Blades of Glory (2007) Edit

A champion, an icon, a giver.

A classic skater defined by elegance, precision

A historic event here in Montreal.

A move so revolutionary, so dangerous

A move the likes of which the world had never seen before.

A Mr Roboto to start the routine.

A perfect head butt! Down goes MacElroy!

A rare ballet of ice and history.

A serious stumble in an otherwise perfect routine.

A six pack of protein shakes and a subscription to Men's Health.

Actually I just came by 'cause I had something I had to say to you.

Actually, it's quite the opposite.

After all we've done for you? After all you did to Mom and Dad?

Ali without Frazier. Han Solo without Chewbacca.

All of these are weapons in the pairs skaters' arsenal.

All right, boys. Let's go do this. Loud and proud.

All right, duly noted.

All right, gentlemen, waltz position.

All right, ladies, tea party's over.

All right, listen up. You guys barely squeaked by at Nationals.

All right, Mr Smart Reporter, showing off.

All right, not bad, not bad. As long as that 5.8 doesn't kill us.

All right, Stranz. Time for a little Chazzle Dazzle.

All right, this is gonna stop right now.

All right? So come on, let's go.

All right.

All right. You'll be staying here for the duration.

An absolutely seamless use of props integrated into choreography,

An edgy look at urban culture told in the language of the streets.

And a Kristi Yamaguchi Lifetime Achievement Award.

And a monkey who was trained to work on a video camera.

And all they're doing is just leeching the dignity out of our beloved sport.

And an ability to endure great pain.

And as for friends and family, Chazz Michael Michaels walks alone.

And boy, look at them! They are really having fun with this.

And Chazz Michael Michaels.

And down goes Chazz Michael Michaels.

And Fried Green Tomatoes.

And further hurt your progress

And Gary said, "I've got a third ball."

And he just nails the triple Axel!

And he likes dreams and whispers

And he likes dreams and whispers

And his favourite movie is Short Circuit

And how is this going to work?

And I ain't going nowhere.

And I moved to the Ukraine

And I took it to the one place on earth batshit crazy enough to give it a try.

And I've stuffed them down my pants.

And if you find him, would you tell him to get his ass down here?

And if you think I'm going anywhere, you're wrong. You know why?

And it was cold and everyone had guns and smelled like soup.

And it's come down to this. Tonight, they leave it all on the ice.

And just watch over him. All right?

And like many revolutionary ideas,

And move to the bench to await your scores.

And no one can lift your fat ass. You're on a diet, starting now.

And now as a pair team?

And now you need to bite it.

And she is not a whore.

And she rocked my world.

And slept with your partner like I told her to.

And so while his scores are being tabulated,

And Spaetzle's aflame!

And Spandex and glitter. Egos.

And spectacle of these, the 20th World Wintersport Games.

And that victory was as sweet as the cream pie

And that's why I was a sex addict.

And the spirit of honest competition.

And the wisdom to know that masturbation

And then go...

And then I brush my hair 100 times with this.

And then kick you to the side of the road like a dead raccoon.

And then what happened?

And there it is.

And there's another unique Michaels skill.

And they force me to work for them like a slave.

And they hit it beautifully!

And they join Team USA's other gold medallists,

And they made an improper left hand turn.

And they nail it! Unbelievable performance!

And they'll focus on the purity of the sport

And they're up.

And they've won this crowd over!

And this is my brother's new girlfriend.

And those good vibrations seem

And those scores keep Stranz and Fairchild in first place,

And to revel in the glory that is sport.

And used properly, they can slay your opponent.

And was named one of Barbara Walters' most fascinating persons of 1994.

And we're feeling so free. Come on, join us.

And what does a new gold medal mean for you?

And women's skating champion...

And yes, no need to ask, I'll consider you for a position.

And you have to wonder what is going on.

And you take good care of him.

And?

Another 6.0.

Another great walking through the halls of the Grublets.

Are gonna win these judges over.

Are taking their place at the podium right now.

As they wind up their routine,

At 16, she won the gold, turned pro,

At age 12, Chazz escaped a life of running cigarettes and illegal fireworks

At least you did the honourable thing.

Be warned. The Iron Lotus demands your respect.

Beautiful butterfly into a prayer. Nice into...

Became banned from competition for life.

Because dreams never weigh you down.

Because I will not back down, ever!

Because if you can't dance with a man, you damn sure can't skate with a man.

Because no one ever loved me.

Because nobody can obsess like I can.

Because now I've got a brother.

Because there's a lot of dreams to be had.

Before a big competition, I like to work with leather.

Before the commission passes judgment,

Besides, you're too late.

Between two former champions.

Boo!

Boom!

Boom!

Boom! We sure did.

Boom.

Bring it on! Let it rain down on me.

Bring them by the dance studio tomorrow.

But a beehive for germs and bacteria.

But after that performance, he's starting to reek of gold.

But after that performance, he's starting to reek of gold.

But all those stories have been eclipsed now

But don't even look at the Verticoli.

But I don't care!

But I remember Boston,

But I remember Boston,

But I was referring to the precision and beauty of robots.

But I've been your son for 26 years.

But if something should happen to your new boyfriend's leg,

But it amounts to the same thing, so...

But it's not the ice. It's what the ice lets you do.

But Michaels and MacElroy are up next.

But my brother and sister don't like anyone to steal their focus.

But perfection can drive a woman mad.

But there's nothing in the rule book that says you can't.

But this ought to do it.

But what? How's the partner search coming, kid?

But, Chazz, you realise this would just set you back

By becoming a star in Detroit's underground sewer skating scene.

By what many dub the Sideshow of the Century.

Calling for preparation on ice of the United States team

Can you give me a time out here with Chazz?

Centre ice in the hearts of millions of skating fans everywhere.

Chazz Michael Michaels has come in here and captivated this arena

Chazz Michael Michaels walks in with the unrated version.

Chazz Michael Michaels, an ice devouring sex tornado.

Chazz Michaels and Jimmy MacElroy are figure skating. Boom!

Chazz taught me some stuff.

Chazz, I have asked you to leave before and I don't wanna do it again.

Chazz, release to Jimmy. Easy, see? Release...

Chazz, they got to get you to a hospital. Come on.

Chazz, would you like to start the day off by sharing?

Chazz!

Chazz. Chazz.

Checking out my ink?

Children of beloved Swiss skiing gold medallists,

City by the bay! John Denver!

Coach! Coach! Did I make it in time? Where's Chazz?

Combining to be the first male male pair team in the history of the sport.

Come on, Chazz, focus! Focus!

Come on, Denver, get off your asses!

Come on, Katie. Do the honourable thing here.

Come on, me and the Woodland Fairies,

Come on, people, break it up!

Come on, pick up. Come on, buddy.

Come on, what are you talking about?

Come on!

Come on.

Come on. Put in the tape, Jesse.

Come on. Take my hand.

Completely different skaters, known to be enemies of one another,

Cool brush.

Cool. Way to go, guys. Gold medal.

Daddy! He's crushing me.

Damn it.

Damn it.

Damn it. I just threw up in here, people.

Darren had turned his attention

Decided on our own to do a little flourish off the triple, did we?

Denver, Colorado, last stop on the road

Did you see that? They were actually pretty good.

Do it for Katie. Burn up the ice with your red hot love.

Do you have a bathrobe or a parka you could...

Do you know what you can do for a burn?

Do you look at yourself?

Do you mind? I'm trying to eat here.

Do you wanna make history?

Doing it right takes a little bit longer, but it's worth it.

Don't be so sure.

Don't even think about putting us in the same league.

Don't give me that guilt trip.

Don't make me kill her.

Dreams? Shit. I haven't had one of those in years.

Each tattoo tells a different tale. They're like chapters of my life.

Eat that, MacElroy.

Elegant with machine like technical precision.

Ending the programme showing his flexibility.

Especially not the precious and pampered Richie Rich.

Even if we wanted to, they'd never allow it.

Except for winning the gold again and keeping it this time.

Fans remember Michaels and MacElroy as gold medallists who,

Fans, friends, esteemed members of the committee,

Fat ass?

Feeling? We're feeling now? What are you teaching this boy?

Figure skating. Give it up, Jimmy. It's like a cruel bitch mother.

Find someone else.

Fine. "Make love." Whatever.

Fireworks display in Montreal.

First throw.

First, the foundation.

Fitting, considering these two men may very well be the future of the sport.

Flawless. Just textbook perfection.

For about a month, my urine smelled like marshmallows.

For the greatest suffering the world has ever known?

For three years I've been trying to get over the nightmare you two created.

For years for their chance to make it onto the world stage.

For your information, I didn't have sex with Chazz.

Forget it. I gotta go.

Foy, can I have another blue one?

From here on out, you guys are a team. Do you understand?

From the United States,

From the United States, Jimmy MacElroy

From which they could never recover?

Get your head on.

Give me your hand.

Go ahead, drink it in. Don't be shy.

Go on! Fit them together!

God bless you, Jimmy. God bless your heart.

God bless you.

God bless you. God bless everyone. Thank you.

God, I have to do everything in this family.

Good choice, my man.

Good luck, Jimmy.

Good. We're in agreement then.

Gosh, I'm getting sick.

Great! Press loves them, and now so do the sponsors.

Gross. Get me out of here! Somebody help me!

Guys, maybe, maybe if you concentrate on the skating

Guys!

Handmade in Italy. They carve it out of illegal whalebone.

Hands.

Have you seen Jimmy? I can't find him anywhere.

Having sex. A lot.

He couldn't skate any better than that.

He is a child of privilege.

He just uses everything at his disposal. The movement, the music.

He just, he loves food.

He recently published a book of poetry, Let Me Put My Poems in You.

He wants to make love to the crowd.

He was plucked from an orphanage at age four

He's been staring at a pack of gum for nine hours. What'd you do to him?

He's got a heart of gold.

Hector?

Hell, I know more than you know you know.

Hello, and welcome to day three of the Orbitz World Wintersport Games.

Hello, and welcome, everyone, to the Orbitz World Wintersport Games

Hello, ladies. Typical of Michaels, it's not enough just to win.

Hello?

Help yourself to the Mane n' Tail all you want,

Here I am, guys. We did it. High fives.

Here it comes.

Here we go. Show time.

Hey, Chazz. Come on.

Hey, everybody, get your tickets for the second show.

Hey, everyone! This is Gary, the squirrel.

Hey, guys, you're amazing.

Hey, it's Jimmy. If you can dream it, you can do it.

Hey, it's me again. Jimmy, please, call me back, so I can explain.

Hey, Jimmy.

Hey, Katie.

Hey, MacElroy. Was that your routine?

Hey, Michaels, let's go. Lace up. The fog machines are primed.

Hey, Sammy, it's not what it looks like.

Hey, there!

Hey, traffic cop. Get this straight. I don't have a coach. I don't need one.

Hey, turd face, guess what?

Hey, what are you doing? She said it's too tight.

Hey, where you going?

Hey, you listen to me, old man!

Hey. Nancy Kerrigan.

Hi, Katie.

Hi. I'm sorry I'm late. I was

Hi. It's Jimmy MacElroy. Is Katie there?

His ultimate find came in the form of skating wunderkind, Jimmy.

History in the making.

Hope you brought your silver polish, MacElroy, 'cause that was gold.

How are we gonna compete against teams

How do you describe something like that?

How heavy is that gold around your necks?

How is this possible?

How many times do you have to make the same mistake?

How minimal?

I ain't making no promises.

I am nothing but a human onion. In fact, we all are. Oh, encore.

I am stunned silent, absolutely silent, Jim.

I call top.

I can skate in the Wintersport Games again.

I can't do the Lotus with a shattered ankle.

I can't hear you, Papa. What are you... You're crying?

I could hold it all day long. Try me.

I could not love a human baby as much as I love this brush.

I couldn't let her do it, not the way I roll.

I didn't sleep with Chazz.

I don't care if they win. I don't care about skating at all.

I don't even know what that means.

I don't even know who you are any more.

I don't get it.

I don't know how to turn it on. Thank you.

I don't know what I can say,

I don't know, Coach.

I don't know, Scott. I'm not sure, interpretive dance moves

I don't know, under his knee, or above his ankle?

I don't share shit. The night is a very dark time for me.

I don't think that's stupid. I'm glad that I said that.

I don't think un adopting is the right word.

I gotta... Yeah, shower. I need one of those

I guess I had a pretty normal childhood.

I had a chance to sit down with Michaels

I had my face painted at the Blueberry Festival one year.

I had so many lawyers work on so many appeals.

I hate my life.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I have a crush on the enemy, Katie Van Waldenberg.

I have never seen done.

I have no idea, but I'd like to find out.

I haven't had a snow cone in a couple of years, actually.

I just put those into order.

I just wanna say keep dreaming

I just wanna say you guys are partners now.

I knew it. I knew after three years, you just weren't checking in.

I know her.

I know more than you think I know.

I know that sex, I know that sex addiction is a disease.

I know, I know.

I know.

I like your buttons.

I love you, Chazz!

I mean, come on, I moved on, Jimmy. You gotta move on, too.

I mean, I need your help. What do you say?

I mean, I'm really desperate to win that gold, but...

I mean, people don't realise what we go through on a day to day basis.

I mean, really, what's so great about skating, anyway?

I mean, sign up is in two days.

I mean, we have the best fans in the world.

I mean, who are you gonna trust, a little girl or Jimmy MacElroy?

I need some counter space, too.

I never had a father, okay?

I never really thought of that as a romantic story before.

I never thought I'd see it with my own eyes, the fabled Iron Lotus!

I really appreciate this.

I remember when we were hanging out at the bus stop in Tucson,

I see you got fat.

I see you still look like a 15 year old girl but not hot.

I started working with that Ukrainian skater,

I sympathise with you, Hector. I really do, but there's nothing I can do.

I take pride in the words, "Ich bin ein Berliner!"

I think I see the Virgin Mary.

I totally wanna cut off your skin and wear it to my birthday. It's coming up.

I wanna wear the gold medal, naked.

I wanted it badly, so I developed a move.

I was just trying to find some peace.

I was on Quaaludes. I don't even remember Oslo.

I was on track to head up the Olympic squad.

I was wondering if you wanted to get a snow cone sometime?

I wasn't sure I'd ever forget it.

I will. Boom. You have my word. High five.

I would fire you

I wouldn't have to save your ass with my landing.

I'll get yours, Jimmy.

I'll pick you up in the morning.

I'll take him.

I'll tell you what is. Oksana.

I'm a sex addict and I'm attracted to women.

I'm a sex addict. It's my cross to bear.

I'm actually looking for a female skater to compete with me at Nationals.

I'm banned for life.

I'm committed to this thing called friendship.

I'm gonna have to cut your pants off.

I'm gonna pop you in the back of the head.

I'm gonna put some weight on it to see.

I'm here to sign up the pairs team of Michaels and MacElroy.

I'm here to sign up the pairs team of Michaels and MacElroy.

I'm in a lot of pain. I feel like I'm gonna barf.

I'm just a man, for God's sake.

I'm just saying that I'm'a do what I can do.

I'm Katie.

I'm late, sis. My hair is just not cooperating.

I'm not gonna say wow, but wow!

I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life in a cage of fear.

I'm not here to sign up Michaels or MacElroy.

I'm not inviting you to the Skating Federation's Annual Christmas Party.

I'm not looking for a job.

I'm not skating to anything with references to lady humps.

I'm not the girl. I'm stronger.

I'm okay!

I'm okay.

I'm on my way.

I'm so sorry, sir.

I've got something I wanna show you. I had it done last weekend.

I've taken every single one of your teddy bears,

I've won a lot of radio contests, because I refused to get off the line!

Ice blows.

If either one of you would like to make a statement

If I wanted him to share, I'd have bought him a brother.

If she was half the woman I was, she would have done her job

If they wanna take home the gold, they gotta do something spectacular.

If they'd published the rest of the quote...

If we went to a Halloween party dressed as Batman and Robin, I'd go as Robin.

If you weren't so goddamn beautiful out there.

If you're here to thank me for firing Chazz Michaels, it was my pleasure.

Impure! Impure!

In a bizarre turn of events,

In accordance with the rules of the International Skating Federation,

In maintaining control over your libido, correct?

Incredible!

Incredible.

Indeed. I think it's worth noting,

Into our head? Not only did we embarrass Marky Mark,

Is Little Lord MacElroy gonna come and meet you down here?

Is sharing it with your fellow countryman.

Is that why you're going out with me right now?

Is this about my muscular, thick thighs?

It belongs out there.

It can't be that hard. I mean...

It doesn't mean as much as winning America's hearts.

It doesn't really matter, it's waltz position.

It gets your thoughts all trapped, like in a bottle.

It is the fabled Iron Lotus.

It just scared the shit out of the establishment.

It makes my hair shine like Orion's belt out on the ice.

It was a man and a woman, that's why it didn't work.

It will "get me time to get my jugs waxed."

It's a Posturepedic.

It's basically just gliding, trying not to fall,

It's called improvisation. Even your precious Kenny G does it.

It's dark for everyone, moron.

It's daytime, you douche.

It's embarrassing stalking a has been, you know what I mean?

It's good to see you.

It's Jimmy. If you can dream it, you can do it.

It's like a Band Aid. Just rip it off. We'll both feel better.

It's like these two men did beam in from outer space,

It's MacElroy, for her.

It's me, Chazz.

It's raining men in the men's singles. Men wearing gold, that is.

It's the first time they've shown them any level of support.

It's time for a fresh start.

James MacElroy and Charles Michael Michaels,

Jealousy.

Jesse, put in the tape.

JFK.

Jimmy MacElroy and Chazz Michael Michaels,

Jimmy MacElroy stands alone at centre ice.

Jimmy MacElroy, skating's Little Orphan Awesome.

Jimmy MacElroy?

Jimmy MacElroy. The crowd swooning as he comes out of that spin flawlessly.

Jimmy, can you wave to the fans?

Jimmy, come on. The scores are up.

Jimmy, get off your hands.

Jimmy, it'll all work out.

Jimmy, it's me, Chazz.

Jimmy, you did it! The gold medal, baby! You did it!

Jimmy, you put your clothes on. Jimmy!

Jimmy, you've gotta be willing to improvise.

Jimmy!

Jimmy!

Jimmy.

Jimmy.

Jimmy's here at the arena, you ass.

Jimmy's my friend. I'm not gonna do this.

Jimmy's renowned for his personal hygiene, Scott.

Just enable...

Just like, I don't need that.

Just stuff, you know.

Just think of it as like a boob handshake between me and your lady's...

Just thought you'd like to see what a skater's body really looks like.

Just two pairs remain. Both American. Both hell bent on reaching the top.

Just when you think you've seen it all,

Katie is not a whore!

Katie, please, will you just take this camcorder, okay?

Keep it up!

Keep your speed up.

Ladies and gentlemen, Grublets on Ice will be cancelled until further notice.

Last issue.

Legally, I'm disowning you.

Let them get it out. Let them get it out.

Let's capture the dream.

Let's do it, Chazz!

Let's do this.

Let's get outta here.

Let's get started, shall we?

Let's go!

Let's just move on. Who'd like to talk about Chlamydia?

Let's learn a little bit more about skating's Leather clad Lothario.

Like a stack of classic Euro porn.

Little help.

Local figure skating fans got more than they bargained for today

Look at the grace, the beauty.

Look what you did to my ex wife!

Look, Coach, I know I said I wanted to skate pairs, but two men?

Look, I almost gave up on you.

Look, I didn't mean to drag your balls into the discussion.

Look, I knew I had it. I just felt like it needed a little...

Look, I'm just a choreographer. What do I know?

Look, it's up to us, okay?

Look, MacElroy's also down now.

Look, that's not coming out right. I'll explain it. Call me back, please.

Look, what happened back there, so not a big deal.

Looking's for free. Touching's gonna cost you something.

MacElroy still waving to the crowd.

MacElroy.

MacElroy's heart is like a beautiful apple that's in your hand

Makes my blood boil.

Man down.

Maxim.

Maybe if you released me at that quarter turn,

Michaels and MacElroy are a freight train from hell, okay?

Michaels and MacElroy have brought the legend to life.

Michaels and MacElroy turn up the thermostat.

Michaels just slipped MacElroy a very public note.

Michaels.

Mom and Dad were not wearing their seatbelts

More than that, I pray the children can forgive me.

Move!

Mr Michael Michaels,

My blonde Ukrainian she devil.

My brother and sister blame me for their death

My God. This is happening all over again.

My nut sack!

My sister told all my friends I was in jail for armed robbery.

Nice choice, Coach.

Nice lift.

Nice.

No exaggeration,

No one knows what it means, but it's provocative.

No other pair in the world could do this!

No reason. I was just wondering how it went. Did it go well?

No refunds will be given.

No way. This guy could not hold my jock sweat.

No, I'm stronger and don't have a vagina.

No, you brought me half a gold medal.

No, you don't. You could never keep up with my flawless technique.

No, you got it all wrong.

No!

No. Dreams are in your sleep.

No. I'm fine.

No. I'm not gonna make Chazz Michael Michaels

No. No, no. You act right or you leave my studio.

No. When I met you, you were a great figure skater.

None of what they did was on your video.

None of you sons of bitches try to be heroes. You hear me?

North Korea.

Not for Alaskans or dudes with night vision goggles.

Not just a brush but a Verticoli.

Not Oksana Baiul?

Not on your life.

Nothing in here about two men skating.

Now apparently you're dedicating this performance

Now he's up there laughing at them.

Now he's up there laughing at them.

Now let me ask you boys a question.

Now let's join Stranz and Fairchild Van Waldenberg

Now listen up. Gary's been a long time friend.

Now maybe underneath all your bullshit, we can still find something beautiful.

Now taking the ice.

Now there's some jostling atop the podium

Now there's the arm.

Now there's your front page headline.

Now you're playing for team Van Waldenberg.

Of course.

Of Michaels and MacElroy.

Oh, and I'm a sex addict.

Oh, crap.

Oh, God, they feel so good.

Oh, God, this is so wrong.

Oh, great.

Oh, my God, I can't get a real job. It'll kill me.

Oh, my God, you've bagged a wild lynx.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh. Can you...

Oh, no! It's the evil wizard!

Oh, really? I like your glitter tooth necklace thing.

Oh, sweet Jesus.

Oh, that sucks.

Oh, that thing?

Oh, yeah, of course. Why not?

Oh, yeah? Well...

Oh, yeah. He was here a minute ago.

Okay, all right, I'm sorry. I'll cut to the chase.

Okay, but start up near the crotch. That's a better access point.

Okay, here it goes.

Okay, I get it! Just stop talking!

Okay, say, "Sounds to me like your cream needs to be whipped",

Okay, try it again.

Okay, you know what? I can do something cool, too.

Okay! Okay!

Okay? That means no coach and no partner.

Okay. "Yo. It's the Mac attack. What up?"

Okay. Break it down. Show me what you got.

Okay. I'll go over here. Sandwich.

Okay. Stranz, let her go. It's okay. She's made up her mind.

Okay. That's a start. That is a start.

Okay. What do you guys have that none of the other teams have?

Okay. What do you say, let's give it a try?

Olympics... for the birds

Once a breeder of some of the most successful racehorses in the world,

Once at the top of the skating world,

One more. I'm really close.

One song only. Lady Hump by the Black Eyed Peas.

Or a performance of Cirque du So lame?

Or they create great music together

Or we're gonna be disqualified!

Otto and Ella Van Waldenberg,

Out on my dance floor you won't know

Out on the ice in an ice rink.

Out there, I feel like I can do anything.

Pairs.

Papa?

People will forget all the hype

Perfection's what they need if they want to beat Stranz and Fairchild.

Perfectly balanced, low drag, minimal torque.

Personal philosophy: Clothing optional.

Picked up today where they left off more than three years...

Please don't encourage them. Come on.

Please gather your coach, family, and friends

Popping and locking their way to the championship in Montreal.

Pour sweet cream on it.

Practice starts now. End of discussion.

Probably not.

Really? I thought my landing was all bad...

Really? So, what's that one about?

Really.

Remember how they used to be alive?

Rewind it. I wanna see his head bang down again.

Right. Right. I mean, you said it all. It's such a burden.

Sam. Sammy, come on, baby.

Sasha Cohen catches Michaels' jock strap.

Say you want a snow boner. Snow boner.

Saying what you need to say from the bed?

Scene of the crime.

Scott, I seem to have wet my pants.

Scott, this may be solid gold but to us it's lighter than air

Second show tickets now available.

Second show's almost three quarters full.

Section 14, paragraph G,

See that? It's pure pec, bicep, and tricep.

See ya!

See, after all these years, I know what went wrong.

See, your days of stealing the spotlight are over.

Seems about right.

Setting up the ultimate gold medal showdown.

Settle down and pop out a few little Chazzlings.

Sex, sex, sex. What can I say?

She was ready to quit, hang up her skates

She'll seduce you with chocolates and roses

She's like dry ice. Wait. She's colder than that.

She's Stranz and Fairchild's sister?

Side by side double Axels! Beautifully delivered!

Side by side skate clashes.

Skaters to the ice.

Skaters, please clear the ice in preparation for the pairs competition.

Skating.

Snowflake!

Snowflake.

So appropriate.

So glad you're all here.

So I knew she was limber.

So I quit.

So important to remember that that dove was in his suit the whole time.

So Jimmy and Chazz together and no fighting, huh?

So many moves in this programme I've never heard of before.

So might as well try it.

So that the Lone Wolf never has to be alone again.

So tonight, the crowd cheers on their beloved Van Waldenbergs.

So, Coach, I was thinking about the music for our routine.

So, how'd it go with your lady? Carve up any ice with your wiener?

So, Katie, it looks like your date went really well the other night, huh?

So, let me ask you, any thoughts on the competition?

So, the favourites, Stranz and Fairchild Van Waldenberg

So, what's that one with the horse?

Some say questionable, training methods,

Something never seen before.

Soon, Jimmy was sweeping the gold

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry. I'm hot.

Spaetzle! Oh, my God!

Spawned in the hell fires of Motown.

Squat thrusts are hard.

Step aside, home school. There's a new sheriff in town.

Still? In heaven? You're still dead?

Stranger danger! Stranger danger!

Stranz and Fairchild Van Waldenberg,

Stranz Van Waldenberg.

Stranz!

Stranz?

Stranz. Fairchild. Melissa Kelly, ESPN2.

Surfing a tsunami of swagger right now.

Sweet.

Syphilis, gonorrhoea, et cetera. Should we...

Talk. Relax.

Taxi!

Taylor, come on, man.

Thank God.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks to Hector's idea!

Thanks, brother man. Have a good night.

Thanks.

That a boy, Jimmy. Come on.

That a buddy of mine let me flood with a garden hose.

That it would have catapulted the team that stuck it straight to the top.

That man who's chasing us is trying to kill me. So, thanks.

That might require some bad behaviour.

That one represents the dragon lady. You might know her as Michelle Kwan.

That one? It's nothing.

That skate with this kind of beauty.

That was disgusting.

That was stupid that I said that. You know what? No.

That was textbook execution. Same scores I beat you with in Oslo.

That was uncalled for. They're fine, I overreacted.

That working with hides and pelts releases the soul.

That, young man, is how babies are made.

That's a month away.

That's all right. Let's not let them get into our heads.

That's because I'm not finished.

That's enough! Why do you guys keep doing that?

That's how much you mean to me.

That's lame.

That's Michelle Kwan, most decorated figure skater in US history?

That's not my style. Chazz Michael Michaels goes it alone.

That's the reality. Another layer to the legend.

That's very important to us.

That's what I thought.

That's what I'm talking about.

That's why I floored you in '02 and the spring of '99.

That's why they call me the Lone Wolf, on my back there.

That's why those seats are so valuable.