Kicking & Screaming (2005) Edit

A blank slate.

A blessing in disguise.

A fair amount, in fact. What?

A general, blatant disregard

A header by Byong Sun from Ambrose's shoulder for a goal.

A hell of a game, bro.

A little early to start playing favorites, Phil.

A little high and into the crowd.

A lot of people are concerned.

A lot... lot of famous athletes have learned English through sports.

A monster.

About the cone thing!

About the distance between us.

About this Ditka thing. I don't like it one bit.

About your dad or Ditka tonight? Please?

About... About you and me,

Absolutely.

Actually, I do. Look at the size of this bad boy, huh?

Actually, Sam's right.

Actually, uh, I... I want you to assistant coach.

Actually, uh, truth be told, no one knows where he is right now.

Afraid of 'em?

Again. We can do this!

Ah, meat first. Yes, si.

Ah. Hey!

All day to get this order done.

All in all, just, yeah, good.

All right, coaches!

All right, everybody up. Come on.

All right, everyone.

All right, guys.

All right, look. Now what do you say I take Sam back,

All right, Tigers, it's game time.

All right, Tigers.

All right!

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. All right.

All right. Let's break someone's clavicle. On three!

All right. Okay, good.

All right. We're not gonna eat him.

All right. Well, then, how about, uh you, you, you?

All right. What else?

All right. You all had a laugh? Fine! Play on!

All right. You're starting the second half.

All the great players have done at one time or another.

All these leaves over in that yard before nightfall.

Alone?

Always play the Italians.

Am I the only one who cares about that?

Ambrose with a powerhouse kick!

Ambrose, you're big.

Ambrose.

An animal?

An important message from the King.

And as far as Sam not playing in the game, that's his fault.

And at least, give me that. I am not a liar.

And forceful tactics if need be.

And go get me juice boxes when I tell you.

And go on to greatness, or you lose.

And have a great season. Huh?

And he kicks the ball to Jack.

And he will win through intimidation

And honestly, I don't know what happened.

And I can do what I want.

And I did not go down.

And I didn't teach you anything.

And I don't even know what a whirling dervish is,

And I got some great news.

And I owe you, I owe all of you an apology.

And I should've been promoting that.

And I wasn't going to say this, but I think some of them have salmonella.

And I... I'm brand new to coffee.

And I'm getting under your skin.

And I'm like, I got, like, a headache almost.

And I'm Phil Weston.

And I'm serious.

And I'm the Prince of Vitamins.

And it's not freezing out here.

And keep your comments to yourself.

And less about the schedule.

And man, down the stretch,

And Massimo steals the ball.

And mix it with half of the decaffeinated version?

And probably face a series of cataclysmic events

And score and score and score and score.

And stops 3 feet from the first player.

And that same little boy was very happy when he won.

And that's what we are, right? Warriors?

And the ball goes to Ambrose who fakes.

And the only reason he is here is to support his team.

And then I had to park in the far parking lot.

And then I met my father.

And they pass it of to little Byong Sun!

And to make my stores the best they can be,

And to top it all off, I'm letting Sam down. My own son!

And vitamins.

And we are still losing, Phil.

And we should've just been having fun all along

And welcome to the HHSO Championship game.

And when you lose, it all comes down on you.

And who cares if he's a benchwarmer?

And you can put it on the board.

And you give me a second chance,

And you got balls!

And you guys just do e e exactly

And you sell that break even snake oil stand of yours.

And you think this suit's gonna help you?

And you win, it's the greatest feeling in the world.

And you're gonna come to work for me.

And you're such a great coach.

And, a Half Caff.

And, Phil... Yeah?

And, uh, gonna have a lot of fun tonight.

And, well, just a big thank you

And... And I... I didn't know if you might be willing to help.

Another Half Caff.

Another Half Caff.

Any more questions?

Anything that relates to soccer?

Anyway, uh, I I'm coaching my son's soccer team.

Apparently, I don't get it, okay.

Are we doing this? Is this happening now?

Are you a robot woman?

Are you following me? No.

Are you ready for this?

Are you serious?

Are your nephews working today?

Are... Are you guys getting any playing time, like...

At best, he's a benchwarmer.

At Buck and Phil's Sports Kingdom.

At prices so low, it'll blow your top.

Australia.

Aw.

Baby.

Back and forth!

Basketballs, footballs,

Be on a winning team, he'll get a trophy,

Be right back.

Beautiful day.

Beautiful. Grazie.

Because fire is the stuff of warriors.

Because I don't see him anywhere.

Because of my love for the game.

Because they're Italian.

Benchwarmer?

Besides, I'm the king in this house

Better or worse?

Better or worse?

Better!

Better! You're better than the other parents.

Better. Yeah.

Between the ages of 10 and 12,

Big on all kinds of balls.

Bing Bong?

Blow by blow of what promises to be

Boy, did that hurt my face.

Break people's clavicles.

Break through. Win the ball back!

Bring it in, guys.

Bring it in, guys.

Bring it in. Here we go.

Bring it in. Let's go. Huddle it up. Come on.

Bring it on.

Bucky with another open shot. Goal!

Bucky! Okay, Bucky.

Buddy, relax.

Bury you!

Bury you!

Bury you!

But Buck Weston has figured out this Tiger offense.

But he does look delicious, you have to admit, right,

But I got a good idea.

But i i it's not about winning.

But I'm gonna get my trash taken out, okay?

But if you cry, I'm out of here.

But in order to do that, we gotta get some fresh meat.

But in order to please my dad,

But is close to me?

But it's a good thing. Trust me.

But listen, when you put it all together,

But mainly, balls.

But my job in life is

But never ever in a game.

But remember, share the ball.

But remember. Meat first, then soccer.

But that's... that's what they were like.

But the truth is

But there is an "I" in win.

But this beats them all. I'm angry.

But those guys look pretty good.

But we don't have anyone to tell us when we do it.

But what about Sam?

But with a strong team effort, we will win some

But with me it's not about win lose.

But you have to try to find the positive in this.

But you really stepped up.

But you've turned him into a benchwarmer.

But, coach, how is this gonna help me with soccer?

But, I'm, like, really funny. I got like a million jokes.

But, uh, I really got a feeling like we could catch fire

But, you know, I want Sam to have fun.

By God, you're gonna be champions.

Bye bye.

Byong Sun and Sam, why don't you guys go on ahead, okay?

Byong Sun, stay low, okay?

Byong Sun!

Byong Sun. Oh, I see.

Can I borrow your glasses?

Can I go in now? I have fresh legs.

Can I have the ball?

Can I talk to you

Can you put me in?

Can you take half of the regular version of the coffee

Can't a guy just be enthusiastic about the game?

Catches it on the back of his neck.

Charge!

Chicago Bears?

Chop block.

Coach Benson will be good for you. He knows his stuff.

Coach Ditka? Yes?

Coach Weston is taking no chances.

Coach, did you order the pizzas yet?

Coach, I'm just saying...

Coach, um, where's Sam?

Coach, what are we doing out here, anyway?

Coached the 1986...

Coaches here, now!

Coffee is the lifeblood

Coffee will make you feel better.

Come here.

Come on, Beyonce, let's get that back end done.

Come on, buddy.

Come on, everybody. Let's go out and kick some butt.

Come on, everyone. Bay at the moon.

Come on, hands in.

Come on, move it. Move it! Faster! Faster!

Come on, move it. Move it.

Come on, Philly. Come on.

Come on!

Come on!

Come on! That?

Come on! There we go, Gian Piero.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Come on, guys.

Come on. Guys, bring it in.

Compassionate human being,

Cool!

Couldn't ask for a more beautiful day.

Cut it out or you're out of here.

Cut it out!

Dad, he hit me. He hit me with the ball.

Dad, relax. Here, I'll handle it.

Dad, thanks, that's... that's exactly what I wanted to hear.

Dad, those aren't the Tigers.

Dad, you're getting a little creepy.

Dad?

Dad? Dad?

Dad? Hey, Dad! Barbara said "yes."

Dad? Yeah?

Dad.

Defense! Come on!

Defense! Push deeper! Deep! Deep!

Delicious.

Depressed? We won.

Did everyone see that?

Did Grandpa trade me?

Did the blacksmiths and the candlestick makers not make it?

Did you hear? The pressure of coaching got to him.

Did you just eat that?

Did you just kick your son?

Did you just push a kid to the ground?

Ditka is a great coach, we understand that, but he's a football coach.

Do it! Shoot it, Byong Sun. Shoot it!

Do what?

Do you have a card? Do you have a card?

Do you have scones?

Do you know Sammy Sosa?

Do you?

Does anyone here have a card?

Does that make sense?

Doesn't matter.

Doing my lawn.

Dominate and hammer them.

Don't be afraid to throw the elbow.

Don't bother me, okay?

Don't forget the meatballs!

Don't look back! Run!

Don't look like that to me. Please.

Don't remember that one.

Don't talk to me, it's father son time!

Don't worry, kind sir.

Don't worry. You'll be all right. Gonna be all right.

Don't you worry, I got you bratwurst all ready.

Donna Jones.

Drink the coffee. It'll make you feel better.

Especially not the championship game.

Even little kids in Mexico drink coffee.

Every home in Europe has its own coffee press.

Every time you say something back to me,

Every year, we like to take a little time

Everybody drinks it.

Everyone heard you.

Everyone should get one of these.

Everyone take a seat, if you would.

Everyone wave goodbye to juice box.

Everyone's hands should be up.

Ew!

Except, you saddled me with a bunch of stiffs.

Excuse me. Hey, y you didn't need to take up two spots.

Excuse me. Thank you.

Fakes left, fakes right, he shoots!

Faster!

Finches.

Find it in your heart to forgive me

Find yourself a coach, or the Tigers forfeit.

Fine!

Fine. Okay. We'll bet.

Fishes?

Foot and three inches.

For all the hard work.

For dramatic effect!

For our game plan.

For the coaches to come up here

For the day.

For the rest of your lives.

For those who live between Broadway and Grandville,

For what? I caught it. Why?

Forever.

Forget it. Pass it to someone else.

Forget the appreciation.

Four on one, three on another, right?

French Roast.

From being thrown out of this game.

Game's about to start.

Gather around. Come on in. Good job.

Generals! Generals! Yeah!

Get away from that. Don't... Don't get any ideas. Don't even touch it.

Get enough pizza?

Get him, Logan. Attaboy, Logan.

Get in here. Come on. Get in here, guys.

Get over there! Go, Hunter!

Get the door! Get the...

Get the rope!

Gian Piero, Massimo,

Give it up, Dad!

Give you guys a rest?

Gladiators moving the ball.

Gladiators take the lead.

Gladiators tie the game.

Gladiators with the ball.

Go and run a lap! I'm timing you.

Go back and take a look at these guys.

Go Bucky! Finish it off! Finish it off!

Go get them.

Go hemp!

Go!

Go!

Go. Yes.

Goal, and the Tiger goalie goes down hard!

Goal!

Goal!

God, I'm going to be honest, I... I didn't plan on speaking tonight.

God! That's a bad call, you know it!

Goo goo, gaa gaa baby language.

Good call, ref!

Good guy. Good guy.

Good job, guys.

Good job.

Good job.

Good job.

Good to see you.

Good.

Good.

Good. Good.

Good. Good.

Good. Good.

Good. Good. Good.

Good. Thank you.

Good. Yes.

Good... Good group effort.

Got you a gift.

Got you!

Gotcha!

Grab a ball!

Grab some bench.

Great effort. Come on, let's go.

Great game, Bucky.

Great goal, Samson.

Great hustle. Gian Piero and Massimo.

Great, great, great.

Great.

Great.

Great. I'd love to.

Great. Okay, now,

Great. Okay, yeah. I'd love to hear one. Shoot.

Gripping. Gripping.

Guatemalan with a little Ethiopian.

Guys, Gian Piero and Massimo.

Guys, I said no playing soccer in the house.

Guys? Oh. Settle down. Everyone.

Guys...

Half Caff?

Half Caff.

Hall of Fame?

Have you ever looked into his eyes?

He cracked.

He did.

He didn't teach me anything.

He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't...

He fell down! He fell down!

He hasn't been playing much lately and, I didn't know if...

He is going to play more, Philly...

He kicks it high. It's a perfect pass!

He needs to speak up, okay? I can't worry about every player.

He shoots! Score!

He started it.

He stopped that goal.

He taught us exactly how not to play soccer.

He was right there by my side.

He would love to play for you

He'll be here. Don't worry about it. Okay.

He's a lousy coach.

He's big. You... You might form one mega person.

He's confident, he's smart,

He's gonna get a lot more playing time now.

He's got my ear!

He's got vitamins.

He's like a jackal from hell!

He's okay.

He's on the bench.

He's right there. He's right there.

He's right.

Head.

Hello, I'm Phil Weston.

Hello, uh,

Hello? Hello?

Hello.

Hello.

Hello. Hi, there.

Here we go again.

Here we go, gang. Let's go, Tigers. Come on.

Here we go. Fan out. Form a circle here.

Here we go. On three. Let's have fun.

Here, drink this coffee.

Here, I'll get rid of it, honey.

Here, take some of this back, 'cause I don't want it.

Here, you get the whole thing!

Here.

Here's all I heard.

Here's something your dad never taught you.

Hey, big guy, how'd it go?

Hey, Buck.

Hey, Buck. Yeah?

Hey, can I have this?

Hey, coach!

Hey, coach.

Hey, coffee is the number one drink in the world.

Hey, Dad, I didn't know if...

Hey, Dad, what happened to all your fish?

Hey, darling. How you doing? Looking great out there.

Hey, Ditka! Knock it off, would you?

Hey, Ditka! Will you knock it off?

Hey, do that later, would you, please?

Hey, do what you gotta do.

Hey, grab the pebble from my hand, Grasshopper!

Hey, guys, I just wanna say:

Hey, guys.

Hey, hey, get a grip on yourself, okay? Man up.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. All right.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey!

Hey, honey.

Hey, Hunter. I'm Phil.

Hey, I... I almost had you.

Hey, I'm Hunter.

Hey, I've been meaning to talk to you

Hey, keeper.

Hey, knock it off, would you?

Hey, let me tell you something.

Hey, look who's here. Two of my favorite people, and Phil.

Hey, Patty.

Hey, Phil.

Hey, Philly.

Hey, Philly.

Hey, ref? Injury? Time out?

Hey, Sam, you wanna give us a minute?

Hey, Sam.

Hey, stay out of this. It's between us, okay?

Hey, Stew.

Hey, the Tigers may be in last place,

Hey, wait.

Hey, welcome to the team, little fellow.

Hey, what's going on?

Hey, where's Sam?

Hey, why don't you take that pretty young wife of yours and go home?

Hey, you're... you're late.

Hey, zip it, kid!

Hey!

Hey! All right!

Hey! Here we go!

Hey! Hey, I'm warning you.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! I got eyes in the back of my head.

Hey! If it isn't fart face Jones.

Hey! Knock it off! It's all for you!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Hi, Byong Sun. Hi, Byong Sun.

Hi, excuse me. Uh, Coach Benson around?

Hi, I'm Buck Weston, King of Sporting Goods.

Hi, I'm Buck Weston.

Hi, Phil. Uh, I I'll eat this worm for $5.

Hi, this is Byong Sun.

Hi, uh, my name is Phil.

Hi, you guys.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Hey, Sam.

Hi. Um, uh, our son, Byong Sun, he's very shy and I was just wondering...

Hi. You can call me "Chief."

Highland Heights Soccer Organization parent's dinner.

Hit the field. Let's go.

Hit the road. Move it.

Hockey pucks, baseballs...

Hold on! Wait!

Hold this.

Hold up!

Honey, come on, the kids need a real coach.

Honey, do you mind?

Honey, it was your first practice.

Honey, that's great. Yeah.

Honey, wh where have you been?

Honey!

Hope you boys are ready. See you at the finish line.

Horrible.

How about a smoothie? What's in that?

How about I bring up someone who's new to coaching in this league,

How about you and your old man?

How about you use your eyes?

How are they better?

How could he crack? We're only one game into the season.

How did I get burned?

How did that happen?

How do you like that, Ditka?

How do you say "pizza" in Italian?

How do you say "spaghetti?"

How do you spell that?

How do you want your hamburger?

How does that feel?

How far was that?

How important today's game is, huh?

How many sarcastic pills did you take this morning?

How many times do I have to say this?

How much do you think those things are?

How much you pay him to make those calls?

How they mess up, right?

How would that help us?

However, I want all of you to know

Huh?

Huh.

Hunter, catch up! Catch up.

Hunter, I'd give you a kiss but you just ate a worm.

Hurry up and order.

Hurry up.

Hurry, run quickly!

I I'm sorry, Mrs. Ditka.

I am a very kind person.

I am very, very,

I apologize.

I appreciate that.

I appreciate that.

I beat you,

I beg your pardon.

I bet you this whole thing is gonna turn out to be

I brought your uniform just in case.

I called you twice.

I can defend myself, please.

I can take a punch!

I can't afford to lose this one, Umberto.

I can't believe it.

I can't talk to you about this. No, not anymore.

I can't talk to you. Here, you take this.

I can't.

I can't... I can't believe this.

I come back, pick up 5:00.

I could eat a box of cookies for dinner if I want to.

I couldn't really hear you.

I did not.

I didn't agree to pay you $5.

I didn't play the week before, either.

I didn't see you step up when the team was in need.

I didn't think I'd be coaching the little bugger.

I do see, Prince Phil.

I don't even know who you are.

I don't give compliments lightly.

I don't know why that's funny.

I don't know, it may just be me,

I don't know. But I'll tell you one thing.

I don't like coffee. It's a vasoconstrictor.

I don't say this enough

I don't think you should be butting in

I don't wanna see any laziness there, okay?

I don't want the ball.

I don't want to get thrown out.

I don't... I don't like...

I eat quitters for breakfast and I spit out their bones.

I go home when I want.

I got a job, Dad.

I got a little something for the Tigers here

I got a lot of work to do.

I got company!

I got it, right below the knee, the nub.

I got it! I got it!

I got my vitamin store to go back to.

I got punched in the face and it hurt.

I got this for you, too! Get out of here!

I got you put on a new team.

I gotta do it.

I gotta let go of this thing.

I guess we really got out coached.

I guess.

I had you come here early today,

I hated him from the first time I laid eyes on him.

I have no idea.

I have something important I'd like to tell you. Um...

I hear he's a woman now.

I heard it on a rap video once.

I just got caught up in everything.

I just got excited. Nice job. Nice job.

I just got laid off. I'm looking for a job

I just made it up.

I just wanna ask you if you... if you can

I just wanna have fun.

I just want you guys to know that I know that I blew it.

I just... I just need some help

I just... Ow! That got me right in the nipple.

I know it's a weird thought, but it's true.

I know that kid. I know.

I know we're on a five game losing streak, but I've got good news.

I know, let's all bay at the moon.

I know. But your skin's more important.

I like it.

I love him like a son. Come on up, Phil.

I love you, Dad!

I love you.

I may have inadvertently poisoned your children.

I mean I had a good time kicking your butt,

I mean, I know he's the most competitive man in the world.

I mean, I'm not gonna be the one staying up late at night,

I mean, I've never lived up to my dad's expectations.

I mean, there are other teams.

I need to tell him.

I only want winners out on the field.

I practiced every time you benched me.

I promise you, I'll play you next season, okay?

I really don't know.

I really lost my way, I mean,

I recognize that!

I said she's lovely and she's young.

I said, "Who's a winner?"

I saw a bunch of nonsense out there.

I screwed up, Sam.

I seem to remember a certain little boy

I strived to be the very best.

I take a vitamin every day, it's called a steak.

I think I got it.

I think maybe

I think this is your best commercial yet.

I think you mean smoke up my butt.

I think.

I thought I had the shot.

I thought it was. It's not.

I thought we were friends!

I told you. Every great thing in life starts with a brat.

I took a long hard look at myself in the mirror, and you know what I saw?

I took a punch from Hall of Famer, Mike Ditka,

I traded him to the Tigers.

I wanna win a soccer game!

I want you to play dirty,

I wanted to talk to you about Sam.

I warned you about, this has become all about you and Buck.

I was breaking my back for you, Coach,

I will never come back here again?

I... I am not a robot.

I... I can't do it. I can't coach. I can't beat my old man.

I... I just... I got caught at work

I... I was... I was actually hoping that

I... I... I don't think that's a very good attitude.

I... I... I... I completely blew it.

I... I... You just need to relax.

I'd fine you each $10,000 apiece.

I'd have an extra $5?

I'd like to make it up to you.

I'll be giving you a play by play,

I'll figure it out.

I'll give you a hint.

I'll give you that, but at least he's trying.

I'll go change in my car.

I'll never be mad at you. Never.

I'll see you inside.

I'll see you later.

I'll see you on the field.

I'll see you,

I'll talk to him.

I'll tell you for the last time. Hit the road!

I'll tell you, Dad.

I'll throw this out the window, honey.

I'm a coach that knows about winning.

I'm a frequent coffee drinker.

I'm a regular here. This line needs to move.

I'm actually touching it.

I'm Buck Weston.

I'm Buck Weston.

I'm building men.

I'm Byong Sun.

I'm doing this for you, okay?

I'm feeling fully alive.

I'm glad it happened, I...

I'm glad you figured it out.

I'm going.

I'm gonna be just great. I'm gonna be great.

I'm gonna be the new permanent coach of the Tigers.

I'm gonna push you guys like you've never been pushed before.

I'm gonna see what I can do about that, okay?

I'm gonna trade the whole team to the Tigers next year.

I'm having a baby. Oh, I'm having a baby.

I'm holding them.

I'm in the middle of a game, come on!

I'm in way over my head.

I'm like a tornado of anger, swirling about!

I'm losing vision, it's blackness.

I'm Mark Avery.

I'm never drinking coffee as long as I live.

I'm no juice box boy, I'll tell you that!

I'm not blind.

I'm not blowing smoke up my butt.

I'm not crazy. I'm just thirsty.

I'm not crying. It's frustration.

I'm not going to soccer practice with a dirty car.

I'm not gonna lie,

I'm not like my old man!

I'm not like my old man! I'm a kind and gentle,

I'm not like that.

I'm not on the Gladiators anymore?

I'm off.

I'm out of here. Bye bye.

I'm part of the club. I have a card.

I'm proud of you, Son.

I'm proud of you.

I'm sorry, did you say something?

I'm sorry, I...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, who's your son?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'll go talk to him.

I'm sorry. Okay.

I'm staying.

I'm talking to the juice box guy.

I'm trying to do my lawn! Yeah, but you put all your...

I'm trying to get my yard cleaned.

I'm, uh, I'm Phil Weston.

I'm... I'm spitting angry!

I've already made the decision

I've been your neighbor for seven years.

I've got my hands full with Hunter. I don't need a bird.

I've only heard it about a thousand times from you.

I've teamed up with my son.

If anyone's gonna beat me, I'm glad it was you.

If I beat you in the finals,

If it weren't for these kids I would whip your butt!

If the pizzas don't arrive,

If we get a big lead, we gotta pummel these guys.

If we had to eat someone?

If you break someone's collarbone,

If you guys were with the Bears,

If you have to, but don't get caught.

If you play the second half the way you played the first half,

Immediately stolen by Massimo!

In a different but better way.

In a weaving fashion around the player

In due time, Connor. In due time.

In fact, every room.

In fact, I don't know anyone like that.

In fact, why don't you take a lap?

In fact, you need to take more vitamins.

In front of his own son?

In the least amount of time played.

In your dreams.

In your neck of the woods.

Inspiring speech, Phil.

Instead, I wasn't, 'cause I'm a lousy coach

Internet dating? No.

Introducing yourselves, and telling me

Iron Mike and Aluminum Phil coaching the Tigers.

Is that better or worse?

Is that I let you get away from the Gladiators, okay?

Is... is having fun and trying your best, all right?

It does, doesn't it?

It hasn't been easy for me since your mom died.

It makes me love you more!

It took me all morning to convince him to come.

It was all too much, I had to take an Advil,

It was never about the ball.

It was pretty good.

It was really irritating.

It was unhealthy for Sam to play on your dad's team.

It went great. Bench is nice and warm.

It'll get better.

It's a big, big order.

It's a long game, sonny!

It's a nasty, filthy habit.

It's a soccer ball.

It's an impressive shot. Sure.

It's called "the snake."

It's come to my attention

It's electric in the air! Yeah!

It's gonna get a lot worse before it gets better.

It's just a great group. Okay, uh, Tigers.

It's like ba boom! Ba boom!

It's like they're forming some sort of mega person.

It's like winning the Super Bowl.

It's Mike Ditka, everyone!

It's Mike Ditka.

It's Mike Ditka. He's big. Stay out of this.

It's nice to meet you.

It's not gonna help you with soccer,

It's not Phil. It's Coach Weston.

It's one of the many plays we've worked out.

It's something you don't know at first.

It's the championship game, all right?

It's the lifeblood that drives the dreams of champions.

It's the only play we've worked out.

It's the smell of victory, baby!

It's true.

It's, uh, Byong Sun. B Y...

Italian is easy.

J.J., Zack, everybody see what we got to do with these guys?

Jack takes the ball into the corner.

Jack!

Jack. What?

Just a little bit bigger.

Just a second ago! When?

Just a wonderful couple.

Just chop block them in the back of the knee.

Just for one game.

Just kidding.

Just serve.

Just to make the semifinals.

Just want to do a little vision test here. All right?

Kareem Abdul Jabbar.

Keep passing to the Italians!

Kill Phil!

Killer?

King of sporting goods.

Knock it off. I don't care about that.

Knock those clowns down.

L I It's not about the ball.

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce Mike Ditka.

Later. Later. Go grab some bench.

Leon Spinks, uh, Elvis Costello.

Less than a minute left to play.

Let alone a Super Bowl.

Let me ask a question.

Let me ask you a question.

Let me hear you say that we can do this.

Let the kids have some fun.

Let's bring your old man down. Oh, great.

Let's do it. Come on.

Let's get ready to play, huh?

Let's get to it.

Let's go get them.

Let's go, come on. Lift them. Lift them. Hey, hey, hey.

Let's go, Gladiators!

Let's go, guys.

Let's go, guys. Stay focused.

Let's go, Tigers. Bring it in.

Let's go!

Let's go.

Let's say, "We are Gladiators."

Let's see what you can do.

Liar!

Line 'em up.

Listen. I mean no disrespect to you and your family.

Literally wave. Do it!

Look alive!

Look at me, I'm the ref. I'm the ref. I'm the ref.

Look how much time it takes for them to come in.

Look who's here.

Look, Dad, I got a feeling

Look, I just wanna say I'm sorry for the way I acted.

Look, I just wanted

Look, Phil, I'm not just coaching soccer.

Look, we're trying to have a nice family gathering, all right?

Looks good to me.

Looks like somebody needs to be taken down a couple of notches.

Losers! Losers!

Losers. You're a loser! Loser!

Mail order bride? No.

Make sure you get one of these sleeves. I burned myself last time.

Mama mia.

Man! I got you good!

Maniac.

Maria, the prosciutto. It's almost 10:00.

Mark Avery kicks the ball up,

Mark Avery leads the league

Mark! Mark!

Massimo e Gian Piero?

Maybe back over here.

Maybe even before that, because I know you're the guy that wrote

Maybe we take a shortcut, stick it to your old man real good.

Maybe you should worry more about the team

Me?

Meat first. First!

Meat is now. Me and the boy will work

Mike! For Pete's sake!

Mmm.

Mom, come on.

Mom!

Mom!

Mother of Pearl! That is hot!

Move it! Move it! Put some pressure on those legs!

Mr. Big Time Coach. Bye bye!

My dad, he's something.

My dad. He's a coach. He knows the game.

My dad's gonna be riding me all season, so I just...

My heart rate is dangerously high right now.

My name is Andy!

My Super Bowl ring was making too much noise.

My... my assistant coach would be here,

Need a little adult time.

Never.

New game plan. Get the ball to the Italians.

No candy! Your mother said you can't have any candy!

No candy. Please. No. Please?

No hitting the baby.

No smoking means no smokin'!

No way, Jose. No, sir. No way.

No, football.

No, I don't have a card.

No, I I'm talking about Sam!

No, I mean the air.

No, I... You're different because you're better.

No, I'm worried about losing you.

No, it's gonna get worse.

No, it's Phil.

No, look...

No, no, don't hit my precious baby.

No, no, I mean... I mean, they're... Well, they're different.

No, no, no, Dad.

No, no, no, no, no, no, I...

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no. Uh,

No, no, no, no. Your day's over, Phil.

No, no, no, not like the other parents at all.

No, no, no, they not play soccer.

No, no, no. Come on.

No, no, no. Don't go there.

No, no, no. I... Believe me, I know. Meat comes first.

No, not you.

No, sir.

No, that ain't it.

No, that's definitely it.

No, this... this isn't angry. This is happy.

No, you go to hell! While you're there,

No, you relax.

No, you're not going to eat that, are you?

No! Mom!

No! No, no, no. No. Finches. Birds.

No! No, no.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. Dude, just take the compliment.

No. I already know. It was awful.

No. I got it.

No. I'm fine.

No. It's a Tiger outfit.

No. No, he's not going to be a benchwarmer.

No. No, I'm not gonna work for you.

No. No, no, no, no. The most important thing

No. No?

No. No.

No. You won fair and square. It's yours now.

Nobody's smokin'!

Nobody's smokin'.

Not a chance. Gotta go feed the meter.

Not like a lot of the other parents.

Not my son. Not on your team.

Not now, Sam.

Nothing.

Now go get me a juice box.

Now he'll play for the Tigers

Now I don't think it needs to be said more than once

Now in five convenient locations.

Now look, I came up with this myself, look at this.

Now this is gonna be the hardest most difficult thing

Now you owe me $5.

Now, give me that jacket.

Now, go to your places!

Now, I bury you.

Now, these boys are from Italy, okay?

Now, this one,

Now, who's with me?

Now, you gotta tell me the problem,

Odd move by Coach Phil Weston.

Of all the asinine things my dad has done,

Of the prettiest girl in school.

Off the field, Tarzan.

Oh ho ho ho ho, your dad?

Oh oh. Look out! For Pete's sake!

Oh, Barb. Hi.

Oh, Benson's a no show. I'm gonna coach the Tigers today.

Oh, but we're waiting for our coach.

Oh, by the way, he had a son on the same day.

Oh, foul, foul, foul! Come on!

Oh, God, I'm in bad shape for 11.

Oh, great.

Oh, he will. Yeah.

Oh, I I I'm sorry.

Oh, it's gonna come out!

Oh, Killer! Killer!

Oh, look, it's gonna come out! It's gonna come out! Oh!

Oh, my God! No! Tigers! Help me! Get him off me!

Oh, my...

Oh, no. No, no, we do not allow smoking in the house.

Oh, oh, okay,

Oh, so they're better?

Oh, that hurts!

Oh, that's a lovely accent.

Oh, that's sweet. That's very sweet.

Oh, they're terrific.

Oh, wait, now I see. Wow!

Oh, yeah, what? Selling... Selling vitamins?

Oh, yeah, yeah, losing.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah? What of it?

Oh, you don't know that for sure.

Oh!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Are you all right?

Oh. It's bad?

Oh. Little help, already out of control.

OK.

OK. Foot on ball, and pull. Go.

Okay, Buck. You got me good, buddy.

Okay, Bucky, it was, like, so awesome.

Okay, come on, Phil.

Okay, forget that I just said that.

Okay, go out in the second half, I want you to stay focused.

Okay, go!

Okay, good luck, Son. You're gonna need it.

Okay, guys, let's take the field.

Okay, guys.

Okay, guys.

Okay, here we go.

Okay, honey.

Okay, I understand your concern about our record,

Okay, if that's how you want to play it.

Okay, look, you're too upset about this.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Stop.

Okay, Phil, can we please not talk

Okay, that's not the snake.

Okay, then, that's a real goal.

Okay, Tigers, uh, why don't we have starters take the field?

Okay, yeah.

Okay, you cannot talk to him...

Okay, you got me on that one.

Okay, you know what, Phil?

Okay, you know what? You got me. All right?

Okay! Okay!

Okay?

Okay?

Okay? I don't know what I'm doing.

Okay? Okay.

Okay? Thank you.

Okay? That's not gonna be me.

Okay? Yes. Good.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. All right. Come on.

Okay. Be forewarned, muchacho.

Okay. But if I win...

Okay. But you and I, we're good?

Okay. Everyone bring it in.

Okay. Go.

Okay. Good.

Okay. Grazie.

Okay. Guys...

Okay. I am disappointed!

Okay. I quit. I give up. I give up. You go talk to Ditka.

Okay. Let's go, guys.

Okay. Okay,

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Put those on. Let's go, guys.

Okay. Team.

Okay. There you go.

Okay. This is my son, Sam.

Okay. Very funny. Very, very funny. Very funny.

Okay. You got it.

Okay. You know what, let's get the rest.

Okay. You'll probably wanna give it a glance.

Okay. You're right.

On the ground, give me the pushups, come on.

On the neck!

One more time. We can do this!

One year later, on the proudest day of my life,

One, two, three, Gladiators!

One, two, three.

One, two, three. Break someone's clavicle!

Onto the field and you fell over?

Ooh, ouch.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh. Who's your trainer?

Ooh. You sure you wanna do that?

Or at his hair?

Or crying myself to sleep or wetting my bed.

Or is that... is that just too weird a thing

Otherwise, he's just sitting around, all right?

Ouch!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow! He's got my ear.

Ow.

Parents, too! Everyone waves!

Pass him around!

Pass him around.

Pass it off! Pass it!

Paul's got the Tigers on the move.

Phew.

Phil is not the greatest coach in the world,

Phil, honey, I know this is upsetting, okay,

Phil, it's freezing out here.

Phil?

Phil? Honey?

Phil.

Pick up that piece of trash, Tom.

Picks you up. It calms you down.

Pizza at my house.

Pizza. Pizza.

Play it up.

Player in the back dribbles the ball

Players take the field. Good luck, Buck.

Please. Give me it back.

Poetry in motion, Philly!

Pooh! Boom!

Powerful kicking. Powerful kicking.

Pretty good, huh? What do you think?

Pretty impressive, huh?

Priceless.

Prima what?

Quiet please!

Read it and weep.

Really, give yourselves a pat on the back.

Really?

Really? Yeah, really.

Really? Yeah, yeah.

Really? Yep.

Remember when we beat you in the championship?

Remember when you called us out

Remember when, uh, when I shoved that kid in the pool?

Remember, there's no "I" in team.

Rest? Yeah.

Right? Fun. Okay.

Right? Team. Yeah. Good. Good, good.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right. Alex, when?

Right. Half Caff.

Right. Hold on.

Right. It's game time. Get your team on the field.

Right. Yeah?

Ripped by: SkyFury

Run! Run to the car! Run!

Runners take your mark. Get set!

Sam, you saw him out there today. It breaks my heart.

Sam, you think I could talk to you?

Sammy Sosa?

Sammy Sosa. Yeah.

Sammy? Yeah?

Sammy's a good boy.

Say a few words.

Say it again! We are Gladiators!

See if you love me at the end of the game.

See you at the barbecue.

See you at the barbecue.

See you tomorrow.

See?

Serve it.

Shake it off, Sam. Get some circulation back in your skull.

Share your feelings with him.

She didn't die, she divorced you.

She's great looking. What you talking about? She's terrific.

She's the light of my life. You don't talk about her.

Shot! Goal!

Shot! It's off the mark.

Should have waited for the jacket.

Shut up you little rats!

Shut up! I'm on the phone.

Shut up.

Sir, you're at the back of the line.

Sitting on the bench?

Slothfulness?

Smells fresh. Yeah.

Smells good.

Smoothie's a juice drink. We want coffee.

So did Gian Piero and Massimo who couldn't be here because:

So I don't want too much.

So it's hard enough to drag myself out of bed.

So maybe you should...

So much so, that I caught the eye

So that we can have fun.

So they don't play soccer at all?

So they don't speak English that well.

So we could talk about some sloppy play.

So what'd you bring, Phil?

So when I took over for Coach Benson...

So, can I count on you for next year?

So, go suit up.

So, how's it going?

So, I just was thinking, uh...

So, I'll tell him, okay?

So, let's get out there and do everything

So, like, it's me and you against your old man?

So, Paul, what's on your mind?

So, uh, we forfeit.

So, uh...

So, we forfeit.

So, we're forfeiting?

So, who's gonna coach?

So, you're not mad?

Soccer Dan Instructional DVD.

Soccer?

Some kind of a dramatic situation here.

Some of the cool stuff I can do.

Some of you are gonna wish I was dead.

Somebody call the burn unit. I got you bad!

Somebody should be videotapin' this.

Sometimes grown ups screw up

Sorry about that.

Sorry about that.

Sorry about the fall, Sam.

Sorry, Grandpa.

Sorry. Huevos Rancheros.

Sound familiar?

Sound like a plan?

Spaghetti.

Speak any English?

Start with you.

Stay away from that, okay?

Stolen away and kicked way downfield.

Stop it, Dad.

Stop it!

Stop right there. I agree with you.

Stop talking and serve!

Stop them, guys!

Stop them! Come on. Stop them!

Stop them! Stop them!

Sure, I wobbled a bit, but I did not go down.

Sure.

Sure.

Sure. Yeah, I'd be glad to.

Surviving the elements, here in the backyard.

Take a gander at your brother, Bucky.

Take a seat. Go ahead.

Take a seat. Let's go.

Take a the field.

Take good care of it.

Take it back.

Take me 3 years to get these guys shaped up.

Take the field. Here we go, guys. Have fun!

Tall, non fat, double latte...

Tap and pull?

Tap. Pull.

Tattoos are cool!

Thank you for that show of enthusiasm.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Appreciate that.

Thank you. Hello.

Thank you. I appreciate that.

Thank you. It means a lot.

Thanks for the tip.

Thanks, buddy.

Thanks, Dad.

Thanks, Paul, thanks, everybody. It's... It's great to be here

Thanks, Phil.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

That ain't never gonna happen.

That Ditka has fists like a small truck.

That fuels the dreams of champions.

That his heart's about to burst through his chest.

That is patently untrue.

That kid lives right here in this house!

That lately, I've noticed

That means an awful lot to me, that ball.

That one ate the others. I call him "Killer."

That one's dead.

That was fast.

That was hot.

That we will eat Byong Sun.

That whole first year of your life.

That'll work well.

That's a bad call!

That's a bad call!

That's a chance we'll have to take.

That's a good thing. That's what the medic's for.

That's a legitimate goal, right?

That's a real goal.

That's all I want to do.

That's easy for you.

That's exactly what I did.

That's me.

That's my boy, Bucky! Attaboy, Bucky!

That's my Russian vodka!

That's no way to talk about your neighbor.

That's not legal. Is that legal, ref?

That's not true, Dad.

That's on the other end of the bench.

That's one lie, though.

That's our strategy.

That's right. You guys, you all played great.

That's the best I've ever played against him.

That's the game!

That's the game!

That's the half.

That's the intensity I've been looking for. That's it.

That's very funny, Dad. Hilarious.

That's what makes me feel so good.

That's... That's not coffee.

The bet you made with your old man.

The finches were a bad idea.

The game of the year.

The Gladiators are completely out of sync here.

The Gladiators still dominating the field.

The Gladiators with some good ball movement.

The Hopi Indians called fire...

The instant you come in contact with the ball.

The Irish Cream sounds good, huh?

The Italians and Ditka have won five in a row.

The Italians have effectively been shut down.

The Italians.

The kids were just running around.

The law says:

The most important thing is winning.

The only thing that makes me mad

The opposite of everything I've taught you.

The opposite of what I've taught you.

The ref said...

The rest of the Tigers are forming some kind of wedge.

The Tiger goalie looks okay.

The Tigers are making it to the finals.

The Tigers are over there.

The Tigers? Yeah.

The world's gotta stop 'cause you got a family gathering?

Then my Dad said...

Then the ref said...

Then what do you want?

Then why did you build a fire?

There he is, your grandson, Sam.

There is an "I" in win.

There is o over there.

There's a good chance of that!

There's a horrible wind.

There's a lot of slothfulness going on.

There's a moving truck in front of Benson's house.

There's a... There's a rabid cheetah in Lane 2 here.

There's more where that came from.

These guys couldn't win a salad bowl,

These kids are the right age, and they live in the district. Why not?

These kids just wanna play soccer.

They come here to apprentice me. Yeah.

They don't care about the meat.

They find Bucky Weston in the open.

They have too much to learn.

They just score and score and score

They look like pussycats to me.

They play with American kids, they... they pick up English.

They were like foot whirling dervishes.

They weren't listening to me.

They're apprentice butchers.

They're in last place.

They're just showing their appreciation.

They're not even wearing blue.

They're sirloin burgers.

They're tiny birds.

Think you can mark him?

Thinking I was in control of my own destiny.

This book really helped us deal with it.

This calls for some drastic measures.

This coaching business, Paul, is tough stuff.

This is a good thing.

This is by far the most asinine.

This is called "up and over."

This is cute though, huh? You're saving the environment for all of us.

This is from the heart.

This is Janice. I met her at the A&P.

This is my son, Sam,

This is the big leagues.

This is where we're really gonna hone our skills.

This isn't the big leagues.

This one needs to be turned. Okay?

This will take us to the next level. Study it.

Those acting lessons really paid off.

Tigers have won five in a row.

Tigers on three. Whisper.

Tigers versus the Gladiators.

Tigers win! Tigers win!

Tigers with the ball.

Tigers, bring it in. Let's go.

Time out. Everyone with glasses.

To ask for?

To express my... my gratitude

To get to the championship game, that...

To make your dad's life a living hell.

To tell us a little about their team.

Tough game today, eh?

Try not to cry in front of him.

Trying to pass it off to his brother.

Tuck in your shirt!

Two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate?

Ugh!

Uh huh.

Uh, '85 Bears to a Super Bowl victory?

Uh, actually, it's Phil.

Uh, Coach? Shouldn't we be going to soccer practice?

Uh, do I have to say that? 'Cause that's gonna cause

Uh, excuse me, mister. Your... Your two nephews...

Uh, excuse me. Just don't do that with the cup.

Uh, good game, everyone.

Uh, here it is.

Uh, I I'm sorry, Mrs. D... I'm sorry.

Uh, if I could have your attention.

Uh, it's cream and it's, uh, it's Irish.

Uh, no, there isn't.

Uh, parents, Honey.

Uh, pass it to... to someone else.

Uh, si, in the back.

Uh, thanks, Janice.

Uh, there's a problem.

Uh, to kind of...

Uh, well, I... I thought we would just start, uh, today by going around,

Uh, would... would they be interested in, uh, playing soccer?

Uh, you know what? Let's just do some drills.

Uh? Oh.

Uh. Listen. One of... One of my guys didn't bring his socks.

Uh. What else can you do?

Uh...

Um, I don't know if you heard, we won the championship.

Um, tomatoes, tomatoes. You know.

Um, uh,

Umberto!

Umberto?

Umberto. I've got two new players joining the team.

Understand? Right.

UV index is very high today.

Very funny, Dad. Haven't heard that one before.

Very upset. Very depressed.

Very, very sorry.

Victory! We're in the finals!

Vultures. Vultures.

W What, you calling me a liar? I'll show you the receipt.

W What does that mean?

W Why didn't you just play him more?

Wait a second, what's going on?

Wait, where's Gian Piero and Massimo?

Was anyone listening?

Watch it! It's a trap! Stay with the Italians!

Watch it. I only watched it for 5 minutes, I already... I already learned this.

Way to go, Bing Bong!

We are going to win one game eventually, right?

We broke the Tiger curse.

We can do this!

We did okay. Yeah.

We didn't get to introduce ourselves last time. I'm Ann Hogan.

We don't have frequent drinker cards.

We don't have starters, we never got that far.

We got 25 minutes and a lot of beef to cut.

We got Mark into soccer, 'cause we wanted to take a break.

We got ourselves a bet, okay?

We gotta pummel them at all costs.

We gotta win five games in a row

We had a bet. You won fair and square.

We have to keep them?

We have to... We really have to smother them.

We just need to take the field

We made it. Sorry we're late.

We played the easy part of our schedule.

We were supposed to pick them up.

We win this, we're in the finals.

We won, Byong Sun!

We won, Dad. We finally won.

We won!

We won.

We'll get some fresh legs in there.

We'll just reconvene at a later time.

We'll see you back at the house, Dad.

We'll see you later, juice box!

We'll see. Might be a good luck charm.

We'll settle this later, okay?

We're 500.

We're all gonna help them learn.

We're at every game.

We're bonding. We're becoming a team.

We're gonna get killed.

We're gonna get married.

We're gonna have Half Caff.

We're gonna keep learning as we go.

We're gonna make it to the finals.

We're gonna make some changes around here.

We're good.

We're in the finals! All right!

We're in the finals.

We're... We're gonna have a Half Caff.

We've got something for that, too.

Welcome to my life.

Well done. Thanks, Buck.

Well, he's been coaching for a long time.

Well, I didn't actually get anything for him.

Well, I'm not a little kid in Mexico.

Well, Sam's up in his room.

Well, that's swell! Great!

Well, the Tigers beat you.

Well, then one of you will have to coach.

Well, we've had a rocky start,

Well, yeah.

Well, you're here, Phil.

Were you watching the same game?

Wh Wh Where've you been?

Wh What else have I taught you?

Wh What is with the coffee?

What a day!

What are you doing here? Where's Benson?

What are you doing? Have a sense of pride, huh?

What are you doing? Nothing.

What are you even doing here?

What are you lookin' at?

What are you saying, eh?

What are you talking about?

What are you? Who dresses you these days?

What did I just say?

What did you call her?

What do you call that again, when you almost win?

What do you mean "different"?

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

What do you say? Yeah.

What do you want me to call them? Winners?

What does that have to do with anything?

What for? He scares me.

What have I... What have I told you to do?

What his dad did to him...

What in the world happened to your dad?

What is it, Dad? How you doing?

What is the law, Phil?

What is wrong with you, Derrick?

What was going through your head out there last week?

What was that all about?

What was that for? Jeez!

What was that?

What, are you kiddin' me?

What, are you trying to stick it to the old man?

What, he doesn't want to play for me?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Can you do that? No.

What? Hello? Umberto?

What? Nah!

What? Why isn't Sam in his uniform?

What? Yeah.

What's that haunting aroma?

What's that?

What's the difference? Come on. Spit it out.

What's this, some kind of clown outfit?

What's up, farty pants?

What's with the birds? That was weird.

Whatever. It's tough stuff.

When I come in contact with the ball.

When I'm talking to my team.

When it's over... When it's over...

Where are you going?

Where did my wife go? Are you a robot?

Where did you learn to move like that, Sam?

Where do I know you from?

Where're you from?

Where's Sam?

Where's Sammy? I thought you guys were gonna meet me here.

Where've you been? It's a tie game, it's almost over.

Who are free on Sundays and Tuesdays,

Who are those guys over there, huh?

Who are we playing?

Who are we?

Who are you supposed to pass the ball to?

Who did that?

Who was very sad when he lost.

Who's gonna make me? I am.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa! It's a little bit high.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoo hoo hoo!

Why are you so angry?

Why are you whispering?

Why don't our two new players

Why don't you go join those other kids over there?

Why don't you go to hell?

Why don't you grab me a juice box!

Why is everyone slapping me lately?

Why is this fun?

With a capital "S" and a capital "ORRY."

With a heart as big as a lion!

With Mike Ditka?

With... with... with your own strengths and talents,

Witty, dynamic, vicious, brutal, vindictive.

Worse.

Worse.

Would you knock it off?

Would you look at those Italians go?

Would you mind? Thank you.

Wow!

Wow! Crazy!

Wow! Oh!

Wow! What was that all about?

Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow!

Wow. An amazing save by the Tiger goalie!

Yay, Bucky! Bucky!

Yay. This could be fun. Yep.

Yeah, but I had talked to Coach Benson, we're brand new...

Yeah, but I see you changed your ways.

Yeah, but you're gonna get more playing time.

Yeah, Byong Sun's real shy.

Yeah, Dad.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, for another team!

Yeah, go ahead.

Yeah, go ahead. All right!

Yeah, I ate it.

Yeah, I could take him.

Yeah, I do. And it's gonna be awful.

Yeah, I got four stores now, and I'm opening a fifth next month

Yeah, I heard.

Yeah, I just get...

Yeah, I think we're gonna have to cut you off, sir.

Yeah, I'd love to but I gotta get

Yeah, I'm all right.

Yeah, it didn't grind the barbecue to a halt at all.

Yeah, it's no prob.

Yeah, so everyone, come up here and grab a finch.

Yeah, try them on and, uh, take the field.

Yeah, we're 1,000.

Yeah, well, he's right here.

Yeah, you all know Phil Weston?

Yeah, you bet I'm serious.

Yeah, you know where to find me!

Yeah, you need to relax.

Yeah, you said it. Yeah.

Yeah, you too. May the best man win?

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah! All right, Mark!

Yeah! All right!

Yeah! Can you smell it?

Yeah! Good job, Jack!

Yeah! Yes!

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Yeah, good luck.

Yeah. I know, I got too eager.

Yeah. They're great.

Yeah. Uh huh. Yeah, it's good.

Yeah. Wanna go?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yep.

Yes, I was quite the athlete.

Yes, I was. I was a maniac.

Yes, like a wild animal.

Yes, wait. I'm happy this is happening.

Yes, we love meat.

Yes, you are! No, I'm not!

Yes, you are! No, I'm not!

Yes, you are! No, I'm not!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes! Hey, you just were served a plate of humiliation.

Yes! That's my baby!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Thank you.

You a little klutzy?

You accept my apology then?

You and I, we got something going.

You are one wisecrack away

You beat me, Philly.

You better or else I'm gettin' out of here.

You called a group of 10 year olds "losers."

You can be enthusiastic...

You can beat your dad! He's just a man.

You can count me in.

You can have the first punch right here.

You can learn things like...

You can save... Me.

You can take as many shots as you want during practice.

You can watch them grow, right in front of your, uh, very own eyes.

You can't catch me if you want, because I'm the ref.

You can't kick me out!

You can't talk about hurting other players.

You definitely had enough candy, I can tell that.

You did one great job of coaching those kids.

You did. You said it a lot.

You didn't know English

You didn't play him, Phil.

You dig, cracker? You feel me?

You do not wanna be the kid

You do not want to be that kid.

You doing okay? I know this is tough.

You don't think?

You don't wanna be him.

You don't wanna be the kid that when he thinks about

You don't wanna be the kid who has such suppressed rage

You don't... you don't think?

You ease up on that corduroy jacket of yours.

You either win

You ever attempted in your entire life.

You fellows, put these on.

You get the next one.

You get to keep them.

You go to my mortal enemy for help?

You got it.

You gotta lighten up.

You gotta move it. All the way!

You gotta stop. You've gone overboard.

You guys here, you might want to move out of there,

You guys know anything about defense?

You guys, hit the field.

You guys? No, I'm cool.

You had that made up, like,

You hear me?

You hear that, Vultures, we forfeit. Let's go.

You just lied, just a... When?

You keep it.

You know that cost $400?

You know what I mean.

You know what the odds are

You know what when it's over... It will get emotional.

You know what, I gotta run.

You know what, I... I can coach.

You know who you're talking to?

You know why? 'Cause I'm not a coach.

You know, at a certain point,

You know, English, meat. Too much.

You know, grown ups are always telling kids

You know, howl like a wolf.

You know, I like to keep my pimp hands strong.

You know, it doesn't seem like a good thing,

You know, maybe we can coach the Little League together.

You know, maybe you and Ambrose could... could team up.

You know, punching a hole through the window

You know, the... the ball is just a metaphor

You know, you're... you're really invading my ear space.

You learned.

You live long enough, you see everything.

You look good.

You look like you need those.

You made an excellent impression on your son, by the way.

You mean I get to coach against your dad?

You mean, it's not Paul?

You might wanna clean the water every now and then.

You need to give it some time, Phil.

You okay?

You really don't know who I am, do you?

You really think that, huh? Yeah.

You really think you can coach in my league?

You screamed it through a cone.

You see it, Dad? Right there, Dad. That was a great one.

You should be.

You should get some Italians on your team.

You should have saw it.

You should've seen the look on my dad's face.

You shut up in there!

You step on this field, this is all about you.

You still waiting for your coffee?

You sure you don't want a job?

You think he enjoys losing week after week,

You think?

You thought?

You traded your own grandson?

You wanna come over and watch?

You wanna go in?

You wanna make a bet?

You wanna quit now?

You want me to share my feelings of inadequacy

You want to be Gladiators?

You were a ravin' maniac.

You what? Gonna go where?

You, Sam, you, you, you, and you.

You.

You... You guys are great kids. You're unique

You... You... You care about winning that much?

You'll learn.

You're a real duffer, you know?

You're acting like... Oh!

You're back in. Okay.

You're both better different

You're crazy!

You're getting ahead of yourself.

You're getting married?

You're gonna have to get past old, uncle Bucky for this one.

You're great.

You're hurting me! You're hurting me!

You're in the show now.

You're just doing this to get under my skin.

You're kidding me. No.

You're like some kind of animal.

You're like your old man!

You're making it worse. You're making it worse.

You're messing up my yard. Let me... Let me ask you.

You're my assistant, okay?

You're not human, that's for sure.

You're not the only one in the park.

You're not worried about losing the game?

You're nuts! Guys, guys!

You're on the Tigers.

You're right. Silly idea.

You're right. Yeah.

You're right. You're always right.

You're serious?

You're supposed to back me up

Your assistant coach?

Your dad's a trip, you know that?

Your name is Liar, 'cause you're telling lies.

Your wife told me about

Your... your strengths on the soccer field.

Zip it there, Sporty Spice.

7 pounds, 6 ounces.

7 pounds, 7.

10 more of those and we're in business.

...at a respectable level.

...you guys are gonna be champions. Champions.

'85.

'Cause I know that kid.

'Cause I'm fine.

'Cause I'm, uh, I'm gonna coach the Tigers.

'Cause that punch was meant for him,

'Cause that would make me a liar, okay?

'Cause you're a fart face kid.

"But, Coach..."

"Congratulations on the Tigers' first victory!"

"Ditka sucks" on my driveway.

"Let's have fun?" What's that?

"My Child is Shy. " Yeah.

"Ouch." Why "ouch"?

"the meat comes first." I'm sorry.

"You shall never beat the old man at anything."

(all) 2, 4, 6, 8, who do we appreciate?

(all) 2, 4, 6, 8, WHO...

(all) And he's got balls!

(all) And vitamins!

(all) Come on, Phil.

(all) He did!

(all) I am.

(all) I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy.

(all) One, two, three. Let's have fun.

(all) Tigers.

(all) Tigers.

(all) What? What are you talking about?

(all) Worm! Worm!

(all) Yeah!

(Ambrose) Love it, yeah!

(Ann) Come on, honey!

(Ann) Ease up on him!

(Ann) Hi. Oh, hello.

(announcer) And now an important message from the King.

(Barbara) Come on, Sam!

(Barbara) Hold him down. Phil!

(Barbara) What is going on in there?

(both) And we've got balls.

(boy) Come on, Bucky!

(boy) Give me a drink.

(boy) Go, Bucky!

(boy) Stop them.

(boys) Don't listen to Phil!

(boys) Go Tigers!

(boys) I am.

(boys) No!

(boys) Tigers! Tigers!

(boys) Tigers.

(boys) We are Gladiators!

(boys) Yeah!

(Buck) All right, guys. Everybody up. Let's go, come on.

(Buck) Hey, Son.

(Buck) I want to welcome you all to tonight's

(Buck) Nice to meet you, Barbara. Heard a lot about you.

(Buck) Now, you can get all your health supplement needs

(Buck) Okay, boys. Okay. Keep it down. Keep it simple.

(Buck) Okay, Bucky, let's go!

(Buck) Ooh, hey!

(Buck) Philly, I can't.

(Buck) That's it.

(Buck) That's my ball.

(Buck) Yes! Yes! Yes!

(Buck) You better be good at this stuff.

(Buck) You played great, Son. You played great.

(Byong Sun) Faster. Faster.

(Byong Sun) Faster. Faster.

(Byong Sun) He tried to kill me.

(Connor) Man!

(Diana) Mike, I smell smoke!

(Diana) Mike, I smell smoke.

(Diana) Mike!

(Ditka) Come on, kick butt out there.

(Ditka) Come on. Everybody up.

(Ditka) Go, Jack, go.

(Donna) All right. I got him.

(Donna) No. Phil!

(Forest) Okay. All right. That's it. I got this.

(Gian Piero) Massimo!

(Gian Piero) Uh, you.

(Hunter) Nice fall.

(Hunter) Yeah, team!

(Janice) That's my boy!

(Jim) Down by one, the Tigers have both Italians

(Jim) Gladiators moving the ball.

(Jim) Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen,

(Jim) Hunter is tearing down the field!

(Jim) Italians with the ball.

(Jim) Massimo with the ball,

(Jim) Oh! Weak kick!

(Jim) Play resumes.

(Jim) The Italians are back in.

(John) Oh, yeah.

(male announcer) And now... Watch this.

(man #1) Defense!

(man #2) Get the ball!

(man) All right, come on!

(man) All right!

(man) All right.

(Maria) Okay.

(Mark) Okay, no biting, come on.

(Mark) They're gonna kill us, you know.

(Mark) Way to go, Byong Sun!

(Massimo) Gian Piero!

(Phil) 5:00. You got it. Okay.

(Phil) Barbara, are you there? Pick up. It's me.

(Phil) Bring it on in.

(Phil) Burgers look good, right?

(Phil) Get back on defense!

(Phil) Go get them. Huh?

(Phil) Here we go! Bellissimo!

(Phil) Hey guys, please. It's a compliment.

(Phil) Hey, guys.

(Phil) Hi, Byong Sun.

(Phil) I was born a baby.

(Phil) I'm really getting sick and tired of

(Phil) In college, I wasn't the most gifted athlete.

(Phil) Look, uh, I got some good news.

(Phil) Move it! Move it!

(Phil) Pick it up!

(Phil) Play it up. Play it up.

(Phil) Sammy!

(Phil) Take that for me, buddy.

(Phil) They could learn from the American kids.

(Phil) Watch me, boys, I'm goin' in!

(Phil) Way to go, guys!

(Phil) What are we gonna do?

(Phil) Who's a winner?

(Phil) Yeah.

(Phil) Yeah.

(Phil) You all right?

(referee) All right. Very funny.

(referee) Hey! Off the field.

(referee) How you doing, Buck?

(Sam) Get up, Dad.

(Sam) I don't know.

(Sam) Really?

(Sam) Uh.

(Tom) Nice job, everyone!

(Umberto) Keepa this up, you get nowhere in meat.

(Umberto) Maria?

(Umberto) Si?

(woman) All right!

(woman) Follow it.

(woman) Ooh, I don't know.

(woman) Over here, Son. Hunter!

(woman) Shut up out there!

[All chanting] Meat comes first!

[All chattering]

[All cheering]

[All cheering]

[All cheering]

[all cheering]

[All cheering]

[All cheering]

[All cheering]

[All cheering]

[All cheering]

[All cheering]

[All exclaiming]

[All gasp] Where are my Italians?

[All groaning] Come on, girls. You gotta move it.

[All howling]

[All laughing]

[All laughing]

[All screaming]

[All shouting]

[All speaking Italian]

[All whispering] Tigers.

[all whooping]

[All yelling]

[All yelling]

[All yelling]

[all yelling]

[Audience applauding]

[Audience cheering]

[Audience laughing]

[Audience laughing]

[Audience laughing]

[Audience laughing]

[Audience laughing]

[audience murmuring]

[Barking]

[Bawling]

[Birds twittering]

[Blowing whistle]

[Blowing whistle]

[Blowing whistle]

[Blowing whistle]

[Blowing whistle]

[Both chuckling]

[both moaning]

[Both speaking Italian]

[Both whooping] Yes!

[Boy grunts]

[Boy grunts]

[Boys chanting]

[Boys chanting]

[Boys cheering]

[Boys cheering]

[Boys cheering]

[Children chattering]

[Children cheering]

[Children clamoring]

[Children clamoring]

[Children whooping]

[Children yelling]

[Children yelling]

[Children yelling]

[Children yelling]

[Children yelling]

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

[Chuckling]

[Chuckling]

[Chuckling]

[Chuckling]

[Chuckling]

[Chuckling]

[Clears throat]

[Dogs barking]

[Door closes]

[engine revving]

[Exclaims]

[Explosion]

[Footsteps approaching]

[Gags]

[Gasping]

[Gasping] Phil, come on.

[Gasps]

[gasps]

[Giggles]

[Glass shattering]

[Groaning]

[Groaning]

[Groaning]

[Groans]

[Groans]

[Groans]

[Groans]

[Groans]

[Groans]

[Grunts]

[Grunts]

[grunts]

[Grunts]

[Grunts]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[Grunts]

[Grunts]

[Grunts]

[Grunts]

[Grunts]

[Grunts]

[Grunts]

[Grunts]

[Grunts]

[grunts]

[Gurgling]

[Hissing]

[Horn blaring]

[Howling]

[Howling]

[Humming stops]

[Humming]

[Humming]

[Imitating chicken clucking]

[Imitating chicken clucking]

[indistinct chattering]

[Janice giggles]

[Knocking on door]

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

[Laughing] Nothing. Nothing.

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Laughs] Whoa!

[Machine humming]

[Machine humming] Ditka.

[Man whistling]

[Massimo and Gian Piero speaking in Italian]

[mocking]

[Panting]

[Panting]

[People applauding]

[People applauding] Yeah.

[People chattering]

[People cheering]

[People cheering]

[People cheering]

[People cheering]

[People cheering]

[People clapping]

[People clapping]

[Referee whistles] Oh! Number 14 goes down.

[Referee whistling]

[Referee whistling]

[Referee whistling]

[Referee whistling]

[Saw whirring]

[Screaming]

[Screams]

[Screams]

[Screams] That's a video club card.

[Sighing] Look, Phil, I'm lonely. I'm a man.

[Sighing] Unbelievable.

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[sighs] And have some fun.

[Sizzling]

[Snarling]

[sniffing]

[Sobbing]

[Sobbing] Okay? In fact, I don't know who I am.

[Sparking]

[speaking gibberish]

[Speaking in Italian]

[Speaking Italian]

[Speaking Italian]

[Speaking Italian]

[Speaking Italian]

[Speaking Italian]

[Speaking Italian]

[Speaking Italian]

[Speaking Italian]

[Speaking Italian]

[Speaking softly in Italian]

[Splashing]

[sputtering]

[sputtering]

[sputtering]

[Thumping]

[Tigers screaming]

[Tires screeching]

[Tires screeching]

[Watch ticking]

[Wheezing]

[Whispering] Bring it in.

[Whispering] Guys, listen up.

[Whispering] Okay.

[Whispering] This is what we've worked all year for.

[Whispering] Wow!

[Whistle blowing]

[Whistle blowing]

[Whistle blowing]

[Whistle blowing] Come on! Run!

[Whistle blowing] Yes.

[Whistle blows]

[Whistle blows] Oh.

[Whistles]

[Whistles]

[Whistling]

[Whistling]

[Whistling] J.T., let's go. Hey, let's go, everybody. Hey, hey!

[Whistling] Tigers, huddle up.

[Whooping]

[Whooping]

[Whooping]

[Whoops]

[Yelling]

[Yells]

# And a movin' and a groovin' and a hippin' and a hoppin' #

# And still think that it's all right #

# Bring me my bright red fluro jacket ##

# Do I have to keep on talking till I can't go on #

# Get it started, get it started #

# Gotta code three #

# Gotta code three Need back up #

# Happy birthday ##

# He's a walkie talkie man #

# He's fat and he don't run too fast #

# I got a long long day ahead of me #

# Is it a sure fire way to speed things up #

# Let's get it started #

# Let's get it started #

# Let's get it started in here #

# Let's get it started in here #

# Let's get it started in here ##

# Let's get it started, ha #

# Let's get it started, ha #

# Let's get it started, ha #

# Lose control, of body and soul #

# My bright red fluro jacket #

# Or say good night #

# Run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone #

# Saturday morning #

# Saturday morning ##

# Six in the morning, baby #

# Spaghetti, marinara, lasagna ##

# The eye of the tiger ##

# There is trouble to be found #

# Think of what I'm saying #

# Think of what you're saying #

# To lose your inhibition follow your intuition #

# Try to see things my way #

# We can work it out #

# We can work it out #

# We can work it out #

# We can work it out #

# We can work it out and get it straight #

# We got the rhythm, we got the most fun ##

# Well you're walkin' and a talkin' #

# When all it does is slow me down ##

# When you find it you get to say it loud #

# While you see it your way #

# Who's going to play with me? #

# Work it out when you're dating #

# Work it out when you're dating ##

# You can get it wrong #

# You gonna wake up that thing in your hand #

# You know our love was meant to be ##

# You're looking all around #

# You're walkin' and a talkin' And a movin' and a groovin' #

##[Holla by Baha Men playing]

##[Run Around by Blues Traveler playing]

##[Saturday Morning by Eels playing]

##[Singing]

##[Walkie Talkie Man by Steriogram playing]

##[We Can Work It Out by Stevie Wonder playing]

##[You're The Inspiration by Chicago playing]

##[Zuma Zuma Baca La by Louis Prima playing]