Couples Retreat (2009) Edit

A S S T A S T I C. Okay? Ass tastic.

A bunch of voice mail messages all morning. Where are you?

A healthy combination of couple friendly activities,

A luau fire and drum show is coming up real soon!

A marriage is not a timeless agreement.

A piece of paper with an itinerary.

A thousand little pieces that make one great image.

A very private struggle publicly.

A woman.

About how you rocked in high school?

About the sightseeing and the hiking

Actually, we have found a great group rate.

Again, that's a caution area.

Ah. Mmm hmm.

Ah. You ladies are actually travelling

All 500 thread counts of Egyptian cotton.

All I know is, whatever I do, it's not good enough. Mmm.

All I'm saying is that it was pretty uncomfortable.

All right, bring it in.

All right, panicking's not gonna help, Shane.

All right, well, great. Yeah.

All right, well, I would try to go to Applebee's with you.

All right, y'all, it's almost time for the mele,

All right, y'all, it's time for the Kanikapila luau drum show!

All right?

All right? That's not a relationship.

All right? You put me and my wife in a very extreme situation,

All right. Enjoy your last few days.

All that love is gonna snap that puppy.

Am I interrupting something? No.

Am I straight enough here, do you think? Or am I curving a little?

Am I wrong, gang?

Am I...

Ample down time... That's the one.

An additional six months for attempting procreation...

And all her stuff was gone.

And all this talk about my project

And besides, Jason, it's your fault that it happened.

And bring her deeper and deeper into a stretch, yes?

And checked a lot of people out.

And chill out a little.

And could you change the pictures on your Facebook page?

And did a distance swim that she had no way to train for

And even then, it's cold. It's emotionless.

And find a way to create his home.

And for the first time in a long time,

And get another margarita made up in my face.

And Grandpa Jim Jim let us watch Jaws!

And have a little alone time.

And have an awesome time, okay?

And have broken the rules of this island.

And having me fall asleep on an anthill?

And he's holding her in his arms late Late at night

And his work, and my this and his that,

And I am dealing with the renovations.

And I am not gonna do that ever again.

And I can't believe I let the two of you derail me!

And I can't do anything about the fact that I can't get pregnant!

And I could tell by looking at your gait, your muscles remember.

And I had to go out into the world

And I have never asked you for anything.

And I just really need some time right now.

And I know that Cynthia doesn't want to do that alone.

And I know what they do to it!

And I love you, Ronnie.

And I plan on shutting it down in a big way.

And I told you how important today was for me.

And I would prefer it if you didn't call me that in public.

And I'd love to go to that island, but I can't, either.

And I'll remember it how it actually happened.

And I'm proud to stand here before you

And if a guy doesn't see that, he doesn't deserve you.

And if it doesn't, then don't!

And if it's not meant to be,

And if we don't find her, here's what else.

And if you two refuse to check your scrotums for hardened nodules,

And it was a little confusing at the time, but it's been a blessing.

And it was exhausting.

And it was really scary, I had nightmares. But when...

And it's because it's not there.

And it's forced us to question our entire relationship.

And it's gonna get very dark, very soon. Plus we have to be in bed...

And it's time to shoot some fish!

And Joey, after you've heard that,

And just as a point of interest,

And lead you away from the answers you seek.

And lots of meat. Yes!

And maybe that's what's going on here today.

And mine and his, and mine and... It,s...

And much more interested in your particular stuff.

And my family is awful, and nothing at all is your fault!

And not give them candy every time they ask?

And now you're suffocating me!

And now, jet skis!

And now, you may spend the rest of your trip enjoying the island.

And nurturing neglected partnerships.

And once people knew what we were going through,

And one of the few proud members

And play along with the song here. Am I right?

And point me in the direction that I seek.

And really stir shit up?

And sit Indian style and really explore our feelings.

And so what we need to do is we need to take the next two weeks

And stop eating and drinking, as well.

And tell me what to do!

And tell me what you really think.

And tell you it brings me as much happiness

And that is why we are going to go here.

And that time that you got sick,

And that we didn't respect your program,

And the jet skiing and the snorkeling. It's...

And the luggage is already in there, huh?

And the place has made it like we got a problem.

And then I'm gonna go ahead and stuff my face on the Seafood Tower,

And then maybe hitting the jet skis.

And then there was two.

And then we'll just see where it goes from there, okay?

And then when we come up for air, we'll go somewhere.

And there are quite a few activities you can choose from.

And these slots just opened up.

And they got a hot tub on the deck!

And they're marking me for later. I don't know.

And this one here, in particular, in fact.

And though it may fly from flower to flower,

And to myself. And I meant it.

And today, we open the door to breath

And truthfully, sweetheart, that should be the easiest thing to do

And we can jump right out into this here?

And we find Trudy and we bring her back...

And we had a bet, and I know that you're a man of your word.

And we had... We actually had our daughter... We...

And we have ever since,

And we need to find out whether we're gonna push forward,

And we'll get some big drumsticks

And we're gonna be doing a lot more of that fun stuff, guys,

And what does she want from you?

And what is that?

And what we need to do now is get focused and stop pointing fingers.

And what's your focus over there?

And when I win,

And where have you been?

And whether they act upon it or not is a secondary conversation.

And who wants to go to Applebee's by themselves?

And whose fault is that? It's not my fault!

And why are you even at this place?

And why do you think they were listening, Jason?

And will not be completing the program.

And with everything that's going on with the house and with the kids right now,

And you called the ambulance.

And you definitely don't pull a hypothetical gun on your therapist.

And you managed to turn feeling into a job or an activity,

And you understand the ocean, honey?

And you're suffocating Shane, too!

And you're too busy complaining about your problems

And, finally...

And, honey, I didn't know what I had in you.

And, to clarify, what is an average, great relationship?

And, unfortunately, I don't think you're gonna like the consequences.

And, you know, I'm prepared to face that,

Angry.

Are they going some place else?

Are they gonna make it? What do you say?

Are you asking me to go to Applebee's with you?

Are you at liberty to play for that, Sctanley?

Are you attempting to have a manual stimulation from me, sir?

Are you crazy? I could've blown your head off!

Are you gonna make it to Kevin's birthday on Sunday?

Are you in the mood to accept some smiles?

Are you okay?

Are you out of your mind? How would you feel if your wife cheated?

Are you out of your mind? How would you feel if your wife cheated?

Are you sure?

Are you... Are you coming to the party on Sunday?

As a matter of fact, if you want to do, like,

As an alternative to television,

As it does for the people I provide them to.

As long as we're headed east, that's the direction we're supposed to be going.

As much as I can love tile, I love this tile.

As these new things come at you,

As we were planning to go to the waterfall and have a romantic evening,

As well as not eat or drink anything too late tonight.

As well as some down time.

As well as your inner animal spirit.

As well as your own individual animal spirits,

As you pursue knowledge,

Ass tastic. One word. Ass tastic. Ass tastic. It's...

At a Sandals or a Club Med.

At what they do, all right?

Average. Great, yeah.

Baby, remember when we first met

Baby, they got a hole where you can see the fish!

Baby! You guys go ahead!

Bang, bang.

Be an ass for love.

Be an ass for your marriage. Be an ass for your children.

Be careful, sweetie.

Because Cynthia and I have a PowerPoint presentation

Because I don't want to be put in a position where l,d have to lie.

Because I might try to get a little bit of work done today.

Because I'm straight and I was being very strong,

Because it... It's... Once again, it's my fault.

Because it's difficult to go through

Because of the kids and work...

Because that way, if someone asks me...

Because the simple truth of it, sweetheart, is we're married.

Because the video game ships this month.

Because there is, but it works for us.

Because we cannot miss the sunrise in the morning.

Because you had some over stimulated snorkeling experience.

Because, as you know, we don't do that very often

Bending over backwards to make you happy.

Big finish.

Bingo!

Bolt the door, draw the shades, huh?

Boo Boo, look, they got me doing a lot of activities.

Boom.

Both as couples and as individuals.

Bring your booze.

Buckle down over these next six months

Buddy, I gotta go.

Bummer. Bye.

But a bet is a bet. And I will tell you how to get there.

But Cynthia and I are willing to offer you a life changing opportunity.

But I am asking you for this, Dave.

But it can feel like you're shutting your partner off as well.

But it is a job that I love doing, if you know what I mean.

But it really doesn't matter because I like me.

But it was in the slide show. Uh huh.

But it's the playoffs.

But last night my wife and l,

But lately something's changed That ain't hard to define

But make a decision.

But maybe the thing to do is just really

But not for you. Okay, when's the boat? Not for me.

But so then, what if Dave being Dave is sort of like

But somehow, this crazy, traumatic shark experience

But suffice it to say, it's been more than taxing on both of us,

But the good news is you weren't hurt,

But the most important thing in life is...

But the water is a little chilly.

But then I was hoping that you would come after me.

But we cannot do this to each other anymore. It's over.

But we gotta do it quick and we gotta do it quiet.

But we just want you to be happy.

But we know that's not gonna happen.

But what do you think I should do?

But when the ass is on the move, nothing can stop the ass.

But whoever that person is, you have to listen to their stories, too,

But you guys can just do the fun stuff.

But you know what I'm really interested in

But you know what? I think we don't have a problem.

But you know what? Now I can honestly say, with love in my heart'

But you still live in my house for another few months, okay?

But you're divorced.

But, man, this couldn't come at a worse time.

But, you know, the one thing that we can and should always do

But, you know, you may just be shutting your mind off,

Buy her a Hello Kitty book.

By boat or by taxi boat.

Calm down!

Came here for answers and now I'm not gonna get them!

Can we get back to the place of, you know, being in love?

Can we go boogie boarding now?

Can you give me a minute?

Cause I.. I'm not into that, either.

Cause that's my favorite one.

Cause this spread is phenomenal.

Collecting the sweet, sticky nectar'

Come here. Sit down. No, I'm...

Come on, buddy.

Come on, hon. Let's go.

Come on, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Come on, Sctanley, get him!

Come on! We're waiting on you!

Come on.

Come on. What are you doing? Hey, hey, where you going? That's a jungle!

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

Could you ever love me again?

Could you just come over here? Sit down for a second.

Could you just help me stretch it out a little?

Couple whisperer?

Couples Skill Building at 6:00 a.m.?

Couples whisperer in the entire world.

Couples' massage is part of your program and so important.

Cyn, please, slow down, honey. I think we're almost there.

Cynthia and I can't afford to go to this place by ourselves,

Cynthia and I have been together for eight long years.

Cynthia, hi. Excuse me. Hi.

Cynthia, it's time. We're all set up in the bedroom.

Cynthia, Jason, your spirit is the rabbit.

Cynthia, paddle the boat, please!

Cynthia, we're out of synch again.

Cynthia!

Cynthia! Cynthia!

Cynthia! Cynthia! Hey! Cynthia!

Cynthia?

Cynthia's IM ing me.

Cynthia's your puppy.

Dad, what's going on? Is everything okay?

Dad? I gotta go.

Dad.

Daddy doesn't need loops.

Daddy, this is awesome!

Daddy, wait. I was wrong. I don't want to lose you.

Daddy, what's taking so long?

Daddy!

Daddy! Wake up!

Daddy?

Daddy's got to ice his knee, baby, okay?

Damn!

Damn! Is this whole thing uphill? Where's the downhill part?

Dave bulldozing me?

Dave is dealing with his new launch

Dave, are you still there? Hello, Dave?

Dave, firstly...

Dave, I was in a car accident once, okay?

Dave, I'm hurting. I would love for my wife to come back.

Dave, if you're here to be an olive branch for Jason,

Dave, you gotta do this for me.

Dave, you're white. You can't understand this.

Dave! Dave! Cut his head!

Dave! Where you going?

Dave? Did you hear that?

Dave.

Dave. Come on, okay, you got bit by the shark.

Dave. You're breaking and entering. You're on tilt.

David, how did that make you feel?

Dealer's choice. Whatever releases the most tension.

Delicious.

Designed to challenge you all,

Designed to reignite the dimming flames

Dessert.

Did I tell you? Did I deliver? Oh, my God.

Did you get out of the water abruptly?

Did you guys hear what they have in the spa?

Did you hear what I said?

Did you know that they have a steam, a rain, and a snow room here?

Did you or did you not say, Move on?

Did you put in the wide beauty shots?

Did you say, l know my truth',?

Did you send the tuition check?

Didn't want to go with the pet's name?

Didn't want to wake you up. Sorry, blew that. Back to bed.

Do not move, do not panic.

Do not take this journey lightly.

Do that hurt, Daddy, or do that feel good?

Do they usually leave happier or less happy?

Do you have a cell phone I could use?

Do you know this place is insane?

Do you love it?

Do you mind if I heat up the lotion?

Do you really need that bandage?

Do you think when your marriage is over

Does it?

Doesn't look like it's all that hard.

Don't blame this on Shane. You brought this on yourself.

Don't forget to check it out!

Don't go chasing waterfalls

Don't let him get in your head.

Don't let them see your fear.

Don't play the race card with me, Froot Loop.

Don't say it to me like I can't tell the difference.

Don't worry! Wait!

Don't you think? I mean, I don't know, maybe it's a girl thing.

Down my throat, come out through my mouth.

Down my throat...

Drinking and dancing it out of her system. What's the problem?

Dude, relationships are a two way street,

Eden East, the singles' side.

Eden East. It is an entirely different resort.

Eight for Smith.

Eighteen years. Just try to hold it together for another couple months.

Encouragement my ass, Daddy! You ain't even trying!

Encouragement! Joey!

Encouragement. Yes. Great job.

Enjoy them as they come at you!

Everyone's smiling and laughing. Don't you guys love this?

Everything but a mix tape.

Everything here in Eden is free.

Everything is my fault? Is that what you're saying?

Everything's easy, fun, we're drinking, we're smiling.

Excellent.

Except you get to, you know, go to school and read books.

Except you get to, you know, go to school and read books.

Excited.

Excuse me, I don't mean to disturb you. My name's Dave.

Excuse me, Salvadore? I feel like my sacrum is really tight.

Excuse me?

Excuse me? I know my truth.

Excuse me. Sorry. Is this the shuttle for the Eden resort?

Explore your mate.

Failure to do so will definitely take you off your path

Family histories, you know, stuff like that.

Fantastic.

Fantastic. You guys hear that?

Feel the sound slide down my throat

Finally made it to the waterfall.

Finally, Ronnie and David.

Find out my animal spirit... Yeah.

Fine! I'll do it by myself, okay?

Fine. Just text me the address. Okay?

First Jennifer, and now Trudy.

Follow me. Oh, my God, yeah, I want to go!

For all we know, she could be sitting

For example, he says that Dave is de prioritizing me,

For real?

For real? Yes.

For that, I'm sorry. You see, I sell video games, Sctanley.

For the guests, yeah.

For the last eight years might be over,

For the sake of argument,

For you,

Forget that you saw me and my friends

Freeing inhibitions.

Freeze! Do not move!

From everything and go right now.

From the bucket, feed them!

From what he said, so let's just sit here,

Fruitful. Fertile.

Gert.

Get a little bit of space, you know?

Get away from the door.

Get her an assignment notebook and put rainbow stickers in it.

Get in there. You,re leaving fingerprints!

Girl from the mall?

Give me just one second. Let me just grab this.

Give me one second. Stay with Mom.

Give me the oil.

Give us one second with the kids. We'll be there in a minute.

Go ahead and start. Well, listen,

Go ahead. That's for you.

Go back to bed, honey.

Go grab a smoke.

Go, go, go!

Go, go, go!

God, I like ours.

God, Shane, there you are! I've been looking all over for you.

God, yeah.

God, yeah.

Good evening. I trust you're all settled in.

Good night, sir.

Good night.

Good.

Grab the oar!

Grandpa Jim Jim's at the front door as a firm, tentative yes.

Grandpa, there's no toilet paper.

Grandpa's coming to babysit us.

Great leading, Joey. Me?

Great, thank you.

Great! Awesome!

Great.

Great.

Great. Average. I mean, yeah.

Great. Ladies?

Guess I am on my way.

Guys, guys, I don't think there's any reason to overreact

Guys, we all need to be together first thing in the morning, okay?

Guys, we are happy.

Half Trudy's fault, half your fault.

Hang on, honey, okay?

Have fun, champ. Go get 'em, buddy.

Have you ever been bit by a shark?

He has designed a program specifically for you.

He has studied psychology, yoga, tai chi,

He is so much fun!

He really is a great dad.

He said not to panic! He said not to panic!

He sells Guitar Hero.

He was so in love with Jennifer.

He's got another one of his PowerPoint deals that...

He's the best on the whole island.

He's trying to get me to see another one of his PowerPoint things.

He's... He's, you know... He's overly efficient.

Head down, buttocks up.

Heads down. Okay.

Hell to the no.

Hello, Cynthia.

Hello, Dave. Joey?

Hello, Jason?

Hello? Dave, where the heck have you been?

Hello? Why'd you hang up on me?

Hello? Yeah, everything's fine. I'm sorry.

Hello.

Help me get my shirt off.

Her name is Trudy and she's aspiring to be a manager.

Here at the Eden West, our focus is on renewing bonds

Here it comes. Here it comes.

Here on Eden, there are no guns!

Here we go.

Here's Daddy's coffee. And I need it.

Here's your bowl of fruit, without the loops.

Hey, baby, I'm on the phone,

Hey, buddy. Yep.

Hey, Dad, could you do me a favor

Hey, Dave, it's Jason.

Hey, don't... No, it's me, it's me, it's me! It's me! It's Jason!

Hey, guys, the alarm was just an accident.

Hey, guys, the jet skis are ready!

Hey, how was your day?

Hey, I don't know how to explain it to you. Maybe I have tough skin.

Hey, Joey, I've left you

Hey, my main man!

Hey, now, all you naughty boys and girls, gather 'round, gather 'round.

Hey, want to dance, tough guy?

Hi, hon.

Hi, we are the Smith party. Party of eight.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Hey, what are you doing here?

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Morning.

Hi. Ronnie.

Hi. Welcome.

Hmm.

Hold on one second. Hello?

Holy shit, this looks like a screen saver! Thanks.

Hon? I was thinking that maybe

Honey, are the kids up? What are they doing?

Honey, be careful.

Honey, don't say that. You're just exhausted.

Honey, I don't think it's a good idea

Honey, I think the fear was a lot worse than the actual attack,

Honey, it has been forever since we did something like this.

Honey, our friend is asking for our help.

Honey, the waterfall sounds amazing. A little romance.

Honey, they got fish that you can see here through the floor!

Honey, we have to go by the showroom and pick out the tile.

Honey, we'll go to the waterfall with you.

Honey, you weren't hurt.

Honey, you work from 8:00 to 8:00.

Honey? We have to do this today. Hello?

Honey? Yeah.

How bad can it really be, right?

How did we do? Did we do good?

How do we get the cheese?

How do you mean?

How often do you have sex?

How old is she?

How would you describe your relationship?

How?

How's the cell service here?

I ain't telling him you're not going.

I am going to get just a little bit tipsy.

I am having a real fight with my wife, okay? And it's not a fun feeling.

I am here on a couples retreat with my wife in the other room.

I am Marcel.

I am not gonna talk about it tonight.

I am not letting you go alone!

I am shocked he met someone so quickly.

I am so sorry that it took all of that.

I am. I'm so tired of him trying to steer everything in the direction

I be rolling like this.

I came a long way to find you.

I came up to you, I said, Hey, Dave, I'm attracted to men.

I can tell the difference.

I can't control the ocean and row the boat and stop the waves!

I can't do everything exactly the way you want!

I can't just leave these two.

I can't keep this shit straight.

I can't stand picking out tiles.

I can't tell you how much I need this. It has been a long time.

I cannot confirm or deny that the one that you seek is on the singles' side.

I certainly can't force you, can l?

I coach now, but I used to play.

I come to this island, I come to the program to get some answers,

I could never reveal your true inner animal spirit.

I could not decide with my mind.

I didn't hang up on you. You're on hold.

I didn't order that.

I do apologize.

I do not think this has a high chance...

I do not, however, promise that you and your chosen partner

I do.

I do. Come on, I do, I do. I just want this to be perfect, that's all.

I don't care if I have to go there all night!

I don't eat fish.

I don't give a shit! It's still Mexicans cooking that shit

I don't have an early morning,

I don't have any drawers. No. No. Right here, baby.

I don't have time for this.

I don't know him and there's no way I'm going near him.

I don't know if I'm standing still or I'm swimming.

I don't know that, like, you,re supposed to solve them all,

I don't know what goes on in that dude's head!

I don't know what's going through my mind! I'd love some ice cream.

I don't know what's going through my mind! I'd love some ice cream.

I don't know, sir.

I don't know.

I don't know. We got to figure out a solution.

I don't know. We had a argument at therapy.

I don't make fun of tu la raza, so porfavor,

I don't need some speech about moments, okay?

I don't need to hear it from you, okay?

I don't need you, or anyone else for that matter,

I don't really know that pose.

I don't remember ever seeing 'mandatory,

I don't think so. She looks fine.

I don't think that's a good idea, Jason.

I don't think you're quite understanding me.

I don't want any bikini pictures on the Internet!

I don't want to do any of those things.

I don't want to get into this conversation with you.

I don't want you to worry about it, buddy.

I explained to the guy in the dress

I feel your anger, yes!

I get all that, but have you seen couples that are worse off than us?

I get it, dude, it's advanced snorkeling.

I got married early, so I never got to experience this.

I gotta eat it. If I eat a big meal now,

I gotta get back, gotta find my wife, you know?

I had to open my soul to the animal spirits.

I had to smack this one kid.

I have a feeling you had a chance to experience lots of things.

I have failed here miserably. And that does not bother me.

I have laid out a personalized program

I have thought long and hard about this.

I haven't even heard from her since they split up.

I heard what you think,

I hold a lot of tension in my upper thighs.

I hope so!

I just can't tell you now cause we got Mr. Belvedere clocking us.

I just swam from the other side of the island.

I just want to see my wife. Let's go.

I knew you would love it.

I know a place you will like.

I know exactly what you mean.

I know how to get there.

I know it does.

I know my truth.

I know why you are all here.

I know you guys do. I sure do.

I know,

I know, I know.

I know.

I know. I was hoping they were just taking a break.

I like the silver ones.

I logged off.

I love you, too, Dave.

I love you.

I love your body.

I made a program for you and you decided not to follow it.

I mean, are we gonna make it?

I mean, do you get a good vibe from us or not so good vibe?

I mean, don't you want to go to this island and have fun,

I mean, I can't even imagine...

I mean, if you had been bit,

I mean, it's not my job,

I mean, really. You know, the problem is,

I mean, this... Come on, it would be a blast.

I mean, who jumps out of the canoe?

I miss you so much.

I need you to cosign for my motorcycle.

I peed.

I play at expert level.

I promise, she's gonna come back here first thing in the morning!

I really don't know, sir.

I really don't. You know what?

I really just don't want to answer questions about anything.

I roll like this! Shit, yeah!

I should have broken down the door.

I spent three years of therapy with Jennifer,

I sure miss you guys.

I think it's called the Pelican Package.

I think it's time to show the donkey the snake.

I think my marriage is over.

I think she's 20. He met her at the mall.

I think the one thing that we can agree on, today,

I think there's someone outside.

I think they'll survive.

I think we might have taken a wrong turn.

I think we should be writing this down.

I think you're being a little extreme here, Mr. Belvedere.

I think you're cheating on some level.

I think your wife, she called me for you.

I thought I needed to know what it was like out there, in a real way,

I thought monsieur Marcel felt that technology was a distraction.

I thought there was an emergency, but I was mistaken.

I thought you could do that

I told you to try to work it out.

I totally would have! Well, I would've, too!

I used to work at Red Lobster,

I want a sugar cone.

I want it... Look. Hey, Dave, it's not 'cause I don't want it, okay?

I want to be married

I want you to look at Joey and say hi.

I want you to look back at Lucy and say hello in return.

I want you to see it. We talked about this last week

I was expecting no company.

I was getting centered. I was enjoying the island.

I was here before sunrise, sadly, by myself.

I was kind of counting on that, Sctan. Joey?

I was like, 'How did l get this T shirt on?,'

I was never bit by a shark.

I was never bit by a shark. I'm just saying that I understand. My...

I was pretty lucky to get that job right away.

I was thinking about their bodies and things, but I didn't act on it

I was... I was completely inexperienced,

I will go get my special Salvadore drink, yes?

I will not lose you. All right? I cannot lose you.

I would be remiss if I did not advise you to wait until daylight.

I would have asked you to join me,

I would never rat you out. Of course I wouldn't't rat you out.

I'd be happy to refund your money, and you can go on your way.

I'll bet it could have been avoided.

I'll face it. I don't want to do that alone.

I'll go back to the other side.

I'll holster this.

I'll take him in. You stay with Kevin, okay?

I'll take that as you want your refund

I'm afraid that's not a option for me today, you know, man.

I'm always gonna wear my heart on my sleeve because that's who I am.

I'm crazy and everything is my fault,

I'm done with trying to make you like me.

I'm fine, Jason. I'm watching the show.

I'm fried.

I'm getting called names.

I'm getting island fever now. I'm starting to lose my mind.

I'm glad you like, sir.

I'm going to have to ask you to leave The Ponderosa immediately.

I'm gonna be the biggest ass you've ever seen.

I'm gonna call monsieur Marcel.

I'm gonna check the bedroom. Okay, baby.

I'm gonna go back to the room. You want to come with me?

I'm gonna go get a good spot for the show. Do you guys wanna come?

I'm gonna go. I'm gonna let myself out right here.

I'm gonna hit you after this, buddy. Okay.

I'm gonna make sure she's okay.

I'm gonna stay right here, get my celebration on

I'm gonna wrap this up right now.

I'm here to present you with your itinerary.

I'm just gonna go on record right now, okay?

I'm just having fun.

I'm just not asking anything because

I'm just saying everybody cheats and everybody lies,

I'm just saying I don't want to know.

I'm just saying know your value, okay?

I'm just scared, you know. Just scared.

I'm just trying to put it in perspective for you!

I'm kidding you.

I'm late and they're waiting for me.

I'm looking for the Little Dipper.

I'm Mega Man! May the best team win!

I'm not buying her anything, it's for me!

I'm not going back to the other side with you.

I'm not gonna do things the way you want me to do things.

I'm not here to talk about anything,

I'm not ready to pounce today.

I'm not saying he should tickle your balls.

I'm not saying I wouldn't go to Applebee's with you!

I'm not saying that! I'm crazy? You don't look at me!

I'm not sitting through another slide show about ball cancer.

I'm one twelfth Latina, and even if I wasn't, I'm 100% human,

I'm part of a very elite group.

I'm picking out pulls. Why have you been calling me nonstop?

I'm really exhausted. It's been a long day.

I'm saying, if you're... When you're sleeping with her,

I'm sitting in blood! I'm sitting in blood!

I'm sorry about that.

I'm sorry that we kept you waiting this morning

I'm sorry, but there's just no way we can go on the trip.

I'm sorry, monsieur Marcel.

I'm sorry, Mr. Smith, but you've broken the rules

I'm sorry, sir, but that is not gonna have a happy ending.

I'm sorry?

I'm sorry?

I'm sorry? Please, allow me.

I'm sorry. I just... I wanted five minutes of your time. I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm sure if we play our cards right'

I'm trying to have a party going on. Hi.

I'm trying to save my marriage here. Look what you did to me.

I'm trying, Joey.

I'm...

I've been called a cougar, a black panther, a puma!

I've been cheating on you every chance I got!

I've been cheating on you!

I've been in a car accident, too.

I've been looking all over the place for you.

I've been out of the game for a while.

I've been slumming it with a really hot redhead.

I've been trained to do so.

I've been trying to keep up with her, but I'm a old ass!

I've had one night stands!

I've woken up in beds with men

If a guy talked to me like that, I'd punch him in the face.

If I can get some answers out of her.

If I could find the Little Dipper, I could find the North Star.

If I desired a man.

If I was sleeping with my wife

If I was thinking about a man's body,

If I'm on this side, she's probably gonna be on that side!

If it's Joey, can you ask him if he's coming to the party?

If Jeff Gordon told you that your oil was low,

If there's been some kind of misunderstanding,

If we keep up this pace, we'll be there in 20 minutes!

If you follow diligently my program,

If you just give yourself over to it.

If you just let me recharge my battery,

If you kept a closer eye on Trudy,

If you'd listened to the voice mail,

If you're hitting up some fan favorites,

If, you know... If it's not there anymore, then, you know,

If... If I walk over there, she's gonna walk over here.

In a corner sulking somewhere.

In my marriage that doesn't exist!

In the Couples Skill Building,

Instead of staying in a dry canoe with you.

Is a party for single woman and men, sir.

Is because you did the worst thing

Is Grandpa driving down here now?

Is hearing about how you feel.

Is his junk literally out of his pants?

Is his junk out?

Is it? How often do you do it?

Is just kind of have fun with each other.

Is not a fast food restaurant wherein

Is that installed?

Is that Salvadore?

Is that what it is? It's a relationship? It's been two weeks, okay?

Is that you guys should be doing a lot better than just works.

Is the highlight reel considered cheating?

Is this about ball cancer?

It costs money every time this thing goes off.

It drives me nuts to try to redo the fricking house.

It gives you the chance to bond, relax, reconnect.

It has no choice but to return to the hive.

It is not a problem! It is a circle of life!

It is one day. And each day, it begins anew.

It is so beautiful here. I can't wait to go see that waterfall.

It is tantric energy. Yeah.

It is very important that you are here before sunrise,

It is very important that you strictly follow your programs.

It is yummy.

It just contains pertinent medical data,

It keeps getting better, huh?

It looks like a real toilet to me.

It looks like you sc****d yourself on the ladder,

It pains me to say this, but I gotta let you go.

It really includes everything.

It should be me.

It sounded like you were dying in there.

It was always up to you.

It was an accident.

It was hard to miss.

It wasn't mine, either, and now I'm humiliated.

It will take at least six months

It won't take long and I know youre gonna be really excited.

It would be impossible for us to leave them.

It'd just be nice if you could show me a little bit of trust.

It'd kind of be like we got to take our honeymoon, finally.

It'd kind of be like we got to take our honeymoon, finally.

It'd mean a lot to me if youd just take your pants off, all right, Dave?

It'll be a girls' night!

It'll be over in a few hours and then we have fun the rest of the day.

It'll happen again your freshman year of college, trust me.

It's a fish.

It's a freeing exercise.

It's a new European spa.

It's all gonna happen at once and I really need you to dial in.

It's an island rum, infused with the essence of the coconut fruit.

It's beautiful.

It's been the best thing that ever happened to us.

It's been the best thing that's ever happened to us.

It's called crossing emotional boundaries.

It's different now, 'cause we got the kids, so...

It's fine, honey, it's Jason.

It's fine.

It's funny how time goes so fast.

It's gonna be awesome! It always is.

It's good for sunburn?

It's got Couples Skill Building and snorkeling...

It's got fun, it's got sun. It's Disneyland for adults.

It's great. In a couple more minutes, I'll just roofie myself.

It's half your fault. Half his fault,

It's happening right now, out here, all around us, all right?

It's hard to have my own conversation when you're telling Cynthia

It's hypothetical.

It's just 'cause we love you.

It's just how he communicates.

It's just one little thing we have to do.

It's just really busy right now

It's just the top of my quads.

It's like a little kid who gets a puppy for the first time,

It's like if you go to a tarot card reader for past lives,

It's more like an antibiotic cycle, all right?

It's nice to feel appreciated.

It's nice to take a moment and just relax.

It's not like she's kidnapped or something.

It's not that I don't want to answer questions about the house renovation.

It's okay, it's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay. It's okay. Hair!

It's out of this world. They catch it right here.

It's over.

It's over.

It's puppy cradle death syndrome.

It's the flame lighting thing that does not have us inspired.

It's the playoffs.

It's the program.

It's too deep!

It's... I don't know.

Jas, you're showing up to my house in the middle of the night.

Jason and I are seriously considering getting a divorce.

Jason Smith?

Jason was IM ing me all night.

Jason, I got a job,

Jason, I'm not going anywhere.

Jason, this is dreamy.

Jason, you don't understand. My son is literally peeing

Jason!

Jason! Cynthia!

Jason! Encouragement!

Jason. I can really appreciate what you're going through,

Jennifer, what are you doing here?

Jennifer, you left me, remember?

Jennifer?

Jessie's got himself a girl And I want to make her mine

Joey, he was scared.

Joey, we are not gonna be able to finish the program if we get caught!

Joey.

Judged.

Just because I'm the way I am.

Just drink your drinks and smile.

Just hugs it so much, snaps its neck.

Just listen to my voice.

Just move him into his room when he falls asleep.

Just shut the whole world out

Just tell her how you feel.

Just, could you please put the ball cancer video on?

Keep the eyes on the... On the screen.

Kevin! Kevin, that's not a real toilet!

Kevin! That is not a real toilet.

Know your limits, yes?

L, if everything goes well, will be in my room,

L... Yes, thank you.

Lacey, I'm saying you're beautiful.

Let alone looking at diagrams.

Let her spend the night on Hump Island!

Let it all hang out.

Let me help you out on the whole animal spirit thing.

Let me see.

Let me show you.

Let's clear the karma. Okay?

Let's do it. Shall we?

Let's drop it.

Let's get out of here now. Reconvene later at the beach, at 1900 hours.

Let's go get a drink.

Let's go. Jason, there's a ton of people here.

Let's go. Let's move it. I got bikes to move.

Let's have a big morning!

Let's optimistically assume it takes six months to find compatible mates.

Let's start brainstorming. Were both in a maze together, okay?

Let's start off with a little breakfast, get our Froot Loops.

Like an oil derrick.

Like how the light reflects off of his sweaty back...

Like people who have been struck by lightning.

Like there's not domestic violence in the... The... Yeah.

Like, a shopkeeper or an asshole.

Listen to me.

Listen, Dave, time is of the essence, okay,

Listen, I can really appreciate the situation that you guys are in.

Listen, I can't make it.

Listen, I want you to come back with me.

Listen, I'd love to put something on the books with you and Ronnie.

Listen, I'm telling you, you getting on my last nerve!

Listen, Shane. You are not buying

Listen. I'm not saying that there's not

Living in your dad's basement any longer? No.

Look at all these people. They're running around, they're...

Look in the mirror.

Look it. I'm talking in circles. I'm on an island.

Look up and locate the belt of Orion the Hunter.

Look, Cynthia and I need this trip, okay?

Look, I heard at the salon that you were coming to this crazy singles' island,

Look, I think there's been a misunderstanding here.

Look, Joey, we were single. We had our fun.

Look, we'll never be able to find her.

Look, yoga's not my strong suit.

Look, you said we was gonna have fun, so let's get up, let's dance,

Look. Hi, hello.

Looks like all you gotta do is push these big buttons

Love me less.

Love you, too. Here's Grandpa Jim Jim.

Lucy, I don't know what to tell you, okay?

Lucy, it was really inappropriate.

Lucy?

Man, totally. Me, too. I don't even know what I'm doing.

Marcel, I need you to take the French out of your mouth

Marcel, I've got to be honest with you.

Marcel, we have a real problem here!

Marcel!

Maybe he needs the money. Maybe he's got a gambling problem!

Maybe he's not creating them, maybe he's just noticing them.

Maybe just a couple times, Sctanley.

Maybe just this.

Maybe they're pack animals

Maybe we ought to wait by the exit,

Maybe, on the way out.

Me, glass house?

Me? Yeah, with the whole canoe scheme?

Might I recommend a stroll to the hidden waterfall?

Mighty glad you stayed!

Mine's just a little more aggressive than yours.

Mine's just a little more aggressive than yours.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm. Yes.

Mom, Dad's home.

Monsieur Marcel believes that technology is a distraction.

Monsieur Marcel is the single most recognized

Monsieur Marcel, I'm sorry to have woken you.

Monsieur Marcel's Pelican Package

Much the same as a great mosaic.

Must to stay here with your wife.

My friends and my wife left me to die.

My husband Scott is just like a cat.

My husband.

My mind is a compass. I can handle these situations.

My name is Sctanley. Spelled with a C.

My name's Jason. Jason.

My therapist is kind of pushy.

Next week?

No matter what obstacles are put in front of him,

No more boats for me and my friends. I go by foot.

No more sodas before bed!

No one's called 911 in the middle of the night.

No, and you don't want to be with those guys, honey.

No, and you don't want to be with those guys, honey.

No, hang on one second. Where would you put us?

No, hey, we'll make a new path.

No, I aroused you.

No, I don't! Yes, you do.

No, I... I'm just trying to say

No, I'm good here. Thank you.

No, I'm not gonna pick whichever knob I like

No, I'm not so high and mighty. Joey, I'm not judging you,

No, it's bullshit. It is my fault. I should have worked harder.

No, it's just... Guys, this is too much.

No, it's me.

No, it's not made out of whale tusks.

No, it's not possible for you.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Please regard me.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Sctanley,

No, no, no, no. Just... Don't explain intellectually how you feel.

No, no, no. Don't be sorry. You shouldn't be sorry.

No, no, we're good here.

No, no! But I would have!

No, no. Before snorkeling and after jet skiing,

No, no. I'm saying you own a Jack Russell, I own a Bull Terrier.

No, now... Now, Joey, you know, just...

No, say the last part.

No, she'll know.

No, that's the... Actually, the one thing that we haven't done.

No, you cannot. You can take the boat if you want,

No, you silence! Please, just...

No!

No! Then I passed out!

No.

No.

No.

No. Heat that lotion up.

No. I did.

No. Then you... You,d be doing what I did.

No. This is like a book.

Nonsense. You know, there is such thing called the muscle memory?

Nope, just the tile.

Not 'cause I got to make videos like Rich, but I got other obligations.

Not a highway and a bike path.

Not like I read it in Cosmo. So I went out there and I lived it.

Not on my knees, man, that hurts.

Not with two dudes! You know what I'm talking about!

Now can you feel it? Come on!

Now come here and give me a kiss.

Now don't stop dancing, y'all!

Now everybody take it real casual.

Now follow me and I'm gonna get you there,

Now is when we transfer the energy, you see?

Now it's a party.

Now she's dead? She's dead, now? She's not dead.

Now she's gone!

Now that I have you, I just want you to dial in

Now use your head.

Now we're on Han's Island about to do the thing with Bruce Lee.

Now you and I will try this.

Now you're getting closer.

Now, Cynthia and I are in a terrible spot.

Now, if you're not at Couples Skill Building by 6:00 a.m.,

Now, if you're not wearing any drawers,

Now, if you've chosen to stay, you've chosen to participate.

Now, it's... I don,t know.

Now, Marcel said if we miss that sunrise,

Now, this is not a decision that we're taking lightly.

Now, who is ready for their yoga?

Obviously, Jason and I want to partake

Obviously, the meal is included,

Of course, baby. You know how we do it.

Of course! So powerful, so strong.

Of even the most mismanaged relationships.

Of his video game, Guitar Hero.

Of the animal kingdom that mates for life.

Oh, boy.

Oh, God, don't even start.

Oh, gosh, I don't know, you guys.

Oh, I love pleasuring people.

Oh, I'm sorry, boo. I didn't mean no disrespect.

Oh, I'm taking notes.

Oh, it is so nice to be out with lots of people!

Oh, look at this one. This little one is flexible.

Oh, my God. Look at this.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Yo, I gotta take a picture of this.

Oh, she's watching the magician.

Oh, that feels so good.

Oh, there's the fine print.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's the shuttle.

Oh, you got great hands.

Oh.

Oh. All right.

Oh. That's it. Great. Great job, everybody. Thank you.

Okay, Fabio, that's enough of the pulsating. Please.

Okay, guys, let's keep it down.

Okay, guys. It's fine. Let me take you back to bed.

Okay, honey. We've got to hurry up,

Okay, I move now. No. That was. . That was...

Okay, I think we just hold tight, we play it cool,

Okay, I'll check it out.

Okay, it's all happening, Marcel!

Okay, Jason, let me ask you a question here.

Okay, Joey, what I want you to do for me is just close your eyes.

Okay, let's button those up. You want me to get those for you?

Okay, let's start here. Lucy, you go first.

Okay, love you. Bye.

Okay, now I want all my girls in a downward dog position.

Okay, now we go into the happy baby pose.

Okay, okay, hold on one second. It's ringing.

Okay, see, these relationships are not mismanaged.

Okay, so how do I...

Okay, so I don't see anything.

Okay, thanks so much. When you.. When you look at the coating,

Okay, then I'll go change.

Okay, then I'll go change.

Okay, then.

Okay, we are going to do the children's position.

Okay, would you prefer male or female therapists?

Okay, you know what? Don't start with me.

Okay? It's six nights, seven days and it's all inclusive.

Okay? So, it's no secret

Okay? We can't leave till sundown.

Okay? You keep your body a secret.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. All right, go ahead.

Okay. Nice job today, guys.

Okay. Now this is getting uncomfortable.

Okay. Yes.

Okay. You're fine? Okay.

Okay...

On prom night, we conceived Lacey

On spontaneity and fun and figure that one out?

On this shuttle, to Eden East.

Once they're in and then it'll be too late.

One being worst, 10 being best?

One life is not more important than another.

One second.

Ooh, fantastic.

Or Let Me Translate Your Tribal Tattoo, knock yourself out.

Or the house or the job or any of it,

Or they're not gonna go to Applebee's with you.

Or whether we're gonna fold up shop.

Or would you prefer to play for smiles?

Otherwise, I'll get starved and raid the refrigerator.

Otherwise, we are gonna capsize again. You get that, right?

Otherwise, we won't all be there.

Our bed? Uh huh.

Our instructor, Salvadore, is running late.

Out here?

Pack lots of shorts. It's really hot there.

Party ain't over! It's far from over!

Peacock!

Perfect.

Perhaps this troupe might be more comfortable

Pick out a helmet, baby!

Plain and simple, I ain't having it.

Please continue to look at the fish!

Please feel free to make Eden into your own, personal Sandals.

Please stop following me, 'cause I need to be away from you.

Please tell me he's not peeing in the store.

Please, allow me to put on something more proper before we can begin.

Please, don't make fun of mi la raza

Please, I don't want to hurt you.

Please, line up on the beach.

Please, make a palace of solitude between you and your partner.

Please, step aboard our shuttle.

Please, tell him that you love his body.

Please. Don't start this again.

Please. I don't want to watch that ball cancer video.

Please. Thank you.

Pleasure, hi. Nice.

Powerful frame with layer upon layer of dormant, relaxed muscle,

Pretty sure that's why you're here.

Private staff quarters are strictly off limits to hotel guests!

Put it in my mouth!

Put tension on the relationship.

Put these on. Cynthia? Jason, I have had it!

Quiet that mind, okay?

Quiet, please.

Quite the contrary.

Rapists don't gently toss pebbles at the window, Dave.

Raq, she's still a little buzzed from the flight.

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really? Mmm hmm.

Really? Yeah.

Really? Yeah.

Relieved.

Remember me? Where have you been?

Returning some of the stuff that you had on that house list.

Right in the middle of the store. I gotta go. Go, go, go.

Right off the bat, okay?

Right where you are, sir.

Right, right. But this way, I don't have to

Right, well, we need to know by midnight.

Right? Am I right? Baby' I need you to paddle.

Right? Boom!

Right. I don't have any drawers, though.

Ronnie, I'm Cynthia. I'm always careful!

Ronnie, nice to meet you. Well said.

Ronnie, when you say you 'make it through things together,

Ronnie, when you spoke earlier of...

Ronnie. That's a great name.

San Diego!

Sandals rocks.

Save yourselves! Go to shore! It's too late!

Say it again. I was in a car accident.

School. High school. High school. Yeah.

Scott?

Screw him! Where does he get the ass to run down Sandals?

Sctanley, no!

See and take in with your eyes

See as I gently pulsate.

See what? There's nothing to see.

See you. Bye.

See, that's gonna be a problem.

See, we signed up for the fun stuff,

See, you know, I work 10 hours a day,

Seems like he might be kind of the guy. Come on, gang.

Seems like we just had so much going on

Sex, mostly.

Shane, help me find the Little Dipper.

Shane, honey, it's not your fault.

Shane, honey, wait.

Shane, you have no money.

Shane?

Shark! Jason!

Shark! What?

She ain't never seen nothing like this.

She should be doing everything that she can,

She should be very happy that she's even here.

She shouldn't be running off.

She wants me to be tougher, screw harder.

She was a cheerleader I was on the football team. Fullback.

She was working at Foot Locker.

She wouldn't have strayed so far from the pack, all right?

She's 20 years old, Dave.

She's 20 years old, for God's sake.

She's a good mom.

She's a young girl. She wants to party. She wants to get wild.

She's dead on Hump Island!

She's good. She's really good.

She's not gone. I know where she is.

She's probably with a bunch of dudes, like, sweating,

Shorts. Shorts?

Silence, please! Silence!

Sir, I'm so sorry.

Sit down here. But I like soda.

Sit down.

Slow down there, killer.

Slowly, baby! Stop!

Slowly. Slowly. Yes, yes.

Snorkeling?

Snow and steam, huh? Is this place outstanding?

So by the time I come home, I'm exhausted.

So get ready, okay? I'm gonna take you

So he can get up and do his thing and... And make videos.

So how was your night?

So I don't appreciate comments like that.

So I just felt a strong sense of urgency

So I know what they do with them fish in the kitchen.

So I will touch on tomorrow.

So let's go, glass house.

So let's just get her ass and let's get back home.

So let's try. I want to try! Well, let's try!

So now it's my fault that you don't feel satisfied!

So we give up a little bit of our day to talk about feelings.

So we want to make the most of our time here on the island,

So what are we asking?

So what goes on over there? I hear there's music.

So what we did was we put together a little informational packet

So when people come out, you know...

So you do like the lizard.

So you're saying that you can't tell

So, honey, this is the tile.

So, Joey, do you have any problem areas?

So, what are we gonna do about Trudy?

So, what do you make it through together, specifically?

So, what we need to find out is can we get back to the place

So, with all due respect, sir,

So?

Some 20 year old broad a motorcycle.

Some of the best drummers in the whole world.

Some of us don't necessarily want to be here.

Some really stressful times sometimes,

Son of a...

Sorry, I'm sorry. Careful.

Sorry?

Sorry.

Sounds like you guys are really working from the heart on this one.

Stand with pride. Look closer. Own your bodies.

Star power! Star power! Yes!

Stick me in the ocean I'm gonna make it look real good

Stubborn and immovable.

Sure.

Sure. Let's ride this energy out!

Sweetheart, he is right.

Sweetheart, he's pissing in the middle of the whole thing!

Sweetheart, I'll help you.

Sweetheart, I'm a shark attack survivor.

Swim now! Stop!

Swim slowly.

Swim, swim, swim.

Tack on another 12 months for courtship,

Take it to where it forks. Jog to the right. Do not go to the left.

Take me to the waterfall. But, no, you can't take her

Take your places.

Talk about all the people that we slept with before we were married

Talk to me about relationships.

Technically, I was bit by a shark.

Tell him I'm not going.

Tell you what+ If I get kicked off this island, I'm gonna blame all of you.

Thank God.

Thank God. Thank God that is over!

Thank God. That,s a first.

Thank you, buddy. That's great.

Thank you, Marcel.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Okay.

Thank you. That's a big ass bee.

Thank you. Yeah.

Thank you. Yes.

Thanks a lot for bringing me to Problem Island.

Thanks. And the journey begins.

That Cynthia and I have had our problems

That doesn't seem that long ago.

That doesn't sound very fun.

That everyone separates right now.

That feels pretty good, hon?

That he doesn't pay attention to what I actually want.

That he thinks is right all the time.

That I didn't have any drawers on.

That is not part of your immediate program here at Eden West.

That is why I am giving you this.

That means we are all perfect.

That provide those activities.

That she looks like the earth.

That shouldn't stop you.

That sounds like a plan.

That sounds like therapy to me.

That stuff creeps me out.

That was adult time.

That was amazing.

That way, we find her twice as fast. Shane, with me.

That would be more appropriate at the Eden East.

That would just play gangbusters in the conference room.

That you and l needed to talk before it was too late.

That you are my man.

That you get turned on by the same woman?

That you're gonna find somebody

That you're not gonna have to work at it?

That, you know, our relationship has become more like a job.

That'd be great.

That's a big screen.

That's a great idea. We split up.

That's a lot.

That's a whole other conversation.

That's all for today? Great job. That's all for today.

That's disgusting.

That's exactly what I need!

That's gonna be, like, psyched to go to Applebee's with you every Friday night

That's interesting.

That's interesting.

That's like asking Richard Simmons,

That's more suited for this particular couple here.

That's my girlfriend.

That's my wife.

That's no reason to get a divorce.

That's not feeling, it's just more talking in short half sentences,

That's right, it's... Okay. Yeah. No, thank you. We're fine.

That's right, it's... Okay. Yeah. No, thank you. We're fine.

That's right.

That's the great thing about the Pelican Package, you guys.

That's the last time he'll walk up to a woman talking about cougar!

That's yummy.

That's... That's a Maxi Pad.

The 101. Wow.

The answer to this question will be revealed to you,

The Art of War, and combined them to form this place, Eden.

The ass.

The beach is blocked by rocks. It's completely impassable.

The bottom line is that none of them

The circle of life is circling our lives right now!

The dawning of a new day.

The difference between the highlight reel...

The embarrassing fact is that, you know,

The full 80 minutes on the thighs, I'm good.

The hell's she doing here?

The highlight reel? No.

The honeybee is committed.

The hotter the better.

The Kanikapila luau drum show!

The last thing I want to do is talk.

The Mecca for couples. Mmm.

The mighty ass tirelessly bears the heavy burden of others.

The noble honeybee.

The only reason I got bit in the first place

The password is ass tastic. That's right.

The place did look beautiful. You know what it made me think?

The place did look beautiful. You know what it made me think?

The rabbit will sc**** and burrow

The rain room has fire. I did not see that coming.

The San Diego Dance Academy.

The singles' resort.

The special blend.

The stars shall be your guide.

The therapist is trying to create a problem

The weather is perfect, we got huts on the water, and now I am eating art.

The west coast to Eden Resort so that's why you must keep here.

The wolf.

The yoga teacher's punctuality is not your concern.

Then do it!

Then do it! Yes! Encouragement, my friend.

Then they're somehow in the same family.

Then why are you here?

Then you don't have to do it.

Then, hey, that was meant to be.

There is an old game path through the forest,

There is everything. Everything?

There is no giving up in yoga, you know? Encouragement, yes!

There it is+ You said, We make it through things well together.

There was just you.

There we go. Much better.

There were sharks in there, David. What was I supposed to do?

There, you need to find your mental equilibrity.

There's been a big misunderstanding.

There's just no way that we can pull away

There's no sharks around you, honey. You're safe now, baby.

There's no TV in the room? No, not possible.

There's no us. There's no we.

There's nothing to move. I... I was... I had a sunburn.

Therefore, I chose not to wait.

These are not the best laid plans, okay?

These are only lemon sharks!

They are so lucky.

They got the ocean and they got the hot tub!

They will not attack unless they feel attacked!

They're sexting, they're krumping, they're twatting each other

They're slow playing me! Shoot them!

They're torturing me! They're playing with me!

They've got me! It's only a matter of time!

They've got your canoeing,

They've got your jet skiing. Wow.

They've got your kayaking, they've got your windsurfing,

This hasn't happened to me in a long time.

This here is monsieur Marcel's Eden.

This I promise.

This is a hard copy thing, too.

This is a Shane thing. I've been dealing with this all my life.

This is an early sign of things to come.

This is crazy.

This is insane!

This is just... Because I got a sunburn,

This is not a video and it is not about ball cancer.

This is not like... This isn't like

This is not my wife. This is Trudy. I met her a couple weeks ago.

This is not what we signed up for!

This is not what we signed up for.

This is nuts.

This is so boring.

This is something different.

This is starting to get a little creepy now.

This is why I brought you here. Vitality!

This just gets better and better.

This might be what the therapist is referring to.

This next jam goes out to all you party people in the house!

This place is amazing! I can't believe they kept this from us!

This place is beautiful.

This place is out of control.

This place rocks.

This way, we canoe out nice and easy,

This way. Men on one line, facing the ocean.

This... The whole fertility doctor thing is just an absolute disaster.

Through your chest. Your peacock chest. Yes.

Tipping is not permitted, nor is money of any kind.

To a bunch of black and white suburban trash

To bring you up to speed on our relationship.

To check your temperature on schedule.

To do what? Regard me.

To find Trudy. We're gonna go find Trudy for him!

To go through the five stages of grief.

To the most commonly asked question by all,

To the school parking lot, we'll do some donuts.

To, you know, say anything, really.

Together, as a couple?

Too late to leave the island. Where is she?

Trudy?

Trudy.

Trust me, I'm counting the days.

Trust me, Salvadore is the least of our problems.

Trust me. I was an Eagle Scout.

Trying to be something that you're not.

Trying to conceive over the last 12 months.

Trying to go deeper and deeper,

Trying to hold onto our marriage.

Turn it off!

Twenty, 30, 40, 50...

Twice a week, tops.

Uh...

Unbelievable.

Undress!

Until somebody gets something going on!

Usual. Yours?

Very good.

Wait, can you let me figure it out, please? There's too much going on.

Was enough to make him neglect his wife.

Watch this, guys. Watch. This is a really spooky ball.

We are all made in God's image.

We are here for the course, all right? Yes.

We brought our own screen.

We can't even go to that side, all right?

We derailed you? That's correct.

We did the right thing.

We do have to get back before sunrise, though. Let's get a move on.

We do, however, accept smiles.

We don't believe in therapy. No.

We don't communicate anymore. We're fighting all the time.

We don't make a move.

We don't want you guys to get a divorce.

We find a dance floor, we find some cocktails.

We find ourselves a nice, quiet beach.

We get to eat all the candy we want!

We go off the path, we get lost+ Come on.

We gonna get our groove on tonight. Right, Daddy?

We got a million problems.

We gotta find Trudy. I don't want to get into this.

We gotta go get her.

We gotta go to shore!

We have a very long waiting list.

We have to be to bed at a very reasonable hour tonight

We heard you talking at the party

We just don't want to waste any more of each other's time.

We know. Of course not.

We made a commitment to each other and to our families.

We meet back at the exit in, like, an hour, okay? Come on.

We might go back to the room, huh?

We only get one shot at it.

We prefer to bond on our own.

We pull up. We find the singles' side,

We shouldn't split up, we should stay together.

We spent some real time together,

We still gotta get Trudy to do all the Marcel stuff, anyway, all right?

We sure will.

We used to be very, very spontaneous at that.

We walk to the other side, we get caught.

We want you to go on your trip.

We want you to go, so we called Grandpa to come take care of us.

We will not be completing our course.

We will, however, not be able to refund your airfare.

We woke up actually very, very happy.

We... The only time we have sex is,

We'd need to leave next week.

We'll be having plenty of sex here on our side.

We'll get to your upper thighs.

We'll grab our drinks and go.

We'll meet you guys there!

We'll order some shots.

We'll weigh the pros and cons from a calm place, we'll make a decision.

We're asking for you guys to fly to paradise

We're awesome at feelings!

We're gonna find her, okay? I got a plan.

We're here all the time, so let's take that opportunity to go to bed.

We're in the middle of my son's birthday party.

We're just not so sure about that anymore.

We're not going to sleep.

We're not in a good place.

We're not looking for an end result here. It's not a competition.

We're not missing out on anything.

We're not?

We're taking the wine.

We're very close.

We're very happy, honey.

We're... Are you gonna put a... Like a numerical value on it?

We've barely even touched each other.

We've been on the wait list forever

Welcome to Eden.

Welcome to Eden. Okay? The ultimate playground for couples.

Welcome to your villa.

Well, because, before you passed out,

Well, could be a full week of those.

Well, great. Pick out whichever knob that you like, then.

Well, hello.

Well, hello. I am so sorry I'm late.

Well, how about tipping, would that be a distraction?

Well, I cheated on you with more than one guy!

Well, I didn't know that you were so concerned about how Joey felt.

Well, I don't like hearing about ball cancer,

Well, I guess we just go around, huh?

Well, I just mean that, you know, you look bountiful. Okay?

Well, I know you ain't come to get a drink.

Well, I think if you looked at everything that...

Well, I would try to go to Applebee's with you!

Well, I'm afraid that isn't going to be possible.

Well, I'm just so tight in my shoulders. Do you have any...

Well, I'm not saying I wouldn't go to Applebee's with you!

Well, I'm sorry.

Well, Jason, I can't see which side you're paddling on!

Well, let's start with something easy, then.

Well, my instinct is to stay married to her,

Well, my son falls asleep in the bed with us.

Well, right now, specifically,

Well, Sctanley said he had this conversation with you last night.

Well, thank you, Dave. Yes.

Well, thank you.

Well, that wasn't my intention, sir.

Well, that's a shame, because the place is so inviting.

Well, that's what you're saying!

Well, there it is. Okay.

Well, turn around and take a look every once in a while.

Well, we haven't even set a time yet, you know.

Well, we... We make it through things pretty good together.

Well, we're lost, Dave,

Well, what do you want from me?

Well, what is it made out of? Whale tusks?

Well, when I don't think, this is what happens.

Well, you know how my credit's all screwed up because of my wife?

Well, you know, it's just our first session, you know.

Well, you know, the usual stuff. Work, kids.

Well, you're my wife.

Were you bit or were you nipped?

Were you guys listening to Uncle Jason's slide show?

What a beautiful name.

What a shocker that this went bad. Thank you.

What about this room, in particular?

What am I doing? I'm trying to have a good time.

What am I saying?

What are we gonna do about Cynthia,

What are we gonna do for an encore?

What are you doing here, dude?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing? Your last course.

What are you talking about, honey? We're not getting a divorce.

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? I'm trying to find Trudy!

What are... What are you wearing?

What bothers me is that I have failed you

What could she be possibly getting into over here, man?

What difference does it make to you two, anyway,

What do I do?

What do I look like, Harriet Tubman?

What do we got here? Two cheetahs?

What do you expect from me?

What do you got? You see her?

What do you mean?

What do you think I'm doing here?

What do you think? Nickel, brushed nickel, chrome or brushed chrome?

What do you want me to do, sir?

What does that say about you, huh?

What happened to spontaneity? What happened to fun?

What if Joey had seen?

What if someone put a gun to your head right now and said,

What if there's people in there? Joey!

What is he doing?

What is your name, dear?

What kind of massage do you want? You left it blank.

What kind of place?

What kind of question is that?

What motorcycle? I'm buying a motorcycle.

What the hell are you talking about?

What was that last thing?

What was that?

What was that?

What was that? Jason, stop...

What was that? What?

What would you recommend more for like a nurturing, pampering, motherly energy?

What would you say?

What you would call it?

What, are you dying to be part of the new singles scene?

What, is he gonna probe us?

What?

What?

What?

What? I went to the room

What? I'd love some ice cream,

What? If you don't put in effort,

What? What do you mean?

What? Who?

What'd you tell him?

What's a wahoo?

What's Eden East?

What's going on?

What's going on?

What's that?

What's your name?

Whatever we do, we gotta do it fast.

Whatever you want.

Whatever. I love you.

When does Hoss and Little Joe show up?

When I win, what will you give me?

When it comes to relationships.

When Pablo, the yoga guy, is running late today?

When was the last time you two took a vacation? Hmm?

When we get back next weekend, we'll go to Medieval Times

When you're a little girl,

When you're living in my house, you're a Taliban!

Where do... Where do you think she went? Like she...

Where do... Where do you think she went? Like she...

Where have I been? I've been trying to get here!

Where is our journey? I don't hear it.

Where we really enjoy each other, you know?

Where's the only place she could go?

Where's the television? The main house.

Where's Trudy?

Where's us in all that?

Which I can totally appreciate,

Which is exactly why we have to find Trudy.

Which is just to talk to each other.

Which is monsieur Marcel's signature course.

Who are you?

Who can't even stand the sight of me.

Who don't know a damn thing about the ocean.

Who here likes to eat?

Who is that?

Who just disappeared into the jungle?

Who will know? She's a kid.

Who, whoa, whoa. Back up.

Who?

Who's Trudy?

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a second, wait a second.

Whoa! Okay, no one has a gun to my head, Mr. Smith.

Whose names I didn't even remember!

Why are we being held to a different standard, Marcel?

Why are you getting all high and mighty on me?

Why are you listening to what I'm saying?

Why are you wearing trousers?

Why can't we eat or drink tomorrow?

Why didn't you call?

Why do you keep writing stuff down on your little pad there?

Why do you think I wanted to get a full release?

Why don't we talk about this during down time, okay?

Why don't you have your own conversation?

Why don't you join us for a drink? You want to pull up a chair?

Why don't you just lease it?

Why in the world would you be buying a motorcycle that you can't afford?

Why is it so important for us to be here on time tomorrow? I'm not understanding.

Why is that?

Why no loop?

Why not do it at a four star restaurant?

Why would you ask me that?

Why, I have read that you have studied the yoga for five years.

Why?

Will you beat that guy up on the price?

With a monsoon of respect, I don't think you're in a position

With a shared yoga group experience.

With his pants around his ass at the mall.

With maybe some pecans in it!

With maybe some pecans in it!

With the snow?

With the touchy feely shit being optional.

With two... You had a three way with two dudes?

Without going to the highlight reel.

Women, back to the water.

Work less, but bring home more.

Would he rather stuff his face or skip around to the oldies.

Would it make you more comfortable if I didn't take notes?

Would that be a man or a woman, do you think?

Would you care to join your wife?

Would you consider me straight or gay?

Wow, that is the worst line I've ever heard.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow. That is amazing.

Wow. Wow.

Yay! Grandpa Jim Jim's here!

Yeah, actually, it would make me more comfortable.

Yeah, but... You don't want that!

Yeah, definitely.

Yeah, don't suffocate me, man.

Yeah, he said that Dave and I take each other for granted.

Yeah, he's coming, all right?

Yeah, hey. Look... Just one second, that's it.

Yeah, how did you know?

Yeah, I didn't start with it. You just brought it up.

Yeah, I didn't start with it. You just brought it up.

Yeah, I do.

Yeah, I know he's been A good friend of mine

Yeah, I know, I'm losing my mind.

Yeah, I know. Now when you dress like that,

Yeah, it looks real. Okay.

Yeah, no, I know. It's just, you know, super important, okay?

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, see, I was planning on sleeping in,

Yeah, that's good. That's good. Very nice posture. Yes.

Yeah, they got a hot tub in here, too!

Yeah, we can't.

Yeah, we find Trudy and we bring her right back here.

Yeah, well, what was I supposed to do?

Yeah, you guys go ahead.

Yeah, you.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah! Donuts!

Yeah?

Yeah? For years, I've been cheating on you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Because, if we do get divorced,

Yeah. I know. This is good for sunburns, right?

Yeah. I'm just saying we're here to have some fun,

Yeah. I'm not really sure I like that one.

Yeah. Or are we that far gone?

Yeah. This is yours.

Yep.

Yep. And you just lay everything on top of her?

Yes, but this exercise is about owning your body.

Yes, could you get Marcel for me, please?

Yes, fantastic progress. Yes, put your shoulders back.

Yes, good. Let's breathe.

Yes, I am. Now, listen, I was hoping that

Yes, I did.

Yes, I got your blood pumping, yes? No? Now use it! Harness it!

Yes, I know he's asleep, but wake him. This is important. I'll hold.

Yes, this fire has just started. And we will not put it out.

Yes, this is a magical drink.

Yes, this pose contains a tantric hip thrust.

Yes, we have a brave peacock. Use that. Yes.

Yes, yes! Yes!

Yes!

Yes! This is a great way to stretch.

Yes! Yes!

Yes?

Yes? Progress.

Yes? You like? Very much.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Hi, you must be Veronica. Hi.

Yes. How do l get over there?

Yes. Lay it on. Stretch.

Yes. Now feel the energy. Feel that energy. Yes.

Yo, I didn't sign up for this!

Yo, I was with mad Mexicans before Shane, anyway.

Yo, they should put me up in a video on this bitch!

Yo, you said we was gonna be dancing.

You are doing fantastic, my dear.

You are to be here before sunrise.

You called Grandpa?

You can dive in the ocean and you got a hot tub!

You can do whatever you like.

You can go back to bed. It's just Uncle Jason.

You can tell him yourself. Hold on.

You can't do it right now.

You can't leave me all backed up like this.

You can't pay for,

You could do this with your partner at home.

You could have really hurt yourself out there!

You could point me towards the singles' side and forget you ever saw us.

You could possibly do in that situation.

You deal... You deal with going to Applebee's alone.

You defied my instructions and you went off course.

You didn't want me to see you,

You do?

You don't ever ask me how I am! I work!

You don't get it. I'm here trapped on an island with a woman

You don't have to buy her a motorcycle.

You don't know the ins and outs of our relationship.

You don't want to look back and say, I made it through my life.

You dream about your wedding and your honeymoon...

You either partake of the entire meal or have none of it.

You feel better? Yep.

You feel the transfer of the energy.

You gentlemen have broken into The Ponderosa

You go, girl.

You got a pose called Yoga Guy Gets His Ass Kicked',?

You got a woman who adores you.

You got an American life at stake.

You got grandpas that, you know...

You got real sharks here! It's time to get the guns'

You got to explain infertility and divorce and all that,

You got... You got kids, you got guns,

You guys are no help! Just... Just...

You guys doing good? Yes.

You guys have been on top of each other ever since we got here.

You guys just need to take a breather.

You guys ready?

You guys should be doing it, too.

You guys would come down here to the firm

You guys, it has a state of the art spa.

You have a great aura. Yes.

You have a real partner in life,

You have been the best friend in the world to me.

You have to answer this second or I'll shoot.

You haven't looked at me in 10 years!

You hustled me.

You just got accepted into Stanford.

You kept saying open and fruitful and other weird stuff.

You know I triple check everything.

You know that if you go, everyone else will go.

You know what?

You know what?

You know what? I don't even know why I'm blowing up at you,

You know what? I don't even want to get into this with you.

You know what? I don't know what journey you're on,

You know what? I don't want to get in an argument with it.

You know what? Remember it however you want to

You know what'd be a gas, Sctanley? For me and you to play.

You know, baby, it's funny. Since we've been here, it's like the therapist

You know, Doc? Like a one to 10?

You know, I got him on the other line.

You know, if it,s for the best.

You know, it is good to have a drink and have a good time.

You know, just tell her how you feel. In one word.

You know, let's just not forget why we came.

You know, let's not take anything off the table.

You know, my whole life, everything I've known about it

You know, this has gotten way out of hand.

You know, we have two great kids.

You know, we'd just... We'd love to have our friends there.

You know, we've stopped having fun

You know, you gotta paddle on the opposite side of the boat!

You know? I thought I was dying. I did.

You know.

You know... Silence!

You lied? No, no, no, no, no.

You look like the earth.

You made promises, Daddy.

You make the best of your situation! My situation's to party!

You might not be acting on it, but you're fantasizing.

You might want to go easy on those. You have an early morning.

You might want to think about changing it.

You must undress, my friend.

You never do anything you say you're gonna do.

You panicked and you threw a bucket of chum in my face.

You pick what you want from a menu.

You probably would have lost a great deal of blood and...

You said we was gonna be doing what we do.

You said we was gonna be partying.

You said you were going to.

You said you were gonna do it.

You said, Couples Skill Building.

You see, this island has so many healing curiosities.

You seem pretty good at that game.

You send signals.

You should be proud.

You should have seen my masseuse. She was so hot.

You should just relax.

You should just slow down here for a second maybe?

You should see this thing. It's awesome. Even Trudy loves it.

You take this kind of serious.

You tell me if I need the bandage.

You tired? Yo, I'm tired.

You told me not to think.

You two are perfect for each other.

You two could be perfect strangers.

You want to go? Yes, please, regard me.

You weren't here on time this morning.

You will see lights. You don't want to go there.

You with me?

You, glass house! You're the glass house!

You'd know that this is just a feeler call

You'll be okay. You know?

You'll be sitting by yourself, eventually, at Applebee's, all alone.

You'll find that the Eden program creates a palace of solitude,

You're 20. Go be 20.

You're a good guy. You brought her to this island.

You're a problem. You're a real, real problem.

You're always something cool... Dave...

You're an asshole!

You're damn right we do! And I'm going with you!

You're going out? Yeah, I'm going out.

You're gonna be the one who ends up at Applebee's alone.

You're gonna sweat your bag off. Night night, kids!

You're kidding, right? No, it's easy.

You're missing out on life.

You're not gonna be helping anyone.

You're not Mr. 'I Try So Hard At My Relationship, okay?

You're on, Cyn.

You're really de prioritizing your teammate.

You're saying that they,re related,

You're smart. You're a good person.

You're supposed to be relaxing out here.

You're the whole reason that I'm here.

You're the whole reason that I've done all of this.

You're the whole reason that I've made a complete ass out of myself.

You've been a really good friend.

You've checked a lot of people into this room

You've played this before.

Your wife left you because you were suffocating her.

I'm sorry. You're sorry?

...like a king or a gunfighter.

...sprinkled in with some Couples Skill Building courses,

...what are you doing about the Jason thing?

'cause he's... He's got to stay thin so he can...

'cause I tell you what's gonna go down tonight.

'cause I want to have people I can share my life with.

'cause their day's so special they have to share it with the world.

'cause we got to go to hockey.

'Cause you rock, Joey!

$1,000 A cool G, as we call it back home.