Romancing the Stone Edit

A real man doesn't have to draw attention to his actions.

A real man is honest and forthright,

A very powerful man with his own private army to back him up.

Admit it. You planned this all along. I knew I couldn't depend on you.

All by yourself.

All I care about is my sister. And that map is her life.

All right, cousin. As usual, you got us in some serious shit here.

All right, muchachos. Bring the boat around!

All right!

All right.

All right.

All right. I'm gonna make a fire.

All right. Just let her go, will ya?

All right. Now you just head towards the sunset and you'll make it. And I'll be there.

All right. OK.

All this? About five to life in the States. A couple of centuries down here.

All you care about is yourself. I knew that from the moment I laid eyes on you.

And a hell of a lot healthier than dealing in this crap.

And another little tidbit, cousin.

And I am waiting for Angelina's Savage Secret.

And it's big enough to take map size?

And one more thing, Ira...

And remember, you mustn't tell anybody.

And that third party I told you about, he's tagging along.

And trustworthy.

And whether he calls himself Dr Zolo, Minister of Antiquities,

Angel, you are hell and gone from Cartagena. Cartagena's over there on the coast.

Angelina country. Right, Joan?

Another bus? Really?

Any big envelope?

Are we stopping?

Are you finished?

Are you French?

Around the world and back again.

At the moment his lips met mine, I knew that we would never again be apart.

Bastards had brothers

Be my guest.

Because I like you, Joan, and I hate to see you all alone,

Bell maker, my ass. That fuselage we slept in is probably one of Juan's lost shipments.

Birds just seemed to be a fast way to get what I wanted.

But have a drink. Let's hang out.

But have you seen them?

But I couldn't get over that ocean, you know.

But if there was one law of the West,

But suddenly there he was, my beloved Jessie.

But the bus will take you in the morning.

But the heart of what?

But very tasty.

But, Jack, if we have to give it up to save Elaine...

But, lady, it's kinda cute...

By the way, the mailman couldn't fit this into your box, so I told him I'd give it to you.

Came down here on a coffee boat about a year and a half ago, right?

Can any of you lovely gentlemen tell me where...

Can go.

Can I help you?

Can you imagine? Having your husband murdered.

Can you tell me what time we get to Cartagena?

Can you tell me where the nearest town is?

Can you tell me, is this bus going to Cartagena?

CARTAGENA, COLOMBIA

Cartagena?

Certainly not here.

Choke on it.

Christ, here they come.

Christ, what a job that was.

Colombia?

Come here, Romeo.

Come in.

Come in. Make yourself at home.

Come on back, Ira.

Come on, Ira. Let's forget this one. I got a real bad feeling about it.

Come on, you bastard. Give me a break.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Cops.

Cos you got a real live death scene going on right here.

Crocodiles shed tears when they eat their prey.

Damn it.

Damn.

Did you see that? That ugly, striped son of a bitch down there?

Died right in my arms.

Digging for treasure with you.

Do you know what it's like in Colombia? I do. You sell very well in these macho countries.

Don't give me that shit. I thought you were donating a kidney or something.

Don't I know you?

Don't mention my name. Cartagena cops and I go way back.

Don't yell at me, Ira. Don't yell at me.

Drinkin'? I could've been killed, and you're drinkin'?

Drop the map and back off.

Elaine is all right. They'll wait for me to take the bus tomorrow.

Elaine is in some trouble.

Elaine, I can't go to Colombia.

Elaine? I spoke to her last week. She's still in Colombia.

Elaine's last domestic problem was finding her husband cut into small pieces.

Even in Colombia.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Could you please tell me how to get to a telephone?

Excuse me. Gentlemen, we are in need of a car.

First of all, the stupid dame got on the wrong bus.

For Christ's sake, tell me the story.

Forever.

Forever. I don't know.

Get away from that door.

Get down!

Get in and drive. Move it.

Get in.

Get over there.

Get to the Hotel Cartagena in Cartagena.

Gloria, why do we always have to have this same conversation?

Gloria. I'm gonna be late.

God, I can't believe how this got to me.

God.

Goddamn bushmaster.

Goddamn it, what a ride, huh?

Goddamn it. I knew I should've listened to my mother.

Good.

Great. Thank you.

Guess who else is here?

Half a year's work just flew south for the winter, all right?

Has any mail been forwarded to you with Eduardo's handwriting on it?

Have they found her husband's body yet?

He entered the priesthood. So I took over the business.

He just won't quit.

He made you think you needed it, you sap.

He might have ended up hanging from El Tenedor del Diablo there.

He was the one man I trusted, the only man.

He's got it all. Go that way.

He's making do with the local yo yos.

He's still just a butcher.

Hell, yeah. Of course we give it up. But at least we've got the leverage to do it.

Hello?

Her husband died and I've come down here to comfort her.

Here it is.

Here's looking at you, Jessie.

Here's Romeo. I want you to promise me to feed him and hold him at least once a day.

Hey, Ira.

Hey, lady. How about a monkey for your nephew?

Hey, let's hit it. We're on a roll.

Hey, you're on the wrong bus!

Hey. That's Miss Wilder's apartment.

Hi.

Hit it.

Hold everything. Get a load of this character.

Hold them down! Let me get to the boat!

Holy shit!

Holy shit.

Hopeful romantic.

Hotel Cartagena. What do you care?

How about Lupe's Escape?

How is she holding up?

How is she? Have you heard from her?

How much?

How will you die, Joan Wilder?

Hurry.

I already did.

I am so glad you're here in Colombia. I want to show you all around my beautiful village.

I can't believe how fast you cranked this out.

I can't believe you're here. Joan Wilder.

I can't blame him. If I were to die, there's nowhere else on earth I'd rather be.

I could barely wait to feel the warmth of his touch.

I could've been a cosmetic surgeon. 500,000 a year, up to my neck in tits and ass.

I couldn't stop thinking about you. I even read one of your books.

I demand this car in the name of the law.

I did.

I don't care.

I don't know.

I figure I lost close to 15,000 bucks in that bus crash.

I finished, sweetheart. You wanna celebrate?

I got you something.

I guess so.

I had it in my hands, Ira.

I have a car. I am not Tarzan.

I have been through every one horse shithole for a 200 mile radius.

I haven't done anything lately.

I hid the treasure inside the statue.

I knew I should have listened to my mother.

I knew then that we would spend the rest of our lives together.

I know how hard you've been working. I know you're upset about your sister.

I know, but she's my sister.

I like your boots.

I lost my langostino.

I love the end where he dives in and swims away.

I mean it. I'm tellin' ya, I'm impressed. I am.

I mean, this is exactly what I'm talking about.

I missed you at the hotel.

I need to get to Cartagen...

I need you to bring that map to me in Colombia.

I promise you we'd do that.

I read your books. I read all your books. Come in.

I said, are you hurt?

I saw that tree today, the Devil's Fork, that's on the map.

I spit on 'em. I hate americanos. They're scumo. Scum.

I suppose...

I think your writing's hot. It's great.

I told him to get out, now that he had what he came for.

I was into shortcuts.

I was thinking about what you said, about having more to bargain with.

I went to college.

I will never hurt you. I can't hurt you. We got the same blood.

I'd like that.

I'd love to see you on that boat.

I'd really like to know.

I'd take you and sail away.

I'll be goddamned.

I'll do it.

I'll feed him, but I'm not picking him up.

I'll give you it for $10. Great deal.

I'll meet you there. Trust me.

I'll pay you $250.

I'll pay you. You don't understand. It's a matter of life and death...

I'll show you.

I'm going up, introducing myself to every cop in the pueblo?

I'm great. I'm fine.

I'm Joan Wilder.

I'm not gonna let you do this. You cannot go!

I'm shooting at a cop.

I'm so honored to have you here.

I'm sorry I cannot take you to Cartagena. Beyond this town I am a wanted man.

I'm sorry I even dragged you to this place. I just wanted you to get out.

I'm sorry to bother you.

I'm sorry. I haven't introduced myself. I'm Juan. I live here.

I'm stealin' this stone. I'm not tryin' to romance it out from under her.

I'm telling you, this is turning out to be one hell of a morning.

I'm very sorry. I'm really sorry.

I've been reading your books all these years.

If they're hiking through the jungle, there's nothin' I can do about it.

If this isn't genuine...

If you did that, I never would have met you.

If you had any kind of manners...

If you've pulled a fast one...

In about five minutes, everything I own is gonna be wet. So could you lighten up?

In fact, over that mountain the river becomes wild. Muy peligroso.

Ira!

Ira...

Is for the best. I'm not so reckless.

Is it poisonous?

Is nothing that I own sacred to you?

Is there anybody who isn't following you?

Is this the bus to Cartagena?

Is this the bus to Cartagena?

It made me cry. Don't tell anybody or I'll cut your heart out.

It means "mother's milk".

It was Grogan the filthiest, dirtiest, dumbest excuse for a man west of the Missouri River.

It's a piss poor idea. It's nothing but trouble.

It's a priceless statue.

It's beautiful.

It's Bumble Bee, kiddo.

It's cool.

It's just beautiful.

It's my way of living in another age.

It's no problem.

It's OK.

It's OK.

It's really nice. Your boyfriend'll love it. It's kinda kinky.

It's the truth.

It's time I had a chauffeur, Miss Wilder.

It's turned into a bitch of a day.

Jack Colton!

Jack!

Jack?

Jack.

Jesus Christ, we're in a lot of trouble.

Jesus Christ! What the hell happened to my birds?

Joan Wilder,

Joan Wilder, welcome to Colombia.

Joan Wilder! What a comeback!

Joan Wilder?

Joan Wilder? The Joan Wilder?

Joanie, please. Don't go.

Joanie, please...

Joanie, you are now a world class hopeless romantic.

Joanie?

Joanie?

Joanie?

Joanie?

Jump.

Just a little more.

Just so you know, I spare no expense when I celebrate.

Just the one piece.

Just the two of us.

Just try to look mean.

Lady, I hope you're taking notes,

Lady, you are a jinx.

Lady, you are bad news.

Later.

Let's go for it.

Let's go.

Let's kiss off this Third World toilet.

Like hell it is. Whatever's at the end of this map is your sister's life.

Like it? I can be in one of your books.

Listen to me. Listen very carefully.

Listen to me. You get bus sick, seasick, plane sick, train sick.

Listen, I got a room in the hotel.

Little sister took the wrong road.

Look at these snappers, will ya?

Look at this guy. Mr. Mondo dizmo. I used to date him.

Look at those snappers, will ya?

Look at those snappers.

Look at those snappers.

Look out your window.

Look out!

Look, Jack.

Look, you wanna kill me?

Look.

Look. We've stolen enough of these antique trinkets

Loser. Loser.

Major loser.

Mama, I'm home.

Man, I tell ya... one hell of a morning.

Man, I thought you drowned.

Maybe it's silly, but I know that there is somebody out there for me.

Mine too.

Miss Wilder! She got on the wrong bus. This is terrible.

Mother's milk?

Mounties!

Move it.

Mrs. Irwin, why won't you take the elevator?

Must have been mailed just before he...

My God. What kind of trouble are you in?

My heart leapt as I watched him ride near.

My Jeep is totaled.

My minimum price for taking a stranded woman to a telephone is $400.

Never been anybody's best time before.

Never wear 'em.

No phones. I hate phones. I don't have a phone.

No problem. My little mule is fireproof.

No, he's just not...

No, it's a cargo plane.

No, no. I was...

No, thank you.

No, you can't talk to her till I get it.

No!

No. Hopeful.

No. This is lovely...

No. Yes, all my clothes and things.

Nobody else around.

Not bad for a little mule, eh?

Not only are we kidnappers, but I'm about to have a close encounter with a cattle prod.

Not quite, angel.

Now I'm stuck in some kind of spicko military compound.

Now move it, before Batman comes home.

Now Pepe's warming up.

Now what about him?

Now, I ain't cheap, but I can be had.

Of all the things you can say to me right now,

Of course.

Oh, God, do I love those flyboys.

Oh, God, that's good.

Oh, hi, Ma. It's me, Irving.

Oh, marijuana.

Oh, my God, Romeo. Is that the time?

Oh, no, don't!

Oh, no.

Oh, no. Talk about breaks.

Oh, pumpkin, I never get in an elevator alone. You know rapists.

Oh, she'll be fine. Elaine always manages.

Oh, was that the first moment when I saved your ass?

Oh, yeah? Where?

Oh, yes. I will catch them up. Let's go!

Oh, you smoke it?

Oh, you speak English. Good.

Oh, your drink. I got Southern Comfort.

OK, Gloria.

OK, Joan Wilder. Write us out of this one.

OK, let's make some time.

OK, Pepe, let's lose 'em.

OK. Here's what we gotta do. Get to the American consulate. Tell 'em everything.

One last big one. Trust me, Ralph.

Only one car in village. Juan, the bell maker.

Only you're on that side.

Only your $375.

Or Colonel Zolo, Deputy Commander of the Secret Police,

Or fast like a shooting star?

Or Michelob, Kirin, Becks, Dos Equis, Perrier, Anchor Steam, Doctor Brown...

Or slower than the molasses in January.

Over here.

Put the goods in the bag.

Quick, like the tongue of a snake,

Ralph, goddamn it, I don't care what you gotta do. Just get me that map.

Ralph, how many times do I have to tell you? It's not in the country.

****d and murdered my sister, burned my ranch,

Read it and weep. I always do.

Right. Yeah, it's the truth.

Romantic novelist, my ass.

Romeo, Romeo. Where art thou, Romeo?

Romeo. Oh, baby.

See how you like being stuck in...

See if there's some kind of treasure map inside.

See over there by the fence? That's where my mother was born.

See that tree? The third tree up the ridge? My brother planted that tree.

See the fort across the bay? The tower?

See, you gotta figure sulphur crested cockatoos,

See? You're completely unprepared. Wait a minute.

She has a little domestic problem.

She's coming right toward the phone booth.

She's with some guy.

Shot my dog and stole my Bible.

Slow like a snail?

So do I.

So don't give me any of your crap, you gutless wonder.

So that's what I want.

So we're sitting right in the middle of it.

So you made it finally.

So you're just gonna sail away, all by yourself?

Some love letter.

Somebody out there's got a really sick sense of humor.

Somebody's gonna get killed, and you fart around with prehistoric animals.

Someday, if I had the money,

Son of a bitch!

Sounds lonely, Jack T Colton.

Stop it!

Stop right there.

Sure he is. You're bringing him what he wants the map.

Sure.

Take 'em off. Do it.

Take it. I have many copies. I have here The Ravagers

Take me back to Queens and kill me. Don't let me die in a jungle like a goddamned snake.

Tenedor del Diablo.

Thank you, but I really don't need a monkey.

Thank you, Jack.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That ain't a bridge. It's goddamn pre Columbian art.

That poor old yellow tailed guy developed a fatal case of indigestion.

That river is impossible to cross for 200 miles in either direction.

That was the end of Grogan, the man who killed my father,

That way. He's gettin' away.

That woman makes me hungry.

That's Spanish for "the heart".

That's what all the good con artists want you to think.

The bell maker.

The Devil's Fork.

The Doobie Brothers broke up.

The greatest novelist. Get the door, please.

The kid's here with the broad. They're taking her to the boat.

The least I can do is buy you dinner. Looks like it's gonna be a helluva party.

The men in the village.

The plane from New York, has it arrived yet?

The...

Then he meets her at the airport. They sail off around the world together.

Then we give it up. It's your sister.

Then you could waltz into Cartagena. You're holding all the cards.

Then you got gentle red tails. They're close to 2,000 each.

Then you got something to bargain with.

Then you know how they all end.

There are schedules to be maintained,

There it is. That's the shrine.

These hands that are gonna break every bone in your body.

They already have the stone.

They go for about 800 a shot.

They have jungles there, Joanie. Insects the size of sanitation trucks.

They know nothing. They are peasants.

They meant my little mule, Pepe.

They told you I had a car? They're such comedians.

They'll cut me. They'll hurt me.

They're mobilizing for Iwo Jima here.

This can't be all. There's gotta be another clue.

This guy who's following you, he's very persistent.

This has got to be it.

This is a trail?

This is Elaine's favorite drink.

This is it. You got rush hour.

This is Juanita Wilder, who writes the books I read to you on Saturdays.

This kidnapping stuff makes me real nervous.

This map here leads to the heart.

This map is nothing.

This may be a good time to try on those shoes.

To keep us living comfortably for the rest of our lives.

Too angry. Too vague.

Too desperate. God, too happy.

Total sleaze bucket.

Trustworthy.

Try the key.

Try to get enough money together, buy a boat, sail around the world.

Turn the car around. Let's go!

Understatement of the year, asshole.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Going for the stone was my idea.

Wait a minute. He's after you.

Wait a minute. My first book, Treasures of Lust,

Wait!

Wait.

Wait.

Waiting for somebody who's not gonna show up.

Waterfall.

Waterfalls, rapids.

We all did.

We can't get across that.

We dug. We didn't find anything.

We have colorful tile roofs, typical cobblestone streets, and very rich fields.

We have to get to a town.

We shouldajust rifled her room.

We understand that you have a car. We would like to rent or buy it.

We're gonna hold them off right from here. You just stay right behind me.

We're not two people. We are one person. Would I hurt me?

Welcome to my humble house.

Well,

Well, a lot of people get sick in department stores.

Well, honey, looks like we're gonna have to wait just a little longer.

Well, I guess this is it.

Well, I was inspired.

Well, landmarks change, things grow. All that stuff, you know.

Well, looky here.

Well, that is far and away your best book.

Well, they don't have to know about this.

Well, we've all got our problems today, don't we?

Well, you never asked me.

Were you always into birds?

What about the bridge?

What am I?

What are we gonna do now?

What are we gonna do now?

What are you talking about?

What do you call this I'm livin' in? A pigsty?

What do you want, seriously?

What do you...

What does Leche de la Madre mean?

What does the T stand for?

What else did he tell you?

What is all this?

What is it you want?

What the hell are you doing?

What the hell do they want?

What the hell you talkin' about? We went over a waterfall.

What the hell...?

What?

What?

What?

What'd you do? Wake up this morning and say,

What's it gonna be, Angelina?

What's the matter? Paralyzed from the neck up? Are you hurt?

What's the name of that hotel in Cartagena?

What's this?

What's your name?

Whatever happened to Lupe?

When you arrive, call this number.

Where do you think you're going, pal? Come on. Cough it up.

Where is it?

Where is it?

Where is it?

Where is the heart? Where is the stone?

Where you goin'? Quit steering. You're not going anywhere.

Where's my suitcase?

Who seemed to ride forever.

Who? Jessie?

Whoever you are.

Why don't you go get cleaned up? I'll buy us some new rags.

Why haven't you taken the map away from me?

Will you stop worrying? Have I ever hurt you?

Wimp. Wimp.

Would you please do me the courtesy of looking at me when I'm speaking to you?

Would you tell me what's going on? Why are you doing this?

Wow.

Yeah, I love the ocean.

Yeah, that's what I call a campfire.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Complete.

Yeah. We have one in the back.

Yeah. Your best way to help Elaine is to get that treasure.

Yeah...

Yes, I understand. I'll do that.

Yes. Cartagena.

You always were.

You and I ought to have a talk.

You and your sister...

You are American.

You are the luckiest son of a bitch that walked the face of the earth. She's here.

You ba...!

You brainless broad. You let him follow you here.

You can die two ways, angel.

You don't have to walk. Another bus will come along.

You gonna tell me about that sister of yours?

You got any dry matches in here?

You got any valuables in that suitcase?

You have been an embarrassment to me and the whole family ever since you were born.

You have heard of these tears, I am sure.

You hear that?

You hold back. This one, I'll handle.

You know what's creepy? I got this package from Eduardo.

You know, you just gotta get out there all by yourself.

You meet me there in two hours,

You need little mule to use Lupe's Escape.

You OK?

You OK?

You practically puke riding on the escalator at Bloomingdale's!

You ready?

You said you lost everything you owned.

You see? There you go. You have no finesse, no style.

You shoulda seen the river I had to traverse this morning.

You take a water taxi right outside your hotel.

You want to know something crazy?

You wouldn't have a Xerox machine around here, would ya?

You'll need something stronger than that.

You're a man who takes money from stranded women.

You're crazy.

You're goddamned right, Zolo. He got in my car.

You're gonna be all right, Joan Wilder.

You're gonna lose a lot more than that.

You're just... You're a mondo dizmo.

You're my cousin, Ira. Don't you remember?

You're not up to this, Joan, and you know it.

You're OK now.

You're the best time I've ever had.

You're what?

Your mother, my mother.

Zolo.

64 58 24.

200.

$375. That was the contract, right? Yeah. That was it.

A dope...? Come on, let's go.

Are you writing this down? Yes.

Assemble your men! Yes, sir!

Back off me, creep. Just back off. Oh, I'm the creep, huh? At least I'm honest.

But it was October... I'll kill ya, damn it, if it's the Fourth of July.

But they told me this bus... Who told you that?

Can we get there in your car? Who told you I had a car?

Can you hear me? Elaine? I can't talk right now.

Come back here, Ira. Jump, Ralph.

Do they know who you are? What do you think?

Do you know where you're going? Looks like a trail.

Elaine, it's been a pleasure. You're leaving? You're leaving me?

Ever read The Return of Angelina? No.

Excuse me. I'd really like to know. Colton. Jack T Colton.

For five. What?

Friendly, aren't they? Drug runners.

Got the map? Yes. I brought it. I want to talk to Elaine.

Has he got his boys with him? No, no, no.

Has Jack Colton checked in? In the last two minutes, no.

Hello? Hello, Joan?

Hi. Hi, pumpkin.

Hit the road. Amigo, you don't understand...

How about a Xerox machine? Yes, but she is broken.

How about Love's Wicked Kiss? I haven't read that either.

How about Miami? Will there be another bus?

How soon? Very soon.

I can't believe I'm doing this. What?

I can't swim. You know that, Ira. I'll come back for you.

I can't. I'm your publisher. I'm ordering you to.

I have to get to Cartagena. Cartagena?

I knew it would happen. You knew what would happen?

I think I'll throw another key on the fire. No, please. I'm getting dizzy.

I was born here, and so was my poor family. What I really want is a phone.

I'll call you, OK? Come on. Have another grasshopper.

I'm in trouble. Elaine, please.

In a safe place. Where is it?

Is anybody else in there? No.

It feeds into the Amazon. The one without the bridge.

It is the water supply for many villages. What do you mean, without the bridge?

It used to happen to bandidos. El Tenedor del Diablo?

It's very imp... Lady.

Joanie, I am in real trouble. What's the matter?

Leche de la Madre? Yeah. It's on the map.

Let me see the map. Let me see Elaine.

Let me see the map. Where are you?

Let's dance. I can't.

Look. Goddamn it, Ralph. Get that map.

Mrs. Irwin, you're a tease. I know, but I keep hoping for you, pumpkin.

No, lady. I don't have any idea. I'm sorry. It's very important that I get one.

No. Good.

Not my sense of humor. I'll pay you $100.

Number seven. Seven? That's my lucky number.

Of course. You got a deal.

OK, here we go. What?

Please, I need your help. That's my new career, huh?

Ralph, you little twerp, where are you? Calm down, Ma. Who says I never call?

Revolutionaries. Have you had your shots? Shots? What shots?

See that river? The one without the bridge?

She doesn't know where it is. I've got it. Where is it?

She's there? She's right here.

So you really like it? Like it? Look at me. I'm a mess.

Terrible disappointment to family. I can imagine.

That man that... That nice man who pulled a gun on you.

That's great. Slide, man. You're covered. I don't know. He sounded so smug.

The man who killed my husband? The butcher who killed your husband.

There's no way across this sucker. You did this on purpose.

These were Italian. Now they're practical.

This guy's crazier than I am. Gracias. Yeah.

Wait. Deal's off, lady.

We can't cross. We won't catch them up.

What are we stopping for? I can't hurt my favorite pig.

What are you doing here? I told you. My sister's life depends on me.

What are you doing? I'm hot wiring the car.

What do you want, gringo? You speak English? That's great.

What does the T stand for? Goddamn it, man.

What the hell ya doin'? That field was cover. I wanted to show you this other field.

What? I don't even know your name.

What? The purse.

What's the matter? Nothing.

What's the matter? You sick? No. I lost my button.

When did that happen? How long have you been down here?

When? Soon.

Where are you going? They might even believe you.

Where are you running off to? I've got to get to my publisher's.

Where is the nearest phone? Many miles from here.

Where is the stone? I don't...

Where the hell are you goin'? Where am I goin'?

Where the hell you going? Lupe's Escape. I used it often in the past.

Which way do we go? Follow that stone.

Who the hell are you? I'm a romance novelist.

Who? That bastard that's got Elaine.

Yeah, all the rooms have baths. That's great. You speak English too.

Yes. Oh. Honey...

You all right? Yeah.

You are Joan Wilder, the novelist? Yes, I am.

You got a good pair of walking shoes? They're all like these.

You got an umbrella? No.

You got the map. Well, you've got the stone.

You know how close we are? Sure, but what's that got to do with it?

You lost what? I lost my button.

You mean he's a drug de...? Don't say that word out loud, OK?

You OK? Sure.

You promise? I'll send the boat back for you, Ralph.

You've never even read the book. I know.

Zolo. Well, give the man a cigar.

...End.

"I've lost her", Ralph, is gonna get the most teeth broken in your mouth.

"Today I'm gonna ruin a man's life"?

$9. $8, bottom line.

$50?