off my body!

...but, listen, he did it on his own terms:

...but, more importantly, at a reasonable price.

...Cowboy Noiz.

...crying like a baby.

...descend into the puss.

...doesn't have the finger!

...for murder and attempted murder, and I'll figure out the rest later.

...forbids fraternization between a officer... Never mind.

...get in the way of your dream!

...he's dead.

...I kind of like your smile.

...I meet the minimum height requirement of an adult female my weight.

...I wouldn't let the fact that I have a little cuca get in the way of my dream.

...in masks.

...in my incident report log before they slip my mind.

...in the case against notorious cartel leader Vicente Cortez.

...is prepared to testify against the violent crime lord.

...like you said:

...local police got shell casings and DNA back at the compound.

...maybe this is the universe's way of cleaning this up.

...my blood sugar is getting dangerously low, and I need food.

...of what you are.

...or maybe third. I've never been clear about that.

...or take this to the hospital, have it reattached and shake with a full set.

...or the back of this car is gonna be the second crime scene...

...so he can testify the following morning at 8:00 a.m.

...so I'm not gonna let them shoot you.

...so it's difficult to relate to people...

...so we can speak privately.

...so you're welcome!

...suggests that she might not know as much as the prosecution would hope.

...that means they were 30 miles away, which means they probably came...

...that they only gave me three months for obstructing your justice.

...that you guys are gonna be cleaning today.

...that's why you don't have a ring.

...they must've been driving 180 miles per hour to get here that fast.

...turn off the walkie...

...we are now learning that, without any witnesses...

...when no one wants to hear your side of the story.

...when you underestimate a book because of it's cover.

...where we can buy clothing at a reasonable price...

...who doesn't know what she's doing.

...will definitely end you up in more than an ankle monitor.

...with my computer...

...with my floppy disk...

...write in your little notebook, and leave.