Kindergarten Cop (1990) Edit

A dead man!

A goddamn obstacle.

A kindergarten teacher of 25 years' experience,

A long time.

A lot of flu going around, right?

A male kindergarten teacher isn't what I'm used to.

A male kindergarten teacher. That's unusual.

A new nation...

A thermometer?

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Help!

About last night...

About something else that's really important.

Actually, it's quite a large serving.

After the lineup, I'll drive you home. I'll even buy you dinner.

Ah, good.

Ah.

Ahh!

Ahh! Smell that fresh air.

All I have to do is tell my parents that you're with the police,

All right, let's get back into school.

All right, move it in. Let's go.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Just hold on.

All right. Take your milk.

All that hard earned drug money she stole from you?

All the other grades, your times were an improvement,

All you have to do is point your finger, and we can put him away for 30 years.

And a large bowl of the clam chowder.

And come right back.

And Crisp spends his life making license plates.

And dedicated to the proposition...

And don't you think I won't if I feel my children are in any danger.

And for the people...

And Frankie, my swimming teacher,

And Gus, my T ball coach, are better than you, too.

And he helps people that are hurt or lost their feelings, and, um, that's it.

And he made me my favorite. Pasta a olio.

And he... His head is so big that he can't wear any hats.

And he's proven to be a wonderful asset.

And he's, um, the boss of his company,

And hope that he considers staying on a permanent basis.

And I can't get these things off.

And I have no hobbies.

And I'll tell the judge what a nice, cooperative killer you are.

And I've just been worried about Sylvester.

And leave his toys behind.

And on that farm he had a duck

And she's a lot better than you, too.

And something I cooked myself.

And suddenly, there she was across the street, taking her kid into this school.

And that government...

And the money?

And then I coached basketball at an all girls school in Rhode Island, but

And then people use that money,

And there goes our goddamn case.

And they give the same amount of money back to my dad.

And they'll yank their kids out of this school so fast, we'd have to close.

And this is Dominic.

And those kids know you're scared.

And to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God,

And we won't get a thousand.

And what has it gotten you, hmm?

And writes. I taught him myself.

And you turned out to be a cop.

And you'll still be eating take out food in that dump you live in.

And your mommy says he's a deadbeat.

And, um, he has a mustache and a beard.

Anyway...

Are these all your lunches?

Are they the tiny ones without meat?

Are trying to get away from something, or they're hiding something.

Are you a single parent, Mr. Green?

Are you married, Mr. Kimble?

Are you okay?

Are you serious? You really know where he is?

Are you sure?

Are you there?

Aren't you going to break it up?

As a matter of fact, he had two mothers.

Astoria Elementary School.

At the school where I saw them...

Bad people?

Bailiff, remove the prisoner.

Because by the time they came to me, I felt there wasn't much I could do with them.

Before we have to pretend we're married.

Bon voyage.

Boom! Boom!

Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina.

Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina.

Breakfast, sir? Ma'am?

Bright and early.

Bring it back to the carpet.

But I'll have to do it at night.

But I'll keep an eye on him, okay?

But I'm sure there won't be any more occurrences.

But it worked.

But it's tough on Sylvester, don't you think?

But this is my case, and I work alone.

But we're pretty much out of the race cars, unless...

But what about your wife?

But what you can't do,

But you got to believe me.

But you're a very good teacher.

Can I help you?

Can I pet him?

Can we talk business?

Can you take over for me, please?

Can't do it.

Can't trust you or anybody.

Captain of the girls' softball team.

Caring, courtesy and courage.

Check out of here. This stuff will kill you.

Cheerleader, first violin in the school orchestra,

Cindy O.D.'d last night.

Class starts at 9:00 in the morning.

Class, excuse me.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Come on out.

Come on. Come on!

Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Come on. Go, go.

Come on. One, two, three, four.

Come on. Quiet.

Come on. Sit down.

Come on. Stop whining.

Come right back to the carpet.

Come to me. I want to start.

Compared to what?

Conceived in liberty...

Congratulations, Dominic.

Courage.

Crisp, you're under arrest.

Cullen Jr., aged 3 months.

Cullen said I stole his money so these creeps would follow us for a reward.

Daddy.

Daddy.

Danny,

Danny!

Danny! No!

Danny.

Daryl. Daryl.

Days, nights, weekends, holidays.

Did he ever say what name she was using in Oregon?

Did he say anything before he left?

Did I... I'm sorry.

Did Lincoln have four mothers?

Did she see you?

Did they die?

Did you see Cullen Jr.?

Did you tell anyone else this?

Did your daddy teach you this game?

Didn't join the union until...

Difficult man. Got to get to know him.

Divorced. I know.

Do you have a minute? I'd like to speak with you.

Do you mind if I sit down?

Do you want to see something else?

Does he take care of you?

Does Sylvester ever see his father?

Doesn't hurt to take precautions.

Dominic doesn't even remember him.

Dominic has been a great help. He's a good kid.

Dominic is king of the mountain!

Dominic, don't forget Ferret. Yes. It's a fire drill. Come on.

Dominic, I had to do it!

Dominic, I'm your father.

Dominic, stay close to me, okay?

Dominic!

Dominic!

Dominic!

Dominic! Where's Dominic?

Dominic?

Dominic.

Don't get separated.

Don't let him get to you.

Don't shoot.

Don't touch him!

Don't turn your back on it.

Don't worry.

Don't worry. Everything is under control.

Don't you die on me!

Don't you have anything better to do?

Don't you have anything better to say?

Don't you remember?

Don't. Don't.

Drop it! I'm losing it! Hurry!

Drop it. On the floor.

Drop the gun! Drop the gun!

E I E I O

E I E I O

Each one of you get one toy.

Emma, take your toy to the carpet.

Emma.

Everybody sit down on the carpet!

Everyone dies, you know.

Everyone together! Come on.

Everything is always great, terrific.

Everything is under control.

Everything together. Come on.

Everything's going to be fine.

Everything's going to be okay, Dominic.

Excuse me!

Excuse me.

Excuse me. I'm John Kimble, Zach's teacher.

Face front.

Fast. Just the way we practiced it.

Faster, faster. Come on. Yes. Come back. Terrific. This is working. Wait.

First day?

First, I would like to just get to know you.

Follow me, silly.

Four scores and seven years ago.

Four weeks into the new semester,

Fourscore and seven years ago...

Freeze!

Get it?

Get some rest, and don't worry.

Get those tree stumps out of my way before I vomit all over them.

Get up!

Get your kid something even better.

Give me the flowers.

Go away.

Go for a little walk. Your teacher and I have to talk.

Go quickly. Get your toy.

Go!

Go. Go for it.

Going to start a whole new family.

Good boy.

Good morning, everyone.

Good morning, Miss Schlowski.

Good morning, Mr. Kimble.

Good morning, Mr. Kimble.

Good morning, Mr. Kimble.

Good morning, Phoebe.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good news.

Good.

Good.

Good. And rest.

Good. Good. That's smart.

Good. Okay, next one. Come on.

Good. Quickly. Bring the toy back to the carpet.

Good. Ready?

Good. Then bring it back to the carpet, pronto.

Good. Very good.

Good. Yeah.

Gotcha!

Great day, huh?

Great, Dominic. You're doing well.

Great.

Great.

Great. Well, here are the directions.

Hanna, could you wrap that, please?

Have a look.

Have them tell the wife we're letting Crisp go, and he knows where she is.

Have you guys had fun?

He came to us as a substitute teacher,

He didn't leave us, we left him.

He didn't say anything.

He doesn't bite. Don't worry.

He doesn't like anyone to talk to him.

He doesn't live in France.

He found out where we were and tried to kidnap Dominic.

He is. He's a great athlete.

He lives in France.

He lives with his mother and stepfather.

He lives with his mother.

He looked very healthy.

He looks odd, but he's a wonderful teacher.

He said something about getting his lasers.

He sounds like a special child.

He wasn't my boyfriend. I hardly knew the guy.

He works alone. Not anymore.

He'll kill me. You're just going to stand there?

He's 13.

He's a ca ca poo poo.

He's a poo poo ca ca.

He's a poo poo face.

He's beating you, too?

He's been acting a little strange lately.

He's been going for three weeks now.

He's my boy!

He's not married, Mom!

He's not your hostage. He's your son.

He's probably big. Is he a wrestler?

Hello, Joyce.

Help!

Help!

Help!

Help! Help!

Help! Help!

Henry, this is obviously my partner, John Kimble.

Henry's a chef.

Her name's not Ursula.

Her teacher's salary is less than mine, which is pathetic.

Her.

Here, lady. I gave her your stuff. Where's the rest of my money?

Here's a picture. You listening?

Here's your crown.

Hey, baby.

Hey, come here.

Hey, I'm a police officer. This is an arrest.

Hey, I'm not stupid, Mr. Crisp.

Hey, Mr. Crisp.

Hey, snap out of it!

Hey, wait a minute.

Hey, you're looking great.

Hey, Zach.

Hey.

Hi, champ.

Hi, Cindy.

Hi, kids.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. I'm Jillian, Sylvester's mom.

Hi. I've been leaving messages on your machine.

Hi. It took all day, but I found out Zach Sullivan and his mother...

Hi. There will be four of us.

His name's Zach Sullivan.

His name's Zach Sullivan. What do you think?

His wife took his kid and a couple of million,

Hmm?

Hmm.

Hold it! Right there. Drop it! Hurry!

Hold on tight, okay?

Hold on. I'm right here.

Hold onto my hand.

How about 6:30, 7:00?

How are you?

How did it go?

How do I look?

How long have we been married?

How long have you been teaching kindergarten?

How long you been a cop?

How many of you were born in Astoria?

How many?

How much was it, $3 million?

How the hell do you get out of here?

How'd she look?

How's everybody feeling today?

How's it going?

Huh?

Huh.

Hurry!

I almost didn't recognize you with all your clothes on.

I assume you have some teaching experience.

I been a cop for 12 years.

I beg your pardon?

I bet she would make a much better witness.

I can't believe you got them all to sleep.

I can't do that.

I can't even believe I told you.

I caught him doing it yesterday.

I could talk to him about taking more interest in his son.

I didn't know he was following me.

I didn't know who my ex husband was when I married him.

I didn't mean to startle you.

I don't have to justify myself to you!

I don't know that many people.

I don't know what my dad does.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. I didn't see anything.

I don't know. What happened?

I don't think it was the crab salad.

I don't want Dominic to pay for it.

I don't want to lose Dominic.

I fell down again.

I got a kid in there. I'm a cop.

I got it caught.

I got so sick of other people's kids.

I got some goodies and...

I got to get out of here right now.

I got you. Just hold on tight now.

I had a great time.

I had three fathers.

I hate it, too.

I have a better idea.

I have a problem.

I have a small problem.

I have a son I've hardly seen in seven years.

I have a son.

I have a witness, too.

I have some great, exciting, wonderful news, Mother.

I have to get out of here.

I have witnesses.

I haven't seen him in a long time.

I help people.

I just don't feel so good.

I just found out where they're hiding.

I just got...

I just need a minute.

I knew it.

I know what I'm doing.

I know what this is about.

I know you're in there.

I know, but not for a long, long time.

I know. Ask for at least $1,000, okay?

I know. She poisoned your hamsters.

I like how they talk.

I like you, Cindy.

I love this.

I love you, Henry.

I love you, Mother.

I love you, too, Phoebes.

I love you. Do you understand?

I made it myself.

I mean, more than fine.

I mean, you're very good deputies.

I need to go to the bathroom.

I pledge allegiance to the flag

I prefer it that way.

I promised my boy I'd get him one.

I put up these lasers to protect us.

I realized that the real action is in kindergarten.

I remember when he was 5.

I see him a lot.

I see they stuck you with the Gettysburg Address this year.

I should never have let it happen.

I suppose you saw the bruises on Zach's legs?

I swear you'll never have to run from him again.

I taught geography and physical education in Arizona,

I think a lot of people that come to small towns

I think I can help you with that.

I think...

I thought he'd forgotten about that.

I thought the introduction of a ferret was a horrible idea,

I thought the use of your police whistle was outrageous...

I told Dominic that he lived in France.

I told him I was coming alone.

I told you he was big.

I understand.

I used to be a teacher.

I want to have them answered immediately.

I want to read it, too. Stop it.

I want to start with the spicy chicken wings.

I want you to walk around in a circle. Go.

I was afraid that I'd never want to have any of my own.

I was born in Austria. My father was a teacher. My mother was a teacher.

I was doing a delivery for Corky last week out of state, and I ran into your ex.

I was going to put the lasers in the antenna.

I was in a box over there...

I was just talking to the teacher, that's all.

I was wondering if you'd like to come to my place for dinner tomorrow night.

I was young and stupid, and I made a mistake.

I wish it was my house. It belongs to a friend of mine.

I worked them hard.

I would like that.

I wouldn't miss this for the world.

I... I didn't mean to hurt you.

I'd like to help you.

I'd like to introduce you to our kindergarten teacher.

I'd love to help you, but my kid's been bugging me since Christmas.

I'll be fine.

I'll be in the pharmacy.

I'll be out in a week,

I'll be ready in just a minute.

I'll be right back, okay?

I'll be right out.

I'll be watching you.

I'll even cook you dinner.

I'll get as much as I can. You hide.

I'll get him down.

I'll get someone to help you.

I'll keep an eye on it for you.

I'll knock 10% off...

I'll pay you four times what it's worth.

I'll pay you twice what he's charging.

I'll see you tomorrow.

I'll show you where the wood is.

I'll take care of her.

I'll wait over here for you, okay?

I'm a cop.

I'm a fireman.

I'm back.

I'm back.

I'm checking the schools before we buy a home here.

I'm checking.

I'm Detective John Kimble. This man is under arrest.

I'm fine.

I'm fine. I can eat anything I want.

I'm glad I told you all those things.

I'm going to ask you a bunch of questions.

I'm going to be around you a lot.

I'm going to be your sheriff.

I'm going to hang out with you

I'm going to make it.

I'm going to plant one of my lasers on that antenna.

I'm going to tell you something, Dominic.

I'm John Kimble, your new kindergarten teacher.

I'm listening.

I'm looking forward to it.

I'm lost. Where is the dining room? This house is huge.

I'm lucky. My ex got remarried to a very nice man.

I'm not a policeman! I'm a princess.

I'm not doing any lineup, and there ain't jack shit you can do about it!

I'm not going to offer to cook her dinner.

I'm not going to throw up on you, but I am going to kiss you.

I'm okay. Get Dominic.

I'm on fire!

I'm on fire!

I'm only interested in her because she works at the school.

I'm pressing charges against you.

I'm sorry about being so personal.

I'm sorry Zach's late. The car wouldn't start.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have hit the man, especially in front of the children.

I'm sorry. I wanted to give you a second chance.

I'm sorry. Things have been hectic.

I'm stuck with your job.

I'm the party pooper.

I'm trying my best.

I'm trying to get a manicure.

I'm visiting here from Austria.

I'm watching you.

I'm your father, Dominic.

I'm your father!

I'm your mother, aren't I?

I've been after Crisp for four years, and she's letting my key witness walk away?

I've been searching for you for five years.

I've been trying to get to know the parents, but some of them are avoiding me.

I've been working undercover for a long time.

I've got to tell you the truth.

I've got to work.

I've never seen anyone so little eat so much.

If a stranger knocks on your door, never answer the door.

If he bites you, you get rabies and die.

If he wasn't going to counseling, I could see the point of saying something.

If I don't eat regularly, I get a little nuts.

If I lost Dominic, I don't think I could go on living.

If she wants police protection, she'll produce the money.

If you were any stiffer, we could take you surfing.

If you were me, you'd do the same thing.

In California or anywhere else.

In exchange for her testimony against him.

In here.

In the meantime, stay out. Go on.

Is doing things you normally wouldn't do.

Is everything okay?

Is it safe?

Is she really?

Is she?

Is your wife okay, sir?

It couldn't have been the donuts.

It feels terrible, and it looks dreadful.

It felt great.

It is the season.

It makes you big and strong.

It might be a tumor.

It snows in winter there.

It wasn't overcooked?

It's a fire alarm!

It's a real nice, healthy place where they're living.

It's called "police school."

It's going to be hard for you to understand,

It's got to be her.

It's him, Mom.

It's murder one this time.

It's my birthday.

It's my second day.

It's not a date, I know.

It's not a tumor at all.

It's not a tumor!

It's not your fault.

It's okay.

It's okay. It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you.

It's still in great shape.

It's story time, Mr. Kimble.

It's the best I could do.

It's time to turn this mush into muscles.

It's true!

It's very nice to see you all again.

It's when your daddy lives someplace else and comes over to take you places,

Ja.

Ja.

Ja. Why weren't you happy?

John is a bit unusual.

John?

Joyce, wait! Wait!

Joyce!

Joyce! Dominic!

Joyce.

Just don't harm the boy, okay?

Just don't throw up on me.

Just let me handle this myself, Mother.

Just sit down, okay?

Just tell me what you have, Danny, and I'll take good care of you.

Just wait here a minute.

Just what I need.

Keep looking. Check for offshore accounts under Dominic's name...

Kids love that outdoor kind of stuff.

Kimble, hold on a second. I...

Kimble, sit down!

Kimble, the hallway's full of smoke.

Kimble, this might not be her.

Kimble, you've wasted years chasing after me,

Kimble's been on this a long time.

Know what I think?

Ladies and gentlemen,

Ladies!

Lasers? I think I know where he is.

Last one to the table is a rotten banana!

Leave me alone!

Leave me alone!

Let go of me!

Let go of me!

Let go!

Let him go!

Let me get this, and I'll be right out.

Let me go!

Let me just start reading.

Let me take care of Cindy.

Let's go back to class.

Let's say that together.

Let's welcome him into our community

Like $1,000?

Like Crisp.

Like some log cabin in the woods near a lake.

Like what?

Listen, he's a dead ringer for Crisp. Look.

Listen, I was just thinking.

Listen, Kimble. You got to handle this like any other police situation.

Listen! Just listen.

Locate Crisp's wife and offer her immunity

Look, nobody around here knows anything about this.

Look, you're going to be out of here in a few days.

Looked great.

Manicure, Mr. Crisp?

March, two, three, four. March, two, three, four.

March! One, two, three, four.

Mary, you first.

Matthew...

Maybe it was the burrito. Or it could've been the sausages.

Maybe we should take a wild stab at getting to know each other

Maybe your best isn't good enough.

Me? Well, there was an opening for a kindergarten teacher.

Meet my very good friend, Phoebe O'Hara.

Mind if I talk to my friend a little bit?

Miss O'Hara is going to talk to you about something very important.

Mmm hmm.

Monsters.

Most kindergarten children can't read yet.

Mother, got this great surprise for Junior.

Mother, you are going to make him sick.

Mr. John Kimble.

Mr. Kimble, are you all right?

Mr. Kimble, I need to go real bad.

Mr. Kimble, Miss Schlowski will see you now.

Mr. Kimble, you have no teaching experience whatsoever, do you?

Mr. Kimble!

Mr. Kimble! Mr. Kimble!

Mrs. Hagley is a lot better than you.

Mrs. Sullivan!

My boy?

My dad doesn't do anything since the crash.

My dad gives money to people that doesn't have money,

My dad is a gynecologist, and he looks at vaginae all day long.

My dad repairs cars driven by women who are pinheads.

My dad watches TV all day long.

My dad, um, is a psychologist,

My dad's divorced.

My ex wife got remarried.

My father was a cop, my brother was a cop,

My hat?

My husband has started counseling about this.

My mom hopes he's going to die real soon.

My mom's a teacher in this school,

My mother was a cop's wife.

My name is John Kimble,

My name is Ursula. Wonderful to meet you.

My old lady left 'cause of the money.

My son can.

My son doesn't know me because of you.

My superintendent told me I had to replace Mrs. Hagley,

Nah, he doesn't want to eat that.

Neither am I.

Never talk to strangers.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

No fear.

No harm in trying.

No lineup, no testimony.

No other assets under the name Joyce Palmieri.

No, he was not bad.

No, I'm not.

No, it's not fair!

No, Lowell.

No, Lowell. She went to see someone.

No, my wife had to stay behind to complete the sale of our home.

No, no.

No, what's tough on Sylvester is his father left us for another man.

No!

No!

No! Let me off of him!

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. Don't start this.

No. I was changing a tire,

No. I'm not.

No. It's when the daddy doesn't want to see his little boy anymore.

No. No way.

No. No, not since he was two. His father lives in California.

No. No, you can't.

No. Sit down, man.

No. That's not true. He never bites.

No. This is no joke. You took $3 million.

No. Two more days of this, and he'll quit.

None of it made me really happy.

Not a classy girl like you.

Not exactly a job for you.

Nothing.

Now do the same thing. Way back. And down in big circles. Big circles.

Now let me out of here!

Now listen to me. He killed your boyfriend.

Now we're going to do something extremely fun.

Now we're going to play another game.

Now we're going to play another game.

Now write and say these words...

Now you're mine.

Now, anyone that was not born in Astoria,

Now, did Danny ever say what Crisp's wife looked like?

Now, I know you like that woman. What is your problem?

Now, let's everybody say, "Good morning, Mr. Kimble."

Now, the first thing the deputy trainees have to learn

Now, the next time you hear this whistle,

Now, will you tell me something? Don't lie.

Now?

O'Hara says they think they've located the wife.

O'Hara, meet Kimble.

Obviously, I'm not into baking cakes,

Of course you would. And flowers as well. Here you go.