Joe Versus the Volcano Edit

A black fog of tissue running down the center of your brain.

A brain cloud.

A few hundred bucks. I spent everything I had on doctors!

A long time, on a crooked road.

A miracle.

A miracle.

A real journey.

A really nice hotel.

About that.

Actually, she's my half sister.

Afraid of the commitment?

After childhood, it's a fact of life. I feel rotten. So what?

All handmade, only the finest materials.

All I know is the name means "Little island with the big volcano"...

All right, Joe. Get ready. We're leaving.

All right, that's it! That's it!

All right.

All right.

All right. I'll take nine pairs.

All right. Marry us.

And I believe you.

And I have the opportunity to buy some clothes today.

And I'm just so appreciative of my life.

And it's incurable?

And now you're going to kill yourself.

And now you're...

And take that light off the desk.

And what this about doctor's appointment? You're always going to the doctor!

And your plane ticket, American. Noon out of Kennedy tomorrow.

And, Frank, the coffee, it stinks.

Are you Joe?

Aren't you going to say anything?

Away from the things of man, my love.

Away from the things of man.

Away from the things of man.

Because he's never around.

Because without bubureau, I can't make superconductors.

Because you work for my father, and I'm angry with my father.

Been a long time coming here to meet you.

Brain cloud?

Brain cloud.

But all of this life seems so...

But I haven't done anything about it.

But I know. It's fear. Yellow, freaking fear.

But I'm not going to!

But it's all phone calls and telegrams, eh, Angelica?

But it's more than that.

But no one could look good under these zombie lights.

But there is something.

But they do want a hero, Mr. Banks.

But they're good, little monsters.

But what?

But you didn't.

But...

Can I ask you something?

Can I help?

Can you give us a minute?

Certain doors you must go through alone.

Chief, could you come up here, please?

Come on, let's get out of here.

Come on.

Commuted to this job in a shut up room, pumped in air, no sunshine...

Couldn't they think of something better than "a brain cloud"?

Courage. Courage interests me.

Dad says not to tell you. Goes with my theory. Power makes you paranoid.

Daddy loves a secret almost as much as he loves money.

Daddy told me to say I don't know why he hired you, and not to tell me.

Dagmar and the boys?

Dagmar, is everything okay?

Damned if I know, kimosabe.

Deal.

Dear God...

Did I ever tell you that the first time I saw you...

Did I ever tell you...

Did Mike show you how to work the bathroom?

Did you sleep with my sister?

Did you tell me last week?

Didn't you drink any water yourself?.

Dingy.

Dismal. Shabby. Dinky.

Do you believe in God?

Do you know how long I wondered what would happen if I did that?

Do you know where Joe is?

Do you think this is inappropriate for the boat?

Do you want me to turn it off while I go?

Doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you.

Doesn't make me feel any better.

Don't go on deck. The engines, check on Dagmar.

Don't jump.

Don't say anything until we finish our conversation.

Don't touch that!

Don't you think I'm aware there's a woman here?

Dr. Ellison doesn't have any other patients. My father owns Dr. Ellison.

Dr. Ellison said

Dr. Ellison will see you now.

Dr. Ellison...

Everyone you know, everyone you see, everyone you talk to.

Everything is at check in when you're ready, sir.

Everything went down.

Everything! But then I had some experiences.

Excuse me?

Feels dead, doesn't it?

Fluorescents affect me. They make me feel blotchy and...

For $300 a week I've lived in this sink. This used rubber.

For the rest of my life.

For you.

Four years.

From your actions in the fire department, I think you have the courage.

From your doctor, you're on your way out.

Get below, start the engine. Tell Tony to head us into the wind.

Get out of here.

Giddy up.

Give me Cassie Cimorelli, please.

Give me your hand.

God. We really lucked out.

Good bye, DeDe.

Good bye.

Good for you. Families are a pain in the neck.

Good night.

Good night. I'll see you in the morning.

Good.

Good.

Good. I got somebody that needs you today.

Got any whiskey?

Great.

Great. Do you rent anything else?

Great. Does the driver come with that?

Harry, I'm not arguing that with you!

Have I come at a bad time?

Have you ever been scared?

Have you slept on a boat before?

Have you thought much about luggage?

He is?

He named it, and now I know that about myself.

He set you up.

He thought that you and I might be able to help each other.

He told me your news.

He used this boat to get me to work for him...

He was wrong.

He's giving me this boat for taking you.

He's got two of them.

Hear what I'm saying?

Hello, Angelica.

Hello, Cassie. It's Marshall. How do?

Hello, Patricia. Do you know where Daddy is?

Hello?

Here you go.

Here.

Here. Each one gets sent five catalogues.

Here's my card.

How are you doing Joe?

How are you feeling, Mr. Banks?

How are you?

How did you do that?

How do you feel?

How is the god appeased?

How long have you felt this way?

How long?

I am not arguing that with you!

I am not arguing that with you!

I am not arguing that with you!

I am the Tobi. I cannot be the hero.

I am Tobi. Chief.

I am?

I believe in myself.

I bribed them to sing a song to drive us insane and make our hearts burst.

I can feel them sucking the juice out of my eyeballs.

I can see that you're angry.

I can smell her like a flower. I can taste her like sugar on my tongue.

I can understand that.

I can't be buying no Armani tux. I'm a workingman.

I can't handle it, Joe.

I can't imagine that.

I can't think of anything to say.

I can't. I have the wife and kids at the end of the day.

I could change.

I could treat you like I did on the dock, but that would be...

I didn't ask you that.

I disappointed you.

I do.

I don't exactly know.

I don't have a brain cloud?

I don't have any people of my own, Chief.

I don't know how, but we're going to be all right.

I don't know if I'll be living in a hut or what.

I don't know what to say.

I don't know your situation, but I wanted you to know mine.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't let it bother me or interfere with my job.

I don't mind talking.

I don't think I know anybody.

I don't want to get married.

I don't want to know.

I don't want to throw that away.

I don't work for him.

I don't work for him. My transport of you is strictly a favor.

I feel ashamed...

I feel great! That is very funny!

I feel great.

I feel like I'm going crazy.

I forgot my bag.

I forgot...

I gave you carte blank in here.

I go every day not doing, not saying...

I got to go home. You may have quit, but I have the job in the morning.

I got to go.

I guess so. Sure.

I guess that's true.

I hate to mention it, but we're in the middle of nowhere.

I have a brain cloud.

I have a chance to die like a man. I have to take it!

I have a guy taking your trunks to the marina...

I have an American Express gold card. Can I rent a limousine for the day?

I have cancer.

I have confidence in myself.

I have just the thing.

I have no interest in myself.

I have no response to that.

I have no response to that.

I have six months to live.

I have some luggage.

I have to be brave. I have to jump.

I have wasted my entire life and now I'm going to die.

I hope you don't lose it.

I just felt

I keep getting these little sore throats. I just don't feel very good.

I knew it. I didn't know it, but I knew it.

I know all about you. All I could learn in 24 hours, anyway.

I know he can get the job, but can he do the job?

I know he can get the job, but can he do the job?

I know he can get the job...

I know when you make those kinds of calls, you're up in high country.

I know.

I like your poem.

I look forward to it, though the dreams sometimes shake me up.

I love my father, even though I never see him...

I love my sister, even though she's screwed up.

I love you, too! I've never loved anyone before, either.

I love you, too.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I might as well go out in style.

I must do it.

I only have 12 catalogues left.

I own a company that dominates the world market for superconductors.

I quit.

I really want you to stay.

I saw the moon when we were out on the ocean, shining down on everything.

I start thinking about myself, I get bored out of my mind.

I still have my trunks.

I suppose so.

I talked to this guy and he says I got scared.

I think your experiences in the fire department were traumatic.

I told you I was a flibbertigibbet.

I told you that! Me!

I tried to get mineral rights from the Waponis but...

I want those catalogues.

I want to hire you to jump into a volcano.

I want to hire you, Joe Banks.

I want to make you assistant manager. But you're not flexible. You're inflexible.

I wanted to know.

I was an advertising librarian for a medical supply company.

I was going to make you assistant manager.

I was. Not now.

I wish I was where you are.

I wonder where we'll end up?

I worked here four and a half years.

I would have been wrong, isn't that right?

I'd say, at least it's a miracle.

I'll do it.

I'll stay on the island for a few weeks, and that's it.

I'll take care of this.

I'll take four.

I'll take it.

I'll take this.

I'll tell you one thing:

I'm 20 feet away, I can hear the fabric of her dress when she moves.

I'm a grown woman and I live on my father's money.

I'm a painter and a poet.

I'm calling you Felix because I do what I want.

I'm glad you believe me.

I'm going now.

I'm going on a long trip.

I'm Joe Banks.

I'm leaving you on this island?

I'm losing my sole.

I'm my only hope for a hero.

I'm nervous about this trip.

I'm not arguing that with you, Harry!

I'm not arguing that with you!

I'm not arguing that with you!

I'm not arguing that with you.

I'm not arguing that with you.

I'm not arguing that with you.

I'm not arguing that with you.

I'm not arguing that with you.

I'm not arguing that with you.

I'm not ready to...

I'm not sick except for a terminal disease?

I'm not.

I'm relieved. That's great. I'm saved!

I'm right here!

I'm sorry I was rude on the dock.

I'm sorry I was so grotesque last night.

I'm the daughter of the guy who hired you. Angelica Graynamore.

I'm totally untrustworthy. I'm a flibbertigibbet.

I'm very troubled.

I've always kept clear of my father's stuff since I was on my own...

I've been a dupe, a pawn.

I've been doing some soul searching lately. Know what I found out?

I've been miserable so long. Years of my life, wasted.

I've been too afraid to live my life, so I sold it to you...

I've fallen in love with you.

I've gotten the results of your tests.

I've looked.

I've never even slept with him.

I've never loved anybody. How did this happen?

If I had the need and the wherewithal, Mr. Banks...

If I had them now...

If I said that, I would have been wrong.

If I said that, I would have been wrong.

If the lights don't give you a headache, you must be dead!

If you have a choice between killing yourself, and...

If you have any savings, you might think about taking a trip.

If you treat this like a job instead of a welfare hospital, you'll shape up!

If you want to understand the universe, embrace it, the door is you.

If you're angry, why do you work for him?

If you're leaving, leave.

In the beginning I was full of piss and vinegar. Nothing got me down.

Is it catching?

Is it more gutsy to twice traverse a staircase in flames...

Is there a ceremony or anything?

Is this okay?

Isn't this romantic? Who gets a honeymoon like this?

It comes from some place.

It is my place to hope for my people.

It looks big. I like it.

It looks good, but I'm going to stay with it.

It looks like it's going to bust loose!

It really effects your dreams.

It stinks, but it's a great town.

It tastes like arsenic.

It was because of your insistence on so many tests that we discovered the problem.

It'll always be something with you, won't it?

It'll spread at a regular rate. It's very destructive.

It's 20 days from today before you'd have to jump into the volcano.

It's a sign of tremendous sophistication...

It's been 99 years, 11 months, and 11 days...

It's complicated.

It's even watertight. Tight as a drum.

It's great. I am glad. But the timing stinks.

It's my boat!

It's not catching, but I have just five or six months to live.

It's not painful.

It's okay.

It's taken me all my life to find out who I am, and I am tired now.

It's terrific.

It's the central preoccupation of my life.

It's very rare.

It's weird today, huh?

Joe Banks? Mr. Joe Banks?

Joe, nobody knows anything.

Kimosabesl

Kind of tired.

Know what?

Ladies and gentlemen, we're descending into Los Angeles.

Latitude: 10 degrees, 8 minutes south.

Let me buy you the tux and we'll call it even.

Let me call you back. I got something here.

Let me do what I have to do.

Lightning.

Like gold in my hand.

Like my sister. She's soul sick, too. If you'd slept with her...

Like my tux?

Listen Joe, What's this DeDe tells me about the catalogues?

Listen to me.

Listen to me. These are my last words.

Listen.

Live it well.

Live like a king, die like a man, I say.

Longitude: approximately 150 degrees, 18 minutes west.

Look, I don't know you.

Looks like we're in for a blow.

Lots of things. At the moment, you scare me a little.

Marry me.

Marshall, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?

May you live to be a thousand years old, sir.

Maybe he don't want to jump.

Maybe he ran away.

Maybe I should get a second opinion.

Maybe you should take me back to the hotel.

Maybe you're not so lucky...

Maybe, maybe.

Mayday!

Mayday! This is the Tweedle Dee.

Me? Why should I scare you?

Mike?

Mind if I call you Joe?

Mine is Marshall. How do you do?

Mr. Banks?

Mr. Waturi.

Mr. Waturi.

My advice to you is:

My father says the whole world is asleep.

My half sister. She's sailing you wherever you're going.

My name is Joseph or Joe.

My name is Samuel Harvey Graynamore.

My name's not Felix, it's Joe.

My throat is closing up.

My whole life I've been a victim.

My yacht's a beauty. Gourmet chef.

Neither you nor my father will tell me anything.

Never mind. Listen, Mr. Waturi.

No one is paying you to give me all this advice.

No way is anyone getting this.

No, I can't do it.

No, I didn't.

No, I never do!

No, I never really have.

No, it's fine.

No, Joe. Your whole life is ahead of you.

No, no, no.

No, okay, that's it.

No, we're not. We're going to be all right.

No, you don't.

No, you just jump in.

No!

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. It is my soul.

Nobody feels good.

None of my people say, "I'll go to my end for all of you. "

None of the Waponis are anxious for the honor of jumping into the Big Woo.

Nope.

Not a nice place you have, Joe.

Not good enough, Joe. Not nearly good enough!

Not just to explain some rude behavior...

Not much.

Nothing happened.

Nothing is wrong that has anything to do with your symptoms.

Nothing is wrong with you.

Nothing.

Now that I have some distance from the situation, I find that unbelievable.

Now, what's your situation? Explain it to me.

Of his own free will, a man has to jump into the volcano.

Of what?

Okay, don't tell me.

Okay, I won't.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

On and off since then. About eight years.

Once more, I will call upon the Waponis for a hero.

Only a few people are awake...

Patricia!

Patricia!

Patricia?

Patricia?

Peanuts?

Perhaps you'll want a second opinion.

Really?

Robinson Crusoe.

Romeo and Juliet.

Sail to the South Pacific in 15 days.

Same to you.

Sea scallops with three caviars.

See?

See? You know what you're scared of doing.

See? You never feel great.

She is?

Sit down.

Six months. You can count on it being about that.

So do I.

So some quack told you...

So you have things to yourself. I'm in the little stateroom.

So, let's arrange the funeral.

So, we're going to the island of Waponi Woo.

So, what are we hoping for here?

So, where would you like to go?

So, you got no clothes.

So, you'll spend the rest of your life on an island in the South Pacific?

Some things take care of themselves.

Something is wrong with my blood or urine?

Sorry.

Sounded like a dumb job. No family?

Stay tonight. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

Stop right there!

Stop that!

Suck! Suck!

Sure.

Swiss army knife, world band travel radio, shaving kit...

Take care of Patricia.

Take me to...

Thank you for my life.

Thank you, Chief.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. I feel great.

That leaves four years left over.

That looks delicious.

That makes everything okay, then.

That outfit is wearing you, Felix.

That sounds grim to me. Not the way I'd want to go, I'll tell you.

That was a long time ago.

That was brave.

That was totally awesome.

That's for you.

That's good news.

That's great. Don't come looking for a reference from me.

That's impossible.

That's life.

That's my father's doctor.

That's terrific.

That's the ironic part. Mr. Banks, you're a hypochondriac.

That's true.

That's why I want this boat. All I want to do is sail away.

The boys sleep in the hull. Dagmar usually sleeps on deck.

The cumulative anxiety of those brushes with death left you habitually fearful...

The Dungeness crabs.

The hard part was when I started never feeling good and had to quit.

The kind of clothes I'm wearing.

The main boom doesn't look secure!

The name means: "The little island with the big volcano. "

The next day you board a yacht. My competitors often watch the airports.

The ocean. The stars.

The Odyssey.

The Plaza is nice.

The Plaza.

The restaurant that had my painting up is my father's restaurant.

The same. I feel puffy and blotchy. I never have any energy.

The sunshine gets me down.

The Waponis are a cheerful people who live simply fishing and picking fruit.

The Waponis believe they need a human sacrifice or the island will sink.

The Waponis like this soda and no one will jump into the Big Woo.

The Waponis?

The Woo calls.

The Woo wants his flesh.

The work I did I probably could have done in six months.

Their one fear is that big volcano. They call it the Big Woo.

Then I'll be on an island.

Then I'm sailing to the South Pacific.

Then tomorrow, a plane to L.A. First class, naturally.

Then you went back for the third kid. That was heroic. You're a hero!

Then you will climb to the top of the Big Woo and jump in, okay?

Then, follow me.

Then...

There goes Waponi Woo.

There isn't anywhere else you can find more than a gram.

There's a mineral on that island, Mr. Banks, called bubureau.

There's a painting of mine right there.

There's a Tweedle Dum, too.

There's a typhoon warning.

There's an island in the South Pacific called Waponi Woo.

There's only so much time, and...

There's something going on with you.

There's something wrong with my brain.

These are yours if you take the job.

They believe...

They do look like little monsters.

They like orange soda?

They traded with this man, your father, for a hero.

They'll give me the mineral rights if I find them one.

They're fine.

They're not your job. Maybe not even your business.

Think about what I just said.

This is a great town.

This is company property.

This is it.

This is it.

This is not your bedroom, Joe. This is an office.

This is one of those conversations where we're open...

This is our premier steamer trunk.

This is Patricia Graynamore.

This is the light switch.

This life... Life, what a joke.

This morning you were like a lump.

This situation, this room...

Those are...

Three weeks ago, then two weeks ago.

Till now I've lived on a tiny island called Staten Island.

Tomorrow we'll do some fishing.

Tonight I'm going out in the city.

Tonight we will have a big feast.

Trying to see the hero in there.

Ukulele.

Very exciting...

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. I'm coming back.

Wait! Stop! Wait.

Want me to come up with you?

Want to wait it out in this apartment?

Waponis come out to meet you. A total red carpet situation.

Was it dangerous?

We are the children of children...

We better go.

We eat well aboard the Tweedle Dee.

We have no hero of our own.

We never know where our father is and always suspect the other one knows.

We'll be okay. The hatches and sails are down. We're ahead of the game.

We'll take this leap and we'll see.

We're done!

We're going to drown.

We're on a raft, no land in sight. I don't know.

We've been spotted.

Well, get ready to heave, Felix.

Well, I don't know.

Well, I'm not feeling very good, Mr. Waturi.

Well, it's...

Well, that's a problem.

Well, you're in a rotten mood.

Well; Pretty much since I left the fire department.

Well?

What am I going to do?

What are you doing!

What are you talking about? I don't feel good now.

What are you, a hypochondriac?

What could be worse than that?

What did Daddy hire you to do?

What did you do before you signed on with Daddy?

What did you do in the fire department?

What do I do?

What do you do?

What do you know about superconductors?

What do you say?

What do you think?

What do you want from me?

What does interest you?

What else is new? You never feel good.

What exactly is a typhoon?

What happened to the yacht?

What happened to you that you're so alive? I can see it.

What happened to you?

What is it now?

What is that?

What is that? A teddy bear?

What kind of clothes do you have now?

What other questions are there, really?

What scared you?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Maybe.

What'd you do?

What'll I do?

What's funny?

What's that mean?

What's that?

What's the matter?

What's the matter?

What's the matter?

What's the trunks, Felix?

What's with the shoe?

Where are you going?

Where are you?

Where do you get your ideas?

Where would you go?

Where would you go?

Where would you like to go shopping?

Where's my friend? Where is my friend?

Wherever we go, whatever we do...

Which has no symptoms. That's right.

Who am I? That's the real question. Who am I? Who are you?

Who said that? I didn't say that.

Who said that? I didn't say that.

Who told you that? No!

Why are you angry with him?

Why are you calling me Felix? My name is Joe.

Why are you dressed like Jungle Jim?

Why are you stopping?

Why aren't you dead?

Why aren't you dead?

Why did you talk so snotty back on the dock?

Why don't you do it? See what happens?

Why not?

Why shouldn't I?

Why would he...?

Why would I jump into a volcano?

Why would you do that?

Why, I ask myself, have I put up with you? I can't imagine.

Why?

Why? The Chief doesn't even want you to. Do you, Chief?.

Will there be anything else?

Will you meet me for breakfast?

Wine, women, and song in the sweetest paradise you ever saw.

Wow! What a change.

Yeah, but can he do the job?

Yeah, but...

Yeah, but...

Yeah, Harry, but can he do the job?

Yeah, Harry, I know he can get the job, but can he do the job?

Yeah, I guess I am. I was.

Yeah, it does.

Yeah, there was some pretty rough stuff, but I came out of it okay.

Yeah, tie that up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes, it does.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. No.

You better go. I'm telling you!

You blew this job.

You blew this job.

You came to stop the anger of the Woo?

You can depend on at least four or five months of perfect health.

You can't leave me on this stinking earth without you.

You could shop today. Get yourself clothes for an adventure.

You didn't get a second opinion about something called a brain cloud?

You didn't know?

You didn't.

You do favors for people you're mad at?

You do some trading.

You do?

You do?

You dragged two kids down a six story burning staircase.

You ever think about killing yourself?.

You experienced the imminent possibility of death several times.

You have no money. I checked.

You have some life left.

You have some time left, Mr. Banks.

You have to be at the boat by 10:00, but we can meet for breakfast.

You have to love and honor me for 30 seconds. You can't handle that?

You have to understand something about art.

You hired me to drive the car, not to tell you who you are.

You know, I put out fires.

You know...

You know...

You leave it hanging in the air like I'll fill in the blanks.

You look like a bag of shit stuffed in a cheap suit.

You look like a prince in a fairy tale.

You look terrible, Mr. Waturi.

You mean stop taking money and leave L.A.?

You mean, he set me up?

You must be tired.