Hudson Hawk (1991) Edit

A car crash stops traffic. You say, How can this happen to me?

A fantastic example of Florentine bronze.

A fantastic example of Florentine bronze.

A fish is an animal that swims in a brook

A good man, an innocent man, a thief.

A lifetime of service, and it's come to this.

A mule is an animal with long, funny ears

A pig is an animal with dirt on its face

A souvenir.

Aah! I used you as a diversion.

Actually, I don't see. I'm confused.

Actually, it's Italy.

After a couple years of steady production...

After all these years, I still get goose bumps coming to auctions.

Air bags! Can you fucking believe it?

Alchemy is the business term of the '90s.

Alchemy?

Alfie and I have been at it all night. Well?

Alfie, you dry British madman!

All right, Mr. PBS, you got me.

All right!

All right. I am not deaf. Don't make fun of my hearing.

All this trouble for a horsey.

Almond Joy would have handed you your heart after you handed her the codex.

Almond Joy, more paralysis!

Almond Joy. Get it? Candy bars.

Always, Mr. Mario.

Am I boring you, smart ass?

Am I late?

An artiste of a different field...

An auction house. One night's work, and you're free.

An equestrian piece attributed to the Cellini school.

And again last night.

And all the monkeys aren't in the zoo

And art...

And be better off than you are

And be better off than you are

And be better off than you are

And bring ketchup.

And by the way if you hate to go to school

And finally lot number 17...

And five minutes outside.

And happiness comes from the achieving of goals.

And I had a different nose.

And I promise you, my friend, there will be no bail. Understand?

And I'll bring my entire entourage.

And I'll bring my entire entourage.

And I'll kick your centrally intelligent ass all over the piazza.

And it was going to be the largest bronze statue ever built.

And it's gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you.

And legitimate government procedure.

And must you flirt with him so effectively?

And said it was made by Leonardo...

And the bitch you took to the prom.

And the cold war has something to do with penguins.

And the rest is about to become history.

And though he's slippery he still gets caught

And we get to go home.

And we kind of messed around.

Anna banana fo fanna...

Anna Baragli!

Anna made me realize what a pawn I was.

Anna, Anna, if that were so...

Anna, Hawkmeister, you're probably wondering why you're still alive.

Anna, we're supposed to be saving you.

Any minute now, Mr. Gates.

Any other bids?

Anyway, they called this statue the Sforza...

Are you going to tell me why you did that or blame it on Dumbo?

Are you okay?

Aren't you supposed to stop me committing crimes?

Arrivederci, baby.

As always, your timing is impeccable.

As an agent of our organization, you're put in awkward situations.

As if it made a difference.

As you know, the da Vinci codex...

As your parole officer, I found you a job.

Assuming you are a woman. From now on, I ain't taking nothing for granted.

At $20 million.

At least there's one thing that will never cha...

At the Castle da Vinci, we make gold!

Attempted? I didn't want to steal it in the first place, but I have my pride.

Bad Hawk!

Ball ball.

Ball ball.

Ball ball.

Ball! Ball!

Ball! Ball!

Basically that you're all a part of the same carpool.

Beat it, Tommy. No dinosaurs allowed.

Because danger is my middle...

Because tonight...

Besides, we don't have much choice, do we?

Better make the hole bigger.

Betty Jo Biarski? I can get you an address.

Beware the blue wire?

Big boys don't cry.

Big Stan!

Blackjack, give my irritable partner a cappuccino.

Bobo knows.

Bombs?

Book 'em, Danno, Give a hoot, don't pollute?

Brief him, Snickers.

Broadway tix? Seduce women?

Brokers, economists, fellow entrepreneurs...

Bunny Mayflower!

Bunny, ball ball.

Bunny, ball ball.

Bunny, quit that.

Bunny, you weren't that bad!

Bunny?

Bunny.

But considering your status, I will say Slurp my butt.

But for us, this isn't a fantasy. It is a reality.

But gold will always be gold.

But he knew right from wrong.

But I can't, so I'll just paralyze you. A.J.?

But I didn't think it was going to be like this.

But I want to do community service, to teach a handicapped to yodel.

But if you don't care a feather or a fig

But if you weren't such snobs, those guards at the Louvre might be alive.

But look at the bright side. Half this joint is yours.

But now they've lost the greatest cat burglar and his dead partner...

But now, finally, I got myself a new goal.

But she's our only way of keeping tabs on the mysterious Vatican organization.

But thanks to three brave guards, it will be ready for tonight.

But that Kaplan and the candy bars are.

But Tommy Five Tone...

But we'll travel along

But we're sore losers.

But what of Tommy Five Tone, Hawk's friend? Where's his loyalty?

But when Anna tracked me down... It was so beautiful.

But when da Vinci finally turned this machine on...

But wouldn't you know it?

But you look really tired, kiddo.

But you... You...

But you're a little late.

Butlers forcing me to steal something it appears I didn't steal.

Can I ask a question? I'm not as fat as that guard, am I?

Can I get to Times Square from here?

Can you believe it?

Can you believe that kooky elephant?

Can you fucking believe it?

Can't we go back to the kissing part?

Carry moonbeams home in a jar

Carry moonbeams home in a jar

Carry moonbeams home in a jar

Catch you later, baby.

Catholic girls are scary.

Cesar Mario. Antony Mario. I didn't know the circus was in town.

Cesar! Antony!

Christmas cards, Easter seals. Delivers up to 10:00 at night.

Close call. Close call.

Come back in a half hour. We'll grab a shower, pick up some croissants.

Come here, you chickenshit son of a bitch!

Come here! My head against your head. Fair fight.

Come here.

Come here.

Come on, Butterfinger.

Come on, Grandpa.

Come on, Pierre, read my lips.

Come on, Puppy Chow. Got to go.

Come on, Puppy Chow. Got to go.

Come on, Slim Jim.

Come on, Tommy.

Come on!

Communist politician.

Cool, isn't it? Weight, feel, malleability.

Covering our tracks. We leave through the basement.

Curare darts.

Cute shot.

Da Vinci's Sforza.

Damn meddlesome Vatican organization.

Dean, I don't get it.

Depressing?

Detailing la machina de oro...

Did he mention the Mayflowers?

Did I miss anything?

Did I miss anything?

Didn't wear black, didn't sing Swinging on a Star.

Directions even your brother could understand.

Does everybody in the whole world know more than me?

Don't act like you never committed a crime before. I know I made a bad call.

Don't be stupid, Mr. Kaplan. Give me the crystal.

Don't even think about it. Don't say another word.

Don't ever change.

Don't hate me, baby.

Don't hurt him? Even if he does this?

Don't hurt him. We need him for the final job.

Don't I know you?

Don't tell me you want to open a store, go straight and sell spatulas.

Don't tickle me. Don't do it because I gotta tell you something.

Don't worry, bonehead. I'm wearing my girdle.

Double crossbow for a double cross.

Drink your cappuccino.

Drink your coffee.

Eddie, we better split up.

Eddie! Eddie!

Enough!

Eureka, motherfucker!

Every day you see quite a few

Every schmoe has a fantasy that the planet revolves around them.

Every time I get around you, my heart beats really fast.

Exact change?

Exactly 500 years later...

Except yours, yours.

Exquisite.

Fantastic!

Fantastic!

Father, it's obvious he's up to something.

Father, we've been double crossed by the C.I.A.

Financial empires will crumble, crumble.

Five Tone Bar and Grill.

For God's sakes, somebody chain this convict.

For the cold wind that blows in the wintertime.

Fore? Did anybody hear something?

Forgive me, for I have sinned. It's been 1,200 hours since my last confession.

Forgive me, for I have sinned. It's been 1,200 hours since my last confession.

Forgive my dry British humor.

Forgot.

Four minutes, 19 seconds.

French fries. This is France. You gotta have French fries.

From now on, set the timer.

From you that's a powerful statement.

Fuck junk bonds! We've got the real deal.

Fuck T bills! Fuck blue chip stocks!

Fucked my freedom for a lousy job.

Gates gets killed, you say, Did I miss anything?''

Gates tries to blackmail me, you ask, Did I miss anything?''

Gates wants you to rob an auction house?

Gates was killed? Who do we send the thank you note?

Gates, do it yourself.

George Kaplan.

George, you big softie.

George, you promised. No old C.I.A., new C.I.A. Jokes.

Get him outta here.

Get me to the Five Tone. I'll strangle somebody if I don't get a cappuccino.

Get this off my head!

Get up. You're embarrassing me.

Getting old, George?

Go in, brief the Mayflowers on the current situation.

Go, Leonardo! Please, please!

Go, team, go!

God, Minerva! I was just joking.

Goddamn it! Yanks lose again!

Going once.

Going twice.

Gold is.

Gone!

Good god, what's that?

Good job. Not pretty, but good.

Good morning.

Good news. The Mayflowers have moved up the timetable.

Good night.

Good night.

Good, Yogi.

Good.

Got 'em here, cowboy.

Got a coat, hat.

Got a coat, hat.

Grapple, bikers bottle....

Great minds worked for centuries to turn worthless into priceless.

Had the perfect amount of foam.

Hang on.

Happy sailing!

Has lived in the Vatican for centuries, and will stay for centuries more.

Have you lovely ladies tried our house wine? I think you'll enjoy.

Haven't you ever seen David Niven? Tiptoe in, tiptoe out.

Hawkmeister.

Hawky, you come highly recommended.

He came into a world where crime is a legitimate business tactic...

He can't write his name or read a book

He had this look on his face when we caught him. It was like...

He kicks up at anything he hears

He was known as the Hudson Hawk.

He was so embarrassed.

He'd be eating microwave sushi, naked in the back of a Cadillac with both of us.

He's fat and lazy and extremely rude

He's got no manners when he eats his food

He's in very good hands.

He's just plain stupid with a stubborn streak

Hell of a lot of Wong numbers.

Hello.

Here we go.

Here's looking at you, kid.

Here's your personal items.

Here's your wallet.

Hey, coach, looks bad.

Hey, he's got my key! I'll be seeing you, Hawk.

Hey, I want to be in business with you.

Hey, old man! Yeah, you!

Hey, subtlety's not one of our strong points.

Hey, thanks.

Hey, this doesn't taste like cappuccino.

Hi, Anna.

Hi, kids!

Hi. How you doing?

His back is brawny and his brain is weak

His shoes are a terrible disgrace

His untiring pen predicted the airplane...

History, tradition, culture are not concepts.

Hit it! Singing a song

Hit me with your best shot.

Hit the Road, Jack?

Horse things.

How am I driving? 1 800, I'm going to fucking die!

How could you take this down? Captain Bob's steering wheel.

How do I stop?

How do you know this stuff? What do you do?

How the three pieces of crystal fit together.

How was the show? Did I miss anything?

How you doing?

How.

How'd it get to be my turn? I just killed Darwin and Minerva.

Hudson Hawk gets the chair of honor.

Hudson Hawk go boom boom. He dead.

Hudson Hawk had some interesting things to say about you and the Mayflowers.

Hudson Hawk is not who we thought he was.

Hudson Hawk! You cease to amaze me, convict.

Hudson, look...

Huh? I'm getting ready to do some crime, rob some farchadat horse with you?

I admit we displayed a lack of nuance.

I ain't stealing no more, Gates.

I always wanted to sing like Frankie Valli.

I bet you went to Mrs. Lincoln at the theater and said...

I betrayed a man.

I better whisper it to you.

I call them the MTVIA.

I can set you up and send you back anytime I want.

I can't move! I'm gonna rip their fucking tongues out!

I can't think of anybody I'd rather play Nintendo with.

I can't.

I choose not to accept the assignment, Mr. Phelps.

I consider it the prize of tonight's auction of objets d'equestrian.

I did my first barehanded strangulation here.

I didn't know you cared. Three minutes, 22 seconds.

I didn't want to do it. All I wanted was a cappuccino.

I do a lot of things, but I don't steal stuffed elephants from little girls.

I don't hold grudges.

I don't know how to tell you this. Couple of brokers stopped in.

I don't know. It must be the curare.

I don't like to commit a crime the day I get out of the joint.

I don't make love every ten years, I get a cranky.

I don't think it's a smoking hot idea to leave them in there alone.

I don't...

I dumped some lire into research.

I feel like a dolphin who's never tasted melted snow.

I got your stamps.

I gotta go be a boss.

I grew up in Hoboken, New Jersey, which is on the Hudson River.

I guess down deep I was jealous.

I hated cigarettes until I saw my first no smoking sign.

I have a great plan. Great!

I heard something.

I highly recommend them.

I hired Kaplan and the Marios to find me a cat burglar.

I just want to be happy.

I may not know art, but I know what I like.

I mean, you didn't have to tackle me.

I miss Communism!

I must speak with the dolphins now.

I never saw a look on a face like this.

I Only Have Eyes for You?

I read about these people in Newsweek.

I see the blue chair in the auction room.

I see.

I see.

I seem to have a thing for sinners.

I seem to have a thing for sinning. Check please.

I should be looking in the want ads for a job selling spatulas.

I stuck my neck out setting this up for you limey bastards!

I think Gates promised Hawk a cut, too.

I think He wants you to keep an eye on me, too...

I think I know what will help you solve it.

I think it's time for you to report to the head office in heaven, Sis.

I thought we were using the C.I.A. To get to Mayflower, but they're using me.

I thought you'd get into it.

I tricked you into robbing the government installation...

I want to make it up to you. That's why I got you this gig.

I was a warden.

I was afraid you wouldn't drop by.

I was only kidding.

I was only kidding.

I wish I could come up with this glib repartee the way you guys can.

I wish Tommy were here.

I won't be needing the car anymore.

I wouldn't worry much about him.

I'll find out.

I'll get some sheets.

I'll get you ten of them at the bar.

I'll give you two. Antony and Cesar Mario.

I'll kill the butler, that yappy dog.

I'll kill you all! I swear to God!

I'll kill your friends, your family...

I'll shoot one in the kitchen for good measure.

I'll take the front 9, you the back 9, and we'll meet back at the clubhouse.

I'll torture you so slowly, you'll think it's a career.

I'm being blackmailed into robbing the Vatican by psychotics and the C.I.A.

I'm happy we covered our tracks!

I'm just good at swiping stuff.

I'm just kidding. Thanks for saving me. Why was that guard chasing you?

I'm losing respect for you.

I'm not a very good damsel in a dress, am I?

I'm not sure if I remember how to kiss girls.

I'm not worried. I'm just being cautious.

I'm racking up those frequent flyer points.

I'm robbing the Vatican.

I'm sensitive about my figure.

I'm sick of this.

I'm so glad it had to be like this.

I'm sorry, but the machine's still set up for poisonous foam.

I'm sorry, Eddie.

I'm sorry. I got bored, so I saved myself.

I'm sorry. I work undercover for a Vatican humanitarian organization.

I'm tired of not understanding things. Cops! Mafia!

I'm under equipped and I've got a date.

I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Roma.

I've got the power

If that sort of life is what you wish

If the Mario brothers weren't New Jersey's third largest crime family...

If the Mayflowers get all three crystals for the gold machine...

If you could do us the honor, and decipher how the code works...

If you see the big guy, tell him He's a loser.

If you want to save Anna, you've got to find the castle first.

In 1992, baby...

In a weird sort of Catholic way, I do.

In less than one day of planning, you did it.

In one of your paws you've got a gold bar worth about eight thou.

In the autre, you've got lead that won't get you gelato.

Initially, it was a priority to keep buffers between you and me.

Irreplaceable.

Is looking like a constipated warthog a job prerequisite in the art world?

Is this funny? You think this is some kind of fucking joke?

It ain't gonna happen.

It didn't hurt.

It doesn't matter at all

It rains.

It was his gift as an inventor who drew together science....

It was to give him something more than he expected.

It's a great dress, but why didn't you let me cut her heart out?

It's a postal subway.

It's a very fine line between ex con and escaped con.

It's a very special night

It's been a really long time for me.

It's been known to have side effects.

It's better than playing darts with M.B.A. S at the bar.

It's better than when we first started.

It's coming out my nose.

It's funny, but that excites me.

It's gonna take you another 31 seconds.

It's hard to come up with new ones.

It's in the hole! The gallery's ecstatic!

It's just that when you've made your first billion by the age of 19...

It's more complicated than that.

It's nice of you guys to drop by, but next time you might phone ahead.

It's not like I said teach our nation's children how to read.

It's not what you think. Well, maybe it is.

It's nothing. Anybody would've done the same.

It's one thing to play hide and seek with the Mayflowers' pathetic staff...

It's too goddamn peculiar.

It's veja du. Something you wish never did happen.

It's veja du. Something you wish never did happen.

It's very simple.

Jail, you asshole! Our foot soldiers will blow your brains out.

Jerry, check out Big Stan.

Jolly good shot.

Jumbo, we hardly knew you.

Just as long as we're together

Just checking.

Just read your book, Butterfinger.

Just remember, Hudson Hawk is an evil, evil man.

Just sailing along singing a song

Just shoot her. Anybody?

Just two more minutes. I was so close.

Kaplan and his C.I.A. candy bars shot the operation with hidden cameras.

Kaplan and the candy bars were seen boarding a plane out of Rome.

Keep it. Ready?

Keep off the grass, let's play soccer.

Ketchup. You can't beat Heinz 57.

Kick your big, flabby ass.

Kit Kat, are you really going to guard us with your life?

Kit Kat, guard the Mayflowers with your life.

Kit Kat, how did you know about that blue wire?

Ladies and gentlemen of the board and Minerva.

Last time Simpson only made a 40.

Leonardo da Vinci's last commission for the Duke of Milan.

Leonardo!

Let me ask you something. How come I'm not out trying to get laid tonight?

Let me ask you. How much does a new tuxedo cost?

Let's give it up for Hudson Hawk.

Let's go this way.

Let's say I left out this little piece of mirror.

Like a Gumby in a store?

Like the Company's new look?

Listen, Anna.

Listen, this might be hard to believe, but I'm just a regular Joe.

Long ago, the Duke of Milan commissioned a little known artist...

Look up Chin.

Look, can't we have a late night cappuccino?

Look, you Eddie Munster motherfucker...

Lord help us.

Lovely work, Alfred. Taking the Concorde back?

Make that list happen.

Mama Mia Pizzeria. May I call you Minnie?

May I?

Maybe it's a dud.

Maybe nobody told you. I quit stealing.

Maybe you should go back to Rome and get some sleep. Kit Kat!

Menthol.

Messed around?

Might get this looked at.

Minerva read about it in an airline magazine four years ago.

Miss Baragli's da Vinci expertise allows her to go on to the next course.

Mister, are you going to die?

Money isn't everything.

Money will always be paper...

More babes for the party.

Morning edition. It says here...

Mr. Coffee, have any trouble checking out?

Mr. French, I'm...

My God, that was bold of you. You didn't have to do that.

My hat.

My high school science teacher?

My life's pretty boring.

My man, you're going to hit a church.

My next word was gonna be consciousness...

My pension!

My people will not be happy. I want to see Kaplan.

Name's Snickers. Plane leaves in 40.

Nice Hawk.

Nice, boring dinner?

No checking in with a shrink, no community service.

No sweat, Tommy. You made the biggest mistake of my life.

No tongue. I promise.

No way!

No way.

No, but he's going to steal the codex. I can feel it.

No, don't put me...

No, I want you to tell me.

No, you're a slender reed compared to that guard.

No? Try this.

No. They fell for the fake death.

No. They fell for the fake death.

Not counting the bitching and whining, I'll be nice and say eight.

Not in a boat. Not on a train.

Not much. Gates tried to blackmail me into doing a job.

Not that I ever kissed guys.

Not with a goat. Not in the rain. I do not like green eggs and ham.

Now lot 15.

Now we have no choice, do we?

Now we're a nice, local bar that none of the locals can afford.

Now who will start at 140,000?

Now!

Oh, baby!

Oh, Hawk.

Oh, Hudson Hawk.

Oh, I think He wants me to keep an eye on you.

Oh, really, George?

Oh, really?

Oh, sorry, Jeeves.

Oh, there you are.

Oh, we ain't got a barrel of money

Oh, yeah. I remember.

Oh, yes! If da Vinci was alive today...

Oh, you two!

Oh. I guess I put too much ethyl chloride in it.

Oh. Then what's this?

Okay. This way.

On display for three days only at the Louvre in Paris.

On the periodic chart of elements, they're but one proton apart.

On the thumbcuffs.

On this simple task, you have betrayed me.

One down. Kitty Carlisle.

One hundred million and one...

One! Two!

One. Two.

One. Two. Three.

Open the gate.

Operator, I'd like to make a collect call overseas to a New York number.

Or should I say, this morning's.

Or would you like to swing on a star

Or would you like to swing on a star

Or would you rather be a mule

Or would you rather be a pig

Ossining, New York.

Our code names were diseases. Know what it's like being called chlamydia?

Out.

Outbid by mine own wench. Quelle bummere.

Outside of a friendly dog yesterday, this has been a slow decade.

People were scared.

Perfection.

Pick it up, Tommy.

Pick it up.

Pick me up, pick me up.

Pick up the phone, you reindeer goat cheese eating bastard.

Plan B, George.

Plan B?

Play Nintendo? Bone some chicks?

Pocket Fisherman, olive oil...

Pokey!

Predicted this.

Prison?

Punks.

Put me in jail.

Really?

Reindeer goat cheese pizza?

Reindeer goat cheese pizza?

Relax. That's why we hired the pasta slurping guinea: To keep Hawk in line.

Remember all the reporters here when you came in?

Remember that night he came in? Nobody could figure where he got this.

Remember, you have your vows to God as well as your mission to the world.

Rise and shine, sleepyheads!

Ruins? Good name.

Run him down!

Same old coat, same old hat. You're extinct, Hawk.

Savages.

Scrabble, knock knock jokes, anecdotes about dead Italians?

See that Miss Baragli gets home safely.

Seemed like a sweet deal.

Seriously, Concorde me home, jail me. I don't care.

Seventeen Hail Marys...

Shazam! We come across a diary by one of da Vinci's assistants...

Shucks. I guess not.

Shut up!

Shut up.

Side by side

Side by...

Side. I'll take that, sir.

Since most are dead now, I thought, What the heck?

Since you won't tell us what we want to know...

Six hundred seventy three Wongs in the phone book.

Snap out of it!

So da Vinci decided to create a machine...

So if you don't recognize me, I won't be offended.

So much for his cut.

So the Hudson Hawk is getting out!

So you see it's all up to you

So, Captain Hawk...

So, Captain Hawk...

So, Hawk. The Hawkster. What do you think of the vehicle?

So, Hawk. The Hawkster. What do you think of the vehicle?

So, Sister, what you are saying is...

So, why won't you do the auction house?

Sold!

Sold!

Some of us warthogs are more constipated than others.

Some well hung Dudley Do Right galloping up to save you.

Somebody better tell me what's going on or I ain't moving another muscle.

Somebody rewired the recorders!

Something much more than bronze.

Sorry I'm late. I miss anything?

Sounds like Tommy.

Speaking of being caught, isn't the C.I.A. Gonna check out this place?

Sprinkler system set up in the back.

Star Spangled Banner? Whitney Houston, Super Bowl 17.

Stay over here and try to stay out of the way.

Steak burger.

Stop fooling around!

Stop it! You're embarrassing your country.

Surely a master thief like you can tell the difference.

Surely this must offend.

Ta ta, Hudson Hawk.

Take it in the ear for a beer rat bastard!

Tell me. Did the devil make you do it? Or did Darwin and Minerva Mayflower?

Tell you something about the bar. You're going to love it.

Ten years later, you're still impressed with yourself.

Thank God. 212 555 1989.

Thank you for calling AT& T. What number please?

Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you.

Thank you. Fore!

That auctioneer ought to be landing at LaGuardia any minute now.

That bad news is that leaves you with five seconds to defuse the bombs.

That didn't hurt.

That doughnut hole e

That gives me goose bumps.

That Hudson Hawk is not willingly working for the Mayflowers...

That is most incredible.

That's $100 million...

That's $200 a day so he can get a hooker and tequila? Veto, Darwin.

That's irrelevant now.

That's it.

That's okay. Just keep an eye on the art.

That's the first thing I did, smooch the ground and taste the freedom.

That's the only way.

That's us!

That's what you think.

The 'Sforza was a fake, but I was under orders not to denounce it.

The Agency had respect, and I got laid every night.

The apprentice's diary contains a code that explains...

The artist was Leonardo da Vinci.

The bicycle, the helicopter and even the tank.

The black thing on the desk.

The butler did it. The guy was a cross between Alistair Cooke and a Cuisinart.

The chaos we will cause the world with this machine....

The da Vinci Sforza, the jewel of the sale.

The dolphin is dead.

The dolphin is... Come on, you bitch!

The European superpowers are c>oming together for one business superpower.

The foundation of all finance, will lose its meaning.

The gold machine for those at home.

The good news is you'll be unparalyzed in about two minutes.

The guy on the donkey is just a guy on a donkey.

The last ingredient in the recipe is da Vinci's model of a helicopter.

The last time you saw me I was bald, with a beard and no moustache....

The license plates on the police van had a Vatican prefix.

The Louvre, Hawk, is yesterday's news.

The Louvre?

The magic word.

The man knows! The man knows!

The nuns at St. Agnes...

The old man said turn left at the fork.

The one of cat burglary...

The only law I cared for was friendship. I broke that one, too, didn't I?

The paintings, the sculptures.

The paintings, the sculptures.

The place where you gave the bad guys the codex.

The pope takes his mail seriously.

The project of his life is now the toy of mine.

The Red threat.

The sign says No horseplay in the pool area.

The submarine...

The time was 1481.

The timing is not right.

The trip is this.

The vanity of this Hudson Hawk.

The Vatican extends its jealously to the lucky bidder.

The Vatican has foiled the advances of pirates and terrorists.

The world economy will be ruined.

Them using me to use you.

Then had you sent to prison for it.

There are things I do know about you, and about me and about that bed.

There is a part of your body you won't be needing for your next job.

There's a place around the corner. Enzo's. Say 10:30?

There's a safe on the seventh floor. You put their thing in this thing.

There's nothing I hate more than failure.

There's only one way out of this.

There's some things you don't know about me.

These are trophies I keep in my den as paperweights!

These designs inspired him to develop a code...

They are.

They had the worst ketchup in prison.

They invented something while you were inside. It's called a watch.

They put the fake horse in the safe while you ran from the guards.

They record everything the video surveillance takes in.

They think Hawk's been arrested.

They think the Bay of Pigs is an herbal tea...

They were that close to making it work.

They won't be able to steal the third piece of the crystal.

They'll talk about being buddies and chugging brewskis.

They're all but identical.

They're all gone.

They're back on.

They're called ruins.

They're going to miss out on tonight's exciting episode.

They're not going to let you walk away from this job.

They've even got the C.I.A. Involved now.

Things are really heating up at the castle tonight.

Things that aren't really paintings or sculptures.

This Gates Mario Brothers, C.I.A. Mayflower da Vinci thing...

This is a brand new tuxedo!

This is going to be some date. No Harvey's Bristol Cream?

This is how I go out? Like a hunk of frozen Play Doh?

This is no way, George, to get me to rob the Louvre.

This is not the time.

This is supposed to be torture, not therapy.

This is what I get for darting a nun?

This isn't horseplay. This is a major felony.

Those better be tears you're crying.

Those Mayflowers set us up.

Thou shalt not share.

Though Leonardo is best known as a painter...

Thought to be lost in the war...

Three minutes, 27 seconds.

Three minutes, 57 seconds.

Three minutes, four seconds.

Three! Four! Just one more.

Three. Two. One.

Through all kinds of weather

Time out.

To be in Paree and in love.

To change common lead into bronze.

To Mr. Darwin Mayflower.

To quote the late Karen Carpenter, We have only just begun.''

To what do I owe this honor of this reunion?

To yourself.

Toll booth?

Tommy, can you give me one good reason why we're up here?

Tommy, hold on. Hold on a minute.

Tommy, no!

Tommy, you New York Italian father made $20 a week son of a bitch!

Tommy, you took down Captain Bob's steering wheel?

Took Mr. Ed, humpty dumptied it over Gate's head...

Tough guy, what are you doing here?

Tubbo.

Twelve guards...

Two thieves attempted to steal it.

Two years I've tracked the Mayflowers' interest in the three da Vinci pieces.

Vatican?

Very nice.

Visit foreign lands, take their treasures.

Vultures never look up from their calculators to see what they're buying.

Wait a minute. What about your boss?

Waldo!

Waldo!

Want more, Jumbo?

Want to have dinner?

War broke out, and bronze became scarce...

Was getting out of Sing Sing.

Watch this.

Watch. A little rewind and replay and the guards will be watching a rerun.

Way to go!

We better go this way.

We blow up space shuttles for breakfast.

We deal, they'll buy, we bust.

We got a nasty safe on the seventh floor.

We got some good news and some bad news.

We have Doctoressa Anna Baragli of the Vatican here to verify it. Doc?

We know any of the guards? Not one?

We may be ragged and funny

We see who wears the penis in this family.

We want you to steal da Vinci's sketchbook. The codex.

We weren't being judged for neatness, only results.

We will not lie down for some schmuck from New Jersey.

We would be eternally grateful.

We'll be the same as we started

We'll begin the bidding...

We'll flood the market with so much gold that gold itself...

We'll have to kill them.

We're moving too fast. I'm putting out a fire with kerosene.

We've got you clothes, a great hotel and a 250,000 lire per diem.

Welcome to Rome, sir.

Well, call me superstitious, Cesar.

Well, the hawk is a slang word...

What about this?

What are you trying to say?

What are you waiting for?

What are your plans for the weekend? Hoisting away the Coliseum?

What can I tell you? I'm the villain.

What do they call you? Igg and Ook?

What do you mean?

What do you say now, you centrally intelligent scumsicle?

What do you want to do? Statue of Liberty? Entertain some ladies?

What if the sky should fall

What is this?

What the fuck are you... Keep laughing, Jumbo.

What the hell am I doing?

What would happen if I didn't put that crystal together right?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What's going on in there?

What's Nintendo?

What's the color blue taste like?

What's the matter with you?

What's with this dog?

When it comes to instantaneous loss of physical control below the neck...

When the Mayflowers find out we have the codex, they'll want to make a deal.

When they've all had their quarrels and parted

When those blanks went off, everybody freaked.

When's this Buckingham Palace looking butlerhead motherfucker getting here?

Where'd you get the hawk?

Where'd you get the name Hudson Hawk?

Where's Anna?

Where's my cut?

Who knew that would lead to this?

Who will start 250,000?

Whoa! What are you doing? What are you doing?

Why did she call you sister?

Why did you duck at the auction?

Why didn't you tell me that Hawk had hit the Vatican tonight?

Why is the world jam packed with such idiots?

Why'd they leave all these rocks laying in the backyard?

Will be our final masterpiece!

Will be to attend his own funeral.

Will drown in the saliva of their own nervous breakdowns.

Will go in knowing the next time he gets out...

Will you play Nintendo with me?

Witchcraft?

With the world saved, and the secrets of da Vinci protected...

World domination!

World's Greatest Cat Burglar. Now who gives a fuck?

Would you like to swing on a star

Wouldn't waste a dime for th

Wow.

Yeah, directions even I could understand.

Yeah, mine, too.

Yeah, we'll get you some sheets.

Yeah! That's probably what happened.

Yeah. Good night.

Yes, I can see that, master thief. You said something about a plan.

Yes, way!

Yes, Your Eminence.

Yes.

Yo, Five Tone.

Yo, Flipper. A damsel in distress implies that there is...

You ain't out yet.

You and Tommy would be nothing more than a late afternoon Triscuit.

You are a terrible cat burglar.

You come back here without your Cub Scout army...

You could be better than you are

You could be swinging on a star

You could be swinging on a star

You couldn't just play along, could you?

You do.

You do.

You don't do that auction house job, I'll put you on trial.

You don't expect me to fall for that old gag.

You figure this out all by yourself? Good plan, Junior.

You fucked my freedom for a lousy job?

You go back to jail, and you won't be alone.

You got it, coach.

You guys may be the fairest cat burglars of them all...

You have a dilemma.

You heard him.

You know something? You hit like a girl!

You may grow up to be a fish

You may grow up to be a mule

You may grow up to be a pig

You mean Pokey?

You must pay the rent! But I can't pay the rent!

You only had to follow Hawk.

You put your left foot in You put your left foot out

You should feel good about yourself.

You sleep here.

You son of a bitch!

You started the week by stealing the Sforza and ended by swiping the codex.

You still got a thing for those unmasculine European coffees?

You think that's strange, check out screen two.

You want me to **** them?

You went and did it. You really did it.

You were hired as bait.

You were in the joint doing hard time.

You were one hell of a thiet.

You were that close to getting away with this crap.

You won't be attending that hat convention in July.

You'll find everything in there. Want your receipt?

You'll have a guinea barkeep cell mate to keep you company.

You'll have to go in at night. The security will be overwhelming.

You're bumming my high. It's show time!

You're free, you son of a bitch!

You're irrelevant now.

You're not gonna shoot little ol' anybody.

You're not gonna shoot little ol' me, are you?

You're supposed to be all cracked up at the bottom of the hill.

You're supposed to be blown up into fiery chunks of flesh.

You're the best.

You're the only one who can do this. You know that.

You're very funny.

You're young enough to enjoy shanking child molesters for a pack of smokes.

You've got to love male bonding.

You've never fucked with anybody from Hoboken before!

2 1/2 minutes to save Anna, 3 1/2 to save the world.

5:32. Swinging on a Star.''

6 0 0. Side by Side?

20.

40.

70. 80. 90,000.

100 million clams!

100 stamps?

140,000.

160,000.

200.

250,000!

A classic sting. What happens to Hudson Hawk?

And as for you guys... Sorry, guys.

Anna? Yes, Hudson?

As opposed to the Louvre in Wisconsin? Shut up. I'll lose my place.

Auctions are disgusting. I couldn't agree more.

Bunny's got today's ball balls. Bad Bunny.

Can I ask you something? Sure.

Can I buy you a cappuccino? Yes.

Can I give you a kiss? Yes.

Count of three? Why not just go now?

Damn Fotomat assholes! Good shot of you, Minerva.

Did you set the timer on that thing? No.

Do you have an answer why? I got five of them.

Does it hurt? Yes, they hurt.

Don't do it. Relax.

Enjoying Italy? Yeah.

Friend of yours? Dead!

Get away from there. Just browsing.

Go, go! Easy with that!

Gold? Gold.

Got a proposition. Answer's no, Gates, even if you bathe.

He didn't know! Know what?

He's gotta be happy with that one. So what do you say?

Hey, Tommy, looking good, my man. Thanks.

Hit the Road, Jack? Five minutes, 15 seconds.

How do I look? Great. Are you kidding?

How long were you in? Let's just say I never saw E.T.

How many seconds? How many what seconds?

How'd the Mets do? Can you turn to Section B?

Hudson? What?

I don't understand this. Why try? Forget about it.

I have a plan. You got a plan.

I read your dossier, Sister. Pull the trigger!

I want to be treated like an adult. That's fair. Go to your room!

I'm not fooling around! You are!

I'm not sure when. Attempt to steal!

I'm not worried about the safe. I know.

I'm sorry. I meant to tell you. He didn't know.

I'm thinking of using the 7 iron. Looks long.

I've been away a long time. We're hanging over a chasm.

Is it a great plan? A great big plan.

Is. Was.

It doesn't mean I don't love you. No, you love me. It's your job!

It's a very special night. Yes, it was.

Just out of jail and I'm robbing. Let's go.

Just say, God go with me.'' God go with you, Sister.

Later, guys. Easy for you to say.

Let me ask you something. Go ahead.

Let me ask you something. Go ahead.

Let me ask you something. What?

Let me do that. I don't care.

Let's go out the back way. Keep those ideas coming.

Like a cat, one would say. I could take it back.

Look at Snickers. He's about to have a migraine.

Look, I am not going deaf. Just get me in the Five Tone.

Mack the Knife? Four minutes, 17 seconds.

Make a road kill! Fuck you, Cesar!

Man, I love you. I care for you.

Maybe I can make them feel better. Well, okay. See what you can do.

My employer wants a meeting. Your employer?

My names Butterfinger. No shit.

My turn? Yeah.

Night and Day? Frank Sinatra or Ella Fitzgerald?

No way. It's a terrific job.

Not one. What about video surveillance?

Now? Yes, now.

Okay. On that note, it's time for bed. I couldn't agree more.

Pull the trigger. Shoot, Anna, shoot.

Question? What time are you done?

Quit pushing. I'm not pushing.

See you around, Mike. Take it easy, Eddie.

Seven minutes, 17 seconds. You're full of shit!

Simpson? Yeah.

Sinatra! Five minutes, 12 seconds.

Sit. Sit.

Six iron? Bingo.

So Hudson River... Hudson Hawk.

Somebody robbed the Vatican. Really?

Something wrong? Come quickly.

Sounds like a party. Markets will crash, crash.

That's from the gold machine. Yeah.

That's it. You got a key?

That's not very nice. No way!

That's one party we'll love to poop. That's set.

The president? No. Somebody powerful.

Thou shalt not kill! Sorry.

Tommy. What?

We've got to get those crystals. Got 'em here, cowboy.

What are you doing with that golf bag? I've got a plan.

What boss? You know.

What can I say? Who's your buddy?

What happened? Fell on some chickens.

What is that? That's five seconds. My record's 18.

What? I am the waiter.

What's the matter? It's been a long time for me.

What's the mechanism? Seventy one.

Where are my needle nose pliers? Check the bar.

Where are we going? Through here.

Where did you get that? The da Vinci Castle.

Where to? Quit worrying about them.

Where you gonna sleep? What do you think?

Where'd you get these? I had an accident around the house.

Where's Ed Kranepool's autograph? Gone.

Where's the kiss? Get away from me.

Where's the regulars? Crazy Jack Cava? Gone.

Whoa! What?

Why did you do that? Try this one, Sister.

Would that be bad? Real bad.

Would you get going? Come on, go!

Xanadu? Xanadu?

Yes? Quiet.

Yes. Are you going deaf? He's your parole officer.

You can move? Yeah.

You could be swinging on a star Got the horse?

You didn't know? No.

You don't really think they'd... Cut off our balls if we don't do this.

You don't understand. You should be glad I don't hit women.

You have dinner tonight? Why?

You look gorgeous, like El Zorro. I didn't know.

You probably love Butterfinger. Well, yeah.

You still got it? Yeah. That's what I'm afraid of.

You're asking me how you look? Okay. You don't gotta get...

You've been expanding your... Don't say it!

'cause I've got criminal tendencies.

'Cause this rope only holds 900 pounds!