Club Dread (2004) Edit

A fan? Man, you`re a fucking loon!

A little song I wrote seven and a half fucking years...

A mellow island songster...

A very magical place.

Aah!

About time you two perverts showed up for the party! [ Laughs ]

Actually, I was quite engaged until you bullied your way in here.

After a knife fight with guerrilla drug lords, then you talk to me.

Ah,Jesus Christ! That`s tequila!

Ahhh.

All I`m saying is I don`t go into the jungle alone if I can help it.

All night raving, pill popping little son of a bitch.!

All right now, be on guard. He might be a little cranky.

All right, Lars will probably come after us here.

All right, Lars, let`s see what you got.

All right, let`s get back to the case. What we have to do

All right, let`s go have some fun now, huh? Bring it down. Bring it down.

All right, now here`s the plan.

All right, since there`s no way off this rock...

All right, so maybe the octopus...

All right, stick to the shore. There`s no reason to go in the jungle.

All right?

All right. There is only one way to find out.

Amy`s got some fantastic advice for everybody this morning, haven`t you, Amy?

And again, Peter.

And chopped those staff members into a hundred pieces.

And he once said something very wise:

And he was smokin`it with those two little hussies...

And I got lonely!

And if not, then at least we know it`s not him.

And it was kind of wadded up on the ground

And most importantly of all, no strings attached!

And most of it`s just common sense. Like right now...

And one night it was a night a lot like tonight

And that his favorite spice was rosemary?

And then Amy Aerobics died, and so she`s the new number one chick, dude.

And they go on this adventure to find, uh, Atlantis or some shit.

And they say he took that same machete...

And they say...

And they`re here to take care of you in more ways than one.!

And Tokey and Bongo are his buddies.

And wait until the morning, and we`re going to do this together.

And walk 20 klicks to an aid station...

And we don`t know if he got out or if someone else got in.

And we`re gonna hold you to it.

And we`re gonna make it through the night, okay?

And when he does, I promise you...

And will be an excellent addition to your staff.``

And, uh, everyone`ll get laid.

Any of you guys have a mother?

Apeeper, huh? My kind of guy.

Are you ready for the time of your life?

Are you telling me there`s some totally deranged, dickless dude running around out there?

Are you trying to tell us something, boy? Is Timmy trapped in a well?

Aren`t you taking any weapons?

As Machete Phil.

At least assault with a deadly wet one.

Ay, puta.! Just come and look!

Because I just found Putman.

Because it`s goddamn Fashion Show Wednesday, that`s why!

Because Lars was in the jungle killing Putman.

Before I go...

Before Margaritaville`` was even on the map!

Better believe I`ll be keeping an eye on you, Mr. Miyagi.

Bloody hell,Jen! Am I the only one?

Bravo, Lars, bravo.

Broken?

But from that point on...

But he can`t see shit. It`s pitch black, so he just keeps bangin` away.

But he sees that he`s having sex with a corpse.

But I have some... ammunition of my own.

But I think you`re gonna get a big kick out of it, okay?

But I told him I I could handle the responsibility.

But I`ll bet hind to horses...

But I`m plagued by the dreams.

But I`m still really psyched. I`ve been waiting a long time for this.

But it`s not yet game, set

But something doesn`t feel right to Coletti.

But what about the sign on Cliff s neck?

But you gotta see what someone did to my activities board.

But, look, it still doesn`t prove that she`s the killer.

Calamari?

Can anyone guess the secret ingredient?

Carlos, these knives are filthy. When are you gonna clean `em?

Cause everybody`s looking to find their own paradise.```

Change!

Check it out.

Chopped his own dick off and ran screaming into the jungle.

Cliff.

Cliffs, rocks, boards. Whatever you wish.

Coconut Pete`s Paella?

Coconut Pete.

Coconut Pete. Hey, man, I really appreciate you bringing me into your life circle.

Coconut Pete.!

Coletti looks around and sees not only is he out in the middle of that old Mayan cemetery...

Come on, hit it! Hit it!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on! Hurry! Come on! [ Groans ]

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Cue Pretzel. Cue Pretzel. Pretzel Ah.

Come on. I have an obligation to get to the bottom of that

Come on. I have an obligation to get to the bottom of that

Congratulations. I heard you got your own fitness show?

Cool it,Juanny. You know that`s just a bullshit story for the guests.

Costa Rican prison that`s some hard core anal action, man.

Crab, crab, crab. Shot. Throw it away. Salute.

Crab, crab, crab. Shot. Throw it away. Salute.

Crying out...

Damn it! He must have taken my swords.

Damn.! [ Giggles ]

Dave was gonna run it into the ground.

Dear God in heaven.

Definitely not this guy.

Did a little Falun Gong in Bang Chow.

Did it stink? You bet it stunk.

Did you know that I can hold my breath...

Dirk, get outta the pool!

Do not underestimate me, Lars.

Does he believe in the local legends of the island...

Don Henley was gonna play drums! Fuck, that would`ve been tight! Fuck.

Don`t tell me 1 5th row.

Dude, she was. But then the chick by the palm tree died...

During the Sung Dynasty, there was a great mystic Master Tsu Tong Po.

Eh, I just want our first time to be wonderful.

Eh, I`m still not sure.

Eh, yeah. Hey, look, I salty, yeah?

Everyone knows Dave`s parents got killed at a Pete show.

Excuse me?

Farewell.

For having sex with a goat.

For keeping these people from enjoying free drinks at the pool from noon to 3:00!

For three minutes and 33 seconds? [ Chuckles ]

Found a machete...

Free drinks, whoever catches me!

Fuck no. I mean, uh, I don`t know.

Fuck off.

Fuck that guy! Son of a son of a bitch!

Fuck, I don`t know what it seemed to suggest. Let me try that again.

Further and further away from the lights of the club...

Get out, now!

Get outta here! Now! I can`t hold him for long.

Give me a break. I screwed Juan and Pete, and those guys aren`t dead.

Give me a break. Sissy Brit.

Give me a heads up before you do that.

Go ahead. [ Chuckles ]

Goddamn it! Coconut Pete`s Paella!

Good luck, Putman.

Great.

H How many gold records do you have?

Hang on to your kudos.

Have a good time all the time.

He didn`t take it. He sunk it.

He fell and cracked his shell``? That`s like Carlos up in the parasail.

He had grass. My grass!

He keeps aging hippies from stealing the bong out of your tour bus?

He left last night. He ran off into the jungle.

He was forming a supergroup Billy Squier and Eddie Money!

He was going back on the on the road where he belonged.

He was gonna sell the island to the navy for test bombing.

He was uncircumcised and smelled of oranges? [ Sniffs ]

He would hunt me down like a deranged lunatic.

He`s Coconut Pete`s nephew, so he thinks he can get away with murder.

He`s far too large.

He`s my Uncle Petey.

He`s not too worried about it.

He`s the guy from the campfire story Machete Phil, the kid with no dick.

Hejust rolls right over, starts putting the screws to her.

Hello, Pete.

Hello?

Help! Help!

Here comes Coconut Pete.!

Here we go, I`ll do, um Okay, ready and action.

Hey [ Moans ]

Hey, Dave. Hey, Carlos.

Hey, get your own margy.

Hey, guys, I`m gonna need you back at the bonfire. We`re gonna make an announcement.

Hey, help me!

Hey, I don`t have to tell you shit, Fun Pig! You wanna Fun arrest me?

Hey, I figured it out. I know where those lines on the board came from.

Hey, I was in Nicaragua,junior!

Hey, it looks like everybody else is okay.

Hey, let`s dance. It`s easier when you`re smiling.

Hey, look. Putman freaked out in the middle of the night and took off into the jungle.

Hey, Pretzel! Get your twisted, salty ass out here.

Hey, you guys ever hear the story of the Machete Maniac?

Hey, you. I`m sorry I`m late. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Hey.

Hey.! Nice helmet, Lars.!

Hola, Peenalop!

Hot dudes lookin` for some gander juice.

How do you kill someone with an octopus?

How do you not know the words to your own song?

How many of you knew that he he was afraid of dogs...

How many of you knew that...

How the hell are we supposed to do our job...

How would you like to be stuffed in this closet while I go out there and have sex?

Huh?

Huh? You all want to know what I did?

Huh. So where are you from?

I always...

I believe I`m safer on my own.

I can`t believe you invited that guy.

I can`t reach it. [ Panting ] I can handle this.

I cannot imagine a more beautiful way to go.

I did not do this. I`m not a killer.

I did not do this. I`m not a killer.

I don`t care if I have to carve a spear out ofbamboo, this asshole`s

I don`t even remember making the album, okay?

I don`t know if I`d fit in your luggage. Oh, shit!

I don`t know, I haven`t seen him all night.

I don`t know. I I mean, the Smilin` Smuggler...

I don`t think so. [ Chuckles ]

I don`t wanna get caught in the middle of a cemetery.

I found out that Pete was giving the island to Dave.

I got it. In that song...

I guess nobody told you, but, uh...

I guess you also know that I took this song and turned it...

I guess you just have one of those faces.

I have to play tennis soon, and, well, to be honest...

I heard you were being very bad today,Juan.

I just can`t seem to wrap my fingers around it.

I just wanted to leave my past behind me when I came here.

I just wanted to party like everyone else.

I know a place more private...

I know ex actly what you need.

I know that chick. That`s the chick on that TVshow

I know this is going to sound disgusting, but...

I know where this goes! Let`s go! Come on, quickly!

I know you guys are probably a little intimidated by cooking for the whole resort...

I love you, Coconut Pete!

I mean, body work`s still my life, but I`ve also done the Dianetic thing.

I mean, is it the next victims, or is it the killer?

I mean, isn`t this, like, sacred or something?

I mean, it`s just so free.

I mean, let`s see. You had sex with Rolo, and he`s dead.

I mean, that means he`s targeting us.

I mean, who the fuck would wanna come here and do something like this?

I meant, maybe you and Jenny could...

I read a 1 977 interview where you said that...

I remember when we first met, I was kinda like, Who the fuck is this guy?

I seen this a million times.

I think it`s a good idea if we were to go down the beach a little more far.

I think there`s a problem with the lights! [ Zooming Sounds ]

I think you mean Pina Coladaburg.``

I thought it was time to bring in the pro.

I thought we didn`t have any power.

I want to know what Lars`s deal is, huh? You come here and everyone starts getting killed.

I want you to come inside and find me...

I was doubles partners with Andre Agassi for an entire week.

I was looking for Peenalop. Why you are looking at me like that?

I will be glad to never have to do this again.

I`ll be around this e vening...

I`ll be right back.

I`ll be there with my whompin` stick.

I`m a little lost.

I`m Juan Castillo. I am dive master.

I`m just young, dumb and full What the fuck?

I`m Machete Sam.

I`m making my famous Coconut Pete`s Paella.

I`m not going out in the jungle with you and your bloody shiatsu.

I`m not Machete Phil.

I`m sorry.

I`m still not sure what happened...

I`m supposed to go make S`mores.

I`m the best goddamned employee this place has ever seen!

I`m the one who taught `Dre to play Cocks and Quarters.

I`ve never been to a place like this.

If anyone else is eager to share the ex perience...

If Dirk just got killed, then Lars couldn`t be the killer!

If he`s the killer, then we have him in this room.

If it is one of ours, this guy`s got it. It`s probably not a real good idea...

If you can believe it, he`d never played Cocks and Quarters.

If you choose not to have fun, fun will be provided for you.

If you`re the killer, you`ll snap my neck like a twig.

Indeed, what none of us could know...

Inga had some great moves. Let`s see what you got.

Is done.

Is it too much to ask? Have sex with the guests.

Is that a fat joke?

Is that a tranquillity blouse?

Is that how you escaped out of that window?

Is the way the next person dies?

It just so happens Hank used to be a federal agent.

It sure as shit was not chewed up by jungle rats.

It was about Pete giving the island to that little shithead.!

It was Dave...

It was kind of a crazy time in 1 978.

It was probably just the wind.

It`s all really about connecting your meridians.

It`s just a story! I have a dick.

It`s just my gigantic cock. [ Snickers ]

It`s just Welkie, the Welcome Gorilla.

It`s not a party until someone breaks theJacuzzi.

It`s the most secure building on the island. It`s where we keep the booze!

Jenny, we cannot act like there`s nothing wrong, okay?

Jenny, you know I`m not the killer, right?

Jenny? Jenny?

Jesus Christ. What you think?

Jesus! Who is this girl?

Jesus! You think Eddie Money has to put up with this shit?

Juan shows no signs of the bizarre and horrible behavior...

Juan, any way you could dive down and get the propeller off?

Juan!

Juan! [ Whimpers ]

Just keep cool, and this cat`ll come to us.

Just pornography and an ass load of condoms.

Just put the goddamn thing on. Hank, give Lars a hand, will ya?

Just trying to help you, man.

Just, uh, hanging around, uh, looking through the window.

Just, you know, just maybe don`t kill me.

Lars Brunckhorst, everybody.

Lars is sporting the Pleasure Poncho.

Lars.! Lars, we`re here.!

Last one in is a rotten coconut!

Left to right! I`m looking for the left handed killer, you idiot!

Legalize it!

Let me guess. You were in here looking for this letter from the Encarnacion prison facility?

Let me know when you score some more.

Let`s at least go inside that old mausoleum.

Let`s do the sun salute.!

Let`s get outta here, Dave. Come on, Dave, let`s get outta here, man.

Let`s get the hell outta here. [ Panting ]

Let`s go!

Like, cliffs, or or

Lock the door! Lock the door!

Look at Putman! Putman is the octopus.

Look for me. I`ll be the cute chick behind the bar.

Look, he`s after us. She`s safer with them. Let`s go!

Look, Lars, it`s not so bad in here, okay?

Look, nobody here was killed last night...

Look, she`s a weird little chick, I`ll give you that.

Look, the boat will be here tomorrow.

Look, we went into your room last night, Lars.

Looked like it was just driving around on its own.

Looking fantastic. This is one of the top five cardio

Machete Phil! I knew it!

Man, I can`t hear shit. I`ve been standin` next to amplifiers my whole life.

Manana.

Maybe I should take you home with me.

Maybe if I play it backwards.

Maybe. Maybe not.

Mira.! The boat!

Mother motherfucker.!

My coach, Orgrav, would kill me if he found out.

My girlfriend.

New meat, you take over here.

No, Margaritaville. ` [ Chuckles ]

No, no, no.

No, no, no. We can`t dismiss that song. What about Carlos and Cliff?

No!

No! No!

No.

No. That`s just an old campfire story.

Nobody ever saw him after that.

Nobody ever suspects the Fun Police.

Not hard. Well, kinda hard.

Not on my watch! This is my home.

Not only are all the other guys from the resort standing around watching him...

Not to be confused with Linou Gano...

Now take that stupid bag off your head and give us a kiss.

Now, we just get through one more night, the boat will be here tomorrow.

Now,you came here to escape civilization...

Octopus spelled backward is supotco.`` Juan, isn`t that Spanish for something?

Ocupado, bro. Go!

Of course, you wouldn`t know that `cause...

Oh, cut it out, Rolo. God! Why are you always makin` fun of him?

Oh, do give it a rest,Jen.

Oh, don`t worry about him.

Oh, dude, come on.

Oh, dude. Wanna get nailed?

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Oh, God. Inga never did anything like that.

Oh, God.!

Oh, God.! This was your big plan?

Oh, God.! Where the hell is Juan?

Oh, good, `cause I got an announcement to make to Roy.

Oh, I remember it like it was yesterday.

Oh, if it isn`t Little Lord Fauntleroy.!

Oh, man, we had some fuckin` parties.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Pete! [ Sobbing Continues ]

Oh, oh. I`m on spring break. I go to Oral Roberts.

Oh, shit.! [ Laughs ]

Oh, that is a beautiful name. Peenalop.``

Oh, we were just a couple of stupid kids.

Oh, yeah, they did, but it`s actually kind of hot in here...

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. That`s it. It wasn`t about the grass.

Oh, yeah. Um, well, no.

Oh, yeah. You love it now, but just wait.

Oh, you actually believe that I`m the killer. Oh, that`s a laugh.

Oh, you know, I forgot.

Oh, you`re dead, fucker! You little yellow prick!

Oh! Gracias.

Oh! Well, I guess you all heard this one, huh?

Oh! Whoo! Hey.

Oh. [ Chuckles ]

Oh. I see.

Oh. Looks like we don`t need you anymore.

Oh. Sorry. I was just in the middle of my Qi Kung.

Okay, the radio`s smashed, and we got no boats.

Okay, we`re back in.

Okay, you guys, instead of focusing on the song, why don`t we go look for those boats?

Okay? Break!

Okay? Break!

One kiss.

Only 1 9.95 at the gift shop. Thank you, Lars.

Ooh, sorry. You know how it is.

Ooh. [ Chuckles ]

Or am I thinking of a Dirty Sanchez? That`s the one.

Or at least ask you nicely to leave.

Or at least make it, you know, painless.

Or branches.

Or else, water will fly up your butthole and pulverize your intestine.

Our lives depend on us interpreting the dumbest fucking song I`ve ever heard.

Ow!

Peenalop. It`s breathtaking.

Pete signed it over to me last week.

Pete thinks I`m just a clown, good for fun and games.

Pete?

Pete. [ Convulsive Sobs ]

Pete.! Yu and Hank are dead.

Peter! We need the key to the generator box.

Phil Coletti calmly walked to the groundskeeper`s shack...

Phil Coletti was forever known...

Pink Crustaceans and Good Vibrations``?

Piss on that. I`m taking a machete.

Play Margaritaville.``

Play Margaritaville.`` I love that song.

Please, don`t hold back. Just say what you really think.

Pleasure`s all mine. Say, I hear good things about your fingers.

Pretty good managerial skills, don`t you think?

Put it on my tab.

Put your bags down and meet me at the pool for a nice drink.

Putman.! It was you?

Quick, under the bed, hurry. Come on!

Quickly! Give me the racket! Give me the balls!

Quiet, Yu. The guests will hear.

Really,Jenny, there`s a perfectly reasonable explanation for all this. I mean

Really? What was the look on his face? He must have screamed bloody murder.

Right, guv`nor? Hey, Sammy, hit me!

Running in circles through this bloody jungle, that`s where.

Say, anybody seen Rolo, Stacy or Kelly?

Say, what do you think about smacking me in the face a couple of times?

Setting you guys up to decipher that stupid Naughty Cal`song.

She said she saw you in Tucson three years ago, 1 4th row.

She starts asking him these questions, like...

She was just trying to warn the guests.

She`s the one in the way back.

Shh! Here she comes!

Shh. I heard something.

Shit, it was `78. We were all out of our gourds.

Shit!

Shit! Turn it, turn it!

Shit.

Shit.!

Should we be doin` this here?

Shoulders down.

Single handedly caught the Minneapolis Mangler.

So I would say that if you`re the killer...

So then No, wait, that`s not it.

So they split. And as they started getting out to the jungle...

So this guy is killing people according to a fucking acid trip song?

So we`re just gonna put little smiles on our faces...

So why don`t, uh, you and me, let`s just

So, tell me, what brings you here to us, Peenalop?

So, what other buttons can you push?

So, where are we gonna do this?

Soap, please.

Some local guy comin` down here and ``

Son of a bitch!

Sorry, Cliff. I need you in the maze.

Spent a little time in the Forum.

Stay out of my Fun fucking face!

Stop it! We`re not locking anybody up!

Supotco``? No. The word for shoe is zapato.

Sure.

SweetJesus, you`re an F cake, Putman.

Tell the guests and die`?

Thanks for doing this, Lars.

Thanks much, officer.

That brought him to this institution.

That is so on time, off the hook!

That is some trick shit!

That sounds like something I said back in `77.

That stretch of the jungle gives me an extraordinary case of the wonky britches.

That you inherit the island.

That`s a good job. All right now,Jenny.

That`s a point! That`s a point!

That`s the line that was on the board yesterday.

The boats are probably gonna be covered with sticks.

The cut on that pear kid was left to right.

The guy in 1 4 had a wooden Bible.

The name of the song is Naughty Cal.``

The riptide`ll take you out to sea. [ Chuckles ]

The teal and blue really kept you focused during the tough times.

The whole reason we`re hiding in this closet is because we think she`s the killer.

Then lost in a maze,`` exactly like Cliff.

Then what are you doing here?

There are guests everywhere. We have to tell them.

There`s something really familiar about those words.

These two idiots were trying to hump him, so I thought I`d stash him out here.

They`ll probably kick me out of the Pacifist Club now.

They`re probably off screwing around in the jungle somewhere.

They`re so spoken for. [ Laughs ]

Think about it, the octopus.

This gorgeous woman comes into the club, asks him if he wants to go out to the jungle.

This guy`s gonna be picking his teeth out of my dump.

This guy`s gonna be picking his teeth out of my dump.

This guy`s playing a game, and we`re gonna play right back.

This is the one that was pulling Carlos.

This is totally fucked up. I don`t even know what I`m looking for.

Tian tu

Tian Tu.

Tight! And heavy!

To go lookin` for it unless you want to get your dingy chopped off.

To see that.

Try putting him to sleep.! Try the the Snoring Panda.!

Trying to shit in the apple pie.

Twenty beers a day for the last 1 0 years, right?

U of A, `99?

Uh So, uh, I guess I`m talkin` to a celebrity.

Uh, may I kiss the bride?

Uh, yeah, sure. I`ll run Luau Night.

Uh, yeah. Amy Aerobics accidentally ate some rat poison.

Um, thank you.

Very convincing. Very convincing.

Voodoo, zombies.

Wanted...

Was it, um, a strange sucking sound?

Was that David`s parents...

Wasn`t it?

Watch the hair, asshole!

We all have energy that flows through us, and it`s all connected by buttons.

We believe him to be fully rehabilitated...

We can do it. It`s high tide. All right, now listen.

We could put it on the Smilin`Smuggler.

We couldn`t even catch the bloody raccoon that was stealing my wristbands last month.

We don`t know for sure that it is Lars.

We got to get outta here! Dirk`s dead!

We gotta find Pete.

We had a kid working at the club named Phil Coletti.

We lived on a farm!

We swapped out a six foot Swedish broad for this guy?

We tell the guests there`s some crazed maniac on the island with no way off?

We`ll get some grass mini skirts, maybe have a poi eating contest...

We`ll go to the club, gather all the guests...

We`re all gonna stay together, in one room!

We`re gonna have a hundred crazed maniacs running around.

We`re gonna make an announcement.

We`re just getting started. Anyway, that`s my mom for you.

We`ve got a killer on the loose, and you`re throwing a bloody pinata party.

Well, all alone, huh? Well, don`t worry. No woman, no cry,`` right, mon?

Well, hey, how about the grand tour?

Well, I You know how good I think you look in red, and that little

Well, I just popped by to say

Well, say thank you`` and put it on.

Well, shit. I`m gonna need somebody to run Luau Night tomorrow.

Well, we could send a group to paddle out to the mainland.

Well, you heard the man. Free drinks at the pool!

Well,you see, it seemed like such a good final memento and

Were trampled to death at a Coconut Pete concert.

What about me? Huh? I deserved it!

What about the fact that Hank was buried in the sand like the buried treasure in the song?

What about the sign on Cliff? I mean, it clearly said, staff only.``

What are the charges, officer?

What are you doing? Lars, what are you doing? Hurry!

What do you piss out of, your asshole?

What does this song have to do with all this?

What exactly are your intentions with Jenny?

What happened to the hot tub?

What is it with you and Lars? I`m beginning to wonder if you aren`t in cahoots!

What is it? Too waxy?

What kind of man would I be if I sat idly by while you stole her from me?

What other dumb fuckin` catchphrases can I say?

What the oh, my God.!

What the fuck are you, a praying mantis woman?

What the fuck did you do, man?

What the fuck, man? Then, what is this?

What the hell is going on?

What the hell`s wrong with you, Putman?

What the hell?

What you mean?

What`s the song about? Is there some sort of special significance?

What`s this?

What`s up? Dude, don`t be gay, man.

What, cut up a couple of pineapples, whatever.

What, did you really think we wouldn`t notice Putman was gone if you came back with a boat?

What? No, they`re dead.

When somebody is killing the dick out of everybody on the island?

When somebody is killing the dick out of everybody on the island?

When you can stuff your intestines back in your pockets...

When you jump, keep your legs together and clench your ass cheeks.

When you were supposed to be in the maze...

When you`re all done with your little pink panty meltdown let me know...

When you`re done here...

Where`s my penis?

Where`s my penis? Where`s my penis?``

Where`s Pretzel?

Which seemed to suggest, uh

Which Which, something. [ Laughs ]

While I torch this baby, how about you lick my chest?

Who needs a love potion? I whipped up something extra tasty.

Who`s driving the boat?

Who`s the orca? Who`s the octopus?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Come on. Settle down, now.

Whoa.!

Whoo hoo!

Whoo hoo! Welcome to Coconut Pete`s Pleasure Island!

Whoo! I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Funzy!

Why are they coming after us?

Why are we doing a goddamn fashion show?

Why don`t you drop the bullshit cop routine, okay, Sam?

With all that dodgy business back in the jungle.

With those moves of yours, I bet you could put me down nice and easy.

Wow. Qi Kung? [ Karate Yell ]

Wow. That`s interesting.

Yeah, all right. Go on.

Yeah, fiesta time.! Are you ready to party?

Yeah, I don`t know. It`s probably too scary for you guys.

Yeah, I heard you. Something about, uh, Cocks and Quarters?

Yeah, it is. It`s actually the same one you wore on your album cover.

Yeah, it must be tough living in paradise.

Yeah, it`s off your album Sea Shanties and Wet Panties. `

Yeah, that`s right. Headed an F.B.I. task force on serial killers.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah. That thing just scared me a little.

Yes, that`s all well and good, David.

Yes! [ Yells ]

You and Cliff, right? He`s dead.

You are right. It all started when he got here, didn`t it?

You asshole! Now you`re just trying to get laid.

You come anywhere near my cabana, I`m taking your head off.

You didn`t ask me to catch the raccoon, did you, Pip?

You dirty bugger.

You don`t really go to the Oral Roberts?

You familiar with the expression sitting duck``?

You get a Fun fucking warrant! Until then...

You go check on Yu. She`s freakin` out.

You got any objections, Ricky?

You hated him for what he did to your parents.

You in here, Pete?

You just shat in the one apple pie that knows how to shit back.

You know that line, Everyone`s looking to find their own paradise``?

You know, I won about five fucking gold records in my lifetime.

You know, it`s the same here as it is down there.

You know, Put...

You know, um, the sand and water here, the sand and water

You know, we have that game in the States too, except we call it Hide the Sausage.

You look familiar. Have you ever been here before?

You owe me one, bro.

You read the poem on that board out there.

You told me they were against your religion.

You wanna take a walk on the beach?

You want to know what I did?

You were eating watermelon.

You were just telling me what a nut cup this guy is.

You weren`t even born yet!

You`ll be drinking your own urine in less than 20 hours.

You`re fucked.! [ Grunts ]

You`re gonna cause a hysterical... thing.

You`re gonna give this wing nut exactly what he wants.

You`re supposed to wear the Pleasure Sweater on luge duty.

You`re the girl, Ame!

You`re very brave. Just be careful, all right?

You`ve manacled me to my deathbed, you Piccadilly whore!

Your cell phones won`t work here. There are no fax machines...

Yu and Hank are fucking dead.

Yu?

[ All Gasp ] Hey!

[ All Gasping ] Oh, my God!

[ Babbling ] Putman.!

[ Blade Slicing ] [ Howls ]

[ Chanting ] [ Both Moaning ]

[ Cheering ] Back you go, dickweed!

[ Cheering ] That would be a crime!

[ Chopping ] [ Yelling, Indistinct ]

[ Chuckles ] [ Laughs ]

[ Chuckles ] So you`re subbing in for Inga this week?

[ Chuckles ] Just take a right up there to get to the big path.

[ Chuckling ] [ Screeching ]

[ Chuckling ] [ Twig Snaps ]

[ Clattering ] [ Squawking ]

[ Clicks ] [ Turntables Whirring ]

[ Creaking ] [ Footsteps ]

[ Cries Out ] [ Groans ]

[ Dave ] ooh.! What kind of a man has sex with a goat?

[ Dave ] What the fuck did you do, man, huh? [ Putman ] What did you do?

[ Dirk Screaming ] [ Shrieking ]

[ Distorted ] Naughty Cal Dave?

[ Ferocious Yell ] [ Penelope Screaming ]

[ Footsteps Stop ] [ Both Mouthing Words ]

[ Gasping ] Oh, God!

[ Gasps ] [ Sam ] Where are you?

[ Gasps ] Hi!

[ Gasps ] What the hell?

[ Gasps ] Oh, my God! Ah,yes.

[ Gasps, Coughs ] [ Groaning Continues ]

[ Groans, Chuckles ] [ Chuckles ]

[ Grunting ] [ Barks ]

[ Grunting ] [ Grunting ]

[ Grunts ] [Jenny ] Harder.! Harder.!

[ Grunts ] Come on!

[ Grunts ] Go!

[ Grunts ] Huh?

[ Horn Blowing ] #[ Soft Rock ]

[ Insect Buzzing ] I bet you watched Yu and Kelly.

[ Insect Buzzing ] I bet you watched Yu and Kelly.

[ Lars ] Go.! Go,Jenny, go.! [ Engine Revs ]

[ Lars ] The mud bath.! Let`s go, Peenalop.

[ Laughing ] [ Bushes Rustling ]

[ Laughing ] [ Screams ] Oh, God!Juan!

[ Laughing ] A huge bag of it.

[ Laughing Wildly ] Jesus.

[ Laughs ] [ Laughter ]

[ Laughs ] [Jenny ] Sam, why are you doing this?

[ Laughs ] Cut it.

[ Laughs ] God! Sorry.

[ Laughter ] [ Loud Beeping ]

[ Laughter ] I just lost it. Keep rolling, keep rolling, keep rolling.

[ Man ] Yeah, I like that.! [ Woman ] Bring it on.!

[ Moaning Continues ] [ Lars ] Putman.!

[ Moans ] The Heaven Point.

[ Mock Laughter] Come on, hog shell. Let`s get us a drink.

[ Mouthing Words ] [ Moaning Continues ]

[ Mouths Words ] Yeah, way to bring up a sore subject.

[ Mutters ] [ Woman ] I got you.!

[ Mutters ] Oh, fuck. Sam. Sam.

[ Overlapping Chatter] I don`t understand.

[ Panting ] Are you all right?

[ Panting ] Oh! Ohhh!

[ Panting, Sobbing ] You`ve got your arms around me,Jenny.

[ Panting, Sobbing ] You`ve got your arms around me,Jenny.

[ Penelope Moaning Loudly ] [Juan Shouting In Spanish ]

[ Penelope Screams ] [ Glass Shatters ]

[ Punch Lands ] [ Squealing Groan ]

[ Roars ] [ Screams ]

[ Rolo Chuckles ] Whoo!

[ Sam ] Come on.! [ Screaming ] Oh, come on!

[ Sam ] Pete.! [ Creaking ]

[ Screaming ] [Jenny ] oh, my God.!

[ Screaming ] [Juan ] El Chupacabra!

[ Screaming, Yelling ] [ Maniacal Laughing ]