Vegas Vacation (1997) Edit

A little harder on the shoulders.

A singer's body is his instrument, and I believe in keeping it finely tuned.

After you, Mr. Pappagiorgio.

Ahead or behind, what does it matter?

All I know, Clark, is my teeth have never been whiter...

All of you come with me now.

All right.

All right. Come on.

All the years I've waited for this. Years!

All this time I thought I was unhappy with you and Mom.

Almost.

Am I right? I mean, am I right?

And don't get cheap on me.

And get inside and work on your typing.

And guess what. Newlyweds get in for free.

And he wants to enter that garden with a knowledge and a mulch...

And I think this one's gonna be a winner.

And I want something better!

And I've never seen him do anything like this.

And if there's anything you need, don't hesitate to call me.

And in the evening you can sit outside...

And it'd be my honor to help you in your time of need.

And not a loveable fool who clowns for the delight of children and small people.

And please, take all the dam pictures you want.

And starting right now, we're gonna have a great time.

And that is that it's not what you have but who you have to share it with.

And that's the macaroni.

And the most important thing is for us to get back together before it's too late.

And we could have a lot of happy, wonderful times, Clark.

And we don't get too many of those in the desert.

And we're on vacation.

And when his woman is at his side...

And when we get home, even though I've lost most of our money...

And where would you like the car sent, Mr. Pappagiorgio?

And you guys are growing up so fast, I hardly recognize you anymore.

Any questions?

Anyone for milk?

Anyway, we're just stopping by for lunch.

Are you a professional?

Are you okay? You look all red.

ARNIE: And that's how a power plant works.

As appealing as that sounds, Eddie, we should be going.

Audrey, come here. You gotta see this.

Audrey, honey, let me tell you something I learned:

AUDREY: Dad, I'm not going. The people there are so phony.

AUDREY: Daddy. Daddy.

AUDREY: No. She's got a body for it, though.

AUDREY: Rusty. Audrey, I'm asking for five bucks.

Audrey!

Audrey?

Audrey?

Audrey.

Batter up.

Because we're the Griswolds.

Best buck 49 buffet in town, Clark.

Best buck 49 buffet in town, Clark.

Bet with the bank.

Bet with the bank. Bet with the bank. Bet with the player.

Bet with the bank. Bet with the player.

Bet with the player.

Bet with the player.

Big bet for a big man.

Blackjack.

Blackjack. Blackjack.

Blinded by glitter and the almighty dollar.

Both of you take 20 bucks. If you need Daddy, I'll be...

BOTH: Coffee. Make it three.

BOY: Hey, Mr. Griswold.

But a fool who's only fooling himself.

But after meeting you, I realize how truly alone I am.

But I do know one thing.

But I was just dissatisfied with myself. All that's changed, thanks to Las Vegas.

But it's beautiful.

But my resolve is melting in the blinding light of your precious smile.

But when you got your body covered in third degree burns...

But with the constant windstorms and flash floods...

But, Dad, we're having a great time.

But, Wayne, you have millions of fans.

But... Oh, wait, here's something.

Buy a bullet and rent a gun?

Can you believe it? They used to test H bombs on this beautiful property.

Can you tell it's my thumb, huh?

Card counting, Clark?

CATHERINE: Bye, guys! EDDIE: Bye!

CATHERINE: Eddie.

CATHERINE: I love you, Eddie.

Changing 1600.

CHAUFFEUR: I'm sorry, sir. Come. Please. Come this way. Please.

Clark Griswold, did you think you were gonna get to Las Vegas...

Clark pretty much likes the garage for the car and the lawnmowers.

Clark, are you serious?

Clark, get our money back.

Clark, how much money do you have right now?

Clark, I don't think that Las Vegas is the kind of place you take a family.

Clark, it's not the way it looks. We were just having pasta.

Clark, this is a family vacation. Could you try to stay with the family?

Clark, this is all you can eat.

Clark, Wayne Newton.

Clark, where did all this come from?

Clark, you've been so good to Catherine and me through the years.

CLARK: Ellen, don't worry. I'm here, honey.

CLARK: Excuse me a minute. Five thousand dollars.

CLARK: God bless you. EDDIE: Thank you.

CLARK: Got one. Got one. Got one.

CLARK: Hello?

CLARK: Hit me.

CLARK: Hoover Dam. Over 1000 feet wide, and 727 feet to the bottom.

CLARK: I just want some time with you.

CLARK: Is it safe to be digging like this?

CLARK: Isn't it great?

CLARK: Look, everybody. I think you should see this.

CLARK: Maybe I'll just replace these and take a carrot.

CLARK: Maybe I'll just replace these and take a carrot.

CLARK: No, no, Sparklet. Don't blame gambling.

CLARK: Oh, come on.

CLARK: Oh, thank you.

CLARK: Rusty? Excuse me. Excuse me.

CLARK: Sweet for me, Marty. You're finished.

CLARK: That's Las Vegas, they never stop giving.

CLARK: Think we ought to be doing this before we get married?

CLARK: This is it. This is it.

CLARK: Well, Eddie said there was enough room for a pool.

CLARK: What do you say, Russ? My 20th anniversary.

CLARK: When a man can come to Las Vegas with a few extra bucks in his pocket...

Clark?

Clark? There he is. Clark!

Clark...

Coin toss. Eddie, these are my games.

Come on in. Let's have some fun.

Come on, Clark. The night is young.

Come on, come on, come on! There's a lot to do.

Come on, Griswold, you think this sign's here...

Come on, kids.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Come on.

Come on. You love me, don't you?

Congratulations. You've won the car.

COOK: Oh, you're right.

Could I see some ID, please?

Cousins.

Dad, Las Vegas? There's nothing to do there.

Dad, this is Larry, Kurt and Ira. They're professional entertainers.

Dad, we're too old for this.

Daddy wants a seven! Let's go, seven!

Daddy.

Daddy.

Daddy's coming to get you!

Damn it.

Dealer has rock. Pay paper.

DEALER: Another 21! EDDIE: Yeah, Clark, you nailed her there.

Did you come to Las Vegas to be a showgirl?

Did you know there were 92 individual muscles in the human throat?

Do you need a bodyguard? I'd die for you.

Doesn't that hurt?

Don't forget Grandma and Granddad's anniversary.

Don't let that one get out of your sight.

Don't shout, Daddy.

Don't think unnatural thoughts about your cousin, Russ.

Don't worry about me. I got plenty I can do on my own in Las Vegas.

Don't worry about water leaking through the rocks, folks. It's perfectly normal.

Drive carefully!

Eddie, has anybody ever told you before:

Eddie, I'm not worried about my money.

Eddie, I'm trying to concentrate.

Eddie, I've gambled away more money than you'll ever understand.

Eddie, thanks for buying me dinner.

Eddie, this place is great.

Eddie, what am I doing?

Eddie, when you look at me, what do you see?

Eddie, why do you have all this money buried in the ground?

Eddie, you have something on your...

EDDIE: Here's the best part.

EDDIE: I gotta warn you, Clark. They don't play the same games here...

EDDIE: Let go of me. Let go of me!

EDDIE: Oh, yeah. Watch out for the scorpions.

EDDIE: Which hand is it in?

EDDIE: You're on a roll now! Yeah!

Eddie.

Eddie...

Eight is a winner. What?

Eight years old.

Eighteen.

Eighty.

Ellen Griswold, do you promise to love and honor Clark...

Ellen Priscilla Ruth Smith Griswold...

Ellen, I...

Ellen, I've always been a moral man.

Ellen, I've been a fool.

Ellen, I've learned that a family vacation only works...

Ellen, what are you doing up? I thought you went to bed.

Ellen, you know, I've always felt very blessed...

Ellen, you're too much.

ELLEN: Are you watching for an address, Clark?

ELLEN: Bye, Eddie. EDDIE: Bye.

ELLEN: Clark. A limo?

ELLEN: Danke schoen.

ELLEN: Foot. Foot. Foot.

ELLEN: I hope you kids have learned something about the dangers of gambling.

ELLEN: Ow.

ELLEN: Sorry about the tablecloth.

ELLEN: What do you know about blackjack, Clark?

Ellen?

Ellen?

Ellen?

Ellen? I know what we can do.

Ellen? Russ?

Ellen.

Ellen. Outrageous. Where's the rest of the family?

Even eight matches wins $15,500.

Everybody loves a baby.

Excuse me a minute.

Excuse me! Excuse me!

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Get out of my way, please.

Fantastic. This kid's great.

Fantastic. Unbelievable.

Fine. You want five bucks? Here. Here, big man.

Five dollars. New roller coming out.

Five hundred dollars.

For a rainy day, Clark.

For the first time, I got the...

Four it is. Hey, gang!

Four tickets to Wayne Newton.

Fresh broccoli.

Gambling is what made America great.

Get out of my way. Hands off my wife!

Get out the sunscreen.

Get... Go get someone.

Give him the dice. He can do it. Come on.

Give me 20 bucks. War!

Give me another 20, Eddie.

Give me that! Give me that!

Give me your gum.

Go have some fun.

Go put it in the pit with the other ones.

Go to the tenth floor. Go right at the end of the hallway.

Good evening. Changing 200.

Good luck, everybody.

Good luck, Mr. Griswold.

Good luck, sir.

Good luck, sir.

Good luck.

Good night, Eddie.

Good night.

Good talk, son.

Goodbye, Ellen.

Gosh.

Great.

Great. Will you excuse me?

Have a good trip!

Have anybody in mind for a bridesmaid?

Have you ever swam with the dolphins? Them things is hard to catch.

Having an entourage is expensive.

He just ain't used to real home cooking. Are you, tiger?

He said, Take the ticket?

He'll do it again. The kid's gonna do it again.

He's gone. There was nothing you could do.

He's good.

Helen, show this girl something with a heel.

Helicopter rides to the Grand Canyon. See it as God does.

Hello, room service?

Hello? Hello? Help.

Hello.

Help. Daddy, I'm stuck.

Her picture's everywhere.

Here.

Here.

Here.

Here. Eat these.

Here's an idea:

Hey, could that be it?

Hey, Denny boy, come on over here.

Hey, everybody.

Hey, have you seen this person?

Hey, kids. Roundup time.

Hey, let the man roll the dice.

Hey, look at this.

Hey, pal, why the long face?

Hey, sir, are you all right?

Hey, what are you having for breakfast, lazybones?

Hey, who's it from, Mom?

Hey! Here come the kids.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! You wanna dance up here?

His name is not Pappagiorgio. His name is Rusty Griswold...

Hit me.

Hold on, honey.

Holy crap. Wayne Newton's hitting on Mom.

Honey, call up the kids.

Honey, did you forget I was in the Army?

Honey, please don't spoil your daddy's fun.

Honey, will you check the map again?

Honey? I'm home.

Hose down, now, kids. Chicken's almost ready.

Hot sandwiches. I'm not worthy of a hot sandwich.

How do we do it?

How much did you lose?

How often do I get to see my cousin Catherine?

How?

How?

How?

How'd you do at the tables last night?

How'd you do at the tables last night?

I ain't seen a beating like that since somebody stuck a banana in my pants...

I always make too much.

I am your dam guide, Arnie.

I can't believe it.

I could use a best man.

I do, but here?

I do? Thanks.

I don't care if I ever get my money back.

I don't care if you ruined my life. I love you!

I don't know if you've ever seen this.

I don't know.

I don't think that's a very good idea.

I feel so many things right now.

I forgot where I buried it.

I got a teeny thing happening downtown.

I got my big bonus.

I gotta get my family back.

I guess they really know how to treat their high rollers.

I had a fantastic alone day, Clark.

I had an idea.

I hate to see you down like this.

I have something for you.

I haven't said yes yet.

I hear that.

I hope you enjoyed the company as much as the food.

I love what you've done with the kitchenette.

I mean, Ellen, you and I are always working.

I mean, you know...

I need to go someplace where a man can think.

I never got married. I was scared.

I observe them. I cherish them.

I said, blackjack!

I seem to have run out of pocket money. Do you cash checks?

I sit here alone, you know. Nobody cares.

I suppose it is. Why? Want his autograph?

I think he did.

I think he said, Take the ticket.

I think he's staring at me.

I think this is gonna be the greatest vacation ever.

I think we have a problem, sir.

I thought the pilot was very helpful.

I used to have quite a little system for finding it.

I wanna gamble.

I wanna play baccarat.

I wanna press this up.

I wish Eddie and I had time for that sort of thing.

I wish I could spend the rest of my life with you.

I won the money.

I won! I won!

I won. I won the money.

I won. I won the money. Did you hear me? I said I won.

I'd like the crab Rangoon, chicken fingers...

I'd like to bet five dollars.

I'll get the tongs.

I'll have some of the... Some of the yellow.

I'll never fly again.

I'll tell you what there is.

I'll tell you what you see:

I'm a fan, sir. I am a fan. I can't believe I'm standing next to you.

I'm about even.

I'm broke.

I'm going out.

I'm going to college in the fall, but I'm doing volunteer work this summer.

I'm gonna make pasta.

I'm gonna remarry your mom.

I'm here to help.

I'm learning baccarat.

I'm looking for an underage kid named Pappagiorgio. Seen him?

I'm not a father. I'm not a husband. I'm nothing.

I'm sorry to bother you, sir. May I see some ID?

I'm sorry, sir, it's tails.

I'm starting my vacation.

I'm sure you'll be happy with Wayne Newton.

I'm telling you, this is not the way to do this.

I've been coming here for... I've never won once, and now I won.

I've been earning money testing fertility drugs.

I've got a chip here.

I've got news for you, Clark:

I've got some...

I've got two dollars.

I've gotta go. But thank you.

I've lost $300 in 15 minutes?

If I could just get that money back, I could turn it all around.

If I did have a family, I'd like it to be like yours.

If I win at something, I have nobody to share it with.

If it ain't gluing your butt to the seat...

If she'll have me.

If this is about sex, I already know.

If you get to the pool, you've gone too far. Back up.

If you have nothing to do later, please come back.

If you're still hungry, I can wrestle the potato salad from the dog.

In this world, you're either up on the stage in the spotlight...

Is that clear?

Is this it?

Isn't there legalized prostitution?

It got late. I got worried about you.

It was a wonderful time.

It's a lock of my hair.

It's Audrey's birthday.

It's been such a long day.

It's Dean Martin's recipe.

It's government property all around us, so you know nobody's gonna build.

It's my long life food preservative. It's finally been approved.

It's not that high.

It's people like you who blow the family nest egg here that built this town.

It's the number one family destination in America.

It's Wayne Newton!

Jeez.

JILLY: I love you, kid!

Just don't want you to lose all your money. That's all.

Just gonna... I'm gonna help her get it out.

Just like in gym class.

Just tell them I'll catch up.

Keep dreaming, son.

Kids, come on in here. Gather around.

Kids, remember when you were babies?

Kids, remember when you were babies?

Larry can bend his leg up over his head without falling. Wanna see?

Larry's taking me to see the world's largest thermometer.

Las Vegas Fun Police. Hand over your chips.

Las Vegas has changed, Ellen.

Let me get the babysitter.

Let me tell you something. Money isn't everything.

Let's go.

Let's let them get into some trouble.

Let's see if I still got it.

Listen, everybody. Who knows how many more chances we'll get...

Little Ruby Sue must have grown a foot since you saw her last.

Look at these people.

Look at this one here.

Look out, don't hurt me now. Don't hurt me.

Look who's home.

Look, maybe we should join...

Lord is my witness, I hate this heat.

Love to. But we have a lot of plans, don't we?

Love you.

Lunch was wonderful.

MAN [ON RADIO]: 4:22 on a sunny Thursday afternoon here...

MAN [ON TV]: At Hoover Dam today...

MAN 3: Press this up? Yeah. Yeah, press it.

MAN: Hey! What are you doing there?

MAN: I won. I won. I won.

MAN: Please, madame. Chin up.

MAN: Shrimp cocktail, 29 cents.

MAN: This way, please. The tour is about to start.

MAN: This way, please. The tour is about to start.

MARTY: Place your bet, sir. Yes, the bet.

Marvelous.

Masters of the Impossible.

May I see some ID?

Maybe you're hungry. Would you like some pasta?

Me? No. Not really.

Meet us in the spa at 10:00 tomorrow morning.

Mom, we're next door. Can't we get our own rooms?

Money stashed away.

Mr. Pappagiorgio?

Mr. Pappagiorgio. Yeah, Lanai 6.

Mr. Shirley thinks a guy like Clark Griswold deserves a few days off.

Mrs. Ellen Griswold.

My friend, $200 in chips, please?

My health...

My kids are thriving.

My son.

My wife and kids are back in Yuma where I work in software...

Next stop, Wayne Newton's house.

Nice breeze up here.

Nice kids, Eddie.

Nice of you. Good luck.

Nice place for a pearl necklace.

Nice to meet you.

Nick Pappagiorgio from Yuma? You like getting massaged?

Nine is a natural.

Nine is a natural.

Nine is a natural.

Nine.

Nineteen.

Nineteen. So close.

No corrective lenses tonight?

No gratuity is necessary, sir.

No problem.

No, cancel that.

No, I do not require them.

No, I don't think so.

No, I'm on vacation with my parents.

No, Russ. Get dressed.

No.

No. I got it.

No. I think they want a little time away from mama and papa bear.

No. No, I... I must be tired. Maybe I'll go find the kids.

No. Not really.

No...

Not me.

Not now, honey. They're teaching me baccarat.

Not this pretty boy.

Not within the city limits, Russ.

Not you.

Now aren't you a little slice of pie?

Now that you got that, all we gotta do is teach you how to dress.

Now, are there any dam questions?

Now, here's one for all you rush hour rockers.

Now, I'm about to take you through a fully functioning power plant.

Now, in order to get to your rooms, go this way through the casino.

Now, listen, I know we haven't seen a lot of each other lately...

Now, where can I do the most damage?

Number one show on the planet.

Oh, and Dad's old football number, 44.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Oh, come on.

Oh, Daddy. I don't know what I was thinking. Let's go home right now.

Oh, don't worry, Audrey. It won't leave a permanent line.

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Oh, God! Oh, God!

Oh, Greg, give me some birds. Let me hear some birds.

Oh, I had that last time I was here.

Oh, I love electricity. Eddie says we're gonna get some soon.

Oh, I see.

Oh, I wouldn't do that here, Clark.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

Oh, it's getting late.

Oh, man. It is a blazer out there.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my Lord. Rusty!

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, okay. Let's see. House has 14, and house busts.

Oh, thank you. We're very blessed.

Oh, thanks. Yeah, listen...

Oh, that's so wonderful.

Oh, there you are. Did you get that?

Oh, Wayne.

Oh, Wayne.

Oh, whatever.

Oh, why don't you go sing something?

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's from when I sold one of my kidneys.

Oh, yeah! That's a bigger fire than the red drink.

Oh, yeah. Every time I belch the plate shifts and my legs give out.

Oh, yeah. I remember when I was too young.

Oh, yeah. Okay.

Oh, you may feel like nothing now, but look on the bright side.

Oh, you must be lost. This is Mr. Pappagiorgio.

Oh, you'll have a great time.

Oh, your mother's got something caught in her eye.

Oh.

Oh.

Okay, Ellen, you drive the red one.

Okay, kids. Inspection in five minutes.

Okay, wise guy. Let's see how you do against three hands.

Okay, you gotta pick 10 numbers.

Okay. Here we go.

Okay. Here we go.

Okay. I think I get it.

Okay. There's one more reason why you should all go.

Okay. What happened to you last night?

Okay. What the hell.

On your right is Treasure Island. On the left is Harrah's.

One hand at a time.

Oops. Yeah.

Ow! Good night, honey.

Pappagiorgio?

Payback time.

Phone booths, men's rooms.

Pick a number? I'm great at that.

Please wear this tonight. A friend.

Please, keep up with the tour.

Please, they just love me for my talent.

Please.

Police emergency.

Promise to love and honor Ellen...

Really, Sparky?

Remember when I had the puffer fish?

Right now. Ready?

ROY: Enter. Okay. I know this one. Yeah.

ROY: Give him a hand.

ROY: Trust me. CLARK: All right. I'll trust you.

Russell, I never wanna hear those words out of your mouth again.

Rusty and Audrey Griswold, please.

Rusty and my poor little Audrey.

RUSTY: Hey, is this for us?

RUSTY: I wonder where Dad went. I haven't got a clue.

Rusty?

Rusty's never had this reaction to poultry before.

Say cheese.

See how they like this.

See the way the plane applauded?

See, I told you. Clark!

See, we're on our honeymoon, but if you wait here for two minutes...

Seven out.

Shall we?

She's gonna break something.

She's got her mama's looks and her daddy's sense of balance.

She's with Vickie somewhere.

Show them that little move I taught you there, pork chop.

Shrimp, ladies.

SIEGFRIED: Now, let's do some real magic.

Sir.

Sit down.

Smartest thing I ever did, Clark.

So please, no one wander off the dam tour.

So that's how they got the title Danke Schoen.

So this is going up then, huh? I'll just go with it.

So to close out that wonderful chapter in our lives...

So, what's it gonna be tonight? The Amazing Elvis Monkeys?

Some of this spaghetti Bolognese here.

Sorry, my pen burst in the altitude, you know?

Stick your head in and say, Joey Heatherton.

Still got a lot of sightseeing, and I added tetanus shot to the list.

Sure you don't wanna save a few bucks for the buffet?

Take another right and then wind around left.

Ten bucks. Ten, ten.

Thank you so much for having me for dinner.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks for the pick me up, Eddie.

That sounds great, but Ellen went to sleep hours ago.

That'll keep them busy for hours.

That's a workout there, isn't it? Climbed all the way up there.

That's fast.

That's it, Clark.

That's it, kid.

That's it. I've had enough. Let's get out of here.

That's not exactly what I had in mind.

That's why I entered into the sacred bond of marriage with her.

That's wonderful.

The Beach Boys with Good Vibrations.

The guys at work tell me there's this special club we can join...

The money is mine. I have the money. The money is mine. I got it!

The point is, starting now...

The stalls are awfully dirty and they're backed up all the time.

Then by the power vested in me by the state of Nevada...

Then she must be one hell of a sleepwalker.

Then we'd wrap you up in those little baby blankets...

There must be over $100 in here.

There we are.

There you go. What are you doing in Las Vegas, Eddie?

There's a Honeymoon Slots tournament at the Golden Nugget.

There's a lot to do.

There's first class entertainment, beautiful scenery...

There's just one little problem.

There's something I have to tell you.

There's something your old dad would like to say about that:

These boys aren't much to talk to...

These rolls.

They always put the machines that pay off the most right in front.

They don't have these games at the Mirage.

They grow up so fast, don't they?

They tossed me.

They're busy.

They're four years old.

They're giving away free hot sandwiches at the blood bank.

They're not bad.

Thirty three.

This bread pudding is extra runny tonight.

This doesn't look like chicken.

This is one of the oldest dam tunnels we have.

This is steep.

This isn't chicken. This is chicken.

This should be sweet.

This tour gets better every week.

This way, please.

This way.

This whole thing is money, money, money.

Those four cars over there...

Those lousy bums threw you out?

Those were my mother's dying words.

Time's up, Eddie.

Tonight, consider yourself part of our family.

Try me.

Twelve. Craps. A loser.

Twenty eight dollars.

Twenty two thousand, six hundred dollars.

Veer to the left. Take a sharp right at the first giant palm tree.

Vegas, Vegas, Vegas!

Very special lady.

VICKIE: Don't ever pick me up again.

VICKIE: See this. It's after riding wear.

Wait a minute. I've lost most of our money?

Want some?

Wayne has invited us to Shenandoah tomorrow for lunch and festivities.

Wayne Newton just happens to be one of America's greatest entertainers.

Wayne Newton?

Wayne Newton?

Wayne, please don't.

Wayne, please.

WAYNE: Thank you.

Wayne!

We can get remarried. Right now.

We can raise snakes, maybe open up our own petting zoo.

We could count the bulbs on the strip. Audrey.

We could go into business for ourselves.

We could turn the den into a guest room. But I don't know about your horses.

We didn't really need the cash at the time...

We only need one plate.

We'll dig you a guest room.

We'll get your money back.

We're so impressed with your playing...

Welcome to the Mirage, Mr. Pappagiorgio. My name is Dean.

Welcome to the Mirage. Your credit card?

Welcome, everyone.

Well, here, take my seat, Eddie.

Well, I think we know who sent the dress.

Well, okay. Okay. Look. Look, let me just tip the piano player.

Well, we could all...

Well, we were very, very fortunate last night, Eddie...

Well, we've been married 20 years.

Well, with the checks and the credit cards...

Well, you can live with us right here in Vegas.

Well, you have your health.

Well, you see, we left our IDs upstairs, actually.

Well...

What a magnificent achievement.

What did he say?

What did he say?

What do you mean, they're...? They're yours?

What do you think of my spread, huh?

What energy!

What is it, Russ?

What? Ten years of tap dancing lessons and this is how you repay me?

What's it gonna be tonight? Wires? Mirrors? Trap doors?

What's this?

When a beautiful young blond co ed...

When I was your age, they had to use a water cannon...

Where am I gonna go?

Where are we going?

Where can I buy some bait?

Where can I buy some bait?

Where did I go wrong? What did I do?

Where else can you wear shorts 24 hours a day, huh?

Where the hell is the damn dam tour?

Where you going, Pop?

Where's the nearest casino?

Who knew my sister had the legs of a thoroughbred?

Who wants it now? Who wants it?

Who's hungry?

Whoa!

Whoa! I am on fire.

Why do they do that when we got a hot table? Why?

Why don't you give me half the money you were gonna bet...

Why don't you just call it a night and let Ellen lick your wounds.

Wish you and Catherine could come, but no room for the kids.

Without my family, there is no Clark Griswold.

WOMAN [OVER P.A.]: The flight captain has...

WOMAN: Are you thinking of dancing, honey?

WOMAN: Fourteen. Doesn't matter.

WOMAN: Hi. EDDIE: I'm okay. I'm okay.

WOMAN: Seven. It's seven.

WOMAN: Ten.

WOMAN: Twenty two.

WOMAN: Yeah. MARTY: Six!

Would the two of you have any ID?

Would you just look at that view?

Would you look at this.

Wouldn't that be great?

Wow, it's beautiful.

Yeah, I got money buried all over this yard, Clark.

Yeah, that's what we could do.

Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. And we're all going.

Yeah. ID? Sure.

Yeah. Just have to go to the restroom.

Yeah. Life is good.

Yeah. Twenty.

Yeah. Where can I get some damn bait?

Yeah... Yeah.

Yes, he stole my wallet. He's back there.

You are in deep trouble, my friend.

You are my family.

You brought us for a family vacation...

You don't know the affect he has on women.

You don't know when to quit, do you?

You go first. I'll be right behind you.

You gotta learn how to relax.

You have got to be kidding me.

You heard your father. Move it.

You know blackjack is the only game where a smart player...

You know that crap ID you sold me? I want my 10 bucks back.

You know what drives me crazy? Baccarat tables.

You know what your problem is, Nick? You're a nervous guy.

You know you can sprinkle that stuff on anything. Ice cream, mashed potatoes...

You know you look really beautiful right now?

You know, Clark, I love women.

You know, honey?

You know, I happen to know a little magic.

You know, Russ and I play this all the time.

You may kiss the bride.

You mean it?

You remember your cousin Vickie, don't you, Russ? She's a dancer now.

You see a man whose family counted on him...

You see, Russ, there comes a time in every young man's life...

You see, the promise of material possessions can often blind one to the...

You see? Las Vegas is already bringing us closer together.

You take the Mustang, and I'll take that big black thing over there.

You wanna hang with me tonight, I'll give you my beeper number.

You want me to go with you?

You weren't in the Army, Clark.

You'll see a bank of elevators. They aren't yours. Stay away from them.

You'll see a group of blackjack tables. Not baccarat, not craps. Blackjack.

You're bad luck?

You're from Yuma, Arizona. You're into software.

You're lucky you came on Italian night. That stuff will knock your socks off.

You're Nick Pappagiorgio.

You're really a magical group of people.

You're right, Jilly. I know I do.

You're the most boring person to travel with.

You're very lucky. I've been to every Wayne show for the last 15 years.

Your baby?

Your final number, 54.

Yuma. It's great.

... and bury what's left of my money? Heads.

... and not see your favorite cousin, huh? Your bet.

... for as long as you both shall live? I do.

... if you're so inclined. Oh, it's just a birthmark.

... things could be a lot worse. Yeah. You could be pregnant again.

A better time to... This is gonna be our best one.

A drink, please. Welcome to the Riviera.

Am I right? Shut up, Russ.

Another 100 in chips, please. MARTY: Changing 100.

Anybody up for craps? We're too young, remember?

Audrey? No pockets.

Being on the road is just... You've been everywhere.

Bet with the bank. Clark!

But you do. MAN 1: Come on!

By who? By who? By me.

Bye, everybody. EDDIE: Bye, Ellen.

Call it. Clark, what say we go back home...

Can I play five dollars in coins, please? What?

Can't your parents wire us money? There.

Chips. Changing 500.

Clark Griswold. Clark Griswold.

Clark. He switched them. I saw him.

Clark. I don't know what I'll tell Ellen. I mean...

Clark... Listen, I know the routine.

Come on, baby. Come on. Seven. Any way.

Come on! MAN 2: Seven again.

Could you hand me that oven mitt? Oh, yeah.

Dad. In a minute, Russ.

Dad. What do you say? Let's do it.

Dad. What?

Daddy, Daddy, I caught another snake. That's good, sweetheart.

Daddy! Oh, my God!

Daddy. Clark.

Eddie, he's sick. Anyway, I... He'll be all right.

Eddie! Please! Oh, my God.

Eddie? Twenty two. Player busts.

Fake IDs. How'd you know?

Fifty on black, please. DEALER: No more bets.

Fishing's been better, though. Yeah.

Five dollars, Clark? Five dollars. Here we go.

Get a wallet. Jeez.

Give me the keys, please. EDDIE: Five thousand dollars?

Go for this. I'm ready. MAN 1: He looks like a shooter.

Go on. All right. I'll play along. Okay.

Good luck, sir. Let's go, kid! Let's do this.

Good to have you. SIEGFRIED: Be comfortable.

Goodbye, Eddie. Goodbye, Clark.

Great. Love you.

Hard six coming out. ELLEN: What?

Have a nice night. See you later.

Here, go ahead. Go ahead and get us a table.

Here's five bucks. Thank you.

Hey, Dad, game's almost starting. Yeah.

Hi, honey. Oh, hi, honey.

Hi. MAN: Good evening.

Hit me. EDDIE: It's a bust.

Honey... Give me that.

How about Audrey? Audrey who?

How about Liberace on Ice? Oh, Clark, I don't' know.

How are you enjoying that massage? I'm enjoying it, Jilly, I really am.

How's your chicken? Mine's dry as hell. Mine's dry as hell too.

I almost lost my tag. ELLEN: Clark.

I didn't lose. That's it.

I do. Clark Griswold, do you...?

I don't know if this will work... Some other kind of club.

I get it? Yeah.

I just think there's... This is gonna be such a great vacation.

I think I'll just be over by the Saltines. Oh, okay.

I wanna show you something. Is it my new car?

I won't take it. No. Just trying to get even, Eddie.

I'm in. Here we go.

I've invited you. You find the Clark Griswold I married...

If those guys weren't bust outs... ELLEN: Isn't it lovely?

Is that legal? Sharpens the player's edge.

Is there a charge for parking? No.

It seems you have a hobby. Yeah, a hobby I got. That's it.

It was a great idea. Oh, yeah.

It's been wonderful. Ellen, wait.

It's okay. It's here. Right here.

Jilly from Philly. Nick Pappagiorgio from Yuma.

Just give me my $10 back. I'm not through with you yet, all right?

Kid looks like a shooter. I'll go for this.

Look what's happening here. Here.

Look, Dad, Vickie took me to her stylist. ELLEN: Clark.

Mr. Pappagiorgio, your usual table? Not tonight.

My foot. My foot. I got it. I got it. I got it.

Nice roll, Mr. Nick. You did good, kid.

Nice to meet you, sir. How do you do?

Nine again. You know, Clark...

No, really. Keep it. Follow me, please.

Oh, Clark, do something. Okay. Look out.

Oh, my God! Eddie.

Oh, my God. Clark! Daddy!

Oh, Nick. So I says to him...

Only if you're staying at the hotel, sir. Indeed I am.

Open this door! Don't be alarmed. He's with me.

Our baby. Hang on, honey!

Our prime years are few and fast. Woulda, coulda, shoulda.

Place your bets. CLARK: Yeah.

Pleased to meet you. Into food preservatives? What a gas.

Right here on the strip? Smile, kid. You're in Vegas.

Russ? Audrey? ELLEN: Oh, Clark, don't wake them.

Russ. Yeah, Dad?

Rusty! Russ!

Rusty? I spent it all.

Seven. A winner! Yeah!

Seven. A winner! Yeah.

Seven. Any way. Seven now.

Seven. Winner! Yeah!

She was marvelous. I might have some...

Sir, do you know this person? No, no. Hi. Clark W. Griswold.

Sir, why don't you come on stage? Oh, come on, Clark. It'll be fun.

Six bucks. Oh, yeah. Yuban coffee.

Smells good. Oh, well... Don't, don't, don't!

So thanks for the lunch, and bye. EDDIE: Not so fast, Clark.

Thank you for the drink, Wayne. Okay. Good night, Wayne.

Thanks. Have a good evening, Mr. Morris.

Thanks. Like to sit down?

That's good. No, let's get a little more.

That's wonderful. I won the money.

The boy likes eating through a straw. Gotta let kids make their own mistakes.

The loneliest guy I ever saw. He would've given anything...

They're chocolate chip. They're delicious.

Twenty. Oh, he's good.

Vegas. Vegas. Vegas. AUDREY: Daddy!

Wasn't Einstein German? Hard to tell from his accent, Russ.

We still have each other. Sparky.

We'll never even know his name. He was Mr. Ellis.

We're in the front row! I tipped him.

Welcome to the fabulous Mirage. Thank you.

Well, if you're all too busy... You hang on a minute, mister.

Well, what about my money? You stay here. I'll be right back.

What can I do with five dollars? Gee, I don't know.

What do you say, Ellen? I'm with you, baby.

What do you think you're doing? You told me to get a summer job!

What? Dad, what about my tuition?

What? Shuffling.

Where did you get that stuff? At the men's store. Ask for Caesar.

Where'd you get them? I pulled four slot machines...

Where's Vickie? Where's Vickie?

Where's your sister? Audrey?

Why'd you tell Eddie we were here? Oh, come on.

Yeah, Dad, do it. No. I can't...

Yeah, Dad. AUDREY: Congratulations, Daddy.

Yeah, Dad. What block are we on? Very funny, Russ.

Yeah, when are we going? Let's just quit while we're ahead.

Yeah! MAN 3: Yeah!

Yeah? Hi. For Ellen Griswold.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. MAN: Yeah.

Yes. MAN 3: Seven again! I can't believe it!

You do? Yeah.

You need help with the grill, Eddie? No, thanks, Clark. Don't have one.

You wanna press it? Press it?

You were gonna buy me a snowboard. We still have our love.

You're a lucky man. Luckiest guy on earth.

You're rolling. Good luck, everybody.

...and all the shrimp cocktail you can eat.

...and he's a C plus student. Now, out of the pool! Let's go, young man!

...and I think the Griswolds... We learned something on this vacation.

...and I won four cars, you know. I put a dollar in, I got a car.

...and let it ride to the New World on a single tank of gas...

...and my garden is spitting out 50 pound tomatoes.

...and roll you back and forth across the bed into each other.

...and take his family on a fabulous vacation to say...

...and tell him I'm at the Mirage.

...and that's okay, but we're the Griswolds.

...and the Las Vegas Entertainers' Association...

...and the only time we've spent together is on your way to the casino.

...and the Tropical Banana Torte.

...and turned a monkey loose.

...and you can tell us all how much more good you used to have it.

...and your foot's caught in a bear trap, you'll talk crazy.

...but I figured with all the advances in medicine...

...but what can you do?

...by all the gifts that I've been given.

...fantastic Las Vegas.

...for as long as you both shall live?

...goes out and explores the city of Las Vegas in their own personal way?

...has a mathematical advantage over the house?

...I don't know, 22, 23,000 dollars. Somewhere in there.

...I got us four tickets to Siegfried and Roy.

...I might as well sell it while somebody still wanted to buy it.

...I now pronounce you man and wife.

...I said, Get your own monkey.

...I'll can run upstairs and get the ID. I'll be right back. Okay?

...if you wanna make money in a casino, walk up to a baccarat table and say:

...if you're thinking about buying me a Cadillac, forget it.

...in Chicago, on K LITE.

...in the software business.

...it's making you sweat like a farm animal.

...just to have someone sit with him and say a few nice words.

...maybe throw a ten spot down on a table...

...maybe you ought to spread it around...

...oppressive heat and home schooling, we don't have a minute free.

...or down in the pit serving drinks.

...or just eat it right out of the can for a quick pick me up.

...pay an extra dollar for a steak with his eggs...

...rolling the dice. Have fun, kids.

...she was taking a gamble too.

...sit on a bench as a family and watch a beautiful Vegas sunset.

...that they do at them regular casinos.

...that was a gamble. Ben Franklin, Thomas Edison...

...that's a happy day for that man.

...the fragrant garden of beautiful flowers.

...the Jackpot Burger...

...the VA gave me a huge plot of government land just north of town.

...the water level dropped four feet after an unexplained flood...

...then we'll go out back, I'll kick you in the nuts, and we'll call it a day?

...they're mine.

...this is for you.

...to do something together as a family?

...to give them the best vacation ever. And I can't do it. I can't do it, because...

...to hold down the table?

...to keep me away from the girls.

...to let the flowers bloom more brightly, rather than...

...took a chance on a gangly boy of a man named Clark...

...unattainable.

...we'd like to invite you to stay in one of our suites. Follow me.

...we're gonna have a great time together.

...when he enters...

...when you're with your family. And you and Russ and...

...will you remarry me?

[ALL GROANING]

[BELL CHIMES]

[BIRDS CHIRPING OVER SPEAKERS]

[CATHERINE CRYING]

[CATHERINE SOBBING]

[CHEERING]

[CHEERING]

[CHEERING]

[CLARK SINGING GOOD VIBRATIONS BY THE BEACH BOYS]

[CROWD CHEERING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[ECHOING] Ellen?

[EDDIE LAUGHING]

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

[GASPING]

[GIGGLING]

[GRUNTING]

[HORN HONKING AND PEOPLE CHEERING]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHS]

[MAN CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY ON TV]

[MAN SINGING]

[MOUTHING WORDS] Remember me?

[MOUTHING WORDS] Wayne Newton.

[MOUTHING WORDS] Yes.

[PHONE RINGING]

[RUSTY SPITTING AND COUGHING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMS]

[SIGHS]

[SINGING AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL]

[SINGING]

[SINGING]

[SINGING] A boy on the town When he's in love

[SIRENS WAILING]

[SLAPPING]

[SNEEZING]

[WHISPERING] Audrey. Audrey, come here.

[WHISTLING]