Yes Man (2008) Edit

A $250 loan for a mountain bike, $600 for windsurfing lessons.

A covenant.

A hundred acres isn't so little, hon. Not in Tahiti, anyway.

A Ionely guy, Carl. Lonely guy.

A little more than average, then.

A little vitamin C. Keep your strength up. I will be right with you.

Absolutely.

Again, I'm pretty sure she was just here checking on Carl.

AGENT 1: Sir?

AGENT 2: We've been tracking you. We know who you are.

Ah!

Ah!

ALL [SINGING]: You can put the past away

All of the activity that appears suspicious...

All right, now I got it.

All right. He punched me right in the face, man.

All right. Look, gets you out of the house, I'm all for it.

ALL: Surprise!

Allison, are you okay?

Allison, I'm here.

Allison, please, can't we talk for a sec?

ALLISON: Farther. Yeah.

ALLISON: I teach a jogging photo group...

ALLISON: It seemed like you fainted. No, I told you my foot caught a nail.

ALLISON: It's in Griffith Park and we do a loop. It's about five miles.

ALLISON: Okay. Because I thought it was all the chicken beaks in the bucket.

ALLISON: Ooh

ALLISON: Ooh

ALLISON: Ooh

ALLISON: Right.

ALLISON: Run!

ALLISON: So you okay?

ALLISON: The earliest switchboard operators' headsets...

ALLISON: This is crazy. I know, but it's great.

ALLISON: What if I'm one of those chickens...

ALLISON: What?

ALLISON: Whatever I want.

ALLISON: Where does someone go in Lincoln, Nebraska?

Allison?

Allison.

Allison.

Am I going too fast for you?

Am I right, Carl?

And actually, we're gonna start a tab...

And because you've given out so many of them...

And can you do it kind of soon? I think I'm starting to get a chill.

And guess what? She doesn't like my best friend.

And how do we control the external? With one word.

And I know that you have issues because of it, but this isn't about you. It's about me.

And I left a pile of laundry in my room. Don't forget, no starch. Love you.

And I'm scared too.

And I've got this thing I gotta do, so I'll be seeing you.

And if you never want to see me again

And if you never want to see me again

And on most nights you're so bored and filled with ennui...

And some nude modeling, FYI.

And that band made rock 'n' roll.

And that's why I'm gonna give the job to you.

And the ground rules are there are no ground rules.

And the word you will have said 2 million times is:

And the word you will have said 2 million times is:

And then surprise, he ended it, out of nowhere for no reason.

And they said if you started to show some initiative, I could promote you.

And we were that band.

And what is that word?

And what's your business?

And when you break a promise to yourself...

And with that card, I get access to the whole place.

And you lost the love of your life...

And you're not sure about this, are you?

And your band's MySpace page. And your Facebook page.

And?

ANNOUNCER [ON PA]: Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it...

ANNOUNCER: The energy is palpable here, Chris. I can't even hear myself think.

ANSWERING MACHINE: You have three messages.

Any other night would've been great. Darn it to heck.

Anybody can take a photo standing still.

Anyway, don't worry about it. It'll lead to something good.

Anyway, I am gone orrhea.

Anyway, I never would've met Allison if I hadn't said yes to the homeless guy.

Are you currently a member of Persianwifefinder. Com?

Are you going to be asking a lot more question? I don't got all day.

Are you hurt? Are you hurt? You're okay?

Are you ready to make a covenant?

Are you serious?

Are you serious? You say yes to everything?

Argh!

At first I thought you might be raiding our coffers.

Back at you, Roon. Lee, I hardly know you, but I feel comfortable.

Back up just a little bit more.

Bad, but I don't wanna sound desperate.

BARTENDER: There you go.

Beautiful night, guys. You take it to the limit, and I respect that.

Because I am open for business, okay? Oh, where'd I go?

Because I'm gonna take this foot...

Because the old Carl didn't think he was enough for anybody.

Before we begin today, I'd like to welcome our new members.

Bridal bingo? How do you play bridal bingo?

Brilliant, Carl. Where'd you get that? Your literature?

Buddy, can you move over a little bit, like two feet?

But don't call me at 11 'Cause that's my rule now

But I don't wanna be with you. I don't know you.

But I wanna be with you.

But I'm afraid it's caught up with us. Now you and I have to face the music.

But if I hadn't done that, I never would've met you.

But it's the kind of dazzle we need around here.

But let's really sell this. Give them a show.

But now I know that what I have to share is pretty huge, and I wanna share it with you.

But then I looked closer.

But you can walk me to my scooter.

But...

By the way, your new living room furniture looks great from the yard.

Bye, Carl.

Bye, Carl.

Cake?

Cakes, huh?

Can I borrow a couple bucks?

Can I do it again? Can I do it again? What's wrong?

Can I get a water?

Can you hang on a minute, Lee?

Can't anyone get one of those cards?

Can't really see it right now, unless you do this.

Carl Allen. Never thought I'd see the day, my man.

Carl gets promoted in lieu of Demko, or along with Demko...

Carl look a little odd to you? Is it me, or does it look like he's kind of dead?

Carl, get outside. I know you're not talking.

Carl, I know you're not saying anything.

Carl, if somebody asked me to describe tonight, I would just go, Ow!

Carl, live your life! You won't regret it.

Carl, man, hey.

Carl, that was so awesome.

Carl, what are you doing here?

Carl, what would you say if I asked you to work upstairs with the big boys?

Carl, would you like to throw Lucy a bridal shower?

CARL: Big step, huh? Yeah, it's a big step. It's a huge one.

CARL: Come and get it.

CARL: Don't, please.

CARL: Hey, Carl. Do you wanna give all your money away to a homeless guy?

CARL: Hey. Thought you hung up the spurs, cowboy.

CARL: Hold that.

CARL: Holy Jesus.

CARL: Homeless.

CARL: I almost blocked it. Didn't get there in time.

CARL: I can't believe I tripped like that.

CARL: I mean, I'm still gonna be attracted to you if you're a chicken.

CARL: I told you, my foot caught a nail.

CARL: It's with the universe. It's a big deal.

CARL: Listen, I'm not gonna think anything less of you if you don't wanna do this.

CARL: Oh, yeah, that's getting very popular now.

CARL: Okay, so you're in a band...

CARL: Persianwifefinder. Com. No, thank you.

CARL: So anything else we need to know?

CARL: That's great. That is sweet, Carl.

CARL: We really did. Yeah. We did, bud.

CARL: What is it?

CARL: Wow. I haven't been up at 6 a.m. In, like, never.

CARL: Yeah, I ride double all the time on the scooter with Allison.

CARL: Yeah, that's cool. I've done some charity work.

CARL: Yeah, that's getting it good. Yep.

CARL: Yeah. I'm gonna assume at this point, it's, well...

CARL: Yes always leads to something good.

Carl? Hey, Carl! Psst!

Carl.

Carl.

Carl. Hey. Long time no see.

Carl. Peter.

Change is generated from consciousness, but where is consciousness generated from?

Check out the phone.

Closed off little box boy, tender topic. Probe no further.

Come on inside. I'll explain everything.

Come on, come on.

Come on, lady.

Come on, let's go.

Come on, let's step this thing up a notch, Broseph.

Come on, man.

Come on, what are you talking about? Here, ask me again.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Let's get into shipshape.

Cool.

Costume party. Come as your favorite Harry Potter character.

Costume party. Yeah, no.

Costumes for what?

Could have fooled me with that modeling comment.

Could you drive me to Elysian Park?

Course, I have been having a lot of luck lately outside of that hotel.

CROWD: No man. No man. No man. No man.

CROWD: Yes!

CROWD: Yes!

CROWD: Yes! CARL: Jeez.

CROWD: Yes. Again.

CROWD: Yes. Yes!

CROWD: Yes. Yes!

CROWD: Yes. Yes.

Did I pause there? I could probably knock a couple milliseconds off that if you...

Did we make out? Oh, right, we did. Now I remember.

Did you block your number?

Did you block your number?

Did you just run out of gas?

Did you see The Legend of Billy Jack?

Did you wanna get that? In the privacy of your office?

Do we need to use a flash?

Do you dance?

Do you wanna drive?

Doesn't sound silly. Well, maybe a little silly.

Don't try anything. I'm gonna kill myself, so don't try to stop me.

Drinks on me.

Ducati.

Easy, easy. It was a little misunderstanding, okay?

Even if I had met you, I never would've asked you out.

Ever had Red Bull? I never had Red Bull. Had Red Bull last night. I like Red Bull.

Ever think things got screwed up...

Every pretty girl deserves to go to a ball.

Every two months, the typical loan officer approves 35 to 40 loans.

Everyone I know has got a reason

Everything I said I meant, except about living together.

Excuse me, but pleats are kind of out of style.

Excuse me. Could we get another round of drinks?

Excuse me. I'd like to apply for a small business loan.

Expelliarmus! Just kidding.

Explain this, jackhole. As Chief Loan Officer at Brea Federal Savings and Loan...

FARANOUSH: Carl, could you please pass the Cholula?

Faranoush. It was nothing. I can explain. I can explain.

Feels strange to be going home, doesn't it?

Fine? I wipe my ass with fine.

First of all, what were you doing in my car?

From the external.

Gee, that sounds great, but I can't.

Get in here. It's okay. I got you.

Get out of there. If I wanna say no, I'll say no!

Go ahead.

Go get the ball!

God bless you, man.

God.

Gone, never saw him again.

Good evening, Los Angeles.

Good God.

Good to know, if, you know, if I ever need to...

Good to meet you, too. Thank you. And hey.

Got a case of Red Bull. Gonna pull an all nighter. You down?

Got it. Yep.

Got tons of it at Costco. You see, I've got an exclusive membership card.

Great.

Guess, mess.

Guy from Corporate's here. Don't look. He wants to talk to you.

Had your number dialed, was about to press send.

Had your number dialed, was about to press send.

Happened once, it happened twice

Happy networking, asshole.

Has somebody called the police?

Have a good night.

Have you ever driven one of these before? They're quite powerful.

Have you ever tried that? It's fun.

Have you recently started taking flying lessons?

Haven't received confirmation of any sort from you. At all.

He did it.

He helped me erase your MySpace page.

He never did much.

He used up your phone?

He was staying connected. It was good to see.

He's gonna blow your mind all over the room. He's like a mind grenade.

He's not here.

Hello there.

Hello, everybody.

Hello, Jake, Penelope, Rodrigo, Phillip, Zachary.

Hello, Jake, Rodrigo, Penelope, Phillip, Zachary.

Hello?

Hello. Wondering if you had a moment...

Here we come.

Here we go.

Here. I have to protect you.

HERMIONE [ON TV]: Oh, bye.

Hey, buddy, you all right?

Hey, buddy.

Hey, Carl, you okay?

Hey, Carl.

Hey, did you ever meet my friend lan? He's a computer hacker.

Hey, I have an idea.

Hey, I saw you on TV. That was amazing, Carl.

Hey, l...

Hey, lady, move that dog.

Hey, man. That's a nice car.

Hey, Pete, you mind putting that on a coaster?

Hey, Rooney, come here for a second.

Hey, there he is.

Hey, why don't you come to my class tomorrow?

Hey, you, another bump of hot sauce.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Are we gonna fight or what?

Hey. I came.

Hey. It's really working. Ah!

Hey. Out of gas make out guy.

Hey. What do you think you're doing, asshole?

Hey. Who were those guys?

Hi there.

Hi, Norm.

Hi.

His name was Marx.

Hit me on the cell this week. Let's do it again.

HOBO: And what did you say?

HOBO: He never listens.

HOBO: Oh, I'm just right over here. Okay. Yeah.

Hold it right there.

Hold on a second, I'm thinking.

Honey, show him.

Hopefully the color will return to your face sometime soon.

How about some toast, huh?

How are you doing that? Ay!

How come I never see you with a girl over there?

How did you know what that meant? Have you heard me say that before?

How did you pull this off?

How did you two meet again?

How's it going? What are you guys doing here?

Hurry, there's no time to lose. We have to find shelter.

Hurry. Somebody's coming. And I think I see something. Hurry.

I admit, business has been slow.

I am gonna have to repay you somehow.

I bake cakes in the shape of different celebrities' faces.

I can buy large quantities of anything at discount prices.

I can explain to you in more detail if you want.

I can see you, Carl. I'm outside the video store.

I can't believe I didn't tell her I was married. I'm such an idiot.

I can't put my finger on you. You're kind of unpredictable.

I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro. I ate bat in Laos.

I could have. Had a couple offers. Didn't wanna get tied down.

I couldn't agree more.

I didn't ask you out.

I didn't even see the red zone. I've only been here for 20 minutes.

I didn't know what to expect, but I guess I figured...

I didn't realize I was dealing with a no man.

I didn't think I had anything to share.

I do wanna take guitar lessons. I do wanna learn how to fly.

I don't care. I didn't really want the job badly.

I don't know about that.

I don't know how people go through life with the same boring routine.

I don't know if I'm gonna be able to say yes to this one, Till.

I don't know what to say here. I'm stumped. I'm baffled.

I don't know what you want me to say.

I don't know.

I don't know. I think I love you.

I don't know. I'm kind of leaning towards thinking he might actually be dead.

I don't really know what it is.

I don't think that's what she was asking for, but all right.

I don't think there's anything written down in your fake calendar.

I don't wanna commit. I don't wanna be tied down.

I don't wanna hear another excuse, Carl. You do whatever you want.

I don't want anything complicated.

I especially love it in cream. What do you think?

I gave them your insurance. The whole thing's being handled.

I got a bunch of stuff going on. There's this thing I gotta do.

I got a new necklace. Glows in the dark.

I got an idea.

I got blisters on my fingers.

I guess I never saw him a lot, so it's hard for me to tell the difference.

I guess I'll just stick with the program. Keep saying yes to everything.

I guess.

I have been such a dick and a douche.

I have had some trouble.

I joined bro with Joseph. Broseph. Pretty cool, huh?

I just called in a few favors, kept throwing money at it.

I just don't wanna be kept alive artificially.

I just figured after five years, I'd be the logical choice, but whatever.

I just wanted to tell you that I don't wanna live with you.

I keep trying to think of reasons why she should, but you know what?

I killed her.

I know it sounds silly...

I know that, Marv, but you have no equity.

I know there isn't that much demand for photographs...

I know, Carl. I know that Stephanie left you.

I know. It's so frustrating. I just wanna grab these people and shake them.

I like maybe.

I like to keep it fresh. I like to live it up. I like to mix it up.

I love that.

I love you like...

I love your music.

I made a sacred conevant.

I mean, a part of me felt like something wasn't right from the beginning.

I mean, do you even know my fiancee's last name?

I mean, it's real nice of you to give me a ride. Most people just say no.

I mean, someone's trying to kill himself.

I might get shit canned, Norm.

I need to speak to my attorney.

I never could have finished the suits without it.

I never would've guessed that. You seemed so at ease on two.

I said that.

I saw it in your eyes, man. You're gonna love this. Terrence is a genius.

I shot a cow with a bazooka.

I should be prepping my case for Monday, but I cannot miss this.

I should have said yes right away, you know?

I should say something to you here.

I think it's about all those loans you've been approving.

I think yes.

I thought he was it, the one, or whatever.

I thought if I said yes to things and got involved with people...

I thought you lied all the time, but it's just sometimes. That's excellent.

I told you, I need you to remove the covenant.

I volunteer at a shelter. I paint a little bit.

I wanna snap your neck and spit on you You said, Who are you?

I wanna start an organic fertilizer distribution business.

I want you to invite yes into your lives...

I was gonna tell her. I just never...

I was just about to call you. That's so weird.

I wasn't gonna say anything.

I wish you would step back From that ledge, my friend

I would understand

I would understand

I would understand

I would understand

I would understand

I would understand

I would understand

I'd like to thank you all for coming...

I'd like two tickets on the first plane out of here, please.

I'd shrug my shoulders, and I'd say whatevs You said, Who are you?

I'll just be one minute.

I'll see you at the bottom. Unless you pass out.

I'll see you there, buddy. Roger, out.

I'm a somebody.

I'm a yes man.

I'm afraid I can't discuss that with you, since we're only taking Carl.

I'm getting so forgetful.

I'm glad we had this experience.

I'm gonna hop in the bed just in case the nurse comes back.

I'm in.

I'm just glad that I could be a part of it, really.

I'm just saying yes to life, homes. You gotta say yes to life.

I'm just so jammed up.

I'm not at the video store. I'm in my apartment.

I'm not going home, not really.

I'm not proud of that last one, but I did it, man.

I'm not your late night booty call

I'm over here, dickhole.

I'm so glad I came out. Love it. Okay, you know what? I gotta go.

I'm sorry, man. It's all our fault.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Was I speaking to you?

I'm telling you, you don't change your life, you're gonna end up Ionely.

I'm thinking it'll get people off my back about the male nurse thing.

I'm totally off the grid, you know?

I'm wondering if there's a better setting for this back and forth.

I'm your biggest fan. Bang!

I've been all over the map, man. I've lived.

I've been thinking...

I've come this far.

I've known that I like you for a while, but just now I decided that I love you.

I've never let anyone kiss me on the stage of the Hollywood Bowl before.

Idiot. I'm the wrong guy.

If I got a call that said you were dead You said, Who are you?

If I had my thing in front of me, I could tell you what it is...

If that doesn't jive with you, we should end this.

If the molehill won't come to Terrence...

In an unrelated note, everyone else can go jump off a bridge.

In my nightmares.

Is there any way you could come in?

It doesn't sound complicated. Is it complicated?

It happened three times, Maybe four times, maybe five times, maybe

It just didn't work out. It's a long story.

It was a spontaneous vacation.

It was a stupid idea. I shouldn't have said anything.

It was between you and Demko, and they went with Demko.

It's a Ducati.

It's at 6 a.m.

It's beautiful, man. It's beautiful.

It's been years. You leave every time she comes.

It's gonna be a crazy night.

It's him.

It's just a little further, man. Just right up the hill there.

It's just a little life that needed saving. No big deal.

It's like my photography.

It's Lucy Burns, Carl.

It's me again.

It's okay, man. We just met. She knows it's not exclusive.

It's starting.

It's the same as regular bingo...

Jackoff.

Jesus, Pete. I'm not in or I'm busy.

Jesus, that nurse couldn't be any more obvious.

Jump.

JUMPER: Move out the way. WOMAN 1: Somebody help him!

Just felt like calling you. I was missing you, I guess. Weird, huh?

Just relax. I'll handle this.

Keep going or this'll do, because it doesn't really matter?

Keep your hand there like in a shake. The other hand goes around for a hug.

Keeps it fresh. I'll see you guys.

Kicks the crap out of dealing with those peons, huh?

Kind of dragged on.

Kind of mysterious.

Kind of why I'm sitting outside here, eating my lunch, wearing the nametag.

Know what? I called Demko this morning...

LEE: No, Carl, this is not the same.

Let me guess, Carl.

Let's get this guy a drink. He doesn't have long to live.

Let's hope it doesn't taste like Mickey Rourke.

Letting him burn out your phone...

Like I need that.

Like you were committed to saying what you were saying...

Listen, I'll make it up to you. I promise. I swear.

Look at it this way: At least you didn't get shit canned.

Look how close I'm getting. Hey, Allison, it's me, Carl. I'm here.

Look, I know the philosophy has some holes.

LUC Y: Hey. Is that Carl?

LUC Y: Hi.

LUC Y: We're engaged.

MAN 1: Crazy, man.

MAN 1: Don't do it. JUMPER: Don't point at me, buddy.

MAN 1: Good one. I got it. I got it.

MAN 1: Oh, shit.

MAN 1: Take it easy. MAN 2: Here you go.

MAN 1: Yes.

MAN 2: Come on, Carl. Yes.

MAN 2: Yes.

MAN 3: Yes! NICK: Whoo!

MAN 5: Yes.

Man, that sounds great. I wish I could join you.

Man, you terrible at this. Are you even a cop?

MAN: Come on. Jerk. CARL: I'm sorry.

MAN: Down on the ground. Whatever you say.

MAN: Good show tonight. Come check us out.

MAN: Hey. What are you doing? Oh, shit.

MAN: Nice shot.

Man. Moving fast. That's okay.

Maybe we should speak privately. Come on outside.

Maybe.

Might be.

More of a douche than a dick, probably...

My mother likes good food.

Never avoid opportunities.

Next stop, Azkaban.

Next time you should warn me about the length of the story, though.

Next.

Nice dog.

Nice little raise in it for you too. Bump up your salary to 65.

Nice work, Carl. Bump my fist.

Nice. Carl, does that work for you?

Nick Lane? Hey.

NICK: Whoo! SECURITY 1: Hey, stop. Stop!

NICK: Yes!

No big deal. I know a lot of people who are willing to give.

No man. No man.

No man. No man. No man.

No means no.

No need. I know our music isn't that mainstream.

No problem. Have a good night.

No, don't think so. But I can talk to someone, if you'd like.

No, I didn't pause. It was just a big step.

No, I don't at all.

No, I don't have my car anymore. I've got my Ducati, thanks to you.

No, I don't mean okay. Just give me a second.

No, I just got a lot of stuff going on...

No, I think it's great. Throw this away for me, will you?

No, it says specific things.

No, it's a pretty common expression.

No, it's me, Norm, just a reminder about the party tonight.

No, it's Wes P., Big C. Did I catch you at a bad time?

No, man, no, man, no, man.

No, no, no, no

No, no, no. No, no. I don't think so. No.

No, thanks. I'm fine.

No, that's not the point.

No, wait. Before we give our answer...

No, you don't.

No.

No.

No. Hey, after we jog, we should get a Red Bull.

No. I take it that's what happened to you.

No. In fact, I think you should go faster.

No. No, she's not.

No. Why would you assume that?

Nope. No more than usual.

Norm, that's amazing. Oh, my God. Thank you.

Norm. Hey, thanks for coming, man.

NORMAN: Alrighty, gang. Who wants to watch Chamber of Secrets?

NORMAN: Hi, Car, this is your answer phone speaking.

NORMAN: Inta maresting.

NORMAN: That's all right. Bye.

Norman. Line one.

Not when the sun's up, Reggie.

Nothing I like better than the inside of a bank on a beautiful Saturday.

Now, that's upsetting.

Now, this is the really interesting part. If you don't take the heads off properly...

Oh, and thanks for the loan.

Oh, boy.

Oh, come on.

Oh, come on. You're halfway through, just snap it off already.

Oh, could I? Could I really?

Oh, God, look who's here.

Oh, God!

Oh, God! Oh, no. Oh, my...

Oh, God. It's starting to rain.

Oh, great.

Oh, I can't. I have to wake up early.

Oh, I forgot, I gotta pick up costumes for me and Allison.

Oh, I know what's happening. There is this guy who looks just like me...

Oh, jeez.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, just doing a favor for a neighbor is good enough for me.

Oh, just hanging out in my apartment.

Oh, man.

Oh, my God, you guys really had me going there.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. That's so funny.

Oh, nice. I like your style. Car. That could be yours.

Oh, no. Oh, shoot, you're kidding. That was tonight?

Oh, please.

Oh, really?

Oh, right. Nailed it.

Oh, shit, man. Your battery's dead.

Oh, Soo Mi, pleats are out?

Oh, thank God. Terrence. You have to remove the covenant. It's killing me.

Oh, where'd I go?

Oh, wow. Thanks. My knight in shining armor.

Oh, yeah, right. Sorry. Can I borrow your car?

Oh, yeah. That's about right, then.

Oh, yes, there was.

Oh, yes, they did.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Hey, man.

Oh. Hey, man.

Oh. Kaching! Wow. Cool costume, my man.

Oh. Ugh...

Oh. Yeah, right.

Okay, bridal bingo very simple, okay?

Okay, guys, all aboard the Hogwarts Express.

Okay, guys, everybody ready? Cameras loaded?

Okay, if you must know, we lived together.

Okay, it's okay. I got this. I got this.

Okay, people, let's go.

Okay, we're done. We've been drinking.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. A lot of energy. I like it. Everybody, this is Carl.

Okay. But if I win...

Okay. I'll see you tomorrow...

Okay. That should just about do it.

Okay. Wait, so wait. You have to say yes to everything?

On that thing?

Once you leave this building...

Ooh, heavy.

Ooh! Jeez. That was very healthy.

Or not.

Patience is a virtue.

Perfect.

Perfect.

PERFORMER 1: And that band ate arame and other sea vegetables.

PERFORMER 1: And that band was rad.

PERFORMER 1: From the dawn of time... PERFORMER 2: In the netherworld.

PERFORMER 1: There was a band.

PERFORMER 2: Yeah.

Persianwifefinder. Com. It's pretty cool. You should check it out.

PETE: Carl, I know it's you.

PETE: Carl, I know it's you.

PETE: I'm not falling for that, Carl. What's to figure out?

PETE: Look who's here. CARL: Hey. You.

PETE: Oh, God, that is Stephanie.

PETE: Twenty bucks says Oklahoma kills them.

PETER: Hey.

PETER: I like it, I like it.

PETER: It's Peter. I'm sure you're aware and completely on top of it...

PETER: It's Peter. I'm sure you're aware and completely on top of it...

Peter.

PILOT: Okay, I'm totally off the controls.

Please welcome to the Hollywood Bowl Munchausen by Proxy.

Please, find a seat.

Pleasure to meet you.

PRIEST: Thanks, guys.

PRIEST: You're a good man, Carl.

Pull?

Really?

Really? I've always wanted to try it. Yeah.

Really? What did they say?

Red Bull.

Remember that promotion we were talking about?

Right? Call me.

Right? Call me.

Right.

Right. I was just saying to Agent Tweed...

Right. I was just saying to Agent Tweed...

Rodrigo and the guys at the bar. They can't be trusted.

Rolling Rock, please.

ROONEY: Carl, it's Roons. Thanks for letting me use your car.

ROONEY: I don't believe it. CARL: Rooney.

ROONEY: Okay, okay.

ROONEY: Yo, Carl, hitting the clubs.

Say

Say it a million more times.

Say it a million times. Say it a million more times.

Say, Wake up, you. You're missing out on a little thing called life.

SECURITY 1: Stay right there.

SECURITY 2: He's gonna break. Stop.

See what I did there?

See you on the other side, Lee.

See you, guys.

See you, guys.

See, Car, you worrywart.

Seeing how Corporate's treating you.

Seriously, I dated this guy and I was astounded at how content he was...

Several months ago, my client attended a self empowerment seminar...

She always used to say, I'd rather eat good food...

She asked me to move in with her and I hesitated. That was like a no.

She has no clue what she's doing and she doesn't care.

She was coming in the room. It's like, Give me some space, woman.

She's good. What have you been doing?

She's never gonna go to a ball.

She's spontaneous. She's ballsy.

She's the complete opposite of me.

Smaller than I thought they would be. Hold on, I'm vibrating.

So anyway, my answer is yes. I'd be happy to go out with you.

So anyway, we're gonna have an engagement party on the 21 st. Open bar.

So each one of us invites 1800 of our closest friends.

So I can expect delivery anytime between 8 a.m. And 5:30?

So I have some carry on here.

So just say yes...

So let's be scared together.

So listen, I got a job for you. We're shutting down a bunch of branches...

So look, we're kind of short on Saturday staff.

So my friends are being really lame...

So we are really excited for you to be here, Carl...

So you didn't wanna come to my show...

So, what are you doing?

So, what do I do? I just...

So, what do you think?

So, what happened to closed off little box boy?

Someone gets a beak in their bucket or a mouthful of tendons...

Someone talked you into coming here today, didn't they?

Something's going down on a big scale.

Sorry, Faranoush.

Sorry, this seemed interesting.

Sorry.

Specific things. Like get in line at the video store?

Specifically I'm talking about 15 to 20 percent.

Start talking, Carl, if that is your real name.

Steph...

Stephanie, Ted, hey.

STEPHANIE: Carl.

STEPHANIE: Hello? Stephanie?

Sucks I'm gonna be out of town.

Sure he can. Right, Carl?

Sure, Faranoush.

Sure, let me sit down. I knew you'd come.

Sure.

Sure. It's all yours.

TED: No.

TERRENCE [ON PA]: Life.

TERRENCE [ON RECORDING]: Chapter 26, Words That Rhyme With Yes.