Vamps (2012) Edit

A big meeting with all the local stems and ELFs.

A drug addict. Incarcerated.

A great great great great grandson.

A guy in the park drew this.

A little bit won't hurt.

A little older than you.

A little rodent can get the blood out of an entire cow

A new song comes on that Devo is much better.

A single drop is too much,

A stem is able to awaken the victims

A student visa so he can matriculate at UCLA.

A year or something?

Abolition now!

About how we announce our meetings.

Accidentally been harmed in delivery.

Actually, it's a good thing we ran into you.

Actually, it's a good thing we ran into you.

Adam Ant called. He wants his makeup back.

Adolf Hitler.

Adolf?

Adolf?

Advertisements, and the mindless brain vomit of acquaintances?

After all I've done for you,

After that, things started to go downhill.

After the grandchildren, it would've been hard

Ah, I see.

Ah, pfft. Baby.

Ahh!

All I saw was stuff about Hitler.

All right, all right. Settle down.

All right, any questions?

All right, Goody. Watch this.

All right, I know that was no Talladega Nights.

All right, let's go get this dried up bitch.

All right, maybe later.

All right, sit down, listen to me.

All right.

All right. G2G

All so you can have blogs and watch fake teenagers

All the offshoots die.

Am I gonna see you again?

An audit is just the IRS saying,

And 6th Avenue.

And a whole family is never enough.

And all the computers are helping them find you.

And all the day players always dress up so cute.

And all the hippies would be sitting on the stairs

And anyone who says cornball

And before that, it was a German newspaper.

And besides, I'll make a kick ass father.

And don't start with the shifts.

And get Public Enemy.

And Goody was arguing that I would be a good

And having a friend made her want to keep existing.

And having eternal life

And he said you'll be feeling better soon.

And he's so excited to be a dad.

And how it gave birth to Surrealism.

And how to find the jugular on a rodent.

And I also have it.

And I can never see how I look in them.

And I didn't put in rollers.

And I go, I told you I was coming here for my music.

And I gotta tell you something else.

And I haven't found a new place yet.

And I was an expert at being young.

And I was just thinking about the good of the country.

And I would've stayed with you for as long as possible.

And I'll tell you a secret.

And I'm in the one place no New Yorker ever goes.

And I'm tired.

And if you agree with them, then you say, Okay, how much?

And if you ever want to see Jon Stewart again,

And if your stem died, you start aging.

And in 1841, I was bitten by a stem vampire.

And in movies, they never got any older.

And in the '50s, it was a dance studio,

And in the 1950s,

And in the House of Representatives,

And it's all happening too fast

And it's gota tomb

And just have fun with your friends.

And light bulbs.

And lived to be 99.

And look at this pimpin' travel coffin he made me.

And no more stealing

And orphans did not fare well in those days.

And promise to let her only have animals?

And rats eat garbage,

And real housewives?

And remember, nice guys.

And see how she's doing.

And she got paint on the lens.

And she taught me about e mail,

And since I'm still in school, you probably think I'm, like, 20.

And still be in your coffin by sunrise.

And that's why I gotta get her movies that she really loves.

And the new subways let you travel the whole city

And the next you're gone.

And then came my favorite invention...

And then one night, I must've been pretty stoned,

And then you go someplace else.

And then you go someplace else.

And they always wind up in Union Square.

And they say okay, as long as I go to NYU.

And they think it's all about record deals,

And this looked suspicious so they opened it.

And wanted to give 'em a few bucks.

And we don't need blood to draw...

And we'll call in the heavy hitters.

And welcome to Sanguines Anonymous.

And what now? Are you jonesing? Do you have the hunger?

And when Cisserus is dead,

And when I was a day player, I was doing a lot of E.

And you did, didn't you?

And you didn't hit it off with Timmy Hitler?

And you pack this soil.

And you won't be sued for malpractice

And, aw, look how cute she is.

And...

Any chance of breaking up in the future?

Anybody else have something to share?

Architectural Digest time. Enjoy yourself.

Are her practical jokes,

Are you okay?

Are you really sure this isn't just Joey's rebelliousness?

Are you telling me about being young?

Are you visiting another page?

Aren't you gonna dance?

Argh.

As long as Cisserus takes care of herself.

Ask me questions. Who's the stupidest person on TV?

Ask the IT guy to remove the hard drive.

Audrey Hepburn. Same initials, though.

Aw, beautiful color.

Awesome. Do you want to join?

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

Be more valuable than the life of a pigeon?

Be right back.

Because I also wrote one on World War I

Because I have something I'm really concerned about.

Because I thought you plugged them in.

Because we don't want to be around any of that.

Before you and I knew each other.

Being called the V word.

Being young and in love.

Besides, 200 is the new 80.

Besides, I am leaving town.

Besides, if I wanted to drink your blood,

Besides, it's goth night.

Besides, the streets are wet and my shoes are suede.

Besides, why would we hurt Ivan?

Bleh!

Boy, one century you're here

Bring the axes, hatchets, blades.

Buenas noches, chicas.

But a lot of weird stuff has been going down.

But apparently, if you're young enough...

But don't you need a search warrant?

But he was with MI 6 in London for quite a long time.

But his wife's sick so there's no even thinking about it.

But how great would it be if we both had relationships?

But I could have coffee or drinks.

But I got mad love for him.

But I know Cisserus was feeding on me,

But I know it would be so much more satisfying than this whole

But I'm almost 25.

But I've been wanting to tell you.

But I've really gotta go.

But it doesn't make calls.

But it just shows you can meet someone really nice.

But it's like drugs.

But it's so different now. They're so old fashioned.

But just because you overdid it one day,

But let's just have a good time.

But my mother's name was Goody. Did you know her?

But only because the evil guy has him under a spell.

But she hasn't voted since the '80s.

But she says that I saved her because she'd been so lonely,

But she won't listen.

But she's very sturdy.

But that's because nobody knew where she was.

But the government can enter your home any time they want

But this is just dirt.

But we saw each other every night.

But we're only good at modeling and light clerical work.

But when you became one of the student leaders,

But with Botox and laser resurfacing...

But you have to do something for me.

But you only have to go in if you wanna challenge them.

But your behavior makes it harder for everyone else.

But, miraculously, my children were fine.

But, what happens to you, then?

But, you know, just until school gets out.

But... I mean, this can't bother you.

Calm down.

Can I be under your spell?

Can I just say... ow!

Can I show you?

Can Time Warner just burst into a person's home and kill them?

Can we please just talk about this?

Can you make it?

Can you please just focus on symbolism?

Carry this with you at all times.

Change the hair,

Child of an American fiancée.

Cisserus.

Clothing model for her.

Come back here.

Come in. Dinner will be a few minutes.

Come on iChat. I wanna see you.

Come on, everybody. Let's go. We only have two hours.

Come on, just sign the petition.

Come on, let me out.

Come on, open up.

Come on! Come on! I don't believe this.

Come on.

Come to a meeting. We've got to figure this out.

Compensation.

Complete Sergeant Schultz.

Couldn't we just change the times of the appointments?

Country? It's just business.

Cradle of Filth, Ozzy Osbourne, The Cure...

Currently married to a US citizen.

Danny hates authority.

Deleted names in trash.

Did anyone in his building see anything?

Did she ever, uh, you know, like, mention me?

Did you recover the neck?

Did you say Grandpa?

Didn't that used to be a yogurt place?

Didn't you like your fish?

Diego Bardem.

Dinner's ready!

Do I look anything like this?

Do you have any idea

Do you have any idea what that's like?

Do you have any James Cagney posters?

Do you know where to get gasoline at 4:00 in the morning?

Do you plan to suck the life out of him?

Do you sense something gross?

Do you think he'll tell his father?

Do you think he'll tell the authorities?

Do you want him to think I'm 40?

Does Mr. Davidoff know you are coming?

Does she know how old you are?

Doesn't hear terrorist related stuff, they have to hang up.

Doesn't it drive you crazy

Doesn't mean you have to be bad all weekend.

Don't be sad. I was gonna go into the sun before I met you.

Don't give me any shit.

Don't go grandma on me.

Don't look at them and don't talk to them.

Don't look directly at it, honey.

Don't make any sense anymore.

Don't talk to them.

Don't tell me you lied about your age.

Don't trip. We'll talk to Tepish.

Don't you hate it when you sprout fangs,

Don't you just love these As seen on TV bags?

Don't you love Times Square?

Don't you point that. He's got a heart condition.

Don't you worry, hmm?

Dries.

Duck!

Ducking out right before they took a picture.

During the day and you don't want anyone to molest

E? I don't know what that is.

Eat me.

Enough already. I've had enough.

Enough! Stop it, both of you.

Especially...

Even in the 1840s, people were pamphleteering for abolition.

Even the tiniest bit and I blow up

Even though I've never had human blood,

Even though it's not as good as the '80s.

Every A lister in New York will be there.

Everybody call on your stems

Everybody's getting audited.

Everything else might just piss her off.

Everything in their computers.

Exceedingly white.

Except for this schmo hawk.

Excuse me?

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Extended Life Form, yes.

Fed on or infected the rest of the people,

Feeling like you're a part of something that really mattered.

Fine.

Finish him off, will ya?

First you kill my game with Juicy girl.

Fix the nose.

For 362 years.

For an adjustment of status.

For Vlad Tepish and his doofus peasants?

For who?

Forget cell phones, forget iPhones,

Forget it.

Forget PowerBooks, forget iPads.

Four doctors. One in Doctors Without Borders.

From the Dutch West India Company

From the tri state area.

From their system. We could delete and change

From what I understand, you can't be forced out

Fuck. Come on!

G2G.

Garlic?

Gaultier, Prada.

Gave me extra years with my loved ones.

Germany? Evil spell?

Get dressed go out and have sex routine.

Get up and give me the money now.

Gibson Girl shirts were the prettiest.

Girls of a certain age couldn't afford something like this.

Give it some juice.

Go Bruins.

God, just when things were going so well.

God, the place no New Yorker ever goes.

Good evening. My name is Harry,

Goody Rutherford? Is that your mother?

Goody, I don't think I can do anything like that again.

Goody, you have not aged a day.

Goody. Goody.

Goofy but cute.

Got to go.

Great.

Green Day.

Green eyes,

Groucho was the mustache guy.

Guess where I went? Cappuccino.

Guys that compliment you.

Guys that listen when you say stuff.

Half an hour later you're hungry again.

Half the time, I don't even know what they're talking about.

Hands in the air. Hands in the air. Give me the money.

Has it ever been like that for your before?

Have a nice day.

Have you seen Ivan?

He hasn't answered any of my summonses.

He impaled them.

He was granted asylum in, um...

He's a CPA so he can help with the IRS stuff.

He's got more paranoid

He's not answering my texts, my tweets, my e mails,

He's not strong enough to ignore you.

Hell no, we won't go!

Hell no, we won't go!

Hell no, we won't go.

Hell no...

Hello, my name is Goody,

Here we are.

Here you go. Here's your family tree.

Here's the itinerary.

Hey, Arnold instead of Happy Days.

Hey, can I have a fortune cookie, at least?

Hey, I know him.

Hey, I saw that.

Hey, if we find a subway map and explosives, we'll call you.

Hey, Juicy. Where are you going?

Hey, people can see you.

Hey, so do you know where we're going?

Hey, Stacy. Your friend from Boston

Hey, where are you going?

Hey, would you like to have lunch with me sometime?

Hey, you know what?

Hey, you ready?

Hey.

Hi, everyone.

Hi, honey. Hi, honey.

Hi, I under... listen. I have to talk to you.

Hi, Rita.

Hi, Vlad Tepish.

High tide, sunrise and sunset, and... good Lord!

His armor is in the museum in Bucharest.

Hmm?

Hmm? You want a rail?

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm. That's weird.

Hmm. Wonder who that could be.

Hold it up. Hold it up.

Hold on, hold on.

Hold on, I gotta play you something.

Hold on.

Holy shit.

How about one of those pretzel things?

How about this? You go, and if it's great, text us.

How could this happen?

How could you?

How do I know you wrote this for me?

How do we even stay in touch with each other?

How do you feel about not being young anymore?

How do you know all this stuff?

How do you know this stuff?

How do you know this?

How do you know you're not just annoying them?

How do you like them apples?

How do you mean?

How is it possible?

How is what possible?

How long I have been young?

How many of you have gotten subpoenas?

How many points of view can there be on the subject

How much? How much do we love cannoli?

How old are you?

How to use hypnotic powers,

How will we do anything?

How would you ladies like to be my wives?

How you doin? My name is Danny.

How you doing in there?

Hungry.

Hurry, I've got an 8:00 class.

I am a psy vampire.

I am just wondering,

I am so much more bomb ass than his girlfriend.

I am Vadim. This is Ivan.

I am very disappointed in you.

I am Vlad Tepish.

I barely slept.

I believe they really are in love.

I can be very bad.

I can take care of myself.

I can't believe I met you, though.

I can't but he can.

I can't decide for the both of us.

I can't. But I'll call you later.

I could graduate if it wasn't during the day.

I could hypnotize you,

I could relate.

I could so easily hate myself.

I did. I really did.

I didn't drink that man's blood.

I didn't know you had company.

I don't blame you.

I don't drink human blood.

I don't even have a driver's license.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't like it.

I don't wanna be here.

I don't want you to eat this. Look at this.

I don't... I don't have iChat.

I feel like a bunch of TVs threw up.

I figured they wouldn't make you sick.

I forgot how nice it felt seeing someone you love all the time.

I got my friends, I got my alerts, I got...

I got my tweets, I got my e mails,

I gotta get out of here.

I guess I totally can tell, but it's...

I guess things didn't work out with Diego.

I hardly have any left. My back has been killing me.

I hate it when my parents are right.

I have never harmed a human being or a domestic animal

I haven't felt this way about anyone since Al Jolson.

I just had what came out. It wasn't even flowing.

I just made this last week.

I know nothing!

I know, you're so right.

I know.

I let my guard down

I like bad guys.

I love having a friend,

I mean, guys used to want to sing

I mean, he was an amazingly dynamic performer.

I mean, how can you hurt something named Snuggles?

I mean, I know who he is.

I mean, they consider him a hero.

I mean, they make everybody look horrible.

I mean, wouldn't it be so cool...

I met someone at school.

I need some coffee, man. For energy.

I need to see my wife's chart.

I never thought about it.

I said kill him.

I saved my kids.

I saw a picture of Keira Knightley in one.

I see we have a newcomer.

I see you met Vadim. You know he's my stem.

I should've known.

I shouldn't be dumping all this on you.

I still feel tempted.

I survived a feeding and begged her to turn me.

I take back everything bad I ever said about computers.

I taught her to get hometown soil for her coffin,

I think I can sense a real vampire.

I think the artificial sweeteners gave him cancer.

I think the Post Office x rays everything now,

I think.

I thought all victims turned into vampires or died.

I thought as long as you stayed out of the sun, you're okay.

I thought we were going out.

I thought, This is his time.

I told them not to bring you any... look at this.

I trust you to give yourself the better grade.

I used to write things down.

I want this to be real.

I want to be in the center of things.

I was dating for 25 years

I was going through these looking for your mother.

I was not bad looking back then, huh?

I wasn't really paying attention. That girl, she seemed pretty dark.

I went back to their surveillance cameras.

I wonder what Joey's parents think about me.

I'd like to start by asking,

I'll get my coat.

I'll just get our things.

I'll tell you what that whole impaling routine was.

I'm a CPA.

I'm able to feed off other people's auras.

I'm enjoying my dinner a great deal.

I'm flummoxed.

I'm from Time Warner,

I'm glad you're interested. Are you a registered voter?

I'm gonna be so tan.

I'm gonna be so tan.

I'm gonna go to his class so he has to confront me.

I'm gonna have coffin hair tomorrow.

I'm gonna nick your passport.

I'm just happy around him.

I'm just sick and tired of it all.

I'm like, You got me. You could've just gotten me

I'm over 40. How many more chances am I gonna get?

I'm pregnant!

I'm sick of these clip joints.

I'm so depressed.

I'm so tired. I was IM'ing all day.

I'm starting to get an idea.

I'm such an idiot.

I'm sure by now you've all heard about David's

I'm sure it's a coincidence. It's a common name.

I'm sure that you've heard about what I did

I'm tired.

I'm with the ACLU.

I've been around long enough.

I've been helping my dad with this project for a few years,

I've been in my 20s for two decades,

I've been looking for you, you lifeless bitch.

I've got over 10,000 credits.

I've got some news for you, Grandpa.

I've never heard of anyone turning back.

I've never seen anything like that in my...

I've never seen him in anything.

I've never seen real dead people.

I've seen it all before.

If a weird stunt like that stops

If every infected person

If I can never enjoy it?

If she's one of them, we'll know.

If someone you suspect of being a vampire dies,

If the only thing they want to bond with

If there's anything you wanna talk about...

If we had face time, we could use hypnotism.

If you do it now.

If you want it, you have to turn back.

In 1840, there was an epidemic of cholera

In a few minutes because of this enzyme in their saliva.

In lower Manhattan.

In the '70s, I kinda lost interest in dating.

In the 1920s, things really turned modern.

In the 1960s, I messed up.

In the forest, you're plugging things in?

Instead of spraying toxic crap everywhere?

Iong before Christ was even born.

Is at least 80 years old.

Is Grant's Tomb in New York?

Is it the blood, then?

Is it too frightening?

Is that all your cell phones and your iPhones

Is that the sweater Tepish knit you?

Is that what you're telling me?

Is their little glowing boxes?

Is there anything you want?

Isn't it more like type us a letter on the computer?

Isn't this place a little Mickey Mouse for you?

Isn't your wife worried about

It bothers me if you're hurting yourself.

It didn't seem right to rob you of the chance

It doesn't mean they drink blood.

It doesn't work that way.

It feels like the center of the world.

It is not just the rain in Spain.

It might.

It says this guy's a comic? He's not even funny.

It seemed to comfort her thinking we were the same age.

It takes just as long to say letters.

It was a painful and degrading death.

It was the lesser of two infections.

It was... it was our stem, Cisserus.

It's a boater.

It's a completely safe blood thinner.

It's a private jet.

It's an entirely different world.

It's been so long.

It's CPA.

It's just when I get up.

It's like the history of fashion.

It's like, I don't know. I always thought you'd be

It's more satisfying to not hurt anybody

It's nothing. I'm fine.

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's pronounced Tee pees.

It's Vlad Tepish.

Ivan, call Mr. Pizza Guy.

Jeans mark your age more than a birth certificate.

Jesus.

Joey had to go. His dad is bugging out.

Just because somebody stays up late, doesn't go to bed before 3:00...

Just because they're a little peaky,

Just how old was she when she was awakened?

Just keep it with you.

Killed, bled out someplace else,

Kinda can't sit here unless we order a $400 bottle.

Laugh hysterically.

Let me give you the tour.

Let me see. Open.

Let's get some light in here.

Let's go save yours.

Let's go to SoHo House.

Let's go to that club. Blood Bank.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's just invite your little friend to supper.

Let's just say eating lawyers is out of the question.

Like a Thanksgiving Day balloon.

Like maybe you were sick or something.

Like, dead dead.

Like, if Cisserus dies?

Listen to me.

Listen, Stacy. There's something I have to tell you.

Look at the new fall line.

Look at these.

Look how much soil it can fit.

Look what I got you.

Look, it's a little early in the relationship to get into this,

Look, it's your garden variety John Doe.

Look, they want you to come for dinner on Friday.

Look. Only a couple stations, but they had Groucho Marx.

Love you.

Ma, we'll take dessert later. The movie starts at 9:30.

Madam, you've insultingly confused us with the police.

Man, the terrorists ruined things for everybody.

Maybe she wasn't a homicidal maniac.

Maybe trouble with Stacy, or...

Maybe you're pregnant, too!

Me either.

Me? I don't think so.

Mister, my name is Susan.

Mm hmm. It would be impolite not to wear it.

Mm, I never stopped loving him.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm. Feel better?

Mm. You get tired of that.

Mmm. Let's check the traps.

Mmm. Let's check the traps.

Mojitos.

Mom, look! I've never seen it before.

Morning, Sunshine.

Mott Street.

Mott Street. Oh!

Mr. Davidoff is aware

Must've been pretty crazy to see your old boyfriend like that, huh?

My father is an expert on vampirism.

My father thinks that if he gives us garlic breath,

My God.

My husband and sisters had all passed.

My name is Danny Horowitz.

My son lived to the ripe old age of 63.

My voicemail, my Facebook messages...

My way.

Napster, and this great group,

Need I remind you that I gave you

Nice guys.

Night, of course.

Nighttime used to be dull and dark,

No more than any other girlfriend.

No one will ever find my lair.

No thanks. I'm already in the mood.

No, he wouldn't do that. What about Danny?

No, I could go around seven years

No, I don't want to eat more broccoli. I want to be undead.

No, I'm sorry...

No, I'm... I'm more of a night person.

No, it's simply that she's not like us.

No, no, no.

No, that wasn't who I was thinking of.

No, that's not Groucho.

No, that's what he'd ask when he felt bad

No, the clown was so...

No, uh, James Cagney.

No, why? That wouldn't make any difference.

No, you didn't.

No, you like nice guys.

No, you start aging, but not like the day players.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. Have you ever seen a vampire bat?

No. If anything, I would've stayed away.

No. You guys, we have to get her into the tomb.

Nobody talks.

Normal for Stacy.

Normally, this would be one of those tales

Not a fan of garlic?

Not in front of the day players.

Not knowing what you look like?

Not me. I have a guy.

Not mine.

Not since the '80s.

Not to be indelicate, but I had digestive rumblings

Not to mention the slang, BTW.

Now I can do everything I want

Now instead of tortures, they're using computers.

Now Ivan is missing.

Now what was Dalí trying to do in this?

Now, I know you think I'm crazy,

Now, it's like iPod hits and webisodes.

Now, wait a minute. Can you keep her alive?

Now, you must try our soup.

Of course, Cisserus would want a monument.

Of course, in the '60s, there was always a Vietnam demonstration.

Of course, yeah.

Of gore and homicidal urges,

Of impaling people and drinking their blood?

Oh, are you okay?

Oh, but they're so cute.

Oh, come on.

Oh, come on. Awaken me. I wanna live forever.

Oh, come on. Those clothes are wearing you.

Oh, dead one.

Oh, dead one.

Oh, don't be so dramatic.

Oh, don't start with me.

Oh, for fuck's sake. She's undead!

Oh, for goodness' sake.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Where are you going?

Oh, great.

Oh, I can tell everyone that on my almanac.

Oh, I can't believe this. I'm pregnant?

Oh, I just can't stop eating.

Oh, I know. But did you see the girl

Oh, I like this song.

Oh, I saw him after work