💬 The In-Laws (1979)

A city in which, as you probably know, General,

A crime punishable by a maximum sentence of 40 years in a federal penitentiary.

A man calling himself D. Tracy will come to your home wearing galoshes.

A mental. You heard me right.

A sight I'll never forget.

A very fine analogy, sir.

A: dangerous and B: crazy.

Aah! Aah! Help!

After all, he's had to work really hard in his life and I really haven't.

Again?

Against the economy of the United States.

Ah, he wants ‒ he wants cold water, Shel.

Ah, I paid $50,000 for this.

Ah, I show you, hmm?

Ah, take your breath away. Shel, can you believe that?

Ah, you're probably right.

Ah.

Aha.

All I want you to do is be more open to Tommy's father.

All right, all right, that's enough.

All right, I'll ‒ I'll try to be more open.

All right, let that stay in there.

All right, let's get this over with.

All right, you got a point. You're right.

All right? Sí, sí. Sí, sí. Gracias.

All right. Stay close. We'll be leaving soon.

All that happens is that we're met at the airport by Senator Jesus Braunschweiger.

All they got is pitchers.

Among the first in New York, I think. Why are we standing in the hallway?

And 10 million wrapped in two small packages of five million each.

And a wonderful gesture it was.

And all I really want to say is that

And coffee. Do you take coffee, Shel?

And don't think I don't know how deeply you feel about me, Shel.

And for that you wanna call off the wedding?

And I couldn't agree more.

And I have to stay away from all marinated birds.

And I hope we'll be together in the good times to share 'em with joy.

And I'm a normal and patriotic American citizen.

And I'm afraid we fall into that category ‒

And I'm being irrational?

And if there are bad times, God forbid, we'll work that out too,

And if they see me with this black bag, then I lose my competitive edge. That's all.

And is that Mrs. General there?

And it incites screaming.

And it's an act of friendship that I will remember for as long as I live.

And just improvise, you know?

And moved to be part of the Kornpett family.

And my hope is that the Kornpetts and Ricardos share

And my own son derogates.

And now, my friends, special surprise.

And on Sunday, there's gonna be another occasion,

And should be coming into the old minterooni in about nine minutes at 1100.

And sometimes with these overseas connections I have to scream like a banshee.

And suddenly there's trillions of extra dollars, francs and marks floating around?

And the more you're gonna fix on things like Mr. Ricardo being a little flaky,

And the other 10?

And the safe is behind the picture of President Kennedy.

And the thing is, he's got me involved in some scheme of his

And there might be two guys hanging around outside the front of the building

And these people intend to run off billions of dollars of this currency.

And they're supposed to guess what all that crap is worth?

And this man's death, I'm afraid,

And well worth it. I'm having a wonderful time.

And what did they say?

And years from now we're gonna look back on this whole thing,

And you robbed the United States Mint for the CIA.

And you were tremendous, Shel.

And you, my dear, sweet American friends,

And you're with him right now, is that right?

Any particular place you want me to go?

Any tax trouble?

Anything we can do to help, feel free to call us, huh?

Are required to be given the option of a blindfold.

Are we still moving?

As a consultant, what did you do about the flies?

As a reason to reject the whole idea of marriage.

As difficult as it is for me to give my little girl away,

As quickly as possible, General.

As these giant flies would pick children off the ground and carry them away.

As they carried their children off to almost certain death.

At least this one don't make any bones about it.

Atonal music. Political chaos. Mass suicide.

Attaché.

Aw, Shel, this is just stupendous of you.

Awfully nervous, isn't he?

Barbara got one too.

Barry Lutz, Intelligence. Can I help you?

Base, come in. Come in, base. This is Alpha Beta.

Base, this is Alpha Beta. Come in. Come in, base.

Bay of Pigs. That referred to the Bay of Pigs.

Beaks? Flies with beaks?

Beautiful job, isn't it?

Beautiful.

Because of the tremendous red tape in the bush.

Believe it or not, I found this in my cellar this morning and I ‒

Billy and Bing would have been co anchormen on the evening news in China.

Blood will run in the streets of Zurich.

Boy, I never missed it.

Bravo. Bravo, bravo.

But I believe it is one of his best.

But I could have told you he was gonna blow sky high.

But I have two impacted molars and a gold crown out there.

But I will not be shot at any longer. Is that clear?

But I would like to say that this has been a most lovely occasion.

But I'm sure if everything you've told us is accurate, there's a very simple explanation.

But I'm sure you understand now. Vince, where are the engravings?

But it has to be a huge one.

But it's been simple negligence. It hasn't been disbelief.

But it's gonna be gone by 5:00. Believe me.

But listen, that kind of money by tomorrow, that's impossible.

But no, they stand in the way. They stand in the way!

But there is a certain sexual component to father daughter relationships.

But together.

But we are getting married.

But we're really anxious to wrap this up and get home.

But when you hear my situation, I think you'll understand why.

But you are not marrying into that family.

By the time you get back, this thing will be resolved. Take my word for it.

Cabbie, we're going on.

Cabernet's great.

Can you close your mouth? Can you bite down?

Can you get down?

Chances are they'll probably just feel sorry for me.

Check the corner.

Christ.

Christ. Keep going.

Come on, be a man! Please be a man!

Come on.

Come.

Coming through!

Coming through. Emergency.

Complete stranger. He sat down here next to me.

Concerning a general down here.

Correct.

Coupe de Ville?

Crumble up some saltines into it, Shel. That will absorb the grease.

Dad and his mysterious phone calls.

Dad, I wasn't derogating.

Dad, where the hell have you been?

Daddy.

Damn it. We are not calling it off.

Delightful. Wonderful. Wonderful people.

Did I just hear a doorbell? ♪♪

Did we hit the little boy on Sixth Avenue?

Do you have any idea of what I should do with it or what it's worth?

Do you know how completely tied up I've been with this deal?

Do you understand that it was simply a fabrication?

Do yourself, do your family, do me a favor.

Doc, 72 years I have this tooth. He don't want to die.

Doc, I want to congratulate you.

Don't just reject him.

Don't push out with your tongue now, please.

Don't shoot!

Don't tell me not to get excited! They're chasing me all over New Jersey!

Don't they squeal when they die?

Don't underestimate the man in the street, buddy.

Dr. Kornpett's wonderful daughter is marrying my son.

El Hustlero.

End up running down the streets with bullets flying past their heads?

Enormous red tape, Sheldon.

Espresso with that beautiful foam.

Even in the army, I never fooled around.

Even more lovely, more sacred.

Everything's terrific. Ooh, you look wonderful.

Evita, give Acme a call. I'm not happy with the viscosity on these bibs.

Excellent, excellent. A new Red Army choir.

Excuse me. Where is the phone?

Fabulous.

Fabulous. Fabulous work.

Fettuccine Szechuan.

Fine.

First he's laughing, then he's crying, then he practically belts Tommy in the mouth.

Five million bucks. Just hang on to it.

Five million dollars?

Five minutes.

Five. May we see us in a five.

Flamenco dancers of death.

Flies.

For a 500.

For a healthier set of teeth and gums.

For approximately nine months.

Forty three years.

Four years at Mount Holyoke so she can marry into this.

From here on in, all that happens ‒ Shelly, you interested in this?

From here on in, I'm a bystander.

Gee, but I can see how busy you are. Gosh, the waiting room is filled.

Geez, I couldn't take that kind of rejection.

General, could we have a sedative for Shel here?

General, I insist on at least a blindfold for Shel here.

General, I'm not one to pat myself on the back,

General, it's magnífico.

General, that's a hell of an act. You're a very gifted man.

General, what's the traffic like this time of day?

General, your art collection never fails to take my breath away.

General.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, come!

German bankers will just throw themselves under the trolley.

Get in the cab, Shel.

Get out of here. Can't you tell when I'm ribbing you, Vince?

Get outta there!

Get something fancier. Uh, a Saint Émilion or a good California.

Get the engraving, go to Central America,

Give him the thing, okay?

Give me the bag.

Give my regards to the Swiss.

Go away from me. Don't look at me or talk to me.

Go back to your lunches! Do I meddle in your business?

Go in peace. I'll take a commercial flight home.

God, Mom, what is this?

Goddamn. You take the fire escape. I'll take the stairs. Go.

Good.

Good. I need the American Embassy, please.

Got a little time now, Shel.

Grab him by his shoulders, Shel. And pull.

Gracias. Gracias. Vincent.

Ha! Ha!

He almost belted Tommy in the mouth.

He checks out the engraving.

He comes through that door at 7:00 every single evening.

He didn't practically belt him in the mouth.

He doesn't even invite me to his own son's wedding.

He hands us 20 million bucks. Bingo, we got him red handed.

He no like the food?

He overpays.

He says he's trying to crack this international currency thing.

He shared a practice with Dr. Murray Weingard for two years in Brooklyn,

He travels a lot, so we haven't seen him. He's coming to dinner tonight. First time.

He very handsome.

He was sergeant at arms at the Long Island Dentists Guild.

He was thrown out of the agency late last year on a mental.

He'd go into very dangerous situations without any rhyme or reason

He's a corrupt member of the Tijadian legislature.

He's a great dentist from New York,

He's a wild man, that's why.

He's always kept regular hours?

He's been working very hard lately.

He's crazy? Look at yourself. You're foaming at the mouth.

He's definitely coming over?

He's had his own practice since 1960.

He's nice?

He's the head of the Latin American syndicate.

Heat it up. We are ready.

Hello, this is Alpha and Beta. Over.

Here's a little something from the boys at the agency.

Hey, Barr!

Hey, hey.

Hey, I can't believe you never heard of The Price is Right.

Hey, Vince.

Hey, wait a minute!

Hey, watch out!

Hey, your friend is back.

Hey!

Hey.

Hi. How's it going?

His accountant tells him to take all these deductions, but he never does.

His name is Vince Ricardo.

His scar? What do you mean? What scar?

His son is marrying my daughter Sunday.

Honey, do you have the check?

Hookers?

Horrible, gruesome deaths too.

How are the hors d'oeuvres?

How long has this show been on the air?

How long has your husband practiced dentistry, Mrs. Kornpett?

How so?

How the hell do I know? You're the expert. Think of something.

How's Barbara? Is she nervous?

Huh. What do you think I should do with it?

Hung up?

I agree. It must have been anarchists.

I almost died for the international monetary system.

I am a pacifist by nature

I believe it was simply a fabrication to get me off the trail.

I bet it's Arabs. I saw a TV show. This is what they do.

I can understand a person with your background,

I can't believe you work for the CIA.

I can't.

I commissioned this great man to do a new flag for this country.

I could ask our branch manager. Do you mind waiting?

I could tell you stories.

I didn't expect to see you, Vince.

I didn't think you were gonna make it.

I didn't think you'd be all that delighted to see me, Vince.

I don't know what it is. Maybe it's because you have to wear short pants to play.

I don't know what people are gonna do when a six pack of Budweiser costs $1,200.

I don't know, it's not my kind of ‒

I don't know.

I don't like his whole manner.

I don't need the sarcasm. It's off.

I don't think so, Barry.

I don't want to get arrested.

I finally impressed my son.

I got it now.

I got somebody in the chair, so I gotta go.

I gotta give you credit, Vince. You son of a gun, ya!

I gotta run, Sheldon.

I gotta say I'm having a very good time.

I graduated second in my class.

I guess if I were to ask you to leave the office for a couple minutes,

I had a patient today, Mr. Hirschorn, said I should call the whole thing off. Yes.

I had business in Canada and those damn Canadians, they never stop talking.

I had this instant chemical reaction, you know, that these were really special people.

I hate to go through this thing without at least the option of a blindfold.

I hate to say this, but if we don't sit down right away,

I have a lot of patients out there, Vince. Could you tell me what you want?

I have flames on my car!

I have flames on my car.

I have no blindfolds, señor. This is a poor country, please.

I have to make a long distance call,

I have to shoot you now and go and do my business.

I haven't even met the bride's family yet.

I I got a cab waiting downstairs. Five minutes tops.

I I hate to ask. It's just that ‒

I I just said Dad and his mysterious phone calls.

I just can't imagine.

I just don't know what to make of it or what I should do with it.

I just thought because it was around lunch.

I keep getting shot at, and I I can't handle it anymore.

I kept one out just in case you pulled something like this.

I knew you'd understand.

I know it, and the cab driver knows it. We both say it.

I know.

I mean, he's the least likely person to be mixed up in anything.

I mean, it used to be like cowboys and Indians.

I mean, so big that paper money is not worth anything.

I mean, you know, I don't just do things.

I mean, you know, I thought like, uh, James Bond.

I need a hand for maybe five minutes.

I never told him off. And now he's dead.

I pulled it when you were on the phone.

I read the newspapers.

I really hate to be a pain in the ass about this.

I remember Vince saying he wanted to invite you.

I reside in New Jersey,

I said, fellas, the thing to do is to rob the US Mint.

I saw things...

I sit there listening to stories about the Guacamole Act of 1917

I think she's right.

I thought maybe all this excitement had gotten to you.

I thought you were getting a magazine.

I told 'em.

I understand that you are a raving lunatic and I want you out of my life!

I understand your feelings. Believe me.

I understand. But I want you to know what kind of a tooth this was.

I want to make sure we get that engraving out of your house.

I was in the jungle ‒

I was stunned. Appalled.

I was the one in the gutter.

I wish I had the choice but to kill you.

I wish it was absurd, Mrs. Kornpett, but it's a very serious matter.

I work for the CIA.

I worked myself up to a position

I would like to oblige, but I have a conscience.

I would like to present you with the coveted General Garcia Medal of Freedom.

I... I found something.

I'd like some too, for the purposes of a toast.

I'd rather die running than be left here alone.

I'll be gone a couple of hours if you want to join me.

I'll do my best.

I'll get it.

I'll get this, Shel.

I'll get ya! Yeah, I'll get your ass! I'll get ya!

I'll give it a shot.

I'll just be incredibly receptive.

I'll kill him. I swear to God, I'll kill him!

I'll never forget this.

I'll probably find an acceptable pair of shoes.

I'll tell ya something else. I don't believe in this crap anymore.

I'll try Bloomingdale's, I. Miller and Bendel's.

I'm all backed up.

I'm being irrational?

I'm calling the caterers. I'm calling the guests.

I'm delighted to meet you. I'm Vince Ricardo.

I'm fine. I'm fine.

I'm getting to that. Sit down. Finish your soup.

I'm gonna tear his goddamn heart out!

I'm here with a man who works for the CIA.

I'm just honored

I'm marrying Tommy, not Vince.

I'm not one of those guys who you give him an inch ‒

I'm not talking about incest, for Christ's sake.

I'm not the most eloquent guy in the world.

I'm off the case here. I'm done with this nonsense.

I'm out of the business, I'm nuts.

I'm petrified.

I'm serious. We have Carmen Dragon and the Paramus Philharmonic.

I'm sorry.

I'm terribly sorry, everybody. It's been a long day.

I'm the classic agency type.

I'm tired. It's over.

I'm very happy that it's to someone as wonderful as Tommy.

I'm very serious. From here on in, it's strictly routine.

I'm very sorry for the delay.

I'm watching a master at work.

I've been around a little. Give a listen.

I've been getting the National Geographic for years. I never ran into any ‒

I've had it, Barry. My kid's getting married tomorrow.

I've never even seen one of these.

I've only had four women, two of them my wife.

If he's alive, he's putting on a hell of an act, ain't he?

If it was not for the church,

If it was up to me, you could take two weeks. But that's what he told me.

If it's really the treasury, you'll get arrested. Definitely.

If that thing isn't out of my house in two hours, so help me God, Vince ‒

If the Treasury Department is waiting for me, I'll tell them what little I know.

If you get caught, is the agency gonna come forward, say it's okay, he works for us?

If you know my heart, as you say you do.

If you like, I'll wait here at the hotel for you.

Impersonating a dentist.

Imposible.

In 72 hours, the monetary system of the world will collapse like a wet taco.

In a second.

In my basement?

In the counting of the invitations.

In the evening, I would stand in front of my hut and watch in horror

Including a second cousin of Sophie Tucker.

Involved? That was my idea.

Is drive like a bat out of hell down to McGraw Airfield in New Jersey.

Is he dead?

Is that Vince?

Is your unwitting participation in this serious federal crime.

Isn't he a sweetheart?

Isn't that always the case?

Isn't that the damnedest thing? Right here in the cellar.

It broke my heart because those slides would've won me a Pulitzer Prize.

It came as a complete surprise.

It gives me such a warm feeling.

It has no bearing on my life. I hate all of this.

It is. We go to the general. Drop off the engravings.

It isn't easy for fathers to give away daughters.

It kills me, the way you do that. It kills me.

It may be a little bit humiliating and a little bit expensive,

It never wears out, and you can't paint over it.

It was done in the name of something pretty important which you couldn't understand.

It was pure heroism.

It was so simple. We made a mistake in the counting ‒

It will bring the Western punks to their knees.

It would be so helpful, you can't imagine.

It's 10 million in an attaché case.

It's 500.

It's a complicated relationship. There's sexual stuff going on ‒

It's a great saying, Dad. Really captures a whole lot.

It's a possibility.

It's a tiny island. It's just south of Honduras.

It's a very fitting monument to you, sir.

It's all my fault.

It's an engraving for a bill. Here, look.

It's an extraordinary tooth. It's gonna be an honor for me to pull it out.

It's difficult, it's not easy.

It's Germany before Hitler.

It's in the middle of the next block, just past the Stetson Hat sign.

It's incomprehensible that they took my license away.

It's me up here, Vince.

It's near Lodi off Route 46.

It's nerves, enamel, rotten, and it's gotta go. No big deal.

It's nice having Vince around for a couple of days.

It's not 19th century Minsk. It's 20th century Manhattan.

It's not like we're fencing some shit in the street.

It's over here. The whole schmear.

It's over the ocean to Scranton, Pennsylvania?

It's Ricardo.

It's urgent. I'm in great danger.

It's very good.

It's worth it. Man, believe me, that's a quality paint job.

Jammed? Get somebody on that radio! We can't use no jammed!

Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ. What the hell was that?

Jesus!

Jesus.

José Grecos de Muertos.

Julia Child says Cabernet's great.

Jump!

Just don't go home without me. Huh, Shel?

Just get out of my life!

Just give the orchestra five minutes to tune up.

Just go with the flow, Shel. Just go with the flow.

Just open your mouth, please.

Just put your flashers on and stay put.

Just stay the hell away from him.

Keep moving.

Keeps dropping things.

Late in the afternoon, we go see General Garcia.

Let me explain something to you.

Let me see if I got this straight.

Let me see.

Let's go!

Let's go.

Let's not fight about it. I'll go into the city tomorrow.

Like I say, it's no big deal.

Listen, any time you're in the neighborhood.

Listen, I can understand a certain amount of resentment.

Listen, I've been in tougher jams before.

Listen, let me ask you about that picture.

Listen, listen.

Listen, you gonna be home in about an hour?

Little pocket comb.

Look at this shit. There's nothin' but money in here.

Look at this.

Macy's and Gimbels.

Made by Uncle Sam with his own greedy little fingers.

Mae West.

Man.

Many happy and peaceful occasions

May I have some milk, please?

May I interject for a moment, please?

May I share something with you?

Maybe it's from the previous owners or something.

Mazel tov. Nice boy?

McGraw Airfield, Route 46.

Me and my good American friends.

Me too. Good bye.

Medium rare all right for everybody?

Miguel!

Mm hmm.

Mm mmm. Tommy is the acorn.

Mmm. It's very nice. It's a little greasy, but it's very nice.

Mom, we cannot wait any longer. What's with them?

Mr. Hirschorn ‒

Mr. Hirschorn, I cannot work this way.

Mr. Hirschorn, take your hand down, put your head back, open your mouth.

Mr. Hirschorn, your tooth is not a he.

Mr. Lutz, I may sound a little bit incoherent,

Mr. Ricardo's been out of town. Maybe he got hung up.

Mrs. Adelman, sit tight. Don't clench.

Muchas gracias.

Muscular, low to the ground, compact.

My brave American friends.

My cigarette ‒

My daughter's getting married on Sunday, Mr. Hirschorn.

My father was like a maniac before you came.

My general.

My goodness, this is some kind of engraving.

My husband's the jumpiest one of all right now.

My in law.

My kid is getting married Sunday. How does he expect me to come up with that kind of money?

My name is Kornpett. I'm a DDS in the greater New York area.

Nah, that's not for me.

Never saw him before in my life.

Next time we're in Tijada, Shel, don't let me forget.

Nice work, Sheldon. Piece of cake.

Nine months. My God. That really must have been something.

No kidding.

No, don't go home under any circumstance.

No, I mean this. It's been something I've been wanting to say.

No, I said, Hello, Jesus, and he said, Hello, Vince.

No, I'll behave myself.

No, I'm expecting a call from Zurich, honey. You watch the chow.

No, it's looking good. Looking good.

No, no, I can manage. I don't want to make a federal case out of this.

No, no, no, no.

No, no, the food is terrific. It's just that my stomach is a little upset.

No, no, two more visits oughta do it fine.

No, no, we missed him by a good foot and a half.

No, no.

No, no. He no like the food.

No, not anymore.

No, not Beaujolais.

No, not really. I'd like to resolve this somehow.

No, Ralph, you don't understand.

No, that's brand new.

No, that's completely nuts.

No, that's very kind of you, General,

No, the cab has stopped. We're on West 31st Street.

No, the pig is alive, Shel.

No, the Treasury Department never knew what hit 'em.

No, these are my competitors. You know.

No, they're not all in there.

No, we'll take a cab. We had a little trouble with the car.

No, we're just related by a pending marriage.

No, you see, it makes no difference if you're sane or if you're crazy

No! I'll get 'em.

No! I'm not him. Uh, he's my in law. Look, here's my card.

No.

No. I'm out in the cold on this one, Shel.

Nobody'll see 'em.

None.

Not everybody appreciates genius.

Note the plasticity,

Nothing else in the basement.

Nothing personal, pal. It's strictly business.

Nothing. Really.

Notice the whiskers. My God, you could almost reach out and touch 'em.

Now I know where Barbara gets her good looks.

Now I'm ready.

Now that was a little close, I admit it. I cut it a little fine.

Now, do you have the money?

Now, exactly where are you located, General?

Now, I'm in Tijada right now. I'm in Tijada, yes.

Now, once they get these plates ‒

Now, take off.

Now, the thing ‒

Now, the thing we have to talk about

Now, what you have to understand is that we have information ‒ the agency has ‒

Now, what's the story on this? You gonna bill me or what?

Now, you can relax your mouth, but don't clench.

Now?

Of this waving these crudely fashioned brooms at these enormous flies

Oh, gee, I really don't know.

Oh, General, how nice.

Oh, God, don't let me die on West 31st Street.

Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.

Oh, God!

Oh, God. Oh, my God. I knew it. I could feel it coming.

Oh, good.

Oh, he was gone for ages.

Oh, hear, hear!

Oh, I doubt it. We've lived here for 15 years.

Oh, it was an incredible sight.

Oh, it's such a minor thing. Gosh, I'm so embarrassed.

Oh, Jesus, pigs.

Oh, Jesus. Mr. Ricardo.

Oh, listen...

Oh, Mrs. Adelman, you've been still the entire time.

Oh, my God!

Oh, no, they all look like me.

Oh, of course it's his fault.

Oh, sí, sí. Sí, sí.

Oh, sí, sí. Very much.

Oh, that is just the most horrible thing.

Oh, that would be awful.

Oh, that'll do it. That's more than enough.

Oh, that's okay.

Oh, that's very funny.

Oh, that's wrong.

Oh, the toreador's wonderful.

Oh, there's reasons.

Oh, uh, good idea.

Oh, yeah? You know her?

Oh, yeah. Second year law student at Yale.

Oh, yes, extremely gifted.

Oh, yes, extremely innocent. You know, I think my hearing is shot.

Oh. And the parents?

Okay, hang on. This is gonna be a little rough.

Okay, here we go, Mr. Hirschorn.

Okay, let's do it!

Okay, now.

Okay, try and follow me, Shel.

Okay, what's our next move?

Okay.

Okay. Finished.

Okay. I just have to work something out, that's all.

Okay. Let me ask you a question.

Okay. Really.

Okay. Sometimes I'm so smart I scare myself.

Okeydoke.

One day we're gonna have to get around to getting it fixed.

Ooh! Ooh! Am I shot? Am I shot?

Operator, uh, habla usted inglés?

Or if you're with the agency or not with the agency.

Or pineapple juice.

Orchestra? Sylvia Jacobs is playing the piano.

Out of the car.

Out of the way, please. Emergency.

Out, out! Get out! Out!

Over and out.

Over there!

Peasants screaming, chasing these flies down the road, waving brooms.

People find all kinds of things in the cellar.

Perfect.

Phone! Phone!

Phone?

Piece of cake, Sheldon.

Please, don't bother. I'll find it.

Please, follow me.

Please, gentlemen, enter.

Pronto it will be.

Pronto.

Really rob it. Professionally.

Really? Dr. Kornpett.

Really? What do you do?

Really.

Remember ‒ D. Tracy, galoshes.

Remember how we used to play ball together on Nagle Avenue?

Right now?

Right.

Right. Now come on, let's get goin'.

Right. Shel, where are you going, Shel?

Roll over!

Sadly, there's very little you can do

Scranton, Pennsylvania? What for?

Seeing him dead on the runway like that.

Señor Pepe, do you like this man?

Señor Pepe, would you like to give this man a kiss?

Serpentine, Shel. Serpentine!

Serpentine!

Set for what?

Seventy two years. This tooth had steaks.

She cannot bite down.

She doesn't show it, but I'm sure she is.

She's marrying the son, not the father.

Shel, I didn't do it lightly.

Shel, the end is in sight, I assure you.

Shel, what I would very much like for you to do the minute you hang up

Shel, when I speak, do you hear me? Do you understand the words?

Shel, you all right?

Shel, you come with me to Scranton.

Shel, you don't know what you're saying.

Shel, you too. This is extremely educational.

Shel, you're very excited. I don't know what you're saying.

Shel.

Sheldon, come here. Come here, Sheldon. Come on.

Sheldon, it was unbelievable.

Sheldon, now, I just explained to you it was a fabricated ‒

Sheldon?

Sheldon.

Shelly, have you ever had one of those days ‒

Shelly, I call him.

Shelly, I'm really sorry it turned out this way. I had no idea ‒

Shelly, think how nervous he was to meet you.

Shelly?

Shelly.

Shit! Emergency! Open the door!

Shoot out? No.

Sí, sí. Hey, Vince, you won't forget I did this, eh?

Sí.

Sí. Down to business.

Since about 1911.

Since Eisenhower.

Since when is it the policy of the CIA

Sitting around a Christmas tree, and we're all gonna have a big laugh.

Small, brown babies clutched in their beaks.

Smoke out the action and nail those bastards.

So I open the safe, take out a black bag and come back here to the cab.

So long.

So take a desk job.

So that individuals of high standing in the community

So the closer the wedding gets, I think, the more edgy you're gonna be

So you went ahead and robbed it on your own, with gangsters.

Sorry to run, but we gotta catch a plane.

Sorry we're late, folks.

Sorry. That's what he said.

Spare this man.

Stand up straight, be a man.

Stay low, Sheldon.

Stay low, Sheldon. Stay low.

Stop the car. It's Sheldon.

Stop the we!

Stupid bastards.

Such a hotshot, how come he doesn't have a phone in the car?

Sure, he's lovable, but he's completely out of his mind.

Sweetheart ‒ It's toothpaste.

Sweetheart, I love you very much, but I know about these things.

Sweetheart, I'll believe it when I see him.

Ten million, exactamente.

Terrific.

Thank you.

Thanks for everything.

That blasted thing just falls apart all the time.

That crazy little bastard, he's involved your poor father in something.

That door never opens. Use this one.

That man is crazy. I will not have you marrying into that family.

That roast beef is just going to be inedible.

That was a cigarette!

That wouldn't be possible, would it?

That's a brilliant solution to the problem.

That's a relief. I was beginning to get worried.

That's a shame. I really would have liked to have seen those slides.

That's a terrific example, Shel. Really.

That's a wonderful patient you got there. Very fine lady.

That's how beloved they were.

That's it.

That's kind of you, Shel. I really appreciate that.

That's my husband. You can talk to him yourself.

That's one game, I could never get the hang of it.

That's right, sir. Do you have the money?

That's right. I think you'll find it quite fascinating.

That's the ticket. Let's go.

That's the tip off to a great work of art.

That's them. Are you okay, or are you gonna be totally hostile to them?

That's very cute.

That's very kind of you, Shel. And don't think I'm gonna abuse the privilege.

That's what that means.

That's what we'd like to know, Mrs. Kornpett.

The acorn, sweetheart, from the tree.

The almost Renaissance use of the perspective.

The amazing thing is how grateful you're gonna be to me

The Bay of Pigs.

The central piece of evidence in the biggest federal crime since the atomic spy case

The CIA.

The Eagle has landed. What now?

The enormous flies flapping slowly away into the sunset.

The father does some kind of international consulting work.

The hamburgers are getting cold!

The idea of you out there dead and me all alone back here with the smoke and the bullets.

The man is crazy. That's what I'm talkin' about.

The natives had a name for 'em.

The ocean?

The other thing, be sure to compliment his art collection.

The pollo must be marinated for six weeks.

The Price is Right. This is the all American game show.

The son is the acorn. You gotta look at the tree.

The tent up?

The thing will be out of your house in two hours.

The Treasury Department is on the case.

The trick is not to get killed. That's really the key to the benefit program.

The United States of America.

The way you handled yourself, I can't tell you how impressed I was.

The windows weren't functioning properly. Isn't it always the case?

The worst thing was that we lost a half dozen good men who had teamed with him.

Their only hope is worldwide inflation.

Then he's gotta go down in the basement to make phone calls. What is that?

Then opened his own practice in Manhattan.

Then set me up to get killed?

Then the answer is yes.

Then the German mint, and then the Swiss mint.

Then what happens, another little shoot out?

There are signs. Just follow 'em.

There are thousands of Spanish speaking people

There is no time for tea.

There's also something lovable about the guy.

There's always a valid reason.

There's been a slight change in our flight plan.

There's gonna be grandchildren.

There's just some things that men don't handle as well as we do.

There's no reason to be sorry.

There's no reason to shoot at me! I'm a dentist!

There's red tape in the bush?

There's so much to do.

These are engravings for US currency

These are engravings from all over the world.

These are small enough?

These are the best security men in the world.

These flies, for example, uh, they're protected against pilferage

They all owe billions of dollars to the West, and they can never pay it back.

They called from the airport two hours ago.

They chased you?

They did the hundred percent correct thing telling you that I was nuts.

They have tsetse flies down there the size of eagles.

They heat it up with orange juice. You know, grande, a big one.

They make a chicken sandwich here. They serve it on a hard roll.

They said you were kicked out of the agency because you were

They thought it was too risky. Turned it down.

They used to work for JCPenney in Detroit.

They're fine. Perfect.

They're late, all right? Don't make it like a family issue.

They're taking off without us!

This ain't no Wells Fargo truck!

This bandido has another 10! ¡Ladrones!

This flag would already today be flying at the UN.

This guy may be a dictator, but there's something still very innocent about him.

This is a girl from the village. This is a prostitute.

This is a major international deal.

This is an emergency.

This is from Shelly and me.

This is gonna set fast, Mrs. Adelman, so just don't fight me.

This is it? My life is over.

This is really important to you?

This is ridiculous. I feel like Bonnie and Clyde.

This is Señor Pepe.

This is so insane.

This is some great dentist you have here. You're a very lucky lady.

This is the combination to the safe, and this is the key to the office.

This is unbelievable. General, I'm very impressed.

This man, Sheldon Kornpett.

This man's wonderful daughter is marrying my son the day after tomorrow.

This tooth chewed on beautiful women,

This tooth had just beans when I was poor.

This whole thing has to do with a conspiracy that originated in Central America

Through many happy and peaceful years.

To be perfectly candid, Shel,

To impress private citizens into their service without telling them what it's about

To my wonderful American friends.

To Vince. Well, at least we tried. Thanks for everything.

Tommy and I are gonna go to Vegas or some sleazy thing like that. I don't care.

Tommy tells me you were the first dentist ever to use that drill that spritzes water?

Tommy, why do you always assume it's your father's fault?

Tommy's told him so much about you.

Tomorrow we'll go into the city.

Took a wedding to do it.

Totally ass backwards.

Two things, Shel. Don't say anything about his scar.

Uh huh. Well, come on back in my office.

Uh oh!

Uh, Billy.

Uh, by the way, here.

Uh, General, I'd like you to meet Dr. Sheldon Kornpett.

Uh, General, it gives me great pleasure to present ‒

Uh, guess I won't see you till Wednesday.

Uh, I'd like to say that

Uh, shall we invite these men to sit down?

Uh, Shel, I don't understand what you're saying about these flames.

Uh, Sheldon has provided invaluable assistance to the success of this mission.

Uh, that'll be 30 bucks.

Uh, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.

Uh, you can pay me. My dad's having supper.

Um, he's, um ‒

Um, please, could you tell me what this is all about?

Um, why don't you just stack it up over there on this side of the furnace.

Um...

Under the provisions of the Guacamole Act of 1917.

Usually he's so affectionate and physical with Tommy.

Very nice.

Very nice. Very nice.

Via the General Garcia toll bridge.

Vince, can't this wait till this afternoon? I'll be off around 5:00.

Vince, how long did you actually live in Guatemala?

Vince, I'd really like to help you out,

Vince, if it's so cut and dry, you don't need me, right?

Vince, it's 9:00 in the morning.

Vince, my good friend.

Vince, you're not hungry? You just pick?

Vince!

Vince! Vince!

Vince?

Vince.

Wait a minute. Oh, Christ! Arabs!

Wait a minute. W Wait a minute. The CIA turned this down?

Wait a minute. You made all that up about him on the phone?

Watch out!

Watch out! Look out!

We celebrate.

We first got wind of it nine months ago when they robbed the German mint.

We go in.

We got mixed up.

We hand him the engravings.

We know that these plates are going down to Central America,

We never played ball together on Nagle Avenue.

We read you, Alpha Beta. Location. Over.

We really gotta get out of here. Shel, give me your hand.

We really had to keep you in the dark, Shelly. Vince, the money?

We talked about playing ball together, but ‒

We want him out of this.

We'd love to stand around and schmooze, Barr, but we got a big day tomorrow.

We'll call it the thing. Okay, Shel? But you know I mean the engraving.

We'll go home with Billy and Bing. Have a few laughs, okay?

We'll never make it lying here, that's for goddamn sure. You ready?

We're out of the country. We're home free.

We're the US Treasury, for Christ's sake!

We're whipping along South Factory

Welcome to Tijada!

Well, actually, they robbed ‒ they robbed the English mint,

Well, all these countries, Shel,

Well, all they had was Hustler in Spanish.

Well, he's got a vault behind the tiger painting.

Well, I don't see that much television. I'm out of the country a lot.

Well, I feel we're practically family now. I like to feel close.

Well, I was just in the neighborhood and I thought I'd say howdy doo.

Well, I'm really glad you stopped by, Vince.

Well, it would depend.

Well, it's very, very good. You don't get this kind of stuff in New York.

Well, listen, what the hell. I can do it myself. You're so busy.

Well, maybe this will make it up to you.

Well, maybe you weren't.

Well, my life has been in almost constant jeopardy for 24 hours now.

Well, so he embellishes a little bit.

Well, sure. I don't blame you. Let me ask him.

Well, the mother's very nice.

Well, there's one in the basement, but it's a mess.

Well, what do I do, Vince? I tell you sincerely I do not want to go to jail.

Well, where the hell is he?

Well, you can imagine how I felt, General,

Well, you look so pretty.

Well, you're really a man now, Tom.

What a day. What a guy. What an entrance.

What a guy.

What a nice surprise.

What about me? I was the one running through the streets with that goddamn thing.

What about right now what?

What about right now?

What acorn?

What are we doin' up here? I don't understand.

What are you doing?

What did Dad pull this time?

What did I do?

What did that inscription mean? At least we tried.

What did you do?

What do you got in mind?

What do you mean? You're quitting the agency?

What do you think of Tommy's new in laws?

What do you think's gonna happen when they start running off this dough,

What engraving?

What flow? There isn't any flow.

What he said.

What the hell do the Mets need another pitcher for?

What the hell do you mean by that?

What the hell. I never get out of here anyway.

What's five minutes for a member of the family?

What's goin' on?

What's going on here?

What's that, your tooth?

What's that? You are thirsty?

What's the point in threatening me? You can't ‒

What's with the engraving?

When this is all over.

When you meet my father ‒

When you're right, you're right.

Where I can make these kind of top level phone calls to top businessmen,

Where the hell were you, Barry? We almost croaked here.

Where? Where do we have to stop?

Which I'm gonna do right after I answer this phone call. Excuse me.

Which I'm not denying,

Which is American dollars, now they're all set.

Which were stolen yesterday from the United States Mint.

Who are these guys? What, are they after you or what?

Who said he was a hotshot?

Who should not see the bag.

Who stand in dire need of extensive bridgework.

Who?

Whoo hoo hoo hoo!

Whoo hoo hoo!

Why don't you lie down, grab yourself a nap?

Why not?

Why?

Widows and orphans will be left penniless.

With a deep, Quaker belief in the sanctity of human life.

With real gangsters and real guns.

Worse comes to worst, I'll wear my clogs on Sunday.

Would be a crushing blow to whatever small hopes they might have

Would it be terribly inconvenient? Please say so if it is.

Would you mind stepping over to my office for a moment?

Wow.

Yeah, a lot more, a lot more to the story than we can tell you now, Barry.

Yeah, but what about the Treasury Department?

Yeah, he's a little strange, but I don't know,

Yeah, he's got these engravings.

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, I'm getting excited. Is Barbara home?

Yeah, real nightmare.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you're right.

Yeah. It means, uh, I won't get arrested for impersonating a dentist.

Yeah. Sure. Glad to be of service.

Yes, she's here being very domestic.

Yes, very smoothly.

Yes, yes, yes. He just pick.

You can imagine the pathetic quality

You can make it on your pension?

You can rinse now, dear.

You can't blame me for this. You volunteered.

You could be a foreign agent, so they tell you that I'm washed up,

You did. Travels all over the world. Hasn't got time to meet the new in laws.

You don't have a heart condition or anything, do you, Shel?

You feeling a little better?

You found this in your cellar, Mrs. Kornpett?

You got a family and all, and uncles and aunts and cousins.

You have dinner at my house, you drag me out of my office,

You have nothing to worry about. You're an innocent victim.

You keep hoppin', huh?

You know how it is, Barry.

You know she's taken up tennis?

You know we almost got killed here?

You know what all this means?

You know you got a terrific imagination, Shel.

You know, back when Kennedy was president ‒

You know, I'm such a great driver,

You know, if Chiang Kai shek had ever made it back to the mainland,

You know, if I'm not mistaken, I once bought a comb there.

You know, the world is full of reactionaries. People with small minds.

You little snot nose! Those phone calls put you through college!

You never take an early lunch?

You noticed my friend, eh?

You okay?

You robbed the United States Mint on your own?

You sure these are flies you're talking about?

You took those slides of them that never came out, remember?

You want to know why I'm getting excited!

You were here right at the start.

You were involved with the Bay of Pigs?

You were sensational, Shel,

You were smart to order that split pea soup. That looks delicious. May I?

You win some, you lose some.

You'll see it, but don't see it. You follow my drift?

You're a nice boy. You could hurt yourself pulling like that.

You're a total stranger. You called the agency.

You're being absolutely Sicilian about this.

You're dead, right?

You're furious at me, right?

You're going to have to leave the office. Dr. Kornpett, I'm sorry.

You're going where?

You're just always makin' these weird calls in back rooms and pay booths.

You're just projecting like crazy.

You're not going to wear clogs at your wedding.

You're really very sweet. I'm getting a little nervous about ‒

You're with Vince Ricardo? How much insurance do you carry?

You've been with them how long? Twenty years?

You've got a collapse of confidence in the currency.

You've seen too many movies, Shel.

Your father in law and I worked for nearly 10 years, laying our lives on the line together.

Your ghost? Is your ghost going to report me?

Your tooth has had a wonderful life, but now it's time to say good bye.

Yours, John F. Kennedy.

501 United Fruit Boulevard,

501 United Fruit Boulevard.

¡Bandido!¡Cabrón! Guys, you did fantastic work.

♪ A tree that may in summer wear ♪ This chicken is really sensational.

Absolutely. What a guy.

Ah. Now, this is a flag.

All right. Stay down, Shel. Stay down.

All right. Any problems? None.

All set for the wedding? Well, we're getting there.

Always in New York? That's right.

An aspirin then? I have no aspirins.

An engraving from the bag? In my haste.

An hour late. Great start. I'm sure there's a good reason.

And remember the wine. Oh, and remember the wine.

And they never took any money. Who did this?

And we got another 10 ‒ And it's in thousands.

And we're supposed to have cigarettes. Cigarettes?

And what else? I don't like, uh ‒

And you might even enjoy it. Yeah?

Are we square with you? Yeah.

Are ya moving? Yeah.

Are you going to get off me? Not yet.

Aww. I am ‒ Oh!

Barry Lutz. Oh, yeah.

Barry, it's very simple. It's simple.

Beautiful. There is another 10 million.

Believe me, I know what it's like. You must be the lovely mother of the bride.

Best of luck to you. Thank you.

BMW pulling out! Let's go!

By tomorrow. What?

Call it off. Call what off?

Can you move? Yeah, I can try.

Can you stop the car? Maybe you're right, Sheldon.

Can't we create some kind of diversion? Like what?

Clogs are out of the question. Will you stop?

Come on, get him the hell out of here. ¡Ladrón! ¡Bandido¡ ¡Cabrón!

Come on, Vince. What's the plan? I'm wide open.

Congratulations! Thanks a lot.

Dad, could I have some more wine? Yeah.

Dad, is this all from root canals? Well, that and the lectures.

Dad, this is a million dollars. Yeah, it's not enough? I'll give you more.

Dad, what are you talking about? What am I talkin' about?

Day after tomorrow, huh, Mrs. Kornpett? Oh, God, don't mention it.

Did you get your shoes? No, they were all awful.

Did you just hear a helicopter? Nope.

Do what the doc says now. Vince.

Do you have a phone? What?

Do you understand Latin, Sheldon? Yeah, a little.

Do you want to give out the recipe? No, no, it's all Tijada's secret.

Doc, uh, makin' a house call? Yeah, it's one of those emergencies.

Don't care if I live or die! But the Geneva Convention stipulates ‒

False alarm. I hope they haven't had an accident.

Fifty dollar savings bond. Oh!

Forget I said anything. I forgot already.

From here on in, it's cut and dry. It's not cut, and it's not dry.

General? ¿Sí?

Get down! What?

Get down! Are you down? Yes!

Get off of me. Listen to me.

God, Mom, will you please tell him? I think you're being a little irrational.

Goddamned Arabs! They're lowering us now.

Gracias. Oh, oh, what was that?

Great feeling, ain't it? Yes, it is.

He wants a million five for this. No sweat.

He was crazy about me. I was very impressed.

He's nice? He's nice.

He's simply not equipped, General. My father, that son of a bitch.

Hello, dear. Barbara's ‒

Hey, look at this. What?

Hey, Vince. Gee, I can't believe this trade.

Hi! She says hi.

Hi. Hello, Mrs. Kornpett.

Hmm? As a matter of fact, I did, Shel.

Hmm. A Z?

Hmm. It's heavy, isn't it? Mm hmm.

Ho! Bandanas! Gracias, señor.

How could you? I almost got killed. I know.

How much of this you gonna run off? 300 billion.

How's the wife? She's fine.

I can sympathize with your feelings. Don't come in. I want you out of my life.

I can't stay here. Okay, but remember, serpentine!

I can't take it. Are you ‒ Are you serious?

I couldn't understand? No, it is too complicated.

I don't know. Let's get going.

I don't smoke. This isn't lit, General.

I don't want to intrude. No, no intrusion.

I don't want to sit down. I don't want my soup. You hardly touched it.

I feel terrible. Go away!

I give him 20, not 10! Of course you did.

I have to take the roast beef out of the oven. Just put it on the warmer.

I hope I'm wrong. You're wrong.

I mean, is that the principle? Yeah, right.

I mean, what the hell is that? The family took a vote.

I never seen one of 'em. Take it to the bank, honey. They'll know.

I suppose so. Now, what can we do for you today?

I thought you were doing it for them. I am.

I understand completely. You don't understand anything!

I want that thing out of my house! Shelly.

I'd really like a chance to explain. No explaining!

I'll be waiting. Airfield?

I'll get to you as soon as I can. Please!

I'll give it a shot. ¡Apunten!

I'll never forgive him. Carol, what do you think we should do?

I'll stand still, all right? Happens all the time. Excuse me.

I'm Sheldon Kornpett. Shelly, I'm just thrilled to meet ya.

I'm starving, so it's fine with me. I'll take drink orders and make them myself.

I've always loved this country. that firing squad victims ‒

If I say yes, will you get off me? If it's a sincere yes.

Is that correct? Completely.

Is there anything I can do for you? No, just wanted to say hello.

Is this coffee freeze dried, by the way? Yes, it is.

Isn't that nice! I'll just put it right here for safekeeping.

It doesn't make sense? No, it makes sense. It makes sense.

It is not off. It's off!

It's 1270, man. I said, keep going!

It's a Latin American syndicate. Okay.

It's a saying. Oh.

It's a wonderful thing, General. I don't know when I've felt so proud.

Jesus Christ! Oh, my God! Out of the way. Police emergency!

Jesus, he's a raving fruitcake. Don't underestimate him.

Jesus, what a schmuck. Shut up.

Let's go. No way.

Maybe they'll make it for lunch. Oh, it's such a shame.

Me too. Yeah.

Mrs. Kornpett? Yes.

Mwah! Two days we were crazy.

My God. Oh, the things he told us.

My God. What?

No kidding around. What do we do? This is it, Shel. That's all she wrote.

No kidding. Yeah.

No, no, no, no. Any time. Oh, wonderful.

No, no, we have an orchestra. Dad, will you please be serious?

No! Give me that bag.

No. No.

Nobody is arresting nobody. Why not?

Now do me a favor. I can't call it off, Mr. Hirschorn.

Of course. What?

Off we go, Shel. Hey, Vince!

Oh, are you okay? Yeah.

Oh, Jesus Maria. This is Alpha Beta! Come in!

Oh, listen... I mean n normally, he's, uh ‒

Oh, no kiddin'. Yeah.

Oh, thank you. We're just very, very glad you're here.

Oh, the traffic was brutal. You knew he was coming?

Oh. Ready?

Okay. Hi.

Okeydoke. Vince!

Once before and once afterwards. General.

Only herbal teas. Fine, get the tea.

Otherwise, you can be reported. Who is going to report me?

Our kids are getting married. Well, I couldn't be happier for both of you.

Please come in. Come in. Oh, welcome!

Psychology on parade. Go on, Shelly. Let her talk.

Pull the string for the light. Thanks a million.

Relieved? Oh, yes.

Remember that show, The Inner Sanctum? Oh, yeah, sure.

Right? Yeah.

Right. People are gonna panic.

Right. Right. They're too poor. You know that.

See? See? Ah, General.

Serpentine! What?

Shel, get down. I can't hear you.

Sheldon? What's that?

Shelly! What?

Shelly? Mrs. Adelman cannot close her mouth.

Shelly. Listen.

Sí. ¡Firmes!

So what happens if you get caught? We won't get caught, not if we ‒

Sounds good to me. There will be panic.

Sounds like plenty. It's a lot, huh?

Stacks of 50. Yeah, and there's more. We got ‒

Stop with the soup! All right, relax.

Take it easy. You too, Vince.

Taxi, señor? Sí.

Tell her I'll be right there. Okay.

Thank God nobody was hurt. How do you justify such behavior?

Thanks for waiting. Shelly.

That was a magnificent thing you did. It was instinct. I went crazy.

That was a mistake. Some mistake.

That was very lovely, Mr. Ricardo. Yeah, I feel the same way, Dad.

That's it. Pretty cute usin' a doc.

That's standard procedure. What?

The art. The art.

The CIA thought it was too crazy? Too risky, Shel.

The CIA. You're goddamn right, buddy.

The guy I talked to on the telephone. I'm sorry to give you the runaround.

The inner sanctum, huh? Yeah.

the ones that I robbed yesterday ‒ Yes?

There are a lot of boors in the world. Ah, you can say that twice.

They must be in his pocket. I'll get 'em.

They only took the plates. Mm hmm.

They really said that? Oh, yes.

They want to obliterate their debts. What debts?

This guy's a crook? They're all crooks down here.

This is it, Vince. This is it. Let me do the talking.

This is not right. I have no drugs.

This is why we have to talk. What is that?

This morning. Well, I never have that kind of luck.

Through there? Oh, I'll show you.

Through there? Yeah. First door to the left.

Tijada. What's Tijada?

Tom? Dad.

Uh, there's one in the kitchen. Where is the furthest one?

Very lovely. Billy.

Vince ‒ I I'm sure Tommy d didn't mean ‒

Vince, stop the car! I'm trying.

Vince! Shelly!

Vince? Barry?

Vince? Maybe you're right.

We counted wrong, Barr. Dad ‒

We gotta make a run for his car. We'll never make it.

We have a date in Peru. Uh ‒

We're not going to Scranton, Pennsylvania? We are going to Scranton, Pennsylvania.

Wednesday? Next Wednesday?

Well for me, Vince. You asked for it, you got it.

Well, he must have been nervous. Sure he was nervous.

Well, it's Sunday ‒ Call it off.

Well, let's have a seat. Well, why don't we, uh ‒

Well, they thought I was bullshitting. Who thought you were bullshitting?

What are you doing in here? Did I startle you folks?

What are you taking their side for? I'm not taking anybody's side.

What are you talking about? For Christ's sake!

What do you think they're going to tell you? I don't know and I don't care.

What does he do to me now? Barry, will you listen to me?

What happens to you? Oh, I'll manage.

What is this about? What is this about?

What is this show? Are you kidding, man?

What? A Z?

What'd you say? I said it's such a shame.

What's happenin'? What's wrong? I think we're jammed.

What's the story on this guy? The general?

What's this no way? No way is no way.

When are you gonna arrest this guy? Relax.

Where the hell are the keys? Are you kidding me?

Where we going? My office. I want you to break into my safe.

Who was in the basement last night? Who?

Why are we flying over the ocean? Shel.

Why are you getting so excited? Why am I getting so excited?

Why couldn't he call? Well, if he's in bad traffic, he can't call.

Why don't you go wait in the house? I'd like your daughter to be here, Sheldon.

Will you be home early tonight? Yeah, 7:00 sharp.

With the bag. With the bag.

Would you like to see? Oh, love to, General.

Yeah, well, I have a good practice. Yeah, it looks like an absolute gold mine.

Yeah. There's gonna be gold riots.

Yeah. Very interesting gentleman.

Yeah. Well, that's good.

Yeah. Your wife is on the line.

Yes, he got the stripes almost perfectly. That's right, Shelly.

You called the agency? Yes, I did.

You can get up. It's all over. Shel, we can get up now.

You can see that. Yeah.

You committed a federal crime! Of course it's federal.

You gonna be long? I'll be back within an hour.

You heard right. Vaya con Dios.

You made a call. Yes, I did.

You okay? Yeah, I'm great.

You saw the picture in the office? Yes, I did.

You Shelly Kornpett? Yeah.

You think I'm bullshitting, don't ya? No, I don't. I don't.

You think so? Sure.

You think that ‒ Maybe.

You use it for wallpaper. Mmm.

You work for the CIA. That's right.

You'll never know how great. Oh, honey, we have to start.

You're still in our family, Barbara. Oh, God, Dad, don't lay this on me.

You're very sweet. Vince!

You've gotta get some shoes. I know, I know.

Your tooth has had a wonderful ‒ Dr. Kornpett?

¡Apunten!

¡Basta! Basta, basta.

¡Preparen armas!

¡Presenten armas!

¡Rápido!¡Rápido!

♪ A poem lovely as a tree ♪

♪ A tree that looks at God all day ♪

♪ A tree whose hungry mouth is pressed ♪

♪ Against the earth's sweet flowing breast ♪

♪ And dance by the light of the moon? ♪♪

♪ And lifts her leafy arms to pray ♪ ♪♪

♪ And then I heard a voice beside me ♪

♪ As I was walking down the street ♪

♪ As it softly said ♪

♪ Buffalo gals, won't you come out tonight ♪

♪ Down in my bed ♪

♪ Down the street, down the street ♪

♪ I think that I shall never see ♪

♪ Lying on my pillow ♪

♪ Thunder is your lightning ♪♪

$6,000 a year tuition to listen to this.

1270. Right.

The In-Laws (1979)
"The In-Laws" is a hilarious comedy film released in 1979. Directed by Arthur Hiller, this cult classic stars comedy legends Peter Falk and Alan Arkin, delivering unforgettable performances. The dynamic duo portrays two soon-to-be in-laws, when the uptight, skeptical dentist, Sheldon Kornpett (Arkin), gets tangled up in a world of international espionage with his future father-in-law, the eccentric CIA operative Vince Ricardo (Falk). This uproarious film takes viewers on a wild ride filled with zany misadventures across the globe, as Sheldon is reluctantly dragged into Vince's world of dangerous schemes and secret missions. With impeccable timing and wit, Falk and Arkin create an unstoppable comedic chemistry that leaves audiences in stitches. "The In-Laws" (1979) is a true gem of comedic filmmaking, capturing the essence of timeless humor. The film's winning combination of memorable performances, sharp dialogue, and unexpected twists guarantees endless laughter. You can relive the magic of "The In-Laws" by watching, enjoying the film's soundtracks, and downloading it for your own collection. Immerse yourself in this comedic masterpiece and savor the enchanting world created by Falk, Arkin, and the talented team behind this cinematic gem.
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