Encino Man (1992) Edit

A caveman.

A little fun dage ?

A mousterian bowl from the mousterian era.

A pacifist caveman ! You're mental.

A success. [ fly buzzing ]

About school giving us extra credit for college for housing exchange students,

Again ? I'm sorry. i can't get that parallel parking thing.

Ah, make up your melons !

Ah, you guys

Ahh !

Ahh, oow, ooo.

Ahhhh !

All by myself. I dug him out of my backyard.

All of this was under ice at some point, so i guess...

All right ? nobody ! You understand ? Yeah, zip...

All right, come on.

All right.

All right.

All we gotta do is get him enrolled in school and he'll help us become popular.

All you care about is what people think.

And he's from the stone age.

And shoot your barber.

And that included his women.

And they form underground ? Glaciers.

And think that i started slowly but i finished strong, you know ?

And we could be related. I count the days.

And we hope you don't gnaw on our beaks. Shh.

And what do we have here ?

And why is he attacking the dog ?

Animal shelter.

Anyways, i'm already popular.

Are you deaf, dork ?

As of now, i'm all over you.

Be a man, ese. Drink it up.

Be recognizable as a man.

Because he's got my same 'do...

Because i can tell you from experience,

Besides, this is my one chance to make somethin' out of myself.

Betty, betty nugs. Betty nugs.

Betty. betty ?

Blades tonight.

Boom ! Up on two wheels !

Boris, get down ! boris !

Boys, will you sit down ? Class ?

Bro, it is chillin' ! I know. It's cold !

Bud ? Buddy ?

Buddy, ow o o o !

Buddy, this is kind of like prehistoric tupperware, bro.

Buddy. Buddy.

Buddy's into it. That was kill, stone.

Buff.

Busted !

But here in the u.S. Of a age we got something called...

But you're doggin' him. Just promise me,

But, dave no buts, just do it !

Bye, david.

Call him back. That's harsh.

Calm... And easy. Hey, hi.

Calming... Down.

Can david and i go too, please ?

Can i tell steve kooser ? No one !

Check out the fresh nugs. Weasin' the juice.

Chomofsky.

Chomofsky. chomofsky.

Class, this is saber toothed cat.

Close call, buddy.

Come here, come here. Introduce yourself.

Come here, vato.

Come on, i'll go buy you some ho hos.

Come on, let's go.

Come on. come on.

Come on. It's all right.

Come on. Those are our pictures !

Come on. We're gonna get busted !

Comin' home !

Congratulations, link. You're gonna be a senior.

Cool ! Let's see how smart he is.

Cool, buddy.

Cool, buddy. He is so greasy !

Cool, let's go dance. No, no.

Corn nuts ! put 'em on a pedestal, bro.

Count on it !

Dad, linkavitch chomofsky.

Dairy group. Dairy group.

Dave ! Ahh !

Dave ?

Dave ?

Dave, be more of a geek. There's no way you're going to the prom.

Dave, did you guys get away okay ?

Dave, hey.

Dave, i just don't think i'm ready to handle a

Dave, it just wasn't meant to happen.

Dave. dave.

Dave. Yes !

David, i even showered. Check out my

David, i know what this is. What ?

David, who is that ? Huh ?

Designing crusty mops for the rich and famous.

Did you meet anyone ?

Did you miss me ? Always.

Did you see that ? the new kid, he took it.

Did you show this to anyone ? No.

Didn't i forbid you to speak to her ? I'm sorry.

Didn't we, pal ? Yeah. Ugh.

Do you know how worried i've been ?

Do you miss her ? Ugh.

Do you wanna know the truth ? Yeah !

Do you want to know what he really is ?

Don't be lookin' at her, man ! I'm sorry.

Don't just stand there. Do something. Stand up for yourself.

Don't look at me like that.

Don't you ever watch jeopardy ?

Drink like a man.

Drive safely.

Dude, he's checkin' her cheeks. ooh !

Dude, i know what this is, bro. What is it ?

Duh h h y ! Ah ! hey.

Es la d?A.

Estonia's a long ways away, link. Yeah.

Even though he's been extinct for over 10,000 years,

Eventually, yeah. But i'm almost there.

Excuse me. could you move. Me and my friend, david are comin' through.

Excuse me. Hey, hey, hey !

Family.

Family.

Family. You okay ?

Far too much responsibility for me.

Feel the ground, man.

Finding something frozen, dug up here or there,

Fine.

Follow the weasel, linkage, come on. quick, quick, quick.

For rad mobile.

For rad mobile. Yeah.

For us ! To be cool ! Cool, huh ?

Full of fundage, bro,

Gee, link, that is so beautiful. Is it old ?

Get him. Got him.

Get inside the car...

Get into it. We're losers.

Get off me !

Get outta here. Have a good time.

Give it to him. No !

Give me back those pictures. give me those !

Give yourself a few million years, david.

Go home. Huh.

Go on, get out of here.

Go on, leave.

Go, have a good time. go, link.

Go.

Go. Are you sure ?

God, help ! Oh god ! [ alarm ringing ]

God, she smells good.

Goes to... Wait !

Goin' somewhere ?

Gonzangas ? Buddy, cones.

Gonzangas.

Good night.

Good. Good.

Got it.

Gotcha.

Grab a shovel, man. No, i just wanna munch.

Great !

Guess what i found ? A life ?

Ha ha ha ha.

Have a good time. You deserve it.

He does not know what cool is.

He doesn't know what anything is.

He doesn't know what high school is.

He doesn't know where he is. he knows nothin'.

He just took whatever he wanted...

He knows what happened to him.

He knows, dave. What ?

He knows.

He melted.

He spent a million years chillin' in a block of ice,

He walks like this, right ?

He was practically an ice cube... Practically.

He'll be better off with somebody else. No, he's not !

He's a caveman.

He's an exchange student. He's going to be staying in our house.

He's doin' just great. We got him enrolled in all his classes.

He's dope. I'd go out with him.

He's from estonia and i think he's jive.

He's from estonia and i think he's jive.

He's glossy eyed. Look, freak him out. ow !

He's gonna help us dig the pool.

He's gonna stay in my room. He's not attacking the dog. He's bonding.

He's got the serious beak, his own personal... Oh ! Holding company,

He's into munchin' too, you know. [ gagging ]

He's not my responsibility.

He's standin' upright and all, he was extremely brutal.

He's still in here.

He's thinkin' of becoming a hairdresser.

Hell yeah, and i'm not the only one.

Hell yeah, and i'm not the only one.

Hello, fred. I'm glad i caught you.

Hello, little one.

Hello, mrs. Mackey.

Hello, stanley. Who is this strange boy and why is he ringing my doorbell ?

Hello.

Here we go !

Here.

Here. mmm. Mmm.

Hey !

Hey !

Hey !

Hey ! come on, check this out. That's my lobes.

Hey, can you say ba...Uff ?

Hey, come on, david. Be careful with that.

Hey, dad.

Hey, dude. You took it from wilson.

Hey, just chill, buds. No buds chill.

Hey, link !

Hey, link, how's your melon, bud ?

Hey, look !

Hey, seniorita. That hurt my lobes.

Hey, there's his pits, bro.

Hey, there's robyn. Hey, robyn. O o o ow !

Hey, weasel. What's happening ? Hey.

Hey, what are you doing ?

Hey, you want a piece of me ?

Hey. hey, come on, man. Stop it.

Hi, link. You look great. Hi.

Hi, matt.

Hi, matt.

Hi, robyn. Hi, dave.

High school is over, buddy.

High school was interesting, right,

High school's almost over and i don't have anything to show for it.

His name isn't linkavitch chomofsky, and he's not from estonia.

His name's link.

Hit him back !

Hmm.

Hmmmm.

Hola, mi amigos.

Homeboy.

Hot on the outside, icicle in the middle. [ rajneesh ] two minutes.

How about that ?

How cool are we ? We're cool.

How many minutes for the burrito ? [ kashmir ] two minutes.

How to fill the furnace, pack the cheeks and stuff the gills. okay ?

How was your day, mom ? Where you goin' ?

How ya doin' ? Hi, my name is dave.

Hummer patrol, barneys incoming.

I always eat here and i like your food.

I assume you'll be joining us ? You assume correctly, mr. M.

I can't believe he got nailed. He's a pacifist.

I can't believe it. He's alive !

I can't take it anymore. I'm not kiddin'. Call him back.

I didn't do it. they started the whole thing.

I didn't mean it, stoney.

I don't know what got into me.

I don't know what to do with him after that. I can take him to spanish.

I don't know you.

I don't know. i have no idea. Guess ? guess ?

I don't know. i have no idea. Guess ? guess ?

I don't like you.

I don't think one mistake is such a big deal.

I don't think so, ella. Cro magnon man, even though he's not bad lookin',

I don't wanna be part of anything, dave. i'm happy just to be me.

I got some radical deodorant on, buddy. Take a whiff, bro.

I happen to care right now. That's convenient.

I hate those things.

I just wanna be his friend.

I know about your stupid prom king bullshit. Forget it.

I know the truth.

I know what i'm doing, stone.

I know you've had a big day, pal. But tomorrow...

I know, me neither. You should be stoked though, buddy,

I like link better. Okay, we'll call him link.

I like the ketchup and mustard. Very avant garde.

I mean, i don't want 'em cuttin' you up into little pieces.

I say we just walk. No, no way !

I spent the entire night after the play in the parking lot. In the sixth grade, the soccer ?

I told you about this months ago, remember ?

I wanna go with somebody who's really cool,

I want you vatos to have a good time. Yeah.

I, i can't go.

I, i just don't like to dance.

I'd go grind over there.

I'll be back.

I'll be back. No buds chill !

I'm cooking dinner. I thought it might be a nice surprise.

I'm gonna be the prom king ! And i'm gonna graduate a legend.

I'm grounded.

I'm just underrated 'cause i live here in encino.

I'm not good. Let's not dance. You are too uptight.

I'm only invitin' a few people. I got that prom thing.

I'm sorry, man. It's okay.

I'm sorry. Family.

I'm sorry. i'm sorry. Huh ?

I'm thrilled. Get out of my face !

I'm using it to ask you to go to the prom with me.

I'm your teacher. Both hands on the wheel !

Ice age. Yes, ice age. That's right, the ice age.

If he was here today, you could sit next to him, you would never know the difference.

If i had a bic, bro, right here. Don't freak him out.

If i see any man looking at my muchacha, that man will no longer...

If we tell anyone, if anyone sees him, they'll take him away from us.

Is it okay if i just chill upon here ? Orale.

Is it one or two ? [ rajneesh ] one and a half minutes.

Is this dude totally fundamental or what ?

It could mean money.

It got stuck, sir. Come in. Meet your new family.

It's a caveman. Would you please !

It's a joke. I'm sorry, just kidding.

It's a mousterian bowl. No way !

It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

It's all right.

It's all right. You've had a hard day. [ car horn honking ]

It's cool, right ? I found a caveman.

It's embarrassing. He travelled here all the way from

It's my gear. Sorry, man.

It's not a feeling, not a state of mind, or one of your disco dances.

It's not enough. I mean, i want my own page in the yearbook.

It's not funny. I'm not goin' down as this geek kid from encino.

It's not like chillin', chillin'.

It's okay. it's okay.

It's okay. Just chill.

It's okay. We're your new family.

It's okay. What's my mom screaming about ?

It's really pathetic.

It's so, uh help me.

It's still preserved... Like smuckers !

It's the prom, remember ?

It's time we decide what we're gonna make for dinner.

It's time. I'm serious.

Jive, yeah. You do ?

Jump off the gym, splatter on the street and go for the co ver.

Just a little more mellow, not so much ?

Just be calm and easy.

Just chill, dave, 'cause you know why ?

Just like this, the nugs fully loose. [ bell rings ]

Just stop it, matt. Don't even come near me.

Kashmir ? Rajneesh, is it ?

Keep on cruisin'.

La d?A es mi en hermanos.

Larry, it's okay. I'm tired. i'm a little hungry.

Later.

Let me show you cro magnon man. [ girl ] woo !

Let's get out of here.

Let's get out of here.

Let's look at the mammoth display, our school mascot.

Let's show him himself. Okay.

Like you care ? the only thing you've cared about is nugs, chillin' and grindage.

Link ! link !

Link ! link ! We'll call him link !

Link ! link, get out from there ! [ screams ]

Link ?

Link and i are cruisin' the mountain and we figured we'd wease ju uice.

Link, be careful !

Link, come on. Sorry, you guys.

Link, hey !

Link, hit him back ! Where you goin' ?

Link, how was your day ? How are you adjusting ?

Link, please, come sit down.

Link.

Link.

Link. He's staying with us. he's from estonia.

Link. link.

Link. link. link, get down.

Link. No !

Link... Linkav doesn't anybody in this house listen to anything i say ?

Listen to me. Call him back.

Listen, please remember...

Long distance relationships never work out. Ugh.

Look at him. He's flipping out.

Look at him. He's practically a monkey.

Look at his eyes. He likes the blue part.

Look at my patch, bro. Ohh ! Ooh !

Look at that ! Those are kill, huh ? [ microwave rings ]

Look at what we have here.

Look out ! Whoa.

Look, dave, you're gonna have to mellow out, bro, on this whole robyn thing.

Look, david, please do me a favor and stress less, bro.

Look, he's a freak !

Look, this is my one phone call.

Matt ! matt !

Matt wilson ? What a jerk.

Matt, i'm not going to the prom with you.

Matt, not the fire alarm !

Matt, will you just stop this already ?

May he have a cool time at the prom.

Meat group !

Meat group ! Come on, the meat group.

Meet me at blades tonight.

Milk duds. hide these under your pillow so your mom doesn't find them.

Mine are only four.

Mm hmm.

Mom, come on. You're not buying this ?

Mr. Morgan, if you're edged 'cause i'm weasin' on your grindage, just chill.

Mucho macho. Ooh.

Nice body. Remember when we were together ?

Nice save, davage.

No !

No ! Bye, robyn. Hey, hey, hey.

No ! No ! no !

No kidding, dave. He's an ice cube.

No way !

No way !

No weasin' the juice.

No, dave, dave. Dave, dave, dave.

No, i can't. You're showing us disrespect.

No, i'm serious.

No, no, i'm dave. You are ?

No, no, no, i'm not gonna take it back.

No, no, no. [ rings ]

No, no, no. Come on. Come on, dave.

No, no. I was just playin'.

No, no. Stoney. Stoney.

No, really, i can't. I'm on probation.

No, uh uh. We're goin' psycho with him, bro.

No. come here. Guess what i found ?

No. no !

No. No.

No. no.

No. no.

Not axl. This is serious. Okay.

Now he's gotta go to high school ! agh !

Now i'm covered up to fourth period.

Now the guy gets a little crusty and you're gonna bag him.

Now you're gonna take it back ?

O o o ow ! Okay ?

O o o ow. O o o ow.

Of course you can. Just go upstairs, put something on.

Oh god !

Oh god, he doesn't like that.

Oh god, no ! Wait ! stop !

Oh god. We gotta teach him how to be normal.

Oh god. We gotta teach him how to be normal.

Oh my god ! You got him talkin' like you now.

Oh my god, he is totally rude. Totally.

Oh please ! He's a caveman, for god sakes.

Oh shit !

Oh, buddy !

Oh, dave ! Hey, buddy.

Oh, hon, lose the geek squad. They're bad for your deal. Ugh ?

Oh, i get it. This is like your old girlfriend in estonia ?

Oh, please. He is ours. We found him.

Oh, this is tequila ?

Oh, well you'll be there too.

Oh.

Oh.

Okay, and that's

Okay, cool. Maybe we could call him stoney number two...

Okay, mr. Beady.

Okay, okay, stop !

Okay, okay.

Okay, okay. And now you are ?

Okay, uh, uh, take him out back and ring the doorbell three times.

Okay.

Ooh !

Ooh ! figures.

Oooow ! [ barking ]

Ooow ! [ chuckling ]

Or jimmy mahoney.

Or popularity !

Otra vez, otra vez, otra vez.

Our exchange student ? He's here.

Ow !

Ow !

Ow ! come on, let's get up.

Ow ! ooh !

Ow o o o !

Ow o o o o !

Police. Immigraci?N.

Prehistoric artifacts for five hundred, alex.

Prehistoric man in the ? Oh, stoney ?

Put 'em in your pocket.

Rabies, distemper, flea dip.

Rad mobile rad mobile.

Red light ! Red light !

Right, and you think i'm good for yours.

Right, this is the vegetable group.

Right. believe it or not, some scientists believe that there are actual...

Right. you are paying attention. that's good.

Robyn !

Robyn ? Robyn.

Robyn sweeney ? Here.

Robyn sweeney is mine.

Robyn, don't forget,

Robyn, take stone. Get him out of here.

Robyn, that import is mine.

Robyn.

Same place we ended last week's class.

See ? Let me see those pictures.

See ? Ugh. Ahh ?

See you in mr. Albert's class.

See you later, weasels. See ya.

See, i think he's calming down.

Seeing as we started the school year as total losers,

Settle down, quiet. We're gonna start this week's class...

She always shines ya. You don't understand. We have history.

She finds you crusty, dave. I'll convince her.

She hadn't hit babehood yet.

She'll see the truth. Truth is...

She's become a major babe and she loves me.

She's bummed 'cause i snaked your last bagel.

She's really bummed. Can you pass the peas ?

Shh. yeah. Oh dave, you're drowning.

Showin' your ignorance again, morgan.

Shush !

Shush ! hush, please !

Slicey. Slicey. Slicey.

Smile.

So don't hush his gig, buddy.

So don't tax my gig so hard core, cruster.

So let's work on changing your mind. [ voice ] rad mobile.

So moving right along on your journey of knowledge,

So, stanley, how's your mother ?

Soakin' up the rays,

Some betty, huh ? Betty.

Some new bell bottoms ?

Some of us pump and some of us slump.

Stand up straight.

Standing o. Outstanding.

Sto...Ney.

Stone ! Stoney !

Stone ? Yeah.

Stone, take robyn. [ burp ]

Stoney ! Dave !

Stoney, i am on to bigger and better things.

Stop it !

Stop it ! no.

Sure. Thanks.

Taco bell. Better. Get the camera.

Talk to me, david. Let me know what's going on, man.

Thanks, but robyn sweeney, she's not goin' to the prom with you, man.

Thanks.

That ? Who's that ?

That he weases off of ma jor.

That i, i, i do recall something.

That most of this hemisphere, including the ground i'm walking on,

That was harsh, matt.

That was the clincher. Everybody's got a price. Come on, man.

That's all, link. It's over.

That's barbaric ! Indeed.

That's boring, dude, normal !

That's disrespectful, weasel.

That's harsh. We'll make him famous.

That's stoney. Mm hmm.

That's talking about prehistoric man in the what ?

The cheese is old and moldy.

The cops are here. Get down.

The day is beautiful. ???? [ rap ]

The four basic food groups, and this is not one of 'em.

The stench of losers is doing damage to my sinuses.

There's a guy buried in my pool.

There's one now. Uh oh.

There's one really cool thing i wanted to show you.

These are killer. So citrusy, dude, you'll freak.

These are my favorite !

These glaciers, as they moved down our way,

They fought for food and survival. they did not fight for popularity.

They never found him.

They'll cut him up into little pieces.

They'll take all the credit, and we'll still be geeks.

They're so heavy, cold and thick that they freeze the ground water...

They're surprised, all right.

They've all been lying to us.

Things just didn't turn out right. Ugh.

This could mean this could mean fame or money !

This guy's our ticket to fame and popularity.

This homey right here has taken you for a ride.

This is important to me. this is my life.

This is just in time for prom. Yeah ?

This is just the way it's gotta be.

This is just what's best for you.

This is kind of nice. You were great.

This is our school, right ?

This is stoney. Stoney, he's my friend.

This is unbelievable ! Do you know what this could mean for us ?

This.

Those are desperate words of a loser.

Totally, bro, to linkage.

Ugh !

Ugh.

Ugh.

Ugh. gonzangas.

Ugh. ugh.

Uh huh.

Uh huh.

Uh, hey, hey

Uh, this is my room.

Uh, uh, look.

Uh, we're from encino.

Um, link.

Ummm. Put that back !

Ut uh. I'm a weasel.

Vale, repitan en espanol.

Wait, stop. Dude, do i have to pay for 'em ?

Wait, where's the worm ?

Wait. I otra, otra !

Was a tasty meal to one of these.

Was that the hottest or what, bro ? Are you into it ?

Watch him. All right, david.

Watch this. Okay.

Watch, watch, watch.

Watch, watch, watch.

We found him. We can do whatever we want with him.

We go to high school. High school ?

We got spanish now. Spanish is like guacamole, chips and salsa.

We gotta give him a cool name.

We gotta thaw him out. Okay.

We have a right to know if somethin' bogus is goin' down...

We have got a major find here.

We have to help him.

We practically feed the entire neighborhood. why not part of estonia as well, huh ?

We, we, we ? No, no, no. You, you, you.

We'll all go. we'll have a great time.

We'll teach him some stupid pet tricks and get him on letterman.

We're goin' on to bigger and better things, buddy.

We're going to discuss grindage;

We're in prison.

We've been naked together.

We've got the missing link standing in my bedroom.

Well, i dad ?

What ?

What ? Did you just

What ? I can't handle him anymore.

What ? Matt !

What ? Will you ask link if he'll go with me ?

What are the two biggest losers in school hiding ?

What are you doin' ? I don't like mornings.

What are you doin' ? You're not allowed in here.

What are you doin', fag ?

What are you doing ?

What are you doing ? I'm cooking dinner.

What are you lookin' at ?

What are you trying to do ? Come on, stop it.

What do you think of your bulgarian dork bud, now ?

What does she see in him anyway ?

What i'm about to chirp in your lobes, cool ? Hey.

What is going on here ?

What is he talking about ?

What the

What time do you want me to pick you up tomorrow night ?

What would he be fighting for, huh ? For face.

What you did was pretty cool.

What you're looking at here is a representation...

What, dude ? You should be with your mug, bro.

What's a mousterian bowl ?

What's going on ? Wait !

What's he doin' ?

What's on his nose ?

What's up ?

When i finish this pool, i'm gonna have the killer party after the prom.

Where did you go ? You just took off.

Where the blood sport of bullfighting...

Where's link ? Dancin'.

Where's the flour ? I can't find the flour.

While he was alive you can imagine that many a caveman...

Who are your friends in the low rider ? None of your business.

Who cares about cool anyway, right ? Right.

Who is this ? This is my friend, link.

Who is this dipshit, anyway ?

Who's cooler than me ?

Who's not afraid of being himself or having fun.

Who's that guy with the dork squad ?

Whoa !

Whoa !

Whoa !

Whoa ! Ahh ! Whoa ! Ahh !

Whoa ! Is that me ? Betty.

Whoa ! oh.

Whoa oa oa !

Whoa.

Whoa. A caveman !

Whoa. parallel parking is not a thing, understand ?

Why do we call it the ice age ? 'cause there was a lot of ice.

Why do you make me do this ?

Why does none of this sound familiar to me ?

Why doesn't that happen when matt hits me ?

Why don't you take this, 'cause i don't think i need it anymore.

Why not ? I wanna go with link.

Will be a valuable asset to our organization.

Will you be careful ? I'll be cool, man. I promise.

Woo ! woo woo woo woo !

Wouldn't be that uncommon when you think about it.

Yeah, buddy. She is so greasy !

Yeah, you travel in large groups of one, stoney.

Yeah. Get in the car and don't take it personally.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yes ! Ahh !

Yes, what ? You can drop him off in front of blades tonight, right ?

You are busted. Get down, man.

You are just like everyone else.

You came along for the ride and let me do the dirty work...

You can do it, weasel. Bottoms up.

You can do it. Andale.

You could hurt his pancreas or something.

You don't bag your friends 'cause they get in the way, no matter what, dude.

You don't wanna help, that's just fine.

You gotta help me dig him out. you were here. You're part of it.

You guys go. Have a good time. Go on.

You had pre freshman history. you could've had her back then.

You know what i think that is, class ?

You know, mr. M., the way i look at it, some day...

You look buff. Right ?

You look great.

You see her ? No.

You should try some pump, morgan. might clear up your acne.

You smell.

You tellin' me you couldn't use a, a new scooter ?

You think they're ready ? I don't know.

You took him to mega mountain ? Are you crazy ?

You wanna come check him out after school ? Well, uh

You wanna see your mug, bud ? Check it.

You want me to what ?

You're bogus. Larry, how could i forget something like this ?

You're cute.

You're kidding ? This guy is staying with you ?

You're link. I'm dave. dave !

You're not ?

You're not ready.

You're right, ese. She's not worth it.

You're the one who weased off his gig the whole time...

You're used to eating twigs, right ?

You're weasin' off his gig.

You're what ? busted !

You've been a headache ever since the third grade. God !

Your daughter and i could be married...

Your phone call. You got one. Make it quick.

[ matt ] no ! [ robyn ] dave !

ah ha ha ha ha ! ow o o o o !

as if ! shut up !

boris, get out ! [ dave ] get down !

get the phone. okay. okay.

here, here. look, here. You gotta teach him.

i don't know, estonia ? yeah, estonia !

i think he just said no. no !

linkavitch chomofsky ? ugh, ugh.

no ? no ! no !

ooh ! ahh ! ahh !

see ? see, it's about focusing.

stanley, speak english. dad !

that was linkavitch chomofsky. what ?

the vato's got the point. she ain't worth it, homes !

what's he doin' ? i think he's tracking a fly.

yeah ! [ sighs ]

yeah ! [ sighs ]

yes, she would. [ chuckling ]

you can't do this here. you must leave now, please.

you shut up. no, everybody shut up.

you wanna be a man ? then drink like an hombre.

your parents! my parents!

[ link screaming ] get out, get out !

i wish she would but she's not. What are you talkin' about ?

look, kashmir, rajneesh, chill. No buds chill !

?? 'cause he turns into a big ol' ape ??

?? 'cause you belong to my friend, link ??

?? About a boy and his monkey ??

?? And when when, oh when you do it ??

?? Buddy, fiesta ??

?? But reality used to be a friend of mine ??

?? But she tried to hide from me what was in store ??

?? Clap your hands and dance ??

?? Come on and just stick it to me ??

?? Come on now, honey ??

?? Come on, babe, won't you show me what you got ??

?? Dance ??

?? Do you need a woman got the look in her eyes ??

?? Feel the rhythm feel the, feel the feel the rhythm ??

?? Get all this straight between you and me because ??

?? Get filled get filled ??

?? He likes to take his monkey every place that he goes ??

?? He's got that kind of monkey that the girls wanna know ??

?? Heartbreaker, yeah you came for the show ??

?? I used to be friends with reality ??

?? I'd like to know would you be my monkey ??

?? I'm a stoney crusty dude ?? Did you know that ? Get out, dude.

?? I'm gonna knock you out mama said knock you out ??

?? I'm gonna knock you out mama said knock you out ??

?? I'm gonna knock you out mama said knock you out ??

?? I'm gonna knock you out mama said knock you out ???? Ow ! hey, link !

?? I'm too sexy for my love ??

?? I'm too sexy for my love ??

?? I'm too sexy for my shirt ??

?? I'm too sexy for this song ????

?? I'm too sexy for your party ??

?? It had two big horns and a wooly jaw ??

?? Joy to you and me ?? [ dave ] stop !

?? Knock you out ??

?? Lady liberty rocks away no truth, no justice ??

?? Let's do it let's do it come on now, sugar ??

?? Matty told hatty ??

?? May be why the question that's on your mind ??

?? Monkey likes to do the wild thing ??

?? Move your body ??

?? Move your body to the rhythm of love ??

?? Move your body to the rhythm of love ??

?? My monkey be swingin' with me ??

?? My monkey don't freak my monkey don't hit ??

?? My monkey don't swing in no tree ??

?? My monkey don't wear no cape ??

?? Oh but you can't come ??

?? Oh no that must be your bride ??

?? Oh no you're invited but your friend can't come ??

?? Oh yeah, stoners ??

?? Ooo ooo ooo ooo ??

?? Ow ??

?? Please don't ask me 'cause i don't know why ??

?? Ready or not i want to ??

?? Reality used to be a friend of mine ??

?? Reality used to be a friend of mine ??

?? Reality used to be a friend of mine ??

?? Reality used to be a friend of mine ?? [ barking ]

?? She likes to feed the monkey she likes to feed the monkey ??

?? She used to be a pal real close to me ??

?? Shoo, fly don't bother me ??

?? Shoo, fly don't bother me ??

?? Shoo, fly don't bother me ??

?? So gather 'round and let me tell ya all a story ??

?? So tell your father that he better not bite ??

?? The american way ???? [ groans ]

?? There's a party but it isn't for three ??

?? There's somethin' over here i want you to see ??

?? Too sexy for milan new york and japan ??

?? Too sexy for my shirt so sexy it hurts ??

?? Too sexy for your party no way i'm disco dancing ??

?? Treaty, oo oh treaty, yeah ??

?? Uh uh uh oh that's my song ??

?? Wanna cut me down to size show me what you're gonna do ? ?

?? We're gonna have some fun ??

?? We're gonna have some fun ??

?? Well all right ??

?? What's up, bro ow o o o ??

?? Who's that gorilla standing by your side ??

?? Whoa no no come on, baby gonna have some fun ??

?? Whoa, no no come on, baby gonna have some fun ??

?? Wild thing ??

?? Wild thing ??

?? Wooly bully ??

?? Wooly bully wooly bully ??

?? Wow ??

?? You can tell when my monkey wants to eat ??

?? You make everything groovy ??

?? You turn me on come on now, sugar ??

????

????

????

????

????

????

????

????

????

????

????

????

????

????

????

???? [ continues indistinct ]

???? [ feed the monkey by michael muir ]

???? [ radio ]

???? [ radio ]

???? [ reality used to be a friend of mine ]

¿¿ c?Mo est? Usted ? Muy bonita...

¿¿ d?Nde est? el sanitario ?

¿¿ d?Nde est? el sanitario ?

'cause if i had the whole brady bunch thing happenin' at my pad,

'cause you got through the last four years without the full on melon tweekage.

'cause you thought it might work to your advantage.

'cause you thought maybe he'd get you somewhere.

[ all together ] stoney is the crustiest vato...

[ applause, cheering ]

[ applause, cheering ]

[ banging, crashing ] my kitchen !

[ bell ringing ]

[ bell ringing ] i'll see you next period.

[ car alarms wailing ] [ dogs barking ]

[ caveman laughing ]

[ chanting ] weasel, weasel. weasel, weasel.

[ chanting ] weasel, weasel. weasel, weasel.

[ cheering ]

[ cheering ]

[ class ] el queso est? Viejo y podrido.

[ class ] lame ! Exactly. Bunco, bogus.

[ class laughing ] no, no.

[ coughing ]

[ coughing ]

[ dave ] i can't believe you told my parents he's from estonia.

[ dave ] i don't know.

[ dave ] i think he's got the hang of it.

[ dave ] let's get out of here !

[ dave ] stone, tell him to stop ! Okay, stop.

[ dave ] stop !

[ dave ] to link.

[ david ] that's his head.

[ dog barking ]

[ doorbell ] [ sniffing ]

[ engine revving ]

[ father ] whose family ? [ dog barking ]

[ gasping ]

[ girl ] tell us the secret !

[ girl ] you're a disease. Ahh.

[ glass smashing ]

[ growling ]

[ growling ]

[ grunting ]

[ grunting ]

[ grunting ]

[ grunting ]

[ grunting ] whoa.

[ helicopter whirring ]

[ horns honking ]

[ howling ]

[ indistinct arguing ]

[ indistinct chatter ]

[ indistinct chatter ]

[ indistinct chatter ]

[ indistinct yelling ] i'm working !

[ laughing ]

[ laughing, jeering ]

[ link ] check out my cap. O o o ow !

[ link screaming ]

[ link yelling ]

[ link, stoney ] yeah ! Ow o o o !

[ making monkey sounds ]

[ making monkey sounds ] link !

[ matt ] link, get down here.

[ panting ]

[ phone beeping ]

[ phone ringing ]

[ rajneesh ] one minute. Two minutes !

[ ringing ]

[ robyn ] come on, i'll drive. Link !

[ rumbling ]

[ scratching ]

[ screaming ]

[ screaming ]

[ screaming ]

[ screaming ]

[ screams ]

[ screams ]

[ screeching, honking ]

[ sighs ] i love it when she calls me david.

[ sighs ] no.

[ sighs ] no.

[ sister ] dave ! Stoney, come on !

[ sizzling ]

[ sniffing ]

[ sniffing ]

[ sniffing ]

[ snoring ]

[ stoney ] ?? Joy to the fishes in the deep, blue sea ??

[ stoney ] cow pajamas ? Those are kind of flaming.

[ stoney ] eh, buddy !

[ stoney ] eighteen inch bi's. Bye bye.

[ stoney ] he's burnt from all this.

[ stoney ] he's got the buff spikes chillin' the top of his melon.

[ stoney ] hey, link, wait up.

[ stoney ] it's your cave nug.

[ stoney ] poor stone ager.

[ stoney ] she's clean, buddy,

[ stoney ] they never found jim morrison.

[ stoney ] uh huh. You know, this is a total waste of time.

[ stoney ] well, what about me ?

[ stoney yelling ]

[ stoney yelling ]

[ teacher ] all right, cro magnon man.

[ teacher ] good, once again. You're cute.

[ teacher ] where is the bathroom ?

[ truck engine ]

[ tv announcer ] our airplane's been going round and round.

[ woman ] stanley, is that will you put that back ?

[ yelling ]