💬 Down Periscope (1996)

A failing noted more than once in your fit rep.

A terrorist intent on getting a nuclear warhead into a harbour?

After you had narrowed it without authorisation.

Against an unknown submarine that'll try to invade the harbour.

Ahead full. Course 2 5 0.

Air, ship, ocean floor sensors. They got everything on.

All ahead two thirds. Rudder amidships.

All hands, we are now going silent. Repeat, full silent.

All lines clear.

All planes on full dive.

All right, everybody, it's time to kick this pig. Leave Graham squealin' from the feelin'.

All right, gentlemen. Let's take her down.

All right, Lieutenant. Yes?

All right, that's enough for today. Let's get the hell out of here.

All right. All hands below. We're going back inside the containment area.

All stop. Half degree down bubble.

And a mistake for us, given the years and dollars spent training him.

And ask you to relinquish command.

And I believe that you are deluded.

And I know it will make things hard on all of us.

And now we appear to have broken off radio contact.

And though we are dead, our fish are on their way to the naval station dummy ship.

And we have left the containment area,

And which do you think we're going to be using more often?

And who's our next contestant?

And will attend its launching on Friday.

And, as usual, you will surrender upon confirmation of a shooting solution.

And, Dodge, remember... just a game.

Antiquated equipment, sir.

Apparently not.

Appears he doesn't want to come near the engagement area.

Approximately ten feet to bottom, sir.

Are about to take part in a highly experimental war game conceived by Admiral Winslow.

Are we really going to blow something up, sir?

As a matter of fact, there she is right now.

As much as I like to see my men advance, I have an obligation to be as honest as I can.

Aye aye, sir.

Aye aye, sir. Submerge the boat.

Aye, sir.

Aye, sir. Course 1 7 6 ahead full.

Back to periscope depth. Ahead full.

Balls to the wall, boys!

Bearing 2 6 3.

Bearing 2 6 4. Range 8 5 0.

Because I will have his tattooed hide nailed to my office door.

Big Jimmy, a guy I owed money to, had one.

Bingo! 500 feet. God, I love this job.

Buckman!

Buckman's eating an Oreo up in the galley.

But each week they're fewer because they're selling them off like hot cakes

But he's gone AWOL with US government property.

But her captain is undoubtedly a cunning man,

But if we just work together as a team, I'm sure we can handle ourselves...

But me, personally, I'd like to know for sure.

But tattooed on his genitalia.

But that cuts the containment area in half, sir.

But the conditions of the exercise prohibit it.

By a strange coincidence you do, sir.

By the code of military justice, that constitutes gross insubordination,

Can she do a back inward one and a half in the layout position?

Can we speak in my cabin?

Cap'n Blood, consign him to the briny deep!

Captain Blood, bring forth the prisoner.

Captain, maybe we're taking on water.

Captain, we are not following the parameters of this exercise.

Chin up, Lake, it wasn't your fault.

Christ, he's already ahead of us.

Cited for tactical excellence, joint NATO exercise.

Come in.

Come on in.

Come on, guys, let's work on this one.

Come on.

Come to north at full speed. Set your depth at 200 feet.

Comport ourselves as professionals.

Congratulations.

Conn sonar.

Conn sonar. Captain, we've lost the contact.

Conn sonar. Hot noise in the water.

Conn sonar. I've got a noise level bearing 3 4 6 that may be a contact.

Conn sonar. We have the contact steady at 5,000 yards.

Conn torpedo. Request permission to arm flare, sir.

Contact is breaking off, sir. Leaving the area fast and noisy.

Cos I want that cabinet repacked regulation style by 1100.

Cos the water pressure is going to squeeze the hull of this boat like an empty beer can.

Crew, halt.

Dismissed!

Dive, dive. Rig for deep submergence.

Do you think we could catch and kill a bogie like that in time?

Dodge here.

Dodge's fitness report also presents a man who three years ago

Does he mean underwater?

Don't think like that. Damn it to hell, don't go by the book.

Don't you dare tell me that.

Down periscope. Emergency deep.

Either you're confused about your dress size or there's been foul play.

Engine Man, First Class, Brad Stepanak!

Especially given your high risk manoeuvres.

Eternal ocean from which we came, receive Lt Martin Pascal.

Ever bet on a sure thing and the horse gets a cramp, sir?

Excuse me, Captain.

Excuse me, sir, I don't hear everything. And I'm quite trustworthy too.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Why am I here?

Executive Officer Martin Pascal has something he'd like to say to you.

Fire one!

First you'll attempt to invade Charleston harbour.

For a series of war games.

For your information, I was mugged. Gaines was all over me that play.

Forget the phone. Put it on the squawk.

Foul down the right field line. It struck the ball girl. Knocked her cold.

Full ahead two thirds. Blow negative to the mark.

Full negative to the mark.

Gee, now I've gone and done it. Ruined my career!

Gentlemen, I want to know who did this or shore leave is cancelled tonight.

Get the Stingray. Give them the coordinates.

Get up there, you miserable little puke.

Gimme a pack of gum. The Fruit Stripe.

Gimme the money. Pay it up. 50 bucks. Ulysses S Grant.

Given the nature of the intruder, you won't have much trouble.

Gives us another 50rpms.

Go ahead, sir.

Go ahead, sir. Try it now.

God, I love this job!

Good morning, sir! Martin G Pascal, Executive Officer of the Stingray, sir!

Good night.

Got him. 2 5 0, 12,000 yards.

Had a nice young couple alongside two or three hours ago.

Half a heartbeat. (laughs)

Have I got the right man?

He got Charleston. One down, one to go.

He hears everything. His last CO thought he was a security problem.

He ignored a direct order.

He's an admiral. He thinks sub duty will shake me up.

He's impulsive. He's often undisciplined, even reckless at times.

He's not in the area. He must have headed back out to sea.

Hear something?

Hell of a day, huh, Marty?

Here are recent satellite photos of Russian bases at Petropavlovsk and Vladivostok.

His boys threw me in the trunk and they dumped me naked in the country.

His salute still leaves something to be desired.

Hot.

How about some quesadillas?

How did you get over that?

How do you figure that?

However, at the time of your transmission I had already fired two torpedoes.

However, if any of you would like to support Pascal, you may speak up now

However, the task you've given me here is close to impossible.

However, under the circumstances,

I am Lt Emily Lake, your new dive officer.

I believe we are following the spirit of this exercise, its intent.

I can hear a couple of lobsters duking it out.

I can't make you any guarantees, Dodge, but this is what I'll do.

I choked. I just wanted you to know that.

I could not in good conscience accept another command without them.

I do their hailing call against the hull. Sometimes they actually answer back.

I don't have the necessary training to continue to be the dive officer on this boat.

I don't have to. Dodge wouldn't have pushed it unless he planned to make a run on Norfolk.

I don't know how he pulled this stunt off, but I guarantee you one thing, sir.

I expect you to acknowledge it in accordance with the rules of this war game.

I feel it is my duty to inform you

I get it. Please, don't take off your clothes.

I got four months to go in the navy.

I hate these stinking submarines, but I sure as hell am not going to die in one.

I have been individually briefed.

I have dedicated a substantial portion of my life to getting my own boat.

I have to know what she can do, Lake. You nervous?

I just don't believe it. I can't goddamn believe it!

I just hope they have one in turquoise. Thank you!

I knew we shouldn't have come in from the south.

I know my orders, XO. Course 0 2 7. When we're clear, surface and run all full.

I know why you're here, but I don't know why I was considered for such an assignment.

I know. You were fouled.

I lost a grand on that army game, butterfingers.

I love this job.

I mean aye, sir.

I mean on purpose?

I must protest. We have orders from Admiral Graham to stay in this containment area.

I need a tetanus shot just from looking at it.

I saw that play. I saw the replay.

I tape them, try to learn their language. Just basic chitchat and so on.

I think it's my duty to inform the crew that we are operating outside of the navy's control

I was wondering how much longer you would have waited before doing it right.

I was wondering why you chose to embarrass me.

I will not be able to give you your own Los Angeles class nuclear submarine.

I will simply remind the selection board of one irrefutable fact

I would like command of my own nuclear sub.

I would not be in line for such a promotion without the help of my present crew.

I wouldn't recommend the tattoo.

I... I think we did it, sir.

I'd better go see if any of the other rooms are still tilted.

I'd like to introduce our newest crew member Lt Emily Lake.

I'd like to think so.

I'd rather not, sir. I want to finish this dive.

I'd say the weather was the determining factor, wouldn't you?

I'll give you two live torpedoes. I'll set a dummy ship in Norfolk harbour.

I'm a bit of a gambler, sir.

I'm a dedicated pain in the butt, sir.

I'm a detriment to the entire operation. A total morale crusher.

I'm a mediocre player. I never started for any team I ever played for.

I'm afraid you leave me no choice but to relocate you.

I'm afraid you're headed straight for an ulcer if you can't ease up a little bit.

I'm not happy with this boat, sir.

I'm proud of you. Once we're on top, run on one screw only.

I'm sorry, sir, but we've lost her. Nothing out there but commercial traffic.

I've done over 300 on a simulator, sir. 75 of them were strong current dives.

I've never lost a war game, and I'm not about to start right now.

If I pull it off, that is get both ports...

If I see that baby go up, then we'll talk about your boat.

If I throw you off, it'll be in the middle of the Atlantic.

If it's a disqualifying offence I'd like to take full and sole responsibility, sir.

If she drives as well as she looks, we may even survive.

If we aimed them right, any kills should be visible in your scope.

If you hear them talking about the new nuclear attack sub in town, let me know.

If you're good enough to evade further pursuit,

In asking that the captain hand over command of the Stingray

In conventional battle, certainly that's true.

In direct violation of orders from Admiral Graham.

Including this one. Does that answer your question?

Is it a biologic?

Isn't that odd.

It can't be easy for Lt Lake here to be thrown into this jungle.

It has been confirmed.

It must be a whale. It's moving around.

It still tastes like creamed corn.

It was just after the Murmansk brushing incident. I believe you're familiar with that?

It's a fine shot, sir.

It's a little tickle. (laughs)

It's a rustbucket. It's a shitbox!

It's all right. Everybody back to stations. Begin damage check.

It's getting tough to hold on in this wash. I must be right behind a prop.

It's nice of the guys to get me a stripper, but I got a lot of work to do.

It's not over yet, sir. Lt Lake is here.

It's the crew from hell.

It's the Orlando, sir. No question. I know her machinery signature.

It's to remind me what I'll be driving next year instead of this.

It's two on and two outs. Bonds is up again. Swung on.

Jackson, adjust trim.

Jeez! Just been pinged big time, sir. Bearing 0 3 0.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus, Buckman. This stuff's been on the Stingray since Korea.

Judging by that ping, she's about 12,000 yards off and closing.

Just a little water.

Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?

Ladies and gentlemen, let me be the first to congratulate you on a textbook dive.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have fulfilled every requirement of this mission except one.

Led Zeppelin, 1971, right?

Let me be the judge of that. No one could have set us down in any better condition.

Let me guess. Our electrician.

Let me rephrase that. It's going to make things difficult on all of us as well.

Let's get a shooting solution.

Let's take her down to... oh, say 500 feet.

Listen to this.

Live it up, guys. You earned it.

Live to fight another day, Captain Poon.

Look, Dodge, for the rest of this exercise, there's been a reconfiguration.

Look, gentlemen, I know this is an unusual situation.

Look, I hate to disappoint you, but I may have had some other things going for me.

Look, I need an athlete and you're the only one I got, so get going.

Look, Lake. There is no way you could know what the contour of the ocean floor was like.

Looks like nothing but a fishing trawler.

Loser? At least I can say I played in front of 19,000 people.

Lt Commander Tom Dodge.

Lt Lake reporting for duty, sir. And there's no problem.

Lt Lake,

Lt Lake.

Luck be with ye, Mr Pascal. Walk!

Maintain course. Help is on the way.

Make for the tanker. All ahead full.

Make normal one third turns. Come right at 3 4 6.

Make your depth 5 0 0 feet, seven degree down bubble.

Marty Pascal. God bless you all.

Marty, I'm a little worried about your health. Not exactly a people person, are you?

May God have mercy on his soul.

May I have a word with you in private, sir?

Men! At ease.

Men...

Mike.

Minimal risk with this contact. Single ping range, please.

Mommy!

More to the point, I simply don't approve of his command style.

Moving on to the last name on the list, Lt Cmdr Thomas Dodge.

Mr Pascal, it must be a vent.

Mr Pascal, let's go to Charleston harbour and blow something up.

Mr Stepanak, would you come to the control room, please?

Nice car. Even the trunk had cut pile carpeting.

Nice job, Lake. Like dropping a piano.

Nice pants. Lose the cigar.

Nice tactics, Captain Custer. We should be home in a couple of hours.

Nine, eight, seven,

Nitro, do you want to get me Admiral Graham now?

Nitro.

No disrespect to the USS Rustoleum here, but I'd be better off in the Merrimack.

No embarrassment intended. You've been chosen for a specific mission.

No one has ever been court martialled for following the captain's orders.

No surprise. From here on out, no unnecessary conversation.

No, Captain.

No, I'll pass on that, thanks.

No, it's not. That's why they decoded it twice.

No, just a couple of biologics, sir. Would you like to listen?

No, no, Sonar. We'll just use flares.

No, sir. Not at all. Dodge was simply outclassed.

No. Yes.

Nobody saw that.

Nobody talks about brave men in their proud simulators.

Norfolk.

Not exactly a promotional bell ringer.

Not only has he violated the rules of this war game,

Now you take a look at that galley chart.

Now you're mine, maggot. Watch that last step.

Now, call me a prude if you want, but I don't think it's good policy for the navy

Now, gentlemen, now! Let's go. Like it already happened.

Now, I would love to be able to tell you more,

Now, keep an eye on the string.

Now, that was fun.

Oh, good. Our chaplain has arrived.

Oh, man!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. There's cockroaches in the flour.

Oh, my God. Three destroyers and a frigate.

Oh, my Lord, what is that?

Oh, no. Great ears, sir. Watch what you say around him.

Oh, no. It can't be!

Oh, shit, it's the main.

Oh, shit. Agh!

Oh!

Oh. How would you know that?

OK, boys. Down we go.

OK, we've got cloud cover up there. Low overcast.

OK! Good news, guys. We've just won the Billy Joel tickets and the WROK T shirts.

OK.

OK. Somebody find Buckman, launch him out of a torpedo tube.

OK. Yes, sir.

One commensurate with your tactical and leadership abilities.

One degree down bubble.

One noise from you, we could have been in a world of trouble.

One rebel diesel against the US nuclear navy.

Orlando 3,000 yards and closing.

Orlando, this is Stingray. Stingray one speaking.

P3's reported possible submarine. Approximately 9,000 yards.

Passing 280 feet, Captain.

Passing 350 feet, sir.

Passive sonar only. Let's not give away our position.

People don't walk the plank.

Perfect. We just chased down a boatload of beered up fishermen.

Permission to enter, Lt Lake.

Ping!

Presently there are several ships positioned outside the harbour to intercept us.

Punishable by one month in the brig. I'm ready to go, sir.

Radio call for you, cap'n. Some guy named Gramanhamham.

Report when you have a shooting solution. Put on some speed.

Requesting permission for a transfer.

Rig for red. And, Howard, send somebody forward with a drop light and duck tape.

RJ, I want you to climb the periscope and put that lamp up on top of it.

Seal.

Secure the engines. Periscope depth. Answer bells on batteries.

Simulated, of course.

Sir, I believe this is crush depth for this particular boat.

Sir, I not only gave away our position, I potentially endangered the crew.

Sir, I think we'd prefer to go with the bizarre and risky. It worked for us so far.

Sir, our fish are running hot, straight and normal.

Sir, respectfully, I can't concur with your decision to surrender this quickly.

Sir, sonar contact is breaking up. We're having some trouble tracking them.

Sir, this exercise is invalid. Dodge left the containment area...

Sir?

Sir? I checked the manual and I am well within my rights.

Sir.

Sir...

Sit on it and rotate, sir.

Six, five,

Small, but... filthy.

So far, sir, I'm only picking up some faint merchant traffic.

So I need, I would like, your support

So we shall do the opposite and deploy southerly.

So, you ever dived a boat before, Lieutenant?

Somebody just dropped 45 cents.

Somebody needs to sew his ass shut.

Something like that, sir. Not since we were both at Kings Bay.

Sonar Technician, Second Class, ET Lovacelli, sir!

Sonar, play me a dirge, matey.

Sonar, plug that in. Running lights on.

Sorry, sir. The Band Aid was holding the fingernail on.

Sorry. It won't happen again.

Sorry. The name's Buckman.

Sounds like a whale.

Spots, Jackson, you too.

Squawk on hands free.

Steady on course. Keep an ear out for commercial traffic.

Stow it, Yancy. He had higher orders. And you can forget about that third star.

Submarine Stingray, this is submarine Orlando.

Sure.

Target at 160, sir. Five knot aiding wind.

Ten feet and closing, sir.

Thank you for seeing me on such short notice, Admiral Winslow.

Thank you, Captain.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you, sir. But I can take care of myself.

Thank you, sir. I'll try not to overdo it.

Thank you. Nice job on that uniform though.

That bump looks bad. You'd better get to sickbay.

That didn't take long. This could be the shortest command stint in history.

That he not only allowed himself to be tattooed,

That is all.

That one's coffee. That one looks like cooking lard, sir.

That seems to sum up Dodge's character.

That was terrible. I'm going to go outside for a smoke.

That wasn't so bad, was it, Lieutenant?

That we are no longer in contact with COMSUBLANT.

That would have been unethical, sir. I'm only out to screw myself.

That would have screwed everybody.

That?

That's 25. Chew it silently.

That's absurd. These men love me!

That's cute. But it's on now.

That's where the Russians have got their diesel sub fleet.

That's why you'll clean up the Stingray and take her out off the Atlantic coast

The admiral has the conn.

The captain does not deny this.

The captain's gonna hear about this.

The coffee or the lard?

The Denali, out of Philadelphia.

The intruder is probably coming from Norfolk.

The lard is in your head, Buckman!

The man's got to be out there somewhere. He can'tjust have vanished.

The Murmansk brushing incident.

The objective is for the Orlando to protect Charleston

The only thing holding her together are the bird droppings, sir.

The only you ever been chauffeured around in is a paddy wagon.

The Orlando. Carl Knox.

The weenie tattoo.

Their planes'll have trouble seeing us. Surface. We'll run on top.

There is physical evidence that as an ensign Dodge became so physically intoxicated

There was a fingernail in my food, you fat ass moron.

There was nobody near you but the mascot, and he could have made that lay up.

There will not be a repeat of this embarrassment

They are now. Admiral Graham instituted a trial programme.

They can't distinguish between us and the ocean floor.

They hit, we still win.

They lose us for 20, 30 seconds, then all they can pick up is the tanker.

They must know we're coming.

They'll probably find us in no time anyway, Marty.

They've been handpicked... by me.

Think like a pirate. I want a man with a tattoo on his dick.

Third in his class at sub school. Did even better in the advanced course.

This can expired in 1966.

This is a confirmed kill. 20 years down the fucking drain.

This is Captain Tom Dodge.

This is crazy! This can't be happening.

This is just in from COMSUBLANT.

This is the approximate area of the last sonar buoy contact, sir.

This is the third time Tom Dodge has come up for command.

This is what I live for! DBF.

This one's all right.

Those are whales, sir.

To a man who has Welcome Aboard tattooed on his penis.

To countries like Iran, Iraq and Libya, to name a few.

To get in, we're going to have to use a tactic that is somewhat bizarre and extremely risky.

To hand over a billion dollar piece of equipment

To me.

To test the feasibility of women serving on submarines.

To who?

Too bad for me. That's why you invited me to Charleston, to gloat that he didn't show up?

Torpedoes?

Track steady.

Try to get a definitive classification.

Uh oh.

Uh oh. Tanker's turning.

Uh, no.

Uh, unless this is yours.

Uh...

Up periscope.

USS Stingray. SS 161.

Very well, then.

Very well. Continue the dive.

Very well. Everybody back into the boat.

Wait. Better check it outjust to make sure.

War game record's starting to look shaky, not to mention that third star.

Watch your drift here. Strong crosscurrents.

Watch your language, Dodge. You know how I hate that.

Way to go, sir. (obsequious snicker)

We are not running silent. Listen up.

We didn't have clotheslines. We had those dryer things with the window on the front.

We got a lead on the Orlando and we passed the surface ships.

We have a faint echo, Captain. 15,000 yards at three four niner.

We have guidance lock.

We have our crew here, I see. What do you say we board them?

We'll be more than ready, sir.

We're all in this together, and you and your career are in the hands of those assholes.

We're being actively pinged, sir. Repeat, active sonar, 12,000 yards.

We're dead. Five to one says we're dead.

Welcome back. You pushed my order to the breaking point.

Well, at least you got my son to face forward.

Well, I'd have to disagree with you, Admiral Price.

Well, if it's a cold morning, sir, you might...

Well, most of the admiralty, they would agree with you.

Well, Mr Pascal, looks like you're guilty of attempted mutiny.

Well, sometimes a captain must take unilateral action.

Well, thank you, Captain.

Well, that's impossible. They must be confusing you with Emilio Lake.

Well, the storm's passed. Not a word on Dodge.

Well, what the heck? Why don't we pull in so you can putt out?

Well, you're about to join the elite of the submarine service.

Were those hot torpedoes or exercise shots?

What are in these cans, Buckman?

What are these tapes you got here?

What are you talking about? You were tomahawked.

What did you say, sailor? You can't say that.

What do you think about our boat?

What happened to your shoes?

What if you had one renegade diesel captain who decided to hit us without warning,

What, are you kidding?

What?

What...

What's our mission, rescue Gilligan?

What's the surface traffic like?

What's your real name?

When I get back in you'd better have the horn section figured out. I can't work like this.

When informed of a shooting solution,

Which means I'm out of the navy.

Which would be a tragedy for him

Why don't you do it again in case they didn't hear you?

With respect, sir, one American nuclear attack sub could defeat several diesels.

Without fear of punishment or reprisal from me.

Woke up the next morning with a hangover and a tattoo.

Women aren't allowed on submarines.

Would you be this easy on me if I was a properly experienced sailor?

Wow!

XO Pascal here.

XO, come to 1 7 6, ahead full.

XO, let's get this boat moving, course 0 2 7, and vent this smoke.

Yeah, there are about 15 ships out there. They got 'em set up like a picket line.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I believe you, sir.

Yeah. Almost sounded like... an explosion.

Yeah. I guess you're right.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. I plan on taking charge of his capture. Personally.

Yes, sir. Seaman Stanley Sylvesterson, sir!

Yes. It's his mother's name.

Yesterday, it was a Band Aid!

You are right on top of things as usual, Marty.

You are targeted.

You are to report to Norfolk immediately.

You bastard, Dodge!

You can't do this, you maniac. This is the modern navy!

You forgot like an idiot, because you're stocking the pantry like an idiot.

You have your orders, Captain. Do you read me?

You heard the captain. Back on the boat!

You know that lay up at the end of the army game?

You know that the submarine service is entirely volunteer.

You know.

You scared the hell out of me, Emily.

You should more careful, sir. Remember, when you rush, that's when accidents happen.

You son of a bitch.

You think we're all going to jump out of bed and have a big hot steaming cup of pig fat?

You think you're the only one embarrassed to be here? That it's what I dreamed about.

You will be given instead a new Seawolf class nuclear submarine

You'll hang for this. Stop or you'll all hang.

You're almost out of uniform.

You're going to attempt to sink shipping right here at the naval base in Norfolk.

You're not abandoning shit!

You've all worked so hard, I don't want to be the one who screws it up.

You've lost it, Dodge. You've gone round the bend.

Your actions were totally inappropriate. It's not the way a prospective captain acts.

Your decision to leave the engagement zone is a direct violation of our standing orders.

Your new boat.

Your new orders are to operate only in sections 3A and 3B.

Your son? Stepanak, sir?

Zero bubble. Steady course 2 7 0.

1B, cold.

1C...

5,000 yards and closing.

8,000 yards and closing, sir.

8,000 yards and closing, sir. Confirm torpedo range.

100 yards and closing, sir. Two minutes to contact.

180 and closing, sir.

Ahead one third, steady on course. Ahead one third, steady on course. Aye, sir.

All back one third. Right full rudder. Right full rudder, aye.

All part of my strategy, sir. Uh huh.

All right. Lash the lamp to the scope. OK, OK.

All the way up there, sir? Yes.

All you have to do is quit. My old man won't let me.

And I'm sure you scored high, but... Higher than you, sir.

Any way I can cause a problem? No, we're pretty well covered for now.

Anything else? Not yet.

Anything unusual up there? Just fishing boats. Weather's gotten bad.

Attention on deck. It's all right, men. Carry on.

Balao class, refitted 1958. Balao class? But that's a diesel sub.

Board the boat. I like a challenge. You'll throw me off within a week.

Board the damn boat. Oh, man.

Bring me to single ping range. That'll give away our position.

Buckman. Yes, sir?

Bump it up to full. Keep your trim.

Captain, this is way over my head. Just focus on your procedures.

Come to periscope depth. Make your depth 6 4 feet, ahead two thirds.

Didn't do much bottoming on the simulator. Nothing to it. Piece of cake.

Do you come with a volume control? Sir?

Do you know what time 1100 is? That would be after 1000, sir.

Does Admiral Winslow know about this? He is not administering this war game.

Emily... Please. Don't ask me.

Except it's devilled ham! That would be a problem.

Fire one. Fire one.

Fire two. Fire two.

Fix position. Prepare for guidance lock. I got you now, Popeye.

Get the lookouts below and button her up. Aye, sir.

Gimme all you got, Howard. Aye, sir.

Goes under the name Sonar. Welcome aboard, Sonar.

Grab a bunk. Thank you, sir.

Hang with me, Jackson. Tight on it.

He can't say that! Pascal, down. Heel.

He made him walk the plank?! Sir, this exercise has gotten out of hand.

Hell, no. Ready torpedo tubes one and two. Aye, sir.

Hey, Gomer, can you get this hatch for us? This week.

Hey, Nitro. Ain't that one of my chickens? No, it's a parrot.

Hey, Spots. Yes, Mr Jackson.

How do we get in? Right between the screws.

I could have you put on report. Pfft! Be my guest.

I just got out of the shower. Glad to hear it. Hang in there.

I looked up your scores. I have a printout. I have no doubt.

I think we should continue to kick ass, sir. Yeah!

I want to hear if anybody's out there. Aye, sir. Kill the engines.

I was trained to command a nuclear boat. Are you refusing to take command?

I'll be waiting for him. You'll be waiting for him?

I'm aware of that, sir. I've compensated. Excellent.

I'm it. Good old Graham.

I'm working on a nickname, though. Oh, yeah?

I've never done a manoeuvre like that, sir. You have. Pinpoint drills on the simulator.

Loud and clear. Good.

Lt Lake? I didn't give you permission to enter.

Make that two and half degrees. Two and a half degrees, aye.

Make your depth 1 2 5 feet. 1 2 5, aye.

Make your depth 6 2 feet. 6 2, aye.

Marty. What?!

Maybe one and a half, sir. Be quiet, Lake, or do it yourself.

Meet your crew here tomorrow at 0700. They also left over from World War Two, sir?

Mr Pascal please, periscope depth. Periscope depth.

Naturally you would take the light end. You can't handle it, sweetheart?

Nice work, Lake. Thank you, sir.

Nitro, hi. Interesting nickname.

No, sir. (clanking)

No, sir. Good.

Not a float in a parade or something? I'm afraid so, Sonar.

Notjust yet. They'll find us in no time like this.

Oh, boy, look at the fireworks. No, I believe that's a flare.

OK, I'll take it, Lieutenant. Thank you, Captain.

OK, let's prepare torpedo guidance. Aye, sir. Prepare torpedo guidance.

One degree left rudder. No, sir!

Orlando is on definitive search and destroy. At least we'll know where she is.

Passing 300 feet. Approaching the bottom, sir.

Patching you through. Radio's working like a Swiss...

Pay up. (Dodge) Well done.

Permission to speak freely, sir. Granted.

Picking up anything, Sonar? Nothing much, sir.

Polishing the old torpedo, sir? Shut up, Stepanak.

Prepare for dive! (sailor) Aye! Prepare for dive.

Prepare to rig for dive! Aye, rig for dive.

Priority message, sir. I was not endangering the boat.

Propeller turbulence is becoming a problem. Two degrees down bubble.

Put it on the overhead. Uh, just a minute, sir.

Really? Really.

Relinquish command. Yes, sir.

Rig for silent running. Battle stations. (Lake) All ahead full.

Second mark, sir? Haven't got the time.

Setting terms now? No, sir.

Shit. Passing 120.

Show him a bunk. There's a problem, sir.

Sir, that's out of the quadrant. Yes, it is.

Sir, we have 12 degrees tilt starboard. Check all emergency vents open.

Sir, we have a shooting solution. Well!

Squeakin' from the freakin'. Oinkin' from the boinkin'.

Stay right full. Hold steady now. We're holding, ma'am.

Stepanak, what are you doing? As little as possible, sir.

Stepanak. What?

Stepanak's taking a leak. In the ocean, I mean.

Still setting terms, huh, Dodge? Just respectfully requesting, sir.

Sweet! Aar!

Thank you, sir, but I'd have to decline. Decline?

That is so nasty. I'm sorry. A little dusty in here.

The best the United States Navy has to offer. Damn good feeling, sir.

The board indicates all vents are open. I can see that.

The man should be court martialled. But you can't find him.

The navy doesn't even use diesels any more. They do now. She's been recommissioned.

The tanker, sir? We're going to use it as a hat.

Then I'm in trouble. This is entirely of your own making.

This can't be my boat, sir. Well, it most certainly is.

This is good coffee, Buckman. Thank you, sir.

Though my friends call me Spots. Spots.

To command your own submarine. That's not funny.

To the bottom? Confuses their sonar.

Today's game is brought to you by... Boy's absorbed a lot of voltage.

We got to make our run on Norfolk now. There's a lot of active sonar out there, sir.

We still might have time to go deep and run. I doubt it.

We're through. Yeah!

Welcome aboard, Sylves terson. Sylvesterson, sir.

Well, then open it. Roger.

What a horrifying thought. (hissing)

What are you doing? Whisky thins down the mix.

What did it sound like? It was loud, sir. Two heavy bangs.

What is it, Lake? Nothing, sir.

What the hell are you doing? Stocking the pantry, sir.

What the hell did you do? What the hell did you do?

What?! You can probably hear them in the water.

Why notjust come up from underneath? You got to go through the cavitation.

Yes, sir. Dismissed.

Yes, sir. The harbour is blockaded. Good.

You all right, Howard? Yeah. Did I miss anything?

You are addressing a superior officer. No, merely a higher ranking one.

You want me to stay with them, sir? No.

You're kind of young for an XO. Excellence knows no age, sir.

You're mine, maggot! Ha!

You're Stoneball Jackson. Who you calling Stoneball?

You're sure? Oh, yeah. A quarter and two dimes.

Your thing. What thing?

(# Anchors Away)

(# Louie, Louie)

(all sing Louie, Louie)

(Buckman) You sure her clothes are in there?

(calls marching pace)

(disapproving murmurs)

(faint strains of Louie, Louie)

(farts)

(groaning)

(Howard) What is this, a scavenger hunt?

(kissing noises and wolf whistles)

(klaxon)

(knocking)

(knocks)

(lascivious mumbling)

(laughs)

(loud thud)

(Louie, Louie continues)

(metal buckling)

(mutinous muttering)

(pirate accent) Mr Pascal. Have you any last words before you walk the plank, sir?

(pirate like cries of Aar!)

(whale like squealing)

(whale noises)

(Winslow) Chalk one up for the diesel navy!

# Be all that you can be

# Blow that nutso kooky punk back downtown

# Come all ye young fellows who follow the sea

# Cos you, you nutsy chick, you broad

# I'm going to feel the way I do today

# It's a short little walk bound for eternity

# It's time to be bathing Lieutenant Marty

# Oh, give me a plank that looks down on the sea

# Oh, yeah!

# Yo ho and blow the man down

# You make me feel so young. Boom!

2B... Yes, sir.

50 bucks. It's a bet.

400 feet. No leaks. (metal buckling)

1100 yards to target and closing. Ha cha cha!

Down Periscope (1996)
Down Periscope is a hilarious comedy movie released in 1996 that revolves around naval warfare and submarines. The film centers on Lieutenant Commander Thomas Dodge, played by Kelsey Grammer, a laid-back naval officer who is given the command of a World War II-era diesel-powered submarine called the USS Stingray. Tasked with proving the capabilities of his outdated submarine against a state-of-the-art nuclear sub, Dodge assembles a crew of misfits and goofs, including the likes of Lauren Holly as Lieutenant Emily Lake, Rob Schneider as Executive Officer Marty Pascal, and Harry Dean Stanton as Chief of the Boat Howard. Throughout the film, Dodge and his motley crew must face various challenges and hilarious mishaps as they navigate through an array of comedic situations. If you're interested in the funny and memorable sounds from the movie, you can play and download them here (include a link if applicable). Experience the joy and laughter that this film brought to audiences around the world with its talented cast and witty storyline.
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