Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014) Edit

A bespoke suit always fits.

A classic pairing.

A cull is our only hope.

A gentleman's name should appear in the newspaper only three times.

A good man.

A Kingsman agent needs to be able to solve problems under pressure.

A Kingsman agent.

A poison, harmless when ingested...

A pug?

A simple switch will do.

A simple switch?

A tailor?

A word of advice.

A young man who is loyal.

About the world healing itself, or some such.

Above the politics and bureaucracy...

Absurdly basic neuro linguistic programming technique.

Actually, the explosion was caused by an implant in his neck.

After you nicked his car...

AIDS!

All his rich mates, they get to live...

All I got was this on the way in.

All right, everybody on your feet!

All right, first lesson.

All right, we should be coming back online.

All right?

All right.

All right.

All those innocent people killed and for what?

All three of you, pack your bags, go home.

Although he is a just God, he is justly a vengeful one...

Am I meant to find that reassuring?

Am I the expendable candidate?

Amelia, Eggsy.

Amelia, isn't it?

Amen to that.

An oxford is any formal shoe with open lacing.

And a lot of powerful men with a desire to preserve peace and protect life.

And a most distinguished legacy for our fallen friend, it is, too.

And anyone he thinks is worth saving, he's keeping them safe...

And as a more concrete gesture of our gratitude...

And don't forget your membership proposal.

And focus on birth.

And have a lovely afternoon, madam.

And have them report to UK HQ...

And he gets to pick and choose who gets culled, does he?

And he's drove off.

And history will see Valentine...

And I am never ever going to agree!

And I hope not to be scraping one of you up.

And I really, really appreciate you travelling all this way...

And I say to you...

And I will see you all in the new age.

And I'm sure you saw how well trained he was...

And if it weren't for his courage...

And if we was born with the same silver spoon up our arses...

And if you look closely on the back, there's a number.

And it all went tits up.

And it's all good.

And Kingsman suits are always bulletproof.

And may I suggest Twinkies and a 1937 Château d'Yquem for pudding?

And Mr. Pickle here reminds me of that every time I take a shit!

And my mum said to call this number if ever I needed help.

And no one in the whole world will notice!

And on this occasion...

And once you've deployed, you'll need to release for descent, fast.

And Party!

And pretend you're going to court, dressed like that?

And remember, try to blend in.

And since I'm going to Royal Ascot...

And so began our other venture.

And speeding it will cost a fortune.

And take care of your mum, too.

And tell her I love her.

And thank you for such a happy meal.

And that means, he's disrespecting you.

And that we're past the point of no return no matter what remedial actions we take?

And that's some pretty old money you're from.

And the baby...

And the Kingsman agents are the new knights.

And then I brought him home and continued to care for him...

And then I'm going to come up with some absurd and convoluted way to kill you...

And there can be no turning back...

And utilize my communications network for free.

And we get the added benefit of wiping out the Kingsman.

And we hope that we have not lost you as a loyal customer.

And we only drink it when we lose a Kingsman.

And what about them? What makes them so special?

And when I say win over...

And who wants to do something good with his life.

And who's Harry Hart?

And world leaders are coming under increasing pressure to provide answers.

And yet, some still doubt...

And yet, there are those who doubt this is the wrath of God.

And you have the power to galvanize the people.

And you know why I quit?

And you, Eggsy.

And you, Lancelot.

And you, too, Prime Minister.

And you'll find an equally convoluted way to escape.

And you're one of the few powerful men who seems to share my concerns.

And your next of kin...

And, apparently, you need one of these penguin suits...

And, obviously, I had my people look into your affairs...

Another coincidence. So am I.

Any chance you can turn them on?

Any idiot can read a heads up display.

Anybody willing to donate that much...

Anyone? Hello?

Are these all Kingsmen?

Are we going to stand around here all day, or are we going to fight?

Are working together to find the person behind these abductions.

Are you mental, cuz?

Are you okay?

Are you sure we're out of range?

Are you taking the fucking piss?

Are you wearing color contacts?

Aren't you that princess who went missing?

Arthur, Harry's dead.

Arthur, I'm sorry.

Arthur, please.

Arthur?

Arthur.

Arthur's head of a spy agency. It's called Kingsman.

Arthur's in the dining room, sir.

Arthur's phone is receiving update texts about getting to safety.

As a good friend once said...

As any of them.

As did I.

As Hemingway said, There is nothing noble...

As in, locked up.

As long as you agree to all my terms.

As long as you agree to my conditions.

As Professor Arnold always said...

As some of you will have learned last night...

As the man who saved humanity from extinction.

As tradition allows, you now have 24 hours to spend with them.

As you wish. Take a look at this.

Ascot requires top hat.

Assemble the Kingsmen.

At ease.

At Imperial College this morning.

At least the girl's got balls.

At least untie me.

Bad shit could happen if this falls into the wrong hands.

Because as far as I'm concerned, every single one of you has failed.

Because it's the nature of Kingsman that our achievements remain secret.

Because my mum went mental.

Because the last time I checked, the planet was still fucked.

Because their mum is a one legged lesbian.

Because, I swear, I'll rip your head off.

Beijing.

Being a gentleman has nothing to do with the circumstances of one's birth.

Being in that bag.

Best of luck with everything.

Bingo, the game. You have played bingo, right?

Bingo?

Bloody well done.

Bollocks.

Bravo.

Bravo.

Bruv, just leave it. Let's just go, man.

Bullshit! Just bring these two closer together.

But a Kingsman wears it on whichever hand happens to be dominant.

But at a time convenient to you...

But he had to be sure they didn't blab to the wrong people beforehand.

But he wasn't exactly one of us, was he?

But I promise you, by the time I've found out who he works for...

But I think that one day, you might be as good a spy...

But if I do have to, and you're inside the target...

But if I had, I would have given you an extra helping of secret sauce.

But my dad saved your life, yeah?

But nothing beats two cheeseburgers with secret sauce.

But sleight of hand...

But that's not yours.

But the old ones...

But there, too, there are exceptions.

But there's a much easier way to guarantee getting someone home.

But there's hope, okay?

But what's curious, is he's not actually missing.

But why the fuck did you choose me as the gimp?

By 1919, a great number of them had lost their heirs to World War One.

By the time I count to ten...

By the way...

By which I mean, a bespoke suit. Never off the peg.

Call my mum.

Can anybody tell me what this is?

Can I help you?

Can I see that?

Can save your life.

Can you get me out?

Can't you see that everything I've done has been about trying to repay him?

Can't you see that everything I've done has been about trying to repay him?

Charlie, Roxy, well done.

Charlie, time to go home.

Charlie's only making conversation, right, Charlie?

Charlie's up next. Want to watch?

Charming sermon.

Chechnya, 2013.

Cheers.

Chester King is Arthur.

Chester King.

Choose your puppy.

Classic army technique.

Climate change is a threat, which affects us all, Mr. Valentine.

Come and live with me there, Mum.

Come back when you've grown a pair!

Come here. Hey!

Come in under the radar.

Come on, come on, come on!

Come on, Gazelle! We're gonna be late.

Come on, good boy.

Come on, then, you prick.

Come on!

Come on!

Come on! Don't make me late for the queen.

Come on.

Come on. There's no need for guns.

Come sit down, boy.

Come with me.

Compatible with any cell phone, any computer...

Congratulations on completing your first task.

Congratulations on making it to the final six candidates.

Congratulations, Mycroft, you just graduated from my pilot to my valet.

Congratulations.

Continue to wait in line day and night to get their free SIM cards.

Correct. Charlie, isn't it?

Countdown initiated.

Countdown to V day!

Currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black, ******* boyfriend...

Customer Complaints, how may I help you?

Dean says you're fair game.

Deserves their own dinner. Come in!

Dickhead.

Did my hardware pick up the signal that triggered it?

Did you not see his announcement today?

Did you really think it was gonna be that straightforward?

Did you save the world?

Did you see the film Trading Places?

Did you serve me at the McDonald's in Winchester service station?

Didn't want me being cannon fodder for snobs like you.

Do I look like I give a fuck?

Do I look like I play bingo?

Do you have any luggage?

Do you have the correct time?

Do you know what I love about pen and paper?

Do you like whiskey?

Do you understand?

Doesn't explain why you gave up your hobbies.

Don't be absurd.

Don't take any notice of those guys.

Drink?

Drop zone coming up, 20 seconds.

E, it's V.

Easy to train.

Eat, drink...

Edge of the atmosphere.

Eggsy just stole my fucking car.

Eggsy, come on. Time is not our friend.

Eggsy, get me online now.

Eggsy, I just killed two of your friends who gave me the same bullshit answer!

Eggsy, I need to have a private conversation.

Eggsy, I really don't think I can do this.

Eggsy, I'm gonna shove your manners up your fucking...

Eggsy, it seems Valentine's got a present for you. Get a move on!

Eggsy, just go, please, because he's gonna...

Eggsy, just go. Please, just go, babe.

Eggsy, meet me at the tailor I told you about.

Eggsy, next left, down the narrow tunnel!

Eggsy, please, just don't get involved.

Eggsy, straight ahead, then right.

Eggsy, take a left.

Eggsy, the signal's started!

Eggsy, the world is going to shit!

Eggsy, wait! Hang on!

Eggsy, we're on.

Eggsy, well done for spotting that was a two way mirror.

Eggsy, where are you going?

Eggsy, you fucking maggot!

Eggsy, you fucking...

Eggsy, you fucking...

Eggsy, you should know your father reached this point.

Eggsy!

Eggsy!

Eggsy?

Eggsy?

Eggsy.

Eggsy.

Eggy, this is Rufus.

Eggy?

Encrypted and uncrackable.

Ever heard of knocking?

Every bit of research kept pointing to the same thing.

Every man, woman and child can claim a free SIM card...

Everybody, listen up! Hello, hello!

Everything is clean.

Excellent.

Excuse me?

Excuse me.

FBI have been monitoring them for years.

Finally find out who he works for.

Fire when ready.

Firing in 3... 2...

Fitting Room Two is available.

Five

Floor it, Eggsy!

Foiled the assassination of Margaret Thatcher.

Follow me, yeah?

Follow me.

For everyone.

For fuck's sake.

For God's sake, I've barely touched you.

For God's sakes, just rip it off.

For the greater good.

For the next 11 years until he died of pancreatitis.

For the test at the church.

For those of you who are still confused...

Forever.

Forgive me, I'm sure you're highly educated.

Fortunately, yes.

Four

Free calls...

Free internet...

From now on...

From the almighty wrath...

Front page news on all these occasions was celebrity nonsense.

Fuck off! Fuck off, Michelle!

Fuck off! Get the fuck away with ya!

Fuck that guy, whoever he is. I'm gonna...

Fuck you!

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Fuck, he's right! Boys, let's do it.

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck. Merlin!

Fucked off to some island, let the business run itself.

Fucking dad's gonna hear about this!

Fucking hell!

Fucking missed it.

Fucking tell me his name!

Galahad is dead.

Galahad was very fond of you.

Galahad, can you hear me?

Galahad.

Gazelle, let's go ascoting.

Gazelle!

Gazelle!

Gentlemen, I'm thankful to say it's been 17 years...

Gentlemen, would you look after him, please?

Germany, 1, England, 5.

Get dressed.

Get in here!

Get into your halo suit.

Get one of these instead. They're delicious.

Get out of the fucking car!

Get out.

Get yourself some sweets? And while you're gone...

Give me a far fetched theatrical plot any day.

Give me the gun.

Give me the mic.

Give me the mic.

Glasses, gentlemen, please.

Global warming is the fever.

Go home.

Go on, lads. It'll be two hits.

Go on, Mr. Valentine.

Go on, you got no bollocks!

God knows who's in Valentine's pocket and who's not.

Goddamn it! This fucking hurts!

Goes great with this '45 Lafite.

Good choice.

Good luck.

Good luck.

Good luck.

Good plan, Eggsy.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good. Dismissed.

Got all of us involved in the conversation...

Got to admit, I was really intrigued to meet you.

Got to save the world.

Great choice.

Great performance at primary school.

Great. You don't know, the CIA don't know.

Grenade! Sir, get back!

Guards! Help!

Hardly felt a thing.

Harry says you don't like to break rules, Arthur.

Harry would be proud of you, Eggsy.

Harry, listen to this.

Harry, what the heck is going on?

Harry!

Has she got my number to call me back? I got a new phone.

Have buried their heads in the sand and stood for nothing but re election.

He ain't joking. You should go.

He became aware they'd effected a kidnapping.

He don't give a shit what your mum says.

He knew your father too, actually.

He made me kill Professor Arnold.

He tracked them to this property in Argentina.

He was right.

He will be sorely missed.

He'd just get that lot to do you, and then pretend he knew nothing...

He'll be here soon. He'll explain.

He's given me a job, Mum.

He's going to reconnect the chain.

He's got biometric security.

He's having a gala dinner next week.

He's probably seen enough of them.

Head to the back and I'll show you how, yeah?

Hello, Eggsy.

Hello.

Hence, my epiphany.

Hence, we have just drunk a toast to him.

Here I am.

Here, under the scar.

Hey, Eggsy!

Hey, it's gonna be all right.

Hey, that's my fucking car!

Hey, we got a racer!

Hey!

Hey! Hey! Eggsy!

Hey! What's your problem?

Hi, Eggsy.

Hi!

His invitation is in his phone. You give them this.

His MRI shows no signs of concussion.

Hold up! What the...?

Holy fuck!

Holy fuck!

Honestly, this whiskey, it's amazing.

How about you, Prime Minister? You in or out?

How can I understand?

How deep does this fucking thing go?

How did I fucking miss it?

How did the others do?

How do I get it back in?

How does this help us right now?

How far is Ascot?

How far?

How long before you make that happen?

How long to re link the satellite chain?

How many people around the world have got those SIM cards?

How to make a proper martini.

How'd you get online? I couldn't.

How'd your folks make it?

How's that for positive discrimination?

How's the view?

Huge I.Q.

Hugo, Digby

Humankind is the only virus cursed to live...

I always felt the old Bond films were only as good as the villain.

I am inviting you to be part of a new world.

I can't get into Valentine's machine.

I could've retired straight out of MIT...

I didn't even know he wasn't with his squad.

I didn't expect it to be that effective.

I do mean in the biblical sense.

I don't agree...

I don't doubt it.

I don't know who you're fucking on about!

I don't know who you're fucking on about!

I don't want your help!

I goddamn loved Professor Arnold.

I had such high hopes for you.

I had that down already.

I have enough evidence on your activities...

I have no idea.

I heard yesterday a friend of mine died.

I hope J.B.'s training is going as well as yours is.

I hope you understand.

I intend to start the selection process for Lancelot's replacement tomorrow.

I just wanna remind you that today...

I killed all those people.

I kindly ask you to sit down, my friend!

I like it.

I made contact with the KGB, MI6, Mossad and Beijing.

I mean, literally, I see one drop of blood...

I might suggest Lock and Co. Hatters.

I most certainly do.

I put a nano tracker gel in the wine.

I rather like that song.

I said, get out of the fucking car!

I see a young man with potential.

I see a young man with potential...

I should never have left you on your own.

I shouldn't have done this in front of you.

I sometimes envy the blissful ignorance of those less well versed in their...

I suggest you open your fucking ears, because I'm about to tell it to you.

I suppose asking to borrow a cup of sugar is a step too far?

I swear, you want to fucking stop it!

I think it's acceptable for us to bend the rules a little.

I think Mr. Valentine and I should have a tête à tête.

I think this is quite brilliant.

I thought that brandy tasted a bit shit.

I told you, you're free to go any time you want.

I told you. Aim for the target.

I very much regret that your husband's bravery can't be publicly celebrated.

I want each of you to propose a candidate...

I want my husband back!

I want to exercise my right to a phone call.

I want to know his fucking name!

I want to know who you was with in that pub. Do you understand?

I want to speak to the British Council!

I want to thank you both for listening...

I want you to join me in a toast.

I wanted to.

I wanted to.

I was breaking up an undercover spy ring at the Pentagon.

I was thirsting for that dope ass smoking jacket you had on.

I...

I'd appreciate it enormously...

I'd rather be with Harry.

I'll be right back.

I'll be right back.

I'll deal with this mess personally.

I'll get you an invitation. You need to be careful, though.

I'll have my people get in touch with yours...

I'll have the Big Mac, please.

I'll knock you straight back down on your fucking arse.

I'll sort this. Get out of the car.

I'll tell you what.

I'm a Catholic whore...

I'm a university lecturer. I've got no money.

I'm afraid not.

I'm awfully sorry. I seem to have my dates muddled up.

I'm Digby.

I'm going to have to insist...

I'm gonna fucking have ya!

I'm in Holborn police station...

I'm just a pilot.

I'm like...

I'm not coming last because of you.

I'm not taking any chances.

I'm so sorry, sir, but a gentleman is completing his fitting.

I'm so sorry. Mummy would never hurt you.

I'm sorry about that, bruv.

I'm speechless you'd even consider this.

I'm starting the test now.

I'm still listening.

I'm supposed to be Arthur?

I'm sure you understand that.

I'm sure you've adhered to Valentine's strict no weapons policy...

I'm under very strict instructions not to hurt you.

I've always wanted to kiss a princess.

I've been so worried about you.

I've come out the pub, he's done 15 donuts in my fucking face...

I've done it before, which is probably why, come to think of it.

I've got a fix on the satellite.

I've had a rather emotional day...

I've never grassed anyone up.

I've never met a tailor before.

If and when he comes around...

If Dean treats your mum so bad, why doesn't she leave him?

If I do, will you give me a kiss?

If I read you on the radar, or you miss the target, you go home.

If I were you, I'd concentrate on your training.

If there's one thing I can do, it's keep my mouth shut.

If they all go homicidal at the same time then...

If we don't reduce our population ourselves...

If you can get a breathing tube around a U bend of a toilet...

If you could just leave us in peace...

If you get me out right now, I'll give you more than just a kiss.

If you save the world...

If you want to electrocute someone, you'll need a signet ring.

If you're looking for another rent boy, they're on the corner of Smith street.

If you're prepared to adapt and learn, you can transform.

In a moment, you will each collect a body bag.

In being superior to your fellow man.

In celebrity news, the Richmond Valentine movie premiered in Hollywood last night.

In getting the Scandinavian region back on track.

In the old days, they had a phone in the heel as well.

Indeed, and thanks to Galahad's recordings...

Insurgents turned on one another.

Is a dope ass top hat.

Is a prototype personal transatmospheric vehicle.

Is expected to be this award season's hot ticket.

Is God the bad guy?

Is he dead?

Is he gonna be all right?

Is it can also super heat their soft tissue at his command.

Is Noah the bad guy?

Is registered to the Valentine Corporation.

Is that better?

Is that Kingsman kid dead yet?

Is that understood?

Is that understood?

Is that we're light fingered.

Is there a problem?

Is this it?

Is this the part where you say some really bad pun?

It also fires a shotgun cartridge for use in messy close range situations.

It didn't stream to his home terminal.

It doesn't.

It gives me great pleasure to announce...

It seems the implant can emit some kind of counter signal...

It was a fucking blank.

It was developed as part of Reagan's Star Wars project.

It'd be a sin to spill any.

It'll get bigger, though, won't it?

It'll suit you, you mug.

It'll take an hour, maybe two.

It'll take him a couple of hours to reroute it...

It's a bit much, innit?

It's a bulldog, innit?

It's about being at ease in one's own skin.

It's absolutely brilliant.

It's all yours.

It's at 20 percent.

It's definitely Saint Andrews.

It's freezing. Why are we walking?

It's just scare tactics.

It's like those fucking state school kids who get into Oxford on C grades...

It's like those old movies we both love.

It's not working!

It's not worth it.

It's okay, Lancelot. Put it down.

It's quite unique, as you'll see.

It's still happening!

It's supposed to make you want to win his approval.

It's time to make your decision.

It's up to you.

It's verified.

J.B.

J.B., I'll shoot you! Goddamn you, I'll fucking shoot you!

James...

Jason Bourne?

Jeez! Fuck.

Judging people like me from your ivory towers...

Jump!

Just be grateful Harry had it made for you.

Just because our guvnor's banging Eggsy's mum?

Just cut the fucking ropes, please!

Just get it done.

Just give me a couple of days to think over your proposal.

Just ignore them.

Just leave this church!

Just let me out, you psycho!

Just tell the operator...

Kick his ass, Gazy!

Kill him!

Kill him!

Kill that motherfucker! He killed all our friends!

Kingsman tailors have clothed the world's most powerful individuals.

Kingsman's taught me a lot...

Lady Sophie Montague Herring.

Lancelot was an outstanding agent, and a true Kingsman.

Lancelot was investigating a group of mercenaries...

Lancelot, you're doing great. Not much further to go.

Lancelot, you're going to be using it.

Lancelot! Release now!

Lancelot.

Lancelot.

Late again, sir.

Leave it on, eh, Mum?

Let's call it a favor.

Let's face it, Galahad, your little experiment failed.

Let's get the fuck out of here!

Let's have that then.

Let's hope enough of these freaks have our SIM cards.

Let's see what you got. Want a bit of me?

Lethal.

Like a spy?

Like an officer.

Like in My Fair Lady.

Like my dad saved your life even though your fuck up cost his.

Like when all your numbers in bingo are crossed out.

Limits must be tested...

Listen, I'm so sorry...

Listen, man, I got a little hiccup on this end.

London.

Long live society.

Loo snorkels, loo snorkels!

Look, I'm just into finding out what caliber person you are.

Look, you've made a mistake.

Looking good, Eggsy.

Low self esteem. That's her problem.

Make it through the tests. Make him proud.

Maketh...

Man up!

Man.

Man.

Mankind is the virus.

Manners...

Marvelous.

Maybe I don't give a fuck if I get kicked out!

Me first!

Me hitting him, him hitting the floor.

Merlin said we're not allowed to hold you.

Merlin said you wanted to see me, sir?

Merlin said you wanted to see me?

Merlin, quickly, how do I get up there?

Merlin, remember those implants you said were of no use to us?

Merlin, send in Roxy, please.

Merlin, the cell's locked. How do I get in?

Merlin, you're a fucking genius!

Merlin, you're the guvnor.

Merlin.

Michelle, turn that shit off. It's doing my nut in.

Might learn a thing or two.

Missed that game.

Money won't solve this.

More so.

Most definitely.

Mr. DeVere. It's a pleasure to meet you.

Mr. King, welcome.

Mrs. P, did you get one?

Much appreciated, Eggsy.

Much appreciated.

Mug.

Mugsy, so you're back.

Mugsy!

Mugsy's back.

My code name.

My colleague died trying to rescue you...

My colleague died!

My employer's got two questions for you, Eggsy.

My kind of welcome.

My mistake would have cost the lives of every man present.

My name's Eggsy Unwin.

My people will be getting in touch with you very soon.

My point is, that the lack of a silver spoon has set you on a certain path...

My turn to play, Valentine.

My, my, you're all very cheerful.

Nah.

Needed to let off a little steam.

Negging.

Neither.

New target, 800 meters.

Nice and slow.

Nice! Well done, both of you.

No direct brain trauma at all.

No evidence yet of a direct connection, but I'll keep looking.

No harm will come to the princess.

No later than 9 p.m. GMT.

No need to bite his head off.

No one's gonna die.

No ransom has been demanded.

No ransom notes, exactly like Professor Arnold.

No stomach for violence.

No, Eggsy.

No, Eggsy.

No, I can't have it! He's disrespecting me.

No, I shut things down, because I wasn't getting anywhere.

No, I'm just saying the champagne tastes rank.