The Package Edit

A B Oh... Ooh...

A bad idea.

A bottle of Indigo Caribbean Spiced Rum in 48 hours.

A drone?

A graft is no longer an option.

A wheelchair van.

A wounded soldier?

Abandoned church my grandma used to take me to.

Actually, I just wanted to warn whoever you end up going with

Actually, Sarah, this is a bros trip that you're intruding on.

Actually, the literal German translation is,

Ah, bummer.

Ah, it's good to be back and...

Ah, they're good kids.

Ah, we don't have a patient under that name.

Ah!

Ah! Yep.

All right, Donnie's here. See you guys tomorrow.

All right, guys. Let's get these Snow Mates ready for their cover shoot.

All right, honey.

All right, let's go.

All right, man, we gotta get this dick on life support.

All right, we need to figure out if there's a head of the hospital

All right.

All right.

All right. I can hear you now.

All right. If I'm gonna give you the keys, then I wanna see some stuff.

All right. Okay.

All right. Stay in the van. Be cool. I got this.

All right. Tell your dad the boat's gonna be at the south campground lot.

All right. This is shitty for me too, okay?

All the way up past the ovaries.

Alone.

Also, I'm really sorry I started the rumor about you going to rehab for bath salts.

And bring it as much joy as Jeremy brings us

And connecting you now.

And count back from 100.

And die.

And explain the situation and see if...

And have flies on it...

And I believe you're the bitch that fucked it up!

And I'm gonna flush it every time.

And I'm ready to rage.

And I'm telling you, it doesn't matter if they're close.

And I've always liked you.

And if we figure it out before you...

And not... always... I haven't...

And said he wants to get back together.

And she leans in and she whispers...

And she's all like, "Relationships are bullshit."

And that we're cool together. And it's cool that we...

And then eventually, if left on its own, it will wilt...

And then, Becky, tell me if you feel it, too.

And they've been fucking dating till this moment.

And what? They'll just grow him another dick

And worst case,

And you need to respect

And you sat there watching as she left.

Anything goes, you know?

Anyway, I tell her I wanna DTR.

Anyway, I'm really sorry about everything and...

Anyway, your friend whose dick you sucked for no reason

Are we in the right place or what?

Are you fucking kidding me? How am I supposed to work with this?

Are you going to the Sadie Hawkins dance?

Are you gonna be twerking against a tree or...

Are you growing a Narcos coke 'stache?

Are you making a dick joke right now? We, like, gotta go.

Are you serious?

Are you trying to tell me that I'm stuck with this...

As I'll be grounded for the rest of my life.

As long as it's within twelve hours, a severed member can still be reattached.

As me this time, not as you.

As weird as this fucking guy is, he's right about one thing.

Baby, I'm so sorry.

Back the fuck up!

Based on the songs of Britney Spears.

Basically every time you touch Sean, he gets a raging bonie.

Bear bong!

Because it belonged to a great dude.

Because we're in an emergency, and we need some help.

Becky, um, I have to tell you something.

Becky, where are you guys? They're trying to sew up my nub.

Becky, you need to shut the fuck up. You're wasting time. We gotta go.

Becky!

Becky! Becky!

Becky! Becky!

Becky.

Becky...

Becky's always had a thing for you.

Before we start hooking up, I throw around I want a DTR.

Begin.

Believe it, young'un. You just got your dick cherry popped.

Belonged to a goddamn majestic person.

Bitch, please!

Blammo!

Blow it down! Blow the dick down.

Books on what?

But as good as we could have hoped.

But by that time, Jeremy's dick is gonna be rotten

But if you're still interested, maybe we could DTR sometime.

But me and my friends are fucking idiots. They're gonna need more time.

But someone got out of the hospital early.

But thank you for asking.

But what if you tried to just...

But you deserve to be with somebody who respects you.

But, hey, I think I got what you were trying to say.

But, yeah, you know, this is a time sensitive case

By now, unless your penis somehow got fresh, oxygenated blood in it,

By the way, I got your sign and... message received.

Bye, Jeremy.

Bye, Jeremy's girlfriend. Hope you enjoy his Franken peen when it's healed.

Bye, Mrs. Abelar.

Bye.

Bye.

Can I propose a little toast to the first responders?

Can you ever forgive me?

Ceremoniously drinking

Chad and my sister broke up yesterday,

Chad texted,

Cheryl, give me that.

Cheryl.

Come back with my boat!

Come here!

Come on, Donnie. The camp's around this bend.

Come on, Donnie. You love just the tip.

Come on, guys.

Come on, it might be fun just to hook up with someone that's nice for a change.

Come on!

Come on! Bars! Bars! We got bars!

Come on.

Come on. Let's go.

Come on. Remember the Rent cast party?

Come with me. The doctor would like to see you.

Cool hiking gear.

Cool.

Crap. No, come on! Come on!

Crash the boards, Sean.

Damn it.

Damn, that was dope.

Damn.

Dicks get cut.

Dicks get sucked.

Did you boys lie about being servicemen so you could buy alcohol?

Did you just fart?

Did you say Kendall Jenners? With an S?

Did you think that that flower was magically linked to your penis?

Dirty taint.

Do it.

Do you still have a crush on me?

Do you still have your bong bear?

Do you think the helicopter is gonna find us?

Doesn't fester before the car?

Dog, you sharted mid beej?

Don't be disgust...

Don't be stupid. Come on, show me your dick.

Don't leave a message, just text me.

Don't say "fuck you" to my mom, man.

Don't worry, I put it in a baggie like dog shit.

Don't you yell at me. I'm not the one who got drunk and... Pfft.

Don't. Hold off.

Donnie Escobar, right here.

Donnie, I didn't suck his fetus penis when I was in the womb.

Donnie, what the fuck are you talking about?

Donnie?

Donnie's gonna be here any minute.

Doxycycline.

Drink up, bitch.

Dude, get this, all right? It's called Blonde to Bald to Back Again.

Dude, I had to Urban Dictionary the shit she said she was gonna do to my body.

Dude, I'm gonna get your fucking peen.

Dude, look!

Dude, turn that off. My little brother is crying in there.

Dude, uh, your back is like...

Dude, what are you doing? Are you serious?

Dude!

East General Hospital?

Er, I mean, it's not your penis...

Es geht um die Wurst, ja?

Even me?

Every time you take it out.

Everybody deserves a second chance.

Everybody, listen up!

Everyone thinks their penis is special. It's not.

Ew!

Excuse me!

Find me.

First my dick, and now my 7, Sean!

For me.

Forgive her for what?

Franken peen's funny.

Fresh ice. Good as new.

Fu...

Fuck Chad, man. Fuck you.

Fuck Chad, right?

Fuck me! All right, yeah.

Fuck this little baby Bieber wannabe.

Fuck this! Everybody run.

Fuck yeah.

Fuck you, Becky. You're the taint.

Fuck you, Donnie!

Fuck you!

Fuck, that's really funny, but not right now.

Fuck, yeah.

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck.

Fucker!

Fucking finally! Jesus Christ.

Fucking pimp, right? I look like Professor X.

Fucking send.

Get it, Becky! This is her choice.

Get over there and make a move.

Get your head down, Jeremy.

Ginger Pablo Escobar, please keep your eyes downhill.

Give you something...

Give you this.

Go, go, go, go, go, go!

Go, go, go, go, go!

Go! Go, go, go, go, go!

Go! Shit!

God damn.

God. Oh, no, no, no, no. No. No, no, no.

Goddamn hero.

Gonna need a new cooler.

Good God. Hey!

Good luck, boys!

Good luck, soldiers.

Good news. Surgery went perfectly.

Got my rod all hard.

Great.

Great. Thanks.

Guess what? You sewed the wrong dick onto the wrong body.

Guys, it's important to him, so...

Guys, we made it.

Guys! Guys?

Guys! Hey, guys, in times like these, we... we gotta... Fucking...

Guys?

Guys... You don't just pop 'em on and off.

Ha! Hope you pee on your shoes.

Hang in there, buddy.

Hang on for one second. It's a simple mistake.

Have this thing and...

HBO's on Channel 3.

He hasn't said a word since you showed him the dick.

He looks mad!

He said it's too late.

He's been in this situation.

He's coming to pick me up.

He's going to town on that trail mix.

He's in the hospital right now, and he needs us.

Hello, sir, I can completely explain what's going on here.

Hello! Hello! Hello!

Hello?

Hello?

Her hand on your thigh.

Her name is Kendall Jenners.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Here we go. Oh, what the fuck?

Here we go. Put this under his head.

Here. Take... take it.

Here's one right now. Oh!

Hey, actually, that reminds me, Sean.

Hey, Becky!

Hey, buddy.

Hey, did you guys know that people think I've been in rehab?

Hey, don't beat yourself up over the helicopter.

Hey, guys! Guys, guys! Look...

Hey, guys. Come on!

Hey, guys. I'm Kendall.

Hey, he has a bruise. Leave him alone.

Hey, I get the feeling that you maybe don't wanna jump.

Hey, if you wanted, we could... we could go hot box the tent later.

Hey, man.

Hey, Sean, also, don't tell Kendall about S ing my D.

Hey, Sean!

Hey, stay with us. Don't head for the light!

Hey, thank you for your shirt, also, by the way.

Hey, that's good.

Hey, um, I'm really sorry about Chad.

Hey, um, you know what? Uh...

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Hey, what's up?

Hey! That is a cliff.

Hey! That's my boat!

Hey.

Hi, can you connect us to Jack Jessop, please?

Hi! Hi! We're here for Jeremy Abelar.

Hi.

High school relationships are bullshit, anyway.

Hike down to your car and you can meet him at the hospital.

Hips! Use those hips, girl!

His dick's gonna be even better.

Hit me again. I fucking dare you!

Hmm?

Hmm? Oh. What?

Hmm... Ranger, huh?

Hold on! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Whoa!

Holy shit.

Holy shit. That was crazy.

Honestly, it's not looking good.

Hoo rah!

Hoo rah!

How about I don't want to get sued? If they ask, I'll tell them you stole it.

How is texting my boyfriend as me an accident?

How many times do I have to tell you? You're being catfished.

How someone you thought cared about you can lie to your face.

How you doing, pal?

Huh?

Huh?

I am growing a Narcos coke 'stache, my friend.

I am his sister.

I am not sucking my brother's dick. End of story.

I am obviously the last person to suck the dick.

I believe this belongs to you.

I can see you are jerking off the walking stick!

I can't believe I shat on your chances with Becky.

I can't wait, Sarah.

I cut my dick off!

I cut off my dick, Becky!

I did, 'cause you don't deserve no cock, you cheating son of a bitch.

I don't care how many times you reattach it, Reggie.

I don't care what happened.

I don't have a bonie.

I don't know how!

I don't know it.

I don't know what I was thinking.

I don't know what to tell you. He's not here.

I don't know, man. I can't control it.

I don't know, maybe that happened. But then they sewed it on you.

I don't know.

I don't know. I just programmed them into my first phone. I was 11.

I don't know. I'm slow playing it, okay?

I don't know. They don't teach you this in health class.

I don't know. This is government property.

I don't mean any of that anymore.

I don't think it'll be okay.

I don't think this is a good plan.

I don't, like, like you like a lot. Like a lot, a lot.

I drove all the way out here!

I even got a fake ID so we could drink margaritas in Cancun.

I feel like he finished going through puberty.

I feel like it would be...

I feel like we both now know I have problems with abandonment.

I found a dick in the sewer.

I found this outside the booth at the gun and knife show

I gave them the wrong cooler.

I got it!

I got it!

I got it.

I got this shit.

I got you now.

I got you something, dude. It's for you and Becks.

I gotta get out.

I had a momentary crush on you.

I have a strong dick. I know it'll last days out in the wild.

I have a super fucking sensitive nose, you guys.

I have read the literature, and I've come to the conclusion

I hope so.

I hope that you can forgive me.

I just don't think any Abelar woman should be disrespected…

I just feel really embarrassed.

I just got up and left.

I just gotta go back here.

I just remembered that you had my brother's dick in your mouth earlier.

I just think you're cool, and I think you think I'm cool,

I just went in. I... I grabbed 'em and I snipped it.

I kind of love him, though.

I know I said I'd drive you to the airport, just us,

I know it was the drugs. I know it was the drugs.

I know you're doing whatever it takes to get here as fast as you can.

I know you're done with me, but the receptionist said

I liked it better when she said it.

I lost something. I can't remember...

I lost the phones.

I love this belt.

I love you too, Reggie. Why do you think I'm doing all this?

I love you, babe.

I love you.

I mean, how fucking far could this dick fly?

I mean, in all fairness, he probably thought we molested his kid.

I mean, it's not like you still have a crush on me.

I mean, look at him.

I mean, the rest of this year is gonna be super boring, anyway.

I mean, you remember Christmas Eve, right?

I need her to know... that I love her.

I really appreciate that you tried.

I really fucked this up. I'm sorry.

I said, "Fuck you," and then I called him a dirty taint.

I said, "Fuck you. We're done." And then I called him "dirty taint."

I saw him suck this dick.

I shouldn't have said, "Dicks get cut and dicks get sucked."

I still love her.

I sucked it pretty good, but you should still check for venom.

I sucked that dick this morning. Now, give us the keys.

I talked to them. They're gonna send a medevac in 30 minutes.

I think I'm more of a jester.

I think the rattlesnake bit the dick.

I think they can attach Reginald's penis to your friend.

I think this belongs to him.

I think those numbers sound great.

I think we're actually gonna make it to the hospital in time.

I think you're doing great. I've always thought you were really great.

I thought it'd be weird to watch your best friend make out, but...

I thought she just wanted to get freaky.

I told Becky it was. We've been hiking for over an hour, and there's no one.

I told her that I passed on grass.

I told you that I couldn't stand up because...

I try to act like I'm riding a bike, but I still got the training wheels on.

I wanna see you two scissor.

I want you to take that note I wrote you our four month anniversary and burn it.

I was... I'm telling them now. Like, they're learning of it right now.

I went after her, 'cause I needed to pee.

I will text you. I'll text... Chad.

I wish I would have listened to my buddies

I wouldn't say "hot."

I, like, I think I texted him back as her.

I, um... I need to... I need to go.

I'd like to do it...

I'd like to give these two young men my old penis.

I'd rather die than not have my penis.

I'd try Clarkson Memorial. They have a helipad.

I'll do it! I'll do it! I'll suck it! I will suck the dick.

I'll keep you posted.

I'll kill all of you perverts!

I'll suck the penis.

I'll tell you the truth. I'm ready to forgive her.

I'm 11, not five.

I'm fucked if I know. What do you even clean a dick with?

I'm getting a lot of venom out of this thing.

I'm getting into it.

I'm glad this is over.

I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna cut it off,

I'm gonna flip it like dog poop.

I'm gonna get some sticks to pick that up with.

I'm gonna kill you, son of a bitch.

I'm gonna take it as a quarter.

I'm good! I'm good! Whoo!

I'm just back for the next week. Hey, Sarah, what's up?

I'm keeping the capillaries open. Stop yelling at me.

I'm kidding.

I'm not going camping with my ex this weekend.

I'm not gonna take the long way, I'm gonna take the Sean way, huh?

I'm not gonna tell her how big my dick is.

I'm not helping you with shit!

I'm really sorry your parents are gonna kill you.

I'm sorry, I just love you so much.

I'm sorry.

I'm sure that he does.

I'm taking this. I'm getting a flashlight.

I'm telling you, lady.

I've had everything in the book. It works. Trust me.

I've seen this before.

I've seen thousands of titties.

If I could suck it back on, I would.

If I...

If I'm wearing your underwear, that means you're not wearing any.

If she's having sex, it's like if I'm having sex.

If there was somebody else here with a severed penis, trust me, I'd know.

If there's a drone,

If this doesn't work out, Becky,

If we're gonna trust someone, it might as well be this guy.

If you can hear me, please hurry up and come and save me.

If you don't want us to fuck your world up, you listen.

If you need anything, this is my card.

If you remove it from the body, cut off its flow of blood,

If...

If... if Jeremy's not here, then...

In addition to increased self esteem,

In fact, the '80s nostalgia wave we're living in, it's about to crest.

In sauerkraut for the rest of the school year.

In ten percent of sexual encounters.

Indigonanza's our thing.

Is anybody home?

Is gonna be under a bit longer, but you can go in and see him.

Is my pee pee okay?

Is that a piece of coyote scat? Are there coyotes here?

Is that good?

Is that the penis?

Is this normal?

It can cut piss.

It could be anywhere within a thousand foot radius.

It glows in the dark and shit.

It looks like you drank a glass of Ed Sheeran's pubes.

It seems only fair that the person who's had that dick in their mouth do it.

It still looks like you blew Chester Cheetah.

It sucks total donkey dick.

It was a defensive bite.

It was actually really fun. I actually... It was a fun ride.

It was just supposed to be camping.

It would be my honor and a privilege if I could do this for you.

It's a delicate operation.

It's a fucking mushroom, dude.

It's a good dick.

It's a good thing you're... Okay, fuck this.

It's a military ID.

It's a normal looking dick.

It's a pine cone.

It's all crumbed. Like a churro.

It's an honest mistake, I'm sure. But you guys have the wrong penis, okay?

It's beautiful.

It's been almost 12 hours.

It's dead.

It's from his Britney Spears musical he's writing with his fake girlfriend.

It's fucking Chad.

It's gonna be like this the whole fucking time.

It's gonna be worth it when you see me twerking

It's gotta be here somewhere.

It's impossible to suck venom out of a bite wound.

It's just a really old high school ID.

It's just my wallet.

It's just really fucked up

It's like we have a dumb Stephen Hawking just rascaling around the house.

It's my dick.

It's not a fucking LEGO set.

It's not even the same kind of sucking, you stupid idiot.

It's okay. I'm fine.

It's pretty obvious we're done.

It's still pretty gross.

It's your fucking twin.

Jack Jessop reporting for booze.

Jack motherfucking Jessop!

Jennersss.

Jeremy actually gave it to me to use with you.

Jeremy bought us booze on the drive out to the mountains.

Jeremy insisted that our parents rent him

Jeremy said we're going six miles into the woods.

Jeremy, did you not tell them that we were coming?

Jeremy, it's not like you can't walk.

Jeremy, stop being so fucking weird. It's your sister.

Jeremy, what are you doing over there?

Jeremy, where are you taking us?

Jeremy!

Jeremy!

Jeremy... Abelar.

Jeremy's talking to himself. We gotta fuck with him.

Jesus, Sean, that dick really fucked him up.

Junior.

Just cans. There's literally no penis. It's just two cans of beer.

Just for scale, what am I looking for? Like half this? A... a quarter?

Just messaging Chad and telling him to pick me up.

Just my back hurts, and...

Just relax.

Just to clarify, we're talking about "dick to rim,"

Just, uh...

Just... Oh, give me one second to think.

Keep your eyes above... No. What are you doing?

Kendall gets so wet for this shit.

Kendall, I told you just two! You're gonna rip the stitches.

Knew she came to win me back.

Know what? Just keep the change.

Ladies were coming and I didn't invite her.

Let Indigonanza...

Let the games begin.

Let's do it!

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

Let's do the butt skin dick.

Let's find Jeremy and get some ice.

Let's get him.

Let's get wet!

Let's go!

Let's go!

Let's go! Come on! Move!

Let's go! Let's go!

Let's go.

Let's hope they're on their way.

Let's make this simpler. It's the guy that got his wiener reattached.

Like a little three year old's lunch.

Like that.

Like, not like when I was out, they put your friend's dick on my face...

Listen here, you little terrorist. This is my brother's dick.

Listen, kid, when we're around, dicks get cut and dicks get sucked.

Logan's been tapping Jean since day one."

Look at the flower. Look. It still has most of its petals.

Look familiar?

Look who the fuck is back.

Look, I'm feeling fucking betrayed with you, J Tron.

Look, I'm really sorry that I freaked out when you tried to ask what our deal was.

Look, um...

Look. He's reverse Terminator ing.

Make 'em go my way. Like what you did with the medevac.

Make it stop!

Man, that's gross.

Man, we came all the way up here for nothing.

Maybe I should be more like you. Right? Manipulate things.

Maybe if we shake it a lot, the venom will pour out.

Maybe we can stop by the church parking lot on the way.

Maybe we should wait.

Me too, Donnie.

Military discount.

Mm, it's empty.

Mom, I'm packing.

Most patients report successful ejaculation

Musical theater's the ultimate aphrodisiac.

My dad went fly fishing.

My dick is on a stick!

My dick isn't in there?

My friend has lost his penis. He cut it off. I think it was an accident.

My friends are close.

My girlfriend freaked out when she found out

Nein! Nein! I was in Germany. Yeah.

Never would have let her tie me up.

Nice going, pinch hit.

Nice meeting you guys.

Nice!

No one in this room has a dick.

No, baby, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was doing.

No, I don't have a dick!

No, it was the seat.

No, no, no, no, we can't freak out. Don't freak out.

No, no, no, no! Don't.

No, no, no! Tell them no. We're gonna be there soon, okay?

No, no.

No, no. Honestly, it didn't hurt that much.

No, no. No way. No, no, no.

No, that's 100% conjecture.

No, the wind blew against my back.

No, we don't have a Jeremy Abelar in recovery.

No, we have to, uh...

No!

No! No, no. No way.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. No, absolutely not.

No. No. No!

No. We need that boat.

No. What? I wanted to "define the relationship."

Nope, it's me Darlene. Hello.

Nope. All right, come on.

Not "define the relationship," right?

Not somebody who cheats on you.

Ob... Obviously, you don't have a dick.

Of course it's not a good plan. There are no good plans in this situation.

Of course, he's online. Okay.

Oh my... Oh, my God.

Oh, baby. I'm sorry, baby.

Oh, dude, I almost forgot.

Oh, dude. No, close that.

Oh, ew.

Oh, fuck me.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, God, I so need this vacation.

Oh, God. It's slipping, guys!

Oh, here we go.

Oh, hey, dudes.

Oh, hey, it's Dr. Malpractice.

Oh, hey!

Oh, hey! It worked! Hey, we're here!

Oh, man, I think I fucked up.

Oh, my God, babe. How's Little J?

Oh, my God, I'm gonna die!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. A snake bit the dick?

Oh, my God. Did you hear that?

Oh, my God. Do you have the farts and a boner?

Oh, my God. He's gonna get a boner.

Oh, my God. Holy shit.

Oh, my God. It didn't see us. It didn't see us.

Oh, my God. Thank God.

Oh, my God. That's great. Okay. Um...

Oh, my God. Ugh. Go.

Oh, my... Oh, my God.

Oh, no!

Oh, no. It's fine.

Oh, Scheiße!

Oh, shit, it's an anthill. I'd better get 'em.

Oh, shit! Oh, wait. They... they...

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, this is it, dogs.

Oh, we're hugging.

Oh, well, we broke up 17 hours ago.

Oh, what's that?

Oh, wow, really?

Oh, wow.

Oh, yeah, no problem.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Ah, Ooh.

Oh, yeah. That was awesome.

Oh, you fucking crazy ho bag!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! He is out. Let's get him into surgery.

Oh! That's so dumb.

Oh! The hospital admitted him under the name on his fake ID.

Oh! There it goes.

Oh! We didn't think you guys were gonna make it.

Oh! You're crazy, lady!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh... Okay.

Okay, fine.

Okay, I find those waiting on a rock.

Okay, I know they will, too. If they don't, though, you'll be fine.

Okay, I'll see you guys later.

Okay, I'm going!

Okay, if we're not outta here in, like, an hour…

Okay, let's leave our shit. We'll move faster.

Okay, look. Anyway, if I'm gonna die,

Okay, sir, I'm triangulating your current location.

Okay, these are a sign.

Okay, uh, where are your parents?

Okay, yeah! Yeah!

Okay, yeah.

Okay, yes. Thank you.

Okay? It's in the cold storage. One floor up, end of the hall.

Okay? It's like one of these flowers. Right?

Okay? You got a piece of Jeremy.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Come on. Okay.

Okay. He's gonna be okay.

Okay. I will wait for my dick.

Okay. I'm going to the top of the ridge. Give me your phones.

Okay. Let...

Okay. No, my friends,

Okay. Okay, okay. Hey.

Okay. One of them has to have service, right?

On a pleasure scale, we're hitting mid to high threes.

Once the swelling goes down, it's gonna get smaller?

One moment.

One sec.

Only 30 minutes more TV. Okay, hon?

Ooh! Also, it got bit by a snake.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Or a Z Pak.

Or is it the ranger?

Or we can get our shit together and save Jeremy.

Or you can go raw, dog. I mean, I'm down to be an uncle.

Our... Our friend Jeremy, he lied.

Over Christmas break, usual spot,

Over here! Come on! Hey!

Ow!

Ow! Where'd she go?

Ow.

Page the anesthesiologist. I want to get into surgery immediately.

Penis.

People are noticing.

Piece of shit, anyway.

Please have ice. Please have ice.

Please tell me that wasn't all the phones.

Please tell me you have my pee pee.

Plus, we only have Sean for one week before he goes back to dipping his balls

Plus, you've always kind of liked him, and he got kind of hot in Germany.

Prep the OR!

Really think your brother's gonna miss you, bro.

Red raw.

Remember at the Rent cast party?

Remember what happened at the Rent cast party?

Right, yeah, she would be pissed if she were real.

Right, yeah.

Right?

Right. I'm just a doctor.

Salty.

Sarah, I'm sorry. Can you tell your boyfriend or whatever

Sarah, let's go.

Say night night to The Danish Girl.

Saying sexy sweet nothings and whatnot.

Says it's from this year.

Scared me.

Sea... Sean?

Sean Floyd, back on American soil for one week only!

Sean was pretending to be you and texting Chad from your phone.

Sean, emergency bro discussion.

Sean, good luck finishing rehab.

Sean, Sean, you are not gonna believe what I found in the woods.

Sean, there's a ranger lookout station. They might have ice.

Sean, you didn't it?

Sean! Sean, there's a drone... Oh!

Sean! This is a power play.

Sean?

Sean.

Security!

See? I told you. You give him boners.

Seems like we have to break into this bitch.

Send.

Seriously?

She cut it off again!

She flushed my pee pee like a poo poo.

She likes to text. She doesn't like talking.

She put on her sexy little Juicy Cooter slip.

She snips my dick clean off.

She sounds like one bag of trash.

She started licking all up in my ear, you know.

She then goes upstairs, makes out with Chad,

She wants me back.

She wants us to be together. And you know what, Sean?

She'll do it.

She's a big girl.

She's already pissed she can't be riding this dragon, you feel?

She's my twin sister, okay? We have this special connection thing.

She's real, all right?

Shit is gonna be so fucking tight, dude. I can't wait.

Shit!

Shit! He's Cliffhanger ing! Oh, hold it, Sean.

Shit! He's got a fucking bow and arrow! Go!

Shit.

Shit. Look, I'm willing to wait and see.

Shit. That's a lot of blood, goddammit! That's a lot of blood.

Should we... Should we clean it?

Six hours, I'll be in Napa with a Zinfandel.

So I kick her out of a car... may or may not have been moving.

So I need a group meeting. Now! Sean!

So I wanted to...

So I'm gonna be the one who officially starts everything off.

So it's a good call. It's a good call.

So it's not really mine.

So she bailed on Cancun with his family.

So they believe we stole the key card. I don't know.

So, do you guys keep in touch at all? Or...

So, I could drive you to soccer practice if you wanted.

So, let's just hope your friends are arriving right now.

So, the "Sean way" is going for

So, the doctor's gonna need to operate before this gets infected.

So, uh, we can try to find a way to hike down.

So, what?

So...

So...

Someone has to suck it out.

Someone I know is going back to Germany.

Someone... Someone needs to find the... penis.

Son are... Are you okay?

Sorry.

Spring break. Indigonanza...

Stay strong, Jeremy!

Stay the fuck away from me!

Stop it with the fucking your sister stuff.

Stop!

Stop! Stop the surgery! I have the dick!

Sure he'd love to wake up to some friendly faces.

Take my key card.

Take off your practice sweats and crash the fucking boards.

Thank you!

Thank you.

Thanks for making sure Little J made his way back home.

Thanks! Let's go. Come on.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

That dick is staying on that body.

That feels good. Little kisses of an angel.

That fucking thing...

That I do not fucking want this, okay?

That is amazing.

That is definitely a catfish.

That is not my dick.

That makes sense.

That means there's a person, and they probably have a phone.

That means we still have nine hours.

That name is like Catfishing 101.

That never happened. I don't remember that happening.

That thing...

That was all me, dude.

That was an example.

That was before it got bit by a snake.

That was insane.

That was too much.

That was your chance to be with Becky, and you blew it.

That you got a part of my friend on you now forever.

That you shart during blow jobs.

That... that is...

That'd be cool.

That's awesome, Donnie.

That's awesome. Let's go.

That's crazy porn.

That's decades with no dick.

That's epic.

That's it.

That's Jeremy's dick.

That's like serial killer behavior.

That's not funny, man.

That's not okay. That's...

That's not shit.

That's not something we do.

That's not your dick. It's what I said.

That's our friend's dick?

That's our friend's dick.

That's why me and Kendall are composing an R rated musical

That's your hole.

That's... All right.

That's... that's more fun.

The anesthesiologist will be in shortly.

The best.

The doctor told us that he transferred from surgery.

The doctor told us the wrong room. We're looking for Jeremy Abelar.

The doctor wants to see us. Let's go.

The Fuck King.

The Fuck... Are you the Fuck King?

The hell's going on here?

The maximum amount of pain you can inflict on your body?

The medevac's on its way.

The military ID was the one in his wallet. His fake!

The only dicks that I touch are mine and my husband's.

The penis is here!

The Rent cast party?

The results are fantastic.

The voicemail he sent me.

The women should suck the dick. We don't even know how.

The... the voicemail?

Then I asked if he wanted to go smoke on the roof.

Then I feel like an idiot. I don't know what to do.

Then the doctor can reattach it and we can get Jeremy's penis back.

There are five other hospitals Jeremy could be in.

There is a penis in this cooler!

There is no way we would ever lie. It's...

There it is.

There was a rumor you were in rehab for bath salts.

There was no venom in the penis.

There. Get it.

There's no penis. It's just two cans of Flittson.

There's no point in waiting any longer for trash to arrive.

There's some trail mix in my teeth right now.

There's something that you should know about...

They also told us to hike down.

They fucking came back. And we're not there. That's awesome.

They literally smoke all the time.

They probably don't think we're here anymore.

They pumped me with a lot of drugs, and now they're taking me to surgery.

They sometimes reroute medevacs.

They'll... they'll get me my penis back. I know they will.

They're my hiking shorts.

Think we should call your parents?

This guy looks like a soldier.

This is base camp.

This is gonna work.

This is gonna work. That's a good plan.

This is in case we run into any crazy shit out in the woods.

This is not like the Rent cast party. Okay? It's not like that.

This is supposed to be a bros trip.

This is the Rent cast party all over again.

This isn't Beauty and the Beast.

This knife is so sharp,

This lamp. Sweet. Oh.

This looks like a cat shat in a cooler.

This shit's expensive. Stop!

This weekend might actually be your chance to bang my sister.

Those aren't my underwear.

Those numbers sound bad.

Thought it got sewn on to that other guy.

Three inches. Severed at the base.

Time to cooler it up. Whoo!

To stop throwing a little baby boy tantrum right now.

Turn it off, man.

Two water sanitation workers just came into the hospital with his dick.

Ugh.

Ugh. You two again? Hey! Am I gonna have to call security?

Uh, are you forgetting the time you totally rejected me?

Uh, I'm sorry, I just...

Uh, it's just... There's a drone, so there's people, and we need to go now.

Uh, it's... Uh...

Uh, no, that's not me. I'm not the Fuck King.

Uh, no.

Uh, one moment.

Uh, so did you hear about the... the bear thing?

Uh, so maybe...

Uh, that's kind of perfect, 'cause I'm free.

Uh, the helicopter EMT said they would be bringing him here.

Uh, while your brother was lying there, maybe about to die, uh...

Uh, yeah.

Uh...

Uh... Yeah, there's a slight change of plans, dude.

Um, excuse me?

Um, hi, excuse me. Nurse.

Um, so...

Um, that I never liked her.

Um... Donnie. Hey.

Um... We need to clean his, uh...

Use the twin connection.

Wait a minute. Wait.

Wait till you feast your eyes on these.

Wait, I thought you guys were never "official."

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, yeah, what did he say again?

Warm it up, baby. Come on.

Watch this.

We can all stand here and have a meltdown

We can be best friends for Jeremy.

We can do a full penal reconstruction using a graft from your forearm or glute.

We can get it to the doctor...

We can maybe check if they left a message on your phone.

We could do that.

We gave someone else Jeremy's penis.

We got a male. Severed penis. Cut clean to the base.

We got bars. Oh, baby mama.

We got the dick!

We got you an operating room.

We gotta go. We gotta go right now. Let's go.

We have a successful reattachment, and your friend's gonna be fine.

We have a... a special delivery.

We have got to go!

We have it!

We have my brother's dick.

We have to get the venom out somehow.

We haven't been good friends to each other.

We haven't heard anything from your friends.

We like each other.

We need some help! It's an emergency!

We need stuff to clean his wound.

We need your boat so we can get to the hospital to reattach it.

We saw you guys on our initial approach.

We should... We should follow it. Let's go get Sean.

We... we have Jeremy's penis.

We'll be back in the parking lot in, like, six or seven hours.

We'll be back shortly to take you into the OR.

We'll get him to East General Hospital, ASAP.

We'll hike down.

We'll... We'll find someone with ice or a phone along the way.

We're going deep into Mother Nature's puss...

We're going to save Jeremy.

We're gonna drive around and call around and see if we can find out where he is.

We're gonna meet this summer at theater camp and we're gonna have sex.

We're gonna stop and pee really quick.

We're supposed to meet for the first time this summer.

We've only been hiking for three hours.

We've waited all day.

Welcome back, Sean.

Welcome back. I mean, I'm back. You're not back.

Welcome home, Sean Floyd.

Well maybe there's still a phone or radio or something, right?

Well, boys, I guess you get your wish. You got your friend's dick back.

Well, in comparison with not having a penis,

Well, nature's great, but it's still spring break.

Well, not perfectly.

Well, this is probably my last moment of freedom.

Well... Um...

Were you really in Germany?

What about the boat? Where are the keys?

What about the snake venom?

What about you, Donnie? Did you see my dick?

What are those? Why do you have those?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you wearing?

What do you mean?

What has happened to you in Germany?

What have you done to my son?

What if he never talks again?

What is the Fuck King without his condom crown?

What is... What is happening?

What now? We're just gonna run down this mountain and pray that J Tron's D

What the fuck did you do that for?

What the fuck?

What the hell are you talking about?

What was that?

What we need you to do is reattach 'em.

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? "The Fuck King Condom"?

What? Ah!

What? Hold on. I'm missing it. I'm missing it. Hold up.

What? Is this my ride?

What? Maybe she just didn't want to wear wet underwear, you psychopath.

What? No. Dude... The flower...

What? So, my speech was good?

What? That was you?

What? We're not doing that.

What? What? Really?

What? What? What did you say? What did you say to him?

What? Where do you think you are with Sarah?

What? Yeah. No, yeah.

What? Yo! Yo!

What's going on?

What's that on your face? You spilled something on your face.

What's up, dogs?

What's up?

What's up?

What's your mom's number?

Whatever, man.

When I dropped you off at the airport, but now we got these two tagging along.

When I sang Kendall my "Oops! I Did It Again" solo?

When I was calling 911 from Becky's phone,

When I was picking up this bad boy. Check it out. Check it out.

When it does, I'm gonna be swimming in puss. Know why?

When Sarah went behind that big bush to dry off or whatever,

When they told me that Cheryl was a psycho bitch.

When you nailed me in the head with a beer can.

When... Um...

When's little Reggie gonna be ready for me to...

Where did they find this? A little Navajo boy?

Where is it? I wanna see it. Where...

Where is she?

Where?

Where'd my dick go? Did you see my dick, Sean?

Which doesn't make any sense because we smoke literally all the time.

Which means "it's do or die" in German.

Which one of you's is it? You?

Who gets a boner from someone touching their thigh?

Who the hell are you?

Who's this?

Whoa, whoopsie.

Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa. That is epic. What did you say?

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whose idea was it to set off the fireball?

Why are there so many bags?

Why did you fuck with the ramp?

Why do those cover your belly button but not your balls?

Why does everyone say that?

Why the fuck did I message Chad?

Why would you not want me to feel sex? Sex is great.

Why?

Why? Why?

Why? Why? Why is it so ugly?

Why... why are you looking down there?

With an S.

With Mother Nature.

With no ice and no phones.

With their magic dick making machine?

Wow, Donnie, I am so impressed. This is some of your best work.

Wow, the Fuck King?

Wow.

Wow.

Wow. Damn. Girl, you are a really good driver.

Wow. Returns.

Wow. So this is really happening.

Wow. That's so great of you. You're so nice.

Yeah, absolutely. Yes. Yeah. Thank you. Is it weird to say thank you?

Yeah, actually it is for the... the young, uh, ranger.

Yeah, also momentarily.

Yeah, and then she whips out a pair of scissors... and bam!

Yeah, but what I wanted to give you was, um...

Yeah, fuck you!

Yeah, I do.

Yeah, I do. Yeah.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Yeah, I mean...

Yeah, it's my own fault. I'm a fucking idiot.

Yeah, it's some bullshit rumor, dude. Forget about it.

Yeah, man. You sucked that shit out.

Yeah, okay, Becky's right. Let's do this.

Yeah, our schedules lined up perfectly.

Yeah, thanks. I learned from the best.

Yeah, that's one of our many disputes. Thank you, Sean.

Yeah, we're gonna find it.

Yeah, well, in 20 minutes, I'll have a dick in mine.

Yeah, yeah. No, I'll go.

Yeah, you got it.

Yeah, you're great. Yeah, I'm just gonna put it in there.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Because...

Yeah. I'm glad you're coming, though.

Yeah. It looks easy. He made it look easy!

Yeah. King of fucking, dude.

Yeah. Obviously. Yeah, okay. Let's do it.

Yeah. That's him. Reginald Knudson.

Yeah. What the hell's that?

Yeah. Whoa.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm on my... Yeah, I'm on my way.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yep.

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes.

Yo, Jeremy, Sean's tonguing your sister pretty hard right now.

You all saw that! You're witnesses!

You better have cash to pay for this.

You can scoot closer.

You could hook up with Sean.

You da man.

You deserve to be alone.

You do not want to fuck with me right now!

You don't look like this guy.

You gave the EMT the wrong cooler?

You got ID?

You got through it real easy, too. I was surprised.

You gotta get back in. We're going to the airport.

You gotta put that on ice!

You guys coming or...

You guys did good.

You guys hate each other.

You guys hear that?

You guys seem like some really good friends.

You guys shared a womb together, so obviously at some point in the dark...

You guys weren't even technically together.

You guys, come on. Let's... Let's just keep going.

You guys, look.

You guys, this is awesome. But I think I fucked up my stitches.

You guys, where's my dick?

You have a great day. No receipt. Heh.

You have my friend's penis.

You have one new message.

You have our friend Jeremy's penis.

You have the wrong penis and...

You have to protect your Wi Fi, Mr. Floyd.

You have?

You know he had a dick in his mouth?

You know it was the drugs.

You know we can see you, right?

You know we don't serve blue cheese in the cafeteria, right?

You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna cut it up

You know what the craziest part is?

You know what, I am really sorry that I sent that text.

You know what, Sarah? I'm gonna have to think about it,

You know, do something to take your mind off of it a little bit?

You know, I am not trying to make...

You know, I know it's just a dirty toilet dick but, doctor...

You know, on ice.

You look like Pocahontas.

You look okay. Looks like just the tip went in.

You made me so mad, I dropped my vape!

You mean, I just cleaned a civilian dick?

You messed up. You're sorry. I deserve respect.

You need to honor that penis.

You okay?

You owe me a new vape, Becky. You hurt my feelings, dawg.

You said you wanted dick to rim?

You said you'd never...

You sat on the couch sipping your Mike's Hard.

You should fuck my sister.

You think I didn't throw a few 'bows to get where I am with Sarah?

You wanted to use it at the hospital here?

You were on the couch and you squeezed his thigh.

You?

You... you did?

You'll be fine, man. We'll lay you down.

You're a fucker!

You're a fucking idiot!

You're a hero.

You're a...

You're amazing, and I really like you.

You're being cock blocked, literally, by your own cock.

You're gonna be okay. Yeah. We're gonna see you at the hospital, okay?

You're gonna get my dick. I'm gonna get my dick back.

You're gonna see right away it's our friend Jeremy's penis.

You're kind of far away.

You're like a young Furiosa.

You're no playing it. Be her rebound, okay?

You're not gonna die. You just won't have a penis.

Your dad and I are leaving in an hour, and I want you out of here ASAP.

Your friends did a good job. You're gonna be okay.

Your loss, Becky.

Your penis.

Yup.

Yup.

69 69, which is pretty ironic now.

911, what's your emergency?

911. I have a medical emergency. I need a medevac pronto.

1991, dude.

'Sup, babe? Sorry, Chad, we're broken up. Bye.

'Sup, Chad? What the fuck? Are you serious?

Abelar? Abelar. Abelar. Yes.

All ones, dude. All ones. Okay.

All right, this is it. Yeah.

All right. I got you. Okay.

And how about a little kiss? Yeah, okay.

And I said, "That's crazy." That's really weird.

Are you fucking kidding me? Fumbling around.

Are you kidding? They're coming.

Are you okay? That's a felony!

Are you okay? Yeah, totally!

Are you pissing on this endangered fern? What the fuck is he doing?

At all? No? No. Mm mm.

Babe? Wait.

Baby. Yeah?

Baby. Oh, I love you so much. I love you so much.

Becky! Go, Sean. Take it horizontal.

Beep, beep, beep. No, that's enough. Thank you.

Books on Germany. Don't they have those books in Germany?

But your friends weren't there. No.

Bye! Bye, Mrs. Abelar.

Bye! Fuck you, Mrs. Abelar.

Can you smell the dick? Okay. No. No, no, no.

Chad. What?

Come on down, babe. Let's go. Great.

Cool. Let's go get Jeremy his dick back.

Cool. That's so sick.

Damn it! All right, man! Jesus. We're all mad.

Dick mouth. Yeah.

Do not let them take you into surgery. Hi, Grandpa.

Do you not hug people anymore? Oh, yeah, sorry.

Does it? Mm hmm. Yeah.

Don't die. Fuck. I don't have any service. Do you?

Don't listen. He doesn't know shit. Yeah.

Don't look at me! Sorry. Sorry.

Don't you dare. Get it, Donnie! Get it, Donnie!

Don't. Oh.

Donnie! Sean lost the phones.

Dude, that's gro... Don't say that! Now... Why not?

Dude. What?

Everyone's talking about it. What? No.

Everything looks like a dick at night! What is that?

Ew! Ew! I know! I know!

Excuse me? Hello?

Excuse me? Oh, shit.

Excuse me. Wha...

For real? Why does this feel so awkward?

Fuck! Oh, fuck. Oh!

Fuck. Dude.

Fucker! Auf Wiedersehen!

Get back in the van. Let's roll.

Get my penis. Okay.

Get my penis. Yeah.

Get that dick to the hospital! God! Donnie!

Get the hell over here! Fuck.

Go get 'em. Okay.

Go, dude! Go! Come back here.

Go! Oh, come on. Okay.

Go! Shit! There's too many keys. I'm getting the anchor.

Go. What's your passcode, Donnie?

Good, right? Come on. Keep it up.

Gotta put it on some ice. Ice, ice!

Guys? What?

Ha! Thank you.

Have fun camping, kiddo. Bye!

He really lost a lot of blood. Yeah, man, I'm covered.

He's good. He's good.

He's not gonna die! He's gonna be fine.

Heh. I cut my dick off.

Hello, anybody? Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Hello? Jeremy!

Here it is! Unlock! Unlock the door, Becky.

Here we go. Cool.

Hey, look! Hey! Hey!

Hey, Mrs. Abelar. Hey.

Hey, there. Hey, hi.

Hey, yeah. Oh, hey.

Hey! Hi.

Hey! Oh, shit!

Hey. Hey.

Hi! Hello. Hey, bud! Hey, buddy.

Holy fuck! Are you okay? Ow...

Holy fuck. Whoo!

Holy shi... Oh, my God!

Holy shit. I'm calling it in.

Holy shit. Whoo!

How does that work? I don't know.

How'd that get tucked in? Stop!

I am not going to do it! You should. This is your fault.

I am so, so sorry. Stay cool, man.

I don't have farts or a boner. One of those is a lie.

I don't want a butt dick. Hey!

I don't. Fuck. Me neither.

I feel like I've been a good friend... But...

I got nothing. Fuck. You don't have service?

I just cut off my dick. Jeremy, is this a fucking prank?

I know how to find Jeremy. How?

I love you too, babe. #metoo, babe.

I mean, yes, it was... It was.

I said no visitors. Uh, I'm really sorry.

I told you to be careful. Let's cut to the music.

I'll tell your story. Okay.

I'm free now. You're free?

I'm gonna be your sister now. Okay.

I'm gonna fucking die. Jeremy's gonna die.

I'm gonna go with Donnie. Yeah, I'll stay with Jeremy.

I'm gonna piss. Thanks for letting me know.

I'm good. How are you? Glad to have you back.

I'm not just gonna give up. You have no idea where Jeremy is.

I'm obviously referring to Becky. What?

I'm on the same page. It's weird. I'm his sister.

I'm pressing unlock. Open the door.

I'm really sorry, but... What? No, no. It's not your fault.

I'm sorry. I need to borrow your phone. No. What the hell?

I'm... Sorry, dude. Come on, man.

If I was a dick, where would I be? You are a dick. That shouldn't be hard.

is about bros. Bonding. Uh huh.

Is Donnie coming to perv on me? No.

Is that Chad? You hear me?

It's comfortable. It smells good. Looks great on you.

It's gonna be okay, right? All good? It's gonna be okay. Yeah.

It's just a... It's a bong bear. The bear bong.

It's just the image of it. Yeah. Right.

It's really cool of you. Thanks. Yeah.

It's so good! Stop!

Jeremy will be dickless... The rest of his life.

Jeremy, get back in the car. You're gonna get dirty.

Jeremy! Get back in the car.

Jesus Christ! Stop pouting in there, cheddar bush.

Jesus! Oh!

Jesus. What do you have in here? I got a lot of stuff. I got books.

Just a fuck prince. I wouldn't even...

Just go! Get out of here!

Just walk over, hit the button on the TV. What are they doing?

Just... Stop looking. One second. I gotta...

Kendall... theater camp. My phone's in the van.

Kid's a monster. Jesus Christ.

Kinda made a move. I... might remember.

Let Indigonanza begin. This is my thing.

Let your sergeant know what happened. Absolutely. Will do.

Let... Indigonanza begin.

Let... Indigonanza begin.

Let's do it. All right.

Let's do it. Okay.

Let's get back in the van. Come on.

Let's get the dick. I got it. Let's go. Let's go, Jeremy.

Let's go. Oh, Jesus.

Let's pack up the van. Let's do it!

Let's... You got it. You got it. Do you, buddy.

Like, fucking crazy shit! Shit. Fuck! Whoa, man!

Little bit. Yeah, it's strange.

Little J. Oh, our pleasure.

Make it stop! What the fuck? Seriously? Again?

Maybe do some butt stuff. That's awesome.

Maybe he just had a boner. I had a boner.

Mine's 0 0 4 7. 0 0 4 7.

Mission accomplished, bitch! God damn it!

Mm hmm? I actually had a crush on you, too.

Mm hmm. I don't know... I don't know why I...

My sign? Yeah.

Nice ass. Okay. Fine.

No one says shit to an Army ranger. All right.

No, I wanna... I want to go. Okay.

No, no, no. The other person for a severed penis.

No. Yeah.

No. Ugh. We are not going to show you our boobs.

Not real. That's her name, okay?

Nurse. Nurse. We're gonna be there really soon.

Oh, come on. We're sending a medevac helicopter.

Oh, fuck! What the fuck?

Oh, fuck. I'm gonna pick it up.

Oh, hey, it's the girls. It's the girls. What?

Oh, it... It did. Well, yeah.

Oh, my God, it's not a prank. Help! Help him!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Holy shit!

Oh, my God! Go! Guys, we gotta go!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God. I got it.

Oh, my God! Oh! Fuck!

Oh, my God. I'm gonna grab my own ass.

Oh, my God. Okay.

Oh, my God. Work!

Oh, my God. We made it! Let's go get some ice.

Oh, shit! Oh, my God!

Oh, shit! The ice...

Oh, shit! What?

Oh, shit. Oh, my God.

Oh, shit. Ugh.

Oh, shit. We gotta go.

Oh, shit. What?

Oh, shit. I think I cut myself. Did you... Did you just...

Oh, yeah. Show him the ID.

Oh! No, no, no.

Oh! Sean?

Oh... Coming in.

Okay, don't tell anyone. I...

Okay, yeah, great. Let's go. Yeah, let's go.

Okay. Fuck.

Okay. Were you just...

Okay. You got this. Come on, babe.

Okay. It's gonna be a long way. Okay, let's go.

Okay. Two more kisses, but just two. Okay.

Okay. We gotta keep this warm. Okay.

One sec, man. 911, Sean.

Ooh, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.

Ow! Crestview High School.

Pretty tight, huh? Yeah, it's cool.

Quit hogging that trail mix. Okay.

Ready to go? Yeah! Oh, yeah.

Really? Absolutely.

Rent cast party, man. Yeah, I, um...

Sarah! Oh, shit!

Sean, do you have a boner? I don't have a boner.

Sean. Let's go. Yeah.

Send it. Come on. Did you get a signal?

She calls it Little J? Disgusting. I gotta give you two kisses.

She freaks out. DTR?

She will do it. Trust me. I'll do it. I'm crazy!

Shut the fuck up. What are you talking about?

Snap. Fuck!

So... So that's good! Okay.

Someone's thumb went in my hole. You okay?

Sounds mad. Yeah. I gotta go. Um...

Still got dick lips. Still... Yeah.

Stop calling it your pee pee. The doctor, Becky.

Stop going through my shit, perv. Sarah?

Stop making out with him! Okay, I'll just do it myself.

Stop. Wipe it on your dirty butt. No! Not on my... Ah! Not on my butt!

Take that, you little perv. Gross. That is inappropriate.

Thank you. My pleasure.

Thank you. Shocking, man.

Thanks. God.

that dick went in your mouth. This idiot.

That guy tried to murder us. Yeah. He was crazy.

That happened one time! Happened two times.

That sucks. Yeah, she found out he cheated on her...

That was a really quick answer. What?

That was crazy. God.

That was pretty cool. Yeah.

That's awesome. You know, that might work.

That's fine. Oh, what? They broke up?

That's our friend's dick! Oh, my God. That right?

That's the tradition. This is true.

The Fuck King? Come on. I know. It's weird.

The helicopter went back to the campsite. Yes.

There are people there. They have a boat. Nice!

There was never any venom in the penis. Huh?

There's no twin connection, dude. Oh, here we go.

They don't hug in Germany? Yeah.

They put our friend's penis on you. Yes, they did.

They're my suicidal nightmares. I know, I know.

They're nightmares. I know, hon. Let's go.

this thing? Hey, man.

This. This'll get their attention. What are you doing?

Totally makes sense. I'm on board. Cool.

Ugh. Sorry.

Uh, he texted her. Who texted her?

Uh, let's go now. Okay!

Uh... nope. Oh.

Um... Right.

Um... You're the real taint.

Wait a minute, baby! What?

Wait! Come back! Oh!

Wait. Holy shit. Stop the car. What?

Wait. Wait, we have the dick! Donnie, no!

Wait. Where are you going? Hey!

We approach a wild teen. You're dead!

We have 12 hours, right? Yeah, I think the EMT meant if it's,

We need bags and ice. Oh, my God, dude.

We need to call 911, now. Yeah, get our phones.

We say "fuck you" to Mom all the time. Well, yeah, but she's, like, our mom.

We're a good team. Yeah.

What is all this shit? Oh!

What is it? What?

What is this? I don't know!

What kind of fucking hospital is this? Security!

What now? Whoa.

What the fuck is dick to rim? I don't know. Butt stuff.

What the fuck! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

What the fuck? Guys!

What? Do you smell that?

What? Found it!

What? Guys!

What? Stop the car. Stop.

What? What is this thing?

What? My real penis is here? Yeah, man.

What? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

What? You buy stuff with this? Fuck yeah, he does.

What's the passcodes? 3 5 3 2.

What's up, man? What's up, man?

What's your problem? Nothing.

Whatever. Fuck this kid. The worst.

Where'd it go? Does anybody see it?

Which hospital? You said there were five. East General. The first place.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! We need that! It's my cock!

Whoa, whoa! What the fuck?

Whoa! What are you doing?

Whoa! What? What?

Whoa. Oh, shit.

Whoo! Hey.

Why aren't you coming? "Why aren't you coming?"

Why? Yeah.

Wow, man. And she was gaining weight.

Wow, that's really mean. I also told her...

Wow. That's right.

Yeah, but there's still time. Nah.

Yeah, Donnie's right. Thank you.

Yeah, I'm going! Oh, my God. Okay, Jeremy.

Yeah, let's just get out of here. Let's pack it up. Hit the road.

Yeah, we gotta. We gotta go. We gotta go.

Yeah, you should. I'll do it.

Yeah! Let's go. Let's go.

Yeah! Oh!

Yeah! Whoo!

Yeah! Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Oh, my God.

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Play dirty.

Yeah. Um, okay.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Do... do you wanna go next? Yeah!

Yeah. How do we do that? We have to get it out.

Yeah. It's okay. Oh, my God.

Yep. And then she flushed it.

Yep. I can't believe

Yes! Hey!

Yes! Okay, thank you.

Yes! Oh, God. Ow! Oh, ow!

Yes! Yes! Thank God. Yes.

Yes. And Sarah puked on it.

Yes. May the heroes that...

Yes. Please, I just want my pee pee back.

Yes. Yes! No, yes!

Yo, can you see them? I can't, babe.

Yo, you dogs ready to get... ...fucked up?

Yo. Yo, yo, yo. They have the redneck's dick.

You already have the hair for it. Yeah.

You better go. Sounds very important. Sorry.

You feel me? Yeah.

You had a crush on me? I just thought...

You okay? No.

You... It was... It was an accident. I was...

You're a fuck jester. Yeah.

You're blowing it with Becky. Man, they just broke up.

You're growing a coke 'stache. Mm hmm.

You're my king. The scepter has been repaired.

You're ruining my bra! I don't care.

You're sucking before I do. I'm sucking...

Your legs are fine. What are you doing? Oh, my God!

...all the phones. But, hey, hey, I called 911.

...ck!

'Sup, babe?

'Sup, Virgin Megastore?

"Hey, babe, I'm sorry I was an idiot. Where are you?"

"I bailed on Cancun. Are you at your house?"

"I know about you and my sister."

"I want to make this work. I miss you. You're the shit."

"it's all about sausage," which is funny...

"Scott, you're a chump.

$47.65.