Smokey and the Bandit (1977) Edit

A distinguished officer of over 30 years' seniority!

A foot like lead and nerves like steel

A foot like lead and nerves like steel

A lot of company.

A lot of folks seen him and they all say

A man called Bandit from Atlanta, Ga.

A man called Bandit from Atlanta, Ga.

Aarghhh!

About as rotten as that food you've been poisonin' me with...

Across state lines without the proper permits.

Actually, my heaviest relationship was with an acid rock singer...

Ah, tell me, boy

All gone

All right gang, we're gonna go for a big smokey red 22. Wahoo!

All right show him the cash.

All right, good buddy. I'll keep my eyes peeled.

All right, you talked me into it.

All right. 10 4 on that choke and puke.

All right. Now, you boys just stay here and watch the car.

All units converge.

Always the same, some chick. We ain't doin' good time.

An outlaw untamed

And bring it back in 28 hours.

And don't go home, don't go to eat, and don't play with yourself.

And everybody that seen it thought the Bandit was gone

And he ain't gonna rest till you're in jail

And how can I help? Bring it back.

And I figure that plus a lot of my dollars, and he'll try anything, legal or not.

And I got a big welcome waitin' for you when I get you back home,

And I got a big welcome waitin' for you when I get you back home,

And I... I don't even have a handle!

And John Henry just to mention some names

And John Henry just to mention some names

And that I have been in high speed pursuit of

And that means you, you dumb cowboy.

And that's nothin' but pure and simple old fashioned Communism.

And the attempted murder of over 20 brother officers.

And then I'm gonna hang you from it

And we decided we'd take care of those bears for you.

And we'll bring it back no matter what it takes

And we'll bring it back no matter what it takes

And we'll bring it back no matter what it takes

And you have a unique way with the English language, Miss Frog.

And you... Ain't half bad, is it?

And you're kinda cute like a frog, and... I'd like to jump ya.

And?

Anything you say may be held against you in a court of law. And...

Apprehend that horse ass for reckless drivin'!

Are we really going 110? We're going 110!

As to just how dumb you are.

B A N dash O N E.

B e r... B u r... B... Hell, I got to go.

Ban one.

Bandit steals a lady's heart

Bandit, honey, this is the Good Witch of the North speakin'.

Bandit, I've got a smokey report for you. Come on.

Bandit, this here's the Grave Robber.

Bandit, you're reckless and you live much too hard

Bandit, you're the joker

Bank robber?

Bank robbin' is baby shit alongside of what this dude is doin'.

Banzai!

Be careful. Be careful.

Because he's thirsty, dummy.

Because he's thirsty, dummy.

Because I've got to go in the morning to Conyers and pick up a load of manure.

Before I tell you where I am, Sheriff, there's just one thing I wanna say.

Besides being chased around the country in that feckuckteh car?

Besides that my cheeks were too fat. These cheeks, these.

Better yet, why don't you come by and pay up in person?

Big and Little Enos Burdette make that same bet with every gearjammer they can.

Breaker one nine. Breaker one nine.

Breaker one nine. This is the Bandit

Breaker One. This is the Bandit. Is the Snowman out there?

Breaker, breaker, lookin' for the Bandit.

But deep down inside them

But did you see a black TransAm go by?

But I enjoy it so much.

But I'm just ahead of you.

But, God, I was so good. You shoulda seen me. You'd have loved me.

But, hell, how long can you model clothes for 8 year olds? Boys.

By the way, where did you get all them warthogs back there?

Bye bye, baby!

Can I have a couple of cheeseburgers to go and a glass of iced tea?

Can you hear me, boy?

Cledus... This is Frog.

Close. Colourful, but close.

Come ahead, Bandit. We'll slip you into the rockin' chair, play a little hide and seek.

Come here, Fred. Come here, boy. Fred, don't you make me come after you.

Come on, Billy Ray, get tough!

Come on, boy.

Come on, defence!

Come on, Fred. Come on, boy.

Come on, Frederick. Come on, boy, my boy.

Crawl under.

Cute.

Daddy, wait for me! Don't leave me! Who's gonna hold your hat?

Daddy, you're about to have your evenin' ruined for you.

Damn if I know. They slid in here a little while ago.

Damn it, Bandit! Look at me!

Damn, he had a lot of friends, didn't he?

Damn, he had a lot of friends, didn't he?

Damn, he's been stirring up some trouble.

Did you say you are a sheriff?

Do it.

Do the letters F.O. mean anything to you?

Do you know who you're talkin' to?

Do you think we have anything in common?

Do you think we'd get along and talk and... things?

Don't just stand there. Go get him!

Don't lose your head, son. We still got a lot of boogiein' to do.

Don't take your foot off of that hammer. Them bears'll pour over you like maple syrup.

Don't you cuss on this here radio.

Don't you ever, ever raise your voice to me!

Don't you know you can't drive a piece of shit like that on the highway?

Drivin' through people's backyards, knockin' down mailboxes.

Eastbound and down loaded up and truckin'

Eastbound and down loaded up and truckin'

Eastbound and down loaded up and truckin'

Eastbound and down loaded up and truckin'

Eastbound and down loaded up and truckin'

Eastbound and down loaded up and truckin'

Egotistical son of a bitch.

Every gearjammer knows his name

Everybody asked Bandit how he made it down

Far out.

Fill her up, hoss.

For 700 miles.

For sure. Me and Fred, we got your back door, ain't we, Fred?

For the good old American life.

Fred, I hope me and you ain't lettin' Bandit

Fred, I'm tired of pickin' you up... Fred!

Frog?

Frog.

Gearjammer, huh? King of the road, huh?

Get back in the goddamn car.

Get off of there, you schnauzer's tit!

Get over here, Fred! Come here.

Give me a hand, or we gonna be in a heap of trouble.

Give me five minutes, we'll put some moves on that mother. I'll meet ya at Old Miss.

Go ahead.

Goddamn it, son, we gave it our best shot.

Goddamn. That's a Texas mountie. What the hell's he doin' in Arkansas?

Good idea.

Good idea. Why don't you slip into somethin' comfortable?

Good shit!

Great psychology. Why don't you say somethin' bad about my mother?

Halfway down the aisle I said to myself,

Hang on just a minute, and I'll tell ya.

Haulin' him a load up to Tennessee

Have a good day and a better one tomorrow, good buddy.

Have you ever seen the Broadway show Chorus Line?

He ain't gonna rest till you're in jail

He ain't gonna rest till you're in jail

He caused all of this, the Bandit. Ain't he somethin'?

He done good, didn't he, Fred?

He had his head out the window yellin', Clear the way!

He hit Mount Eeale in a drivin' rain

He hit them brakes, found he had no air

He is wanted for the Mann Act, kidnappin'

He left Atlanta back in '63

He said, Folks, when the truck picked up too much speed

He snuck in my back door when I wasn't lookin'.

He was comin' down backwards 'bout the speed of sound

He's all mine, so stay outta the way.

He's been gnawing everything, barkin' and screamin'. He's turned into a stalk of bananas.

He's droppin' 'em like flies, isn't he?

He's gonna go to glory ridin' 18 wheels

He's got a broad in the car, took her across the state line.

He's hot on your trail

Heading for the fairgrounds!

Hello, Frog. I want you to meet Fred, Frog.

Hello? Mr Bandit?

Her knockers bouncin' all over the joint.

Here they come!

Here's my Cadillac. That'll leave me with an even dozen. Good luck, son.

Hey, Bandit, this is Little Beaver.

Hey, Bandit. Listen to this.

Hey, boy, where's Sheriff Branford?

Hey, Kirk. How ya doin'?

Hey, man, he's gone. Let's get outta here.

Hey, sugarbabe, how you doin'?

Hey, want a beer?

Hey, we really oughta pay somebody for that mess we made in there.

Hey, what... what's goin' on up there?

Hey, would a cop taking a leak on the side of the road interest you?

Hey, you got peanut butter or somethin' in your ears?

Hey, you know who that was? Check this out.

Hey! Ho ho ho!

Highway marker number 71. How's our time doin'?

Hold it!

Hold it! I'm stuck here. This is not workin'.

Hold it! The beer! Watch the beer!

Hold my hat!

Holy shit. We got a lot of company up there.

Honey, I got... I gotta go. Yeah, I gotta go... Bye.

Hot damn, we're gonna make it.

How 'bout bringin' me a hamburger for Fred? I'm beginnin' to worry about him.

How 'bout gettin' those pallies of yours out there, block 'em off?

How about that for a challenge?

How come we're doing this? They said it couldn't be done.

How much do I owe you, Billy?

How much I owe ya, ma'am?

However, in the future, Cledus, I will never, ever do you wrong again.

I always recognise you! You know why? You always kick me in the balls!

I am Sheriff Branford.

I apologise to all the friendly folk who are listenin'.

I apologise to all the friendly folk who are listenin'.

I been chasin' a goddamn maniac all the way from Texarkana, Texas.

I been meanin' to ask you that. How come you're followin' me?

I believe we have the situation well under control, Sheriff.

I believe you're just a little bit scared.

I came to make a deal. What's he get if he wins this truck rodeo thing?

I can see her now, runnin' back up that aisle...

I can't lie to you, Sheriff. You're too good a man. Look over your left shoulder.

I copy, Chopper One. I'm on my way.

I could've been kickin' that Mr Bandit's ass around the moon by now.

I didn't come all the way this far to go home with empty pockets.

I didn't come all the way this far to go home with empty pockets.

I didn't know this truck could do 96.

I didn't want to be dumped at any old truck stop.

I don't believe this. Funny, I don't remember that turn.

I don't care if you're the Governor of Texas. You're makin' a big mistake.

I don't care if your daddy is the mayor. You wreck this car, it'll come outta your pay.

I don't care what it is. You can't drive this piece of shit on my highway.

I don't guess we're gonna be ridin' in the truck together this time?

I don't know!

I don't like this any more than you do, but...

I don't remember.

I don't think Fred bit you, mister. Fred absolutely don't like grease.

I don't think he's got her permission, and that's kidnapping.

I find it hard to look at you, Waynette, especially with those things in your hair.

I got a little pygmy standing beside me dressed like me. You can't miss me.

I got an idea. Why don't we do this?

I got the evidence! Put the evidence in the car.

I got to ask you a question. Sit right there, Fred.

I got ya, son. Come on back.

I guess you can get your ticket over there.

I had this costume that lit up. I only short circuited once.

I happen to be Buford T. Justice,

I have enough to get to Jersey, walk the rest of the way.

I have just apprehended the Bandit.

I have my young son in the car, and I don't wanna hear that kinda language.

I haven't worked that out yet, but I'm thinkin' about it.

I hope you'll accept my apologies for my profanity.

I jumped in this car, and it blew up on the side of the road,

I just go from place to place and... do what I do best.

I just run along beside it and drug my feet

I just started.

I know in the past I may have done you wrong.

I like this seat better anyway.

I lost that TransAm. Set up a roadblock.

I mean, all of this?

I met this guy... These can't be my pants. God, he was good looking.

I need a smokey report, and I need it bad, son.

I picked up three brides yesterday, just like you, very subdued.

I read you loud and clear. 10 4.

I saw that, you sombitch!

I see a portable gas station ahead of me. Do you copy?

I see our asses in a sling if we get caught that's what I see.

I suggest that you let my department handle the situation.

I think he was from Texas or something, and I thought Why not marry the guy?

I think I'm in love with your belt buckle.

I think it'd be a good idea if we changed places, don't you?

I thought it was funny.

I wanna jump something else! I wanna jump a house! I wanna jump something!

I want to.

I was down here dancing in a home appliance show.

I went a few rounds with some dudes at this eat 'em up joint.

I'd no idea this dress would be so hard to get out of.

I'll be within earshot. You keep it wound up to around 90.

I'll catch you on the flip side, darlin'. I'm too pooped to pop.

I'll drop the dolly off at a choke and puke, and then I'll get right back on the job.

I'll thank you not to use that kind of language in my presence.

I'm at mile marker 85. Come back.

I'm at mile marker 86. Come on by, Bandit.

I'm buyin' your attraction for a half an hour.

I'm comin' over underneath you. You just slide right on over.

I'm doin' what I'm supposed to be doin'. What are y'all doing, he'n' and she'n'?

I'm eastbound Just watch ol' Bandit run

I'm eastbound Just watch ol' Bandit run

I'm eastbound Just watch ol' Bandit run

I'm eastbound Just watch ol' Bandit run

I'm eastbound Just watch ol' Bandit run

I'm eastbound Just watch ol' Bandit run

I'm gonna barbecue your ass in molasses!

I'm gonna find the tallest tree in the country,

I'm gonna get that girl and set everything straight.

I'm gonna put you on a diet Fred. Mercy.

I'm gonna slide on out. Catch you later, Snowman.

I'm in a hurry, and you want to swim. You're drivin' me crazy, Fred.

I'm in pursuit of a black TransAm.

I'm lookin' for a west bounder on highway 85.

I'm never gonna give up! I'll get you, you sombitch!

I'm right down at the bottom of the hill. I'm six foot eight in a cowboy outfit.

I'm runnin' blocker for 400 cases of illegal Coors.

I'm still tryin' to get rid of that Texas County mountie. I don't know what the hell he wants.

I'm tellin' you for the last time.

I'm the brother of a truck driving mother boogity, boogity, boogity, boogity.

I'm westbound Just watch ol' Bandit run

I'm westbound Just watch ol' Bandit run

I'm westbound Just watch ol' Bandit run

I'm westbound Just watch ol' Bandit run

I'm westbound Just watch ol' Bandit run

I've got the metal to the pedal, and the thing to the floor...

I've got the metal to the pedal, and the thing to the floor...

If I say go to channel 21, forget it. We ain't goin' to 21, we're goin' to 19.

If they had cremated the son of a bitch,

If you don't get up here and run me some interference, we ain't never gonna make it.

If you want to.

In the United States of America.

Inside.

Is she wearing a wedding dress?

Is that Hot Pants Hilliard yakkin' out there?

Is this Bandit? This is Mr B., gearjammin' this rollin' refinery. You got a smokey?

Is this your goddamn mutt?

It depends on what part of the United States you're standin' in...

It happens every time one of those dancers starts poontangin' around...

It must be a bitch gettin' a size 68 extra fat and a 12 dwarf.

It never occurred to me... Well, please, sir, you proceed immediately, and...

It would be better with a whole bridge.

It wouldn't look nice on my highway.

It'd never be boring, I can tell you that. It would never be boring.

It's me they're after. They don't even know Cledus Snow exists.

It's OK, Lamar.

It's only 900 miles there and 900 miles back.

It's the Bandit

It's time you truckers learn these roads don't belong to you.

Jesus Christ, what are you doing? His mother doesn't even have any teeth!

Just cook the onions this time.

Just give me a minute here.

Just put that hammer down and give it hell

Just put that hammer down and give it hell

Just put that hammer down and give it hell

Keep your foot hard on the pedal, son, never mind them brakes

Keep your foot hard on the pedal, son, never mind them brakes

Keep your rubber band stretched real tight.

Lady, don't you know you're supposed to signal?

Lamar, surprise. Look who's here.

Lamar, you're rotten to the core, you know that.

Last time I saw legs like that they had a message tied to 'em.

Let go of that wheel.

Let go of the button.

Let it all hang out 'cause we got a run to make

Let it all hang out 'cause we got a run to make

Let it all hang out 'cause we got a run to make

Let it all hang out 'cause we got a run to make

Let it all hang out 'cause we got a run to make

Let me have a diablo sandwich, a Dr Pepper. Make it fast. I'm in a goddamn hurry.

Let me tell you somethin' about that. She makes herself...

Let's go get some of Lamar's greasy spoon.

Let's see. There's 400 cases of beer, I'll need the cash for that.

Like what?

Look, I've got to go 10 100. Could I have a dime?

Look, you got Cledus in jail once. Leave us alone!

Looks like we got a clear shot all the way to the 'Bama state line.

Love to! But hey, you're gonna owe me one.

Makes me think you're listening to a radio station in Savannah.

May I express my feelings about inconveniencing you...

Mostly for the money. You know what we're gonna do with the money?

Mostly for the money. You know what we're gonna do with the money?

Move them vehicles. We gotta get through!

Mr Bandit, you have a lyrical way of cutting through the bullshit.

My handle's Silver Tongued Devil. Your fellow CBers are mighty proud of ya out there.

My name is Sheriff Buford T. Justice.

Named Robert Crumly.

Never mind that crap. What the hell is this?

New car. Gotta have a new car to block for the truck.

Nice ass.

No coozie's gonna leave me at no church.

No, I am not Hank Snow's brother. No.

No, I didn't, honey.

No, I don't think you're crazy.

No, she was dancin' back up the aisle,

No, sir. You just apprehended my captain.

No, son. I'll be drivin' this one and blockin'.

No.

No. We're just gonna run over to Texarkana and pick up 400 cases of Coors

Nobody makes Sheriff Buford T. Justice look like a possum's pecker.

Nobody...

Not for long.

Now hear this, you tick turd: I'm gonna get you.

Now I got that sombitch, and I got him with his fly open.

Now that the mutual bullshit is over,

Now, Bo, I'm tellin' ya, Fred here ain't gonna be no problem.

Now, I know you're in a little distress here,

Obviously you can. What are you tryin' to do, start another race?

Oh, boy

Oh, boy.

Oh, hello, Officer! Glad you're here to assist me.

Oh, hey... For some reason or another,

Oh, how are we doin' on time? About 25 minutes ahead of schedule.

Oh, I believe anything you tell me. How'd ya do, same as always?

Oh, I love your suits.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my... Oh, my God!

Oh, no.

Oh, pretty good, considering the shape I'm in.

Oh, shit.

Oh, they don't? Well, I'll tell you what we gonna do.

Oh, you can think about it, but don't do it.

Oh, you got a little mess there. Let me help you get that off there...

Oh? Really?

Old Smokey's got them ears on

Old Smokey's got them ears on he's hot on your trail

Old Smokey's got them ears on he's hot on your trail

On the other hand, if we stayed on the odd channels,

One of the most highly respected law enforcement agents...

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

One, two... I'm a gypsy... four.

Oof!

Oof.

Open it up. Let's see the manifest.

Orville, you seen that new waitress at the diner, Arlene?

Otherwise we wouldn't have gone... What are we doing now?

Oughta be in Nashville.

Paydirt. I just picked up the Bandit eastbound on 95.

Put the evidence in the back.

Put the pedal to the metal, and we'll hold this county mountie as long as we can.

Put the pedal to the metal. I'm 10 10 on the side.

Put your foot on the floor. We got your back door, and I'm clear.

Read him his rights, Junior.

Ready and willing. Ha. She always was.

Really? What is he, a bank robber?

Remember, these are the boys that take the long hauls. They really did it today.

Right.

Say hello to Waynette. Looks like old Fred's gettin' fat.

See? I didn't wreck it, Sheriff.

Seems like a legend and an out of work bum look a lot alike, Daddy.

Send... bill... to... Big... Enos... Burdette.

Shackled only by freedom

She insulted my town. She insulted my son.

She was.

Shit! You do what you want. I'm stayin' right here.

Sir, I'm sorry. I had no idea.

Smart aleck.

Snowman, are you out there?

Snowman, I'm right beside you.

Snowman! How are your vocal cords?

Snowman! How we doin', son? Come on back.

So did I.

So do I. Five, six, seven, eight.

So hard he couldn't even see the passin' lane

So you boys just stay here and keep your hands on the car

So you got to dodge him you got to duck him

So you gotta dodge him you gotta duck him

So you've got to dodge him you've got to duck him

Some say they despise you

Son of a gun! So am I!

Son, from what I've heard, the biggest thing about the Bandit is his ego,

Son, never mind them brakes

Son... you reckon you can let me off at the next exit?

Sorry what happened, Snowman.

Speedier than that.

Speedy car.

Stand up there and see if you can see where the hell they went.

Suck up a little go go juice and put some groceries down my neck.

Sure.

Sure. Ask me.

Switched every time and started in the basement, that'd work, too.

Take the cuffs off, you moose twit.

Take your hat off.

Talk to me, guitar

Talk us into somethin' we gonna be sorry for, son,

Tell me, you comin' up on Fayetteville and Interstate 82?

Texas? You know, of course, that you're out of your jurisdiction.

Thank ya, son. I appreciate it.

Thank you, Mr B. I don't know how to thank ya.

That black TransAm is now headed toward Alabama.

That vehicle happens to be evidence, valuable evidence,

That was a Texas bubblegum machine on your back door.

That you could come from my loins.

That's a 10 4. Snowman, you got your ears on, son?

That's a big 10 4!

That's an attention getter.

That's going to convict a maniac that I've been tryin' to apprehend

That's the Mann Act.

That's the way I wanna go out. Hey, man, watch it!

That's very comfortin', but I'm in a high speed pursuit.

That's why I used to love to drive those trucks, darlin'. Spot those beavers.

The Bandit ain't nothin'. He's a mental case.

The boys are thirsty in Atlanta and there's beer in Texarkana

The boys are thirsty in Atlanta and there's beer in Texarkana

The boys are thirsty in Atlanta and there's beer in Texarkana

The boys are thirsty in Atlanta and there's beer in Texarkana

The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation.

The goddamn Germans got nothin' to do with it!

The judge gets to you, he's gonna turn you every way but loose.

The Mount Eeale grade is steep and long

The Mulberry Bridge has been dismantled for the past six months.

The problem is that Coors beer.

The show closed the first night.

The welcome mat is out, and you're comin' home.

There ain't gonna be no more Snowman and Bandit.

There is a wedding in search of a bride. Let me put it another way.

There might be some vandals around who wanna steal somethin',

There's been a little fender bender here on 64.

There's no way, no way...

These Peterbilts are worth $80,000.

These two old boys put me up to it.

They call you the Bandit

They call you the Bandit

They call you the Bandit

They call you the Bandit...

They probably sit around and watch the cars rust.

They swear he got asphalt a runnin' in his veins

They swear he's got asphalt a runnin' in his veins

Think of it as a wedding posse in search of a bride.

This is a collect call from Cledus Snow.

This is car 12, Bobby Lee, and I have him westbound on 75.

This is car four. We're in pursuit of the black TransAm.

This is Foxy Lady, Bandit. We heard you were comin' by,

This is not a convoy. This is a dream.

This is Sheriff Buford T. Justice again.

This is Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Texas!

This is Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Texas.

This is Sheriff Buford T. Justice puttin' out an all point advisory.

This is the Bandit, son. Can we slide right into your convoy there?

This is the Bandit. Who've I got at that end?

This place is crawlin' with bears. Where the hell are you? Come back.

Those boys are thirsty in Atlanta and there's beer in Texarkana

To Texarkana, Texas, and back to here in 28 hours?

Tod Engels. How are ya?

Until one of my associates arrive.

Wait a minute. Scratch that. Hold it.

Wait a minute. Why do you want that beer so bad?

We ain't gonna make it, son. We're gonna hang it up.

We are apprised of the situation and are taking appropriate measures.

We come this far, ain't we? When we say we gonna do a job, we do a job!

We don't need assistance. I've got him in my sights.

We gone, killer.

We gonna do what they say can't be done

We gonna do what they say can't be done

We gonna do what they say can't be done

We gonna do what they say can't be done

We gonna do what they say can't be done

We gonna do what they say can't be done

We gonna do what they say can't be done

We gonna do what they say can't be done

We gonna introduce 'em to the boy. So move over, good buddy,

We got no time for that crap! Dumb sombitch!

We got some time. You wanna stretch your legs, Frog?

We have a big chance, a big chance to make a run for some big bucks.

We jumped over that bridge!

We need a way out of here. We need the money.

We were together... eight and a half days. God, I really thought that was it.

We'll come screamin' by in five minutes with a herd of smokeys on our ass.

We're about 28 minutes ahead of schedule.

We're gainin' on 'em.

We're on our way to Boston to get some clam chowder. Bye bye.

We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there

We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there

We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there

We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there

We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there

We've got a long way to go And a short time to get there

We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there

We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there

We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there

We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there

Wear a badge on your didie.

Well, at least he kept it in the family.

Well, cowboys love fat calves.

Well, damned if ya ain't. Damned if ya ain't.

Well, for your information, that ain't never been done, not in no rig.

Well, God Almighty, would you look at that!

Well, he got to the bottom safe and sound

Well, he started down the grade when he lost a gear

Well, his truck jack knifed turned completely around

Well, hot damn. Welcome to Mississippi, Sheriff.

Well, I am getting my clothes, you fool.

Well, in that case, you shouldn't be dressed in white.

Well, let's just see what he's got under the hood.

Well, maybe they do

Well, my vocal cords are fine. I'm a little worried about Fred now.

Well, placin' you under arrest for transportin' alcoholic beverages

Well, please don't do it anymore.

Well, the more wheels I got the better I like it.

Well, there's a truck drivin' legend in the South today

Well, there's a truck drivin' legend in the South today

Well, well, well. Hello, beautiful.

Well, what's your handle, son, and, uh, what's your 20?

Well, where are you, you bodied up, smooth talkin' thing?

Well, you keep your wheels spinnin' and the beavers grinnin', then. I'm out.

Westbound and down 18 wheels a rollin'

Westbound and down 18 wheels a rollin'

Westbound and down 18 wheels a rollin'

Westbound and down 18 wheels a rollin'

What about double or nothin'?

What are ya doin'?

What do you do? Straight.

What do you mean, you knew I was comin'?

What do you mean? These are great little legs. I'm a professional.

What happened, Daddy?

What is the matter with you, Fred? That's it for you and the truck drivin'!

What the hell do we wanna go to Texas for and haul beer back here?

What the hell is the world comin' to?

What the hell is this, a drive in movie?

What we're dealin' with here is a complete lack of respect for the law.

What?

What's a Texas county mountie doing in Arkansas?

What's all this about?

What's she wearin' now? Come back.

What's wrong with you? You were gonna dump the chick at the truck stop.

When he wins, I wanna celebrate in style.

When I get home, the first thing I'm gonna do is punch your mama in the mouth.

When you tell somebody somethin',

Where are we going? No, don't tell me. Let me guess.

Where are you, you sombitch?

Where are you, you sombitch?

Where? In the woods?

Who gives a turkey when the Snowman and the Bandit are runnin' the booze?

Who ya chasin'? Somebody chasin' you?

Whoa, hold it. I just passed another Kojak with a Kodak.

Whoa! I got a flash for you.

Whoops!

Why do you wear that cowboy hat? Because you think it looks dazzling on you.

Why so fast? You're late for a big bowling date?

Why, her ass was wigglin', too.

Why, thank you, Officer.

With only a smile

Would you just happen to be listenin' out there?

Y y you're crazy! And I'm divorced!

Y'all be careful and I'll catch ya later.

Ya heard the legend of Jesse James

Yeah, about normal. I lost.

Yeah, tell me about it. It damn sure ain't from eatin' the food at this joint.

Yeah, we'd get along.

Yeah, why don't you just leave me?

Yeah. We both like half my face.

Yeah. Yeah, I see. I see all right.

Yeah. You do do that well.

Yeah... I'm always all right.

Yes, have a smoke. It seems to help.

Yes, it would.

Yes, operator?

Yes, sir, you have seen some of the finest gearjammin' in all of this country.

Yoo hoo! Sheriff!

You ain't gonna believe this, but I just did my imitation of Joe Palooka.

You ain't gonna believe this, but that crazy sombitch tried to drive up under my truck.

You be a passenger for a while now. Up, up... I'll just slide right...

You be careful, you hear?

You can thank me by not gettin' caught.

You can't go in there and bother Cledus. Hey! This is my home!

You did that on purpose!

You do.

You gonna be all right?

You got the one Snowman. I'm eastbound and down.

You gotta keep that diesel truckin'

You have a wonderful way of putting things.

You heard 'bout the legend of Jesse James

You keep this one for yourself.

You know them Smokeys got them CBs in the car now.

You know truckin' Coors beer east of Texas is bootleggin'.

You know who I feel has revolutionised the American musical theatre?

You know who that is? That's Mr Evel Knievel.

You know, I wanted to be a high fashion model once.

You look tired, boy. Rest yourself.

You look tired, boy. Rest yourself.

You mean to tell me we're gonna drive from here

You might've said no, and I have a hard time handling rejections.

You must be part coon dog, 'cause I been chased by the best of 'em,

You oughta give up smokin'. That's bad for your health.

You punks look tuckered out, too.

You punks look tuckered out, too.

You put about eight and a half on me, blowin' my windows out. Bring it on.

You run up to Boston, bring back some clam chowder.

You see, I got a boy runnin' tomorrow in the Southern Classic

You see, when I get you back home,

You sombitch!

You sombitches couldn't close an umbrella.

You still workin' at that choke and puke on West 85?

You take that east of Texas and that's, uh... that's bootleggin'.

You think I'm... nuts, don't you?

You to get out of this dumb ass rodeo and accept a real challenge.

You want a handle? OK, I'll think one up for ya. Let's see.

You wear no man's chain

You'd better not come this way.

You'll be drivin' the truck. This is Bandit One and that is...

You're about to come up on a convoy.

You're goin' away till you're grey!

You've got him, you lucky devil.

You've got to keep that diesel truckin'

10 4, 10 4. I'm bringin' it, son. I'm clear.

10 4.

10 4.

10 4.

10 4.

20 to one I break the son of a bitch this time.

28 years old and... Oh, goodness, what's this? I'll tuck it right in.

(BANDIT) If?! $5,000, Daddy.

(LAUGHS) You all right? Very funny! Very funny!

(SHERIFF) Breaker to the Bandit. Come on back, breaker.

21 is 19? If I say go to channel six, forget it.

73... 84. Never mind, just keep the change.

80,000 of them. Really?

A dollar and a half. Keep the change.

A Texas bubblegum machine? Yeah, I saw him.

All right have you... I got that all worked out.

Am I hittin' ya, son? Mercy sakes.

And he had this hat on... Funny, ain't she?

And sleep. Wanna bet?

And these are my legs. Yeah.

And who wants to know? This is the Bandit, darling.

Are you ready, Roy? I was born ready.

Big town, ain't it? I wonder what they do for excitement.

Break for that Bandit One. Yeah, Snowman, come on back.

But, Daddy, he's... Do what I tell you, you pile of monkey nuts!

But, Daddy... Put the evidence in the car!

Can you see anything? It's a football game. Can we watch, Daddy?

Channel clear. Breaker one nine, breaker one nine.

Chicken shit money. Just what the hell you want, anyway?

Classy guy. Classy guy.

Cledus, get the money. How 'bout the money?

Cledus, you got your ears on, son? Oh, bring it on, you lucky devil.

Cledus? Talk to me, my boy.

Cledus. No!

Close. Richard Petty? No.

Come back, Bandit. Bandit?

Come back. I hate to say I told you so.

Come back. Oh, we were playin' a little bridge.

Comin' around you. Be careful.

Crank it up. Now back it up. Oh, shut up!

Crawl under. Terrific

Dad, I don't believe that that's necess... Never mind.

Daddy, listen. Shut up!

Daddy, the top came off. No shit?

Damn it, it's locked. We're about an hour ahead of schedule.

Dancer. Oh.

Diablo and Doc Thank you, nice lady.

Did Cledus call you a legend? Uh huh.

Did you see what we did? Yes, I did.

Do we really wanna talk about legs? One of us does.

Do you know who Casey Tibbs is? Baseball player.

Does he do a lot of musicals and stuff? Yeah.

Does this thing move? Oh, yeah.

Don't hit the kids! Get your hands off my wheel!

Don't you hear good? I hear perfectly.

Don't you know this ain't Saturday? Thanks a lot.

Don't you take that hat off for anything? Sure.

Drives pretty good, don't he, Sarge? We'll see about that.

Driving, talking to me. They're both a challenge.

Except for that... Shut your ass.

Feel lucky? Let's get him.

For almost 12 minutes. Oh, shut up!

For almost 12 minutes. Oh.

Four miles. Goddamn it! Four miles...

Fred! Come here, Fred. I said... He just bit me.

Get in a car? Yes, sir.

Get serious! Can you drive this thing? I am serious.