Anger Management (2003) Edit

A coursing underground river

A five hour trip to find out Mommy had a jelly bean...

A guy named Buddy Rydell left this card...

A joke. A jo... I....

A talk about what? There's not a problem.

A very bad mood.

Actually, could you give us a table overlooking that table right there?

Actually, yes. How did you know?

After dinner, she insisted we go home. So we hop on the bus...

After I got kicked out of the Army, I went through a real bad time:

After she dates a couple of losers, she'll be begging you to take her back.

All right, man. All right. Come on. Come on, big boy. Pretty boy.

All right.

All right.

All right. All right. All right.

All right. Is it worth going back to the penitentiary, Chuck?

All right. Strictly as a friend.

All rise.

Alpha Bits.

Also, if you are unable to stop masturbating...

Also, not your hobbies, Dave, just simple:

Always a blast being with your friends.

Always a thrill. Right this way.

Am I out of line, or is this guy pushing me?

And are they all aware that you despise them?

And breaking that promise, to me, is unacceptable.

And don't hold back, okay?

And entrancing.

And how does that make you feel, Lou?

And I asked him why, and he said that when he saw me without my clothes...

And I believe in us, Linda.

And I said, Look, I'm seriously serious. You don't want to go there.

And I took a dump on his porch.

And I was like, you know, Don't go there.

And I'd like you to meet my date.

And I'm gonna finish it!

And I'm pretty sure I heard him mutter some kind of anti Semitic remark.

And if she says no this time...

And if you want to start seeing...

And she moaned like a wildebeest.

And take me home, you psychotic piece of wacko.

And the beret to take attention off his plump head.

And we're lovers.

And when I woke up, I was standing over him and I was screaming:

Andrew.

Anger management?

Anger? Isn't this Sexaholics Anonymous?

Answer me, Buznik! Did you get it on with my sister?

Any of those would have been fine!

Anyway, a trial separation will make you both gain a deeper appreciation...

Anyways, I don't cheat on Linda.

Anyways, what I wanted to say to you was...

Anyways, you're not a porker. You're the un porker.

Are you a homophobe, Dave?

Are you ashamed that you never stood up to him?

Are you *******?

Are you kidding me?

Are you okay?

Are you such a hot stud that you'll break me in two?!

Arnie....

As for Dr. Rydell's safety, I'm issuing a restraining order.

Be aware of your presentation...

Because Dr. Cocoa Puff said legally I'm not allowed to get on a plane.

Because I do. I do. I have a girlfriend.

Because I got a girlfriend.

Because I refused to spoon with you last night?

Because I've got to earn that promotion.

Because of your profession you probably have seen a lot of them.

Because that is what's on the docket for you if you don't go and ask her out.

Because there's a lot of nice guys out there and I'm cool with it.

Before I make my decision, you have to do something for me.

Before tonight's National Anthem...

Better.

Bite me.

Bob?

Bring that up on the trip. You gotta stick up for yourself.

Buddy Rydell is a psycho!

Buddy thinks that a trial separation will ultimately...

Buddy's not such a bad guy.

Bullshit! Your job is to steal my girlfriend?!

Burn in hell!

But Buddy didn't order you to have sex.

But he kept on about wanting to see a doctor's note or something.

But he kept talking and talking, being such a nag...

But he was right about one thing.

But if you could prove that he's nuts: audiotape, video, picture, whatever...

But if you fail to strictly adhere to the rules of his program...

But you kicked some serious monk ass there, baby.

But, yes.

Butt out! Tough guy's going to learn a lesson.

Buznik, your behavior is unacceptable.

By the way, his name is not Fat shit Cat, it's Meatball...

By the way....

Bye.

Calm down.

Can I ask you a question, though?

Can I get a cosmopolitan?

Can you come to the back with me so we can have a talk?

Can you guess why she rejected you?

Care to visit?

Chill, Rocket. Goosfraba.

Chuck.

Chuck.

Close to You. We've Only Just Begun.

Come on, pal. I'm already settled in here. Can't you sit somewhere else?

Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Confidence is the key to winning a young lady's attention.

Confront him or you're going to prison!

Congratulations, keed, you've reached level three

Congratulations! You just graduated from anger management!

Congratulations.

Could I maybe get that headset, please?

Could you bring it down a little bit?

Could you excuse him for a second, Peanuts?

Could you give me a second, sir?

Court is adjourned.

Damn, man, reminds me of these chicks back in the war.

Dave and Chuck...

Dave just got leveled!

Dave said, How does a guy who weighs over 600 pounds...

Dave thinks they could beat Seattle's win record.

Dave used to con her into getting naked...

Dave, cooking is very relaxing and the****utic.

Dave, I got this for you.

Dave, I think it's pivotal for you to confront your childhood nemesis.

Dave, you have a disease.

Dave, you're describing your personality.

Dave. You're late.

Dave's a dirty boy.

Dave's particulars.

Davey, your girlfriend stopped by and she dropped these off for you.

Davey's going crazy!

David, I hope you believe me when I say this:

David! David! No, David!

Denial. Key, key, key, key, key, key.

Did he steal my proposal idea?

Did you expose yourself...

Did you see that?

Dissembling is a common tool of the anger junkie.

Do you need some discipline?

Does size count at all, or is that just some weird thing guys think about?

Don't be naive, Dave.

Don't change the subject.

Don't get cute, wiseass!

Don't marry him!

Don't marry him!

Don't move.

Don't point that gun at Buddy. I'm the one who smashed your car up.

Don't sulk, Dave. Eat. Sit down.

Don't think I don't owe you a couple smacks by the way.

Don't worry about him.

Don't worry. Dr. Rydell explained everything to me, and I get it.

Dr. B, Davey just pulled a joke on us!

Dr. B, let it bip.

Dr. Rydell brought up an interesting fact about me being a procrastinator.

Dr. Rydell?

Easy, boy!

Exactly.

Except when Galaxia had ahold of you.

Excuse me, Arnie Shankman?

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. This seat's available.

Explosions everywhere.

Explosive is the kind of individual that you see screaming at the cashier...

Fatty!

Finally, my parents said I had to move out.

First it was a five second one...

Flight attendant, Your Honor.

Flirting is cheating's ugly cousin, Buddy.

For crying out loud. You're missing important plot points.

For Pete's sake, this is the monk that twisted your tits!

For the love of Mike! This guy's your girl's best friend?

Fran, your assistant beat the bejesus out of a flight attendant.

Frank was nice enough to give me some creative executive position.

Friends?

Galaxia, you may get out of the car now.

Get out!

Get out!!

Get this moving. What the hell's your problem?

Get undressed.

Get what on? What are you doing here?

Gina, can you stop sucking on Stacy's finger for one second?

Girls, why don't you tell Dave what brought you here.

Give me the tape recorder.

Go get them, Mr. Johnson.

Go Yankees!

Go! Go! Go! Come on, let's go!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Good evening.

Good evening. Tonight, romance comes to Yankee Stadium.

Good job, Chuck. That was really good.

Good job, Nate.

Good news, I fed my anger monkey a banana this morning...

Good to see you got your underwear back on.

Good to see you guys hugging.

Good.

Good. Then we can't go.

Goosfraba! Goosfraba!

Goosfraba.

Goosfraba.

Goosfraba.

Goosfraba.

Goosfraba.

Goosfraba.

Goosfraba.

Goosfraba.

Got any mustard for that cocktail frank, butt lick?

Got it.

Got something against guys with hair?

Great.

Great.

Great. Can I go throw up now?

Great. You're going to die, bitch.

Grenada!

Happy now, ass wipe?

Have fun looking like Colonel Klink.

Have you ever kissed a girl before?

He didn't give you a look.

He didn't say thank you. He should give you a promotion.

He doesn't like people touching his clubs.

He missed the lay up!

He said that he thought he could help, but it would be tough.

He's a jerk. You came up with the idea for the Husky Cat clothing line.

He's angry. It's a sickness, not a crime, Fran.

He's friends with my dad. We're members of the same country club.

He's giving you a wet willie and making you chew on his jockstrap...

He's got a dozen lawsuits pending.

He's not here. Why don't you go look for him?

He's yours.

Heard we're partnering up, huh?

Help me, brother.

Here we go.

Here you go.

Here you go. I think you're gonna like it.

Hey, baldy, if I want crap out of you, I'll squeeze your head.

Hey, Dave.

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hi, Nancy.

Hi.

His name is David. Don't dissemble.

His name is Frank!

His name's not Peanuts. It's Pana Manapia.

His....

Hold it back there! Come on, come on.

Holy shit.

Hookers, booze, shooting holes in the ceiling, screaming myself to sleep.

How did it go, pal?

How do you feel you handled that situation?

How do you feel?

How was that supposed to work?

How was the doctor?

How?

How's this?

However, I did insist that we not go forward without your blessing...

However, I did insist that we not go forward without your blessing...

Husky down jacket. Husky Eskimo look.

I agree.

I am appalled by your assault on Dr. Rydell.

I am calm. I just want my headset.

I am calm. What is it with you people?

I ate bad guacamole and I couldn't stop shitting!

I bet he got a lot of snickers in the locker room.

I bet there's like 50 Rydells in here.

I blacked out.

I broke the cocktail waitress's nose.

I broke the cocktail waitress's nose.

I can give you a ride.

I can just watch the movie with you.

I can understand why you wanted to see other people. I really can.

I can't believe that I fell for that one.

I can't believe this.

I can't believe you actually started to fall for that crazy man.

I can't just sign your papers.

I can't stop love.

I could be. But, no. Half Irish, half Italian, half Mexican.

I couldn't take it anymore...

I dare you to kiss me.

I did a lot of horrible things as a kid.

I did what you told me to do, you sick, demented man.

I didn't ask for a traffic report. You're always late.

I didn't beat anybody. I touched a woman.

I didn't do anything wrong. You know that.

I didn't give you the signal to leave.

I didn't hit her on purpose, Your Honor.

I didn't intend for this to happen.

I do whatever I want when I want, you little Spanish fruit topping.

I do. If there are 20 naked guys in there, I'm usually in the top 18.

I don't care for the way you've ironed my shirts, Dave. Try it again.

I don't even know where the guy lives.

I don't gotta be up till 7.

I don't have T.A.S.

I don't know about all that, but now I understand why you're here.

I don't know about the world, but it's definitely the biggest one in the room.

I don't know where a headset ties into patriotism.

I don't know. I.... It's something I wanted to say to you...

I don't mean you people. I mean you people.

I don't think so.

I don't think we'll make it on time. You're not even dressed.

I don't want you listening to any angry music.

I don't want you to tell us what you do. I want you to tell us who you are.

I even think about how I'm going to pop the question.

I feel bad about molesting his sister all those times, but it's all right!

I feel like dancing. Dancing.

I felt bad for him.

I figured this out.

I found it crumpled up behind the sports pages...

I gave you the signal to say your gross pickup line actually worked.

I got arrested at Kennedy. That's why I didn't make the next flight.

I got Casper in my clothes!

I gotta go. Bye.

I gotta go. I think he's coming.

I gotta go. Sorry.

I guess beating up stewardesses can get old after a while.

I guess I never really thought it through.

I guess not. Are those your friends?

I guess you're better than me. That's why you can't cop to your rage.

I have seen some shit, man. I kid you not, I have seen some shit.

I haven't been to the Actors Studio in quite some time.

I haven't done that in, like, eight months.

I hear you.

I hope you have it. My presentation's in two hours.

I just haven't been sleeping a lot lately so I was trying to catch some....

I keep talking about myself, acting arrogant and obnoxious.

I know that crazy man brought you here.

I know.

I know. I know.

I know. I'll figure something out.

I like playing tennis on occasion....

I like that.

I like them when they're really big.

I like to sleep in the nude.

I love when they do this.

I love you with all my heart, and I know you love me back.

I mean, group members...

I mean, I accidentally did that.

I mean, I accidentally did that.

I mean, I gotta be there by 9:00.

I mean, I'm sorry. I just.... I want to answer your question.

I mean, it's just a silly game, anyways.

I mean, you like comedies?

I met with Buddy after reading his book...

I might be a little bit indecisive at times.

I never expected it to go that way.

I pushed you around. I called you nasty names.

I really thought my mother was having surgery.

I rented the place. I figured it'd be more fun if it was just Brown alumni.

I said I'd have it by 3.

I said the corniest thing I could think of.

I see you've managed to brutalize a cocktail waitress this time.

I should be your husband...

I shouldn't eat this. I'm getting so fat.

I shouldn't really talk right now.

I smell the effluvium of pain and frustration.

I think I better get going.

I think I'm going to recommend to the court that we double your time.

I think we're getting a picture, Dave.

I think you're in my seat.

I think you've got room to back up.

I think your girlfriend's cheating on you.

I thought that you said five seconds.

I thought you said you were joking.

I thought you'd want your picture in there. No?

I told her I didn't want to waste money on a cab. That did not go down well.

I told you I'd get you back for that.

I told you not to go there! I told you not to go there!

I wanna change.

I wanna get on the field. I'm a fan of Mr. Merrill's.

I want to have a family with you. I want to have kids with you.

I want to introduce you to somebody.

I want two eggs, over easy and unfertilized...

I want you to go over there and ask that woman out.

I was being attacked by someone...

I was fired from my ice cream truck job today. No more Fudgeicles.

I was just doing my job. I never doubted you for a minute.

I was toying with the notion that you were gay...

I was wondering if I could buy you a drink. I see that you have a drink...

I wasn't able to talk to him about that yet, but I will.

I wasn't expecting that from a Buddhist.

I went from happy to angry, skipped sad. Now I feel like kicking his ass.

I went out with this guy, and he wouldn't sleep with me.

I whizzed on him.

I will be uncharacteristically aggressively boring.

I will not tolerate any racist behavior on the plane.

I won't let you do this to us!

I would never have done anything with that girl.

I wouldn't worry about me.

I'd like to talk to you alone for a second.

I'll be right there, sir.

I'll be strong.

I'll kill that guy.

I'll kill you!

I'll miss you, big guy, so take good care.

I'll see you soon.

I'm a lady. Oops, no, I'm not.

I'm a little flustered right now. I have to be to work in eight minutes.

I'm a nice, easygoing man.

I'm a pretty good guy.

I'm calm!

I'm centered, I'm centered.

I'm feeling very angry right now...

I'm fine. Just date anybody you'd like.

I'm Galaxia. That's my German name.

I'm glad I missed work. Can we eat now?

I'm glad your car died. The train's romantic.

I'm going to ask her to marry me when I'm ready.

I'm going to assign you an anger ally...

I'm going to get you back for that one.

I'm going to sign your papers. You're a free man.

I'm gonna miss you.

I'm guessing that's when you decided to shack up with your aunt.

I'm here because I was verbally attacked by my neighbor.

I'm in a mood, Dave. A bad mood.

I'm just making a little room to back up.

I'm just not doing it right, I guess.

I'm just recording your demeanor upon awakening.

I'm more comfortable there.

I'm not a cheater.

I'm not a homophobe.

I'm not afraid. Dr. Rydell taught me not to be afraid of anybody.

I'm not dissembling. That's my Hebrew name.

I'm not having sex with a she male! Relax!

I'm not telling you to elope with her. Just go over and flirt a little bit.

I'm only going to say this one more time, sir. Calm down.

I'm ordering you to pay a fine of $3500.

I'm over here!

I'm setting a trial date for 3 weeks from today for attempted murder.

I'm so handsome.

I'm so hungry I could eat you, Dave.

I'm so sorry I'm late.

I'm sorry I was so rude before...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I be right with you.

I'm sorry. I know this is really stressing you out.

I'm sorry. You don't have to cry anymore.

I'm supposed to date other people so I figured I'd give it a try.

I'm sure he'd love to listen to what you guys have to say.

I'm sure she'd love to hang out with a goofy secretary...

I'm sure that it's going to be over before you know it.

I'm surprised your research didn't tell you that.

I'm trying to give you a hand. It's my job.

I'm wetting my Jockeys here.

I've been getting your coffee and doing your work for five years now.

I've done crazier stuff than that to win back a chick.

I've got a stress reduction technique to show you.

I've got some good news for you and some potentially upsetting news.

I've got to get it done with nut boy in Boston.

I've never seen you so excited.

If anything, you could even gain a few pounds.

If friends come over, I want them to feel comfortable.

If I can't, I'll tear him apart with my bare hands.

If I had lost my temper...

If I had to do 20 hours of that, I'd end up killing myself.

If I put on a few pounds...

If we finish our work, I'd love to go to a jazz club.

If you are calm as well as witty, she will respond.

If you give me a chance...

If you knew Linda, you'd know how uncorny it would be to her.

If you think I'm a porker, then just come right out and say it.

Implosive is the cashier who remains quiet, day after day...

In addition, to prevent further acts of rage...

In Europe, it's not considered unusual for three or four men to share a bed.

In fact, I think I gotta get back to my friend.

Incidentally, nice move bringing the girls.

Is it all right if I date your ex?

Is it cheating if you're passed around the cell block like a peace pipe?

Is that what you've come here to tell me?

Is there a problem here, sir?

Is this good or bad?

Is this Slow And Stupid Waitress Day?

Isn't that normally a girl's name?

It looked like it belonged on a baby and it had a funny color.

It looks really good.

It was a great night.

It was no one's fault, I guess. It was just...

It'll be good for you guys.

It's actually quite petite.

It's Gary.

It's good stuff.

It's got to be done.

It's just that I want to go on a fake date to get my girlfriend jealous...

It's just that monks, they talk shit...

It's not a weakness.

It's not every day a man gets to propose marriage...

It's not serious, but she'll be at Boston County Hospital for the next two days.

It's worth 50 bucks...

It's your pal Buddy who's taking her to the Yankee game tonight.

James made the basketball team, Raheem landed the lead...

Jeez, I don't think that it was.

Jeez, without Slippy Flippies or angry masturbating? How is that possible?

Jibber jabber. Jibber jabbering. Mumbo jumbo.

Just a second. Just one second, Dave.

Just calm down.

Just go over there and repeat the following...

Just hang for one session...

Just laughing. I don't know. I'm not laughing at you.

Just so you know, she really is having surgery.

Just tell him his mom called from Boston.

Kendra is an ex patient of mine, an actress. Pretty good one too.

Kendra...

Kids who have your eyes...

Kiss her, David!

Kiss her, David.

Know something? I'm sick of you hanging out with Linda.

Ladies, this is Buddy Rydell.

Lame o.

Let him be. Set your anger free.

Let me ask you something.

Let me buy you a drink.

Let me explain something.

Let me hear the potentially upsetting news.

Let the man back in.

Let this man finish what he came here to say.

Let's be perfectly clear about this.

Let's go give those guys some tsuris.

Let's not make fun of my God, here.

Let's take a walk on the wild side.

Liar. Bullshitter. You're a woman beater.

Like, What the hell's that thing?

Linda and I have fallen for one another.

Linda, I'm not mad at you.

Linda, think about what you're doing to us.

Linda! Linda, I've loved you since the day I met you!

Linda? Are you out there, honey?

Linda.

Linda. I'm a little embarrassed. I didn't know you were going to be here.

Linda's been thinking about leaving you for some time.

Linda's my best friend. There's no secrets between us.

Listen, ladies! Gentleman! Lentleman!

Look at this actress here.

Look at you, Lou. You've really calmed down since working with Dr. B.

Look, Dave.

Looking for company, baby?

Ma'am?

Mainly angry at myself...

May I interject?

Maybe he'd enjoy the knee slapper you told me about the great Buddha.

Maybe I better get up to Boston...

Maybe I better get up to Boston...

Maybe it's the way his pants fit him.

Maybe just hum a little I Feel Pretty.

Maybe you could give me an example of what a good answer would be.

Maybe you don't know either...

Meanwhile, I've got Head up my ass about that catalog.

Miracles of modern science. I am stimulating my hair follicles...

Miss?

Miss? Excuse me, miss?

More good news, you won't have to listen to those lame jokes...

Mr. Buznik, I don't know why you hate women.

Mr. Buznik. In case 723, assault and battery against a flight attendant...

Mr. Buznik...

My approach dictates intense observation.

My boss is going to go nuts on me if we're late, so please?

My clothes hide it, but I'm getting gooey right here.

My friend took off on me.

My girlfriend got me that.

My job is trying to prevent Mr. Andrew...

My lawyer's gay. His boyfriend is gay.

My name is Pana Kamanana...

My nipples!

My offer stands.

My pleasure, Mr. Eyebrows.

My strategy is to keep my girlfriend.

My, oh, my.

My...

Never know when your number's up.

Never really seen nothing like that before. Didn't it used to scare you?

Nice meeting you. Okay.

No air.

No explanation for the egg throwing. He's a psycho.

No matter how old I get, always a culinary delight.

No more clam chowder.

No, he was just having a bad day.

No, he's in the shower right now.

No, I can get out.

No, I got a girlfriend.

No, I just....

No, I told you, I never slept with him. Why, is it huge?

No, I'm a pulling my penis out in front of you a phobe.

No, it's bad. It's all bad.

No, thank you very...

No, the serious part was the joke.

No! Don't! Don't! Don't!

No!!

No!!

No!! How about you hum the I'm a Crazy Asshole song?

No.

No. He was just a kid lashing out...

No. I didn't mean that.

No. I don't think you're a porker.

No. I mean, I like to consider myself her best friend...

No. I think that's down the hall.

No. I'm sorry.

No. I'm the guy hiding in the frozen food section dialing 911, I swear.

No. No. I'm sorry. Guys, I don't think you should be moving in with me.

No. No. No. No.

No. Self hypnotic negative imagery.

No. That's not what I was saying.

No. We're not. Thank you.

Nobody cares. Just sit in the seat I'm supposed to sit in.

Nobody wants to settle down with a 35 year old secretary.

Nope.

Not a problem.

Not as funny as you.

Not as well as I could've.

Not blah blah, Nate.

Not Chuck. Give me Bobby Knight, or the porno girls.

Not only do they have ketchup...

Not that crowded here. You'd think it would be packed.

Now is the first time I've been late. But you're right. I'm sorry.

Now that is a big one, folks.

Now the situation is contained.

Now then, we need to go over some ground rules.

Now wait a minute.

Now wait a minute. Calm down a bit. Try some deep breathing.

Now we can do it here or Rikers Island.

Now we're bumping into cars.

Now we're even, butt lick!

Now, come, David. Humor is the spice of life.

Now, Fury Fighters, let's say hello to someone...

Now, Fury Fighters...

Now, here's what I want you to write on the scoreboard.

Now, repeat after me, Nate:

Now, when I started here...

Now, why did I do that?

Now, you say you kissed?

Now! Now! Now! Now!

Numb nuts, where's the catalog for my Fat Cat clothing line?

Of course I did. That's what made it so funny.

Of course not. I was a real cretin then.

Of course. Excuse me...

Oh, boy, here we go.

Oh, boy!

Oh, boy.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. There he is.

Oh, little Meatball. You tie this up tight...

Oh, man. He was on fire that year.

Oh, my God, it was disgusting.

Oh, my God, it's Dave.

Oh, my God! I thought you were going to shoot somebody!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my goodness. Bobby Knight.

Oh, my, my, my. It's....

Oh, shit.

Oh, we will.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. For insurance purposes.

Oh! Hey! Hey, watch that shit!

Oh! Sara saw my pee pee!

Okay, I'll go first. Truth or dare?

Okay, they got fishing while you go to the bathroom. That's nice.

Okay, we're even. We're even now.

Okay. Bye.

Okay. I like that.

Okay. My bad. Moving on.

Okay. Thank you.

Okay. Well, we're in the adult film industry.

Once I ran naked through a subway station.

One day, Gina was having sex with this Filipino guy Melo...

One second we're fighting, and the next second we're laughing...

Oops, no, I'm not.

Oops, that's a letter I'm writing to Geraldo Rivera.

Or a genius.

Our country is going through a difficult time now.

Over and over again.

Pana Kamanana...

Patient number 135, David Buznik...

Pena! Look! Your sister's back.

Please marry me, Linda.

Poetry garbage.

Porker!

Porker!

Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow!

Pretty hard too.

Probably make out with my next boyfriend.

Procrastination, Dave.

Psychotic.

Put that there, Dan, thank you very much.

Putting up a Marry me, please on the scoreboard...

Raheem will make a breathtaking Tevye, I'm sure.

Really?

Recalling your nut job sister struggling with her underpants...

Remember at Brown when we saw Ron Guidry win his 20th?

Remember, for 22 more days, you are mine.

Remember, Lou, temper's the one thing you can't get rid of by losing it.

Retard your anger level a few notches and listen to me. Can you do that?

Right here?

Rise and shine, Sir Snoozola.

Rose.

Said the liar to the beached whale!

Saw his...

See? Iverson just missed a lay up at the buzzer, Sixers lose.

Separating from Linda is a crucial part of our strategy.

Settle down.

Shankman!

She ain't cheating on me by the way. We agreed to take a break.

She doesn't know any Andreas. You mean Andrew?

She dumped you 15 years ago. Get over it.

She loves you, but she recognizes you're a neurotic mess.

She making fun of me?

She said it was getting late, we kissed and I headed on home.

She said she's having some minor surgery.

She seemed a little bit bent out of shape.

She teaches poetry. Poetry teacher.

She told you I was a premature ejaculator?

She tried to chocolate me to death.

She wanted to be like the 2000 other girls who said that to me growing up?

She's busy right now, but it's coming.

She's cute. And then a 10 second Frencher.

She's having surgery.

She's not home, Dave. She went out with her pal Andrea.

She's not taking a break from the old sausage, huh?

Shut your pie hole! We're working here!

Skipper, how you doing?

Smoldering beneath the rituals Of hope for familiarity

So anyway, in the middle of our session...

So did Little Davey need some anger management?

So do you have a take on this Buznik guy?

So how much of this thing was a setup?

So I saw your boy Andrew at the urinal.

So I've been thinking about it, Linda...

So if I repeat that crazy shit...

So it's not just me. This guy is nuts, isn't he?

So my boss, he was talking to me about how many sick days I've taken.

So my boss, he was talking to me about how many sick days I've taken.

So now I'm too skinny for you?

So Pena likes the spicy humor.

So the guy asked me for change. I laughed. He cursed.

So when I get out of jail, sometime in the next two to five years...

So why don't you back up an inch or two.

So why don't you back up an inch or two.

So you really didn't talk to Linda.

So, anyway, Dave, how's anger management going?

So, now, did this guy grow up near a nuclear power plant or something?

So, what, we're not going to talk at all?

Some mindless nitwit is parked behind me.

Songs of madness and obsession.

Sorry about waking you up.

Sorry, it's just hard. I'll never meet anyone as good as you.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry. I just heard you guys got cleaner seats than us.

Sorry. I just heard you guys got cleaner seats than us.

Spend some quality time. I'll stay here.

Stop with the cupcake!

Stop! Goosfraba!

Sweet tackle. Wow!

Table for three?

Take off your clothes.

Tell us who you are.

Temporarily, yeah.

Terrific.

Thank God you're okay.

Thank you for allowing me to come on this trip...

Thank you, Mayor Giuliani. You're the man, by the way.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. And thank you for rescuing it from the floor.

Thank you. And, take care.

Thanks for being my best friend.

Thanks for having me here. He said her name was Rose.

Thanks.

That actually was pretty funny.

That guy's looking at us.

That having been said, I'm a pretty good guy...

That part I was assuming.

That sound is a derivation of an old Eskimo word...

That was a crazy flight.

That was a little bit insane.

That wasn't so bad, was it?

That will make me look nuts, Buddy, bringing a shrink to work...

That's a good picture, I think.

That's good. Slower.

That's great. His advice is a little cuckoo...

That's my boy.

That's right. Since you've been out of the picture...

That's the number. Good. Thank you.

That's too bad, huh?

That's what was so hard to say to me?

That's why I got the baggy sweater on him, to cover up his gut.

That's your solution for everything. The guy's homeless, right?

The anger sharks are swimming in my head.

The angry man opens his mouth and shuts his eyes.

The bus? You took the bus? What happened to your car?

The Carpenters are angry? I mean....

The flight attendant keeps ignoring me when...

The girls are gonna take their coats off.

The good news is, I already launched a preemptive strike.

The lair of the rage rhino.

The look on your face was priceless.

The quiet warmth

The Talmud says: Wherever you look...

The testicle with legs. Great!!

Then he'd pull out his winkie and tell her...

Then we'll see who's laughing.

Then why when the idea of sleeping with me comes up...

There are two kinds of angry people: explosive and implosive.

There's 10,000 people behind us. Let's go, crazy man.

There's a Denny's down the street.

There's a rage control technique I'd like to go over with you right now.

They actually sentenced me to anger management for that.

Think you can do better?

This clown better hurry up. My arm's starting to ice over.

This doesn't look like him.

This guy.

This guy's got quite a basket on him.

This is a bit awkward.

This is a difficult time for our country.

This is Becky, his assistant.

This is going to be some night.

This is incredible. You could sign this for me...

This is the last place I thought I'd find you, a monastery.

This is where Arnie Shankman lives?

This is where Gina and I always get into a heated debate.

This kid lost his marbles.

This party's by invitation only.

Those are her keys to my apartment.

Thus he has advanced to the second level of my program.

To be honest with you, it was a mix up. I....

Too bad you're leaving town. We could have fun together.

Toxic Anger Syndrome.

Trenton Community College.

Truth.

Try to wiggle out, you're going to get a ding. But you know everything.

Trying to take away my cane, Your Honor.

Twenty hours in my class would be pointless for you.

Unacceptable?

Unfortunately, I am leaving in the morning.

Variety's good.

Very good. What are you guys doing here?

Very strong. Come on.

Vietnam, huh?

Wait a minute.

Wait, don't I know you?

Wait!

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

Wake up to the sound of kids screaming.

Walk it off.

Wasn't that like 12 hours long?

Wasn't that sick? She looked like Olivia Newton John...

We always do.

We can hang out at my place until you get in touch with him.

We could've been too.

We do desire a confrontation with him, do we not?

We don't....

We mustn't absorb and repress.

We ordered the drinks 15 minutes ago and I kind of gotta get back.

We were just doing a joke. That's my friend.

We were like Butch and Sundance!

We'll be off to work in a jiffy.

We'll be off to work. Now, by we'll, I assume you mean just me, right?

We'll install the wiretaps tomorrow.

We're a little busy right now.

We're going to sing a song.

We're here.

We're in Dave's anger group. Fury Fighters!

We're trying to have dinner. The walls are really thin.

We've got 30 days to control your anger.

Wedgie! Wedgie! Wedgie!

Wedgie! Wedgie! Wedgie!

Welcome back, Mr. Buznik.

Welcome back, Mr. Buznik.

Well, apparently Dr. Rydell has a history of unorthodox techniques.

Well, at a great deal of expense and effort...

Well, did you get any good promotion news from Mr. Head?

Well, gee whiz. Here's your R�my, Linda.

Well, hello.

Well, how do you feel, Chuck?

Well, I am an executive assistant...

Well, I have to join you at work.

Well, I see it, and I didn't five years ago.

Well, I suppose you're right.

Well, I'm sorry, Dave, but I don't lie for my patients.

Well, it's bad that he's talking to her...

Well, it's.... I'm doing okay myself, pal.

Well, of course it did.

Well, she's not mad at you anymore, but she let me have it pretty good.

Well, that's going to be tough!

Well, that's okay, because I'm a lady.

Well, the guy in your seat on the plane, the flight attendant, the judge...

Well, the guy on the left is blind, Chuck.

Well, the hell with this! I'm going home!

Well, then I guess I'll just do what he suggested.

Well, well, well.

Well, well, well.

Well, you had a rough night.

Well, you're batting a thousand...

Well....

Were you laughing with me? Because I'm not laughing.

What about the air marshal who tasered me? Was he in on it?

What are you doing in the ladies' room?

What are you doing?

What are you laughing at, Dave?

What are you laughing at?

What are you saying?

What are you talking about?

What better vantage point than bunkmates?

What did she say?

What did you say about Buddha?

What did you say?

What did you say?

What do you mean?

What does she do?

What does this have to do with anger management?

What is that? Is that good?

What is your position on breast implants?

What office?

What part of Germany do you hail from?

What the heck are you doing here?

What the hell do you think you're doing?

What the hell is this?!

What was she saying?

What went on on that flight?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Do you mean the kid who bullied me in fifth grade?

What? Oh. Okay, I'll hold that.

What? Think you're better than me because you've got both your nuts?

What? You're not fat.

What's going on?

What's going on? Where are we?

What's he doing?

What's so funny?

What's the matter?

What's the matter?

What's this? Your fat shit cat's been sitting there all day.

What's up?

What's wrong with my mother?

What's your plan, ask her at a Yankee game?

Whatever, Mr. Insane Vein Popping A Little Too Far Out Of His Head ...

Whatever.

Whatever. Someone else will marry my woman if you don't let me go.

When a good position actually opens up...

When Linda sees what the dating world is really like...

When you're in a locker room, you must feel good about yourself.

Where are you from originally, Hebrew Melvin?

Where the hell's a spot? Where's a spot?

Where were you? It's 1:00.

Where'd you go to college again?

Where's the coffee cake? I was looking forward to it.

Where's the coffee cake? I was looking forward to it.

Where's your headset?

Where's your phone?

Which means that at no time can you come within 500 feet of him...

Who are you?

Who gives a crap, huh?

Who told you about that?

Who was that? Linda?

Who?

Who's going to pay for that?

Whoa! There it is.

Whoa! Watch it, man!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, man!

Whoo! Now, that felt good!

Why can't Head write his own catalog?

Why can't you be happy for me? Linda's gonna be.

Why do you feel you have to apologize because you're suffering from T.A.S.?

Why don't you... ? You just shoot up there. I'll be here.

Why haven't you taken Linda off the market?

Why is it that Chuck thinks he can smoke?

Why?

Wildebeest.

Wiretaps?

With confidence.

Witty went out the window with the pants explosion thing, thanks.

Working on the anger problem?

Would give you the old licky licky, then fry your banana.

Would you apologize if you were a diabetic? Of course not.

Would you apologize if you were a diabetic? Of course not.

Would you forgive me if I told you I called Linda last night...

Wow.

Wow. Sorry.

Yankee game.

Yankees winning, beer and hot dogs.

Yeah, if I don't get caught popping any Jelly Stingers.

Yeah, unfortunately.

Yeah, well, that's why I'm proud to be an American.

Yeah, yeah. Because of that unruly passenger in coach.

Yeah, you like those foot long hot dogs, don't you?

Yeah. Except for Arnie Shankman being here.

Yeah. I want everyone to see that your first kiss is with me.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, that sounds great.

Yeah. Yeah. Why don't you just go up there.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're right.

Yep. Bass fishing. Hey, he caught one.

Yes!

Yes. There was a little bit of a tie up on the bridge.

You always try to simulate live bait.

You and I control the game.

You are too cute.

You can't admit it because you're a piece of garbage.

You can't get that rake from me!

You come down here before a black wolf swallows my brain!

You could have a blast with the goosfraba thing down there.

You could say I've gone through a rather dramatic transformation.

You could've told her something else. I was at the bank. I was at the store.

You cracked a waitress in the face...

You deserved it. I did nothing wrong.

You don't remember me, do you?

You feel stunning.

You gave me the signal.

You gotta dunk that shit!

You gotta dunk that shit!

You guys are freaks.

You have me confused with somebody...

You have to kiss me in front of all these people!

You hear that frog?

You just ran through a red light. Are you trying to get us both killed?

You keep telling everybody you created the Husky Cat line.

You know I don't like it when people watch me kiss.

You know what else Dave finds particularly piquant?

You know what we should do? Play Truth or Dare.

You know what?

You know, when I was on the phone with Buddy, he gave me some advice.

You may not use rage enhancing substances...

You must never be ashamed that you sought help for yourself, Dave.

You never saw it?

You ought to golf yourself. You look a little stressed out.

You people?

You piece of shit!

You pulled my gym shorts down in front of Sara Plowman.

You said your apartment caught fire.

You see? I golf also. You should bring me sometime.

You seemed to be lovey dovey back there.

You sound upset. Are you all right?

You tell her to put a sock in it because I need to talk to you right now!

You think that's funny?

You told Linda we should have a trial separation?

You wanna mess with my friends, shoot me first.

You want Lou to tell you who you are?

You want that rake?

You want to leave your friend and run off and chase some hot babe...

You want to see some goo, I'll pull my ass out for you.

You were messing with me?

You will. She'll be a very lucky lady.

You'll release me from your program?

You're all I got, Mom. Please don't leave me.

You're angry right now. Wanna sing? Do you know I Feel Pretty?

You're busy? We're all busy, okay?

You're having this horrible evening.

You're in anger management?

You're jealous...

You're late.

You're not a beached whale.

You're on my side of the armrest.

You're Sizzlean.

You're supposed to sit in the seat they assigned you.

You're telling me the past two weeks of my life was just therapy?

You're the biggest backstabbing piece of crap I ever met.

You're the cashier.

You're to refrain from violent acts including verbal assault...

You've been deemed a threat to society.

You've got to make my breakfast.

Your attention, please.

Your attention, please.

Your eggs.

Your Honor, we're not even sure how blind this man really is.

Your insurance was canceled!

Your mom. They took her to the hospital, Buddy.

Your services are no longer required.

Yummy. Yummy.

6:30?

...and calls me a crazy skank. Nobody talks to my bitch that way.

...making a date. I'm so sorry, Dave.

...thing. You were looking?

...which was cool, it was in the script. Sure.

...who you are. What the hell do you want me to say?

A joke? Yeah.

All right, girls. Let it go. Let it go a little bit longer.

And don't shove me again. It's shower room humiliation again.

Anything else, Dr. B? No thanks, Dan.

Approach Miss Thing again. No.

Are you crazy?! Go in! Just go in.

Better be good. Give it to me. Okay.

Both of you showed up? You like Stacy better or something?

Buddy? Good evening. Ready to get it on?

Come on, Dave. Join us. Okay.

Come on. Where's your German accent?

Could I get a headset? Certainly.

Dave?! No!

Dave. Hi, Dave.

David Buznik. I just landed in St. Louis.

Do not raise your voice to me, sir. I wasn't raising my voice.

Everything all right, Buddy? Oh, yeah.

Friends? You suck!

Get in. I don't know how you'll get out.

Get out of here. Trust me, Dave.

Girls love that. Dave...

Go. Thank you.

Good night. All right.

Good to see you again. Good to see you too.

Good. Ladies and gentlemen, Robert Merrill.

Goosfraba. Okay.

Grenada, man. Grenada?

He hung up on you again, didn't he? Yes. Yes, he did.

He's got a heinie! I give!

Hebrew Melvin's in love. Very much.

Hello? Dave, it's me, Chuck.

Hello? Is Buddy there?

Hello. Hey. Good to see you.

Help me. Okay. Come on. Come on.

Hey, Dave. This is your office? Andrew.

Hey. What the hell?

Hey. Andrew, what's up? Not much.

Holy shit! I said over easy!!

Holy shit! What are you doing? I need you to unfluster.

How about a kiss? I'd love a kiss.

How did it feel? I feel good! I feel incredible!

How do you end up kissing, again? I wish I knew, keed.

How would she know that? I told her.

How would you know? You think I only tapped your phone?

I can't believe he's making me go. How come you guys aren't flying?

I didn't say that, but I should have. You are so funny.

I didn't. You broke her nose.

I give! All right. I'm sorry.

I hope you wrote my speech. I did, sir. I pulled an all nighter.

I like him. Yeah, he's funny.

I sat next to you on the plane. Oh, yeah, the headset guy.

I see. Eskimos seem nice.

I see. My bad. Here.

I started it. It's all right.

I wanna borrow this for a second. That's my mike!

I went crazy. I'm so sorry. I started it.

I'm a little pissed off right now. You all right? You're all right.

I'm Kendra. I'm Dave.

I'm serious! Too serious.

I've been very patient with you. Beware the fury of the patient man.

I've seen enough. Hold it right there.

Is it awesome there? It's nice.

Is it serious? When is surgery not serious?

Is this what you want, Dave? No.

Isn't that a bit harsh, Your Honor? No!

It'll be good for you. Take off my clothes?

It's a win win situation. Yeah, feels it.

It's Frank. Fran.

It's my first day also. I hope this class cures me.

Let's get wasted tonight. Definitely.

Let's move on. Dr. Rydell, I'd like to know something.

Look, Dave, it's Buddy. I see.

May I approach, Your Honor? By all means, Dr. Rydell.

May we take your coats? No. We're okay.

Maybe Dave's not ready yet, Chuck. You're not ready. Hear what he said?

Maybe I'll take dare. Okay.

Nice. I bet you beat her good.

Nobody messes with my microphone. I'm sorry.

Oh, are you an angry boy? No.

Okay. Get in gear.

Okay. Great.

Pretty good. Thanks, baby.

See what? That guy. He just gave me a look.

Shades of early Emily Dickinson. Who was great on Police Woman.

Shall we? Oh, yes. Yes.

So do you know the guy she's with? I think I might.

So he's laughing at you. I'm not laughing at him.

So I stapled his lips shut. Here we are.

Speaking of Linda, she called earlier. Oh, yeah?

Stacy bit my toe off. Then Melo freaks out...

Stacy, Gina, this is Linda. Nice to meet you.

Sure. Right this way. Thank you.

Take a little nap. I am tired.

Thanks, Buddy. Bye bye.

Thanks. Fun party, huh?

That chick was killer. Serial killer.

The stewardess just keeps... Flight attendant.

There's no fans allowed on that field. Galaxia.

They do. I think Eskimos are smug.

This is a free country! What's going on with you?!

This is your young lady? That's my Linda.

Two of the usual, Duke. Coming right up, Dr. B.

We all have. Hey, fellas.

Well, I... Family doesn't count.

What do you think? Not guilty. It's a no brainer.

What else could I do, huh? You should've tossed a rock at him.

What else could I do? What else could you do?

What? That's my poem! I wrote that.

What's an anger ally? Who's that?

What's up, baby? Why are we here?

What's your name, baby? Melvin.

Where should we put my stuff? What stuff?

Which isn't bad. You're doing really good.

Who was that guy? I think it's Regis Philbin.

Who's Chuck? Your anger ally.

Who's that? I don't know. Let me get rid of them.

Who's this? I'm his anger management therapist.

Whoa, there it is. I feel like dancing.

Why'd you ditch me? What are you talking about?

Yeah! I agree with that. You know that.

Yes. Here's my number.

Yes. Yes?!

You gave him the job that I wanted? He earned it.

You gotta be kidding me. What's wrong?

You look marvelous, Brenda. Thank you.

You really molested a crazy girl? No. Got you.

You starting to get excited? Are you kidding? I'm out of my mind.

You swear to me this will work? The ball's already up in the air.

You think you can help him? I think so, Your Honor.

You want to? Sure.

You're in this group? Oh, yeah. This is my first day.

You're so sweet, Dave. Well, you're sweet, Kendra.

... once you cast your line in, so during retrieval...

...about how they look in certain outfits.

...about the number of syllables in a haiku.

...after our little fracas and explained that it was my fault?

...and a trial separation is exactly what we need.

...and away goes the chin.

...and brushing my teeth at the same time.

...and fart blossom and all this.

...and finally shoots everyone in the store.

...and get rejected...

...and he's eating your crab cakes right now.

...and he's feeling much better.

...and how upset it was making you and how nuts it was making me.

...and I never really did anything to deserve that kind of treatment.

...and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised...

...and I told him about some of the things going on in your life...

...and I was going to wait for a Yankee game to do this.

...and I'm having a hard time saying it for some reason. But....

...and my...

...and release you from my program.

...and tell them I don't have an anger problem if you want.

...and then a little break because my beard gave her a tickle.

...and then I just blacked out.

...and then just a quick 10 second kiss.

...and vulgar hand gestures.

...and while I was trying to take away his....

...Andrew's been burning up the wires night and day...

...are not supposed to get romantically involved.

...Arnie Shankman.

...at a major pet products company.

...at how much fun we can have.

...because his sister got sent to an insane asylum.

...because I only have one bed and no couch.

...because I'm only here for one session.

...because it represents a team I've hated my entire life...

...because of the enormous respect I have for Dr. Rydell...

...because of the kitty cat clothes, so forth.

...because we're best friends. So, what do you say, Dave?

...because we're best friends. So, what do you say, Dave?

...Bing Bangs or Flying Willards.

...but I could get you another when you're through with that one.

...but I'll let you think about it while you spend one year in a state prison.

...but it's difficult for me to express myself...

...but it's difficult for me...

...but it's good that....

...but somehow it works.

...but there was never really a line made for overweight cats...

...but, yes, I was once known as Arnie Shankman.

...but....

...by saying that her clothes had ghosts in them.

...Dave Buznik from elementary school.

...do you all of a sudden have a girlfriend?

...even though I'd love to see you take that bra off...

...for 30 days.

...for David Buznik.

...for letting people treat me like crap all the time.

...for not taking their coupons.

...has learned the difference between unhealthy anger and righteous anger.

...have the balls to teach people about self discipline?

...I can show you that I got the guts to stand up for what I believe in.

...I expect you to give me the position that Andrew just resigned from.

...I find you guilty.

...I look up and I see Gina kissing Melo on the mouth...

...I think you gotta keep it on.

...I want you to feel free.

...I was promised advancement opportunities.

...I will admit that I am a failure as a therapist...

...I'm placing you in his intensive anger management program...

...if she was really ugly and had huge balls.

...in a straitjacket.

...in craziness.

...in Fiddler on the Roof.

...in Girls Without Wieners ville.

...in your behavior.

...is the only way to effect a meaningful and positive change...

...it was a joke.

...it was a strawberry ice cream cone.

...it'll help you to create a realistic and a erratic....

...last name. That's all I wish on them.

...like the one you pulled on me about my dying mother.

...Metropolitan Opera star Robert Merrill...

...not that weirdo.

...of exploding in my pants.

...on the floor of David's bedroom.

...on what's left of my Lexus!

...or his lovely new girlfriend, Linda.

...other penises... People...

...please do so without the use of any pornographic images...

...proclaiming my love for her in front of thousands of strangers.

...removed from her nose.

...see what's going on up there.

...see what's really going on up there.

...self loathing, resentful, insecure and a premature ejaculator.

...Slippy Flippies, Jelly Stingers, Trick Sticks...

...so finally I just tell my boss:

...so I can at least say I gave you a proper analysis.

...so I really only needed one of you guys.

...such as caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, crack cocaine...

...talking to a guy...

...tell me you've got ketchup.

...tell us about yourself.

...that I look like a porker.

...that I was on when they had to turn the plane around?

...that mothers used to calm their children.

...there's something to be seen.

...to help calm you down when you're losing it.

...to my sister?

...to the woman he loves.

...trying to rekindle those hotsie totsie nights up at Brown U.

...verbatim:

...we have managed to locate your grade school b�te noire...

...we have some kind of a weird argument...

...West Side Story.

...what keys do we need to possess before we can...?

...wheat toast, dry, and please...

...when I am on the verge...

...when I'm on the verge of exploding in my pants.

...when we were kids, you kind of bullied me around a little bit...

...which is cool, because, well, we like a little variety.

...which is not cool because it violates our threesome code of ethics.

...While Swinging The Bat Guy.

...who looks as though he could satisfy a blue whale?

...who might feel a little self conscious...

...who's joining our quest to get the anger monkeys off our backs:

...whose only talent is nostril wiggling.

...will present a special moment for two special people.

...will you be able to stifle your vomit long enough to have sex with me?!

...would I have had the presence of mind...

...you can't expect me to cover for you.

...you give it to the biggest dick in the world?

...you probably stole from a porno flick, you sick bastard...

...you whipping eggs at people. I don't know.

...you will spend the next year in state prison.

...you'll release me from the program?

...you've got a lot more going for you than wiggly nostrils.