Shiva Baby Edit

A little bit of lipstick, a little bit of lipstick.

A real self made woman.

Abbie would be so pleased.

Abbie, Uncle Morty's second wife's sister,

Abbie.

Actually.

Ah, eulogies were shit.

Ah, that's so fantastic, I love that.

Ah.

Ah. [Max laughing]

All right, all right.

All right, first stop will be Maureen.

All right, shall we go in, everybody?

All right, you wanna gonna go?

All right.

All set? Seatbelts on?

Almost five years.

Although Moira's here and her daughter Stephanie...

An humanitarian growing up.

And a path, so I don't need that.

And feed the homeless and teach English in the Orient.

And gender studies through the lens...

And go out with your beautiful friends, is that it?

And he's right around the corner, he's at...

And helping Mrs. Bronstein.

And his parents were terrified, naturally, about his future.

And how did you meet?

And how's Kate?

And I mean, you'll get me something right?

And I picked her up, it was so sweet,

And I think it's really great to support females,

And I thought I told you no funny business with Maya.

And I was like excited to see you.

And I'm trying to find someone, it's just.

And it was easy.

And it'd be very helpful.

And it's just the worst timing.

And law school and everything,

And meet someone after that.

And she asked him to the dance, and I guess he said no.

And some other babysitting gigs?

And that's Rose.

And the Feldmans in their time of mourning.

And the place smells like shit.

And then doing the babysitting and everything?

And then I have some interviews that I'm gonna do.

And then Maya and Danielle,

And we would have to strap her in and all of those things.

And we'll get going soon, don't worry.

And what, you just had to like race home

And where do you think she got that money,

And you can't go there anyway,

And you just like saw it.

And you think that I'm a little baby.

And you'll be wiping his arthritic ass

And you've got a few job interviews lined up.

And, obviously, and I just want you to know

Another wonderful baby.

Anybody can forget a ring, you know.

Anyway, she's very charming.

Anyway, the point is that I think Danielle

Anyway, the thing is

Are we allowed to use that?

Are you Danielle's cousin or sister or something?

Are you disappointed in me?

Are you drunk?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you like thrilled to be home with your peak audience?

Are you listening to me? Hey, hey.

Are you making enough money now from babysitting?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you on drugs?

Aren't you too busy, I mean like with school

As a matter of fact,

As an adult through babysitting, y'know?

As opp..., what do you know me?

At a later date.

At the uh.

Aw, look at that. Good on you, buddy.

Aw, that's so sweet.

Awesome.

Baby!

Basically a single mom, so stressed out but you can't tell

Be different than other people.

Because he gained a lot of weight.

Because her parents pay for everything

Because how could we let go of that,

Because I thought that you would still be taking finals.

Because she's so talented.

Because the shiksa might be able to get her a job.

Because there's just weird unconventional ways

Because they're ours, sweetheart, that's why.

Because we gotta leave soon and you told me you were.

Because you're gonna end up with one

Because you're supposed to help fuckin' old people,

Before like somebody else does.

Besides starving yourself to death?

Bills?

Boring wife who...

Bubala, bubala, talk to me.

Bubala, where you running off to?

But a few months ago, we got the house out here.

But didn't you guys have a baby this year?

But everybody goes through it.

But get a vibrator, don't get a relationship.

But I mean, 20 years later, he's a brain surgeon.

But I really could use somebody

But I want someone good for Danny.

But I'm not gonna talk about this anymore.

But is there an open window or a fan inside?

But it's a great way to pay the bills, so.

But it's very cool that that's what you do.

But listen to me a second, all right?

But she won't allow me to get on a plane.

But she's doing terrifically.

But she's great.

But that's not his fault.

But that's what I'm saying,

But we do kinda look alike, it's kinda fucked up.

But y'know, it was unlocked.

But you can't really support yourself

But your dad just said you're not.

Bye Gloria, see you next week.

Bye, nice to meet you.

Call, do not text me.

Can I ask you something?

Can I borrow you for a second?

Can I sneak by?

Can I whisper something to you?

Can we get a broom, please?

Can we go?

Can you call a car?

Can you guys squeeze together into one seat?

Can you hold her?

Can you, um, excuse me?

Columbia, oh my God. That's fantastic.

Come here.

Come on, come on.

Come on, I got the Uber that's Uber all this, let's go.

Come on.

Come with us.

Coming.

Congrats on law school, that's really great.

Congratulations.

Considering all the hard work that I'm doing.

Converted, shmerted,

Cool, cool.

Could discuss this in more detail together.

Could you come with me to the kitchen for a second?

Cute, so cute.

Dad, can we go please?

Daddy's not going to be paying for that apartment forever.

Danielle hasn't told us what her post grad plan is.

Danielle is about to graduate.

Danielle is gender business.

Danielle, I love your parents.

Danielle, listen, can you call my phone?

Danielle, stop.

Danielle, your father, useless.

Danielle!

Danielle?

Danielle.

Danielle.

Danielle.

Danielle...

Danny,

Danny, just take it easy.

Danny, stop.

Danny, you know that guy, tell her.

Danny.

Deb, do you have my phone on you?

Deb.

Deb.

Did any of it get on her?

Did they all just like fail?

Did you buy it with your babysitting money?

Did you guys get enough to eat?

Didn't wanna wear the one that I took to the dry cleaners?

Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?

Do you have photos? Let's see.

Do you kids know each other?

Do you know what college you're going to yet?

Do you need help? [door closing]

Do you still make those little videos?

Do you think she has an eating disorder?

Do you want me to get on a scale?

Do you want me to pull out for you?

Does Danielle want to go to law school or grad school?

Doesn't have sex and is like... mean.

Don't answer, don't tell me, but I'd like to know

Don't be ridiculous.

Don't be rude. But yes, we can go.

Don't be shy, speak up.

Don't cry.

Don't forget, hm?

Don't go there. He's not for you.

Don't listen to your mother.

Don't play dumb with me.

Don't you dare use that language

Don't you have a cousin who's in publishing?

Don't you tell me to relax.

Don't you worry about anybody here.

Eli vomited all over the kids' room.

Especially if we're gonna have another kid.

Everybody feels it.

Everybody knows his business is kaput.

Everybody, looky loos.

Everyone ready?

Everything's gonna be fine.

Everything's okay, it's okay.

Everywhere and like smokin' blunts.

Excuse me, darling,

Excuse me, I'm sorry.

Excuse me, kid?

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Feels like just yesterday you were the same age as Mason.

Felt nice to like have power and be appreciated.

For a future woman's march organizer.

For a shiva and like reap the benefits of the buffet.

For all of us cute. Cute is cute.

For quite a while.

For the rest of your life.

For you cute or for Danny cute?

For your best friend Annie?

Forget it, I'll wait til I'm home.

Get the family deal.

Getting them all at once.

Give her back!

Go where?

Going on all at once.

Good to see you guys.

Good.

Got your legs around? Everybody hands safe?

Great, awesome.

Great, nevermind I'll ask your mother.

Great, thank you.

Great, whatever, it's what a fuck.

Great.

Happy.

Have fun, enjoy, enjoy this little, little body.

Have him bring the car around for us, okay?

Have you seen my phone?

Have you tried JSwipe?

He doesn't listen or he's got Alzheimer's.

He has a cousin that works in publishing.

He was just very kind at a time.

He was studying what, philosophy or photography.

He's always 10 notes behind, though so...

He's doing really good, the practice is...

He's funny.

He's so cute.

He's still at the gym so who knows if we'll even get there.

Hello?

Hello.

Here we are, okay. [keys jingling]

Here we are.

Here, let me help you. I don't want to get it on you.

Hey hey hey hey hey.

Hey, aren't we giving you two a lift?

Hey, Danielle.

Hey, Danny, sweetie.

Hey, I can help you.

Hey, I'm really sorry.

Hey, look who's here.

Hey, oh my gosh.

Hey, that was you not too long ago, sweetie.

Hey, you.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hi darling, how was spin class?

Hi, girls.

Hi, I'm Kim Beckett.

Hi, I'm Max.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi, yeah, we're in the back. Let me come get you.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Him and his friends go to the most

His name was Michael, right?

Honestly, can you call a car?

Honestly, you guys have so many people between all of you

Honestly.

Honestly.

How are you get through law school

How are you?

How come?

How did I raise get such a good girl?

How do I look?

How long have you guys been together?

How much you weigh?

How often do you do that?

How old is she?

How was the funeral?

How's babysitting?

I always thought those were so fun.

I am, you said that, you said that you wanted me to eat.

I am.

I ask him to do one thing today, one thing.

I can do both.

I can't remember.

I can't.

I did tell him.

I did tell you.

I didn't even know you were coming today.

I didn't, I was there.

I don't believe you.

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

I don't know what that means.

I don't know, I might have seen it,

I don't know, we went to prom together.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't really wanna be like a girl boss type of,

I don't think that you're a little baby.

I don't think that's anything that I would like.

I don't um, he said you were running late.

I don't want to.

I feel like you two had a really fun prom.

I feel so bad for Debbie.

I felt bad, but y'know, like she's my baby,

I finished them, yesterday.

I forgot you have a crush on him.

I found it in the bathroom.

I found my phone,

I gotta show you this, wait a minute, wait a minute.

I guess we both have fabulous taste.

I had to move all my products here to the back.

I happen to have the van outside.

I have nothing serious.

I have this brunch thing that I have to get ready for.

I have to go to the bathroom.

I have to go to the bathroom.

I have to with his lifestyle.

I haven't done one in a while.

I haven't eaten yet, I have to go...

I haven't had a chance to catch up with you yet.

I heard her dad was *******.

I heard, yeah.

I just like told someone that I met here

I just need you to hold her for a second,

I just never thought about it that way.

I just told you that I did.

I just wanna make sure that she sees us.

I just want her to finish her finals

I just wouldn't be into her is what I'm saying.

I just wouldn't want them to know

I know that you think that I'm not gonna do anything

I know you don't believe in me,

I know, and I know it's not something that you like to do.

I know, he's gonna be bar mitzvahed later this year.

I know, she got sick.

I know, yeah.

I lived through New York in the '80s.

I lost it, I can't find it anywhere.

I love you too, Mom.

I love you.

I mean Israel, Palestine, whatever they're calling it now

I mean she's just like basic, y'know?

I mean we've always had the Soho apartment.

I mean, good babysitters are so hard to find.

I mean, how's he going to make any money?

I mean, maybe he could help you find the ideal position.

I mean, might be good to fill it in part time

I mean, sooner or later,

I mean, they're foodies [laughing].

I mean, we could really tailor it to something

I mean, you could work out an arrangement, right?

I mean, you're pretty small, right?

I mean, you're such an amazing entrepreneur.

I miss you, okay?

I never would have pegged you for a man of luxury, Max.

I promise you no man left behind, or woman, sorry.

I really only work with like eight year olds.

I really wanna help you with your degree

I replied to your fucking story

I still don't exactly know what that means,

I think it would be best if we ended this.

I think we should get going soon.

I think you got a phone call.

I think you got it for me in like high school

I thought you were a vegetarian.

I thought you were done experimenting.

I thought you'd be swatting the boys away like flies.

I thought your mom was watching her.

I told you that I reached out.

I understand, there's acting, and there's film,

I want her to enjoy her little, little body,

I was looking all over.

I was trying to build an app for...

I went and I bought him a suit.

I wish I could have my own bachelor pad

I would say it's a little bit extravagant.

I'll be right back.

I'll fuck off.

I'll get his number later.

I'll make sure you understand everything.

I'll see you later.

I'm absolutely convinced it's gonna be much much easier now.

I'm actually working from home right now.

I'm gonna get a cup of coffee.

I'm gonna go get Daddy,

I'm gonna kill you when we get home.

I'm gonna talk to her.

I'm good. I'm really good.

I'm in college.

I'm just getting the schmutz off your face.

I'm just wondering how female entrepreneurs do it all.

I'm just wondering.

I'm like.

I'm literally walking towards you, Dad.

I'm looking for someone.

I'm not being weird.

I'm not gonna blow him in the bathroom.

I'm not looking at her.

I'm not thrilled, I'm grieving.

I'm really...

I'm saving up for something.

I'm so so sorry, is she all right?

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry, how do you guys know each other?

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, it was...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sure you can find more here, y'know?

I'm surprised you're able to work from home, y'know?

I'm trying to find it because I need it right now.

I'm worried about her.

I've been dying to get down there myself

I've got some stuff in the bag.

I've paid bills before.

I've told you so many times.

If Robert De Niro and Gene Kelly had a ******* baby.

If you can put 'em up against that wall over there.

If you could just put those in the front seat, hm?

If you don't need to be getting paid.

If you find yourself with some time,

If you would please join me in reciting the mourner's kaddish.

Is Maya seeing anyone?

Is she not eating?

Is she okay?

Is she seeing anyone?

Is that your life?

Is there a second bathroom?

Is this yours?

It happens.

It is so sweet, you're right.

It just got caught in something, it's fine.

It sure is.

It was fully a dead flower.

It was good to see you guys there, yes exactly.

It was hideous, freakishly pale and no nose.

It was Lucy's graduation present from me.

It wasn't dead.

It's a cute baby.

It's a funeral.

It's a little complex when it comes to finding employment,

It's a sad day, lot of sadness.

It's a scratch.

It's a thing, you can...

It's crazy.

It's fine, Mom, they live two seconds from us.

It's fine, you'll be fine.

It's fine.

It's fine. Why did you bring the van?

It's here somewhere.

It's impossible.

It's just so hard in my generation

It's just that it's a new collection.

It's just the best location.

It's just, I didn't know that I was gonna see you today

It's like an organization.

It's like gender business.

It's like, goals.

It's literally nothing, okay?

It's not my career. It's a lens...

It's not rocket science.

It's not such a big deal.

It's not the same.

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's probably by the desserts.

It's too crazy in there.

Janice and Maury's son. Max, I think.

Jerry clogged the toilet again

Joel, they got a car.

Joel's your father?

Just a minute.

Just call the car first.

Just hold her.

Just like sisters.

Just seemed like the logical next step,

Just too pushy, isn't she?

Just try to behave yourself today, for me please?

Just, y'know, whenever they need me.

Just, you're gonna figure it out.

Just...

Katherine, Maya, you guys need a ride?

Katherine, you think you can fit in on that same seat?

Keep going.

Kind of publicist thing.

Law school? Where'd you get the idea about law school?

Like at your office doing clerical work

Like boring?

Like good to be with the family in this time.

Like in apps and stuff like that.

Like in the kitchen or in the bathroom.

Like look at this beautiful girl.

Like she's just like generic looking.

Listen to your mother and don't marry anyone

Listen, are you coming to the funeral today or what?

Listen, if you guys need a ride,

Listen, Jdate has been fantastic for me.

Listen, sweetheart, as soon as graduation comes,

Listen, sweetie, you don't have to worry.

Listen, we could have given you a ride.

Listen, worst case scenario,

Look at this baby, so adorable.

Look at those eyes.

Look, sweetheart, feminism isn't exactly

Malibu Barbie's not pretty?

Maureen, you get there in the backy back.

Maury doesn't have a pot to piss in.

Maury?

Maury.

Max worked for your father years ago.

Max, what are you doing over there?

Maya says she's changed her major at least a dozen times.

Maya?

Maya.

Maybe from his dad?

Maybe he needs an intern.

Mm hm, yeah.

Mm hm.

Mm hm.

Mm hm.

Mom [laughing].

Mom, mom, mom, who died?

Mom.

Mommy?

Mort, how are ya?

Mrs. Bronstein, which one is your car?

My cleaning lady got the flu yesterday

My gaydar is strong as a bull.

My major was sort of like women

My phone just died.

Neither right now.

Nice cum stain.

Nice ******* boy marries a shiksa

No funny business with Maya.

No I'm not, I just don't know anything

No kidding, how?

No no no no, listen.

No no no, this is gonna work. Believe me.

No no no, you don't have to worry about that.

No no, she doesn't have a major, Mom.

No no, she's studying gender.

No really, you are such a good girl.

No, Dad, not nearly enough

No, Danielle doesn't need to work

No, get in, Maureen.

No, I don't think so.

No, I want to.

No, I was not looking for you. Let's live in the truth.

No, it's like comedy, stand up.

No, it's okay, we're getting a car, so. But thank you.

No, Mom, I don't want to.

No, no.

No, no. She's not gonna say that.

No, not yet, or right now.

No, she's like a hot businesswoman,

No, she's not.

No, that's okay. We'll get a car.

No, you have Alzheimer's.

No?

No?

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

Nobody calls, so.

Not at the moment, no.

Not at the moment, no.

Nothing, thank you for helping me.

Nothing.

Nothing's fucking funny.

Nothing's funny.

Now I'm trying to think if I know anybody.

Now, look at it, isn't this cute?

Of course you're gonna find somebody soon.

Of course, it has to be tailored

Of course, Jesus Christ.

Of course, of course, go, go.

Of course, yeah. That's true, it's true.

Of course.

Of meeting people.

Of young female entrepreneurs.

Off like a herd of turtles.

Oh baby, you don't need to know

Oh Danielle, I need your help. I'm running out of lox.

Oh darling, what are you so?

Oh my God, are you okay?

Oh my God, stop, please. You look gorgeous.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God. [door closing]

Oh no, absolutely not. I'm going to law school.

Oh no.

Oh no.

Oh Sheila, I can do that.

Oh shit.

Oh wow, you babysit?

Oh yeah, course you did.

Oh yeah, okay, a hard working pill.

Oh yeah, well what are you saving up for?

Oh yeah.

Oh yes you do.

Oh, are you kidding me?

Oh, because he's so generous.

Oh, feels like you have so many job prospects.

Oh, for the love God. I'm getting in the car.

Oh, he's good. He's, y'know, he's...

Oh, I always tell her that about the lipstick.

Oh, I didn't know you golfed, Joel.

Oh, I thought you were in college.

Oh, I'm gonna go grab one.

Oh, is it another client?

Oh, it was good, but look at this one.

Oh, Maya, I mean Danielle.

Oh, now you don't wait for me.

Oh, okay.

Oh, so kinda like family.

Oh, so you could run marches like with the pink pussy hats.

Oh, sorry, I'll be right back.

Oh, thank you, no.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, that's so sweet.

Oh, very kind, yes. Very kind.

Oh, where did you hear that?

Oh, you are so lovely. Thank you, darling.

Oh, you guys are at the Holocaust Museum.

Oh, you were so cute.

Oh, you're an angel.

Oh, you're the one going to law school.

Oh.

Oh.

Okay, cool.

Okay, I miss you too.

Okay, I think you need to relax.

Okay, I'll do that.

Okay, she's very pretty, but she's too old for you.

Okay, so you haven't seen it or?

Okay, thank you.

Okay, well if he said that, then why did you ask?

Okay, why didn't you just call me like an adult?

Okay, yeah you're right, I should kiss the ground

Okay, you're projecting like a lot of misogyny

Okay, you've never met your grandma.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

One of those things.

One sec, sorry.

Online.

Ooh, sorry Mort.

Ooh.

Or did we?

Or maybe you'd just be sticking with the one?

Or something like that.

Or that tone with me, young lady.

Or you'd have third degree burns.

Our friend, Steve Epstein, his son was like you.

Particularly female entrepreneurs.

Perfect, babysitter to the rescue.

Please don't tell anyone. Please.

Poor guy.

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull M I SForEver

Questionable.

Really neat.

Really, I can't even get you to go to services with me.

Really, Joel, we could take a car.

Really, that's funny.

Really?

Really?

Really? You didn't tell me. Where?

Remember the song we used to sing her?

Ridiculously expensive restaurants, don't you?

Right, but you're studying business?

Right, you need a husband who's supportive

Right?

Right? Oh wait, wait, sweetie, you got schmutz.

Right.

Runs out of money. [throat clearing]

Sam, sure.

Seriously, the service in here, it's terrible [laughing].

Seriously, we can honestly get out.

Seriously, you need to be less sensitive, okay?

Seriously?

She actually played bridge with my bubby.

She does this fantastic program

She doesn't even know how to say rugelach.

She doesn't know, she's not *******.

She had a thing for him forever, for the longest time.

She had her first orgasm.

She had kind of an extended awkward phase, you know?

She had the braces and she was kinda chubby

She has like the essence I want in 15 years.

She just, y'know, finals, stress... whatever.

She makes it up, but you like got a diploma, right?

She said arugula and you need your hearing checked.

She says she thinks you're anorexic.

She seems like a pill to me.

She used to play bridge with Bubby.

She was like late and brought me a dead corsage.

She was so full of life, y'know?

She was so... yeah.

She's a babysitter, remember?

She's acting a little strange.

She's an entrepreneur.

She's doin' really well. She's on her way, actually.

She's good.

She's got such a crazy sense of humor sometimes.

She's just got a few job interviews lined up.

She's just teasing,

She's like generic pretty.

She's like this marketing executive,

She's not interested in marketing.

She's not supposed to. [engine starting]

She's possibly the most beautiful person I've ever seen

She's really hungry and I need an extra pair of hands.

She's very hard working.

Sheila, I can help you with these chairs.

Sheila... okay.

Shit, I don't have my phone.

Shit, I think I might have overbooked us.

Shoot, I'm looking 'cause I'm...

Show you off, very on brand for Katherine.

Sick.

Sleeping like a baby.

So are we good?

So Joel was saying that maybe you have a job offer for her?

So now you're just like a deeply religious person?

So yeah, but he's good.

So you can get something to eat?

So you just study and don't eat

So you might wanna find it

So, acting is still your goal?

So, I don't know, if you change your mind,

Soho.

Somebody's popular.

Someone is taking forever in this one.

Sorry about that.

Sorry, didn't mean to startle you,

Sorry.

Stop, stop, stop, stop!

Stop, stop, stop.

Stop!

Stop.

Stop.

Such nice girls.

SUGAR APP: BigDaddy481 VIEWED YOUR PROFILE

SUGAR APP: WHAT KIND OF ARRANGEMENT ARE YOU INTERESTED IN?

Sure, of course.

Sure, sure.

Sure, yeah.

Sure.

Sure. [door slamming]

Sweetie, are you sure we got you that bracelet?

Sweetie, get over here before somebody sees the car.

Sweetie, I'm talking to the rabbi.

Sweetie, you've only got one family, right?

Sweetie.

Talk to me, talk to me.

Tears of gold, this baby cries.

Tell her.

Tell me truthfully how I look.

Terrific.

Thank you for coming.

Thank you for coming.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you, Maya.

Thanks, thank you.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

That doesn't count.

That doesn't mean she's not responsible.

That I appreciate it, okay?

That I would send them my resume.

That is simply not true, I text you all the time.

That only took you like four fuckin' months.

That she was having her own car fixed.

That temporarily you're gonna be working with me,

That you like, if you think that would suit you.

That you're gonna do.

That's 40 years of fasting.

That's awesome.

That's because we just got here.

That's great.

That's Maya, Maya is going to law school.

That's more like 200.

That's not my thing.

That's not, oh, look at you defending Maury.

That's Paul and Cheryl Shapiro's nephew.

That's psychotic behavior, but that makes sense for you.

That's really nice. Can I see?

That's so funny, I have the same...

That's so nice of you to offer, I'm actually fully booked.

That's what I said.

That's what I'm saying, I'm not gonna do it.

That's what we should have been doing with Rose.

That's... I don't...

The business of gender.

The problem is the interest rates and the economy...

The whole ride home,

The whole thing was beautiful.

Their daughter's a fuckin' whore.

Then like everybody at school knew and saw.

There was no carriers. Everybody all survived.

There was no room for me to drive up front.

There was this boy,

There were these little tears coming down.

There's all that stuff.

There's another bathroom upstairs.

There's comedy, there's activism,

There's some bagels on the table.

They all love you. It's a sad day, y'know?

They bounce back and forth quite a bit.

They don't give you a schedule?

They seem very happy, very happy, sweet couple.

This beautiful thing.

This is my daughter, Danielle.

This is so pretty.

This is why we need a new sitter.

This, oh God'll forgive us.

To a shiksa princess.

To help with the organizing, scheduling, things like that.

To play my annual golf tournament.

Uh huh.

Uh, I don't know.

Uh, I swat.

Uh, no.

Uh, three.

Uh, we're gonna go in a sec.

Um,

Um, did you remember?

Um, I shouldn't, y'know?

Um, I think there's one upstairs.

Um, I'm just gonna go.

Um, I'm okay.

Um, Kim.

Um, no, that's so nice of you to offer, I just,

Um, sorry.

Um, yeah. We met a really long time ago.

Um, you look great.

Um.

Um.

Unstarve myself [giggling].

Wait a sec,

Wait, doesn't she have an expired license?

Wait, it's unclasped.

Wait, sorry, you gotta lift up the middle seat. I forgot.

Wait, why are you bleeding?

Wait, you need to stop biting your nails.

Was it a special present?

Was it for your high school graduation or something?

Was it?

Was more interested in an office job,

We are at a shiva.

We can't afford it, either.

We got Maureen.

We grew up together.

We met at shul.

We probably should before your wife

We used to sing the baby shake song whenever she cried.

We were having a conversation.

We were helping Mrs. Bronstein to her car, Mom.

We'll be here another hour.

We're gonna do this.

Well I interned for her in high school.

Well I wish she would swat them away a little harder.

Well it's not brain surgery.

Well now that you're gonna be going to law school,

Well thank God Sheila's coffee is always lukewarm

Well you don't text me either, so I.

Well you're laughing, so what's so fucking funny?

Well, actually our families are really close, y'know?

Well, are they taking care of you?

Well, do you enjoy it?

Well, grow up.

Well, how are you gonna get through law school

Well, I don't think you know the places.

Well, I mean, you know what I mean.

Well, I wouldn't know because you literally never text me.

Well, it can get a job for a lot of people.

Well, it's a good thing that you don't need the money.

Well, it's sort of like, it's media, y'know?

Well, lucky you.

Well, of course.

Well, some stipend or something.

Well, thank you for reminding me, Maya.

Well, that makes sense. It's probably a good idea.

Well, they need a great support system.

Well, you and Max.

Well, you have an open wound on your leg.

Well, you should.

Were you even at the funeral?

Were you like looking for me and asking everyone?

Were you um,

Weren't you wearing tights before?

What a fantastic babysitter you are.

What a nice button nose you've got.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you gonna do?

What are you like, are you here this summer?

What are you talking about, Mom?

What are you?

What children?

What do you mean, you told me she converted?

What I call a career.

What is that supposed to mean?

What is this, a party?

What is wrong with you?

What kind of company was it?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

What the fuck?

What the heck?

What the hell?

What was your favorite part of the service?

What was your major again, sweetie?

What you're doing right now.

What,

What, honey?

What, it was a night to remember.

What, what is it?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Why are you dragging me?

What's goin' on, sweetie?

What's goin' on?

What's my sound bite again?

What's that?

What's your line of work that you're interested in?

Whatever.

When he could have any wonderful woman here.

When she was Rose's age,

When we were all her age, there was no straps,

When you're busy screwin' around with these guys?

When you're busy screwin' around with these guys?

Where are you going?

Where did you get it?

Where did you go, Danielle?

Where did you go?

Where did you hear that?

Where do you live again?

Where I could do whatever the fuck I wanted.

Where you kind of design

Where's Danielle?

While she does her like art thing.

While you're looking for whatever it is

Who did I run into?

Who the fuck brings a baby to a shiva?

Who's that? He's cute.

Whose son would be perfect for her?

Why are you looking into my account so much?

Why did you put them like that in the first place?

Why do people even bring kids to shivas?

Why do you do it?

Why do you keep looking over there?

Why do you need it right now?

Why does she have three?

Why don't you fucking reach out?

Why don't you just tell people

Why not?

Why wouldn't we be?

Why?

Why?

Why?

With their business majors and sociology minors.

With your dad, just until you find something better.

Would you leave me alone?

Would you look at that?

Y'know, just that you're finishing up finals

Yeah I did, I said I have interviews lined up.

Yeah they are, they've become quite the snowbirds, actually.

Yeah, and I can help too.

Yeah, bubala?

Yeah, but I had major hip replacement surgery this year.

Yeah, can we go like now please?

Yeah, come find me.

Yeah, here, can you hold her shoe?

Yeah, I can do that.

Yeah, I guess that's my life.

Yeah, I mean depends on the kid,

Yeah, I mean I can't afford this.

Yeah, I mean like I have some exams left

Yeah, I think I'm a pretty good driver.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure, it must have been you.

Yeah, I'm sure he can but I already have a plan

Yeah, I've been waiting for you.

Yeah, if you can drag your father away from everybody.

Yeah, it's fantastic, you've got so many different things

Yeah, just go go go go.

Yeah, like a good sister fucks her sister.

Yeah, my mom told me she has like three businesses.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, shul.

Yeah, so my mom and I thought it'd be

Yeah, something like that. [discordant music]

Yeah, sometimes.

Yeah, sure we can. Just go ask your mother.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, they took it away.

Yeah, we can just get a car. It's not a big deal.

Yeah, we were just telling Kim

Yeah, well you asked me to be here, so whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you never know.

Yeah, you seem it. Seem good.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah... I was volunteering for the children.

Yes we did. [Danielle choking]

Yes, absolutely.

Yes, exactly, that's such a good idea, right?

Yes, yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. She's doing just that.

Yes. You wanted to go on that trip

You are chugging wine.

You are flirting with everyone.

You are gonna make your own job, right?

You are sitting on a table.

You are such a good kid.

You are.

You bet that we did, yeah.

You can calm her down, you're a babysitter.

You can go ahead.

You can go without being super religious.

You can move back in with Daddy and me.

You can volunteer for the ******* children.

You can't just like show up to like the after party

You can't tell because she's so chill about it.

You can't what?

You coming?

You didn't say that in a very self assured way.

You do not reply to a reply, okay?

You do, ah.

You don't have to think about looking for it.

You don't know anything. You have zero gaydar.

You drive a car?

You eat your weight back to lunch.

You go to the gym in the morning,

You got a lot of stuff back here, Joel.

You gotta speak up.

You have not eaten a single thing all day.

You just don't listen, that's your problem.

You just get outta here by going

You keep losing everything.

You know what Aunt Oz says?

You know what I don't understand?

You know what I mean.

You know what it means.

You know what, look for your own phone.

You know what?

You know what?

You know what?

You know what? Just call me back, okay?

You know, I think,

You look like Gwyneth Paltrow on food stamps.

You look nice with makeup.

You look so gorgeous, sweetheart.

You look so...

You love to march and you love to knit.

You make your deposits once a month,

You may end up being a brain surgeon.

You met at shul?

You must be really grieving your friend Annie.

You must be really in love with this kid

You must be so excited about graduating.

You never know.

You okay back there, Maureen?

You really want me to?

You remember her.

You should really talk to her, y'know?

You spiked the punch, puking

You think everyone that's bi is experimenting.

You thought that baby was cute?

You two know each other because of your parents?

You walk on for not kicking me out of the house.

You wanna hold her, sweetie?

You wanna play peek a book? Peek a boo.

You wanna take these books back

You want the baby getting sick?

You won't have to worry about that.

You'll learn all about bills.

You'll see in a minute.

You're a babysitter, right?

You're a darling.

You're being a bitch.

You're being so weird.

You're full of surprises today.

You're funny.

You're gonna get a great job,

You're gonna have to narrow it down to one thing.

You're gonna meet a great man, you're gonna fall in love.

You're killin' me.

You're leaving with them, aren't you?

You're lucky I'm so open minded.

You're not in our house, you're just on our payroll.

You're not?

You're okay.

You're skin and bones [laughing].

You're so funny, look at this punum.

You're very curious, aren't you?

You're wearing makeup.

You're welcome.

You've never paid a bill in your life.

Youngest in first. You guys to the backy back.

Your behavior right now is completely unacceptable.

Your dad was kinda like frazzled,

Your mother had to drive.

Your own apartment?

Your parents are still here.

[Danielle] Fuck. [Max] Do it again?

[furniture crashing] Oh, sorry.

[Katherine] Maya! I know, I'm sad too.

[Kim] Hi. [Max] Hey!

[phone dinging] Shit.

[Rose crying] What's the matter?

[trash clattering] Okay, last one is Maureen.

♪ Let's make a baby shake ♪ Mom.

♪ Let's make a baby shake ♪ Please stop, Mom.

♪ Let's make a baby shake ♪ Stop

about it, so. I wanted money

And we like fucked. Maya!

Are you sure? Yuh huh.

Assistant. Exactly.

At a time, it was difficult... A giant schlong.

Aw, so pretty. Hi, sweetie.

Baby shake. Baby shake

Bubby? Yeah.

Busy guy. Work emails,

But she's very hard working. Listen, maybe you and Max

Can you let go? No, never.

Come find me. What?

Come with me. I'll go later.

Congratulations. Thank you.

Danielle! [Debbie] Please don't yell!

Danielle. Yeah.

Do I? Yeah, Mom, you look good.

Do you want me to do it? No, I got it.

Excuse me. Let others go first.

Go. Mom.

He's married? Yuh huh.

Hello. Hi.

Here. Oh, Mom I can't eat that.

Hey. Hi.

Hey. What?

Hey. You're back.

Hi, Daddy. Hi, sweetie.

Hi, I'm Debbie. I know, we met...

Hi, so good to see you. Hi, mazel tov.

Hi. Hi.

How are you? I'm good, how are you?

I can help you. It's fine.

I can't. You can't what, Danielle?

I don't have a crush on him. Oh yes you do.

I don't know. Wow, it looks expensive.

I don't know. You don't know?

I got it. No no no, I got it.

I just need the... It's fine, she's fine.

I know, I know. All in.

I know. My goodness.

I know. Who will be doing nothing

I liked 'em. You like everything.

I love it. Danielle.

I think she's the breadwinner. The breadwinner.

I'm not judging or anything. I mean, you clearly are.

I'm so sorry to hear that. [Debbie] Partial.

I'm sorry. Don't answer that.

Israel, Israel, yeah. Beth Israel, right.

It can't take that much time. How would you know that, Dad?

It had to have been. I guess so.

It is so good to see you. We need to catch up.

It'll happen to your girl. Such a cutie.

It's a mess in there. Yeah, I got it.

It's fine. Okay.

It's good to see you. Yeah.

It's not a disease. That's true.

It's so gross. Can you stop?

It's treatable. Very distracted.

Jessica. Whatever.

Just kidding. I know.

Kim, sorry. Yeah, no, it's okay.

Let me, let me take her. It's okay.

Like distracted. Distracted, but distracted.

Look at this waist! Oh my God.

Look, she's eating. Oh look, she's eating!

Max had a meeting this morning. A meeting on a Sunday?

Maybe he can help you. Mom, stop.

Mazel tov. How did I not know that?

Mom, no. Oh, a job?

My hearing is fine. Right.

No no no no, let's go. Mom.

No schedule? No schedule, Mom.

No, I don't know. You don't need to know.

No. [Debbie] A little chubby.

No. Ah, really?

No. Oh no, it's.

No. Oh, I'm just kidding.

Now, now, now. No, Mom.

Now, now. Mom.

Now. I didn't eat yet and I'm...

Now. Stop.

Oh good. Come on, we got an open van.

Oh my God. And not in a good way.

Oh my God. That's fantastic.

Oh you brought the baby! She's beautiful.

Oh, could you get me one? Sure.

Oh, oh my God. Oh!

Oh, she's 18 months. Mm hm.

Oh, she's gorgeous. Oh, what a beauty.

Oh, stop it. He schtups like a champ.

Oh, we met in temple. We met at shul, yeah.

Oh. You tell her.

Okay, that's very specific. It's somewhere in there.

Okay, yeah. Bye.

Okay. Cool. You're the future.

One second. Maya... Get the fuck off me.

or something. Really?

Please. Experimented, but.

Really? But um, that's him.

Really? Of course I was.

Really? Oh, neat.

Really? Yeah.

Right? How much does she weigh?

Right. Go.

Seriously? Come on.

She is? A little different? Yeah, just off.

She lost so much weight. Yeah. Quite a lot.

She's not a businesswoman. Yeah, she is.

She's okay, are you okay? It's okay, it's okay.

Shit. Oh my God, Dad.

So good to see you. Thank you.

Stop. I'm just helping you.

Sure. Yeah, would it pay?

Sure. Yeah.

Sweetie. What?

Thank you. Yeah, it's so sad.

Thanks. Mm hm.

Thanks. So, any boyfriends?

That'd be great. That sounds wonderful.

That's a nice photo. You think?

The baby's shoe. I am starving.

The bris. Yes.

Um, at the Beth... Beth Torah.

Um, I'm just gonna go. Oh, there you are.

Watch the kids. Wait, Mom. Who died?

We can talk about it later. Thank you, thank you.

We like caught a limo. Uh huh, yeah.

We need a new sitter. I know, I'll find one.

Well, girlfriend. No girlfriends.

Well, where is it? Just look, it's somewhere in here.

What are you worried about? I don't know.

What kinda company? It's like a stop down.

What the? No, it's okay.

What? I can take that for you.

Where? At the skinny blonde woman.

Whoa. I'm sorry.

Whoa. Let go.

Why not? I'm vegetarian.

Yeah, a little. Like distracted?

Yeah, I do remember. What is the matter with you?

Yeah. I'm amazing.

Yeah. Oh sweetie, come with me.

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Really?

Yeah. What are you up to?

Yes, some. Does he have teeth?

Yes. Does he have hair?

You can be regular... Maya.

You go first. Okay.

You got it? Yeah.

You look good, Mom. Is the hair better?

You look stunning. Oh, thank you.

You must be so proud. It's incredible, really,

You never go to temple. I go sometimes.

You remember Gloria? Hi, how are you?

your own major. It's fascinating.

...bracelet.

...religious and go.

...studying.

...through which to see my career.

'cause he's married.

'Cause you guys look really similar.

'til you've slept with like what? At least 10 people.

[all laughing]

[baby crying]

[both kissing]

[both laughing]

[both laughing]

[both laughing]

[both laughing]

[boxes clattering]

[Bronstein] Oh, you look wonderful.

[camera snapping]

[coffee splattering] [all gasping]

[crowd clamoring]

[crying] I can't.

[Danielle gasping]

[Danielle laughing]

[Danielle moaning] [Max grunting]

[Danielle sexually screaming]

[Danielle] Everybody let go.

[Danielle] Hi!

[Danielle] Hi.

[Danielle] I don't know.

[Danielle] I'm so sorry.

[Danielle] Mom, can we go now?

[Danielle] Why is Maya here?

[Danielle] Yeah, daddy.

[Danielle] Yeah, I think so, must have been.

[Danielle] Yeah.

[Danielle] Yeah.

[Danielle] You have to pull the lever.

[Danielle] You look great, Mom.

[Debbie] Beautiful.

[Debbie] Hi, it's me, it's Mommy.

[Debbie] Joel.

[Debbie] Never.

[Debbie] No one we wanna discuss right now.

[Debbie] No shit.

[Debbie] No, she doesn't want to talk to her.

[Debbie] No, that's not what she said.

[Debbie] Oh my God, look at her.

[Debbie] Oh, it's rugelach, not arugula.

[Debbie] Oh, look at you, you little cutie.

[Debbie] Oh, sure.

[Debbie] Oh, that's lovely.

[Debbie] Right.

[Debbie] She was never worried about your phone.

[Debbie] So, how's your brother, Max?

[Debbie] Thank you, Maya.

[Debbie] Um yeah, he's your parents' favorite.

[Debbie] Well, everybody's crying, it's a shiva.

[Debbie] What are you doing?

[Debbie] What? Let's go, let's go Joel.

[Debbie] Where'd you get that bracelet?

[Debbie] Yeah, you've had dementia since our wedding day.

[Debbie] You don't have your phone, again?

[Debbie] You have a fakakta memory.

[Debbie] You know what, why don't I take her

[Debbie] You know who I ran into recently

[Debbie] You're embarrassing yourself.

[discordant music]

[discordant music]

[discordant music]

[discordant music]

[discordant music]

[discordant music]

[discordant music]

[discordant music]

[door closing]

[door closing]

[door closing]

[door knocking]

[door knocking]

[doors closing]

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

[Ellie] Off?

[Ellie] So, are you seeing anyone?

[Ellie] So, have you seen the new rabbi?

[Ellie] Wonderful.

[engine starting]

[exhaling] Okay. We'll use my phone.

[fabric tearing] Shit.

[food crunching]

[glass clinking]

[glass shattering]

[Joel] All right.

[Joel] Because she's got her own business...

[Joel] Come on, Maya, you gotta use some muscle, y'know?

[Joel] Danielle!

[Joel] How are you?

[Joel] I got it.

[Joel] I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

[Joel] It was at the Glickman bris?

[Joel] It's just a job.

[Joel] No, not business.

[Joel] Of course.

[Joel] Oh look, they put the desserts out.

[Joel] Okay, who's next? Kim, Max?

[Joel] So, maybe I do have dementia.

[Joel] So, your folks, they're good? They're still in Florida?

[Joel] Terrific.

[Joel] That's what she said.

[Joel] There's too much stuff to get in all at once.

[Joel] What great news.

[Joel] Yeah, exactly. That would be great.

[Joel] You know what, sweetheart?

[Joel] You know, I don't know how this escaped my mind,

[Joel] You're good sport, sweetie.

[Joel] Your mother neglected to tell me

[Katherine] As you know, I...

[Katherine] I think it was politics.

[Katherine] It is. But it wasn't our first choice.

[Katherine] Where were you?

[kids yelling]

[Kim] Been running around all day with this one.

[Kim] Hi, good to see you.

[Kim] How are you doing?

[Kim] I know, I know, I know.

[Kim] I'd like you to call the car.

[Kim] Make sure you get one with a car seat.

[Kim] Needs a nap.

[Kim] Oh, it's fine, it's fine.

[Kim] Oh, your jacket's dirty.

[Kim] Scoot over.

[Kim] Somebody's very tired.

[Kim] That's right. That was fun.

[Kim] Uh huh.

[Kim] Why?

[Kim] You know what I'd love? Arugula.

[laughing] I don't think she's pretty.

[laughing] Oh, come on.

[laughing] You have a boyfriend?

[man coughing]

[Maureen] And this is us in Israel at Mason's bar mitzvah.

[Maureen] Hi, baby.

[Maureen] Why thank, you. You're a grown woman.

[Max & Joel laughing]

[Max laughing]

[Max] Busy day?

[Max] Good thing she doesn't have my nose.

[Max] I don't get it.

[Max] Just a second.

[Max] No, it's finding nearby drivers.

[Max] Okay, fine, I'll find a new sitter.

[Max] She needs a little nappy nap.

[Max] She's definitely got her mom's eyes.

[Max] So, are you in the arts, as well?

[Max] Uh, I guess I couldn't find it.

[Max] What do you want, a bagel or something?

[Max] What's the post grad plan, then?

[Max] Yeah, but I can do both.

[Max] Yeah.

[Maya laughing]

[Maya] All right, be safe.

[Maya] Hey.

[Maya] I'm good, how are you?

[Maya] I'm literally pulling the lever.

[Maya] I'm not being a bitch.

[Maya] Interesting, you must just be so sad.

[Maya] Thank you, so do you.

[Maya] What do you mean you don't know?

[Mrs. Bronstein] Oh no, thanks girls.

[Mrs. Bronstein] Yes.

[phone dinging]

[phone dinging]

[phone vibrating]

[Rabbi] Thank you very much for joining me

[Rose crying]

[Rose crying]

[Rose crying]

[Rose crying]

[Rose crying]

[Rose screaming]

[Rose screaming]

[Rose screaming]

[Sheila] Danielle, the lox is in the kitchen.

[Sheila] Oh, what a day.

[Sheila] Thank you, Danielle.

[Sheila] You know, it's just weird.

[soft music]

[soft music]

[speaking in foreign language]

[Susan] Absolutely gorgeous.

[Susan] I always remember you were such

[Susan] That's so sweet.

[suspenseful music]

[suspenseful music] Oh my God.

[tires squealing] [horn honking]

[voices clamoring]

[voices clamoring]

[voices clamoring]

[voices clamoring]

[voices clamoring]

[voices clamoring]

[water running]

[water running]

[water splashing]

[zipper unzipping]