Police Academy (1984) Edit

A cadet could get thrown out for hitting another cadet.

A police officer must generate respect and confidence.

A policewoman, Mother.

A riot's broken out downtown.

A whole big bunch of losers.

Absolute silence!

Actually, I was kidding about the front seat. But this is good.

Affirmative, sir.

After those 12 weeks, some of you will be police officers...

All right, let's go, dirtbags! Let's move it!

All right, listen up. Here's the situation.

All right, start.

All right, you scumbags, you have 30 minutes to shower and get to class.

All right, you scumballs, 30 minutes to room inspection. Move it.

All right.

And Carey Mahoney.

And clean the ashtray while you're at it.

And get out of the area!

And get out.

And I am a burglar.

And I was kind of hoping that you two fine young cadets...

And I'm getting tired of saving your butt.

And luxuriant to the touch.

And some of you will not.

And that's just the beginning.

And then, just after he throws up...

And to me, also.

And to protect public property.

And what a lovely sight it was.

And you are the arresting officer.

And you wanna know why?

And you will have many examinations...

And you'd better actually keep your mouths shut.

And you're going to help me talk him out of this terrible mistake.

And, maybe, smoke a cigarette.

Another view of it.

Anybody can get in.

Anybody else?

Anybody want any of this?

Are you all right, sir?

Arrest...

As well as very stimulating.

Ask Mahoney.

Asshole.

Assholes.

At ease, Hightower.

Attaboy, Hightower!

Atten hut!

Attention, applications for motorcycle service...

Attention, everybody!

Attention! This is Cmndt. Eric Lassard of the police academy.

Attention. All cadets report immediately...

Attention. Lights out in 10 minutes.

Back in the old days, there were johnsons as far as the eye could see.

Barbara, just tell me where you are.

Barbara, this is Lt. Harris.

Be back in five minutes!

Be out of here by 3:00.

Because I promised Capt. Reed.

Because we want you.

Because you are the worst people here.

Because you're bad.

Before you do anything else.

Better listen up, you fart blossoms!

Between Fourth and Eighth A venue.

But he's a queer.

But I won't...

But instead I have a presentation to make.

But it's our furniture.

But that doesn't necessarily mean we have to put them on the force.

But they will.

But you can't quit.

But you don't fool me.

Butt breath?

Cadet Kyle Blankes reporting for duty, sir.

Cadet Mahoney.

Cadets, proceed to the supply room and draw your uniforms!

Callahan calling Harris. Come in, please.

Callahan, take over.

Can I ask you something?

Capt. Reed, thank you so much.

Capt. Reed? Yes, sir. How are you, sir?

Come at me with an imaginary knife.

Come on up.

Come on, eyes front. Telephone number.

Come on, Hooks, get over the wall. Move it.

Come on, Hooks, get up.

Come on, Mahoney, move.

Come on, Mahoney. Harris said you had to do 100.

Come on, move it! This is official police business.

Come on, right here!

Come on, you're not gonna shoot us.

Come on!

Come on.

Come with me.

Come with me.

Comfy?

Commandant, do you know Capt. Reed?

Commandant, I'm sorry. Is that your fish?

Copeland and Blankes, in here!

Copeland, get out of that car.

Could I speak to you outside for just a second?

Could we have the lights turned down?

Could we have the lights, please?

D for dirtbags.

Damn it! Look, in here.

Dancing, sir.

Dancing?

Dickhead?

Did Mahoney start it?

Dirtbag?

Dismissed.

Do give serious consideration to not coming back.

Do it as quietly as possible.

Do it now or you're fired. You understand? Fired.

Do it now!

Do it.

Do take note of how nice things are on the outside.

Do you know she is attempting...

Do you know what that means, Hooks?

Do you know what that means, Hooks?

Do you understand?

Does it work?

Does the radio bother you?

Don't do that!

Don't do that!

Don't fool with me now. I'm not in the mood.

Don't move, dirtbag!

Don't move, this is a stickup!

Don't move, you bastard!

Don't try me, punk.

Don't unpack.

Don't worry, I can explain everything.

Drop that stereo before I blow your goddamn nuts off, asshole!

Even if you never graduate, the training will be good for you.

Even you.

Every now and then.

Every now and then...

Every single one of them.

Everybody, there's a riot going on!

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Do you know all those women?

Fackler! How's it going?

Fifteen, sixteen...

Find a spot, dickhead.

Find out where the party is.

First of all, I'd like to say how sorry I am...

First one on the steps, second one off.

First thing we got to do is steal a car. Copeland's should do.

Five, four, three, two, one.

For each squad to have two student squad leaders.

For important guys like you, I'll wait.

For those here...

Four of you have already quit.

Fourteen weeks.

Fourteen weeks.

Free TVs!

Freeze!

From now on, part of your training will be to ride from time to time...

Game over.

Gentlemen, please follow me.

Gentlemen, please step forward.

Get away from me, you asshole.

Get back here.

Get back in line.

Get lost. We're busy.

Get out of here now!

Get out of those doors! Move it!

Get set...

Get the cops!

Get your butt off my desk and get out of here!

Get your stuff.

Girls! It's a rug! It's a...

Git, Mahoney! You get out there and you follow me.

Git!

Give me the thing.

God damn it, stop that!

Good man.

Good. Then we all know what to do.

Got a light?

Got him.

Guys, I don't think I'm supposed to get the photos wet.

Harris said so.

Harris, come in!

Has a great deal to do with that.

Have any of you had any military training?

Have you ever had a woman...

Have you seen these applications?

Have you seen what our new lady mayor has brought us?

He did a very bad thing.

He didn't mean it. He was joking.

He probably meant the other guy.

He told me that I could...

He's in the gym.

Heard him? Dismissed, let's go!

Hello, men. I thought I'd come by for a personal inspection.

Hello.

Help.

Here at the academy...

Here is the house.

Here is the house. Here is the window.

Here is the window.

Here we are. I got to go now. Bye.

Here, I brought you an apple.

Here? Okay, thanks.

Here's a pair of my old sweat socks. I wore them all day.

Here's the pitch.

Here's your chance.

Hey, Barbara, come here.

Hey, mention my name.

Hey, Sarge, it's him again.

Hi, Capt. Reed, can I get out of here?

Hi, fellows.

Hi, honey.

Hi, I'm Douglas Fackler. I always wanted to be a cop.

Hi, Leslie.

Hi.

Hi. Want a ride?

High speed driving...

Hightower, you're first. Let's go.

His Holiness the Pope, the King of Norway...

His or her voice, Hooks...

Hit me!

Hold it right there, guys.

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

Holy shit! Jesus!

Honey, don't worry. I'll be okay. Everything will be okay.

Honey, I'm late.

Honey, please don't go. I love you. I don't want to see you get hurt.

Hooks, get the hell back here! That's an order!

Hooks, get up and stand right over here.

Hooks?

How about you, Hightower?

How about you? You want this? I'm talking to you, twerp!

How come?

How I love a ride in the country.

How I love a ride in the country.

How was that? Was that okay?

How you doing, Ma homo?

How?

How?

How's it going?

Howdy?

Hurry up!

I am coming out of the window...

I am going to make you sorry that you ever came here.

I am until I can get myself thrown out of here. I'll be gone by 10:00.

I believe I'd shoot this one.

I can't even feel my arms anymore.

I can't.

I could point out many features to you.

I could show a movie on your butt, fatso!

I could tell you many, many stories...

I could turn it down.

I didn't think you'd show up!

I don't know anything about a party.

I don't know why you're here.

I don't really belong here. I'm not ready for this place...

I don't smoke.

I don't suppose you'd describe them for me?

I don't think so.

I got a good friend. His father was killed at Pearl Harbor.

I got two little piglet wigglets.

I guess they're hiding.

I have chosen Cadets Blankes and Dopeland. Step out, men.

I hope this was as much fun for you as it was for me.

I just ate.

I just like to do it in strange places, that's all, okay?

I just need to know where it is. Sorry to be asking.

I just use the accent to get the girls.

I know those guys.

I know.

I like to dress like a man.

I mean, if all the cops looked like him there'd be no crime at all.

I mean, police officer. Stop.

I need a volunteer. Barbara, get out here.

I need to talk.

I only do it because of your father.

I promised I'd keep you here the full 24 weeks.

I said two lines, dummy. Now step it up!

I served with the U. S. Army Airborne 209th Special Forces unit.

I taught him everything he knows.

I think it speaks for itself.

I think you'll find the presentation interesting...

I think you'll find there's plenty of room for everybody.

I think you'll find this academy...

I think...

I thought it would be nice...

I thought there were no more spaces. Am I an idiot or what?

I thought you wanted to get thrown out.

I told you not to try me, boy.

I tried.

I wanna be a police officer.

I wanna be a police officer.

I want out of here. Right now.

I want to watch you off these pigs.

I want you to apologize to this man, then park his car.

I want you to give me a fix on the entire situation.

I want you to go to the police academy.

I want you to hit me.

I was a florist.

I wasn't trying to be funny. I'd give anything to see your thighs.

I worry about you. You're so accident prone.

I wouldn't miss it for the world!

I'd like to spend the next month breaking you into little pieces.

I'll be able to meet interesting and unusual people.

I'll be right back.

I'll bet there's a back door to this place.

I'll call Capt. Reed. Sit over there, Mahoney.

I'll let you know why. It's no secret. Everybody knows.

I'll tell you what he's done.

I'm afraid that's quite impossible.

I'm as anxious to get through this as you. I'm not comfortable in these surroundings.

I'm being chased by 30 rioters.

I'm coming out of the window, over the hedge.

I'm Copeland, sir. Chad Copeland.

I'm getting sick of this place.

I'm going home for the weekend to visit my mom and dad.

I'm in love.

I'm joining the police force!

I'm just plain old George Martin.

I'm not joking. Come on.

I'm not really George Martin.

I'm not sure, sir.

I'm passing you now, sir.

I'm so sorry, sir...

I'm sorry, Lou. You just can't get good help these days.

I'm sorry. I really am.

I'm talking right now, Mahoney. Let's go. You throw the first punch.

I'm the burglar. I'm coming out of the house, over the hedge.

I've already told you once.

I've got the stolen stereo in my hand.

If I don't pass this driving course, they're going to kick me out of here.

If these two cadets give you an order...

If we were to close out our first afternoon together...

If you do not disperse immediately, my men and I will have to arrest you.

If you don't stop, you are out of here! I am warning you!

If you don't stop, you are out of here! I am warning you!

If you have to make an arrest...

If you quit, you're back in jail. And that's the deal.

Impossible? What the hell's going on here? Have to see the commandant about this.

In a previous life, I served with Her Majesty's forces in India.

In actual situations.

In actual squad cars with actual police officers...

In case you missed it.

In case you missed it.

In slide two...

Introduce yourself around, man.

Is that true, Blankes?

Is there a party this weekend?

Is this woman bothering you?

It fits! Damn thing fits.

It happened to me last night.

It seems I've got a squad full of scumbuckets.

It sure is quiet around here.

It was an honor and a pleasure, sir.

It's 2:30 in the morning.

It's clear as glass, Chief.

It's Commandant.

It's different. Comfort's important.

It's either that or the lockup.

It's got to be Mahoney.

It's on Howell.

It's time this cop met the public.

Johnsons?

Just calm down.

Just go right in and tell them that Mahoney sent you.

Just hurry up.

Just look at that.

Just one moment.

Just one?

Just throw you down and screw your goddamn brains out?

Keep up the good work.

Ladies and gentlemen, the commandant of the academy, Eric Lassard.

Left, right, left.

Let us look at this slide for a moment without comment.

Let's be pals, George. You're an interesting guy.

Let's go!

Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's go. Move it!

Let's go. On the bus.

Let's have lunch, shall we?

Let's just move the seat back a little.

Listen, I got a problem, Chief.

Listen, you've seen the commercials on TV?

Lockup?

Look at that scum.

Look at that.

Look up there! See!

Look, don't give me that crap.

Looks like cadet revolvers to me.

Lt. Harris, I've changed my mind. I want to be a cop.

Lt. Harris, report immediately to the firing range.

Lt. Harris? Capt. Reed.

Lt. Harris.

Lt. Harris.

Lt. Hoffman, report immediately to the infirmary.

Ma'am.

Madam Mayor, Mr. President...

Mahoney isn't the only one who can play tricks on people.

Mahoney, I'm gonna rub this right in your face.

Mahoney, I've made a decision.

Mahoney, let me ask you a question.

Mahoney, major problem.

Mahoney? What the hell's going on here? Hi, Lou.

Many, many wonderful people have quit many, many...

May I go now?

Maybe your family had something to do with it?

Me, too.

Me? What?

Men, I've got a little problem here.

Might help me to just get rid of a few of them.

Miss Hooks, you're next.

Mom, it's all right. Don't worry. Come here, Princess!

Monsignor Larvell Jones.

Monsignor Larvell Jones. He's my personal physician.

More! I want more!

Mostly dancing.

Move it!

Move it. Move it out of there. Let's go.

Move out, maggots!

My car stereo, it's a Sony.

My livelihood! You ruined me!

My mom gave it to me.

My name is Cmndt. Lassard.

My name is Lt. Harris...

My pleasure, Kyle.

My pleasure.

Never, punk.

Next.

Nice to meet you, sir.

Nine, ten...

No academy cadet has ever received the highest award...

No deal. That's nuts.

No one's allowed in here.

No problem, ma'am.

No, Hightower did. Why don't you go see him? That'd be a matchup.

No, I can't.

No, it belongs to a friend. What do you want?

No, not really. May I go?

No, sir. Not you.

No, thanks.

No, wait!

No? Okay.

No.

No.

No. This is my mother.

Not a soul.

Not bad.

Not that good, sir.

Nothing really comes to mind.

Now this first slide...

Now who's in charge?

Now you get your stuff, and you get out of here right now.

Now you got to remember to drive defensively...

Now, get the furniture back up there...

Now, I want you two squad leaders...

Now, if you don't mind, I do have to study.

Now, it is traditional here at the academy...

Now, wise guy...

Now!

Now!

Obey it.

Of all the things that you could be in this world, why a policeman?

Of training some men who might make pretty good cops.

Officer Hightower.

Officer Mahoney.

Officer, can you get my kitty cat out of the tree?

Officers Moses Hightower...

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! You wouldn't believe it.

Okay, girls, remember, I love yous.

Okay, how about 12:00 midnight? 9:00 on the coast.

Okay, let's go. Move it.

Okay, let's see the thighs.

Okay, Mahoney, get going.

Okay, now there's another car.

Okay, you can go a little faster now.

Okay.

Okay. It's no big secret. It's at the Blue Oyster bar.

On second thought, let's just rip the front seats out and sit in the back.

On the double. Move it.

On your mark...

One down, several to go.

One of the most comprehensive in the country.

Or offensively depending on your needs.

Our job will be merely to divert traffic away from the trouble zone...

Our main building.

Out of all the people I thought would make it, Hightower was the one.

Out of this office?

Park the car, asshole! Shut up!

Park the car, butt breath!

Party?

People who aren't like you and me.

Pick it up, assholes.

Pick it up! Come on!

Pick it up.

Please take your seats.

Plus...

Police procedures, local laws, and many, many other things.

Princess? Looks more like a prince to me.

Princess.

Procedures...

Put it into first. Right. Little more.

Put the gun down.

Quit. You'll never make it.

Rat face?

Ready now, sir.

Real police are handling the problem.

Really?

Really? How was it?

Really? You're kidding.

Report immediately to the commandant's office.

Right down here, I want Fackler and Martin.

Right here, Mahoney and Tackleberry.

Right where I'm standing. Right here. Right now.

Room ready for inspection, sir!

Run, Thompson!

Run!

Run!

Say, Mahoney, why don't you ride with me?

Screws...

Self defense...

Seventeen, eighteen. Let's go!

She ran over my feet!

Shit, this is definitely not Ecuador.

Shit!

Shit.

Shit.

Shoot back! Come on!

Should be turned in at the administration building by Friday.

Should we shoot back?

Shows a very...

Shut up.

Sir, I'm terribly sorry but I seem to have ripped my pants.

Sir, this man is my personal physician. I can't live without him.

Sir, you put your gun down.

Sir!

Sit down, Hooks.

Sit.

Sit. And stay there.

Sixteenth Street? Are you sure, sir?

Skip it. Go around. You won't make it. Why don't you quit?

Sleeping is for fags.

So far, nobody's quit.

So many unusual events have happened to this graduating class...

So tell me, you and the wife do it doggy style or what?

So why don't you take his books and throw them out the window?

So why don't you take his books and throw them out the window?

Some people want to know.

Someone call a veterinarian!

Son, where did you get this gun?

Sorry.

Stand up.

Starting Monday morning.

Stay there!

Stickup?

Studying hard?

Sure are a lot of spades around here.

Sure.

Sure. They're my girlfriends.

Sure. This ain't the army, you know.

Surprise.

Swung on and missed!

Tackleberry, do you understand, numbnuts?

Tackleberry, you try it. Same situation.

Tackleberry, you're next.

Tackleberry.

Take good care of my car! Bye, babies!

Take it easy. These ain't track shoes.

Thank you Cmndt. Lassard, Chief Hurst...

Thank you, Lt. Harris. I'm sure you do.

Thank you, sir, I make everybody sick.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. I also want to thank you for looking out for my boy Mahoney.

Thank you. I've always wanted to live with a nut.

Thanks, Mahoney. You saved my life.

Thanks.

That everybody could not make it today.

That looks like Harris up there.

That nobody...

That should help you to get up.

That was very, very good.

That's beautiful. To me, marriage is a sacred institution.

That's disgusting.

That's good. Why don't you just sit down over there?

That's more like it.

That's not fair. The guy has a bad attitude.

That's right, sir.

That's terrific, Hightower, but...

That's terrific. Really.

That's where the commandant and his wife live.

The academy's taking all kinds these days.

The bitch.

The lot's full, mister!

The main thing is not to panic.

The mayor says we've got to take this flotsam.

The police academy?

The police academy's getting themselves a real fine recruit.

The real customer will be here any second now. Okay?

The right height, the right color, and they all had johnsons, Lassard.

The wine? I know a place where they heat it up before they serve it.

Then he's out of here. Him and his queer dog.

Then why are you asking?

Then, Mahoney, my little pissant...

There is a state of general disorder in the Oakview section of town.

There was a party, wasn't there?

There was gunplay, sir, and he missed it.

There's nobody around.

They can throw you out.

They don't respect respect.

They must be encouraged to quit on their own.

They'll get together for a party. They always do.

This is a hell of a way to spend my evenings.

This is Cadet Leslie Barbara. Help.

This is definitely not for me.

This is fun!

This is it.

This is Lt. Harris from the police academy.

This is not a drill.

This is Sgt. Callahan...

This is the academy. I'd like to speak to a Capt. Reed.

This is the big one.

This is very, very bad!

This police department has to make.

This rude little punk won't park my car.

This weekend is your first leave from the academy.

Throw your gun over the ledge.

Time to get thrown out.

To dismantle one of this country's great institutions of law and order?

To take Mr. Mahoney here and run him until he throws up.

To the dormitory parking lot in full riot gear.

To the supply room, and you get a new pair.

To whom, sir?

To whom?

Today, Hooks.

Today, there are two.

Too bad, so sad, bye bye.

Traffic violations...

Try this one.

Try to answer as many questions as possible.

Up here?

Very good for the academy.

Very good. Your bus is to deploy on 16th Street...

Very interesting thing.

Voice commands.

Wait a minute, Reed.

Wait a minute. Barbara didn't throw the first punch.

Wait a minute. Hold everything. That's a wig, isn't it?

Walk!

We are being sent to a peripheral safe area.

We are now entering the expressway at Belmont.

We are the meanest instructors here.

We don't throw them out.

We have a very, very fine slide presentation for you.

We really need to talk.

We see...

We will learn to use our voices with authority.

We'll get your fat ass thrown out of here. That's a promise.

We'll start washing them out this morning.

We're gonna pick up this telephone and call your buddy Capt. Reed.

We're pulling out.

We've got to find you little babies a place to sleep.

We've got you...

Week before that, destroying private property.

Welcome to the new police force.

Well, I don't know.

Well, I got to go now.

Well, move it!

Well, my goodness.

Well, nothing really happened, sir.

Well, they're tan, very supple, well rounded...

Well...

What about guns? When do we get guns?

What are you doing at the academy?

What are you doing with that? Give me that!

What are you in for?

What do you intend to do about Mahoney?

What do you say to that, Lassard?

What do you say, Hooks?

What do you say?

What do you think I ought to do about this?

What do you think of that?

What do you want?

What is it?

What the hell are you doing here?

What the hell is going on down there?

What the hell is this?

What went on?

What?

What? I can't hear you.

What? No.

What's he done?

What's it gonna be?

What's that?

What's up?

What's up?

What's wrong with you? Last week, disturbing the peace.

What's your name, dirtbag?

What's your telephone number?

When do I get the second half of my money?

When I say, Hey, dirtbags! That means you.

When I went through this academy every cadet was the right weight...

When the job's over with.

When you go wherever it is you filthbags go...

Whenever they get out of line, give me a ring.

Where the hell is Harris?

Where's the party gonna be this weekend?

Which one do we do first?

Which you must pass.

Who knows how these things get started?

Who threw the first punch?

Who'd you rather have out?

Why didn't you call me this weekend?

Why do you want to be a cop?

Why don't you shoot back?

Why the hell didn't you say so?

Why, if it isn't Leslie Barbara, the police officer.

Why? I didn't do anything really major.

Wig!

Will you help me out?

Wimps.

With a nice little stroll around the campus.

With a stolen stereo in my hand.

With me.

Won't we, Hooks?

Would you please just calm down and take it easy?

Would you please just let me yell at him without interrupting.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, of course there is. Do you want to come?

Yeah, that's it.

Yeah, the old one.

Yeah, you're doing beautifully.

Yeah. You kidding? Of course.

Yes, bye.

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, of course, 10 4.

Yes, sir! Thank you, sir!

Yes, sir?

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.