The Back-up Plan Edit

A little blood. Quite normal.

A napkin, trough?

A week ago, I didn't even know she was pregnant...

About a month ago.

About my exam.

About the future.

Actually, it was through my dog, Nuts.

Actually, my parents died when l was young.

All of a sudden, everything is just so crystal clear.

All right, this one says, "most natural nipple."

All right, we just made love.

All right? Just give me your sperm.

All right. But I can't let you walk home alone...

Allow me.

An outfit to bring the babies home in from the hospital.

And a wax.

And check out the strollers on aisle six, because they're awesome.

And different.

And happy.

And I need to thank one person for giving me the courage to do it.

And I think it went all to my ass.

And I'm not going anywhere.

And I'm okay on my own.

And if he feels it, what choice do l have?

And it's brought me the most incredible luck.

And now all of a sudden you're having a posse.

And now that I've thrown all my plans out the window...

And she didn't know how not to sleep with everyone who worked there...

And so they're interacting based on energy and also the nose....

And that dress is

And the thing that's the clearest...

And then a small moment happens...

And then awful, awful, awful.

And then I met you.

And then it wasn't.

And these are the aged raw milk cheeses. Now

And we have twins, so double it again.

And what I want more than anything else in the world...

And you have twins.

And you've made me the happiest man alive.

Are you already a single mother or are you trying to become one?

Are you coming on to me right now? It's kind of hard to tell.

Are you gonna leave now?

Are you gonna see him again?

Are you ready for a posse?

Are you still in there?

As the name suggests, we are all single, mothers...

Baby time!

Be quiet.

Because I love their mommy.

Because I wanted a baby.

Because I wanted a family.

Because I would show it to you. I will show it to you just to prove...

Because if l stay in school, I can only work part time.

Because if we weren't just friends, I'd kiss you right now.

Because if you really like him, as soon as that happens...

Because Nana's not gonna live forever...

Because the future is now.

Because this is more than you bargained for.

Besides, I'm not pregnant.

Breast to face.

Breast to face. There is no better bond that could be made.

Breathe, breathe.

Breathe.

Buck naked Friday while the maid cleans your living room.

Buck naked Fridays in the family room. Buck naked Wednesdays.

Buck naked. Buck naked. Naked.

But I wasn't trying to soak you. I swear!

But just tell me, okay? So I can be prepared.

But maybe I'm different now.

But that's right now, so in 1 8 years, it'll be double that, at least.

But there's a place here that sells them.

But this guy, he's special. And now the whole thing's gonna fall apart.

But tonight, just, you know, be surprised.

But we didn't take any pictures.

But why?

But you have to promise me that from now on...

But you know I'm right.

But you want to see ours, right?

By the way, I know an excellent support group for single moms...

By the way, my boyfriend and I do custom work.

Bye.

Bye.

Can I ask you a serious question, Zoe?

Can I have a sample? What's it like?

Can we calm down, get ready for the book signing?

Can you do that?

Can you?

Can your thing wait just a few minutes?

Can't she use somebody else?

Cesar should write a book about that one.

Charlie, Roxy, meet me at the bathroom.

Cheese, wine, bread, prepared foods, but everything local.

Clearly, you don't have that many friends.

Clive, you're my friend. Don't you want to help me?

Come here.

Come here.

Come here.

Come on, everyone. lt's happening.

Come on, I've been through it before.

Come on, let me just finish your makeup.

Come on.

Come on. Everything's gonna be great.

Come on. She's about to get into the water.

Come over here for a minute.

Created and Encoded by Bokutox of www.YIFY TORRENTS.com. The Best 720p/1080p/3d movies with the lowest file size on the internet. World of Warcraft Outland PVP (EU) Torporr (name)

Cutest puppy you have ever seen. Six months later, he almost dies.

Dada!

Dakota was born right here.

Dakota was born right here. Right where you're sitting, actually.

Damn it, Nuts.

Damn right, I'm scared. Yeah.

Did I get it?

Did you buy a new dress for our date tonight?

Did you buy that dress to wear for me tonight?

Did you follow me here?

Did you just ?

Ding.

Do you even have a dog?

Does anyone else have anything in the meantime...

Don't beg, Nuts.

Don't even get me started on what childbirth does to your bladder.

Don't freak out. It requires very little commitment.

Don't look at me like that.

Don't say it like that. You make it sound dirty.

Don't talk about Penny's poop when I'm about to kiss you.

Don't think I'm pregnant anyway. Doctor says it takes a few tries.

Don't worry about them. They can't hear anything anyway.

Don't you tell me it's gonna be okay!

Double whammy.

Every day. Now I can't touch her. I can barely go near her.

Every story is different, but with the same common denominator.

Everybody, get out there and shake those titanium hips.

Everyone says it's so beautiful.

Everything makes sense.

Exactly. When a human wants to meet a dog:

Except for the lack of sleep, free time...

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Can I help you?

Excuse me. This is my cab.

Fine.

First kiss?

First time I hear that ticking clock and I'm not freaking out.

Five minutes later, it was over. I barely felt a thing.

Follow you?

For years, l never thought about the future. I just lived in the moment.

From inception to graduation, everything in between.

From the moment you stole my cab...

Get the mirror, Stan! I will rip your throat out!

Getting pregnant or lying to me about it?

Give it back!

Give me that. Give it to me.

Go away.

Go on, go on. Good, good, good. Go on, go on, go on.

Go on. Go on. Go on.

Go.

Gonna get through this. Everything's gonna be fine.

Great.

Hallelujah!

Hang on.

Have you got a jacket or something?

Have you gotten to page 279 yet?

Have you seen my vagina? I mean, have you?

Haven't even had the babies and everything's changed.

He always told me he didn't want kids.

He can teach me how to make cheese. We can live off the land.

He could be a total douche bag and then the whole thing is moot.

He didn't stick around.

He had red hair and freckles? Why'd you do that?

He has to pick up.

He wasn't gonna leave, was he?

He's been taking care of me for 22 years. I just didn't want to admit it.

He's eating sand.

He's fine. Happens all the time.

He's hot.

He's nobody. And even if he was somebody, it doesn't matter...

He's nobody. He's just some guy.

He's the perfect boyfriend. He'll never let you down.

Hello.

Here comes the head!

Hey, all right.

Hey, babe. Hey. You want some breakfast?

Hey, beat it, pal. All right?

Hey, I was just coming by to see if you were okay.

Hey, I'm just being honest.

Hey, son.

Hey, that's your dream.

Hey, there's a penny right there.

Hey, what do you have there, son?

Hey, you two should get in here.

Hey. Look.

Hey. You're still coming over tonight, right?

Hi, Nutsy!

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. What a nice surprise. How did you know l worked here?

His name is Stan, and he's fantastic.

Hold that thought.

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

Honey, you can't wear sweats. This is important.

Honey, you don't always have to be so strong.

How did this happen?

How did you do that here in this chair?

How did you find me?

How do you know?

How embarrassing. Look at that.

How long do we have to stay here?

How many babies are you having?

How much money did you spend? Where are we gonna put all this?

How old do you think l am?

How's your great mood now?

I am not shy. It is really quite beautiful.

I bought him at this fancy pet store near my house.

I called the store. Said it was an emergency.

I called you a hundred times. I wanted you at the wedding.

I can do it. If you want to let me. Grab the strap.

I can rephrase that.

I can't believe you kept that.

I can't believe you're pregnant.

I can't find any exit signs behind the purple flowers.

I can't get up.

I can't handle it. You broke my heart. You completely destroyed me.

I can't imagine spending another minute apart.

I can't imagine.

I can't.

I didn't exactly

I didn't know you'd been together that long.

I didn't order this.

I didn't.

I don't even know if I like kids.

I don't ever want to see that again.

I don't expect you to expect me to stay.

I don't expect you to stay.

I don't have a girlfriend.

I don't have half a million a year. I'm in night school.

I don't know exactly what your relationship is.

I don't know what else to do. What else am I supposed to do?

I don't know, baby. It was just

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. Even though I have more balance...

I don't know. He's very real. And funny.

I don't think so. Just let me get it sideways.

I don't think you're ready for this.

I don't want to see that. I want a baby.

I examined every possibility and arrived at the most logical conclusion.

I gained three more pounds this week.

I get it, I get it. Been a long time since you've had, you know.

I got it.

I gotta go to the hospital. I gotta go.

I guess this would be that moment, huh?

I had no idea it was this serious. You're having a baby?

I had this idea to use these two different types of goat's milk...

I had to move back in with my parents, work myself out of debt...

I hate them. Do you smell pee?

I have a feeling that you and...

I have a plan.

I have kids, okay?

I have money saved.

I have more women to bed before I do something as idiotic as having a baby.

I have rhythm all of a sudden.

I have to make some muffins for some bullshit teacher appreciation day.

I just got two of everything. Look, baby Village People.

I just need to sit here, you know?

I just saw the ultrasound. The one that goes inside.

I kind of want the whole group there when it happens.

I knew this would happen someday. I wasn't prepared

I knew you'd like it.

I know how to milk a goat. Does that do anything for you?

I know that you don't trust people.

I know that you would never see this through.

I know what you need.

I know you learned it from me, but it's no good. What does it get you?

I know, I know. I'm sorry.

I know.

I know.

I know. I'm sorry.

I know. Isn't it amazing...

I know. This is a big mess we're in.

I know. We keep running into each other. It's crazy.

I lay down, put my feet over my head.

I lied to you, you lied to me.

I like him, Nana.

I love you.

I made this big decision to do this thing.

I make a move in the middle of the night...

I mean, I got this great life...

I mean, I know who it is. I just don't know his name, exactly.

I mean, no wonder you got a sperm donor.

I mean, you always look really pretty, but tonight you look especially pretty.

I met this Swedish girl during my semester abroad and....

I miss my old ass.

I need my pillow.

I need that pillow, okay? I can't sleep.

I need to know.

I need to talk to you for two seconds.

I need to turn over! I need to turn over, please!

I never heard back after the vote, so I just assumed that I was out.

I never met the right guy and I thought that if I waited any longer...

I pick out the worst ones and I pretend I made them.

I picked out names with you.

I really want to stay.

I really want to take the next step. I really want to move on with my life.

I saved this from the very first day we met.

I see another heartbeat.

I shouldn't have seen that.

I split my dress. And I didn't want to go. How about that?

I still haven't found "the one," so that's why I'm....

I think I just peed a little bit.

I think I owe you another dress. And I definitely owe you another date.

I think my water just broke.

I think you're tired of being alone. Haven't met the right guy.

I thought about it. Then I thought:

I thought I'd be married with kids by now...

I thought it was terrifying.

I thought you were gonna put that huge thing

I want some of that too.

I want to see you take a bite of that. I don't believe you're gonna eat it.

I want to start a sustainable gourmet shop, okay?

I wanted a baby and I thought I had to do it alone.

I was 8 years old when she died.

I was fine with my plan.

I was inspired.

I was very important. You would've been impressed.

I was worried about you after the exam.

I wasn't good at marriage.

I wasn't good at running a bed and breakfast.

I wasn't planning to meet anybody.

I will never sleep again without that pillow.

I will never tell.

I'd like that.

I'll call you.

I'll figure out a way to make enough money.

I'll give you a taste of my cheese.

I'll wait by the phone.

I'm 3.

I'm a student. I'm still in school. I go at night.

I'm confused. Why'd you say you'd come in the first place?

I'm confused. You said this is what you wanted.

I'm fine. I'm good.

I'm getting married.

I'm getting take out too. Let's walk together to the same place...

I'm gonna be out here, okay?

I'm gonna fix it.

I'm gonna go get a little air. I'm feeling a little

I'm gonna have a baby!

I'm gonna have a baby.

I'm gonna hurl that thing into the fucking holy water.

I'm gonna kill Mona.

I'm good at ideas. I'm just not good with follow through.

I'm great. I'm great.

I'm just emotional.

I'm just getting used to us as a couple.

I'm just not interested in men right now, okay?

I'm Mona. So how do you two not know each other?

I'm not calming down.

I'm not exactly thinking straight.

I'm not going to his house, okay? He walked away from me.

I'm not really sure what's happening here.

I'm pregnant.

I'm pregnant.

I'm pregnant.

I'm pretty sure it doesn't happen that fast.

I'm scared I'm gonna have these babies...

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, but not tonight, okay? Okay?

I'm sorry, did you just call me a stupid head?

I'm sorry.

I'm still here.

I'm sweaty and dizzy.

I'm trying to call you and doing the conga. My dress is falling.

I'm with child.

I'm worried about you.

I've been inseminated.

I've been to every doctor's appointment with you.

I've been up all night watching Orca give birth.

I've had this dress for a long time. It's just I haven't worn it yet...

I've kept it this whole time.

I've known you for 30 years.

I've wanted this for so long.

If he said it, he thinks it. If he thinks it, then he feels it.

If I had a dollar for every time I heard that.

If I were with a real guy doing this, I would've gotten a pedicure.

If I work part time, I can't afford our expenses. I need to work.

If I'm not, then my dog is.

If she was here, she would probably let me feed from her teat.

If someone hails a cab and it pulls up, you can't jump in and say it's yours.

If we don't assert leadership over our dogs...

If you don't go, I'll go.

If you think you are getting into this Dumpster

If you're gonna use a bottle, which we do not advocate...

Imagine that. Funny.

In a year's time, this is just gonna be a funny memory, right?

In her vagina?

In other words, in the dog world...

In that case....

In this very room.

Inseminated. Makes me feel like a cow or something.

Is he a farmer?

Is my nose bleeding? You punched me.

Is someone looking for you?

Is that my chicken? What are you doing?

Is that what it is? I thought it was me.

Is this new? "The Zoe?"

It finally hit me. This man loves me, and I love him.

It has two hearts?

It is gonna be okay!

It just happened.

It lasted like three seconds. I didn't know how to run an inn.

It means that I take care of myself, just like you always did.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

It was a battle, but they finally fell asleep.

It was amazing.

It was an important lesson for me.

It was kind of like this ass, but way hotter.

It was like over the top amazing.

It was my cab.

It's a bit overwhelming, huh?

It's a donor from a sperm bank.

It's a Twin X Deluxe, the Rolls Royce of strollers. Isn't it awesome?

It's been two weeks now...

It's big.

It's Bisphenol A, and you do not want it.

It's gonna be okay.

It's great!

It's important not to interrupt the dog...

It's just

It's just happening so fast.

It's just me and my grandmother now.

It's just not happening for me.

It's just that stew was so delicious.

It's like this all day, every day, man. I feel like I'm drowning...

It's no big deal.

It's not just about the money.

It's perfect.

It's really something.

It's so lucky.

It's still nighttime. Are you okay?

It's stubborn, overly suspicious and distrustful of men.

It's such a small thing, but I think about it all the time.

It's sweet...

It's the one that was tails up. You flipped it to heads.

It's too early to go through the abdomen, you see.

It's your custom stroller, the Twin X Torpedo.

Jesus, what is that?

Just breathe through it. It's gonna be okay.

Just give me a boost.

Just like you were never gonna stay with Stan.

Just relax. Breathe.

Just seeing you and Stan together, how happy you are.

Just shut up, okay?

Just something I was thinking about. It's no big deal.

Keep breathing. Pump those arms.

Knock, knock.

Let go right now!

Let go.

Let me guess. You fell in love and got married.

Let me see.

Let's start over.

Like what you see?

Like, maybe I can be a stay at home mom.

Listen. How do I know when things get tough, you won't just run away again?

Little school shoes, little backpacks.

Lived in New York your whole life, never gone to Gray's Papaya.

Look at this place.

Look, I don't want to cause a scene...

Look, I really have to go.

Look, just go home. Okay? I don't need you here.

Look, maybe you're not from around here, but there's a code.

Look, this is me in the seventh grade.

Luca keeps asking me why his friends have two parents...

Maybe a little dead down there.

Maybe I can. I'll love being barefoot and pregnant.

Maybe if I say it often enough, you'll feel a little more comfortable. Vagina.

Maybe this isn't how I pictured it exactly.

Maybe we should hug. We might have just made a baby together.

Maybe you should join a different group.

Maybe.

Me too.

Menopause?

Menopause? Seriously?

Mona said his feta was incredible.

Must be hard when they first go off to school.

My college boyfriend took it.

My God, you are stubborn.

My mother is dead.

My pillow doesn't talk. It just lies there and shuts up.

My toes.

Never saw his pubes. It was a vial of semen.

Next weekend. We finally decided to do it.

No fair. You chose this place because it takes, like, two seconds.

No touch, no talk and no eye contact...

No, Arthur takes care of me.

No, but you have two babies.

No, don't worry.

No, I chose it because it's the best.

No, I didn't.

No, I know. It's hard to explain.

No, I stopped reading when you tore out one of my pages...

No, I'll get out.

No, I'm talking to you, because you're the only pervert...

No, no, no, it's new.

No, not died. They actually bought a farm and we moved upstate.

No, not really.

No, saying goodbye to the kid is easy.

No, thank you.

No, this is your special moment...

No, we came to buy muffins. You were here. Tell him.

No, you're staying. You have to stay. Lori wants us all here for this.

No, Zoe! Don't you move! You are my focal point.

No, Zoe. Don't you move, Zoe.

No?

No.

No.

No. But I might get one now that I can "be the pack leader."

Not about a guy. I've dated hundreds of guys over the past five years.

Not gonna happen, Nutsy.

Not one of them's close to being the one.

Not that it's your business, but good things are happening to me.

Not tonight, okay?

Not usually.

Nothing fits me! Please, just let me wear sweats.

Nothing from farther than 30 miles. All based on the Farmers' Markets.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing. How was your exam?

Now I kind of wish you were looking at my toes.

Now somebody else can have good luck. Bye.

Now that it's all happening...

Now, I'm gonna do an ultrasound. This is how we view the foetus.

Now, wait a minute! Just one second!

Oh, come with me for a minute.

Oh, God, I hope this works.

Oh, God, l am so stupid.

Oh, God, Zoe.

Oh, God! That hurts.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God. We gotta go get him.

Oh, God. What if I'm pregnant?

Oh, I have you to thank for it, Zoe.

Oh, I was just inseminated a few days ago.

Oh, Jesus, Judy! She's pregnant. Turn up your hearing aid.

Oh, Mona gave it to me. It's supposed to help me sleep.

Oh, Mona, I'm so glad you're here...

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Is he okay?

Oh, my God. You're glowing.

Oh, my....

Oh, no, it was unanimous. Didn't anyone call you?

Oh, no, no, no, don't get up. It's okay.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. When I was pregnant, my whole body was so sensitive...

Oh, okay.

Oh, okay. Let's see. Well, l own a pet store.

Oh, she's looking fine today, let me tell you. Just fine.

Oh, shit, that one's worse.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit.

Oh, Stan.

Oh, watch it.

Oh, well, don't have sex with him, okay?

Oh, whatever! I looked into your eyes...

Oh, you rub it on her stomach.

Okay, all right.

Okay, best kiss?

Okay, fine. Give me the hot dog.

Okay, good.

Okay, good. Just don't lay on the table.

Okay, hand it over. Hand it over!

Okay, here's my proposition.

Okay, I want to know everything.

Okay, maybe like:

Okay, Mona.

Okay, now, Zoe.

Okay, okay. When you want to speak, you can.

Okay, spill it. Who is he, what does he do...

Okay, thank you.

Okay, which is the ugliest?

Okay, yes.

Okay?

Okay? Because you cannot have sex.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Move it. Out of the way. Lady with a baby.

Okay. Now this is getting weird.

Okay. Okay, you're feeling lonely, right?

Okay. So, what were you saying?

Okay. Some of us have adopted.

Okay. We are gonna have to take a vote on this, Zoe...

Okay. Well, happy shopping.

Okay. Well, I gotta go. Bye.

Olivia's in my class. We study together.

One last push!

Only if it's heads.

Open. Open.

Ouch.

Parmesan.

Penny had a poop and then

People slipping everywhere. Oh, God, l hope nobody got hurt.

Perfectly natural. Sometimes the bowels just release.

Perfectly natural. Sometimes the bowels just release.

Perry and Hudson.

Pick up.

Please, get me out of here.

Please, stop talking to me.

Poo poo.

Probably our best seller and the cheese that started it all, as they say.

Push, Lori. Push.

Really?

Really? After everything we've been through, you think I don't want kids?

Really? Because...

Really? How did you get the pet store?

Right here?

Say yes.

Saying goodbye to 20 grand, now, that's hard.

Sea urchins?

Seems like a lot of trouble for something trivial.

Seriously, what the hell are you talking about?

Seventh grade. She wore braces and headgear. It was terrifying.

She didn't want us to remember her that way.

She had this great laugh. And really soft hands.

She lived for a few more years after this.

She used to rub my back before I went to sleep.

She was in a coma for two years after this.

She was, but that was a few years ago.

She wasn't actually with him.

She's been engaged to Arthur for how long now?

She's having a contraction.

She's in labour. You can't argue with her now.

She's kept me waiting for 22 years, so I'm not holding my breath.

She's never gonna marry him.

She's not my girlfriend.

She's pregnant. You can't win.

Shirley.

Shit.

Shit. Here it is.

Since we do everything backwards and in hyperspeed...

Sir. Sir, excuse me. Who saw you first?

So basically, it was like having sex with Clive.

So come on, what happened?

So cute.

So dogs have an ingrained pack mentality.

So how did you two meet?

So how do you know you don't want it?

So how old is your baby now?

So I mean, it's like, poor dog, you know?

So I quit my job...

So I took life by the horns...

So in all fairness, it doesn't look exactly like that...

So let's just get back to work.

So now I'm happy on the work front, but you know.

So now you know everything.

So we are going to take a vote.

So we don't tend to give advice on how to get your boyfriend to commit.

So we have to go through the vagina.

So when a dog introduces himself to another dog, what do they do?

So why are you in such a good mood anyway?

So why are you upset?

So your being here is just another coincidence?

So, l had to figure it out on my own.

So, what are you saying, I'm your cheese muse?

So, what are you saying?

So, what's that, like 200 grand a year?

So, what's that, like half a million a year?

So, what's the next step for a cheese farmer?

Some jerk with a dirt bike and chapped lips.

Some of us have conceived with a donor.

Some things can last forever.

Someone grab her legs. Lift them up. Lift them up.

Something about frozen sperm being lazy.

Son of a bitch!

Son, is that cat shit?

Soon you will be my wife.

Sorry.

Spend some time with him. See what he's really like.

Spoon, spoon.

Stan and I broke up.

Stan from the Farmers' Market. He's called twice already.

Stan, the mirror!

Stan!

Stan?

Stan?

Stan? When did he do that?

Stan.

Stan.

Stan.

Stan.

Stan. Oh, you are a prince. Thanks for coming.

Stan. Stan.

Stan. Stan.

Stop it!

Stop it! You're making me nervous.

Stop it.

Stop it. I hate it when you do that.

Stop talking.

Study what?

Supposed to fit through most doorways.

Surprise.

Take one. Take five. Take ten. Fifteen. Twenty four.

Talk about a bestseller.

Taxi!

Taxi!

Tell him you're sorry. Then you'll be able to sleep.

Thank God we didn't have kids.

Thank you all for coming.

Thank you for coming to Hudson Mutts.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Thanks. That means a lot.

That girl from the Farmers' Market.

That is your dinner, not a toy!

That looks nothing like my nipples, Nana.

That makes so much more sense now.

That was too far.

That will really complicate things.

That's a tough one.

That's a whole lot of Parmesan.

That's it? That little thing?

That's Mack.

That's nice.

That's not the answer I was looking for, man. lt's fine.

That's right. Before you know it, the kids will be in school...

That's weird.

That's when I realised that nothing lasts forever.

That's why pregnant women are so horny all the time.

The best way I can describe it is...

The dogs would just shake it. "Do you want to play again?"

The kind of guy who makes you rethink everything.

The more I think about it, we'd never make it as a couple.

The one selling cheese. I know him.

The pillow is a bitch. Totally replacing you?

The seat comes up.

The tree should not be there. All I'm gonna say.

The what?

Then I'd be your best kiss.

Then something incredible happens again.

There are so many, and they're so big.

There. Happy now?

There's a big difference.

There's a hose over there behind the fence.

There's no way he's dating that muffin bitch, Zoe. Trust me.

There's something I have to tell you.

There's something I need to tell you.

There's something that I need to tell you.

There's something to tell.

These are for, like, giant mutant babies.

These are our surface ripened cheeses. These are fantastic.

They retired to Phoenix five years ago, and I run the place now.

They're probably gonna need cars at school.

This ain't even his shit.

This dress is tight.

This has been a dream for me for a long time.

This has nothing to do with that stupid pillow.

This is Louie. He works for me.

This is me and Nana at my confirmation.

This is my old ass.

This is not a good time for me, okay? I'm going through some changes.

This is not about money...

This is really boring, isn't it?

This is Stan.

This is the last picture I have of my mom.

This is wildly outside my field of expertise.

This isn't exactly what we call an accident.

This man has chosen to be with you and raise your kids as his own.

This one says, "BPA free."

This sniffing can last from three seconds to a minute.

This sucks!

This will be the best thing you ever do.

Thought I'd have a little more support.

Three to five minutes, actually.

To get pregnant on the first try with frozen sperm is rare...

To just disappear at the crack of dawn? Don't I get a say?

To the Farmers' Market? Are you kidding me?

Totally fine with it.

Turns out he was from one of those puppy mills...

Twenty grand. For circle time.

Two kids is a posse.

Vagina, vagina, vagina.

Very funny.

Wasn't I just speaking?

Watch out for that tree.

We are all pushing with you!

We both have other plans...

We can be here for you.

We can solve this.

We can talk later in your office or whatever.

We can't have sex.

We don't even know what kind of shit it is.

We don't have to have sex. You don't have to be involved at all.

We have to take it slow, okay?

We haven't even bought books or clothes or shit.

We missed you at the meetings.

We moved out of the city when my parents bought the farm.

We performed an inter uterine insemination...

We should go.

We should go.

We should just go our separate ways. Goodbye.

We sure did. We sure did.

We wanted a child, and we made it happen on our own.

We'll elevate your legs for 1 0 minutes and you'll be good to go.

We're gonna be fine.

We're gonna be okay.

We're having twins, actually.

Welcome to motherhood.

Welcome to Single Mothers and Proud.

Well, almost.

Well, everything seems right on track.

Well, go to his house.

Well, have a nice life. And try not to steal any more cabs.

Well, it is.

Well, it says here that women in their third trimester...

Well, it's really nice to see you, but I never got your name. I'm Stan.

Well, l don't know.

Well, l kind of dropped out.

Well, l really want to kiss you...

Well, that was a bust.

Well, that was stupid. Why'd you get out, you stupid head?

Well, the elusive one.

Well, then I'd be surprised.

Well, they have to be big. Two babies, right?

Well, we do what we have to do when we don't have a penis partner.

Well, yeah, they're not mine, but yes, we're having a baby.

Well, Zoe, listen. If you really want a baby...

What a good girl. You're okay. Tuck, get up there. Go on.

What about college? I think colleges run about 50 grand right now.

What about the fact that I'm gonna be here when these babies are born?

What about the fact that, like it or not...

What about your family?

What am I supposed to say:

What are you doing?

What are you talking ? No. I am in my sexual prime.

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? What's 20 grand?

What can we do for you, darling?

What did I tell you about playing with other people's shit?

What did you all eat last night?

What did you do? Did you sue them?

What do you know? You weren't there.

What do you think?

What does it do to your bladder?

What does that even mean?

What if I want to stay?

What is it, then?

What is it?

What is it?

What is that thing?

What is that?

What makes him so special?

What mirror?

What school did you go to?

What should I do?

What should I do?

What the hell am I waiting for?

What the hell is going on here?

What time is it, Shadybrook? That's right. It's conga time.

What was that, like three or four for you?

What will it take for you to believe I'm here forever?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? I'm getting married in 20 minutes.

What? No, I can't be the father. Are you out of your mind?

What? No! Go away!

What's it like, the whole kid thing?

Whatever, Mrs. Magoo.

When did you eat corn? Is this cat shit?

When they say labour's painful, they're not kidding. Really hurts.

Where do you want to go?

Who can say? Maybe he's looking to get laid.

Who is this guy she was with anyway?

Who is this guy?

Who knew the conga was this much fun?

Who's ready to celebrate?

Who's the father?

Why are you crying?

Why are you quitting school?

Why are you still here?

Why do I even care?

Why do you have a picture of your ass?

Why do you need a support group?

Why don't you come back to bed, honey?

Why don't you come to the farm with me next weekend?

Why don't you ever talk about your dad?

Why don't you pick it up? It's good luck.

Why is the floor wet?

Why? It's a happy story.

Will you be my baby daddy?

Will you marry me?

With a little bit of luck, we'll see a heartbeat.

Would you like a plate?

Would you please take it outside?

Wow, that's great. I hope it continues.

Yeah, because we're a single mothers group.

Yeah, but babies are small.

Yeah, but I still want to kick his ass. Is that wrong?

Yeah, do that. That would be nice. Oh, God.

Yeah, I didn't think to tell you...

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, I'm good. I'm good. Do you know how much preschool is?

Yeah, it's a nice ass.

Yeah, it's the first week it's been out.

Yeah, look. That's Charlie right there, and that's Roxy.

Yeah, thanks.

Yeah, this would be it.

Yeah, we just wanted to stop by and say a quick "hi" and good luck.

Yeah, you do the same.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. By the time you get to the third one...

Yeah. I have to go.

Yeah. I used to work in the corporate world, which was great for a while...

Yeah. Thank you.

Yeah. That was too far.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yes, inseminated.

Yes, pregnant.

Yes.

Yes.

Yo, taxi.

You always get ahead of yourself. You barely know him.

You always have a response for things, which I like.

You and your grandmother, crazy pants.

You better buy something. You ate all my samples.

You better not swallow that thing. Give it to me. Nutsy.

You can stop in for lunch every single day.

You can't drive in here!

You can't leave. You're her focal point.

You destroyed me too! It's not like this has been easy for me!

You don't have to say anything. Just come over here, sit down.

You don't have to stay in here if you don't want.

You don't know it's gonna be okay. It hurts. I'm scared.

You don't like it. Shit. We worked really hard on this one.

You don't want this. That's the problem.

You got shot up with red headed freckle sperm.

You had to come along, didn't you?

You had to see a stupid stroller?

You have no idea how good this is.

You have to learn to trust people.

You idiot!

You just know you're not interested in me?

You just told me that if I breast feed...

You know how you never meet somebody?

You know I'm gonna be a pushover and buy them whatever they want.

You know what the best part is?

You know what, honey?

You know what? Just so you know when you do the autopsy here...

You know what? There's the door. If you want to go, you can go.

You know what's weird? I never knew your old ass.

You know, I used a sperm donor because I wanted a baby.

You know, it's more than I bargained for.

You know, just showing him who's the pack leader.

You know, one day...

You know, the way you've just thrown caution to the wind...

You left out the part that you had a girlfriend. That was pretty convenient.

You like him!

You look for some hint that I'm leaving...

You look great. You always look great. I missed you today.

You made him walk away.

You said everything last night.

You said you were in a great mood and I was ruining it. I felt bad.

You see it? Get the hose.

You should see some of the babies that come in here. Total fat asses.

You tell me you're pregnant with some stranger's child.

You think he'd ask you away for the weekend if he had a girlfriend?

You won't have to put yourself out there, possibly get hurt.

You worked for an Internet company? I don't see that at all.

You?

You're crazy.

You're early. I'll be a minute, okay?

You're gonna say, "They're not mine," and just walk away.

You're good.

You're good.

You're just gonna throw that all away for some stupid word choice?

You're just looking for another way to back out.

You're kind of hard to read right now.

You're making a big mistake. I'm very interesting.

You're my focal point.

You're not lactose intolerant, are you? l hate that.

You're not making any sense. You're definitely pregnant.

You're not right, but I'm in a terrific mood and you're ruining it.

You're not that special.

You're stupid.

You're this incredibly accomplished person and I didn't even finish college.

You're too sceptical. We should be friends.

You're welcome.

You've lost your mind.

Your husband did. Or your boyfriend.

Zoe, after all this time, you come in here and you expect

Zoe, can l put you on the phone tree?

Zoe, stop pushing people away.

Zoe, this group is called Single Mothers and Proud.

Zoe, you know that's not true.

Zoe, you will never have a healthy relationship...

Zoe?

Zoe?

Zoe?

Zoe.

...and we should go. No. Oh, God, I'm not shy.

...because breast is best... Better.

...how do we know him? Who?

...if you're interested. Great. Great.

...the pillow is staring at me. Yeah.

...to be tonight? Not till later.

Action. What?

All done. That's it?

All right, I'm just gonna go up there... Disgusting.

All right, now push. Time to push. Go. Okay.

All right. You're here. Speech. Speech.

And cut. Food in my hair.

And it's awful. They've ruined my life! Hi, munchkins.

And started an inn in Vermont. Of course.

Are you blushing? You're totally blushing.

Are you okay? lt bit me.

Are you ready? I want a sample box.

Aren't you scared? Know what I'm scared of?

Baby. Hey. I need to talk to you.

Baby. Yeah?

But then are you gonna leave? Okay, one kid is a lot.

Bye. Bye. I'll call you.

Can I give you a sample box? Oh, yeah.

Can I help you ladies? No. We're good, thank you.

Certain rules that we try to follow. Fine! Forget it. I'll get out.

Come on. I'm glad you're here. Okay.

Completely. She drags it everywhere. My wife, she drew eyes on hers.

Conga. Conga time.

Congratulations! How are we feeling? We're freaking out!

Congratulations. Thank you.

Damn it, not again. No, not me. lt wasn't me.

Did I wake you up? No.

Did we really just get engaged? Yes, we did.

Did you not call her? Okay.

Ding dong. No.

Don't flatter yourself. l'll take that as a yes.

Don't worry. It'll be okay. I don't see how that's possible.

Except you left the price tag on. What?

Excuse me? Oh, yeah.

Feel free to run every red light. You got it.

Finding a relationship is work. I don't want a relationship.

Fine. Okay. Okay.

Fingernail. Can we make a pit stop?

Free? Okay. Absolutely.

Get me a mirror! I want to see it! No! You don't!

Get the mirror! For the love of God! Stan!

Give me that. What?

Go. This is crazy, Zoe. It's crazy.

Goddamn it, Zoe, don't move! I thought you wanted a mirror.

Good luck. Okay. All right.

Good luck. Right.

Good to see you. How are you?

Good. Just relax. I can't. I'm totally freaking out.

Got you. I got you. Are you all right? Yes.

He makes cheese. He's a Pilgrim?

He said the babies weren't his. He didn't mean to say it.

He sells cheese? You sell hamsters.

He stole my cab. She stole my cab.

Hello. Nice to meet you.

Hello. Oh, my God. She's glowing, right?

Here we go. Here we go.

Here you go. Thank you.

Here's one for you. That's weird.

Hey, Arthur. Well, hello, my dear.

Hey, hey! Where's he going? Come back!

Hey, you. Hey.

Hey. lt is so nice of you to come.

Hey. What is that?

Hi, I'm Stan. I'm sorry. Give me the mirror. Nobody cares.

Hi, sweetheart. Hey.

Hi! Get away from me!

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi. Zoe.

Hold on. Okay.

How are you, honey? I'm good.

How you doing? When are you getting married?

How's that going? Not so good.

I am such an idiot. No, Zoe.

I can't believe it. I know.

I can't promise anything. Neither can I.

I didn't lie. You didn't tell the truth.

I didn't see you. I saw you see me.

I do? Right there, yeah.

I don't know what to say. Finally.

I don't know. Okay.

I don't want to talk about this, okay? Listen to me.

I guess you'll never know. I guess not.

I have enough friends. You can never have too many.

I know. Are you sure?

I know. lt'll be hard...

I think I'm gonna be sick. Me too.

I want to show you something. What is it?

I'm getting her to see my point! Sounds like yelling.

I'm going out of my mind. What are you doing?

I'm gonna throw up. What?

I'm looking at your cervix. Right.

I'm not a pervert! If you don't have kids, get lost.

I'm okay. We're okay.

I'm pregnant. I can't hear you, darling.

I'm pregnant. What?

I'm really busy here. You have a boyfriend.

I'm sorry. About what?

I'm sorry. I'm not looking at your toes.

I'm sorry. No. It's okay.

I'm sorry. Can you give me a minute? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. lt's okay. lt was a long time ago.

Just forget it. Forget the whole thing! What?

Just go now. I don't want to go.

Just take that off. This here?

Just tell me. I can take it. No.

Just wait till it starts. We'll sneak out. Okay.

Keep trying. lt's gotta have a thing here.

l'll get that. Wait, let me suck it in.

l'll let you know. Okay.

l've got three. Three?

Let me get that. Let me get that. My dress! I got it.

Let's talk about that. Okay.

Like, "Bro, l don't think so." We used to have sex all the time.

Look at all that hair. That's not the baby's hair.

Look at you. Oh, look at you.

Lookie! Zoe?

ls everything okay? Everything is just....

ls that Zoe? Zoe!

lt was before I met you. I don't know what to say.

lt was mean. You weren't even pointing at the fire.

lt's cheese. I can see that.

lt's not working. Okay.

Maybe he is a douche bag. Oh, come on.

No! You don't want kids. Trust me. Easy for you to say. You have four.

No. This is exciting.

No. Yes.

Not me. Nope.

Now what? I don't know. You tell me.

Of course. Hi. Hi.

Oh, my God. Awesome.

Oh, no. I love this guy. Don't you have someplace...

Oh, you're gay? I'm not gay.

Oh, Zoe. Zoe.

Okay, this is war. What? No!

Okay. No. No.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. That's it, isn't it?

Push. That's it, push. Breathe.

Quiet. Hey, you two.

Red hair and freckles! You had your chance!

Refrain from yelling at the patient. I'm not yelling!

Ridley, if you could. Okay, okay, Lori.

Right where you're sitting, actually. Really?

Right? Right.

Screw that pillow, man. You might have to. I did once.

See that fellow? Yeah.

Sorry I didn't get a pedicure. What?

Sorry. Okay, sorry about that.

Sorry. That's okay.

Stan, get the mirror! Get the mirror!

Sure. Alone.

Tabitha. Yeah, I'm having a hard time.

Tell her the whole story. He said it.

Tell us everything. Not much to tell.

Thank you. I'm not gonna do this.

Thank you. You're welcome.

That was awkward. Yeah.

That's a good idea. Thank you very much.

That's normal, bro. ls it? Which one's yours?

That's not true. lt is true. You know what else?

That's right. So let's hear about you.

That's what you just said. lt's what you just heard.

That's your shit? No.

The only one who wins is the pillow! The pillow!

Then it'll work out perfectly. What do you mean?

There. Happy now? You know what goes in those things?

There's that guy. What guy?

There's this guy. What?

These are for you. That's so sweet. Thank you.

This song is taking forever. This song's never gonna be over.

To Zoe. Zoe!

Tried to talk her out of it. Red pubes.

We are here for you, sister! I need to turn over.

We really gotta go. Come on. We have to go.

We should? Yeah, we have that important thing.

Weddings never start on time. We can't be late. He's 93 years old.

What did you say? Just you're very quick.

What do you have in your hand? Daddy, poo poo.

What do you mean, "Not mine"? Didn't mean it like that.

What happened with your exam? I was trying to tell you last night.

What happened? I walked out of the exam.

What she said. Why?

What wedding? lt was so beautiful.

What you doing tonight? Getting take out, going to bed.

What, you own it? No, but I'm about to rent it.

What, you think I talk too much? I did not say that.

What? I don't know. It's just weird.

What? Just talking about the muffins.

What? Oh, God.

What? The mirror!

What? What?

What? You have chicken in your hair.

What's BPA? I don't know.

What's going on? Your muffins suck!

What's that supposed to mean? lt means good. Don't say anything.

What's wrong with you? Haven't lived here my whole life.

When did all this happen? Actually, it was the day we met.

Where are you going? I thought this would be easier.

Where are you going? Look, let's not drag this out, okay?

Why didn't you pick up your phone? When?

Why didn't you want to tell me? Because it's embarrassing.

Why would you say that? I'm sorry.

Why? I'm quitting school.

Yeah, but doesn't mean that it won't. Doesn't mean that it will.

Yeah. Oh, man, I'm dizzy.

You don't have to walk like that. What? Oh, okay.

You don't want kids? I don't think so.

You just soaked me. You were pointing at my face.

You look really pretty tonight. Thank you.

You said free sample box, right? Yes.

You think it was the muffin girl? I guess. I don't know.

You want a beer? Yeah, sure. You want one?

You wish. l'll be in the back, legs over my head.

You're gonna make muffins? Oh, hell, no.

You're in labour? But the stroller came. It's so beautiful.

You're not making any sense. No, that's just it.

You're not very supportive. What?

Zoe, everything okay? Yeah.

Zoe, wait up! Zoe, wait. Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Zoe. Let's go. Move it! Get the lead out.

Zoe. Mona.

...and all she ever wants to do is sleep with that pillow.

...and all the different scents in our body.

...and being together is just messing everything up.

...and decided to go for it.

...and figure out how not to blame every woman on the planet...

...and get the hell out of here.

...and he only has one.

...and I bought it.

...and I did what I had to do.

...and I saw you had this crazy look, like a crazy person.

...and I took the stock option money over to the pet store...

...and now she's having twins.

...and proud.

...and really fallen for this guy...

...and sassy and complex.

...and tell him that I'm pregnant. Just lay all my cards on the table.

...and their partners just have to be extra understanding about it.

...and then it'll just be me.

...and then something incredible happens.

...and then you're gonna walk away.

...and used it as a napkin.

...and you'll long for the days when a pillow was your biggest problem.

...because I don't want to be with anybody. Okay?

...because I think we, collectively, feel...

...because now I can tell both of you together.

...because this is a very dangerous neighbourhood.

...buck naked Fridays in the family room.

...but get your hands out of your pockets...

...but I'm barely passing economics. You know?

...but it just didn't feel like the life that I wanted to live.

...but it smells like cheese in here.

...but it's pretty close. It's held up.

...but that's just not happening...

...but to get pregnant with twins? I mean, come on, that is unheard of.

...can be your partners.

...CRM 1 014 are gonna make beautiful babies together.

...experience hormonal mood swings...

...from the day you dissed me at the Farmers' Market...

...how the human body can just open up like that?

...I could have an orgasm sitting on a bus.

...I have been totally and completely under your spell.

...I have ways of making you talk.

...I might miss my chance.

...I was wondering if we could do...

...I will be here holding your hand through this?

...I'm gonna tell you girls the story of your mommy and me.

...I'm just afraid that he might not stay.

...is that l am so madly, deeply, and completely in love with you.

...is to be their daddy.

...it's awful, awful, awful...

...it's personal.

...like I'm gasping to get my old life back.

...my girls are gonna wind up looking like empty tube socks.

...no matter how many times I tell you I'm not.

...now it's all too real for you. And you're scared.

...now you've seen a woman push a baby out...

...or that you can't afford kids.

...order and pay for our own respective meals, and then we'll say goodbye.

...our dogs are going to show unstable behaviour or dominant behaviour.

...sex with my wife...

...so I guess it's time for my backup plan. So.

...so life affirming that it makes it all worthwhile.

...so that's why the tag was still on.

...so we got divorced. Yeah, she took everything.

...that they'd like to share?

...that you are in a very...

...that you don't want to have kids. I will show you my vagina.

...that's so magical...

...to come up with something really unique.

...use a glass bottle.

...using sperm that you purchased.

...we here at Single Mothers and Proud...

...what naturally follows having twins together.

...where dogs are so inbred, he was kind of falling apart.

...while she's intent on accomplishing this ritual."

...while the dog's nose is busy analysing our energy...

...who you are is stable or unstable energy, leader or a follower.

...wildly different place than where we are.

...with his hands in his pockets at a playground.

...with Stan or any man if you don't.

...with three times the amount of blood coursing through your body.

...you better realise you have no one to blame but yourself.

...you don't worry so much about that stuff.

...you'll believe me when I say I'm in.

...you'll break up with him, because you're pregnant.

"Congratulations, this is terrific news"?

"Oh, my God, he's so "

"Remember my three rules.

"What good would that do? They'll still sell inbred dogs."