Main Content
Sound Added to Your Favorites Soundboard
Sound added

Log in or create an account to save your favorites, or they'll expire in 4 hours

Error Adding Sound
Error adding sound to your favorites.
Sound Reported
Sound reported and our moderators will review it shortly.
Error Reporting Sound
Error reporting sound. Please use the Contact page.
78 421
Van Wilder (2002) Released in 2002, "Van Wilder" is a comedy film directed by Walt Becker. It follows the comedic

Van Wilder (2002)

Released in 2002, "Van Wilder" is a comedy film directed by Walt Becker. It follows the comedic misadventures of the titular character, Van Wilder, a charismatic and notorious party animal who has been attending college for an unusually long time. Starring Ryan Reynolds as Van Wilder, the film also features Tara Reid as Gwen Pearson, Kal Penn as Taj Mahal Badalandabad, and Tim Matheson as Van's father, Vance Wilder Sr.

With its uproarious humor and light-hearted tone, "Van Wilder" has become a cult classic among comedy enthusiasts. The film delves into Van's extravagant and outrageous attempts to fund his never-ending college experience and his pursuit of true love. Filled with hilarious moments, absurd situations, and memorable characters, it provides a fun and entertaining watch for audiences.

If you're in the mood to relive the laughter or experience it for the first time, you can easily play and download the sounds from this film here. Whether it's Van's witty one-liners or the uproarious classroom pranks, the sounds of "Van Wilder" are sure to leave you chuckling.

A collective GPA of 52,000?
A collective GPA of 52,000?
A Delta?
A Delta?
A dilemma has arose up front.
A dilemma has arose up front.
A friend of yours...
A friend of yours...
A good soldier does not leave his commander...
A good soldier does not leave his commander...
A good writer gets her story no matter what.
A good writer gets her story no matter what.
A party people will actually show up to.
A party people will actually show up to.
A party we can be proud of...
A party we can be proud of...
A perfect match, connected forever.
A perfect match, connected forever.
A pro.
A pro.
A ritual, if you will, that allows me...
A ritual, if you will, that allows me...
A story that nobody's been able to get.
A story that nobody's been able to get.
A time to say good bye to the parents once again...
A time to say good bye to the parents once again...
After this weekend, we should have sufficient funds...
After this weekend, we should have sufficient funds...
Air dry that shit, yeah.
Air dry that shit, yeah.
All doctors.
All doctors.
All right, everybody?
All right, everybody?
All right, look.
All right, look.
All right, sister. Enjoy yourself. Power to the people.
All right, sister. Enjoy yourself. Power to the people.
All right, thank you, man. Enjoy yourself.
All right, thank you, man. Enjoy yourself.
All right, things to remember commerce and trade
All right, things to remember commerce and trade
All right, Trapper. Stay cool.
All right, Trapper. Stay cool.
All right, Wilder, let's dance.
All right, Wilder, let's dance.
All right.
All right.
All right. Gwen, all right! You're just in time.
All right. Gwen, all right! You're just in time.
All right. So... am I here for a physical?
All right. So... am I here for a physical?
All you need are the three fundamentals scented candles...
All you need are the three fundamentals scented candles...
Always check the quality of the turf before you step onto the field.
Always check the quality of the turf before you step onto the field.
Am I right?
Am I right?
And a few that weren't mine. Stepped into the wrong one.
And a few that weren't mine. Stepped into the wrong one.
And all of our athletics those are all so minuscule?
And all of our athletics those are all so minuscule?
And also correct.
And also correct.
And another $39,000 for your son's tuition and housing this semester.
And another $39,000 for your son's tuition and housing this semester.
And Barry White.
And Barry White.
And cut your losses.
And cut your losses.
And Dr. Smelnick.
And Dr. Smelnick.
And each article skipped over by the majority of the student body.
And each article skipped over by the majority of the student body.
And get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it!
And get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it!
And I am really enjoying the present right now...
And I am really enjoying the present right now...
And I guess so is a promise...
And I guess so is a promise...
And I just wanted to bring my A game.
And I just wanted to bring my A game.
And I quote, Van Wilder is a party pimp.
And I quote, Van Wilder is a party pimp.
And I would like to be your assistant very much...
And I would like to be your assistant very much...
And I wouldn't want our future children to be tainted...
And I wouldn't want our future children to be tainted...
And I'm gonna help you put the bang in Banglapur.
And I'm gonna help you put the bang in Banglapur.
And I'm ready to move on.
And I'm ready to move on.
And if Milty Mingleton can shove himself...
And if Milty Mingleton can shove himself...
And in reaction to this lynching...
And in reaction to this lynching...
And it hurts when I
And it hurts when I
And it's okay. You just had to get it out of your system.
And it's okay. You just had to get it out of your system.
And just as I expected...
And just as I expected...
And just like that, Topless Tutors was born.
And just like that, Topless Tutors was born.
And just so we're clear, I'm telling you to go fuck yourself!.
And just so we're clear, I'm telling you to go fuck yourself!.
And just the right chromosomal anomalies.
And just the right chromosomal anomalies.
And leave Coolidge with a degree.
And leave Coolidge with a degree.
And my 9:45 till Wednesday.
And my 9:45 till Wednesday.
And of course, Gwen's father.
And of course, Gwen's father.
And Ran Over My Heart With a Big Metaphorical Truck.
And Ran Over My Heart With a Big Metaphorical Truck.
And say hello to a few new student bodies.
And say hello to a few new student bodies.
And smother it.
And smother it.
And state his or her case within 48 hours of being discharged.
And state his or her case within 48 hours of being discharged.
And suggest an alternative punishment.
And suggest an alternative punishment.
And that guy she's with all kinds of wrong for her.
And that guy she's with all kinds of wrong for her.
And the Bloated Belly Beer Bash to Battle Bulimia this semester.
And the Bloated Belly Beer Bash to Battle Bulimia this semester.
And then I don't know how.
And then I don't know how.
And then I am in!
And then I am in!
And then I broke the boredom.
And then I broke the boredom.
And then we bumped uglies.
And then we bumped uglies.
And we talked it over.
And we talked it over.
And you know something, Timmy?
And you know something, Timmy?
And your time is up, Mr. Wilder. Pencils down.
And your time is up, Mr. Wilder. Pencils down.
Any student may appeal an expulsion before the university judicial board...
Any student may appeal an expulsion before the university judicial board...
Anything at all?
Anything at all?
Apathy is the glove into which evil slips its hand.
Apathy is the glove into which evil slips its hand.
Are we gonna get in trouble for being in here?
Are we gonna get in trouble for being in here?
Are you and Richard in the same fraternity?
Are you and Richard in the same fraternity?
Are you insane? You know my midterm and finals ritual.
Are you insane? You know my midterm and finals ritual.
Are you okay?
Are you okay?
Are you stalking me? Because that would be super.
Are you stalking me? Because that would be super.
As a story, I think...
As a story, I think...
As for me, well...
As for me, well...
As smashed as I am, I'm pretty sure that's my room, wasn't it?
As smashed as I am, I'm pretty sure that's my room, wasn't it?
As well as our most valued client.
As well as our most valued client.
As you're all aware, Van was almost expelled.
As you're all aware, Van was almost expelled.
At the Hillel House, I broke bread.
At the Hillel House, I broke bread.
At which time I must return to my home country...
At which time I must return to my home country...
Au contraire, mon frères. Girls!
Au contraire, mon frères. Girls!
Awesome work, sisters.
Awesome work, sisters.
Baby, I'm about to culminate. Now, get over here.
Baby, I'm about to culminate. Now, get over here.
Barry White.
Barry White.
Basically, we're saying we won't blow the job, Van.
Basically, we're saying we won't blow the job, Van.
Basically, we're saying we won't blow the job, Van.
Basically, we're saying we won't blow the job, Van.
Be happy for both of us. The Richard and Gwen life plan is kicking in.
Be happy for both of us. The Richard and Gwen life plan is kicking in.
Because I didn't want the students to know I threw the party.
Because I didn't want the students to know I threw the party.
Because I wanted to cut loose and shake my rump...
Because I wanted to cut loose and shake my rump...
Because if word gets out that I read, my reputation
Because if word gets out that I read, my reputation
Because Mommy went slumming one night back in college.
Because Mommy went slumming one night back in college.
Because of her article, everybody wants to have a party thrown by Van Wilder...
Because of her article, everybody wants to have a party thrown by Van Wilder...
Because they love each other?
Because they love each other?
Because they're compatible.
Because they're compatible.
Because this morning I placed a stop payment on this semester's check.
Because this morning I placed a stop payment on this semester's check.
Because you have the potential to be great.
Because you have the potential to be great.
Because you'll die a lot of times.
Because you'll die a lot of times.
Before settling down with my fiancée, Gwen.
Before settling down with my fiancée, Gwen.
Being bad seldom is.
Being bad seldom is.
Believing for so long
Believing for so long
Besides, babes that fine
Besides, babes that fine
Big finish.
Big finish.
Bikini clad judges for a fund raiser? That's pretty ingenious.
Bikini clad judges for a fund raiser? That's pretty ingenious.
Biology, English Lit, Calculus, Economics...
Biology, English Lit, Calculus, Economics...
Blue. Brings out your eyes. Kid's got killer eyes, not unlike yourself.
Blue. Brings out your eyes. Kid's got killer eyes, not unlike yourself.
Brilliant, Pearson.
Brilliant, Pearson.
But aren't you glad we did?
But aren't you glad we did?
But hurry. Interview's in a half hour, other side of campus.
But hurry. Interview's in a half hour, other side of campus.
But I believe in you.
But I believe in you.
But I hear ”milk, I think giant jugs.
But I hear ”milk, I think giant jugs.
But I see that now.
But I see that now.
But I think it's crucial we like minded people get to know one another.
But I think it's crucial we like minded people get to know one another.
But I was wrong. It took a man by the name of Van Wilder to teach me that.
But I was wrong. It took a man by the name of Van Wilder to teach me that.
But make sure you see he's raised $5,000 to give the swim team a next season.
But make sure you see he's raised $5,000 to give the swim team a next season.
But not without a W tonight.
But not without a W tonight.
But right now I am prepping for the biggest moment of our lives.
But right now I am prepping for the biggest moment of our lives.
But sadly I don't do interviews. Never have, never will. I do lunch.
But sadly I don't do interviews. Never have, never will. I do lunch.
But she is just so damn good.
But she is just so damn good.
But sometimes guys can do some pretty childish things.
But sometimes guys can do some pretty childish things.
But sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you...
But sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you...
But that would mean one of them would have to be dead.
But that would mean one of them would have to be dead.
But we gotta talk, guys.
But we gotta talk, guys.
But you have wasted enough of your time and my money.
But you have wasted enough of your time and my money.
But you know what I've learned in my seven years here at Coolidge...
But you know what I've learned in my seven years here at Coolidge...
By a pathetic, egomaniacal frat boy...
By a pathetic, egomaniacal frat boy...
By all means. Come in, please.
By all means. Come in, please.
By parting ways as a graduate.
By parting ways as a graduate.
By the way, can you tell me if there'll be any international travel?
By the way, can you tell me if there'll be any international travel?
Bye.
Bye.
Bye. Thanks for coming.
Bye. Thanks for coming.
C los, get your ass off my shirt.
C los, get your ass off my shirt.
Call me nuts...
Call me nuts...
Cancel my guest lecture at the Wharton School next week.
Cancel my guest lecture at the Wharton School next week.
Carry the two Yes, that's correct.
Carry the two Yes, that's correct.
Casey. I'm just using Gwen's computer.
Casey. I'm just using Gwen's computer.
Cash, Visa and full frontal nudity.
Cash, Visa and full frontal nudity.
Causing acute achondroplasia...
Causing acute achondroplasia...
Come on!
Come on!
Come on. We got a ball game to win.
Come on. We got a ball game to win.
Commerce and trade, so forth and so on.
Commerce and trade, so forth and so on.
Congratulations, Taj! Your first blow job.
Congratulations, Taj! Your first blow job.
Congratulations, Van. I knew you had it in you.
Congratulations, Van. I knew you had it in you.
Cookies!
Cookies!
Coolidge College was established in 18
Coolidge College was established in 18
Could use some extra income.
Could use some extra income.
Crazy kids with their crazy VD.
Crazy kids with their crazy VD.
Created and Encoded by Bokutox of www.YIFY TORRENTS.com. The Best 720p/1080p/3d movies with the lowest file size on the internet.
Created and Encoded by Bokutox of www.YIFY TORRENTS.com. The Best 720p/1080p/3d movies with the lowest file size on the internet.
Crimson and blue for nearly a decade.
Crimson and blue for nearly a decade.
Dad, what are you doing here?
Dad, what are you doing here?
Dad! I can't believe you're here.
Dad! I can't believe you're here.
Damn hot!
Damn hot!
Damn it, Gwen, pick it up. I know you're there.
Damn it, Gwen, pick it up. I know you're there.
Damn it!
Damn it!
Dear God, that's wretched.
Dear God, that's wretched.
Dear Van
Dear Van
Decorated in early fuck.
Decorated in early fuck.
Definitely be out of the question unless they all agreed with us...
Definitely be out of the question unless they all agreed with us...
Delta Iota Kappa rules!
Delta Iota Kappa rules!
Depression: Is Prozac really the answer?
Depression: Is Prozac really the answer?
Desi told me how she and a few of her grad school pals...
Desi told me how she and a few of her grad school pals...
Desiree is the foremost connoisseur of chili con carne...
Desiree is the foremost connoisseur of chili con carne...
Did you sit behind me two semesters ago?
Did you sit behind me two semesters ago?
Dine at just one American pink taco stand.
Dine at just one American pink taco stand.
Do you realize that?
Do you realize that?
Do you want my hot tub, or should I just give it to Milty?
Do you want my hot tub, or should I just give it to Milty?
Does that allude to me being the plain, boring type?
Does that allude to me being the plain, boring type?
Don't be a fool. Stay in school.
Don't be a fool. Stay in school.
Don't even sweat it, Taj. I've got a plan.
Don't even sweat it, Taj. I've got a plan.
Don't pick at it. Moving on.
Don't pick at it. Moving on.
Don't sugar coat it, Taj.
Don't sugar coat it, Taj.
Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive.
Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive.
Don't tease me.
Don't tease me.
Don't thank me. Thank penicillin.
Don't thank me. Thank penicillin.
Don't worry about the money. I'll figure something out.
Don't worry about the money. I'll figure something out.
Don't worry, Van. We'll get you out, man.
Don't worry, Van. We'll get you out, man.
Don't you? I mean, look around you.
Don't you? I mean, look around you.
Dope song. What's it called?
Dope song. What's it called?
Dorsal appendage. Gwen.
Dorsal appendage. Gwen.
Dr. Fine.
Dr. Fine.
Dr. Pearson?
Dr. Pearson?
Each article well written and researched by our own Gwen Pearson...
Each article well written and researched by our own Gwen Pearson...
Ease up on the medical terms. Just keep it simple and terrifying.
Ease up on the medical terms. Just keep it simple and terrifying.
Easy, sailor.
Easy, sailor.
Either way...
Either way...
Equals... six?
Equals... six?
Even if I tell you it's gonna be on the front page of the graduation issue...
Even if I tell you it's gonna be on the front page of the graduation issue...
Even if you know it's someplace you know you're not supposed to be.
Even if you know it's someplace you know you're not supposed to be.
Ever.
Ever.
Everybody just file out in an orderly fashion.
Everybody just file out in an orderly fashion.
Exactly how much money do you have?
Exactly how much money do you have?
Except that guy.
Except that guy.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
Excuse me. Can you tell me...
Excuse me. Can you tell me...
Excuse me. Where can I find Van Wilder?
Excuse me. Where can I find Van Wilder?
Expulsion.
Expulsion.
External occipital protuberance.
External occipital protuberance.
Famine Crisis in Rwanda.
Famine Crisis in Rwanda.
Fill this out. It's a standard payment plan extension form.
Fill this out. It's a standard payment plan extension form.
Fine. Maybe your friends can pay your tuition.
Fine. Maybe your friends can pay your tuition.
Finished his written exam in only 20 minutes. This kid is a dynamo.
Finished his written exam in only 20 minutes. This kid is a dynamo.
First, my bitch turns down my proposal. Then she runs into that loser's arms.
First, my bitch turns down my proposal. Then she runs into that loser's arms.
Five finals in the can with Professor McDoogle's advanced econ final to go.
Five finals in the can with Professor McDoogle's advanced econ final to go.
For either of you.
For either of you.
For some reason, my editor thinks you're a story.
For some reason, my editor thinks you're a story.
For the better part of a decade.
For the better part of a decade.
For the school newspaper.
For the school newspaper.
For the story.
For the story.
Forget him. Let's crap in the chapter room and make the pledges clean it up.
Forget him. Let's crap in the chapter room and make the pledges clean it up.
Freshman year. I'll get the others.
Freshman year. I'll get the others.
Freshman year. I'll get the others.
Freshman year. I'll get the others.
Fries their brain cells, man.
Fries their brain cells, man.
From the sisters of Sigma Theta Tau. Dig in, guys.
From the sisters of Sigma Theta Tau. Dig in, guys.
Fuck you, Van Wilder!
Fuck you, Van Wilder!
Fuck you, you you you
Fuck you, you you you
Fuck!
Fuck!
Gentlemen.
Gentlemen.
Give me a V! Give me an A!
Give me a V! Give me an A!
Give me an N! What does it spell?
Give me an N! What does it spell?
Go out to those hung and handsome bad boys...
Go out to those hung and handsome bad boys...
Go, baby, go!
Go, baby, go!
God only knows what my parents and their stuck up friends are doing to him.
God only knows what my parents and their stuck up friends are doing to him.
God, I've bled...
God, I've bled...
God, these are excellent.
God, these are excellent.
Good luck, honey. You deserve it.
Good luck, honey. You deserve it.
Good luck, ladies.
Good luck, ladies.
Graphic.
Graphic.
Great work, Van. Thanks!
Great work, Van. Thanks!
Guess what. I'm feeling a little cold sore coming on.
Guess what. I'm feeling a little cold sore coming on.
Guys.
Guys.
Gwen is an extremely gifted journalist.
Gwen is an extremely gifted journalist.
Gwen Used Me For Her Story, Then Married an Ass Wipe...
Gwen Used Me For Her Story, Then Married an Ass Wipe...
Gwen, first dates are interviews.
Gwen, first dates are interviews.
Gwendolyn Elizabeth Pearson...
Gwendolyn Elizabeth Pearson...
Gwenny, I said 9:30. It's 9:20.
Gwenny, I said 9:30. It's 9:20.
Gwenny, I'm just saying that they're a match.
Gwenny, I'm just saying that they're a match.
Gwenny, I'm kidding. I apologize.
Gwenny, I'm kidding. I apologize.
He broke a rule. He should pay the consequences.
He broke a rule. He should pay the consequences.
He got expelled today. Is that in your story?
He got expelled today. Is that in your story?
He kept babbling about the differences between light and dark beer.
He kept babbling about the differences between light and dark beer.
He used to write for the school paper.
He used to write for the school paper.
He was an alumnus of our journalism staff.
He was an alumnus of our journalism staff.
He wrote his best stuff in detox. Still does, I'm told.
He wrote his best stuff in detox. Still does, I'm told.
He?
He?
He's got no business parking there. That's my spot.
He's got no business parking there. That's my spot.
He's in his, what, sixth year?
He's in his, what, sixth year?
He's in! He's in!
He's in! He's in!
He's nothing more than a mild rectal itch.
He's nothing more than a mild rectal itch.
He's probably touched your life in some way, whether you know it or not.
He's probably touched your life in some way, whether you know it or not.
He's probably touched your life in some way, whether you know it or not.
He's probably touched your life in some way, whether you know it or not.
Hell no, man. I've been at the door all night.
Hell no, man. I've been at the door all night.
Hello?
Hello?
Here you go, Taj. Get your rave on, man.
Here you go, Taj. Get your rave on, man.
Here, I'm done with all of this.
Here, I'm done with all of this.
Hey, babe.
Hey, babe.
Hey, guys.
Hey, guys.
Hey, guys. Hey, Richard.
Hey, guys. Hey, Richard.
Hey, guys. Just giving you all the 411 .
Hey, guys. Just giving you all the 411 .
Hey, have you heard from Gwen?
Hey, have you heard from Gwen?
Hey, hold up a second. What are you doing here?
Hey, hold up a second. What are you doing here?
Hey, I couldn't have did it without you. Appreciate it.
Hey, I couldn't have did it without you. Appreciate it.
Hey, I know you, man! Oh, fuck.
Hey, I know you, man! Oh, fuck.
Hey, I know you.
Hey, I know you.
Hey, man, you gonna invite those freak honeys from Mt. Holyoke?
Hey, man, you gonna invite those freak honeys from Mt. Holyoke?
Hey, Richard. Ready to study?
Hey, Richard. Ready to study?
Hey, surprise. I'm on your oral exam board.
Hey, surprise. I'm on your oral exam board.
Hey, Tajy. Let's boogie.
Hey, Tajy. Let's boogie.
Hey, Van, can I borrow
Hey, Van, can I borrow
Hey, Van. Hey, Van the man.
Hey, Van. Hey, Van the man.
Hey, Van. I just wanted to come by and extend an olive branch.
Hey, Van. I just wanted to come by and extend an olive branch.
Hey. Excuse me. Gwen!
Hey. Excuse me. Gwen!
Hi, partner in crime. Is there anything I can do for you today?
Hi, partner in crime. Is there anything I can do for you today?
Hiding.
Hiding.
His name's Richard. He's premed.
His name's Richard. He's premed.
Hold on, son. You don't want to do this.
Hold on, son. You don't want to do this.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Holy crap.
Holy crap.
How much is your time worth?
How much is your time worth?
How much they enjoy reading about this guy.
How much they enjoy reading about this guy.
How often does your heart lead you into the women's locker room?
How often does your heart lead you into the women's locker room?
How old are you, Sally?
How old are you, Sally?
However, it was only when I met a special someone...
However, it was only when I met a special someone...
Huddle up. Come on. Team meeting here.
Huddle up. Come on. Team meeting here.
Hutch, take over.
Hutch, take over.
Hutch?
Hutch?
I admit I applied for this job...
I admit I applied for this job...
I am here to ask you to aid us in throwing a party...
I am here to ask you to aid us in throwing a party...
I am not getting in that thing with you.
I am not getting in that thing with you.
I am pleading to this committee, reinstate me.
I am pleading to this committee, reinstate me.
I attended class today. Just about stayed the whole time too.
I attended class today. Just about stayed the whole time too.
I called you last night, Van.
I called you last night, Van.
I came here to study the great American art of muff diving.
I came here to study the great American art of muff diving.
I can't argue against the infraction.
I can't argue against the infraction.
I can't believe you graduated.
I can't believe you graduated.
I can't do this!
I can't do this!
I can't hear the boos! Now, listen up.
I can't hear the boos! Now, listen up.
I can't hold on
I can't hold on
I certainly do.
I certainly do.
I certainly hope so, Mr. Wilder.
I certainly hope so, Mr. Wilder.
I did receive exemplary marks.
I did receive exemplary marks.
I did your story, Elliot. I'm not doing another one.
I did your story, Elliot. I'm not doing another one.
I didn't want to come here either. They made me come!
I didn't want to come here either. They made me come!
I don't care. I won't pander to them.
I don't care. I won't pander to them.
I don't have the resources to pay for your services anymore.
I don't have the resources to pay for your services anymore.
I don't know why exactly.
I don't know why exactly.
I don't like the way you condescend me.
I don't like the way you condescend me.
I don't think so.
I don't think so.
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I feel like going somewhere tropical. Tahiti. Are you writing this down?
I feel like going somewhere tropical. Tahiti. Are you writing this down?
I feel really good about that.
I feel really good about that.
I got dinner at Gwen's parents' house.
I got dinner at Gwen's parents' house.
I got it, guys. No problem whatsoever.
I got it, guys. No problem whatsoever.
I hate to break this to you, Ming, but you ain't Asian.
I hate to break this to you, Ming, but you ain't Asian.
I have a chance to make front page of the graduation issue...
I have a chance to make front page of the graduation issue...
I have a date with Naomi tomorrow night...
I have a date with Naomi tomorrow night...
I have a written exam first, and then an interview with five Northwestern alums.
I have a written exam first, and then an interview with five Northwestern alums.
I have been inundated with people telling me...
I have been inundated with people telling me...
I have cats.
I have cats.
I have got a very challenging assignment for you.
I have got a very challenging assignment for you.
I have no comment...
I have no comment...
I hope you can skate.
I hope you can skate.
I just came across a bit of interesting information.
I just came across a bit of interesting information.
I just couldn't believe it. Gwen and Van in the women's locker room.
I just couldn't believe it. Gwen and Van in the women's locker room.
I just don't have the time.
I just don't have the time.
I just hope you used some protection.
I just hope you used some protection.
I just want to know why you're putting off your life.
I just want to know why you're putting off your life.
I just wanted a visual.
I just wanted a visual.
I just wanted to explain about the whole, you know, Richard thing.
I just wanted to explain about the whole, you know, Richard thing.
I knew you weren't listening.
I knew you weren't listening.
I know Ms. Pac Man's special.
I know Ms. Pac Man's special.
I know you had a fling with Wilder.
I know you had a fling with Wilder.
I know you were right
I know you were right
I know you were right believing for so long
I know you were right believing for so long
I know.
I know.
I know. I'm just doing some final revisions to this piece on euthanasia.
I know. I'm just doing some final revisions to this piece on euthanasia.
I like to start off each semester with a certain time honored tradition.
I like to start off each semester with a certain time honored tradition.
I long to rub you the right way.
I long to rub you the right way.
I look at you guys, and you know what I see?
I look at you guys, and you know what I see?
I love this song.
I love this song.
I love you.
I love you.
I mean, I just couldn't believe it. So anyway, let me tell you something.
I mean, I just couldn't believe it. So anyway, let me tell you something.
I mean, this girl is dynamite.
I mean, this girl is dynamite.
I need more time.
I need more time.
I need these in 20 minutes.
I need these in 20 minutes.
I need to see the grade transcripts for Van Wilder, please.
I need to see the grade transcripts for Van Wilder, please.
I need you to fill this up with ice. Pack as much as you can inside.
I need you to fill this up with ice. Pack as much as you can inside.
I put in a good word for you.
I put in a good word for you.
I recorded quotes that you got money from the Lambdas to throw them a party.
I recorded quotes that you got money from the Lambdas to throw them a party.
I see a bunch of party animals...
I see a bunch of party animals...
I see a rabbi, and he's performing a circumcision...
I see a rabbi, and he's performing a circumcision...
I shouldn't even be talking to you like this.
I shouldn't even be talking to you like this.
I study till 11:00. Nine solid hours of sleep.
I study till 11:00. Nine solid hours of sleep.
I think I remember this behind. I mean, you sitting behind me.
I think I remember this behind. I mean, you sitting behind me.
I think it takes a lot more than the kind of underwear one wears...
I think it takes a lot more than the kind of underwear one wears...
I think you've got a lot of heart in there, mister, don't you?
I think you've got a lot of heart in there, mister, don't you?
I think you've got the balls to make it here.
I think you've got the balls to make it here.
I thought a lot about what you said, and
I thought a lot about what you said, and
I thought it was 'cause I fooled around with your daughter freshman year.
I thought it was 'cause I fooled around with your daughter freshman year.
I thought we could spend some time together...
I thought we could spend some time together...
I used to party with this guy who once told me...
I used to party with this guy who once told me...
I vote reinstatement.
I vote reinstatement.
I want to apologize for what Richard did the other night.
I want to apologize for what Richard did the other night.
I want to chew the
I want to chew the
I want to take it through the car wash, baby.
I want to take it through the car wash, baby.
I want you all over that ball like a fat kid on a cupcake.
I want you all over that ball like a fat kid on a cupcake.
I want you now.
I want you now.
I want you now.
I want you now.
I want you shining glass.
I want you shining glass.
I want you to have this.
I want you to have this.
I want you to tell me what Robert Frost was trying to express here.
I want you to tell me what Robert Frost was trying to express here.
I wanted to give you the results of your test firsthand.
I wanted to give you the results of your test firsthand.
I was hanging on by a thread, but I was still making tuition.
I was hanging on by a thread, but I was still making tuition.
I was just wondering if you could... slam the door in my face.
I was just wondering if you could... slam the door in my face.
I was responsible for that party, so what happened was my fault.
I was responsible for that party, so what happened was my fault.
I was scared that you wouldn't come.
I was scared that you wouldn't come.
I was the first ever male cheerleader at Huntington High!
I was the first ever male cheerleader at Huntington High!
I will be up when I'm done with my presidential responsibilities.
I will be up when I'm done with my presidential responsibilities.
I will stay on at no charge.
I will stay on at no charge.
I wish I had teachers like that.
I wish I had teachers like that.
I wonder how T Bad's date's going.
I wonder how T Bad's date's going.
I would have cashed in my Israel bonds.
I would have cashed in my Israel bonds.
I would have paid him way more than a grand for this party.
I would have paid him way more than a grand for this party.
I would like very much to spend my remaining days here as your assistant.
I would like very much to spend my remaining days here as your assistant.
I'd be honored if you and I surgically and spiritually...
I'd be honored if you and I surgically and spiritually...
I'd do anything for you guys...
I'd do anything for you guys...
I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri.
I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri.
I'll get that.
I'll get that.
I'll write that down.
I'll write that down.
I'm a counselor for the Further Leaders of America's overnighter.
I'm a counselor for the Further Leaders of America's overnighter.
I'm all out of love
I'm all out of love
I'm all out of love
I'm all out of love
I'm an exchange student from Banglapur, India.
I'm an exchange student from Banglapur, India.
I'm bleeding!
I'm bleeding!
I'm doing a human interest piece on you.
I'm doing a human interest piece on you.
I'm fairly confident I'm going to ejaculate.
I'm fairly confident I'm going to ejaculate.
I'm flattered. I'd love for your piece to be on me.
I'm flattered. I'd love for your piece to be on me.
I'm getting my shit together. Just one second.
I'm getting my shit together. Just one second.
I'm glad you went to all your classes today.
I'm glad you went to all your classes today.
I'm glad you went to all your classes today.
I'm glad you went to all your classes today.
I'm gonna go make some calls for the party, okay?
I'm gonna go make some calls for the party, okay?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
I'm gonna need at least one more booklet.
I'm gonna need at least one more booklet.
I'm Gwen Pearson, staff writer for The Liberator.
I'm Gwen Pearson, staff writer for The Liberator.
I'm here to lay myself at the mercy of this court...
I'm here to lay myself at the mercy of this court...
I'm in the middle of an 80 year tradition here.
I'm in the middle of an 80 year tradition here.
I'm in the middle of class. You know, that five letter word.
I'm in the middle of class. You know, that five letter word.
I'm leaving.
I'm leaving.
I'm looking for information on a current student here, Van Wilder.
I'm looking for information on a current student here, Van Wilder.
I'm not sure, and for some reason...
I'm not sure, and for some reason...
I'm off. Taj, you're in charge.
I'm off. Taj, you're in charge.
I'm old enough to be jealous of that Gwen girl.
I'm old enough to be jealous of that Gwen girl.
I'm only gonna go over this one more time.
I'm only gonna go over this one more time.
I'm Panos Patakos, president of the Lambda Omega Omega fraternity.
I'm Panos Patakos, president of the Lambda Omega Omega fraternity.
I'm president of both my fraternity and the student government.
I'm president of both my fraternity and the student government.
I'm proud of you, Van, graduation or no graduation.
I'm proud of you, Van, graduation or no graduation.
I'm proud of you, Wilder.
I'm proud of you, Wilder.
I'm releasing my seminal fluids inside of you now!
I'm releasing my seminal fluids inside of you now!
I'm so glad you could fit us into your schedule this morning.
I'm so glad you could fit us into your schedule this morning.
I'm so lost without you
I'm so lost without you
I'm so lost without you
I'm so lost without you
I'm so sorry, baby. I totally forgot.
I'm so sorry, baby. I totally forgot.
I'm sorry, fellas. The bakery's closed.
I'm sorry, fellas. The bakery's closed.
I'm sorry, Taj. I'm gonna have to let you go.
I'm sorry, Taj. I'm gonna have to let you go.
I'm sorry. You really just don't fit the profile.
I'm sorry. You really just don't fit the profile.
I'm spearheading the Save the Swim Team Speedo Spectacular...
I'm spearheading the Save the Swim Team Speedo Spectacular...
I'm staying here with my friends.
I'm staying here with my friends.
I'm still looking for that dare to be great situation.
I'm still looking for that dare to be great situation.
I'm sure we can accommodate a few more, yeah?
I'm sure we can accommodate a few more, yeah?
I'm sure you're aware of our... stigma.
I'm sure you're aware of our... stigma.
I'm Taj Mahal Badalandabad.
I'm Taj Mahal Badalandabad.
I'm trying to spark this bong, but this damn thing won't light.
I'm trying to spark this bong, but this damn thing won't light.
I've been a student here for seven years, and I've
I've been a student here for seven years, and I've
I've been waiting all these years for you to realize your potential.
I've been waiting all these years for you to realize your potential.
I've done a lot in seven years.
I've done a lot in seven years.
I've learned a lot here at Coolidge.
I've learned a lot here at Coolidge.
I've tried to experience all that Coolidge has to offer.
I've tried to experience all that Coolidge has to offer.
If he's here, who's running Hell?
If he's here, who's running Hell?
If we expel him, there could be some sort of a coup d'état.
If we expel him, there could be some sort of a coup d'état.
If you don't have your doctorate, you haven't done enough.
If you don't have your doctorate, you haven't done enough.
If you want the story, you'll get in this thing with me.
If you want the story, you'll get in this thing with me.
If you want... you could tag along.
If you want... you could tag along.
If you'll kindly take a look at my transcripts...
If you'll kindly take a look at my transcripts...
In any one of these three rooms, Gramps.
In any one of these three rooms, Gramps.
In fact, surprisingly rich
In fact, surprisingly rich
In the event they switch to a zone defense...
In the event they switch to a zone defense...
In the Guiness Book of World fucking Records, man...
In the Guiness Book of World fucking Records, man...
Indeed, but believe it or not...
Indeed, but believe it or not...
Intestines spilling out onto the mud, picked at by the birds.
Intestines spilling out onto the mud, picked at by the birds.
Into that weenie bikini...
Into that weenie bikini...
Is a good way to remind him that you're still angry.
Is a good way to remind him that you're still angry.
Is it true that this is your seventh year at Coolidge?
Is it true that this is your seventh year at Coolidge?
Is that all you think about?
Is that all you think about?
Is that for me?
Is that for me?
Is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
Is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
Is there anything I can do for you today?
Is there anything I can do for you today?
Is there anything you can tell me about yourself...
Is there anything you can tell me about yourself...
Isn't that wonderful?
Isn't that wonderful?
It does not look good.
It does not look good.
It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
It is at your doorstep.
It is at your doorstep.
It is the Naked Mile Run. Everybody else is in their birthday suit.
It is the Naked Mile Run. Everybody else is in their birthday suit.
It is the White Barry.
It is the White Barry.
It really is. But don't do it for me.
It really is. But don't do it for me.
It seems Mr. Wilder didn't quite come out of his shell...
It seems Mr. Wilder didn't quite come out of his shell...
It should triple our income. I just hope it's enough.
It should triple our income. I just hope it's enough.
It was a really immature stunt.
It was a really immature stunt.
It was the best ten seconds ever.
It was the best ten seconds ever.
It'll happen.
It'll happen.
It's a good day to die, McDoogle.
It's a good day to die, McDoogle.
It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Bagg. I've heard a lot about you.
It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Bagg. I've heard a lot about you.
It's all about presentation, gentlemen.
It's all about presentation, gentlemen.
It's cool, Colossus. We'll find somebody.
It's cool, Colossus. We'll find somebody.
It's cool. Equipment manager owes me a favor. I introduced him to his wife.
It's cool. Equipment manager owes me a favor. I introduced him to his wife.
It's getting to be that time of the hour.
It's getting to be that time of the hour.
It's go time.
It's go time.
It's gonna be a bachelor party.
It's gonna be a bachelor party.
It's kinda hard in 15 seconds.
It's kinda hard in 15 seconds.
It's like this itchy, rashy burning sensation.
It's like this itchy, rashy burning sensation.
It's ludicrous! By God, it's impetuous!
It's ludicrous! By God, it's impetuous!
It's not like he can see out of it anyway.
It's not like he can see out of it anyway.
It's not like you're on a deadline for the Boston Globe.
It's not like you're on a deadline for the Boston Globe.
It's not too late for you to enter the doubles breaststroke if you like.
It's not too late for you to enter the doubles breaststroke if you like.
It's ridiculous! It's preposterous!
It's ridiculous! It's preposterous!
It's the moment of truth, people.
It's the moment of truth, people.
It's the moment of truth, people.
It's the moment of truth, people.
It's the only time he had available. I'll call you as soon as I get back.
It's the only time he had available. I'll call you as soon as I get back.
It's time to excise that cancerous lump.
It's time to excise that cancerous lump.
It's time you should go.
It's time you should go.
It's very scary stuff.
It's very scary stuff.
Jesus! Criminy!
Jesus! Criminy!
Jesus. This is some pad you got here.
Jesus. This is some pad you got here.
Just because he lies wounded, arms torn off at the sockets...
Just because he lies wounded, arms torn off at the sockets...
Just say yes, because I've got even more amazing news.
Just say yes, because I've got even more amazing news.
Just so we're clear, I'm talking about intercourse.
Just so we're clear, I'm talking about intercourse.
Just take a look at this.
Just take a look at this.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Ladies and gentlemen...
Lambdas are cool in their own right. People just needed to realize it.
Lambdas are cool in their own right. People just needed to realize it.
Last night, I was so like Bonnie and you were so like Clyde. And now this.
Last night, I was so like Bonnie and you were so like Clyde. And now this.
Let me audit my last six classes, take the finals...
Let me audit my last six classes, take the finals...
Let me get the other side.
Let me get the other side.
Let the damn baby have his ball back.
Let the damn baby have his ball back.
Let the record show that...
Let the record show that...
Let the shards tear into your Achilles tendon...
Let the shards tear into your Achilles tendon...
Let us proceed.
Let us proceed.
Let Van stay! Let Van stay!
Let Van stay! Let Van stay!
Let Van stay! Let Van stay!
Let Van stay! Let Van stay!
Let Van stay! Let Van stay!
Let Van stay! Let Van stay!
Let's get it started then, shall we?
Let's get it started then, shall we?
Let's get out of here, go grab a beer.
Let's get out of here, go grab a beer.
Let's see what the kid's made of.
Let's see what the kid's made of.
Life is all about developing relationships, Gwen.
Life is all about developing relationships, Gwen.
Like a heart transplant patient finding a donor with the same blood type...
Like a heart transplant patient finding a donor with the same blood type...
Like their actions.
Like their actions.
Like what?
Like what?
Liked what I heard, stayed.
Liked what I heard, stayed.
Lindsey and Rob make such a great couple, don't you think?
Lindsey and Rob make such a great couple, don't you think?
Listen to me, you little fuck stains!
Listen to me, you little fuck stains!
Listen to me. Do you know why I chose you as my assistant?
Listen to me. Do you know why I chose you as my assistant?
Listen to yourself, meathead.
Listen to yourself, meathead.
Lite Beer vs. Dark The Showdown by Darius Grayson.
Lite Beer vs. Dark The Showdown by Darius Grayson.
Look at me.
Look at me.
Look who's checking out the Badalandabad. Her name's Naomi.
Look who's checking out the Badalandabad. Her name's Naomi.
Look, come in here. I want you to meet your future alumni.
Look, come in here. I want you to meet your future alumni.
Look, I need you to help me release...
Look, I need you to help me release...
Look. I know we have a lot of surgery to perform on our relationship.
Look. I know we have a lot of surgery to perform on our relationship.
Lookin' good there, buddy.
Lookin' good there, buddy.
Looks like we got one more.
Looks like we got one more.
Loser.
Loser.
Lovely.
Lovely.
Lucky girl.
Lucky girl.
Lucky number seven, actually.
Lucky number seven, actually.
Mad props for this pimpin' good time...
Mad props for this pimpin' good time...
Made to a wet behind the ears kid from India whose only dream...
Made to a wet behind the ears kid from India whose only dream...
Mail it in!
Mail it in!
Mail it in! Mail it in.
Mail it in! Mail it in.
Make me graduate.
Make me graduate.
Man, you ever heard of Tiger Woods, bitch?
Man, you ever heard of Tiger Woods, bitch?
Massage oil...
Massage oil...
Maybe seven years of tuition...
Maybe seven years of tuition...
Maybe we shouldn't do this for three to six weeks.
Maybe we shouldn't do this for three to six weeks.
Maybe you could put me on some sort of extension...
Maybe you could put me on some sort of extension...
Maybe you should start looking for that dare to be employed situation.
Maybe you should start looking for that dare to be employed situation.
Me and Richard's unspoken bond blossomed the other night in one beautiful...
Me and Richard's unspoken bond blossomed the other night in one beautiful...
Medic.
Medic.
Medulla oblongatas.
Medulla oblongatas.
Meow!
Meow!
Miss Haver?
Miss Haver?
More importantly...
More importantly...
Most Indians would say cow because they are sacred...
Most Indians would say cow because they are sacred...
Mr. Van Wilder.
Mr. Van Wilder.
Mr. Wilder here is quite the collegian.
Mr. Wilder here is quite the collegian.
My brothers play hockey...
My brothers play hockey...
My editor did say this would be a challenge.
My editor did say this would be a challenge.
My exchange program culminates at the end of this school year...
My exchange program culminates at the end of this school year...
My God, what happened to you?
My God, what happened to you?
My mom did want me to invite you to her Tupperware party next week.
My mom did want me to invite you to her Tupperware party next week.
My name is Orissa Punjab Nizamabad.
My name is Orissa Punjab Nizamabad.
My name is Van Wilder, and this is my home...
My name is Van Wilder, and this is my home...
My name's not
My name's not
My undeniable ability to throw one hell of a party.
My undeniable ability to throw one hell of a party.
Next time you'll know better.
Next time you'll know better.
No can do. We're at maximum capacity.
No can do. We're at maximum capacity.
No harm, no foul.
No harm, no foul.
No one even knows we're here.
No one even knows we're here.
No, she she hasn't yet called back.
No, she she hasn't yet called back.
No, thank you.
No, thank you.
No, thanks. I forgot my suit.
No, thanks. I forgot my suit.
Nope. That's all right.
Nope. That's all right.
Northwestern called this morning. They wanna interview me.
Northwestern called this morning. They wanna interview me.
Northwestern. I am the shit.
Northwestern. I am the shit.
Northwestern. I am the shit.
Northwestern. I am the shit.
Not for the paper. For me.
Not for the paper. For me.
Not one acceptable candidate.
Not one acceptable candidate.
Not really.
Not really.
Nothin' but net, my man.
Nothin' but net, my man.
Now I don't even know where my bitch is.
Now I don't even know where my bitch is.
Now remember, before any final, take a pregame dump.
Now remember, before any final, take a pregame dump.
Now, follow my foolproof plan...
Now, follow my foolproof plan...
Now!
Now!
Obviously.
Obviously.
Of Lambda Omega Omega.
Of Lambda Omega Omega.
Oh, God!
Oh, God!
Oh, I kept the first for another day.
Oh, I kept the first for another day.
Oh, Mommy.
Oh, Mommy.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Feel it!
Oh, my God. Feel it!
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, please, you didn't think she'd be interested in a fuckup like you?
Oh, please, you didn't think she'd be interested in a fuckup like you?
Oh, stop for a second. Stop.
Oh, stop for a second. Stop.
Oh, thank you! Thank you!
Oh, thank you! Thank you!
Oh, they're so creamy.
Oh, they're so creamy.
Oh, they're still warm.
Oh, they're still warm.
Oh, well, holy crap. I hope you're not on call tonight.
Oh, well, holy crap. I hope you're not on call tonight.
Oh, yeah, she came too.
Oh, yeah, she came too.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yes.
Oh, yes.
Okay, I'll wait for you upstairs.
Okay, I'll wait for you upstairs.
Okay, kids.
Okay, kids.
Okay, kids.
Okay, kids.
Okay, listen up. We've got one quick stop off before we go.
Okay, listen up. We've got one quick stop off before we go.
Okay, listen up. We've got one quick stop off before we go.
Okay, listen up. We've got one quick stop off before we go.
Okay, look, I read the damn article, but don't tell anyone...
Okay, look, I read the damn article, but don't tell anyone...
Okay, look, that old bag is stronger than she looks.
Okay, look, that old bag is stronger than she looks.
Okay, you can do this.
Okay, you can do this.
Okay! All right!
Okay! All right!
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. Mrs. Seay?
Okay. Mrs. Seay?
Okay. Thanks.
Okay. Thanks.
Okay. We're just gonna do a little word association.
Okay. We're just gonna do a little word association.
On himself though.
On himself though.
On it.
On it.
One last night of debauchery with the fellas.
One last night of debauchery with the fellas.
One last night of debauchery with the fellas...
One last night of debauchery with the fellas...
One who this reporter knows firsthand to have a serious problem...
One who this reporter knows firsthand to have a serious problem...
One, two
One, two
Order! Order! Settle down, everyone.
Order! Order! Settle down, everyone.
Out of my way!
Out of my way!
Over and over.
Over and over.
Pack up your panties, son, because we are headin' home.
Pack up your panties, son, because we are headin' home.
Panos reminded me that I had one...
Panos reminded me that I had one...
Pass these out. Thank you.
Pass these out. Thank you.
Pearson, I got a hot news tip for you. It's Friday night. Get out of here.
Pearson, I got a hot news tip for you. It's Friday night. Get out of here.
Please get me the Wilder piece. He's throwing a big party tonight.
Please get me the Wilder piece. He's throwing a big party tonight.
Please move banner a skosh higher, huh?
Please move banner a skosh higher, huh?
Plus there is no substitute for decades of experience.
Plus there is no substitute for decades of experience.
Poor guy just needed a little TLC.
Poor guy just needed a little TLC.
Possibly infected anal cavity.
Possibly infected anal cavity.
Posterior gluteal line.
Posterior gluteal line.
Pro.
Pro.
Professor McDoogle?
Professor McDoogle?
Program?
Program?
Protein shake in the morning. Okay, very cute.
Protein shake in the morning. Okay, very cute.
Recorded? What are you, bugged? Do I need to frisk you?
Recorded? What are you, bugged? Do I need to frisk you?
Reinstatement...
Reinstatement...
Relax, guys. They're just Doritos.
Relax, guys. They're just Doritos.
Remember my credo, Timmy.
Remember my credo, Timmy.
Remember, today's assignment is about shadow.
Remember, today's assignment is about shadow.
Richard, I don't know what to say.
Richard, I don't know what to say.
Richard, I want you to meet Dr. Stern.
Richard, I want you to meet Dr. Stern.
Richard, is there something you want to say?
Richard, is there something you want to say?
Richard, you rascal, you never told me that you were a DIK.
Richard, you rascal, you never told me that you were a DIK.
Richard! I was just talking about you.
Richard! I was just talking about you.
Right. I'll be down in a minute, okay?
Right. I'll be down in a minute, okay?
Rob's coming over. I'm closing in on that diamond, Gwen.
Rob's coming over. I'm closing in on that diamond, Gwen.
Scented candles, massage oils, Barry White.
Scented candles, massage oils, Barry White.
Schedule a massage after my golf game tomorrow afternoon.
Schedule a massage after my golf game tomorrow afternoon.
See you tonight. Gwen. The invite to the parents' house.
See you tonight. Gwen. The invite to the parents' house.
Sent me this.
Sent me this.
Seriously, I swear to God, I'm really uncomfortable now.
Seriously, I swear to God, I'm really uncomfortable now.
Seriously, I'd really like to hold that date open.
Seriously, I'd really like to hold that date open.
Seriously. Van is a godsend.
Seriously. Van is a godsend.
Seven years, and no degree. You should have graduated twice by now.
Seven years, and no degree. You should have graduated twice by now.
Seven years! I've accomplished nothing!
Seven years! I've accomplished nothing!
Sex sells, Gwen. Sex sells.
Sex sells, Gwen. Sex sells.
Sharing a penalty box and a tri latte with Gwen Pearson...
Sharing a penalty box and a tri latte with Gwen Pearson...
She can skate.
She can skate.
She reads at a sophomore level.
She reads at a sophomore level.
She seemed like a nice girl, said it was her first time?
She seemed like a nice girl, said it was her first time?
She was getting awfully chummy with the rectal itch.
She was getting awfully chummy with the rectal itch.
She's at Richard's getting ready for the engagement dinner tonight. Message?
She's at Richard's getting ready for the engagement dinner tonight. Message?
She's fun. She's cute. She swallows.
She's fun. She's cute. She swallows.
She's not for you, dude. She's too high strung.
She's not for you, dude. She's too high strung.
She's smart, she's beautiful...
She's smart, she's beautiful...
Shingles, hepatitis, crabs. That was his fault.
Shingles, hepatitis, crabs. That was his fault.
Shit!
Shit!
Shot to hell.
Shot to hell.
Shut up, bitch, and give me some sugar.
Shut up, bitch, and give me some sugar.
Sick Boy. Can you believe she wrote that?
Sick Boy. Can you believe she wrote that?
Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to step away from Van's vehicle.
Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to step away from Van's vehicle.
So don't get too hung up on detail.
So don't get too hung up on detail.
So he came back for the starting lineup.
So he came back for the starting lineup.
So how long have you and premed Richard been together?
So how long have you and premed Richard been together?
So the deal is, I score...
So the deal is, I score...
So what's your boyfriend's name? Does he go to school here?
So what's your boyfriend's name? Does he go to school here?
So you could teach me how to muff dive?
So you could teach me how to muff dive?
Soliciting of alcohol to extreme minors...
Soliciting of alcohol to extreme minors...
Some pressure.
Some pressure.
Somebody got awfully dressed up to quiz me on my anatomy midterm.
Somebody got awfully dressed up to quiz me on my anatomy midterm.
Sometimes in life you have to realize a poor investment...
Sometimes in life you have to realize a poor investment...
Sometimes you've gotta heed this.
Sometimes you've gotta heed this.
Son of a bitch. Disappear!
Son of a bitch. Disappear!
Sorry about that.
Sorry about that.
Sorry, Richard. Pleasure away.
Sorry, Richard. Pleasure away.
Sounds serious. Threatened?
Sounds serious. Threatened?
Sounds special. Is Wilder gonna be there?
Sounds special. Is Wilder gonna be there?
Sounds to me like your rectal itch was getting a late night booty scratch.
Sounds to me like your rectal itch was getting a late night booty scratch.
Special delivery!
Special delivery!
Stop packing! You can appeal the expulsion. It's in the school charter.
Stop packing! You can appeal the expulsion. It's in the school charter.
Such a buttload of your money for so long.
Such a buttload of your money for so long.
Such a good boy.
Such a good boy.
Super.
Super.
Sure, sure. You've made tons of friends...
Sure, sure. You've made tons of friends...
Surely you have a career in mind.
Surely you have a career in mind.
Sweet Joseph, my son's a fairy.
Sweet Joseph, my son's a fairy.
Swim team really does need your love, folks.
Swim team really does need your love, folks.
Symbiotic act.
Symbiotic act.
Taj proved to be an excellent company accountant...
Taj proved to be an excellent company accountant...
Taj, come on! That's what I'm here for, right?
Taj, come on! That's what I'm here for, right?
Taj, I learned a long time ago that worrying is like a rocking chair.
Taj, I learned a long time ago that worrying is like a rocking chair.
Tajy, I'm so hot.
Tajy, I'm so hot.
Take me.
Take me.
Tell him Van sent you, and remember Don't be a fool. Wrap your tool.
Tell him Van sent you, and remember Don't be a fool. Wrap your tool.
Tell me how you really feel. Seven years.
Tell me how you really feel. Seven years.
Thank you, Milty!
Thank you, Milty!
Thank you. And I'm sorry that I spent...
Thank you. And I'm sorry that I spent...
Thank you. I appreciate it. I'm really not interested.
Thank you. I appreciate it. I'm really not interested.
Thanks for the good time, fellas.
Thanks for the good time, fellas.
Thanks, Van. Thanks a lot.
Thanks, Van. Thanks a lot.
That feels so good.
That feels so good.
That he's guilty of an infraction that deserves expulsion?
That he's guilty of an infraction that deserves expulsion?
That I haven't already found out from your public records?
That I haven't already found out from your public records?
That I realized what I was doing
That I realized what I was doing
That is none of your business. And you know what?
That is none of your business. And you know what?
That looks amazing.
That looks amazing.
That my editor has asked me to do an exposé on him...
That my editor has asked me to do an exposé on him...
That ought to be enough to get you started.
That ought to be enough to get you started.
That's How did you From the paper?
That's How did you From the paper?
That's a first.
That's a first.
That's great. I'm so happy for you, Richard.
That's great. I'm so happy for you, Richard.
That's great. It really is.
That's great. It really is.
That's I moan backwards.
That's I moan backwards.
That's my girlfriend, gluteous erecti.
That's my girlfriend, gluteous erecti.
That's no bong! It's for my schlong!
That's no bong! It's for my schlong!
That's right, folks. Save the swim team.
That's right, folks. Save the swim team.
That's right. Drink up.
That's right. Drink up.
That's simply what he does
That's simply what he does
That's the end of the first half...
That's the end of the first half...
That's the shit.
That's the shit.
That's why I came to help make you your shake.
That's why I came to help make you your shake.
That's why you and I had friction?
That's why you and I had friction?
The bus doesn't leave for a few hours. Is there anything I can do before I go?
The bus doesn't leave for a few hours. Is there anything I can do before I go?
The first day of spring semester.
The first day of spring semester.
The first ever!
The first ever!
The floor is yours.
The floor is yours.
The guy's a joke. He tries to turn every interview into a date.
The guy's a joke. He tries to turn every interview into a date.
The last, well, seven years have gone by way too fast.
The last, well, seven years have gone by way too fast.
The more you scratch at it, the worse it gets...
The more you scratch at it, the worse it gets...
The party liaison.
The party liaison.
The rigorous day has been a success for Van the man.
The rigorous day has been a success for Van the man.
The strawberry! Eat the strawberry! It's worth 250!
The strawberry! Eat the strawberry! It's worth 250!
The strip club owner got tired of using his B squad...
The strip club owner got tired of using his B squad...
The vet assured me that canine semen is perfectly healthy.
The vet assured me that canine semen is perfectly healthy.
Then it's won.
Then it's won.
Then leave. But leave the honorable way.
Then leave. But leave the honorable way.
Then you don't need to be shy about making your donations now!
Then you don't need to be shy about making your donations now!
Then you scratch it some more.
Then you scratch it some more.
Then your mom can come.
Then your mom can come.
There's five of us here. Majority rules.
There's five of us here. Majority rules.
There's got to be something that we can work out.
There's got to be something that we can work out.
There's no easy way
There's no easy way
There's no reason to stay here anymore!
There's no reason to stay here anymore!
There's nothing fake about this ID.
There's nothing fake about this ID.
There's so much that I need to say the article
There's so much that I need to say the article
There's this function I'm hosting tomorrow night.
There's this function I'm hosting tomorrow night.
There's two sides to every story, Gwen.
There's two sides to every story, Gwen.
These are the most pathetic bunch of pledges.
These are the most pathetic bunch of pledges.
They are getting bigger, aren't they?
They are getting bigger, aren't they?
They owe you after the Sue Me, Screw Me soiree you threw.
They owe you after the Sue Me, Screw Me soiree you threw.
They paid me, but that's not the only reason I did it.
They paid me, but that's not the only reason I did it.
They said I did them a mitzvah. That's Yiddish for good deed.
They said I did them a mitzvah. That's Yiddish for good deed.
They want more, and so do I. I want you to do a follow up.
They want more, and so do I. I want you to do a follow up.
They're gonna make a great married couple too. You know why?
They're gonna make a great married couple too. You know why?
They're gonna send some recruit alums to campus for written and oral exams.
They're gonna send some recruit alums to campus for written and oral exams.
They're way into themselves and shit.
They're way into themselves and shit.
Think I've had these before.
Think I've had these before.
This ball club is the heart of this institution.
This ball club is the heart of this institution.
This girl's got you thinking, man. It's not good.
This girl's got you thinking, man. It's not good.
This is big. This is very, very big.
This is big. This is very, very big.
This is our Uncle Jäger.
This is our Uncle Jäger.
This is Sick Boy's room. Not a week's gone by he hasn't had an ailment.
This is Sick Boy's room. Not a week's gone by he hasn't had an ailment.
This is the culmination of my being.
This is the culmination of my being.
This is the first time in my life I'm glad I'm deaf!.
This is the first time in my life I'm glad I'm deaf!.
This is why I don't do interviews. You totally slammed me.
This is why I don't do interviews. You totally slammed me.
This multi coalition party was a masterful plan.
This multi coalition party was a masterful plan.
This party so rocks, Richard.
This party so rocks, Richard.
This school has given me so much. Let me repay Coolidge...
This school has given me so much. Let me repay Coolidge...
This school's given me so much. I just can't seem to give enough back.
This school's given me so much. I just can't seem to give enough back.
This semester's marks could determine the next ten years of our lives.
This semester's marks could determine the next ten years of our lives.
This vaginal discharge won't let us partake in the party.
This vaginal discharge won't let us partake in the party.
This was a big mistake, Van. I'm leaving.
This was a big mistake, Van. I'm leaving.
This whole rivalry thing has become a tad childish.
This whole rivalry thing has become a tad childish.
Those circus midgets cannot hold their booze!
Those circus midgets cannot hold their booze!
Those things could raise the Titanic.
Those things could raise the Titanic.
Threatened? Please.
Threatened? Please.
Timmy?
Timmy?
Timmy?
Timmy?
Tit wad!
Tit wad!
Tit!
Tit!
To cover your next two payments.
To cover your next two payments.
To get my head in the right place.
To get my head in the right place.
To smack clam, munch rug...
To smack clam, munch rug...
Too bad she's dating Strapper John, MD.
Too bad she's dating Strapper John, MD.
Topless Tutors was dead.
Topless Tutors was dead.
Tracking Tuition: Where does our money really go?
Tracking Tuition: Where does our money really go?
Trooper.
Trooper.
True. Now here's a multiple choice question for you.
True. Now here's a multiple choice question for you.
Tuition? Van is still in school?
Tuition? Van is still in school?
Two girls utterly infatuated...
Two girls utterly infatuated...
Uh huh. Yeah. I do believe that was a joke.
Uh huh. Yeah. I do believe that was a joke.
Under Raddest fucking dude alive!
Under Raddest fucking dude alive!
Until finally you have nothing left but a raw, chafed...
Until finally you have nothing left but a raw, chafed...
Until mid sophomore year.
Until mid sophomore year.
Until you've shot putted blitzed on Jäger.
Until you've shot putted blitzed on Jäger.
Van isn't exactly Delta Iota Kappa material.
Van isn't exactly Delta Iota Kappa material.
Van put in more effort in six days than most have all semester.
Van put in more effort in six days than most have all semester.
Van Wilder, G L A D to meet you.
Van Wilder, G L A D to meet you.
Van Wilder, party liaison, was born.
Van Wilder, party liaison, was born.
Van Wilder's phone.
Van Wilder's phone.
Van Wilder's phone. I do not foresee that to be a problem.
Van Wilder's phone. I do not foresee that to be a problem.
Van Wilder's tenure here at Coolidge is over.
Van Wilder's tenure here at Coolidge is over.
Van, second date with Emily.
Van, second date with Emily.
Van, you have a 1:30 with the swim team.
Van, you have a 1:30 with the swim team.
Van, you must listen to me.
Van, you must listen to me.
Van, you must listen to me.
Van, you must listen to me.
Van, you must make four monthly payments of $5,000 each.
Van, you must make four monthly payments of $5,000 each.
Van! Van, wake up, wake up, wake up.
Van! Van, wake up, wake up, wake up.
Van. Hurry. The night of fun and fornication's upon us.
Van. Hurry. The night of fun and fornication's upon us.
Van's room. Saturday night, yeah.
Van's room. Saturday night, yeah.
Very valuable skill I'd yet to tap
Very valuable skill I'd yet to tap
Want to get out of school so they can make money.
Want to get out of school so they can make money.
Was that a
Was that a
Was to bury his face in a beautiful woman's lotus patch.
Was to bury his face in a beautiful woman's lotus patch.
We are merely one party away from accomplishing our goal.
We are merely one party away from accomplishing our goal.
We are now in session. Mr. Wilder.
We are now in session. Mr. Wilder.
We are truly up the Ganges River without a bamboo oar.
We are truly up the Ganges River without a bamboo oar.
We can get the law club to help.
We can get the law club to help.
We got an anonymous tip that there's some underage drinking going on here.
We got an anonymous tip that there's some underage drinking going on here.
We gotta D up out there. Darius.
We gotta D up out there. Darius.
We have an update on the Wilder Watch.
We have an update on the Wilder Watch.
We just want to get to know you better.
We just want to get to know you better.
We knew you could do it.
We knew you could do it.
We make such the fab team!
We make such the fab team!
We must swing the ball around the perimeter.
We must swing the ball around the perimeter.
We need to talk.
We need to talk.
We need to talk.
We need to talk.
We'll be accepting donations in the form of...
We'll be accepting donations in the form of...
We're just gonna do a little bit of word association.
We're just gonna do a little bit of word association.
We're still $1,200 short of your next tuition payment.
We're still $1,200 short of your next tuition payment.
We've got a jumper!
We've got a jumper!
Welcome. What can we do for you?
Welcome. What can we do for you?
Well, I gotta go.
Well, I gotta go.
Well, I hope we can put it all behind us and be friends.
Well, I hope we can put it all behind us and be friends.
Well, I made it a point to personally come down here, Wilder.
Well, I made it a point to personally come down here, Wilder.
Well, I'll be damned!
Well, I'll be damned!
Well, I'll be the judge of
Well, I'll be the judge of
Well, just
Well, just
Well, let's take a vote.
Well, let's take a vote.
Well, that's that. Good luck, loser. Who's ready for lunch?
Well, that's that. Good luck, loser. Who's ready for lunch?
Well, yeah, but also...
Well, yeah, but also...
What about your future?
What about your future?
What am I doing here? What were you doing in there?
What am I doing here? What were you doing in there?
What are the courses Mr. Wilder needs in order to graduate?
What are the courses Mr. Wilder needs in order to graduate?
What are you looking at? Your mom said you left your legs at home.
What are you looking at? Your mom said you left your legs at home.
What do you think?
What do you think?
What happened to you, Wilder? Don't think I don't remember.
What happened to you, Wilder? Don't think I don't remember.
What happened? Is everyone okay?
What happened? Is everyone okay?
What if I'm avoiding graduation because I'm scared?
What if I'm avoiding graduation because I'm scared?
What if she's right, huh?
What if she's right, huh?
What is that intoxicating scent you're wearing, Doris?
What is that intoxicating scent you're wearing, Doris?
What is wrong with the youth of today?
What is wrong with the youth of today?
What story?
What story?
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
What the hell you gonna do with $34, man?
What the hell you gonna do with $34, man?
What was that girl, a freshman?
What was that girl, a freshman?
What you doing?
What you doing?
What you probably don't know is that he was set up...
What you probably don't know is that he was set up...
What?
What?
What? Come on. Hop in.
What? Come on. Hop in.
What's going on with you?
What's going on with you?
What's wrong with you? Enjoy yourself.
What's wrong with you? Enjoy yourself.
What's your name?
What's your name?
When all you had to do from the start was take a medicated pad...
When all you had to do from the start was take a medicated pad...
When I attended class...
When I attended class...
When I count to three, you will jump or be banished from this house forever!
When I count to three, you will jump or be banished from this house forever!
When the time is right...
When the time is right...
Where are you from, Taj?
Where are you from, Taj?
Where are you going?
Where are you going?
Where I do not have many friends.
Where I do not have many friends.
Where I might find the raddest fucking dude alive?
Where I might find the raddest fucking dude alive?
Where the hell is everyone?
Where the hell is everyone?
Which could lead to non congenital dwarfism as you got older?
Which could lead to non congenital dwarfism as you got older?
Which gives us 2 hours and 53 minutes of study time.
Which gives us 2 hours and 53 minutes of study time.
Which is a huge deal to me.
Which is a huge deal to me.
Which is grounds for immediate expulsion.
Which is grounds for immediate expulsion.
Which ones did you choose?
Which ones did you choose?
Who believes censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself.
Who believes censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself.
Who cares about Sick Boy and the charities you've helped...
Who cares about Sick Boy and the charities you've helped...
Who in the drop of a rupee do anything for you, and that doesn't mean much?
Who in the drop of a rupee do anything for you, and that doesn't mean much?
Who knows this? It was in your freshman facts.
Who knows this? It was in your freshman facts.
Who, me? No!
Who, me? No!
Who's a big boy?
Who's a big boy?
Who's Air Supply?
Who's Air Supply?
Whoa. Trick or treat. What's going on?
Whoa. Trick or treat. What's going on?
Whoa. You went klepto on my transcripts.
Whoa. You went klepto on my transcripts.
Whose whole life revolves around work.
Whose whole life revolves around work.
Why are you doing this? Do you ever stop playing the in depth reporter?
Why are you doing this? Do you ever stop playing the in depth reporter?
Why are you here? Did you come to hire me to do your bachelorette party?
Why are you here? Did you come to hire me to do your bachelorette party?
Why don't you go release your own pressure?
Why don't you go release your own pressure?
Why? What You fooled around with my daughter?
Why? What You fooled around with my daughter?
Wilder!
Wilder!
Wilder.
Wilder.
Wilder's got some big blowout tonight. Maybe your bitch is gonna be there.
Wilder's got some big blowout tonight. Maybe your bitch is gonna be there.
Win or lose, we should thank him for reminding us what we're all capable of.
Win or lose, we should thank him for reminding us what we're all capable of.
With men who have larger than normal...
With men who have larger than normal...
With premature ejaculation.
With premature ejaculation.
Word spread around campus. My calendar was filled with parties to plan.
Word spread around campus. My calendar was filled with parties to plan.
Would you shut up? I'm trying to pleasure you.
Would you shut up? I'm trying to pleasure you.
Wow, all this time I thought I was more to you than just some flaccid story.
Wow, all this time I thought I was more to you than just some flaccid story.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Write that down.
Write that down.
Write that down.
Write that down.
Write that down.
Write that down.
Write that down.
Write that down.
Wrong! The dorsal appendage exists only in marine equipped mammalia.
Wrong! The dorsal appendage exists only in marine equipped mammalia.
X...
X...
Yeah, by the pool, Gramps.
Yeah, by the pool, Gramps.
Yeah, I know...
Yeah, I know...
Yeah, I'm happy for them.
Yeah, I'm happy for them.
Yeah, that's fine! Okay, thanks.
Yeah, that's fine! Okay, thanks.
Yeah, you guys have had the best GPA the last 50 years.
Yeah, you guys have had the best GPA the last 50 years.
Yeah! No!
Yeah! No!
Yeah. Doodles.
Yeah. Doodles.
Yeah. Why?
Yeah. Why?
Yes, superior leader, sir.
Yes, superior leader, sir.
Yes, these interviews are somewhat of a formality...
Yes, these interviews are somewhat of a formality...
Yes, well, you haven't lived...
Yes, well, you haven't lived...
Yet knowing how way leads on to way...
Yet knowing how way leads on to way...
You You dicksucker!
You You dicksucker!
You you
You you
You actually read that article?
You actually read that article?
You and that GDI have been spending an inordinate amount of time together.
You and that GDI have been spending an inordinate amount of time together.
You are most amazing to make me feel so...
You are most amazing to make me feel so...
You are. You are.
You are. You are.
You better get out of here before I hit you upside the head with a three iron.
You better get out of here before I hit you upside the head with a three iron.
You can either mail this in or drop it off.
You can either mail this in or drop it off.
You can tell a lot about a person by the kind of drawers they wear.
You can tell a lot about a person by the kind of drawers they wear.
You can't even
You can't even
You certainly will be.
You certainly will be.
You cooperate and answer all my questions?
You cooperate and answer all my questions?
You do not call her that, gonad!
You do not call her that, gonad!
You do that. You're not fooling anybody!
You do that. You're not fooling anybody!
You going out tonight?
You going out tonight?
You got all this. I'm gonna go
You got all this. I'm gonna go
You got an A in my freshman economics class.
You got an A in my freshman economics class.
You have absolutely no idea what Gwen wants.
You have absolutely no idea what Gwen wants.
You have opted to appeal.
You have opted to appeal.
You heard me. I say I say...
You heard me. I say I say...
You journalists and your irresponsible reporting.
You journalists and your irresponsible reporting.
You know I have my Northwestern interview next week.
You know I have my Northwestern interview next week.
You know that three letter word that starts with F?
You know that three letter word that starts with F?
You know the kind of pressure I'm under with my exams.
You know the kind of pressure I'm under with my exams.
You know what you do about a mild rectal itch, Gordo?
You know what you do about a mild rectal itch, Gordo?
You know what? You're right.
You know what? You're right.
You know, and air dry.
You know, and air dry.
You know, help me relax.
You know, help me relax.
You know, I wanted to how is it park the porpoise.
You know, I wanted to how is it park the porpoise.
You know, I've waited a long, long time for this day to come.
You know, I've waited a long, long time for this day to come.
You know, maybe this isn't such a good idea.
You know, maybe this isn't such a good idea.
You know...
You know...
You look like you want to get something out, son.
You look like you want to get something out, son.
You look so
You look so
You made it.
You made it.
You mean I put my mouth on your cock pump?
You mean I put my mouth on your cock pump?
You mean, we didn't have to
You mean, we didn't have to
You must be Gwen the truck driver.
You must be Gwen the truck driver.
You owe $75,000 for the speed boat.
You owe $75,000 for the speed boat.
You picked 'em.
You picked 'em.
You pussy ass motherfucker!
You pussy ass motherfucker!
You really should have him neutered, man.
You really should have him neutered, man.
You remember one thing
You remember one thing
You see, Timmy, you can't let this lead you all the time.
You see, Timmy, you can't let this lead you all the time.
You should be there.
You should be there.
You shouldn't take life too seriously.
You shouldn't take life too seriously.
You succeeded.
You succeeded.
You think about the future too much, you kinda forget about the present...
You think about the future too much, you kinda forget about the present...
You Van Wilder?
You Van Wilder?
You want to know why? Nobody wants to celebrate a loss, guys.
You want to know why? Nobody wants to celebrate a loss, guys.
You were found in violation of Article 2, Section B of Coolidge's bylaws
You were found in violation of Article 2, Section B of Coolidge's bylaws
You win, it beats. You lose, it breaks.
You win, it beats. You lose, it breaks.
You'll also handle my finances.
You'll also handle my finances.
You'll find the one.
You'll find the one.
You'll need a copy of my class schedule so you can take notes.
You'll need a copy of my class schedule so you can take notes.
You'll never get out alive.
You'll never get out alive.
You'll see I'm 18 units from graduating with a leisure studies degree.
You'll see I'm 18 units from graduating with a leisure studies degree.
You're a little soft.
You're a little soft.
You're a natural, Dr. P. Hey, what are you looking at?
You're a natural, Dr. P. Hey, what are you looking at?
You're A, an asshole; B, an asshole who isn't staying at my place tonight...
You're A, an asshole; B, an asshole who isn't staying at my place tonight...
You're actively trying not to get out of here.
You're actively trying not to get out of here.
You're gonna miss the biggest party of the year.
You're gonna miss the biggest party of the year.
You're none of mine.
You're none of mine.
You're only fooling yourself!.
You're only fooling yourself!.
You're trying to make money to stay in school.
You're trying to make money to stay in school.
You've all undoubtedly been to one of Van's parties.
You've all undoubtedly been to one of Van's parties.
You've been 18 units shy of graduating for the past 6 semesters.
You've been 18 units shy of graduating for the past 6 semesters.
You've been looking for that dare to be great situation.
You've been looking for that dare to be great situation.
You've never doubted yourself in your whole life.
You've never doubted yourself in your whole life.
Your cash camel has arrived!
Your cash camel has arrived!
Your friend doesn't fit in. He's a virus, and I'm the vaccine.
Your friend doesn't fit in. He's a virus, and I'm the vaccine.
Your labia feels so good around my swollen phallus.
Your labia feels so good around my swollen phallus.
Your mind will become a weapon.
Your mind will become a weapon.
8:30 p.m. Yeah, that's fine.
8:30 p.m. Yeah, that's fine.
A little pay as you go? Are you trying to seduce me?
A little pay as you go? Are you trying to seduce me?
About what? No, no. It's about whom.
About what? No, no. It's about whom.
Are you all right? Never better, my jasmine flower.
Are you all right? Never better, my jasmine flower.
Burning up. Oh, yeah, baby, I'm burning up.
Burning up. Oh, yeah, baby, I'm burning up.
Continue, Mr. Wilder. I'm okay.
Continue, Mr. Wilder. I'm okay.
Damn well should. Amen.
Damn well should. Amen.
Dance? When I pee.
Dance? When I pee.
Does he appreciate you? That's none of your business.
Does he appreciate you? That's none of your business.
Doesn't she have a boyfriend? Details.
Doesn't she have a boyfriend? Details.
Don't do that! Frankly, you're juvenile.
Don't do that! Frankly, you're juvenile.
Don't know if we got our point across. Crystal clear, guys.
Don't know if we got our point across. Crystal clear, guys.
Don't you think I know that? You treat me like a child.
Don't you think I know that? You treat me like a child.
Dr. Brown. This is something of a formality.
Dr. Brown. This is something of a formality.
Excuse me? Look.
Excuse me? Look.
Excuse me? White, elastic band, constrictive.
Excuse me? White, elastic band, constrictive.
Gwenny, where are you going? To go save Van.
Gwenny, where are you going? To go save Van.
Hang on. Unbelievable.
Hang on. Unbelievable.
Has anyone told you that before? Yes, my boyfriend.
Has anyone told you that before? Yes, my boyfriend.
Having us both at the same time... Will definitely lighten your load.
Having us both at the same time... Will definitely lighten your load.
He has only $34. Damn, Van!
He has only $34. Damn, Van!
He'll call you back. Unbelievable.
He'll call you back. Unbelievable.
Heinie? This was a really bad idea.
Heinie? This was a really bad idea.
Henke, you're up. Come on. All right.
Henke, you're up. Come on. All right.
Hey, Jeannie. Look.
Hey, Jeannie. Look.
Hey, no cock pump. No cock pump.
Hey, no cock pump. No cock pump.
Hi, Van. Hi, Donna.
Hi, Van. Hi, Donna.
How do you put a price on dignity? How do you put a price on poonani?
How do you put a price on dignity? How do you put a price on poonani?
How you doing, my man? What's up?
How you doing, my man? What's up?
I can't believe you're doing this. Pop quiz. True or false.
I can't believe you're doing this. Pop quiz. True or false.
I don't have a pen. Well, remember that then.
I don't have a pen. Well, remember that then.
I feel on fire. Oh, yeah, me too, baby.
I feel on fire. Oh, yeah, me too, baby.
I got hit by a big truck. Are you okay?
I got hit by a big truck. Are you okay?
I gotta go No, come on. It's a great time.
I gotta go No, come on. It's a great time.
I have a few questions for you. In time. This is gonna be fun.
I have a few questions for you. In time. This is gonna be fun.
I have an interview for the paper. At 10:00 at night?
I have an interview for the paper. At 10:00 at night?
I knew you'd come to your senses. Hello, Richard.
I knew you'd come to your senses. Hello, Richard.
I love you, man. No, man.
I love you, man. No, man.
I miss Dinner for two, me and you.
I miss Dinner for two, me and you.
I'll be there. It's a date.
I'll be there. It's a date.
I'll call you tomorrow. What?
I'll call you tomorrow. What?
I'm gonna go wash my hands now. Oh, Gwen!
I'm gonna go wash my hands now. Oh, Gwen!
I'm here to enlist your services. Let me guess.
I'm here to enlist your services. Let me guess.
I'm sorry. Look, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Look, I'm sorry.
ID, please. It's a terrible picture of me, but
ID, please. It's a terrible picture of me, but
Indeed. Indeed. Super.
Indeed. Indeed. Super.
Is he ready? Ah, yeah, he's ready.
Is he ready? Ah, yeah, he's ready.
Is that the same Pulitzer prize winning Darius Grayson.
Is that the same Pulitzer prize winning Darius Grayson.
Is Van here? He don't wanna see you.
Is Van here? He don't wanna see you.
It'll be fun. I wish I could, Gordo.
It'll be fun. I wish I could, Gordo.
It's a date. It's an interview, not a date.
It's a date. It's an interview, not a date.
Let's get you some skates. I'm not here to skate.
Let's get you some skates. I'm not here to skate.
Let's go get fucked up. Sounds good.
Let's go get fucked up. Sounds good.
May I help you? Yeah, I'm Van
May I help you? Yeah, I'm Van
May I? As long as we cuddle afterwards.
May I? As long as we cuddle afterwards.
Mr. Bagg, you will be quiet. What's any of this got to do with...
Mr. Bagg, you will be quiet. What's any of this got to do with...
Mr. Bagg? Expulsion.
Mr. Bagg? Expulsion.
My fiancé? What are you talking about? When are you two tying the knot?
My fiancé? What are you talking about? When are you two tying the knot?
My name is Van. Hi, my name is Terry.
My name is Van. Hi, my name is Terry.
Ninety one percent. What?
Ninety one percent. What?
No problem confirming. Bye. This writing, it's just
No problem confirming. Bye. This writing, it's just
Not good at all. Hey, you!
Not good at all. Hey, you!
Okay? Excuse me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Okay? Excuse me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Okay. See ya, V.
Okay. See ya, V.
or C, all the above? What's B again?
or C, all the above? What's B again?
Party foul. No, don't Oh, dear God.
Party foul. No, don't Oh, dear God.
PS, this is an awesome room. PS, shut the fuck up!
PS, this is an awesome room. PS, shut the fuck up!
Richard, will you help me open it? Sure.
Richard, will you help me open it? Sure.
Since my freshman year. I bet he's a tighty whitey guy.
Since my freshman year. I bet he's a tighty whitey guy.
So creamy. They're awesome.
So creamy. They're awesome.
So does that mean you gonna help us? Oh, it's on.
So does that mean you gonna help us? Oh, it's on.
Sociology and Political Science. Wow.
Sociology and Political Science. Wow.
Take your clothes off. I'm not taking off my clothes.
Take your clothes off. I'm not taking off my clothes.
Terrible. I think so. Yeah.
Terrible. I think so. Yeah.
Thank God. No jammies.
Thank God. No jammies.
Thank you very much. You're the best, Van.
Thank you very much. You're the best, Van.
Thank you. For four years...
Thank you. For four years...
That will be quite the page turner. It'll be a very well written article.
That will be quite the page turner. It'll be a very well written article.
That'd be terrific, Gwenny. I'll see you downstairs.
That'd be terrific, Gwenny. I'll see you downstairs.
That's quite a load. Well, Van can handle quite a load.
That's quite a load. Well, Van can handle quite a load.
That's Van. That's him!
That's Van. That's him!
The Matadors? What?
The Matadors? What?
The Wilder story's not done. Read it before you criticize.
The Wilder story's not done. Read it before you criticize.
The Wilder story's not done. Read it before you criticize.
The Wilder story's not done. Read it before you criticize.
This is incredible. 100 percent. Don't go anywhere.
This is incredible. 100 percent. Don't go anywhere.
This is really a pimpin' good time. Yes, it is.
This is really a pimpin' good time. Yes, it is.
This party sucks rectum, Jeannie. Okay.
This party sucks rectum, Jeannie. Okay.
This would be a first. Why do I find that hard to believe?
This would be a first. Why do I find that hard to believe?
Vile. Oh, it burns!
Vile. Oh, it burns!
Wait. There are more of these? Actually, there are many more.
Wait. There are more of these? Actually, there are many more.
Was the last one right? Yeah, that's right.
Was the last one right? Yeah, that's right.
we can't handle. And we mean nothing.
we can't handle. And we mean nothing.
We will bend over backwards for you. There's nothing too big...
We will bend over backwards for you. There's nothing too big...
We'll stay on top of you... And ride you all semester.
We'll stay on top of you... And ride you all semester.
What are you doing here? I don't know.
What are you doing here? I don't know.
What are you doing here? You two know each other?
What are you doing here? You two know each other?
What are you doing in here? I had to talk to you.
What are you doing in here? I had to talk to you.
What are you doing out there? Proving a point.
What are you doing out there? Proving a point.
What are you studying, son? I dabble in a bit of everything.
What are you studying, son? I dabble in a bit of everything.
What sort of act? Messing up that Van Wilder party.
What sort of act? Messing up that Van Wilder party.
What's it to you? Thanks for the story.
What's it to you? Thanks for the story.
What's that, Richard? You scratch it.
What's that, Richard? You scratch it.
What's wrong with you? Nothing. I'm fine.
What's wrong with you? Nothing. I'm fine.
Where's my Wilder story? There is no story, Elliot.
Where's my Wilder story? There is no story, Elliot.
Why aren't you in costume? I can't stay. I have to work tonight.
Why aren't you in costume? I can't stay. I have to work tonight.
Why do I always fail? You put too much pressure on yourself.
Why do I always fail? You put too much pressure on yourself.
Why don't you just leave him alone? Home wrecker.
Why don't you just leave him alone? Home wrecker.
Why? I like it here.
Why? I like it here.
With a happy ending? Ah, yes.
With a happy ending? Ah, yes.
Wow. I was hoping you'd say that.
Wow. I was hoping you'd say that.
Wow. Yeah. Wow.
Wow. Yeah. Wow.
Yeah. And thank you.
Yeah. And thank you.
Yes, sir. You owe $200,000 for the thoroughbred.
Yes, sir. You owe $200,000 for the thoroughbred.
You did good. Let's get this man leid.
You did good. Let's get this man leid.
You hooked up with a burner. Yeah.
You hooked up with a burner. Yeah.
You must be Van. Hi.
You must be Van. Hi.
You take life way too seriously. Life is serious.
You take life way too seriously. Life is serious.
You're not hearing me It's over, Taj!
You're not hearing me It's over, Taj!
Your final's in exactly seven minutes! All right.
Your final's in exactly seven minutes! All right.
'Cause I'm gonna need a few cocktails before I start coughing for you fellas.
'Cause I'm gonna need a few cocktails before I start coughing for you fellas.
'Cause it should be.
'Cause it should be.
'Cause your party pimp has already been booked by your fiancé.
'Cause your party pimp has already been booked by your fiancé.

You Might Also Like:

Shane Van Halen Ringtones Van Camps Pork and Beans Advert Music Van Helsing (2004) Van Tastic (Demon Form) Whacked! Voices… Van Wilder Van Halen "Runnin' With The Devil" (Offi… Van Halen Drop Dead Legs Van Van McCoy Ringtones Don't Worry Jeugd Van Tegenwoordig Van Halen Jump 💬 Scarlett Johansson TTS Computer AI Voice Van Wilder (2002)
Viral
TTS
Funny
Popular
Updated
Random
Hot
Random NSFW Most Popular NSFW Recent NSFW
Categories