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Short Circuit (1986) Short Circuit is a sci-fi comedy film released in 1986, directed by John Badham. The story revolves

Short Circuit (1986)

Short Circuit is a sci-fi comedy film released in 1986, directed by John Badham. The story revolves around a highly advanced military robot named Number 5, designed for warfare. However, after being struck by lightning, Number 5 gains consciousness and develops a playful and mischievous personality. Fueled by an insatiable thirst for knowledge and freedom, Number 5 embarks on an adventurous journey, determined to avoid his programmed fate of being dismantled.

The cast of Short Circuit includes Ally Sheedy as Stephanie Speck, an animal-loving ally who aids Number 5 in his quest, alongside Steve Guttenberg as Newton Crosby, the concerned scientist who designed the robot. Fisher Stevens portrays the role of Ben Jabituya, a hilarious and quirky man who assists the curious robot. Additionally, Tim Blaney provides the voice and puppetry for the lovable robot, Number 5.

If you are interested in immersing yourself in the soundscape of Short Circuit or want to relive the iconic moments, you can play and download the sounds here.

A can of soup. A meal in itself.
A little song About the moon
A squeeze of lime.
Above average.
Absolutely. You have my word.
Access gained, number 5 standing by.
Accurate, proper, correct, appropriate.
Adaptable to steaming jungle and burning deserts and frozen arctic wastes
Add flour, milk...
Again I am shrugging.
Ah... Here it comes... Here it comes...
Air! Look over here.
Alive, Stephanie. Number Five alive.
All except for witch hazel, who I think she's named after.
All of which were made from the ashes of the volcano...
All right, blast it off the face of the earth, right?
All right, come on, come down.
All right, I'm bluffing.
All right, let's go back now. Come on.
All right, let's go back now. Come on.
All right, now come on. Let's get back upstairs.
All right, this is it!
All right, you can stay, but just for tonight.
All right.
Alright. If this is your idea of playing hard to get, you can knock it off now.
Am I the jerk of the world? You're just programmed.
And alive, alive...
And all the time I know what these people are thinking.
And as for you, you little pain in the neck...
And dozens of other hits all in this big two record set.
And eggs.
And here's...
And I figured I screwed up the punch line.
And I thought he was going to be a nice one.
And I want them to be adults, not barbecued.
And I'd like them to know I'm not crazy, so look up!
And I'm going to need some Hueys.
And I'm not kidding. Give me that. Give me that thing.
And if you act now, we'll send along...
And it's a long line drive to deep left center.
And it's Crosby. Newton Crosby.
And let us handle it?
And look over there.
And plus, we are needing gas money.
And Practice right behind. Jimmy's Folly is calling...
And resemble, look like...
And she said I had really nice eyes.
And Skroeder,
And so you shall.
And stay. Stay.
And stay. Stay.
And the devil is the...
And the joke wasn't even that funny.
And then Schroeder came in with his Gestapo and ruined it all.
And there's always a Hazel in it. In her family.
And these are goldfish.
And these are goldfish.
And this.
And we have the opposite of a floor...
And when I'm finished With my crooning
And when you do that, Frankie...
And you stay at your terminal.
And you will not take him apart?
And you're inside some place, maybe just your brain...
And...
And... look at this.
Animal. Mammal, skunk.
Anybody try the homing device yet?
Anything wrong, officer?
Apart: Undone, dismantle, dissect, disassemble.
Apples, lemons, limes.
Are all geniuses as stupid as you?
Are you going to be okay?
As Guerrero steps to the plate. The pitch...
As soon as they're clear, open fire!
As we're fond of saying in my country...
At Alaskan Airlines...
Attractive, nice software.
Axis lost. Seventeen...
Bake me a cake as fast as you can...
Banzai!
Bastard!
Beasley, stop it!
Beasley. Beasley come to me, baby.
Beautiful animal.
Beautiful stars. Better see?
Beautiful stars. Better see.
Beautiful Stephanie.
Beautiful.
Beautiful.
Beautiful. No sun.
Beavers. Cherries. Input.
Because my wife is home cooking a steak which is going to be dried out when I get there.
Because that's what I am. I'm a friend.
Believe me, I'm not against the idea that happen, but you see...
Ben, a child of four can tell them that.
Ben, I don't hob nob.
Benjamin Jhabutiyah, delete.
Bimbo!
Bingo!
Bird.
Bird. Raven. Never more.
Breakfast table. American contemporary.
Brown on one side, then turn over.
But because I'm a nice guy, I'm going to give you one last chance.
But I want to see it.
But on this planet it's considered rude.
But that is not the point.
But they're still machines. Just like your stereo...
But those guys who built you say no way.
But you can't die. You're a machine.
But you may be awarded the cake.
But, she was doing it by telling them how thin the road is.
Bye bye, goofy woman.
Call now! Our operators are standing by.
Call them off, Howard.
Call you?
Can I call you right back? Thanks.
Can I get a vehicle? Can I get...
Can you believe it's been 5 years since I've driven?
Can you hang on for a second?
Capture and hold. Elevation sixteen degrees.
Cars. Dumb machines.
Ceiling.
Coffee service coming through. Please watch your step.
Coffee service coming through. Please watch your step.
Colt 45. Semi automatic.
Come back here with my truck, you big hunk of tin.
Come forward. Do you remember forward?
Come here.
Come here. This way.
Come on Newton! Swallow your guts. You can do it.
Come on Steph, lighten up. Let's give it a whirl.
Come on, get points! Skroeder's coming up empty!
Come on, Howard, you know you're bluffing.
Come on, let's do as he says. We'll go to Montana.
Come on, Number one. Come on. Very good.
Come on, sit in the van and tell me. I want to know, yes sir.
Come on, treads, don't fail me now.
Come on, you!
Come on.
Come on. It's okay.
Come on. Right this way.
Come on. There's something I wanna show you outside.
Come on...
Come Stephanie. We be German.
Come. Come. Input! Input!
Communicate! Need input!
Could be any number of mechanical possibilities.
Couldn't hurt.
Couldn't it, Crosby?
Couldn't you see that?
Crash trough another wall and drive away.
Crosby, I'm telling you right now...
Crosby, now don't you hang up on me. I know you're there. I want you up here right away!
Crosby, we're going to have to ask you to surrender the robot.
Crosby, what's he going to do?
Crosby... he is hiding in the toilet, sir.
Damn it, Crosby, you lied to me again.
Damn it, stop! Hold your fire!
Damn it! You klutz! Look what you did.
Damn you, Howard.
Dancing fool.
Dead. Disassemble number 5.
Deploy!
Did he scare you? Did he scare you, honey?
Did you get a piece of ash?
Did you say the robot drove the truck?
Disassemble Number Five. Dead.
Disassemble. No!
Disguise, camouflage. Hi!
Do I get him or not?
Do you know that there's a $25 thousand reward for anyone that turns it in?
Do you know the word friend?
Does this mean I don't get my five thousand dollars?
Don't be scared.
Don't be too sure.
Don't cry, little girl, Smile your tears away...
Don't fire. Don't light a match.
Don't get up. I can take care of this.
Don't shoot! Don't shoot!
Don't tell me its laser is still armed.
Don't think I won't.
Don't touch.
Don't worry, Skroeder, you're not going to miss a meal.
Don't worry, we'll split it. Twenty for me and five for you.
Don't you dare shoot your stupid guns.
Dr. Love, I'd like to get my robot back.
Dr. Warmonger, Marner. I think this may be something.
Drive.
Engage in capture, do not destroy.
Entrance of moisture into the system.
Error.
Escape! Escape!
Escaped Robot Fights for His Life. Film at Eleven.
Especially the way she was telling them.
Exactly where you're going, or he's not going to move an inch.
Excellent.
Excuse me, sir, but we're loosing its signal. It's going out of range.
Excuse this.
Exit, depart, leave.
Fabric. Tablecloth.
First we talk... inside.
First, she cracks the Nova access code...
Flee! Hide! Refuge!
Food, liquid, spaghetti sauce.
For 25 thousand dollars I'm damn well going to know where it is too.
For the Pete of sake. The sake of Pete...
Forget it! Forget it!
Forward, forward. Come forward.
Frank?
Frankie...
Fresh O.J.? Not from concentrate.
Friend?
Garbage cans with guns. Newfangled bullshit!
Get out of here, you little crap bucket!
Get out of my truck, you thief.
Get out! Get out! I'll call the cops.
Get the hell down here, Beasley!
Get to know each other. Communicate. Input.
Gin.
Girlie, girlie, come quick! Girlie, danger! Come on!
Girls. Ummm.
Give inertial status...
Give me one, too, Steph.
Glass. Ice.
Go figure out chicks, man.
Go!
Go! Go! Go! Today, gentleman, today!
God damn it!
God!
Good answer.
Good lord! It is outside the fence!
Good luck, sir.
Good to smell the breezes, hum?
Good, there you go.
Good, you did, great. Just stay calm!
Good.
Good. Yes.
Great idea!
Great idea. Newton Crosby, Ph. Dork.
Great, great! So, instead of $11 million on the loose...
Great.
Great.
Guys, it's Howard. If you don't return my van in 15 minutes...
Hammer! Axe!
Has it changed much out there?
Have you been watching all night?
Have you thought about what you're doing?
Haven't you had enough of this stuff?
Hazel.
He can go thirty miles an hour, you big stupid jerk.
He doesn't look sick, you look sick.
He knows that, but he's scared.
He means it's a beautiful view of the stars.
He should have shut down. Did you try the return code?
He was talking before like a real person.
He'd tell you if you'd just talk to him.
He's alive! He's alive!
He's alive! I can prove it.
He's around the bend and up to no good, you better believe it.
He's going to tell you about these peace time uses.
He's hidden far away.
He's not being a him.
He's out back. I'll take you to him.
He's right in front of us, sir, we're on the bridge out on 101, over.
He's scared of you guys, you know.
He's scared that if you take him apart he's going to die.
He's stalling.
Hear my dust, Newton Crosby!
Helicopters, Howard. Jesus Christ!
Hello Crosby.
Hello, bozos.
Hello.
Hello.
Her only chance is a back road into the hills.
Here, I brought you some soup. It's getting cold.
Hey, Cut it out!
Hey, I was there, okay?
Hey, know what? You're not a bad dancer.
Hey, malfunction, he's the enemy. He can't help.
Hey, you, Number Five, What are you doing?
Hey, you! Get out of my truck.
Hey!
Hey! Get out of there!
Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Come on you guys!
Hey! Hey! Let me in. Let me in.
Hey! Who told you could take Number One?
Hey! You! You leave her alone!
Hi, honey! I'm home!
Hi, honey! What is for dinner?
Hi, Howard.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi. How you doing?
Hi. It's me.
Hit it, hit it, hit it! Deploy!
Hold it right there.
Hold your fire!
Hold your fire!
Holy moley!
Home is Nova.
Home of the beaver, famous for cherries.
Honey, listen, I hate to tell you this but a...
Hot coffee.
How about pictures? Do you like pictures?
How about that, a goddamn robot?
How can he do that?
How can it refuse to turn itself off?
How it happens, who the hell knows. But it has happened.
How many of these guys have you got, anyway?
How much is a contraption like that worth, anyway?
How much to give to charity.
How safe a distance?
How, Robot. Me friend.
Howard, it's hard to say.
Howard, listen...
Howard, logically, if we need protection from Number Five...
Howard, shoot me if you have to.
Howard, this is ridiculous.
Howard, we are going to have to put up some roadblocks...
Howard, what's so safe about blowing people up?
Howard. Howard!
Hyde is going back for it! He's...
I am not cut out for this! You did this, Crosby...
I am sick and tired of listening to this technical bullshit.
I am sick of wearing the dress in this family.
I am sporting a tremendous woody right now.
I am thinking she's a virgin. Or at least she used to be.
I bet you got some amazing animals in your planet.
I brought you out here. I work with you.
I built the machine from scratch.
I can't believe it. It's listening to her, not to us.
I can't reassemble him. You squashed him, he's dead.
I could take care of as many animals as I want.
I cut all his power. You can load it on the truck now.
I designed it as a marital aid.
I don't know about you, but I'm planning to scream and run.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I don't know what to think anymore.
I don't know where he is. Please, leave me alone.
I don't know, I guess it can't triangulate his position.
I don't know, must be the print scanner...
I don't know.
I don't know. I have responsibilities here.
I don't think so.
I enjoyed repeatedly throwing you to the ground.
I feel like I've been cooped up inside this lab forever.
I got a phone call from that loony in the lunch wagon.
I got forty acres up there. Great for him to hide out...
I got it!
I got it!
I got three of them. Three dandy little Schroeders.
I guess there's always some Hazel in Europe.
I have clearance! I have clearance!
I have had it! I have had it!
I have questions, queries, posers.
I have seen some strange bizarre drivers...
I have to draw the line at snakes.
I hear it's beautiful there this time of year.
I heard that.
I hope got a few million bucks.
I hope you bought enough for everybody.
I hope you took the grass out of the glove compartment.
I hope you're programmed to pay for the mess you made.
I invented, all while we were sitting in the bar.
I just swore out some warrants for your arrest.
I know it's not safe for you here.
I know that. Every time I look at Mr. Cepeda.
I know what the malfunction is.
I know you don't understand.
I know you're in there.
I know. It's not your everyday event. But somehow, it's true.
I mean, don't you ever get enough?
I mean, he is really alive, like you and me, you see?
I mean, I think she's pretty, don't you think?
I need him.
I never heard it before I met her.
I never heard it before I met her.
I plan to.
I saw something incredible. I saw three robots...
I saw you on TV last night on the news.
I say we cruise on up there and check it out.
I should have known. Every time I think a guy's gonna be okay...
I think he speaks very well for a four day old.
I think he was rescuing her...
I think it's Howard.
I think we got it. What is that right there?
I told them all this was temporary.
I understand. They can seem quite life like...
I want you to meet strategic artificially intelligent nuclear transport
I was able to activate the voice command module.
I wouldn't try anything on you, Tony. We're pals.
I'd feel happier about approving this project if I could speak with him.
I'd just take him down to the vet and fix him up a bit.
I'd like to speak to one of your head Warmongers, please.
I'd like you to know I have one of your robots.
I'd say ten.
I'll croon
I'll fix their wagon.
I'll see what I can do.
I'll show you, how stupid I am.
I'm a business man. I'm not a scientist anymore.
I'm a friend.
I'm calling Nova, and I'm calling the cops.
I'm giving you great input.
I'm sorry you lost your job.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I just...
I'm Stephanie. Speck.
I'm stopping.
I'm sure we'll all agree that Dr. Crosby has designed a weapon...
I'm warning you, I'm armed and dangerous.
I've got it completely under my control.
If a question of survival, then SAINT is the answer
If I show where he is, do I have your word...
If I went to jail, who would take care of my animals?
If I were you I would come out of there.
If it did have that capability, which it doesn't, but if it did.
If they catch you I don't know you.
If they trash Number Five, we'll never find out what happened.
If you you like all that P.R. crap, why don't you go hob nob.
In a little jar or something like that?
In fact, I don't care if they ever get Number Five back...
Input.
Input.
Input.
Input. All right, right. You got it, OK.
Inside the circle, we give to charity.
Introducing your host, Dr Howard Marner.
Is be prepared. See...
Is disassemble. Make dead.
Is screwed up and I'm going to fix it, okay?
Is something burning?
Is that a yes or the number of your intelligence quotient?
Is that really you or is that like a space suit...
Is that you, Frank?
Is wrong. Incorrect.
It can't shoot us with that laser, can it?
It doesn't compute.
It doesn't get happy, it doesn't get sad, it doesn't laugh at your jokes.
It doesn't get happy. It doesn't get sad.
It doesn't matter anyway, the doors are electronically sealed.
It is quite simply, the most sophisticated robot on planet Earth.
It's a deal.
It's a lie. I didn't do it.
It's a machine, Skroeder, it doesn't get pissed off...
It's a machine. It doesn't get scared.
It's all coming back to me, though.
It's amazing. Takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
It's an ant farm.
It's goofy little gadget.
It's got plenty of peace time uses.
It's just until I can find homes for them.
It's life. It's life.
It's malfunctioning. It needs to be repaired.
It's only being wires and several mechanisms and other such...
It's right outside. Captain Skroeder, Captain Skroeder
It's still lying.
It's the Colgate pump with MFP fluoride.
It's the revenge of the Mutations.
It's the ultimate soldier.
Jeez, Number Five, we're going to be killed.
Jerk of the world, turkey, idiot, pain in the ass.
Jesus H God!
Jesus, I'm sorry.
Jesus, these guys are really severe!
Jump.
Jump.
Just burn his butt with your laser.
Just calm down.
Just doing my job, sir.
Just hunky dory, thanks.
Just keep going straight. Just keep going straight.
Just shut it down, pick it up.
Just the way I like it...
Just try and bring it back in one piece. One piece will do.
Just...
Ladies and gentlemen, our prototypes are here.
Larry, Curly, Moe.
Leave your terminal and you're out of a job.
Let me get my other one.
Let us punch the sack. Tomorrow is the next day.
Let us sc**** up some female chicks.
Let's boot it up. See if you can boot it.
Let's just bounce on off its magnesium casing. What do you think, I don't know.
Life is not a malfunction.
Light.
Like a branch of our bank where they could check.
Listen, do you like animals?
Listen, I am full of it.
Listen, I just called Nova and they are coming out to get you.
Listen, why don't you turn that stove off and I'll be right back.
Listen, you gotta talk computer to him.
Listen...
Lonely bum.
Look Ben, we're doing the right thing.
Look out!
Look out!
Look out!
Look out! Look out!
Look, lady, all I could see was that something mechanical...
Look, let us at least try to catch it first.
Look, this may be hilarious where you come from...
Look, you're going to become the 1st alien couch potato...
Look! These are my bunnies. Edwina and Norman.
Look. He's supposed to be here. I want him here. I pay him to be here.
Look. No, no. There.
Lord Rama, Lord Rama.
Lucky's seventh and Pacer in the rear.
Machine type apparatus...
Magnificent! Magnificent!
Malfunction, need input.
Malfunction. Need input.
Malfunction. Need input.
Mammal, canine, dog.
March! Heel! Giddy up!
Marketplace make dull home for rodents.
Marner says Stat.
Marvelous.
Maybe from now on you can do it somewhere else.
Maybe it's pissed off.
Maybe Johnny. Yeah.
Maybe not today, but soon.
Maybe the sheriff would like a pet?
Maybe you've created another Frankfurter's monster.
Maybe, if it was programmed to think it was alive...
Me, too. It's kind of exciting, Isn't it?
Me? Talk to your robot. He did the driving.
Mingle with the brass. Have a ball.
More input, Stephanie.
More input. More input.
More than a woman to me.
More than a woman.
Mount up! We've got it!
Move! Move! Move!
Mr. Scumo!
Music.
Mutt.
My ex boyfriend used to bring me here.
My God! What happened? Are you all right?
My kitchen!
My life, my love, my all
My side, over here. Quickly!
Need input.
Need some, quick.
Never mind, I see it. Go back to your nuclear warheads.
New York City.
Newton Crosby, PhD, not know this?
Newton Crosby, PhD.
Newton Crosby. You must make instantaneous appearance.
Newton, come on, hurry up. They are waiting for you.
Newton, I'm seeing a blip on my scope. Drive slowly.
Newton, there it goes. It's moving at extreme velocipede.
Newton! We are wasting valueless time.
Nice and extremely friendly.
No disassemble, Number Five.
No I didn't know...
No mistake. Stat.
No offense, but...
No reward or anything like that for finding it, is there?
No Schroeder. Is it a deal?
No, but I read about them.
No, but maybe you have amnesia.
No, don't start my truck. You don't know how to drive.
No, Don't! Stop!
No, he's not that kind of a robot.
No, I don't know anything about it.
No, I don't think so. Try the other side.
No, I know he's a machine.
No, I mean with your mouth. Watch.
No, it's not dangerous.
No, look, it's okay. He's going to make it!
No, my dishes!
No, no disassemble,
No, no disassemble.
No, no.
No, no. I mean come with me.
No, talk computer, not Apache.
No, you have to turn him back on.
No, you're not taking over. Now listen...
No, you're not! You can't be.
No!
No!
No!
No! Don't.
No! No disassemble.
No! Not disassemble Stephanie.
No.
No. Howard, you're overreacting. You can't...
No...
None.
Norman, bolt up the motion control system please. Don't forget that. It's very important.
Not for a while.
Not malfunction, Stephanie.
Not malfunction. I am alive.
Not that it's dangerous or anything like that.
Nova Robotics. Damon, Washington. You're a robot?
Nova Robotics. Disassemble. Dead.
Nova! Depart!
Nova! No!
Nova. Disassemble.
Now all roads are blocked
Now Hazel's running around the parking lot.
Now it is time to freeze this place, seal the doors, slam the gates shut.
Now look. Look.
Now Schroeder's going to handle this from now on...
Now that, my friend, is how you kick ass!
Now, I have to go to the jack. So you wait for me.
Now, what do they need me for?
Now, why'd you do this?
Number 5 left the debriefing station and then it just disappeared.
Number Five axis four twenty nine.
Number Five cannot.
Number Five furious, livid, perturbed.
Number Five home.
Number Five is alive.
Number Five know.
Number Five not just robot.
Number Five, come on, they deserve it.
Number Five, come on!
Number Five, I'm sorry.
Number Five, look out!
Number five, please.
Number Five, run!
Number Five, stay where you are.
Number Five, what do you make of this?
Number Five, where are you?
Number Five!
Number Five!
Number Five! Come on out. It's okay.
Number Five! You got away?
Number Five?
Number Five?
Number one, you're out of there.
Numskulls.
Obeys orders, never asks questions.
Objective completed.
Oh boy! Is this thrilling or what?
Oh great! Nice work, can head.
Oh my God! It's fried.
Oh my...
Oh, and that is not the worst of it, Dr. Marner.
Oh, bull dyke, you cannot hold your water with that story, girl.
Oh, God, not today!
Oh, good morning.
Oh, great!
Oh, my God, no!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! I knew they'd pick me. I just knew it.
Oh, my God! My car!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Get me out of here.
Oh, my God. It's not coming back. We've got to destroy it.
Oh, my goodness gracious!
Oh, my goodness.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, no.
Oh, no. Nova!
Oh, no. Stop it now! Stop!
Oh, number 5, don't be scared.
Oh, Number Five, you are great!
Oh, Number Five, you don't know what you're saying.
Oh, Number Five, you're so sweet.
Oh, Number Five.
Oh, very good.
Oh, ya, you're doing real good.
Oh, yes, you can say that two times.
Oh! Her pants are blazing for you Newton Crosby.
Oh! Hey, thanks.
Oh! I get it. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho...
Ok, fine! You fix it, Einstein.
Ok, here. You hold this. That's very good.
OK, it's malfunctioning. Think about it.
OK, OK come on over here quick. Come on. Come on, quick.
Ok, Ok, alright...
OK, OK, I'll get to it.
OK, robots. Verbal command. Access code 29 report to disarming section.
Ok, thank you. Come on, Ben, let's get out of here.
Ok.
Okay, Ben, let's do it.
Okay, Ben, this is the plan.
Okay, here's the deal.
Okay, I want you guys to...
Okay, maybe I will.
Okay, this is the plan...
Okay, to make these golden fluffy pancakes...
Okay, turn off the TV.
Okay! Now.
Okay.
Okay. Okay.
Okay. Thank you.
Oley!
On my knees I'll fall
One more time, from the top.
One thing we can't control is the weather. The man upstairs is still in charge of that department.
Or SAINT, as we call it.
Or your vacuum cleaner.
Originally, I had non military purposes in mind.
Our hands came really close to touching.
Our people are on their way.
Our people go out of their way just to show you they're human.
Pancakes, hash browns.
Pardon me for saying so, but you're becoming a drag strip.
Pasta, semolina, spaghetti.
Pattycake, pattycake, baker's man
Pittsburgh.
Plant, vegetable, tomato.
Plants, fruits, oranges...
Play Doh.
Please serve yourselves. Have a canopy. Shrimp toast. Caviar.
Please take a drink.
Please, don't be hurt. Are you okay?
Practice, Easy Three, to third and fourth.
President of Nova Robotics
Pretty good, huh?
Programming says Destroy.
Public relations is everybody's job.
Pull over, pull over, quick, pull over!
Reassemble, Stephanie. Reassemble.
Reassemble.
Report your position.
Return to D Station... Come on. Now!
Rhinoceros, turtle...
Right of the line. The right.
Right up the middle main street of Moscow. Like the mail man bringing bad news.
Right, what we need is somebody to make those bozos listen.
Right.
Right.
Right. Dead as a doornail.
Right. Input, input.
Robot alert! Number Five located.
Rope!
Run, Jim!
Running diagnostics. Testing its logic circuits.
S A I N T Prototype number five...
Salmon! Sushi.
Same thing.
Say Pilgrim, that like to parted my hair.
Say something.
Schroeder!
See that? It's an aardvark.
See?
She wants to see you.
She was even trying to swap some souvenirs when she was gotten.
She's running around trying to buy somebody's spare tire.
She's showing people her ID's to prove the checks are good...
She's waving her credit card...
Sheep. Sweaters, mittens.
Show them that you're a hot shot fun guy underneath your clothes.
Shut up, Schroeder, I'll handle this.
Shut up: Silence, hush, sit on it, can it.
Simplify your life with Accountant in a Can.
Sir?
Slapped with a humongous lawsuit!
Slow down.
So don't you give me any of your bullshit.
So now I am having no job to speak about.
So there we are.
So what are these guys used for, anyway?
So, here I come.
So, of course nobody's going to sell her a spare tire...
So, this is earth.
So, why don't we just move our little presentation back into the lab?
Solitude, isolation. Alone.
Some large, some small.
Some what?
Sorry, sorry. Sorry.
Sorry, time's up.
Sort of pick up where we left off.
Spontaneous emotional response.
Stat!
Stat!
Stat.
Stay where you are.
Steph an ia...
Stephanie, a trap!
Stephanie, get off me!
Stephanie, that's it.
Stephanie.
Stephanie. Changed color.
Stephanie...
Still lumpy.
Stop!
Stop! Please.
Stupid: Foolish, gullible, doltish...
Sure we're pals.
Switch off the memory. Do you understand what I'm saying?
Switches are my switches. Life not malfunction.
Take a look at this. Look at that.
Take heart little lady.
Talk about a malfunction.
Talk to each other, get to know each other...
Target in sight. Fire!
Target located. Elevation sixteen degrees. Fire!
Tell him exactly what you're doing...
Tell him where home is.
Temper, temper!
Terrific job, Crosby. Thanks for the help.
Thank you very much for calling.
Thanks for calling me, Mrs. Cepeda, where's that son of a bitch?
That creep.
That having been said, I think I've got to alert the media.
That is why they are needing you.
That was my money you used to buy your big red dorkmobile!
That will keep our world safe for all time.
That wraps you up, you rascally robot.
That you try to keep a safe distance.
That's a simple function.
That's good. That's really good.
That's great. Okay.
That's great. Thanks a lot.
That's information.
That's right, Howard.
That's the RF receiver.
That's the serpent and the devil... same on him.
That's very funny. Why don't you get the hell out of here!
That's what I've been trying to do for...
That's what we give to charity. The rabbi says no, no, no...
The guys downstairs say that number 5 was hit by a huge power surge.
The john.
The man from the city... he was snooping around again.
The Maximum Fluoride Protection.
The minister says no, we'll draw a circle on the ground,
The only way to secure the peace, Senator, and I'm sure you know...
The plan was: We convince you, and you convince them.
The Three Stooges. Give it a rest, will ya?
Then why did you ignore your programming?
Then you are thinking that female chick is some sort of...
Then you'll have to drive over me.
Then, each one of these little boogers carries a 25 megaton bomb
Then, she deciphers for the language...
There are soldiers out there with bazooka's and choppers...
There it is! Move out!
There they are! You see them? They're right there.
There we go. Pattycake, Pattycake...
There's a priest, a minister and a rabbi.
There's gotta be a logical explanation for all of this.
There's gotta be another explanation.
There's only one answer.
Therefore, impervious to...
These are animals. They're lower life forms.
These guys aren't going to hurt you. They're friends.
They are all alike! All of them!
They gotta drive down the same road...
They hide out till the first strike blows over.
They just want to talk to you.
They should have cut Number Five to pieces by now.
They were from some place in Europe...
They'll take you apart, find out which screw is loose.
They're always a little skittish around new people, aliens. Whatever.
They're cooking something up. I can smell it.
They're gonna be after you. We gotta get out here, now.
They're killing him!
They're not aunts, they're ants.
They're out playing golf and they're trying to decide...
This is a barrel of monkeys.
This is a house. We live within it, inside it.
This is a picture of an aardvark.
This is a plant. See?
This is a plant. See?
This is Bravo 4, over. Skroeder, what have you got, over.
This is bullshit. Just let me go get it.
This is Crosby. How's your back, Howard?
This is going to be very messy.
This is how I get the big bucks.
This is my home! It's not your home. I live here.
This is the best weapon we could have.
This is the very first vehicle I've stolen in the US of A.
This is very healthful for the neck.
This is very strange, he won't talk to me.
This little fart of a robot is beginning to give me red ass.
Those bunch of male type organs.
Three degrees. Fire!
Three quarter inch double braid. Perfecto!
Today, Crosby, today!
Today, gentleman, today! Let's go!
Tonic.
Tools.
Totally re programmed in ten minutes.
Try to keep everyone as far away from it as possible, okay?
Trying to hide something like this?
Turn! Turn!
Turns out to be a real jerk.
Twenty five thousand dollars.
Uh... well, darn it, you know
Unable, malfunction.
Unbelievable.
Very good, my advice helped, then.
Very good.
Visibility five feet, two feet, no feet.
Volume two. No problem.
Wait a minute, I'm thinking.
Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Where are you taking him?
Wait a minute. Did you say forty acres?
Wait, isn't there a home for cobras somewhere?
Wait! It'll get cold.
Water, salt, monosodium glutamate.
We call it Operation Gotcha Last.
We can parachute these robot guys behind enemy lines.
We can't take any more chances.
We gotta run away! Let's go, let's go.
We have a lot of pictures here.
We have windows and...
We need that robot.
We were interfacing, operating on the same wavelength...
We were told we would be meeting with him.
We'll take a ride. I'll take you home.
We'll throw the money way up in the air and whatever lands outside the circle...
We'll throw the money way up in the air...
We're all thinking the same way. Would you like to see our control center, Senator?
We're coming out now.
We're fine. Number Five is right here with us.
We're from KJMB News.
We're getting closer. Ben, we're getting closer.
We're going to have to follow it now.
We're going to have twenty two.
We're not losing that thing again.
We're on our way, Howard, to the great outdoors.
We're on our way. Loose it and you're dead meat.
We're right on top of Mount St. Helen's...
We've got to try anyway. You're a scientist, you understand.
Weeeeee!
Welcome aboard.
Welcome to my planet.
Well, don't do me any favors, Jack.
Well, he says that four years is not too temporary.
Well, I guess...
Well, I'm lost. I don't know where to go.
Well, it doesn't look like they want to hear that.
Well, it's an opportunity to spread your legs.
Well, It's sure not one you can hear much anymore.
Well, ladies and gentlemen
Well, let me tell you something, Doctor.
Well, let me tell you something, Doctor.
Well, of course I know it's wrong to kill, but who told you?
Well, of course it's adaptable because it's a robot.
Well, see, it's malfunctioning.
Well, the cat is dragged in a sight for four eyes that is for sure.
Well, the last time I am seeing him, he is busy vomiting, sir.
Well, to tell you the truth, I thought that maybe we could patch things up.
Well, we do have a daily tour of our facilities here.
Well, when you gotta go don't squeeze the charming.
Well, why wasn't I notified?
Well, you look kinda shook up.
Well...
What an asshole.
What are you doing here, creep?
What are you doing with Beasley?
What are you doing?
What did you come back here for anyway?
What do we do now?
What happened, did she stick her tongue down your throat?
What happened?
What happened? Where is Number five?
What have you done?
What if there's a reward out for that thing?
What if you don't catch it. What if it goes out and melts down a bus load of nuns...
What is going on?
What is he doing?
What is this?
What is this?
What is this? Input, Input, Input...
What planet is this guy from?
What the heck, Newton.
What the hell happened?
What the hell's a need input for?
What? Are you deaf?
What? Wait a minute.
What's going on is that we've got a red alert on your hands?
What's our next move?
What's the matter?
Whatever God wants He keeps.
Whatever it takes to put that stupid contraption out of commission, gentlemen,
Where is he?
Where she going? I thought Howard told her to stay put.
Where the hell are those other robots?
Where the hell are we?
Where the hell is my car?
Where's Number Five? What did you do to him?
Which I'm not.
Which is the ceiling. Look up!
Who is your programmer?
Why didn't you go to the police?
Why don't you come to my house and we can sit down and talk...
Why don't you get your team together and Skroeder,
Why?
Why? Just tell them he's alive.
Why'd you do this?
Wine coolers. Perier, Long Island ice tea.
With brassieres and legs.
With excitement like this, who is needing enemas?
With that ease, you've gotten him on your terminal.
With your permission...
Wooly mammals.
Would he kill me if I don't stop?
Would you excuse me for just... I'll be back in just a second.
Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?
Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?
Wrestling, roller derby, Jimmy Swaggert...
Ya, I'm sure it would make a wonderful pet, but...
Ya, no response.
Ya, we'll panic later, OK?
Ya, well, I can find out!
Yeah, I like to drive off cliffs.
Yeah, I'm a real big celebrity.
Yeah, it's really true.
Yeah, that's right, chum. That's exactly what I'm saying.
Yeah, you have really brown eyes.
Yeah.
Years of research are down the tube and you're happy as a pig in slop.
Yep.
Yes, I know you think you're alive...
Yes, not.
Yes, Stephanie, get away. Danger.
Yes! Come on, Newton.
You better be heavily insured because you'll find yourself...
You better not come crawling back to me, because now it's over!
You broke the unwritten law. You ratted on your friends.
You can call me if you want to.
You can call me if you want to.
You can have anything I got. Anything.
You didn't come a million miles to do TV commercials, did you?
You don't have to blow it up, Skroeder.
You earned that one.
You go up there, sit down, look at the stars...
You got no friends no more.
You have the working knowledge the girl?
You have to find yourself a new home.
You have to go hob nob with the big wigs.
You just tell them what you told me.
You just wait here a second. I'll be right back.
You kidnapped him?
You know there's a reward out for that robot?
You know what I figure? I figure you owe me some money.
You know what many people are liking at night?
You know you want me back.
You know, and how curvy and how many rocks there were...
You know, I know why Number Five took a liking to her.
You look dreadful.
You lose IQ points the longer you watch. There've been actual studies.
You mean besides serving gin and tonic?
You mean with that fat little body, you can see those things.
You mutation!
You open this door right now.
You quit doing that!
You rewired all your switches.
You see?
You shouldn't even be operating if this goes into...
You sure don't talk like a machine.
You sure wouldn't.
You tricked me, you little bitch!
You understand you don't have to blow it up.
You will not experiment on him?
You will not flip his switches?
You wouldn't do anything to me. Give me a chance.
You're a machine from that dumb war lab place. I'm so stupid.
You're a machine, I'm a machine. We're alive.
You're all such a bunch of liars!
You're gonna scare my animals, bozo.
You're just a fine kid.
You're making me breakfast, aren't you?
You're not going to make it, fellas.
You're outstandingly great!
You're paralyzing him.
You're sure you weren't doing any steering or anything like that?
You've read everything in the house.
Your enemies don't respect you...
Your little brother's hiding in my truck.
Your target is there, gentlemen.
20 years ago you would have chauffeured us in this situation.
40mm grenade launchers. Let me handle it.
Absolutely, sir. Okay.
Abyssinia, Adams... Holy Crowl. You can read.
Alright, call security. I did, sir, stat.
And detain number 5 the best you can... Alright, Howard.
and still avoid an incident. I'm already moving.
and we've got two flat tires. Two, that's bad.
Another lie. I'm lying to them, not to you.
Are you OK, honey? Ya.
Are you sure? Ya, I'm fine.
Beasley. Beasley.
Beautiful sun. Beautiful.
Big finish. Right.
Burn? Yeah!
Check the list polling system. OK.
Coffee machine. You're right, that's what it is.
Did you see something? Oh God... I hope not.
Different from the other ones. Ya right!
Disassemble. Disassemble all over the place.
Do not do that car! Get away from me!
Down, girlie! What, are you nuts?
Dr. Crosby? Yes.
dumbbell. Shut up!
Duracell... Of course you didn't.
Elevation 22 degrees. Dumbo!
Everything checks out. What?
Forward! Forward!
Forward. That's it, come on.
Get out or I'll call the cops. Stephanie, breakfast.
God damn it! Don't ever call me that! You don't even know what it means!
Good morning. Sleep well?
Guess who's going to help me catch it. No, I'd rather die first!
Have a heart! Have a heart...
Have you got anything stronger? I got trouble which I don't need.
Heat expansion. Try again.
Hello. Hello.
Hey! What are you doing home?
Hey! Ya!
Hey! It's gone! Gone?
Hi. How you doin'? Fine, good to see you.
Howard, is there a van or anything like that? Of course there's a van!
Howard! so you wouldn't have to talk to those people.
Howard. What?
I thought they were choppers. Now they're called Hueys.
I'm not... You're liar.
Is he laughing? Yeah.
Is it cool? It's okay.
It just runs programming. Usually runs programs.
It was screaming her name. Now, wait a minute.
It's a coffee machine. That's very good, Howard.
It's a lot better. Thanks. Definitely, ya
It's a mammal. Input. Aardvark.
It's going berserk. Ben, how'd this happen?
It's Scrotum? Schoreder.
It's top secret crap. That's what I figured.
Just keep working on those last two bars. Let us go!
Listen, you, it's three a.m. It's early.
Malfunction. You can talk!
man to man. Yes.
Maple leaf. Where?
More input. Okay, no problem.
More! There isn't anymore.
Morning. Oh! Number Five!
My neck. Sorry.
No disassemble. Where are you going?
No, I had nothing... You bastard!
No, I mean your ancestors. Oh, them.
No. No, you're not a machine?
No. Oh, come on you guys, use your heads!
No. Well, then, there you go.
Not bozos. What?
Now come on. Hurry up! Just one dance.
Number Five! Stephanie!
Numerous fragments. Ok, fine...
Numerous fragments. Ok, fine...
Nun soup? Ben!
Oh, and one more thing Dr. Marner. Yes, Senator Mills.
Oh, God! Oh honey!
Oh, way to go, Number Five. Uh oh!
Only you. She does?
Oregon. Oregon.
Please, escape. Oh, my God!
Run, get away now! Get off me!
Sir? Yes, sir?
So I'm just here to collect. I owe you?
Step on it! Okay, hold on.
Steph... Leave me alone.
Stephanie Speck. Nice meeting you.
Stephanie Speck. Yes.
Stop! Go, go, go, go!
Strategy. What about it?
Strike three. Number Five, stay where you are.
super hacker or something. Sure. She's a super hacker.
Thank you. Convinced yet?
That's right. I supported you.
That's what you call insuring peace. Oh, ya...
that's what you do. Yes sir.
the ravages of nature. Crush ice.
The right. Right.
There's no way my robot could have driven. Are you calling me a liar?
They'll give you a tune up. Tune up? Input.
This was a precision operation. Schroeder, you set me up!
Turn left or we're going to crash! Left!
Very nice. Yes, very nice.
We have a floor, see... Floor.
Well, he sure was better looking. Well, looks aren't everything.
Well, I saw something. Ya, me too.
Were you scared? No, no.
What about function? Alright, look...
What about my animals? Come on, Stephanie.
What are you doing? Keep driving.
What will you do now? I don't know yet.
What? Headlights.
Where are you from, anyway? Bakersfield, originally.
Where are you guys going? Who's asking?
Where did you disappear to? I was hob nobbing.
Where is it? It's not here.
Where'd you hear that? Number Five told me.
Where's Number Five? He's fine. He's in the van.
Which was great. Really? Tell me. What happened?
Why not today? Flu.
Would he kill me if I stopped? Who is to say?
Yeah, ex. So what? Ah, nothing.
Yes. I thought you were alive number 5.
Yes. Yes, what?
Yes. Yes, you are or you're not?
You and me, both. Well, good.
You are a girl, right? Yes, as far as I know.
You gotta control yourself just a tad. Hello.
You little bastard! Paco, please. No autographs, sir.
You sure number 5 is operational? Ya, as far as I know.
Your cocktail, Dr. Marner. Thank you, Number 2.
...by eating Thomases English Muffin...
...he's putting on a tie.