Parenthood (1989) Edit

A baby?

A combination of several ushers my dad left me with over the years.

A few months ago, Garry got his first boner.

A few months.

A long while.

A lot of people thought I was pretty mixed up.

A prison, rather than a playground.

A toy car!

A vast majority of truly exceptional people

About an hour ago, I got a phone call from an associate in Chile.

About Kevin's educational environment.

Absolutely.

Absolutely. It's a done deal. This is your dad talking now.

Actually, I mean a class for children with emotional problems.

Actually, it was about this big.

Actually, Justin is quite bright. In his preschool class, he was the only...

Actually, that's good advice for both of us.

Adiós, buckaroos.

Adiós, buckaroos. Don't try and follow me to Abilene.

After I blow a hole in somebody and slip around on their guts,

Afterwards, I always like to

Ah! That was money well spent.

All around All around

All right, Adam.

All right, come on, go inside. Grab a seat. Buckle up.

All right, come on, now, don't blow it!

All right, let's return from la la land because that ain't gonna happen.

All right, look. First of all, Kevin is not going to a special school.

All right, no big deal. No big deal.

All right, the other kids got picked up, ours are watching a tape,

All right, we're gonna need a new second baseman.

All right, you're beautiful. You're a bunch of wild, young bohemians. Okay.

All right! All right!

All right? Yes.

All right.

All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. I'll see you guys at dinner.

All the kids are gonna hate me. It's gonna be just like Little League.

Amazing.

Ambush, you little four footers.

Ample. Ample.

An authentic, indigenous, native Mexican form of music.

And a couple of other people came by and they started slipping on his guts, too.

And attend an ordinary university, that's your prerogative,

And challenging her on the power lane, newcomer Tod Higgins.

And decided to create a dream come true

And don't forget you got a birthday coming up.

And golden sunlight in your eyes so blue

And he kind of took me in hand.

And he won't talk to me, and I don't know how to help him.

And he'd get real, real tense.

And he's still my son,

And he's the kind of guy that'd be nice to you.

And Helen just dropped your Grandma off. Let's talk.

And here it is. It's made with a quart of milk,

And I better cook a steak for my dad. See you later, honey.

And I don't know where they are.

And I got to thinking. Cool's had no kind of life, no family,

And I know you're a good father, so, tell me,

And I won't subject Kevin to that kind of cruelty.

And I'm a goddamn amalgam.

And I'm gonna have to get guys laid,

And I'm gonna have to play racquetball,

And I'm not discussing it again.

And I'm not getting anywhere,

And I'm the one in therapy.

And I'm thinking about it. I mean, I used to work. It was okay, but...

And if you agree to go to Gamblers Anonymous,

And in a few years, I'll retire, and you'll take over.

And in all those things, sometimes they're going to miss.

And it's such a cute ass.

And Kevin would be fine?

And make sure it's not one of these hysterics!

And most well adjusted person in this world.

And now everything's great again.

And now it is my great pleasure to introduce our valedictorian,

And on the grandstand lane, we have Theresa Vega.

And pecked a couple of holes in your diaphragm.

And so thrilled, all together.

And thanks to him, today,

And that's what puts your name on the door.

And the fourth one could be Larry,

And the kid is fine, and it's not something...

And then a couple of months ago, she shows up with Cool,

And then Grandma came in

And then puts all his money in his girlfriend's name

And then they come.

And then they grow up to be like...

And then when he got back you'd make it official.

And these doctors, they're experts at helping people with their worries.

And they tell you stories about the Depression.

And they're gonna do a lot of things.

And they're not sibs. They're babies. And I wanna have another one.

And Uncle Gil and Aunt Karen, they're bringing their kids.

And we have decided to make Phil Richards a partner.

And what you catch, you catch,

And what you miss, you miss.

And whether I crawl back to Dave or I get another job,

And who are willing to work for less money.

And yet we insist on treating them like adorable little morons.

And you and I, we'll perform works from Shakespeare or some...

And you thought that would help?

And you want my advice?

And you'll have to pick up her shower chair.

And you're feeling something burst

And you're feeling something burst

And you've just got to learn to say, The hell with him!

And your pants are full of foam

And your shorts are feeling heavy

And your shorts are full of foam

And, sweetie, you know, once you get to school,

Another kid took Kevin's money. Shut up!

Anyhow, this is why I'm saying

Anyhow, we drifted apart as people do in these complicated times,

Anyway,

Anyway,

Anyway, I couldn't stand it. I snapped.

Anyway, I had to pay off, and it's left me a little...

Anyway, I took the job. I couldn't think.

Apparently, he's going for a world record.

Are either only children or first born

Are you accusing me of making that hole?

Are you all right? I thought I heard you moaning last night.

Are you kidding?

Are you okay?

Are you out of your mind? Mom!

Are you seeing anybody?

As any kind of failure on your part.

As far as I'm concerned, your grandmother's brilliant.

As I was walking away, I slipped around on his guts.

As in guilty.

At some crappy little company,

At the buzzer. It was a nightmare.

Aunt Susie's gonna be here, and Uncle Nathan,

Baby? Your daughter's having a baby?

Back up. Back up. Give him some room. Give him some room. Back up.

Because I gotta go to the goddamn Little League.

Because I know you think I was a shitty father.

Because of what you did to your father's office.

Because that's what it takes to get anywhere,

Because you won't discuss it with me!

Because your father left to have a party, and I stayed to raise two kids.

Big opportunity. Platinum.

Biology? That's promising.

Bookies?

Boy, he really turned me on.

Bring it around to the back of the track! Come on.

Bummer.

But he could have. But he didn't, Gil!

But he could have. But he didn't.

But I must tell you I think you're selling yourself way short.

But it's fine now. It's gone.

But it's gonna hurt.

But last night, I told them.

But the guy works like a Trojan.

But then, people make me feel embarrassed,

But there was one person who got me through it.

But there's three of them, and you wanna have four,

But these guys mean business.

But they'll let any butt reaming asshole be a father.

But we're his parents. We can handle it.

By the third kid, you know, you let them juggle knives.

By who?

Bye.

Can I ask you something? Sure.

Can I speak frankly, no holds barred?

Can I speak to you a second?

Can we have Cowboy Dan? Who?

Can we tape over Susan's wedding?

Can you do that again next week? The crowd loved it.

Can you drive her there tomorrow?

Can you still change your mind?

Can you watch him? Sure, no problem.

Carbon.

Chicken's burning.

Christ.

Close to you

Close to you

Close to you

Close to you

Close to you

Come back here. Come back here.

Come here.

Come on and get it.

Come on, don't insult me. I didn't come here to be insulted.

Come on, Dopey! Come on, Dopey!

Come on, Dopey! Yeah!

Come on, I don't believe it. Gil, you have a good memory.

Come on, Justin. Come on, let's walk.

Come on, Justin. You want to walk?

Come on, Kevin, get your glove.

Come on, Kevin, hold it together.

Come on, Kevin. I got you.

Come on, let's go eat lots of ice cream.

Come on, let's go.

Come on, let's sing one of the old tunes.

Come on, Taylor, your ears are ready.

Come on, Taylor. Come on, hurry up.

Come on, watch it, watch it, watch it.

Come on!

Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Competing in the first round of the competition, the Eliminator,

Cool is adorable. Adorable. Why didn't you ever write us you had a son?

Cool just finished lunch.

Cool! No, I love it. Thanks so much.

Could you just give me a hand?

Could you just give your father that little extra effort he's looking for?

Couple of thousand. Three, tops.

Cowboy Dan is coming.

Cowboy Dan. The gun fighting balloon man.

Cowboy Dan's not coming?

Crawl back to work and kiss Dave's feet and get my crappy job back?

Dad was funny. He sure was.

Dad, I can't get a break.

Dad, I love you.

Dad, I'm never gambling again, I swear to God,

Dad, let me handle it, okay?

Dad, they're gonna kill me.

Dad!

Dad?

Dad?

Dad? Yeah?

Dad...

Daddy! Oh, there she is. There she is.

Daddy... Not now!

Damn! That looked good, too.

Dave and Rod kind of took all the equipment and split,

Dave called. He was crying. He actually cried.

Dave!

Dazzle you?

Diarrhea

Diarrhea Diarrhea

Diarrhea Diarrhea

Diarrhea Diarrhea

Diarrhea Diarrhea

Diarrhea Diarrhea

Did he say, Cool? Cool.

Did I win?

Did you break my lock?

Did you ever consider having Ed talk to him?

Did you ever see her family?

Did you ever think about getting a job?

Did you have a nice birthday?

Did you leave that Tod? Yes.

Do you know why I'm having sex with machinery?

Do you know your lines? Daddy, I don't have any lines. I'm Dopey.

Do you remember that little guy who wouldn't leave my side?

Do you think he wants to put a blot on the entire balloon bending profession?

Do you think I want him to get hurt?

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Do you want a banana split?

Do you want an ice cream soda? No.

Do you want her to relate to him?

Do you want me to cook you breakfast?

Do you want something like French fries? Yeah.

Don't be one of the numbers. Make your mark!

Don't ever think about coming back here.

Don't give him any money.

Don't give me that. I want your opinion about what we should do.

Don't worry about it.

Don't worry, Dad, we can still find the bar.

Dr. Ciccolini, Dr. Anthony Ciccolini, please call three six.

Dr. Lucas is a child psychologist.

Easy, now over to first. That's right. That's the way to play. That's good.

Easy. Easy. Easy.

Enormo. Monster. Dad, this is it!

Every firm does good work.

Every time you are near?

Every time you walk by?

Everybody,

Everything's blown out of proportion.

Excelente.

Excuse me, honey.

Excuse me, I'm going to the movies.

Excuse me. This is the wrong batch. This is my mother's.

Fifteen years ago.

Fine with me.

Fine.

Fine. I'll be there. Okay.

First time I got laid was in a car like this.

Five fourteen, left car...

Follow you Follow you

For a couple of months, see if it pans out?

For a week, we didn't know.

For one of our bigger clients.

For you to be out of work or starting a new job.

Four if she cooks.

Frank! What?

Freshly roasted! Get your peanuts!

Friday's my last day. Don't make me a party.

Friends? Friends slow down. They even stop.

Frigging basketball! I had a lock.

From now on, I'm going to be taking care of all of you.

Garry was happy?

Garry, listen to me. How could you break my lock?

Garry, you know, the whole family's coming over tonight.

Garry?

Garry.

Gee whiz, Julie, there's so many things that bother me about this.

Gee, honey, I'm really not too pro on Patty spending a week with Gil.

Gee, I wonder why?

Get away from my sister! Hey, stop!

Get behind the ball. It's easier to come in.

Get him! Hang on, Taylor.

Get it, Matt!

Get this guy! Get this guy! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Giddy up, Thunder Thighs!

Gil and Karen are gonna take Patty. I just wanna call them.

Gil, good morning. Hello, Cindy.

Gil, I've spoken with Ted and Dan,

Gil, Taylor isn't feeling well. She wants you.

Gil, they're $200.

Gil, this is Stan. He's gonna watch you for a while.

Gil, what did you think?

Gil, why are you just standing there?

Gil!

Gil! He's coming. Cowboy Dan is coming!

Gil! I never smoked when I was pregnant.

Gil?

Gil? Hey, Gil? Yes, Miles?

Gil.

Gil.

Gil. Karen.

Gil. Oh, my God.

Gilbo.

Give me that. Give me that.

Go on and have fun. And we'll have some burgers and dogs in a second.

Go upstairs and turn them around, and tell Grandma we're leaving.

Go, go, go, go!

God damn it! Let her go! Julie... Please!

God, I can't believe they did this.

God, I'm so tense.

God, what a loser, huh?

Good morning, Mrs. Huffner. Hi, Michelle.

Good night, sweetheart. Good night, Mom.

Good night. I love you.

Good.

Good.

Good. Congratulations, Mom. She's beautiful.

Gosh, she hates my ass.

Got it!

Gran, this isn't mine. I don't watch this.

Grandma wants to stay over at Helen's for a while.

Great start! Vega with the home shot.

Great! Anyway, since then he's been

Great.

Great. I'll get the fire extinguisher.

Grover Cleveland was president.

Happy birthday, kiddo.

Has anyone heard of hydroponics?

Has Dave said anything?

Has she ever looked in the mirror?

Have you talked to your father about that?

Haven't you seen the deals I've been putting together?

He can't even drive a regular car.

He did everything right.

He didn't think it was such a good idea.

He doesn't tell me about problems with his kids.

He found your hammer.

He got me into teaching. He got my shit together.

He had no business being out there!

He had no business being out there! Terrible!

He has his good days, and he has his bad days.

He has spent the last month wining and dining these guys, getting them laid.

He hit the guardrail! He's out of control!

He is an animal. That's what dazzles, not the work.

He likes to butt things with his head.

He makes that same face at Little League.

He needs some special attention.

He promised me he was gonna start a house painting business,

He said if I'd come back, they'd give me a corner office

He said, No bitch is gonna tell me what to do for a living.

He says I should do whatever I want.

He says it makes him uncomfortable.

He schmoozes clients. He brings in business.

He showed up at the Lodge Hall, and they were expecting me.

He told me he loved me.

He touches me, and I quiver.

He turned me onto it, and I never felt better.

He used to wake me up in the morning by flicking lit cigarettes at my head.

He was afraid there was something wrong with him, you know?

He was at Billy's party. He's cool.

He won't even acknowledge he's got these kids,

He won't even fix my kids' teeth anymore.

He, um...

He'd be at work now.

He'll be all right.

He'll suck the intelligence right out of her.

He's been observing Kevin for the last couple of months.

He's busy with his own kids.

He's gonna race dragsters with his brothers.

He's here nights, weekends. I own the guy.

He's just so unhappy

He's leaving right away?

He's my son.

He's out of there!

He's ruining the play! He's ruining the whole play!

He's the only player you've got.

He's trying to prove something. I don't know.

Helen, I know it's been hard.

Helen's fine.

Helium.

Hell, you need a license to catch a fish,

Hello, Helen?

Help! Help! Help!

Here comes the baby. Good. Here you go.

Here it is. It's a girl!

Here it is. Now it's right there in front of you.

Here we go.

Here we go. Get down on that. Get down on it, get down!

Here we go. The thumb trick. Ready?

Here you go.

Here you go. Down?

Here, let me. Where are the kids?

Here, sit down.

Here, take this off.

Here? Was I here?

Here. Bring it here. Oh, here it is.

Hey Dad, I'm the new assistant sub vice president of pencil sharpening

Hey, asshole, get up and make me breakfast.

Hey, Gil, our boys finally gonna win one game?

Hey, hey, you wanna...

Hey, Julie! Yeah?

Hey, Kevin, remember, the word is fun.

Hey, let's have five. Let's have six!

Hey, look, he's going. Get him! Get him!

Hey, Matt, we need one more out, son.

Hey, Nathan, Patty a doctor yet?

Hey, this is not a playground, okay?

Hey, Wayne, can you take over a second?

Hey, we'll talk to them on Monday. Don't worry, I'm sure it'll be fine.

Hey, what do you say later, when the kids are asleep, I wear this outfit?

Hey, you, usher, come here. Can I talk to you a second?

Hey.

Hey.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Dad. Dinner ready?

Hi, Dad. What are you doing here?

Hi, Daddy.

Hi, Garry! You're up so early!

Hi, Garry.

Hi, Garry. Hi.

Hi, guys. Hey, Miss B!

Hi, Julie. Julie, I would like to introduce you to Mr. Bowman!

Hi, Mom. Hi, Mr. Bowman.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. I'm sorry I'm late.

Higgins pulls ahead!

His own father kicked him out when he was 15,

His son.

His wife. We got married a couple of days ago.

Hmm.

Holy shit!

Honey,

Honey, be careful. If you want anything, just call me!

Honey, I got to make a big exit.

Honey, I'm always here if you need me.

Honey, I'm telling you, those SAT scores are your ticket.

Honey, Julie's home. Great.

Honey, this is a blackout.

Honey, this is really basic stuff. She's way beyond this.

Honey, what can you expect from a kid like that?

Honey, why would you be panhandling?

Honey, you know, all these feelings...

Honey.

Honey. Taylor!

Hot peanuts!

How about you, Kevin? You wanna try second base?

How about... Do you want, like, a hot fudge sundae?

How are you, son?

How come I'm seeing a psychiatrist?

How come you finally decided to go out with me?

How did this happen?

How did you go through those quarters so fast?

How long are they gonna be living here?

How long has it been? Three years? About that.

How much do you owe?

How much?

How proud you must be.

How's it going?

How's it look? ...let's hear it for Popper Jay.

How's your arm, son? Not too tired?

Howdy, partner.

However, I can't right now

Hubba hubba.

Hubba hubba. Hubba hubba. Okay.

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh.

Hydrogen.

Hydroponics is the growing of plants without soil. It's very exciting.

I always wanted to go again.

I am better than that! I am not Gil!

I am showing Larry my car.

I am so sorry.

I blew a hole in him

I brought something. Ooh! Good.

I came in here because I was afraid you were on drugs.

I can compromise. I can change.

I can get

I can jerk him along for the next month.

I can't believe you would jeopardize our plans, Susan. Remember what we read?

I changed my mind. You changed your mind?

I could've killed him for that.

I couldn't resist. I had to take it out for a spin. It purrs like a kitten.

I did discuss it with you, years ago!

I did. I hated having to go through that.

I didn't get 1 3,000 on my SATs, okay?

I didn't know myself until a couple of months ago.

I didn't say that.

I didn't take it as a good sign.

I didn't want to say anything till I was sure.

I don't care what happens. What are you yelling at him for?

I don't care what it costs. I'll get a second job.

I don't know him at all.

I don't know how to separate them.

I don't know what to say about the tapes.

I don't know what we were thinking about.

I don't know what's happening to him, you know.

I don't know why, but the place is a mess.

I don't know. Maybe this way, she'll still go to college.

I don't know. Sometimes I feel as though we want it more than she does.

I don't mean to interrupt, but I've made up some new cards.

I don't think he's coming.

I don't think Kevin should come back here next fall.

I don't understand what he's doing.

I don't...

I doubt it, honey.

I found

I found it a couple of months ago. It's for your collection.

I gave it up. You gave it up? That was your future!

I got a tape of a mariachi band.

I got him.

I got it,

I got to tell you, Gil. I don't consider that a realistic idea.

I got to think about going somewhere else.

I gotta go.

I gotta go. Oh, honey.

I guess a boy Garry's age really needs a man around.

I happen to like the roller coaster, okay?

I hate messy.

I hated you for that.

I have been killing myself. I mean, aren't you dazzled?

I have been so close so many times, I could touch it.

I have no life! God damn it!

I have some friends I'm meeting.

I have to do everything. Come on, shrimp.

I have to learn from them.

I just need it to serve.

I just spoke to your mother.

I knew it.

I knew you'd be the one who'd appreciate this.

I knew you'd make a thing out of this, Mom.

I know he doesn't look it, but...

I know what I said, but now I'm changing my mind.

I know, but did you say anything

I know, sweetie. Men are scum.

I know.

I know. I know. I feel so proud of her. It's great.

I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.

I liked that. He's very commanding.

I love you, Susan.

I love you, too.

I love you, too.

I love you, too.

I love you, too.

I love you.

I love you.

I mean, baseball's the least of it.

I mean, I don't think you really have to worry about it.

I mean, I think I'm sort of good at it, so...

I mean, I think we were very tense when Kevin was little.

I mean, Justin's gonna go full time next year,

I mean, no, I didn't.

I mean, we were like rabbits.

I mean, what if he missed? But he didn't.

I mean, with something that doesn't require batteries.

I meant me.

I might not have quit in the first place.

I need him. He's my life.

I need to see. No, not in the street. Please. Please.

I need your advice.

I needed money for a place to stay.

I never even knew he had teeth.

I never should've had four.

I put my retainer on the table.

I quit my job.

I quit! If I go back now, they got me. I'm a eunuch!

I really had a great time.

I really need to spend a lot of extra time with my son right now.

I saw Cowboy Dan. I didn't like the look on his face.

I sure hope that when I mosey back this way one day,

I tell you, kid, I could stand that. Yeah.

I think a few days a week of preschool could be very helpful.

I think it'd be valuable for Patty to have a multigenerational influence.

I think that's the Buckmans' kid.

I think this is gonna be a great summer for you.

I think this one is my favorite. This is just...

I think we're going to have to be very careful

I think you've got about 1 00 relatives out there.

I thought I'd call him.

I thought I'd find you here.

I thought it would be nice if you and I could be alone.

I thought it'd be nice if we stayed with you.

I thought you and Larry could take him somewhere.

I thought you were gonna join a reggae band.

I told him that's what little dudes do. We've all done it.

I told you not to trust those guys. Didn't I tell you?

I told you.

I took it to the track.

I used to give him,

I want that, Kevin. I want that! No.

I want this.

I want whatever you want.

I want you out of the house.

I want you to come home. This is very bad for Patty.

I want you to listen to something.

I want...

I wanted to have it appraised so that you'd know how much it was worth.

I wanted to retire next year. This'll put that off for a while,

I wanted to run it up

I was a little out of control

I was at Woodstock, for Christ's sake! I peed in a field!

I was at Woodstock.

I was so scared.

I was still high from the Little League game.

I was thinking about starting back to work in the fall. Now I can't.

I wish I knew.

I won't.

I would just like a little respect! Not a lot! Just a little!

I wouldn't live with you

I'd have to tell you what happened.

I'd just lean over while he was driving and I'd...

I'd like to try.

I'd love some.

I'll be back.

I'll call the newspaper.

I'll get it. I'll get it.

I'll go back to work!

I'll keep paying your debt.

I'll meet you right here, huh? For the ninth inning. Have fun, kid.

I'll say. Hey!

I'm 35 now. I have kids of my own.

I'm 64,

I'm a little concerned about his jocularity. I mean, he's a wonderful guy.

I'm attempting to dazzle Dave.

I'm from Party Time Entertainment.

I'm glad you're going out with Mr. Bowman.

I'm going to recommend that he be transferred to a school

I'm going to teach summer school classes.

I'm going to teach you the business.

I'm gonna have to have business dinners,

I'm gonna help you.

I'm having them blown up for the commitment hearings.

I'm just a little thrown off by this.

I'm just going to call my clients, give them the news, and I'm out of here.

I'm just saying there could've been some chromosome distortions.

I'm leaving before we say things we'll regret.

I'm leaving you.

I'm moving out, Garry. Bye.

I'm not a schmuck!

I'm not a shrimp.

I'm not as smart as you are, okay?

I'm not even sure if he has kids.

I'm not sure we should keep the three we've got.

I'm not...

I'm pregnant.

I'm really happy about the way things are turning out, aren't you?

I'm shrinking.

I'm so glad you're back with the program. Let's do your cards.

I'm sorry I'm late.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Goodbye.

I'm sorry. I just remembered now. I've been meaning to ask you, okay?

I'm stupid, okay? Okay!

I'm supposed to decide whether to give it to him.

I'm the backbone of the operation. I know that.

I'm too young. You know, grandmothers are old.

I'm trying to put together a major income property thing

I'm your son.

I'm your stripper.

I've been here eight years.

I've combined them into one memory. Why?

I've hung onto the Who's helicopter as it flew away!

If he got a scratch, we were hysterical.

If he hadn't...

If I don't get this partnership,

If I have to go, you have to go. Move it!

If it does, great. If not,

If memory serves.

If the world were flooded with piss and you lived in a tree.

If this man's dick fell off, he would still show up to work.

If we have to, we'll send him to a private school.

If we'd ever taken him for a psychiatric evaluation.

If you don't let her go, I'm gonna call the... You're his what?

If you dropped $200 in here, you'd look, right?

If you walk out of this house against my wishes,

If you wanna have just an ordinary academic career

In a Rolls.

In an educational environment that's more sensitive to his needs...

In eight seconds, he's going to be a legend.

In the trunk of your car.

Is he ever coming back?

Is that what bothers you?

Is there anything you'd like to ask?

Is this Grandma? Yeah, she's still alive.

Isn't that demented,

Isn't that him?

It depends on the man. I had a man around.

It doesn't look like fun.

It goes on forever, and it's just as frightening.

It isn't.

It never, never ends.

It sounds like a monster. Someone should see what it is.

It was a spur of the moment decision. Pretty big one.

It was all three, Dad. Congratulations.

It was an accident.

It was just for fun, Mom. Well, I'm glad to know it's not a job.

It was kind of big. It sure was.

It was like he reached into my chest and ripped out...

It was like this,

It was that kid. Never mind!

It'll be fun.

It'll just take a second.

It's 'cause he was first. Mmm?

It's a girl.

It's a nice knee drop, honey.

It's a perfect opportunity to start her on Spanish.

It's a temporary interruption in the electrical supply of the home.

It's a wedding kind of a song.

It's all right, honey. It was my fault. You just kind of took me by surprise.

It's all right, sweetheart. Come on, sweetie. We'll find it.

It's awfully late, Frank. We need to get Cool right to bed.

It's because he was our first.

It's been years since anybody's taken me to a carnival.

It's fun. Come on, let's walk.

It's getting pretty crowded here.

It's good to be home. It sure is.

It's his retainer. He lost his retainer.

It's just he's a little, you know, light hearted about things that I...

It's Kevin Buckman. His father totally screwed him up.

It's like your Aunt Edna's ass.

It's not going steady love, it's love.

It's nothing to feel bad about.

It's obvious now I'm going to have to spend less time at home.

It's okay, honey. Something's busted. Relax.

It's so messy.

It's the only chance you have to win!

It's the party celebrating my mother's promotion at the bank.

It's those hot dogs. I'll deal with Kevin and Justin.

It's true.

It's why I swore things would be different with my kids.

Jesus, Grandma, you got short.

Jesus, honey, I was hoping you'd be a little more supportive. It's not like I...

Jesus!

Jesus!

Julie, can I come in for a minute? Yeah.

Julie, I didn't mean it.

Julie, I really need your help. The whole family's coming over tonight.

Julie, I'm not his mother.

Julie, I'm telling you,

Julie, please! Let her go!

Julie, you can't run out on me. You're my wife.

Julie, you have a place to stay.

Julie!

Julie!

Julie!

Julie! Let go of me!

Julie! Tod!

Julie... Butt out!

Just a little something for being the best dad in the world.

Just clean up the hair.

Just get in. I can't.

Just like me They long to be

Just like me They long to be

Just like me They long to be

Just plop him down in front of the TV.

Just relax. Kevin, it's okay, honey.

Justin keeps ramming things with his head.

Justin!

Justin! Justin! Taylor, I'm gonna save you!

Karen said you were here.

Karen.

Keep Patty away from my brother.

Keep your powder and your pants dry.

Kevin Buckman.

Kevin is a very sweet, very sensitive, extremely tense little boy.

Kevin wants to go.

Kevin, do you want me to help you get your money back?

Kevin, honey, where'd you learn that song?

Kevin, I hope this is the best danged birthday you ever had.

Kevin, I'm sorry. I did the best I could.

Kevin, this one's for you.

Kevin! Taylor! No!

Kevin? Kevin, take Justin outside, and put him in his car seat.

Kevin. Kevin! You know I don't like it in the dark.

Kevin's in therapy.

Kid's a little different, a little special, needs a little more attention,

Kind of.

Kind of. Yeah? Dad bring you here a lot?

Knee drop!

Knock it off!

Larry needs $26,000 or gamblers are gonna kill him.

Larry, 27,

Larry.

Last night, she heard the moaning. She thought it was me.

Last summer at camp, Mom.

Lenny called this morning and he said they were wondering

Let Dopey do it. Let Dopey do it.

Let her go! Julie, just listen to me!

Let me just add a wrinkle.

Let me out of here, mango face!

Let's all thank Gil for stopping by.

Let's face it. He's getting worse.

Let's find out who his teacher is gonna be next year

Let's get this one. Come on, you can do it!

Let's go again. Okay, second base. Here we go.

Let's go watch the horse shit! Yeah!

Let's go!

Let's have a dozen and pretend they're donuts!

Let's have a great party. That'll be fun, huh?

Let's just go.

Let's pretend it's your decision, okay?

Let's see what can be accomplished.

Like he was a pervert or something.

Like I don't have goals or something.

Like I sit around here eating bonbons all day, right?

Like I'm supposed to.

Like Kevin is your son.

Like me.

Like that's supposed to make up for everything.

Listen to me. It's bad for me, too.

Listen, Dave, I'm having a problem at home.

Listen, how about if...

Lncredible. Just incredible.

Look at my thumb. Ready? Here we go. Watch it. Watch it.

Look,

Look, don't bullshit me anymore! It belittles us both!

Look, I know you're a lot smarter than Phil,

Look, I never said you didn't do great work. You do terrific work.

Look, I've made some mistakes.

Look, Patty, all I'm saying is,

Look, this thing with Phil is not etched in stone.

Look, you have to understand.

Look, you're a great kid, and I love you very much, okay?

Look.

Looking damn hot!

Looking hot.

Make balloon animals.

Make your mark! Make your mark!

Man, your mother can talk!

Math, French, everything's gone down.

Matt, I'm not gonna warn you again. One more comment, and you're out of there.

Maybe I can do something to help you relax.

Maybe I could stay with Dad for a while.

Maybe I should leave.

Maybe I should leave. No,

Maybe now this isn't the best time

Me.

Meanwhile, as long as you're working,

Men are scum. I know.

Mexico.

Mmm hmm.

Mmm mmm.

Mmm mmm.

Mock if you will.

Mom, back off. The last guy you dated stole our furniture.

Mom, Dad, what happened?

Mom, Dad, what happened? I'm getting a flashlight.

Mom, my ears are loose.

Mom! This is your room.

Mom?

Mom? Mom, hurry! He's over there. He's gonna kill himself.

Mommy, what was that?

Mr. and Mrs. Buckman, this is a problem that won't just go away.

Mr. Buckman, this is a public school.

My back is tense. My neck is tense.

My brother's car. I killed the car.

My brothers were ragging on me and I couldn't back down,

My career is in the shithouse.

My dad's going away?

My ears are tense. It's like they're hot or something.

My father dumping me with you.

My father, in his own childhood,

My God, Susan, you look great. If you weren't my sister...

My whole life is have to.

Nathan, guess what? Oh, you're home early.

Nathan, I don't think you're capable of change.

Nathan, please, I'll lose my job.

Nathan, she's weird. She's a weird child.

Nathan, we're trying so hard to keep these kids off drugs.

Nathan, you're crazy.

Nathan.

Nathan's talking to her right now. He's trying to figure out what's wrong.

Never.

Nice shot, son. It's important to be supportive.

Nice.

Ninety three.

No reason. Just for fun.

No, a woodpecker came in here, went into the bathroom,

No, but... I mean, he kept getting turned down

No, can we just go? I wanna go!

No, Dad, it's not Joey. It's Garry, your other son.

No, I don't blame you. What about Uncle Gil?

No, I know. I know. Go on, go on.

No, I mean I really love you.

No, I'll blame the dog.

No, Justin. Justin, no! Justin!

No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no. He's not the type I usually go for.

No, no. I mean with Kevin. Why are we going to see his principal?

No, not yet.

No, please, Miss Buckman! Are you out of your mind?

No, really. She's been staying with us. Only, it's a little crowded,

No, thanks, Helen. Julie's gonna do it.

No, that's right, and usually

No, that's the schmuck who brought the horse.

No, wait. No, let me go.

No, you were right.

No!

No!

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. What are we supposed to tape over?

Nobody was supposed to have that information until next month.

Not me! Not me!

Not much longer, I think.

Not now, Nathan, I have a class.

Not only am I not sure we should have another baby,

Nothing.

Nothing. I was a little tense before but now...

Now batting for the Cardinals, number 14, Stanley Boyer.

Now get down on it. Don't be afraid. It can't hurt you, Ben.

Now just kill it! Kill it!

Now really try and hit it.

Now talk to me about shopping.

Now that he's got his new wife and his new kids!

Now, come on. Get out there and hustle. Let's go.

Now, I know you're upset. Upset?

Now, I'm Mommy.

Now, let's get in the truck!

Now, Phil Richards... I quit!

Now, that's a little kid. Justin can beat up that kid!

Now, there's a kid with problems.

Now, we see these gangsters.

Now, which one of you outfielders wants to try second base, huh?

Now, why don't I just toddle off down there

Now, you can do it. Get up there. Come on, now.

Now, you've got me excited.

Now.

Obviously not, or you wouldn't have tried this.

Oh, because his teacher said he's been making that face again.

Oh, boy. Great to see you!

Oh, boy. I love it when you talk to me about school and meetings.

Oh, can you come with me

Oh, come on, if I called you up to tell you,

Oh, Dad.

Oh, don't tell your mom I taught you that. It could be bad. Let's go.

Oh, Ed. You shit.

Oh, Gil...

Oh, Gil... Forget it.

Oh, give me. I'll fix them. Oh, your pants are on backwards.

Oh, God, he's already going.

Oh, God!

Oh, I could use a little...

Oh, I don't know. Well, what does Gil say?

Oh, I see.

Oh, I'm all right. I'll figure it out.

Oh, I'm gonna be home late tomorrow. How come?

Oh, it's not so crowded.

Oh, jeez. What happened?

Oh, Jesus, that's a tough one.

Oh, Justin.

Oh, Larry. My baby.

Oh, listen, Julie got 1,291 on her SATs.

Oh, man.

Oh, Matt, come on. None of that. We're a team. Let's be a team.

Oh, Mommy.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Come on!

Oh, my God.

Oh, Nathan and I used to be hot.

Oh, Nathan and Patty and I are power eating.

Oh, okay, well,

Oh, really?

Oh, shit!

Oh, shut up!

Oh, some friends were just dropping me off.

Oh, sweetie! I'm waiting for her head to spin around.

Oh, sweetie.

Oh, Taylor, baby. Oh, sweetie.

Oh, that's great.

Oh, that's just what Kevin needs, time alone with my dad.

Oh, the door was unlocked.

Oh, this is great. A Stutz!

Oh, Tod.

Oh, would you give me just a small break?

Oh, yeah, yeah, she has a lovely place. Yeah, she has my place.

Oh, yeah? I thought you looked familiar!

Oh, yeah. I saw him today.

Oh, you remember that guy you went out with in college? Jeffrey Sanders?

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh?

Oh.

Oh. That is just great. Now, what did you always tell me, huh?

Oh... Great.

Okay, but this is the last time. Here we go. Ready?

Okay, come on, we're way behind because of yesterday's bomb threat,

Okay, Dad.

Okay, Frank.

Okay, here we go now. Push. I can see the head.

Okay, I guess I'm just gonna give everybody spaghetti and salad,

Okay, I should go stay with the girls. You got enough quarters?

Okay, it was a mix up. I got Cowboy Dan's card and he got mine.

Okay, let's go. Let's get them.

Okay, look lively, look lively. You're doing great.

Okay, Mama.

Okay, now, what do we say when we see a cute eight year old girl walk by?

Okay, sweetie, one more time.

Okay!

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. All right.

Okay. Careful now. Careful.

Okay. Come on.

Okay. Okay, Grandma.

Okay. Okay?

Okay. Okay.

Okay... Not now!

On the day that you were born The angels got together

On the other hand, Kevin may have been like this in the womb.

On whether a nine year old catches a pop up?

Once a year on my birthday. Then he pays an usher to watch me.

One more out, guys! Let's go! Let's go!

One more out. Come on, just relax. Play ball!

One more push, and the baby will be here. Bear down.

One more. Let's go.

One of those men reminded me of your grandpa. God bless him.

One twenty.

One, two, three! Let's get him out of here!

Only they can't appraise it unless they have all the paperwork,

Ooh! Here's something for my wallet.

Open this door, God damn it to hell!

Opened the drawer with his little wing,

Oral,

Our children are more capable of retaining and absorbing information than we are,

Our future leaders are gonna have to be much more in tune with the Oriental mind.

Out.

Patty, which one of these is the square root of 8,649?

Patty, why don't you play with Justin?

Patty, you know we love you.

Patty.

Peanuts! Get your peanuts here!

Peanuts! Roasted!

People are cruel, especially children,

Perfect.

Phil brought you some big clients. You're happy.

Phil has just brought in three brand new multimillion dollar clients.

Phil Richards, this is a guy who leaves his wife and kids

Please come back here, little one.

Please drive home safely and soberly.

Please, God, let them win one game.

Please, Miss Buckman, I love her. Let her go! God damn it!

Please, Mommy. Please, I'm so scared.

Please.

Please.

Plumbing supplies.

Por favor. Please.

Pretend you're a caveman or your father. What do you want me to do?

Programs here! Get your programs! Programs!

Programs here! Get your programs! Programs!

Push! Push! Good.

Push. Push. Come on, you're doing fine.

Put in the hours, dazzle me.

Put your shoulder into it and whack it.

Putting together a deal, you got to look like you can piss with the big boys.

Quick is the best way to get rich. Look who I'm talking to.

Really?

Really? I mean, of course, really.

Really? That's great, Mommy.

Recent studies indicate that these things are all chemical.

Red hots! How about some red hot peanuts?

Relax and concentrate. Let's go!

Right?

Right. Now, if it was my sister's kid...

Roasted! Red hot!

Safe!

See, when I met him, I was a little wild.

See? You can't handle it.

See? You've upset your brother!

Sell... Dad...

She and that Tod are both living in my house.

She can't concentrate.

She does look kind of stupid.

She has fun over there. You know, she scampers. She cavorts.

She needs a man.

She smoked grass.

She was just asking.

She's a very smart lady.

She's been giving lately towards her work.

She's got cheerleading practice. Bitchin'.

She's in our bed.

She's not a bomb. She's a little kid

She's still playing Nintendo.

Shh. Honey. It's okay.

Shit. Well put.

Shortstop, here it goes. All right, pick it up!

Show him, honey.

Showgirl. She was in that show Elvis on Ice.

Shut up, Dad. Will you just shut up?

Sí, sí.

Since I am. I'm due in February.

Since when?

Slapping the salami. No offense.

Slow down, Justin. I'll get you some dip.

So Cowboy Dan ain't coming.

So does Julie have a nice place?

So everybody's asking when I'm gonna go back to work,

So excited

So his brothers came over and we got in a fight.

So how did this happen?

So I hope you don't mind if I bring a few prostitutes home, honey,

So I killed him.

So if I saw him getting, you know, really tense,

So just go on out there

So let's get going.

So my Dad was taught to see child raising as a job, a burden,

So scared, so sick,

So that I wouldn't have to hit you for the whole amount.

So that's

So they can't touch him for child support. I mean, the guy is...

So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair

So tomorrow. I'm taking her over to my brother Gil's.

So we'll throw the TVs out. We'll put the TVs in the garbage, then,

So what are you saying I should do?

So what's up?

So whatever happens, you have to count on less help from me.

So while I'm locking this thing down,

So you promised. That's what!

So you're gonna have to try and control yourself, Tod.

So, Gilly, big baseball fan?

So, this is how you go about it, by vandalizing a contraceptive device?

Some didn't like it.

Somebody should be nice to you.

Somebody stole our dishes.

Someone must have taken it. Oh, Garry, just...

Someone's climbed to the roof of the bell tower with a rifle!

Sometimes they won't. Sometimes they will.

Sound good?

Stayed in his room all day. Boy, you were a moody little son of a bitch.

Stop that! You're very important. Yeah, why?

Strong, happy, confident kids.

Sure.

Sure.

Sure. Great.

Sure. Okay.

Susan, I love you. Please come home.

Susan, I need to talk to you.

Susan. Hi, Sis, it's Helen.

Susan. What?

Susie, Gran, would you please go to my room?

Sweet Jesus!

Sweetheart, Mommy and Daddy will be back in two minutes. How many seconds is that?

Sweetheart!

Sweetie, you're gonna be okay.

Sweetie.

Take a beating? No, thanks. I already took one.

Take my advice. Forget about Kevin and Taylor. It's too late. Work on Justin.

Take the boy inside.

Teacher's gonna put a label on him. Problem kid.

Tell you what?

Tells me, You watch him. I shot someone. I have to leave the country.

Ten little boys are waiting for me

Thank goodness!

Thank you for not arguing.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. No! Tod. Tod!

Thanks.

That a grown man's happiness depends

That class is going to finish the year behind. It isn't fair.

That I did those things or that I did them with Tod?

That I should have an abortion?

That is one messed up little dude.

That is why all the guys in town Guys in town

That just goes around. Nothing.

That kid? That kid's not bigger than you. Go back and get your money!

That Lenny is an asshole. Do you believe that guy?

That made him happy.

That makes that decision. I make the deal.

That means come here in Spanish!

That means we'll have vacation money.

That offers special education classes.

That partnership is mine.

That was an electric ear cleaner.

That was mine. We have photos.

That was picked up already.

That was really cool.

That way we can still see each other every day.

That would make it difficult for them to take you back?

That you'd dress up like a cowboy and coach Little League,

That, you know, that we consider important.

That's a decision every woman has to make on her own.

That's a good job for me, crash dummy.

That's a parent?

That's a story for another time.

That's all I ask.

That's Cowboy Gil's woman. Take a bow, little lady.

That's great!

That's great. That's great. You know, you got a lovely family,

That's it.

That's it. Great. You're doing great.

That's mighty courteous of you.

That's my dream.

That's my kid brother Larry. Your uncle.

That's not for me.

That's right. Look, it's a problem. We're aware of it,

That's right. That's right, Kevin!

That's right. They call me Cowboy Gil,

That's that Tod, isn't it? There's one where you can see his face.

That's the best I can do.

That's too small.

That's what he always does.

That's what you're gonna sleep in? You'll get cold.

The caring, the worrying, the pain,

The first time I got laid was in...

The hell with him!

The kitchen's right through here.

The last few feet of the course is going to be very crowded.

The next school year is four months off, so

The only way

The Penal Colony by Franz Kafka.

The Plymouth missile, Rick Carsmith, right in the far lane.

The point is that once they see us, then they'll realize that we're fine,

The registration, the proof of purchase. You've got those things around?

The St. Louis Cardinals wish to thank you for attending today's game.

The thing is, Larry, we don't have the big house anymore, you know?

The truth now!

The winning team covers the point spread. Usually

Their kids and... It was nice talking to you.

Then he said he'd changed his mind.

Then I choose for you to have the baby, okay? That's my choice.

Then I don't know what we can do.

Then why did you say all that?

Then, Monday morning, 8:00 a.m.,

There is no end zone.

There should be another envelope for Buckman.

There you go. Watch the car.

There's a big surprise. Grandma and Grandpa are gonna be here,

There's a guy with glasses and a lab coat

There's a lot more room since they shaved their heads.

There's the batteries for her hearing aid, magnifying glass for reading...

There's your pennant. There you go.

These are kids, not appliances. Life is messy.

They bake, and they sew,

They beat him severely,

They find a nickel, they huddle together and bury it like squirrels.

They gave the partnership to Phil Richards.

They make all the men in this family want to leave.

They mean nothing.

They mentioned the crying?

They say that,

They went on the merry go round.

They'll wait with them at our house.

They're businessmen. They'll see that something is better than nothing.

They're going to kill me, Dad,

They're gonna put him in special ed.

They're hassling her about her hair.

They're hurting my sister!

They're like sponges, Gil, just waiting to absorb.

They're not stolen.

They're not stolen. They're put away.

They're not stolen. They're put away.

They're not stolen. They're put away.

They're usually not that close, huh? Oh, no.

Thirty eight kids to a class.

This

This big.

This is

This is a memory of when I was a kid.

This is it. Everybody in the living room. This is the big surprise.

This is marriage!

This is my son Cool.

This is not really the kind of trip that...

This is not the right age for Patty to be socially activated.

This is really coming out of left field.

This isn't another get rich quick scheme, is it, Larry?

This miserable son of a bitch rookie throws in a goddamn 50 footer

This was a great symbolic moment of my life,

This was the song from our wedding.

Those are words. They don't solve anything.

Three years, every night, every weekend. I had dinner out here!

Three?

Thumb trick. Do the thumb trick.

Thumb trick. Show her, Dad.

Thursday when I left for Little League, he said,

Time to come in now, children.

To check.

To guide them into last place.

To Mexico?

To see if it's okay.

To see Kevin's principal on Monday morning?

Tod and I are in love.

Tod is very important to me. And we've got the pictures to prove it.

Tod! Yeah.

Tod?

Tod?

Tod?

Tod? Tod?

Tod?? Julie?

Tod's working now. We'll find a place to live somewhere.

Tops.

Try this. We take Patty with us.

Two cups of sugar and three cow pies.

Uh,

Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride.

Wait a minute. What about Cowboy Dan? He is coming.

Wait a second. My head is spinning. Come on.

Wait. Do it like that.

Wait. What?

Was it yours or Helen or Susan's wedding I got drunk at?

Was without a positive male influence.

Wasn't that Super Bowl incredible right down to the last minute?

Watch it. There's so many cars.

Watch out, you little varmints! Why, you! You darned kids!

Way to be supportive, Lou.

Way to go, Kevin.

Way to go. Way to go, Tommy! All right! All right!

Wayne, get Ben some ice.

We agree to pay them $1,000 a month.

We agreed to... No, you agreed.

We bring our own food everywhere.

We can record our love.

We didn't need it.

We estimate that Kevin's teacher spends at least

We got bases loaded. We're only one run down.

We got called to school last year because Taylor was kissing all the boys.

We have a great start.

We just have the one bedroom for us and one for Grandma.

We missed four innings.

We only need one more out! Can't you even field a ground ball?

We put the Frank Buckman plan into effect.

We thought you had polio.

We went through it.

We will be. We'll get two rooms.

We'll take care of it. Julie, come on, let's go.

We're a little disappointed with the effort

We're almost there, Mom. Come on, push. Push.

We're back in town because I've got something really huge cooking.

Well,

Well,

Well,

Well, actually it was my idea.

Well, because Julie wants Tod.

Well, better pack.

Well, Garry's biology teacher asked me out.

Well, good night, nine year old boy.

Well, Grandma's welcome to stay with us for a while.

Well, great! Let's have it, then. Let's see how I can screw the fourth one up.

Well, he's funny,

Well, he's spinning.

Well, honey, you were really kidding yourself.

Well, I got to be moseying on back to Abilene.

Well, I kind of had a little bit of a stomachache,

Well, I need to ask you something.

Well, I think we were wrong. Well, I think we were right.

Well, I thought someone in this house ought to be having sex.

Well, I wanna have the baby.

Well, I was just thinking

Well, I was just thinking.

Well, I'll be seeing you in the car.

Well, I'll have to give you a list of the medications, and when and how much,

Well, I'm gonna pick up Julie.

Well, I'm ready to discuss it.

Well, I'm the happiest, most confident,

Well, I've been here a long time. Maybe I should live with him for a while.

Well, if he thinks I'm having his baby now, he's crazy!

Well, if we need to, we'll send Kevin to a private therapist.

Well, let's just wait and see. You know, worrying isn't gonna help.

Well, like I said, I had to stop and do some business.

Well, my grandmother told me to.

Well, now, you know, if I take a step towards him, he just takes a step away.

Well, thank you.

Well, that's great, Larry.

Well, that's the difference between men and women.

Well, they're bad dudes. That's why they call the game Bad Dudes.

Well, we'll get you to first aid to make sure, all right?

Well, which one did I punch the bandleader?

Well, why don't you do it now, Larry?

Well, would it be okay if I stay with you for a while?

Well, you know, honey, the odds aren't good.

Well, you let them do anything. You let them watch TV just like that.

Well, you never told me there was a chance you might quit.

Well?

Well?

Whack!

What a great story.

What about Cool? Huh?

What about house painting?

What about that 3,000 I gave you?

What am I thinking?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing? Are you joining the Marines?

What are you saying, Patty can learn things I can't learn?

What are you so upset about?

What are you using? Coarse sand or suspension hydroponics?

What channel is this? No, Gran, this is a tape.

What did happen? I just said I didn't want to tell you.

What did you say to me? God damn it, you get back here!

What do you mean maybe?

What do you mean, change my mind? I quit.

What do you mean?

What do you need?

What do you want me to give you, guarantees?

What does that make you, Sherlock Holmes? I live here.

What for?

What is it with the women in this family?

What is that?

What is this?

What is this?

What kid? Never mind. Never mind. Can we just go?

What the hell is the matter with you?

What was that?

What was that? It came from the bedroom.

What would you do?

What, are you running for Congress?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? I can't. This is too intense. This is...

What? I did.

What? I'm sorry.

What? This?

What's everybody doing in here?

What's he doing? I don't know.

What's he yelling?

What's his number?

What's in the bag?

What's the birthday boy's name? Because I paint it across my breasts.

What's the deal, son? What do you have going?

What's the matter with you? No business!

What's the matter, honey? You don't feel so good?

What's the matter?

What's the matter? I lost my retainer!

What's up?

What's up?

What's up? Did you get the Twinkies?

What's wrong with getting rich quick?

What's wrong with me? Nothing. Nothing.

Whatever you guys want, I want to get for you.

When I grow up, can I work where you work?

When I was born,

When we go see Kevin's principal,

When were you gonna tell me?

When you're 18 or 21 or 41 or 61.

When you're sitting in your Chevy

When you're sliding into first

When you're sliding into first

When you're sliding into home

When you're sliding into home

When you're sliding into third And you lay a juicy turd

When's Cowboy Dan the gun fighting balloon man gonna be here?

Where are you going?

Where do you get that stuff?

Where does he get this obsessive behavior?

Where I thought we should take Phil Richards to celebrate his partnership.

Where is it? In the bedroom? It's in the nightstand.

Where is that kid? Where is she?

Where should I do it?

Where was I?

Where?

Where's Cowboy Gil? Where'd he go?

Where's my wife? She's still at school.

Where's the switch? Does this look like my house?

Wherever it's hit, you go for it!

Whether it's right or not, there's a stigma.

Which one will I be in?

Who are you and what are you going to do?

Who has no ability to relate to other little kids.

Who have been there longer, who are more committed

Who?

Who's that? That's my wife.

Who's that? Wait a second, I've got something for you.

Who's to say who's a shitty father?

Why are you pouring water through my diaphragm?

Why did you try to keep them together?

Why do birds suddenly appear

Why do stars twinkle in the sky

Why do you always say that Tod? It just sounds so...

Why don't I show them to you first and make sure they're appropriate?

Why don't you just say what you're really thinking?

Why don't you use that time to give us your best shot?

Why is he so high strung? He's like a poodle.

Why me? Why now?

Why not? They offered.

Why would you think that?

Why, because he makes a face?

Why, you little lily livered lumps of cat meat!

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why? Because you're gonna be the father of my grandchild. That's why.

Why'd you make me play second base?

Will you get down off the horse before you hurt yourself?

With at least a five year separation between sibs.

With her wonderful and affecting roller coaster story,

With new furniture and a raise,

With pain.

With that in mind,

With us? Couple of weeks.

With you? It's impossible.

Women have choices. Men have responsibilities.

Would you like some coffee?

Would you like to come in?

Would you like to speak to Tod?

Would you like to stay here with us?

Wow!

Yay, Mom!

Yeah, a minute ago, I was really confused about life,

Yeah, and his guts were spilled out all over the floor.

Yeah, but in college, you were like a chimney.

Yeah, did I loan you my big platter? Oh, great, great.

Yeah, he even smiled.

Yeah, I changed my mind!

Yeah, I have good news. What?

Yeah, I thought so. Would you bring it over tonight?

Yeah, I wish he'd drop his drill down his pants.

Yeah, if she's so brilliant, how come she's sitting in our neighbor's car?

Yeah, Mom once said something. Yeah, well,

Yeah, okay, in just a few minutes.

Yeah, so what?

Yeah, sure,

Yeah, we were gonna have a big talk about that.

Yeah, well,

Yeah, well, I give them six months,

Yeah, well, I'm not really a kid. You're not a duck.

Yeah, why?

Yeah, yeah. I was there already?

Yeah, yeah.. Is Dr. Lampkin there?

Yeah, you got it. Spend it on the people you love,

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah! No!

Yeah! You know, it was junk when I found it.

Yeah?

Yeah? Mmm hmm.

Yeah? The game's over, honey.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Give it a good whack!

Yeah. How's Patty?

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Really give it a good shot.

Yeah. Yeah, okay, I did.

Yeah. You know, he doesn't really finish his work.

Yes, of course he is. The man's a professional.

Yes, sir.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. The tense face.

You always did.

You better get out in the lobby, Dad.

You breastfeed till your nipples are sore.

You can count on it.

You can't do what he does. You hate that shit.

You come to work with me at my place.

You cut the odds considerably.

You did these things right here in my house?

You didn't know I did that, did you? No.

You do?

You don't mind if I stop in and say hello.

You don't really even exist.

You don't talk like a kid.

You don't think they're gonna make it?

You feel like you wanna throw up? Okay.

You go somewhere else,

You got that kind of money?

You hate me? What?

You have the baby. You get fat.

You haven't made any mistakes yet.

You just got a lousy dad.

You know about that?

You know what his teacher asked me?

You know what I think?

You know what that is?

You know,

You know, for making you study so much and giving up all your dates.

You know, he was always trying to get a research grant.

You know, I assume that, you know,

You know, I think I'm better at this.

You know, if you'd told me there was a chance of this happening,

You know, it was a piece of junk when I found it.

You know, it was just interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened,

You know, it's not like that all ends

You know, Miss Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog or drive a car.

You know, on the highway.

You know, or filmmaking.

You know, otherwise, she was gonna quit school and get a job and...

You know, that really pisses me off.

You know, the face, the crying, the nervousness.

You know, this puts a minor crimp in my life, too.

You know, those were your initials burned into the handle.

You know, when I think about it, that hole was about this big.

You know, when I was 1 9, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster.

You know, when I was nine years old, I had kind of a rough time.

You know, when you were two years old,

You know, when your kid is born, it can still be perfect.

You know, with the frame of mind you're in,

You know, you always chased me out of the room whenever he came over.

You know, you don't know your father like I do.

You know, you're pretty funny for a biology teacher.

You like it? Yeah, it's good. It's shiny.

You live with me.

You look great. Dad!

You made me play second base!

You mean because he's so smart?

You mean everything.

You misunderstood me! You weren't listening!

You must be the Buckmans. I'm Dr. Jeffrey Lucas.

You never cross the goal line, spike the ball and do your touchdown dance.

You okay? I'm all right.

You ready, Garry? You want anything to eat?

You really have to go?

You said I didn't have to play anymore.

You said it was just held up by Ted's surgery,

You see, a few years ago, I was living in Vegas with this girl.

You see, Grandma, Patty studies Eastern philosophy.

You see?

You see? You know.

You should not look upon the fact that Kevin will be going to a special school

You still don't get it, do you?

You stink, Buckman!

You stopped wearing your turban.

You sure we can talk straight?

You sure you don't want to walk? There we go.

You think he's funny, huh? When he was a kid, he wasn't this funny.

You thought that was a carnival? That was my parents' house.

You threw him 1 2 million pop ups in the backyard.

You tried it?

You wanna live with your father?

You were going to sell my car.

You were supposed to wait outside so I could introduce you.

You worry too much.

You, like, saved their marriage.

You'll be all right. You'll be okay.

You're a great kid. You're a great kid, honey.

You're a kid like I was. You have a lot of worries, that's all.

You're a rat. You're a rat!

You're an amalgam. A what?

You're doing great.

You're gonna be a grandma?

You're gonna have to get in line behind guys who are younger than you,

You're gonna meet a lot of guys that you like just as well as that Tod.

You're gonna say something worse than the battery remark?

You're great. Then how come...

You're Kevin's father! You're not Cowboy Dan.

You're leaving me?

You're not a kid anymore! You're not stupid!

You're not leaving here until you hear what I have to say.

You're probably wondering why I took it out without telling you.

You're racing again, aren't you?

You're right to have all these feelings.

You're right, Gil. You know, Kevin's great. He can't be that much of a problem.

You're right. I'm sorry. It's been pleasant for a moment.

You're telling me you'd think that was great?

You're tense right now, honey?

You're the greatest.

You're watching these because you're curious about sex,

Your attention.

Your folks are driving them home.

Your lower intestines.

Your mouth used up all the power.

Your son? It's a long story.

Yuck!

2,000 enough?

20%. of her time dealing with Kevin.

206 5790.

Bear down. Push.

I'll get a flashlight. I'll get it, Sis.

Let's eat. Yeah, well, good idea.

(CRYING) Oh, no!

$26,000.