Hot Rod (2007) Edit

A cooked goose for everyone!

A hundred straight.

A little bit.

A lot.

A stuntman.

About the grandma getting run over by a reindeer?

Actually... Here. Peep the strategy.

All great men have mustaches, Frank.

All I want is to earn your respect, Frank. How can I do that if you won't fight me?

All of it.

All right, boys. Prepare to be dazzled.

All right, Dave. You're up.

All right, everybody, let's clear the pool.

All right, Rico, listen.

All right, swing man. Back in business.

All right, thanks, guys. And don't let your dads eat pie.

All right! That's enough.

All right. What's the initiation?

All the time, with my friends. You probably didn't know that.

All you're good for is goofing around with your friends on your moped.

Allowing the urine to flow in two separate directions.

Also, we're gonna have to organize a lot of shopping carts.

Ancestors, protect me

And a $9 per diem for each crew member.

And a piece of metal flew up and hit me right in the eye.

And a taco.

And after punch dancing out my rage

And by the time I got on my banana board, man, I was...

And donate money.

And every time I do a stunt, I know he's watching.

And everybody else just grew up, and got boring, and sold out.

And everybody here is! We're nervous for you!

And for that reason, I must quit.

And get to know them, you never find those things out.

And his handlebars went straight through his head.

And hold on tight! You'll be fine!

And I am genuinely sorry about the window!

And I can't wait for you to try.

And I didn't have the heart to tell you it wasn't true.

And I got you this rock to represent all my hard work.

And I like to party.

And I see you're still doing your stunts.

And I was all like, well, I'll do it.

And I was just wondering if maybe...

And if he's sick, and you've got the talent to make him better,

And it's over $4,900.

And Kevin is team manager/videographer.

And now a little bit of residue is blocking his urethra,

And people are gonna hear about it at home on the am radio

And said our name and a little something about ourselves.

And suffering an extremely long and very painful fall,

And that brings us to now.

And that is how it's done.

And the front of his face exploded out the back of his skull.

And then I am gonna uncork the ass beating of a lifetime on you!

And then I'm gonna kick your ass.

And then let evel come in and get all the glory.

And then this other stream of urine is going onto that television set.

And then, when I'm done, all their little wizard wives came out

And they wanna sponsor the bus jump,

And to deny that would just be

And wanted me just to have sex with them.

And we'd do stunts and grow mustaches together.

And we'll make it a double date.

And we're gonna go through some trash for cans and newspaper to sleep on.

And we've got to sc**** the joy out of it every chance we get.

And what'd you tell them?

And when you saw that picture

And you drive your bike to the date

And you know my buddy, Derrick? Well, he was like...

And you probably have lots of cool stuff about you that I don't know.

And you will respect me!

And, after a while, the old man said,

Anything to please the rug rats.

Anyways, I'm gonna get going, so,

Anyways.

Are you kidding me? I loved it!

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you serious?

As of this morning, it's been downloaded

As stuntman rod kimble will jump 1 5 buses

As you all know, I recently found out that my stepfather, Frank,

Ascending the multiple ramp levels to the tippy top.

Awesome.

Babe, babe, babe! No, babe!

Babe, I gotta say what up to Sullivan.

Babe, wait! Babe. Babe. Babe.

Babe, wait. Babe, wait.

Babe!

Babe! Babe, wait. Babe, no!

Beating me wouldn't mean anything now. I'm all through.

Because he is more than likely dead.

Because it started to get sent around.

Before you sucked at being a man all your life.

Believe in this.

Big time.

Blood was everywhere.

Bombs away.

Boom! There's the flavor!

But first, here's Duke wentworth with a Jim jam jubilee.

But he's my stepdad. I have to earn it.

But how exactly do you plan on doing that?

But I just wanted you to know that training is going really great.

But I like to imagine that he had sex the night before,

But I still need to kick your ass. How can I do that if you're dead?

But if the boner police are here, I demand a lawyer!

But it's more than that with Cathy. It's emotional.

But it's not gonna happen.

But life is pain

But now I'm not legit.

But people don't listen to am like they used to.

But thanks for letting me off the hook.

But the fact is you can't join until you go through initiation.

But what about the picture?

But you live on through me.

But you stayed exactly the same.

But you're not ready for it yet.

But, no matter what, don't let up.

By my estimations, we'll need to raise around $5,000.

Bye.

Can do, man. Can do.

Come on, old man! Come on!

Come on, Richardson. You're being a tool, man.

Come on, rod!

Come on, rod.

Come on, rod. The doctor said his heart's even stronger than before.

Come on, seriously, guys. It's gonna be pretty amazing.

Come on.

Come sit down, honey.

Cool beans!

Cool beans.

Cool beans.

Cool beans.

Cool beans.

Cool.

Cool.

Cool.

Dad would've been ashamed of me.

Dave, this thing is number one!

Dave, what happened to your eye?

Dave's the mechanic. Rico makes the ramps.

Denise isn't his sister.

Denise tells me you're working on some pretty big time stuff.

Denise, what's up?

Denise?

Denise. Hey.

Denise. This is the crew.

Denise. Would you kindly clear the wheels?

Denise. You came.

Did it look like we were making out?

Do you see what you're doing to him? You're making him upset.

Don't just stare at me! Go! Thank you.

Don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it. I'm gonna get her the message.

Dumb.

Eat some smoke!

Enjoy the show.

Enjoy the show. Hey, how are you?

Evel knievel came to town, and he posed with everyone in the store.

Fifteen buses.

Finally, a fight I might actually...

Fine.

Finish her off.

Finish him! Finish him!

For an uptown...

For he's a jolly good fellow

For serious.

Frank, I'm gonna get you better, you old sack of shit.

Frank, if I do land this jump, will you respect me?

Frank, open your eyes. You are not asleep!

Frank!

Frank?

Frank.

Frank.

Frank.

Funky fresh.

Get him out, get him out, get him out!

Get him up, get him up.

Get out!

Get ready to meet your maker. Oh, God!

God damn. Rod!

God, I go to church every goddamn Sunday!

Gods of war!

Good lord!

Good. Because I have some exciting news.

Goodbye, Rico.

Got it?

Got it.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer?

Great, because I also think it sounds like fun.

Great.

Great. Everything's going super great.

Great. I'm just gonna go wash off this puke from my face.

Grilled cheese. But only in a fair fight.

Guys, come on, come on. That's rented.

Have a nice day, guys.

Have fun being married to Satan!

He choked on some pie.

He died instantly,

He doesn't have much time left.

He just rocked him with a brick!

He looks so nice.

He needs a transplant, and our insurance won't cover it.

He used to work for evel knievel, testing his bikes before big jumps.

He was a cashier in a tire shop.

He was a stuntman?

He who is resistant to change is destined to perish.

He would do the jumps first, to make sure they were safe

He's actually in line to become a junior partner at his law firm.

He's alive.

He's driving the bikey thing with his hands and legs.

He's going in circles!

He's not here.

He's super dead.

He's your real dad so he automatically loves you.

Hello?

Hello.

Hello. I'm Rico, and I like to party.

Here he goes.

Here I am, Frank.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Hey,

Hey, buddy, how's it going?

Hey, dad.

Hey, Dave. Mom wants to know if your friends want some g**** punch.

Hey, everybody. I've got some awesome news.

Hey, Frank.

Hey, guys, can I take your order?

Hey, guys.

Hey, half brother.

Hey, how are you?

Hey, I just did the numbers.

Hey, kev.

Hey, Kevin.

Hey, look at this, huh?

Hey, man, what's going on, man?

Hey, maybe I'll get a box of dong bags

Hey, pop.

Hey, rod!

Hey, rod. Thanks for the ride...

Hey, rod. What's that song called,

Hey, we're here.

Hey, what are you doing? I thought you were at work.

Hey, what happened to the crazy movie!

Hey, y'all.

Hey! What are you guys doing?

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Don't you two go falling in love while I'm gone.

Hi, everyone.

Hi, Kevin.

Hi, may I speak to Denise, please?

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Mr. pasternack, I'd like to introduce you to my brother, rod.

Hi. My name is Dave, and I like to party.

His front tire exploded like a cannonball

His teeth were ground down to a powder

Hold it right there, rod.

Hold on, Frank! Don't die!

Holy shit, is that Sullivan? Sully!

Honey, your phone's ringing.

How about you, precious?

How's it going?

I am asleep, homo.

I am gonna get you better. And then I'm gonna beat you to death!

I can assure you I won't.

I can handle it.

I can't lie. I think it's a great idea.

I can't wait to punch your face in.

I checked. Online.

I dedicate this jump to fathers and father figures everywhere.

I did not like that at all.

I don't even cry, and look at me.

I don't know what to believe anymore.

I don't know, I thought it was kind of cool.

I don't understand, rod.

I dunno, man. It started off super positive, then it just got crazy.

I dunno, Rico. You tell me.

I dunno, the way I look at it, you've still got this other dad at home,

I failed, mom.

I found the key.

I give the old man a week.

I guess if he wasn't a stuntman, then neither am l.

I guess people wanna see what happens.

I haven't been completely honest with you about your father.

I heard about your plan to save Frank. I think that's great.

I hope that in some small way all of their sons manage to jump them.

I hope you all enjoy the show.

I just don't get why you're saying it that way.

I just found a bag of fireworks in the men's restroom.

I just wanna be friends, rod.

I just wanted to let you know, we've already raised over $3,000.

I just, you know, wanted to call, see how you're doing.

I kept my dad's last name to honor his memory.

I know how you like explosions and showmanship and stuff.

I know things are feeling pretty bad for you right now,

I know what you're doing, Frank.

I know you're not feeling so good, but I need you to hold on a little longer.

I know you're sleeping,

I know.

I like those nerds.

I lost all the money and people laughed at my stunts.

I love you, Kevin. I want you to have my watch.

I love you, too, dad.

I mean, every relationship has its ups and downs, but...

I mean, sometimes I think she's really sad.

I needed to think last night, so I galloped into a wooded Glen.

I realized what has to be done.

I said you look shitty. Good night, Denise.

I sure wish you were alive.

I think my crew's got it pretty much covered.

I think you'll be needing this.

I took the liberty of posting some of the stunt footage online.

I try to drink at least two a day.

I used to be number one in this town,

I want us to...

I was going to ask you who you think would win

I was having those dreams again.

I was just in the bathroom,

I was tripping balls pretty hard, man.

I was way out of line, and I'm sorry.

I, for one, hope none of them had a fight with rod this morning,

I'd say definitely, Kevin.

I'll believe it when I see it, muchacho.

I'll drum up small scale stunt work at birthday parties.

I'll see you guys.

I'll start. My name is rod,

I'm afraid cooler heads have prevailed.

I'm freaking pumped! I've been drinking green tea all goddamn day!

I'm gonna assume you're laughing at some funny dream you're having.

I'm gonna be honest with you, rod.

I'm gonna go drop some dumpage.

I'm gonna grab a vitaminwater. Should I make that dos?

I'm gonna knock that ridiculous mustache

I'm guessing that's the drugs, Dave.

I'm jumping 15 buses tomorrow at the fairgrounds. Hope you can make it.

I'm just kidding. I can hear you. It was just really mean.

I'm kind of a Jack of all trades, really. I one time manned a flamethrower.

I'm kind of grumpy today, dude. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.

I'm not a stuntman, Dave. I never was. Just a normal dude.

I'm not gonna lie to you, rod. That move does exist.

I'm not saying that kiss was hot, listeners,

I'm rod kimble, stuntman extraordinaire.

I'm rod. I do awesome stunts.

I'm so nervous for you!

I'm sorry, man. I just realized, I'm late for work at the ice rink.

I'm sorry, okay? This isn't what I wanted.

I'm sure you've heard the plan to get you a new heart is going great.

I'm un legit.

I've already drafted a rough schedule of exercises

I've done this before.

I've got this acid, but I can't do it.

I've gotta tell you, boys, I couldn't be more excited about this jump.

Iet them work it out. Let them work it out.

If I'm gonna jump 15 buses, my body's gonna have to be in top physical form.

If it's prison rules, I'd take the taco.

If there's any problem at all, I will ring this bell.

If you just wanna swing by, man,

Implausible, I know,

In a fight between a grilled cheese sandwich

In a last ditch effort to save his stepfather.

In fact, I was too legit.

In local news, self proclaimed stuntman rod kimble

In other news, riots broke out...

In the kitchen.

Is going to attempt to jump fifteen buses today.

Is on his deathbed.

Is that what he was driving?

Is there a tai chi move

It was just a picture.

It was just like...

It was pretty awesome.

It's 'cause ever since we were kids,

It's a jump for the ages today on kner am.

It's a sham, okay? There's no such thing as a team.

It's actually one more than evel knievel jumped, Rico. I know.

It's basically the perfect plan.

It's crazy.

It's disgusting how people will just, you know, take something good

It's ebenezer scrooge!

It's Frank. He's very sick.

It's great to have you guys back, by the way.

It's like the craziest thing you could even imagine.

It's like, look at Kevin. I mean, he...

It's me, rod.

It's me, rod.

It's of this rebellious young man, and he's urinating on an fm radio.

It's okay.

It's on a little magic carpet there.

It's only embarrassing if you care what people think.

Jesus Christ.

Jonathan, rod's doing the jump.

Jonathan.

Jonathan.

Jumping the pool tomorrow!

Kevin, I just had a great idea.

Kevin, it's not up for discussion.

Kevin, turn it off!

Kevin?

Kimble clearly has a few issues with his stepfather there.

Kimble's preparing for his final approach.

Kner called us.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you rod kimble!

Let them work it out.

Let's celebrate.

Let's face it. You're a kid.

Let's let them talk.

Let's party.

Let's run it.

Let's take a look.

Let's work!

Life is short.

Like that'll happen.

Looks exciting. Is there anything I can do to help?

Looks like you got stood up, huh?

Maggie! Don't even ask. Just bring it. Come on.

Make $50,000, and save Frank's life.

Man, he hit his ass with a parking cone. Nice!

Man, I don't really know about having a girl on the team, man.

Man, rod. I am just green with jealous rage right now.

Man, that shatters my entire universe.

Man, we just ran over a small bus.

Matt. You are cool. Don't be like Frank.

May they protect you

May your hammer be mighty

Maybe I will. Thanks.

Maybe you should call her, rod. Just check in.

Maybe you should sit with him.

Maybe you'd wanna hang out, you know?

Mom likes that stuff, so...

Mom said there wasn't enough g****, so it's mixed with cherry. Is that okay?

Mr. pasternack is the owner of the radio station that's funding the jump.

Must've been what reminded me.

My body's natural instinct is gonna be to resist.

My name is Dave, and I am the stunt man.

My oops, forgot my wallet.

My reflexes are sharp.

My safe word will be whiskey.

Nah, we didn't have time.

Nah. She hates it when I try and keep tabs on her. So...

Nailed it.

Never sneak up on a man who's been in a chemical fire.

Never underestimate your opponent.

Nice work, Rico!

No can do, Dave.

No shit.

No way.

No way.

No way.

No way. Let's do it right now. One more for the road.

No, Frank!

No, I do. I do. I just...

No, I'm good.

No, I'm not!

No, kev. None of us did.

No, Kevin, I know for a fact you don't party, okay? You do not party.

No, no, no. No, no, no, rod.

No, no. But, you know, it's probably just precautionary, you know.

No, she's coming.

No, she's in the can. Can I take a message?

No, we're actually waiting for...

No.

No. No, you don't. Okay, nobody parties but me.

None of them party. Right?

Nope.

Not much.

Not until you beat me in a fight, you pathetic washout.

Not with the trash can, buddy. No, no, come on.

Now we take the ball and we push the ball away.

Now you're talking.

Now, I know she doesn't look like much, but trust me, man.

Now, I've gotta be in top physical form if we're gonna do this jump.

Now, who's with me?

Of course it's cool. It's awesome as shit.

Of course we are, Kevin. We're geniuses!

Oh, Cathy!

Oh, cool, Rico.

Oh, don't l?

Oh, God, he's probably having

Oh, he's like a broken doll.

Oh, hell, yeah, roddy! Kick his ass!

Oh, hey, Mr. pasternack.

Oh, it's so good to see him smiling again.

Oh, man, it's totally serendipitous. Well, I got off work early.

Oh, man.

Oh, my God, who cares?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. Bear. No, there's a bear. Bear!

Oh, my God. Find them, find them!

Oh, my God. I can't wait to tell Sullivan. He'll be so psyched.

Oh, my God. I hate you so much, I just wanna smash your face in.

Oh, my God. Shut up, okay? I'm just gonna do it for you.

Oh, no, it's cool.

Oh, no, we told Kevin. We just didn't think you could handle it.

Oh, pretty good, I guess.

Oh, really? Well, it's been a while.

Oh, right.

Oh, shit.

Oh, speak of diablo.

Oh, sure. 50 grand. You gonna pay for it?

Oh, this does not look good.

Oh, trust me, babe. That raccoon would not have stopped for us.

Oh, wait.

Oh, when you're going on a date

Oh, whoa, wait, what? Why is rod kissing his sister, man?

Oh, wow.

Oh, yeah, look at that.

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I mean, he's really smart.

Oh, yeah. I'm mainly just doing that so I can kick his ass.

Oh, yes. Yes.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Hey, Denise. What's up?

Oh. Rod, what were you gonna ask me?

Okay, boys. Now, this is the first time

Okay, here we go. On three.

Okay, people, training's going great, but Frank's running out of time.

Okay, rod. Okay.

Okay, you guys.

Okay, you guys. Thanks for meeting me.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Old man, young heart!

Once training is complete, we'll turn our attention to funding the jump.

Once we've raised the money, we'll use it to put on the bus jump,

One big jump, gentlemen.

One day, I'll punch you right in the face, and then you'll respect me.

One of the top ten nicest things anybody has ever done for me.

One of you is getting your dick hole smashed!

One,

Operation fiscal jackhammer.

Or are you just waving your arm around in the air?

Or you could cut the kiddie stuff and show me the crap yourself move.

Over 1 00,000 times.

Peace!

People are screaming and jumping up and down.

Physically.

Pink g****fruit.

Play the victim, and you will be the victim.

Please believe I do my laundry with no pants on

Please, God, don't let me embarrass myself in front of Denise.

Pools are perfect for holding water, man.

Possibly take me to the hospital?

Psych! Very cherry.

Raspberry?

Ready.

Real mature, man.

Really insensitive, Bob.

Relax, kev. I'm gonna win this time. I did, like, 40 crunches yesterday.

Rhodesian fighting sticks. Very, very lethal.

Rhodesian. Of course.

Right off your face.

Right.

Right. Kevin. I party.

Right. Totally. You guys should break up.

Rod knows my name!

Rod knows my name. Rod knows my name.

Rod, can you hear me? Can you hear me?

Rod, I'm sorry. I don't know what they're laughing at.

Rod, maybe you shouldn't fight Frank this week.

Rod, outside.

Rod, rod! Over here!

Rod, stay away from the light, man. Don't go towards that light.

Rod, thank goodness you're home.

Rod, thank you so much...

Rod, we're gonna be right there!

Rod, we're really gonna do this jump.

Rod!

Rod!

Rod!

Rod!

Rod!

Rod! Hey, rod!

Rod! Rod! Rod!

Rod! Rod! Rod!

Rod! Rod! Rod!

Rod! Rod.

Rod?

Rod?

Rod?

Rod? Rod?

Rod.

Rod.

Rod.

Rod.

Rod. There you go.

Rod's crew is running to his side.

Run, red man run for your life

Say it again!

See you there.

Seems like it's more about fm and color TV.

Sensei, I have a question.

Seriously, man, this is, like,

Seriously, you're probably hurt pretty bad.

She really gets me.

Shit!

Shut up!

Sick in bed, and you sure do love him, man.

Since 21 years ago.

Sleep tight.

So I want everyone to promise me, no fighting.

So I'm officially kicking off phase two,

So it's not really a big deal to me.

So now I'm gonna go, 'cause there's nothing left for me to learn.

So we can knock boots later, what do you think?

So,

So, anyways, that's the update.

So, before the screening,

So, cool beans?

So, cool beans?

So, Denise, I think I know why you came over here.

So, Denise. Tell me about Jonathan. What's that dude all about?

So, Frank.

So, how did he die?

So, how do you like being in the crew so far?

So, I decided to get on my bench grinder

So, I rigged the whole jump with fireworks.

So, look,

So, one afternoon, he set out to jump ten milk trucks.

So, super Dave.

So, what do you say? You wanna make this thing official?

So, why don't you try to open up that mind of yours? You know?

So, you just decided to keep me and Kevin in the dark?

Some sort of profound, out of body experience.

Something that I should've told you a long time ago.

Soon, am radio will reign king once more!

Soon, I'll jump 15 buses

Sorry about your dad.

Sorry, boy. My time's up.

Sorry, guys. I'm walking out of here.

Sorry, rod. What was that?

Soul of a bottlenose dolphin.

Soul of an eagle.

Souls of the animal kingdom.

Sounds good.

Speed management.

Stop it!

Stop it.

Stop, stop, I give up! I give up!

Sullivan, you chode! I owe you a shot to the nuts!

Sweet. Thanks, buddy.

T ake it easy! Whoa, whoa.

T errific.

Tai chi teaches that if you focus your body and mind,

Take it easy. I'm gonna go see what Frank's doing.

Take out the trash.

Teacher, there are things

Team hats and wrist bands,

Tell you what. Why don't you grab that brainy beau of yours

Thank you, dear.

Thank you, though, for trying. That was very nice of you to try.

Thank you.

Thanks, all of you.

Thanks, Rico. Hey, have you seen Kevin anywhere?

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

That am radio is a viable and modern source for news and entertainment.

That I don't wanna learn

That includes bus rentals, ramp construction,

That really hurt.

That rhymed. Unintentional.

That will help us take things to the next level.

That would make a grown man crap his pants, and not know why?

That's a good one. I like that.

That's nearly as many as evel knievel jumped.

That's number one.

The big jump's tomorrow.

The biggest jump this town's ever seen.

The crowd is cheering kimble back to life.

The devil's lies

The dog walked itself home, ate a pizza, and took a nap.

The fairgrounds are literally shaking!

The message is, Denise, it's rod.

The next day.

The only way to beat them is to punch them as hard as I can in their faces.

The point is, if you don't sit down with someone and really talk

The safety word didn't help.

The taco won.

There he is.

There is no tool in this pool.

There was no time to do anything, except just leave

There's an ancient ltalian maxim that roughly translates to,

There's gonna be a jump.

There's one more thing, rod.

There's something I wanted to ask you.

They heard about the web stuff, and how we're trying to save Frank

They've done it!

They've raised $50,000 for Frank's conveniently priced surgery.

This guy's a moron!

This is Jonathan. He's visiting from the city.

This is my hat, now.

This is the big one, boys. This is the one that brings us back.

This is totally my hat.

This needs to be seen to be believed!

Three, two, one, liftoff!

Time to get up.

To clear the jump, so...

To hell with that. I want the credit I deserve.

Totem spirit, fox.

Truly a momentous day for listening

Very good, Frank.

Very impressive. Ultimate punch!

Wait a minute.

Wait, did you really write it down,

Wait!

Wanted to come by and surprise my little girl.

We could use someone with your college experience.

We did it, Richardson!

We did it!

We don't talk much, do we? Cathy, was it?

We hadn't even started yet!

We have a new crew member today. Denise.

We sold 200 tickets at 5 bucks apiece, which comes to $1,000.

We were worried that the moped might not be fast enough

We would bring you coverage of the jump,

We would've told you sooner, but we knew how much it would upset you.

We're all laughing at rod!

We're gonna have to raise money fast.

We're gonna jump 15 buses.

We're gonna raise the money to save Frank's life.

We're gonna sell tickets

We're talking escape tricks, fire breathing.

Well,

Well, I gotta go. I gotta feed buddy, but very nice to see you, rod.

Well, I'd rather die than live in a world where I can't kick your ass.

Well, if you answered yes to one or both of those questions,

Well, it is.

Well, maybe you should've thought of that

Well, that's pretty special.

Well, then, I guess I'll die still champion.

Well, we've been going out for about a year.

Well, what the hell are we supposed to do, huh? Where's that leave us?

Well...

What did you say?

What do I owe you?

What do you want?

What ever happened to live as a team, die as a team?

What in the hell do you think you're doing?

What is destiny?